My Life and Me: an Autobiography

Starting of the first Nano Science related magazine in Malayalam

2010-11-25T15:24:00.001+05:30

During an interview for a post of technical officer, I had faced many questions regarding my science journalism training course. This interview also changed my mind and I decided to utilize my expertise in science journalism to bring out a new science magazine in my mother tongue, malayalam.

I have named this magazine as "Kunhan Logam" and expect to hit the market in the new year day(1st january 2011) and comes out in every four months. As its name show, this magazine discusses the "kunhan logam" (small world)for malayalee kids, it is aimed to discuss the basics, new discoveries and events happening in nano science and nano technology.

This magazine targeted the kids interested in science and it helps the children to learn the new science.

It is the first nano science related magazine in Malayalam language and also it is the first kid's nano science related magazine in Malayalam language.

It is planned to bring out the magazine as online (in PDF format)and in printed form completely free for kids and schools, but the printed form will be available after reaching the online subscription and the request of the printed subscription to a certain number.

Here is the online magazine http://kunhanlogam.blogspot.com

God sits only in some places and he does not give you anything free

2010-11-06T12:50:00.000+05:30

God sits only in some places and he does not give you anything free

“God sits only in some places and he does not give you anything free” this phrase that I got from my life and many of the people believe it. Really I don’t believe in that God when he behaves like human beings or any creatures. I had visited many religious places of many religions not to see the God, but to see how the people believe in their God, I had visited not to seek peace, not to get heaven and not to impress any God, but to see what the people do to impress their God.

The truth I found that people forget their fellow men, and offering money and gold to God, constructing big houses for God and the list is going on. Recently I visited a temple, and there carved on a stone that a minister had spent one crore (10 billion) rupees to reconstruct the temple. But, the people nearby the temple are living in very poor condition; they don’t have enough water facility, housing facility, sanitation and other basic facilities.

I laughed myself when I saw my people were constructing Masjids in a same village because they had been split into groups of same ideology but different leaders. We are offering prayers to impress the God to get heaven, offering money or anything or deposit money in the temple to get something in our life from the God, to make our life easy. Paying money to see the God in temples, and if you are ready to pay more money you can find a place near to God or in front of the queue, or if you are the minister or leader you can see the God alone.

It is true that there is no free lunch, that even the God also would not give you anything free. He gives only when you do things for him, wow, God’s mind is narrow as human mind, and God is similar as human. This is the reason God comes in the form of human and people worshipping human Gods.

A lesson from a bird; dont ever expect love as you love (Short story)

2010-09-26T11:41:00.003+05:30

A lesson from a bird

There was a rich man who loves birds so much and he caged more than a dozen beautiful birds with at most care. He had appointed a doctor also to look after those birds and he spent most of his day after business hours to talk and to feed his birds. This made his folks to talk proudly that nobody love birds as he loves them.

But, one day morning this rich man got a letter from the head of that caged birds and it was written like, “ Our dear master, we know that you love us so much and you will do anything for that love also. But, don’t ever expect that we love you as you love us. You know that what will happen if we love you as you love us and have you ever imagined that? But, we expect that you will understand our love towards you not the way you do us and we hope you will understand that you and me are different. Expecting the way as you are doing is expecting a similar person as you. We hope you can understand us as we understand you”.

This made him to understand his love and their love, the next day morning he set them free to their world.

Restoring North America's Birds: Lessons from Landscape Ecology

Providence of a Sparrow: Lessons from a Life Gone to the Birds

Beginning of a new life

2010-09-05T17:45:00.002+05:30

Al-hamdu Lillaah, with the help of Allah, we joined our hands to live together as a single soul at 5.45 PM on this day of September , the auspicious evening of 25th day of Ramzan.

Life has no choice …..

2010-07-21T10:35:00.003+05:30

Life has no choice …..

Life, it is beautiful and dynamic. It has not given me any choice when I play it. It happens as it happens, but there is no chance of luck.

When the life offered me the time of finding a spouse, it was left without any choice. Manungoosey, I don’t know how you would react in that situation, but I was totally confused. There are many reasons for my confusion, that, which one I give importance when I select a soul mate, do I want give importance to her beauty, or religion, or caste, or education, or her values, or family status ?. But, my philosophy was that beauty is a trap, and the pleasure from the beauty is ephemeral and it is relative also.

Manungoosey, you know that I give importance to the values that one follows, but I don’t know who comes to my life…I don’t know whether she value the relationships or her prestige or her profession…yes manungoosey I have to leave this to life than expecting the same as I am, expectations brings disappointments always …so the best strategy to enjoy the life is to expect nothing and leave everything to life as it happens.…. and I know that nobody can better understand my mind, but I.

