DESTINATION - UNKNOWN

A Redirection

2011-05-30T02:44:00.003+08:00

I have found my direction. Am rerouting. Am gonna step on forward to a brighter future. This blog will be officially close. Am starting a new one~ got time, do check it out! It's www.journalofastudentnurse.blogspo

t.com

Life in Posting

2011-04-13T19:01:00.000+08:00

10th April 2011, Sunday. Woots!! Muar, Johor here we go. We reached there around 12pm. Honestly, the place there is so much better than Batu Pahat( My previous posting). Here the whether is so much cooler nor the accommodation. We are all staying in the apartment located somewhere in Salleh Road. The apartment is so much better than the Terese houses which the girls are staying in. But the big problem is.... NO FACEBOOK! NO BLOGGER! NOTHING!! because of no WIFI! It's a matter of life and death!! How can people survive without facebook and WIFI?! Can u imagine that?!

This picture shows how much my friend brought

This are all his!! Crazy fellow.

A child watching the reality cooking show of 'How To Cook Satay'

Part of our group member

Same here.. Look at Mee.. Isn't he just adorable?!

Why are we wearing dog collar again?!

Our hospital

Us, waiting for the transport home

Anyway, back to the posting... Today is the 2nd day in ward. Am assigned to Ward 7, Cubicle 1. It's a medical ward and it's a male ward. By the way, just to show off a little. Am the team leader! Muahahaha!! You may somehow think that it maybe fun, but well, it isn't. Anything happen to any of the members, Am gonna be so dead~ Somehow theres a bitch in our batch by the name of 'I don't want to say who'. She loves to comment a lot and yet work a little. She just like to pass judgement and cause chaos in out group. She is really a douche bag.Our Clinical Instructor Madam Aspah who is a gentle ladies. She is very patient in teaching us things which we are not confident in. So far so good. Not much memorable things happen so far. But i believe some incident will happened. Will keep you guys here posted.

This time posting brings a lot of new experience to us. We are so much more busy compared to before. Although I heard a lot of complaint from my teammates saying that the stuff nurse are not friendly, well, as for me, I don't think that is an issue for me. U know la~ Aron ma~ what do u expect?! >.<

Yeah, by the way, something interesting just happened today in the ward. Just recalled. I was taking ECG this afternoon, I din't realise the patient granular is bleeding. I was like OMFG when i saw the blood flowing uncontrolably. I almost fainted, It was so scary. My friends are all laughing at me. Well, for me I don't think is embarace because, everyone has their own fear to something which we can't explain right?! But, I promise myself, I will overcome this problem ASAP! LOL

Okay, I got to go. I am here just to check my drug's( Facebook's) notification and to enjoy my ice kacang! Hahaha~ Bye.. Love u guys!

Jealous leh~!

Back to Where We Started

2011-04-03T00:09:00.002+08:00

Looking back to those days. Naive, pure, innocent days.. *cheh* Looking back to all those post that I've been posting one year ago. Brings a lot of memory. One more things, I somehow realise how much I'm so not good in elaboration. I can't say I am damn good now. Well, still learning. Still in the process.

Back in those days, I just know how to complain. So not independent. Not being grateful. Here I would like to express my gratitude to all my friends and family members back in Kuching. To my mom and dad, I would like to say I love u and thank you. Despite of me being me( What am i saying??!!). You still love me as before. Yes, there's upsets and heartache sometimes. but I still love u guys so much! I really can't wait to go home in June. Am really expecting it. Although it's short. Yet, I hope to enjoy!

The photo of my siblings 5-6 years back

Dad and Mom

To my grandparents, If your reading these, I love u guys too. Mish u guys. I love da time when we went Genting last year. Yeah, sorry for showing my temper that time. Trust me, I still love u guys! Granpa, I still remember the Green Adidas All Star shoes you bought for me. and not to mention the MP3....Hahaha!（Translation just for my grandpa-爷爷，我还记得你买给我青色的Adidas鞋子和MP3。真的谢谢你！） Thanks a lot! Grandma, I still remember the pocket money you gave me and the dishes that you've cooked. OMG! the pork intestine stuff with rice is son nice! Really missed it! (Translation just for my grandma-阿姆，每当我看到红包是我都会想起你每次给我的零用钱。我还记得你煮给我的猪肠糯米饭。我真的很想念！）

Grands!

As to both of my aunts. I missed you. Mrs Ang! Hahaha~ the 'loso-ness' when you helping with me with my education, I will never forget that. Really thank you for enquiring all the information that I've got. Now, after I step into the medic world. I look back. Really thank God that your asking me bout those stuff. If not, I will still be wondering what to study and maybe still stuck in that situation. Really thank you for that!

My 2nd aunt and Arlene

To my beloved Papu!! Hahaha! Now i write in mandarin ya~ just for you!你啊，我又太多太多连言语都无法形容的感恩. 我还记得我小时候曾跟你冷战。因为我的幼子和小孩脾气。真的让你伤透了脑筋来挽回我对你的信任。想回去真的是天真呀。很好笑。我还记得每个早上你都会一大清早就在家门口等我们载我们上学及每天给我们一零吉的零用钱。还有那不知道从哪里来都会来的故事跟我们讲。搞的我们全部哈哈大笑。回想起那是小孩的年代是何等的幸福。每次在外受的伤害一定是找你投诉。你的着急与关怀是我一生中最大的鼓励。虽然你的脾气像风一样飘浮不定。但内生处我知道我还是你所爱的。我真的感激不予。

My aunt and Arlene

To all my siblings including Andrea Liu and Andric Liu the infinity naughty one! Hahaha! i love and missed you guys. Still remember when we are young, Arlene, Andrea and me will hang out together and play. But every time ended up Arlene get pinched. Still remember how much you love to cry Andrea. Funny you. Your a well known cry baby to me! Hahaha. Now everyone has grown up. Each of us has very different thinking. But no matter how different we are, we stll share the same pass, the same place, the same rice, the same ice-cream, the same family together in one land that is belong to ours. That's the only thing that is still bonding us. No matter what, that bond will not be broken.

