The Wind Project

Power of Vulnerability

2013-10-21T21:09:00.002-06:00

Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown

https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o

Renee Madison is a counselor in Colorado with offices in Westminster (Denver area) and Loveland (Northern Colorado). She can be reached by phone 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

Speak negatively or positively to self

2013-10-10T22:44:00.000-06:00

"Here is the key: you've got to send your words out in the direction you want your life to go. You cannot talk defeat and expect to have victory. You can't talk lack and expect to have abundance. You will produce what you say. If you want to know what you will be like five years from now, just listen to what you are saying about yourself. With our words can we either bless our futures or we can curse our futures. That's why we should never say, 'I'm not a good parent. I'm unattractive. I'm clumsy. I can't do anything right. I'll probably get laid off.'

"No, those thoughts may come to your mind, but don't make the mistake of verbalizing them. The moment you speak them out, you allow them to take root. There have been plenty of times where I've thought something negative and I'm just about to say it, but I'll catch myself and think. No. I'll zip it up. I'm not speaking defeat into my future. I'm not speaking failure over my life. I will turn it around and speak favor into my future. I will declare, 'I'm blessed. I'm strong. I'm healthy. This will be a great yer.' When you do that, you are blessing your future." - Joel Osteen by I declare, 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life

Speaking negative increases the outlook of a negative day and future. We have to train ourselves to look and speak positive.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

To save a life - movie

2013-10-08T21:43:00.000-06:00

A very thought provoking movie:

To save a life

http://youtu.be/1o56pazEh-Q

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

Last Ounce of Courage - movie

2013-10-05T08:39:00.002-06:00

Last Ounce of Courage - movie

I found this to be a very touching illustration of patriotism and family.

http://youtu.be/askgwNOjkeI

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

Porn can change your brain

2013-09-27T21:46:00.001-06:00

People who use porn wonder, "'How... can something that isn't a drug, isn't an extra-marital affair, isn't actually sex with someone else, cause such devastating problems as divorce, getting fired, and not being able to get sexually aroused by a real live partner.'

"The truth is, using pornography can make you go blind-- blind to the power and control it can eventually have over your life. Though we might stare intensely at it, we don't see, often can't see see, how and why it is so powerful. Did you know that porn can actually rewire your brain? That's one reason why some people who use porn become preoccupied with sex, develop problematic sexual desires, and experience sexual functioning problems. And if your brain has been changed, it can be difficult to see clearly exactly what is happening and how it's affecting your life.

"Porn is an extremely alluring and compelling 'product,' capable of delivering sexual pleasure while at the same time setting one up for the great pain. Porn is like other controlled substances, such as alcohol and cigarettes, that promise good times, sometimes deliver them, but can end up causing much more damage than pleasure. And unlike booze and tobacco, no one warns us of the potential side effects." - Wendy Maltz, LCSW, DST and Larry Maltz, LCSW in The Porn Trap

Porn can change your brain. Porn can become an addiction to the user. I work with addicts, spouses and their families everyday whose lives are being severely affected by pornography. Devastated, in fact, nearly in every area of their lives are having side effects.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

Whose on the Autism Spectrum Disorder List?

2013-09-26T13:08:00.002-06:00

"What do music composers Amadeus Mozart and Ludwig Van Beethoven, Artists Michelango and Vincent Van Gogh, Physicists Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, Renaissance Polymath Leonardo Da Vinci, President Thomas Jefferson, and Microsoft Founder Bill Gates have in common? All are known or suspected of fitting somewhere on the autism spectrum. As a "spectrum" disorder, autism represents a wide array of symptoms--from mid to severe--that affect individuals differently, however a common core of indicators influence the neurological development of social skills, empathy, communication, and flexible behavior. This developmental disability also crosses every racial, ethnic and socioeconomic group." - Eric Scalise and Stephanie Holmes in Christian Counseling Today, Vol. 20, No. 2

This is an amazing list of people that have a disorder that parents fear. Yes it is a challenging diagnosis but as this list shows, all is not lost.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

Movement is vital for children

2013-09-24T21:16:00.000-06:00

Children love movement. Regular movement activities not only help children stay healthy, also it enhances their learning abilities and sets a solid foundation upon which more complex movement skills are established.

Adult used to deal with obesity but it is now prevalent in the school age and preschool populations and is increasing at alarming rates. Regular movement helps children decrease the chances of becoming obese and thereby avoid disease like heart disease and Type II Diabetes. Movement and exercise also helps them teaches them a lifestyle to stay healthy well into adulthood.

