mymind

मुझे जीने दो

2012-02-14T05:05:00.000-08:00

क्यूँ उठूँ मैं सुबह जब उठते हो तुम ,
नहीं आती मुझे नींद जब सोये ये दुनिया.

इंतज़ार करने दो मुझे,नयी सुबह की है ये धुन ,
ढलने दो ये सलेटी शामें ज़रा,गहराने दो अँधेरा,
आसमानी तारों को तकती रात पर हक है मेरा .

मत कुचलो ,ना ताडो लोगों ,
तुम्हारी कालीन पर पड़ा धूल का कण ही सही
नाक में दम तो तब भी कर सकता हूँ मैं .

लेकर एक नन्हीं सी आरज़ू ,
क्यूँ जी नहीं सकता मैं यूँ ही कहीं ?

मत तोलो मुझे बार- बार अपनी उम्मीदों के तराजू पर
खरा ना उतरूंगा कभी, हल्का ही नज़र आऊँगा हर बार .

तुम थे वहाँ

2012-02-14T04:06:00.000-08:00

तुम थे वहाँ,

जब मेरी सूनी आँखें कुछ खोजा किये थीं

तुम थे वहाँ ,

जब भरी भीड़ में मैं खोया किये थी

तुम तब भी थे वहाँ ,

जब लबों पर फीकी हँसीं लिए मैं रोया किये थी

तुम तो थे वहीँ

बस नज़रें झुकी थीं मेरी ,कैसे जानती ?

कहो तो ....कैसे पहचानती ?

**शर्मिला**

शिखर ,फिर गुमनामी की रेत

2012-01-31T08:58:00.000-08:00

तुम सफलता के शिखर पर हो ,कैसा लगता है वहाँ?

कैसी हवा है दोस्त ?

हवा बहती नहीं यहाँ ,सिर्फ दबाव है उसका ,

मैं महसूस करता हूँ वह दबाव..

एक अजीब अनिश्चय ,चिरस्थायी सा भ्रम,

कि इसके आगे ऊपर और कहाँ ,किधर है राहें

दिखाई देती है सिर्फ एक राह ..बेहद संकरी ,नीचे जाती हुई..

इतनी गहरी कि अस्तित्व गुम होता नज़र आता है .

नुटन ने कहा था ,हमने सुना था ,

हर ऊपर जाने वाली चीज़ का अंत नीचे आकर होता है

तब क्यूँ चढ़ना कठिन और उतरना आसान भला

रेत के किले कि तरह ,मिटटी के घड़े कि तरह ,तराशी मूरत कि तरह ,

ज़रा सी जो चूकी नज़र, फिसलन लिए जाती गुमनामी के अंधेरों में,

बेनामी के अथाह मरुस्थल में धँसने पर ,

गूंगी रेत का कण कब बोला है भला कि ,

फलां आदमी यहाँ शिखर पर पहुँचा था

माया कि दलदल में फिसलकर नीचे गिरा था ..

और इस गुमनामी कि रेत में कहीं गहरा धँसा है .

Palmistry,Love Signs and More

2012-01-30T09:42:00.000-08:00

Most likely things you have been told after a palm reading session :
--you are a very loving person

--you are a loyal friend
--you always give more,expecting much less in return
--aap dil ke saaf ho
--life has taught you a lot
--you are very responsible
--where ever you may be you are always thinking about your family
-- nothing comes to you easily,your life is full of struggles
--you still haven't got your due
--you are much more worthy of what you have got in life,thoda support hota toh aaj kahaan hote aap ..
--aap ko muft ka paisa nai pachta (You can not digest easy money)

Astrology,palmistry,tarot reading,tea/coffee cup reading,aura reading ,numerology and the like never fail to amuse me.My first meeting with an astrologer was in third year of college when I accompanied a friend to her family astrologer.She always consulted him before taking any major step and since I was going through a rough patch at that time,she thought it fit to tag me along.A tiny room was full of people with varying degrees of grim expressions on their faces.Each 'consultation' took about thirty minutes,at the end of which the bhakt touched guruji's feet and left .I told dad about my meeting and he was swift in talking me out of my brief inclination.

Nothing that was told to me had made any sense anyway, nor did I follow any instructions thereafter but the whole idea of there being a science which could see through people's personalities or predict their future,intrigued me.So for a couple of years I read a lot of astrology and palmistry.I also read and researched about body language and stars and signs.Linda Goodman was my favorite and her books 'Sun signs'' and 'Love signs' were on the tip of my tongue.I took pride in looking at a person and many a times guessing his Sun sign correctly.

A lot of time was whiled away in college canteen and at the katta, discussing the future of new college couples .We predicted the success and failure of their relationships at our end with the help of love signs.Many bets were won. Colour based mind games and personality and body language analyses were a major source of entertainment during college trips.I used a lot of above mentioned statements while reading palms and it never failed to generate interest and awe.The impressed 'client' mostly a junior bakra would come to know of the truth much later :p

During one such college trips,a rather shy classmate of mine extended his palm for me to read.After the customary disclaimer in place,I asked him what he wanted to know.Tell me anything that I do not know about myself ,he said.Since every other guy/gal was interested in knowing about his/her love life or lack of it,I thought I would tell him about that.I told him that he was not heading for a love match and that in all probabilities,he was going to have an arranged match.He smiled and walked back to his window seat.

My 'Vidya' met with a tragic end as I fell in love with my best friend , after insisting for a long time that we were friends and nothing more.It was the same shy guy I later married.So much for my prediction :D On his part, Hobbs has never teased me about that prediction ,I wonder why?
Haven't gone back to those texts since then. I miss all the fun though... :)

Are you listening?

2012-01-30T05:42:00.000-08:00

How many times have you been asked -'Are you even listening?'
How many times have you asked the same question to someone else?

image courtesy Google
Continuous rants on visual media,social media,Lit fests,bring out this one factor very prominently to fore,that we as a society ,love to talk and hate to listen.Freedom of expression is not only about being fiercely vocal about something,it also involves passive listening.What we see all around us is everyone doing the talking and no one making an attempt to listen .The impatience to cut the other person's talk to put forth one's own views is all too evident on the faces of so called opinion makers,panelists and anchors.

Passive listening is exactly that-passivvee.If it has an active thought process in the background,then it becomes hearing not listening.To listen,we need to surrender momentarily to the thought process of the other person.Even in debates.Even the silliest of opinions have to be listened to ,not merely heard.Listening makes you learn,listening makes you earn,respect as well as money.Successful salesmen are good at both,talking and listening.If he fails to listen to the requirement,he fails to sell.

Krishnamurti (and I am inspired heavily) said that listening is one of the highest and greatest arts in life which does not come easily but when it does,brings great understanding.

Contrary to popular and seemingly more logical belief, concentration is the enemy of listening.Hain!!Yeh kya? ...Actually,it starts very early in childhood when you keep telling a child to concentrate in class.When forced,concentration leads to lack of attention and hence narrowed down listening.Not convinced?Think about it,think about incidences in your childhood when you were forced to concentrate on a talk,how everything else except the subject came alive suddenly .I have been on both sides of the desk so I know that forcing someone to pay attention does not guarantee good listening.