Me and Andrea

Both cousins. Naughty Andric and cousin Andrea

My whole family

As times goes by. I know. Sad tragedy will happen. But i sincerely do hope that. Before we depart from this cruel and loving world. Lets love one another again. Lets go back and lets recall. What is 'love' about. It's not pointing fingers to one another. It's not about pointing finger about your're wrong and I'm right. It's all about forgiveness and sacrifice.

It's OUT! And it's NEGATIVE!!

2011-04-02T07:13:00.001+08:00

2 weeks am on MC(Medical Certificate). Stayed at home for 2 weeks with no where else to go. In case you guys don't know, Nilai is a small town where there is no shopping complex, no cinema, and you can consider it a place where is totally no life at all. But thank God there's a bar. And that's important! Hahaha!! Okok.. Lets get back to the topic shall we... Hmmm...

few months ago, I am having a bad cough. There blood stain in my sputum. Well, there's a lot who urge me to go see the doctor. As a student who don't have extra money to spare will always says: Aiya, don't worry la. I will be fine one! Well, that's me~ And what I hate the most in not about the money, it's the medication that I am gonna take. Man! It sucks! Really sucks! Cough syrups, Periton, all sorts of medication! Argh!! Hate it! Really hate it! Although am a future nurse, I still hate medication!

2 weeks ago, I went to visit the doctor. After hearing about my condition. He dicided to take my blood sample and run some test for TB(Tuberculosis). At first i was stunt. I was like OMG!! Tell me your joking. They took my blood and it shows negative. To make sure I am really fine. They require me for AFB(Sputum Sample). 2 consecutive morning I have to send my sputum sample to the clinic! Hello, in case you don't know. Waking up early in the morning is so damn hard for me!

So after went to see the doctor, I told my lecturer about my condition. She was like :OMG! Suspect TB! Aron, I want you to go back and don't come to class until your result is out. At first I was kinda happy! Yeah! No class! Hahaha... I really did enjoy for the first few days. But honestly it's a torture afterward. I was at home bored to death!

So today, my result is out. Am so damn happy that the result shows I am TB-free! And I am able to go to class as usual again. Posting will be here soon. Am looking forward for it. I will be posted in Muar, Johor. To all my friends out there. Got time do come out for tea!

This the result and it shows satisfactory.

Regret-less

2011-03-29T03:45:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since i drop down something in my blog. Well, nothing much to say in this current blog really. Was just inspired by a person's blog regarding regrets. He says about when you lost something then you regret. Um.. lets make it this way. I am so not gonna regret for hitting you that day. Am so not regret for meting you in my life. And most of all, I am not angry with you anymore but I still wish I don't need to see your face when I go home.

It has pass for almost one month since he left this place back to his home town. Really no regrets for this case. I am a person who you think I am perfect go gain comfort easily. Yeah, I really have to agree with that (Cheh....). Seriously~ But too bad, your 'caring' is the thing that make me sick. I just realise one thing in my life since he left. Am not a person to mess with. I got my own dignity and pride. No one can mess with that.

No regret is a phrase that we should have. Life we should live to the fullest. So I see no point why should I angry with him. I want me. myself, I Aron Ang Tee Chim to be happy and content for what I have. To all my friends out there who is reading this. Please don't regret for those shit you have done. Enjoy it. Bear with it or you may called it a suffer. lol. Just be who you are. Be content and move on even you have done a mistake like what I did in the pass and present. Just move on. Regreting is not gonna change things. So, what for you waste your time. Move on and be happy bout it. There's plenty of things ahead. Don't cry for a spilled milk. It's pointless. It's just gonna slow you down for what you're destine for, those happiness that is not far ahead. Just be-careful, don't repeat it again~ Love you guys.

This blog is dedicated to all my friends who are still living in regrets. Anything, you can drop by my facebook or my cell if you need a friend to talk to... Love you guys!Muackxx!

Am Just Not That Into You

2011-02-28T01:34:00.000+08:00

This post is just simply for a guy. If you are reading this, You can comment as much as u like. There's no one to stop you. In fact, I love reading your comment. Because it reminds me how fucking you piss me off and how much I don't like you. Owh! It's not call 'don't like', It's suppose to be HATE! Mr Brian Sim Mong Huat. If your reading this. Congratulation. This is my blog, my wall!

You came to my place asking for a place to stay. Well, the reason that you use is just to spend some fucking time with me and celebrate my birthday. Well, sad to say, You just SCREWED my life! And thank you so much for that! I gave u a place to stay and accompany you to all the places that you wanna go. Well, what do I get? High Blood Pressure? owh, and not to mention, i really enjoy fucking you! Thanks for that. Other than that, well, umm... not much nice things and happy memories that u left behind in my SCREWED UP LIFE. This is my house, my place, my rules. NOT yours. Let me mention again!! NOT YOURS! GET IT??