The Most experienced Guide in our family passed away....

2010-07-08T16:00:00.037+05:30

The Most experienced Guide in Our family passed away...

Grand Father Ahammed Kutty Haji Thottoli and Grand Mother Thayumma Poovancheeri

It was a calm and happy morning, because my grand father smiled to me in his hospital bed after a two days silence, and he was able to recognize my voice and gestures, but I did not understood and it was not clear what he was telling.
But, in the evening we were worried when we saw his actions that he was in death bed. I saw gloomy faces around him and dark clouds were covering over my head.

I heard a deep breath and his face was wrinkled like smiling, but the people around me and him started to weep, including my mother, she lost her conciousness and felldown. Doctors rushed to his bead and started to check his pulses, after a few minutes they waved thier hands to cover his face, my uncle and grand father(mother's father) closed his eyes and mouth, then tied his lower jaw with a white cloth to his head.

He was morethan 85, when he was dead, and paralyzed for about six months due to the prostate cancer. He was the yeldest and oldest member in my home and in our Thottoli family(puliyamparamba). It was thursday evening and first day of shaabaan. People started to talk that he gone to God on the best day of the year, because of his good deeds and he was present for Jamaath in Masjid for all five prayers.

Death, you are the reason for God….

2010-06-29T01:33:00.001+05:30

Death, you are the reason for God….

Manungoosey, I know you may think that why I am writing about death again, because, it is the truth of life and that is why God is alive. Once I written that Death is an unexpected guest, now I can say that when there is no death, people including me will not believe in the existence of God and there would not be any religion.

You know manungoosey, My eyes was filled with tears when I heard the sad demise of a 21 year old friend and it was happened on the first death anniversary of his brother, both of them had lost their life in a bike accident. I became dumb for an hour and lost my control. Manungoosey, have you ever thought about the heart of their mother and her feelings?.....I know that she would have scolded the God and hate him….

Oh…God, really I am very happy to see you, but people and all the religion (that I have understood) are telling me that I should leave my body to see you, I have to die, otherwise I cannot see you. Really I don’t know what is after the death, and really I know nothing about you, God.

Manungoosey, why these people are telling about death when they are talking about God…

Happy days and happy life

2010-06-21T13:15:00.001+05:30

Happy days and happy life

Hey manungoosey, you would have thought that I might have been stopped writing when you find nothing for a long days, but, no manungoose, I have not stopped writing. I have been with my family and my mind was not free to write to you.

It is sweet as honey that the time with mother, father and with my little kids, nada and nafeesa. You know that I was at home this time for my third sister’s marriage and all the responsibilities were on my shoulders except financial matters. Manungoosey, here we do not use invitation letters to invite neighbors and village people but personally invite them by visiting their homes, I had visited nearly six hundred homes to invite the people for the reception, I have to invite them whenever I meet them even if I visited their homes, otherwise they would not come, and you know that here in village, neighbours and friends come to help even for serving foods for other guests also.

It was finished with all glory, manungoosey, I should thank God for it. But, I was not free even after this function also. I have to help my mother to carry my grandfather to the bath room and to the toilet when my father was not in home. Because my grandfather was paralyzed after he was caught with the prostate cancer and he need help for everything. It is very sad when one needs help for his basic needs and it is terrible when no one is there to help. Really he is very lucky; otherwise he would not get the acquaintance of us. I don’t know what will be the future of me, when I become old. I expect the good, as I learned it from my father and mother; I have to teach it to my children also. I lost many working days for these things, even though, I am very happy that I was able to do good deeds on that days, when many old people are not getting good treatments from their kin and from the society.

ജീവിതം അതു പ്രദീക്ഷകലാണ് ...

2010-04-09T19:53:00.000+05:30

ഒരുപാട് പ്രദീക്ഷഗള്‍ മനസ്സില്‍ നിറച്ചാണ് ഓരോ ദിവസവും എന്റെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ തുറക്കപ്പെടുന്നാട്....പക്ഷെ പ്രദീക്ഷഗള്‍ എന്നും മനസ്സിന് നൊമ്ബരെങ്ങളെ തന്നിട്ടോല്ലു....ആ പ്രദീക്ഷഗളും നൊമ്പരങ്ങളും ഇല്ലങ്ങില്‍ ജീവിതത്തിനു എന്ത് രസമാണ് ഉണ്ടാവുക ?....

Still he is waiting… (a short story)

2010-03-08T18:38:00.004+05:30

Still he is waiting… (a short story)

Called Kunjaalee!?..how long I am waiting here…ey…no… would not I sit here if they had called me?!!....i think morning tea and dosha have been digested well…ho..uu…this hungry eat my stomach……am I losing my sights?......

