~ Stacy's Place on Earth ~

Fan letter to author Nalini Singh

2011-06-21T09:55:00.001-05:00

Dear Ms. Singh,

I know you are a very popular author these days, with not just one but two amazing series available to your readers, and you probably get tons of letters and emails very similar to mine, but I would have to say they are well-deserved accolades. These days, with constant changes in technology and our attention spans getting shorter and shorter, it's more difficult to capture the imagination and even harder to hold onto it. In fact, as I told you myself when I met you at the Lori Foster get-together, I didn't even like "Slave To Sensation" the first time I read it, but something compelled me to go back and give it another try. And that is why I'm writing this fan letter to you today; because despite my initial lack of engagement, somehow I felt I was really missing out on something, and now I'm devouring each book like it was the most decadent and sinful candy ever created.

And I love it! Lately life has been relentlessly kicking my ass, so to have this amazing outlet to escape to and fall in love with is such a welcome relief. I feel like when I enter the Psy/Changeling world, I am free of all the demands and criticisms and yes even the loneliness I've been experiencing lately. I let myself imagine being enveloped in the sensual embrace of a sexy Changeling eager for skin privileges. I pretend I have the intelligence and boldness and strength to go up against even the coldest Psy. Nalini, you created this absorbing, wondrous world, and I thank you very much for that. I've experienced hours of reading pleasure by delving into your world and letting it wash over me. It awakens my joy of reading again, something I'd lost for a little while, and it makes me very happy to have found my way back to books. The pressures of adulthood and responsiblity can be heavy burdens, but losing my desire to read is perhaps one of my deepest regrets. Yet with your books, I've found it again, and it grounds me. Makes me feel like I have a safe haven to turn to on those occasions when life overwhelms me. That is very rewarding.

I know after meeting you, you mentioned there is a definite ending to the series, and that saddens me, although I understand the "why" behind it. Everything eventually comes to a conclusion, and while I don't want to think about it, when it eventually does happen, I will be glad for the chance to read this series and have experienced all the joy and sadness and love you infused into it. I comprehend the need for closure, so I will be happy that I got to go through it with all the other readers who loved this series so much. One of the worst things that could ever happen is to have a series "jump the shark", because that takes away from the enjoyment that was originally felt in reading it.

Now I cannot end this letter without saying what an extreme pleasure it was to meet you and spend a few moments talking books with you. You are a lovely, gracious, intelligent woman and so easy to chat with. I felt completely at ease in your presence, even while in the back of my mind I'm thinking "OMG this is Nalini Singh! Squee!!!" Despite never getting a break and constantly having readers approach you, you were patient and sweet and wonderful. It was definitely one of this reader's highlights.

And thank you ever so much for sharing your colorful and vivid imagination. If someone ever asked which paranormal series they absolutely must read, without hesitation I would mention the Psy/Changeling books. It includes all the elements of a truly memorable journey that all readers should be able to experience at some point. What I love about it is that there is not one element I skip over. I enjoy every aspect of the series, from the chilling Psys to the hot and sensual Changelings; from the bravest heroine to the most evil villain. None of it bores me, and I savor every word. That, my dear, is a reader's delight. Muchos gracias :)

Fondly,

Stacy ~

Winner of Eternal Rider!

2011-04-26T05:28:00.002-05:00

Sorry everyone, I've been dealing with some issues and I apologize for the delay. The winner of a copy of Eternal Rider is....

TYNGA!!!!

Thank you all for your patience. Tynga, I will email you for deets.

Eventually the blog will get back on track. Bear with me :)

Eternal Rider by Larissa Ione & a giveaway

2011-04-15T06:55:00.003-05:00

They are here. They ride. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. His name is Ares, and the fate of mankind rests on his powerful shoulders. If he falls to the forces of evil, the world falls too. As one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, he is far stronger than any mortal, but even he cannot fight his destiny forever. Not when his own brother plots against him.

Yet there is one last hope. Gifted in a way other humans can't-or won't-understand, Cara Thornhart is the key to both this Horseman's safety and his doom. But involving Cara will prove treacherous, even beyond the maddening, dangerous desire that seizes them the moment they meet. For staving off eternal darkness could have a staggering cost: Cara's life.

Things are not looking good. A seal of one of the 4 Horsemen has been broken, rendering the keeper of said seal evil and it's only a matter of time before another seal is also destroyed, which will bring on the Apocalypse. Ares, though part demon himself, has no desire to see that happen, and along with his other siblings, seek to keep anyone - or anything - from breaking his, a agrimortus which is bringing protected by a fallen angel. Only evil has other plans, and the seal is not safe. The fallen angel manages to transfer it to another, a human. Only humans cannot sustain it for very long, and end up dying. Ares and the other Horsemen must find a way to keep the seal safe, even if it means dealing with a human....

Cara Thornhart cannot believe the crazy things that have been happening to her. Angels and demons and other "supernatural" beings are trying to kill her, only this is not some cheesy horror movie; this is her life. Reluctantly joining forces with a moody, bossy yet extremely hot Horseman, Cara tries to stay alive so as not to trigger the end of the world. It's a huge responsibility for someone who has never known such beings truly existed outside of a book. All she did was just save this dog with really bad breath....

Ares and Cara are racing against the clock, trying to find a fallen angel who can more adequately protect Ares' seal while fighting the immense attraction that exists between them. Now is not the time to be diving between the sheets, not when the world's about to explode into battle. Ares is used to not feeling anything for anyone. His goal is to win wars by any means possible, and showing tenderness towards another is a sign of weakness. Cara has a secret that has kept people from getting to close to her, even her loved ones. Yet together they forge a bond that soon cannot be broken....

My thoughts:

This book kept my attention right from the start. I happen to be fascinated by biblical stories, and the signaling of the end of the world tends to fascinate me for some morbid reason. In the hands of a skilled author such as Larissa Ione, it's quite a wild and intense ride.

Ares is your typical warrior: fearless, strong, and removed emotionally from others. His unusual response to Cara, a mere human woman who holds the key to salvation, baffles and frustrates him. His goal is to keep the world from ending, and he doesn't have time, nor the desire, to care for another. Cara has always felt separated from others, even her own family. She's not used to trusting another, but she must trust Ares to keep her safe, even if he is a huge, irritating jerk.

I enjoyed their dynamic, the fact that they confound each other. Their awakening feelings amidst such chaos is rewarding to watch, and gives them both something to fight for. I liked how Larissa added an edge of danger to Cara's and Ares' desire for each other. There was a strong and believable element of violence that enhanced their attraction, and was - whew! - undeniably hot. And it worked. I felt their desperation and need, and it was a palpable, breathing thing.

Cara's ability and unique affinity for animals added an intriguing element to the storyline. I love animals, so this was fun to see how it was worked into the story.

I found the creative history of the Four Horseman fascinating and ripe with possibilities for the future stories. Larissa left us with so many nuggets of "what if" that I cannot wait to discover just what they might be. I also loved that we got to re-visit with beloved characters from the Demonica series. I get attached to characters, so seeing the again was a treat.

I don't wish to give anything away here, and I cannot do a better job of expressing the awesomeness of this book as some of the other bloggers have so eloquently done, but suffice it to say, you will be on the edge of your seat reading this book. Even when you know what's going to happen, you can't help but hold your breath and curse Larissa for tying you in wonderful, emotional knots. Dread and hope war with each other, and you're utterly engaged in this story. I'm really excited to read the next thrilling installment of this brand-new series.

