Sweetly Dunn

Movin' on UP!

2012-01-05T15:55:00.000-05:00

Hey guys and gals! I've been researching and have decided it's time to move on up in the world. Starting today, you can find me over at Tumblr (http://genadunn.tumblr.com/) There are just way too many cool ways to connect and frankly, it's easier for me to post there! I hope you'll change my info and keep following me over there! See ya on the flip side.....

Today

2011-11-11T08:50:00.000-05:00

Today I will...

Take a shower.

Ignore the phone.

Breathe deeply.

Make a to-do list to organize my thoughts.

Wait to do anything on the list until tomorrow.

Ask for help.

Pray.

Love my son.

Tell my husband how much I appreciate him.

Stay focused on breaking the cycle of intensity.

Be thankful.

Sip a cup of coffee.

Ease up on our family rules...and have a little fun.

Forgive others.

Forgive myself.

Just be.

Really?

2011-11-07T14:44:00.000-05:00

So I realize that yesterday's post may have come as a surprise to some people, and that's ok. Really, it's a lot to spill in one post. A lot of details are missing, which I'm sure will be mentioned in future posts, but until then, let's not get picky about the details. Some people may think less of me for it, some have been nothing but encouraging. I pray for each one of you, and I thank God for you.

I was at a meeting last night at church, and in that meeting we talked about being negative and how it influences our lives, in every facet. For me, I believe the purpose of it was trying to reveal how I should seek God, perhaps in prayer, in times of negativity, and to be truly thankful for every single thing causing that negative thought. I tried putting it into a sentence, such as "Dear God, thank you for the gazillion blocks of Legos that are inevitably left for me to pick up, 4 piles of clean, unfolded laundry, the dinner that perhaps will perhaps not get on the table until 8pm, and the 2 piles of dirty dishes still left to be scrubbed, all to be taken care of before my husband gets home from work." Putting that sentence into practice, I was able to realize how thankful I should be for having a healthy, happy child, who has blocks to play with. I can be thankful for having the money to purchase clothes, and have a home that contains a washer and dryer to launder my clothes with. I can be thankful for having food that provides proper nourishment for our family. And the dirty dishes, well, I haven't really found a way to be thankful for them!!!

It was a fabulous study, and if you have the opportunity to put something like the above thought into practice, I promise you will be nothing but blessed!

What's up blogland!

2011-11-06T15:03:00.000-05:00

I realize my last post was in March, and OMG have things changed since then! Well, "things" per say haven't changed, but I sure have.

I'm going to reach out on a limb here, and put it all out on the table. I've come to a point in my life that I can no longer lie to myself, my family and the rest of the world. I have to accept who I am, faults and all. This past summer, that meant admitting myself into a treatment center 6 hours away from my family for six full weeks, with very limited contact. It sounds worse than it was, in fact, I think it was quite possibly the best thing that has happened to me, next to marrying my husband and becoming a mother.

For 20 years, I have struggled with depression and drinking. I was put on medication for depression at an early age, and by the time I was in my early twenties, I had reached a place where I was a fully functioning person in society, having gotten the depression under control, but continued to drink heavily. I married my absolutely wonderful, amazing, magnificent husband (trust me, to put up with me, he is almost a saint) when I was 25, and my drinking tapered off a bit. Meaning, I was just drinking a little bit less. We had a miscarriage in 2002 and at the same time discovered that we could not have children naturally. I was devastated.

Instead of turning to God or to my family to for help dealing with my emotions, I turned to the bottle and started drinking heavily again. None of this interfered with work. I wasn't drinking during the day, only at night. But my daily thoughts were consumed by how soon five o'clock would roll around. I would start drinking when I got home, and wouldn't stop until I went to bed. I would wake up the next morning, sometimes with a hangover, sometimes not, and proceed about my day, with work or what have you, acting as if it was nothing that I had a bottle (or two) of wine the night before. By myself. During all of this time, I was still taking the same medication. Now some of you out there may be saying to yourselves "Doesn't she get it, her medication has no chance of working if she's drinking while taking it!" And my answer to that is a big, fat NO. I didn't get it. The label would appear on the side of my bottle of pills, but of course, I thought it didn't apply to me. I am the exception, didn't you know that?!?

In 2007 we had the chance to have a child via in vitro fertilization (that's another post), and we were blessed to have it work on the first round. I am level headed enough to know not to drink during pregnancy, and I had no problem restraining myself. I was entirely too excited about the child growing inside me to even think about picking up a drink. During my first trimester, my OB recommended stopping my medication so it wouldn't pass on to my son. Instead of checking with a licensed psychiatrist first, I simply stopped taking my medication cold turkey. Biggest. Mistake. Ever. I had very little problems with my mood swings during the rest of the pregnancy, I mean, ALL pregnant women are hormonal and moody, c'mon! By the time our son was born in November, I was a shaky, wound up ball of anxiety and gloom, pretending that everything was all right on the outside. My line of thinking was...I had my dream of having a child realized, I had no reason to be anything but greatful and happy, which made me even more mad at myself, and just kept spiraling me downward. By the time my son was two months old, I realized that something serious was wrong with me. I called my doctor and distinctly remember telling her, "I don't want to be a mother you see on tv", meaning I didn't want to be a mother who harmed her newborn. She immediately sent me to see someone that night, and I was set up seeing a therapist and a psychologist twice a week. We tested what I believe to be every single medication known to mankind before we came up with a combination that seemed to work well for me. I was also delivered a hard knock during this time, I had to stop breast feeding because of the medication. My goal was to breast feed for 8 months or so. I was very upset by having to stop abruptly, but I also wanted my son to have a sane mother. One of the first things I did once I gave up breast feeding was pick up a glass of wine.