It is said that to enhance listening without making it seem lite a task,is to try listening to a far away sound,shifting to a closer sound,still closer and finally sound of your own heartbeat.it takes time but you get there slowly.

Listening develops patience,increases your analytical capabilities, enhances managerial skills but above all it prevents foot in the mouth syndrome.Politicians need a crash course in the art but alas it is the most difficult art to impart.To many it comes naturally and those gifted ones ,are known as matured and saintly.

'Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage'-Pubilius Syrus

So...Are you listening?!

One earthly morning

2012-01-25T09:59:00.000-08:00

Last weekend on my way to Pune I was greeted by the rising Sun.Nothing unusual in that, except that I got a chance to absorb the myriad hues and capture a few of them.Unfortunately,I was not carrying a fancy camera.

From ominous Black to gentle grey as the Sun blinks open its eyes ...

The Grey blends into the Red ,Yellow and Blue and bids adieu to the Black with its outstretched slender arms..

The Orange bordered Yellow spreads its wings spinning an intricate web across the magnificent canvass..

The Blue making its presence felt through the Grey while the the fiery Orange looms large.

The celestial ,omnipresent Sun in all its mystical glory is indeed sacrosanct.The unearthly,readies the earth for another day of life before it hides behind its own brilliance.

Outdo yourself book challenge by Book Vixen 2012

2012-01-08T08:03:00.000-08:00

I join another book reading challenge hosted by Book vixen - the outdo yourself book challenge.I read 42 books for the South Asian book reading challenge plus a few more authors and I aim to outdo myself this year.:) I have Smita,to thank, for it is through her blog that I got the link for the two challenges.

South Asian book reading challenge 2012

2012-01-08T01:04:00.000-08:00

New year starts with another book reading challenge hosted by S Krishna .happy to be part of it yet again!
I intend to add a lot more non fiction and travelogues and cook books too for this,just to keep up the variety.Suggestions are most welcome!

South Asian Reading Challenge 2011---List of books .

2012-01-08T00:48:00.000-08:00

I came to know about the South Asian reading challenge by Swapna Krishna of skrishna's books in the month of May and I took it up just to see how many books I can finish reading by the end of the year comfortably without pushing myself too hard.I am pretty happy with my score but would have loved it, had it been a total of fifty.

I generally pick books after I read a review or if the author is someone I like reading.This was challenging for me because I had never read so many books from the region,in a row.I did get bored in the middle as it was kind of getting monotonous so I included a few other books as well in my list of good reads.In all I enjoyed about 52 books .

Listing below all the titles that I read from 15th of May till 31st of December.Wish I could review as much as I read ...This year I plan to change that.Just saw a book review challenge floating around and I think I should take it up!

Here goes the list in no particular order :

1.Between the assassinations-----Arvind Adiga
2.Eat pray love-------------------Elizabeth Gilbert
3.Love life and all that jazz--------Ahmed Faiaaz
4.God save the Dork-------------Sidin Vadukut
5.Dork-The incredible adventures
of Robin Einstien Vergese--------Sidin Vadukut
6.Life is what you make it--------Preeti Shenoy
7.35 bubblegums and candies----Preeti Shenoy
8.I have a dream----------------Rashmi bansal
9.Connecting the dots----------Rashmi Bansal
10.Roads to Massoorie--------Ruskin Bond
11.Funny side up--------------Ruskin Bond
12.Laughter omnibus----------Ruskin Bond
13.Two states,story of
my marriage--------------------Chetan bhagat
14.Horn ok please-------------Karthik iyengar
15.Highway on my plate--------Rocky Singh
16.Down the road---------------Ahmed Faiaaz,Rohini Kejriwal
17Almost Single-----------------Advaita Kala
18Urban shots-------------------Various-edited by Paritosh Uttam
19Last man in the tower--------Arvind Adiga
20Palace of illusions-----------Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
21Oh shit not again-------------Mandar Kokate
22.Right fit wrong shoe---------Varsha Dixit
23.Xcess baggage-------------Varsha Dixit
24.Dreaming in Hindi----------Katherine Russel Rich
25.Packof lies-----------------Urmilla Deshpande
26.Lives of strangers----------Chitra Divakaruni
27.I am another you----------Priya kumar
28.Bombay duck is a fish-----Kanika Dhillon
29.Love lust and life----------Azaan Ahsan
30.Landour days-------------Ruskin Bond
31.Polyester prince----------hanish Mcdonald
32.Interpreter of maladies----Jhumpa lahiri
34.Home--------------------Manju Kapur
35.The immigrant------------Manju Kapur
36.One amazing thing--------Chitra Banerjee divakaruni
37Holy Cow----------------Sarah Mcdonald
38.Love and longing in Bombay--Vikram Chandra
39.Brick Lane----------------Monika Ali
40.Can't die for size zero---- -Vrushali Telang
41.The great Indian Love story--Ira Trivedi
42.There is no God-------------Khushwant Singh

I am all ready for the next challenge!

The sandwiched generation

2012-01-01T06:03:00.000-08:00

My sudden interest in family weddings and alumni meets has surprised me more than anybody else.I have been thinking and talking about it a lot lately, as to what has brought about this change in me.The magic figure of forty crept in and suddenly picture became more clear.I realized that post forty we do become more sensitized to our roots,our past,our old friends and relatives.Strange but true.

We are anti establishment when young,both at a personal level and in the society.We are rebellious,brimming with new revolutionary ideas that we sincerely believe will make a difference,we are ready to take on the world head on,'dekha jayega'is the mantra,kya fark padta hai-we say and I care a damn is the attitude.
Toh!!with a raised eyebrow is the answer to any question and we see the elders shrink.They shrink because they know we can .They trust......it is just that they feel that small tug at their apron strings.They ruled till then and now it was the time to hand over the reigns.It is realization time, that suddenly they 'care', worry,get affected and have begun playing safe.

As we cross the all important figure of forty,most of us have achieved at least the basic goals in life and have created our own cozy space in the universe.During the journey,we traveled at a breakneck speed without a care in the world for anything and suddenly one day 'what will Mrs Deshpande think' crosses our mind from nowhere for a fleeting second! Of course we manage to brush it off immediately,we know better than our parents , but the point is..the thought does cross albeit briefly.Also,we no longer argue with our parents and before we know it, we become the sandwiched generation.

The great sandwiched generation has two generations of child-beings to attend to.The grass is not greener on any side of the fence and both generations graze in your comfortable mental space till you go green in the face.The elderly child-beings and the YAs(young adults-your children) are persistent and ziddi to the core.In my opinion,English language has no word that matches up to 'ziddi' because this one word sums it all.Both generations,years apart in their thinking,vie for your attention and are sometimes fiercely competitive in the process.The best part is, these two kid-generations get along like a house on fire.Both can be very demanding when it comes to your attention ,so just when you get ready to settle with a big mug of liquid to sip the pleasures of your labor, your presence is urgently demanded.