Money and the fame that I had in my home place still make me feel proud…..but, why don’t they care me now?...where I made the mistake?...was it the partition of my wealth? …

Me and my Molutty would not have suffered like this when there is not the Karippur Airport.

I strived to get all these wealth by selling Surbath and thus people called me “water Kunjaaalee”, but now my wealth and properties….!!....but..my children... whom they I cared lot,.... why did I earned these much…?...was it for me and my Moluttee’s half feet belly? why don’t they understand it….they also became fathers as I am?...

They have taken all the money that I got for an acre from the air port authority…..they can take it…have I strived only for them…?...I did not hate them when they sold my land to dig out the soil, that was created by my forefathers…why do I hate them?..I and my Moluttee struggled for them only….I did not even opposed them when they asked me to divide the lands among them…why do I oppose them…...everything is for them only….I did not oppose them when they constructed houses on my forefathers chest without asking me….which father can oppose when their children construct houses?...is there any fathers who don’t like their children live in a good position?...did Sulaiman come yet after handing my little mentally retarded daughter Nafeesa to Moluttee?....when will they understand this old man’s feelings?....where I made the mistake….ey….no..

Anyway we came here….Moluttee..she is also not feeling well…I can take her also with me….she is very humble….even though she got all the capacity to keep everything in her heart….she only got it….

He is still waiting …………….to get called his name………….

(Actually this story was written before 10 years in malayalam and published in college magazine in 2001(you can read it in malayalam on
http://abdulkareemdiary.blogspot.com/search/label/Ayaal%20Kaathirikkunnu:A%20short%20story%20written%20by%20Me) , when the main character was in death bead…he was waiting the call from God…but today, both of these two characters are not alive…and now he is not waiting to get called his name…..it was the life of a man who struggled and suffered to acquire acres of lands and lots of money, but he lost majority of his land for the Calicut air port (karippur airport) for a meager amount of money, and his old age compelled him to distribute the balance amongst his children, but as usual, when the fruit becomes ripen that forget the mother tree.

The background of this story may be real but as a story, it is my imagination and my creation.

Surbath is liquid made from a plant extract, egg and sugar and It is a familiar thirst quencher in Malabar, but now people have moved to use colas to show their status.)

The most joyful thing in the world….

2010-03-07T18:36:00.003+05:30

The most joyful thing in the world….

You may thing that the most beautiful thing gives all the pleasure to our heart and mind, but the matter is that, that pleasure is relative because beauty is itself a relative concept. So, the pleasure you get from your beautiful thing cannot give the same pleasure to me as well. Thereby I can say that beautiful things cannot give all the pleasure to our mind and heart. Beauty and it taste always determined by our mind and then experiences by our heart, and there is no bodily pleasure, pleasure is always depends on mind.

From the above concept I can tell you that pleasure or joy or happiness is always depends on your mind, not on your body or the materials things that you possess. Then what that beautiful thing is, that gives complete pleasure or joy to every mind and it is not relative. It is nothing but helping others with ‘love’, that is helping others without expecting anything or seeking anything from others. The pleasure and joy that you get when you help others with love is priceless. But, helping without love or for name sake or if it is not touching your heart, then it is truly price less, that cannot give you any pleasure or joy but fame that goes with you to your grave.

When you give something with love or helping others with love or if you fulfilling others needs with love, then you can feel the precious joy and pleasure in your mind as god feels. I don’t know whether god has feelings, but I can say that your heart can feel that much joy and pleasure. It is really a question that, if we can feel that much happiness or joy or pleasure for simply helping others with love, then how much the god would have? He gives everything what we need. You can feel that God’s happiness when you give something to others with love. That is why God is alive in every one’s mind.

Here the others mean everything in the world, even living or dead or any matter. Having a compassionate mind with love is also a type of helping when that needy person seeks one compassionate heart. Helping one should not be to make troubles to others, then that help cannot give you the pleasure that I meant. If I quote from Prophet Mohammed SAW, even clearing a stone or throne or anything that disturbs pedestrains in the road is also a goodwill and God will count it for heaven. So, Help others with love and enjoy the pleasure of God in your life.

It was a pen not her heart (A short story)

2010-03-02T11:46:00.004+05:30

It was a pen not her heart (A short story)

The bloomed Gulmohar (Delonix regia) laid the red carpet from the gate to the reception counter of the college, and the heaven also joined with the Gulmohar to welcome the new guests to the college and it showered like rose-water. The reception counter was crowded with a generation and their faces were reflecting their hopes for the future. They were busy with filling up the forms to submit the reception counter to start a new dream. After submitting the forms, Aishu was waiting to pay the fees and suddenly she turned back when she heard an “excuse me” in a trembling male voice, she replied to him by her usual smile. “pen..your pen ..please” he asked her pen by showing his hands swirling in air with an invisible pen in his hand and she gave her pen to fill his forms.