Movement is necessary to learning. Children use movement to learn about and explore their environments and the properties of objects. They stimulate most areas of the brain, especially the center responsible for maintaining focus and paying attention when they move. It is in movement that their brains release neurotransmitters that enhance short-term memory.

In addition to health and learning, movement is necessary for learning new motor skills. Through repetition a child's nervous system is changed every time they do movement activities. Movement stimulates the nerves in the nervous system such a way that nervous impulses pass along the nerves with increasing speeds and efficiency. The repetition allows the movements to be more automatic and the movements are further perfected with each repetition.

Movement is important to the health, education and development of children. So, help your children to affect their future in a big way and get them moving!

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

Financial stress may hit your brain and wallet

2013-09-20T22:50:00.000-06:00

A thoughtful article on financial stress in the Reporter-Herald:

"Being short on cash may make you a bit slower in the brain, a new study suggests.

"People worrying about having enough money to pay their bills tend to lose temporarily the equivalent of 13 IQ points, scientists found that when they gave intelligence tests to shoppers at a New Jersey mall and farmers in India.

"The idea is that financial stress monopolizes thinking, making other calculations slower and more difficult, sort of like the effects of going without sleep for a night.

"And this money-and-brain crunch applies, albeit to a smaller degree to about 100 million Americans who face financial squeezes, say the team of economists and psychologists who wrote the study published in Friday's issue of the journal Science.

"Our paper isn't about poverty. It's about people struggling to make ends meet," said Sendhil Mullainathan, a Harvard economist and study co-author. 'When we think about people who are financially stressed, we think they are short on money, but the truth is they are also short on cognitive capacity.'

"If you are always thinking about overdue bills, a mortgage or rent, or college loans, it takes away from your focus on other things. So being late on loans could end up costing you both interest points and IQ points, Mullainathan said.

"The study used tests that studies various aspects of thinking including a traditional IQ test, getting the 13 IQ point drop, said study co-author Jiaying Zhao, a professor of psychology and sustainability at the University of British Columbia.

"The scientists looked at the effects of finances on the brain in the lab and in the field. In controlled lab-like conditions, they had about 400 shoppers at Quaker Bridge Mall in central New Jersey consider certain financial scenarios and tested their brain power. Then they looked at real life in the fields of India, where farmers get paid only once a year. Before the harvest, they take out loans and pawn goods. After they sell their harvest, they are flush with cash.

Mullainthan and colleagues tested the same 464 farmers before the harvest, and their IQ scores improved by 25 percent when their wallets fattened.

"'It's a very powerful effect,' said study co-author Eldar Shafir, a Princeton University psychology professor. 'When you are dealing with budgetary finances, it does intrude on your thinking. It's at the top of your mind.'
"in the New Jersey part of the study, the scientists tested about 400 shoppers, presenting them with scenarios that involved a large and small car repair bill. Those with family income of about $20,000 scored about the same as those with $70,000 incomes on IQ tests when the car bill was small. But with the poorer people had to think about facing a whopping repair bill, their IQ scores were 40 percent lower.

"Education differences can't be a major factor because the poor scored worse only when they were faced with big bills, Safir said. The more educated rich may have learned to divide their attention, but that wouldn't be a significant factor, he said.

"The study's authors and others say the results contradict long-standing conservative economic social and political theory that say it is Individuals -- not circumstances -- that are the primary problem with poverty. In the case of India, it was the same people before and after, so it can't be the person's fault.

"'For a long time, we've been blaming the poor for their own failings,' Zhao said. 'We're arguing something very different.'

"Poverty researcher Kathryn Edin of Harvard, who wasn't part of the study said the research 'is a big deal that solves a critical puzzle in poverty research.'

"She said poor people often have the same mainstream values about marriage and two-parent families as everyone else, but they don't seem to act that way. This shows that it's not their values but the situation that impairs their decision-making, she said." - Seth Borenstein

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

Debt can hurt your health

2013-09-17T13:18:00.000-06:00

I love this article I found in my Sunday Reporter-Herald:

"As of August 2013, the average American's credit card debt totaled $15,263; mortgage debt averaged $147,591; and student loan debt hit $31,646. And many households have all three! No wonder you report that you're more stressed than you were 10 years ago. Twenty percent of you now say you live with extreme stress daily, and we think the real number is even higher than that.