My parents call every evening after I come back from work, to keep in touch with my life.It is sweet of my parents to do that really, since I am definitely more occupied than they are but what do I do with their uncanny ability to catch me precisely when I have shampoo in my hair or some such inopportune moment when it is next to impossible to take the call.I swear mom,I have not instructed Muffin to simply say that I am in the bathroom...I AM IN THE BATHROOM .Kids know it is my parents calling when the mobile rings for a short while , immediately followed by the land line ( they hate the mobile ) which rings incessantly ,till I fall over myself to pick it up ,dropping everything else in hand.Phone call is brief,mainly about me and family,my day at work and health.Dittto queries are thrown back to them by me and its peace and quiet.Hell breaks loose if there is delay in answering the calls and I can not think of not answering ,nope.My evening tea after work is after this routine ,always.

The kids who refuse to answer calls from older generation cite the following :
me-(yanking the glued-in earphones)-The phone was ringing!
them -Phone rang?When?I did not hear it
-waise bhi, it is always nanaji/naniji for you..it is never our call
-I did not want to sound like a liar by saying that you were in the bathroom AGAIN !
-Why can't you call them first thing after you come back mom,really,how difficult is that?
me (mumbling)-How difficult indeed..
Cookie-Okay ,emergency mom,get ready fast ,we gotta go shop for A's homecoming party,Pink day at college and B's birthday bash and while at it we might as well pick up stuff for the upcoming Pathology presentation in college.
Muffin-Have you seen my blue-black ab guard?I need that for the Tuesday match at school.
me-What happened to the blue-white ab guard we bought for the last match ?
Muffin -I need the blue-black not the blue-white for this match.

My space is thus encroached in totality,I am sandwiched and my days begin all over again in the evenings !

I Wanna Run - A new year resolution!

2011-12-31T01:27:00.000-08:00

courtesy,Google images

Hey!New born year..
Hello!Sunny Sun..Listen!
I just wanna Run!

Aches and pains, please surrender..
From darkness till dawn,
I just wanna Run!

Empty ,hollow promises..
Remember,we are done!
I just wanna Run!

Feet,take me far..
With My Mind,here I come,
I just wanna Run!

Till I feel the flush on my cheeks
and a rush in my veins..
I just wanna Run!

Thoughts ,pack your bags..
Ideas,please be fun..
I just wanna Run!

Dear Haruki Murakami,
--thanks a ton!
2013 marathon, I won't chicken..( Half marathon please :0)
I just wanna Run..and I will Run !!

:D:D New year promise by a lazy-bone to herself :D:D

Pain

2011-12-26T02:28:00.000-08:00

The Pain...
creeps in..unseen,
ebbs and flows in my veins..

The Pain..
like a stab in my chest
grips my being,
swells... and scales the crest..

I know not its pith,
nor can see it coming,
yet,it seizes with a vise so tight,
it's oh so vexing to unhitch.

Nest not ,the mind said
but the heart delves deep..
deeper into the labyrinth,
where the ache is staid

Wake up kid !

2011-12-23T02:32:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer-This post does not talk about creating awareness of any kind in the minds of kids .It also says nothing about real awakening of any sort.It is only about the very mundane aspect of leaving the bed at an unearthly our to go to school every single day for at least fourteen years of your life.Any coincidence of any kind is purely not unintentional because that is how all kids are, or so I am told ( by my kids ).

Life has been difficult in my case with Cookie leaving her teens a few days back and Muffin entering his teens at almost the same time.Parenting teens can be a daunting task and I have poured about my times with teens here before.No credit points to myself for keeping a gap of seven years between kids.What was I thinking if at all I was!!By the time I am through with their teen age , I will be on the threshold of my old age .

I love all kids....
I love kids if they are mine...
I love kids more if they are sleeping...
I do not feel the same when I have to wake up kids..

Things are more complicated for me because I keep late nights ,reading,studying , writing or gossiping with Hobbs ( men do gossip and whoever says they do not, is lying ) So the sleep time is flexi but wake up time has to be precise or else things come to a standstill .Alarms are a must for for people like me who are not born with a functional built in body-clock-cum-alarm.Hobbs is gifted that way but he does not like sharing his gifts so I have to heavily depend on external alarms.To help us cope with everything in-time,all the other clocks are deliberately adjusted ahead of time.This is the only way to manage time .

courtesy-Google images
The sequence of events for me ,first alarm---->;snooze---->; Blackberry-ping to the kids------>; second alarm----->;leave the bed----->;stumble down to kids bedroom---->;shut the ac , put on the lights ---->;hug and kiss sleeping beauties.
The sequence of events for kids ,ignore ping from mom--->;pull sheets closer---->;tuck in tight to cover all body parts especially the cheeks to avoid early morning wet kiss from mom--->;make enough room for mom to hug without making it obvious.A warm hug is welcome but a kiss is not.Since I like to follow my heart, I steal the moment (plus, it works as a daily dose of energizer for me :p).

Pinging merely conditions their subconscious mind and prepares them for the sequence of events but does nothing to the actual process of waking them up.Actual process starts with the next phase of action which I call 'shake up kids'.This starts as a gentle nudge and ends at that on most days .Since cookie is in college and considers bunking as her birthright ,nudging may not be enough when she has intentions of bunking.On such days what I hear is a feeble mumble "there is nothing important today and plus I am not well mom!!" A mother has to be extremely quick with her next POA and in such situations it demands remove covers, forehead-check,neck-check (for fever),and declare " you are fit to resume duties" .A forced feeble groan escapes followed by lot of sighs...but all are to be ignored.

After the sickness issue is resolved you see cute index fingers raised to plead for "just oneeee more minute mom ,promise, laaasst ..'' I have to kill my soft motherly instincts at this point to avoid raising uneducated kids.My tone changes steadily in sharpness and pitch as I call out their names alternately.I am so bloody habituated to this routine that I sometimes do this on Sundays and holidays too.Thankfully no one is up early on those days so it is still a secret well kept.

Earlier when they were younger ,I had this additional job of knocking on the bathroom doors every five minutes to make sure they were doing what they were supposed to do inside a bathroom.They used to keep the water running in the bath while they caught a few extra winks sitting on the pot :D:D.That phase is over and done with now .Small mercies!!

Once they are dressed and ready you feel like borrowing their energy and enthusiasm from them.Leaving behind a trail of things,they are out of the house in a jiffy.I walk behind and wait till the lift door shuts noisily.I make myself a cuppa chai and settle down for some uninterrupted me-time at leisure with the morning papers.Another day beckons...

Do I need religion in my life ?

2011-12-04T06:55:00.000-08:00

I have blogged before about my inability to meditate.After yet another foiled attempt,I questioned myself-why am I coming back to it again and again?Is it the fear of defeat-that, this is something,I can not do and others can?Do I care if people ridicule me on my failure while they gloat over how divine the experience was?
I just want to experience how it feels..once! What does meditation achieve? Peace of mind is the answer most commonly given by successful ( in meditating) people.Hmm..then what ?I have two experiences while in the process of meditation-
1.sudden rush of hitherto non existent ideas and list of things to be done at once and the strongest urge to leave and take charge,or
2. go to sleep.
Former is most definitely not anywhere close to peace of mind and if by any chance someone says that the second reaction is closer to the feeling of being at peace..then I am sorry I beg to differ.A state of inactivity called peace of mind is not what I am looking for.

