Unravel Me Softly...

Passion...in motion

2008-12-03T15:25:00.010Z

There are times
When you look at me
With your eyes hooded
Lips parted and
Body arched towards me

That deep inside
something flickers
gently at first and then
with added speed
into a full throated flame

Our bodies pull towards each other
Energies magnetically pulsing
Your breath hitching in a gasp
My solar plexus surging in response
To your strident urgent call

Lips touch, torsos meet
A pulsing wave eddies back and forth between us
Where the barest kiss, the slightest caress ignites
Electricity sparks along each vein, each nerve, each heartbeat,
Slowing time down to a nano-second

Your moans urge me on, your body shuddering with each wave
My solar plexus throbbing with each pull
Each surge, each thrust
As we dance to the sound of our song
A rich deep music that only our bodies seem to hear

And I feel the sweet deep ecstasy of
Energy flowing and mixing and dancing
An eternal stream of desire that we have
Learned to stroke and touch and shape to our call
Passion...in motion

An age old magical rhythm
That I want to dance with you
Again
And again
And again

Us

2008-06-02T23:42:00.009+01:00

Unravel Me
Softly
Slowly.
Completely.

Unwrap the layers around my heart
Read the lines etched into my soul
Hold me
Gently
Love me
Closely
Fuck me
Slowly
Lick me
Deeply

That is what you do to me
From Slow
To Soft
From Gentle
To Firm
From Fast to Hard

My heart
Once broken into shards
Picked up slowly
And held in both hands
Listened to
Carefully
And Caressed
Completely

That is what you do to me.

Your passion is like a maelstrom
A storm that mixes with my energy and
whisks us both into a flame

One look
Eyes hooded
Lips soft, kissed red
Hair sexily fallen around your
delicate face
your aura pulsing
pulling me towards you

My rock star
strong
sultry
sexy
so
so
so
beautiful
my heart skips a beat

Your hand on my shoulder
sends energy crackling down my spine
my heart contracts
Our eyes connect
Fingers touch
Souls meet

I know not what I have done
to deserve such beauty
such connection
such joy as my eyes
my heart
my soul
caress
you

but know that what
we feel
what
we have
I will hold
and cherish
and love
no matter where
or how our paths should travel

My eyes are open
My soul awake
It sees and knows
In peace
In love

Whatever may be
In the past
In the present
In the future
What ever, how ever will be
I Love you.

KT Tunstall: Little Favours

2008-05-17T11:10:00.001+01:00

Pure, unadulterated, brilliant and funny GENIUS!!!

I haven't laughed that hard in ages. Now that's dedication, and amazingly creepy but humourous skill for you. Excellent video.

Flirting straight girls

2008-04-11T17:48:00.011+01:00

I don't know what it is about the past few days, but straight girls seem to be flirting with me, and my Inner Slut is having a ball.

Apart from the cute blonde I chatted to on Wednesday night in the queue at M&S, and the very cute L, who confessed she had a dream about kissing a woman ages ago (I'm not out at work yet), and who makes lingering eye contact with flirtatious conversations every once in a while - my most eyebrow raising moment this week, was with P, a lady who very unfairly looks like Alice from the L Word, and who I may have a teeny crush on from time to time.

She came into an office I've been working in today, and blurted out "...well I'm sure you don't want me...erm, not *physically* of course...!", and then after seeing her blush sweetly, I smiled and said, "Oh no, I understand what you were trying to say, don't worry." All the time, thinking, "Come on S - keep a serious face, seriously!". Whereas my Inner Slut was saying "Well, if you really want to know...(smirk)".

Inner Slut was also replaying this in my mind, and P being an Alice-lookalike didn't help...

Laughs, shaking head.

Lord save me, how I survive amongst all these gorgeous straight women, I really don't know.

I seriously need a cute gay girlfriend to distract me.

Sigh.

If Only

2008-03-30T16:17:00.000+01:00

Excellent, fiesty, fun video. And that cheeky look at the end is priceless. I love this gutsy girl. Reminds me of me in one of my "Why the hell not?" moments. ;-)

Add to My Profile More Videos

Masks...

2008-03-06T11:12:00.003Z

A quote that really hit home to me how much I had lived most recently, until being brave enough to leave:

"All of us wear masks... They can be worn out of love and the desire to remain close to those around us; to spare them from the complicated reality of our frayed psyches.

We trade honesty for companionship, and in the process never truly know the hearts closest to us."