"It's not news that financial woes fuel tension, sleepless nights, relationship problems and depression. But a new report reveals that debt is also linked with higher diastolic blood pressure --- that's the second number in a blood pressure reading that tells you the pressure level BETWEEN beats. We say you should aim for 115/75.

"High diastolic pressure signals high-blood pressure problems. And that can double your risk for heart attack and weaker recovery post-heart-attack; triple the odds for digestive problems and ulcers; and lead to a 10 times greater chance for headaches and migraines.

"But you don't have to inflict physical damage on your body because you are under financial pressure -- and that's great news since stress-related health problems can cost a lot in lost work time, doctor and hospital expenses (even with health insurance) and family happiness. And a great bonus: When you have less stress, you think more clearly, and solutions to many of life's challenges, including financial ones, become more controllable.

"Step 1: Stay social. Counteract stress by investing in your social network, and we don't mean digitally. Study after study shows that people with strong relationships deal better with stress and reduce their risk of heart disease, cancer, accidents and all causes of death. So make an effort to stay in touch with friends and family, organize get-togethers, plan day trips. And reach out to help others through volunteering -- acts of generosity and altruism are good for the hear and the spirit (not to mention the brain!).

"Step 2: Make your health a priority. Financial stress doubles the chances that you'll skimp on prescription drugs, medical tests and doctor visits. Ask your doctor about lower-cost ways to get the care you need. You'll find free tips at www.sharecare.com and www.doctoroz.com to keep your health and weight on track!

"Step 3: Face facts. Avoiding tough situations or difficult decisions doesn't make the stress they evoke go away -- it amplifies it in the long run! So, identify at least one debt you'd like to stop stressing about, grab the most recent bill and do a little math. Determine what you can do to chip away at it more effectively. And then tell one friend or family member what you're doing. In one study, half of the people who tried this approach were able to stay on track.

"Step 4: Eat out less often. It's great for your budget, your waistline and your health! And clearly, if you stay healthy you'll have less stress, because you won't be worrying about illnesses and you'll feel more in control of your future (a feeling that chronic debt can steal from you.)

"Step 5: Don't use shopping as stress relief. Lots of you may hit the mall or outlets when you're feeling down. But that's a recipe for overspending! Dancing with your honey and friends in your living room to your favorite oldies is free. Reading aloud with your spouse or kids is fun and relaxing, and how about a family board-game night?

"Step 6: Adopt stress-busting habits. Financial stress increases your risk for obesity by 20 percent and ups the odds for smoking and excess alcohol use. Dodge those risks with exercise, meditation, breathing exercises, hobbies and making time for fun. They all can reduce levels of stress hormones and dial back anxiety. If your thoughts keep circling around to your bank balance or the latest un-opened bills, try writing down your worries. Sometimes they don't look so large when you get them down on paper, where you can evaluate them and make an action plan." - Mehmet Oz, M.D. and Mike Roizen, M.D.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT

She is a counselor in Westminster and Fort Collins, Colorado
She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

Children are the most vulnerable among us

2013-09-14T17:21:00.001-06:00

"Approximately 25% of all children in the United States will experience at least one significant traumatic event before the age of 16, with 15% of girls and 6% of boys developing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Unintentional injury remains the leading cause of death among those aged 14 and younger, while nearly 38,000 injuries occur on a daily basis that require medical attention--nearly half-million emergency room visits annually for traumatic brain injuries. More than 10,000 children are diagnosed with cancer every year, and the most common tumors are brain-related. Each year, somewhere between three to four million reports of childhood abuse and neglect are filed with state and local Child Protective Services (60% of all cases are under the age of 13). Over 800,000 minors are reported missing each year (2,200 times every single day). Minors account for 39% of the homeless population in the United State (almost half of those are under the age of five) and there are an estimated 1.3 million homeless and runaway street kids throughout the country. (Sources: Center for Disease Control and Prevention, National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, FBI National Crime Information Center, National Coalition for the Homeless)

"The above statistics are staggering and can leave most people feeling overwhelmed. Many of these trauma-orientated life experiences can create significant emotional, cognitive, behavioral and relational obstacles that children and their families must face and overcome. However, some problems also arise, not so much as a result of certain incidents being perpetrated upon unsuspecting children, but simply due to complications during pregnancy or because of genetic and birth defects. Nevertheless, with 46 million children under the age of 11 (15% of the total U.S. census), this demographic cannot be summarily dismissed or ignored....

