Whatever comes to mind

To change!

2015-01-10T12:13:00.001+05:30

Farewell pretty ladies.

Heels are not easy to wear. May be easy to wear but mostly dreadful to walk in.
So when you have to part with one of the most comfortable heels you have had, it is not easy.

Well, lets just say it's a choice I made.
As I was packing to move to another city, I was confronted with the harsh reality of not being able to carry everything with me. (I am only talking about my shoes in this post).

The fact that over one and a half years, I had accumulated many just dawned on me as I pulled them out from under my cupboard, from the side of my room-mate's cupboard along with the ones scattered near my bed.
Then began the ruling out and the scavenging of every pair that I had.
Some I had recently bought, wanted to take them along.
Anyway, what I found out is that my favourite heels wouldn't last long, its sole had started wearing out. I spoke to the cobbler, he said it would last another 15-20 days with some patch work, another patch and it will last a few more days. As if the expiry was certain, all I could have was an extended company of these and there was no guarantee that after all those patches, it would be pleasurable the way it used to be. As if it was living on life support, and I was hoping for a miracle.

So I decided to completely pull out that worn out sole. They don't deserve to be dragged along the streets in patches for all the comfort they have brought to me. Their dignified journey should come to a peaceful, dignified end, not to mention there was one less thing to carry for me which is why it all started anyway.

I have reconciled with it and hopefully somewhere lying in a bag in waste bin of a grave, they will understand that there are many good things that I left behind in that city and they are one of them.

The SkyScanning Indiblogger Experience

2014-03-05T23:44:00.002+05:30

My first Indiblogger meet. First meet, where I was totally on my own in the sense that I did not know anyone. First meeting with a community of people where you think you belong. Not may be with regard to content as everyone talks about different things but the medium. That they do talk. And not nonsense.

As I strolled around the hall, eyeing the evidently sumptuous lunch, it did feel like an esoteric territory. Like being stranded on an island with people you don't know but a hope that all will fall into place, everything will make sense because people don't hesitate to smile at you even when you are a complete stranger. It's a totally different universe. As if everyone is you and you are everyone. Like being stranded with yourself and loving it because you can just BE and there's no place to escape because there's no need to escape!

Your usual life is generally a reminder enough of the regular escapades that one should indulge into and when you spend five and a half hours over a SkyScanner Indiblogger meet, you can give wings to your travel fantasies.

From a meet at Le Meridien to Chicken Angithi and baked fish which tasted like omelette and Hi(gh)-tea, I was already awe struck by the sheer extravagance and grandeur of the event but most of all SkyScanner meet, you had me at the thought that I could anyway enjoy all this at any place I go without the guilt of having overpaid for my flight. So, I can SCAN a whole year in advance and plan my trips around the cheapest time to travel.

Next time I travel, I'd be a dash more enlightened - because of the stories people shared of their experiences, because the people I met are from many different walks of life - fashion, law, medicine; it's bound to add a tad bit more of style, order, care(read first aid :P ) and a lot of "scanning" in my trips from now on.

Although, what I am still confused about it that how a trip worth over four lakhs is more technically correct than one at a lower price. The solution was discussed in short. It would be great if you guys could elaborate on it a bit more in a post may be.

I am using the SkyScanner backpack and T-shirt at the gym. I was badly searching for it. SkyScanner, how did you know? :) So, SkyScanner is helping me keep fit. The bag is so light, I barely feel it on my shoulders. Guess, SkyScanner really understands travel.
:)
#Kudos
#KeepScanningAndTravelling
#KeepSmiling

Raping back Rapists!

2012-12-19T23:44:00.003+05:30

Delhi's rape news reminded me of a conversation that I had with a friend of mine, Arushi, the co-writer for this article, which basically asked for instilling fear for punishment so that no such act takes place in the first place and if it does, the punishment would be fierce enough to make others think twice before they do anything.

It is sad that we have to think of such measures, but her point was that the best protection is not that you have someone protecting you. Rather, that even if no one is guarding you, the consequences of hurting you would be far too great than the pleasure of hurting you. That whatever is done to you now, much worse would be done to the culprit.

That was her but I fail to define "fierce". No punishment can possibly be good enough for rape. Capital punishment. Too easy. Torture. Again, too broad a category. Plus do we really want legally sanctioned torturers? How do you un-torture someone who was wrongly accused. How much is too much? And the most important question, where do you find people willing to go this far to make this country safe for the rest of us?

However, there can be plenty of ways to make those douche bags taste humiliation, pain, agony, helplessness and eventual death. But again, does anyone really want to get their hands that dirty? Maybe.

The police can inspire absolute obedience, if they are not hindered. But then again, who will police them? Its all a snarled tangle. But while I can simply call it that and leave it, our government cannot. Because it has a duty to treat all its citizens equally, and that includes making it okay for women to be

able to live and breathe freely and safely because essentially, slowly and slowly, that is what is being taken away.

Here's what this post is about though. Capital punishment while most people find agreeable for these rapists, there are people trying to hold moral grounds and talk of reformative measures.

To all those people honestly, you couldn't have possibly put yourself in that girl's place or any rape victims' place!

Also, as principled as those views sound, how on Earth can you think that the victim's family would be ready to take any of those rapists money earned by servitude to Cancer and AIDS patients. Is that not putting a price on her suffering. So do a few lakhs or even a few crores solve everything? Is cash all there is to life.

Why would the patients possibly want to be served by those reprobates when they get to know who they are? Especially consider this. How will you protect the staff and the patients from these rapists? A patient is in a hospital for a reason. A weak person may not even be able to call out for help. Do these people realize that cancer and AIDS patient are terminal a lot of the times? What crime did those people commit to suffer this indignity?

And just to point it out, this so-called reform drive of yours, isn't it for those who have already committed the crime? So it only makes others think that its okay to rape because all they will have to do is community service. Which is essentially the softest punishment out there.

How do you intend to spot potential rapists with these reforms? How do you propose to instill the same morals in a rapist-to be? There is no answer, because the laws even as they are now are better than that pathetic option. And God knows they're not working. Please stop worrying about the criminals and worry about the victims for once? Do try and remember who actually got hurt, rather than who gives you the moral high ground.

