I Am...

In Control

2014-10-31T18:43:00.001-04:00

I am not afraid to admit when I'm wrong. I can accept the fact that there are somethings about me I want to change. What I'm learning is its doesn't matter how hard you pray and ask God to hep you. It is not happening until you make up your mind to put in the work of self control. The Bible speaks of free will and choices , there are over 50 verses talking about free will. That should tell us that we have to make a decision to want to do better. Whatever issues or problems you face they are not going to change, get better, or go away until you make a conscious decision about your role. What are you doing to help the situation. And change doesn't have to take forever. If you begin to take daily steps towards the results you desire things will begin to immediately turn around.

Take control today! Take action now! Begin today to live you best life, you create what you see!

Blessed

2014-08-06T17:50:00.001-04:00

In the blog archives I have a post entitled, I am walking. I talk about keeping the faith and to never stop walking. Because often we get to a place in life that seems challenging and we can't seem to see the light at the tunnel. I promise you I'm there, but what keeps me optimistic is where I've come from! I can remember being in a shelter with my 2 girls, at the time. I remember having no electricity, not enough food, no car, no job, no husband, or family. I can think back on those things and remember I always had prayer. I've always had a prayer life, no matter what I was doing or where I was at, I had prayer.

The blueprint for getting through my challenging times is to remember how I made it through each and every time prior, prayer. If its been awhile since you've prayed I suggest you start, again. Its ok that you haven't in awhile, trust me, you'll feel better afterwards. Then start making changes in your everyday life, your life should start to show signs of the prayer working. But its a two way street, you have to at least try to improve as much as you can in your life. Only you know what that maybe.

We are blessed and have to remember that we didn't get this far by ourselves. God has a way of placing people and things in our life to point us back to him. Really start believing in the fact that you are blessed, even when you don't feel like it. Your circumstance was not meant to beat you down, but to make you see how much stronger you have become.

Recovering

2014-08-05T13:12:00.001-04:00

This is what some said: "You had a baby at 16. Welp, there goes the rest of your life! It's over now, who in the world is going to marry you." " You getting fat." " Why don't you just drop out." "Nothing but a little whore." " There's no money for you to do that." " You can't, you won't, you shouldn't, just try it, I love you!"

I am recovering from feeling like I'm not good enough, like I never lived out my dreams. I'm recovering from that feeling of being stuck in my current situation. Recovering from wondering if I will ever trust again. I am recovering from living a life for other people, their dreams, their ideas, and their circumstance. I am recovering from being afraid of my past, all my insecurities and self sabotaging. I am recovering from holding back what God has allowed me to see concerning his people. I'm learning to live my life from the inside out!

Although what you see standing before you looks polished, shiny and brand new, there are still some blemishes , some scars just above the surface, covered up. I am learning to uncover the damaged parts of me so that I can heal. Just like a physical injury, a cut or bruise, it doesn't need to be covered, it wont heal that way. My bruises, cuts and scrapes are the things I've been through. I needed to go through in order to have a story compelling enough for people to believe they can overcome. I am learning that although the place I'm at in my life looks great that those old feelings of defeat are invalid or false. I'm learning to know that when God speaks (today, yesterday, last week or last year) it shall come to pass. Things are not always what they appear to be sometimes we are put in familiar situations to see how we will act or conduct ourselves.

If you revert back to your old ways of approaching conflict of course the old feelings associated with them are going to arise. But be smart enough to realize its a test a do over , a chance for you to exercise the lesson learned the last time. We can chose to trust God or operate out of our past. Chose to trust God because he is never going to steer us wrong. Trusting God means believing in him not just for the material things in life but also for those things unseen and believe him concerning everything, EVERYTHING! We have to make up our mind about belief, you either do or you don't. There's no believing in him because he blessed you with finances but as soon as we have to wait on God for a spouse or healing etc..., we all of a sudden don't believe. Get rid of that attitude. John 14:1 says, " Don't let your hearts be troubled.trust in God and trust also in me. Proverbs also reminds us in chapter 3 verse 5 through 6, " Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight. Trust in Him, trust in Him, just trust Him!

No longer afraid

2014-04-27T12:24:00.001-04:00

Let me first re-introduce myself. Its been awhile since I've graced the blog. I started this blog back in 2011 as a way to inspire, motivate, and encourage people. By expressing my life's triumphs, defeats, and confessions. I hope to be transparent enough so that others can see that although life can be unpredictable with all the ups and downs, there's never a reason to quit!

As I write today I am reminded of how afraid I was of exposing my life to complete strangers, but truth be told it has been most liberating. I am no longer afraid to be me, to be someone with just as many issues as the next person. I am no longer afraid to stand in the mirror to discover the real me and then write about it. Here recently I've been on bed-rest and have had the opportunity, on more than one occasion, to reflect back over my life and decisions I've made. I noticed that throughout my life, I always chose the hard route. I sit back and think about all I've been through and realize did it really take all that to end up in this place? Now , don't get it twisted, I am no where near where I used to be , however, I'm not where God wants me, yet. When I say did it take all that to get me here, I mean just that.