After a few months on a good combination of meds and getting settled into our new family life, things were going ok. Not great, but not terribly awful either. Again, you're yelling out "MEDS +ALCHOL=PARTY FOUL!" Yeah, I still didn't get it. In 2009 my husband got a job in North Carolina. We packed up our things and said so long to the cold Chicago winters!! I was excited for the move. It meant a change of scenery, being closer to my family (South Carolina) and a time when I hoped I could finally learn what it meant to be me. What I didn't see coming was how hard it was going to be making friends, and the nights spent alone at home with the bottle. My drinking got much heavier after moving to NC. I did make friends, and we drank together, and when I was at home, I would drink. There was always an excuse to have a drink! One of my main struggles was trying to hide my drinking. My husband is a Youth Pastor, and it doesn't look really good if your wife is a mentally unstable alcoholic. Don't lie. You know that's the truth! I cared entirely too much what other people thought of me and kept trying to be one person at night and around my friends, and be a completely different person during the day and while I was at work. I was getting so very tired of keeping up this game of charades! It's exhausting!!

It all finally came to a head one weekend while my husband was out of town for a conference and I found myself drinking, at home, alone, at two o'clock in the afternoon, while I'm supposed to be tending to my child. Something is VERY wrong with that picture folks. If you don't think so, you might want to check yo' self! I admitted to myself that I had a problem drinking. I looked up the term "functioning alcoholic" and it described me perfectly:

A High-functioning alcoholic (HFA) is a form of alcoholism where the alcoholic is able to maintain their outside life such as jobs, academics, relationships etc. all while drinking alcoholically.^[1] Many HFAs are not viewed by society as alcoholics because they do not fit the common alcoholic stereotype. Unlike the stereotypical alcoholic, HFA's have either succeeded or over-achieved through their lifetimes. This can lead to denial of alcoholism through both the HFA, co-workers, family members and friends. Functional alcoholics account for 19.5 percent of total U.S. alcoholics, with 50 percent being smokers and one-third having a multigenerational family history of alcoholism.^[2]

Oh.my.goodness. Houston? We have a problem!! I contacted my husband and told him I had a problem. That was on Sunday. The following Saturday I was admitted to a treatment facility on the other side of the state. Like I said, it was the best decision I ever made.

I hope you'll come back to hear more about all the wonderful changes God has made in my life.

2011-03-07T16:12:00.001-05:00

I am so grateful for strong women who speak their mind boldly about experiences and beliefs that are bigger than they are.

One such woman is Melanie from Big Mama.

I've been a fan of Melanie's for a few years, and she always has the funniest way about her, and she can spot a bargain a mile away. However, in her most recent post (and a surprising one at that) she delves into the realm of Christian vs. Christian and what that means to her.

I would do her a great injustice if I tried to sum up her thoughts, so I'll just let her do the talking....

LOVE NEVER FAILS!

After reading the above said post, I have to agree with Melanie wholeheartedly. In a world where injustice roams rampant and humanity as a whole suffers and toils to their own demise, one must realize that there are greater things to consume ones time and efforts with.

I grow very tired hearing over, and over, and over again, who's right, who's wrong and who's doctrine we should be following.

Our focus should be on Christ Jesus, our Saviour, our Redeemer. Not which translation is the "right" translation, not whose worship facilities are bigger and badder than the others, not whose doctrine is more sanctified than the rest. Give it up already!

As Melanie says in her post:

I don’t believe any of us will get to heaven and receive a trophy or a plaque with “YOU WERE THE MOST RIGHT” engraved on it.

True dat sista, TRUE DAT!

2011-03-06T22:12:00.000-05:00

Since the new year, I've been reading thought provoking literature like there is no tomorrow. Well, at least what I consider to be thought provoking. My latest in the long line of reads was One Thousand Gifts, by the very, very talented Ann Voskamp. I've been a fan of her blog for a couple of years now, and when I found out she was releasing a book based upon the way she examines and experiences God's extraordinary grace in her everyday life, I had to have it.