Of course, it trickles down to morals but morals once lost and manifested in such debauch acts call for something extreme. That 'something' will hopefully be defined and delivered in the most fitting way to those culprits by the government.

The society at large is rightly outrageous and the so-called moralists, it's your time now!

PAIN!

2012-03-08T01:18:00.003+05:30

Some seepages cannot be sealed.
Somethings you cannot be impervious to.
Some wounds don't heal. Everytime you go back in the hope of finding reconciliation, glimpses of a cracked, battered past show up.

The experiences are still loud enough to deafen you, still dark enough to petrify you, still recent enough to make you lose sense of time that has already passed since and still intimate enough that each breath it takes is a stab on your share of air.

Ignorance, repression, anger, sadness, guilt, helplessness, madness - some experiences are a complete package!
If there were an escape mechanism, you'd have chosen it and saved yourself from the turmoil.
Alas! the FIRE EXIT even if available and chosen wouldn't help. Everything you left loose-ended will bite you back right in the ass sooner or later.

"Time is the greatest healer", they say. But, is it really? May be what they mean is with time you gain more perspective, find out there's more to the world than your misery. Happiness in small things or more misery, bigger misery!
So, may be relatively your problems would be healed. Or will they be?
Some fuck ups are too big (for you) to let them be treated merely "by time"!
So, even if the problem diminishes, the implications of it you bear! It's too easy and cheesy to say "to be dealt by the therapeutic, endless time!"

Confrontation may be a solution but how do you confront something that sucks the rationality out of you, leaving you caught in the mire of blinding angst?!
Problem may be yours solely or inherited along with the associated indoctrination like a help manual with any device wanting you to mop up the screw up; it teaches you lessons, contributes in a large way to who you are or will be.

Then there are moments when everything seems serene on the surface but past experiences suggest otherwise.
Like too much tranquility is too much booze. You are now bound to puke! Like feeling good is an evil omen, that it will have consequences; unleashing all that you hoped had gone away.

And yet, people expect you to move on. They are obviously unaware of the conflicts it rose within you, the whirls it brought in your head, the uneasiness that shook you to the bone, the delusion it brought, the hatred it stirred inside and the clarity it brought which is as hard to escape as death itself. People may be deeply moved by your "story" and then might begin the "healing" from their side. Without any offense, somethings are better left untouched, uncorrected because pity is the worst fruit of any misery!

Problem sometimes is not of the pain being alive but the urge of people to kill it. Some thorns cannot be plucked because the catharsis it intends is no longer desired as they entwine with the fibre of your being, the form so intricate of this symbiotic relationship that parting with it would mean the collapse of your identity!

Brain ingredients of an avid eater!

2012-01-15T21:20:00.001+05:30

Yes, I have a huge appetite for good food. I love eating. I love trying new food, cuisines.
At the same time, I don't really know much about cooking. I try knowing names of ingredients in whatever I happen to eat.
You may be a big eater and a great cook too and vice versa. So, all the latter has to do is remember names of what they ate, how it looked or tasted and they can always have more. I belong to this obviously. Less work is always attractive and delicious.
:D

Important thing to remember about people of my community is that wherever we go, we think in food equivalent terms.
For e.g.

1. Parties-
Always nice to go as you get FREE food. However, it may not always be good. But such people can always fixate on what they like in there and fill their stomachs. Bole to "paisa vasool" or "time vasool"!
;)

2. Money-
Well this has started happening with me now. I see it as the next, higher level of my ravenousness.
Like I mentioned earlier about the food equivalent terms, here're some examples of what I mean. Consider I stumble upon say, 100Rs. approx (Let's start small :P)

So that equals -

At KFC-

a) 1 Chicken Strips [=3 boneless chicken pieces..hihaha :D] or
b) 1 Large Chicken Pop [popcorn like sweet,salty chicken balls... :D] or
c) 2 Regular Chicken Pops or
d) (1 Regular Chicken Pop or Coleslaw) and 1 umm..KFC choco lava (It's called by another name..can't remember
it..something "Amor" bla bla) or
e) 1 Crusher or
f) 1 Fiery Grilled too I think etc. ;)
And yet, I have to try more. :D

At McD-

a) 1 BIG Spicy Chicken Wrap or
b) 1 Small Shake and 1 Chicken McSpicy or
c) 1 Small shake and 1 Small French fries..etc. etc.

At Domino's-

a) 1 Choco Lava (That's all I eat there usually..) or
b) Garlic Bread with Cheese dip etc. (or may be without) :D

At Pizza Hut-

a) These Pan Pizzas there are quite fantastic and they cost umm.. Rs.99 I think..so ya, something like that.

If I have to put that green leaf to good use, it's the non-veg way.
I eat veg too..but I get really good kicks out of talking about non-veg.
If anyone of you is a KFC/non-veg maniac, you'll understand it. Your stomach may be full (mine? rarely ever :P), but your heart always, ALWAYS craves for MORE!!!
The day I heard KFC had an outlet in Jaipur too, my delirium broke all fences.
NO KIDDING!
Now, I hope they have more than one outlets here..may be one every five kms. :D

3. DISCOUNT OFFERS-

They can be irritating, sure. But for all their subscribing to any such service is worth, there's every chance that given a tempting offer, foodies may reach there to eat at discounted prices.
:D

----

I have had a special bond with Cheese since my school days. It's because of this that I have come to respect the need of distance between us because there's no mutuality when it comes to bearing the consequences of eating it day in and day out.
So, when I stumbled over cheese cubes, cheese slices(white and yellow both), cheese spread and also processed cheese
it was no surprise that all those amazing, happy memories of my school days started clouding my mind. Special thing about this processed cheese's tin was it had the recipe for baked vegetables printed on it.
That was torture enough! I put that tin in my shopping basket trying to calculate the number of times I'd have to eat baked vegetables etc. to empty that tin and how irrestibly I would do that even when my head would tell me to go slower.
There I was, caught in a self-conflict, trying to get hold of the cheese slices..not the ten slice packet but five slices..that wouldn't be much..I haven't had it in years..I can have the 5 slices, right? No! You take one step back and you fall down this abyss of temptation not to mention bad health and the only way you'd stop falling is because you got stuck in it!
Huh! I didn't buy it. When food is orgasmic to you, it's really hard to bear those pangs of spearation.

