My daily adventures

Starting over

2013-09-30T11:27:00.001-04:00

I've had a lot of stress in the last two months, financially, emotionally, and at first I dealt with it in a good way, working out every chance I got. Then things started piling up and I had to get my family ready for vacation. I stopped going to the gym, stopped doing evening walks, any extra time was spent with my ass planted on my couch, decompressing. I was down about 15 pounds and feeling really good about myself before all this happened.

Well vacation is over and fall is upon us and those things I was stressing about? They’re not real problems. There’s a someecards that reads, “I’ve got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up in my mind.” Yup, that was me. The husband and I discussed this last night, how I've been taking it all in the past few weeks and shutting everyone out. He recognized it, but didn't know what to do, he wasn't stressed about it and couldn't understand why I was (that’s what I DO honey…).

It’s gotten to the point that about a week and a half ago the temperature dropped and I embraced getting to wear long sleeved shirts or sweaters (read: bulky) to work. Last week I asked some friends who have been successful in the weight loss department what has given them their motivation. I was hoping that something would spark me. I got a lot of great answers, but nothing stood out to me and I knew that evening I’d be sitting on the couch drinking my umpteenth glass of Cherry Coke and sneaking a Reese’s peanut butter cup or Chips Ahoy chewy cookie and thinking about how depressed I was that my son will be 2 in November and I’m still wearing my maternity pants because they’re comfortable and don’t hurt my waist. That STILL wasn't enough to motivate me, what is wrong with me? Then as I’m sitting here at work, I typed a report of a woman who passed away. She was in her 50’s and her husband found her unresponsive in their living room from the night before. She was overweight, had heart problems and had fell asleep downstairs, where she passed away. I NEVER want my husband or sons to find me that way and if I can do anything to prevent it, it’s getting my weight under control. I had been looking for a sign and when I typed that report, I finally felt something. I've been counting calories and points since Thursday and will be starting back to Weight Watchers meetings officially this afternoon. My weight last Wednesday was 238, but I’ll have an official weight later today after my meeting and go with that from now on.

Here’s today’s meals and snacks:

B: Whole grain toast with a tsp of butter, an egg, a slice of ham and a slice of Muenster cheese (7)

B: Coffee once I get to work (3)

L: Pumpkin Sausage Pasta with Roasted Broccoli (10)

S: ½ an apple (0)

S: Sargento reduced fat Colby cheese stick (2)

S: Hard boiled egg (2)

D: Italian wonderpot (bucatini pasta with tomatoes, spinach and feta) and skim milk (11)

I get 35 points per day and that equals 35 points.

I also worked out today, jogging and walking intervals for 30 minutes at the gym.

That’s all for now!

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge - Day 4

2013-04-04T08:00:00.000-04:00

Dealing with Infertility for three years gave me plenty of time to find resources all over the Internet. People were always amazed by the amount of knowledge I had regarding Infertility but it definitely helped me. It helped me to understand what was going on with my body, it gave me the power to tell my OB/GYN that I didn’t want to use them anymore, I wanted to be seen by a specialist who dealt with true Infertility and it gave me something to do.

I was pretty much attached to the IF Board on The Bump. There’s so many acronyms, different hormones that could be affecting your fertility, medications to take, etc. that I learned a lot from these ladies.

Fertility Friend has a great tutorial that every woman who is struggling to get pregnant should read and help understand their bodies better. I don’t think that as soon as a couple decides to have children that they should be charting and stress themselves out with all of this BUT if you’re curious about it, it explains everything and has an easy to use chart to chart your monthly cycle.

My RE has a Facebook page, which was great to see so many success stories and to commiserate with other women who were struggling.

There's so many places on the Internet to help those who are struggling with IF get support or learn more about what their options are.

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge - Day 3

2013-04-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday

The moment I felt "healed"

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge - Day 2

2013-04-02T08:00:00.000-04:00

I suffer from Infertility. Infertility is defined as not being able to get pregnant despite having frequent, unprotected sex for at least a year — or for at least six months if the woman is age 35 or older.