While my mind was in a state of unrest and I was scanning my sources for answers,I chanced upon a couple of lines staring at me in the airport bookshop.It was Khushwant singh .I have read and re-read most of the uninhibited ,passionate works of both Khushwant singh and Amrita Pritam. To say ,I love them, would be an understatement. The book was promptly picked up and surprise,surprise..it was on God and religion..another field that intrigues me.Coming back to the lines, the author beautifully put forth that if meditation was necessary for peace of mind,why was a calm mind necessary in the first place?All the inventions and discoveries are a result of very agitated minds.Creative,artistic thinking minds are restless.
True that,and I second that!

I am never convinced that one should look for answers within.What answers ,pray?!What truth?Of why and how was I born??How..I know ,science taught me and I am convinced.Why....I do not care.I was born,I am alive,I believe in the abundance of nature and my role in it and most importantly..I need to work and contribute in my little or big way towards working of this intertwined thread called life.Period. Through this journey,I shall not believe in what texts (religious or otherwise) say .I shall trust my eyes,ears and experiences to form my own constitution which shall abide by the constitution of the place I live in, at any particular time.I may be born a Hindu but that will not be the backbone of my existence.I do not need any religion to live.All religions have beliefs which constrict my view.I do not like confinement.If I say I believe,I am admitting to a doubt lurking under the surface.I want to only trust....myself.
Osho says,religions have done utmost disservice to humanity by confining believers to a system of this is right and all else is wrong and by suppressing his instinct to explore on his own and find out by himself.(Read a wonderful post on right and wrong by the blunt blogger here) Osho explains by giving a beautiful example of a plastic flower and a real flower.Plastic flower is belief-manufactured,does not take birth or die,does not grow or change.If you do not want it ,you have to destroy it.Trust is real flower,born,nurtured,grows ,evolves and is existential in its being.
Freud saw religion as 'a universal obsessional neurosis' ,Ellis viewed it as equivalent to irrational thinking and emotional disturbance.
To many,these philosophers may seem extreme in their thinking but to me they make sense because,philosophy and science are based on logic ,experiments,their conclusions and facts and most importantly,they are constantly being challenged ,questioned and hence they EVOLVE.Religion on the other hand is stagnant,based on something that was relevant and moral then, at that time when the texts were written. Who questions religion,who challenges? My mom taught me drinking was immoral and my mind was accordingly conditioned.If my daughter takes a sip,does that make her immoral? Is being gay,immoral,as was once thought? While the aspect of morality has been questioned,over a period of time,religious beliefs have remained largely unquestioned.Fanaticism of the religious kind has led to wars not atheism.
I do not want to subscribe to something that does not evolve and change according to time.If religion is needed to keep the society in check,to tell them what is right and wrong,then universal laws are good enough to do the job.We have evolved and have the empathy to understand what will bring harm to another human being or society ,so why do we need fear of religion?If you do this,God will punish you or you will rot in hell! Why should I live in fear? Fear is not liberating!The thought of doing no harm to anyone is!! I could never subscribe to the fear psychosis associated with God and religion.I am sure we have all observed that the most devout are those who sin the most.Charity to humanity is a yes,to places of worship -a big NO.

When in doubt,I just need to put myself in the position of the other person and I am sorted,well mostly!That almost sums it up for me.I am human,I err,but I am free to question and learn.No religion can teach me peace.I am at peace :))

ऋतू - नामा

2011-11-17T03:39:00.000-08:00

गीली धरती के तर ओंठों की ओर,
झुकी जाती हैं डालें ...
रीझी - रीझी सी सराबोर

courtesy Google images

कसक अनजानी सी जगाई यूँ है ,
के रुत बदली- बदली सी और
ये फिजा इठलाई सी क्यूँ है .

मेघों की रवानगी के बाद ,
सर्द रातों की ठंडक और ,
फिर इंतज़ार एक नर्म - नम आगोश का

गर्मियों की तपिश और सुलगती धूप....
तेरे बाद ही लागे प्यारी
गुलाबी सर्दियों की वो ऊब

इक आनी जानी रुत है और आता जाता जीवन
इक दुःख का ये पल है देखो
पीछे खड़ी ख़ुशी है ...

~०००००००~

Prisoners of the mind- Part II

2011-11-16T10:45:00.000-08:00

This is part ii of the series .Readers are requested to read part i before this to understand the story better.

They kept him sedated for the night. Namit woke up late in the morning with a splitting headache and a vacuum in the pit of his stomach.Mom! he called out feebly,holding on to his head.Two arms supported him as he struggled to get up from his bed.Slowly he opened his eyes and blinked to see strangers around in an alien world.Then it all came back to him ...the events of last night. He still could not fathom why his mom did this to him.She who was his world, she who slipped him little 'I love you' notes in his school lunch box.She who was his constant companion,friend,guide and pillar of support. She was the only one who he could discuss all his future plans with.How could she let the others know about his future plans? How could she betray his trust?How could she do this?Did dad know?Of course he did not!

He gazed around to search for his phone and realized that he was in hospital garb and his bed side was devoid of anything he could all his own.Nothing ,except his body and soul was his own and now he had a serious,nagging doubt about that too.How bad was he? What did he do?He could not answer his own questions but if he was here,surely he must have managed to do something at home !The doctors were on their morning rounds.They approached his bed and he lay down quietly for them to complete the physical examination.He heard them talk about some tests to be run and few samples to be collected. Substance abuse also cropped up in their discussions. He decided to have a talk with the senior doctor to seek answers to his questions.

Shagun stepped out of the shower and popped a painkiller to ease her body ache.She sat down to gather her drained strength .She closed her eyes only to see a dark tunnel with no light at the other end.Doctors she spoke with on the phone,were optimistic about the treatment but non- committal about the outcome.So does that mean,they were going to grope in the dark while Namit was inside ? She looked at the clock and hurried with the breakfast and lunch before she left for the hospital. They wanted her consent for something she was told.

At the stroke of eleven,the ward boy told Namit that his mom was in the visitors lounge .Namit tripped on his own feet to meet the most loved person in his life and then stopped suddenly in his tracks. His mind started racing and his emotions surging with a new found intensity.He thought of just going and hugging her close.He always felt secure in her arms. This was different situation altogether,he had to find an answer..what was it that pushed her into taking such a drastic step?Tell her to go away ...he heard a voice say..he barely recognised the voice as his own.Ward boy came back with a bag of clothes,some essentials and a big lunch box--the one that he carried to school. He knew that the note was there inside and he never had longed to see that as much as he did now. He turned his back towards the door and cried himself to sleep.

Shagun sat till evening and came back.She knew he will come around eventually and she was ready to wait.Each day she came with his favorite food which was shared by the staff and other patients at the end of the day.Namit did not touch the box...it was not the food that interested him...it was the notes.A young girl slipped them under his bed every day without a word.She was the young counselor as he came to know much later .Fourth day,Shagun decided to take the first step in her son's direction.She observed his movements that day and knew that the moment had come.Her determination,her self confidence flew out of the window as the moment approached.Her heart pounding furiously,she tried smiling as she saw Namit approach her bench.