Also, if you are in my position, you may be no stranger to these Food Fantasies. Something like, your favourite food calls out to you if you haven't had it in a while. Your olfactory lobes retrieving that familiar, delectable fragrance and you picture yourself at the center where you'll find the object of your desire, eating but eating slowly (to make it last longer or may be something to do with those slow motion food commercials where the pretty lady gently presses her pouty mouth on her food and stylishly takes a bite, supposed to make you arrive at their stations drooling), relishing and savouring every bite and how that calms you down for the time being while making the urge to eat wilder and wilder until you get your share.
Something like, you waited eagerly for your partner to return feeling horny all the while and they say "NOT TONIGHT!!"
:P
:P

Adios!
:)

To dear FACEBOOK

2011-07-17T21:08:00.001+05:30

At first I ignored all hints that could lead me to you. I was happy with my life on Orkut.
All I heard was, Facebook is so much better than Orkut and I couldn't understand that because both of you were social networking sites.
My brother told me you can see friend updates in your account and that sort of stuff. But obviously, given my nature, I'm hard to please!
:D
However, I realized that not just the number of my friends on Facebook increased but also their visits on Orkut started dwindling and that's Jab We Met!!

I got friend invites from people in college and school.

It was fine until I got sucked up in the vicious circle of updating status, commenting on photos, tagging them, changing profile pictures, information etc., poking each other, writing on each others' Wall.
Every time any friend does something, FACEBOOK wise that is (;), I get a notification. It's also because I've enabled it but that's why you're there too--social networking.

I see people upload photos and their friends discussing the weirdness of the content. I see people making mountain of a molehill for the sake of fun on Wall posts and the bomb---status!!!

No networking site have I ever been this addicted to! Not that I like going there all the time, but it's become more of a daily habit.

If something happens, it automatically starts taking shape in my mind in the form of a Facebook status. All I need to do is Share it!

If that something involves photos, all I need to do is upload them. In fact, photos are clicked with THIS intention too.

And this new option of post a Question--

From the most stupid questions to well average ones, keep flooding my profile expecting me to answer them.

It really doesn't interest me quite frankly and thankfully!

It doesn't just end at that. After uploading/sharing, first, if one is a new user and likes talking to people even if casually, the ghost of "expecting Comments and Likes in return" will haunt them!

Slowly and gradually they frequent you so much so that time difference between their last and current LogIn could be less than 30 or 60 minutes. Time flies while people navigate from one profile to another.

For some serious cases of addiction like me, deactivation suits best.
However, so strong it is that the very first day I reactivated it twice!

Sure you're an addiction in many ways but also you are my "newspaper". All the scams, blasts, wars and whatever happens around, You, my dear Facebook have been the source of information through the various pages that I have Liked! You have been a witness to some of my most EXTENDED discussions about well, a variety of things.

Now, as if you haven't already done enough, you come up with video calling! Though, it won't be any consolation to hear that I am "friends" with your rival Google+, which I have to say has pretty attractive interface and most of the functionality that you have but ya, video conferencing with 10 people at a time is definitely pretty COOL!
:)

Anyway, you still remain the networking site that I visit the most. I can't promise any long term relationship but I can say it'll last a while.
I hope to make the best out of it as you have nothing to lose but I have my concentration at stake!!!
:/
;)

P.S. A word on Apps--I don't use them. Hence, the little peace that's left in my life!

LOAD!

2011-03-19T18:44:00.001+05:30

A shop that I visit often for books. A man with a husky voice. Five semesters and I'm a regular customer. It's always been the same there. Busy, crowded, loud, chaotic, queued(even if you were the first to go there when the shop had barely any customers. It takes time to look for the required book because the shop provides books on all courses. This only adds up to the fact that your request, is executed slowly even when only some customers are there).

This time however, one thing was different. Nothing less in the above parameters, an addition. The shop owner's son. Innocent. A school going lad, around 14,15 years of age.

He had seen me. Didn't ask what I'd come for though. A little hesitation is quite likely.
I stood there for sometime thinking when they get free I'll ask for what I want. Soon enough, it dawned on me that things don't work like that, especially over here. You have to keep chanting at regular intervals until your book is finally fetched!

His dad and the other helper present at the shop were busy. So, I told him which books I wanted. It seemed odd. My first experience at this. Anyway, he conveyed it to the other person who'd search inside for them in the huge stock.

I wondered if it was his wish to be on the shop in the evening, when he could have gone playing with his friends; if he really wanted to be a part of his father's business in this way or at all.
May be it was just a day's affair and I happened to be there. But, what if it wasn't?
Could someone in his family and God forbid not, had fallen sick or something, that now in spite of his dreams (if they aren't same)he'd have to learn the dealings.

[ Brings me to another riddle of life : How much obligated should one be to their family? How much justified is their regular rambling about what they have done for us?Wasn't it their duty?

Wasn't it their decision to bring us into this world? Obviously, no one can tell their parents to have them!

Didn't they, as parents/guardians want to do it for us???

What's the blabbering about then? To the extent that it becomes emotional blackmail. To the point one feels stiflingly indebted, that they give in to their wishes.

The worst case however is of the LAST WISH! Damn! To me it seems (in many cases)as the last chance to get one's any wish fulfilled. It's immoral to even question it!

Just thought of this one- Consider a dying someone who wants to see their someone (A)get married before they leave this world!

A marries B, knowing B is gay(just that A and B have opposite orientations). It's a win-win-win. Dying person dies peacefully. A and B can have their freedom back.

Now, the dying person was lied to. What grounds can be found to create a moral attack on A?? Is A selfish? Or that an individual's wish should matter? Is it a problem if one's not okay with the claustrophobic values in the system? ]

Anyway...

It'd been a long time and my books were not out yet. I'd told the helper too but even when you tell them, if another request arrives, they start serving it. It's like STACK just that my request is never on the TOP!

That boy was aware of the delay too. Even he told that guy to find the book because "bahut der se khade hai...". Obviously, there were other requests in queue(STACK!).