Aishu is beautiful and has all the natural look as a village girl, undoubtedly her large black deer eyes and the black mole on her left cheek are the gift from God for her wheatish round face, her lips are reddish and thick like a ripened apple, when she smiles two white rabbits pokes out from the apple and the sun brightens on her face. She came here in this college to join for graduate degree and after paying the fees she looked for that guy who borrowed her pen. He was not yet finished filling his application and he raised from his seat asked more time by his gestures. When he saw her brightened face, he felt something happening under his belly and something passed through his heart then it started to beat unusually. She understood that he did not completed the form filling and told him “my father is waiting to move another college, you keep this pen with you..no problem..ok..” and she ran from that site. He shocked and stood there until she vanishes from his sight.

Time passed without asking anybody and giving more hopes and dreams to all, and there was no red carpet but gone to seed. Time, that vanishes everything and strengthen everything, but time failed to vanish the image of Aishu from Anand’s mind. He started to search her from college to college in Coimbatore; he spent his time in every Friday evening and whole day of every Saturdays and Sundays in each college gates with an aim to find her. He never felt bad when his friends discouraged him and days passed very fast to help him but he felt days are passing very slowly as earth moves with us. It has taken a year when he found her college, and finally he knew that his cousin also studying in her class. He was happy as he got the heaven and shared his heart with his cousin. Finally his cousin came to his help and he passed a letter to her (it was happened before 10 years, and there was no mobile phones with students) describing the first incident, the pen, and he introduced himself and given his college address also. But, she returned the letter to his cousin and replied “tell him that I did not read the letter, and I don’t like these things..ok..”. Actually she was surprised when she got a letter and reminding about a pen that happened a year before.

But, he did not stop writing the letter and it was his cousin’s duty to handing the letter in every weekends and she continued the same reply in each time. One day he came to her class with his cousin and talked about his feelings from starting itself, but she gave a single reply after hearing everything “..you know I don’t like these things….I cannot tell you anything more now…”. But, they did not stopped meeting in every weekends, and she did not tell him anything more but the same reply.

Years passed and there will be a time for final whistle for everything, while all his friends were busy with their final exams and he was fighting a war in his heart. Again his cousin brought another letter with an unusual smell, she was shocked when it was opened that was written in blood from his fingers and the stink was from the dried boold. Eventhough, his cousin did not get any happy news to share with him in the evening. There should be peace in every war to sharpen the arsenels for another, and later in that terrible eve, all of his friends were run to the hospital when they knew that their Anand has drunk poison for a greater peace. He was in a stand that if she is not telling “yes” for his proposal, he will drink the poison again after discharging from the hospital. The next day morning, all his class mates and his parents were standing in front of her college gate with weeping eyes. Anand’s cousin brought her to the college gate and his parents begged her to say “yes” for his sakes, but, her heart stood like an unbreakable rock. She was like a devil and like a heartless darkened stone in front of all his class mates and his parents and not beautiful as she was in Anand’s mind.

Years passed without considering what is happening around it, and she was in her final year of her post graduation in the same college. A white Scoda car and its owner were waiting somebody outside the college gate in an evening of that weekend. When Aishu just passed the car, its door opened, and Anand came out of it and called “Aaaishuuu…”, and walked to her. He started to talk while she was staring him, “I am Aanand, do you remember…how can you remember, it is passed two years….oo..h..now I have a job and getting forty thousands per month….I came here just to see you..thats all…”, while she has started to take her tongue, he moved to his car and opened its doors. She thought to move towards his car, but it was turned to the tarred road.

When I was listed for a private Scholarship…

2010-02-24T18:41:00.003+05:30

When I was listed for a private Scholarship…

A private organization called for best researchers and for scholarship for meritorious scholars in the previous month and I was also applied for both of the awards. From the past years experience, I know that they will not list my name because I don’t like to get it by somebodies influence on the authority of that organization (nowadays most of the awards are given to those who can influence the awarding institution, for that, people use political power, money power and etc. and many of the people are organizing some institution to announce some awards for themselves, it is for publicity and fame, do you know why some universities are giving honorary doctorates to public figures or to some politicians? it is for publicity of that institution, and for political mileage of those authorities). Even though, I applied to become an opponent because I have been informed it only on the last date, and they wanted to reduce the applicants. But, when the list of the awardees came out, many of my friends shocked, but it was an expected result for me, that the list was full of close kin of some influential persons and fortunately I was listed in scholarship list. But, I was not happy, because many of the highly deserving people are out of the list, people with more than four international journal papers are out of the best researcher award and people without any journal paper are in the list with little conference participation. I was totally unhappy and decided to return the money that I get as a scholarship to start another scholarship for best student from financially backward family. But, after a deep thought, my intuition reminded me that they will use the same strategy for their kin even if I start a scholarship with that organization.