I feel a little better now, knowing that that particular 10 year period is over...

...I still wear a mask of sorts, but only a very flimsy one - I feel so much more psychologically healthy now that I can be myself 95% of the time.

Here's to one day when we can be honest to both ourselves and those close to us, and not put distance between us in the misguided view we are protecting instead of being true and real...

Short story? Hmmm...

2008-02-21T14:08:00.020Z

I've been contemplating writing a short story... something along the lines of a lesbian romance, or mild erotica... I'm not sure yet.

I'm a dreadful budding writer. I tend to self-critique to the point where I become afraid to write anything because I worry so much over how it will come across, what I have left out, how stupid it sounds, how amateurish, how...

See what I mean?

Endless.

Anyway, I am going to support a dear friend at a poetry jam tonight. The brave soul is standing up in front of a crowd and speaking poetry from the heart. And I thought, I've been asked so often at these things, if I am a writer, a poet, or indeed a photographer, that I must obviously have this aura of 'hesitant artiste' of some type hanging around me (or maybe it's my scruffy cord trousers, battered velvet jacket, glasses and sensible shoes that give me away...). Just last Sunday, while we were bowling with a group of fellow lesbians, my friend said to me she was wondering why I didn't just get on with it - I talk like a book most of the time, and seem to have some interesting insights (shrugs shoulders).

So why not? Why not throw caution to the wind, and just write for the hell of it?

It's bloomin' scary, that's why - like baring one's arterial veins to a vampire and asking him *not* to rip you to shreds....

So.. here goes...the first part of some very dodgy prose...(this is, by the way, a slight variation on my real experiences of last Saturday - inspired by the 'almost true lesbian encounters' anthology I read the other month. Let's just say, my imagination/muse has been re-writing what would have been rather a nice way to spend a Saturday evening. Grin):

"I thought about going to the film night with my friend. It was a film I’d seen many times before, an old romantic lesbian favourite that never failed to turn my heart to mush, and put a wistful, indulgent smile on my face. If I was honest with myself, I was really going to see if I could find her.

Her, is the woman I haven't met yet, the as yet unknown other, of whom I have caught glimpses of out of the corner of my eye on the train, in the park, in the hallways, in the street. A shapely leg revealed by a flowing skirt as a lady steps out of a taxi, the scent of freshly washed long hair as I pass among the crowds of commuters in the morning, the warmth of female laughter floating by on the evening breeze as I stroll along the riverbank...

All these small moments that seem to encapsulate the beauty of a woman - her body, her scent, her wit, her laughter - the woman that is slowly drawn on the canvas of my mind as I go about my everyday things, like a sketch on soft paper, taking shape and form, line by line, as my heart yearns for a lover, mindful of the fragility of lofty ideals, but hopeful that one day, I will recognise her essence, know her for her being - that we may one day recognise each other and smile, slowly, as we acknowledge the end of a search, and the beginning of an interesting, scary, and wonderfully imperfect human adventure.

Such dreams... I was sure I was far too romantic for my own good.

'Heart for Sale, On Special Offer. Easily Broken, But Susceptible to Soppy Novels, Daydreams, Wispy Clouds and Chocolate'.

What was I like eh?

So, come Saturday afternoon, I hit the shower, put on my soft butch boyish-shorts under my navy blue cords, picked a cheeky lacy black bra, covered up by my dark button-down shirt, and set-off with a Tibetan pendant bought on the dusky streets of Seattle, and, my dreams in my heart, and my gloves in hand, set out for the evening."

---

Hmmm...

That *was* scary.

I don't know...
I may update this post from time to time, by adding more to the story (will put ‘---’ lines between each update…)

Maybe.

Hopefully.

Maybe.

Confidence: Must Do Better.

2008-02-17T01:00:00.005Z

I went out to a lesbian film night this evening. There was a private viewing of one of my favourite movies(as you can see from the background image on this blog) 'Imagine Me & You'. I met up with a friend, and we went along together for moral support really, as neither of us do large groups of people very well.