He looked pale and tired.His gait was slow and unsure.His eyes were red , his hair was cropped and he had lost weight .She wanted to hold his hand and take him far away.She can manage surely,as she had done till now.At least HE will be happy in that situation.She knew the heavy medication will cause further side effects like wobbling of feet,tremors in extremities and general blunting of reflexes.She brushed aside the thoughts as she remembered last month's events.Mania, suicidal tendencies,danger of harming oneself..and the pressing need for rehabilitation in such a situation.She closed her eyes momentarily to clear the thoughts and take charge of her emotions.

Namit walked slowly towards Shagun after hesitating for a minute,sat down beside his mom at some distance.Shagun closed the distance and held him close .Mother and son sat there for a long time silently.Then he asked for food.I have not eaten he said....They may have been feeding my body through these tubes but I am hungry ma ...very hungry ...and suddenly the cloud burst....drenching the two in the process and washing away all traces of anger ,hurt and doubt.

Prisoners of the mind- Part 1

2011-11-12T11:09:00.000-08:00

Kalki was rudely woken up from her deep slumber.It was her cell phone.Must be a patient in pain,she thought and promptly picked up the phone.She heard a muffled cry at the other end.When her hello failed to fetch a response,she checked the number and jumped out of the bed .It was Shagun and she knew what this call was all about.It was going to be a long call as she quietly walked out of her bedroom .
"Shagun, hang on,calm down will you and please tell me what this is all about."
"Kalki, I am scared,very scared...something is wrong with Namit . His neck is twitching ,his eyes are blood red and he looks dazed. Manav is not in town and I do not know what to do!
"Tell me quickly,what happened ..Where was he all day,did he drink, any medicines he ingested that day before this happened."
Shagun had a doubt that Namit was into some kind of substance abuse. She thought,he picked it up during his college stint abroad.
Being a friend and a doctor,Kalki was Shagun's confidante.Shagun often called her up to seek advice or to crib,vent out her frustrations or for plain gossip.
"Namit wanted to do hukka and when I took him shopping,he kept insisting that I let him go with his building friends.I refused obviously lest he go and do hukka at some shady joint but later bought him one to smoke non tobacco, flavored hukka at home .We had dinner as usual,he had severe cold so I gave him prescribed medicines and a cough syrup .His childhood friend came over to stay so I went off to sleep. I woke up to strange noises and saw Namit in this state.The friend is scared and won't speak up.What do I do ??"
Kalki's fears were true, Namit managed to do it yet again.She shot few quick questions at her friend about Namit's activities, woke up another doctor friend to confirm that nothing was serious and then consoled her friend on phone.She kept track of Namit's condition on phone for a while and hung up as he went off to sleep after having a few glasses of water.Both women were awake through the darkness.
Namit's life as she knew it, flashed like a movie in front of her eyes as Kalki settled down with a cup of tea in the living room. It pained her to see Namit in this pitiable state.he had always been an extraordinarily brilliant student,an all rounder,and a member of Mensa owing to his high IQ levels. He always had behavior issues since childhood. He was in and out of the principal's office. When complaints became one too many,and switching schools almost like a habit, he was referred to clinical psychologists for counselling. Shagun always walked that extra mile with him. Namit resented counselling but at times,would himself urge Shagun to take him. He changed doctors too, stating that they were not competent enough to understand his mindset.
Manav being out of town for most part, played the indulgent parent while Shagun was more practical of the two.Namit went to best boarding schools, went abroad for graduation , left studies halfway,switched to aviation studies ,left again.In short this was his story,intelligence coupled with fickle mindedness .He had peaks and valleys of highs and lows in his life.It got worse when he went to the USA .Shagun sensed something was amiss whenever she spoke to him. He spoke enthusiastically about some aircraft manufacturing at times and was severely depressed and spoke about ending his life at others.His girlfriend had ditched him and he was depressed about that.Shagun did not have to coax him much, Namit decided to come back to India on his own.
Kalki observed that Namit had changed ,he looked different,his gait was slow and his eyes...well they had no life.Kalki knew the signs,she was all too familiar with the look. Now she listened to Shagun's routine talk about her son more intently and made a mental note of significant signs.Some notes read thus:
-He walked out of the house in the dead of night leaving the house open and came back on his own.Why is he so desperate for smoke?Does he do drugs?
-He ran down spotting something across the street and when he came back he was fuming ..he said he saw a man troubling another across the street and he ran to save the poor man.There was not a soul on the street as Shagun observed from her window.
-Kalki ,he is obsessed with the idea of manufacturing aircrafts and selling them to the world....please drill some sense in him.
-He plays a particular game in which he lives another life online at a stretch for 24 hrs,without eating ,or getting up ,like someone obsessed, Shagun once complained.
-He says he knows the tricks to be a perfect mafia man ..
Meanwhile,his violent side was surfacing more often where he would get abusive and aggressive towards his family.Kalki's concerns were true..and she was scared for the boy and the family.She researched ,consulted and suggested few experts whom Shagun could consult and she did over a period of time.After multiple visits to various experts in the field,there were two words ominously raising their ugly heads-bipolar and schizophrenia.Suspected substance abuse had to be investigated before arriving at a definitive conclusive diagnosis.
Namit would refuse to visit docs and when he did ,would try his best to mislead them...he knew the answers to their questions...he had heard them all.Shagun was worried for his sibling ,more so when he slipped into aggression.Manav couldn't be relieved from his job and Shagun was alone to handle the situation.After many table discussions,it was decided to treat him under institutional care where ,round the clock medicinal treatment and counselling was available.
There was only one such place in the city and they were well equipped to handle such patients.She drove him down to the institute after he reluctantly agreed to consult a psychiatrist. Shagun's heart bled at the thought of what she was forced to do.She drove in silence,holding back her emotions.The staff was prepared for the visit.The huge grilled door opened slightly to allow one person at a time, Namit was swiftly ushered in and before she could blink,the door snapped shut..locked automatically.Shagun did not have any time to explain..she was searching for words on the way...how she will prepare him for this phase and now ,here, she stood without a chance to even say farewell for a few days.
She looked at her child and froze.Her baby's eyes were wide in disbelief .Hurt and betrayal were conveyed from across the grill. words had no place in this widening space between the mother and son.
As she retraced her defeated steps,she knew in her heart that he would never understand and she clutched at her chest where it pained like it was stabbed.
He looked at the retreating frame he knew as his mother and could not fathom why??He too slept under the influence of medicines behind the grill door clutching his heart where it hurt very bad.
They will never be a medicine to shoo away this pain...
They were two prisoners ,of their own minds.

-

In Time----Movie Review

2011-11-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

courtesy Google images
Watched a Hollywood movie after a long gap in time.
A movie by Andrew Niccol , 'In Time' was a must watch according to Muffin who is a big Sci fi fan like his dad.
The movie begins with a bang-a brilliant concept of time being money.Grandpa's oft repeated line 'time is money,do not waste it' is kind of true in this fiction world and is even shown writ large on a window by a donor of time.

courtesy Google images
In a new age world, humans are genetically engineered to stop ageing at 25 years ,after which their body clock starts ticking and from there on , they have to earn their time on this planet.Humans get timed out ( die ) if they are not able to keep up with the time.If you miss the opening , you kind of get shocked to hear Justin Timberlake call out to a lady as young as him as 'mom'.I would often think about the fun we would have if we stopped ageing but to see three generations looking the same age on the silver screen,was kind of weird.