Rating: **** out of *****

I am haing a contest for a copy of Eternal Rider that will end at 6pm CST on Sunday, April 17th. All you have to do is answer the following question:

What would you do if it was your last day on earth?

Good luck!

Ups & Downs...and ups!

2011-03-29T07:04:00.000-05:00

Hello! I missed you guys! And my blog. I can't believe I've ignored you for so long. Okay, yes I can. I've been in a selfish mood and really haven't felt like making an effort. But that is done. I am tired of being sad about things I cannot control. Not to say I won't relapse from time to time, but there are other things, fun things to get excited about. So I will. Let's see, what's been going on:

- Weight: I have lost a total of 13 pounds since December. I keep wondering why not more, since I sweat my ass off at the gym 4-6 times a week and eat fairly healthy and drink a gallon of water a day. It's muscle, isn't it??? But as long as it stays off, I should be content, right?

- Job: I now work in downtown Chicago. Weird, because I never wanted to commute. Still don't, not really, but so far it's been rather fun. I am so looking forward to nicer weather and exploring the city more. And meeting some new people.

- Makeover! Okay, I haven't had one, but I intend to. Now that I'm working on being kinda cute, I need to look the part. I plan on going on a shopping spree and totally, okay partially, change how I look. I would love to get purple streaks in my hair, but I don't think my employer would be too thrilled with that though ;p

- Attitude: I'm getting one! I have been a mopey rag for far too long, and now I'm ready to be "me" again. Not to say that I didn't learn something while I was dealing with some personal stuff, because I sure did. And sometimes being proven right isn't all it's cracked up to be. But whatever. The main thing is not to lose yourself or to try to change for any other reason than you want to. I tend to be a people pleaser and really, it's not worth it most of the time. So time to get my bitch on.

- Books: I'm reading again. Go me! Finished Anne Rice's Beauty trilogy, which was dark, BDSM'y, yet whimsical. The last book draaagged for me, but overall, not a bad series.

- Music: obsessed with Silversun Pickup's Panic Switch. "Waitng and fading and floating away". Right now those words sum up some feelings I've had.

And now it's time to enjoy life again! Got a lot going on in the next few weeks. Meeting new friends for the first time in person, reading some great books, touring the seamier side of Chicago ;)

What's going on in YOUR world?

Northwestern U's Fucksawgate: a supporter's perspective

2011-03-08T08:43:00.002-06:00

One of the things I like to do at this blog is to talk about subjects that interest me, whether they are popular or not. Especially if it deals with women's issues. This would definitely fall under that category. And I think there are tmes when it's vitally important to speak up, even if it's about a topic even your closest friends will disapprove of. This may be one of those times. For those of you who have known me for years, especially as a reader/blogger in the romance community, you know what I am really all about, and I should hope you keep an open mind yourself and share your thoughts if you are familiar with this issue. Thank you.

Many of you may have heard about the recent event that took place on February 21st at Northwestern University as part of a human sexuality class that has many people up in arms. Having been following the story closely myself for a few reasons, I can't help but feel dismayed at the outrage and negative feedback this has generated.

I first heard about this story on Twitter from local people I follow, some of whom are actually friends of those involved in the demonstration. And because it was a local story, I started reading the articles and watching the news stories being broadcast. And it became extremely evident that the media was on some sort of witch hunt, with their accusations of lewd live sex acts and deviancy and vulgar behavior. For those not fully informed, it wouldn't have seemed wrong to join in the witch hunt. But that's when I saw this WTTW interview and realized just how far off the mark most of the major media is. Instead of taking this opportunity to educate readers and viewers about the real intent behind he demonstration, it's become a rant about some kind of perverted act of exhibitionism, most specifically aimed at those active in the kink community.

The thing is, we're all adults, or at least we should be acting like it. And one of the things you do when you are an adult is to find out the truth, perhaps do a little research, and not go off on a tangent after the first blurb you read or see. Because these days, I don't know about you, I really don't trust most of what I see on television. Even once respected news programs have become sensationalized and money-hungry gossip rags who talk more about Charlie Sheen and #tigerblood than they do about the real problems we face in our country.

What bothered me about the Northwestern story is the references being made to "porn", and the fact that many people are disturbed by the fact that the four individuals that participated in the demonstration are involved in Chicago's kink community. True, the word "kink" drums up all kinds of lurid images of weird, unnatural, scary sexual acts that make people feel uncomfortable at best, but usually generate a stronger - more negative - reaction. I won't lie. I do get that. Believe me, I have had my own strong thoughts on the subject over the last several months, but I've also educated myself quite a bit since then and discovered that truly, the majority of us are kinky on some level, whether it's something they've known all their lives or ahem it's a more recent discovery. And my belief is, as long as you are being smart, safe, using protection and not involving kids, animals or doing anything truly nonconsensual, I don't care if you wear an actual monkey suit when you do it (truly, no FurCon pun intended).

I mean really, would it have truly made a significant difference if the demonstrators had been dressed in their best church attire while preaching the gospel and insisting this is God's will? That would be rather hypocritical (although damn funny!) Besides, some of the kinky people I do know are extremely intelligent, interesting, successful, more opened-minded and accepting of others, the kind of people I actually want to meet, and you'd be fortunate to count them as your friends. And guess what? They really are just like anybody else, so let's stop focusing on their sex lives and focus more on the message that this demonstration was actually trying to send: one that was about celebrating female sexuality and dispelling some myths about female orgasm that are very alive and thriving today. Hell, as a woman I thought it was fantastic that this demonstration took place. And we all have something to learn, whether we're 19 or 39 or 99. I say bring it on.

Now I understand and respect that most people don't want to broadcast their sex lives and talk about explicit details with their closest friends much less in an open forum of several hundred people, but this class was built around the principles of sharing ideas, engaging in frank discussions and looking all all areas of sexuality, from swingers to BDSM to the sexual practices of different cultures, and the intent was to open up people's minds and prove to them that there are ways women can enjoy orgasms that they may have never thought were possible before. I'm all for that! It's a learning experience for men just as much as for women, and I am proud of the students, and anyone else, who supports the demonstrators because they know that the intention was not to shed a bad light on the university in any way. In fact I believe the reason this even was brought to the attention of the media was due to the complaints of students and parents that weren't even in attendance and had no idea what was going on. Shame on them for turning what was supposed to be an educational, positive experience into an embarrassing and out of control game of "telephone". At this point, I shouldn't be surprised anymore how the media tends to turn topics like this into an eye-rolling Beavis & Butthead spectacle.

So I did send messages of support to two of the individuals involved, and quickly received replies back from both of them. I mention this because I wanted to share that they were both gracious and lovely, and more interested in educating others about sex and having open dialogue with other like-minded individuals than they were in making a name for for themselves and creating scandals. The last I'd read, some of them may be in serious danger of losing their jobs due to the way this whole situation has just gotten so widespread. I think that's a shame because THEY. DID. NOTHING. WRONG. But once again, the media and small-minded people are attacking, out for blood. I am ashamed of living in a country where sensationalism is more important than the truth. Go back to watching fucked-up Charlie Sheen, people. I for one would rather find out more about those G-spot orgasms.

Some related links:

Neil Steinberg's comments

Jim Marcus' rebuttal

And be sure to check out Sunny Megatron's website for updated posts and information about the now infamous "Fucksawgate".