A while back, I joined the bandwagon and linked up to Ann's site a few times, with my own lists of thanksgiving. However, time constraints led me to end my journey of online thanks counting. Ann's book came out at just the right time. Over the past couple of months, I had been having an extremely hard time emotionally. I had fallen blind to the blessings that God had so graciously placed in my life. Call it a mid-life crisis, a melt down, label it however you like. What I have been experiencing is a bone dry soul, longing for a sign that somehow, my life has been moving in the right direction. Ann's book, along with much prayer and reading the Word, has helped me along this journey. And what I've found, after much examination, is that I was naive to think that God would grant me a sign when I wanted it. I have been acting immaturely in my faith walk, like a pouting, foot-stomping, screaming three year old, who doesn't get whatshewantswhenshewantsitthewayshewantsitNOW! Ugh. I have had enough of myself and my lame pity party. Grow up and put your big girl panties on already, will ya?

Well, part of that growing up, involved learning how to give thanks in the here and now. In the pain, in the beauty, in the Ugly Beautiful. Ann's words gave me hope. Hope that I can still exemplify God's grace and honor Him, by giving thanks, even when I'm not sure what to give thanks for.

I wouldn't say that the dry, winter season is over. It's slowly being edged out by God's sure signs of spring, and the promise of the new life in Christ. From this, I've learned to embrace the various seasons of my life, and to offer thanksgiving for the manna that Christ presents to me.

Enough of the heavy stuff...on to my review of Ann's book...

It's a fabulous read. Her prose is absolutely breathtaking at times. Sometimes the reading was slow going, as she tends to offer even the tiniest of details, and I could have done without some of them, but others may view it as necessary.

As grand as it was, there were a couple of points that had me saying "Say WHAT?!"

First, she states that not giving thanks could be viewed as a form of atheism. SAY WHAT? She says that when we don't trust in God, not offering thanks for even the ugliness in our lives, that we're basically saying that what he provides isn't good enough or that He doesn't exist. That's a stretch for me.

*************************************SPOILER ALERT*******************************

The other thing that had me scratching my head was the entire last chapter. Ann talks about making love to God. And it doesn't stop there. Her use of sexual tones and comparisons was just way over the top for me. I'm not saying she is wrong in her thought(s), I simply cannot relate to her personal relationship with God. You really have to read it yourself to make your own judgement, please don't simply rely on my review!

All in all, it was a great book and it lent a helping hand at a time I needed it most. In fact, I'm about to start reading it for the second time.

2011-02-08T06:59:00.000-05:00

Something that resonated within me yesterday....an email from a friend:

Is it true, kind, necessary?

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was a young mom with a preschooler and a new baby and another mother I’d met working at a small magazine called Welcome Home invited me to her house to watch her family in action. She was a Catholic woman, a few years older than me, whom I admired greatly. She had five children at the time. The oldest was 10 or 12. In my book, that made her a veteran. I had no idea what parenting a large family looked like from the inside and was grateful for the invitation.

What happened there that day has had a profound effect on the every-day conversations in our own home ever since. I still clearly remember the incident: Her eldest, a boy, said something to her third, a girl. She came running, crying, to protest. My friend called her son and began what was obviously a well-known routine.

“Was it true?”

“Well, yeah, sort of, it was.”

“Was it kind?”

“No,” he said, shuffling his feet and hanging his head. “Sorry, Sis,” he offered without prompting. And that was that.

“The third filter is, ‘Was it necessary?’” my friend said. “But we rarely get that far. Every time one of these squabbles breaks out, every time one of them comes to me with a tale to tell, we filter it three ways: true, kind, necessary. It’s a simple way to teach them to communicate with grace.”

And so it is. For 18 years, I’ve taken that three-way filter as my own.

Is it true? This means we stop before passing along hearsay or gossip. It also means that we hold a grand story up to the exaggeration test. While I encourage flights of fancy and happy imaginings, it’s important for children to learn to distinguish truth from fantasy, opinion or supposition in their retelling or relaying of information. This is also the filter that says we won’t listen to gossip in our home, nor will we pass it along. Unless we know something to be absolutely true, it does not get by this filter.

Is it kind? In his classic, Spiritual Conferences, Father Frederick William Faber writes:

“Devout people are, as a class, the least kind of all classes. This is a scandalous thing to say; but the scandal of the fact is so much greater than the scandal of acknowledging it, that I will brave this for the sake of a greater good. Religious people are an unkindly lot.

“Poor human nature cannot do everything; and kindness is too often left uncultivated, because men do not sufficiently understand its value. Men may be charitable, yet not kind; merciful, yet not kind; self-denying, yet not kind. If they would add a little common kindness to their uncommon graces, they would convert 10 where they now only abate the prejudices of one. There is a sort of spiritual selfishness in devotion, which is rather to be regretted than condemned.

“I should not like to think it is unavoidable. Certainly its interfering with kindness is not unavoidable. It is only a little difficult, and calls for watchfulness. Kindness, as a grace, is certainly not sufficiently cultivated, while the self-gravitating, self-contemplating, self-inspecting parts of the spiritual life are cultivated too exclusively.”

In a family, self-gravitating, self-contemplating and self-inspecting cannot be allowed to crowd out simple kindness. Familiarity cannot be allowed to crowd out simple kindness. Home should be the place where a child or an adult can feel safe from the lack of compassion and bullying so common in the world outside. Home should provide the shelter of kindness.

