Цитаты, только цитаты и ничего, кроме цитат

The Big Bang Theory 5x16

2012-02-14T23:46:00.013+02:00

The Vacation Solution

& Sheldon: Gentlemen, I think I’ve come up with a fun way to get young people interested in science. Physics Mad-Libs.

& Sheldon: Now, give me ... a funny Greek letter.
Raj: Gamma.
Sheldon: I said funny!
Raj: Upsilon?
Sheldon: Good one.

& Howard: I haven’t seen him laugh that hard since the day Leonard made that multiplication error.
Sheldon: Oh, Oh, Lord, that multiplication error! He thought he carried the one. But he didn’t.

& Leonard: Hey, guys, guys, President Siebert is headed this way. I wonder what he wants. Doesn’t look happy, so I’m guessing he wants to talk to Sheldon.
President Siebert: Dr. Cooper?
Leonard: Told ya.

& Sheldon: I don’t need a vacation.
President Siebert: You’re obligated to take one.

& Sheldon: But if I don’t come into work, what am I supposed to do with myself?
President Siebert: Read, rest, travel... I hear Afghanistan is nice this time of year.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Howard: No. You should go.

& Penny: I’m so glad you talked Howard out of having your wedding invitations in Klingon.
Bernadette: Turn it over. I’m hoping my relatives think it’s Hebrew.

& Amy: This is really happening... I’m gonna be a maid of honor. I’m gonna wear a beautiful dress and walk down that aisle and, finally, I will have my special day.

& Bernadette: I just don’t know how I’m gonna break it to him.
Penny: You know, I’m a big believer in breaking bad news to a guy when you’re in bed with him. That’s how I told my high school boyfriend I slept with his brother... That’s how I told his brother the same thing.
Bernadette: I don’t know, I don’t want to manipulate him with sex.
Penny: Oh, sweetie, that’s what sex is for.

& Amy: You know, the connection between marriage and money is nothing new. In fact, the term “wed” referred to the money and livestock that the groom paid the bride’s father. For example, you’re adorable, intelligent and a good earner. I could conservatively see you going for at least two oxen and a goose... You would fetch a unicorn.

& Leonard: Sheldon, there are a million great vacations you could take. What about Hawaii?
Sheldon: Hawaii is a former leper colony on top of an active volcano where the disappointing ending to Lost was filmed. Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii.

& Sheldon: It’s like I’m living in a dictatorship. “You must take a vacation, you must have fun, you must enjoy life!”
Howard: I don’t think you have a good handle on dictatorships.

& Penny: Hey, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anybody?
Leonard: It doesn’t matter what I say, you’re gonna tell me anyway.

& Leonard: So, you think about us getting married?
Penny: I think about a lot of things. I think about us getting married, I think about us breaking up. Once in a while, I think about how I didn’t leave a note on that Mercedes I dinged in the parking lot last month... but then I have a glass of wine and it passes.

& Penny: Well, tell you one thing, if I ever do get married, no Klingon invitations.
Leonard: Good luck catching a man with that attitude.

& Sheldon: Boy, oh, boy! This vacation is off to a wonderful start. The smell of formaldehyde... the whir of the centrifuge... the distant chatter of lab animals being dispatched for dissection... Mm, I can already feel my cares just melting away.
Amy: I’m excited to work with my boyfriend! It’s gonna be romantic...
Sheldon: Way to kill the mood.

& Sheldon: Excuse me, you have Dr. Sheldon Cooper in your lab! You’re gonna make him do the dishes? That’s like asking the Incredible Hulk to open a pickle jar.
Amy: Sheldon, you’ve never worked in a lab like this before. You have no experience in the field of biology.
Sheldon: I have plenty of experience in biology. I bought a Tamagotchi in 1998. And... it’s still alive.

& Leonard: Where’s Howard?
Raj: No “Hi, Raj”? No “How are you, Raj?” Just straight to “Where’s the other white guy?”

& Sheldon: Here you go. This is now the only lab with glassware washed by a man with two doctorates and a restraining order signed by Carl Sagan.
Amy: Soap spots. Wash ’em again.
Sheldon: Y... You’re being ridiculous! Those are perfectly clean.
Amy: Sheldon, this beaker used to contain cerebral spinal fluid from an elephant that died of syphilis. If it’s, in fact, perfectly clean, drink from it.
Sheldon: Biologists are mean.

& Sheldon: This is preposterous! I think you’re giving me these tasks because you’re afraid if you give me anything meaningful to do, I’ll show you up.
Amy: Really? Is that what you think?
Sheldon: Yes, that’s what I think. And I’m super smart, so it’s probably true.

& Amy: Oh... are we nervous, Dr. Cooper?
Sheldon: No. What you see is a man trembling with confidence.

& Howard: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I’m on vacation. Social convention dictates that I let my hair down at a local watering hole. Social convention is stupid.

& Howard: What happened to your thumb?
Sheldon: You know, I have ten fingers and ten toes. If I tell you a story about each one of them, we’ll be here all day... let’s just move on.

& Howard: I’m not signing a prenup.
Penny: All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up. You sign anything she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man alive. If you let her go, there is no way you can find anyone else... speaking on behalf of all women, it is not gonna happen; we had a meeting.

& Amy: Do you honestly think you can just waltz back in here after the way you behaved yesterday?
Sheldon: I was not myself. I had lost a lot of thumb blood.
Amy: That’s not an apology.
Sheldon: That is your opinion.
Amy: I want a real apology.
Sheldon: I’m sorry that you weren’t able to...
Amy: No.
Sheldon: ...that my genius...
Amy: No.
Sheldon: ...that the soap was...
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Fine. Sorry.

--
On the Imdb.

House M.D. 8x12

2012-02-14T23:23:00.013+02:00

Chase

& House: If she likes crippled guys, I’m free for the next six minutes.

& House: I’d apologize again, but I’m still waiting for you to accept the first one.

& Chase: I don’t know when I’m coming back. I don’t know if I’m coming back. Got a problem with that, fire me.

& Chase: I was a seminarian.
Moira: Who obviously didn’t take his vows.
Chase: Cassock* made my ass look fat.

& Wilson: I didn’t tell him!
House: You were cagey about where you were going. And Chase being cagey in general. Good chance I’d find the two of you in the same cage. So I had Park follow you.

& Chase: I don’t want your help.
House: You got stabbed. You blame me. But what did you learn about me that you hadn’t known for years?
Chase: Maybe I was an idiot before and I’m not one now.
House: Or maybe the reverse is true.

& Park: I’m... I’m sorry I led House to you.
Chase: It’s part of the job.

& Chase: Can we get to my patient sometime soon?
House: As soon as you admit that you’re a confused mess, sure.
Chase: You’ll help me. ’Cause even though you don’t find my case interesting, you find my interest in it interesting.
House: Well, when you put it that way...

& House: He tried to tongue-kiss Park when you were closer. You think his sexuality is normal?

& House: Your overreaction to your stabbing is to blame me even as you are drawn to me. Taub’s is to take moronic self-defense classes that won’t defend him against anything!
Taub: Krav maga. Which helped me block your shot and will continue to help me defend myself in a building full of drugged-up strangers.

& House: Taub has to accept that by instinct and genetics he is a coward, who’s better off running and hiding at the first sign of danger.
Taub: I’ve already fended off six of your blitzkriegs in a row.
House: And the seventh? And the eighth? And the nth?..
Chase: If you get him, what’s that gonna prove?
House: That unexpected things happen. By definition, no class can teach you to expect them. Which is why Taub is idiotic to study them, and you’re idiotic to attach any significance to them.

& Chase: Is that why you wanna be a nun? Someone broke your heart.
Moira: No. I’m just looking for something more.
Chase: ... So am I.

& Chase: Really? George Washingbaum?
Taub: He was a character in the Flintsteins.

& Taub: He’s annoying, he’s maddening. But he makes us all better.
Chase: Note to self.

& Chase: So are we gonna spend the rest of eternity in a lake of fire while pointy-tailed demons poke at us with sticks?

& Taub: You slept with a nun?!
Adams: Forget nun, you slept with a patient?
Chase: Former, to both.
House: Internal neck trauma... that’s impressive. It’s happened to me a few times. Up high.

& House: Great thing about assigning Taub fraudulent lab work is you know exactly where he’s gonna end up. Great thing about assigning Taub obviously fraudulent lab work is you get to watch his inner paranoiac at work. And then... Two to the head.

& House: Oh, my God. Taub is interrogating the janitor. He must think that I hired him to attack... actually, why didn’t I do that?

& House: Lock and load. Boo-yah! Pfft!
Taub: Boo-yah to you too.

& Adams: You’re gonna get away from him by turning into him?

& Chase: I always wanted to believe. Would have made my life a lot easier. It never took.

& House: “Noradrenaline and near-death experiences...” Oh, dear. You saw God?
Chase: She did. She wants to go back to the monastery.
House: So now you’re preparing a Powerpoint presentation to keep her in your garden of earthly delights. You’re an idiot.
Chase: Because I found someone I love?
House: Because you’re an idiot.

& Chase: Her feelings are based on a chemical process. They’re gonna wear off.
House: You just slept with her. Your brain is exploding with oxytocin. You think that’s gonna last through the ages?

& Chase: You’re incapable of human connection, so you want everyone to be like you!
House: If I wanted you to be like me... I would be urging you to make a stupid, stubborn decision that blows up your life and leaves you lonely and miserable. You reassess your life when you’ve made mistakes. You didn’t. You just got stabbed.

--
Cassock — Ряса

On the Imdb.

The Walking Dead 2x8

2012-02-14T22:22:00.003+02:00

@ last!

Nebraska

& Lori: His family’s dead, Rick.
Rick: Well, he doesn’t believe that. He thinks you just murdered them in cold blood.

& Andrea: We bury the ones we love and burn the rest.

& Carol: Why?
Daryl: ’Cause that’s your little girl.
Carol: That’s not my little girl... That’s some other thing.

& Dale: I’m telling you... I knew guys like him, and sooner or later... He’s gonna kill somebody else.

& Hershel: Who’s with you?
Rick: Glenn.
Hershel: Maggie sent him?
Rick: He volunteered. He’s good like that.

& Hershel: And when that little girl came out of the barn, the look on your face... I knew you knew it too. Right? There is no hope. And you know it now, like I do. Don’t you? There is no hope for any of us.

& Rick: You know what the truth is? Nothing has changed. Death is death. It’s always been there, whether it’s from a heart attack, cancer, or a Walker. What’s the difference? You didn’t think it was hopeless before, did you?

& Dave: To better days and new friends. And to our dead... may they be in a better place.

& Glenn: Nebraska?.. Low population, lots of guns. Kinda makes sense.
Dave: Ever been to Nebraska, kid? A reason they call ’em Flyover States.

& Dave: Walkers? That what you call them?
Glenn: Yeah.
Dave: That’s good. I like that. I like that better than lamebrains.
Tony: More succinct*.