"Therapeutic work with children often requires additional training and expertise due to a number of developmental factors that may be present and the need to have sufficient awareness regarding attachment theory, neuro-biological considerations, and early life experiences, as well as the various nuances within most family relationships. When it comes to assessment, diagnostic conclusions and treatment interventions, an adept practitioner must be well-versed in systemic processes, behavioral approaches such as play therapy, and have the ability to connect and communicate with children at their level. While it is not necessary for every therapist to be able to complete a full psychological evaluation, the ability to understand the findings and incorporate specific recommendations is for effective counseling to take place. Albert Einstein once commented, "Play is the highest form of research." - Christian Counseling Today, vol. 20, no. 2

Children are the most vulnerable among us. Children are our most precious responsibility. When they have emotional hurts, it is important to take care of them just as helping a physical wound heal.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

God-centered joy

2013-09-07T22:50:00.001-06:00

"When we choose well, the paths of surrender, relationship, acceptance and trust lead us to Him and His power.

"Now we are standing in front of another fork. This time, we're seeking a path that will deliver us to something we're all looking for: joy, What's interesting, however, it that the trail to joy is unmarked, full of rocks and overgrown weeds, and rarely traveled. As a result, whenever we arrive at this fork, we almost always choose the wrong path--and end up wondering why we're lost.

"To put this is plain terms, we often think possessions and things will make us happy. Food, Sex. Money. A new dress, couch, car, home, job or spouse. We think that if we rearrange the circumstances, everything will get better. Eventually, some of us figure it out, at least some of the time, that isn't how it works. The external possessions and things are enticing and may offer temporary pleasure, but ultimately, they don't make a difference. They are the wrong path.

"Joy springs from an internal choice--a decision of the heart about the heart. It has nothing to do with circumstances and everything to do with God and where we are going with Him. It also--and this is the part that trips us up--has little to do with what we, in all our "wisdom," want and believe we need. The path that leads to joy is based entirely on what God desires for us. Once we begin to walk in the direction He's pointing out to us, we discover true delight.

"Said another way, joy results when we focus more on God and less...on ourselves." - Jim Daly in Stronger

We all want joy in our lives. We can try to fill that space in our lives with things, and entertainment, but those things are fleeting. Inner joy comes from being who we are made to be, aligned with God. Then even when things aren't perfect we can be content and joyful.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

A worship story

2013-09-07T07:32:00.000-06:00

This is a great worship story by Jim Daly in Stronger:

"I remember a day when I was especially low emotionally.... I was home for lunch in my suit and tie, alone, staring into the bathroom mirror. Staring back was a discouraged and confused individual. Sure, I'd dedicated my life to the Lord a few years before. But I was still figuring out just what that meant for me. I dreamed of a life of meaning, but at that moment, I felt incredibly empty.

"Lord, I prayed, what am I doing? Is this what life is about? I'm just a cog in the system, working from eight to six and trying to make a living. What do You want from me? What do I need to do? Is this all You have for me?

"The guy in the mirror was losing hope.

"It occurred to me in that moment that I was really immersed in what was happening--or actually, not happening--in my life. I didn't see a clear path to the future, and I was letting it destroy my present.

"Okay, I thought, it doesn't have to be this way. I'm not going to let my circumstances dictate my feelings

"I decided that it was time for drastic action--I needed to start singing songs of praise to God. I .say 'drastic' because I wasn't much into music at the time, and I was a terrible singer. I didn't know any worship-song melodies or words, so I just started making them up....

"'God, You are an awesome God,' I sang. "You are the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. You have my life in Your hands.' As I sang, something strange happened. I felt an overwhelming and wonderful change inside, as if someone had poured a bucket of joy on top of me. It spread throughout my body until I was literally filled with an intense sensation of bliss. I felt the Lord's presence; I felt that everything was going to be all right. I'd never experienced anything like it before.

"Pretty soon, I was doing more than singing. Right there in the bathroom, and out into the bedroom, I started dancing. I really couldn't help myself. I wanted to honor the Lord in every way. God was in control, and I was just enjoying the ride.

"Finally, I looked back in the mirror and smiled. The guy in front of me didn't appear anything like the forlorn fellow I'd seen a few minutes before.

"'Okay, Lord,' I said, 'I'm just going to go finish my day. We're going to have fun.'"