First of all, I hate u command me to do things. Maybe you don't feel like forcing me, well... IT FUCKING IS! This is what i hate da most. You also enjoy teasing me. Hey asshole! Everyone has their limit, it's not an everyday routine that I am in a good mood or Open Season for you. i seriously dislike when people comment this and that. Hey, I am not stupid for your info. Your are. You're brainless enough not knowing that I am hot tempered and can slap you anytime I want. I tried to control, but noooooooo... U wanted it so badly. Well, I finally allow my emotion to give u a taste of what's like. Nice right?! And I love it!

Not only that, your childishness is one of the things that i couldn't stand! You think your so rich? renting a car and I drive up to Melacca? Finding a ATM machine also want me ask people? Fuck u la. You want to go or me want to go? U wanted to go and yet I have to wake you up early in da morning?? Please la boy! X pandai apa itu u mau buat la sendiri? Janganlah orang yang paksa. Want to rent a car also want me ask. When i ask why you can't ask yourself, Your answer is the one thing that trigger my anger. " Are you paying or I am the one paying?" That fucking phrase really show your 'Fucking-lity' My god!! 19 year old guy can't even ask for something he wants?? Still need me to ask? Sound so much like I am your dad and I wanted to go Melacca so much. Damn you la~

Wasting my time is fine. What you promise u never do. U said all things You pay. In the end, accompany u, I also have to pay some money. Yala, U pay more i agree, but am seriously broke ok? Am not like u so fucking reach with 10k in your bank account. Am not a person who sees your money and bring you go 'kai kai'. Want to to drive around am fine. Never complaint me for driving fast. If your so good, U drive la. No one to stop you! You really loves to complain do you? What an ungrateful person you are. Am sure when u finish you courses in Russia, you will regret! Your church never teach you what is the meaning of 'Grateful" kah? What a sad scenario. Other than that, your church also never teach what is 10 commandment de meh? 不可妄称耶和华你的神。 Never learn kah? And yet what you wrote on my wall? " He is just not in da mood ~ May God bless him and help him ~ Only God can help him ... Hope God can lower his temper and calm him down~ Amen!" You call this a prayer? Fuck You!!
Although I seldom attend church doesn't mean I don't know what is right and wrong!

Well, whats console me is after i hit you, I felt nice inside. I like to see you shout but you didn't. That's too bad. No matter how good your lips in argueing, my fist can always solve your ITCHY lips who like to tease people. And I thank you for proving myself worthy to hate you! Mr Brian Sim Mong Huat

Last but not least. Thank you so much for SCREWING MY LIFE and the worst birthday celebration from you ever! First time is already so bad. I can't imagine the next time. Please get lost, SCREW ME NO MORE! I beg for your mercy!

Well, 2 more days will be d last day here. At first I do expect for your arrival, but I was wrong. It is the worst ever! Thank you! I don't even enjoy a single time with you! I just wanna say! I FUCKING HATE YOU!

It's under my skin!!

2011-02-25T02:56:00.001+08:00

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real

there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/I can't seem

to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real

discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
distracting/reacting
against my will I stand beside my own reflection
it's haunting how I can't seem...

to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing confusing what is real

there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing what is real
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling confusing what is real

Am breaking da habit!!!

2011-02-25T02:54:00.001+08:00

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again

You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/linkin-park-lyrics/breaking-the-habit-lyrics.html ]
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

A Self Claim United Nation - Malaysia

2011-02-10T01:43:00.000+08:00

Whats more upsetting to see comparing to the handicapped people around us is the handicap of our nation. Malaysia named itself as a place like no other. Different races living together in a total landmass of 329,847 square kilometers (127,350 sq mi). Consist of 13 states. Separated by a vast South China Sea. Dividing into east and west.

One of the handicap that Malaysia face except corruption, poverty and etc... is racial issue. This has been a hot topic for years until today. It's getting worst with the existence of multimedia technology. Do u know that, Malaysia ever happened racial riot on May 13th 1969. We named it the May 13 Incident

The May 13 Incident is a term for the Sino Malay sectarian violence in Kuala Lumpur (then part of the state of Selangor ), Malaysia which began on May 13, 1969. The riots led to a declaration of a state of national emergency and suspension of Parlimentby the Malaysian government, while the National Operating Concil (NOC or Majlis Gerakan Negara, MAGERAN) was established to temporarily govern the country between 1969 and 1971.

Officially, 196 people were killed between May 13 and July 31 as a result of the riots, although journalists and other observers have stated much higher figures. Other reports at the time suggest over 2,000were killed by rioters, police and Malaysian Army rangers, mainly in Kuala Lumpur. Many of the dead were quickly buried in unmarked graves in the Kuala Lumpur General Hospital grounds by soldiers of Malaysian Engineers.

The government cited the riots as the main cause of its more aggressive affirmative action policies, such as the New Economic Policy (NEP), after 1969

Immediately following the riot, conspiracy theories about the origin of the riots began swirling. Many Chinese blamed the government, claiming it had intentionally planned the attacks beforehand. To bolster their claims, they cited the fact that the potentially dangerous UMNO rally was allowed to go on, even though the city was on edge after two days of opposition rallies. Although UMNO leaders said none of the armed men bused in to the rally belonged to UMNO, the Chinese countered this by arguing that the violence had not spread from Harun Idris' home but had risen simultaneously in several different areas. The armed Malays were later taken away in army lorries."

The government did not held responsible for an act of cowardice by few men, claimed to be soldiers by the Chinese people, who burnt a few more houses. However, Western observers such as Time suggested that "Whether or not the Malay-controlled police force and emergency government have actually stirred up some of the house-burning, spear-carrying mobs, they seem unwilling to clamp down on them. It was an accusation because the police was largely Malays and controlled by the government”

In 2007, a book — May 13: Declassified Documents on the Malaysian Riots of 1969 by academic, former Democratic Action Party member and former Member of Parliament Kua Kia Soong — was published by Suaram. Based on newly declassified documents at the Public Records Office in London, the book alleges that, contrary to the official account that had blamed the violence on opposition parties, the riot had been intentionally started by the "ascendent state capitalist class" in UMNO as a coup d'etat to topple Tunku Abdul Rahman.