Is it necessary? Does this need to be said? As our communications lurch forward at reckless speed and it becomes commonplace to tweet, share and blog every time we sneeze, children have to be intentionally taught the value of silence. Without quiet, we cannot hear. Without quiet, there is no white space; there are no boundaries. Does what I’m going to share contribute to the holiness and happiness of our community? In a big, busy family, quiet is a valuable thing.

It’s a simple three-fold filter: true, kind and necessary. The people who use it are happier, and the people who live with the people who use it are cradled in grace-filled communication.

2011-01-30T19:25:00.000-05:00

Service. Grace. Peace.

Those are my focus words for 2011.

I want this year to be more focused on service. Service to my family, my community, my God. I'm a very selfish person by nature. It is simply what comes naturally to me. From the moment I wake up, my first thoughts range from "I need a cup of coffee STAT" to "Child, do not get me up this early." And the selfish thoughts and actions don't stop until my head hits the pillow at night. Each day my primary focus is on what I need or what will make me happy. I get really tired of trying to make me happy. Instead, each day I am trying to be consciously focused on something other than myself. My husband. What can I do for him each day that would make his day that much better, or go a little smoother? My child. What can I do that will enrich his day, and bring joy to him? My community. How can I act in such a way that will bring God's face and hands to those people I come into contact with today? My God. I pray that I can serve my God in a humble yet fearless way each day. "There is nothing small in the service of God." - Francis de Sales

Grace. I crave a life filled with grace, like some people crave chocolate or ice cream. Each day I am surrounded by some of the most gracious people I have ever known. Their words and actions constantly humble me and stir in my soul a desire to be filled to the brim with divine grace. In my thirty-five years on this earth, I can honestly say that I have been proven to be more merciless than grace-filled. However, in the past four years, through many people brought into my life, each one exuding such divine grace, God has opened my heart and has helped me let go of much of my bitterness. Grace is one thing in life that I simply cannot get or give enough of.

My last word for 2011 is peace. I know, easy word to pick. Who doesn't want peace, right? It was the Big Man who caught me off guard a few weeks back. The Little Man and I were headed home from work, and Big Man had to stay and work late. As we were leaving, I felt my nerves being shredded and what little grace and patience that was left in my tank for the day was on fumes. I looked at Big Man, my eyes filled with fright and tears, because I didn't know how much more of that day I could take, and I said, "Please pray for patience for me tonight." Without skipping a beat he responded, "No, I'll pray for peace." Wow. That wasn't the response I was expecting. After thinking about it for a bit, I came to a conclusion. Everyone always says, "Don't pray for patience, cause you'll be sure to get it!" I believe that to be true. After that day, I've prayed for peace instead of patience. I want to be at peace with where I am in life. I need peace to fill my each and every day. At least part of it. Some women are natural born mothers. That was a role they were meant to play in life. I am not one of them. I struggle with my role as Mom each and every day. Some days I let Satan trick me into believing that makes me a "bad Mother", other days I realize that I'm not the only one out there that is struggling. I struggle to exude grace and patience with my child. There are times when I stand numb, tears in my eyes, teeth grinding, and I feel as if I cannot bear to listen to one more word coming from his ever precious mouth that seems to endlessly mutter "MOMMY!" That is when that precious prayer enters my thoughts, "Lord please grant me peace." It has been an eye opener for sure. And I feel the Lord working in me in ways that I cannot begin to explain. If you ever catch yourself wishing for patience, I challenge you instead to pray for peace.

Service. Grace. Peace.

My words for 2011. What are yours?

No I am not dead....

2011-01-22T15:06:00.000-05:00

Simply very, very, VERY busy. Did I mention I have been busy????

Since I last posted, I've taken 2 additional jobs within the church. That makes the total 3. Three jobs that I am absolutely blessed beyond measure to have. Each one of them brings me such joy on so many levels. That joy comes from knowing that I am serving Him and not myself. It's not about the money. It's about the service. (But hey, the money doesn't hurt, right?)

That being said, between working 3 jobs, family time and trying to squeeeeeeze a little bit of "me time" in there, it has left me zilch for blogging regularly. My hopes are to be able to update once a week. I loved the following the Simple Woman's Daybook, but I *simply* don't have the time to continue with that adventure. And I still count my blessings. If I hadn't stopped, I'm sure I would've reached 1000 by now. Since I'm not able to post more than once a week, I want to keep it simple, streamlined and straight forward.

As of late, I've been truly inspired by my friend Laura over at Three Little Birds. She's such a brave and gentle soul, who's family is very lucky to have her! Between her home mini-renovations, her ability to homeschool her 3 gals, work a full time job and still supply grace and love in abundance to those around her, I'm just in awe.

I've also been making a concerted effort to turn our house into our home. I am attempting to utilize what we currently have, with a handful of inexpensive items thrown in, to bring some warmth, emotion and (in all honestly) style to our home. We've been very, very blessed to have almost every piece of furniture donated to us from friends or family. It's been wonderful. But it doesn't allow much room for showing our family's style. It's been very entertaining to watch our home bloom over the past few months. I'm nowhere NEAR finished (do you ever really finish decorating?), but I've got a lot of goals set for the next few years!