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

Love addiction, part 2

2013-09-04T16:41:00.003-06:00

Last, I wrote that love addicts and avoidants develop unhealthy patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse. In this article, I will describe the types of love addiction.

The types of love addiction are:
* Obsessed love addiction: This type of addiction comes with the inability to live independently from another person, or a feeling of possession. The person may continue the obsession years after the relationship has ended.
* Codependency addiction: This type spins around the desired person. The partner’s life is the focus, not the love addict.
* Relationship addiction: This often manifests as an addiction to the idea of having a relationship, instead of the development of an authentic relationship. There are two types: those who are constantly in and out of relationships and those who will not let go of a bad relationship for the sake of having a healthy relationship.
* Narcissistic love addiction: This type is all about the love addict, not about the person of affection.
* Ambivalent love addiction: Having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about someone is what this love addict encounters.
* Romance addiction: This can represent itself as an obsession over romance itself, including, but not limited to adventure and passion. People suffering with this type of love addiction worry about romantic rituals such as dates, dinner, sex, and everything else that has to do with a passing romance. This can often be a living out of the person's individual fantasies. A typical example is the legendary Don Juan. The love addict will seek seduction and conquest, but quickly tire of it.

By Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT

Renee has offices in Westminster and Fort Collins, Colorado. Her work number is 303-257-7623 and 970-324-6928

Love addiction, part 1

2013-09-03T11:57:00.000-06:00

Love addicts and avoidants form relationships that inevitably lead to unhealthy patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse. Familiarity is the central engine of the love addiction. Each is attracted to the other specifically because of the familiar traits that the other exhibits. These are patterns learned in childhood and continue into adulthood despite the pain that is caused. When the two addictive lovers come together --- a common and predictable relational process is ignited. Reference http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_addiction

This cycle of love addiction encompasses a push-pull dance full of emotional highs and lows where the one is on the chase (love addiction) while the avoidant is on the run. They both engage in "counterfeit emotional involvement” which consists of melodrama and negative intensity. This dance creates the illusion of true love, intimacy, and connection.

The negative consequences of love addiction can vary. Depending on the severity of ones love addiction, negative consequences can range from violence (to others or self) to increased feelings of shame, depression, impaired emotional growth, chronic emptiness, loneliness, and loss of intimacy and enjoyment in life. In its extreme form, love addiction causes more murders and suicides than any other addiction.

The consequences of love addiction are most-clearly revealed when the love addict experiences withdrawal, which occurs when a relationship has ended or is perceived as falling apart. When a break-up occurs, the love addict longs for the attachment and apparent loving feelings of the lost relationship, as much as a heroin user craves the drug that is no longer available. This longing is a form of emotional withdrawal that leads to debilitating pain, obsession, and destructive behaviors atypical of that person’s usual behavior patterns.

www.the-wind-project.com

When trouble arrives

2013-08-31T13:40:00.002-06:00

"We've seen that whenever trouble arrive at our doorstep, we're presented with a series of choices. We start at the crossroads and see three paths: beaten, bitter, or broken. Do we surrender to God's will or chart our own course? Do we withdraw into ourselves or accept the Lord's invitation to move into a deeper relationship with Him--'If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in' (Rev. 3:20)?

"When trouble arrives and we don't understand why, there is yet another decision we must make. If we know Paul's secret, we can be confident of making the right choice. I believe the secret is simply this: Accept what's happened even if it doesn't make sense, and trust that God is in control." - Jim Daly in Stronger

When trouble arrives, and it will, how we deal with it can help or hinder us. We don't want to be beaten, bitter, or broken. We sometimes want to avoid the trouble rather than facing it.

www.The-Wind-Project.com

Shame recovery

2013-08-28T21:27:00.002-06:00

"An injury to one's sense of self forges some bonds. The self-injury becomes part of the fabric of the relationship and further disrupts the natural unfolding of the self. When this involves terror of any sort, an emptiness forms at the core of the person and the self becomes inconsolable. No addiction can fill it. Not denial of self will restore it. No single gesture will be believable. Only a profound sens of the human community caring for the self can seal up this hole. We call this wound shame.

