Divorce and Family Law in Tarrant County, Texas

Toward a Better Father's Day

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:04:00 +0000

Too often, parents get into competitions over the kids, and that's usually not a good thing. If you want to be well-remembered as a parent, maybe you should consider treating the other parent nicer and doing what you can to encourage a close parent-child relationship with both parents.

1. Enable and encourage the kids to have regular contact with the other parent. In addition to personal visits, phone calls, texting or computer contacts, initiated by the kids would really be good.

2. Demonstrate a good relationship (if possible) with the other parent. At least be civil. Keep in mind that the kids understand they are part you and part the other parent. They may see you being mean to the other parent as you being mean to them.

3. Help kids learn to show their feelings for the other parent. Help them find gifts, buy or make cards, etc. Encourage the kids to spend some time with their other parent.

4. Help the kids to remember holidays, birthdays and family occasions with the other parent. Kids may not know what to do when they're young, so they need some guidance. When they are older, they may just not think about these events. You can help everyone by talking with your kids about the events and reminding them so they can participate.

Note: All this works equally well for both parents. Moms and Dads should work together to encourage the kids to look forward to various personal and family occasions. Father's Day is coming up, but helping kids stay in contact with both parents is a year-round job. Do your kids a favor and teach them good ways to stay in touch with their extended family.

Do You Really Want a Mean Lawyer?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:28:00 +0000

Over the years, a number of prospective clients have asked about how mean a lawyer I can be. I used to tell them that I could be as mean as I needed to be. Now, I prefer to discuss some other, related issues.

1. What is the client's overall objective in getting (or getting through) the divorce? Is it punishment for perceived wrongs? Is it to end up with adequate resources to be comfortable after divorce? Is it to have primary custody of the kids or to have a way to share time and responsibility for raising the kids? Is it to end up with certain valuable assets? Is it to come out debt free? Or something else? There's no right or wrong answer. It just helps the lawyer to know what the target is.

2. What kind of relationship does the client want to have with his/her ex-spouse? No relationship, a good one, best friends, neutral relationship or a bad relationship? Again, there's no right or wrong approach. The attorney just needs to know in order to work out the appropriate strategy.

3. What "mean" actions would the client want to take? Some actions are not permissible because they are illegal or unethical for a lawyer to do, and the client needs to understand that. Some actions are legal and ethical, but could be considered "mean" in some circumstances. Within that limited category, what would the client want?

4. How does the client think "meanness" will advance his/her cause? Some clients don't realize that being mean to the other side leads to more hostility and less cooperation. Will that help the client meet his/her needs or achieve his/her objectives?

5. Is the client willing to spend the extra money required to be mean? Unfortunately, for the client, "mean" isn't cheap. The attorney's fees increase dramatically when the attorney sends out numerous letters complaining or demanding action, files numerous pleadings complaining or requesting actions, sets hearings, conducts numerous depositions, demands voluminous discovery and so on. Also, the "tit for tat" strategy comes into play, meaning that whatever one side does to the other is returned again to the first party. The result: more letters, pleadings, hearings, depositions, discovery, etc. Being mean keeps the attorney busy, but it also increases the cost of divorce for both parties.

Often, the desire to hire a mean lawyer is just the natural reaction to pain,anger or fear the client is experiencing. There are certainly times when an attorney must act aggressively and firmly, but most clients just don't need or want a really mean lawyer when they learn how that will affect the case and their lives. And many or most clients can't afford or won't want to pay for a mean lawyer. Having the discussion about taking the mean approach can really be surprising to the client, but it can lead to planning for a better divorce.

Fuzzy Logic

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 16:58:00 +0000

James Gross has another succinct comment in his Maryland Divorce Legal Crier blog that deals with a common misperception of people going through a divorce or of the "advisers" to people going through a divorce. Many people have trouble with the fact that there usually are no clear, definitive answers to most of the questions they have during a divorce.

"Lots of my clients are computer consultants, engineers, scientists, economists, investment bankers or accountants. They ask me questions about their cases and they want clear answers. Before I became a lawyer, I was a chemical engineer, so I know something about how they think.In math class there was usually one right answer and everything else was wrong. They are looking for the one right answer. I remember staying up all night at college with my study group working through the equations to get to that one right answer.

"After math, chemistry and physics classes, law school was a shock to me. I still recall the first day of Contracts when Professor Joe Covington asked me stand up and explain to the class what 'justice' means. I am afraid I did not do a very noteworthy job of it.

"I excelled in classes where the rules were hard and fast, like Civil Procedure, for example. But I did not fair as well in those classes where the concepts were harder to get a handle on, like Torts. I can empathize with the puzzled look on the faces of my 'math and science' clients when I explain divorce law to them. It is a human system and humans are full of flaws. There are no right answers – only probabilities.

"They are uncomfortable with these fuzzy answers. But I sometimes remind them that, even in their world, they deal with unknowns, such as the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, dark matter, string theory and Shroedinger’s cat."

Like James Gross, I often remind clients that they cannot use logic to figure things out in divorces or family law matters. Even when there are "rules", there are often exceptions and ultimately, human beings make judgment calls. Emotions can easily overrule logic when a party to a divorce is making decisions. It's best not to rely on someone else being logical in a divorce context. If you need to persuade someone on a point, you will be more effective if you analyze the other person's motivations and try to appeal to them. Forget about logic!

Children’s Extracurricular Activities: Appropriate Or Excessive?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Sun, 24 May 2009 03:27:00 +0000

I just ran across the following post by Robert L. Mues of the Ohio Family Law Blog. For me, because of a case I am involved in, it is a very timely post. I believe a number of parents (and children) can benefit by considering the issues Robert raised. Extracurricular activities sometimes become points of contention during and after divorces, as well as in intact families. I highly recommend the post to help anyone struggling with such issues.

"This is the first of a two-part series dealing with children’s extracurricular activities. Next week, I will address the impact the divorce may take on a child’s extracurricular activity schedule when the parents have conflicts with each other.

"There is no doubt that extracurricular activities can be very beneficial to a child. According to a recent study by the Nellie Mae Education Foundation, children who participate in after-school programs are more engaged and have a better attitude about learning, perform better academically and enjoy an increased sense of accomplishment, competence and self-esteem. Additionally, participation also lowers children’s risk of becoming depressed, using drugs and alcohol, and experiencing other behavioral problems.

"Recently, while researching this topic, I came across an excellent article about how to choose after-school activity(ies) for children at www.scholastic.com. It also gives a breakdown discussing appropriate types and numbers of activities per week which are recommended based on the age and maturity of the child starting with kindergarten through middle school. The article offers advice which will help a parent determine if it is time for their child to start an extracurricular activity, what’s the best option and how to find a good program.

"Recently, Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., a child psychologist at Dayton Children’s Hospital and Dayton Daily News columnist, addressed a similar inquiry from a reader wondering if a child can be too involved with an extracurricular activity. Here the reader was asking about their 15 year old daughter, Maddie, who’s been involved in gymnastics since she was three years old and practices about 16 hours during the weekdays and competes on weekends year round. In response to that background, Dr. Ramey gives advice on how you can tell if your child’s dedication is beneficial or excessive.

