Far From Flawless

Something About Summer...

2013-05-24T09:15:00.000-04:00

There is a more relaxed vibe even though much of life's real responsibilities remain. It feels like there is a little more space for possibility, a little more time for connecting and a the days actually are longer allowing more light to shine into our lives. Beginning the weekend, knowing it will extend into Monday is just breeds relaxation!

I will be doing some cleaning, some crafting, some planning, some bonding and some partying. It is Mr. Wonderful has a birthday and we're taking the whole family to a Japanese Steakhouse. I'm hoping to make it up to the Mountains, also. Large chunks of unscheduled time is a treasure!

I hope you have a beautiful weekend. Will you be working? Relaxing?

Let's Talk About Income

2013-05-16T01:44:00.000-04:00

Dave Ramsey says our most powerful wealth-building tool is our income. My opinion is that my most powerful wealth building tool is my ability to connect with others, because to me - relationships are what make a rich life. But, I understand that financially, income matters.

Mothers all know that time is precious and that each moment spent earning a dollar is usually a moment spent away from our little ones. So it behooves us to maximize our income during the hours we choose to work. I describe my current work schedule as having "Mommy Hours," and I feel incredibly lucky to have some flexibility. I get paid hourly, but get to be home after school.

Source

When paid hourly, every time you are unable to work, you are losing income. Sick days (for me or my children), field trips, vacations, etc. mean less income. Because such circumstances are simply part of life, I have to plan to miss at least the equivalent of one day each month. One year, we had a whole week of snow days! That cut my income by almost 30% that February. When this happens, just give yourself grace and accept that it will take a little while to catch up. Whether you pull from an emergency fund or rely on credit, do what you must to keep the lights on, the children fed and the house payment up to date.

In my pre-child days, I earned a healthy salary. I enjoyed the predictable income and measureable increases. Today, as an hourly employee, I notice the variables in the workdays each month, sick days and other unpredictable events that affect my paycheck. At first, I would become fearful and panic when I was missing the chance to work so I had to adjust my expectations: I won't be able to work every hour available. I purposefully budget assuming there will be missed time each month and then enjoy the 'extra' if it turns out that I'm able to be present the whole time.

It just another way that you can eliminate stress by allowing yourself to be less than perfect.

On the other hand, getting paid hourly might mean that you have the freedom to accept a second part time job, free lance work, temporary hire, etc. Flexible schedules and applicable skills will let you fill in gaps when times demand.

Maximize your earning potential but give yourself the freedom to live the real life you desire. Saying yes to more work means saying no to time with your children. Finding the balance that works for you is crucial.

Do you have any tips for maximizing earning potential? Does your income vary monthly? What do you do to prepare for sick days? I'd love to hear how others survive.

How I learned about money.

Zero Dollar Budgeting.

A Disturbing Update...

2013-05-15T13:12:00.000-04:00

I regret to admit the mouse has not left building. I truly thought one of my children was eating chips in the kitchen last night and was horrified to learn the mouse discovered the sour cream & chive Lays! This is awful!

Mousketeering is Not For Me

2013-05-14T01:07:00.000-04:00

I have an immense love for clear countertops. Last week I randomly decided that the paper towel holder didn't really need to sit on TOP of the counter, and I placed it under the sink - easily within reach if needed but making more clear space. Yay!

Source
Stay Outside Little Mice!

The next morning, I was horrified to see that a critter had shredded much of that paper towel roll and it revealed that there was a mouse in the house. Horror! Years ago, in another state, I had a mouse problem...but they never ventured out of the attic. So I haven't had to deal with this issue on my own.

I handled it the most mature way by donning latex gloves, tossing the (almost new) roll of paper towels, cleaning the under sink area, closing the cabinet doors and pretending I never saw what I knew was true. Denial. It haunts me. I walked away from that cabinet and didn't intend to return.

Two days later, I heard a bit of rustle in a baggie of leftover cereal on the countertop. That's right, there was something making a sound on the countertop which was no longer clear and clean, but cluttered with school papers and leftovers. I heard it, but I didn't have time to investigate just then. Books, bedtime, snuggles and nightlights were calling. Later, as I was finally getting to the daily clearing of those counters...I was once again confronted with undeniable evidence that there was a mouse in the house. And she had made several deposits on my unclear counter. My kitchen counter!

I just knew she was stalking me at night. She had probably used the shredding of my paper towels to line her nest which was now brimming with eager micelings ready to infiltrate every closet, cabinet, cubby and corner of our house. I didn't sleep well and the next morning my ~~first~~ second stop was at Target where I purchased Tomcat bricks. I put out the poison. Lots of it, all around the kitchen cabinets, counters and floor.

The children go to their father and I will abandon the kitchen for several days. Mr. Wonderful suggested live traps...I was not amused.

Update: It took several days, but there has been no mouse sighting in exactly two days. I no longer hesitate as I open the cabinet doors and I am not afraid to cook in the kitchen. I'm sorry little mouse mama, my nest is for me and mine - You can build elsewhere!