I had shared my protest with many people in that organization and somehow they made another list with those highly deserving people but they get only shield or medal and certificate not money and certificate. The scholarships awardees are more than ten including me and get only money about thousand rupees ( only once) and I understood that the list of more than ten is for publicity that this organization has distributed that much scholarship in a year and they would not mention the scholarship amount getting a student anywhere. They need the number/ quantity not the welfare of the deserving student. They announced that they are distributing the awards and scholarships in a public meeting and I have been invited for that public meeting.

But, my intuition stopped me participating that event that if I rightly deserve it, why they want to distribute the money in a public meeting and why I want to go to the stage for receiving that amount(other wise they will not give that money), my intuition reminded me that this is the same tactics that political organizations uses to cover the eye of common man. They are not giving me any certificates or medals or shields but only money, for that I have to participate and go to the stage to get the money. I followed my intuition that I neither participate, nor receive that money.

If they are really interested the welfare or interested to benefit this to the deserving persons, and when I oppose the current system and when I list the reasons, I should list my suggestions to make the system better. Firstly we have to eliminate the favoritism, the only solution use the modern technology such as bar-coded system (to hide the student personal details) for applications and making more than two groups of examiners from in an out of the organization to value the application form and emailing system for scholarship notifications. For the well being of the students, they can reduce the number of scholarship awardees and thereby they can increase the amount of money getting a persons, that can be used to pay the yearly fees of the student, or yearly hostel expenses. Then this scholarship will be highly competitive and valued.

Oh God, you are the creation of our mind….

2010-02-18T21:09:00.000+05:30

Oh God, you are the creation of our mind….

When I was preparing the bed in the night to sleep my little kids after switching on the fan and mosquito repellent, one asked me “now we have switched on the fan to escape from hot…then…what is God doing now?!”…..I was surprised and I laughed my self and told them…… “my sweet kutteee..now God would have switched on his air conditioner and would have started to sleep..” she smiled and replied .. “you don’t know anything…if god is sleeping then who will take care of us and the world until morning..…”.

I don’t know why he has created us in this beautiful earth. Is it to make him happy?, really I don’t know, he becomes happy when we visit a particular place and he do favors only those visit such places and do what he says, why people are pouring money over the gods (idols), and making the god’s home(?!) (religious holy places) a luxurious one, while the needy people are struggling for food and shelter, if anybody asks them , they say it is to make the God happy, then you tell me what the difference between human and God. We are making happy our fellow men to get something, if we are doing the similar thing for God also, then, that means God do favours only for those make him happy, Oh God! you are not different from human.

I don’t know why you are appearing in the form of human, if you are appearing in any form, then tell me what difference between that form and you. Some people are telling me that you have appeared in the form of a human, really I don’t know, Oh God, how you can take the form of a human, people say that you can take any form, then tell me God, what difference between you and that form. I have found many persons are appearing in many places at a time and they are telling they are the God, while they don’t know each other or they oppose each other, oh God, tell me how it is possible. Why you did not make me God, have not you satisfied with my life, if you are seeking me to obey you and if you do favor only if I obey you then tell me God, what difference between you and human.

Many people are telling me they are the messengers and prophets of you to bring human to right path, why do you want sent a human to lead us in right path, then people say that it is for a better dissemination of your teachings. Really I cannot understand you God, why did you created us, and you are telling that something is wrong and something is right, we have to obey you, are you God?! then you are telling that some people appear and lead the human, or they maintain your rules in the earth, Oh, God you are weaker, getting a human help to maintain your rules..very poor. Have you not seen that those human rule maintainers are killing many human in the name of keeping your rules in this earth. What you will get in this business. Tell me God, are you a creation of our mind or are we a creation of you.

Your messengers and your rule maintainers are telling they are right, and each of them are opposing each other, and killing or making the life of human desperate, dont you see that we are fighting each other in the name of you, Oh, God which is right?, whom I believe? Then tell me, where is the truth, if all of them are truth and if one version is only the truth, really God, I am very sorry If I tell you that there is no absolute truth, and there is no God. It is the creation of our mind, even you are also the creation of our mind.