Cover alert: Animal Attraction from Jill Shalvis

2011-03-03T08:31:00.001-06:00

Out October 1!

Release Day & upcoming signings: A Lot Like Love by Julie James

2011-03-01T00:34:00.001-06:00

The FBI wants her cooperation.

As the daughter of a billionaire and the owner of the city’s top wine store, Jordan Rhodes is invited to the most exclusive parties in Chicago. But there’s only one party the FBI wants to crash: the charity fundraiser of a famous restaurateur, who also happens to launder money for the mob. In exchange for her brother’s release from prison, Jordan is going to be there—with a date supplied by the Bureau.

Agent McCall just wants her.

As the top undercover agent in Chicago, Nick McCall has one rule: never get personal. This “date” with Jordan Rhodes is merely an assignment—one they’re both determined to pull off even if they can’t be together for five minutes before the sarcasm and sparks begin to fly. But when Nick’s investigation is compromised, he and Jordan have no choice but to pretend they’re a couple, and what starts out as a simple assignment begins to feel a lot like something more. . .

Signings!

Thursday, March 10, 6:00-9:00pm
BOOK SIGNING AND WINE TASTING AT WINESTYLES
Join Julie for a book signing at the wine shop that inspired A Lot Like Love and a complimentary wine tasting
WineStyles
1433 West Belmont Avenue
Chicago, IL 60657
(773) 549-2227

Sunday, March 13, 3:00-5:00pm
BOOK SIGNING WITH AUTHOR BETH KERY
Barnes & Noble Booksellers
Webster Place
1441 West Webster Avenue
Chicago, IL 60614
(773) 871-3610
*90 minute free parking in lot

Happy Dean Day!

2011-02-14T06:58:00.003-06:00

For those of you who are not a fan of Valentine's Day, or who just think Jensen Ackles is incredibly hot, today is the 2nd annual DEAN DAY!!!!

Intense eyes and that sexy mouth. What woman could resist????

He might be a little rough around the edges, and completely off his rocker at times, but the love he has for his family, most notably his brother Sammy, makes him all the more irresistible.

Here he is, scruffy and cleaned up. Dangerous combination....

Can never have too many Dean pics...and really, what more do you need that a visual of a really hot sexy guy to make your day???

Such a good-looking guy, no matter what he's wearing....

I am so freakin' sad this is the last season of SUPERNATURAL! It's been an incredible road trip these last 6 years with Dean and Sammy, the sadness, the death, the fun, the sexiness, the emotion, the betrayals, the reunions, the lips, the violence, and that awesome car....

I heart you Dean!!!!

Go to JoJo's Bookcorner to check out Dean at these other places too!

Coming soon: Dean Day!!!! (2/14)

2011-02-08T07:02:00.000-06:00

*Blog button courtesy of the lovely JoJo from JoJo's Book Corner*

Hey! What I'm up to....

2011-02-07T07:27:00.001-06:00

Hey you guys! Yes I'm alive and well, just haven't had much of a blogging mojo going on, but I think it's slowly awakening. Been busy watching some movies and catching up on some t.v shows. Done a little bit of reading. Just working on some self-improvement issues which are going slower than I'd like, but progress is being made. So life is GOOD. I am doing great, finally figuring things out and enjoying the experience. There have been ups and downs, but it's all part of the process.

So let's start with what I've been watching:

From the creative minds behind THE SHIELD and THE SOPRANOS comes this intense drama about an outlaw motorcycle club.

Bound by blood as well as by duty, Jackson Teller (Charlie Hunnam), his mother, Gemma (Katey Sagal), and his stepfather, Clay (Ron Perelman), are each prominent figures in a motorcycle gang that runs both a (legal) auto body shop and an (illegal) arms trade.

Season One follows each member as they struggle to contain their family secrets while battling drug dealers and law enforcement, and attempt to protect their quiet hometown of Charming, California. Action-packed and rife with dark humor, SONS OF ANARCHY debuted to critical acclaim for its blend of raucous, revved-engine fun and smart storytelling. This collection includes every episode from the show’s first season on FX.

Love this show! Growing up in a small, blue-collar area, I've always been a bit attracted to this kind of element, although none of the bikers I'd seen ever looked half as good as Jax ;) (Who, by the way, sounds just as sexy with an English accent) I want one of those. And I even have crushes on some of the other guys too: Tig, Chib, Juicy. All deranged, wild, crazy, but damn, HOT. Don't ask me why I like them too, I just do. And I don't care. I love this show, and can't wait to watch season 2, which is already in my Netflix q.

FIGHT CLUB is narrated by a lonely, unfulfilled young man (Edward Norton) who finds his only comfort in feigning terminal illness and attending disease support groups. Hopping from group to group, he encounters another pretender, or "tourist," the morose Marla Singer (Helena Bonham Carter), who immediately gets under his skin.

However, while returning from a business trip, he meets a more intriguing character--the subversive Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt). They become fast friends, bonding over a mutual disgust for corporate consumer-culture hypocrisy. Eventually, the two start Fight Club, which convenes in a bar basement where angry men get to vent their frustrations in brutal, bare-knuckle bouts.

Fight Club soon becomes the men's only real priority; when the club starts a cross-country expansion, things start getting really crazy.

Like Tyler Durden himself, director David Fincher's FIGHT CLUB, based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk, is startlingly aggressive and gleefully mischievous as it skewers the superficiality of American pop culture. Outstanding performances by Norton and Pitt are supported by a razor-sharp script and an arsenal of stunning visual effects that include computer animation and sleight-of-hand editing. One of the most unique films of the late 20th century, FIGHT CLUB is a pitch-black comedy of striking intensity.

Can you believe I just watched this for the first time yesterday? I don't know why I didn't before. Love Brad. Love Edward Norton. HBC is usually a hoot and she does not disappoint here. Violence doesn't bother me. Well, whatever the reason, I finally watched it and loved it too. And I know there's definitely a Tyler Durden living inside of me, just itching to come out and wreak some crazy havoc.

Reading: Shadowfever! Taking my time with it, because I'm sad to see Barrons (and oh yeah, that Mac chick) go. So far I'm really enjoying it, though I still feel a little lost as to what is going on, but it's actually fun not to know everything. I feel like I'm on a bit of a roller coaster with it, just waiting for the next sharp turn. I love when a book can do that to me.

What I'm listening to: Pink is one of my girl crushes, and I am totally grooving to her song "Raise Your Glass". This one goes up to 11 on the volume scale in my car. Hey any anthem for "dirty little freaks" has got my approval ;)

So...what are you up to, my pretties???

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T08:31:00.000-06:00

May the new year be filled with wonderful surprises, new discoveries, and wild adventures ;)

What I'm watching: 9 1/2 Weeks & Eyes Wide Shut

2010-12-28T07:24:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been really curious about the darker elements of sexuality, especially when it comes to myself. And by that I'm not referring to ugly or negative things, but that exciting yet secret side of ourselves most of us tend to hide or worse, completely ignore altogther. I've only recently discovered a lot about myself through conversations with friends who surprisingly feel the same, and what we've discovered is that there are a lot of people out there who live beautiful, sexual lives outside the norm. This completely fascinates me because I've always had questions about things nobody wants to talk about, and have now had the opportunity to share these opinions with others who live very satisfying, happy lifestyles. What I'm referring to here constitutes everything outside of what is known as the "vanilla" relationship.