& Rick: The farm is too crowded as is. I’m sorry. You’ll have to keep looking.
Dave: Keep looking... Where do you suggest we do that?
Rick: I don’t know. I hear Nebraska’s nice.
Dave: Nebraska... This guy.

Clutch - The Regulator

♪ Oh, I see that lantern ♪
♪ trimmed low ♪
♪ burning in our home ♪
♪ and though I feel like crying ♪
♪ I swear tonight ♪

--
succinct — краткий; сжатый

On the Imdb.

The Devil's Double

2012-02-13T23:59:00.035+02:00

& Uday Hussein: I want you, Latif. I want you to be my fidai. I want you to be my brother... Don’t say anything. Take 10 minutes. Think it over.
Latif Yahia: What happens if I say no?
Uday: ... Ten minutes.

& Munem: His grandfather was a Kurd. It’s a pity.

& — These pretty girls will get you anything you feel like. Strawberries in winter, figs in July. Just ask. But lay a finger on one of them without prior permission... and you’ll never walk upright again. And these are Uday’s rooms... He wants you to use them, now that you are to be his brother. Leather sofas, Italian marble, all designed by Gianfranco Giannelli... Handmade shoes, suits, Brioni, Versace, Armani, of course. Silk ties, watches. Breitling, Cartier, Rolex... Silk pajamas. These are very nice. Poor child never knows what to wear. He changes his mind every five minutes. Depends on what car he’s driving. Honestly, habibi, that boy, he wears me out.

& Munem: When you say your prayers tonight, when you turn out the light and close your eyes, this is what you should be saying to yourself, “Latif Yahia is dead. He died in Iran. May God have mercy on him. Now I am Uday Saddam Hussein.”

& Latif: He is insane. You know it, Munem. He’s insane. You turn a blind eye. You have no choice. I understand that. You are a good man in a bad job.

& Uday: Who wants to sleep with me tonight? You?

& Latif: Kuwait has stolen our Iraqi oil! Millions of dollars a year from the oilfields at Rumaila! Our country is losing more than a billion dollars a year! What is Kuwait? Who made up this country? The thieving British! In 1935 they picked up a pen and drew a line in the sand. Kuwait is a fantasy!
Uday: Look, Mother. It’s me.
Latif: Kuwait is a lie! Kuwait is the province of Iraq! The age of the sheikhs is over!

& Uday: Qusay?
Qusay: Uday.
Uday: Are you watching?
Qusay: He didn’t fool me, my brother.
Uday: You can tell? How?!
Qusay: For one thing he’s sober, and second he’s not foaming at the mouth.

& Uday: Allahu akbar? Allah gives me nothing. Everything I want I just take for myself. Look at me. I’m a fucking war hero.

& Uday: I will never let you go. I love you too much.

& Latif’s Father: I’m going to say this once, and it’s my final word. You will do as I tell you or you are no longer my son. Tell this evil son of a bitch to go to hell.
Uday: Speak up, Latif. What is it to be?
Latif: ... Go to hell.

--
On the Imdb.

! Dominic Cooper.

Дмитрий Липскеров — Сорок лет Чанчжоэ (2/2)

2012-02-13T21:39:00.003+02:00

Начало

& – Право, какой странный был человек этот Ягудин. Вся жизнь напоказ. И смерть напоказ! Сначала создает идеалы, а потом рушит их на веки вечные!
– У него найдется преемник.
– Вряд ли. В Башню Счастья можно поверить единожды. А когда ее создатель смеется над поверившими глупцами, миф рассеивается безвозвратно. Народ не прощает оскорблений!
– Вы плохо знаете свой народ. Тем, кого толпа любит и боготворит, она прощает все, и прощает заранее. Вот увидите, что Ягудина будет хоронить весь город и его имя останется в чанчжоэйской летописи навечно.

& Девушка поддалась ..., глаза ее были столь глубоки, а руки так требовательны, что как только они оказались сокрыты от случайных взглядов сухими зарослями, напряжение оставило Шаллера, сознание растворилось, и он отправился в короткий путь безумия.

& – Хватит ютиться в пещерах и думать, как блоха, что ослиный зад – весь мир!

& – Жаль! Мне хотелось донести до тебя эту новость первым.
– Почему?
– Потому что я люблю приносить новости. И плохие, и хорошие.
– Странное удовольствие.
– Не думаю, что в этом вопросе я исключение. {...} Просто человек любит приносить новости первым. Ему нравится потрясти, послушать в ответ: "Да что вы! не может быть! как это произошло?.."

& – Как больно, Господи!!!
– Страдания облегчают душу, – поддержал дух Теплого Генрих Иванович. – Они облагораживают и подтверждают, что человек еще жив. Вы живы, и вас можно с этим поздравить!

& – Так оно в жизни и бывает. Чем больше повседневной рутины, тем жизнь беззаботней! А для философских мыслей нужна скука отчаянная! От скуки и мысли все светлые...

& Да что об этом думать! Сколь ни думай, жизнь все равно распорядится по иному...

& Так, вероятно, в жизни всегда. Жизнь – она как роза ветров. Есть Юг и Север, как Добро и Зло. Но есть и восток и запад, есть юго-запад и северо-восток.
Скорее всего, нет абсолютного Добра и нет абсолютного Зла. Есть юго-запад и северо-восток. Ну, и другое, в таком же духе!..

& Ее вскоре поймали и всяческими снадобьями пытались успокоить. Девушка и подышала нашатырем, и глотнула отвара мяты... Но лишь обильные слезы с частичками души сделали свое дело и лишили ее сил.

& Она взяла со столика поэтический сборник какого-то французика, раскрыла его наугад и погрузилась в зарифмованные слюни романтизма.

& – Это кара Господня!.. Где же я согрешил, где виноват перед Господом?!
– Не стоит так себя бичевать! – успокаивал доктор Струве. – Почему кара Господня?.. Может быть, это испытание?!
– Ах, оставьте!.. – всплеснул руками митрополит. – Бог уже испытал человека! Уж он знает, на что способен гомо сапиенс! Это – кара! Я вам говорю! Поверьте мне! Кара!!!

& – Знаете, иногда кто-нибудь скажет что-нибудь эдакое, умное, так что оскомина на зубах, как будто лимон целиком сожрал! И в харю хочется такому умнику дать!..

& Митрополит и губернатор еще пытались что-то сделать, кого-то удержать, кому-то подставить подножку, но все было тщетно. Народ обрел единое сознание и единую цель, а потому устремился в слаженном порыве учинять бойню.

& – Вам действительно кажется, что я изо всего этого выпутаюсь?
– Муха не бьется в паутине вечно. Она либо выпутывается из нее, либо погибает.

& Постарайтесь поскорее прийти в себя и ни о чем не жалейте! Каждая минута нова, и с каждой новой минутой в нас родится новый человек!

& Г-н Персик переключал рычаг скоростей, говоря себе, что жить нужно только в столице. И не обязательно в российской!

... Юный лось безразлично задрал к небу голову, а потом вновь опустил ее к земле.”

Snowtown

2012-02-12T23:59:00.037+02:00

& John: It’s good? It’s what they call a green curry.
Jamie: Is that because of the peas?
John: It’s probably because it’s green.

& John: Do you like being fucked?
Jamie: What?
John: Do you like being fucked?!
Jamie: No.
John: So why not do something about it?

& John: Do you wanna shoot it? Yeah? Shoot it.
Jamie: At what?
John: Shoot the dog. {...}
Jamie: No.
John: No? Why not? She’s my dog, mate. I don’t really give a shit. You don’t even have to look at her... You just shoot it.

--
On the Imdb.

__ Talented, deep, serious, honest, insightful movie. Unusual, strange, disturbing. Very talented. But you'll not like it. You just can't. Just as you can't to stop viewing.

Дмитрий Липскеров — Сорок лет Чанчжоэ (1/2)

2012-02-12T21:39:00.001+02:00

“Капитан в отставке Ренатов сидел на маленькой деревянной табуреточке, стоящей на цветном, с азиатскими узорами, покрывале и, щурясь, слегка улыбаясь, смотрел на небо. ...

& От голоса жены, скатывающегося бубенчиком вниз, от заботливости супруги в Семене Ильиче неизменно всплескивалось ощущение счастья, тихого и навсегда.

& Лишь только его просыпающееся сознание столкнулось с новым утром, как в мозгу снова всплыла фраза: "Каждый член ищет свое влагалище". И мозг незамедлительно начал работу.

& – Почему мужчины должны быть инициаторами даже в поцелуях?
– Потому что, если бы мужчины ждали поцелуев от женщин, не рождались бы дети.

& Ведь это тоже способность – спокойно довольствоваться тем, что дадено Богом: никому не завидовать и спать спокойно, видя во сне благопристойные сны.

& Когда разгоряченная орава вывалилась на площадь в корейском районе, разгромив по пути несколько магазинов и пустив кишки их хозяевам, когда пролитая кровь захмелила рассудки погромщиков и катастрофа, казалось, была неизбежной, навстречу извергам из мясной лавочки вышел седоволосый старичок по имени Сим Бин Ген и, вознеся руки у небу, на русском языке обратился к озверевшим боевикам. Он успел сказать лишь несколько слов, после чего камень величиной с грецкий орех, выпущенный из пращи, размозжил ему голову. А слова были вот какие:
– Мы не отбилай васы денески! Мы не тлавим васых детисек! Вы залабатывай мало мало денесек, потому сто мало мало лаботать и мало мало думать!.. Мы холосый и доблый налод! Мы длузно зыть с лусскими!..

& ... Таким образом и произошло название Интерната для детей сирот имени графа Оплаксина, павшего в боях за собственную совесть.

& – А вы сами что-нибудь сочиняете?
– Нет, – ответил Генрих. – Не сочиняю. Не чувствую за собой талантов.

& Он держался обеими руками за горло, выпучив глаза, и ждал, когда сердце последний раз ударит в колокол души и та, лишившись равновесия, сдернется с места и устремится в неизведанное.

& – Господа, господа! Образумьтесь! – Митрополит схватился за крест. – Нельзя попасть на небеса по лестнице! Если бы такое было возможно, то всякая нечисть греховная поползла бы в рай! На небеса есть лишь один путь – через смерть и отделение души от плоти!
– Успокойтесь, святой отец. Никто не подвергает сомнению, что только душа может попасть на небо, но никак не тело. Суть дела не в этом. Надо дать народу возможность совершить поступок, пусть он и абсурден.

& Полнота любовных эмоций одинакова как в юности, так и в старости, с той лишь разницей, что к старости ты знаешь, как может твоя душа любить, как готова страдать она от неразделенной страсти, а юность лишь тычется слепцом, нащупывая пути для слез, и удивляется радости страданий. Старость должна иметь плод любви, который принесет ей умиротворение. Любовь в старости – это как динамо-машина, которая не подсоединена к лампочке, а просто распыляет электричество в пространство...

