Speaking From the Heart

Empower yourself - Change your thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Sumi) — Tue, 21 Jun 2022 01:57:00 +0000

How our thoughts determine our quality of life

The thoughts you have determine your life, your success, even your state of health. Your brain is set to keep you in alignment with what you believe. It’s a safety mechanism designed to keep the species alive. Whatever you tell your brain, especially if you repeat it over and over again, as in your “Recurring thoughts”, the more it becomes true for you.

The good news though, is you can change your mind. Your mind doesn’t question if what you tell it is true or not. It just accepts it as fact, and then acts on these thoughts.
So if you keep telling yourself, “I can’ do this”, or, “I’m sick of this”, your body will respond by finding ways for you not doing something, and even create sickness in your body.

The RAS in your brain and why its important

We have a bundle of nerves in our brains called the RAS, or Reticulating Activation System. Once you identify something that you care about, or is important to you, you signal your brain to be on the lookout for this situation, item, etc.

An example is when you decide you want to buy a particular car. All of a sudden, you start to see this particulate car everywhere you go. And any times it’s in the exact color you’ve identified that you want.

It’s not that suddenly there are suddenly more of these cars on the road, but instead, your mind is now focused on what you’ve said is important to you. It now goes about noticing the cars that in the past, you wouldn’t have even seen.

For a more in-depth understanding of the RSA, you can read this article: RAS - What it is

Use your mind to work for you, instead of against you

Now that you know how the mind works, you can start to use it to work in your favor as opposed to working against you. It’s not that your mind has been purposely trying to sabotage you. It’s only that it has been following what it thought you wanted.

Tell your mind a new story. Tell it what you want it to focus on. Want a happy, healthy relationship? Tell your mind, “I attract the perfect soul mate”. Want more success or more money? Tell your brain, “I’m successful”, “I have more than enough money for what I want”.

Yes, this sounds overly simple. But through repetition, you can in fact change what your mind believes. Add to this, the tools of EFT or tapping and you can get rid of any resistance you have to what you want.

For instance, let’s use the example of “I attract my perfect soul mate”. When you say this, what’s the kickback, or the “Yeah, but….”? What pops into your mind as the reason you can’t have this? There’s no right or wrong answer here. Whatever comes up for you is the answer you want or need in order to let go of that belief that limits you from having what you want.

Then take that belief and rate it as to ‘How true it is”. Give it a score from 1-10. So, when you say the phrase you’re working on, is it a 10 - absolutely true? Or a 0? “No way is that true for me!” Or any number in between.

You’re just giving yourself a gauge to go by so you know that it’s shifting and ultimately releasing as you go through the EFT exercises.

There’s a very informative book by Marisa Peer, a world-renowned and successful hypnotist who has worked with everyone from celebrities, rock stars, and billionaires to help them improve their lives. If you want a great read that covers the science behind how hypnosis works, as well as examples of how you can use it to change your life, you can take a look at it here:

Tell yourself a better lie

Become aware of your inner thoughts

This is by far one of the most important steps you can take. Start becoming aware of your inner dialogue. And then change what you say to yourself. Some examples of what you might be saying are:

This commute is killing me. Is it really? How about the fact that you have a job? You can instead tell yourself, “I’m happy to have a job even if the commute is longer than I would like”
I’m exhausted! Instead say, “My body is tired right now and just needs to recharge”
I never have enough time. Try, “I have plenty of time to accomplish what I want/need to do”

As you begin telling yourself a better line, you’ll find that things change in your life - for real. Suddenly, you find extra time, or you become more efficient and complete what you need to get done.

Play with this idea. It’s fun. See what you can change in your life, merely by changing what you tell yourself on a daily basis. You’ll definitely see the difference.

Creating Ease in Your Body

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 03 Jul 2020 20:30:00 +0000

During these challenging times of COVID-19 and world events, it can be easy to drop into doubt, uncertainty, and fear. Just hearing the news on a regular basis can add to these feelings of tension.

When you're exposed to ongoing negative news, it can create tension in your body. This isn't good for your stress levels or your health.

Is COVID real? Of course, it is. Should you take precautions in boosting your immune system, washing your hands, and being aware of coming into contact with others who might have COVID? Of course. However, when we are truly safe, even if it's only in the present moment, we need to acknowledge it and take it in. This gives our bodies a break and a chance to let down.

When you let down and relax, you give your immune system a break and a chance to remain healthy. Letting go of unnecessary stress is key to maintaining your health.

Reminding Your Body To Relax

Something you can do to alleviate this stress is to implement a daily routine of "reminding your body" to relax.

If you've ever experienced trauma or a frightening event, you know how your body can tense up. Unfortunately, when there are ongoing traumas or dangers, our body can get locked into a state of perpetual tightness. Our adrenals stay on high alert rather than letting down once the danger is over.

There are steps you can do to change this. You can consciously remind yourself that "At this moment, right here, right now, I am safe" Because it's true, right? If you think about right now, as you're reading this, there is no imminent danger.
Yes, COVID is still here. People's jobs can be uncertain. But at this very moment, you're ok. We can perceive dangers that could happen in the future as being currently a danger to ourselves. This isn't true.

Steps to reset your body to a state of calm

1. Start your day out with a positive outlook.

The outlook you head into your day sets the tone for your entire day. Why not be pro-active and set it to one of optimism, hope, exploration?
YouTube has a large variety of motivational videos. You can start your day with one of these. Here are a few as examples, or to get yourself started:
- 4 Minutes to Set up your Day
- Start Your Day Right
When you set up your day with a sense of positivity or a great intention, you set the tone of your entire day.

2. Remind yourself that you're safe.

Consciously take the time to remind yourself that in the present moment you're safe. You can think this, write it, or even tap it in. I'll include some tapping phrases you can practice as a reminder

3. Find ways to remind yourself to relax.

Like any habit, the more you repeat it, the more it becomes second nature.
Whether it's setting a daily reminder in your phone to give yourself a reminder to breathe deeply and just relax, by reminding yourself to relax throughout the day, or doing some rounds of tapping (EFT), you're training your body to stay in a state of relaxation and ease.

4. Create more routines of self-care.

Yoga
Meditation
Walks in nature
Creating pieces of art
Scheduling in downtime just for yourself

5. Find and list the things in your life that you're grateful for.

By shifting your awareness from worry or concern, to what you love or appreciate about your life, you're giving yourself more uplifting and relaxing thoughts.
By being in a state of gratitude, even for a few minutes, you're resetting your mind and your body to a more relaxed state. It also opens your heart and allows you to receive in a much easier way.

EFT Tapping Phrase to Create Ease

Here are 2 different examples of how to use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, or tapping), to create ease in your body.

Example 1: Doing the full round of tapping:
In this exercise you'll tap through the standard form of EFT starting with the setup phrases:

Setup:
Even though I have all of this tension and worry in my body and in my life, I am ok.
Even though I'm feeling so tense and anxious, I deeply and profoundly accept who I am and how I feel.
Even though I have all this tension in my body, and the world is so uncertain right now, a part of me knows there are ways I can create ease in my body.

Starting on the eyebrow point and continuing with the rest of the points:

All of this tension in my body and my mind.
All of this tension. I'd like to let it go.
I wonder if I can let it go?
Maybe I don't need to be hypervigilant all of the time
I wonder how I can create ease in my body?
All of this tension in my body. It's ok to let it go
I wonder if that's possible?
Maybe I can release it a little at a time, in the way that feels right for me

Relax and take a breath and then continue onto the 2nd round of tapping for this exercise:

All this tension in my body.
All of this fear and doubt.
Relax and let it go.
All of the need to be in control.
I wonder if I can let go of the need to know and just relax?
Maybe I can just relax and open up to curiosity and exploration.
Maybe I can trust that I have everything I need to make the right decisions

Maybe I just didn't realize I could do this.
All of this tension. Release and let it go.
All this tension. It's ok to let it goIt's safe to let it go
It's time to let it go.
All of this tension in my body, in my thoughts, and in my emotions.
Release and them it go.

Then take a deep breath. Hold onto your wrist with your other hand and say, "Peace" As you do, think of a very pleasant or relaxing memory and just let yourself sit with this for a few moments.
By feeling the memory of a pleasant memory and then holding your wrist, you're anchoring this feeling deeper into your body and your present time.
You can change any of the words to fit your particular sensations or thoughts as you go through the exercise.

2nd Method of Tapping:
This is one you can do throughout your day when you notice tension in your body:
Here you would skip the setup phrase because you're already aware of the issue you want to work on, which is the feeling of tension.
You can either tap on one point, or you can go through the whole series of points - whichever feels right for you. There's no wrong or right here.

I'm safe in my body.
Right here, right now, in this moment, I am safe and I choose to relax
I'm safe and my body can relax
It's ok for me to relax
All of this tension I'm feeling, relax and let it go
It's safe to let it go.
It's ok to let it go.
I am safe
I choose to release and let it go.
In this moment I choose to recognize that I am safe, right here and right now
I can now let down my guard and relax my body
I choose to relax my body and feel at ease

Discounts During Covid

As a way to support others during these challenging times, I've decided to offer a limited number of discounts for the months of July & August. If our economic shutdown continues past that point, I'll look at extending the discounts.

If you're interested in seeing if the work I do could be a support for you right now, email me and we can do a 20-30 min complimentary all to explore how this work can be a support for you

Letting Go of Self-Judgment

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 21 Apr 2020 16:06:00 +0000

When you hold non-judgment and compassion for yourself, you create substantial benefits for yourself. You hold optimism, increase your level of success, and even increase your immune system's ability to function at optimal levels.

Not only that, but you're able to fully explore all your options and your abilities. It gives you permission to take a chance - to really go for greatness without the encumbrance of judgment or blaming.

When you let go of being critical of yourself, you free yourself up and you also add courage to the mix. Rather than judging the steps, you take, instead, view your actions and decisions with curiosity.