Be mindful of the effects on the entire family. While it’s great that kids are passionate about something, you need to carefully assess the impact on others, particularly siblings. Family life involves endless compromises in trying to balance the needs of adults and kids. In families with a high achieving teen, other siblings may inadvertently pay a high cost. The support of one child shouldn’t come at the cost of other family members.
Keep the activity in perspective. While we don’t want to discourage kids from their passions, they do need a reality check about the significance of their activity for their future educational and vocational aspirations. Maddie’s mom has made it clear to her daughter that 'school is number one.'
Be willing to walk away from the activity. There have been times when Maddie has encountered tough times and wanted to end gymnastics. How would her mom and dad have responded if she wanted to stop gymnastics? 'My parents are really into it…they wouldn’t be too happy.' Disappointment and frustration are inherent in the passionate pursuit of excellence. There are times when you should offer encouragement and not allow your child to give up when confronting difficulties. However, you should anticipate and be willing to accept the reality that there may be a time when your child abandons their passion for other pursuits.
Regularly assess the real value of the activity. Most of our kids will never grow up to be professional baseball players or gymnasts. The value of their commitment is less in the acquisition of athletic skills and more in habits and friendships that persist long after the activity has ended. Maddie’s mom described the peer support that Maddie gets daily in the gym as '…the kind of friendships you don’t often get in life.' Maddie has also learned about discipline, persistence, and time management - habits that will serve her well throughout her lifetime.

"Dr. Ramey concluded that, “The child may never back flip her way to the Olympics, but I suspect she will be a successful person in whatever she does.” Click here to read Dr. Ramey’s full article.
One of the points clearly made in the scholastic.com article mentioned above is that it’s important to watch your child for signs of over-scheduling. “In younger children, this most often takes the form of irritability, avoiding eye contact and tantrums. In older children, look out for mood swings, recurrent sickness, such as stomach aches, and complaints about the activities themselves. At any age, if the school work begins to suffer, it’s time to cut back.” Click here to read the full article, by Toby Leah Bochan, at scholastic.com.

"One of the points clearly made in the scholastic.com article mentioned above is that it’s important to watch your child for signs of over-scheduling. 'In younger children, this most often takes the form of irritability, avoiding eye contact and tantrums. In older children, look out for mood swings, recurrent sickness, such as stomach aches, and complaints about the activities themselves. At any age, if the school work begins to suffer, it’s time to cut back.'

"While balancing children’s extracurricular activities can be difficult in a conventional intact family, read next week’s blog article where I discuss the impact that a divorce may have on juggling a child’s activities and parenting time."

There are some very practical ideas about how to evaluate the impact of extracurricular activities that should be helpful to many people. I also encourage you to read other posts in the Ohio Family Law Blog.

What's in a Name? Can I Take Back My Name from My Ex-Wife?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 16:05:00 +0000

A question that comes up occasionally is whether a husband can make his ex-wife change her last name so that she no longer uses his last name. The short answer is NO.

While adults can change their own names either as part of a divorce or as a separate action, the Texas Family Code does not provide a means to force someone else to change her name.

So, if you can't force her to change her name, can you talk her into it? Maybe, but there are some difficulties associated with the name change. She would have to change her driver's license and Social Security card. She would need to change over credit cards and loans. In other words, your ex-wife may not want to put up with the aggravation of changing everything, just to make you happy.

One other factor is the presence or absence of children. If you and your wife have children together and they have the same last name as you and your wife, she may not want to change her name. On the other hand, if your wife does not have children with your last name, she may be less tied to your name. Or, if your wife has children with a last name different from yours, she might be interested in changing back to that name.

Another factor is that if a husband is pushing hard for his wife to change her name as part of the divorce, she may decide not to go along with it, just to annoy her husband. (Imagine such behavior during a divorce!)

Conclusion: You just don't have much control over someone else's name.

Finally, everything else being equal, husbands should be aware that wives who have used another last name for a short period of time often will be more inclined to change their name.

Conclusion: You just don't have much control over someone else's name.

Can My 12-Year-Old Decide to Live with Me?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 03:04:00 +0000

No. One of the most common mis-perceptions about Texas law is that once a child turns 12, he or she can decide where he or she will live, meaning the child can decide who has custody.

I would ask all parents out there to think about how many major decisions a 12-year-old gets to make alone and have the decisions bind his/her parents.

Whether to attend school?
Whether to do homework?
Whether to drink or do drugs?
Whether to get a tattoo or piercing?
When to start voting?
When to start driving?
What films to view?

Those are all major decisions that parents, generally, don't abdicate to the children. Courts don't either. And state law doesn't either.

The reasons: lack of maturity, lack of experience, lack of knowledge and lack of legal capacity. Basically, we know children are usually not prepared to make serious decisions. Some children may be perfectly capable of making some of those decisions, but usually, that is not the case.

If you read the section of the Texas Family Code dealing with a choice of conservator, the Code does permit a child of at least 12 years of age to file a written statement to name the person the child prefers to decide his/her primary residence. In other words, a child can sign a written statement stating his/her choice for custody.

The key phrase follows that part of the Code: "subject to the approval of the court". In other words, the judge always makes the final decision. The child does not get to make a binding decision.

My suggestion is to keep the children out of the court system. They don't need to be involved in choosing sides. Kids usually lack the maturity to make a good decision. Plus, it puts kids in the middle between the parents, and that's not good. If necessary, the judge can interview a child (at least 12 years of age) to find out some facts about the case. Even then, it is unlikely that a judge will ask the child to name who should have custody. The parents are perfectly capable of finding and presenting all the necessary facts for a judge to make the decision.

What do you think about letting kids have a say on this topic?

Can I Get a Do Over?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:32:00 +0000

Recently, a reader sent a comment in response to a post in this blog. The comment asked for legal advice about what could be done in a specific situation in her case. I do not answer such requests for advice for someone who is not a client, but the comment did raise some interesting points about a situation that many encounter. What can you do if you want to change the terms of the property division in your divorce decree after it is final?

The simple answer is: "Nothing." The real answer is: "It depends." Note -- on kid issues, such as possession schedules, custody or child support, you can simply file a petition to modify. On property issues, it's a different ballgame.

Technically, there's nothing that can be done once the judgment is final. Of course, if the second thoughts hit soon enough, the judgment may not yet be final and you can file a motion for new trial or a motion to reconsider. That generally needs to be done within 30 days of when the judge signs the decree of divorce or signs an order overruling a motion for new trial or takes some similar action. These deadlines are critical. If you figure out on the 31st day or later that you want the ruling changed, you are probably out of luck.

If you realize the need to change the terms, or if your circumstances change dramatically, soon enough, you can file a motion with the court and try to convince the judge to set aside the original decree of divorce. With the economic turmoil we are experiencing, there might be a new situation that is compelling to a judge, but don't expect a judge to reverse a prior ruling just because things haven't turned out the way you expected. Getting the judge to set aside the decree of divorce is still a long shot.

But, whether you can actually do something to change the decree of divorce, outside of the first 30 days of when it is signed, depends. It depends on whether you and your ex-spouse can reach an agreement. In many cases, you're probably out of luck. If you don't get along with your ex, you probably can't get him or her to agree to change the terms unless you can show that the change would be in his or her best interest.

What can you do to avoid the problem of being trapped by property division terms that just don't work? Here are my suggestions.

1. Think ahead. It's hard to see into the future, but be aware of what's going on in the world and try to anticipate your needs in the future. Don't just blindly ask for 50% of everything. Put a little thought into your proposal for property division.

2. Don't burn your bridges. Sometimes, you can't help it, but other times there is a possibility of having a mature, civilized relationship with your ex-spouse. That is especially true when there are children involved. Even though you may strongly dislike your former mate, try to be nice because you may need a favor down the line.