Anyway, I spotted a few nice women looking over at me over the evening - though being completely rubbish, I couldn't tell if it was because I was one of the few dark faces there, or if they were with someone and just giving me a curious glance. But then, towards the end of the evening, a rather gorgeous, but very intense woman sat across the room from me, and as I spoke to a few friends at a table by the window, she would glance across to me from time to time while she was on her cell phone to someone. At first I wasn't sure if it was just our eyes catching as she rather intensely spoke to someone on the phone, but it slowly dawned on me (I am annoyingly slow in these situations), that maybe she liked me. Then my friend and I glanced at our watches, and realised that we would miss the last train home if we stayed any longer, and we left soon after, with me passing by this lovely lady on our way out, and her glancing up at me expectantly - but damn it, I was too shy to say anything - put off somewhat by her intensity and agressively gesturing phone conversation. She reminded me of a really negative woman I met last year, and I wondered, as cute as she was, if I would be getting into something a bit too complicated for my already stressed self at this point in time...

I'm an idiot, I know - I mean, how will I ever get to be with someone else if I never talk to someone? Moron. Silly, shy moron is me.

I'm hoping this isn't the one and only time I get such a chance - I really don't intend to blow it quite so successfully next time.

A Chorus of Millions

2008-02-09T12:15:00.000Z

This man is really something unique, inspiring and special. I love this speech...

He has a unique way of saying the most complicated and heart-touching and thought-provoking things so simply, emphatically and beautifully. He makes you feel as if he is talking to you alone, urging you to think, to pull out the best of yourself, to silence those self-doubts, to unite, to feel the strength and goodness in collective unity and action, to feel the power of hope and ultimately, positive change.

"We are the ones we've been waiting for!".... so simple, but so powerful, and so very true - he will not save us, we, united together can make the change we seek, that this world so needs. An iconic phrase that I am sure will be quoted in many, many years to come. A speech worthy of a true leader, a true president who believes in the power of the people he can guide to true, positve change. This speech gave me goose-bumps.

I know if I was American, I'd be going to every rally, and every event, and voting for him with all that I am, and for the hope of all future generations on that very important day.

Obama is something the world needs - lets hope it sees sense and doesn't mindlessly throw this wonderful, powerful opportunity away.

Yes We Can.

Yes We Can Obama Song by will.i.am

2008-02-08T12:47:00.000Z

My goodness, this song by will.i.am had me in tears. So powerful, so true, so full of vibrant, positive hope.

Also so refreshing that the stars that I have naturally gravitated to over the years are the same ones that are supporting this crucial change, this crucial fight, this truly inspirational man.

Makes me proud to be human.

Here's to following this through to the future that shines so brightly.

Hope.

Vote.

Random freaky moments...

2008-01-24T12:38:00.000Z

I've been having these moments more and more of late. Weird coincidences, where I think about something, and then it happens almost immediately, or someone makes a comment about something I've been thinking about when I haven't uttered a word, in a weird, serendipity way...

Me, psychic?

Meh.

But...

The other day, I was thinking of my friend, who has a very distinctive name, not common at all - I was visualising meeting him the previous week, 10 years after we had last seen each other at Uni, and marvelling about how we just seemed to slot into the old ways of chatting and joking with each other, as if that decade gap in between never happened. And then I started thinking about how to spell his name... I was crossing the road at the time, and randomly looked up to my left, only to see his surname spelt in exactly the right way, but as the sign of a cafe snuggled in between two old theatre buildings...! I'd never seen it before, so wasn't expecting it at all. It was almost like the universe was listening in on my thoughts, and gave me a friendly nudge and a smile. Of all the times and places...and all that... completely odd, but cool coincidence.

And then a few months ago, I was sitting on a bench reading a book, and a specific passage in it, where the characters are bitching about a woman that they don't like, and mimicking the way that she speaks. As I finish that particular sentence, a completely random woman walks by behind my bench, chatting away on her mobile phone, and repeats the mimicking sentence I have just that second read, word for word! Now she was obviously mimicking someone that she didn't like on the phone, but to say the same words?!? How freaky is that?!?

And then just now, I had a really weird, random coincidence... Out of the blue, as I was walking up to the women's toilets before going out to lunch, I started thinking about an L Word episode (season 3) that I had seen months and months ago - specifically, where Moira/Max is on a road-trip with Jenny, and still a woman at the time, s/he gets out of the car to pee, and pees standing up. Jenny is curious, and asks her how s/he can do that? And Moira/Max shrugs, and says that s/he's always done it that way, since s/he was a little girl - it just felt natural to her. So I'm thinking about this as I enter the loos, and wondering if one day, when drunk enough and among friends on a camping trip, or something, how cool it would be to see if I could pee standing up - it would be funny and kinda interesting (angles and hip positioning and all that). So, still laughing to myself at just how drunk I'd be and how surreal it would feel, I come out of the cubicles to wash my hands, and right by the mirror (wasn't there yesterday) - is a printed out joke that someone has stuck to the wall. On it is a cartoon of a lady in a business suit, her back to these two guys, and she is obviously peeing standing up! The guys are saying "Wow!", and the tagline is "You don't have to be a man to work here, but it does help if you can pee standing up.". !!! I swear that little piece paper wasn't on the wall before, and of all the random things to think about at that time, and to see that bit of paper there...