So in another word, Malaysia itself do experience this kind of situation before. So it's not a problem for them to learn from this incident. Knowing that racial issue will end up like this is not settle properly. But the funny thing is the government keep promoting it (Satu Malaysia Program me A.K.A. One Malaysia) but we all didn't really live it out. Racist video is often found on Youtube.com and Facebook. Violence and offending words from ALL RACES are often spoke on the internet itself. It's a very common scenery in the Malaysia nowadays especially in WEST MALAYSIA compared to Borneo Island (East Malaysia) Why would it happen?? I guess the government should figure it out. Or is it their problem. Their conspiracy behind those pathetic drama. Like the church burning incident few months ago.

Recently found this video in Youtube.. What does the government is doing bout it. Does they take any action against them?? or are they encouraging the talk on this so called "Self -Righteous Religious Leader"?

Watch this.... one of the example~ Sorry, only in Malay language. FYI...Am nt condemning Islam. I just wanna portray what she is saying that is destroying the spirit of unity.

After watching this how do u feel? Especially for Christians out there? And what is government doing to counteract this issue? Is it humiliating to the Malays too? Isn't it misleading??

Below is another article about our own Prime Minister, Najib Tun Razak. Adapted from MalaysiaKini (Lazy wanna translate)

主张一个大马却纵容种族主义
前美国驻马大使狠批纳吉虚伪

2011年2月8日
下午 3点00分

前美国驻马来西亚大使约翰马洛特（John Malott）今天在《亚洲华尔街日报》撰文狠批大马首相纳吉虚伪，因纳吉根本没有认真落实本身提出的“一个大马”理念，反而纵容大马种族主义恶化，造成大马在短短3年流失50万名人才。

约翰马洛特从上世纪90年代中便出任美驻马大使，于1998年卸任后不时对大马政府提出批评。
　
他在一篇题为“大马种族主义的代价”的评论中强调，大马的种族主义现象已令国家经济成长放缓，甚至对外流失人才。

纳吉上任族群宗教事件恶化
　
约翰马洛特指出，纳吉应该照镜自我检讨，是否认真想要落实“一个大马”的目标。

“纳吉2009年上台后，尽管提出了一个亮丽的辞汇，但族群间及宗教间的关系仍紧绷。”
　
“事实上，这比1969年的情况还严重，当时最少有200名巫、华裔因族群纠纷而丧生。”
　
约翰马洛特把这种日益紧张的族群及宗教系列事件，归咎于政府“容忍并在一些事件中透过言行举止来煽动，令族群间出现分化”。
　
提牛头爱国课十字架风波
　
他也提出一些案例，包括纳吉助理哈德柯尔（Hardev Kaur）被指曾在纳吉出席圣诞节开放门户活动时，抗议主办单位的吉隆坡天主教大主教住家不应展示十字架。
　
“柯尔之后澄清她仅是要求，而非指示；这好像任何大马人可拒绝由首相署办公室发出的要求。”

他再举例，因抗议兴都庙迁往本身住宅区而引发的牛头示威风波，内政部长希山慕丁却捍卫这批肇事的居民，另外，国防部长也曾质疑华印裔不愿从军，因缺乏爱国精神。

约翰马洛特也抨击巫统所拥有的《马来西亚前锋报》攻击华裔从政者，并煽动对华裔从政者的憎恨情绪，甚至曾建议应杀掉行动党雪州高级行政议员郭素沁。

3年内共有50万人离马

约翰马洛特总结，这种逐渐恶化的种族主义现象，导致2007年至2009年期间约有50万名国人离马，这比移居海外的专业大马人才数目还多出一倍。

他也指出，纳吉向强烈反对经济改革的右翼组织土著权威组织低头，殊不知停止改革将进一步影响大马竞争力及经济成长放缓，同时意味着更多工程在未竞标下发配给朋党。
　　
约翰马洛特认为，纳吉甚至可能不可相信其政党和官员释放出的这套论述，惟为了捞取更多巫裔选票的支持而放任不理。
　
“当他（纳吉）的政党面对反对党来势汹汹挑战，尤其碰触及种族政策及在经济领域招致的后果时，这无疑成为一项政治便利。”
　
警告种族主义将会影响经济
　
约翰马洛特也警告，当大马拥有的包容逐渐被磨蚀掉，经济也会出现问题，大马若要在2020年发展为先进国，其经济成长每年便须达8%。
　
“要达致这种程度的成长，须有大量的国内外私人界投资及外国资源来支撑，并配合人力技巧的提升及重大的经济转型。不过，恶化的种族及宗教事件将形成阻力。”

约翰马洛特认为，当政府为了政治上的权宜之计而煽动宗教及种族问题，然而这种机会主义的代价便是大马的经济。
　
“这国家的人民将会继续出走，一并带走的是金钱及人才。至于外资，担忧的是族群关系不稳固及缺乏经济改革，也会转投其他国家。”

So what do u think about it? Is our Malaysian government doing anything to stop this issue? Any action taken? Or are they encouraging this " Work of Racism"? Even funding it? Weird isn't it. There more on the net. You can simply find in anywhere.