I've never really cared for the word "vanilla" in relation to someone's sexual life. Too many times, it's used in an insulting, derogatory manner, which to me is counterproductive and goes against the adage of those who claim to live an open, free and accepting sexual lifestyle. Personally I believe that everyone could use a little vanilla, because even the more extreme scenes that exist can get old after awhile and you need a way to temper them, and then go back and appreciate them all the more. Of course that is just my assumption. I'm not on one end of the spectrum or the other, but somewhere in the middle. But to me, the idea of mixing up some sensual, tender lovemaking with the intense, kinky encounters sounds like the perfect blend, especially if you're sharing all these experiences with a life partner/spouse, etc. But a lot of kinky people think vanilla is too boring and normal. Maybe they're just not doing it right ;)

So in my journey of self-discovery and education, I've been watching movies that portray the darker side of sex. Most of the ones I've seen so far are older movies, dating back 10 or more years, and as you can see, a lot has changed since these movies came out.

I read this book back when I was 14 or 15, and though at the time I didn't fully understand the subtle undertones to it, I thought it was hot and dirty and I liked parts of it. I never saw the entire movie until recently, when I decided to give it a whirl. It really wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be, although Kim Basinger screaming like a silly teenager throughout various parts of the movie had me rolling my eyes (and no, this wasn't during sexy times. She just did this in general). The movie has several sensual scenes, most notably the food scene, which was sexy and fun. But there were signs of things to come in the relationship. Mickey Rourke's character would have taken care of her in exchange for her trust in all things. It hints at what a true D/s relationship consists of, and I wish they would have taken it further, but this was the mid-80's, and it probably caused enough of a fuss as it is. Still, knowing what I know now, it was disappointing to barely get a glimpse of what a genuine relationship of this nature looks like.

From BooksaMillion.com:

Stanley Kubrick's final film is a mature, highly intelligent, thrilling masterpiece of sexual obsession and marital (in)fidelity. Tom Cruise stars as Bill Harford, a doctor who becomes obsessed with a sexual fantasy that his wife, Alice (Nicole Kidman), confesses to him. Although the fantasy (involving a naval officer) occurred only in Alice's mind, Bill can't get it out of his own head; his obsession leads him through a series of potential sexual encounters, each one surrounded by the specter of death. His whole world threatens to unravel as he falls deeper and deeper into a web of mystery, lies, and deceit. Kubrick's film breathes with vivid blues, reds, and blacks, the threat of illicit sex and death lurking around every corner. Cruise and Kidman, who are married in real life, are utterly convincing as a happy couple suddenly forced to reexamine their faith in each other. Sidney Pollack, Todd Field, Julienne Davis, Marie Richardson, and Vinessa Shaw sparkle in minor roles. Based on the novella TRAUMNOVELLE by Arthur Schnitzler, EYES WIDE SHUT is a brilliant examination of the psychological nature of sex and marriage, of faith and faithlessness, of obsession and desire. Kubrick said that his last film (he died shortly before the film opened) was "my best film ever;" while that is debatable, there is no doubting that the film is a splendid finale to a glorious career.

What was the big deal with this movie? Bor-ing. It all hinged on a dirty fantasy Alice (Nicole Kidman) has about another man. Not even a real encounter. And then it goes into something weird and unsexy. I really wasn't sure what I'd expect about this movie, other than before I saw it, someone told me it was a good perspective of a married couple, so instead I concentrated on that. It's about the secrets we keep from even our spouses, which can be damaging. If there's one thing I understand, is we all have secrets, and some of them are ones you never want to share with someone you love. Or sometimes you have to in order to have a healthy, long-term relationship, no matter how much it hurts. It all really depends on the relationship.

So though neither of these two movies really provided me with any new insight into the constantly changing and evolving sexual world we live in, it still gave me some interesting concepts to think about in regard to relationships: trust, control, honesty, fantasy, respect, and love. I intend to keep on delving into more about these elements, and exploring some of the ideas that fascinate me most. I'm fortunate to have some friends who are very open and willing to share their experiences, and it's been amazing to speak freely and ask questions. And not to have to worry about what's normal, because that definition is different for everyone. So whether you're vanilla to the core, the kinkiest person on the block, or somewhere in between, it's all good.

Have you seen these movies?

If so, what was your take on them?

Any others you'd recommend?

Confession: My real-life girl crush

2010-12-14T07:39:00.002-06:00

Today I'm posting today about my real girl crush, my first ever. I'm actually kind of excited about it. Now this is not a "oh you're so pretty I want to hug you" type of girl crush. I've had tons of those. No, this is about really being seriously sexually attracted to a girl. And it recently happened to me.

To be honest, I thought all of 5 minutes about posting this here, where so many people know me, because there might be some who aren't going to understand, or approve. But then I got over that. I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl being attracted to another girl. In fact I think it's beautiful. As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm still me. I just happened to recently had some new feelings I've never had before, and I am completely okay with them. No "my" girl doesn't believe in God, but I do, or at least something more than science, and the God I believe in would totally be into people loving on each other. So I've made my peace with my spiritual side, and believe it's time to let any fear go.

Now this doesn't mean I'm thinking about every girl this way, because truth be told, I'm not. In fact when I first felt the attraction, I would look at other girls and wonder...but no. It hasn't worked liked that for me. So far it's just the one. So if anyone is ever rooming with me for reader events (which is rare cuz I like having my own room), you've got nothing to worry about. Seriously.

So, what is so special about this girl? Well, she's amazingly hot: totally beautiful, incredibly sexy, exceptionally smart, and the one thing that really sealed the deal: a complete book nerd. It's the one thing about her that I can totally relate to and it's nurtured my crush until one day I realized it was more than just thinking she's cute. And it didn't freak me out like I imagined it would.

So some of you who are actually still reading this might be wondering: does she know? Yes she does in fact know. I've been completely honest about it with her. And she's been so sweet with me, teasing me with it ;) But in all reality, this girl is so out of my spectrum that I expect to just crush from afar. And she's wild, so I know I don't stand a chance LOL. She's someone I know from the 'net, so she might see this, but I'm not going to go out of my way to tell her. I did this is for me. Besides, I've been bothering her enough lately, and she's been so patient and encouraging, but I really need to stop being so clingy. It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster lately, yet all in a good way. And I'm not actually in love with her; she just happens to be my ultimate girl fantasy.

Another reason why I wanted to post this is because over the last several weeks, I've discovered A LOT of women who have similar girl crushes themselves. Some of them are happily married. Some are younger, and more open about their sexuality. So it's not as unlikely as you'd think. Personally I believe we should embrace this side of ourselves and not worry so much about whether other people approve. I've been happier by doing so.

Upon further reflection, I thought I would be completely terrified to post this here, but I'm not. I didn't hesitate for more than a second. Okay maybe 5. But it's really freeing to be honest about this. And It's not like I'm completely surprised. I've read my share of Lacey Alexander books, and yeah, the girl on girl action has been a turn-on for me, so maybe it was only a matter of time before .

Of course now I am wondering how people will react to me at the next get-together. Cuz you know I still like guys, always will. And by that time, who knows, my crush may have fizzled out and that was that. Or maybe it won't. Thing is, I'm still shy and weird and moody and a total dork. I'm melodramatic and immature and silly. See, still me :) I just have a real crush on a girl.