Moody Monday

2013-04-29T09:29:00.000-04:00

My weekend was unexpectedly quiet. The constant rain kept me mostly indoors and when we ventured out to church, I was interrupted in class to be told I had a sick child. So back home we went and stayed. I spent the afternoon playing nurse to my baby and even napping with him. He was miserable but I did my best to keep him comfortable...and he got to watch unlimited movies!

Now, I'm hoping against hope that the others stay virus-free! Me, too.

Before the sickness set in, I was able to spend some relaxing time with Mr. Wonderful and his girls. We enjoy a Saturday lunch tradition of Tex-Mex ... it's just fun!

I caught up on home cleaning and some organization, which was nice. It always feels good to start the week off from a good place.

Have I shared that Mr. Wonderful is a high school soccer coach? He is down to one last game of the regular season and then the district tournament. I so enjoy watching him lead the team and am proud to cheer wildly for them to score. My children love to go to games and feel like a big part of the action since they know the coach. It's a great experience all around.

Except, I know it is a huge time consumer for Mr. Wonderful. Coaching is a second full time job during the season and mentally very draining. For his sake, I'm thankful that a break is coming. I know he'll be able to take a deep breath and rest.

The next big event on our calendar will be a wedding in July! We're all excited!

Build 'Em Up - Friendships

2013-04-23T01:27:00.000-04:00

A Sacred Vow to Friendship

There are pulls in every direction as a woman, mother and especially in the role of single motherhood. We truly cannot do it all and sometimes have to let go of all but the essentials in our daily lives. It's easy to think that friendships are one the things we just have to sacrifice. I have found the complete opposite to be true! It is my friends that I have most needed when I had sick children, overwhelmed Mommy and a to do list longer than the hours in the day. When my soul is empty and my body weary, the women in my life have surrounded me to propel me into a better day. There are some who are friends for life and others who are friends for a season - often we don't know when we meet one how important they will become.

Like most things in life, you don't have to be perfect to be a good friend.

Affectionately labeled in group form, the College Girls are by lifelong besties. College life has a way of bonding friends and we do share so many great memories. The first few years after school, we saw each other at weddings and when traveling through one another's towns, but we drifted. There was no intention to keeping our friendships close. Then we scheduled an official reunion - all of us together again! It was so fun and so wonderful that we pledged to keep it up. Now we have an annual girls weekend. We share prayer requests and news via email and Facebook. We even have health kick challenges where we 'weigh-in.' We have walked each other through weddings, babies, divorces, hurts and celebrations. There is nothing like being known and loved well. These are the friends who don't live close, but remain close in my heart.

From our 2012 Get Together - the College Girls!

There is no camaraderie so close as the clique of Motherhood. Sharing birth stories, toddler tantrums, homework secrets and laundry woes is a whole 'nother kind of bonding. Some of my Mom-friends are people I may not have connected with in different season of life, but the trenches of motherhood bring us together. I learn from them and lean on them when I can. We car pool each others' children, we price for a joint garage sale, we compare homework tips. These are the women with whom I do life.

When my van died as I drove my firstborn home from his tonsillectomy, both of us in tears. I needed the friend who came to get us and the other friend who had my van towed for repair. When I couldn't make it to the school pick up line in time, I called my friend who was already in line to pick up her own. When I had to move, I needed the friends who gathered around me as I grieved the rooms and packed the space...then came for appetizers and desserts at the new house. I am always thrilled when I get asked to return the favor.

I need others. You do to. But for people to be available, we must foster and nourish the relationships in an ongoing fashion. It's worth it to take the time and energy to invest in friendship. Here are some fun ways:

Use social media - especially for the long distance friends & family.
Notice who is at church, school, parks and grocery store - your path is crossing the path of others.
Schedule something fun - I have a group that loves to go out to eat. It only happens every couple of months, but our 'dinners' usually last four hours!
Share a play date by getting together with the mother of your children's friends.
Look for someone who needs help and offer to babysit, pick something up at the store or car pool.

We know there are so many benefits, so even though it takes some extra effort - it's worth it to invest in friendships. Life is more livable when shared. How do you stay connected? Do you think it is more difficult to make friends these days?

I'm Linking up with Kelly Here.

Moody Monday

2013-04-22T01:35:00.000-04:00

It's been an extremely busy season. So I treasured this unusually slow weekend even more. I was able to sleep, go to a movie, read, dine without rushing, exercise and worship with my favorite people. One of the best moments was a nap with my firstborn.

The worst moment was when I learned my grandfather passed away. But even this was peaceful. He was in his nineties and sleeping as he moved from this life to the next. I imagine he wouldn't choose to come back.

I'm loving the wonderful spring weather - cool mornings and warm afternoons. I miss gardening this year, but do have some flowers planted in pots. Mr. Wonderful and I discuss how we'll spruce up his patio next year - there isn't much of a yard, but there are several places just perfect for flower beds.