It's a shame for our nation. Even our own government is so corrupted, what more to say about our nation. Our people? Our lives? Living Standard? The improvement that you all talk about in the news? Our vision? All are bullshit!! Even a simple step you can't even f..king acheive!!

Malaysia, if u wanna wake up and get on your feet. Free from racist issue, you really have to stand up on your feet again. Admitting all your wrong doings, It's not a shame! It's a big step of improvement and a big break through.

All Malaysian out there who is reading this, You know what you must do if you love Malaysia. And you sincerely want to change our nation. Lets bar all rumors about other races and their religion. Is not a wise choice even if you purely want to make a stand for your own race and beliefs. I hope Malaysia will be like what they sang! Satu Malaysia Satu Bangsa.( One Malaysia One Race). Is not hard. You just have to be open minded to accept who and what others belief. Malaysia.. you still have a hope to get through this. Just try your best to be understanding then you can survive through this~

Hold it Against Me

2011-02-09T03:08:00.000+08:00

This is an AWESOME music video done by Ryan James yezak.. For those who can't view it in ur place... Grab it here before it close down

A Confession of A Person Who Thought He Was Strong.

2011-01-24T22:57:00.000+08:00

3rd July 2010 I ended up in dead end in my life. I can't pursue on my dream as a Agriculturalist. With broken hearts and shattered soul. I was forced to find another way in my life. It was hard as hell. With a lot of nagging from my family. Stress has embrace me until I can't breath. I taught I was gonna die. Without hope and dreams to clink on. Feeling that life is meaningless. No matter how hard i tried. I still can't pursue on. Even worst I wasted 3 years of my teenage life. All of this is due to my results are like crap.

4th July 2010, there is a dim light from afar. Nursing course is introduced into my life. It's never what i wanted. I never taught of it. And i truly despised it. Thinking that as a nurse i will end up in a hospital for the rest of my life. In the other hand, I taught of leaving home. It's always what i wanted. I wanna leave my parents, siblings. i wanted to escape them. Hoping for a quieter life, a calmer life. To start a new. To a place where I have to start again. I made my choice. i decided to leave.

8th July 2010. I flew to a place so much stranger to me. I was alone. Looking forward to my new campus life. Hoping to make new friends. Hoping to be independent. I was free at last! Well, i really got what i wanted. people around me kept asking why do I chose this course. i told them various reason which are untrue. Hiding around the bushes. Wanting no one to know more about me.

I have to do everything on my own. I travel around alone. Eat alone. Worked alone. Study alone. No one to nag around. No one to discipline me. No one to bust into my room without knocking. No shouting from my parents neither my siblings. I got all the things I wanted all these years. No one to nag me when i smoke and when i drink until i was so drunk and puke everywhere. Young people all around me. Fooling and joking around. I thought this is life. This is what i always wanted. To be free. To be independence. I really love it that time. I really do. Carefree life... Only towards my study.

Until.....

1 October 2010. I finished my semester 1 theory course. Practical is a must for us in every semester. I was being sent to Batu Pahat, Johor. I got to know more about what is Nursing is all about. and in the same time to do hands on work rather than just sitting in my classroom listening or sleeping. No more 100 percent based on text books and lectures.

As soon we arrived. We are welcome warmly by my friend's mother. She is very friendly. She brought us to a lot of place. Sight seeing, beach and etc. But sadly, his son was admited into the hospital as soon da next day due to high fever. Every night as soon after work she will sleep beside his bed. But not long after that he was admitted into ICU. Still the same, She still visit him, praying. Hoping her son will get well soon. I was always peeking at a corner. Looking at the situation. Honestly I was touched.

In the ward there is a middle age aunty. Her name was Lim Ah Moi. 54 of age. Suffered in a tragic accident on the highway. She was with her father during the accident. She suffered form burns and multiple bone fractures. She was admited during 16th August. She is only able to speak Hokkien. No other language. Not long after that. She is put under my care. I took care of her daily ADL. Not long after that, our bond grown stronger. I really do love to talk to her. Although she is always very noisy and naggy. I really treat her like my aunt. They really look alike. I really don't want this tragic accident to happen in either one of my family members.

If not mistaken it was Thursday~ While I was on duty, one of the patient was in an emergency situation. Her pulse is droping drastically. CPR is preformed immediately. Adrenaline is administered. Doctors are trying hard to resurrect her. After a few minutes, she was pronounce dead. That is the first time I saw person pass away. Honestly, I take it lightly. Telling myself that may be she is already in a critical stage. She contracted liver cancer.

Until one day. After 2 weeks, a patient was admitted into the ward. He met an accident. He is in a coma. Everything was fine. Blood pressure. Everything. Everything is in perfect order. Only waiting for him to wake up. All his family member was all around his bed praying for him. Looking forward for him to wake up. His childrens, wife and relatives always check in on time to visit him during visiting hour. After a few days, without any warning or what so ever. His pulse drop drastically. Doctors rushed into the ward. In the end is still.....I can hear all the family's weeping from a far. It touch my heart. At this point of time, all memories came back to me, I can still remember how my mother has to wake up in the middle of the night to make sure my tempreture is under control every time when I fever. How she took care of our needs. How she worked hard for us during our financial crisis. All the sweat and blood that she has to shed while taking care of us. At this point of time. My emotion was too stirred up. I can't focus on my work. But i still manage to control my emotion to preform all procedures. Since after that, I was so afraid that i might loose all my patient. Not to say my family members.

after 3 weeks of practical. Finally it is coming to an end. All those love and care that i has poured out it has never gone to waste. Most of the patient are well and had left the hospital after the recovery of their illness... Am glad about it. About the aunty which i mention. She wad also sent to a nursing home. I can still remember her smile when i carry her into her wheel chair when i send her off. I surely gonna miss her. At this point of time. I can still how my aunty treat me when i was young. Her smile is my encouragement in my daily life. The pocket money that she use to give us every morning. He stories that she use to tell us. The jokes that she made me and the rest of my siblings laugh so hard. The care that she gave me when I was injured with sever bleeding on my toes when my parents are away on church mission. Although she always get angry out of nothing at all. But her smile has covered all her imperfect.