3. Try to be agreeable. If you reach an agreement to settle your divorce, you probably have a better chance of reaching other agreements if you need to change things in the future. You can often do things by agreement that a judge would not, and perhaps could not, do.

4. Don't procrastinate. If you see a problem developing that relates to the property division, consult a lawyer and look at your options. Do so at the earliest possible time so that you might be within the initial 30-day window. If you are well past that time, still act as soon as possible so that your ex-spouse will not be as entrenched as he or she may be later on.

5. Be persistent. If a lawyer tells you there's nothing that can be done, consult with another lawyer. Some attorneys are more creative than others and some are more willing to try out-of-the-box approaches. Lawyers have different experiences and perspectives, so keep looking around until you have exhausted the possibilities.

6. Find a reason for your ex-spouse to agree. Put yourself in your ex's shoes. What would entice him or her to agree to do what you want done? What's the benefit to him/her? Be prepared to sweeten the pot a little and give up a little extra to get the deal done.

7. Put your agreement in writing. If you are able to reach an agreement with your ex-spouse, be sure to get it in writing and spell it out so the agreement is clear. If nothing else, create a contract that is binding for both of you.

I don't mean to create false hope here. If you want to change the terms of the property division in your divorce decree, your chances are slim. But you do have a chance, if you act as soon as possible.

If You Need to Wait Because You Can't Afford to Divorce...

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:31:00 +0000

There is a lot of discussion going on about whether the number of divorces being filed is decreasing. Many observers say that is true because of the economy, and it makes some sense. As bad as a family situation may be, many people begin to feel that they can't afford to get divorced.

Some people are experiencing the mortgage crisis in their lives. Home values are plunging in many areas, although not as much in North Texas. Tarrant County home values, so far, are still doing pretty well and houses are selling, but who knows for how long. Even so, it is harder to get mortgages now.

Many people are losing their jobs. Again, although Tarrant County seems to be stronger than many other areas, unemployment has greatly increased. Everyone is eventually affected by what is happening everywhere else.

The stock market fall has badly damaged many retirement accounts and investment portfolios. The values are down by a third to a half, sometimes more.

With prices rising, even for those people lucky enough to hang onto their jobs, it is hard to pay for food, fuel, utilities and other necessities.

Insurance costs are going up and coverage is falling. Health care costs are increasing. Anyone with health issues now certainly faces greater difficulty in paying for necessary services.

Given those circumstances, it's no wonder that people may be deciding to wait on a divorce until they can better afford it.

For people choosing to wait, here are some other options:

1. Get a post-nuptial agreement. Many people are familiar to some extent with pre-nuptial agreements. I have written about them before. A post-nup is like a pre-nup, only later. Texas law allows a married couple to sign a partition agreement to divide their assets and liabilities. It can also provide for how present and future income will be managed. While it is not cheap, a post-nuptial partition agreement is probably much less expensive than a divorce and it will accomplish about the same thing as a divorce as far as property division. An attorney would be needed for each side. I would suggest using Collaborative Law to work out the agreement on the best possible terms for both parties, so you would be best served by contacting Collaborative lawyers.

2. Do financial planning. This is a less dramatic step than doing a partition agreement. The couple could meet with a financial planner to brainstorm ideas to find the best way to manage their finances during the downturn and into the future. A lot of the stress people are experiencing is from uncertainty about survival now and in the future. Getting qualified help to plan a strategy may resolve the concerns and leave the parties in a better frame of mind. A certified divorce financial planner or a regular financial planner can probably help you with this.

3. Take steps to enhance your marriage. Getting counseling is a common suggestion, but it makes sense. If you feel like you can't afford a divorce, but one or both of you is miserable in the relationship, then maybe you should try to make the relationship more bearable. Sometimes a marriage retreat can be helpful. There may be some groups around that you could join. Or, you could go to individual and couples counseling. Things around the house might really improve if you and your spouse follow through with counseling. Even if your marriage doesn't survive, at least the divorce later on might be more civilized. First, contact a marriage and family therapist and give it a try.

If you are haveing serious problems at home with your spouse, but you think you can't afford a divorce, you should consider the suggestions above.

Alimony-- Craigslist to the Rescue

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:56:00 +0000

Craigslist has become known as a great Internet resource for buying and selling various goods and services. It is also a good place to look for a job or an employee. Apparently, a creative man has tried to find a way to save himself the money he spends each month on his ex-wife's alimony. Thanks to Robert M. Kisselburgh of the Mississippi Family Law blog for the following post:

"Man offers to pay for someone to marry ex-wife

"Imagine sitting at your computer and you are browsing the classified ads on Craigslist and suddenly you come across the following ad:

"'Nice well taken care of ex-wife. Mid 40's. Pretty and loyal. Never smoked and very little drinking. Will make someone a good companion (I know).... Will pay 10K to the man or woman who marries her in a way that stops me from having to pay her alimony.'

"There's the hitch. The man, trying to end his alimony payments to his ex-wife, is offering to pay a potential suitor to marry his ex-wife. Not being totally callous, the guy actually had some 'terms and conditions' for this transaction.

"'1. This transaction offer only valid if she is not aware of it.
2. Must treat her good, no abuse tolerated by me.
3. This offer is null and void if it is determined to be illegal in any way -- I am not a lawyer.
4. The end result must be that I am no longer liable to her for alimony and you make best effort to be good to her
5. This ad is not in any way intended to demean my ex-wife. She is a nice person and is a fine catch for anyone.'

"OOPS. I think the cat's out of the bag on condition #1. With news of the post hitting newspapers, she or some friends might find out. He might also have a problem with condition #3. At least he did not want to 'demean' his ex-wife in any way--what a guy.

"In Mississippi, if you are paying alimony to your ex, don't use this tactic to end the alimony. Not only will it fall flat in front of the judge, but you can be assured your ex will not find the humor in being marketed on Craigslist."

In Texas, there is a common misperception that there is no alimony. Actually, we can have a limited amount of alimony that can be court ordered, or the parties to a divorce can agreed to contractual alimony that is not as limited in either amount or duration. It is not unusual for a spouse to later regret an agreement to pay alimony that seemed like a good idea at the time.

A scheme like the one from the Mississippi blog is obviously doomed to failure, but so is almost any other plan to end alimony early. Alimony may have a lot of tax and income benefits for both parties and that's why we often use alimony in Collaborative cases and in other cases with substantial estates. What you should keep in mind is that an agreement for alimony should not be entered into lightly. The best course of action is for you and your attorney to work with a financial advisor to evaluate the tax consequences and to look for the best combination of settlement terms.

Woman Marries 23 Times

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 06:01:00 +0000

James J. Gross, of the Maryland Divorce Legal Crier, has a knack for finding interesting and offbeat stories that relate to marriage and divorce. I have reprinted the following item from his blog which got the information from nbcchicago.com. The story about a true believer is really appropriate for the Valentine Day season .

"Linda Wolfe of Indiana, born Linda Lou Taylor 68 years ago, holds the Guinness world record for being the most married woman in history. She’s said 'I do' 23 times, according to Matt Bartosik writing for nbcchicago.com.

"Linda’s first husband was George Scott in 1957, when she was 16 and he was 31. This was her longest marriage which lasted seven years.

"Her shortest marriage was for 36 hours to Fred Chadwick.

"In 1996, as part of a publicity stunt, Linda married Glynn 'Scotty' Wolfe in Arizona. Scotty was the most married man in the world. Linda was wife number 29 for him. But Scotty died the next year.

“'I would get married again,' Linda told The Indianapolis Star.