I love Mr. Wonderful with everything in me. I never believed in soul mates or finding, "the one." I wonder if I was wrong? We were meant to be together, truly.

I have a wedding dress, caterer, photographer. My dearest friends have plane tickets. The wedding is less than three months away. I already feel married in my heart.

My heart is full, busy and content this morning. I would much rather be hiking than working, but I'm grateful for this life. What would you rather be doing than what you must?

Zero Dollar Budgeting

2013-04-12T14:52:00.000-04:00

Because I'm a detail person, I sort of fell into accounting as a job description. But it has been out of sheer necessity that I've learned to budget. I lived on my own before marriage and did a great job of managing my single girl income. My goal was to pay off college debt in two years - I did so with two months to spare. Yay. Through our marriage we incurred debt and paid it off and the balance seemed to rise and fall fairly predictably. We rarely did without what we wanted but sometimes had to pay back because we didn't save first. However, money was rarely a source of conflict. I was the one who managed the day to day accounts.

In 2008, I found myself as the only adult managing a home (with mortgage) and three young children. I was working 12 hours per week and did receive support from the father of my children. An anonymous angel gave me $1,500 cash and that was the extent of my resources. I had reason to panic. Before the shock even wore off, I knew I had to get a gameplan.

First: Assess the situation - be brutal. I couldn't minimize the seriousness of our needs and I knew I didn't want to move in with my parents. That is a wonderful solution for many, but it wasn't going to work for us for a variety of reasons. So, I quickly realized that we needed short term assistance, I had to cut our living expenses as much as possible, and I needed to earn more money.

I applied for state healthcare assistance, and was approved. I received nutrition assistance from the state. We cancelled all additional services such as cable, cell phone, even the trash pick up. This was a humbling experience - yet it was also empowering to take control of the situation instead of just waiting to see what would happen next.

I approached my existing employer and said that I needed more hours or would need to find another job. I'm blessed that I was able to more than double my working hours. I would have enough income to survive month-to-month covering our immediate needs. I was scared, but I had peace and committed to tithing on the income.

Zero dollar budgeting for me, meant that when I got paid at the beginning of each month, I had a plan for every penny. I spent on paper what I planned for the month and there was zero left at the bottom line. Literally. I changed the thermostat to save electricity and trimmed every single place possible.

Have you ever brutally assessed your financial situation and let go of things you once considered necessities?

Taking Care of Me

2013-04-09T05:10:00.000-04:00

I will never forget one morning looking in the mirror one morning (2004), shortly before the birth my third child in less than four years and genuinely wondering about the reflection - Why are you this person? It happened again in 2010 as I officially became a single mother - Who am I? Getting to the core of my identity is what makes it possible for me to function at my best. Learning that disappointment does not define me has allowed me to let go of the past and love my present (even when it isn't what I expected).

Motherhood is full of responsibilities, we all know this. The title of mother is worn as a mantle that can cloak deeper passions which we feel must be put off or put away until another season of life. Yet I'm learning that am more than someone's mother - I am a person with a world of desires, opinions, likes and dislikes. Recognizing this does not detract from mothering, it adds dimension and flavor to the sometimes numbing cycles of daily life.

For many years, I didn't allow myself to count in the life and decisions of our family. I didn't put myself of 'the list' and when combined with young children, a difficult marriage (then a falling apart marriage) and trying so hard to convince everyone I had it all together - well, my spirit was dying. One of the gifts of my most painful season was learning who I am again. Yes, for me it took losing all that I thought I was, and lots of therapy, but I'm so thankful for that work of rediscovering myself!

There are ways to honor yourself in the midst of the craziness of life and mothering demands. Remember the things that bring you joy! For every person, we must care for these aspects that speak to our deeper self

Spirituality - I am a follower of Christ Jesus. I look to the Bible for instructions and find that Proverbs speak to my practical needs and Psalms validates so many of my emotions. Worshiping in a community with others is one of my favorite parts of each week ... even when it is a challenge to get there! We are at the core spiritual beings and ignoring this part of yourself will create a hollow-ness to all we do.

Emotional - Single parenting can be one of the loneliest positions. The constant pressure of maintaining consistent discipline, instruction, sole caretaking duty which we measure against the seeming perfections of Facebook and Pinterest can literally drain the one who bears the responsibility. Sharing this struggle, even with one trusted person makes my load so much easier. We need to hear that it's going to be alright, things won't always be this tough, others struggle, too. If you find yourself depressed without reason, reach out for help.
Physical - I hate to add to the "take care of yourself" crowd by mentioning exercise...but the truth is that we need it. I find a walk, jog, video or rousing game to tag helps my perspective in many ways. I also like to surround myself with things I love...for me that means photos, candles, lovely things that have memories.
Relational - Find your people, People. If you have supportive family, embrace them. If you don't, get real with friends and let them see the real you. Let your children know that you value friendship and family by making them a priority in your own life. Step out and invite someone over or get a group together for dinner downtown. It's easy to isolate as a single parent - it is the natural way, so fight hard against the tendency and reach out to someone.
Practically - Remember the things you love. Do you enjoy going outdoors? When do you feel creative? What did you want to be as a little girl? Is there something in that you can embrace as a grown woman? When I quit living for others and learned to appreciate my own quirky ways, I became a whole lot more comfortable with myself.