What worked?
What didn’t work?
What can I alter to create better results?
Is there more I can pursue in this area of thought or action?

When you give yourself permission to just be present with what is, you open a whole new horizon of possibilities.

What if you had an amazing supporter? Someone who believed in you.

Here’s something to consider. How would your work, actions, or decisions change if you really knew you had someone in your life who believed in you and who supported everything you did? How would that feel? If, no matter what you did, this person said, ”Well, good for you for taking a chance. Were these the results you were going for? And if not, is there another direction or tactic you could take to get the results you want? What else could you do, in a different way to support your desired goal?” Or, “That was great! You look like you’re really on track here. I have so much belief in you.”

No criticism. Just a deep desire to be the best source of support they could be. And even be a sounding board for your decisions.

How would this change your performance or even your view of an upcoming decision? What would your level of confidence be?

Let that person be you

Now that you’ve imagined this other person and all of the benefits they would bring to your life, let that person be you. Step into that role for yourself. Be your best champion. Leave judgment at the door and go wholeheartedly for what you want, or what you believe.

Give yourself permission to mess up and make mistakes. When you let go of the need to be perfect, you open up so many more options for yourself. You’re free from judgment or criticism and you're able to really fly.

Give yourself permission to be both brilliant & imperfect, all at the same time

Realize that’s it’s ok to make mistakes. It’s part of being human. You can be both perfect, brilliant, and imperfect. Because when you know this, it’s such a feeling of freedom. You’re giving yourself full permission to explore all of your options.

The ones that work, you keep. The ones that don’t, you let go of. By being kind to yourself, which means allowing for whoever you are in that moment, you learn more about yourself, and how to move forward in a much easier way.

Life is hard enough without adding extra judgment to it

The kinder you can be to yourself, the easier life becomes. Life already sends us enough challenges without us adding self-judgment to the mix. Let yourself off the hook. Allow yourself to make mistakes, and celebrate your courage in taking a chance.

Complimentary Coaching Session for Healers & Healing Professionals

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 19 Apr 2020 05:01:00 +0000

Are you struggling to find your purpose right now? Do have clarity on your next, best step? During this time of crisis, we are all in a position of self-reflection. What haven’t you done that’s been a desire goal or burning desire? What areas of your life do you want to improve or change?

While this crisis is certainly challenging in many ways, it also gives us the chance to re-evaluate our lives, and to decide what truly works for us, and what we’d like to leave behind.

In an effort to give back and offer support to people wanting to gain more clarity on the direction they’re taking and steps to take in this direction, I'm offering 2 complimentary coaching sessions. This is for t a limited number of healers or people working to create change in their life, or within their community

My believe is that when we help others it has a ripple effect and benefits even more people.

During these coaching sessions, we'll focus on honing in on and identifying your key goal or desired outcome. I'll also support you in discovering the steps you can take to achieve your desired outcome.

Your desired outcome can be anything you want to create in your life. From change, to clarity, or as simple as bringing more self-care into your life. It might even be creating new programs to help others or create positive change in their lives. Or it can be just gaining a sense of clarity around what your purpose is - what you came here to be.

If you're interested in seeing if these 2 coaching sessions would benefit you, send me a message.

Together we can all make a positive difference for the people in our lives and in the world at large.

Growth In Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 28 Feb 2020 17:51:00 +0000

Growth in relationships is inevitable. It it doesn't happen, the relationship can grow stale and even fall apart.

Every relationship we have is a vehicle for growth and change. The little "Challenges" and arguments give you the opportunity to explore areas of your life and yourself, where you can address old wounds and emotional beliefs that no longer serve you. By doing this, you're given the opportunity for growth and healing.

If you don't grow, there's a risk any relationship will eventually end. When someone isn't able to move beyond past emotional hurts, resentment builds up. This resentment, over time, erodes any relationship. As a means to endure, and as a survival mechanism, we tend to shut down our emotions. But when you do, you also shut down your ability to feel joy and love as well.

Growth in Marriage = Growth in Self

All we grow up, we're presented with difficulties and challenges. It's part of life and the maturation process. These difficulties cause us to make decisions about other people and life in general. The decisions are made in an effort to keep us safe. "This person is safe. That person is scary", etc. As a species, we're meant to survive. These decisions help us know and identify situations or people who can be threatening to us. We then go about trying to avoid future encounters with someone or something that represents a similar danger.

The problem with these decisions, is they're usually made at a young age - before we have the ability to apply logical thinking. Logical thinking hasn't developed at an early age. When we're young, the brain is functioning in "survival mode" So something that appears scary to a 3 yr old, wouldn't necessarily bother an adult. Unfortunately, fear goes very deeply into the brain and the decision-making process. It represents a true danger to survival. As we mature, this deep fear doesn't go away. It's buried in the subconscious mind until a similar situation arises. This is what's referred to as "being triggered". It doesn't have to be something that's equally as frightening. It just has to be something similar in nature. When this happens, the old feelings of terror emerge and the person reacts to the present situation as if it's the original one.

As you go through life, you can be hurt, emotionally by another person. All of these little hurts and encounters are recorded in your subconscious. When someone you're in a relationship with does something that represents one of these past dangers or hurts, the past memory is activated, unconsciously, and you can react - not always appropriate to the situation. The other person has "pushed your buttons".

When this happens, our reaction many times is much more intense than the situation calls for. But what can you do about it? Are you stuck with an instinctual "knee jerk" reaction? One that possibly can do damage to your current relationship? Or do you have a choice?

The answer is "yes, you do have a choice". You can choose to examine whether or not your reaction was appropriate to the situation. You can choose to not let your reaction cause damage to the marriage or relationship. You can also pull your partner aside, in a calmer moment and ask them to share their experience of what happened. You can gain enormous insights into how you react from another person's perspective.

Once you have these insights, you can go to work on examining and healing any past events or beliefs that get in the way of maintaining love and security within, not only your marriage, but within yourself.

While not always easy, it will benefit not only you in the growth you achieve, but also all of the relationships in your life. When you do the work of letting go of past hurts, fears, and upsets, you'll feel an amazing sense of calm in your life. The growth in yourself, as well as the growth in your marriage is the reward.

Surrender to the process

When you stop to see how disagreements in any of your relationships are an opportunity to see something from another perspective and to examine whether or not there are past hurts you'd like to let go of - once and for all, it becomes easier to surrender to the process. When you do, you welcome in growth, happiness, and a sense of calm to your life.

For an excellent book on understanding and learning to successfully navigate through your romantic relationships, check out: Be Loved For Who You Really Are The book covers all of the stages of love, from Stage 1, falling in love, through the more challenging aspects. The authors discuss ways to navigate through them and arrive at Stage 4, which is the same level of joy and excitement you had during the "honeymoon" phase of your relationship, except now you have a broader sense of acceptance and maturity, and are able to stay in the "honeymoon" phase.

To your happiness......Sumi

Book a complimentary call to learn about letting go of the blocks that stand in your way.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Change Your Mind To Change Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 04 Aug 2018 02:32:00 +0000

You underlying beliefs run your life

The biggest block that stands in the way of you receiving what you want, are your beliefs. These are what drive all of your actions.

They’ve been called Limiting Beliefs and Negative Beliefs. But all they are, in their simplest form, are the beliefs your mind came up with as a way to make sense of the world and all that you’ve experienced.

If you want change, change the beliefs that don’t support you

This might sound overly simple, but it’s true. Once you change how you view life, situations, yourself, or the world, your entire life will change. Simple, yet not always easy. However, it is doable! And you can do it in a methodical way.

Your mind is only doing its job to keep you safe

Listen, this isn’t a diabolical plot to hold you back. Our bodies and our minds are geared towards helping us - not hurting us or holding us back. We are completely geared towards survival, so any belief we came up with was done as a way to make sense of the world and to just survive.

But here’s the catch. When our minds came up with the most basic, or core beliefs that we hold, they were made at a time when our brains were still quite immature. The logical part of our brain, which would tell us that the shadow in the corner isn’t a scary monster, but actually our jacket hanging on the chair, wasn’t developed or available to us in our early years.

Because of this, the decisions we made, (and consequent the beliefs we came up with), aren’t always valuable or even true in our adult lives. They were valid then, in their own way, but they can get in the way in your current life.

What you can do to create change

So, what can you do? You can start by finding out what your key, driving beliefs are. They aren’t always obvious, but are strongly held in your subconscious - and they are “running the show”. Some of these beliefs are, “Play it safe”, “Don’t stick out or shine”, “Be careful, you might fail”. They tell you to stay safe because this is what they're designed to do. It's their job.

Except, if what you want is a full and fulfilling life, one filled with joy and success, you need to examine whether or not these beliefs are helping you, or hindering you. If they fall into the latter category, it’s time to let them go.

How to examine the beliefs that get in your way

There are several ways to discover what your beliefs are. To begin the process, take some time to sit and think through the following questions. And as you do, it’s helpful to write down any insights or memories that come up. These are roadways into what your beliefs are, or could be. It’s a journey and a very informational one that gives you the insights you need.

1. Ask yourself what the phrases or statements you heard your parents, family, or friends say as you were growing up. This has a real impact on how you view the world. You’d be surprised at how much these statements can take hold and even become a part of your identity. If you think about it, it makes sense. As children we naturally trust our caregivers and those around us to show us the way, and to take care of us. With our parents in this position, we believe everything we're told or shown.

But here’s the hitch. Your parents or caregivers are repeating what they heard or learned from their parents. Many times people don’t examine what they’re told and just go along with it as if it’s gospel. But this isn’t always the case. In fact, most times it’s not. They repeated these statements as a way to help you because it's what they believed. But not all of those statements empower you or encourage you to be your best self.

2. What experiences did you have growing up? Were they challenging or traumatic? If they were, then your view of the world could be, “Life is difficult”, “The world isn’t safe”, “Other people aren’t safe”, just to name a few.