Do you know anyone who can top that?

If You Don't Agree with Your Attorney

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 03:28:00 +0000

When you are working with an attorney to resolve a legal issue, trust and communication are essential to maintain a healthy and productive relationship. Even with those elements present, there can be problems between the client and an attorney. Sometimes there are disagreements between the two and the relationship becomes strained. What can you do about this?

1. Have a discussion. Sometimes the attorney-client relationship is generally fine, but a small problem or disagreement comes up. If it's important to you, talk to your attorney about it. It could be a simple misunderstanding which can be easily fixed. On the other hand, it could be a sign of a major problem and you shouldn't put off dealing with it. Don't let your concern fester and build up. Please address it early on so it can be resolved in some fashion.

2. Get a second opinion. Consult another professional. Most attorneys will not talk with you while you are represented by another attorney, but there may be some things you can discuss with a CPA, a counselor or some other professional. You can research some issues, but there are a lot of limitations and pitfalls involved if you do your own research on the Internet, so I hesitate to suggest it.

3. Change attorneys. There are plenty of attorneys around. If you are unhappy with the job your attorney is doing, it is probably better for both you and your attorney for you to change attorneys. You may have a quality attorney, but there just may not be a good chemistry. Just because the attorney worked well with a friend of yours doesn't mean that the attorney will work well with you. Different personalities may not blend into an effective working relationship. Sometimes communication styles aren't as comfortable for one person as they may be for another. Just change attorneys so that you are satisfied. By the way, an attorney may want to terminate a representation relationship for the same reasons.

The main message here is to take some action and address any issues that concern you. Give your attorney a chance to explain the situation or learn of your concerns. If all else fails, go ahead and make a change before you or your attorney go too far.

What are My Chances of Winning?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 05:58:00 +0000

The one question everyone asks, or wants to ask, when starting out in almost any kind of litigation, is "What are my chances of winning?". Maybe in the movies or on TV, an attorney will answer with a percentage chance of success. If you hear an answer in real life in a family law case where the attorney actually gives the odds of winning, you should be concerned about the quality and experience of the attorney.

I can understand that it is a rational question to ask. Many people don't want to waste their time or money, don't want to unnecessarily alienate other family members and most of all, don't want to lose.

Why, you may ask, can an experienced attorney not give the odds of success? The answer is simple: each case is different. There may be two custody cases where both parents want primary custody. What are the odds of the father winning in either one? There's really no way to answer because the outcome depends on all the facts of the case, who the judge is, how the facts are presented, the quality of the witnesses is for each side, how well the attorneys do and many other factors. The same is true for every other type of case. No two cases are alike and there's no set formula to determine who the winner is. It's all up to the judge or maybe a jury. There are no objective standards to rely on.

Instead of pressing the attorney to give a prediction of success, a more productive conversation would be about these issues:

What is my real goal? Sometimes the real goal is to get a better visitation schedule or reduction in child support even though someone starts off asking for custody. Some reflection by you and the attorney about this issue can lead to the development of a plan that really relates to what's important to you.
Is it possible to achieve? If the goal is paying no child support, it may not be possible in one set of facts while it may be likely under a different scenario. Likewise a 50-50 arrangement of time with the children may be feasible if the parties work together well and live pretty close together. On the other hand, if the parents constantly fight (even post divorce) or if they live a considerable distance apart, for example, it is unlikely that the parents can share equal time with the children.
What can I do to improve my chances of attaining my goal? Doing some brainstorming for steps to take and then implementing the ideas can really improve your chances of success. If you are really committed to success and work in constructive ways, you will have a better chance of prevailing. (Of course, I can't tell you how likely it is that you will succeed.)

What should remember from all this? First, forget about calculating the odds of success for you case. Second, help yourself by following the above three steps. Good luck!

What If You Can't Sell Your House?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 04:34:00 +0000

Divorce doesn't happen only in the best of economic times.

Last fall, the economy replaced wars and foreign affairs as the most important topic for most people during the Presidential campaign. The "housing crisis" is a major component of the economic downturn. While the stock market has been going up and down (mostly down), house values have been steadily going down. Add to that the "mortgage crisis" and we have suddenly gone from an environment of steadily rising house prices and readily available mortgages to falling house values and a very restricted mortgage market. I know this isn't news to you and you aren't interested in rehashing current problems. Actually, I'm writing to suggest some solutions.

So, what do you do if you what to get divorced, but you can't sell your house? Here are five ideas to consider.

1. Stay together. This may not be what you want to hear, but counseling is cheaper than paying for two households. While this won't be appealing to a lot of couples, others may see the logic. If it is not a dangerous situation, maybe the economy will encourage some couples to try harder to save their marriage. There are excellent counselors available everywhere. They can be effective, if you make the commitment and really try hard to adjust and make changes. For many people, there is still value in their relationship and often there are kids who can benefit from an intact family, if the parents try to resolve their differences.

2. Refinance. If you don't want to stay together, maybe you can refinance. The key is to work with a mortgage specialist who is well connected in the mortgage industry. If you can find a mortgage specialist who focuses on people who are going through a divorce, you may discover that there are several different ways to solve your financing problems. You might be able to get some cash out or maybe you can lower the monthly payments so that one of you can afford to keep the house.

3. Lease your house. If you can't sell it and don't want to stay in it, maybe you can lease your house to someone else. There can be tax benefits from that and it can help your cash flow as well. It does take either a professional property manager or a willingness to provide or supervise the property maintenance and make sure the rent is received on time.

4. Sell creatively. Some couples are selling their homes by having a lottery. They sell a large number of inexpensive chances to win the house. You might be able to get some free publicity by donating some of the proceeds to charity or by using the money in some fashion that would be appealing to the public. Another approach is to have an auction. Don't let yourself be limited to selling in the traditional manner. Talk to some marketing people for ideas!

5. Wait for Congress. There is a huge push in Washington to come up with new programs to help solve the mortgage/housing/economic crisis. There will probably be some new programs in the very near future to help avoid foreclosures. The new programs could include ways to help you sell your house (by improving the credit markets) or make it more affordable so you don't need to sell it.

Couples going through divorce often need to sell their homes for various reasons. If you are facing that issue, consider using one of the approaches mentioned above. If you have any other ideas for solutions, please share them by sending a comment.

Don't Try This at Home (Without a Lawyer): The Perils of Representing Yourself

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 06:13:00 +0000

Sometimes people decide to try to represent themselves in a divorce case. That's almost always a serious mistake. If you can't afford a lawyer, and if you have any assets or debts to divide, you might be better off waiting to file for divorce until you can afford to hire a lawyer. In Tarrant County, courts don't have the legal authority or resources to provide free attorneys for people who can't afford them, except in very narrow circumstances, which don't usually include divorce cases.

If you find yourself in a divorce and you don't have the funds to pay an attorney, you are probably better off negotiating a settlement than you would be in going to trial. If you try to negotiate without an attorney to help you, keep in mind that you probably don't have the leverage to get much of what you would like in settlement. Nevertheless, you would probably come out worse if you went to trial.

There are many problems you will likely encounter if you go to trial representing yourself in a Fort Worth, Texas family law court. In general, you will be required to act like an attorney in many ways, even though you don't have the training or experience. Here are some of the obstacles you will face, especially if there is an attorney on the other side.

1. Local rules of court. Tarrant County family lawyers are required to follow a set of local rules of court that were set up specifically for Tarrant County family law courts. The rules set out duties and deadlines, among other things. Failure to comply can result in penalties and possible exclusion of evidence and issues.