Another thing we've been focusing on here at the Dunn home, has been getting out of debt. I know, I know, you probably hear that from every Tom, Dick and Harry. But we are D-E-T-E-R-M-I-N-E-D! Last fall I read and adopted some methods from Dave Ramsey's book "Total Money Makeover". We started using the "snowball effect" and as of today, we've paid off 2 out of 4 credit cards. The last two cards should be paid off within the next 2 years. That leaves us with a mortgage and another loan that, in all honesty, we're not in a huge hurry to pay off. Don't get me wrong, we'll definitely be making extra large payments on them, but we're not as worried about paying those loans off as we are the credit cards. The Big Man and I have also enrolled in Financial Peace University (another Dave Ramsey program), through our church. We started the class last weekend, and I have to say, I'm very excited about our financial future. That's BIG! I've never, ever, in almost 10 years of marriage and 35 years of existing, ever, been able to say that!! I will swear by Dave Ramsey and his methods. They're solid, they're true and if you are willing to discipline yourself, they WORK!

Lastly, I've gotten back on the gym bandwagon. I even went so far as to hire a personal trainer and join a boot camp for the next six weeks. What I didn't expect was to encounter a stress fracture in my right tibia (read: lower leg bones) 2 weeks into my journey. I tried doing too much too fast and I am now paying the price. The doctor has placed me in a walking cast for 6 weeks, with no pressure or weight for 3, then walking for 3. Seriously? If you know me, you know I can't sit still for more than 20 minutes. I'm only on day 2 and it's driving me batty. The good news is, I can already see God working. I firmly believe there are times in everyone's lives when God wants you to stop. be still. listen. think. listen some more. I believe this is one of those times. I'm praying that I'll be able to look back on these next few weeks, and see valuable lessons and plans that God laid out for me and my family.

It's good to be back!

Blessings

2010-09-07T08:33:00.004-04:00

Monday was a day filled with love, rest, family and friends. It couldn't have been a more perfect holiday.

"Back to reality and the daily grind." That's the popular Facebook update or tweet coming from everyone today. What's wrong with people's "reality" that they don't want to go back to? Maybe it's irritating co-workers, bosses who don't fully recognize potential, schedules that are hard to maintain, children who seem to push every button they possibly can, or maybe some people aren't recognizing the blessings that are present in their daily lives, happening right in front of them. Maybe that co-worker that seems to be getting on your last nerve is having some problems of his/her own and could use someone to reach out to them or simply pray for them. Maybe that boss has a boss that has him under his thumb and needs some help himself, and perhaps a compliment from you could go a long way. Maybe your overscheduled calendar is a chance for you to show God's love to the many groups of people you will interact with. God called us to make disciples of men. How are we to do that without reaching out to everyone we possibly can, and showing His love. Maybe that crazy schedule allows you to reach a large, diverse group, and in those groups are people who don't know His love. And what about the kids, they're pressing every button you have and you are at your wits end. Maybe they aren't getting your full attention, because your distracted about one of the above things. Take the time to look them in the eye and say "I love you." Those words can go a long way.

Take the time today to slow down, take a deep breath and try to recognize the blessings right in front of you.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. - John Lennon

21. The smile of a certain 2 year old.
22. Friends that accept me and my faults and will not judge me.
23. A job that I love.
24. The most loving, generous, and kind Mother in the entire universe. I can't say enough about her.
25. 88 degree days.
26. Accountability.
27. The Bible.
28. Our homestead.
29. This lady and her uplifting words. Every day, her words hit me right between the eyes. And the heart.
30. The challenge I was given yesterday by my friend Aaron. Getting pumped to become uncomfortable for God!

Have a blessed Tuesday ya'll!!

Blessings

2010-08-30T08:55:00.000-04:00

I have reached a point in the year where I have to start planning out almost every moment of the week. School is starting, so I will be working more. Going from 9 hours a week to almost 45 hours has caused a shock to my finely tuned schedule. My biggest fear is that I will forget to find the blessings in the small things. That they will get overlooked as my calendar fills to the brim. I pray that I will still get God smacked frequently and that He will allow me to see the blessings in all I do. Where are your blessings today?

  11. Looking into the face of a child I thought I could never have.
  12. The afternoon sunset from my deck.
  13. Potlucks.
  14. Girls Night Out
  15. Saturday afternoon, still in my pajamas.
  16. The freedom to pray.
  17. Having short hair.
  18. Bubbles
  19. Yoga Pants
  20. Your Perfect Cake cupcakes

2010-08-29T17:28:00.000-04:00

But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
**Lyrics by Band of Horses

Ever feel like things are "splitting at the seams" in your life? Sometimes it can be from joy, other times from anger, sadness, anxiousness. You reach that point where you feel as if you will explode, or implode, from the weight of the feeling pressing upon you. And then you have to let go and see what happens.