& "Вероятно, я наблюдал то, о чем мне не хотел рассказывать Супонин. Теперь я знаю, что происходит между женщиной и мужчиной. То же самое, что и между курами. Экая мерзость – жизнь!" Джером еще раз заглянул в щель.

& – Велик русский народ в своем стремлении к иллюзиям!

& – Вы хотите счастья? – спросил человек.
– Хотим! – дружно отозвалась толпа.
– Вы верите, что по Башне можно перейти в райские кущи?
– Верим!
– Верите?
– Верим!!!
Человек на вершине на мгновение замолчал, а потом вдвое громче заорал:
– Ну и идиоты! Кретины! Быдло!
После этих слов Ягудин чуть присел, затем расправил руки, словно птица крылья перед полетом, оттолкнулся ногами от свежей кирпичной кладки и с диким криком полетел...
– Быдло-о-о!..

Окончание

Colombiana

2012-02-11T23:59:00.023+02:00

& Marco: You know who Don Luis is, right?.. He was like a father to your father. That makes you family too. But when someone is good to you and you’re not good to them back, then bad things happen.

& Marco: You’re a smart girl, and in this life, smart girls always get what they want. Hm? So just tell me. Just tell me, sweetheart. What do you want?
Cataleya: Aah! To kill Don Luis.

& Emilio: You are very talented. Is this what you want to be, an artist?
Cataleya: I used to want to be like Xena. Warrior princess.

& Cataleya: I want to be a killer. Can you help me?
Emilio Restrepo: Sure.

& Agent Williams: What do you think? Hm?
Don Luis: Coincidence.
Williams: Twenty-two times?

& Agent Ross (by Lennie James): Have you covered all your bases?.. This whole place is wired with webcams.
Cataleya: You mean these? Talk about covering all my bases... Your chair is pressure-wired. You move a single inch, it’ll be the last move you ever make.

& Cataleya: When your dinner’s ready, the timer in your chair will have expired. Don’t get up before.

& Agent Ross: It’s her. If you don’t give her what she wants, she’s going to redecorate your whole office... With you.

--
+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ As they say: 'pretty entertaining trash'. + Zoe Saldana.

30 Minutes or Less

2012-02-10T23:46:00.083+02:00

& Chet: You’ve been watching the whole time?
Nick: Yeah, the whole show. Really classy move there at the end. The kiss.
Chet: If a woman is kind to provide me with fellatio services... I’m not gonna dart out of there like she’s an untouchable.
Nick: And they say chivalry is dead. Have a beer. The alcohol should help wash the taste of yourself out of your mouth.

& Dwayne: If you weren’t a skinny bitch, you could be in the military.
Travis: I don’t need to be. I taught myself how to do this. I went online and looked all this up.
Dwayne: I hear you. I taught myself how to eat pussy and cut my own hair.
Travis: I taught myself how to eat pussy hair.

& Nick: Tom Small is gay?! That kid used to beat me and Chet in grammar school.
Kate: Tell me about it. He OTPF’d me at Junior High Formal.
Nick: What the hell is that?
Kate: “Over the pants fingered.”

& Kate: I’m moving to Atlanta. I’m gonna be working in their Special Events Department.
Nick: In Hotlanta? I know a little about it from rap music... and it sounds like a fucked-up place.

& Travis: Where do all these leaves come from?
Dwayne: Where the hell do you think, dude? From fucking trees.
Travis: That’s what she said.
Dwayne: No, “that’s what she said” jokes don’t work with that. It has to be in a sexual reference. Like, you know, “These leaves are hard.” — “That’s what she said.”

& Dwayne: You know why I sleep late, Travis? It’s not because I’m lazy. It’s on account of me having so many goddamn dreams. Big ones.

& Dwayne: Sometimes fate pulls out its big old cock... and slaps you right in the face.

& Nick: I’m off in 10 minutes. Where the hell is this?
Chris: Here, let me check my fuck-you map... Yeah, it’s in... Thirty Minutes or Less Land or else the pizza comes out of your paycheck. Ticktock!

& Dwayne: Don’t do anything stupid like trip over your shoelaces*. That vest is packed with C-4. The C is for “chaos.”
Travis: It’s actually for “composite,” but yeah, don’t bump into shit: Bufff!

& Chet: Damn it. I want to tell you to get fucked.
Nick: I know.
Chet: But I can’t. Because I’m a better man than you. And if I let you go and you explode... that shit will come back and eat at my conscience. And affect my relationships with other people. Like my future wife and kids, and shit. We’d be having a picnic or something one day and I would just be like: “Oh, damn it, I shouldn’t have let Nick explode that time.”
Nick: That’s a very rational way to look at the situation.

& Chet: What if we saw off your arms... slip the vest over your head, then go to the hospital? They’ll reattach your arms... We’ll keep your arms on ice.
Nick: Fuck that.
Chet: I don’t know, man. These sites say different shit. Not a lot of consensus in the bomb-disarming community.

& Nick: It’s a local bank. It’s the Donner-Wells.
Chet: The one by the Olive Garden? That’s my bank. Small, standard security. Totally manageable for one dude.
Nick: One dude? You mean, you’re not gonna do it with me?
Chet: No, but I’m happy to give tips, advice, motivational speeches.

& Nick: Okay. Guns... Masks...
Cashier: You sure y’all don’t wanna grab some condoms?
Nick: No. Why?
Cashier: Because this is usually what men buy before they rape someone.

& Dwayne: Hell, you gay for this guy or something?
Travis: What? Yeah. If wanting a lot of money is gay, yeah, I’m Elton John.

& Nick: I just want you to know that if today was the final day... of my brief and shitty existence... and I could only see one more person... it would be you.

& Dwayne: Yo, Juicy, what’s happening? This is King Dwayne. I have been thinking about you a lot. And I don’t know, I just feel cool inside. I’m excited to get this money and me and you to kind of start our thing. I’ve been thinking a lot about the polishing-the-scepter deal. I know that’s not really polishing. You’re talking about sucking my dick. But I just want you to know that it’s gonna be mutual. You won’t just have to polish my scepter, I will also lick your crown... which is a euphemism for, you know, eating your pussy. Give me a call when you get a chance.

& Chet: Which one of you assholes tripped the alarm?! Sandra, don’t tell me you did that too.
Sandra: No, it was Mark. He pushed the button when you came in.
Mark: Sandra, you bitch. They’re gonna kill both of us.
Sandra: Fuck you, you’re the manager!

& Chet: Can’t outrun these guys in a Datsun.
Nick: I can, I do this for a living.
Chet: No, you don’t. You deliver pizzas. That’s nothing like this.
Nick: Hang on.

& Travis: We’re gonna get the money like we planned. We just have to get the leverage back.
Dwayne: How do we do that?
Travis: We hit that pizza fuck where it hurts.
Dwayne: What, in his dick?
Travis: No, in his pussy.

& Chet: I should just become a bank robber. I was pretty good at it. Teachers don’t make shit. Bank robbers make bank.

& Nick: I got the cash, so give me the code and Kate.
Dwayne: Or maybe we can chill out, wait for the money shot.
Nick: That’s very funny. Now give me the fucking code.
Dwayne: Fine, 69, 69, 69.
Nick: You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Dwayne: Man, don’t judge me. It’s my favorite sexual position.

--
shoelaces — шнурки

+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ Pretty funny. Good team: Jesse Eisenberg, Danny McBride & also Aziz Ansari as Chet.

Hung 3x3

2012-02-10T22:00:00.015+02:00

Mister Drecker or Ease Up on the Whup-Ass

& Ray: How are you?
Logan: I was like, no way. That can’t be him! You look like a secret agent in that suit.
Ray: Well, don’t blow my cover.
Logan: Come on, Mr. Drecker. I’m buying you a drink.
Ray: What did you just call me?!!
Logan: Mr. Drecker. Mr. Drecker, it’s Logan. Logan Lewis. I was in your history class. World history. You gave me a “D,” you jerk.

& Ray: I blew my cover, Tanya. I knew this girl from school!
Tanya: Wait, you had sex with a student?!
Ray: No, no, with a former student.
Tanya: You had sex with a former student?!!

& Tanya: You just... you need a safe word.
Ray: A what? A what?
Tanya: A safe word. It’s something you say when a situation gets out of hand. Like “Bubble Boy” or “Chechnya” or something.

& Ray: Lydia... It was a little rapey if you ask me. Some women like to dress up as nurses, schoolgirls. What kind of woman likes to dress up like a cop?..

& Lydia: Well, you have a choice. You can go to jail or... you can fuck me.
Ray: Well... I guess I’ll go to jail.
Lydia: ............ Bad idea. Now you have to go to jail and fuck me. Hands behind your back, scumbag!

& Ray: Don’t throw stones, Tanya. It’s okay for you to fuck some kid in a bathroom, but I go out on a date with some younger girl that makes me suddenly a dirty old man? You’re sexist.

& Ray: I, uh... I do a... ahem... an outreach program. It’s for this wellness center. It’s kind of like a support group. I get... you know, I raise money for it and get paid sometimes to do counseling. Stuff like that. Anyway, the other night I thought that you were a patient... a client... a patient.

& Ray: “Logan, no matter who”... Jeez, I can’t even read my handwriting.
Logan: “Logan, no matter who underestimates you, never underestimate yourself. Coach D.”

& Logan: Are you a prostitute, Mr. Drecker?

& Ray: Logan, I am your teacher!
Logan: And I want to fuck you.

& Lenore: Oh, sweetheart, you have entered a forest of lies and you forgot your fucking compass.

& Lenore: What I want is to sell Jason... to other women... for a profit. Do you understand what that means? It’s a terrific business opportunity for him. Will you make it happen or will you stand in his way?
Sandee: If I give you something I love... what do I get in return?
Lenore: What do you want?
Sandee: I want a hi-def flat-screen TV... and Blu-Ray.

& Jessica: Guys, why don’t you go play your dad that song?
Ray: Song? What song?
Damon: One, two, eff-you.

♪ Congrats on your job ♪
♪ don’t eff it up, don’t eff it up ♪
♪ Ronnie’s gone ♪
♪ don’t eff it up, don’t eff it up... ♪

& Jessica: I don’t need the money. I got a job.
Ray: You got a job?
Jessica: Yeah, with the doctor who treated my mom. You met him at the hospital.
Ray: D-d-d-doctor?

& Tanya: Oh God. That’s Lydia! She’s really a cop. She’s a real cop.

& Logan: Give me a little credit.
Ray: Well, I did give you that “D”.
Logan: ... I want an “A”.
Ray: How about a “C”?
Logan: I want an “A”.
Ray: ..... How about a “B”?
Logan: I want a fucking “A”, Mr. Drecker! And I want it now.
Ray: You got 600 bucks?

& Logan: Oh my God, Mr. Drecker. I knew it!