2. Procedural rules. In addition to the local rules, there are other rules that must be observed. The Texas Rules of Civil Procedure and various sections of the Texas Family Code, as well as some other Texas and federal statutes, must be complied with. Like with the local rules, failure to follow the other procedural rules can result in penalties and possible exclusion of evidence and issues.

3. Knowing how to present or object to evidence. Simply put, you may not be able to get evidence accepted for consideration by the court if the evidence is not properly offered. There are different predicates (preliminary requirements), procedures and authentication steps which must be followed. Texas law has a number of rules of evidence which must be complied with. For example, if evidence is considered to be "hearsay", you probably won't be able to present that evidence in court, no matter how much you want the court to hear it. Watching a lot of TV or movies will not prepare you for getting evidence into a trial.

4. Knowing what is realistic to expect a court to do. In a slightly different vein, it really helps to have an attorney who is experienced in Tarrant County family law courts because that attorney will have a pretty good idea about what is realistic to expect a court to do. Part of the strategy of a case is evaluating the possibility of an outcome that a party wants. Sometimes it hurts your case if all or part of what you ask the court to do is unrealistic. That may be based on the law (what the law permits) and/or on the judge's preferences. Judges are human and can get upset or annoyed if they feel like their time is being wasted. There are so many cases pending that judges cannot afford to waste time on trials that are absurd. Asking for something the judge won't or can't do may result in adverse ruling in other areas as well.

5. Properly dealing with experts in court. Whether the expert is there for financial testimony or psychological issues or something else, there are certain ways to properly ask questions of experts. There are also many improper and objectionable ways to ask questions. This is a specific area where a non-lawyer may not know how to get admissible evidence in front of a judge. An experienced attorney can often tie up another attorney on issues involving experts. It would not take much for an attorney to block a non-attorney from getting expert testimony in.

6. Making the best impression possible. With experience, an attorney learns skills and gains insight about persuasion and communication. Knowing how trials proceed and often knowing something about the judge's preferences give an attorney a great head start in making a good impression in court.

7. Avoiding upsetting the judge. Judges are human and they can get ticked off, some easier than others. With experience, attorneys usually learn what they can get away with and what they should avoid with certain judges. A person representing him/herself lacks that insight and runs the risk of offending a judge and that can affect the outcome of a case.

Divorce is a very serious matter. It is life changing. There can be huge consequences financially. Children's issues are being determined by a stranger. If you are facing a divorce, you should only represent yourself as a last resort. Instead, you should explore every financing option available, including taking a loan or maybe using some home equity, so that you can hire an attorney. In Fort Worth, and throughout Tarrant County, Texas, there are many fine family lawyers who charge a variety of rates and make many different fee arrangements. If you can't find one you can afford, keep looking.

Finally, as another alternative, if you end up representing yourself, try being realistic, be reasonable and be ready to compromise. Even with your own attorney, those are things you need to do. For some reason, parties who represent themselves frequently seem to be unrealistic, unreasonable and uncompromising. Help yourself by being aware of what you are doing and try to act in a manner that will lead to settlement. In almost every case, settlement is preferable to a trial for many reasons.

If you would like to share your experiences representing yourself or with your spouse representing him/herself, please send in a comment.

It's Tax Time!

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 05:10:00 +0000

Once the calendar flips over to January, people inevitably start thinking about filing their income taxes. Some look forward to getting a nice refund. Others start worrying about how they will pay whatever taxes they owe. Still others don't have any idea where they stand. When couples go through divorce, their tax lives often become much more complex. I'm not going to try to give tax advice here, but there are some things for you to look for and think about as you start planning your taxes.

Let me start with my conclusion: You need to see a CPA to make sure the taxes are done correctly and that you don't end up paying more than your share. Here are some of the issues to consider:

1. Especially this year, in the midst of the economic crisis, there are many changes in the tax laws. It takes a professional to keep up with the changes.Tax breaks come and go. It would take a lot of time and study for an amateur to correctly know all the changes.

2. While it is tempting to just rely on tax software and do your own taxes, especially if you have done it in the past, you may not be up to the task this year. If you are in the middle of a divorce, there are many decisions that have to be made on the taxes and it would pay you to get help. President Obama's new Treasury Secretary, who was a high official with the Federal Reserve Bank in New York, used a software program, made a major mistake with his return and almost didn't get confirmed as Secretary. He could have avoided that problem if he had used a competent professional.

3. Make sure you and your spouse both don't claim the same deductions, exemptions and credits. That frequently happens during divorces. That requires communication and a professional to help find the best course of action.

4. Be careful if any of the following happened, or you think may have happened, in the last year:

a house was sold,
debt was forgiven,
someone was unemployed,
funds were withdrawn from a retirement plan, or
a family business went under.

You should have a CPA help you analyze the situation. There are many other potential traps in the tax laws.

5. If you are separated, but not divorced, you should figure out whether it is to your advantage to file a joint or separate return. A CPA is best able to look at all the factors and recommend a course of action.

Hopefully, these comments will persuade you to seek guidance from a CPA for the tax issues you run into when you file a tax return during a divorce.

Are "Sleep Overs" Allowed?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 05:46:00 +0000

Fans of the just-ended series, Boston Legal, will remember the silly question that Alan and Denny frequently asked, "Sleep over?". On that show, it was often part of the end of the episode banter between the two lawyers. If you enjoyed the unusual humor of the show, you probably chuckled when the question came up.

In real life, the sleep over question comes up sometimes in post-divorce relationships where there are minor children still in the home. Sam Hasler, who writes an excellent blog called Sam Hasler's Indiana Divorce & Family Law Blog, had a recent post about the sleep over issue in Indiana and how their new visitation schedule will deal with the issue.

The issue still arises in Texas when a parent begins a relationship with someone new and wants to have the new romantic partner spend the night when the children are present. Our standard visitation schedule doesn't address the problem. There is actually no absolute answer to the question in Texas. Most often, it comes down to what the local judge will permit and the judge will have a lot of latitude to decide. There are, of course, moral issues which are paramount and clear cut for some people. Others may not hold the same moral position and that's where the courts come in.

If you are not dealing with this as a moral issue, the bottom line becomes what's in the children's best interest. Most judges, in Tarrant County at least, discourage ("prohibit") sleep overs until the parent is married to the new person, although that can vary a little based on the children's ages and the length of the relationship with the new adult. Some judges and child specialists will recommend not even bringing around a new paramour until the parent has been dating that person for 6 months to a year. Some parents will be impatient with that, but it normally will be in the children's best interest to avoid bringing a variety of new prospective step-parents.

Sometimes the court will explicitly order no sleep overs. Even without such an order, parents should think twice about bringing strangers around their children and keep in mind how confusing and upsetting the experience may be for the children. If regular visitation is taking place, or if time is being split pretty equally (which is getting to be more common), there will be plenty of opportunities for the parent to pursue dating activities with one or more adults without the children present. When the parent has the children, it's probably going to be better to focus on the children instead of splitting one's attention between the children and a boy/girlfriend.

If you think about what's best for the children, instead of just what would be more fun for you, the answer is pretty easy. What do you think?

Is the Economy Affecting Divorces?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 02:11:00 +0000

One of my favorite blogs is James J. Gross's Maryland Divorce Legal Crier. James can make a point very succinctly and his posts are usually both entertaining and enlightening. His post today certainly fits that description. I have heard the question over and over about whether the economic downturn/recession/or worse has an effect on divorces. Here is his response.