Anyone else want to confess? ;)

What I'm Watching: A Room With A View (1986)

2010-12-07T07:13:00.001-06:00

From BooksaMillion.com

E.M. Forster's 1908 novel, A ROOM WITH A VIEW, is adapted for the screen by director James Ivory in this beautifully lighthearted tale of Edwardian manners. Helena Bonham Carter stars as a young Englishwoman, Lucy Honeychurch. When Lucy and her spinster chaperone, Charlotte Bartlett (Maggie Smith), travel to Florence, they meet an unconventional Englishman, Mr. Emerson (Denholm Elliott), and his romantically unhappy son, George (Julian Sands).

After George makes the grievous mistake of kissing Lucy during a picnic in the Florentine hills, Charlotte rushes her back to England. Safely home, Lucy becomes engaged to the stiff, very proper Cecil (Daniel Day-Lewis), but after finding out the Emersons have moved close by, Lucy has a hard time ignoring her attraction to the unsuitable George.

Producer Ismail Merchant considered A ROOM WITH A VIEW Merchant Ivory's first genuine blockbuster, and it enjoyed more popular success than any previous Merchant Ivory film. Screenwriter Ruth Prawer Jhabvala was awarded an Academy Award for her screenplay, and the film itself was nominated for Best Picture. Director James Ivory's tale also features British movie icons Judi Dench and Simon Callow. A ROOM WITH A VIEW was the first of three Forster novels (the other two were MAURICE and HOWARDS END) adapted by Merchant Ivory Productions.

Helena Bonham-Carter is exquisite as the passionate yet buttoned-up Lucy Honeychurch. It is evident she is as taken with George as he is with her, but her spinsterly chaperone does not approve, so she ignores her feelings and upon returning back to England, immediately .

But try as she might to fit in to her new role as an engaged woman, it's becoming increasingly difficult to stifle the emotion and vitality George Emerson, played brilliantly by Julian Sands, has awakened in her. When he comes to visit his father in England, and they meet up once again, Lucy is beside herself, yet stubbornly holds on to her proper ideals. It is quite a sight to see her fighting her own feelings for him. And Cecil, though everything she imagines an Englishman should be, continues to irritate her with his judgmental and rude behavior. It isn't until a few well-meaning people intervene that Lucy is finally able to make a choice and follow her heart....

My thoughts:

I simply adore this movie. I saw it a long time ago, and remember being captivated by it's lushness, by the tense emotion, the constraints of polite society. Even today, we still experience the disapproval and condemnation of our peers and families over the lifestyle we choose to live.

This film is just ripe with sensuality, even stifled as it is, and you can breathe it in like a heavy fragrant cloud of air. It's charming and the acting is spot on. Daniel Day Lewis especially seems to really relish his role as a pompous, judgmental windbag, and watching it again made me smirk at his delightully horrid behavior. I can't imagine what Lucy Honeychurch saw in him to accept his proposal to begin with, but it provided the much-needed excuse for Lucy to keep her distance from the man she really longs for.

Watching it again, years later, I was able to find details I missed when I was a soft-headed teenager. The intelligence, the dry humor, the inneuendos. I now feel I must own this film. And the remake, done by Masterpiece in 2007, cannot even come close to touching this one. Such a disappointment that one was. The is the true, the original, the best.

What's a favorite period piece of yours?

I'm still me....

2010-11-30T07:22:00.003-06:00

I realize with a lot of stuff I've been talking about lately (mostly on Twitter), some of those who may have known me for longer are wondering..."what the hell?" Well, rest assured, I am still me, and most likely always will be. I'm still reserved, and quiet. Still love reading hot books, loud music, driving fast, vanilla iced coffee, Gerard Butler, taking naps, Supernatural, warm summer nights, the annual Get-Together, and blue-collar guys. I still hate onions, idiot drivers, Nascar on US99, (I'd rather watch racing than listen to it, dammit!), being cold, shopping (except online), flying (only like the destinations) and Monday mornings. Not much as changed.

But I'm definitely going through some stuff now that scares me a little too, but not in a bad way. Truly. I'm just not sitting at home wondering why my life is not what I want it to be, and by that I mean I'm not staying on the sidelines. I'm careful, not stupid, and I haven't even really "done" anything, but my life is in a rut, and I need to find a way to get out of it. So it's about a whole lot of stuff: work, friends, family, all of it. Nothing bad, just something different. So, for example, say, when my pals from the Ge-Together see me next summer, I won't be any different than I was before. And I wanted to say that not because I'm doing anything wrong, but because you guys have been there with me a damn long time, and if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have such special people in my life. I wouldn't have taken that first drive to Cincy 6, 7 years ago and met so many of my online friends. That is a very valuable and important part of who I am. But I also need to open up more, discover things, and it's a little scary in the sense that I'm doing it on my own, but I guess that's how you learn, right?

Thank you for being here, for seeing me through my little dramas *g*, and I will continue to post about books and movies and all the other things I do love so much. You guys rock :)

Beg Me by Shiloh Walker (2010) - review

2010-11-27T10:29:00.001-06:00

Beg me…there had been a time when those words made her burn with desire. But now, there was only fear.

Once, Tania Sinclair’s life was almost perfect…oh, it had its ups and downs but she was happily married to a guy that adored her, one who had no problem indulging every kinky fantasy she ever had. But a couple of tragedies later, she’s barely holding it together. A car accident took away her husband, and an attack from somebody she should have been able to trust has shaken not only her confidence, but it’s also stripped away her fantasies and even made it painful to look back on her memories of her husband without fear.

Two years after her attack, Tania is determined to take her life back and the first step is taking back herself…her fantasies, her dreams, her memories. There’s only one person she can trust to do it, too. One person she wants enough…Drake Bennett, her husband’s best friend.

Falling for your best friend’s wife—never smart. Drake’s watched Tania quietly for years, watched her…wanted her, knowing he’d never have her. First, she was taken. And then, that night two years ago—a night that still scars her, a night that’s left bruises on her that still haven’t healed. He does what he can, though, because he loves her too much not to. He’s her friend, there when she needs him.

And now she needs him. She’s asked him for a favor…one that just about blows his mind…

Warning: This book involves light bondage play, rape fantasy & role-playing. The acts between the hero & heroine are consensual, but they may not be ideal for all readers…

Despite my pestering of her, Shiloh is always very good to me and I got this eARC of another of her amazing stories because she knows how to keep me happy. And it's absolutely no burden at all to review one of her books. It's definitely not a chore for me. It's actually lots of fun trying to find new and interesting ways to gush *g*

Drake's been in love with his best friend's wife for a long time, way back when they were married and Kyle was still alive, but his buddy is gone now, and it's all Drake can do to sit by and watch as Tania faces another anniversary of her husband's death. But she's missing Kyle, so how can Drake ever reveal what's in his heart to her?

Tanis is barely holding on by a thread, and each year it gets worse. She's not moving on, and the fear is just as great as it ever was. She needs to find a way to work through it, and she decides the best way is get back up on that proverbial horse and live out the fantasies she enjoyed so much before, with her husband. Fantasies that were taken away from her by a selfish, sick man who didn't understand the level of trust and respect and affection between her and Kyle, someone who tried to steal her spirit. Facing herself scares her, because she's so afraid something is irrevocably lost. But she needs to push herself anyway. And who better than the one man, other than her husband, who would be there for her and see her through and not judge?