Finally, I asked the owner for the books(like I'd not done that earlier) which just clashed with his bill making.
followed by "are me kar raha hu sabka..."; "Bahut der se khade hai" by me and his "me aap se zaada der se khada hu.." to which I made an irritated face and looked the other side and then he shot out the golden words, "inki [book name],[book name] nikal dena".

Right then, that boy came out with a book in his hand...(I hadn't noticed when he went inside) and gave it to me.

Gradually, he may fathom all that is "business mindedness". He too will realize there will be delays, uncertainties, unavailability; he'll learn to not be moved by any and counter back like his father very well does!

Goodbye 2010

2010-12-31T21:41:00.018+05:30

I'd been listening to Pink Floyd albums.....when this song started...
This's the only one on my VLC loop now....

---LOST FOR WORDS---

I was spending my time in the doldrums
I was caught in a cauldron of hate
I felt persecuted and paralyzed
I thought that everything else would just wait

While you are wasting your time on your enemies
Engulfed in a fever of spite
Beyond your tunnel vision reality fades
Like shadows into the night

To martyr yourself to caution
Is not going to help at all
Cz there'll be no safety in numbers
When the right one walks out of the door
Can you see your days blighted by darkness?
Is it true you beat your fists on the floor?
Stuck in a world of isolation
While the ivy grows over the door

So I open my door to my enemies
And I ask could we wipe the slate clean
But they tell me to please go fuck myself
You know you just can't win

---THE END---

Even being a huge fan of them, I don't think I can reconcile easily with my "enemies"
which takes me back to well a lot of unsettled issues and the "fever of spite" minus the malice plus a lot of anger.

If I start writing about what went wrong or right or how things could have been in the past year, all my New Year eve posts will end up with the same load of crap with of course the same parameters in different situations with different people.

Life's like a ball rolling on the path with alternating patches of sweet and squalid. The latter can make you lose your marbles especially, if it turns out to be very long and the former on some level, mollifies the bitterness obtained.

It is not an year's tale that I can hope of burying it by bidding good bye to the past year. It's a life long affair-friends and foes; friends to foes; foes to friends and obviously there's a hell lot of other mess to clean up.

So, to those of my kind and the ones who can't get their slate cleaned...
Just...
Live with it!
Deal with it!
And ultimately, don't give a tiny rat's ass to those who don't deserve it...
AND STOP BLABBERING ABOUT IT!!

So, here's to shaking the dirt off!!
Cheers! Lemon and salt!
;)

Family Ties

2010-11-16T21:45:00.026+05:30

Among things that can be called a natural human tendency, gossip beats them all. Actually, family gossip beats all!

My recent trip to my Chacha's marriage and brother's engagement bear a testimony to that!

It's never taught to us, for example, how to start a gossip or which topic to choose.
It's just something that flows out incessantly once the one who knows "stuff" remembers that they know new "stuff". One thing leads to another and we have set the gossip ball rolling and we all know it continues till either there's something more interesting capable enough to gain that extra momentum needed to take the limelight away from it's older rival or either party leaves! That sometimes leaves the remaining thinking and wondering and yet again "discussing" about the matter!

Be it lunch or dinner or breakfast or even relaxing time, we know what relaxes us the most.

It's every family's tradition that has stood the test of time regardless of whatever century we may be living in or heading towards. It's that undisputed legacy which I think shall always percolate down from one generation to another obliviously.

Fun part for me is that living here where most of my relatives are not, I get a good drought of "details" and I'm equally well supplemented on meeting up with my siblings or whoever!
;)
As it's been a while, things pile on and when it all unravels we have that pile equivalent laugh!

There's stuff about the "door k rishtedar" and "unke bhi rishtedar". I don't think I'd enjoy a perennial breakout, but man I just love these infrequent "gap shaps"!
:D
It's not just sharing of facts, it's what's next that's even hilarious. Making fun of the "door ke log baag"! What I realized for myself at least is that it refreshes you because at the end of it all you have a good heartfelt laugh.
[no hard feelings, just that I don't know them that well to think before saying few benign naughty things.
:P]

Also, living far away from my relatives is something I am absolutely comfortable with. Anything that interrupts this's certainly on my list. Like this time, when we attended two functions in a row.[because we had to go out of town...and that's a lot of effort...zzz...]
The anticipation of meeting strangers [most of them were because I met many for the first time] who happen to be connected to you and hence you are expected to act in a certain way is just out of the line for me.

However, it's nice to have family hang outs. And I mean with people you're not meeting for the first time.

It's nice to sit around and have food together or lie around and gossip insensibly and bid a nice good bye.

Just sometimes!

Enter and Exit

2010-07-11T00:08:00.029+05:30

When you reach an impasse, that's when you're doomed.
I fear the same with me.

In a time of no denial(and I mean that), what upsets me is lack of something....or may be somethings....

It's the craving of getting back to who you were in the first place while trying to trace back all the hell that made you reach where you are....some take me by surprise, some by anger(hell lot actually), some reminding that sometimes, however cautious you may be, it's just too soon to invest your energies somewhere.....

There's an ever conflicting self that never dies(thankfully) but makes you realize that as unexpected as it was, in moments of fragilities and vulnerabilities, circuit of your brain is the most impressionable...whether it kept shouting in your brain alerting you but you let your vulnerabilities subjugate it is another story...point is you did what you wouldn't have in a decent state of mind...

Not that I regret any of it but it seems that things around need more time to shape up than we think it may need to shape AND bake...
It's strange how life works...you may take years to know someone and they may turn out to be totally untrue to what you'd known them for and there are times when unexpectedly things fall into place...

I have always felt something innocent about befriending strangers...no Tom,Dick, Harry obviously..but sometimes you can tell who...it's a matter of chance...you'll realize to go far or not..

Somewhere I am so fucking bored of the faces that I truly and utterly despise, the sugar coated personalities and God knows how many volcanoes erupt in my head every time I think of each one in the lot....

I can't help thinking of many lame, stinky, pretentious relationships around me....
With strangers atleast you can hope for a fresh start even if it turns out to be the same crap in the end..

Rules of the game change and before you know it so has the team.
Good riddance!!
:)

Not a Deja vu....