I answered my own question, Yes it did take all of that to get me here. Here, is a clearer understanding and vision. Sometimes we have to go through, what we think is hell, in order to get to a place of understanding and clear vision. Once you understand your journey ( past , present and future) you can see clearly where you are headed to avoid the pitfalls that come our way. With this new found understanding and vision I am able to see what lies ahead, who is supposed to be in my life and who isn't. My future is bright and I encourage everyone to stop being afraid of your reality, embrace it, its the only way you will learn in order to understand, and understand so you can see clearly.

Worth it...

2012-10-24T11:24:00.001-04:00

From the bottom of my heart I believe I am worth it..Sometimes I can't see it.
I've been told , I'm worth a lot more than what I get...Sometimes I don't believe it.
He says, I'm beautiful...But I don't see it.
She says, I mean so much to her...But I don't feel it.
How can I understand my worth if I don't see it, believe it, or feel it?
Impossible

Inspite of that...

All I can do is be obedient to the spirit of the living God and speak what is laid on my heart. Im learning that when I allow myself to be used others are blessed. My testimony was meant for the people, our testimony will set people free.

This top portion was written 6/2012, just haven't published it until now. I haven't posted in awhile either because it requires me to dig so deep at times. There are still compartments I have yet to unlock to reveal all the contents. We have to trust that what is revealed was meant to heal, set free, and deliver someone else. Our life is not our own, we are purposed for what God wants not us.

Uncovering

2012-10-23T12:48:00.001-04:00

I am uncovering the vision that was given to me. I am so sick and tired of being used! I have uncovered that I am still in love with what God gave me. I have uncovered that I too have vision, I am uncovering that taking off some one else's glasses to see wasn't such a bad idea. Looking ahead using my God given vision I have uncovered what was hidden. All of us have been given a vision or a glimpse of what our journey holds and I'm so ready to mount up on these wings and soar!

This was the Lords reply:

What is it my child that you are in search of? I'm always with you and yet you still chose to ignore my beckoning call. What more do I have to do for you to know I am with you. I gave you the birds, the trees, the very air you breathe. Trust that I am who I say I am. Uncover yourself. Let me deal with whats underneath. Once uncovered you can know me for yourself. You will know who I am. Come from under the covers.

Improving...

2012-04-05T18:33:00.000-04:00

Been a long time... Let me get straight to the point, stop letting your current circumstance block you from your life's purpose. Begin to fall in love all over again with your life's purpose and passions. Take the time to network and build with others, learn what they love, get involved. Be encouraged that what God gave you is for you and He meant it. A lot of times things promised to us do not happen the way we thought they would. Just food for thought today! Stay tuned...

Manifesting (taking action)

2011-12-18T13:22:00.000-05:00

What have we been waiting for? What have we been planning and pausing? Have we done anything to move ourselves forward? What have we been programming ourselves for?

We say what we want and where we want to be and then don't act according to plan, and then when things don't pan out the way we thought they should have, we get upset or lose faith. We need to stop saying one thing and then doing something contradictory to what we expect. I'll give you an example, why am I not married? Then you push away the very person that is trying to get close enough to propose. Or, why can't I get promoted? Then we talk about the ones that do get promoted and we talk about how we hate our current position. Both are contradictory to what we want. Change the behavior and get a better outcome. We have to consciously be aware of what we are saying. It is important to break the habit of self sabotage. Stop messing up what has already been set up!

If we want our dreams to come true or to manifest, we have to act like it! In order for things to manifest you have to plan and move, plan and move. Stop planning and pausing! For instance all our lives we go to school to better ourselves and to get good jobs, but some finish high school and pause. Why is that? We planned all this time for something, why stop after high school. That is just an example of planning and pausing. When we plan and move the outcome will come to pass but we have to be moving in order to walk into it. All of that constant complaining is unnecessary it causes us to dwell on what we don't have and what we can't do. And we know what dwelling does; it sucks up all of our good energy. It is so draining and depressing to sit and think about all that we do not have due to our own perceptions, we could be all of our lives trying to measure up. Then when it’s time to deal with things in our lives that matter we are all used up from dwelling or sitting with the, " shoulda coulda woulda's." It is vital that we become aggressive about what we want and move forward! It is imperative that we understand this and apply it, here are 5 things we need in order to manifest what we want: desire, belief, expectancy, action and persistence.