Drake is floored that Tania would like to take that next step with him. Though he knows by no means that she is looking for anything more, Drake can't say no. He will be there for her in any way she needs him, to provide strength, someone to depend on, and the means to give her her fantasies back. And maybe, just maybe, he has enough hope to believe it will give both of them what they really want....

My thoughts:

First off, huge shout-out to Shiloh for writing about such a sensitive, taboo subject. A woman's sexuality is a complex and beautiful thing, and sometimes that means desiring and indulging in fantasies that others might, and will, find traumatic and possibly even disgusting. I have never had a problem with this particular fantasy, I don't have any personal experience with rape or being attacked, but I don't take lightly those who have. Some people will not understand why anyone would want to act out being forced to have sex. Why being sexually dominated in such a forceful manner would be acceptable. But it is, as long as it happens between consenting adults, pretty much anything is acceptable. So that is why I give Shiloh a whole lot of credit for "going there".

Shiloh doesn't really go into why Tania is into this fantasy, but you know what? I don't think she has to because there doesn't necessarily need to be a reason other than that it turns her on. A lot of us want to put pretty labels on why things are the way they are. Sometimes they just ARE. Tania acts out her forbidden, kinky fantasies of being forced with her loving and understanding husband. It's a wonderfully healthy, open, satisfying relationship, one that her husband enjoys just as much as Tania does. But then he dies, and she's attacked, and everything she knew changed in a really bad way. She needs to find a way back to herself.

She finds that way with her friend Drake, a sexy, caring, dependable man who just happened to be her husband's best friend. She knows in her soul Drake would never hurt her, that he knows about her fantasies and isn't disgusted with her because of it. She needs to feel that way again. So she turns to Drake.

A man to die for. One of the things I loved about him is that he talks to Tania. A lot. They discuss going forward, they talk about what is going to happen and how it should happen. Drake doesn't close his eyes and hope he doesn't scare her. He asks her questions about what works for her, what doesn't. He takes his time, but pushes while gaging her responses, and in doing so, he experiences the pleasure himself as he watche her blossom under his touch, become bolder, more sure of herself again. The woman he loves takes back her sexuality. And he got her there out of love, and patience, and a firm hand. It makes them stronger. And Tania discovers that she can love again. That there is a man who will cherish all of her. The dark and the light. The sassy and the scared. The complete woman she is. And who could ask for more than that.

So I encourage you all to read it. This wasn't reading outside my comfort zone because I didn't have a problem with this fantasy. I loved this storyline. But others will have a more difficult time. I'm really relishing this opportunity read stories that push our buttons, that scare us and challenge us and make us think. Not that there is anything wrong with good, old-fashioned sex and romance, because I need that too. But to step away and put your foot out on that ledge, to flounder a little and feel shaky and terrified and angry, well, it can be cathartic. It can help you learn more about yourself. We need to learn more about ourselves. Never say never until you know for absolute certainty.

And if nothing else, Shiloh tells a wonderfully hot and delicious story that has you hooked from page one. She's one of the few that I will read an eARC for (yeah, I know, get an eReader!) and it is well worth it to me. And writing this review has been effortless and FUN, and educational. I feel like I accomplished something good by putting these words on paper. I would love to do it again *g*

Rating: ****1/2 out of *****

Comfort Food by Kitty Thomas (2010)

2010-11-26T07:33:00.003-06:00

BOOK DESCRIPTION: Emily Vargas has been taken captive. As part of his conditioning methods, her captor refuses to speak to her, knowing how much she craves human contact. He's far too beautiful to be a monster. Combined with his lack of violence toward her, this has her walking a fine line at the edge of sanity. Told in the first person from Emily's perspective, Comfort Food explores what happens when all expectations of pleasure and pain are turned upside down, as whips become comfort and chicken soup becomes punishment.

DISCLAIMER: This is not a story about consensual BDSM. This is a story about "actual" slavery. If reading an erotic story without safewords makes you uncomfortable, this is not the book for you. This is a work of fiction, and the author does not endorse or condone any behavior done to another human being without their consent.

I first heard about this book last June, at the Lori Foster get-together. An author was talking about it in great detail, and I was so disgusted by the description of the story I just knew I would never read it. It made me so angry to think of a man treating a woman like a trophy, uncaring of anything other than his pleasure. I quickly dismissed the notion of going anywhere near it.

Flash-forward to October, when I actually bought the book. Again, Twitter has had quite an impact on me as I'd noticed several readers who really enjoyed it, or at least were more accepting of the idea than I had originally been. Some even fantasized about a Master of their own. While I wouldn't take it quite that far, I did get some insight into the Master, saw that he believed he could break someone and own them, and with her obedience came great care from him.

When we first meet Emily, she's already been captured, and wakes up in a prison cell. She's terrified, convinced she's going to die or at the very least be raped. At this point, her fear is such that she really has no thought to go against him, to fight him. She will comply if it means her survival.

The Master is silent in his approach to her, communicating by action and by expression. Emily has to try to figure out what he wants, and she quickly does. The more she obeys, the more accommodating he is with her. But if she refuses him, he will leave her in the cell, naked, alone. Without human contact. And Emily cannot handle that. She craves, no, requires human touch. She cannot survive without it, and it's her great fear to be deprived of it. So she let's him do what she wants to her, even enjoys it, as long as she's not alone in that cell anymore....

My thoughts:

This was a challenging read for me but also could have been much worse because of my personal feelings about sexual slavery. Ms. Thomas isn't overtly explicit in her descriptions, so while we understand the Master's goal is to have Emily be his slave, and that most definitely includes owning a sex slave, it's not portrayed as extremely violent or abusive, and soon Emily is conditioned over time to crave his firmer touch, to long for any sexual punishment he sees fit to give her. To me, I feel that a relationship of this magnitude tends to be out of balance. Though Master always silently offers Emily a choice, he knows what her weaknesses are, so he sets it up in such a way that she's going to choose what he wishes her to choose. It's all done with the belief that he is choosing what is best for her when it really means he is manipulating her to get what he wants in end.

Now Emily is so different from me. I am an introvert, so being around crowds drains me. I crave touch as much as the next person, but not to the same critical level Emily does. Despite the fear, I think I would have fought more. Or at least I hope I would have. But when you are kidnapped, and you're terrified, who knows what desperate measures you would take to stay alive. Emily received a lot of pleasure from the Master, so while I wasn't totally consensual, she did enjoy it.

And it certainly doesn't hurt that the Master is extremely good-looking and ungodly rich. I kept having to remind myself that it was just fiction, so it was going to be written in a more appealing fashion than it most likely would have been in real life. Even myself, who has no desire to be anyone's slave, found him to be attractive, and perhaps I wouldn't have minded my captivity with such a Master. Much.

But I am me, and though he was attentive to her needs, I also found him to be too cold and calculating. He treated her like a pet, not a human. His goal was to break her. His plan was to have someone to control, to do his every desire, and in doing so, that was to be her pleasure. I think that's a turn-on to a point. You want to pleasure your partner, but at the same time, you have your own fantasies, and the idea of someone else controlling what you enjoy so completely bothers me.

But that was the point. It wasn't a game, it was a real case of slavery. This man methodically planned to kidnap this woman. He watched her, planned out her abduction, built a cell to keep her like a favored pet. Relinguishing control over to another sounds appealing on a lot of days, but not complete control. I like to cook my own food, wear my own clothes, and don't wish to subject myself to another's wishes to such as extreme consent. But for A LOT of women (and men too), this is a very hot fantasy. It's much more common than one would believe. In fact it's not far-fetched to imagine it being more mainstream in the not too distant future.