When the termites of death eat his life....(a story from a real life)

2010-02-11T16:48:00.001+05:30

When the termites of death eat his life

When I saw him before a six month, he was very energetic and active; he loved to work in the field even in his sixties. He left to his field very early morning before his cock gets up and returned after dusk. He enjoyed playing with earth and she returned her love in the form of flourished bananas and coconuts. As an uneducated man, he was also superstitious and believed in many illogical things.

Meanwhile he was hospitalized with a severe pain in his lower abdomen and it was diagnosed as an acute prostate cancer. But, he was not ready to accept this version and believed that some of his enemy has done an evil activity to take him away from his field and he believed the distorted climate and the increase in atmospheric temperature is also due to that evil activity. After he was discharged from the hospital, he had practiced something in his field to eliminate the evil spirit sent by his enemy.

His activities made us laugh and I approached him many time to convince him about the real world, but he was not ready to change his mind. When I tell anything against his belief, he stops the discussion by telling “you kids cannot understand evil activities”. After a deep thought, I realized that, if I bring him in to the real world it will make him disappointed and worry about his life. So, we planned and acted as he does, because we wanted his energetic life back.

He complained again about the severe pain and He was hospitalized again to take out his cancerous prostates, but it was spread all over his body like ink in water. I saw the termites of death eating his life; it was spread from his prostate and widened its activity to his bone marrow. Nothing stopped his pain and one of his neck bones was broken and doctor told us that it is also a part of his disease and no medicine only pain killers. This self breaking bone condition restricted him inside home; I saw the termites of death eating his bones. Slowly the termites of death restricted him in bed. As day’s passes, I see the termites are getting fat and widening their colony. Still he is complaining about his severe pain and the evil activity of his enemy by moving his eyes.

Truth of life:Death

2010-01-24T16:13:00.003+05:30

Death, you are an unexpected guest and if you come,you take away your lover with you.You would not mind that we also love your lover. Are you selfish?...some time, you are so selfish and you would not come when we desire. You love only those whom we love. We say that you are the only truth and you give the meaning for life. But, have you ever felt the pain of losing your beloved?...no never...because you always win your race.

It was a great shock yesterday when I heard that one of my friend vetrivel, a business man, he was just spent 30 years in this beautiful world, loved music and purchased a keyboard three days before to play it..have lots of dream..very energetic when he teach us business...but you loved him much than we loved.But, what will be your answer for his two years old child and 6 months concieved wife, are you happy when you see the tears of his grand mother and his mother?..you just broken his heart to take him with you.Really you are selfish...

Some times you take all together with you...I dont know, why you love us ......but it is truth, if you dont come in our life, we will call you to come....I had seen it...many of us loved you ..but u did not come, otherwise you come very late...you dont love those who love you...yes it is the truth of life.. you are right.....

When you leave me,I will leave this world to live with you eternally

2010-01-01T00:00:00.001+05:30

When you leave me,I will leave this world to live with you eternally........

I find nothing wrong if I ask you whether you loved me when you leave me without telling anything and showing another to hold my hand. You had opened all your doors and took me to new worlds of opportunities. I enjoyed every seconds while I was laying on your chest cherished with fruits for another life. I thought you will be with me always and give your selfless love, but you left me making everything as simply some sweet chemicals in my mind. The stamp you made on my mind is very sweeter than you offer me with another.

I would have loved you than this and would have given my blood for you for your sweet breast if you would have told me that you may leave me one day. You showed me the beauty of the world and I was entered in to Makkah and visited the Great Wall by holding your soft beautiful hand and I forgot everything when I embraced you while I was in these two beautiful cities. You had introduced me many of your friends and brought me to their worlds. Tell me, then how you can leave me.

I want you with me again otherwise I will leave this world to live with you forever. But, who will hear my voice, when you don’t have ears and eyes to see my feelings. I know you will not return back again and I have to live with one you showed me. You told me that your heir will be most beautiful than you, and I expect so. You taught me that the physical beauty is itself an expectation and a trap, and the joy of that is short lived but the inner beauty is eternal as you had. I remember the incident when I plucked a flower because of its beauty and I thrown when it was dried, the beauty of the flower killed it and trapped my mind on it. I expect your heir will be beautiful and I have to live with her another life to find her inner beauty until she leaves for another. This is true that we cannot understand the value of something until we lose it. I lost you in the midnight of December 31st and you given me another instead but, you had taken away a year from my life. Goodbye 2009.