I could go on, but...

::Shakes head::

Maybe I should play the lottery again, eh?

Hmmm...

Thinking in stanzas

2008-01-14T21:18:00.000Z

I've started thinking in stanzas lately.

There are some mornings when I arrive at the station, breathless, blood-pumping through my veins after my 12 minute power-walk up hill, then I stop for a moment, surrounded by a crowd of commuters, and look up at the sky.

And wonder.

Wonder why it doesn't seem so awesome anymore. Not like it did when I was little and wide-eyed and full of wonder at what could be up there and beyond...

My perspective is so different now, a jaded worry about the lack of ozone we have to protect us compared to decades gone by, worry about global warming, my imagination already stroked by the likes of Star Trek Voyager, Babylon 5, StarGate SG1 and other sci-fi shows that have explored space and imagined what could be out there.

I dunno...that sense of awe is now masked with something else... like my mind is masked with a "Been there, imagined that, worried about this... nah, the sky's not so awesome anymore... more of a a lid on all the other stuff we're screwing up down here...".

Geez, when did I ever get so jaded? Worrying, but interesting...

And then my mind flies elsewhere, and I wonder if I can get these thoughts into stanza form, could I perform this, out there on the stage, at the poetry cafe, at a poetry slam? Could I? Could I brazenly stand up and do a piece about the love of a woman, the love of her touch, her scent, her essence, her being. Just her?

Could I?

I guess I could only but try...

Alice & Tasha Part II

2008-01-13T19:17:00.000Z

And here they are again...Sigh

Alice & Tasha

2008-01-13T18:48:00.001Z

I really love this couple. Alice is extremely hot (both her mind and her body), and I could so totally be Tasha in terms of my style, my ethnicity, and attention to detail (as well as choice of boxer shorts), it's scary (though I'm a little more communicative, and a little less abrupt - think of me as a softer version, but with the same kind of silent, still aura).

Anyway, although I know they're going to have a testing time this season, I thought it was nice the producers gave us such a fabulous opening in the first episode...

Here is a selection of video clips I put together to show the beginning of this season's story arch:

Alice & Tasha (L Word)
Uploaded by unravelmesoftly

I want...

2007-12-29T03:29:00.000Z

Lying in bed at 3am this morning, I have been going over in my head how I have felt my life subtly and life-alteringly changing in the last year...

It's all been a long, but interestingly shifting process of transmogrification (an internally physical, mental, and or somewhat spiritual transformation...), where I have felt my inner self shift and change into what feels like a more spiritually and mentally centered 'the real me', in terms of thoughts, physical change (natural loss of weight and building of tone), strengthening of personality, sociability (being able to hold complete conversations with people and strangers, and actually talk over the phone, where I would have once shied away before), to most ultimately, a very real change and inner awareness of my inner butch self.

The more I read lesbian erotica, romances and just plain old detective novels, the more I can so much more innately identify with with the butch characters within them, the innate feelings of wanting to take care of a woman, to be the strong one (counter-balanced by a fiesty sexy femme strength), and oh so much lately appreciate all that is feminine and soft and female, and yet feel so at home standing in the men's department in a store, and running my eyes over just the right open-necked shirt, tailored blazer, waistcoat and tie that I just feel an innate need to wear when I go out to a lesbian bar or venue. I did that the other day, while waiting for my Mum to pay for her goods in a department store - just stood there and took in all the crisp linen and silk shirts all around me, and the pure joy I felt looking around at them and running my hands down the clean lines of them. I could feel my inner butch reasserting herself and breathing in a sigh of complete satisfaction in a way that she hasn't done for many, many years... since I so blindly felt the need and fear to suppress who I was in the hope of pleasing my Mum's expectations, and making the guy I was seeing at the time all those years ago happy, me not knowing or being too scared or naive to know the difference between liking someone a lot as a best friend, and not fancying the pants off of them, and mistaking that for a comfortable, though un-moving kind of love.