You are valuable and worth knowing. Get to know yourself and give yourself permission to enjoy something just for you today. You are worth it and it enables you to be your best self for those who are depending on you.

I'm linking up here today. Is there something you can do THIS WEEK to appreciate your fabulous self?

April Showers

2013-04-08T06:16:00.000-04:00

We've had a lot of rain in my part of the country. The early spring has been damp, cold and well - endless.

Each time the sunshine peeked through, it was quickly gone again, overwhelmed by the gloom.

Logically, I knew the spring season would come, but practically it felt very far away. Three children in coats who have been huddled in the house far too long are bursting to get outdoors.

This week, we have had several days strung together with sunshine and warmish temperatures. It was followed by another day of constant rain. And today, once again - sunshine! The temperature is forecast to go up every single day for the next week and perhaps, spring has sprung.

I know there have been days in my journey through divorce and single motherhood where it felt like the sunshine would never return. Just when something good seemed to be coming, another setback would move onto the scene obscuring my hope.

It would have been so much easier to endure those dark and challenging days if I had known what my future held. If I had known that I would know what it means to be loved and cherished, then bearing the loneliness would have been easier. If I had known that I would eventually earn enough to not dread each trip to the grocery store, it would have made those days of doing without feel more temporary. I wish I had known that conflict wasn't going to be part of my daily existence forever, then discouragement would not have been such a constant companion.

There is so much we cannot know about the future. I had faith, small on some days but consistently there, that we would eventually thrive. I learned to take hold of so many little joys in my most trying days. And now I do know, deep and surely that when the clouds gather and it rains on my soul for weeks on end, a new life is coming. The cold dampness which threatens to last forever will not win.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1-2

I am no longer naïve to think dark days will not be part of this continuing life journey - yet, I am more confident that ever that the darkness will not be the lasting part of my story. Do you get overwhelmed by your present circumstances? Can you look back and see how you made it through the dark days to something better? What storm are you currently facing?

I'm Not Sure How It Happened...

2013-04-03T00:54:00.000-04:00

Photo Source: BUSINESS OBJECTS © Anatoliy Babiychuk

I love to write. I crave outdoor activities like gardening and hiking. I love acting and reading. In college, I studied communications. But in real life I've become a numbers nerd. My work is in bookkeeping and I daily spend time in a spreadsheet. My life as a single mother has forced me to be practical and precise in my finances. I hear and read a lot about what others are saying and so I thought I would add my voice to the noise. I doubt you will hear anything new, but I promise what you hear will be from real-life experience!

So, let me know if you've mastered the master plan of budgeting. Do you have any questions? Are there any topics that you would like to hear how we've managed? Let's share together!

White Lace & Promises

2013-03-26T01:15:00.000-04:00

While my mother was recently in town for a visit, I took the opportunity to have her opinion while

source: Joanne Fleming

trying on wedding dresses. The truth is, I'm intimidated by bridal stores. I feel too old to being trying on a princess gown. Too broke for anything couture. Perhaps as a second-time-bride, I feel like I shouldn't get to wear white again or celebrate love that is supposed to last forever. So with my mother in tow for moral support, we hit several shops.

What I thought I would like, felt silly when I tried it on. After several where I felt like I was wearing a costume, I opened my mind to new options. Then, I actually started having fun!

I can tell that I have been budget-minded for many years because when I think of spending money on a wedding dress, I keep thinking, "I could buy a really cool computer for that amount." or "That would pay for childcare for xx number of weeks."

So, the wedding planning is in full swing - as it should be for a special day less than four months from now (yikes!). Yet I'm trying to keep a larger perspective. The dress, the flowers, the food will all disappear. The marriage and memories will last forever and that is where I want my focus to be.

I'd love a grand production as much as the next bride, but I know the grand gift is in the day to day not the one-day event.

Simply Complicated

2013-03-22T01:48:00.000-04:00

I feel deep joy today, along with some anxiety. At one time I thought these emotions cancelled each other out, one couldn't exist alongside the other. Embracing both has been essential to becoming authentic as I walk through life. My all or nothing thinking of the past led me to box myself up and not explore the complexities of life. Growth is so good!

Becoming the second wife to the man I adore is full of such strange mixed emotions. Because I love Mr. Wonderful, and his darling girls, I regret that the pain of divorce entered their world. Yet that fact is what opened the door for me to know and love them in the first place. Do you understand the complexity? Because he was happy in his first marriage for many years, I sometimes wonder if I will bring him the same level of joy. Yet the very fact that he enjoyed unity, kinship, committed and lasting love bodes well that he will enjoy the same with me. Again, the paradox!