"This part of your recovery agenda looks at how the relationship forced you to devalue the self, and plans for self-restoration to the human community. Start by making a list of how the relationship devalued you. Think of times you felt unworthy, embarrassed, flawed or ashamed. Make a list of ten sources of shame in the relationship." - Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. in Betrayal Bond

Shame recovery is hard. We get used to hurting ourselves then get into relationships that are harmful.

www.The-wind-project.com

Self harm and deprivation

2013-08-26T20:52:00.001-06:00

"'What are you doing to take care of yourself?' is one of the most often asked questions in recovery. Self neglect is one of the common causes of relapse, and it is true that children whose parents neglected them have difficulty taking good care of themselves.

"This part of your recovery plan looks at those areas of your life that have gone beyond neglect of yourself and become compulsive deprivation or even compulsive self-harm. First you need to identify forms of compulsive deprivation or self-harm that existed in the relationship(s) that you worry about." - Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. in The Betrayal Bond

Compulsive deprivation and self-harm comes in many forms. Anorexia, sexual anorexia, compulsive saving or hoarding. compulsive cleaning, cutting or hurting self, hair pulling or skin picking, body piercing or excessive tattoos, compulsive exercising, compulsive debting or compulsive saving, compulsive working are all example of depriving and hurting oneself.

www.The-Wind-Project.com

Parent's paradox

2013-08-24T17:13:00.000-06:00

“Attempting to usher a young person (or adult) entrapped in substance abuse ‘over the hump’ until he or she ‘gets it’ will turn a well-intentioned mother or father into part of the problem, not part of the solution.

“Our first instinct as parents has always been to protect our children. We guided them as toddlers away from the hot stove, the steep stairs, and the traffic in the street. Preventive guidance worked then, but no longer.

“Here’s the cherry on the top: while marshaling your best efforts against the chaos, you, Oh-Well-Meaning-One, are aiding and abetting a destructive course. Though every instinct you have exercised as a mother or father is driving you to do anything and everything to derail an emotional and physical train wreck, the ‘conductor’ on this careening ride is the addict. The more you scramble for solutions, the more you, the parent, are enabling the addictive behavior to progress! Without realizing what is happening to you and your family, you have morphed into an anxious, frantic, crazy person, embroiled by a condition that you did not cause, cannot control, and cannot cure.

"Welcome to codependency. You have now become part of the problem, not part of the solution. As if this weren’t enough, you good intentions amount to sticking your nose into someone else’s business–the business of the daughter/son you are trying to rescue. Even smoothing the rough spots for your child can provide only a temporary fix. Like applying a Band-Aid to a boil, treating the surface problem cannot reach what is going on underneath. The core of the problem continues to fester and grow.” – Barbara Victoria in It’s not about you, except when it is

Parent's paradox is when helping the child is actually hurting them. They want to help but helping in the wrong way can be detrimental to their child.

http://www.The-wind-project.com

Pornography use is a relationship issue

2013-08-24T07:17:00.002-06:00

"As sex and relationship therapists, we know that pornography use is a relationship issue. Porn affects the user's inner life (the relationship he has with himself), as well as the interactions he has with his partner and other family members. Regular porn use often interferes with a person's ability to maintain good self-esteem and experience manually fulfilling sexual intimacy with a partner. Dealing with pornography is not solely about stopping a behavior or overcoming an addiction. It also involves reclaiming a sense of personal integrity and manifesting attitudes and behaviors that promote healthy sexual intimacy. Nothing we found in our research discussed pornography use and its repercussions with this type of emphasis." - Wendy Maltz, LCSW, DST and Larry Maltz, LCSW in The Porn Trap

Sexual addiction is an intimacy disorder, not about sex but about an emotional issue. Regular porn use lowers the ability to feel good about themselves and their intimate relationships, so they withdraw which increases the emotional disconnect.

www.The-wind-project.com

Body and aging

2013-08-23T22:47:00.000-06:00

Natural Healthy You ‏@healthyUdoterra

The body doesn't wear down because of age; it wears down because of what we do to it.

www.The-wind-project.com

The problem with porn

2013-08-20T22:48:00.000-06:00

"But our view on pornography began to change in the mid-1990s. It was then that we started seeing a troubling increase in the number of clients coming to us with porn-related problems that were interfering with their ability to maintain healthy relationships. It soon became clear how easily sexual interests and desires could be twisted by pornography, away from real intimacy, and toward technological devices, people and situations that didn't actually exist. Porn's emphasis had moved from helping couples becoming more sexually intimate with each other to arousing the user to have a sexually relationship with it.