Dionne Bromfield — Move a little faster
♪ Yeah yeah... ♪

♪ You got to move a little faster ♪
♪ yeah, you’re too slow, boy, if you want to keep up ♪
♪ you got to move a little faster, yeah ♪
♪ your mind is always racing ♪
♪ so work it out, baby ♪
♪ got no time for faking ♪
♪ you got to step up ♪
♪ if you’re gonna do it right ♪
♪ you’re too slow, boy ♪
♪ if you want to keep up ♪
♪ you got to move ♪
♪ a little faster ♪

--
On the Imdb.

A Dangerous Method

2012-02-09T23:59:00.111+02:00

& Carl Jung: What I don’t understand is why Freud, having proposed this radical therapeutic idea, this talking cure, this psychoanalysis, then lets years go by without giving even the barest outline of his clinical procedures?

& Emma Jung: Presumably he uses the method on his patients?
Jung: I’ve no idea.
Emma: So might you be the first doctor to try this out?
Jung: It’s possible.
Emma: Why don’t you write and ask him?
Jung: I don’t know him.

& Herr Direktor: What are your particular interests?
Sabina Spielrein: Suicide... Interplanetary travel.

& Emma: I’m sorry.
Jung: Sorry?
Emma: I promised you a son on Christmas Day. And here she is a day late and the wrong sex.

& Jung: Perhaps the terms themselves should be reviewed. If, for instance, we could come up with some milder term than “libido”, we might not encounter such emotional resistance. It would make the teaching side of things much easier.
Sigmund Freud: Is euphemism a good idea? Once they work out what we actually mean, they’ll be just as appalled as ever.
Jung: I take your point, but I still think it’s worth trying to sweeten the pill... when it comes to questions of sexuality.
Freud: And, by the way, please don’t feel you have to restrain yourself here. My family are all veterans of the most unsuitable topics of mealtime conversation.

& Jung: She’s a walking advertisement for the effectiveness of psychoanalysis.
Freud: Psychoanalysis.
Jung: Oh?
Freud: It’s more logical... And it sounds better.

& Jung: The masochistic aspects of her condition are much more deeply rooted... than any anal fixations we may have uncovered.
Freud: The two are intimately connected.
Jung: I can only tell you that she is rather disorganized, emotionally generous and exceptionally idealistic.
Freud: Well, perhaps it’s a Russian thing.

& Jung: But might that not be caused by your insistence on the exclusively... sexual interpretation of the clinical material?
Freud: All I’m doing is pointing out... what experience indicates to me must be the truth. And I can assure you that in a hundred year’s time, our work will still be rejected.

& Freud: Columbus, you know, had no idea what country he’d discovered. Like him, I’m in the dark. All I know is I’ve set foot on the shore and the country exists.
Jung: I think of you more as Galileo. And your opponents as those who condemned him, while refusing even to put their eye to his telescope.
Freud: In any event, I have simply opened a door. It’s for the young men like yourself to walk through it.

& Freud: There’s the added difficulty, more ammunition for our enemies, that all of us here in Vienna, in our psychoanalytical circle, are Jews.
Jung: I don’t see what difference that makes.
Freud: That, if I may say so, is an exquisitely Protestant remark.

& Freud: I wonder if you’re aware of the fact... that our conversation has so far lasted... 13 hours?

& Jung: There must be more than one hinge* into the universe!

& Jung: So you’re... not a believer in monogamy?
Otto Gross: For a neurotic like myself, I can’t possibly imagine a more stressful concept.

& Otto: If there is one thing I’ve learned in my short life... is this... never repress anything.

& Jung: You think Freud’s right? You think all neurosis is of exclusively sexual origin?
Otto: I think Freud’s obsession with sex probably has a great deal... to do with the fact that he never gets any.

& Otto: It seems to me, a measure of the true perversity of the human race, that one of its very few reliably pleasurable activities... should be the subject of so much hysteria and repression.
Jung: But not to repress yourself... is to unleash all kinds of dangerous and destructive forces.
Otto: Our job... is to make our patients capable of freedom.
Jung: I’ve heard it said, that you helped one of your patients to kill herself.
Otto: She was resolutely suicidal. I just explained, how she could do it without botching* it. Then I asked her if she didn’t prefer the idea of becoming my lover... She opted for both.
Jung: That can’t be what we want for our patients.
Otto: Freedom is freedom.

& Otto: Just take her to some secluded* spot and thrash* her to within an inch of her life. That’s clearly what she wants. How can you deny her such a simple pleasure?
Jung: Pleasure is never simple, as you very well know.
Otto: It is. Of course it is. Until we decide to complicate it. What my father calls maturity. What I call surrender.
Jung: Surrender, for me, would be to give in to these urges.
Otto: Then surrender. It doesn’t matter what you call it as long as you don’t let the experience escape. That’s my prescription.

& Jung: What I’m afraid of is his power to convince me. On the subject of monogamy, for example. Why should we put so much frantic effort... into suppressing our most basic natural instincts?
Sabina: I don’t know. You tell me.

& Sabina: Who is it?
Jung: A friend.

& Sabina: Don’t you love me anymore?
Jung: Only as your physician.

& Jung: Why is this so important to you?
Sabina: I want him to take me as his patient.
Jung: Does it have to be him?
Sabina: It has to be him.

& Freud: I’ve always been in two minds about America. Maybe we made a foolish error. Do they really want us there?
— They postponed the Congress for 2 months, so that you could attend. Surely that gives you some indication.

& Freud: I had a most elaborate dream last night. Particularly rich.
Jung: Let’s hear it.
Freud: I’d love to tell you... but I don’t think I should.
Jung: Why ever not?
Freud: I wouldn’t want to risk my authority.

& Freud: You think they know we’re on our way, bringing them the plague?

& Freud: In general, I don’t care if a man believes in Rama, Marx or Aphrodite, as long as he keeps it out of the consulting room.
Sabina: Is that what’s at the bottom of your dispute with Dr. Jung?
Freud: I have no dispute with Dr. Jung. I was simply mistaken about him. I thought he was going to be able to carry our work forward after I was gone. I didn’t bargain for all that second-rate mysticism and self-aggrandizing* shamanism. Nor did I realize he could be so brutal and sanctimonious*.

& Sabina: He’s trying to find some way forward... so that we don’t just have to tell our patients, “This is why you are the way you are.” He wants to be able to say, “We can show you what it is you might want to become”.
Freud: Playing God, in other words. We have no right to do that. The world is as it is. Understanding and accepting that is the way to psychic health. What good can we do if our aim is simply to replace one delusion with another?

& Freud: I’m afraid your idea of a mystical union with a blond Siegfried... was inevitably doomed. Put not your trust in Aryans. We’re Jews, my dear Miss Spielrein, and Jews we will always be.

& Freud: How sweet... it must be to die.

& Jung: I don’t want to just open a door... and show the patient his illness, squatting there like a toad. I want to try and find a way, to help the patient reinvent himself. To send him off on a journey at the end of which is waiting... the person he was always intended to be.

--
hinge — стержень; петля; шарнир; крюк; суть
botch — портить; делать небрежно
secluded — уединенный; укромный
thrash — бить; молотить; пороть; отлупить; взгреть
aggrandizing — превозносящее
sanctimonious — ханжеский; лицемерный

+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ Keira Knightley for ~~President~~ Oscar!

Hung 3x2

2012-02-09T22:00:00.064+02:00

Take the Cake or Are You Packing?

& Ray: It was gonna be an easy night.

& Tanya: Ray, women like to be fought over. I mean sometimes they’ll have sex with the guy that seems to want them the most. It’s a biological imperative.
Ray: Thank you, Darwin.

& Tanya: You don’t listen to me. You have to listen to me.
Ray: Since when?
Tanya: Ray, every ship has a captain. And I’m the pimp.

& Ray: Cut the crap, Tanya. I have a problem with you saying that you’re the captain, okay, when we’re ... partners.
Tanya: Well, we’re partners but, Ray, but... I mean, I call the shots.

& Ray: Oh, no, no cuffs. No! No cuffs. Suddenly every woman in my life wanted to be on top.

& Jessica: You know what? Ray is not the cake. We are not together. And last I checked, you were the one getting jerked off in the back of a car, not me.
Ronnie: I... didn’t... come.
Jessica: Fuck you. Fuck your fucking check.

& Jason: Saturdays are no good.
Lenore: What are you talking about? Every Saturday?
Jason: Yeah, kind of. And every other Wednesday is our alone time.
Lenore: Who, you and your dick?
Jason: No, me and Sandee.
Lenore: Who the fuck is Sandee?
Jason: My fiancée... Oh, I’m kind of engaged.
{ And who’s the Sandee? Oh, yeah! Analeigh Tipton known from a Crazy, Stupid, Love. }

& Tanya: I have a plan. I have a plan. It’s the broken window theory. If you have a house and there’s a broken window and you don’t fix it right away then you get a lot more broken windows. And you also get, like, graffiti all over your house.
Ray: That’s your plan?

& Sandee: And what would you like your cake to say?
Lenore: “I... fucked... your... boyfriend.”
Sandee: ... That’s what you want the cake to say?
Lenore: Yes.
Sandee: I think that the company might have some sort of policy against using swear words.
Lenore: Oh. “Screwed” is fine.
Sandee: Yeah?
Lenore: Yeah.
Sandee: And is this for pickup or delivery?
Lenore: Delivery. What’s your address?
Sandee: I li— excuse me?
Lenore: Where do you live?
Sandee: I live at 323 North Deerfield Road, Apartment 5.
Lenore: Great, put 323 North Deerfield Road, Apartment 5.
Sandee: That’s where I live!
Lenore: Yes. The cake’s for you.

& Lotte: It’s not heart attack. It’s chicken wings.
Ray: What kind of pain is it, Lottie?
Lotte: It’s chicken wing type of pain.

& Tanya: I’m Tanya. Does that name mean anything to you?
Jason: Uh, I have a cousin named Tanya.
Tanya: Yeah. Is your cousin a pimp?

& Jason: I’m sorry. How can I make it up to you?

& Ray: You went behind my back when I specifically said I want to deal with the guy and you fucked him?
Tanya: Um...
Ray: That’s you being the captain?
Tanya: Look, what I did is I made a calculated business decision for the two of us.

& Ray: I can’t believe you slept with that guy. He’s like 12.
Tanya: He is not. He’s at least 20-something.

--
On the Imdb.

The Big Bang Theory 5x15

2012-02-08T23:59:00.013+02:00

The Friendship Contraction

& Leonard: What the hell?!!
Sheldon: Emergency preparedness drill.

& Raj: Why do you put six sugars in your coffee?
Leonard: Because the cafeteria doesn’t offer little packets of methamphetamine.
Howard: Emergency drill night last night, huh?
Leonard: Uh-huh.
Raj: How’d you do?
Sheldon: I’ll tell you exactly how he did. “Readiness: unsatisfactory. Follows direction: barely. Attitude: a little too much. Overall: not only will he probably die in a fiery inferno, his incessant whining would most certainly spoil everyone else’s day.”