Your experiences shape your life

What you’ve lived through has shaped your life and how you express yourself in it. Our experiences actually change how each of our brain develops, and continues to develop. Studies on the brain by Niall Duncan showed how the brain is affected by adverse childhood experiences.

As stated in an article in The US Library of Medicine, National Institutes of health, "Research in humans and animals has shown that negative childhood experiences (NCE) can have long-term effects on the structure and function of the brain. Alterations have been noted in grey and white matter, in the brain’s resting state, on the glutamatergic system, and on neural and behavioural responses to aversive stimuli."

The study and implementation of Neuroplasticity now shows how our brains can be changed and rewired in positive ways.

Change your view of life

Instead of viewing your experiences as negative, which many of them might have been, try viewing them from a position that empowers you. Look at them as, “How can I move past this, let it go, and learn something valuable from it?” Because everything you’ve gone through has brought you to where you are today. And because of this, you have a unique understanding of something another person wouldn’t have. You can actually use this understanding to help others, or even to just help yourself by holding more compassion for yourself. But it does tend to give you a deeper appreciation of what other people are struggling with. When you go through a difficult challenge, it helps you to hold compassion for other people who are also struggling. It makes you more human.

3. What “examples” did you see growing up? What did the people in your life do, feel about certain things, or how did they express themselves? As you grow up, your brain learns by example and by viewing others. All of this, even when unspoken, also has impact on how we view life and the world in general.

4. Another way to find out what beliefs are running in the background of your life, is to stand back and look at your life.

Is your life easy?

Do you struggle with money, relationships, or confidence?

Do things come to you easily, or do you find that everything is an uphill battle?

What is present in your life is formed by your internal beliefs.

Objectively looking at your life will give you valuable clues to what you might want to change or keep. They're all indications of what your subconscious mind believes. The good news here though, is that you can change what you believe, and consequently, vastly impact your life in positive ways.

Release the beliefs that no longer serve you

Once you’ve written down any memories, events, or statements from your past, you can then start to examine what your limiting beliefs might be. You might know some of them right off the bat. But, if you don’t, ask yourself, “What might be the belief be that I came away with from this.......(example, experience, or statement)?

For instance, if your parents struggled with money, some normal, common beliefs would be:

Money is hard to come by

Life is a struggle

I never have enough for what I need

You have to work hard to make money

I’m not worthy

These are just a few examples of beliefs that would be tied to a similar home situation. Each person is individual in what their particular mind comes up with. What your mind creates won’t be the exact same as another person, so honor whatever it is you feel or discover. This is important because it’s truly honoring and respecting who you are and what you need to look at in order to make improvements in your life.

The more precise you can be, the better because then you have a better understanding of what drives you. This is a fascinating process, and it doesn’t have to be challenging. The best way to do this is to find techniques which support the process in being simple and easy. You don’t need to struggle or suffer in order to create great change in your life. I feel fortunate that I’ve been able to learn ways which help create change in simpler, easier ways. There are numerous techniques that anyone can learn and use, either with a professional or on their own.

When you support yourself by approaching your beliefs in this way, change is inspiring - not scary or challenging.

The final step - Create new positive beliefs

When you know what the limiting beliefs are, you have the information to change them to more positive and empowering beliefs. A belief such as, "Life is a struggle" could be changed to "My life is effortless and I move through the world with ease".

The sky's the limit with what you can create in your life. Be daring, experiment, and then do the work to come into full alignment with your new, positive beliefs.

If you're having trouble with any of the above steps, I offer a 20-minute free consultation to discuss any changes you'd like to make or goals you want to reach. Having an outside perspective helps give you a clearer view of what steps to take, or blocks your success.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063

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Balance In Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 27 Dec 2017 23:07:00 +0000

To have harmony and ultimately happiness, it's important to have balance in relationships. All of your relationships. Whether it's friendships, marriages, or even work relationships, balance is important.

Balance in Relationships

Many people don't think about balance. It's not always something that comes naturally. Because the human brain is designed to be efficient, it makes decisions about whatever we experience. These can be events, people, relationships, really anything. The brain then places these into categories. This is true of objects, people, or relationships. Once the brain has made this decision, it goes about relating to the person, object, etc, in the same manner each time. It's meant as a way to simplify life. So, why is this a problem?

How the Brain Can Undermine The Balance in Relationships

How does this relate to balance? Because the brain is being efficient, it has a set way of viewing things. Once your brain has categorized a relationship, it takes a lot to change this opinion. It takes effort to consciously change how you view a certain relationship and the balance within it. It's much easier to have placed the object, relationship, etc into a category and then relate to it in the same manner each time. It's more efficient. But it can take a toll on you or your interactions with people.

How does efficiency impact a friendship?

How this impacts relationships is, if you have a friend who always seems to have problems or disasters in their life and you rush in to help out - lending emotional support or any other kind of support, their brain categorizes you as "the helper, saver, or person to turn to, in disasters." They can unconsciously view you as the person they go to when they have a problem. If they aren't aware of the brain's tendency to categorize, they view you in only one way - the receive, you give. The relationship then becomes unbalanced. Whenever you need support, they don't seem to be there. They might not step in to help. It's as if they have blinders on and can't comprehend your need for support or help.

This type of relating can happen on either end. In some instances, you might be the helper, and in other relationships, you might find you lean on someone you know. While it's great to have emotional support, it needs to be done in balanced ways.

Generally speaking though, people tend to stay in the same category with all of their relationships. If you tend to be "the giver", then you're most likely "the giver" in all your relationships - from work to home. You generally give to everyone you know.

But this takes a toll on you. You don't receive the support or nurturing that's important to everyone. While giving is an honorable thing to do, it isn’t fair if that's all you do. It isn’t fair to you, and ultimately, it isn't actually fair to the other person. When you act in a balanced way and expect others to do the same, you're giving them the opportunity to grow as a person. To relate to you in a fair and balanced way. The relationship only grows stronger because of it. If not, resentments build and the relationship begins to deteriorate.

When you're able to give as well as receive, you feel more balanced. It gives you a feeling of completeness because you're acting in a way which is more holistic to the human emotions.

You Have a Choice

The good news is, now that you know how our brains function, you can make a conscious decision about all of your relationships. You have a choice. You can make the choice to have balanced relationships in all areas of your life. Not only will you feel much better and lightweight, but you'll also feel personally empowered. Your relationships will grow and thrive.

Change Isn't Always Easy - For both sides

You might've decided to go ahead and make changes. However, some people might resist this change. Remember, our brains like to be efficient. They're just doing the job they were created to do. But when you decide to change course, even when it's for the better, you'll be rocking the boat - even a little. It can come as a surprise to other people. They've been relating to you in a certain light and now suddenly you've changed. They might not all react in a positive way.

That's okay. Do it anyway. You can do it gently, but firmly. By doing this, you're empowering them to be better and happier people - with healthier, more balanced interactions. You're giving them the opportunity to participate in healthy, alive, and thriving relationships. When you demonstrate balance in your relationships, you're giving a powerful example. They then have the choice to participate in the same way.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Lead by example. Dare to take the first step in your happiness and the happiness in all of your relationships.

To discover ways in which you can create balance in your life contact me to book a complimentary call. We'll discuss how I can be of service to you.

Contact Info:

sumi@sumijones.com

(805) 265-9063

Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Take Action and Be Willing To Make Mistakes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 14:00:00 +0000

To live a full and vibrant life you have to be willing to take action. Take action and be willing to make mistakes.

You're going to make mistakes - It's part of the game

Anything worth doing comes with mistakes. You can’t do anything great if you aren’t willing to push the envelope at least a little in what you’re capable of doing. If you play it safe and only do what you’re good at, it’s boring. You don’t challenge yourself to see exactly what you can do in life and you certainly don’t grow as a person.

Take a chance. When an idea comes to you, go with it. Explore the possibilities. At least learn what you can about it - the process, the ups and downs of doing it. Only then can you make a conscious decision if it’s something you want to pursue.

What will your life be like in 5 yrs if you don't take a chance?

Think of this. If you don’t try anything new or step outside your comfort zone, what will your life be like in say 3 yrs? What about 5 yrs? Does the picture look promising? Be hones with yourself.

Life is for living. For putting yourself into what you do, full force and with passion. I don’t care if you’re outside raking the leaves. Engage in it and enjoy what you can about it. Find the bright side to it and let yourself drop into that. It could be:
1. You’re exercising
2. It’s a beautiful, breezy day (if you like breezes)
3. You’re making your place look better. It feels great to have a neat yard.

Whatever it is, whatever you’re doing, find a way to make if fun, or at least enjoy some aspect of it. If you cant, DON’T do it! Find a way to put the fun into all of your efforts. If you can’t find anything that’s fun, maybe you need a reality check on how you view things.

There's nothing wrong with reality checks

We sometimes need a wake up call to show us where we’re just coasting - not reaching our full potential. Sometimes life pulls you off course and you don’t notice you’ve fallen into a kind of rut. It’s easy to fall into the same kind of thought patterns. It happens. Not a big deal. Find a way to get back on course. Read something inspirational. Take a course. Hire a coach. Do whatever it takes to get back in the game - full out with all of you engaged. You might even consider implementing ways to do a check on your thoughts, moods, and actions from time to time.

Do what works for you

The best thing you can do for yourself is to set up a strong system that supports your success. A system that keeps you in alignment with your strengths, abilities, and creativity. What you bring to the world is important and makes a difference for everyone around you. Find what works for you and then do it, courageously.

Book a complimentary call to learn discuss ways to release any blocks that stand in your way.

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sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063

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Choose Wisely The People You Surround Yourself With

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 31 Oct 2017 22:50:00 +0000

The people in your inner circle, the ones closest to you, have a profound effect on you. Your success, your mood, and the choices you make in life. Because of this, be discerning. Choose wisely.