Specifically I suffer from amenorrhea, the absence of my period. I get a period maybe every 6 months, if that. Since I successfully had a pregnancy and birth, I've only had two spotty periods and they were induced with progesterone supplements. I've done all testing for Infertility and there is no explanation for it. My Fallopian tubes are clear, all my blood levels are normal, I have eggs in my ovaries, I just don't ovulate and get a period each month like other women. I also needed some pretty strong drugs to achieve a strong enough ovulation and the RE had determined I needed a progesterone supplement to sustain a pregnancy for me to carry to full term.

Infertility is a common problem. 10% of women in the U.S. will experience problems with getting pregnant.
Infertility is not something to be ashamed of. I felt best when I shared my struggles with others and had shoulders to cry on. I could not have gotten through my two pregnancy losses and the failed medical cycles we went through for over 2 1/2 years without the help of friends and family. There is no reason to fight it alone.
Go to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE), don't just stay with your OB if you are struggling. An RE does much more monitoring for you. I went through 7 cycles of Clomid with my OB before I moved onto the RE and realized the OB was not even monitoring me properly. They were giving me doses of Clomid each month with no monitoring and I wasn't even ovulating on it. Those were wasted months and took their toll on my body, my mental well-being and my marriage.
Yes, it will seem like everyone else is pregnant and most likely they are. It sucks, there's no getting past that suck ass feeling either. Wine helps.
Look into resources, there's the Compassionate Care program, I did NOT qualify, but know that others have. I know my RE works with a foundation that donates money to families in need of money to help pay for treatments. So don't just assume that you can't afford it. I was lucky enough that my RE gave me medicine donated from other patients who no longer needed it. I had over $2,000 in injections my cycle I got pregnant with Hayden and I didn't have to pay for any of the medicine that month, just treatments.

Some posts from the past:

http://wifeyadventures.blogspot.com/2011/01/plan-and-my-upcoming-weekend.html

http://wifeyadventures.blogspot.com/2011/01/blanket-thank-you.html

http://wifeyadventures.blogspot.com/2011/01/hello-again.html

http://wifeyadventures.blogspot.com/2010/09/latest-for-project-baby-making.html

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge - Day 1

2013-04-01T08:00:00.000-04:00

I'm going to try the Health Activist Writer's Challenge for 2013 again. I didn't do so well last year but I'm trying to do more for myself and one of those things is writing, using a creative outlet.

I thought by engaging myself in the challenge, it would kick start my activity on the blog again and help me carve out a space of "me time" each day.

I've always struggled with my Infertility, even as a teenager when I didn't realize that I did have Infertility issues. When Hubby and I first started dating my period would not show and I'd worry I was pregnant, silly me didn't realize at the time how hard it would be for me to get pregnant and I'd take tests all the time just in case. I mean I'd been used to it in high school when my period was sporadic to say the least, but as an adult who was sexually active, it was more of a risk and as I gained more weight, my period became non-existent. I started researching IF online. It became more important to figure this out when Hubby and I decided to marry. I had joined The Knot to help plan our wedding and the next obvious step was to go to The Nest and The Bump so we could start trying for a baby. From there I found lots of resources and blogs dedicated to other women suffering from IF. Hopefully by sharing my stories about IF and using a specialist to finally achieve my dream of becoming a mother, I can educate other women about their bodies and answer questions for them.

Easter Baskets

2013-03-29T08:50:00.001-04:00

We don't go crazy on Easter baskets but I like to get the boys something small. Hubby already told me that boys in college don't get "Easter baskets with all that grass and crap." Well sorry Hubby but our college boy is getting just that! I put together a basket for him this week with his favorite candies (did you see the Twix Easter Eggs they have this year????) a plastic egg with some cash in it, pens and pencils for school, packs of gum and his favorite movie right now, Anchorman. I'm sure he won't mind it one bit!