A Jyothi in my heart when I was in a hospital bed! (Short Story)

2009-12-24T10:42:00.000+05:30

A Jyothi in my heart when I was in a hospital bed!
It was a pleasant Sunday evening and I decided to return to my college from my home place on that eve. After enjoying my weekend with my little sweet hearts, my nieces and nephew, I left my home by bus. I never dreamt of any impediments to my travel and I did not have it before also. But, while we were entering to the Tamilnadu state, and it was around 10 pm, the time took me drowsy, our bus had a head on collision with a Scorpio and my upper part has been pushed to the front seat, thank God, luckily my mandible hit on the back of the front seat. I felt a shock on all my head and pain all my head, I switched on the torch on my mobile to see what was happening around. When I saw blood flowing from the head, mouth and lower jaws of the fellow passengers, I realized the same on my lower jaw and I felt blood on my mouth. I covered the mouth of the wound on my mandible by my handkerchief and got out of the bus along with the fellow passengers. There was no bus driver and the conductor to give any instructions; they have been escaped from the accident zone. Some of the dwellers came there and given us water and somebody called the police and 108 for ambulance. But, we waited there for half an hour for the Ambulance and to see a police officer to move to the nearby hospital.
I forgot the pain and found joy in my heart when she entered in to my room with Jyothi (Light). It was she, Jyothi, not with jyothi. The two bright eyes of her caught my heart and I found something deep in her eyes. I don’t know what she was trying to say, but found her heart on her eyes. I don’t know why she did not left my room when others left and continued to talk about everything in her life. She brought me water and biscuit from her room in that night when I told her that I feel hungry and she continued to talk until I sleep.
I was surprised to see the same Jyothi (Light) when I was awaken in the morning, and talking still about her life. She helped me to put my shirt when I was struggling to put it with the IV syringe. When I told her to remove the IV syringe in the evening, she ran to take cotton and water and gently started to put the water on the bandage to remove the syringe. I think she would have known that I have pain; otherwise she would not have started to talk again continuously. She gently held my hand to one of her hand and gently applied the water with the other hand. I found the bright Jyothi when she laughed while I replied “I am not sharuk khan to shave all my hairs!” for her comment “it is a forest” about my hand, while I screamed when she started to remove the bandage.
I cannot forget the moment when I told her that I am leaving; she stopped her talking and bowed her head then raised and started to gaze on my eyes. I don’t know whether she was trying to say something or something stopped her tongue. I found a drop of tear arising from the corner of her eyes and she bowed her head again.

The fire inside!

2009-12-09T12:30:00.000+05:30

The fire inside!

I was searching for a theme to write here in the last few days. I was totally blank and found nothing but a number of topics fly through my mind like moth approaching to the fire. This fire was the result of the burning of my soul and my life. Who will understand my pain but I, who will pour water in to this fire but I, I searched for a long time to find a suitable one, but I found only I am the right person to end the fire, nobody comes.

This fire was from my belly first time, when I stopped it, it started from my heart, then it from my mind. First It was for food, then it was for sex, then it started to fire for power, “I” started to fire and became a very big hot ‘I’, it burned everything near to it and it is powerful to burn anything comes near to it.

A friend in need is indeed

2009-12-07T12:27:00.001+05:30

A friend in need is indeed

You would have thought that I am going to write an essay on this topic but it is not. I know you would have read many essays about it and you would have also written about it. Further, you would have the same experience that a friend in need. Everyone have friends and it is indeed to have a friend, but a friend in need is different, it occurs very rarely. The main reason is ‘I’ and we are all narrowing to ourselves always.

But, I am a very lucky person to have friends in need, which does not mean that I always depend on friends. Basically I am a selfish person, that you can see it from blog title itself, that “my life and me”, concentrated only on ‘me and mine’, aha….

First I thought to write about a friend of mine “Bhaskar Kanseri” and about his kind heart, I know it is not a very big deal (bhaskar, do you remember this?!), but, I planned to write about friends generally. The main reason is that I have a lot of friends and all strong in lending their hand when I need it. They will not leave me when I fall in a ditch (santhanam, do you remember this story?) and it is sure I will extend you my hand when you fall in ditch (only in ditch!!!…ok..aha!!..). So, friendship is a two way process and intimacy is the glue that bonds two persons together. That is why we say intimate friend is a friend for ever.

A new theory on personal decision

2009-12-02T17:17:00.000+05:30

A new theory on personal decision:

Hereby I propose a new theory of personal decision based on my personal experience. That is “The suitability of a decision is directly proportional to the comfortableness”. We people like to be comfortable in every moment in every situation. If we feel comfortable in a particular moment by a particular decision of our selves or others, then that decision is a most perfect one.