We have to take the time and make the effort today and stop making excuses for why we don't have what we want and why we are not where we want to be in life in general. Taking that first step is always the hardest due to fear, but if our DESIRE is strong enough and we BELIEVE and EXPECT it to happen, while being ACTIVE in MAKING it happen; and if it we hit some challenges on the way to making it happen than be PERSISTENT enough not to give up, it will manifest! There comes a point in your life when you have to grow up, wise up and just DO. No more pitying ourselves! Stop waiting for other people's approval, do you! We do not need someone's approval to do what is in us to do. If we are walking an upright life we are destined for great things, just keep MOVING.

We were born with the right stuff to get us in the right direction of the right person( i.e people, places and things) at the right time just believe it! Keep MOVING!

31

2011-12-03T01:42:00.000-05:00

I cannot begin to thank God enough for allowing me to see this day! I'm thankful for all 31 years I've been blessed with. Through it all He saw fit that I still be here. Thank you for all the birthday shout outs on Facebook! Lord knows I am thankful to even be breathing. There was a time when I couldn't breath, without an inhaler, so depressed, I couldn't walk and didn't want to smile, but God! I'm thankful for every person that I've come into contact with whether friend or foe because you've only added to my life experiences not taken away! So with hands lifted high and a grateful heart, I thank you Lord today , December 3, 2011 at 1:29am, thank you for creating me!

Still here...

2011-11-28T12:24:00.000-05:00

I am reminded that I am here for a reason and with great purpose. I am concious that the time I have is limitless as long as I'm following my passions. I am striving to conqueor all of my fears. I want to remind you that life is not like a box of chocolate's. We are to be greatful everyday, even for the simple things in life; that some so often take advantage of. I am learning to start expecting great things and not necessarily how they are going to happen, but trust and believe that they will happen.

I encourage you today to reflect on your journey thus far and evaluate some of the mess ups, mistakes, and misfortunes. Now, that you've done that, be thankful and greatful cause you made it through. You are here ready to face a new day, one that we've never seen before. Make each day count for something cause in the end it all adds up!

I AM Learning...

2011-11-19T18:19:00.000-05:00

What are you willing to let go of today? What has been holding you back from reaching your goal or goals? Whatever it is , guranteed it has something to do with your past. Your past is what you use to learn life's lessons. What is taking you so long to graduate? You should eventually use your life's lessons to get you to the next phase or the next level in your life. Why haven't you gotten it? Those are valid questions you should ask yourself. Take a minute and think back on those past circumstances or past challenges you went through, it was for you to grab the lesson out of and proceed with caution on to the next phase of transformation. Proceed with caution so that you do not fall victim to your past, again. Pay attention to the signs, you'll know them.

We are all born with the ability to be anything, go anywhere, have abundance and be a blessing to other's. Have you gone any where, have you been anything to anyone, and have you been a blessing? Examine yourself, find out what is holding you back, get rid of whatever it may be, make a plan for the future, and execute! We should all strive to be better people, a better human race, but it starts with self first.

Changing

2011-10-23T21:46:00.000-04:00

I was talking to a good friend, more like sister, of mine the other day. We sat on the phone reminiscing of the good times we've shared and how long we've actually known each other. We discovered its been over 16 years! That's a long time, we thought about what its taken over the years to stay friends and why it seemed as if we knew each other better than our own families. As we talked about our friendship and the rough times, it was evident that we had changed, for the better. But what seemed like better days for us, to our families sometimes seemed as if we abandoned who they once knew us as. In conclusion we determined that we all go through growing pains. We grow into who we are destined to be, a lot due to sefl-actualization, which doesn't take place until you've had to go through some things to discover what you will and won't tolerate, what you will and won't do and who you want and do not want in your life. At times family is surprised at some of the choices we make cause they don't truly know who we are.

My friend recalls being a child and being the one no one really paid much attention to, she was also fairly quiet, didn't get into much trouble. As an adult she is very outspoken at times and some times her family doesn't understand where she is coming from because some feel like, "who does she think she is?" " She has no place saying this or that." Because for so long they just disregarded her opinion. She would then call me and we may talk and it would seem like what she was trying to convey was simple, but of course I've come to learn her. Sometimes we may tend to be closer to our good friends than family and that's because family has already labeled you to be who they thought you were or who you used to be. Take it for what it is because at the end of the day loving your family doesn't mean you will always agree.

Remember that as we age self has to come first. Be true to who you are and what you want out of life.

To be continued...

2011-09-07T13:25:00.003-04:00

Determination, Realization, Authorization, Modification, Justification, Sanctification, Exploitation, Purification, No Condemnation.