Hayden's is bigger, but I spent about the same on them, which I always try and do but I always feel bad because Hayden's stuff is cheaper, so he gets more "stuff." Hayden got three books (The Story of Easter, Spongebob Squarepants Easter and Happy Easter Mouse!)...oh wait, he got four books..wow, that boy likes to read. We also got him Snuggle Puppy. I read it today while putting the basket together and started sobbing. I'm so emotional these days and I'm not sure why. We also got him a Melissa & Doug puzzle, the fishy one with all the colors to learn, a foam football from Little Tikes (on clearance for $1.48 at Target baby!), some plastic eggs to play with, a small stuffed chick and the best gift of all, a Bubble Guppies DVD! He loves his Bubble Guppies and we don't mind it much either, it's a cute show that teaches him all the important little things in life.

Here are some pictures of Steven's basket. I have to remember to take a picture of Hayden's basket at some point!

Where did my weekend go...for that matter, where has the week gone?

2013-03-27T10:30:00.000-04:00

As per usual the weekend is gone and here we are, it’s already Wednesday and I’m looking forward to the next weekend. It’s been snowing all week. Come on mother nature! You had all winter!

Friday night was a blur. It usually is, we get home, eat dinner, do some clean up, etc. and crash from the long week. I tried this recipe on Pinterest for Friday night, a whole chicken, BBQ sauce, lemons, onion and coke. It was okay. We let it cook on low from about 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. and it was falling off the bones, but it wasn’t this great recipe I’d been led to believe by others on Pinterest. I’d much rather just cook chicken in the oven with our favorite barbecue sauce, which is my own. I mix together organic ketchup, real maple syrup, brown sugar, apple cider vinegar, a couple shots of worcestershire sauce, and the McCormick’s BBQ seasoning. Every brand of BBQ sauce I look at has high fructose syrup as one of the main ingredients and I just figured I could make something that tasted better, which I have and we all enjoy it.

Saturday I spent a lot of time catching up on laundry and playing with my sweet baby boy. He had a cold so he was not his normal happy self this weekend, but I did get some smiles out of him. He’s so ornery, as soon as he has something he knows he’s not allowed to have he takes off running from wherever you are and giggles uncontrollably. I love that freaking kid so much. When Hubby got home from work we all cleaned up and went out. We’re in the market for new Tupperware. I decided I wanted the Rubbermaid Premier set in red, but I wanted the big set. We’d found it on Amazon but wanted to see if we could buy it in the stores this weekend and nope, no one had it. We did get Hayden an Adirondack chair in green that matches the ones we already have on our porch. It’s just as cute as can be! We also mosied around Target, but did good. We only bought detergent, lots of baby socks that were on clearance and some bath crayons. After gift cards we only spent like $17. We then went to dinner at Applebee’s. We eat there way too much. I got a steak with shrimp and Parmesan garlic sauce on it. Yum. We also got the pub pretzel sticks with beer cheese and honey mustard sauce. So good. After we got home we put the babe down for bed and watched This is 40. I loved it. Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd are some of my favorite people and though some parts were over the top (like their older daughter screaming “fuck” at them) a lot of it seemed like real life situations that play out in a marriage and family.

Sunday was family day. We had a big breakfast of homemade pancakes with fresh blueberries and bacon, then got cleaned up and headed up to Cleveland to go back to the Children’s Museum, Hubby tagged along this time. Hayden had a blast, again. Of course I couldn't waste a trip going north without going to Trader Joe’s, even if it was completely out of the way! I had to stock up on more cookie butter and wine. Afterwards we tried to go to Golf Galaxy so Hubby could try out a new driver there but the line was ridiculous and Hayden and I were in the car while he snoozed, so we just ended up going home.