I have reached that point this weekend. We have been undergoing a lot of changes in our family, ultimately for the better, but the process has filled me with worry and anxiousness. I wake up at 3am and am filled with a fear that I will forget something important, and I just know if I do it will start a domino effect and everything will come crumbling down around me. The weight of the worry has crept into my day to day life, invading at the most inopportune moments, stealing precious time away from my life and my family.

I realized I could either drive myself mad with worry, and eventually explode (probably at someone else, like Big Man) or I could lay it down. Put it all at the feet of the most Holy because I can do nothing on my own. My problems are bigger than what I can do on my own. It is only with Him and through His grace that I can let go and allow Him to heal me. I can place my worry at His feet and

let

go.

Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life... Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

What are you holding onto that you feel like you can still handle. Is the weight getting too much to carry on your own? Are you growing tired from shouldering the pain, the worry, the guilt?

Won't you lay it down?

Blessings

2010-08-25T13:01:00.000-04:00

I recently accepted a challenge, or rather a call, to count my blessings. I have grown into the type of person that can see the blessings God has graced me with. It has taken a lot of prayer, "why's" and even more prayer to reach the point where I am seeing more and more blessings every day. Even on a not-so-good day there are blessings that I soak up and I can fill my cup starting to run over.

The call I accepted was one from Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience. She has created a Gratitude Community that consists of people counting their blessings, literally, one by one. The goal is to reach 1000 and then look back and see how God changes your life, and your heart, in the process. I'm not necessarily setting a goal of 1000, because I simply believe I'll have a lot more to count than that. But I will start counting, and see where it takes me.

1. The gentle heart of a man I am blessed to call my Husband.

2. God opening doors and windows to endless possibilities in serving Him.

3. Figuring out that church is more than a building and how I can do it differently from this book.

4. Living my life for something other than myself.

5. Sweet tea.

6. Wine and a movie with Big Man.

7. Friends who are true, and selfless.

8. Mentors who walk the walk and talk the talk and ignite in me a fire and a respectful fear at the same time.

9. Making homemade anything with B

10. Painting on the kitchen floor.

**side note: The Gratitude Community does this regularly on Mondays, however, I couldn't wait until Monday to start!

2010-08-25T11:39:00.000-04:00

We are THAT Family

What works for me, may not work for you. But we can share tips and maybe we'll receive some really good new ideas. You never know what you'll find on Works for Me Wednesday (WFMW)

My ~~husband~~ family has a hard time keeping track of our schedules on a week by week basis. Sometimes, there are just too many things scheduled! We keep planners of our own, but we can plan and plan to our hearts content, and still the other would have no idea what's going on with our family schedule. That was until I came upon this gem of a website, Airset. It's a *FREE* (and we all like free!) online service that let's you form a calendar, or multiple calendars, store contacts, upload and edit photos in Picnik, listen to music, and so many other cool gadgets. I love it because I get to plan, and color code, to my little hearts content. But here's the true beauty of it all.....you can access the calendar from anywhere, which means Big Man can access the calendar at work and see exactly what's going on at any point in time. He plugs in his events, I plug in mine and B's and I get a daily schedule automatically sent to my email every night for the following day. I've been using Airset for over 2 years now, and haven't found a better resource for helping me keep everything scheduled. No excuses anymore. We are one planned family!

Want more ideas? Find them here.

Have a blessed Wednesday ya'll!

2010-08-20T19:17:00.000-04:00

I came across a little place called Small Notebook via a blog I regularly stalk. I wanted to pass along the site to you so you could see just how wonderfully simple and informative this site is.

I believe that everyone is searching for serenity and simplicity. We may be filling that longing with other things. Some healthy, some not so healthy. A site like Small Notebook helps remind me of the simple things in life, how to embrace them and take advantage of them.

Happy browsing!

2010-08-13T20:42:00.002-04:00

Tap Tap Tap......Hello? Anyone there? Is this thing on? *crickets*

Yes I know, it's been ages. Really it has. Almost 3 months to be exact! You see, I tend to view summer as the breezy, lazy season that it's intended to be. I am a teacher, therefore I get the summer off, so I tend to take a break from a lot of other things as well. Including this blog.

Now that summer is coming to a close (tear) I'll be back at it, and doing a lot of catching up! What a better way to start things off than by giving my loyal readers (yes, all six of them) a bit of useless information regarding myself? My friend Laura a Three Little Birds just did this and I thought it was great.

So, here you go.....

I am a classically trained dancer, somewhat retired dance instructor, and my claim to fame was dancing for the Chicago Bulls.
I was named after both of my Grandmothers. But 'Gina' isn't one of their names.
I have a soft spot for anything caramel.
My husband and I will be married 10 years next year.
I once traveled to Amsterdam. The city was cold, dreary, gray and dirty.
For as long as I can remember, I have always had a cat in my house. Sometimes multiple. Right now, our fur baby is Cosmo.
I loathe unloading the dishwasher. I will do anything to avoid the task. Including scrubbing toilets.
I'm a sun addict. I know, I know, it's bad for you. We're all going to die anyway. I want to die tan.
I have a cousin who's childhood thrill was torturing his sister and I and driving us absolutely bonkers. Once, he told me to go play in a huge sandpile, which I promptly did because he was older and cooler at the time. It was an anthill.
I once wanted to name my child Casper.
I'm considering homeschooling our son after preschool.
I have always sensed that I will not live past the age of 35. I will be 35 this November....