The story moves on with a few subplots, along with the central theme.If you think,time being money,would eliminate the big class divide,you are sadly mistaken.The rift is depicted to be deeper with the poor living in a ghetto running behind time and the rich getting richer by saving time in banks.Poor slog ,live each hour and through the day while the rich have centuries on their arm clocks.The ticking neon arm clocks look scary though, with their furious runs .There are a few witty lines coming across which instantly bring a smile to your face.Then you see the grim side of time being money,people stealing time,borrowing it,stashing it ,loaning it and then getting killed for it.So far so good ..the movie tries to build a plot to a level but then it stagnates.Nothing changes basically.
Another subplot has a rich evil man's wide eyed daughter ,Sylvia (Seyfried) falling reluctantly for our man from the ghetto Wills Salas.Timekeeper,(Murphy) tries hard to be convincing enough in his role as the upright man.All along ,you go with the flow thinking the plot will evolve but it just does not and somewhere the movie loses its grip.
My verdict-Watch it for the concept.
Will I have the DVD in my collection? -I don't think so.

When Words Fail Me

2011-11-08T04:15:00.000-08:00

A keen observer,a silent and patient listener,person brimming with new ideas,a fantastic storyteller,that is Rajkumar Hirani for most.I met him the other day and I was not surprised when I heard that he needs solitude to write and that sometimes he leaves town to be away from the mundane to write in peace . He draws inspiration from the common man he said and I observed that he listened more than he talked.Now,I am no Premchand of literature ,I only express with regularly,irregular posts on my blog.I write whenever,whatever comes to my mind.Some beautiful people read and comment,most do not know me at all.but that does not mean,writing is just a pastime for me..it is something I have done ever since I learnt how to make sentences in school.I think about what to write next,I have always been a good listener,I have developed extra sensory powers to eavesdrop on other people's conversations(bad!) ,and I guess, I am slowly getting there , honing my skills all along .Will I be able to write in solitude? I really do not know :o Will try my hand at it but where is solitude to be found??First will have to work towards that!!

If only inspirations were more frequent....Sometimes for days on end,nothing comes out of my brain.There are days when I sit nibbling on my pencil till it resembles a Neem Daatoon but words fail me . In complete contrast to this,there are days when my grey cells are hyperactive and writing one whole thesis can be a cake walk. For someone who has never been tongue tied , this becomes frustrating.
Typically ,ideas never strike when they should and hound you with alarming regularity when they shouldn't .
Where would you reach out for the writing instrument when you are hanging for your dear life at the door of a local train clutching at the holding bars with handbag pressed somewhere between your chest / belly and the side panel of the compartment.I hardly take the local now but back then when writing was more about scribbling notes on scraps of any paper ,such situations were very common.By the time I would reach my destination,all in one piece,the idea would be gone with the wind.

The other day,Muffin wanted help with his Physics and I was lost...Poor son thought mommy dear was engrossed in trying to solve his work force energy numerical ,whereas, mommy was sprouting shaayri in her head. ;p Life is tough when you have to handle Physics and Shaayri together.Once in the middle of my under sea walk,I wanted to reach out to my pen and paper .Being a non-swimmer,it was a memorable experience for me and one of the most scary ones at that.The vast expanse of sea,the might and force of water around, my utter helplessness underneath and the beauty of life forms around,left me spellbound .The words were not the same back into the hotel room when I finally sat down to write.
Many times when caught in situations like having to listen to a monologue from my dear MIL about the daily grind like the bhaajiwaala, maid 1 ,maid 2 or the driver,I automatically switch to'gaze-intently-listen-sparingly' mode.Years of practice has made me near perfect in returning from my own thoughts to the real world ,just in time to catch the end of the monologue which typically ends with a question thrown at me -"Tula kaaye vaat tay,barobar aahe na?"(what do you think,am I right?).Situation is salvaged in the nick of time as I am ready with the answer she is expecting-"Tumcha barobar aahe"( you are right).All through the talk,I make several trips in my head to different interesting worlds and am itching to write.A hurried excuse gives me a good write up but a delay means none whatsoever.
Presently I am working on four subjects but when I go back to read it after a while, it all seems forced ,so drafts they will be until I get the flow..But writing about the mental block has helped and as I end this post,I am getting clear ideas about one of the drafts. :D :D

Why am I in love with Mumbai..

2011-10-31T11:35:00.000-07:00

A comment on Purba's post (my own about what irks me as a Mumbaikar),and it set

me thinking..Before I knew it,it turned into a full post about why I love Mumbai.
I could go on and on but this space has its own limitations ,so read on a few lines
about my dear Mumbai...

courtesy google images

After a long struggle, when I finally got married to Hobbs, we decided to shift base to Mumbai. This was in the early nineties and we were being fed on stories about big bad city of Mumbai by almost everyone who was even remotely connected to this city. Hobbs always dreamt of making Mumbai his home but waited for me to finish my post-graduation before we tied the knot. I was secretly hoping he would change his mind but in vain.

Hindi movies those days had scenes depicting a bechara /bechari being duped as soon as he/she arrived at VT station ( CST now) by a thug or a taxi driver circling the city to fleece a hapless passenger. Mere mention of Bombay would elicit a negative response from almost everyone- ”Arre Baap Re!!” being most common of all. Some reactions would read thus:

- Arre… you will be looted as soon as you step inside the Mahanagri !

- Bhookhe mar jaaoge! You live like a king here,in your own house, but out there ,you will be paupers.

- Have you seen the houses there…twenty people live in one tiny kholi and strangers share a bathroom.

- You will earn for others. EMI bharte – bharte zindagi khatam ho jayegi.

- Bimaar hoge toh roti khilane wala koi na hoga. You will die a lonely death.

- One well meaning auntyji whispered in my ear “You are used to pears and Sunsilk and ready made napkins for ‘those days’ …do you think you will be able to afford these ‘luxuries’ after paying off your debts?”

- Joote ghis jayenge beta Bombay ki sadkon par. Here you have gaadi-ghoda at your beck and call.

The typical Marwadi style melodrama was to dissuade me both from my marriage to a Maharashtrian as well as the shift to Mumbai. Hobbs faced emotional blackmail of a subtle kind at home. His parents hoped that atleast,the youngest son would stay back at the ancestral property. The decision was already made and the shift was smooth with one sack full of useless wedding presents and one suitcase each of clothes.

