So Saucy

FML

2012-02-09T15:01:00.002-05:00

Life at the 500 just gets better and better.

Got my crib appraised... I can put it on the market for a whopping $59,000.

I bought it for $205k.
Mother TRUCKER!!!!!

2012-02-01T20:41:00.001-05:00

Stenchious hallway. Smells like cat piss. FML. Reason 45 to move.

Gettin over on da man

2012-01-31T16:21:00.004-05:00

K, you know how I LOVE to buy things? I do this cause I cut corners on other things like Electricity and am uber cheap and shop at the Asian market for produce.

Seriously.... my Pepco bill is under $30, I don't have a land line, internet or cable. It's like living in the dark ages at my place, if the Dark Ages had kick a$$ shoes, and a bitchin wardrobe. Granted you need to keep your sweater on at my place... but you can't have everything. I'm a firm believer in indulging but NOT if you can't and if it causes financial duress. Plus I really really like deals. Even if I were a millionaire I'd still get my jollies off of scoring deals.

So, here's my good deed of the year, get the Southwest Rewards card! It's worth the $99 annual fee cause there is a promo for 50,000 points - which is equivalent to $500 in rewards gift cards or 2 round trip tickets on Southwest.

I signed up last year and the annual fee was $69, you get the 50k point after you place your first transaction. I bought $40 in groceries... I mean I was going to spend it anyways. Now for $99 annual fee you will get 6000 points on your anniversary (opposed to 3000 points... what I get). 6000 points equates to about $100 for a flight or about $50 in rewards gift cards.... so the card practically pays for itself. The promo of 50k points is worth it alone, even if you don't keep it for a year. You need to pay the annual fee in the first billing cycle then whatever you purchase in the next... (you HAVE to buy something within a couple weeks of getting the card to get the points) but did you do the math? It's like getting $400 for NOTHING.
FREE.
Merry X-Mas!
Happy Birthday!

The image shows some of the gift cards you can get. It's legit, I scored some cards for Walmart (groceries), Marshal's (for future presents) & Sephora (for me).

Ha!! I win!

it all makes sense

2012-01-23T15:26:00.001-05:00

girl time. I'm all crampy and I wanna slap someone.

who's feeling bitchtastic?

*raises hand

Grrrr BRrrrr

2012-01-23T12:33:00.005-05:00

It's craptastic outside.

I want to be at home under the covers with a certain canine. What did I do in a past life to warrant working full time? I think it's quite clear I used to be royalty... now I have to work ALLL the time and live in squalor in a building with crazy people that don't pay their association fees. I swear I hear rat noises from the dumpster the other night. It sounded like birds... but it wasn't. I spend my days plotting .....

It's gray, foggy, cold and blaaa. I might buy a lottery tix today.

Lanvin Trench

2012-01-20T17:06:00.006-05:00

2012 is starting off great, I scored a stellar deal on a Lanvin ete 2011 trench, normally $1300+ for $400 at the Barneys outlet. I got the black waxed cotton double-breasted trench coat with notched lapels, button slash pockets and gathering at shoulder. I love the crazy spikey, devil horn shoulders. The trench has a self belt at waist and a center vent on the back.

It has a Matrix, Lady Gaga feel. I'm working on my new year's resolution of making bat shit crazy look good. I'm not really bat shit crazy, but I don't want to wait until I'm 65 to be that eccentric broad with big cocktail rings and wardrobe to die for. Why can't I do that now?

Right turns

2012-01-16T20:18:00.002-05:00

Why are right turns so hard for people to make? Wth! It's a right turn, you look and you turn. Simple. It shouldn't take five years to do.

Cruise debacle

2012-01-16T00:03:00.004-05:00

this will make sense if you are from DC.....

that awkward moment on WTOP when the newscaster briefed on the Italian Cruise ship disaster story to come.... and they played a commercial for Norwegian cruise line.

FAIL.

RedBox

2012-01-12T19:23:00.004-05:00

Dear Dumb Ass,

Redbox is not hard to use. Wtf!!? Grade school children can use it. Holy Crap.

I should keep on typing until this fool is done but I fear my finger would cramp up from typing. People that can't use RedBox should have their licenses revoked!!!

Squalor

2012-01-12T13:09:00.003-05:00

ugh... I want to move desperately.

DESPERATELY

This is the area outside of my building. The fence is jacked up, there is trash not IN the dumpster but around it. People leave furniture, mattresses, crap, small children there.

Kidding about the small children, had to make sure you were paying attention. But seriously, it's a crap hole. I am hoping and praying I can move the f out.

I'm also hoping that jack wad Ed spontaneously combust and that I win the lottery (a big one). finger crossed.

Ah... the U.S. Legal system

2012-01-09T18:49:00.003-05:00

Just when you don't think things can get weirder or people stupider....

I read this article about a woman who is suing the estate of a person that got hit by a train. Yes, you ready correctly. Seems this woman was hit by a large piece of the deceased body part and is suing for damages. Okay, I'm sorry your leg got broken and you fell down but geez, have a heart, the person didn't plan on getting hit by a train. Now to go after their family after this loss?