& Leonard: I don’t care. I’m done.
Sheldon: Hold on. Are you saying that you want to invoke Clause 209?
Leonard: I don’t know what that is, but if it means I can go home and sleep, then yes.
Sheldon: Think carefully here. Clause 209 suspends our friendship, and strips down the Roommate Agreement to its bare essentials. Our responsibilities toward each other would only be rent, utilities and a perfunctory chin jut of recognition as we pass in the hall. ’Sup?
Leonard: Where do I sign?

& Sheldon: All right. That’s it. We are now no longer companions, boon or otherwise. We are not merely acquaintances. To amend the words of Toy Story... “You have not got a friend in me.”
Leonard: I’m gonna go home and take a nap.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, tell it to someone who cares.

& Sheldon: Hello, dear friends... And Dr. Hofstadter.
Leonard: ’Sup?

& Sheldon: My apologies. I would’ve been here sooner, but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.

& Sheldon: Hello, Stuart.
Stuart: Oh, hey, Sheldon. Can I help you find something today?
Sheldon: No, no. I was just sitting at home thinking about how it might be nice to catch up with my ninth favorite person.
Stuart: Ninth?
Sheldon: You moved up one. My pen pal in Somalia was kidnapped by pirates.

& Sheldon: Before you go, consider this. Not only do I have a deep-cycle marine battery power source which is more than capable of running our entertainment system, I also have all 61 episodes of the BBC series Red Dwarf... and Fiddle-Faddle. All yours if you’re willing to reinstate the Roommate Agreement.
Penny: I’ve got wine at my place and some bubble wrap we could pop.
Sheldon: ... Oh, he’ll be back. Wine and a girl in the dark... he’s gonna be bored out of his mind.

& Penny: Anyway, you want to make out?
Leonard: I thought because our relationship’s in a beta test, you wanted to take things slow.
Penny: Okay. Do you want to make out slow?

& Sheldon: Excuse me, Leonard.
Leonard: Since when don’t you knock? It’s like the only good thing about you.

& Penny: Aw...
Leonard: No, don’t “aw” him. He brought this all on himself.
Penny: But he’s sad.
Leonard: No, he’s crazy. Sometimes crazy looks like sad so it’ll suck you back in.

& Sheldon: What are you proposing?
Leonard: That we go back to the way things were. But when I do something for you, you show a little appreciation.
Sheldon: And how would I do that?
Leonard: ... You say “thank you.”
Sheldon: Every time?!

--
On the Imdb.

House M.D. 8x11

2012-02-08T23:37:00.000+02:00

Nobody's Fault

& Cofield: Dr. House, this recording will be transcribed and published along with all supporting documentation and rulings. Do you have any questions before we get started?
House: Yeah... Who the hell are you?
Cofield: I’m Walter Cofield, Chief of Neurology, Mercy Hospital. I’ll be deciding your fate today.

& Cofield: What are you doing?
House: Taking my vic-amins.

& Cofield: Were you taking Vicodin during this case?
House: Uhh... Yes. And during about nine years of previous cases. My process is proven. Good things usually happen. Bad things sometimes happen.

& Cofield: And when bad things happen, we should figure out what went wrong, so we can learn from it and correct it.
House: So that we can assign blame instead of recognizing that bad things sometimes happen. It was nobody’s fault.

& House: Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach gym. Those who can’t move their arms or legs teach us to laugh at others.

& Park: He thought Taub’s idea was stupid.
Cofield: And what about your idea?
Park: He thought that was stupid too.

& Cofield: Does Dr. House not attach importance to patient histories?
Taub: No, he thinks they’re crucial. He just doesn’t think being in the same room as the patient is crucial. House thinks avoiding patients allows him to stay as objective as possible... He’s not wrong.
Cofield: Sounds like a very diplomatic way of saying he’s lazy.
House: ... That’s also true. Either way, I’m covered. If you want an accurate patient history, don’t ever talk to the patient. Everybody lies... Except me... To you. Would never do that.

& Cofield: Your patient was doubled over in pain and coughing up blood, and you found that interesting?
House: Why, is that bad?
Cofield: ... It’s interesting.

& Park: But that’s only experimental!
Cofield: It’s never actually been used before.
House: Not true. Been used in sheep.
Cofield: Uh-huh.

& Cofield: So you busted out the sulfur dioxide stink bomb?
House: It was a team-building exercise.
Cofield: No. It was manipulation. You were pressuring your team into coming up with unsafe medical ideas just to get out of that room.
House: You say pressure, I say inspire. The usual safe ideas were not gonna work.

& Cofield: In light of what happened, you still think it was the perfect diagnostic moment?
House: ... Yes. My theory accounted for all the medical outcomes... It did not account for the disobedience of my own team.

& Taub: Which artery?
Adams: It’s his heart.

& Cofield: So he just walked out?
Taub: There really was nothing for him to do.
Cofield: Speaks to a certain callousness* on Dr. House’s part, don’t you think?
Taub: Who cares if House was callous? Are you gonna punish callousness?

& Cofield: ... How do you work with a guy like that?
Chase: {...} He wanted to check on me. But he needed an excuse. Otherwise, he could be accused of caring.
Cofield: So your testimony is that Dr. House’s complete lack of concern is evidence of his deep concern?

& House: We’re going off the record because this is irrelevant, or are you gonna hit me?

& Cofield: Dr. House is obviously brilliant...
House: Well, I think we’ve heard enough.
Cofield: ...but Dr. House is also a fiasco.

& Patient’s wife: I came to speak with Dr. House. {...} I thought I should say something. I mean... He wasn’t the nicest doctor I’ve ever met...
House: Well, I think we’ve heard enough.
Patient’s wife: ...but he was right.

& Cofield: Congratulations, Dr. House. This unfortunate [cencored] incident is officially nobody’s fault.

& House: How’d you get the firing wire into the Vicodin bottle without me noticing?
Chase: Why’d I even have to? What was the point of the orange hair?

& House: I found a way to let you know to not be late.
Chase: You couldn’t just ask me to stop being late?
House: What fun would that be?

& House: They’re wrong... I’m sorry.

--
callousness — бессердечность; грубость; бесчувственность

On the Imdb.

Hung 3x1

2012-02-08T22:00:00.022+02:00

Don’t Give Up on Detroit or Hung Like a Horse

& Tanya: Ladies, sex is not a job. It’s a way of life. My name is Tanya Skagle. Welcome to Orgasmic Living.

& Tanya: Berbig— Ber— Berbigs? Berbiglia? Ber— uh— I can’t— I can’t read this, Cammy. No more cursive, all right? God, it’s not even English!

& Tanya: It’s not all about your dick, Ray.
Ray: Okay, so it’s not all about my dick.
Tanya: All right, what is what’s this place about, Ray? What do you think? What’s Starbucks about?.. I mean, nobody needs coffee so bad that they’re willing to pay $5 a cup for some caramel macchiato.

& Tanya: Happiness consultants. It’s a wellness center for women, coming to a storefront near you... Thanks to Judy Pearson and the Certified National Bank.

& Ray: We’ve got something special to offer Detroit and we’d like to focus on that...
Tanya: It’s very special.
Ray: ...Full-time.
Judy: But what is your product? Can you tell me that? Can you give me an example, please, of what it is that you are selling?
Tanya: .............. Hand creams... Organic hand creams.

& Tanya: About the hand cream... I know nothing about hand cream. I don’t know why I said it. What I should have said is that... women don’t orgasm enough. ... The thing is we can orgasm more, both in the bedroom and in life in general. Sex can be better, Judy. Our lives can be better— you, me, the fucking country. In fear is where our orgasm lies...

& Ray: The whole thing was nuts, from beginning to end. But banks and women, well, they work in mysterious ways.

& Ray: The vulva?! Of all the parts of the human body to pick, why the vulva?!
Tanya: It’s a vulva!
Ray: You think that’s gonna get us a loan?

& Ray: It’s the word, vulva... not sexy.

& Ray: It was starting to look like the greatest date of my professional career.......
Judy: Thanks, Ray. We’re good.

& Tanya: The cunt as temple, tomb, cave or flower. I’d like to announce that the wellness center... we also offer private consultations... very private, with a therapist. It’s a female therapist, or a... or a male... it’s a male therapist. He’s very male. And very private.

& Tanya: That’s... Richard.

& Jessica: And all this is... is from substitute teaching?
Ray: Yeah. Mostly. And you know, some odd jobs here and there.
Jessica: Odd jobs... Wow, what kind of odd jobs? I mean I send my resume out 50 times a day, nobody ever calls me back.

& Lenore: Oh, I think I torqued my neck.
Jason: Oh, I think that was the chair. Your ass is just too delicious.

& Lenore: What’s your name?
Jason: Jason.
Lenore: Jason... I’m glad I found you, Jason. I’ve been looking for you for a long time. Like they do in Tibet for the Dalai Lama.

& Lenore: You only have to kill one person to be a killer, baby.

& Tanya: Hey hey hey, let’s go to Windsor. Let’s cruise this puppy all the way to Canada.
Ray: How about around the block?

1,2,3 — Work

♪ I work, I work ♪
♪ I work, I work for you ♪
♪ for you, for you ♪
♪ for you I work ♪
♪ I work, I work ♪
♪ if you work too ♪
♪ for you, for you, for you ♪
♪ gold card, platinum card ♪
♪ plastic card too ♪
♪ I don’t really give a damn about you ♪
♪ I keep all my earnings in a box marked shoes ♪
♪ I’d try to run heaven all to give you proof ♪

--
On the Imdb.

__ Wow, completely restart. In series, in happiness consulting business, in family. So refreshing. A right positioning is our all.

Two and a Half Men 3x4

2012-02-07T23:59:00.045+02:00

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

& Jake: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...
Alan: What are you doing?
Jake: Masticating*.
Alan: What?!
Jake: Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean what you think.
Alan: What do you think I think?
Jake: You know...
Alan: Okay, I know what I know. What do you know?
Jake: I know that you’re supposed to masticate your food 20 times before you swallow.
Alan: Yeah, but what about the other thing?
Jake: What other thing?
Alan: The thing you thought I was thinking.
Jake: I’m sorry, Dad. You lost me.

& Alan: Morning.
Berta: It is, but I need to talk to Charlie.

& Alan: He got home an hour ago, had a bowl of chili, threw up and went to bed.
Jake: He probably threw up ’cause he didn’t masticate enough.
Berta: Hey, pottymouth, there’s a lady present!

& Berta: Do you mind if I take your room?
Alan: My room? Gee, I-I...
Berta: Trust me. You want me to have a room with a private crapper.
Alan: Okay. By all means. Take my room. I’ll bunk with Jake.
Berta: Thanks.
Jake: What do you mean, you’ll bunk with Jake?!
Alan: Is that a problem?
Jake: Yes. I need my privacy.
Alan: For what?
Jake: You know...