I cannot wait until I get to spend my days and nights together. Our rental house has never truly felt like home and I tend to avoid being alone there. Yet I sometimes worry about adjusting to moving into the home and space of another family. How will they feel about integrating my stuff? Will I feel like an intruder? It would be easy for resentments to build. Yet I know being with him is like being home. I'm content in his space and his presence.

Talking about these things helps to bring my concerns into the open. Often they are diffused with simple solutions. I can't wait for all my most important people to be under one roof. Yet I know the next season carries lots of transitions for each of us. I think as long as we keep communicating, keep celebrating the good in the midst of the new and challenging, that we will grow and learn together.

It's exciting, new territory!

Moody Monday

2013-03-11T12:11:00.002-04:00

This Monday after time change is always challenging. Last night, it felt early so I didn't go to bed till after 11 pm ... and then the alarm at 5:40 am felt terribly early! But she survived and everyone made it home. Mr. Wonderful and I had some extra time alone this weekend. My mother is in town and acted as babysitter while we went on a date! It felt special and while our conversation was heavy at times, it was deep and necessary and good.

Here are my weekend highlights:

We had the first day of 2013 that we could go outside without jackets.
My parents arrived for an extended visit.
Date night with Mrs. Wonderful: sharing fears and discussing the future, close bonding time.
Church and showing my parents where we worhsip.
Early morning snuggles with my firstborn.
Shopping for a wedding dress with my mother!

I'll spare you the lowlights ... we had our share of that, too. But it's the start of a new week. Lot's of to do's and not enough energy. That's just how I'm feeling today.

Oh I'm Ready for Spring!

2013-03-08T00:56:00.000-05:00

I've been quiet on the blog because after such big and exciting news on my last post, I just don't have too much that can top it! We've enjoyed receiving so many congratulations from friends far and near...even a couple that just heard the news this week. I'm grateful for so many who are happy for us.

The past three (yes, three!) weeks have turned the dreamy into the practical as we work out budget, plan for merging our families into one living space, discuss style of wedding, guests, etc. It's been a very practical season of working together. It means alot to me that Mr. Wonderful continues to move the process forward and stay involved. He's so cute, asking "What needs to happen next?" So we are taking the necessary steps and moving forward on all fronts.

At home I have been talking a lot about when we will live with our 'almost family.' That's what my daughter calls them...she keeps talking like SHE is the one getting married! They have had some interesting concerns and thoughts, which I'm hoping to share.

But mostly life continues along with the routines and requirements of usual: school. homework. bills. job. laundry. always laundry. Recently, I have been reminding myself that I will miss some things about this time. Even in this season of life which I would never choose - there have been treasures.

My parents are coming to town for an extended visit. I look forward to the extra set of hands to get on top of spring cleaning, more purging/organizing and companionship. I've missed writing and hearing from readers. Has spring arrived in your part? Do you see any hints of it around the corner?

If you can't read the picture, My first grade daughter wrote about her family back in December. She listed Mr. Wonderful as her stepdad and his daughters as her sisters. Her Daddy's significant other's children are included with her siblings. I'm thankful that she can integrate these close people into her family. You can also see the way she has drawn home: Ours, a house, and her Daddy's, a condo in multi-level units. So interesting what you can learn about her thoughts form her drawing!

I Owe You a Story...

2013-02-22T05:26:00.000-05:00

Mr. Wonderful and I have been together for a year and a half. From about six weeks of knowing him, I had the sense that he would be a permanent part of my life. Through time, I became very secure and confident in that as my trust deepened and we just continued to experience life together. I wasn't hopeful for a Christmas proposal, but I did hope it would be soon.

January held a series of things that simply happen in the course of life: Major vehicle repairs, a broken hot water heater, out-of-pocket work expenses and numerous budget-busters. So, while in our hearts we were already planning a life together, I was thinking it would take a little more time to get to the place where we could start the process.

My birthday happens to fall on the day before Valentines. When I stopped by the home of my best friend to get a birthday kiss, I was expecting a quick hug and hello before hurrying home to put my three children to bed. It had been a good, but full day with work and school, dinner with friends, small group at church and lots of life happening (homework, laundry, phone calls, etc.).

I was greeted with hugs and "Happy Birthday's" from Mr. Wonderful and his girls. We laughed and giggled, and Mr. Wonderful brought me to his living room where said he had something for me. He handed me the sweetest card and a rose. He's written me lots of sweet love notes, but it was my first actual card from him and I loved it. The words spoke of "...forever with you." and he had handwritten, "So why wait? Let's get started tonight!"

When I looked up, he was on his knee with a small, closed box. "Will you marry me?" YES! and I can't believe you're doing this! I was truly surprised and so excited. Mr. Wonderful then asked my three children to be part of his Forever Family. They all three cheered and we had a big group hug with all the family.

It means so much to me that all of our children were present when we made the official decision. It really is a family choice for us. His girls were snapping photos with their phones and so this is the best quality I have from that night.

When he opened the box, I was equally surprised by my ring which is a gorgeous diamond with saphires on each side. It doesn't look like a traditional engagement ring and Mr. Wonderful said he kept coming back to it and thought it was so pretty. I do, too!