In my clinical posting. I somehow realise how much my family loves me. My aunt, my grandparents, my mum, my dad and my siblings. The love and care that they has showered on me. Why can't i see it?! Until i was far away from my home and i have to learn it form a hospital?! Why am i so ignorant?! Until today, I still can't answer this question. I kept on telling that may be this is a teenagers life. U have to experience it in order to learn from it. I kept quiet about it. It will be a little embarrassing if i had tell them. Chinese what~ bin poi pang beh lok~

Until recently, my dad came to Melacca on a conference. I met him up on Wednesday as it is Thaipusam. I spend 4 days and 3 night together. Really had enjoy myself. I never felt so close to my dad before. As if suddently i can feel what he feel. Every night when his asleep, I would get up and look at him. I realise he is getting older than I can remember. the scar that is on his hand, i can still remember how does it happened. It is still so clear in my memories. the anger that is in his eyes and now is so much calmer~ I tried to hold back my feeling after thinking how long will he still be around us. I really wonder hard.

Yesterday, he has went back home. After sending off his flight. First time in my life, I missed him so much. I missed everyone of u guys back home. How i wish I can be there now. I miss you all. I really do. Please forgive me for all the wrong things that I have done. For making the decision to leave home. I really miss u guys. Lastly I wanted to say I love u guys so much! I miss how u guys shout and making all sorts of commotion. Looking forward for Jun to go home once again~

Melacca.. The Starting Point Malaysia's Existance

2011-01-20T22:46:00.000+08:00

As we all know that Melacca is once a trading place for the east and the west before it was conquer by the Portuguese. A lot of historical building build up in the early 80's. Malacca is just beside the straits of Melacca. Calm sea but with hair lifting winds.

Once a beautiful sea today had become.......Gosh~

I woke up today walking by the beach. A lot of 'cacat crabs' along the shores. Not to mention broken beer bottles, linen, unfinished foods and etc....Now it has become a mangrove swamp?! Owh my~ Here i would like to urge all People who are staying in Melacca : Take good care of your fucking beaches!! When it's gone.. There's no turning back!! Take good care of the gift given by mother nature!! Don't take it as granted!!"

Taking Off

2011-01-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

Notes are getting thicker as each day goes by. Studying mode is starting to sprout in my soul, the thirst for knowledge is coming . I feel you.

Semester 2 is no more a game. it's getting heavier and heavier. Pharmacology and M&SN2. Life in college is getting tougher as each day goes by. Today went for Stimulation Lab. Had learn blood transfusion. Kinda easy though. But whats hard is to penetrate into the skin and withdraw the blood. My God! I have haemophobia la.. I am so gonna die~ How can i overcome this~ But no matter what~ I must! I want to excel in my academic this year. No regrets! Keep Moving until I reach my goal! My target for this sem is 3.4 at least in my CGPA. To all my friends out there. I wish ya all the best. Lets do it!

The Pocket Burning Experience~

2011-01-05T20:14:00.000+08:00

Today our lesson officially start. Have to pay a lot of stuff. And i just realise is how much money i spend on my notes. Can u imagine that i spend more than 30 bucks on my note?! Including binding and etc... That ridiculous~ Nilai never provide us photo-stating fees. Furthermore alot of extra charges hidden. I almost spent 139bucks from Monday until now. Of course including food and some other grocery stuff that i need to buy. I also had a haircut which cost me around 20 bucks just to shave my head...

Okay.. Now i wanna do budget break down( just roughly)

I had 200 bucks with me during my flight to KL
Haircut 20 bucks
Photostatting 40 bucks
Food 30 bucks
Groceries 20 bucks
Reloads 30 bucks

Roughly that's it. It really cost alot nowadays. Things are getting much much more expensive nowadays. Plus recently my family is facing the same problem like other too.. Economic downturn. Should i continue asking for money from my family? or should i find a part time job instead. I know i have to b thrifty. But how? cut down on food? lol. I think it's kinda imposible. Reloads.. Yea... I guess so. I think i should. Well not to mention my stramyx is coming in. Just don't know when. Haiz. Nowadays really dunnoe how to ask money from my dad.

Thats all....

A Brand New Excitement Ahead

2011-01-04T21:54:00.000+08:00

As we all know that school has reopen. Same to other colleges including mine. Everyone says this will b a great year. Well. I sincerely hope so~

Things dosen't went well for me this year. Things that i din't expect has occur in my life. One of it is am still considering whether wanna continue studying or not due to family economic crisis. Should i continue pursueing my studies or stop and help out my dad. Hope heaven above will giv me an answer as soon as posible. Although i don't believe in God as much as other Christians do. But i sencerely hope that He can't give me an answer soon. It's not for my good but my family. FYI, i really can't concentrate in my studies as usual.

Okay~ lets don't talk about that~ Skip!!