So many mistakes and years later, I have finally, bit by bit, let go of the constraints I put around my emotional and sexual self, and since being once again given the freedom to breathe and emotionally evolve, my inner butch seems to be gloriously asserting herself, and driving me crazy with almost constant appreciation of the beauty and lushness of women at every turn. Wonderful, and liberating, but maddening when one doesn't have a girlfriend to lavish this all on. I know, be patient, yadda, yadda. But tell that to my lusty mind that gets distracted by soft busts, soft curves and the gorgeous lines of a woman's figure when she saunters past in a smooth flowing dress, or flashes a fish-net stocking in my line of sight. I finally see what poor guys must go through every day...!(grin)

It's amazing, how I find parts of myself in the books that I have been reading... in the varied characters on board the cruise in Radclyffe & Karin Kallmaker's 'In Deep Waters', and then most prominently in my current bedside reading, 'The Perfect Valentine (Bella After Dark)', where the very subtle things mentioned in Karin Kallmaker's short story (Do Overs) just leapt off the page at me, and could really have been a description of me and how I was around a 'femme between the sheets' with one of my previous girlfriends. Then there's Dale in 'Not Single Enough', who worried about her insatiable libido, and waking her girlfriend up for the 3rd time to make love because she just couldn't get enough of her, and kind of liked being thought of the oaf that kept her up all night and put a sparkle in her eye... finally giving in to the thought that if they made love just one more time, then they'd get in enough sleep before she had to go to work, and that she could leave her girlfriend looking thoroughly lovely and sleepy in bed with breakfast and coffee in the morning... (I have been very guilty of doing and thinking all of that, so much so, it was like Kallmaker had plucked those lusty thoughts straight from my head {embarrassed, but happy smile}).

Yep, that's been me - completely hopelessly horny and romanticising for most of this holiday. I know, I'm in trouble...but hey, what can a girl do, but enjoy all these newly emerging feelings and recognition of her sexuality, and hope to learn and evolve enough so she can really indulge with her next girlfriend if she is lucky enough to meet her over the coming year...

In terms of body transformation, I feel a growing need to tone up - to eat healthier, to lose just those few extra pounds that mean that I will feel comfortable enough to cut my hair short around my oval face and effortlessly wear the type of tailored clothes that I feel so drawn to - my waist has naturally become so tiny now that I have come off of taking the contraceptive pill, and my arms so slightly more muscular, that I reckon a few hours working out at the gym a couple of times a week, coupled with some lovely long strolls may just get me where I feel my inner butch will feel so much happier being. There is a part of me that answered "Yes, that's me..." when I read Karin Kallmaker's 'Do Overs' short in 'The Perfect Valentine', when the femme, on admiring her butch's body mused how she loved seeing her butch as a strong woman "...with (full breasts), broad shoulders and muscular arms". Well, that's how my figure almost is at the moment, but softer, with some love handles and a slightly rounded tummy (3 dress sizes less from where I was a year ago), but on the way to where I'd like it to be, and would feel much more comfortable with.

And when my mind isn't stewing with lust and sensation and thoughts of all day in bed and sexy intelligent imaginative conversation with curvy femmes (I feel like a hormonic teenager!), I am so enjoying my sense of emerging spirituality and sense of self too. I have re-discovered my nomadic travelling streak, where I feel completely at ease chucking some clothes in a back-pack and hopping on a plane somewhere, staying in a no-frills hotel, and exploring and experiencing a place to pieces. I feel so much more centred now that my true self is emerging - more in tune with the world, with the uncanny coincidences that seem to happen around me so often now, with the amazingly good feeling I get from helping people, from doing a job well, from projecting my inner strength and calm when others need to be listened to, to opening up my mind, and to just feeling a little more Zen with the to the spiritual and physical world around us. I swear I was a hippy or a buddhist or something in a past life, but I must say, it's a glorious feeling to feel so in tune at times (well apart from when I have PMT, but that's a whole different, interesting, frustrating, demanding, intriguing animal all by itself).

I want to do so many things in 2008. I want to enter a Business/Entrepreneurial competition, where I get free business advice and classes, and the opportunity to win some money, confidence and ideas to help me to really go ahead and pursue my dream of starting up my own place and string of places over the years, which feels so imminently there able able to happen in my future over the next 18 months or so. I want to write, to write some fiction, some poetry, some songs, a play - all the things I have done or started to do and never actively pursued in the past because all the energy I was using to constrain all my natural sexuality and confirm to all the rules, was draining me artistically, emotionally and spiritually. Now I feel like I am finally evolving into the me I could have been, I feel like I should just let myself be, and see what of all these things I am drawn to I can do, and what I can leave to grow until I am ready/have time to nurture them with everything else going on in my life...