2010-06-02T12:07:00.009+05:30

As I leave today for Lucknow, to my Nani's place(kind of the story of every summer vacation)..I realise a part of me doesn't wanna leave Jaipur.

Yesterday, as I strolled through the markets I thought I am really gonna miss all this.... miss strolling the streets(like I do that a lot..but atleast I can when I feel like!) and Mc D (obviously there's one in Lucknow too) but the thing is it's Jaipur's Mc Ds that I am damn used too now....I know exactly where the entry and exit doors lie...what's the seating arrangement like...which spot I'd like to choose to sit....and I KNOW WHAT I'LL ORDER!!
:)

Yesterday only, I wanted to eat something....something well inexplicable...(except roti, daal ofcourse!!) but something....that'd be tasty, may be spicy or salty or sweet......can't describe...but something....
While we were at Sodhani Sweets, I wanted to have that moti choor ka orange laddu(which I never would eat too much ever when it paid a visit to my house), then that "mawa" that I love, this khoye ki barfi with that sugar coating on it, wanted to try a small gulab jamun and small rasgulla all that lay drenched in chashni under the lid in those big bowls..was thinking if the shopkeeper would let me take 1 piece of each sweetmeat...:)

I wanted to eat "besan ka something"...which I did :)
and I wanted to eat that namkeen that I like but hadn't had it for a very long time but wanted to right there and then....
Wanted to have lassi(with malai....yummmmm), kachori (pyaaz wali).....and Kanji's naariyal barfi...that white one....:)...so soft and just awesome!!(the barfi obviously)!

As if the world would end the next day and this is my last and only chance to have what I want to....
In Mc D these days, strawberry shake's not available sadly and that felt bad too may be because I remember Lucknow Mc Ds don't offer shakes!

I wanted to try every new lounge in the city, every new restaurant, every new hang out spot.....
just do it all in one go.....wanted to have LMB's vanilla ice-cream....yummm!!
It's weird and happening kinda for the first time....
and all "feelings" related to food...
may be I am falling in love with Jaipur..hahaha...it's high time now!!
:D
or may be I am just a petu!!
A TOTAL FOODIE who knows it'll be somedays before I get to resume my "old" eating habits again!
:)

Engineering-Phase II

2010-03-31T18:22:00.016+05:30

Came out of the devil's mouth and heading towards the same.....

After having a hard time preparing for the engineering entrance exams and facing the enormous pressure ( nah, not of studies), of obeying rules formulated by you don't even know who - a complete bunch of frustrated strangers (oh ya, seniors... now, even I am one..but not necessarily all of them have this trait) who believe in the stereotypical methods of interacting with the new faces called ofcourse the juniors and being expected to act like "juniors", whatever that means, in first year; one enters the II year with some hope of survival because they are "seniors" now......

Taking charge (of their lives, yeah sure!!)of activities in college, most turn into coordinators of events with the juniors following.."Sir!!.....", "Mam.....!!" unlike the first year, when it was like we are the new blood, not much aware of the surroundings, not much aware of the processes, so better to see than stay in something, a college event for example.

Expected to act like "freshers", listen to seniors, however, this's the lot that's involvement is most sought after in college events because they'll be carrying the legacy forward. But when you don't interact much or have certain fear interacting, you'll be told things like "Don't be afraid. We won't eat or beat you up!!" Ya ya....Well we all have heard that in our college life and a very good chance that the posterity will too.

Pulling through this, here comes the II year.....woho...juniors!!!
Some say WOW!! (you know why!!! ;)), some can't wait to venge their last year's "trauma" (Even we'll impose rules...blabla.....blablabla)and some are just unperturbed!!

A lot has changed for many by this time....people who found bunking obnoxious, can't live without it(I am one classic example of this!!! ;)). Those, for whom duality eventually won over singularity, can be seen guiding the beginners in these lessons.
Amidst all this, the following thought goes in and out like a fluctuating lamp in some minds and in the ones it doesn't- College ki hawa lag gayi hai and it has no cure!!!!

"Studies.....that used to be something.....I have changed so much....Not anymore....that's it....I am getting back to studies now....
(tring tring).....or (vibrate vibrate, depending on the profile of your phone).........

or may be after I chat with my friend.........;)
[1 hr. later]
I am feeeling tired and sleepy.......from tomorrow...back to studies. For now, I want to sleep.....[yawwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]".

If this were a computer program, I'd have put the above "..." text in a function called ummm....void Procrastination() or may be void The_four_years_of_college life() and void because this function doesn't return anything constructive!!!

Becoming the junior most seniors is no easy thing.....thinking of which demon- placement, MBA, M.Tech, Civil Services (can think of a few more if you haven't fainted yet), would you prefer and why and why not the other one....drives people crazy and please don't be surprised at this. It's been our life for long enough to not make us wonder at these "burdens" but still squeeze out all the fun that lies anywhere near us in any form!!!
Cheerios
;)

WHAT A RIDE SIRJI !!

2010-03-21T12:21:00.008+05:30

"Kya tumhe pata hai ae gulshan, mere dilbar aane wale hai....Kaliyan na bichana raahon me, hum dil ko bichane wale hai....."
"Hum wo aashiq nahi jo deewaro me chun jatein hai, lakh kar le sitam ae zamane hum na kabhi......
Ishq raha hai, ishq rahega....ishq se naata na todenge......."

That's so NOT my taste..it's just a glimpse of the torture you can be subjected to when you miss the college bus!!
With me, it's been many times with no significant improvement in me to get ready well in time!!
I don't think the "lal dabba" [a red city bus] plays such noxious songs, but then who knows...till I experienced it, I never thought the whilte dabba would!!

They don't play it everytime but I guess when the driver gets bored and just wants to listen to songs he turns on the TORMENTING MONSTER!!
Quite strangely though, these set of buses play the same tracks when they don't play the radio [I am assuming it wasn't radio because 1. There was no commentary between songs (ok, I agree there can be three back to back songs but they give this add after each that it is the back to back thingy going on, on ofcourse their pyara channel...and 2. I don't think any radio channel, not even VIVIDH BHARTI would dare to play such songs..and in case they did, they're DOOMED!!!!)]