Today is the second day of my semester 2. This year, we're studying 5 subjects and all of them are very tough subjects for this year. We are taking
1)Health Science 3
2)Medical and Surgerical Nursing 1
3)Medical and Surgerical Nursing 2
4)Medical and Surgerical Nursing 3
5)Medical and Surgerical Nursing 4

Honestly, I really don't know what's the difference between those 4 M&S for? is it da same or what. Nilai recently have alot of weird idea on making student's life miserable..lolz... and not to mention, we have a very "English Speaking Lecturer" from India. Wow.. their English is so damn CHUN!! Really damn CHUN!! I really mean it!! CHUN!! SI BEH CHUN~ nice pronounciation.

Am worrying whether can i cope with it. All our student are blurr with their english~ lol

Okay.. Lastly what am i worrying about is for my results.. Result is still pending~ Hope that i can get flying colours for it. Same goes to all other fellow friends who are waiting for their results as well. I heard that there is alot of my friends can't pass their semester 1~ Am sorry for ya guys.. Well.. Lastly( this one is for real) a good night to you guys~ have a sweet dream~

I miss home

2011-01-04T19:47:00.000+08:00

I cried when i heard this song. All these while it is in my comp..

Far away from home...

I am loving living every single day but sometimes I feel so.

I hope to find a little peace of mind and I just want to know.

And who can heal those tiny broken hearts, and what are we to be.

Where is home on the Milky way of stars, I dry my eyes again.

In my dreams I am not so far away from home.

What am I in a world so far away from home.

All my life all the time so far away from home.

Without you I will be so far away from home.

If we could make it through the darkest night we have a brighter day.

The world I see beyond your pretty eyes,

makes me want to stay.

And who can heal those tiny broken hearts,

and what are we to be.

Where is home on the Milky way of stars,

I dry my eyes again.

In my dreams I am not so far away from home.

What am I in a world so far away from home.

All my life all the time so far away from home.

Without you I will be so far away from home.

I count on you, no matter what they say,

cause love can find it time.

I hope to be a part of you again,

baby let us shine.

And who can heal those tiny broken hearts,

and what are we to be.

Where is home on the Milky way of stars,

I dry my eyes again.

In my dreams I am not so far away from home.

What am I in a world so far away from home.

All my life all the time so far away from home.

Without you I will be so far away from home.

In my dreams I am not so far away from home.

What am I in a world so far away from home.

All my life all the time so far away from home.

Without you I will be so far away from home.

By Groove Coverage

A Life Apart from Normal

2010-12-24T17:19:00.001+08:00

Does anyone ever said to u: “why are you so immature?” “Why are you so selfish?” “Grow up will ya”. Well, define Maturity. According to Houghton Mifflin Dictionary, maturity means the state or quality of being fully grown or developed and the state or quality of being mature. Normally, different people do have different explanations for it. As for myself, I had to admit that I does not fully understand what it means. But what I do know is Maturity is totally not related to being a Homosexual.

I was born in a Buddhist family with 8 siblings. We converted to Christianity in the year 1999. The conversion has a great impact on my life. As I grow, as soon I reach the age of 7. I realise I am somehow different from others. I’m a little too soft as for a boy. I don’t enjoy sports but Arts like music and dancing. In school I had been mocked at, being laugh at. Even teacher in my primary school do so too. Eventually when I reach high school, then I realise there is in fact something is different about me. I realise I am bisexual. And I kept quiet about it.

After graduated from high school, I went for Pre-U. I met my first boyfriend there. We did a lot of wonderful yet sinful stuff ( I don’t need to mention). It lasted for one month then we broke up. But parents don’t even know about it. Until one day, all my so called “awful deeds” had being discovered. Yes, am wrong for doing things which I know is totally wrong. After that my parents know that I m not straight. Yeah, they did give me a long lecture, being threaten so far and so forth.

Until recently (few days ago) my dad mentions these kind of things again. He related homosexual to religion. Yes, I know that Christianity banned Homosexual. But what I can’t accept is he told me that Homosexual is related to Maturity. My reason for it is:

Homosexual is what you are made before u are before you are born. It’s a natural thing. We didn’t even choose to be “in-straight”. We are made this way by God and Christian always says that being “in-straight” is wrong. Well, think again?! Is it a little weird here? So should we or shouldn’t? And by the way, bible is written by God. Yes, I had to admit that. But the people that wrote them down with bear hands are all heterosexual. So how can they know how we felt? Owh, and get back to the point, maturity… my dad define that maturity starts when you know how to care about others, be considering about others. Yes, I had to admit that It is correct. But who m I doesn’t concern with am I straight or not. It doesn’t even make any sense. People can tell me to change anything, quit clubbing, quit smoking, quit skipping class and etc because it is in considering for my family and friends and which is by you mean am not matured. But u can’t stop me for being who I am. I am not straight. So let me be. That’s my interest and I cannot accept that it is a sin! And you told me that it is in considerate for others. People get married and have child is their issue. Not mine. Don’t compare. Why don’t you compare to millions of others who are “in-straight” rather than compared to the one who is married. You told me that it is called responsibility. Well. To me is his issue. He wants to get married and that’s his thing to bear. I don’t want to. I just want to be myself. U say it is irresponsible.. Sorry, I don’t think so. I am 20. Am not a child anymore. I tried changing myself like hell when I was young. And I fail at times. And now u told me I tried not hard enough. I know myself well. And I say I tried my very best. And it won’t work at all. People that gave advice on how to change from being ‘un-straight’ to straight is totally crap. Because it is a lie and no one can change you. You can’t change the fact that you’re not straight. It is who you are. So please let me be.

I wrote this is not being rude or what so ever. But just to let the world know that you’re not alone. There’s also homosexual out there who is facing prosecution like u do. Just be yourself and it gets better~

Planning...