Do your friends root you on?

How do your friends respond to your successes, setbacks, or when you tell them about a goal you're going for? Do they root you on, say they believe in you, or if you've had a setback, tell you that you'll do better next time?

Or do they:

Point out where you're going to fail?
Tell you they never thought it was a good idea to begin with
List all the reasons why you shouldn't do it
Do they feel compelled to tell you every way imaginable the ways in which it could go wrong?

Someone giving (asked for), and constructive criticism is different than a person being critical or closed-minded towards a new idea or venture. Don't mistake the two. The person who's in your corner is giving you constructive ways to look at something. Someone who's criticizing you is just pointing out everything you're doing wrong - in their eyes.

Choose wisely so you're inspired by the people around you - it helps!

When the people around you are going for their own goals, pursuing their dreams or passions, it can be motivating. Sure, sometimes we look at someone and think, "Gee, I wish my life was going as well.", especially if you're going through a rough patch. But in the end, it demonstrates what's possible.

It's also a great example for you. What can you learn from their effort, their courage in pursuing what they want, and the steps they've taken? It's easier to follow another person's example of how they've been able to follow through, or dealt with challenges, than it is if you didn't have this example.

The best friends are the ones who support you, but who also call you on your stuff

There's nothing more valuable than a person who (lovingly) tells you where you're not living your full potential. Not someone who criticizes you, but someone who says," Hey, what's going on with you? I know you're capable of doing better." And if you're going through a challenging time, they're willing to listen and let you talk it through.

Choose wisely - it makes a difference

Choose wisely. The best friends are the ones who celebrate your success, believe in you as a person, and help you get back on your feet when life knocks you down. Accept nothing less in your life.

Book a complimentary call to learn discuss ways to release any blocks that stand in your way.

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sumi@sumihouston.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Fe, NM

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Your Life Experiences - It's Your Choice To Decide What You Do With Them

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 28 Sep 2017 20:32:00 +0000

In life we're presented will all sorts of situations, relationships, and challenges. How you react to them, what you take away from them in terms of life lessons, is entirely up to you.

It's Your Choice

Will you let them mold you in ways that don't benefit you? Will you allow them to create a smaller version of yourself? Or will you decide they don't define you and you'll do what it takes to learn from them and rise above them? It's your choice. The decision, while not always an easy one, is up to you.

Choose to view your challenging situations as a learning tool for yourself

Part 1 - Acknowledge exactly where you're at. What are you feeling? Disillusioned, depressed, angry, or rejected? There all kinds of valid emotions that come up when we're faced with a challenging situation or relationship. Any emotion you feel is valid. Right here, right now, realize that, and if your tendency is to downplay how you feel, stop it. If you pretend you aren't feeling what you're experiencing, you lower your ability to effectively deal with what's going on and to let go of it once and for all. Don't do that to yourself.

But what if my emotions feel too intense?

There's a reason people avoid their emotions. Our emotional responses can be intense. It's a valid concern because most of us were never taught how to quickly and effectively deal with our emotions. This is where EFT, or The Emotional Freedom Technique comes in. I use this technique with my clients, along with a combination of FasterEFT and Ask & Receive as a way to completely collapse the intensity. This way the client is able to quickly move into a place of empowerment, choice, and taking action. They've dismantled the hold these emotions have over them and they're able to think and react from a better place.

When you drop into a calmer state, you can objectively step back and decide what, if anything you can take away from the situation. You're given the opportunity to make choices that are in your best interest and that keep you from feeling stuck in any situation. Give yourself this gift - the gift of being able to accurately assess where you're at without getting caught up in overwhelm. Then make the decisions or choices that are best for you.

Book a complimentary call to learn discuss ways to release any blocks that stand in your way.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumihouston.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Fe, NM

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Let Go of Past Mistakes and The Hold They Have On You

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 24 Aug 2017 13:00:00 +0000

Hanging on to past mistakes only slows you down. If you focus on past mistakes, it keeps you from moving forward with ease and from accomplishing what you want.

You make mistakes when you take a chance on growth

If you aren't making mistakes, you're playing it safe. You aren't pushing yourself to be the best you can be. Part of growing as a person, is taking a chance and making mistakes. You have to take calculated risks to see what you can achieve in life. When you make a mistake, realize you need to look at another avenue. That's all a mistake is. Tell yourself, "I went this way. It didn't work out. Regroup and change direction or change tactics."

Mistakes don't define you - They inform you

So you tried something and it didn't work out. Good for you for having the courage to try. Now take an objective look at it and see what you can learn from the results. Where can you make tweaks? Do you need to scrap the whole project or goal? Is it something that can work out with some changes? As you look at ways of changing it, or moving on, you learn what works for you and what doesn't. This way you don't have to repeat the same mistake.

Put your focus on moving forward - Not staying in the past

Once you've decided what changes you need to make, let go of the mistake! Don't keep going over it again and again. And do NOT beat yourself up for having made a mistake.

From a logical approach, realize staying stuck in an emotional tape loop causes you to become afraid of trying anything else. It also zaps you of your energy and enthusiasm. Ask yourself - "Is this the best use of my time and my thought process? Or am I better served by learning to let it go, forgiving myself, and focusing on how I want to proceed from here?"

You'll realize your time and effort is much more productive by letting go of any need to beat yourself up over it. Beating yourself up is:

Not going to motivate you
Not going to keep you from making other mistakes because that's how you learn
Not going to create enthusiasm for any other projects you want to do

What it will do is keep you stuck in one place and prevent you from moving forward. It can stop you dead in your tracks from accomplishing what you want to do in life. Is that really in your best interest?

Do what works for you to let go of being stuck in the past

Whatever method works for you to move on from your mistakes, do it. EFT and FasterEFT are great tools I use with clients. They help to acknowledge your feelings about a mistake or results you hadn't wanted, so you're able to let it go. It's important you honor your emotions because then you can quickly move through them. With them out of the way, you can then calmly take away any information or knowledge from the experience.

Be willing to take the time to work through the emotions in an efficient manner and then get on with your dreams and your life.

Book a complimentary call to learn discuss ways to release any blocks that stand in your way.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Surround yourself with people who challenge you to be yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 14 Aug 2017 21:21:00 +0000

To be happy, successful, and content in life, surround yourself with people who not only accept you exactly for who you are, but who demonstrate the willingness in their own life to fully express who they are. These are the people striving to be the best person they can be - a person who fully embodies their truth. When you're around people like this, they inspire each other to live their truth - fully alive.

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with"

The people you surround yourself have an effect on you - more than you imagine. As John Rohn, the American entrepreneur, author, and motivational speaker stated, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with". In my own life, and in my work I've seen how true this is.

When you're around people who really go for it in life, you're inspired to do the same. When one of you has a setback, the other people or person encourages you to get up and try again. It's through their words and their example that you're encouraged.

What we observe affects how we act

Art Markman, P.H.D, wrote an article in psychology today, on how infants were influenced in their actions by what they saw - just by viewing pictures of people. In a study, infants were shown different photographs. The infants who were shown a photograph of more than one person, even when those people weren't looking at each other, reacted differently than the infants who were shown photographs of only one person in the picture, or images that didn't look at all like people.

The infants shown the photos of two people together, would later help an adult pick up something that the adult had dropped. They were much more likely to help and interact with the adult. The infants who viewed the other photographs didn't help at all.

If the behavior of infants is affected simply by photographs of people, imagine the impact your closest friends, family, or significant other have on you when you're interacting with them in person. Especially on a daily basis.

You're wired to fit in - why it's important

Humans have an innate need to fit in and be accepted by the group. We've evolved as social animals and are biologically wired this way. Being accepted represents survival to us on a very basic level. Because of this wiring, we conform in order to fit in, both in a conscious way and an unconscious way. The need to conform can lead to anxiety when we don't feel like we belong. We'll even go out of our way, subconsciously to sabotage our success in an effort to belong to our group of peers. Because of this wiring, the people you spend the most time with have a profound effect on your life.

If what you want in life is to be able to fully express who you are - the strengths, gifts, and desires you want to bring to the world, be selective in who you spend the most time with.

Book a complimentary call to learn discuss ways to release any blocks that stand in your way.

Contact Info:

sumi@sumijones.com

(805) 265-9063

Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Healers, Intuitives, Sensitives - Fully Own Your Power

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 17:28:00 +0000

Healers, intuitives, and sensitives, the time is here to fully own your power. To work in conjunction with what you have access to. Not in a way that is outside of yourself, but in a way that brings it into the physical body where it remains.

The Source of your Work is Not Outside of Yourself

There are many powerful energy workers and people who work in the area of healing work. What they tap into, Source, The Universe, God, whatever is a person's own belief, has been thought of as outside of ourselves. The higher energy outside of ourselves is called different names. For the sake of simplicity, I'll refer to it as Source.

We're all a part of Source energy. To believe it only resides outside of us lowers our ability to fully work with this energy. When you connect in and set the intention that it always flows through you, you have more ability to help create greater change in the world. By setting this intention, you declare your own part in the creation of change. In essence, you own your power.

Your Job is to Have the Clearest Emotional, Mental, and Physical Body

If you look at Source as "over there", "above me", etc, you are in essence saying, "I'm not worthy". As my guides have said, "You are all worthy. Your job is to do the work on your emotional, mental, and physical bodies so you can access and hold more of this energy. That is your work. When you're clear, you allow in more of what's needed at this time. This is what's meant, in part, as "Heaven on Earth." You're bringing the Divine into physical reality."

When we speak about Source energy, the norm is to refer to it as separate from us. As outside of us. But we all are a part of Source energy. To create more powerful changes in this world, changes that are truly needed at this time, you need to own the part of you that is Source. Expect more support. Call in more support. Intend that Source dwells within you and flows through at all times.