"That's an important distinction: unlike many early erotic videos, magazines, and books that were produced to help spice up lovemaking for couples, porn began to offer itself as the object of desire. Today's porn teaches users to think only about body parts and specific sexual actions, robbing them of the ability to experience romance, passion, and emotional and physical closeness with a real partner. It competes with partners as a sexual outlet....

"Because using porn often involves high levels of dishonesty and secrecy, those who are caught up in it often say they feel isolated, ashamed, depressed, phony, morally compromised, and even in some cases, suicidal. Many are angry, irritable, and unable to sleep. Some tell us porn is leading them on a dangerous path into illegal and risky activities, such as viewing child pornography, having affairs, having anonymous sex at adult bookstores, hiring prostitutes, and viewing porn at work. What we have found really troubling is that many of our clients confide that they are unable to stop using pornography even when they are aware of the negative consequences it is having on their lives. As with alcohol, drugs or cigarettes, this is one of the signs of a true addiction." - Wendy Maltz, LCSW, DST & Larry Malts, LCSW in The Porn Trap

Porn can be an addiction. It can mess up those lives who are involved with it. Being a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, I deal with these broken lives every day in my counseling office.

www.The-Wind-Project.com

The latest and greatest blueberry band by SHEL

2013-08-16T22:58:00.002-06:00

fun video! The Latest and Greatest Blueberry Band by SHEL

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=126773561668&set=vb.47899422780&type=3&

video_source=pages_video_set

www.the-wind-project.com

Traumatic bonding

2013-08-14T23:02:00.001-06:00

"So she was mystified as to why she still had these feelings for someone who had hurt her and her loved ones so badly. I told her that the feelings are normal. In the language of addictions we call them cravings; they do not go away simply because you understand. Many get to the point of understanding but get pulled back in by the emotional reactivity. The key is to dismantle the reactivity and the other trauma solutions that support traumatic bonding. The relapse prevention plan you just completed focuses specifically on the relationship life itself. Now we need to focus on how reactivity, arousal, blocking, splitting, deprivation, shame and repetition are used in that relationship. Only then will you have sufficient distance to recognize that the feelings are not about reality. They are like the Sirens of the ancient Greeks who seduced unwary sailors off course, where they crashed on the rocks hidden under the sea....

"Survivors of terror tend to react in extremes. Their "alarm system" is set to hypersensitive. The result is inner turmoil, personal chaos and relationship dysfunction.... By finding healthy ways to manage the internal reactions, you will be less vulnerable to those dysfunctional coping strategies.

"Start by listing ways that you underreact and ways you overreact in the relationships you are concerned about. Give a description of what the reaction is, what the feeling is and the behavior that results from it. Describe a specific event in which that happened. Then describe an appropriate response strategy and what probably would have happened had you done that." - Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. in The Betrayal Bond

Working through traumas is important to your mental state and emotions. We can react in unusual ways in our lives when we have trauma bonded. Traumas need to be worked through and new ways of living identified.

www.The-Wind-Project.com

Praising

2013-08-13T11:01:00.002-06:00

“Kind words can be powerful motivators–but only if you praise the right things. Praising someone’s ability to work hard is more effective than gushing about how brilliant she is. Research shows that kids who are praised for their intelligence do not try as hard on future tasks. Praising smarts breeds the belief that things should come naturally–and when they don’t, kids thing they are no longer bright. Or they choose unchallenging paths so as not to be exposed as ‘frauds.’

“‘Being praised for effort or other aspects of performance directly under your control leads to resilience, while being praised for being smart or for other innate abilities can lead to feelings of helplessness or self-doubt when a set back occurs,’ says psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson, associate director of the Motivation Science Center at Columbia University. The ideal is to help someone think positively but realistically about achieving goals while praising their hard work. When praised for persistence, those who think the path ahead will be difficult invest more effort.

“How praise is delivered counts as much as what gets praised. Praise should be specific and sincere–and given generously especially at the office. Workers asked to learn a task performed better at the end of the first day, report Japanese researchers. To the brain, receiving a compliment is as much a social reward as being given money.” – Mary Loftus in March/April 2013 Psychology Today

It does matter how we give praise. We need to tell those that do well what they do well in not just a general, blanket statement.

http://www.The-Wind-Project.com

Hold fast by MercyMe

2013-08-10T14:34:00.000-06:00

Hold Fast by MercyMe

http://youtu.be/uWejcH0JWTc

www.The-Wind-Project.com