2010-07-25T13:47:00.000+08:00

Everything so far so good. Mavis, Bee Lan, Sze You, Roland, Rachel and me was planning for the Hari Raya Holiday... we plan to go back to our own hometown. Kuching, I miss you.. M so gonnna enjoy myself for the cuming holz.. love ya... Arlene... Make sure u tell me more about that son of bitch of urs named james.. love ya...

2010-07-14T18:51:00.000+08:00

Things are going pretty well.. according to what I have expected until I saw the books that our Seniors are holding in their hand. My God! it's so God damn thick...How am I gonna survive next semester?! Die lo..

But anyway. Today me and a girl named Catherene.. We went to Public Bank in Nilai at 4 pm WHICH the helpline for PB told us that the bank will close at $.30pm. Hahaha... Now then ui realise how not "Chun" is the Public Bank in WM.. It close at 4pm... and i wasted RM15 for the cab to go there... Reali FUCK Up... but I cannot loose my temper infront of a girl right.. So i just pretend that i m OK.. But u nknow la... Hot Tempered ppl ma.. hahahaha...

We walk to find our way to the Bus Station at the end of the steet. Guess what... We saw our Nilai Bus at the bus station.. OMG!! I wasted RM15 for nothing.. I can eat alot of stuff with that sum of money..

We took the bus( we need to). We went to Gaint to meet the rest of our friends.

I honestly sare to say that these bunch of Chinse.. Not to mention theres a Chin-dian in our mist. We really had fun pranking each other on board.. Really had a great time togather..

Hope that this great momment will never end until we graduate this Dip.

whats after next

2010-07-13T20:43:00.000+08:00

Finally getting use to the school system. Met new friends. Although they are not from Kuching but they make me felt like I am home. My heart felt thanks to Jia Yun, Ing Ing, Wong Sze You, Roland Yap, Mee chee Wai and last but not least westler ak adrian. lolz.

Our Anatomy and physiology teacher, Mrs Olive thanks too. U help me refresh my high school Bio once again. I now kinda like this school. Hope that I will have this feeling till i Graduate..

1st day in school!!

2010-07-12T23:07:00.000+08:00

today evertything is going fine. Really miss home... hope to see you guys soon. Our Indian teacher is so damn good in her english till the whole class need to open " 8 ears" to listen to what she say.. Except for that everything is going pretty well. No pretty lady in my class honestly... all Malay. Chinese all quite nerdy looking.

At around 9pm someone is stuck in the elevator. He is inthere more than 30 minutes... now the problem does not lie in "because of the bellis malfuctioning" or what so ever. It is the guards or the maintainence, they doesen't have the fucking key to open the lift's door....

1st day~

2010-07-09T23:33:00.000+08:00

We our group won the 1st prise for the talent show. Kinda stupid actually. I mish u guys bck there in Kuching...Still not getting use to it... Arlene... In September we go play till xiau ar...

New Surrounding

2010-07-08T17:11:00.000+08:00

Left my home town and touched down somewhere in Selangor(Nilai) dun ask me where is it. Because I also don't know how to explained to you. Thisngs around me looks so new and fresh. Hope that this a new page of my life...

Hostel is just like shit. But still better than Batang Ai where I worked as a fish farm supervisor... At least i still got power supply and pipe water supply.

Can't wait to go to school tomorrow...

Cheers for a new begining..

To all my friends and family.. I will miss u guys.. keep in touch~~

Up and Down

2010-07-01T09:30:00.000+08:00

It's almost time. 5th of July is almodt here.. Orientation is gonna start soon. Air ticket not ready nor my registrtion. Still wauting for my confirmation letter. Yeah, I am happy but in the same time I felt hard. Is it nessary ro continue my study over sea? Is it worth it? can i afford it.. I felt hard to leave my home behind me and move forward. I know that there are pro and cons.

I am surely gonna miss my family members... especially my grandparents,aunty, dad,brother and Arlene..

Next week is a new life for me.. hope i can make it.. I hope there is no suddent change.. i can't afford that to happen... Pray that everything we go on as planned smoothly...

I am Home

2010-06-19T00:27:00.000+08:00

Today everything when on as usual... breakfast, work, Lunch then home....

The only thing that's made these things special is tonight i have gathering and banan night( what the fuck is it??!) ... lolz...

Well, Wendy aka Wan Hui requested me to bring some banana leaves... but the problem is where to get it... after a hard day of thinking.... i decided to go back to my old house and get it...

At roughly 3pm... I took my annoying bro...ADVANTE ANG TEE CJUN along wit me...the intention that i brought him along is to help me carry stuff..hahahaha...sad to say.. but yeah~ he followed...

I reach there I can feel like as if everything coming back to me... the old time i spend there... the longkang that i use to catch fish.... well.. Catfish ... I took m time walking around the area of my house... in side had a mix feeling... the abandon house where i use to stay in.. the grassy field is now overgrown with lalang... the lake where is use to fish and boast about my catch is already over grown by weeds... Everything looks so ~ Sighz...

I went to Lao Chai(老蔡- incase u din't know what the hell is it) land to take some banana leaves... erm... in the i end up choping down the whole tree... stupid ant bit me... now still felt a lil numb...but nevermind.. All together i chop down a total of 4 trees..hahaha.... stupid trees...

After everything is in place... we stuff the leaves into the car...our car is so "OVER-GROWN" withs leave... all the car pass by will take a good look at us.... thinking that what are these people doing...

REached home

At the evening I din't attend church.. I went to my High School gathering... I never paid much attention what my ex class mates says... I cannot stop thinking bout what I did and what I felt... No matter what... One day... I will go back to where I started... TO start the circle again... I miss U..