As people who work with energy or others who pray or meditate, the tendency is to connect in with Source only when you're doing that - instead of always being connected in, flowing it through your body, and accepting that this is not only possible but a good thing. If you feel Source is outside of you, you lower your ability to create real change. Dare to explore what comes about when you invite in Source to reside within your physical being.

Access All Parts to Be More Effective

We are being asked to call this in. To allow it to live in our physical bodies where the flow becomes even more effective. We're living in the physical world. It's great to talk about how amazing it feels to connect into the Divine and the wisdom that is available to us all. But if we're not anchoring it into our physical beings where it can more easily interact with the rest of the physical world, we're doing ourselves and the rest of the planet a disservice.

When you combine Source energy with the physical body, you have access to all parts of creation and you become even more effective. By calling in and owning that you are a part of Source, you raise your vibrational worthiness. You're declaring your intention and your worth, which sets into motion a more powerful response. You magnetize your energy and your intentions to help bring about positive change, and The Universe responds.

Book a complimentary call to learn about, or discuss ways to release any blocks that stand in your way.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumihouston.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Fe, NM 87501

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Don't Ignore Your Feelings - They Tell You What's Important

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 18:25:00 +0000

Don't ignore your feelings. They tell you what's really true for you. They're also the road map to your fulfillment and happiness.

Too often we're told to "Get over it. Forget about it", or "Don't focus on it, it'll only bring you down." People mean well when they give this advice, and there is truth to focusing on happiness or at least feeling calm. But first you have to discover what your emotional response is trying to tell you. Otherwise you bypass what you can learn. You also bury the emotions deep within your body where they aren't forgotten, only silenced for the time being.

Not only that, but more importantly, you send the message to your brain that "Your emotions aren't important", which equates to, "I'm not important."

Think about it. If a part of you, your reaction to something you experience, isn't important, then underneath that, how can you be important? This is the message you send to yourself over and over again when you pretend you don't feel a certain way. It actually undermines your ability to be happy.

But Aren't Emotions Messy?

Sometimes. But the other side of it is, when you bury them, they only fester and come out later. Usually in either an over-the-top way, or even as an illness or ache in your body. There are techniques and tools where you can quickly move through your emotions without feeling traumatized by them. I use EFT and FasterEFT as a way to help clients acknowledge and quickly move through what they're experiencing.

Both of these techniques very quickly lower the intensity of what someone is feeling. EFT also helps bring awareness to the person about the entire problem. When the brain drops into this calm state, it gains an understanding about the situation and how to move through it. It also knows exactly what steps they might need to take. I've seen people come to amazing insights. They incorporated all parts of themselves and came up with a conclusion that worked for them.

Don't Be Afraid of Emotions

Emotions are here to stay. They're what make you feel alive. Many people struggle with
"Not feeling passionate about anything. Or they'll say, "I wish I knew what I was passionate about."

The more you "practice" something, like burying your emotions, the more the feeling of "being numb"becomes your default. It closes down your capacity to feel alive. Your mind doesn't suddenly switch from ignoring emotions to feeling them. Whatever you practice, whether consciously, or unconsciously, you become good at.

If you want to feel passionate about life and feel fully alive, you have to be willing to acknowledge all of your emotions. The idea is to experience them in a way that feels safe for you. A way that supports you finding out exactly what you need to know. In this way, you can let go and move on with all parts of you, releasing these emotions so they don't come back to haunt you.

Book a complimentary call to learn discuss ways to release any blocks that stand in your way.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Fe, NM 87506

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Create Your Best Life From the Big Perspective

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 03 Jul 2017 15:00:00 +0000

If you want to create your best life, do it from the big perspective. Get in touch with who you truly are, and then create from there.

Now, more than ever it’s important to be in touch with who you are - your authentic self. The part of you that has all the answers to what’s right for you. This is the part of you that brings you to life and fills you with passion for life.

Life becomes an adventure. You begin to trust in the process of living, growing and learning. This sense of trust grows and you aren’t as overwhelmed by life in general.

What blocks this connection?

What then blocks this connection to self? A few of the things that get in the way are:

Lack of time - not making this a priority in your life
Overwhelm - being too busy to slow down and settle into yourself
Not believing it’s possible
Not believing it’s worth doing
Not believing in yourself - that you don’t have much to offer
Fear - fear of “Who would I be?”, or “What would I have to do, if I did this?” In other words, fear of the unknown.
Fear of other people's reactions

All of these are valid reasons. But are you really willing to let any of then get in the way of you creating the life you were meant to be living? Or block what you can contribute to the world? The “world” can just be the people around you. You don’t have to have large expectations. You can, but it’s not necessary to make a big difference. If you just impact the people around you in positives ways, you’ve done a lot. Remember, it’s a ripple effect. You impact them - they impact the other people in their lives and it ripples out into the world.

Be willing to look at the reasons you hold back or stop yourself from fully being you

To let go of any blocks you have from expressing yourself in an authentic way, you need to be willing to look at what fears or doubts you have. This is the only way to dismantle them and get rid of them. I love using EFT with clients, because it's simple to learn and highly effective. But whatever method works for you. Just do it. You won't be sorry.

When you connect to your authentic self - you create from a place of power

When you have the courage to really drop into who you are and what drives you, you're energized, inspired, and you create from a place of power. You have more answers on a direction to take, your decisions come easier, and your overall energy level and enthusiasm rise.

Take a chance on slowing down, connecting in, and then living from that place of being.

Book a complimentary call to learn discuss ways to release any blocks that stand in your way.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Connect to Your Inner Wisdom to Live Your Most Powerful Existence

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 26 Jun 2017 20:33:00 +0000

Connect to your own inner wisdom to live your most powerful life.

We're all given an inner guide that lets us know what's right for us, and what's not. Learn to trust this "gut instinct". Instead of looking outside of yourself, learn to trust what's right for you. It will never lead you in the wrong direction.

By connecting with who you are, who you truly are, the reserves you have are limitless. You have access to your inner wisdom and guidance for what's perfect for you. When you're connected to your true self, you’re tapping into your well of inner strength and inner wisdom.

What if you knew that by connecting you were getting the absolute best guidance for your life?

You are your own best expert on what’s right for you - what steps you should be taking, and the decisions you need to make. No one else. It doesn’t matter how learned a person is or how experienced they are, they don’t know what’s right for you. They might have great advice or knowledge to give you. Once you've heard them out, it’s up to you to make the decision that feels right for you.

If you’re not in connection with the part of you that possesses this knowledge, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Your ability to make the best decisions is compromised. If you knew that by connecting you were getting the absolute best information or guidance for your life, why wouldn't you do it?

Life is busy, but make time for yourself

Life is busy. We’re all busy. If you want access to all parts of you and your inner wisdom, you have to slow down. You have to make the commitment of giving yourself what you need to connect to the silence within. This means making it a habit to spend time with yourself without any outside distractions. By just spending even a few minutes a day slowing down the internal chatter, breathing into your being, and dropping into your truth, you're giving yourself the best support you can.

What holds you back?

What if you'd like to do this, but you find it hard to commit to it? If you can't commit, ask yourself why? When you connect with the part that has all the answers, you're giving yourself the opportunity to create your best possible life. If you find it difficult to make this a priority, ask yourself what's getting in the way?

Sometimes limiting beliefs get in the way. "It won't work for me", "I'm not good enough", "I can't put myself first, or "I have too many other things to do before I can do this" are all examples of limiting beliefs. "Not deserving" is another belief that gets in the way for many people.

When you know what the beliefs are that are standing in your way, you have the chance to collapse those beliefs so you're able to move into alignment with your true self. If you take the time to work through these beliefs, you'll find you come from a much stronger place and can make big strides in your life.

Book a complimentary call to learn discuss ways to release any blocks that stand in your way.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Set yourself Up for Success by Taking Small Steps

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 08 Jun 2017 20:57:00 +0000

If you want change of any kind, start gently. Don't overwhelm yourself and sabotage your success by trying to take on too much. Or by trying to take too big of a step.

Sometimes you're ready to take a big step and that's great. Go for it, full force. But sometimes you're just trying to get started on a project, a career change, doing something new, or just trying to get out of a slump. And other times, you hit a standstill in your progress and you're looking to jump start your momentum. If any of these scenarios are where you're at, start with steps that are doable. Doable for you.

Don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself with someone else. This is about you and what you need. And don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself to what you've done in the past. This is about now. The past is over and you can't change it. Don't waste your time thinking back. If you do, you're taking your focus off of what you can work on now. Deal with where you're at, in this moment.

Sometimes it's hard to let go of comparing yourself to either past successes, or past failures. If you do, using EFT is a great way to let go of the memories or emotions associated with those past experiences. You can use EFT to collapse the hold they have over you and your present life.

Set yourself up for success- the process of small steps

What if you just can't get the motivation to even begin? Start there. Wherever you are, that's where you start. If you're lacking motivation, look at what keeps you from beginning. What are you afraid of? Yes, it's fear that causes lack of motivation, procrastination, and overwhelm - that habit of taking on way too many projects so you just don't have the time or energy to do what it is you say you want to do.

Don't judge yourself over this. Just recognize it's your body and mind protecting you from a perceived threat.

What keeps you from action?

What keeps anyone from action? Good old fashioned fear. It's our survival mechanism jumping in when we feel threatened. And taking action or making changes can feel threatening. It doesn't matter if you're excited about doing something or feel compelled to do it.

When we start to change something, fears can pop up. "What if I fail? What if I'm not good enough, smart enough, or have enough backing to do it?" "What if I make a fool of myself? What if the people around me react negatively about it?" These are all genuine fears.

We're part of the human race - challenges come with the territory

We're alive. We've lived through difficult experiences. It's part of being human. Another part of being human is our minds making decisions about these past events so we don't have to experience anything similar to them again. But many of those decisions aren't relevant to what you're going after. They're holdovers from when you were little.

Have the willingness to look at the fear. Examine if it's relevant to what you're attempting to do now, and then learn to move through it. When you have the tools to deal with fear, it becomes easier to release.