I woke this morning and felt even more determined than I have before to succeed. I’ve realized I am not who I used to be, I have matured and now understand the Authority I possess as a child of God. However I have to learn how to Modify my routine to fit the path I’m on, some days I may have to do a little more some days a little less. Move in silence, and know that its ok, my actions are Justified. Sanctification is ok, you were meant to be set apart for Him. Exploit your God given talents and purge daily. Purify each day to get rid of any polluted thoughts. Just do, don’t worry about Condemnation . Move the way He says move and when He says move. There is no Condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1-8

This is what was on my heart this morning along with a sense a worship! Thank you Lord! This post may not be for all but I'm sure its for the one He wanted to read this, including me.

~Shalom~

Thankful

2011-08-31T22:03:00.000-04:00

My very first blog post was about being inspired. I was reading it today and realized that its only been a month that I made the decision to apply a practical approach to the rest of my life. The practical approach I took was to remain positive, and here I am today. I quit my job in pursuit of working for myself. Usually, I'm the type that has to get approval to do just about anything, in some way. That's a blog in itself. Today I no longer feel that way, simply because I understand better the root of that issue of dependency and approval. It started with how I felt about myself, I didn't believe in half the stuff I told myself. So afraid of stepping out and doing my own thing, but always willing to help someone else with the very same tools and resources that would later on be used to help myself.

I've gone through some tough circumstances as a child on through adulthood, the difference now is I'm learning new ways to not just get by but really start applying these lessons and achieving success. Tired of living in the shadows of who I wanted to be, I've stepped out and launched my first, of many, business. It's called Lita G Enterprises, which is a Social Media Management company. I also do a bit of PR and Web content management. Check out my fan page on Facebook here: http://www.facebook.com/LitaGEnterprise .

Take a stand this week about what you want out of life and just go for it! Want to find a purpose for anything you ask? Ask yourself some questions to get to the root cause of your reason for doing. Example, I want to get a better job so I can make more money. Why do you want more money? Answer: To buy a new house. Why do you want a new house? Answer: Because the house I live in isn't big enough. What would it mean for you to have a bigger house? Answer: More room for my family to be comfortable and have their own space. So you see your goal isn't to make more money, its to cater to your family, you'd like them to be comfortable. Because what we have to realize is that what we want and what we need are 2 different things.

We think we need that job in order to get that raise in order to achieve our goal, in this case it was a bigger house for our family to have more room and be comfortable. So instead of asking the universe for that raise or more money, we should ask for the bigger house for our family to be comfortable. And then not worry about how its going to come to pass, just believe it will. The opportunity will produce itself for us to be able to accomplish this goal. However if we ask for more money, we just may get it but not necessarily get that house. The getting of the money may even mean less time at home to enjoy the family. So be careful. If we question even our own question as to what we want we can get to the root and find the actual desired need.

Today I am thankful for every sad day, every disappointment, every tear I shed and every door that was slammed shut. Because I got it! I just have to make sure I'm sharing what I've learned. I am also thankful today for all of my friends and family. They all made it safely through Hurricane Irene, tornado, and an earthquake, all in the same week. Let us continue to keep one another in our thoughts and prayers, not just in time of trouble but always.

Fearless

2011-08-22T23:20:00.000-04:00

Today was very challenging, but I'm learning , with each day, to not only move with expectancy but also without fear! Daily I have to come and read the blog and have talks with myself. How can I tell the world about positive thinking and I'm doing the opposite. No one is perfect, however don't be ignorant! The information is out here, the blog has steps to help achieve a stress free life, so why aren't you?

I can answer that, its because we let fear creep in and hold us hostage. Held captive and the ransom is our freedom. Our freedom to do what we were destined to do and be. We believe in the lie fear told us. The most abusive, disheartening, cold, and callous thing we can do is be in a relationship with fear! Get over it already! How much longer are you going to hold yourself captive? Start believing in yourself again, start dreaming again, pick up those plans you've been working on, its not too late.

Stop being fooled by your fear. Today is the day to pick up the pieces of you and get started on those dreams you've put off until now. Become fearless. So your plan was rejected or you were looked over for that position, it wasn't for you, move on to the next. Know that the dream is just delayed not denied!

Thank you to all who have been supporting the I Am blog. Thank you to all who hold me accountable to my purpose, I won't let you down! Keep commenting, sharing, and following me! Love you all!

Fearlessness, Apply daily!

Anew

2011-08-08T01:03:00.001-04:00

I am believing that the answer to whatever we seek is within us! What we want is possible. I am anew , re-doing, re-thinking- re-visiting- re-grouping and re-evaluating. I am anew! Stop looking at yesterday, its gone, today is here , its now time to embrace who we are and move forward! Block all negativity and believe that all the answers we are looking for are within.

I am using what I have to get where I gotta go! Just because there is a delay in the blessing its not a denial! Stop for a minute to find out why the delay has occurred. It could be that there is more growth that needs to happen, or maybe the delay was to cause you to slow down and appreciate what you have, or maybe even delayed because there were a few more things you needed to pick up on the way. Just because your movement has been delayed doesn't mean your access to a better and brighter future has been denied.