What the hell is wrong with people? I like the quote on another article related to this that said

Apparently, not even death can prevent the system from biting you in the ass.

TMI

2012-01-08T14:00:00.002-05:00

Is there a gentle way of letting someone know that they divulge a little too much information about themselves?

This is one of my new years or maybe lifetime solutions. How to kindly detract, obvert, or dissuade people from talking about past convictions, issues with bodily fluids, medical conditions and the such.

really. it's unnecessary and creeps people out. Any advice?

holy mother mcgee

2012-01-08T13:50:00.005-05:00

Just read an article about a big ass rat found in NY Bronx Foot Locker. Dezam.... that is a monster. Authorities believe it to be Gambian Pouched Rat, you know it's bad when they say 'although harmless, if you see one walk away and call animal control". Isn't that what they say when you encounter an armed assailant or someone on the most wanted list? Mice problem ain't looking sooo bad now, huh? I'll take my measally mice anyday! I can atleast capture or kill them without bodily harm.

The original article is found here.

lazy blog post

2012-01-06T23:46:00.002-05:00

Had to update my blog today. First Friday of the year. Yay!

I'm lazy.

Karma Police

2012-01-05T10:08:00.002-05:00

This morning while parking my car for work I noticed a truck that was parked in the middle of two parking spaces. Kinda like this..........

but not half as crappy as this

I mean seriously, that a hole took up four spots. I really wonder about people. Did they wake up and say "I want to be an asshole today", "Today feels like a good day for someone to scratch fuck you into my car", or "I hope my tires get slashed today". Nobody wants to be 'that' guy. And if you do, you're an asshole.

I wish I could right the wrongs of the world one petty vindictive act at a time.

Zombie Proof

2012-01-04T10:02:00.004-05:00

Apparently I'm not the only crazy person. I'm actually relatively sane. I know there are no real zombies... there may eventually be a break down in society because we keep raising the deficit and the US dollar will be as valuable as rice. FUCKERS... but I don't really anticipate a Zombie Apocalypse .. a nuclear one yes, but not a zombie one. These folks went the extra mile and have prepared for their homes. I'm feeling a little inadequate right now. I mean, as if my 401k wasn't sorry enough, I'm clearly not prepared for the future.

Zombie House article
Zombie House article two... it's a totally separate house and person... HA!!

Uno, the eyebrow

2012-01-03T08:33:00.006-05:00

It's hard to see the forest through the trees, especially if the forest is your face and the trees are your eyebrows.

Why didn't anyone tell me I looked like a sasquatch?! It took me 20 minutes to rectify the situation this morning. Can't start the first work day in the new year looking crazy. Today's public service announcement is:

Friends don't let friends have uni-brows, thank you and have a good day!

Meh..ditative

2012-01-02T16:35:00.004-05:00

Happy for the new year. Although my back is all achey and I feel old. It's all in all starting off well. The last couple of days have been really pretty! I'm enjoying it while it last, within the past 48 hours it's gotten hella cold.

Here's to another year of friends, massages and saucyness.

Fav TV shows

2011-12-30T13:48:00.004-05:00

People often come to me for my sound advice in fashion, shopping, eats, snarkyness and the like.

I'm a public service worker, it's my duty to help those in need. So in the spirit of the holidays I've decided to share my favorite shows. I look forward to your comments to see whether you agree or disagree or have any other suggestions. Remember nothing too cerebral. Now, make an assessment!

1. True Blood - it's in Season 5, on in June. It's about Vampires, Humans, Werewolves and all things supernatural. It's like a sexy, scandalous, freaky soap opera with lots of hubba hubba and bom chicka bow wow. Based on novels by Charlaine Harris (which are also awesome). On HBO.
2. The Walking Dead - it's in Season 2, currently on hiatus until 2/12 so you have ample time to catch up. It's about.... Zombies. Once you get past the zombie plot, it's really a character study on human nature and what people do under adversity. Pretty interesting to see all the characters and their growth. On AMC.
3. American Horror Story - Season 1 just finished this December. It's about people in haunted houses. It's dark and delish and chaulk full of death and mayhem. I don't want to give too much away. On FX.
4. Once Upon a Time - Season 1. A twist on the classic fairy tales focusing on Snow White and the Evil Queen. Great stories and characters and is one of the only shows on my list you can watch with kids. On ABC, back on 1/8.
5. Shameless - it's in Season 2, revamp of British show about drunk slacker dad, and his family focusing on their antics to make ends meet. Really good story especially in lieu of the current economic situation. On Showtime, back on 1/8.
6. Game of Thrones - it's in Season 2, really kick ass story about the Stark family and the politics/kingdoms of their land. It has a dark, fantasy, medieval feel. There is much scheming, treachery, and fighting. On HBO, back on 4/15.
7. Hell on Wheels - Season 1. About the building the railroads in the wild west, it's really good. There's a soldier, a freedman, indians,and a greedy railroad tycoon. It's hella good. On AMC.

hello goodbye... 2012 it's on

2011-12-29T17:11:00.002-05:00

yeah...

so I've been away.

but now I'm back. I still have a shopping problem, hate going to the gym, trying to not be evil while plotting world domination.

it's tough.