I have terribly chubby fingers and the ring was much to small for me, but you can be sure I smashed it right over my knuckle that night! I've since had it sized and I am amazed at how quickly it has become normal to wear an engagement/wedding ring. I love it. I love that he chose it himself, just for me. So special!

I must confess that the day I had it sized, I was driving back home from picking up my new ring, chatting away on my cell phone with one of my best friends ... feeling quite giddy and carefree. I was dropped back to earth by the flashing lights of a police officer who pulled me over to say that I failed to follow traffic signal (rolling stop) and gave me a ticket! Ugh! But nothing could dampen my mood and truthfully, I was quite distracted by the sparkle.

It's been a whirlwind of a week - we're hoping for a wedding in July, working out details of locations, family availability, honeymoon time and more. I love that Mr. Wonderful is enthusiastic about moving forward. I even love the more challenging things like working out budgets and making housing decisions with him. I love the way we work together, that he hears and considers my input and that I trust him so deeply. I am in love and will choose to love him for the rest of my days.

I really didn't know that I would or could experience this happiness!

Meeting a Date

2013-02-15T05:17:00.000-05:00

I have noticed that I received many invites to check out singles or meet up with others on Thursdays and Fridays. It's as if the online dating sites are trying to woo me prior to the weekend and avoid the lonelies. This week, the solicitation has stepped up to frantic pace! In anticipation of Valentine's Day, I have gotten multiple emails from Christian Mingle, Our Time, eHarmony, Match, Zoosk and even one I've never seen ... @wannadate - seriously?

But I do understand. It's Valetine's week and many people will consider looking for a companion. So, if you feel ready to venture out there and you've thought about what you want, It's time to step out there. I don't have any new tricks for meeting someone, so here are the basics:

Look around your current circles - is there someone at church? Your son's basketball game?
Let your friends know you're available. Okay, not just your firends, your family, coworkers, etc. If others see you're open and approachable, they may just encourage an awesome friend to take the risk.
Online - has to be said, it is a major source of meeting others in our culture. You will have the chance to talk with many in a virtual way that you may never cross paths with in real life. I have often thought that if Abraham used his servant to find a wife for Isaac, I could find a way to make that computer my servant!
Try something new - grab a friend and try a new class, new restaurant, new walking path or even a new grocery store. Just shaking up your routine will force you to be more aware, ask for help, etc.

I am SO not an expert in this area! I do know that as I became ready, I became more and more aware of others around me. I knew myself, felt comfortable with myself and knew I could be a fun companion. I felt hopeful and expectant and I am sure that attitude comes through.

Please share? How do you meet others? Do you actively pursue? Share the info, my friends!

PS ... I meant to get this up by Valentine's Day, but a little something happened the night before: Mr. Wonderful proposed! I enthusiastically said YES! More on that next week. ♥

Please Help!

2013-02-11T13:56:00.003-05:00

Would you take a moment to vote for me? I was nominated for an award! Thank you so much for checking in to read, to comment and just to say hi! I love sharing here!

Moody Monday - A Hint of Spring? & Please Vote!

2013-02-11T05:06:00.000-05:00

I went on a cleaning binge this weekend. My home is cleaner than it has been since we moved in three months ago. Every floor, tub, toilet and sink was spotless. Every single item of laundry washed, folded and put in its place. The sheets on every bed were fresh. And then my children came home from visiting their father. Someone had red dirt in the crevices of their tennis shoes. A visit had been made to the park - the park with sand, where roads and canyons were built. Bags were filled with dirty clothes and the children expected me to cook. So the house didn't stay clean for long. Ah well. Such is the cyclical nature of housework. The only thing that has me truly annoyed is the red dirt I'm still finding in random locations.

I was able to meet up with a group of friends for lunch and fun on Saturday. The weather was warm(er) and I was able to exercise outside both days - it's always more fun and less boring than doing a video inside. My children and I had time to relax, read and play games. We enjoyed church and being with Mr. Wonderful. It was a great weekend in so many ways. I ended with Downton Abbey - and it did not disappoint.

I'm thinking ahead to springtime, now, and feeling ready to purge a bit more (why is there always more to get rid of?) and to get fit. The winter insulation is cozy but not fun to carry around. I have one more year of my thirties, so I want to use that motivation to stay healthy! I am starting to think of spring break plans, potted garden ideas and looking forward. Good days are ahead!

Do you look forward to spring? What do you like the most? Does your schedule change? Next weekend is supposed to be freezing cold again.

Oh, and would you take a moment to vote for me? I was nominated for an award! Thank you so much for checking in to read, to comment and just to say hi! I love sharing here!

Fabulous Friday Things

2013-02-08T00:35:00.000-05:00

I've been looking around at gift ideas and in the purest form of selfishness found some I would enjoy myself. It got me to thinking about things I enjoy right now and in the spirit of Wish Lists, here is my Gift Guide for the Single Mom (or any woman) you love:

Kenra Thermal Styling Spray - now that my hair is longer, I'm enjoying relaxed curls and this product is a miracle causing the effect to last days ... yes, I said days! My stylist used it last time I was there.