No worries - fear can be dealt with

Fear. Not pleasant, and not fun. But...it's what drives us to protect ourselves. It helps us survive. All good when it's appropriate. But if it holds you back, it's not serving it's purpose. Instead of avoiding fear, see what you can learn from it, and then let it go.

Identify what the possible fear, or "downside" is to what you're striving to do. Then tap through it with EFT. When you collapse what's behind your fear, you rid yourself of what's blocking your success.

Sometimes there's more than one layer

There might be several layers or different aspects of what's holding you back. Many times, this is the case. Just address each one as they come up. You might also find that as you come closer to achieving success, or your goal, new fears crop up. You might suddenly find yourself sabotaging the success you've achieved as you move forward. Sabotage can be anything from missing a deadline, not returning a call, or just plain procrastinating. That's ok. Deal with the fears as they come up.

Peel back and examine each layer until you're fully on your way to success. Don't lose your enthusiasm if you have to work through several layers. Instead, recognize that you're moving forward and remember to "tap in" the progress you've made.

By tapping in the positives, you'll be more willing to keep going until you reach your goal. If you focus too much on "what's wrong", working on yourself can become a drag. Do yourself the favor of tapping in what's going right for you and the progress you are making.

If you want to explore what's holding you back and ways to release the hold it has over you, book a complimentary call. We can discuss your goals and see if we're a mutual fit.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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What Makes You Come Alive? Find It and Live It.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 01 Jun 2017 14:00:00 +0000

Have you ever wondered what makes you come alive? Have you felt as if there's something missing from your life - that you feel only half-alive, or as if you're just moving through life without any real passion or purpose? When you discover what it is that makes you come alive, you know exactly what you're meant to do in life, and you take action.

Being in touch with who you truly are, is what makes you come alive

Too often we try to fit in. We don't want to stick out and we're afraid to shine. It can feel too vulnerable, scary, or just a little too risky. But....it also clamps down on your energy level and the spark inside you that really lights you up. You can't have it both ways. You can't play it safe and expect to be fully dialed into who you are and what brings real meaning to your life. You won't feel fully alive. If you want to feel energized, joyful, and with a real purpose in life, you have to step fully into who you are.

I know I did my fair share of not really honoring who I was, or putting myself out there. When I changed careers, I thought I'd be "too weird", or my work wouldn't be accepted. But when I realized I was robbing the people I was meant to help, I knew I had to let go of any my fears and just do it. This meant letting go of past experiences I'd been through that were keeping me from doing my work in a committed way. I realized that my love of helping people was too strong of a pull for me to ignore it just because I was trying to avoid stepping into who I really was.

What if they won't accept me, and other fears?

What are some of the reasons people are afraid to shine or really tap into who they are? It all boils down to fear, or the need to protect ourselves. Some of those fears are:

Other people's reactions - someone will criticize you, make fun of you, or won't accept you
Not fitting in - "My family/friends won't like who I am anymore. I won't fit in."
Making a mistake, a fool of yourself, or being humiliated
Afraid you don't have what it takes to do what it is you want
Having to actually take action on a big goal if you step into your power, gifts, or inner strengths. Once you know what really makes you come alive, you feel driven to do it - a good way. But knowing you have to take action, can cause you to procrastinate. It brings up other underlying fears to look at.

These are only a few. But they're very real. These fears keep people from stepping into who they really are and what brings them joy. In an effort to stay safe, they'll procrastinate or sabotage themselves or their efforts.

Fear of failure is one aspect - Fear of success is another

We fear failure, but many times, we also fear success. Ask yourself, "If I were to shine, and then succeed as a result, what would change in my life? What would I have to give up?" Because sometimes, it's also the fear of what we'd lose or have to give up as a result of putting ourselves out there and succeeding.

Is it a loss of time? A loss of identity? When you let go of what holds you back, it can sometimes feel as if you're changing your very identity - who you are. "Who will I be if I do this?" We relate to who we are, right here, right now. It's our current identity. When we change something, even in good ways, it feels like we're changing our very identity. But, it's not changing who you are. It's letting go of any habits that keep you from being exactly who you are.

We'll do anything to survive

Our fears stem from feeling threatened, which translates to the primitive brain's need to survive. Depending on what the particular reason you have behind the fear, and how traumatic or challenging it was, you'll do anything to play it safe and not stick out. It could be any reason - from having been embarrassed at school, being made fun of by someone when you were younger, or having someone expect too much from you when you did put yourself out there. It could even be, "What if I have to give up too much of my free time, if I really step into what I'm supposed to be doing?" Whatever the reason, it's important you work through these fears or emotions because the world needs what you have to offer.

There's only one you

There's only one you, and what you have to offer is unique. It could be in the same field as another person, but what you bring to the table and how you do it, is uniquely yours. Ask yourself the following questions:

Am I really willing to dummy down who I am, just to feel comfortable and safe?
If I don't do it now, looking ahead, 3 years, where will I be? Am I happy seeing myself in the same situation, not fully expressing who I am?
What will it take for me to be willing to step into who I am and fully come alive?

If you continue playing it safe, somehow life, your soul, or the Universe finds a way to make it a little too uncomfortable to stay hidden. I've seen people drop into depression when they weren't honoring their truth and who they really were. Or other people who's lives just got tougher and tougher until they finally surrendered and said, "Ok, I'll do it!" Interestingly enough, once they did let go of their fears and stepped up to being themselves, their lives turned around, dramatically. Life flowed easier and they found real happiness and fulfillment.

My hope is you'll use the courage it takes to find the truth of who you are, and then express it to the world. We certainly need it. Now more than ever.

If you want to explore what emotions are holding you back and ways to release the hold they have on you, book a complimentary call. We can discuss your goals and see if we're a mutual fit.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Fe, NM 87506

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Whatever You're Thinking About Doing - Just Start!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 25 May 2017 14:00:00 +0000

Do you have a goal, a dream, or a new idea? Whatever you're thinking about, considering, or even dreaming about, take action now! Take one small step. By doing this, you set it in motion.

You learn and succeed by taking a chance

If you don't take a chance, you'll never know if it's something that could be successful. You need to have the willingness to take a chance. Build that willingness by letting go of any doubts or fears and then start somewhere. Take that important first step.

If you don't start, you'll never know. You won't know if it's right or wrong. If it's worth doing, or if it might need some tweaks along the way. If you keep it safely tucked away in your imagination or in your thoughts, you'll never know if this was the one thing that would've made a difference for you or for someone else.

It can be anything - Just do it

It can be a big project, or a small one. A conversation you've been meaning to have with someone. A new idea or career change. If you feel a pull to do it, or it's something that keeps coming back around for you to look at, do it. When you have those pulls, you're meant to follow them. This is the Universe, or your own internal wisdom, giving you the nudge to try something new - something that will lead you in a new and interesting direction.

Whatever it is, if you're not doing it, you're robbing not only yourself, but anyone else who could benefit from what you have to offer. Are you really willing to rob yourself and anyone else of this chance just because you're not sure it's a good idea?

Take a step - Even a small one matters

When you take a step, you set everything into motion. Your mind starts working and opening up to possibilities. You become more aware of ideas or opportunities that would assists you in doing it. And somehow, once you start taking those steps, life just seems to send you exactly what you need to support your dream or project.

But........ "What if?"

If you're stalling or procrastinating on following through with something, take a look at what the "benefit" is in your not doing it. If you're not doing it, there's some kind of hidden benefit for you. Under your procrastination, hesitation, doubt, or over overwhelm, is a fear. It could be anything from

"fear of failing"
"fear of embarrassment"
or even "fear of not being accepted".

Under the fears, is the hidden benefit. What is this keeping you safe from? The list is endless of what we're afraid to experience. It's just part of being human and the "need to survive". The idea of "what if this happens" is real for us. Our minds can come up with all kinds of scenarios of what might happen if we do what we want to do. The best way to let go of the "what ifs?", is to find out what they are and then collapse the hold they have over you.

We all have fears - learn what they are and let them go

We all have fears. We grew up, went through some challenges and they formed our sense of what's "safe" and what's not - what it is that represents a "danger" to us. With the survival instinct alive in all of us, we find ways to stay safe or not feel threatened. But, those "ideas" of safety aren't always appropriate since they were formed while we were in the stage of development which is ruled by the Primitive Brain. At that point in our lives, we didn't have the logical brain online to help discern if something was a real threat or not.

But we're adults now and we have the capacity to change the messages our brain tells us. We can let go of any fears that keep us from taking a chance and from succeeding. If you feel stuck, find yourself procrastinating on an idea, project, or conversation, then there are underlying fears to address. Work on those and you'll find yourself moving forward easily and with excitement.

Keep taking steps and deal with any internal objections as you go

If you just keep taking one step after another, you'll get to where you want to go. It's the little steps, all added together that make it easier to keep moving forward. These small steps, all strung together, are what bring about success.

As you go, if any other fears or objections crop up, deal with them. Notice them, acknowledge them and work through them. They're just information for you on what stands in the way of where you want to go. At some point in your life, they were helpful. But they aren't anymore. Decide to move them out now.

Go for it - The time is now.

If you want to see what keeps you from following through on a dream or goal, book a complimentary call.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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How Burying Emotions Derails Your Happiness & Success

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 18 May 2017 14:30:00 +0000

When you deny how you feel about something, or you tell yourself you're "over it", but you haven't fully worked through the emotions, those emotions end up buried inside you where they eventually come out in one way or another. The habit of burying emotions is pretty much the norm with people.

We've been taught to just get on with life and not acknowledge how we feel. But doing this takes a big toll.

Buried emotions create inner turmoil or worse

Emotions that are buried and not dealt with have been linked to:

Anxiety
Depression
Insomnia
Poor self-esteem
Teeth grinding or TMJ
Poor relationships
Chronic Fatigue
A feeling of emptiness
Angry outbursts

The list goes on. Stuffing emotions has also been linked to poor immune and health issues. With the stress it causes, it damages your body's ability to heal or remain healthy.