Anyway, it's not just the blaring that makes it unbearable...there's sitting space for umm...25-30 maximum, say...and there's a hell lot of space in the center of the bus.....to stand!!
It's about optimization at it's worst atleast for the people who are sitting and later mainly for the ones standing!!

As I sit in the bus, occupying the last inches of viewable seat, we head forward to take in new passengers and well there's space to stand without suffocating anyone....we move forward again and enter more!!
At each stop, hailed by the conductor of the bus who's till now inside the bus, obviously there is not just one passenger but a swarm of them waiting to get into this already growing hive with no air and even less space....

As this gluing to any tangible and rigid part of the bus continues, we have reached a state where
people have apparently reached the door of the bus (stairs are unoccupied still) and the visuals available to the passengers are the faces of their fellows and if you happen to be sitting, you are blessed as you can look at people(take my word, not worth it!!) or turn your neck around and admire the world outside through the window against your back!!

And here comes another stop!! And the stairs have vanished. Passengers are hanging to the handle of the bus door as if to take the bus down (I kind of see it coming...the packed buses always appear tilted by some angle to me).....and Oh yes, there's someone at the rear end of the bus......THE CONDUCTOR!!
Inside, someone steps on my foot...Hey Mr. It's my foot!! [*******] All this goes in my head as I draw it back to a safe position that's not so easy to find...

If you're a regular passenger who travels standing, you better be friends with some inexpensive Doctor. It'll help you in the long run when you need your arched body to be treated....When there are so many people in a confined space, it's better you squeeze into a corner(lal dabba has such a corner); the more exposed you are.....well there'll be more people than you could possibly think of.....

What I witness now, is a classic example of unity in diversity. When the brakes are applied, people from all walks of life jerk forward in unison. When in motion, they "vibrate" at the same rate...face in face...foot on foot or juxtaposed....heads close together, bodies fevicolled together....clinging onto each other...What a spectacle!!

When it's my turn to get off the bus, that's a long process too as my college is far away and in that distance you know very well what has happened. So, I get off my seat....and there are people wanting to grab the empty spot....I don't care obviously:)
What's on my mind is how in the world am I going to get past these human obstacles who can though respond to "excuse me" but where the hell's the space??!! So, as the bus stops, some people get off to make space...oh I see some space (:))....and the stairs..and the ground finally...least interested in the faces ofcourse!!
Finally, I have reached.
What a ride, sirji!!!

Interestingly, these buses take the route under the flyovers that make our city modern....it connects the city that still lives under them, the slums, vegetable shops, clothes' thelas that we are not interested in which is very evident in the "long journey of buses because they take this path" conversations, to the world that we care to take notice of...
Reaching these remote areas that we have become oblivious of, no doubt it's the common man's transport !!

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T14:06:00.004+05:30

Exactly one month later, I am here to say Happy Valentine's day.
Have fun everyone..
and I'll have fun preparing for my exams!!
:(

;)
Bye.

Wishes to all

2010-01-14T13:48:00.004+05:30

Just here to say, Happy Lohri and Makar Sakranti to all.

I am not a punjabi, so did not know much about how Lohri is celebrated, except for the fact that it is celebrated until yesterday, when I went to Raja Park!!

People made bonfires near their houses, on the chaurahas and the main one in front of Hanuman Dhaba had a huge one with the D.J playing fultu panjabi songs and people dancing happily around the fire in its warmth.

Interstingly, as I observed, the unburnt piles had kite(s) placed carefully on them...I wondered what that could be for!!

I certainly don't seem to be much aware of why is the festival celebrated and what else is done. But, with music on and people dancing, it's certainly about spreading happiness as every festival is.

Just reminds me, that these are things that one would not really find in any other country and hence also brings upon us a responsibility to respect the integrity of each community and encourage it by being a part of the fun and frolic each festival brings with it.

Because, fun and happiness don't and should not have a communal stamp on them.
;)

It's the way you touch..

2010-01-04T05:35:00.003+05:30

TOUCH is an interesting....well, feeling to begin with, and concept as it has become today.

From a friend's affectionate touch in distress, to a lover's touch (you can imagine what you want to. I am not good at this!!!), to a tormenting touch....to our daily life i.e even our daily routines comprise of touches.
Basically, touch percolates down our life's bed touching evrything we do!!
It's interesting how a gesture has manifested itself today in various forms. e.g touch technology or Haptics!! It's amazing how the human mind has been able to connect the digital and the real world, thus making it more fun, all thanks to touch!!!

But, talking about us, students in colleges, ''touch'' is insanely interesting.

So, what do we do when exams are round the corner???
Chat with friends and tell them that we haven't "touched" the books!!
And ask them, how much have they touched the syllabus!!!
Next, when the results are to be declared, what do we pray for???
"God please, help me touch passing marks...puhllzzzzzz".
And then, all of this's done and we're free again, what do we do??
Well, need I say??
Thinking about the hottie/handsome in the class/college(wherever) and ya some insanes certainly go mad if they get to shake hands with them or talk to them!!!
And you can define your style of touch in your way here ;)
No messing!! :)
And what about the silent conversations between people sitting in the canteen???
You got it!! Eye to eye and heart to heart-yet another touch-well, not physical. Abstract yet beautiful!!

If you have any funny "touch"ing instances , do share.
:)
A very Happy New Year to all!!
:)

THE FAKE REALITY

2009-11-28T17:32:00.002+05:30

[NOTE : I'll be using "real" and "fake" a lot. Regret for the inconvenience and possible boredom!!]

I may not be making any specific point here, but I think that this must resonate with everyone's life!!

Before anything, I need to define my scope of "real" here.
The "real" that I am talking about would comprise of things and people around
you who you know are there with you i.e there's "seems" to be a "genuine bond"
between these entities and you.

When I say, "seems", I think I have already blurred the existence of something real.
So, for now, I say "real" means the state of these entities as it has turned out to be,
in your interactions with these entities, till now or whatever period of time
you've shared.

