rl.

2012-02-10T00:03:00.001-06:00

I miss the sweet tears of literature

2012-02-09T23:45:00.002-06:00

There is this moment (actually there are many) when I look at you and just know. I know.I know what this is, who you are, what we are, where we are going.

And then there are times where I am perturbed--no focus, chaotic,: and i know this is insane. What factor, what reason do I have to blame? Is it an absence? I feel it, if so. We are fortunate for this. The things that you say: are filling my heart: like oxygen does lungs.

you are real.

2012-02-04T16:19:00.000-06:00

Skin on skin our bodies lying side by side this is where it all begins and the morning moments I wish to never end—do they have to?

The sun leaks into your room, as we slowly awake unalloyed & elated to each other’s presence.

I hear your first words of the morning, “I am completely in love with you.”

I feel your arms holding me tight; your soft kisses on my neck, my ear, and my cheek.

Are we awake- is this our dream?

You are real, and I feel you next to me.

2012-01-30T23:16:00.000-06:00

Pain& grievances I could not cause
for sweet adoration is all I have

2012-01-26T01:27:00.000-06:00

"Our thoughts are the epochs of our lives; all else is but as a journal of the winds that blew while we were here."

Henry Thoreau, On Man and Nature.

Mindprints.

2012-01-25T12:49:00.000-06:00

magic

Got lost (for a moment in life as short as a blink or sigh of breath).

You shake me out of it; like I was falling down the rabbit hole- of an evocative past-life

About to decompose into a little oblivion (mess) and then-

you.

Falling asleep nose-to-nose is so much better than alone.

2012-01-22T21:25:00.001-06:00

Can forever mean tomorrow? If so; tomorrow--will it last forever? When the solace we share shifts itself to banter & then back into deepness and a longing all and only for us occurs, I know.

"This is the shedding of our barriers. The connection between yourself, and your soul’s counterpoint in the other, will feel as much a part of you as every familiar part of your body. "

k.z

instantaneous-eternally

2012-01-20T16:44:00.000-06:00

Thoughts like this last a lifetime but blink-they are gone in an instant. The beauty is that they are not gone, but rather with us--destined to survive eternity.

I do know that there is a way of being beautiful

2012-01-19T22:30:00.000-06:00

"I don’t believe that inner beauty is sufficient in this cruel world. That’s the pap one tells a child. I don’t believe that positive thinking improves your skin tone or that loving or being loved changes the shape of your nose or restores the thickness and color of hair, but I do know that there is a way of being beautiful, even as age takes its toll, that has something to do with the spirit filling with joy, something to do with the union with another human being, with the sense of having done well at something enormously important, like making happy a man who has made you happy often enough. "

*what makes me feel beautiful*

Like a movie, but not.

2012-01-19T04:36:00.000-06:00

"If when we are together defies time, then our time apart moves it backwards. Tomorrow is suddenly more than a day away, but you’re worth the wait."

2012-01-16T11:30:00.000-06:00

(miss moss)

Surprisingly (but not so much), my view is clearer than glass.

day in a dream

2012-01-15T11:17:00.000-06:00

Giovanni Boldini

"Honesty is not a wholly detached moral virtue demanding strict allegiance at all times. Compassion, diplomacy, and life-threatening circumstances sometimes require a departure from the entire unadulterated truth."

2012-01-14T15:44:00.001-06:00

As of late;

Life would seem rather bleak if I described it as systematically as possible.

Laundry list: Read for class, write for class, read for class, write for class, go to class *and intermittently drink coffee between each item*.

But in reality: it is but a dream. Not a single book on my reading list is dull. They are gravely interesting. Magnetic: I am drawn to them.

lune

2012-01-12T09:59:00.000-06:00

"Blue moon, you saw me standing alone, without a dream in my heart."

Winter lune, draped and woven into the night sky, why do you drive us all insane? Falling out, then placed back in, thread & needle you are sewn, becoming part of what is longingly known (with much dismay).

what more do we know?

2012-01-09T21:53:00.001-06:00

(mads teglers)

"From our birthday, until we die, Is but a winking of the eye."

-William Butler Yeats

Than the transpiring shortness of life. A wink or a blink and things can be picture perfection or incredibly messed up. The difficult decisions left to be made in a single moment, and all these moments amount to this mass, one you may wish to transpose and alter-but ultimately it is YOURS, yours in that moment to go with it (as they say flow). And this is what some call love or life and to truly know.