What I also want to do this year is downsize all my possessions, throw out a whole load of stuff, and move into a smaller 1 bedroom flat, with less rent, but also scope for me to nest and make the place my own. I also want a cat...that part of me that has wanted one and felt as if I have been missing a feline companion all these years... (yes, I'm aware of how lesbian that is, but hey, I'm evolving into one, or whatever turns out to be me).

I also want to get my plans for an online business into gear, so that I have some money coming in from a source that pays for itself... I figure that I've spent so many years making other people's websites function and look good, I may as well use this skill to help myself too, and hopefully fund a few of these lofty ideas I've been perculating and flinging around. ;0)

There is so much. So much that I know I am capable of bringing about, and of which I want to live up to for myself this year. It's a very tall order, but there never was any fun in aiming low, was there?

A slightly butcher, and hopefully as successful and slightly less fucked-up version of Bette Porter... here I come... (ah... the dreams of the slightly young at heart and positive... sigh):

New design

2007-12-26T00:51:00.000Z

After ages of being annoyed that I couldn't get the background image and box sizes I wanted for the look and feel of my blog, in between Christmas TV and debauchery, I finally got a chance to sit down and interrogate the code behind the standard Blogger template, and hacked it so that my blog now looks like both my YouTube and MySpace pages.

Satisfied smile.

Such a small, but oh so significant change for me. Now this place feels more like home...

Nesting?

Moi?

Thank-you...

2007-12-24T22:38:00.001Z

Thank-you US. I love your way with words.

-S.

Seattle

2007-12-24T22:22:00.000Z

Seattle, and the Pacific North West has very much made a deep pocket of warmth in my heart. I loved my 6 day visit, from the people, the culture, the food, the arts, and the endearingly changeable weather (which fondly reminded me of London).

When I first landed in Seattle, I went to find my pre-booked shuttle car from the airport to my hotel in downtown Queen Ann, and met this rather gorgeous, and delightfully intelligent blonde lady in her mid-40s, with whom there was an instant spark, and from the moment I helped her retrieve her lost gloves, to the moment we realised we were the only ones in the shuttle car together going to our hotels, we hit it off instantly, and chatted away like we'd been friends for years. Regardless of her being 12-15 years older than me, I found her incredibly beautiful, elegant and several kinds of hot. My gaydar pinged just slightly, which did make me wonder if she was a lovely late bloomer, but I decided to take the budding friendship for what it was, and was very pleasantly surprised when she gave me her card, and even more so since we have now exchanged a few emails. As hot as she is, I'm not setting myself up for one of my famous falls again, but will say that I'm enjoying her friendship, and delighting in her witty, quirky and sometimes refreshingly geeky sense of humour. So lovely to connect again.

On my birthday, while waiting for the Seattle Underground Tour of Pioneer Square to start, I had the pleasure of soaking up the lovely woody atmosphere of the Elliot Bay bookstore, with the comforting sound of old creaking floorboards under my feet, and high bookshelves full of books of every kind, with special hand-written notes by bookstore employees of why they thought certain books were a good read - it was definitely a nice way to while away a few hours in the warmth and presence of so many interesting words and thoughts.

The Underground Tour was wonderful - packed with Seattle's quirky history, a sense of adventure, interesting details on the founders' relationship with Chief Seattle and the Native Americans, and a healthy dose of humorous and sobering tales of the forthright and lively relations between the business men and women and the town planners of the 1800s between then and now. Definitely something I would recommend, and once I have processed the photos, I will definitely share them with you.

I also got to visit Capitol Hill, which was excellent. I dropped into some quirky shops and independent book stores, and also an interesting little Indian jewellery store, where I bought an unusual blue and red Tibetan pendant, from it's very intelligent and worldly owner, with whom I had an interesting conversation about travelling and property developing around the world.

I also got to drop into the wonderful Bailey Coy bookstore, which has a lovely treasure trove of lesbian and gay books, stationary and artwork. I happily browsed around for an hour, and then went up to the sales counter to ask the rather cute woman with dark blonde hair and glasses if she stocked Paige Braddock's "Jane's World". I got a very throaty and darned right sexy "Hello...!" from her, and some very good chemistry going on as we chatted. All the while I was thinking, "Damn, she's cute...a shame I can't take her back home with me...". I even got a wink and some good wishes for the rest of my stay in Seattle.