It, hence, also means, that it is subject to change if you are still interested in knowing
how the state would change or just in the entity.
( :) )

Now, what if the things you think of as real, don't exist?
It may not be of any value, in case you don't give a shit because you've predicted it well
or whatever the reason is.
But, if you do give a shit, simply because you have to survive with them or may be because
you hope to have a healthy environment around you; you like to establish some kind of acquaintance, which luckily, sometimes, ripens over time and it feels so "real".

But, what if the most real thing turns out to be fake??To what extent would you go to
consider it real??

Take the face value of things?? And pray that your beliefs hold right and you don't get betrayed??
Or, Decide in your mind that you'll follow the "blindly believe" concept for once at least
and see what happens. (The above two sound quite the same I think).

Or, take time to weigh things carefully??
But, how long would that be before you decide on the "real" value of something because
life has to go on and sooner or later, that'll have to be done and somewhere, as far as my
experience of first twenty years of my life goes, that value is to be found at least
tentatively or you get stuck in the "who is who??" game.

As a result, you may not be happy even if the happiness comes in the course of
considering in genuine things to be genuine and while this period of hide and seek lasts,
either your dream gets over or you become blindly vulnerable by the time the big jolt
may smash you in the heart and the head!! And then, who do you turn to??
The fake or the "really fake"!!

But, as you are not aware if it's genuine or not; so should you, base your happiness on
something that even you are not sure of??

And in case, your formidable trust gets shaken??
Then??
You based your happiness on something out of the blue!!
How do you now get out of the blue??
The fake sure was fake and the real too, turns out to be fake??

Knowing these facts, one may decide not to enter such streets, but since life is not just about channeling the traffic in one street, what if unknowingly, unintentionally you
tread on this territory and return back having paid a huge cost - Vulnerability,
broken trust, disbelief...Guess life becomes scarier sometimes with bitterness added...

May be that's why they say, "Life is the greatest teacher"..or at least I say it!!

[Can't think anymore right now. Hence, the abrupt end!]

Confusing choices!!

2009-09-13T20:09:00.002+05:30

Now, this's a situation every 2nd year engineering student must have faced....
Which laptop to buy???
My 2 bros did and I am following in their footsteps..Quite a sis, huh!!
My budget is around Rs35,000/- and I need a laptop. Don't exactly konw what should be its main features from the point of view of a 'budding' engineer...(Good lord!! 'budding' sounds so boring..used it several times in Press club!!! :| )..so, in case you know what these fetaures are, do let me know:)

Please suugest some good laps as I want it desperately....and if there are any new schemes coming up that may help me get more with small investment..you know what to do:)

My back aches sitting in front of my PC..I wanna read books in the comfort of my room..e-books I mean..and I can't stand the heat of the computer room...and I AM BIG ENOUGH TO HAVE A LAPTOP FOR MYSELF:)
Ya, you can laugh but you all have been through this phase or will go through it!!!

Well, you can also suggest some 'technical' reasons to buy a laptop as my parents won't be convinced with the above reasons (obviously, I haven't mentioned these to them. So, shhhh!!!!)

Also, there'll be projects and stuff coming up and eveytime I can't have the PC in college...after all...lappy is lappy!! There could be a more effective way of expressing the same. Hoping for some 'explanation' help from the elder people:)

To help me help my parents speed up the process, kindly suggest good technical reasons and any schemes you may be aware of. Who knows, the combination may work wonders and I finally get to see my much desired laptop:)

Please help the needy!!!!
hihi
bye..
hoping for good suggestions:)

Lucknow Times

2009-06-08T19:25:00.005+05:30

Finally, I have managed some time to write down about my great Lucknow experience.

It was a stay from 19May to 31May...just enough days to pack sweet memories..:)
Well this time was different as I had not been there for the past four years...full of fun and surprises...
Lucknow now,at least to a person visiting after 4 years, has changed a hell lot...Not just because of bricks and mortar in the form of malls but also the look of the city...well developed and lit roads, the stone architecture to give the city a Rome type look, as they say...
In the pic, one can see a combination of white and blue lights..each blue light, as the facts go cost around 2,50,000Rs.
Now, coming back to the malls, Dada (my elder bro) and I went to the Fun Republic the very first day, sat in a pub, had beer ;)
Well, the beer tasted "yuk!!" but I got to know that it's had for the "FEELING" not for the "taste"!! Hmmmm!!!! Got it Dada:)

I also ate a new type of chicken(chicken made in a different way) at KFC=Kentaki Fried Chicken...The crust was toooooo good...but inside there wasn't any masala:(...Also had Xinger burger=burger with one crisp Chicken slice..mmmmmmmmmm..yummmmm!! AWESOME!!! I had it with cheese!!!
Ya okay, I'll cut down my calories from now!! :)

Coming back to the house now, everyday we (Ayush=my younger bro, Dada and I) toyed with Dada's laptop, listened to his collection of amazing songs, watched movies, tv-series like The Big bang theory, South park..:)

And then at night, we'd go on terrace to catch the cool breeze...believe me it was way cooler than Jaipur...One fine night, Dada and I climbed up the 4th storey of the house...terrace's the third and there's a room and a bathroom built on it. So you can call it the fourth storey...It felt soooo good and cool..above the world and peaceful....
Just the yesternight, Dada and I, had had loads of chit chat on a worn out 'khaat'...God knows how it survived the both of us cz the following night, Rakesh (works for the family) who's thinner than both of us, fell on the floor while he was trying to be comfortable on the 'khaat' :)

Since the house is under heavy renovation these days, 'thak thak' n 'zoooooooooo' are quite common sounds in the household. Discussions over room colours, beds etc. were a routine and are still may be..

The whole experience was wonderful from going to the market with mum in the rickshaw to the windy Pulsar rides with Dada:)

One day, Dada and I had gone to a bookstore strolling. I had just casually said "yaha koi autobigraphies nahi hai kya?"
Anyways, on the early morning of 1st june, when the packed bags were finally being brought downstairs, Dada came in, giving me a book saying "Try reading this......since u asked for it"...

The book was The Discovery of India by Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru
and I was like:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)::):):):):):):):):)::):):):):):):):):):):):):):)..could just say Thank you...
Thanx bro...
This was the sweetest surprise and the best moment of all the twelve days.
;)

In memory of my dear watch...