Start new today, lay down all judgement and really concentrate on yourself. Get in tune with your spirit, lay down some of your own insecurities and check each one at the door! Be conscious of what you say, how you say it and most of all the intent. You want change then make a change! Get rid of the following phrases:

I don’t understand…
I don't want...
I’m frustrated that…
I hate my…
I can’t figure out …
I’m stressed about…
I’m worried that…
I should be able to… but I can’t…
Why am I having so much trouble?
He/She makes me sick
I'm so tired
So and so gets on my nerves

These phrases promote more of what we don't want, so stop using them. When you say you don't understand, you will attract more things that make you not understand the same with each phrase, when you say I'm so tired of..., you create more things to be tired of so you can become more and more tired. Its really simple. Take inventory of some of the phrases you use on this list and think about how often you say them and why. Now that you've learned what to avoid take a deep breath and decide today to start anew!

Believing

2011-08-01T14:52:00.000-04:00

I am believing in myself. I am believing that what it looks like ain't what it's all cracked up to be. I am believing that what lies ahead is greater than right now. Trust and believe that things will get better. Keep expecting, keep looking up, keep dreaming because that what we dream can and will come true.

My prayer today is that we all be led by the small voice inside that's telling us we can make it! I'm praying that we overcome all fears, and doubts and walk by our faith and no longer by sight. I'm praying that we take hold of our destiny and run with it, beginning to give of ourselves more and more. I give of myself today, I pray you will too. ~Shalom~

Accountable

2011-07-25T10:46:00.000-04:00

Become accountable for your actions! Stop blaming others for what you don't have, what you can't do , and what you couldn't do. Start looking at what You can do, what You have to do, and what You want to do. We all know what we should be doing, stop waiting for the disaster. You see it coming so stop it before it makes its way to your doorstep. We have to stop working backwards, we'll wait til the mess hits the fan and then try to work on things. WRONG! You see it coming, why not deal with the right now, work those things out, before it gets sticky.

Make a decision to tune out the foolishness/nonsense. No longer give the foolishness life. Be accountable for your own. If we spent as much time as we do honoring foolishness we'd all be one step closer to being where we want to be in life. Concentrate on those things that bring you joy, happiness, and peace. We have an obligation to self first, to take control of our lives and make it better to benefit humanity. That is what we were created to do.

I choose to be thankful today, nothing can knock me out of my box of thankfulness. Those things that make us thankful ground us , make us sturdy in our journey. Think on being thankful and those people or things that we are thankful; things will start to change in our lives, we'll see more of the good versus the bad. It may seem like work at first but the result is so rewarding. We are more than our current circumstance, we are far more than right now, if we just cling to our beliefs. Be patient, love everything, and fear not.

Unstoppable

2011-07-21T03:44:00.000-04:00

7 Steps to Unstoppable!

Positive Affirmations
Begin Your Day On a Positive Note.
Rid yourself of toxic relationship
Realize your negative thoughts.
Believe that you are in charge of your destiny.
Spirituality
Substitute Challenges for Problems.

This blog is very important to me and I want all who read to be able to walk away with a sense of I am.

That's why the blog is entitled "I am." This is a bold statement because its the beginning of an affirmation. An affirmation is the declaration that something is true. I am is the beginning of something true. I am ______, you fill in the blank.

How often are we affirming? Some have never, and why not? Affirmations are important because they help build esteem and character. Having a positive attitude starts with how we feel about ourselves. If you are struggling with being positive start with my top seven steps to becoming more positive.

Beginning your day on a positive note is important because it will set the tone for the rest of your day. There isn't one person who hasn't gottne up in the morning and stubbed their toe or looked out the window and saw it was raining and said, "I don't feel like it today." That says to the universe you know what send me more of this so I can feel like this. So take a few minutes in the morning to focus on positive things, even if you have to write a note to your self the night before and read it in the morning. You want to set the tone for a positive day. The more you do it the less it will feel like work.

Rid yourself of toxic relationships. It is imperative that we remove, de-clutter, rearrange, regroup, and reorganize our "friends' and "family. " Yes , family too. Rid yourself of the types that are negative, never have anything good or nice to say about anything or anyone. Don't waste your time entertaining nonsense. By doing this we not only make room for the positive people to come into our lives but it makes you feel better too.

Realize your negative thoughts. Acknowledge the negative thoughts as they arise. Most of the time its unwarranted thoughts that just pop up. Stop it! Doing that is so damaging. We gain nothing from thinking negative of others. We gain power with positivity!

Believe that you are in charge of your destiny. Start believing that all you have all you need to get to where you want to go. Believe and use the tools you were given, it may require you to tap into the inside of yourself to discover these tools but trust me they are there. You'll know when you find them, the first is strength!