Sigh.

I don't think I've ever got such a cute and sexy welcome in a long, long time - pity I was only on a flying visit - but remembering her will always give me the warm sexy fuzzies... ;0)

The following day was spent exploring the wonders of Freemont - visiting its quirky and inspiring independent art shops and frame galleries, and also the Freemont Troll, and the sign that declares Freemont 'The Centre of the Universe'. ;0) I was also very fortunate to sample a wonderful Thai restaurant called 'Jai Thai', where I must say I had the most authentic Thai food I've ever tasted since being treated to a 3 course meal at the house of a Thai friend over 12 years ago now. The people at Jai Thai really do prepare their food with the best quality ingredients, and at an amazingly reasonable price too.

That evening, I walked up to Greenwood to spend a few hours with my two favourite authors, Kelley Eskridge (a writer of speculative and sci-fi fiction, who is also a screen writer), and Nicola Griffiths (a crime thriller and and sci-fi writer too). It was really a lovely evening, spent sampling real ale, some excellent white wine and good pub food, as well as sharing stories about growing up in unusual environments, the delights of cooking using fresh organic ingredients, and some quirky stories about dealing matter of factly with illness (Nicola copes quite admirably with MS), as well as joys of travelling too.

I enjoyed the evening so much, that I happily decided to forgo doing the geeky fan thing, and didn't get them to sign books or dissect their books in detail, which I think made for a much more relaxed time all round, where we all felt like we could be ourselves - and I am sure was a nice break from all the interviews and promotional tours they have been doing. At the end of the evening, Nicola was lovely and paid for my meal (as their birthday treat to me), and Kelley drove me back to my hotel (as by this time, it was raining quite heavily, and I had a particularly sore knee from all the walking I had been doing). They also offered to show me around the islands of Puget Sound whenever I next visit, which was really lovely of them. All-in-all it was a really nice experience.

The rest of the trip was spent doing the wonderful Savor Seattle food tour, where I got a quirky personalised tour (as this was the first time they had had only one customer show up in the tours history - they did, however, have a fully booked afternoon tour that same day), so I got to forgo all the formalities once again, and as well as listen to some gossip from various vendors around Pike Place market, got to sample some fantastic food, wine and deserts, as well as buy some very good quality fresh coffee, tea, cheese and chocolate gifts for the folks back home.

After a wonderful day at the Seattle Art Museum, I also got see The Golden Compass (which was good, though sadly not as wonderful as it could have been - I have a feeling the directing and screenplay let down the actors and the story, which was a little disappointing). The Seattle Symphony, however, was wonderful, and listening to Handel's Messiah with Christian Knapp (conductor), and Celena Shafer (soprano), was definitely a treat I would like to experience again.
My final day was spent visiting the Key Arena (whose name always reminds me of my completely unrelated, but much loved Bogie and Bacall film, 'Key Largo'), and the various attractions around the Space Needle, with the Experience Music Project, Pacific Science Center, and Science Fiction Museum & Hall of Fame being some nice places to visit.

---And you know, even after all of that, and how much I really loved my whole trip, I still don't feel I have gotten to see the full beauty of Seattle, and of course Oregon, and Vancouver. I really do think this calls for another trip in the summer if I can save up for it - I would love to spend a few days just strolling along the coastline, and experiencing the forests and lakes of Oregon, with a stop-off in Vancouver for a bit of exploring, and then back down to Seattle to explore the islands around Puget Sound, and finally track down 'Twice Sold Tales' (that bookstore with the resident cats - it used to be in the Queen Anne neighbourhood, but unfortunately moved to the University district, which I ran out of time to explore).

Where have I been...?!?

2007-12-22T07:20:00.000Z

Thanks US for your comment, and for asking for where all of my more regular snippets have gone. I really wish I could write my blog via ESP - it would be so much easier!

Part of the reason I have not updated in such a long while, is that I have been madly busy with work etc., and then, of course, my guilty, but indulgently fabulous trip to Seattle (of which I will say more over the next few days).

There is also the vanity factor - the ultimate blogger dilemma, where one wonders if after having so few comments on the blog in general, if one's writing really is too boring for people to read, and if one should just give up writing for a while until that burning need to spill things down in written form rises up again.