Slippers - okay, I'm going to make a fantastic grandma someday, but I'm a slipper-loving fool! Seriously, once I get home, I slip into something more comfortable...these would be nice!

Le Creuset Tea Kettle - I love to have something to quickly boil water and this is just lovely!

Red Polka Dot Toms - I just think I would wear these a whole bunch!

iPhone 5 - I'm eligible for an upgrade, and tempted to splurge.

I would like a watch. I desire new towels. It's my birthday next week and some people asked for ideas. Since becoming a single mom, I often buy myself a little something just for fun. How do you celebrate the day you arrived?

Are You In a Controlling Relationship?

2013-02-07T01:19:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking about controlling people, controlling relationships. I didn't come by freedom in relationship easily and created many poor patterns that 'give away' my power. To make matters worse, some of those to whom I gave my power, took that privilege and abused it, used me, made me small. So, one of the gifts of my single-again life has been to become fully me again. It's been so fun. It's something that I want to hold onto even as my relationship with Mr. Wonderful gets serious.

Now I am a watchdog for controlling behavior. I honestly can't think of a single time when I have felt controlled in this relationship. That's probably why I feel so safe and can trust him. I educated myself about controlling personally traits and learned the red flags to spot them. Sadly, I see them in action around me all the time. I see my friends controlled by their children and partners. I see coworkers manipulated by other coworkers. I see my children give way to controlling friends and then turn the tactics on their siblings!

Every relationship has beneficial compromise and mutual submission. There are seasons where the balance may shift further than what is healthy and it is time to work on it. Most controllers don't see themselves that way and can justify their behavior, but they do not realize the way they are erroding a relationship that deep down they value. Many who are controlled simply give up hope of things changing. If either is you, take action. Admit what is happening and that it will take time and effort for things to be different.

Controlling Relationship Evaluation

Current Articles I'm Reading -
Identifying a Dominating Spouse
How Has Domination Affected You

My Thoughts on Bullies

Do you feel controlled? Have be been the dominant person? Do you think about these things in relationship? How can we protect our children and train them to neither bully nor give away all their power? Please share!

Moody Monday

2013-01-28T07:13:00.000-05:00

I had a busy weekend getting ready and then hosting a party for my birthday girl. She chose an "artist" theme and we had lots of colorful fun.

I love being Mommy. I had fun with my friends (the other moms), too.

Because of the busy weekend, I'm looking forward to a slow-ish week. School and work schedules make every week busy, but we have no extras and nice weather is in the forcast. Yay!

The weekend wore me out and I was so tired when it was time to wake up this morning. But I'm hopeful for a restful and predictable week. What about you, do you use your weekends to revive or do they wear you out? I would love to know! Have a great Monday ~

Decide What You Want

2013-01-23T00:33:00.000-05:00

art source

If you have taken the time to consider these things and find that you are ready to venture into the world of dating, the natural question is where do I find the right kind of man? Have you decided what you want?

Many women have a list of "must haves" for the man with whom they want to partner, and I'm all for keeping up the standards. I used to have a long list, focused on a lot of details. Entering a season where I had the chance to do it all again, I realized there were a lot of things that I would like, and that would probably be helpful in creating a good relationship. But I didn't want a long list that needed to be checked off and if it was, that I would automatically feel this was "the one."

Instead, I decided to come up with some bottom line must-haves being in a relationship. As I got to know I man and determine whether these qualitites existed, I would also be determining whether the lesser important issues made us compatible.

Over the course of several months, I wrote down things I wanted. Then I used those traits to create a list of character traits that I knew I would need. Your list will be different from mine just like your likes and dislikes, your past is different, your needs are different. I talked often to the Lord about what I would need and asked him to give me insight. As He did, I formed a list of seven bottom-line traits that I would need in order to give my heart to a man. Then I began to pray specifically for a man who -

Has walked with the Lord for many years.
Healthy Habits
Financially stable, employed, tithes
Marked by kindness
Honest, honest, honest
Energetic, Positive Outlook, Upbeat
Emotionally available, open and desires to partner in relationship

I would encourage you to begin praying about what you like, want and need. Then take those qualities and form must-have traits so that you can make wise choices. For example, I desired a man who was a Christian believer. But more than that, an active and involved one who attended church regularly and hadn't recently come to the Lord or back to Him. I needed someone who had walked through trials with the Lord and experienced His faithfulness.

I knew I didn't want to be with someone who smokes or recently quit (afraid to risk relapse). I knew that because of my history, I would have a difficult time trusting someone who had been unfaithful in a previous relationship.