Spirituality is important because we are more than this flesh, there is more beyond what the "eye" can see. Tapping into your the spiritual being inside is needed in order to live this natural life. Some call it meditating, some call it prayer, some choose to reflect or call it reflection, essentially it all does the same thing. Do more of it!

Problems become challenges. Start viewing your "problems" as a challenge not a defeat. By definition Challenge is a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength. Challenging a situation is a summons of your built strength, meaning its time to test out what you've built up over time. A problem is defined as any question or matter involving, doubt, uncertainty or difficulty. When ever a circumstance arises we shouldn't be uncertain, doubtful, or feel its difficult because over time we have built up our strength to endure the weather. Its not a problem but a challenge.

We are all on a journey, follow these steps and become unstoppable! Map out your goals and attack each one with an unstoppable sense of I am... I challenge all of you to take the unstoppable 7 step challenge on a journey to a much positive place in your life, and become unstoppable.

Confessing

2011-07-17T23:14:00.000-04:00

Once a murderer, adulterer, liar, and a thief. I've even had problems with lust, control, abandonment, emptiness, abuse, self-image, and self-hate.

I am confessing, this is the true me, ready to emerge. I know I’m on the verge of something great. I just need to make room on my plate.

I am confessing , it hasn’t been easy, but I know what I’m up against.

I’m walking in my destiny, tired of straddling the fence.

I am confessing. There have been times I feel tired and defeated

but keep my head up cause I know I’m needed.

I am confessing. Down on my knees, begging for just one more chance to get up and I cried, “Lord, help me please.” Afraid of the words, “Child, flee from me!”

I am confessing. You see the child I killed, the man I cheated with, the lie I told, the countless things I stole, were all a part of a big big hole. All the lust , self-hate, emptiness , abandonment, and abuse. What could I be with all that inside of me?

I am confessing. I Was once blinded by all I thought I was and all I thought I was gon’ be, but God said “Look unto me. Because I will set you free.”

I am confessing that after all the tears, questions and answers. I got up. I brushed my shoulders off, took a look in the mirror and began to love what starred back at me. It was she.

I am confessing , She is who was trapped and entangled in the thought of not being all I wanted to be. All that and more I had to learn to love the whore, all of her and even more.

I am confessing that as I came to learn to love myself, I realized it had to come from the inside to heal out, pushed away all self doubt because I finally felt I had the help.

So I began to consult with she that had come from within, so much wisdom, peace, and love. I knew she had come from above.

For the first time in my life I am so free. Because greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. And I believed it.

Deep down inside we know what’s right, but we choose to put up a fight. And until we tap out, we will be without.

This is no longer a confession but a profession, that all that has been promised, all that you‘ve dreamed is possible. if you let go of some of the insecurities, hurt, and pain. If not you’ll find yourself drained.

Empty with nothing to give in return. Lesson learned?

I am free from judgment, I am free from doubt, I am free from guilt and shame.

I am free to love, free to laugh, free to live, free to give and will always proclaim, that it is because of what’s on the inside that I chose to live and not die.

Today, start confessing those things that keep you bound. Start being “real” with yourself, first. Start believing in yourself again. You are loved, God never stops loving us, we are His creation, remember it’s the sin He hates. Don’t be afraid to let go of what you thought you knew it got you to where you are now. But I’m sure that’s not where you want to be. Some are looking for purpose; and its right under your nose. Stop looking for it. Do what is good and what feels right.

The more you concentrate on finding purpose, its like saying to the universe, pass me some more circumstances that will enable me to find my purpose. Let my purpose keep hiding so I can continue looking for it! That is the energy we put out there. Stop it today! I challenge you to give like never before and watch what happens. Everything in this life is about balance, love , hate, good , evil, and give, receive. You have got to give in order to receive.

I was purposed to write this blog, to pour out of myself what has been dropped in me and you were purposed to read it, receive it , and change the world, with purpose, on purpose! If you don't know now you know! Walk in it!

Free...Stress free

2011-07-15T23:59:00.003-04:00

What a day! I actually had to come to the blog and read my own posts. How bout that? That just goes to show, no matter how far off the ground you get some will try and bring you down, by any means. If they have to rent a plane or get in a hot air ballon ( cause thats the only way they gon get me). But I prevailed, insistant on being positive despite what was being thrown my way. I checked evey emotion as it arised. Anger, betrayal, hurt, and disappointment. What I mean by check, asking myself Why and What. Why am I mad and at What? What is hurting me and Why? Why do I feel betrayed or disappointed? Once I answered the questions ( yes I answered myself) I weighed its worth. Is this worth having these feelings over? My answer was no.

So I found the source of all these mixed emotions and called the person. We had an amazing conversation, which turned out the other person felt the same way. We spoke to each other about how we felt and why, weighed the worth and decided what we were feeling was not valid. There was no sense in either of us being angry, hurt, or disappointed.