What are some fun facts about you???

2010-05-25T18:00:00.000-04:00

Outside my window... my witching hour is setting in. Wondering if I will get a second wind today.

I am thinking... that Mother's deserve time off. Even if it is for an hour a day.

I am thankful for... family. We had such a wonderful visit with Big Man's parents this weekend. Makes me wish CL was a bit closer. But without the weather!

I am wearing... workout clothes. Soon to be changed into GNO attire....woot for Mommy's time off!

I am remembering... our Memorial Day beach trip last year. Big Man and I actually got to spend it with some great people sans B. This year B will be tagging along. Not sure if I'm excited or mourning last year's memories. A bit of both I suppose.

I am going... to enjoy my last day of teaching Preschool for the year. I've been looking forward to it all month!

I am currently reading... Forgotten God - Francis Chan.

I am hoping... to get to the gym each remaining day before we head to the beach. *fingers crossed*

On my mind... inspiration. It has lost me for the day and I despise days like that... Days with a sense of no purpose, although I know better.

Noticing that... I'm getting older. I'm kind of ok with it. I'm letting go of the need to be 23 forever.

Pondering these words... live, love, laugh. I believe those words will be my purpose this week.

From the kitchen... nachos. I'm looking forward to summer and breaking out some new recipes.

Around the house... you will constantly hear "GO DINO" as B is consumed by all things dinosaur related at the moment.

One of my favorite things... right now is sleep. and more sleep. Too bad we don't appreciate it when we are blessed with it.

From my picture journal...

Looking forward to taking more of these pictures this weekend!

2010-05-20T15:11:00.000-04:00

Outside my window... the wind is blowing just enough breeze to keep me cool and the air conditioner off.

I am thinking... about how Mothers never really get a sick day.

I am thankful for... a beautiful, sunny day after all that rain.

I am wearing... khaki shorts, my fav green tshirt, my fav gold sandals, but getting ready to put on my cleanin' clothes.

I am remembering... our spontaneous overnight trip to the beach last summer and hoping we can do that again soon.

I am going... to clean the carpets, then to the gym then *hopefully* to play some Bunco.

I am currently reading... Forgotten God - Francis Chan.

I am hoping... to feel better by 7pm tonight.

On my mind... I'm thinking about how it will feel good to take up the WHOLE bed tonight while the Big Man is out of town.

Noticing that... my child will not stay a child forever and I'm trying very hard to appreciate and capture each moment.

Pondering these words... "I can't keep it in, I can't keep it in, I gotta let it out....I've gotta show the world, world's gotta know, know of the love, love that lies low...." Love me some Cat Stevens.

From the kitchen... leftovers and sandwiches. Big Man is gone so we play "fend for yourself".

Around the house... right now it is deliciously quiet. I could swim in it. Unfortunately, the sound of the carpets being cleaned will soon fill the air.

One of my favorite things... having a clean house. Too bad it doesn't stay that way for long.

From my picture journal...

B and his PaPa. The Old Crab can only take so much!

2010-05-19T16:59:00.001-04:00

Do you have a Plan B?

For your life. Do you have a Plan B for your life?

Odd question, I know. But something I read forced me to think about this.

I didn't think I had a Plan B for my life. I guess I was too busy trying to live out Plan A. Sometimes I believe I'm living in Plan B right now. Not that Plan B is so bad. Really, if that's where I'm at, then it's pretty darn good. However, it's not exactly what I had planned.

My dreams and plans consisted of dancing professionally until I could no longer walk. And after that, I would teach and I would die old and grey, barking "5,6,7,8" from my teaching chair while tapping out the rhythm with my walking cane. I also dreamed of having many, many children. Well, maybe not as many as the Duggars, but 3 or 4. I planned on not planning. Not trying to carve out every second of every day of every year, worrying about how to live up to Plan A while I was wallowing in Plan B.

Is Plan B really that bad?? Maybe to some people. But not to me. I have realized that for the past 8 years, I've been living in Plan B.

While I did marry the man of my dreams, having children did not come easy for us. After many years of trying, and failing, we were blessed with B, our IVF baby. We won't have more children. I used to believe that if we had a huge windfall of cash or God granted us a miracle we would have another child. I no longer believe that. And I'm ok with it. I now enjoy holding someone else's baby even more, and no longer have that feeling of envy arise in me. I'm ok with my Plan B.

And I did dance professionally for 15 years. I also spent 7 years teaching professionally. I gave that up in December of 2008. It saddens me to type that, or even say that. It was even harder to make the decision. But I'm learning to put it behind me. Instead of grieving over it, I try to celebrate it for what that stage of my life contributed to the person I have become. God called my family in a different direction. He wanted me to live in Plan B. And I'm ok with my Plan B.

Are you trying to live up to your Plan A? Maybe God's Plan B is better. I know mine is.