2009-06-08T17:30:00.003+05:30

Huh!!! I am so sad...yesterday was our first day in college after bunking and holidays and all....and also the day when I lost my watch...in girls' washroom....I can't believe girls can be like this....

I had taken it out to wash my hands..and I didn't keep it in my bag but near the washbasin...(silly me!!) and I forgot to pick it..(even more stupid!!)...and then I and my friends were sitting in this place when I felt like watching the time...n I pull my sweater and.........................................GONE is my watch!!

I hurried to the loo...but ofcourse as expected it wasn't there.....

So, assuming that the person who took it isn't genuine, I have lost my watch....n hence this article....

I had it for the last 3-3.5 years...and we had such a good time together....I'd wear it to my school and now college....It always gave the right time as I'd get the battery changed at the right time......We gave so many exams together....been to so many parties together....and it always wanted me to be punctual...which I never have been till now....but may be I will ....(I'll take it as it's last wish.....).....

That watch was a gift from my friends, actually, but I had bought it...and I just received 1/5 money for that....

All this doesn't matter now...cz the watch is gone...and I'm trying to convince mum to buy another 1...it wasn't costly but I liked it a lot...

All I have left now are the memories...... enough to spend my whole life without it.....

huh!!!

I can't write any more.....

bye

Confused and aguished...but who cares

2009-06-08T17:25:00.003+05:30

I have no idea what the hell's been going on.

I feel like an idiot sometimes who can watch things around her but helpless about doing anything to improve it.

First the Mumbai blasts...and its aftermath...I had nothing to write about it...wat cud I possibly write...may b give a few facts that people already know...or may be express my anguish over the matter..like anyone's geting bothered...atleast the people who should be aren't....

And then...we have the Home Minister's resignation....strangely enough...their conscience awakes at the time of elections....as if his resignation would awaken the conscience of terrorists...

And then..this recent death of Enginner Manoj Gupta...brutal and heinous....do I sound like our pathetic politicians...well may be I do....

That's all we can do perhaps...express n shut up after a while..n perhaps get used to the corruption and dictatorship of these sucking .....I don't know...for the first time I feel like I should have known more slangs....

But ...would that be of any use??!!!

I may not know anything about what should be done but somewhere I do know there's a way out....we need to look in the right direction...but again do I know that direction?? NO!!

We are preparing for war with external enemies when in fact there's so much to be fought against here inside our own god-damn system...ya I know what's the problem...but I don't know the solution...Am I being repetitive...??May be...That's possibly a politicians job....may be I should enter politics....I'll form a good sucking politician...if at all we need anymore of them...there are so many of them already....

Huh!!!

Help!!

May be today....every citizen who cares even a little bit about what's going around him is as confused and somewhere bothered about where exactly are we heading...???

Heaven knows what I wrote in the above lines....utter crap perhaps...but that's how I feel and that's how things are probably....

anyways...

bye

Take care..

Daru nahi Doodh ke saath nav varsh ki Shubhkamnaye....

2009-06-08T17:24:00.002+05:30

HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year to all of you!!!!

On 31st dec.,08 , mum baked cake. Pineapple and Vanilla mix. Yummmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then, I had noodles for my dinner....!!!!!!!!!Yum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

N now I am writing this post....

N studied a little bit...In case u r my college friend, you won't lyk it....sorry guys!!!

How did u guys celebrate the New Year..do share...

In my neighbourhood, there's been this custom, I guess 1 year old, of celebrating New Year by delivering free of cost kaju-pista milk on New Year. You can have it free of cost.

I was just passing by these milk stalls and recorded some part of the proceedings....do watch it. In the background you can hear anti-daru slogans....!!

www.indyarocks.com/videos/No-daruOnly-doodh-275633

That's pretty cool....

Happy New Year once again...

HELP!!

2009-04-23T16:15:00.001+05:30

The second semester has already started and so have studies, in college at least..My studies haven't. Every day I feel like I'll start from today, but it doesn't seem to happen...

Can anyone please give me tips to feel motivated and start studying after taking exams that went horribly wrong to the extent that I don't wanna think about the result which is 6,7 months away, anyway...
What do you do when there's so much to do but u feel like doing nothing??

It's such a messy situation..College's great but studies nowhere...I don't really like this combination..
It should be Great studies, great college time and it falls in place in my mind...

Well, I hope I begin from today...

Bye
Cheerios!!

LOVE V/S HUMILIATION

2009-04-11T01:11:00.002+05:30

Now this stuff is competely imaginative....

Nothing of this sort has EVER happened with me....

I was just thinking something, and then thought of

writing it down..

Being in a relationship, (Reminder: which I hv never been in),

there may arise situations where one might feel throttled,

suffocated or even humiliated because of their partner's

attitude, reasons of which could be many...

I was just wondering, what should one do in such situations???

When you feel so throttled, so disrespected and may be

neglected even for a brief period of time and it just leaves you

wondering where are you heading??

Where's the realtionship going??

When you just hate the person you love the most, leaving you in

two

minds...whether to end it or give it a second chance??

End it beacuse u were disrespected..even if it was owing

to some misunderstanding..why the hell did it creep in..

things must have been sorted out first...

or a second chance cz "to err is human"...that's just an excuse..

the real reason being u really love the person....

n also telling yourself,in fact warning yourself, if anything like this

happens again, u would be going for the biggest decision of ur life

and somewhere inside, hoping, that it doesn't happen cz u

won't b able to do that....

So, what does it show....love weakens you....????

or it gives you different perspectives just to avoid harsh decisions

cz harsh decisions would take their toll on you so u prefer

taking the easy road...forgive and forget...??

or may be it's an individual's choice...I may look at it in whatever

way I want to..but that person knows what he/she is doing....

But what's better..?? parting on amicable terms rather than

dragging a relationship reminnding yourself of all the 'good' times

u have had together so it breathes new life into u

and hopefully ur relationship...??

hoping everything will b alright..n dat it takes time for things

to get normalized again...

n spending every single day of ur life from then on, to bring about a

fresh, haappy change in the state of things...

Whatever it might be, nothing can

work wonders if there's no mutual effort...one-way roads

don't work here i guess....

[to be continued....]