Sigh. I know. Pure vanity - but one really does need one's ego stroked every once in a while - so thank-you US for doing just that. I actually do have quite a lot to share that has been going on in the world around me, and to me, so will try and post a bit more this holiday season.

P.S...I have now re-published some of my older writing in the archives for 2007 - taken down in a fit of peak, when I was paranoid about being found by one of my real-life friends. At the moment though, I don't think that's gonna happen - so my dirty laundry is now aired once more...

In the meanwhile, here is one of my fave Youtube moments:

L Word Questions & Answers

2007-12-01T13:02:00.001Z

I've been bad...

2007-11-01T10:17:00.000Z

...I've been very, very bad...

I got my season ticket loan for buying my travel card in my pay packet yesterday, and after first trying to buy the ticket online, and the website refusing to let me complete the transaction, I was very tempted to spend half of the money on a birthday trip to Seattle instead...

I thought about it all day, thought about how restless I've been of late, of how I could earn back the money by selling stuff and doing other things in the meanwhile... How I'd promised myself that I'd go this year, and how disappointed I'd be with me if I just slacked off and didn't make the effort to... How a *very* weird set of coincidences has seemed to be pointing me in the direction of Seattle for the past 6 months...

By the time it got to 9.30pm last night, I'd wound myself in guilty knots, and then thought "**m if you don't do it before 10pm, you're never going to do it...! The only person stopping you is you... go for it! You need to do this.".

So I did - in a scarily short amount of time, I put together a cheap BA flight and cheap accommodation, and booked it all...

I can't believe it.

I'm actually going.

I feel incredibly guilty for using half of the loan money - but know I can make it up if I live like a nun for the next month and a bit - which really isn't that hard if I focus my energies on not going out and eating bland but nourishing food, as well as a few money-making schemes I've had in mind to start anyway.

I'm scared, but excited. Somethings been pushing me to go to Seattle for some years now. I'm not sure what, but I look forward to finding out...

First Lesbian memory?

2007-10-28T00:26:00.000+01:00

I was pondering the other day how so many people differ when it comes to their first childhood memories. Some people can't remember anything before 6 years old, and the odd strange person (like myself) can remember sitting up in their cot and plotting an escape route (to the absolute fright of my poor mother when I magically appeared downstairs a few mins later when she had no idea I could walk at the time).

Anyway, I digress, upon wondering about the above (you can see how my brain is full of useless junk) I was thinking back the other day, to when I had my very first 'Lesbian' thought.

For me it was actually my very first sexual thought/dream, so to speak, and I only remember it as it about knocked me sideways: One day when I was 13, I was innocently doing the whole going to school, going home and doing my homework thing as I'd always done, and then bam(!) that night I had this incredibly hot dream that my very cute school librarian (female) and I were snogging each other's faces off. While rather a nice dream, I had never even thought about anything sexual before that moment - certainly gave me pause for thought I can tell you!

It all seems so obvious now...

Inuitive Right Brain

2007-08-15T16:50:00.002+01:00

While pretending to work (waisting time), I came across a wonderful collection of links that caused a bit of an epiphany with me today, in terms of why over this last year, I have become more intuitive, spiritual, and weirdly, am using my left hand more, and thus the right-side of my brain...

Before I leave work, I really must put these links somewhere, so I can explore when I'm next at home on my laptop... and for anyone else of course....

Intuitive thinking for artists - how to do it (though I must say, this is how I've basically always thought, so refreshing to find this...)

Right-Left Brain test

I don't have ADD, but the section on all the elements of Right-brain use intrigued me...

Left Brain - Right Brain

Facebook for cats

2007-08-15T16:50:00.001+01:00

Must be done... Catbook

Dante break-up (...9 levels of hell)

2007-08-13T22:56:00.000+01:00

It has happened.

After getting back from a really lovely time in New York, and meeting the girlfriend for a 4 day trip in Ireland - we broke up on the 1st day, and then ensued a 4-day break-up in extreme slow motion from hell. It's bad enough breaking up with someone, but to then have to see them afterwards and be on holiday with them is tantamount to watching a painful, bad, and extremely hellish car crash in excruciating slow-motion.

I finally got to walk away at 1.30am this morning, and am slowly re-adjusting a sense of self.

I'd say more, but too painful right now.

Am liking not being on edge all the time, and worrying about various things I have not blogged here re. personality clashes etc., so in all, it is for the best.

Now to move on and live life again...

New York and all that lone traveller feeling and experience was fabulous though... will have to post a link to some photos soon...