My Selma(Short story after reading the Broken Wings of Kahlil Gibran)

2009-12-01T11:06:00.001+05:30

My Selma(A Short story after reading the Broken Wings of Kahlil Gibran)

I met my Selma when I was entered in to the age of maturity. She came in to my mind through my eyes and I pondered her heart and embraced her soul through her eyes. She communicated her heart always through her eyes, and it was only the medium of communication during the flowering stages of our love. A very pleasant silence prevailed in between us much time, since there was nothing to pronounce because we were single soul but in two bodies.

The silence was broken when I told her that I desire to marry her. So that the two bodies always be together as being our soul. I saw the trembling of her red lips as the quivering of red rose when a breeze touching its petals. I saw a bright light emanating from her face as the rays from rising sun, and her cheeks became red as if two red roses have blossomed in a single stem. My heart shuddered in that deep silence when I felt two invisible hands with its fiery fingers appearing from her bright eyes and piercing into my heart to hug my spirit to make it one. She was my breath and my life after that. The hours we spent together passed as seconds and years as days. Each day passed us giving sweet memories and giving sweet dreams.

One day the strange reality of life entered into our dream as a sudden thunder wakes us up from a deep sleep. This demon manifested into many forms and her parents decided to get marry off her to the prince who follows their religious belief. The bondage between our spirits was weak and it became very hard to break the servitude of the mother’s heavenly love. When the love of breeze touches a ripened fruit, the mother plant let them go away from its shadow for a greater freedom and bright future of another generation. But, we human never leave their chicks from their wings, but they expel them if they dare to enjoy their freedom. This demon appeared as the sun in the love life of earth and water. She was pure in heart and true in love, not able to break the laws made by her shrewd forefathers for their grip in the society, came to me and told me as Selma karamy of Kahlil Gibran that limited love asks for the possession of the beloved, but unlimited asks only for itself and she broken my wings.

Brighter moments in our room! Weight of mobile phone after storing data!

2009-10-21T15:13:00.000+05:30

Brighter moments in our room!

Weight of mobile phone after storing data!

One of my friend who is working as a police came to my room to stay for a night with his new Chinese mobile. While Santhanakrishnan and me working with our laptops, he wanted to store some video songs into his mobile from Santhana Krishnan’s laptop. When he started to copy the files, our police friend asked “how do we know that the files have been stored in this mobile?”, Santhana Krishnan given a look on me when he heard this question. I replied “hey it is simple; you can feel the change in the weight of the mobile that would be increased after storing that much files”!.....

SHE (Short story)

2009-09-29T10:35:00.001+05:30

SHE (Short story)

Scene I

When I got the sense of the surroundings I was sucking her beautiful nipples of her breast. I think she was enjoying it and after a while she has put another nipple on my mouth and I remember I was fully naked and she hugged me in every second. I am sure that she was the first beautiful woman I met in my life and I sucked her breast as I was thirsty. She kissed me a lot on my cheeks and on my head, and I remember the hotness of her eye drop when it fallen on my cheek while she was kissing me. She cared me every second of my life after that day; she lost her slumber many days and she never forgot to clean my body and even nooks also. She was not stoic and worried for every emotions of me. When I saw her sacred breast I remembered my belly and I leaped for that many time. As time passes, I sucked her energy and I found that I was growing but she was getting wrinkled. Even though I found her love on her eyes and on her every movement.

Scene II

When I saw her luscious breast I thought to suck it even when my stomach was full and I thought to devour this Alphonso. I thought she was the most beautiful woman ever I saw. She was stoic when I revealed my love because she wanted to find whether my socials and financial status, color, strength fit for her. After fitting all those trifle demands I was compelled to love her and she nagged me every time. She was annoyed even when she loses her nap and even never combed my hair. I never found a hot eye drop on my cheek while she was kissing but only the marks of her colored lips. She never hugged me every second but to fulfill her pleasure. But, time never waited for our pleasures and I found wrinkles on her skin. The wrinkled skin remembered me that I would not be here without her and I cannot live without her.

Unpredictability, your name is Life!

2009-09-28T18:31:00.002+05:30

My life always made me to think about the meaning of life. The reason was that which never came to my plan. Many time I believed the quotation Man proposes but God disposes and I believed God playing Dice, But my consciousness told me to follow the quotation that my fate is in my hand. I have changed my attitude many time to change my fate and destiny but the life appears always unpredictable. Now I believe that life is something where I have to meet unexpected things and I understand there is no life when everything happens according to my plan.
Many persons and many events occured in my life that was not I planned before, but that happened. Many of them gone and when I planned some thing, they told me that these are all happening to everyone's life, but life, emotions are different for everyone and its outcome is unpredictable. Finally life is unpredicatble, Unpredictability, your name is Life!