I’ve been working out in the mornings and it is working out so well! By the time I get off work, or after Hayden goes to bed, I’m too exhausted to go do anything that strenuous. It’s kind of like those pins I keep seeing on healthy boards that say “If you started running when you first thought about it, you’d be done already.” So I get my workout in before I’d even normally be up and awake for the day. The only drawback to this plan is I need to go to bed at a decent time, which is so hard! After Hayden goes to bed I can lose myself in Pinterest or in a book for hours and not realize it, so I have to be so much more aware of what activities I do after he goes to bed. One of us puts him to bed while the other cleans up toys for the 135,246,146^th time that day, then I come downstairs, make sure the dishes are done, things are set to go to either get lunches ready in the morning or pack them that night (it all depends on what we’re having, leftovers, something new, berries that I don’t like to wash the night before, etc.), wash my face, brush my teeth, then curl up in bed with the iPad for a half an hour or so before I’m so exhausted I just crash.

The rest of this week will be spent prepping for our overnight trip this weekend. I need to get some junk out of the van (mainly that Adirondack chair in my backseat), get the seats folded down and get Hayden’s big stroller and pack’n’play situated in there. Then pack a bag of toys for him, finish up the Easter baskets, get us packed, make sure there’s room for golf clubs…sigh and type up my plan for the dogs while we’re gone for the dog sitter.

I can’t wait to get down to Athens and enjoy the almost 60 degree weather!

We didn't take too many pictures this weekend.

At Applebee's, my husband cannot take a decent picture to save my life!

Goofing around in the tub. He's got this new thing where he looooooves laying back in the water, where before he would freak if he got his hair wet even!

Just loving on his daddy! He is definitely a daddy's boy.

Hayden's 1 year old pictures - Photo Book

2013-03-26T21:27:00.001-04:00

Shutterfly had an awesome deal where they offered a free 8x8 photobook. I couldn't pass it up, especially since I have had one sitting in my saved projects for Hayden's 1 year pictures. I put it together and ordered it last night. Now I just sit and wait!

Click here to view this photo book larger

Build your own high-quality photo books at Shutterfly.com.

Can I just have a break from reality?

2013-03-25T13:17:00.000-04:00

I just feel so overwhelmed. So overwhelmed that I did something that some might think of as drastic, I'm taking a week long break from Facebook. I'm seeing things on there that I don't like and reminders of old friends and what they've done to me. It is constantly being thrown in my face, people may say I had it coming but that doesn't make it hurt less.

I want a break from everything. We're going on an overnight trip in February and a week long road trip at the end of March, they can't get here fast enough. The mistakes I've made in the past are just glaring me right in the face everywhere I look, including Facebook, work, etc. etc. etc. I just want move on and feel like I don't get a choice right now, it's not allowed of me.

Everyday all day all I want to do is be home laying on the couch with my hubby, playing games on our iPods together. I think this is a huge reason why I've decided to start making the plans towards quitting my part-time job. I need more free time in the evenings, at home with my husband. For instance, right now I could be sitting in my living room curled up with a book with my puppy while my hubby and his son play a video game in the same room, then I could pack meals for tomorrow, lay out clothes, not feel rushed in the morning.

Oh well, I'm working towards this, I guess it's not something that can happen overnight.

In other news I have all my meals planned out for next week (1/25 - 1/29). I plan meals for weeknights, make enough for lunch the next day for me, plan breakfasts and maybe plan meals for Saturday. Sunday night we always eat dinner at hubby's brother's house, Saturday we bowl or I work, so really I only have to plan 4-5 weeknight meals. With my Monday school schedule I'm having hubby just heat himself up something and eating a Lean Cuisine when I get home from school.

Monday - 1/25
B: Cheesed-up Pepperoni Scrambled Eggs (Hungry Girl recipe)
L: Lean cuisine
D: Lean cuisine

Tuesday - 1/26
B: Fiber One muffin and yogurt
L: Lean cuisine
D: Lemon Pepper Chicken and stuffed pepper (just filled with veggies)

Wednesday - 1/27
B: Cheesed-up Pepperoni Scrambled Eggs
L: Lemon Pepper Chicken and stuffed pepper
D: Ham & Spinach couscous and steamed lemon broccoli