LIAR

2011-01-18T11:41:00.002-05:00

so that shopping hiatus didn't really last long.

I think I'm going through a mid life crisis. I went out and bought leather pants and dyed my hair blue. It really looks black but there are small streaks of blue in the bottom back where I bleached it out. I need to bleach it more. I don't think most people do that for a mid life crisis. Perhaps I need a sports car?

Anyways I hung out with my sole mate - Tam and we went to the Nanette Lepore store, Saks Fifth Avenue and Loehmanns. I scored some kool digs like a black Rebecca Minkoff knot dress for $124 (normally $300) and leather pants - Philosophy by Alberta Ferretti for $140 (normally $1000). It was fun, my credit card hates or loves me. My bank account hates me. I've decided whatever preconcieved notions I had about being an adult and getting old are just that. I need to seize the day and enjoy life as it is right now. Look great, wear kick ass clothes, take trips and be with the ones I love. If you only have one life, better enjoy, right?

So I'm going to step it up a notch, I mean I can't wear 5 inch heels when I'm 60. or can I?

Shoe hiatus - honest engine!!

2011-01-05T16:32:00.009-05:00

yeah so I ended the year helping the economy. I know .. I know, I'm so freakin thoughtful, trying to save the world and all but it's hard to be me.

the presssure, stress... blaa blaa.

anyways I've rewarded myself with a couple of shoes... (I know.. shocker). They are kinda my last 'supper' shoes because I'm going to see if I can NOT buy shoes, clothes or accessories until my birthday. Maybe I will start with a realistic goal like a month then move it up to 2 or 3. PLUS the rule is I can't spend any money - cash or credit cards. But I CAN use gift cards - so it's not like I'm going to go completely without.

I decided since the world is ending (for a little bit) and I'm trying to be good - that I would buy some funky shoes to brighten up my days. So I opted for the below - Zombie Stomper shoes by ironfistclothing.com, regular version are colorful, the other black and white type version GLOW IN THE DARK, and I also got platform pumps with cartoon guts and gore on them (not shown). If I can abstain from buying items for three months then it would balance the three shoes. Isn't three supposed to be a lucky number? :)

no habla espanol, motherlicker!

2010-10-28T18:04:00.003-04:00

I'm in a bit of a quandry, seems that being multiethnic has many perks:
kick ass food
funky name
fun possible places to visit
did I mention food? mmm......
exotic looks

It's the last item which is delightful but can be problematic. For instance, say a person looked latina but was not. Imagine the frustration, if you will, of getting asked or spoken to in spanish once a week almost everyweek of your adult life? Imagine again, if you went to latin restuarants and people thinking you are the same ethnic group, saw you with a 'foreigner' and gave you the 'she thinks she's better than us' stink eye. Perhaps making you wait longer or ignoring you... How about being hit on all the damn time by that same group? Which the 'said person' wouldn't mind if they were hotties.... but nay. I get all the 4'2" motherlickers....

NAY, I say.

I guess the most annoying part is when I say that I'm not latin, and identify my ethnicity and people still ask me if I'm sure. I mean, what the F! Are you inquiring if my mother was a whore? hmmm... That I'm an orphaned vagabond that never met my parents? These are the moments I wish I could slap people. I think it would be justified.

the end.

shop-a-holic

2010-10-07T17:30:00.003-04:00

Some people have a problem. I have a gift that is also a curse. I get really really good deals. So while I will openly admit my penchant for shopping, it's the discounts that are my biggest downfall. Take my latest conquest for instance:

My evil bestie (she's not evil but we are trouble together) informed me of a super sale at Leifsdottir - kick ass brand from Anthropologie. As I reviewed the sale section I was taken by a number of lovely items at stellar prices. So much in fact that I spent a small fortune. But if I paid full price it would've been $1260+. I know I know.. it's a lot of money, but we are talking a nearly 70% savings. It would've been a 75% savings if I didn't get that damn jacket... but it's sooooo pretty.

I'm going to hide the credit cards and rationalize buying groceries..... but I will look great!

TMM's.....

2010-09-29T12:58:00.010-04:00

What happens when you have 75 guests celebrating a 3 year old's birthday, alcohol, a baby's mama, a baby's daddy and mama's new boyfriend? Did I mention a hellalotta alcohol? Oh... and Ohio. You don't need to be Einstein to know that no good can come of this. NO GOOD, I say!!

Anyways to see Darwinism at work, and check out the pimp ass outfit on the school janitor - go to the link below. That shit is DOPE... seriously, how much is that guy getting paid!

And riddle me this... how the hell did this guy's shirt come off? I mean did he do a 'Hulk freak out' or something.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/09/28/ohio.birthday.brawl/index.html?iref=NS1