The benefits of opening to your feelings

When you learn to allow your feelings in, not only do you feel great relief, but you're also in touch with your personal truth - what it is that inspires you and makes you come alive. You also feel less stuck. You have a more positive feeling inside of you. When you're in touch with your feelings, you also have an easier time expressing yourself. All great benefits to supporting a fulfilling life.

The process of uncovering buried emotions

When you start looking at what emotions or past experiences you might have buried, it's best to do it in a way that helps you feel secure and supported. Our subconscious is designed to keep us safe, so anything that looks like a threat will only shut you down and hide difficult emotions or events even further from your conscious mind.

Think about it. Why would you be willing to uncover uncomfortable emotions if they're only going to feel threatening or be extremely hard to unravel? You wouldn't. This is where EFT works well. They allow a person to look at what's holding them back. As you work with EFT, the subconscious brings up memories or events that it feels safe to look at. And events that you're ready to let go of. As you move through these events or past experiences and you see how much relief you gain from it, you become more encouraged to keep doing it.

Healing, growing, and creating the life you want is a process. It's something we do for the rest of our lives, if we want a fully experienced life. If your desire is to have joy, contentment or fulfillment in your life, the way to insure that is to keep learning and growing.

A great book on getting in touch with emotions, why you'd want to, and ways to do it is Living Like You Mean It - Use the power and wisdom of your emotions to get the life you really want. What I love about this book is the author is someone who understands, personally, the cost of not being open to your own emotions. He lived like this for a good part of his life until he learned to experience his emotions in an easy way. The book addresses why most people are afraid to feel their emotions to one degree or another, and takes the reader through steps to change this.

If you want to explore any emotions that could be holding you back, book a complimentary call. I'm happy to answer any questions you have and we'll see if we're a mutual fit.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Create Success By Finding and Letting Go Of Limiting Beliefs.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 11 May 2017 15:00:00 +0000

To create success, you need to be 100% congruent with what you're going after. This means your subconscious mind has to be in complete alignment with your goal. I you have a project you need to complete, a job change your contemplating, or a goal, and you aren't following through, you have a subconscious emotion or belief that's holding you back.

Our subconscious mind is the driver.

Our subconscious mind drives our decisions, our actions, and how we view the world. This isn't a bad thing, unless the decisions your mind made as you were growing up don't match what you want in your life. When you discover what these decisions or views are, you can change them to be more supportive and positive for you.

To change your perspective, look at any past upsetting events, traumas, or negative role models you had as you went through your formative years. These can be anything you viewed as challenging, upsetting, or traumatic.

Our minds are extremely creative in how they piece together sections of experiences and then create a decision or belief to keep us safe. It's all done out of the instinct to survive. What one person takes away from a situation can be completely different from what another person takes away.

We make decisions or beliefs out of our past encounters or even role models we witnessed in life. When you combine those with a new experience, your mind comes up with it's view of the situation. It's created by your own particular filter.

Create success by changing your filter

We create our life around us by what we belief - what our filter is telling us. From the people we have in our lives, to the type of treatment we accept from clients, friends, even strangers. It's all driven by our past experiences and what we learned early in life.

So if you want to create more success in your life, not only in your career, but financially and in your relationships, you have to change your filter. It's simpler than you think.

I help clients identify beliefs that keep them from achieving their goals by using EFT. EFT, or The Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as "tapping", is great at discovering and collapsing subconscious beliefs that sabotage success or happiness. As you work with EFT, look for beliefs that are no longer supporting your success and dismantle them. As you do, your life will change. You'll view circumstances, relationships, and opportunities differently. As a result, you create the success you want by taking action and by making better decisions for yourself.

Be gentle with the process

What I've noticed is when you gently work on a problem and let it resolve in phases, rather than force the issue through all at once, it's an easier and more thorough process. The subconscious feel safe bringing up any additional issues or past events that felt traumatic or threatening when they originally happened. Our subconscious mind is here to protect us. When you allow what's ready to be resolved come up as you work through the issues, you actually move through them more quickly than if you'd forced it.

Continue to motivate yourself by adding in the positive

An important component of change or growth is to stay inspired and motivated. If it's all about the negative, it can get old. Why would you want to keep growing if it's always about "What's wrong", or "What needs fixing?" I've fallen into the trap myself by wanting to just reach the goal I'm heading for. I've ended up only looking at what needs fixing instead of also looking at where I'm making progress, or where my life is going great. When you do this, it ends up not being much fun. When it's all drudgery, we tend to avoid it. Life is about the journey and all of the parts to that journey. We need inspiration to keep moving forward. By adding in the positive, you're adding the inspiration.

Remember to look at what you appreciate in life -what's going right for you. A way to let the positives sink in is to use tapping to tap them in as you think about them, or talk about them. It's a great way to anchor them. Or you can make a list. At the end of the day, or even during lunch, write out what's going right for you. Or what you accomplished that day. It helps keep the inspiration going.

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If you feel stuck or at a plateau in your life, book a complimentary call. We'll discuss your

goals and see if we're a mutual fit.

Contact Info:

sumi@sumijones.com

(805) 265-9063

Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Celebrate Your Wins - Why It's Important To Your Success

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 04 May 2017 16:30:00 +0000

Working to improve anything or achieve success takes effort and commitment. Lots of it. To keep yourself motivated and continuing to put in the effort needed to reach your goals, remember to celebrate your wins. It makes a bigger difference than you know.

Why acknowledging your wins is important to your brain

Celebrating your wins programs your brain away from it's natural tendency to "look for problems" in all situations. We're all programmed to survive. This is what insures the overall survival of the human race. Because of this, our brains are programmed to look for "dangers", or "what could go wrong in this situation?" When you add in any past experiences where you felt like you made a mistake or failed, you add more "proof" to your brain that maybe you should be cautions or pull back from putting in 100% of your effort.

There's nothing wrong with discerning whether or not something is a risk. It's when we overdo it and it stalls our efforts where it becomes a problem.

Celebrate your wins - the big ones and the small ones

Celebrating doesn't have to always be a big thing. When you celebrate, it doesn't have to be a party. It just needs to be something where you slow down, feel what it's like to have accomplished something, and take it all in. Really let the experience of "winning" sink in. You can add something small like taking yourself for a mid-day break for coffee or dessert. Or even just a walk through the park. Anything that signifies to you, "I did a great job there and I'm rewarding myself for it"

All of your accomplishments are important to notice and celebrate in some way. This builds on your enthusiasm and bumps up your motivation.

Easy ways to celebrate

Take some time to just sit and experience how great it feels to have succeeded at a task or small step towards your goal. Give yourself even 3 minutes to do this. It takes only 20 seconds of feeling a positive emotion for the neural-pathways in your brain to begin to rewire in beneficial ways.

Tell a supportive friend about it. Sharing it with people who want the best for you adds to your feeling of accomplishment.

Write it down in a journal. By writing about it, you're reliving it and it imprints the feeling of success and accomplishment into your mind and your body. The more you do this, the more inspired you feel to keep going.

By having these feelings, these "rewards", your brain starts to associate effort with pleasure. You're overwriting your brain's tendency to feel threatened in giving it your all. If you happen to have an underlying fear of failure, which many people do, anything that feels difficult to achieve, (or has any potential for failure,) is viewed by the brain as a threat. The brain then sets up blocks to you following through on actions or decisions that would keep you moving in a forward direction towards your goal.

When you add rewards or mini celebrations in as you achieve positive steps along the way, you're showing the brain that it's not only safe to keep working towards your goal, but it's also pleasurable. You're reprogramming your brain to accept challenges as merely effort without it having to look for reasons not to do it. Use your brain to assist you, rather than get in the way.

Life is busy - sometimes we don't have time to celebrate

Life is busy. Take the time anyway. It's well worth the payoff. If you don't take the time, even just a few moments to recognize what you've done well, you're sending a signal to your brain to always be on the lookout for "what's wrong". You're repeatedly telling your brain to discount the feelings of joy. You're "practicing" something that doesn't support your success. By doing so, you rob yourself of the satisfaction and confidence you gain through your accomplishments.

When you celebrate your wins, It isn't a waste of time. It's one of the best things you can do to insure your success.

For those of you who use EFT, or tapping, tapping on your wins adds an extra layer of oomph to the result.

If you're ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call to discuss your goals and see if we're a mutual fit.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Success. What Really Blocks It.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 30 Apr 2017 02:24:00 +0000

Success is a process. A process of making a commitment and then consistently following through. So what really blocks it?

What blocks your success are the beliefs you formed as you grew up. These are known as "limiting beliefs" because they limit how you view the world. Your strongest beliefs were formed when you were between the ages of birth and 7 years old. These beliefs were developed when your brain was still in the phase known as the development of the primitive brain. Because of this, they are the strongest and most intense beliefs you have. The primitive part of the brain is responsible for our survival. Because of this, whatever beliefs you formed during that phase represent survival. This means if something feels threatening or challenging, it can feel as if it threatens your very survival. If any of your beliefs are in opposition to what you want in life, they stop you from easily achieving success. Your need to survive or protect yourself against threats will cause you to sabotage your own success.

Your habits didn't happen overnight

Who you are, your habits and your beliefs didn't happen overnight. They were formed as you went through life and had different experiences. Sometimes, you'll remember an experience you haven't thought about for years. But you find it's actually influencing the decisions you make today. Even something as simple as being much younger than your siblings and not being able to keep up with them can make a lasting impression on you as you not being "good enough". Our minds are creative and can come up with very different beliefs or decisions. Many times these decisions are nothing like what our adult brain would decide.

Keep in mind you that while you can make big changes in a short amount of time, be patient. Sometimes there are many layers to an issue or belief that need to be looked at and let go of.