& Alan: Hey, hey, I live here, too!
Charlie: So do termites! But they don’t have guest-inviting privileges either.
Alan: You’re equating me with termites?!
Charlie: Hell, no. You can get get rid of termites.

& Berta: You know, Charlie, you’ve really got a beautiful view here.
Charlie: You’re just noticing that?
Berta: Well, I spend most of my days looking dirty toilets and those Rorschach tests you call bedsheets...

& Charlie: But what can I do about it?
Berta: Respect’s not freely given in this life, Charlie. You got to demand it.
Charlie: You’re right. It’s time for me to stand up for myself.
Berta: Good for you. And while you’re up... would you get me one of those little Japanese beers you keep in the refrigerator?
Charlie: Oh, sure. Be right back.

& Jake: Did you know your body doesn’t digest corn? It goes out the same way it comes in. It’s like a little bookmark in your poop.
Berta: Did they teach you that at school?
Jake: Nope. It’s the powers of observation.

& Evelyn: Alan, I don’t mean to pry, but after alimony and child support, exactly how much can you afford to spend? ... Really?
Alan: Yes, really.
Evelyn: Sweetie, my shoes cost more than this!
Alan: Well, Mom, you have a lot of shoes.
Evelyn: The ones I’m wearing.

& Evelyn: Alan, based on this amount, you don’t need a Realtor. You need someone who sells camping equipment.

& Evelyn: May I propose a simple alternative?
Alan: I’m not living with you, Mom!
Evelyn: Okay. Well, then I have a final alternative.
Alan: And what would that be?
Evelyn: Run straight to your brother’s ass, and kiss it repeatedly.

& Jake: Why are you making us move?
Charlie: You’re not moving.
Jake: Well, then why is Dad looking for another place for us to live?
Charlie: Because he’s trying to teach me a lesson.
Jake: Why don’t you tell him to stop?
Charlie: Because I’m trying to teach him a lesson.
Jake: What’s your lesson?
Charlie: That it’s my house.
Jake: What’s his lesson?
Charlie: That he lives here, too.
Jake: Okay, I’m just a kid, but that sounds stupid even to me.

--
Masticating — жующий

+ quotes on the Imdb.

Super 8

2012-02-07T23:37:00.028+02:00

& Joe Lamb: Martin, you okay?
Martin: Though I think I’m having a heart attack. And I have a scrape.

& Sheriff: What’s that?
Breen: Walkman. It’s like a stereo. Play your own cassette tapes. You want to try?
Sheriff: I don’t think so. Kids walking around with their own stereos, just what we need. It’s a slippery slope, my friend.

& Debbie: You know what this feels like to me? This feels like a Russian invasion.
Jackson Lamb: Debbie, I don’t think that the Russians have anything to do with what’s going on in town. But I am calling the curfew because of these exact concerns.
Debbie: Unless you can tell me who’s been messing around with our stuff, I say it’s the Soviets.

& Alice: I know he’s your friend. He’s so bossy.
Joe: But I’ve known him since kindergarten. He’s really nice.
Alice: He shouldn’t always get what he wants. I mean, who always gets what they want?

& Alice: I know I don’t know you at all. Even though it sort of feels like I do. Do you not feel like that?
Joe: No. No, I totally do. I’m just kind of in shock at this entire conversation.

--
+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ If you see "STEVEN SPIELBERG" in titles, you just run.

Two and a Half Men 3x3

2012-02-06T23:59:00.010+02:00

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

& Alan: What are you doing up so late? Charlie, what is he doing up?
Jake: Shh, he’s asleep.
Alan: Oh, oh, I’m sorry. Charlie!
Charlie: What?! Oh, hey, Alan.
Alan: What is he doing up so late?
Charlie: I told him to go to bed. How many times did I tell you to go to bed?
Jake: Boy, I lost count.
Charlie: See?

& Alan: It was a nice evening. We had a lovely dinner.
Charlie: You know, for the record, “a lovely dinner” doesn’t necessarily preclude carpet burns and a bite mark on your ass.
Alan: In this case, it was just dinner and pleasant conversation.
Charlie: Well, that’s why God gave us Cinemax and an opposable thumb.

& Charlie: Well, I can see the humor in trying to get the little bonehead* into a good school. But that doesn’t mean you start dating your ex-wife.
Alan: I-I know what you’re thinking. I’m being naive, and romantic...
Charlie: Not even close!

& Alan: Charlie, you can’t overlook the fact that we still have a lot in common.
Charlie: Yeah, neither of you have any respect for you.

& Evelyn: Alan, we’re all here because we love you.
Rose: And we don’t want to see you make a terrible mistake.
Berta: I’m just waiting for my toaster strudel to pop. ... There we go.

& Evelyn: I burned that bridge. I said horrible things to her that I can never take back. And, keep in mind, this is a woman who worked the phrase “mousy bitch” into her wedding toast. So, if you two reconcile, I’ll have to apologize to her.
Alan: So?
Evelyn: I’d rather kill us all.

& Charlie: Moving on. Rose, do you have something you’d like to say to Alan?
Rose: Yes, thank you. Alan, when I first met you, I didn’t care for you at all. You were a fussy, whiny control freak.
Alan: ......... Yes, and-and now?
Rose: Now it doesn’t bother me so much.

& Charlie: I think what Rose means is that, since the divorce, you’ve grown, you’ve been reborn.
Rose: That’s not what I meant. If that was what I meant, that’s what I would’ve said.

& Alan: What is that, uh, uh, redwood?
Judith: Teak.
Alan: Whoa, teak. That must have set me back a few bucks.
Judith: The salesman said it would pay for itself in five years.
Alan: Oh, really? Really?! How-how’s it going to do that? Is it going to get a paper route?
Judith: ......
Alan: It’s very nice.
Judith: Thank you.

& Jake: Mom? How about a cookie?
Judith: You already brushed your teeth.
Jake: No, I didn’t.
Judith: You said you did!
Jake: I always say that.

& Judith: Just go home, Alan.
Alan: Hey, we’re not married anymore! You can’t tell me what to do.

--
bonehead — тупица; балбес

+ quotes on the Imdb.

Red State

2012-02-06T23:37:00.082+02:00

Brought by anashulick

& Mrs. Vasquez: Even the Nazis think this guy is “nuckin’ futs.”

& Mrs. Vasquez: All right, let’s just hope that the Cooper clan sticks with the First Amendment... and stays away from the Second Amendment. What is the Second Amendment?..
Jarod: We get guns!

& Travis: You don’t think the three of us balling this woman in the same room... is a little faggoty?
Jarod: Jesus Christ, man. Don’t be so fuckin’ middle-class.

& Jarod: This is what happens when fuckin’ parents block porn sites, man. They make socially backwards kids.

& Sara: I bet you boys wanna get up to the devil’s business, don’t you? Well... devil’s right in here.

& Sara: Takes me a few beers to work up to the sex. So get drinkin’, ’cause I ain’t drinkin’ alone. And I don’t let no man in me unless he’s got at least two beers in him.

& Pastor Abin Cooper: And who’s the greatest enemy of God, Cheyenne?
Cheyenne: Satan.
Pastor: Satan... That’s right, baby. Satan. Yes, ma’am. And who’s Satan’s instrument on earth, Fiona May?
Fiona May: The homosexuals.
Pastor: That’s right, baby. The homosexuals. The homosexuals have run amok in this nation over 30 years now. Let’s see what it’s brought us. Rampant* fornication*... adultery... abortion... flagrant* sexuality... in every corner of media-movies, TV, et cetera. Schools, malls, books... clothes, toys, music... Everywhere. Everywhere! You can’t turn on the TV without seeing some jackass wavin’ his privates. That’s because the moral spine of this country has been weakened... by permissive attitudes... and an unabashed tolerance for homosexuals. Godlessness. Godlessness. The casual acceptance of the gay... has hastened our demise as a species. Fact. Why? Because they do not procreate. They do not procreate. Now, they solicit. Yeah, boy. They recruit. Yeah, boy. But they do not procreate.

& Jarod: I ain’t even gay!

& Jarod: I don’t wanna die!
Pastor: You already did, sinner. You destroyed your spirit... in a waste of shame.

& Pastor: That’s my granddaughters’... You know, it’s not politically correct to say... but women and cars... Not a good mix.

& Deputy Pete: Is Italy nice?
Pastor: Oh, my God. Italy?
Pete: Yeah. I was thinking about taking my wife someplace exotic for our five-year... and, well, Italy was at the top of the list.
Pastor: Well, it’s full of Italians. There is that.
Pete: Full of Italians, huh? Yeah, I suppose that stands to reason.

& Joseph Keenan: If you loved me, you’d make me some coffee...

& ASAC Brooks: How much do you think a cross like that costs?
Joseph Keenan: Do you mean in dollars or common sense?

& Keenan: Put down any weapons, come out with your hands up, and you will not be harmed. Repeat: You will not be harmed.
Brooks: ... I think it’s the use of the word “repeat” that makes this work every time.

& Keenan: You said this was gonna be a simple in-and-out, sir! Simple just shit itself.

& Cheyenne: Mama, they think we’re terrorists. They’re gonna kill us all.
Sara: Good. Then I’ll be in heaven with Caleb. Isn’t that what you want? To be with your daddy and Jesus?

& Sara: Like a good Christian...

& Keenan: I’m getting promoted? ... You’re still gonna kill him.
Agent Eccles: The United States government doesn’t kill people, Agent Keenan... in or out of custody.
Agent Hammond: Of course we’re gonna kill him, Joe. We’re gonna kill him with kindness.
Keenan: You’re gonna let him go to trial?
Hammond: Oh, come on. What is this, September 10, 2001?
Eccles: Patriot Act, bitch.
Hammond: We can plant him forever, okay? Without a trial. Never show him the light of day, let alone a TV camera or a microphone.
Keenan: How-
Eccles: What do you think we’ve been doing the last 10 years?
Hammond: Yeah. It’s terrorism, Joe. Okay? If you kill an American because of a religious belief, you are a terrorist... and terrorists get locked the fuck up.
Keenan: If it’s all so easy to put these people away for life... why was I given those orders?
Hammond: Truth?.. ’Cause fuck people like this.
Eccles: They’re animals.
Hammond: I mean, don’t get me wrong. Jesus saves.
Eccles: He ain’t gonna save Abin Cooper from a fuck-load of prison rape.
Hammond: Daily shtuppings by Coke-can cocks. Savor that irony, Joe.

& Keenan: People just do the strangest things when they believe they’re entitled. But they do even stranger things when they just plain believe.

--
Rampant — безудержный
fornication — блуд
flagrant — вопиющий

+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ A good one.

Rome 2x6

2012-02-06T22:00:00.026+02:00

Philippi

& Brutus: Look up, Cassius. Look around. Is it not wonderful?
Cassius: I see only 100,000 mouths to feed.
Brutus: You have no poetry in you, Cassius. We ride with these men to save the Republic.
Cassius: Yeah, well, sorry to be prosaic, before we do any saving of republics, we have Octavian to defeat.