“'Are divorces going down in these hard times?' The question came from a woman at one of the holiday parties upon learning I was a divorce lawyer.

"I allowed as how many couples are opting to ride out a bad marriage because they can’t sell the house, or they can’t afford the lawyer fees, or their income won’t cover two households.

"'But others,' I said, 'find that now is just the right time to get rid of an unwanted spouse.'

“'What others?' she inquired of me.

“'Why wealthy husbands, for one, with businesses, stock, options and pensions down about 50%, may find this a good time to buy out their spouse for cash at these lower prices, expecting an eventual recovery.'

“'And trophy wives, in the face of layoffs and rumors of layoffs, may decide the right time to leave is while their husbands are still employed.'

“'I never thought of that,' she nodded, and wandered off to get some more punch."

That all fits with the observation about how some people see problems and others see opportunities.

How to File for Divorce in Tarrant County, Texas

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 06:31:00 +0000

A common question I see is about how to file for divorce. Here is a general, simple explanation of several of the steps that go into filing for divorce. Each case may be different and your case may involve more steps or fewer steps. This is just to give you a general idea about how to file for divorce in Tarrant County, Texas.

Step 1. Do your homework and come prepared. When you go to your attorney's office to start the process, you need to bring various types of information. The attorney will need information on you, your spouse and all the children: full names, dates and places of birth, driver's license and Social Security numbers, and date and place of marriage, among other things. The attorney will probably have a long form for you to fill out and you might be able to request a copy in advance so that you can fill it out before you come in.

You also need to be able to explain your immediate concerns and needs. You should also think in advance about your short-term and long-term goals. You may have financial or custody issues, or both. There may be personal safety concerns as well.

Step 2. Decide how you want to proceed -- Collaborative Law or full litigation. You can start in litigation and switch to Collaborative Law, but it's really better to try to start in Collaborative if your spouse is willing. It doesn't hurt to try to get an agreement to use Collaborative Law and many people will welcome it once they learn about it. On the other hand, in some cases, Collaborative Law may not be appropriate, so litigation must be used. You and your attorney can choose the best course of action.

Step 3. Your attorney will get specific information from you to prepare the pleadings. "Pleadings" are the court papers that are filed -- the petition and sometimes a temporary restraining order (TRO) are filed at the outset. The petition is usually fairly brief and has the basic background information about the parties. It may also contain specific requests for your case and may include grounds for an unequal division of property or special terms for child custody of support. The person filing for divorce is the "Petitioner".

Step 4. The attorney files the petition with District Clerk. If a TRO is requested, the order must be taken to a judge to be signed and then we go to the Court Coordinator to schedule the hearing. If a TRO is issued, it is not in effect on the Respondent (your spouse) until a copy is actually delivered to your spouse by an authorized process server, which can be an approved civilian process server or a deputy sheriff or constable.

Step 5. Your spouse gets notice of the lawsuit. This can be accomplished either by having the papers served by an authorized process server or by handing the papers to the Respondent (your spouse who will respond to the petition) and then having him or her sign a "Waiver". The waiver is a document that says that the party has received a copy of the court papers and does not need to be formally "served" with a copy by a process server. A waiver must be notarized and should be carefully read before signing.

These are some of the common steps followed in initiating a divorce in Tarrant County, Texas. The process should be about the same anywhere in Texas, but there may be some differences from county to county. You should consult with your lawyer about how he or she normally proceeds.

Remember that these are only the first steps in what can be a long process!

Checklist to Prepare for Divorce

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 06:28:00 +0000

January is traditionally the busiest month for filing for divorce. If you are thinking about filing, or preparing to file, for divorce, here are some steps you should take.

1. Gather all the financial records you can. Make copies and download all the financial records you can for at least the last year, or even better, for the last three years. These include pay stubs from work, investment account records, credit card statements, phone and utility bills, bank statements, mortgage records, insurance information and tax returns. There may be other relevant financial records as well. When in doubt, keep a copy. Put the copies in a safe location where your spouse cannot get them.

2. Plan ahead so you don't just react to your spouse or the situation. Plan when to start (file). It's usually a good idea to be the first one to file, and you need to carefully consider whether you should file and then notify your spouse or if you should discuss divorce and then file later. The first approach is a little more aggressive than the other one. Sometimes it's appropriate and sometimes it can lead to bad feelings. You have to try to anticipate your spouse's reactions.

3. Put yourself in your spouse's position and try to understand his/her point of view. You need to think about what s/he wants, how s/he will react, what s/he will say and how to motivate him/her. If you only consider what you want or need, you will have a harder time getting the divorce resolved on favorable terms. Unfortunately, perhaps, the system takes into account both parties to the divorce. You can do better in proposing a settlement or in court if you know what matters to your spouse.

4. Find a good, experienced attorney you are comfortable with.

a. Where? Referrals from other attorneys, other related professionals or the Internet. It's a good idea to get information from several different sources and then compare the suggestions. You should not hire someone sight unseen.

b. Interview the attorney and ask questions that you have thought about in advance. It's a good idea to write down the questions so you don't forget them. Feel free to disagree or question the attorney. Ask lots of questions. The attorneys don't mind. In fact, the interaction can help the attorney decide whether or not s/he thinks the client would be appropriate.

c. Find out the attorney's suggested approach and decide if that is the way you would want to proceed. Some attorneys take basically the same approach to every case. Sometimes it is very aggressive and some may be very conciliatory. Other attorneys will explain a wide range of options and help you evaluate which benefits you in your unique situation. Some attorneys try to make all the decisions and tell their clients how things will be handled. That may be great for certain clients. Other attorneys will let their clients make informed decisions after the options and ramifications have been explained. You must decide which approach you like.

5. Have access to some money to get started. You will need money for an attorney, but you will also need money to pay your bills. You may need funds to pay for new housing. You might need the money right away, or it could be in the future. Many people going through divorces end up charging expense, including attorney's fees, on credit cards, and many also end up borrowing from parents, other family members or friends. Be creative and think about as many sources as you can so that you are prepared for difficult times.

6. Be certain and be comfortable with the decision. Getting counseling for yourself before you file could be very helpful. That would allow you the opportunity to explore your options and make sure the decision and the timing are right. But, you should expect second thoughts and doubts about your decision. Divorces rarely start out with both parties fully and irrevocably committed to divorce. Work with any professionals necessary until you reach your comfort point, whether it is an emotional decision or one made after you learn how the legal process works. If your spouse if committed to getting a divorce, your lawyer will probably tell you that the divorce is inevitable unless the spouse changes his/her mind. In that case, you may need to take steps to protect yourself even if your heart isn't in it.

7. Figure out how to tell:

a. Your kids. Coordinate with your spouse. You may want to talk to a counselor about this before you have the discussion with your children. Make it age appropriate. Don't give more information than the kids need. Reassure the kids that they will be loved and cared for. Make it clear that the divorce is not the kids' fault.

b. Your spouse. Here's a good post I wrote a while back (12-15-07) about this topic. It's specifically about Collaborative Law, but the approaches apply to divorces in general as well.

c. Your family and friends. Decide on the timing and the message. Usually, the less information that is passed around, the better. You can clue in the especially important people with more information, but don't assume that you can "win" the divorce by convincing your friends by giving them one-sided information. On the other hand, you may be pleasantly surprised by the support you receive from people who didn't previously express their opinions to you.

There may be some other things you need to do to get ready for a divorce, but this checklist will give you a head start. Good luck.