To create real and lasting change work consistently

If you want real and lasting change, it takes consistency. A commitment to change and the consistency of looking at the habits and beliefs that don't support your success. You have to look at the events and people in your life who affected how you view the world. Your beliefs about past emotional events is what blocks your success. Commit to working through these events in a consistent manner and your life will change.

It doesn't have to be a painful process

Taking a look at events or interactions that formed your beliefs doesn't have to be painful or drawn out. With the development of EFT, the Emotional Freedom Technique, you can quickly access the memories and change how you view them. Once you have a different outlook on them, you change how they affect you and your future actions.

The more change you want, the more you need to look at the many layers of what you've lived through. We tend to repeat the same patterns of interaction over and over again. Once we have a certain belief, we somehow recreate it in our life in different situations, but with the same result.

As an example, if you had a controlling mother, you'll find you have relationships in your life with controlling people - usually a woman. These can be friends, lovers, teachers or co-workers. When your brain equates a controlling woman with either love, or "women in power", it becomes your "normal" version of women. We then accept this type of behavior in our lives. Because our mothers were the first woman in a powerful position in our lives, our view of "women in power" is formed by this. When you realize, that if she didn't care for us or feed us, we'd die. It's the basic law of survival. Because of this though, it becomes an issue of "survival" and has a much stronger hold on your reactions.

When you get to the point of saying, "I've had enough of controlling people/women in my life", then you're ready to look at why you have these types of people in your life and how to change it.

Work on the layers gradually

You don't have to re-experience an event or past interaction with the same intensity as the original situation in order to release the hold it has on you. Your subconscious mind knows exactly what you're working on. It's there to keep you safe. It you start pushing yourself to look at very intense memories before you feel comfortable doing it, you won't get very far. And you certainly won't be willing to do it very often.

Instead, realize that the thoughts, feelings, and memories that you're able to deal with or look at will come up when you're ready to examine them. This doesn't mean you should avoid them. What it means is to gently move through them in the timing that's right for you. You might find you'll get to all of the layers in one sitting. Or it might take several attempts or weeks even for all of it to dissolve. That's ok. Because your own inner guidance knows exactly what's ready and what's not. Trust this. What you'll find is that by honoring where you're at and dealing with each memory or situation in the easiest way, you'll move through them much quicker. Not only will you be more willing to deal with them, but you'll actually find you're making bigger changes in your life than you'd imagined possible.

Each time you release a memory and re-frame it so it no longer has an emotional hold on you, you step more and more into a more positive way of viewing not only yourself, but also life in general. You'll feel immediate relief. Consistency is key. Keep working on all of your limiting beliefs so you can create the life you want and deserve.

In my next article, Celebrate Your Wins - Big & Small, I'll go over the importance of building in mini-celebrations to keep you motivated and moving forward.

If you're ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call. We can discuss your goals. You an ask any questions you have and we'll see if we're a mutual fit.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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Are You Holding Yourself Back by Focusing on What Could Go Wrong?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 01:00:00 +0000

You have a project, a dream, goal, or desire. Somehow though, you just aren't taking action. Maybe you've convinced yourself it's impossible before you even had the chance to evaluate it. Or you keep meaning to follow through, but somehow you procrastinate and don't do it. Ask yourself where your focus is. Are you focusing on what could go wrong? Are the pitfalls, "worst case scenarios", or the possibility of failure the things you're focusing on? Or are you looking at what the upside could be?

We're wired to look for the negatives as a way to survive

Our "caveman" brain is wired to survive - to look out for all the dangers that could destroy us. Because of this, our focus tends to be on "What could go wrong? Where's the danger in this?", rather than "This could be awesome!"

Caveman thinking worked for us then - It doesn't work now.

Looking out for dangers or disasters was probably a good idea way back in caveman times. Everyday was filled with real dangers, from freezing to death or being eaten by a dinosaur or saber tooth tiger.

But we no longer live under those circumstances. Unfortunately, the evolution of our brains and bodies takes longer to catch up. Because of this we still possess the natural instinct to focus on the negatives.

Examine your fears and doubts

Rather than just say, "Oh, I could never do this because....." and then walk away from something you might want or like to do, examine exactly why you feel this way. What are your fears? What's the worst thing that could happen if you did this? Once you know what these reasons are, look at what lies beneath these beliefs.

Do they remind you of something that happened in the past that didn't turn out well? Are they something you saw or heard from your parents? Were you told certain messages from your parents that cause you to believe you have to be careful or can't accomplish what you want to go after?

Underneath most reasons or doubts that stop us from taking action, is a fear, incident, trauma, or message from our past. We learned to avoid similar situations at all costs - even if the situation could lead to success.

When you gain an understanding of what's behind your reluctance to act, you realize it's usually done in an effort to protect yourself. Now you have a choice.

You can choose to change your focus

Once you see what's causing your reluctance, you have a choice. You can either keep telling yourself not to do something because your main focus is on what could go wrong, or you can take steps to turn that around. When you deal with the underlying beliefs, fears, or traumas, you get rid of what blocks your ability to take action.

I use EFT, or tapping, to release any blocks that come up. It’s an extremely effective technique that identifies and releases any fears, doubts, or emotional traumas that get in the way of positive focus or action.

Make the upside bigger than the downside.

As you begin letting go of the doubts you've had, start to let yourself get excited about what the upside could be. Really imagine what it would look like or feel like to achieve your dream or goal. When the upside becomes bigger than the downside, you're naturally inspired to keep going and follow through.

If you're ready to take your life to the next level, book a complimentary call. We can discuss our goals. You an ask any questions you have and we'll see if we're a mutual fit.

Contact Info:

sumi@sumijones.com

(805) 265-9063

Santa Fe, NM

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You're Not a Victim - You Always Have a Choice

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 13 Apr 2017 14:30:00 +0000

Do you feel as if life is happening to you as if you have no control? Or do you approach life with curiosity? There are two ways to approach life. As a victim or as a student. You're not a victim. You have a choice. Many times people don't realize they're looking at life from the standpoint of a victim. But if you feel you have no control over your reactions or your life, then you aren't viewing your life from "the student". What can I learn here? Where do I have input or control?

Steve Chandler, the world renowned success coach refers to it as being either a "victim" or an "owner". In his book, Reinventing Yourself - How to Become the Person You've Always Wanted to Be, he outlines how changing your perspective changes your life.

Most of us weren't taught we had a choice in life. Life just happened and we had to accept the consequences. Granted, there are things in our lives that happen over which we have no control.
But we do have control of how we react to them. This is the difference between the two approaches.

We Learn by Example and What We Were Taught by our Parents

If you believe there's nothing you can do about it and you fall into the feeling of giving up or even despair, you've stepped into the role of the victim. This is not meant to place judgment in anyway on how someone approaches life. This is to inform you that you actually have a choice.

I understand the victim mentality very well. I had it for years. I actually didn't start out that way, but through a series of big disappointments, I began to give up on believing I could accomplish what I set my mind on. Because the example of my mother and father was one of "Well, that's life. You can't do anything about it", I adopted their patterns on viewing and responding to life. However, somehow I knew there had to be a better way.

Through years of learning and studying, I realized I had a choice. The choice was whether or not I allowed the circumstances or events in my life to determine the quality of my life. I could give up and fall into sadness, or I could use what was happening to teach me something about myself and what direction I should be moving in.

This is Not About Blame - Blame is Not the Same As Responsibility

Sometimes when people hear they have a choice, they start to blame themselves for how their life is going. Instead, look at what you can learn from each situation. What are the lessons? "How can I take responsibility for my life, or my decisions and move through this?" We're all doing the best we can. We make choices, we make mistakes and we have the choice to learn from these mistakes. If you aren't making mistakes, you're playing it safe. Take chances, make choices and then learn from them - the good ones and the bad.

You Always Have a Choice

You always have a choice in how you react, or act. You might say, "Well, if someone had a gun to your head, you wouldn't have a choice". Actually, yes you do. You might not like all the choices, but you do have a choice. You could fight the gunman for the gun. You could hand over your money. Or you could try to escape. Right there you have 3 choices. Not all great choices, but still choices.

It's up to you to decide how you want to react

When something happens that's challenging, or even devastating, you're now presented with how you'll react.

Do you crumble?
Do you give in to depression?
Do you let your anger or frustration at the situation be the fuel that moves you forward into action?
Are you able to view it with curiosity as in, "I wonder why this is happening and what it can teach me?

All of these are choices. When you can step back from the situation and take some of the emotional charge out of it, you're able to decide which approach serves you in a better way. If you do, you step into the role of the student. The place where you view the situation with curiosity as to where it will take you or what you can learn from it.

How to Let Go of the Emotional Charge

When you're faced with something upsetting, there are real emotions that come up for you. One of the best things you can do for yourself, is to acknowledge how you feel. Not always easy and not always what we want to do, but it's the quickest way to move them through and out. It's also the quickest way to resolving the issue.

I use EFT for my clients to help them work through intense emotions. By doing this, it takes the intensity out of the emotion. This way they can make rational, informed decisions about what approach they're going to take. This gives my clients the power of their creativity, and their logical mind to make decisions. When you take the emotional charge out of anything, you're no longer held hostage by your emotions.

When the emotional charge is gone, you make a decision that best suits your needs. You can evaluate how you'll approach any situation with a calm mind. This puts you in charge of the actions you'll take. You've become "the student" rather than "the victim".

We have more choices and input into our lives than we're taught to believe. I hope you'll start to view life from one of empowerment as in, "I have a choice. Let me look at what those choices are". You'll be surprised at just how much you can affect the outcome of your life.

If you want clarity on releasing blocks to success or your well-being, schedule a 20-minute complimentary call. We'll discuss your goals & questions and see if we're a mutual fit.

Contact Info:
sumi@sumijones.com
(805) 265-9063
Santa Barbara, CA 93101

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