I'm learning to do this 3 point check more and more. Let me outline it.

Ask yourself "Why" and "What"
Weigh its worth
Find the source and confront

and repeat steps 1-3 again if need to. Some of the things we let get the best of us have no value or worth so why get all bent out of shape anyway? Get rid of the stress! I hope this will help you as it has helped me.

Pleaes follow the link for more info about stress.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_signs.htm

Walking

2011-07-13T19:26:00.000-04:00

No post yesterday because I was not lead to write about anything. I had a few ideas but that's not what this blog is about. What happened to me today is what inspired this post and why I believe in only posting when I'm moved to do so. I'm staying true to only posting when my heart is pricked and oh what a feeling! Enjoy!

Every morning I walk a good 3 to 4 miles. This morning was no different, or so I thought. I started out my front door with my music blaring. Each stride I took, I was feeling good, like I always do when I walk. I started out walking to lose weight, which seemed like a chore. But once I changed my mindset about walking, it became therapeutic. Today I decided to take a new route, I started my way up an incline and had second thoughts, "Nah, I better not." On top of it all it's going to be a very hot day, it hadn't even reached 10 am and I could feel the humidity and heat.
I started to reflect on my new journey, I thought about turning around but I never did. I kept going, I kept walking. I hit another incline and I kept walking, cars were whizzing by and I kept on walking. As I turn another corner down the trail, I started to thank God for the mere movement of my joints and all my extremities. As I did so, it evoked a feeling of praise from the inside of me. I was filled with such compassion and gratitude. I started to look around at the trees, plants, and bugs and just be thankful for it all. I thought of my spiritual mother, who is ill right now, a once lively woman, now sick, and not able to move as much.

Her frail little body appeard as I thought about cutting my journey short. Knowing her , I could hear her pushing me, just like she always has, its time for me to push for her. I thought about her and then everyone else that is struggling with weight, a disease, a sickness, an addiction and thought to myself, I can move, I can get up this hill , if I just believe and push myself. I know she is sick and can't move but I can and I will. My walk instantly took on a new meaning. I can get through life, I just have to keep on moving or walking. I am walking through adversity, statistics, self hate, low self esteem, disorders, sickness, addiction and disease. I am walking for those that do not have the power to do so. Don't stop for the hurdles, they are there to test your strength, jump over them. I am walking with a greater purpose than myself. I burts into tears as I wanted to slow down but I couldn't, I wouldn't allow myself, I kept going I pushed myself and I made it over!

Sometimes in life we reach a hill, and think , I can't do it, I won't make it, but if we could just reach down inside of us we really can. We have so much strength and power on the inside, its been there since birth. Tap into your strength! We have to learn to use our God given resources, we are equipped to walk this walk, even for the ones that can't. We should be walking by faith and not by sight. And I'm walking for you. I will no longer take "walking" for granted. Make your walk (journey through life) have meaning and you will get through. I did!

Don't just take a stand , start walking!

I love you Carol!
#walkignforcarol

Silencing the noise

2011-07-11T23:39:00.002-04:00

Often times due to our busy lives, and schedules, we don't take the time out to be quiet. I am silencing the noise in my life and so should you. Shut it down. The noise can be anything, from the job that you are not satisfied with, the spouse you don't know what to do with, the gossip friends we have in our lives, the media, ourselves, and our peers. Silence can be a good thing, when in silence you allow the inner you to speak. Shh! Take a few minutes and be quiet. Concentrate on how you feel and whatever it is you are feeling, zone in on the "why" you feel that way and begin to deal with it.

In 2007, I was nearing the end of my second trimester of pregnancy, when it all came tumbling down. My water broke and my husband and I rushed to the hospital. Both of us were extremely scared because we didn't know what to expect, we arrive and are told our son would not survive. Long story short, I went into a deep depression after loosing Jeremiah. I sought professional help and was told I was clinically "depressed" , no , let me get it right, bipolar/manic depression. Yeah, that's what I said! Come again?!

Bipolar disorder by definition is *also referred to as bipolar affective disorder or manic depression, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes.

I was prescribed medicine and found it helped. I also found that the more I opened up to my therapist about things that concerned me, it became apparent to me, this breakdown wasn't because of this baby alone, it was about all the things I let sit and build up. Depression was the residual. As time went on I started taking less and less of the medicine. Losing that child forced me to deal with "me" on the inside. For some of us it takes drastic measures before we are forced to deal with some stuff. I had stuff inside of me that I had to look in the face. Depression for me was a forced silence. I say forced because no one chooses to be depressed. Depression is a feeling of being sad, alone, low, and unworthy at the drop of a dime. At any given moment depression can hit you. (I'm going somewhere with this so stay with me.) Your body gives you signs to tell you when you have neglected it, and for me it was depression.