A Few Quick Questions -- Divorce Deadlines

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 06:15:00 +0000

There are several issues that have different ending dates in Texas divorces. Here are some that people often wonder about.

1. What is the cut-off date so that anything earned or acquired belongs to just one of the parties? Using some legal terminology, when does the community estate end?

Answer: It ends when the divorce decree is signed by the judge. That means that community property can change in value, up or down, even after the parties are separated. That is true whether the parties are separated for 60 days, 6 years or longer. It used to be that we talked about the increase in value since the parties separated. Now, we have to consider the real possibility of a decrease in value since separation.

Example: Many people continue to make contributions to a retirement plan after they are separated from their spouse. Those contributions and any increase in value (generally) will be community property and are subject to division by the Court, up to the date the decree of divorce is signed by the judge.

2. When is new debt created by my spouse no longer my responsibility? Can I put a notice in the newspaper to terminate my responsibility?

Answer: New debt created by your (ex)spouse after the decree of divorce is signed by the judge is not your responsibility. Up until the decree of divorce is signed by the judge, any debt may be a community obligation which both parties may be held responsible for. After the decree is signed, you are each on your own.

Example: If either spouse charges on a credit card after separation, those charges may be a community obligation up until the decree of divorce is signed.

Publishing a newspaper notice saying you are no longer responsible for your spouse's debts doesn't help you.

3. Why is there a 60-day waiting period and how does it work? Why can't we get divorced immediately if we both agree?

Answer: It is a cooling off period mandated by state law. It begins the day after someone files for divorce. The idea is to give people time to think over the major decision they are working through. A divorce cannot be granted until the petition for divorce has been on file with the court for at least 60 days. That waiting period cannot by waived by a judge or anyone. Wait means wait.

4. When is the Answer due?

The Short Answer: It depends.

The Slightly More Helpful Answer: There are actually different answer dates for different documents. Each pleading, request, etc. should spell out the answer date. You should carefully read over anything you receive to determine when the answer is due. The documents should say when an answer is due or they may explain how to calculate the due date. If you are represented by an attorney, you should show the attorney any documents or notices you receive. The attorney can tell you when and if an answer is needed.

Reminder: These are superficial comments and are not intended as legal advice. Please consult with an attorney to review the application of the law to your unique situation. Divorces always have their own special characteristics that need to be considered when deciding how to proceed. Be aware, though, that courts take deadlines very seriously, so you should, too.

5 Creative Tips for Using Home Equity During Economic Uncertainty

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 05:50:00 +0000

In many marriages, one of the biggest assets is the equity in the house. Even thought we are in the midst of tremendous financial uncertainty, there are still several options that can be considered when dealing with home mortgages when it comes time to divide marital property in a divorce.

1. Sell the house and split the equity. The house can be sold and then the equity can be divided between the parties. Of course, in various parts of the country, house values have drastically plunged, which reduces the net equity upon sale, if the house can even be sold. Fortunately for us locally, the Fort Worth and Tarrant County housing markets have felt minimal effects from the housing downturn. For the immediate future, it looks like it will be possible to sell a house and still come out in pretty good shape, at least as compared to other parts of the country. Of course, a relatively new house for sale in an area with continued (or recent) new building will be hard to sell, so the local market isn't good all across the board. Still, Tarrant County house sales are reported to be pretty strong.

2. Consider the equity as just another asset. If one party wants to keep the house, it may be possible to keep the house and just offset the equity with other assets. In other words, the other party can keep other assets that total the same in net value as the house equity, so both parties are happy. It is pretty easy to get a house appraised and to find out the current mortgage balance on the house. The difference, which is hopefully positive, is the equity. Be sure to consult with your attorney or CPA about the tax implications of various assets when you are thinking about how to divide them up.

3. Refinance with cash out. There can still be refinancing, although the rules are tighter and there is less cash available. If you want to refinance, check with your attorney for a reference for a mortgage broker who may be able to help you. With the tighter credit market, a higher credit score will probably be required, but brokers are still anxious to work deals within their guidelines.

4. Cash out through an owelty loan. A specialized form for refinancing is to get an owelty payment from the house equity. This is a form of refinancing utilized in Texas that provides flexibility and a fairly easy way to withdraw cash from house equity. Again, your attorney may be able to recommend a mortgage broker who can help you.

5. Reverse mortgage. It may also be possible to get a reverse mortgage if you are at least 62 years old and there's sufficient equity in the house. Cash is paid out to you and you don't have to repay it as long as you live in the house. Various lenders provide this service which is relatively new in Texas. Make sure you understand how it works before you sign up for it. It can provide cash even when you are retired or have low wages.

If you are in the situation where your house is the major asset, you can consider using one of the above approaches for getting cash or the value of cash for your interest in the house. Talk with your attorney about who to contact. It helps to have a budget and to plan for your future wants and needs. Do you want the house? Can you afford to pay for it? Can you afford the extra cost if more money is borrowed against it? Would cash be better for you? What are the tax consequences? These are all issues you need to carefully consider with your attorney and possibly a financial advisor, such as a CPA.

Will Collaborative Law Work for Tough Cases?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 17:35:00 +0000

Some attorneys and some potential clients have the mistaken idea that Collaborative Law is appropriate only for cases where everyone is nice and they are already pretty much in agreement.

The "nice" cases are usually, but not always, easy and rewarding to work on, but Collaborative Law is actually set up to handle more complex and difficult cases. Collaborative Law sometimes seems like overkill when everyone starts out pretty much in agreement, although problems often arise even in those cases.

Where the process is really appropriate and beneficial is the cases where two good people each have similar goals and haven't been able to come to an agreement. The process also is helpful where there may be some aggravating factors, such as an affair, difficult financial circumstances or special needs for the children, but the parties value the maintenance of an on-going relationship, typically for the benefit of children. Parties can make a choice between focusing on their future relationship or rehashing old arguments and reliving bad old times.

Tough cases are well served by Collaborative Law because neutral experts are used and because of the structure of the process that is followed from setting goals to reaching an agreement. For those who look forward, the neutral experts help them overcome past problems and learn new skills to communicate and deal with each other. In addition, most people prefer to deal with their personal problems in privacy, which is how Collaborative Law operates.

If you anticipate having a difficult divorce, you should consider using Collaborative Law to help you get through the experience with the best customized results and the least amount of damage to you. Make sure you talk with a trained Collaborative lawyer so you can get accurate information about your options. For more information about Collaborative Law, please look at the Texas Collaborative Law Blog. Good luck!

10 Positive Steps for Better Parenting

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 17:10:00 +0000

Good parents are made, not born that way. If you are lucky enough to have had good parents, you may be in the minority now. Here are some good ideas for you to try out so you can work to improve your relationship with your kids.

1. Be actively involved with your kids' activities. Donate your time to them. Be a coach or a leader for their sports or other activities. Attend their performances. Volunteer to be a driver. Cheer for them. Watch them play. Help with their homework. Read to them and with them. Play with them! You can do different things with kids at each age.

2. Appropriately compliment kids for their good effort or results. You don't have to only say nice things is they "win". Give them some positive support for their effort and encourage them to keep trying. Sure, it's fun to win, but it's also fun to play. Make sure the kids know that you are proud of them.

3. Appropriately compliment the other parent, to the other parent and around the kids. Don't lie about things or be fake, but there's always something nice you can say. If you can't think of something nice to say, do what your mom probably told you: don't say anything.