I admit I fell in love with Mumbai as I gazed at the city during my first taxi ride to the suburban home of sis in law which we shared for a while . Her living room was our first bedroom . I loved the city more when I shifted to my own tiny rented apartment. Having spent most our growing years in bungalows surrounded by sprawling gardens ,the matchbox sized apartment was nowhere close to luxury. Shuru hote hi khatam ho jata tha. I loved the city all the more when the city gave me the independence of traveling on my own by public transport at an unearthly hour without fear. It sharpened my sensory perception, I could recognize local stations by their smells and sounds even in sleep. Mumbai taught me the value of a fraction of a second of my time. I learnt to recognize the person at the door by the time of his arrival even before I opened the door. 7am –milkman,7.30am-paperwala,7.45-car cleaner and so on.. 7.30am bell can not be your dhobi’s bell unless informed well in advance. I fell in love with the gastronomic delights, ranging from, sabse sasta ,filling, street food to the exotic, ridiculously priced , bland platter. The street shopping grew on me, and so did the AC confines of the swanky malls. Most important of all,I loved the anonymity in the crowd that Mumbai gave me. No one gave a damn about who I was ,what I wore, where I came from or where I was headed. All my life I was aware that I was a girl, and hence was aware of how I walked, what I wore, where I came from and where I was headed. I was aware of my being a female in a sea of humans and unconsciously crossed my arms in a crowd to avoid being touched ‘unintentionally’. Mumbai made me feel human and I could hang my arms by my side and swing them for all I cared, without attracting a single eyeball. Mumbai grounded me and taught me to stand in a crowd rubbing shoulders with a fisherwoman, a scrawny looking but energetic sabjiwali, a CEO or an IAS from Mantralaya . Once in the local, they are professionals and homemakers rolled into one and can be seen preparing for evening meals while chatting, bitching about in-laws or singing bhajans. This city gives aam aadmi the recognition of being anonymous at some level.

Is that an advantage or disadvantage? Go figure!

For me, wherever I go, I need to and long to come back and Mumbai welcomes me with open arms. This is the city of my dreams,so what if the politicians choose to use and abuse it .The common man however, has nothing to do with politics and does not boast about his ‘connections’while crossing the road or while peeing in public. One day, people will wake up and move on from being more than mere spirited Mumbaikars and bring on a change.

For all of the above and much more beyond the scope of this post,I Love Mumbai!!

Festivals-Done for the season!

2011-10-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

We are a loving (till date) family of 14 members who enjoy being on each other’s toes very often. While men of the family are vaguely aware of a few short people living in their houses, we women do care about our kids and occasionally enquire about their well being by calling wherever they are found in the three family houses. The nuclear family set up is for namesake only lest we feel we are not privileged enough to have one.

Festival times are chaotic as well as fun especially for the short people when days seamlessly blend into nights ,cleaning and kitchen services are never closed and beds are always ready to welcome anyone who suddenly crashes owing to exhaustion. All bedrooms are guestrooms and hosts (we take turns ) are secluded to one end of the house so that they are not a hindrance in the activities of the short people. All gaming consoles, cricket gear, TT table (you heard it right!), carom board ,cards of all kinds,viz. Playing,Uno,Pokemon,wwf etc are arranged.
The house looks battered and bruised. Once I yanked a piece of transparent tape holding an ugly poster of a beefed up wrestler, only to find that the tape was actually holding a chunk of freshly painted edge of the wall. Did I imagine or did I actually hear the wall yelp in pain! The assaulting hands-in- glove still holding the culprit cork ball were sleeping innocently at a distance. Meanwhile, a loud vibrating sound caught my attention and I turned around to see a violently shaking washing machine which had gone berserk. It had managed to wriggle out of its niche as if threatening to walk out of the house. Some short people, fearful of over reaction from bigger people, had over stuffed the poor thing beyond its capacity with coffee/tang/pasta/Maggie stained bed sheets .Thank God it does not have a voice box!

courtesy-Google images

Pre Diwali nights are usually at my place .The sleepover is to facilitate getting up at dawn for ‘Abhyangasnan’ but it turns out to be more of a stay over to stay awake, till exactly half an hour before wake up time. So one can imagine the wake up routine .The routine starts with gentle terms of endearment from the mothers, proceeds to shutting the ACs off, putting the lights on, goes on to removal of the covering sheets and finally ends with a scream and an ultimatum. One by one the kids are pushed inside the bath room with one elder standing guard outside, to ensure that he does not doze off on the potty seat again. Such times , one feels that all rooms should be bath rooms. By the time the second kid is done with the arti-tikka-bath, the first one is hungry and bored . A team of barely awake humans is busy whipping up breakfast for the crowd . End of breakfast marks beginning of lunch preparations and the routine continues right through the next morning. Meals come with pre-decided menu,prepared fresh every time ,in addition to a large selection of dry snacks and mithai as fillers.With a bunch of hyperactive kids around,I am always amazed at the speed with which the food disappears sometimes before it even reaches the table.It is NEVER more and I am screaming in my head-“HOW MUCH WE EAT!!!”

courtesy Google images

Lashmi-pujan followed by dinner is hosted by elder sis-in –law ,so small individual puja at our own house,diya-baati,lights and off we go. No crackers for us though. When we are blessed with such patakhaa kids ,who needs firecrackers? A small maa-chis and they are all ready to burst. Padwa ,we rest and Bhai – dooj is hosted by the second sis-in-law. All through the commotion ,rituals are namesake, fun being the central idea. Over the years and after a few disapproving comments, MIL has given up on us. I still remember when my offer to make chawal ki kheer as a new bride was rejected by MIL as Maharashtrians made it for shraddha (death) and never for festivals. My argument later that how can any food be auspicious or inauspicious, worked and so we slowly did away with many other unwanted rituals.

I love festivals.. hate rituals, I love families.. hate crowd. I love things which come attached and free with things I hate so basically I am stuck.

I am done being ,

-a cook,

-a jhaaduwali,

-electrician,

-plumber,

-designer,

-errand girl,

-gift shopper,

-bahu,

-daughter,

-wife and

-indulgent mother for the season.

Appeal- If you see a woman ,walking aimlessly on the street, talking to herself, refusing to acknowledge human presence and signs of life around, it is me and you are requested to leave me alone. I am just trying to recover and rediscover my inner strength to endure the onslaught of next festive season.

Déjà vu

2011-10-17T04:06:00.000-07:00

Courtesy Google images

We have all some experience of a feeling,that comes over us occasionally,of what we are saying and doing ,having been said and done before, in a remote time - of our having been surrounded,dim ages ago,by the same faces,objects and circumstances - of our knowing perfectly what will be said next, as if we suddenly remember it ! ( Dickens in David Copperfield- chapter 39)

Deja vu, and intuition ,closely related yet entirely different terms in meaning have intrigued the skeptic in me for a long time.Literature,movies have explored the topic over the years and average human being across the world is well aware of it.

Deja vu,a french term coined by Emile Boirac is also known as paramnesia.As high as two thirds of adults claim to have had a deja vu experience at least once in their lives.