I had neglected so many areas in my personal life it crept up on me and sat on my chest like a ton of bricks. Depression is rough and I still have days where it tries to come at me but I learned to work through it. I learned to use that time to be silent, get quiet to myself and reflect or pray. Depression by definition is abnormally elevated energy levels, which tells me I can control my energy levels! We can control our energy levels! Thats the good news! Praying, meditating, time outs, whatever you want to call it, but in doing so we can address whats really going on on the inside. Change your mindset and you can change the rest of your life.

Silence the noise so you can hear whats going on in the inside and deal with those things concening you. Get rid of all the toxins, and if need be go and get some professional help to assit you with dealing with whatever you're dealing with. Do not let depression keep you down, while there take the time to be silent and delve into you. Find out what's really going on. I gurantee you'll emerge feeling on top of the world!

Reality check, if you or anyone you know is dealing with depression or your not sure, check this site http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/depression.html.

*Refrence http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

Looking up

2011-07-10T12:15:00.005-04:00

I am looking up refusing to look down, at least not now, my feet still touch the ground. Just like that bird , soaring through the sky no longer afraid, I'm flying with my eyes open wide, high above all interference, above all distraction and traffic, staying in my lane, on a flight to proclaim what's been promised.

Its beautiful up here, I think I can look down now. I've opened my eyes and taken a look. I see what appears to be small,

tiny, spectacles, could those be distractions, interference, and traffic? Wow, they don't look so big after all, I'm feeling more confident as I reach higher altitudes that what bothered me when I was on the ground has no place up here.

The sky is limitless, we just go up and u

p and up, once we get there and take the time to be thankful for our journey, we can really see and appreciate everything in sight. Here's an idiom that has truth to it when flipped around, seeing is believing , flip it around and it says believing is seeing. You don't have what you want, need, or desire because you don't even believe it. Until you do , you won't see it. So when you really start believing you will see it!

Here's a few steps we can take to help us really believe (see) .

1. Ask- Whatever it is and write it down, be specific.

2. Believe- Begin to visualize that it has already come to pass and express gratitude for it being so.

3.Receive it!

Don't question how its going to happen just believe it will happen! That's it! Stay positive! What do you have to lose? I can answer that all that pinned up , bottled up, set aside in reserve negativity. We can definitively do without it!

Take flight!

Expecting

2011-07-09T17:01:00.012-04:00

Are you expecting? I am and its not a baby! Knowing what I know about positive thought and frequency, I can only expect greatness. What will it take for you to understand you where equipped to go through each and every circumstance we encounter? We've been equipped since birth. Are you expecting? What do you have to lose if you even dared to believe what I'm saying?

Have you ever wondered how people became famous or how they got there? I can not believe that with all my church going , faith giving ,tithing, pew seat warming, choir singing, chicken dinner eating, bible toting, years; have lead me to not be as successful as Oprah, Jay-Z,Bill Gates, or Drake and they are huge successes. My point is whether good or bad we attract what we want! We attract what we desire. Those few I mentioned had to start somewhere, and I know one thing for sure two for certain, it started with a vision and a mission to accomplish what they set out to do. We can all be successful, its enough to go around.

Take competition out of the equation and watch what happens, stop thinking about how you can be better than someone else. The more you think of competing against someone is like telling the universe give me more to contend with, give me more competition. Instead work on your journey, only using your God given senses. Touch your way to the next level, see your way, taste your way, hear and smell your way through to the goal. Why are we competing for what one another has when its promised to us all? I'll save that for another blog posting, I promise! lol!

What makes their success different is the expectancy, determination, the telling yourself "yes I can" better than that, try this one "Yes I will." Yes, I will have that business; I will live a prosperous life; I will get that job or go to that school. Yes I will and believe it! Do not allow discouragement to set in , shut it down! When those thoughts arise, I think on the things that have been accomplished and only allow myself to dwell on vision or mission at hand. I really visualize where I want to be , I'm talking, closing my eyes and going "in" with the idea that it has arrived.

Remember Star Trek? Beam me up Scotty? I do that , teleport myself to where I need to be , what I want to do, what I was purposed to do. Doing so makes me feel great! If we do that enough, whenever the negative arises, we'll be so far off the ground negativity can't touch us. Once I reach the altitude of " this feels so damn good" I set my ride on cruise control and enjoy the scenery, because what I'm expecting is drawing more of what I want to see.

On our ride to the top its okay to can stop to admire all that's around us, I recommend it, we've attracted it! Remember you're too far gone, too far off the ground for any thing or any one to knock you down, untouchable. So while on that ride , set cruise control and express gratitude for what as been sent your way! If I've said something that resonates with you than do the world a favor and comment, share the link and follow.

Move with expectancy!