2012-01-08T13:59:00.000-06:00

(sunday mornings)

"Like a tale by the time it's been told, man by more than one, it's growing. When every day it grows a little more than it was the day before.."

-Otis Redding

2012-01-07T23:37:00.000-06:00

A mythic air swept through my spine right to my heart, and though it's come in parts;

it has me feeling whole

Oh, these horrors.

2012-01-03T17:11:00.003-06:00

Listening to these brutals (because there are these type of people who hang out at coffee-shops) talk talk talk on and on about meth addicts they've lived with, coke trips, and that sort-of half-dead but still "living" kind of life. Quoting them:

"I don't drink that much, but I can fucking drink hard liqueur."

"I'm not that good of a dad, ignore daddy."

"You drink the most out of all of us."

"You have to hear this story--", one guy.

"When he was drinking a 26 of wild(something), 24 of Morgan's Lucky."

"And she just looked at me, and I wasted."

Laughing about the hours and hours and hours they have been wasted, almost pissing themselves over times they have been pissed.

"At my wedding social, I fully pre-gamed so bad that I passed out drunk."

And they have a friend they keep referring to as "weasel". Their topics are making me nauseous, upset and sick.

Bon chance.

I feel silly even snooping or listening in--but what is the point about this type of life--what is the point of working, having a partner, drinking all throughout the day--being so common?

I mean, on occasion it is fine to go on a bender but when your whole life bends itself to the point of no return (so far gone you can not mend) --what is the point?

Oh these horrors walk the street, oh these horrors sit across from me, oh these horrors are not my friends, they were once but not again.

A certain death.

2012-01-02T22:58:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I would like forget. Erase my memory and all I have seen, all I have been. But there is no point wishing; just have to continue living. Right now it feels, as though; my brain has deteriorated and dripped out of my head down to my spine, passing tumultuously,like swallowing a rock right through my stomach and straight to my toes. Then it seeps out all ten toes through the snow; into the earth. And then it fucking freezes, latching itself onto the earth like a prey in the claws of a snowy owl on a winter's night; where there is no looking back.

Never forget the certain death; the timely death expected in the depth of yourself.

Two Winter's Nights

2011-12-28T20:03:00.000-06:00

Two Winter's Nights:

A Story

"He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking."

-Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

1. Happy Henmas gift exchange (Club, stationary, tea, Tolstoy, and russian brow brushes) 2. A novel. 3. Mashed sweet potatoes, blackberry avocado salad with candied walnuts, and bbq tofu supper. 4. The Nutcracker at RWB. 5. A sad girl with a sore tailbone. 6. Speed skaters across a lit bridge. 7. Skates. 8. Frosty friends. 9. Winter layers and Bear the cat. 10. The city falling into night.

had a merry little christmas

2011-12-27T01:02:00.000-06:00

Everything falls gently; like the snow...if you let it.

Then who the hell was I

2011-12-26T14:43:00.000-06:00

The time has come, where winter's coolness has effected the skin, but the sun bleeds right down on me, picking me up where ice runs thin. Grab several layers of sweaters, scarves, and woolen socks; bring all your favorite books, and come hideaway all day (all night).

2011-12-23T14:08:00.002-06:00

The sweetness of that soft spot next to the nose.

2011-12-22T00:43:00.000-06:00

Often to get my flow sometimes I have to begin, right here and just roll. I lose my mind (all day) and exhaust myself stressing into the night. At past the midnight hour, I begin to think about what I was supposed to begin hours ago and what I really wanted to do all along was just sit, right here, writing these words.

So regretful the time I wasted, when all along I could have been filling spaces. My terms final essay needs to be fine tuned, it's done but it's just not quite done yet.

A little (personal) treat for finishing the year. Above, plus around 15 more. When the bells of January ring, I may crawl into a literary cavern where I am forced to read literature. It's practically a dream come true.

2011-12-19T12:30:00.000-06:00

"His struggle with words was unusually painful and this for two reasons. One was the common one with writers of his type: the bridging of the abyss lying between expression and thought; the maddening feeling that the right words, the only words are awaiting you on the opposite bank in the misty distance, and the shudderings of the still unclothed thought clamoring for them on this side of the abyss."

-from The Real Life of Sebastian Knight by Vladimir Nabokov