I didn't want a legalized checklist like:

ü Attends Church Weekly
ü Christian for 10 years
ü Tithes
ü Never Lies
ü Didn’t Cheat
ü No Smoking

So I worked to get to the very core of my desires and make that list as bottom line as possible. In this way, I felt like I kept myself open to possibility! It felt very exciting yet I knew I would guard myself against traits that would bring me down in the long run. I felt like I had realistic, healthy boundaries for me.

Have you thought I about what you want? Do you think it is smart to be general or specific as you think about your needs? Or do you think winging it is a better idea? Do tell!

As I'm sharing, please take or toss - I'm not suggesting that what I did it what everyone should do, but it is the truth unfolding of my story.

Moody Monday - What I'm Into this January

2013-01-21T01:15:00.000-05:00

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Downton Abbey - I stumbled upon this show during season one and got on the band wagon early! (It's what happens when you're home alone on Sunday evenings without cable ☻). It's been so fun to recruit my family and friends to watch along. I'm loving the current season and look forward to it every week. My TV faves are Downton, Parenthood and Big Bang Theory - what a combination!?!

Coffee - This winter I'm drinking more coffee than ever. I'm not sure how I feel about that but I cannot seem to resist the heavy warmth each morning. My favorite is Millstone Hazlenut Cream.

Wool Socks - There is nothing more to say. I have cold feet. I love wool socks.

Boot Shopping - My goal is to find a pair of high quality, black boots that are discounted at the end of the season. Of course, I fall in love with the pair that are not marked down at all. I'm still patting myself on the back for not buying the tan leather ones that were a fantastic price but not needed. Discipline. Self Control. Restraint. It took great levels of these to refrain.

Soups - Always a soup fan, this trend fires up to fanatic during the cold winter months. Last night I enjoyed egg drop soup. Cream of Broccoli, Tortellini, Taco, and chili are other favorites. Must make more!

Party Planning - My daughter turns seven this week! She's having an art party at home over the weekend and so we are in decorting and planning mode. Next month the little man turns five and we're already planning ahead for that.

Church Stuff - Our small group has doubled and isn't so small. I'm enjoying getting to know new friends. Even more exciting to me are some sweet positive prayer outcomes and the arrival of a sweet baby girl to one of our own. We're reading the book, "Lies Women Believe," by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Vacay Dreaming - Already it seems the summer calendars are filling up. I don't have any concrete summer plans, but I'm thinking of ways to have an economical vacation with my children. We visited with family in 2012 and took a couple of nearby get-away days, but I'd like something more memorable this year. We always love the beach!

What have you been up to? What are you into? What little things mark this season of your life?

Dealing with a Bully

2013-01-17T14:58:00.000-05:00

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I suspect that all of us have dealt with (or been) a bully during some point in our life. We may have even been married to one. After learning some coping skills, I feel like I'm more objective and aware of the bullies in our lives. Oh yes, I do deal regularly with a bully. Sometimes I watch in disbelief as the bully verbally challenges and puts roadblocks in the way of what could be simple exchanges.

I used to cower in the presence of a bully, to be frozen and paralyzed. It worked for the bully because I was willing to give up or do almost anything to get away from the assault. It can happen anywhere: at work, school, in families, friendships and marriages. Bullies get their way by stealing power.

You have been entrusted with power from the Lord and to give that away is not what He requires. There are way confront bullies without escalating the situation. Keep the following in mind:

Bullies thrive on power and egotism. Their goal is to win. They do so through aggression and will act or talk in hurtful ways to make their point. They will not back down so meeting aggression with agression will only fuel the rage and abuse. When dealing with a bully, know your boundaries and be prepared to walk away. I was often frozen and overwhelmed by a bully, but learning how to respond to an outburst with dignity gives me the ability to walk in freedom.

Verbalize your boundaries. "I can only talk for -- minutes." or "I'm not ready to make that decision," are phrases that allow me to process a request or assess my needs. It keeps me from relenting in an attempt to keep peace and then later feeling overrun.
Talk with a safe person. Find a family member, friend or counselor who can be a 'sane' filter. Bullying became such a normal part of my existance that I didn't realize how unnatural the relationship had become. I needed a sounding board and keeping it all to myself only enabled to bully to continue.
Take confidence in small victories. Practice saying (and practicing) the word, "No." The power of a bully shrinks as your confidence grows. When you act in dignity and self-respect, it highlights the faults of the bully. Often when their behavior is revealed they do tone down the assault. Bullies don't want to look bad, just to get their way.

You may (and me!) be succeptible to bullies, but you do not have to live as a victim. Take small steps today by gathering support and learning to stand up to bullies. When I fall prey to bullies in my life, I inevitably regret my actions. Now, instead of letting that weaken me, I use the anger to fuel my resolve not to give into their control battles. Many times I fail, but I can honestly share that practice does lead to improvement. The patterns can change and we must be the ones to begin the process of relating differently.

Remember, if you're dealing with a bully you are dealing with an emotionally immature person. Most likely, you will have to suck it up and endure some things that you shouldn't have to, but changing a bully isn't the goal - keeping your diginity and limiting their influence is.

Have you ever dealt with a bully? Have you been the bully?