So while I didn't warm up to the Master and eny Emily (much), I still found it to be an absorbing read, one that surprised me with how much I lied in the story. I think Ms. Thomas writes a compelling story, and knows how to capture the reader's attention. I would definitely read more by her.

Rating: **** out of *****

Being thankful today....

2010-11-25T09:33:00.003-06:00

I have so many people to be thankful for! My crazy family, my RL friends who put up with me, and most recently, my online friends who are there for me, share my love of naughty books, and see me through some challenging times this year. There's a lot going on with work and other stuff, lots of uncertainty, and I'm not good with the sharing my feelings thing, but online there's a level of freedom that allows me to do that. And it's been a wonderful community that I adore.

And I now know some really amazing, funny, crazy beautiful, strange and loving people who seem to get me, so big, big hugs and smooches to you all. Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you get to spend today with your loved ones :)

What I'm watching: Crash (1996)

2010-11-18T07:27:00.002-06:00

Amazon.com
Adapted from the controversial novel by J.G. Ballard, Crash will either repel or amaze you, with little or no room for a neutral reaction. The film is perfectly matched to the artistic and intellectual proclivities of director David Cronenberg, who has used the inspiration of Ballard's novel to create what critic Roger Ebert has described as "a dissection of the mechanics of pornography." Filmed with a metallic color scheme and a dominant tone of emotional detachment, the story focuses on a close-knit group of people who have developed a sexual fetish around the collision of automobiles. They use cars as a tool of arousal, in which orgasm is directly connected to death-defying temptations of fate at high speeds. Ballard wrote his book to illustrate the connections between sex and technology--the ultimate postmodern melding of flesh and machine--and Cronenberg takes this theme to the final frontier of sexual expression. Holly Hunter, James Spader, and Deborah Unger are utterly fearless in roles that few actors would dare to play, and their surrender to Cronenberg's vision makes Crash an utterly unique and challenging film experience. It's rated NC-17, so don't say you weren't warned! --Jeff Shannon

Finding myself drawn to darker, more disturbing things lately, I got this movie recommendation on Twitter, so of course I had to watch it. And I chose the NC-17 version, no big surprise there. Why bother with anything else?

The above blurb pretty much covers the bones of the movie, so I don't feel the need to describe what happens. So I watched it. And tweeted and read and worked on boss stuff at the same time. It's a creepy film, hypnotic, dark and disturbing. But it also made me feel sorry for these people. In their minds, they were probably as happy as pig in shit, but to me, watching them desperately trying to connect was sad. The blood, and pain, and loss of life. I get that in the presence of death and destruction, it's only natural to want to live, and one of the most elemental ways of doing that is to have sex. But there's also some feeling that these people had a death wish. So busy seeking the ultimate thrill that they come too close to the edge.

Verdict: Just another fetish to scratch off my list. Just not into it. But there are people out there who are turned on by things like this, so who am I to discredit them? I don't fully understand it, but does that mean they are freaks? Another lesson remembered. Just because I don't like it doesn't necessarily make it wrong. Just means we're different. Exciting, isn't it?

I didn't hate the movie, just never see the need to watch it again. Though I do love James Spader and Holly Hunter, together or separate, I think I got what I needed from the film. And I am loving that I am testing myself. I guess I'm a late bloomer. Being shy sometimes does that, at least that's been my experience. Now I'm trying to push myself to go to places that I know are uncomfortable, because then I get to know myself better.

What is the most disturbing movie you've seen?

Reflections

2010-11-15T07:13:00.001-06:00

Much like everything else lately, I seem to be going through blogger block. After almost 5 years, it's not unusual for it to happen time to time, but it's at a time when I want to blog, but I feel seriously depleted of ideas. Could be the changing weather - I tend to be much more sluggish when it's cold and dark - or it could just be I don't have much to say. So I'll take a minute and look back and see what's been going on in 2010.

Once thing that's been on my mind a lot is a topic that both repels and fascinates me: BDSM. And before I go any further, let me tell you right now that no, I have not uncovered a deep, dark secret about myself. Not that there would be anything wrong with it, but the more I think about it and read about it and imagine it, I know deep in my heart I'm not wired that way. But what BDSM has done for me is opened my eyes to some things about myself. I think we all reach a point when we think we know ourselves so well. We believe we know if we're decent people, or if we're morally ambiguous, or somewhere in between. We are secure in our place in the world, in our sexuality, where we fit in with our family and friends. I thought that too, until I started becoming a little obsessed with the D/s lifestyle, yet consistently wondered why. I would test myself, read more about real-life people who were into it, and the more I read, the more confused I became because it didn't appeal to me other than on an extremely light, superficial level. But it taunted me. And after I gave it some time, I finally figured out why. Or at least I understood myself better.

I am a loner by nature. I have never been one to be dependent on others. I guess the way I grew up made it so, but at the same time, I truly believe we are born a specific way, and while events and emotions can shape us to a certain extent, our makeup is essentially what you were born to be. It also doesn't mean we can't change, but it's not an easy thing to do. Being a loner, I find it extemely uncomfortable to share a lot about myself, even the most mundane, ordinary events. I can't explain why, maybe it's some sense of being rejected that I never got over as a kid, but I tend to listen more than I talk. Now however, as I'm getting older, I notice myself becoming much more open with the people in my life. It was not a conscious decision to all of a sudden share the person that I am, it just sort of happened. And I think in part, it's because of some people I've met online (who I've mentioned before) are very open about their marriage and lifestyle.

It's weird how people I've never met in person - and even though they live in the same city most likely will never meet - have had such an impact on me. Maybe it's their confidence and their trust in each other as they also are exploring different avenues of their relationship that has encouraged me to share more of myself. It's true that you can't really have a meaningful relationship without sharing yourself, without giving trust, and I guess I need to learn how to do that. It's scary, but exciting at the same time.

Y'all are probably laughing right now, wondering what's the big deal. That's okay. That's part of the risk of opening up; is taking the chance that you might not always find happy, shiny acceptance on the other side. So be it. I'm learning new things about myself and realizing that the learning never stops. It might go on a break for a bit, but we are always discovering something new about ourselves. Kinda cool.

Has a topic or person caused you to learn

something new about yourself?

What was the experience like?

Cover alert: The Chase by Erin McCarthy

2010-11-09T06:35:00.002-06:00

Evan's story:

Due out April 2011!

What I'm watching: Secretary

2010-11-08T08:09:00.000-06:00

From Booksamillion.com:

The masochist says to the sadist, "Hurt me." The sadist replies, "No." Everybody's happy. This strange balance plays heavily into the Steven Shainberg-directed SECRETARY, based on a short story by Mary Gaitskill. Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal) is a troubled young woman with a secret, destructive addiction fueled by her mother's overprotectiveness and her father's alcoholism. Sheltered and wholly dependent on other people, Lee's only form of self-expression is in this private, painful habit. That is, until she meets her new boss, the lawyer E. Edward Gray (James Spader), who hires her as his secretary.