4. Focus on the good. It might be grades, an art project, effort in cleaning their rooms, riding a bike, playing appropriately, etc. At any age, you can find something a child is doing well and you can show some appreciation. If you want to see it again, reinforce good behavior by complimenting it. Don't just go on and on about what a child is doing wrong. Give the child something to remember and strive for.

5. Encourage kids to volunteer and serve others. They will probably need to record volunteer hours for school at some point, but making a spirit of volunteerism and helping part of the kids' upbringing, so that it seems a natural and normal part of life, is one of the best things you can do for kids. Everyone, at some time, will need help from others. It's a good idea to "pay it forward" --donate help in advance.

6. Talk about the best part of the day with your kids. It helps them (and you) focus on the good things that happen. You and your kids will feel better if you think about the good things, rather than just dwelling on what went wrong. Developing this habit can help elevate everyone's mood.

7. Remember that kids see what you do and hear what you say. They will really pay attention to what you do and you will probably see some of your actions in their behavior. You certainly want to see your kids doing good things, so you need to act appropriately. The same thing is true about what you say around them and how you say it. Children can imitate things right away after observing you, and can develop habits, similar to yours, over time. Try to be a good role model.

8. Learn to appreciate kids' music, books and games. That's not to say that everything they like is worthwhile (which could as well be true about the things you like), but it is too easy for parents to overlook or downplay kids' culture. Parents should look for the value in their kids' lives. If you show a genuine interest in your kids' activities and interests, you can be more of a factor in their lives. You will be able to speak their language and you can enjoy time with them.

9. Encourage friendships and sharing. That can be done in part by setting a good example, but you may have to explain things to kids periodically about sharing as they get older. Do what you can to make it possible for kids to do things with their peers so they can have friendships. Just as important, don't put up roadblocks to the kids being able to participate in activities and be with friends who are important to them. Transportation in particular can be time consuming, but it will be over before you know it, so you should enjoy the time you have with the kids.

10. Be a good host. When your kids want to have friends over, make it possible. You may need to have a supervisory role, which will vary according to the age of the children, but help your children out. Get to know their friends and welcome them to your home. It's always better to have them hanging out at your house rather than roaming the streets.

Please try these out and then send a comment about your experiences to this blog. YMMV.

Marriage Advice from a Divorce Lawyer?

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 05:33:00 +0000

One of my favorite blogs is the Alabama Family Law Blog, written by Michael Sherman. In a recent post, he commented on the reasons for divorce that he had observed in some of his cases. Not too surprisingly, I have seen similar situations. Each case is different, but most divorces will involve one of the following elements:

"Seems ironic that a divorce lawyer might offer marriage advice. When the Minister of Education at my church asked me to teach Sunday School to the Newlyweds, I gave him a hard time about bringing in a divorce lawyer to teach to these young married couples. But, I really don’t know someone more qualified to tell you what to do and not do in your marriage than a divorce lawyer. In my divorce practice in Mobile and Baldwin County, I have seen all the problems that tend to contribute to the breakdown of a marriage. Maybe you know a young (or not so young couple) that could benefit from this information.

"Here, in my experience, are the top five problems that contribute to divorce:

"1. Money – Whether it is differences in values about money, issues about control of the money or financial pressures that put a strain on the relationship, money issues often lead to divorce. Best to get on the same page early, be fair about how the money is controlled, and attempt to understand and accommodate your spouse’s views on money.

"2. Communication – I will often have a client of mine that is going through divorce tell me that they love their spouse, they are just no longer in love with them. I’m not sure exactly what that means. But, typically it is a sign that the couple quit having meaningful communication with one another some time ago. Communicate deeply and often with your spouse.

"3. Lack of Commitment – I don’t intend to get on my soapbox about this issue, but it is hard to dispute that our nation no longer has the same view of marriage we once did. Sometimes a divorce is the only option, but quite frequently (particularly with younger couples, it seems) I will see one or the other spouse who really cannot express a good reason why they want the divorce. One divorce lawyer I know comments on how the threshold on what it takes to get someone to pull the trigger on divorce has decreased dramatically in the past twenty years. Perhaps it has something about how self absorbed and tied to instant gratification we have become. It will keep divorce lawyers in business, but it is sad for us as a nation.

"4. Physical Addictions – Thankfully they occur in the minority of cases that I see. But, when they do, they are quite tragic. Whether it is alcohol, illegal drugs or prescription drugs, the effects of addiction can obviously be devastating. The best advice is to intervene early and get professional help.

"5. Sex – Of course, sexual problems frequently lead to divorce as well. But, their effect is probably overestimated. Generally speaking infidelity is a sign of other problems in the marriage, not the original problem. Increasingly, however, I am seeing the internet playing a role in these cases. Whether it is pornographic websites or the ability to meet others anonymously and easily online, the internet provides new snares for a relationship that did not previously exist.

"Despite the fact that I help my clients navigate their way through divorce, I do not encourage divorce. Hopefully this advice will help someone avoid it all together."

In addition to Michael's list, I would add one more broad factor in the breakup of marriages -- mental or emotional problems by one or both of the parties. For example,

Sometimes depression (untreated) can destroy a marriage.
Other times, one of the parties is a very controlling person who ends up smothering the spouse who leaves the marriage to gain his/her freedom and escape an abusive environment.
In some cases, there is a true personality disorder or mental illness. Untreated, that can also destroy a marriage.

My advice: get professional help and follow through with treatment and medication. That can be very effective, but it's often pretty hard to get our spouse to acknowledge the need for psychiatric help, much less to comply with the treatment plan.

In any event, all of the above problems warrant the assistance of trained professionals. Trying to work out the problem on your own is not likely to be effective. The first step is to ask for help. The key here, as in many things in life, is the follow-through. Without it, there will be no solution until you see a divorce lawyer.

Thanksgiving Survival Guide for Divorced and Separated People

rcprice@pricelawfirmtx.com (Dick Price) — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 17:23:00 +0000

James J. Gross of the Maryland Divorce Legal Crier has another timely and very apt post on the holiday season. I always get a lot from his writing and I think many people experiencing family transitions will too. Although his post mentions Thanksgiving, his suggestions really can apply at any time during the year. I strongly agree with his approach of starting a new life and taking charge of the situation. Don't just sit back and feel bad. There are some fairly easy baby steps you can take to get your life back in order. Here's what James has to say:

"You probably didn’t expect to be divorced or separated on Thanksgiving at this time in your life. You probably feel like saying, 'Gee, thanks for another #@*!! personal growth experience.' Well, instead of staying at home feeling sorry for yourself and ordering pizza for Thanksgiving, here are some ideas to help you make it through the long holiday weekend.

"The first thing you have to do is get into action. Move your body and the head will follow. Go for a walk or a jog. Get to the gym and start losing that marriage fat. Start a dance class or take tennis lessons. Any activity is good that will get you moving. Don’t think about it. Just do it. Force yourself.

"The next thing to do is build a support network. This can be your friends, relatives, religious leader, neighbor or therapist. Join a support group. Participate in online support groups. It may seem to you that you are the only person in the world going through a divorce, but you are not alone.

"Now, get outside of your troubles. Find someone with problems bigger than yours and help them. Volunteer to feed the homeless for Thanksgiving. Visit a nursing home or a hospital.

"Invite some friends over for a potluck supper. Everything is attitude. Stay positive and strong and have a great Thanksgiving. Leave a comment if you have an activity or idea that helped you survive Thanksgiving when going through a divorce."

Whatever your situation, no matter where you are in transitioning your life, these are great ideas to help you clear your mind and re-energize your life. Try these out and see if your spirits improve. Send a comment and let us know about your successes.