And who knows. There may even be a Plan C.....

2010-05-12T16:34:00.000-04:00

An absent blog is a boring blog....my most humble apologies!

There's not a whole lot I have to say, rather I'd like to point out two blog posts that got me thinking and made my heart ache. In a good way.

Enjoy the reads.....

The Run a Muck

Sarah Markley

I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday! The weekend is only 2 tiny days away!!!

2010-05-07T15:55:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday everyone!

I hope you all have had a blessed week. Mine's been very busy, but good. I didn't post anything worth mentioning and probably won't until next week, but I wanted to wish all of my Mommy friends a WONDERFUL MOTHER'S DAY! Each and every one of you are special to me, and keep me afloat in the sea of kiddie madness. Without you, I would surely drown.

BLESS!

2010-04-27T15:27:00.000-04:00

Why? Because we can....and we live in Pirate Country now!

Arrrrgh Matey!

2010-04-27T15:13:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you just have a bad day.

No one did anything to hurt you.

No one made you particularly angry about anything.

You got enough sleep.

Somewhat content with the way you look today.

You're on time. Sort of.

There are simply no words for it. You are just in a funk.

Sometimes the funkiness attacks me when I least expect it.

Like last Friday.....

It grabbed hold of me with it's gunky funky man hands and would not let me go.

It could not have come at a more appropriate time. Let me explain.

My funk attacked me in the middle of the afternoon. Right after naps. Right before we were headed out to participate in the Relay for Life. Now, I can't think of a more special event where life should be celebrated. When I think of Relay, I think celebrate!

But at that time, it didn't matter. I huffed, and I puffed and the funk blew my happy spirit away. I was fit to be tied as we gathered our things and started to descend upon the high school track.

And that's when this stopped me in my tracks:

life

thriving and conquering

people bringing hope and courage

and smiles

oh, and a little bit of fun too!

There are simply too many good reasons to let the funk get a hold on me. Life. Precious life is at the top.

I got a God-slapping that afternoon. And it felt good.....

2010-04-22T20:33:00.000-04:00

Outside my window... night is creeping in.

I am thinking... how I miss cable television right this very second.

I am thankful for... the daily provisions God gives me and my family.

I am wearing... yoga pants and a Gamecock T-shirt (GO GAMECOCKS!)

I am remembering... how life can seem much more simple when we don't even know it.

I am going... to the gym tomorrow. And looking forward to it.

I am currently reading... Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

I am hoping... for a release from the mental pressure I've been feeling this week.

On my mind... wishing that I had the time to get away for a day this weekend. It will have to wait until Mother's Day :)

Noticing that... I have fallen off track with my eating habits over the past two weeks - I let Spring Break go to my head! Back on the wagon I go!

Pondering these words... The rest of life cannot stand still while you are doing Christian action. Likewise, Christian action cannot wait until you take care of all of life’s necessities. Christian action is every action we live. (julie z.)

From the kitchen... the newest chicken/potato dish that I have yet to name. It involves bbq sauce, italian dressing, onions, chicken, potatoes and cheese. Got any ideas??? Suggestions are welcome!

Around the house... the constant hum of the washer and dryer as I continue to play catch up on laundry from Big Man being out of town last week.

One of my favorite things... watching Big Man read books with B at bedtime. mmmmellllltttsss me!

From my picture journal...

sorry for the not-so-good image. I'm using Big Man's computer and had limited to choose from! This was taken on our spring beach trip 09. If it were clearer, you could see the pure joy on B's face. sweetness.

2010-04-22T10:13:00.000-04:00

Women and friendships. What a quirky combination that can be sometimes.

Growing up, friendships with girls were harder to come by than friendships with boys. Of course, people would like to say that making friends with the latter was easier because they were only after one thing. Could be true, however I believe it was easier because boys seemed to be predictable and honest. Which, if you know anything about young girls and women, those two traits can be hard to come by.

Some things never change.

Don't get me wrong. I have a handful of girlfriends that I trust and confide in. But in all honesty, it's become apparent to me that it's not necessarily the other women that have the hangups. It's not the other women that are judging me and looking for the right time to make their social move, to slide in a piece of personal information and hope the other party returns the favor, therefore making it an even playing field and *hopeful* friends. No, it's not them. It's me.

Since our move to North Carolina, I've come to realize that I'm quite the judgemental person. I have always been afraid of other people judging me, especially being in the role of a Youth Minister's wife. When in fact, I have been the one passing judgement on others in anticipation of their passing judgement on me. Kind of like, if I can pass it first, the less hurt I'll feel if I get judged and rejected. Quite sick, but very true.

Nowadays, I catch myself passing judgement out of fear and quickly stop myself. It's not as easy as it sounds, its' a very hard habit to break. But I'm working on it. God's showing me the grace I need to overcome this habit and has lavished enough grace on me to show it to others as well.

On good days I'm no longer in fear of being judged, as there is only one person who's opinion truly matters. And He loves me, oh how He loves me so!

What about you? Have you shown grace to someone today? Are you judging or in fear of being judged? Take heart and know that only one person's opinion matters........