Deja vu is of many kinds:

1.deja eprouve - already experienced - The most commonly described experience out of the many mentioned below.
2.deja pense - already thought - tumne mere munh ki baat chheen li - kind of experience.The subject typically experiences this almost as soon as someone else blurts out his thoughts and never before.If you are conditioned to 'think' before you talk,you might have several deja pense moments in your life.
3.deja reconte - already recounted- My neighbor Mr Bee is ideal example of this.Try talking about any experience under the Sun and Mr Bee slips into his own deja reconte mode .
4.deja senti - already smelt,felt
5.deja su - already known (intellectually)
6.deja trouve (already met ) / deja recontre -(already met)- hum pehle bhi kahin mile hain!,maine tumhe kaahin dekha hai ! This is one experience that I dread the most.Not being a regular figure at family gatherings and not being good with faces ,particularly of the 'relative' kind,I am subjected to this every time I decide to attend any family event.I freeze in my tracks when I am spotted by some random relative who wants to test my memory and patience .I have no choice but to use the above lines while the offender explains with great enthusiasm,the last time and place that we met and of course his own importance in my life at that time and place .By the way ,the above also happens to be the lamest pick up line oft used by lame people.
7.deja dit - already said spoken (content of speech) / deja parle ( act of speech) We go through a combined deja dit and deja parle thing when the speaker of parliament goes on and on like a record playing in loop with-"kripaya baith jaayiye..unko bolne dijiye..shaant ho jaayiye..please..."
8.deja lu - already read-Chetan Bhagat is all I can say here! :D
9.deja presenti - already sensed -Freaky ,I must say!
10.deja reve - already dreamt -repeated episodes lead to insomnia,not good for health ,if you ask me!
11.deja visite - already visited-Those swearing by this kind either participate in 'Raaz pichhle janam ka ' TV series or end up on the shrink's couch (pun unintended)
12.deja entendu - already heard
13.deja goute - already tasted
14.deja fait - already done-when you get the feeling of been there done that.
15.deja vecu - already lived
16.deja volu -already desired
17.deja connu - already known ,(personally)

Types of deja vu,source: The various manifestations of deja vu experience)

There could be many logical explanations for a typical or atypical deja vu experience
- One might have seen a picture of the place or person in the past
-Might have read about the experience/person/place
-Might have seen a movie on the subject
-Might get triggered by similar sense of smell/taste,color,decor,surrounding etc
- Looks,mannerisms,clothing,body language of a person might remind you of a similar person from your past
-Some insist that this has nothing to do with memory and that it may only be a perception

This has been a topic for extensive research and various theories have linked medical conditions like schizophrenia,epilepsy,anxiety, internal stress and internal conflicts,with deja vu .However,medical experts,Psychiatrists,Psychologists,Psychics and various religious sects have not been able to arrive at a plausible explanation to this phenomena yet,so the stories continue..Some stories make you grin ,while some freak you out! Have you ever experienced deja vu ever?!

Courtesy Google images

Intuitions - Gut feeling or mental glitch!

2011-10-05T03:50:00.000-07:00

courtesy Google images

"I had a gut feeling that this would happen and OMG I was so right"

"I had a hunch that this would go wrong and BOY ,do I have a black tongue?!"

Ever heard people say the reverse? Very rarely people own up that they erred in their observation, judgment, or intuition. Intuition, déjà vu, premonition, sixth sense, gut feeling , hunch ,are various closely related terms widely and casually used by one and all. People use them to be one up on the lesser mortals, to prove that they are the gifted ones.It is a very- very slippery area so to speak. Jitne muhn utni baatein. Playing with intuitions has its highs and lows .

If most of your intuitions turn out to be true, you are truly blessed and may end up blessing people in turn with your special powers. Who knows you may even end up on the city billboards with a monstrous blood red tilak spanning your forehead .You will be rechristened ‘Sach Bolti Maa’ or ‘Mantaa Maa’or some such name and adorned with accessories. All your medical, dental bills will be taken care of by your followers. This is sure sho(r)t way to riches and stardom.

However, if you are empowered with a negative sixth sense or have a kaali zabaan, someone will sing “ Jaa Chudaill” to you and it won’t be a film song let me tell you.The plus side in this case however, is similar to or may be more lucrative compared to the earlier case .This is because we Indians are shit scared of curses, black magic and the like.Any mention of the above sends us running for cover and any antidote suggested for the said poison is lapped up at unmentionable costs.

You can terrorize people with your dark powers.Marketing your dark powers on cable TV as 'Bi-paashaa ji bungle ',is all it takes to attract the affected .Learning a few mantras is easy and attire should be matching your powers-Black! Freedom to use abuse to harm the client's enemy is an added advantage.Periodic ads in the print media will ensure steady flow of victims of black magic (jadu -tona ).They are basically losers who are convinced that the cause of their misery is everything and everybody else but their own selves.Soon you will have so many gone-cases in hand that you may be forced to buy an island somewhere with their money.

According to a study,intuition is essentially, memory based, wherein , thoughts of one concept spread to thoughts of another related concept making them more likely to be recalled by a person.This was substantiated by a study by Brain bugs:
Answer the first two questions aloud and then blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind in response to statement 3 below:
1.What continent is Kenya in ?
2.What are two opposing colors in the game of Chess?
3.Name any animal.
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A good majority said zebra for statement -3 , different African animals are named by a select few but interesting point to note is that,out of the blue when asked to name an animal ,less than one percent said Zebra. Conditioning of brain you see! Scientists say,you can and you must hone your intuitive skills for it is a combination of science and intuition that makes a man smart.We like smart people not mere geeks.

courtesy Google images

Albert Einstein was convinced that the only real valuable thing is intuition . So when do you listen to intuitions and when do you use your head?
Listen to you intuitions when:
-Doing something you are experienced in ,
-Nagging medical symptoms,-do not take 'its nothing' for an answer,take second opinion if symptoms persist.
-Shopping :D
Use your head when:
-hiring someone,
-judging someone or something..

Everybody gets intuitions.Some are just more aware and use it to their advantage while skeptics brush it off as coincidence. An old patient of mine now based in Kolkata is a victim of my sixth sense. His case being an interesting clinical case study in my field,is often quoted and discussed by me during workshops.Whenever I make a mention ,I see the poor guy in my clinic within a few days. knowing the dough he spends on each visit ,I feel kinda guilty now and try to blame it on telepathy:D

I have my regular motherly 'hunch' to my kids' rescue .I have daily gut feelings while stuck in traffic . We all have sense of deja vu when we watch Hindi movies-the feeling that we have seen something like this before..I can also sense what my cook is gonna give us for dinner on days that I am too busy or too irritated to leave instructions.

Actually,Edward Murphy beat me into forming his own laws and postulates ,warnaa hum bhi aurat kucch kaam ke hi thhe! Who knows, when I am old and grey ,I might have the guts to come up with my own book aptly but not so creatively titled 'Gut feelings' :p

When I really miss you

2011-09-17T05:15:00.000-07:00

When I really miss you at times,

I close my eyes and sit alone,all by myself,

I feel you so close to me,yet it aches to reach

I whisper your name ever so softly 'cause

to my heart you are just a heartbeat away.

I hold my breath with your thought mere,

Afraid to miss that beat without care

When I sit down and think of you,

When I really miss you..

चाहत

2011-09-17T05:03:00.000-07:00

क्यूँ हमसे ही दूर लिए जाती है ये चाहत हमें

क्या जाने कहाँ लिए जाती है ये चाहत हमें

यूं जाने की वजह तो कोई नहीं

यूं ही वक्त बेवक्त आकर

सता ही लेती है ये चाहत हमें .

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