& Mark Antony: Do you understand what I’m saying, or shall I speak more slowly?
Octavian: No, making use of strategic surprise is obvious... To that end, there is a list of the most prominent friends and supporters of Brutus and Cassius left in Rome. We should kill them before they learn what we’re about.
Mark Antony: ... You are a ferocious* little cunt... with a pen.

& Mark Antony: Goodbye, my love.
Atia: I shall miss you. We’re forever saying goodbye. It’s becoming tiresome.
Mark Antony: One little campaign in Greece and we shall never be parted again.

& Lucius: Good luck.
Pullo: It’s my middle name.

& Cicero: I daresay your work today will earn you immortality.
Pullo: How’s that?
Cicero: I will be in all the history books. My killer’s name, no doubt, will live on also.
Pullo: My name... Thought you meant me.

& - But where’s the point in that?
Levi: Zion is the point! We’re redeeming the Kingdom of Zion. Remember, friends. Remember who we are. We are the chosen people. Not slaves, not animals. The chosen people.

& Atia: Octavian, please. If only for my sake, be good to Antony.
Octavian: I am pledged to it, mother.
Atia: He’s an arrogant shit, but he’s a good and honest man.

& Brutus: Happy birthday. Sorry there’s no cake.
Cassius: Next year. You can bake me an extra big one.
Brutus: I shan’t forget.
Cassius: No cinnamon. Makes me sneeze.

& Mark Antony: If you need to urinate, now would be the time.
Octavian: I’m fine, thank you.
Mark Antony: You sure?.. Let us begin, then. Watch closely, boy. This is how history is made. Now... let’s have some fun. Advance!

& Octavian: What is happening? Do you know?
Mark Antony: No idea. On my command, follow me!
Octavian: Where are you going?
Mark Antony: When in doubt, attack!

& Mark Antony: Breathe deep, boy. The smell of victory.
Octavian: Smoke, shit and rotting flesh.
Mark Antony: Beautiful, isn’t it?

--
ferocious — свирепый; жестокий

+ on Imdb.

++ oskinpavel, "Я думаю "Рим"- это основоположник всех сериалов!":

Брут: За нами Сенат и все высшие сословия...
Антоний: А за мной разъярённая толпа, которая поджарит высшие сословия на углях догорающего сената!

Цезарь: Ты не прав. Я не тиран. Я законно захватил власть...

Я стану хорошим правителем, даже если это меня убьёт... или убьёт кого-нибудь другого...

Михаил Иосифович Веллер — Мишахерезада

2012-02-06T21:21:00.006+02:00

СКОТОГОНЫ

Контрабанда

Хозяйственный Колька Черников выменял у монголов на сгущенку две сурковые шкурки. ...

& Нет, КСП — это не клуб самодеятельной песни, это контрольно-следовая полоса.

... — Хрен кому дам!”

Карьера

— А ведь я с Сенькиным гонял когда-то. ...

& Нет, чо, нормальный был мужик. Как все. А сейчас видишь как выдвинулся. Начальник пункта.

... — По руководящей линии пошел.”

Мокрое дело

Спал я поначалу плохо. ...

& И вот где-то через неделю ... сплю я, уработанный. А это значит: спишь, а тебе снится, что ты работаешь. Изводит страшно.

... У нас было триста сарлыка и две тысячи барана.”

Барбыш

Блестячие, Колокольный Бом и Барбыш ждешь с беспокойством. ...

& Их две тысячи, а я один. Они тупые, но упорные. А я умный, но лучше б сдох.

... Я к столу сегодня не выйду.”

Иметь и не иметь

Что скотогону дают в перегон? ...

& Пинка. А на каждый день? Это и есть на каждый день.

& Вещь крадет человек в нужде. Выпивку крадет гадина.

... Самые обстоятельные выменивают у пришедших с перегона монгольскую монетку — чтоб сразу повесить на шею; это у нас принято.”

Мелочи жизни

— Дьявол в деталях. ...

& — Бог тоже.
— Да здравствует маленькая разница!
— И фокстрот под названием «У моей девочки есть одна маленькая штучка».
Книги редко передают реальность. Пища, жилье, одежда, отправление потребностей, ежедневные радости и бытовые неудобства, — все то, что и составляет собственно вещество жизни в процессе жизни, — редко удостаивается упоминания. Они не правы, писатели.
Сначала необходимо передать ощущение совершеннейшей обычности всего происходящего. В любых условиях!

... Когда я заснул у костра, один козлик спер у меня из кармана последнюю пачку чая.”

Барана из нагана

Если рельеф совсем уж горист, лесист и неудобен, скотопрогонные трассы соприкасаются с дорогами. ...

& Всех мужиков тянет пострелять, ну. Пацаны мы.

... — Комсомольский почин!”

Вертячка

Сдох баран от вертячки. ...

& Голод влияет на соображение особенным образом. Сытый голодного не разумеет, и это взаимно. Голод разъясняет, что съедобно все, а несъедобное не имеет значения.

... — Миш, у тебя лицо, будто ты коньяк в ресторане пьешь, — говорит Каюров, и все рассматривают в темноте лица друг друга.”

Бенефис

И вот мы на Острове. ...

& Этот творческий вечер на всю жизнь подорвал у меня доверие к отзывам и оценкам публики.
Вот что я вам скажу. По-скотогонски. Ни хрена искусство народы не сближает. И не фиг выяснять литературные вкусы нормальных людей. Дилемма встает перед писателем, как леший с топором. Или страшно далеки они от народа, или голосуют за легализацию проституции, облеченной в слова о разумном, добром, вечном.

... Прошу плеснуть.”

The Skin I Live In

2012-02-05T23:59:00.044+02:00

& Presidente del Instituto de Biotecnología: There’s only one way to toughen skin... By mutating it.
Robert Ledgard: Yes, that’s what I did.
Presidente: Transgenesis.
Robert: Yes. I transferred genetic information... from a pig’s cell to a human cell.
Presidente: A pig’s cell?!
Robert: It’s much stronger than ours.
Presidente: You’re insane! You know the application of transgenetic therapy... in humans is completely forbidden!
Robert: Yes, I do. And, forgive me, but it seems the ultimate paradox. We intervene in everything around us... meat, clothes, vegetables, fruit, everything! Why not use scientific advances to improve our species?

& Vera Cruz: Couldn’t we just live?.. Live together.
Robert: Live together? How?
Vera: Like everyone.
Robert: You and I aren’t like everyone.
Vera: Look on it as another of your experiments. Living together as equals...

& Vera: Listen...
Zeca: What?
Vera: Lets fuck in the garden, please!
Zeca: The garden? Why? I’m sick of screwing in the open air. This tiger wants a bed.

& Marilia: The things that a madman’s love can do!

& Vicente: Are you stoned?
Norma Ledgard: Stoned?
Vicente: Have you taken any pills?
Norma: Yes. Cipralex 20... 100 mg of Deprax... 2 g of Trankimazin. I don’t take Rohipnol now. And Lyrica, of course.
Vicente: Shit! I’m high as hell too.
Norma: High?

& Robert: And now... some aftershave.
Vicente: Why did you shave me?
Robert: That’s a good question.

& Robert: You have to keep the new orifice* open... and manage, bit by bit, to make it deeper. Think that your life depends on that orifice... that you breathe through it. In this case... there are several dilators* of different sizes. Start by inserting the smallest one. It will hurt at first... but in a few months... the largest one will fit without any effort... and the skin... will be perfectly healed.

& Médico: Do you know what would happen to you... if the scientific community found out you used transgenesis... on someone you’d kidnapped?
Robert: I don’t like threats, they end up infecting me.

--
orifice — отверстие; проход
dilator — расширитель

+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ Ah, Almodóvar, Almodóvar...
1st: it’s NO-Hollywood.
2nd: Bollywood’s resting (or nervously smoking aside).
3rd: Banderas here to attract attention.
4th: Tarantino-ish’ whiff.
5th: Not necessarily in that order.
6th: Still... it do has something.

Homeland 1x3

2012-02-05T22:22:00.003+02:00

Clean Skin

& Lynne: Well, I have downloaded his phone for you. I’m done. What about you?
Carrie: Me? No. I’m never done.

& Jessica: I heard Dana laughing, it was hard not to. What was so funny?
Brody: Oh. It was this video called YouTube. Have you seen it?
Jessica: The dog talking about food?
Brody: No, not that one. I saw a cat that smokes. It was really quite funny.

& Lawrence: Sergeant Brody, your commanders showed us the results of your initial medical exam... There’s a section, “Scars and Other Identifying Marks.” It goes on for nearly two pages. You were beaten.
Brody: Yes.
Lawrence: Tortured.
Brody: That’s right.
Lawrence: To what end?

& Lawrence: How do you resist that?
Brody: ... You can’t. Except by believing that those people they want you to renounce, that they’re keeping the faith in you, and you owe it to them to do the same.
Lawrence: Semper fidelis.
Brody: ........ Yeah.

& ’Welcome to Gaucho Taco. We’ll be with you in a minute.’
Jessica: What’s good here?
Dana: Well, it’s 59 cent tacos, Mom. I’m sure it’s all delicious.

& Jessica: Dana, I thought he was dead! We all did.
Dana: But he’s not, Mom. And he comes home, to this devoted wife, and everyone is in on the secret except him. Nice. Welcome home.

& Virgil: Hey, have you eaten? I noticed there’s some spaghetti in the cupboard. It’s only ten years past its expiration date. I’m sure it won’t kill us.

& Latif Bin Walid: His Highness has a special favor to ask. A job he wants you to do. He’d like you to go there tonight and make the man feel welcome.
Lynne: Make him feel welcome? Aamir said that?! {...} Why didn’t he tell me that himself?
Latif Bin Walid: The prince can be excruciatingly indirect in making his wishes known... but for that, he has me. Is there a problem?
Lynne: ... No. No problem.

& Dana: So... why are you even doing this stupid interview then, if things don’t make sense?
Brody: I don’t know. Maybe just to keep the peace.
Dana: What are you going to say?
Brody: Well, I’m not going to lie. But I’m not going to tell the truth, either.

& Saul: What do you want me to say? It matters? It doesn’t matter? Don’t worry, it’ll all be fine?

& A realtor: They say you get used to the noise.
A husband: We don’t mind it.
A wife: I like being close to the airport. For us, it’s perfect.

--
On the Imdb.

Дмитрий Глуховский — Метро 2034

2012-02-05T21:39:00.007+02:00

Метро 2033

“Они не вернулись ни во вторник, ни в среду, ни даже в четверг, оговоренный как крайний срок. ...

& Доведя женщину до слез, утешить ее, не перешагнув через себя, нельзя.

& Возвращения никогда не бывают случайны. Возвращаются, чтобы изменить что-то, чтобы что-то исправить. Иногда сам Господь ловит нас за шкирку и возвращает в то место, где мы случайно ускользнули из-под его ока, чтобы исполнить свой приговор – или дать нам второй шанс.