Thursday - 1/28
B: Creamy hot apple with granola (Hungry Girl recipe)
L: Ham & Spinach couscous and steamed lemon broccoli
D: Cajun shrimp, corn and baked cauliflower

Friday - 1/29
B: Creamy hot apple with granola
L: Cajun shrimp, corn and baked cauliflower
D: Chicken, veggies and tortellini & spinach salad

Saturday - 1/30
B: Cinnamon roll, fruit and coffee
L: Chicken, veggies and tortellini
D: Snacks at wine tasting event - Something to look forward to! My sister-in-law and I go with a group of girlfriends to this every year. We have such a blast, for $25 you get 10-12 tickets to taste wines and a load of appetizers are there all evening. It is such a fun time and I'm glad I get to do this with this group of ladies, wish it was more often though!

Wake up!

2013-03-23T13:58:00.002-04:00

Here's my snuggle buddy who hates having to get up early in the morning.

Spring is here! Or so we thought.

2013-03-22T16:24:00.002-04:00

March is more than halfway over.

Wednesday was the first day of Spring. Know what the temperature was? 27 freaking degrees.

It’s Friday and it’s snowing like a mother. I’m so over winter. My coat has about had it, I’m dying to pull out spring colors and just take Hayden outside to play.

I just can’t stop gushing about Hayden these days. He’s at a stage where he is into everything, but he’s just so curious and wants to know everything about everything he can get his little hands on. I can’t imagine or remember life without him. This morning I was doing something in the kitchen and had a déjà vu moment back to something that happened in the summer of 2011 before he was born and I remember thinking I was home alone and then I thought, “Don’t be silly, Hayden was home too,” then I realized he wasn’t. It’s like he’s always just been here and a part of our lives.

Life is just passing us by right now. Things are happy and content.

Next weekend we are going to Athens to see Steven for Easter and stay at a hotel down there. I can’t wait to go see him and get away for two days. We are staying at a hotel with an indoor pool so Hayden and I can swim while the boys go golfing, then we’ll do dinner and brunch on Easter.

Last weekend I took Hayden to the Children’s Museum in Cleveland. We had such a blast and I’m hoping to take him again this weekend. It’s a great place to go and burn off his energy when it’s so cold outside. Plus it gives me an excuse to stop by Penzey’s and Trader Joe’s afterwards, where I discovered cookie butter. Where has this been my whole life???? We eat it on apples and pretzel sticks but I’ve heard it’s divine on waffles.

Here’s some pictures to share from Instagram.

Hamming it up with momma

The cutest little boy there ever was.

My poor sweet boy after he got his 15 month shots.

All my boys playing video games (Hayden had his own controller but wasn't really playing).

Going out for BBQ

After Hubby's birthday dinner we came home and Hayden decided to read a book. My little bookworm.

Brothers just hanging out.

Cleveland Children's Museum

You're never too young to start reading Harry Potter!

Quotation Inspiration

2012-04-05T10:56:00.003-04:00

I'm a little behind on my 30 day challenge, but I've got them typed out at least. I won't bombard them on here all at once, I'll just randomly post them over the next few days to catch up.

Unknown Author: "Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can."

I saw this quote and knew I needed to use it for my writer’s challenge for WEGO today. I don’t live by it, that’s for sure. It is how I’d like to live my life though. I wish I knew who said this because it is very powerful in a subtle way. In almost everything I do each day I find negative reasons not to do something or negative reasons that are forcing me to do something. I need to look at the bigger picture and look into the positives of things more often. I think in general as a society we are trained to be negative and not try and look at the positive spin on things.

For instance, don’t say you can’t run tonight because you have a load of laundry, say you CAN run tonight because you need to cut out a little bit of time for yourself and do something good for your body.

Instead of saying “I can’t go to the dentist this week because I’m just too busy at work,” tell yourself, “I can schedule my appointment for my cleaning during my lunch hour,” and make time for it because it is important for your body and overall being.

A big thing is telling yourself that you can’t cook a healthy meal because you don’t have anything fresh on hand. Plenty of healthy meals can come out of the freezer and pantry! Defrost some chicken breasts, sauté up some frozen veggies and serve it over brown rice.