It is exciting for Lee to hold down a job, even if she is a basket case in the office. Mr. Gray watches Lee, studies her, and slowly begins to correct both her typing errors and her personality flaws. At first Mr. Gray's dominance appears scary and overbearing, a true threat to Lee's naive, fragile psyche. But as the film carefully develops these unique characters, revealing their odd strengths and weaknesses, it becomes delightfully clear that Lee and Mr. Gray can genuinely help each other. SECRETARY is a bright, atmospheric movie that shines a light on the "fun" in this dysfunctional relationship, while using brilliant performances by Gyllenhaal and Spader to illustrate the benefits of sadomasochistic love.

I remember being slightly curious when this movie first came out (2002), but soon forgot about it. Now, years later, my curiosity has gotten the best of me.

Lee has just gotten out of the pysch ward. She has this little problem that when things get to be too overwhelming for her, she cuts herself to relieve the pressure. Her first day home happens to be her sister's wedding, and not much has changed as far as her family circumstances go. Her father still drinks too much and her mother still treats her like a fragile doll. Between the two of them, they are hurting Lee.

In a rare instance of independence, Lee decides to apply for a job, and settles on secretary, which appeals to her. She's good at typing, and doesn't mind menial work. She goes to work for E. Edward Gray, a man who still uses typewriters in his office, and has very precise ideas of perfection. He can't stop himself from watching his new secretary, and tends to correct her when she makes mistakes. The more forceful and demanding she is, the more she sets out to please him. Soon both are caught up in the routine, and it's not just professional courtesy anymore. Lee gets a sexual thrill from her boss' dominance, and Mr. Gray completely enjoys his secretary's submissive ways. However there's a level of shame he seems to feel about his behavior, and he tends to sabotage the best thing that ever happened to him. Only Lee is stronger than he thought, and she proves to him that what they have together can exist at all times, and she will gladly live that life with him.

My thoughts on more than just the movie:

This movie was, at the very heart of it, a love story. When it first came out, I probably wouldn't have appreciated that idea back then, and in fact would have been totally turned off to the idea that it could be love. But getting older does change a person's perspective, and I was able to see the beauty in the relationship, even when I found my mind wandering through parts of it. I did wish James Spader's character hadn't been so neurotic. I missed the dirty, immoral jerk from previous movies. That probably would have made me find the movie much more exciting than I did.

I did find Lee's awakening to be kinda hot. She just loved being his secretary, and all the little "perks" that came with it. She really blossomed under Mr. Gray's firm hand, and though she tried to sustain a more "normal" relationship outside of work, it wasn't until she was under the guidance of Mr. Gray that she really felt beautiful and cherished.

I've said here before that the BDSM lifestyle is not for me. I don't fully grasp the desire to engage in the D/s behavior, or I should say, what I see as the more abusive aspects that often come with it (peronal and/or public humiliation, withholding of pleasure). I do understand some people get off on it, but it's never been one of my fantasies. Sometimes I'm almost disappointed in how conventional I really am, but then again, I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not either. Essentially, the BDSM world is some far off place that looks interesting but not enough to explore beyond the outer edges.

Recently, I've started to get to know people online who live it to varying degrees in their homes, and I have come to, if not completely understand it, then to at least embrace and appreciate that there are those out there that are very happy in such specific arrangements. They are perfectly intelligent, well-adjusted people who just live different lives from myself. I believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with living out your deepest, darkest fantasies in a satisfying, loving relationship. There is something freeing about having that level of trust and respect between two (or possibly more) people. And if I'm completely honest, there are even some particulars of the lifestyle that appeal to me on a wholly physical level, but overall, anything I find exciting about it is more for the fun and pleasure and definitely not about establishing a completely new lifestyle change. (Case in point: when Mr. Gray has Lee wait for him a certain way for a significant amount of time, my first - and only - reaction was that there's no way I would have done what he asked and instead, I would have decked him. Not so he'd punish me, but so I could kick his ass and tell him to fuck off forever. Not very submissive behavior, now is it? Mr. Gray would be the one with bruises and I don't think he'd like that very much.)

I know some people who find the BDSM lifestyle suits their needs believe that those of us who don't engage in it are freaks. (This rather amuses me). But that's the beauty of the world. We don't all love the same things, get excited by the same fantasies, desire the same relationships. I try to keep an open mind, but I'm not perfect either. All I can ask myself is to do my best not to judge, and to wish everyone finds what makes them truly happy. Much like Lee and Mr. Gray did. Really, what more can we ask for?

Today's happy: Stuck Like Glue by Sugarland

2010-11-04T07:33:00.001-05:00

Sometimes there's a song that comes along that just puts you in a happy place. Right now, my office is digging Sugarland's "Stuck Like Glue". No matter how busy it gets, this song never fails to put a smile on our faces. (Damn, it's playing RIGHT NOW on the radio!!!)

Go check out the playlist for their latest album here.

What song does this for you, brings you to your happy place?

What I'm watching: Castle (season 1)

2010-11-03T07:25:00.001-05:00

From Booksamillion.com: Rick Castle (Nathan Fillion) is a smooth talker, a quick wit, and a great crime novelist. Possibly even too great: all around the city, bodies are dropping in exactly the ways he described in his latest book. Now, in order to stop the serial killer he inadvertently inspired, he’ll have to put his famous imagination to work for the NYPD--specifically detective Kate Beckett (Stana Katic), a tough investigator who doesn’t suffer fools. Loved by audiences for its smart, snappy exchanges and clever characters, CASTLE follows the unlikely pair as they try to catch their crook (and somehow keep from killing one another). This collection includes every episode from the show’s first season, as well as a behind-the-scenes roundtable with the creators.

Once again, I am under the influence of my Twitter pals, many of whom rave about this show called Castle. Now I am no stranger to Nathan Fillion, remembering him from the days I watched soaps and he was on OLTL, to when he played Sharon's boyfriend on Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place, and of course to his memorable performance as Malcome Reynolds on one of my all-time favorite shows, Firefly. So now I'm jumping on the Castle bandwagon, and so far, I'm enjoying the ride.

What I like:

Nathan, of course. He's extremely charismatic, and though his rough-looking face makes him looks like he lives Charlie Sheen's life, it looks rather comfortable on him, and he can carry it off, much better than Mr. Sheen himself, that's for sure. I love his devilishness and his self-awareness; the guy knows he's attractive and gets away with all kinds of crap because of it. But he's so charming, who the hell cares?

Stana Katic, who plays Kate Beckett, the female cop. Total girl crushing on her and not afraid to admit it. She incredibly beautiful, but likeable because she doesn't stick her boobs out and pout like a sex kitten, but she's got that sexy walk, and a confidence I'd kill for.

Alexis, Castle's daughter on the show. She's more cute than pretty, with gorgeous hair, but I love how she's not your typical sullen, irritating teen. She's smart, responsible, well-adjusted, and her and her dad have an amazing close relationship. He brings out the kid in her, and she brings out the protective dad in him. Love it. Makes me adore Nathan, er, Castle, even more.

What I don't like:

So far, just the theme music. That whistling has officially gotten on my nerves by the 5th episode. And there's a hint of Dexter in it, which always throws me off.

So tell me: have you gotten your Castle on?

Winner of Kylie Brant's "Deadly Intent"

2010-11-02T06:58:00.002-05:00

4. Maureen!

Maureen, please email me your snail mail addy to trelainastarblazer AT yahoo DOT com, and I'll make sure Kylie gets it to send your book. Congrats!!!

1. Barbara
2. Estella
8. Mariska
7. SiNn
9. Loretta Canton
6. Jane
5. Cathy M.
3. Misha1989