& Так уж устроен человек: содержание школьных учебников живет в его памяти ровно до выпускных экзаменов. И забывая зазубренное, он испытывает неподдельное облегчение. «Память человеческая подобна песку в пустыне, – думал Николай Иванович. – Цифры, даты и имена второстепенных государственных деятелей остаются в ней не дольше, чем запись, сделанная деревянной палкой на бархане. Заносит без следа».
Чудесным образом сохраняется только то, что способно завладеть людской фантазией, заставить сердце биться чаще, побуждая додумывать, переживать. Захватывающая история великого героя и его любви может пережить историю целой цивилизации, вирусом внедрясь в человеческий мозг и передаваясь от отцов к детям через сотни поколений.

& Когда-то Нагатинская с ее изящными цветными панно, набранными из мрамора разных сортов, была одной из его любимых станций. Но, темная и неживая, она походила на себя прежнюю не больше, чем керамическое фото на надгробии – на того человека, что снимался сто лет назад на паспорт, не предполагая, что глядит не в объектив, а в вечность.

& Когда тебе двадцать, и к убийству, и к смерти относишься куда легкомысленнее, да и вся жизнь кажется игрой, которую, если что, можно начать заново. Неслучайно все армии мира укомплектовывались вчерашними школьниками. А вот распоряжался играющими в войну юнцами тот, кто умел видеть в тысячах дерущихся и гибнущих людей – синие и красные стрелочки на картах. Тот, кто умел забывать об оторванных ногах, о вывороченных кишках и разваливающихся черепных коробках, принимая решение пожертвовать ротой или полком.

& Чтобы отнимать у людей жизнь, не надо большого могущества. А вот дарить ее умершим не дано никому.

& Его нынешний союз с Еленой был полон старческой нежности, но они встретились слишком поздно, чтобы любить без оглядки на прошлое. В этом возрасте стремятся утолить не страсть, а одиночество.

& Ни ученые, ни фантасты никогда не умели как следует предсказывать будущее, думал старик. К две тысячи тридцать четвертому году человек давно бы уже должен был стать властителем если и не половины галактики, то хотя бы Солнечной системы. Гомеру это обещали еще в детстве. Но и фантасты, и ученые исходили из того, что человечество рационально и последовательно. Как будто оно не состояло из нескольких миллиардов ленивых, легкомысленных, увлекающихся личностей, а было неким ульем, наделенным коллективным разумом и единой волей. Как будто бы, принимаясь за освоение космоса, оно собиралось заниматься им всерьез, а не бросить на полпути, наигравшись и переключившись на электронику, а с электроники – на биотехнологии, ни в чем так и не достигнув сколь-нибудь впечатляющих результатов. Кроме, пожалуй, ядерной физики.

& Делом всей жизни нельзя заниматься на полставки.

& Десять лет жизни непросто ампутировать, они наверняка будут напоминать о себе фантомными болями.

& Оставаться человеком – тоже непросто.

& Страх и ужас – совсем не одно и то же. Страх подхлестывает, заставляет действовать, изобретать. Ужас парализует тело, останавливает мысли, лишает людей человеческого.

& – У тебя была плохая жизнь?
– Скучная. Знаешь, когда один день похож на другой, они летят так быстро, что кажется – последний из них уже совсем недалеко. Боишься ничего не успеть. И каждый из этих дней наполнен тысячей мелких дел, выполнил одно, передохнул – пора браться за другое. Ни сил, ни времени на что-то действительно важное не остается. Думаешь – ничего, начну завтра. А завтра не наступает, всегда только одно бесконечное сегодня.

&«Что остается после умерших?
Что останется после каждого из нас?
Могильные камни проседают и мшеют, и всего через несколько десятилетий надписи на них делаются неразличимыми.
Даже в прежние времена, когда за могилами было больше некому ухаживать, кладбищенскую землю перераспределяли между свежими мертвецами. Навестить умерших приходили только дети или родители, куда реже внуки, почти никогда – правнуки.
То, что было принято называть вечным покоем, в крупных городах означало лишь полувековую отсрочку перед тем, как кости будут потревожены: может быть, ради дальнейшего уплотнения, может, чтобы перепахать погост и возвести на его месте жилые кварталы. Земля становилась слишком тесной и для живых, и для мертвых.
Полвека – это роскошь, которую могли себе позволить только те, кто умирал до светопреставления. {...}
Прежде останки имели право существовать ровно столько, сколько живые помнили о тех, кому они принадлежали. Человек помнит своих родных, однокашников, сослуживцев. Но его памяти хватает только на три поколения. На те самые пять с небольшим десятков лет.
С той же легкостью, с которой каждый из нас отпускает из памяти образ своего деда или школьного друга, кто-то однажды отпустит в абсолютное небытие и нас. Воспоминание о человеке может оказаться долговечнее его скелета, но когда уйдет последний из тех, кто нас еще помнил, вместе с ним растворимся во времени и мы.
Фотокарточки? Кто их сейчас еще делает? И сколько их хранили, когда фотографировал каждый? Раньше в конце любого толстого семейного альбома имелась небольшая резервация для коричневатых старинных снимков, но мало кто из листавших мог с уверенностью определить, на какой из карточек был изображен тот или иной его предок. Так или иначе, фотографии ушедших можно считать посмертной маской, снятой с их тела, но никак не прижизненным слепком с души. И потом, снимки тлеют лишь немногим медленнее тех тел, которые они запечатлели.
Что же останется?
Дети?»

&«И действительно, что делает человека человеком?
Он бродит по земле уже больше миллиона лет, но магическая трансформация, превратившая хитроумное стайное животное в нечто совершенно иное, невиданное, произошла с ним каких-то десять тысяч лет назад. Подумать только, девяносто девять сотых всей своей истории он ютился по пещерам и глодал сырое мясо, не умея согреться, создать инструменты и настоящее оружие, не умея даже толком говорить! Да и чувствами, которые он был способен испытывать, человек не отличался от обезьян или волков: голод, страх, привязанность, забота, удовлетворение...
Как он смог вдруг за считанные века научиться строить, мыслить и записывать свои мысли, изменять окружающую материю и изобретать, зачем понадобилось ему рисовать и как он открыл музыку? Как смог покорить весь мир и переустроить его по своей потребности? Что именно десять тысяч лет назад прибавили к этому зверю? {...}

& Когда просишь чуда, надо быть готовым в него поверить. А то проглядишь.

& Честных чиновников нигде не бывает, и чем суровее режим, тем меньше сумма. Надо только знать, кому заносить.

& Душа ведь не бывает черной от рождения. Сначала она прозрачная, а темнеет постепенно, пятнышко за пятнышком, каждый раз, когда ты прощаешь себе зло, находишь ему оправдание, говоришь себе, что это всего лишь игра. Но в какой-то момент черного становится больше.

& Музыка – самое мимолетное, самое эфемерное искусство. Она существует ровно столько, сколько звучит инструмент, а потом в одно мгновение исчезает без следа. Но ничто не заражает людей так быстро, как музыка, ничто не ранит так глубоко и не заживает так медленно. Мелодия, которая тебя тронула, останется с тобой навсегда. Это экстракт красоты.

& Быть честным – худший способ соблазнить девушку.

& Чрезмерные размышления заставляют сомневаться.

& – Мы все – просто крысы, которые бегут по лабиринту. В ходах устроены дверцы-задвижки. И те, кто нас изучает, иногда поднимают их, иногда опускают. {...} А если за следующей дверцей капкан, ты в него все равно угодишь, даже если будешь чувствовать неладное, потому что другого пути нет. Весь выбор – бежать дальше или подохнуть в знак протеста.
– Неужели тебе не обидно, что у тебя такая жизнь?
– Мне обидно, что строение позвоночника не позволяет мне задрать голову вверх и посмотреть на того, кто ставит эксперимент.

& – Все внутри тебя! Ты можешь сам себя отпустить! Можешь доказать! Как ты не видишь, это же зеркало! Это отражение того, что ты сделал тогда, год назад! И сейчас ты можешь поступить иначе... Выслушать. Дать шанс... И сам заслужить шанс!
– Я должен уничтожить чудовище.
– Ты не сможешь! Никто не может! Оно есть и во мне, оно спит в каждом! Это часть тела, часть души... И когда оно просыпается... Его нельзя убить, нельзя вырезать! Его можно только опять убаюкать... Усыпить...

... Что еще?”

Олег Сатов — Природа (нашей) демократии

2012-02-05T17:00:00.013+02:00

Психология массового поражения

Люди — разумны. Но стоит им собраться в кучу, как они превращаются в стадо, где правят бал наиболее массовые и потому самые примитивные и низменные настроения, а несогласных или неподатливых просто отстреливают.

Цель демократии в победе большинства, но в этом же и ее главная слабость.

Высказать мнение — да, способен каждый, но высказать разумное мнение... много ли вы знаете людей, способных видеть дальше своего носа?

Представьте себе детский сад, где детей начали бы спрашивать, как их воспитывать и чем их кормить?

Да, если бы у народа действительно была власть что-либо выбирать, от существующего мирового порядка давным-давно бы уже ничего не осталось. Жили бы в руинах.

Демократия — это власть большинства. А большинство — это те самые люди, на которых ориентировано современное массовое телевидение и желтая пресса, — люди, не способные наладить свою собственную жизнь и нуждающиеся в умных советах о том, как правильно нос вытирать, но при этом алчно жаждущие доказать свою значимость и отстоять свое право влиять на мировые процессы. {...} Что, кроме «отнять и поделить», может придумать массовое сознание?

Но ведь размер толпы зависит не от разумности доводов! Он зависит от «магических» способностей отдельных лидеров и их умения подать свои интересы под таким соусом, чтобы толпа поверила, что именно этого она и хочет.

Выборы побеждает не демос, а PR-машина и тот, кто ею лучше управляет.

В шумихе заинтересована хваленая оппозиция, которая хочет взобраться на вершину пищевой цепи и готова использовать для этого любой миф, который поможет пробудить в толпе бурю протеста против имеющейся власти. И сегодня миф этот — демократия.

В природе нет демократии. Есть только утопическая мечта о том, что каждый член сообщества, будучи разумным осведомленным человеком, поможет своим мнением направить общий корабль в лучшем для всех направлении. Но это действительно утопия. Реальный мир устроен совершенно иначе.

Потому что массовое мнение — это всегда мнение посредственностей.

выбрать-то вы можете, но, даже имея доступ ко всей необходимой информации, вам придется сначала в этой информации глубоко разобраться, чтобы ваш выбор стал действительно осмысленным и вашим. А много ли людей способны разобраться в тонкостях государственного управления?

я понятия не имею, как управлять государством. И какой тогда толк от моего мнения?

Что делать среднему обывателю, который в принципе «далек от мысли»?

[ in toto ]