It is my belief that most of the time people use the negatives and say they can’t do something because really they just don’t want to, not because they truly aren’t capable of doing it.

Health Time Capsule

2012-04-01T08:00:00.002-04:00

2112 – 100 years from now. I’m going to guess I won’t be around then, as that would make me 130, almost 131. If I were to put things in a time capsule that would show my health focus right now, they would scream “Dairy free!”

I’ve been desperately searching the interwebs for meal plans and diets that involve dairy free eating and I’m just not coming up with a lot of appealing prospects. I’ve always been an avid milk drinker and don’t even get me started on the cheese consumption in our household.

I would include the containers to some dairy free products in my capsule as I’m sure in 100 years they will have hopefully changed for the better and people can see where they started at with these types of products. Going dairy free, especially for breastfeeding, is becoming more popular and acknowledged these days. I’d hope that in 100 years there is much more research on this and people are able to more easily adapt their diets to restrict the dairy products they are using.

I’d also love to throw in a pair of running shoes as that is where my butt needs to get in gear these days. I feel a thousand times better about myself when I’ve been actively running and why not, it’s such a healthy way to get in exercise and relieve some stress. I’m sure people won’t question the running shoes one bit and that it will be something people are still out there doing.

Overall I would hope to be able to show people where things came from and hopefully give them an idea of how far they have advanced in 100 years.

Health Activisty Writer's 30 Day Challenge

2012-03-30T12:28:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone - I just wanted to tell you about a new activity I'll be doing this April. The Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health. I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. I hope you'll join me in writing every day about health. It's going to be a lot of fun and I'd love to see what you have to say about each of the topics, too. All you have to do to join is sign up here: http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012 and you'll be able to start posting once April rolls around. Looking forward to writing with you!

Still pumping away

2012-03-28T11:13:00.004-04:00

Well the visit with the LC was a bust (no pun intended) in regards to getting my baby boy to latch. She feels that if I had come to her sooner (before 6 weeks old) that there may have been more we could do, but at this point it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

While there I did get two things to help me in other ways. I got a hands free bra to pump with, which I love! I can pump both sides AND play my word games on my iPhone.

Then she talked me into a wrap to wear Hayden around in. I absolutely love it and Hayden does too. Here's a picture from last weekend of us cuddling in it.

He fell asleep a little bit after this picture and stayed snuggled in there for a large portion of the day. I wish I would have started wearing him before he was 4 months old!

In other news I think I'm going to dig my book, "The Love Dare" back out and do the project and complete it this time! Hopefully I can sit down this weekend with the book, read it and organize how I'd like to tackle it. In addition to that I'm going to finish Hayden's birth story and share it on here.

Have a Happy Wednesday!

Hayden's 4 month stats

2012-03-20T08:00:00.002-04:00

Hayden had his four month appointment on Friday, which included a check-up and shots. Poor guy. At his two month appointment you could find his mother hidden in the corner crying while his father held his hand and he wailed like there was no tomorrow. I just couldn’t handle it. My plan was to be stronger for this appointment and let him know I was there for him. My plan worked out. I was the one holding both of his hands while he kicked happily and the nurse jabbed him with a few needles. As soon as the needles hit his legs he burst into crocodile size tears. My heart just broke for him. I know it's for the best but it doesn't make it any easier to watch my baby go through pain.

Hayden is very close to sitting up on his own. He can do it for about 3 seconds before he falls forward from his top half of his body being so heavy to him. He is rolling from front to back with no problem at all, but when he is on his back he will only roll onto his side, not his belly. He is so close though. His arm on that happens to be on the bottom just gets in the way, other than that he'd be rolling all over the place.

He loves his gym mat and if you lay him on it, he can do a complete 360 around it by picking his legs up, kicking them to the side and using the legs of the gym as leverage to get himself turned. One night I was lying on the floor with him and his head was near mine, next thing I knew he was completely turned so that his butt was up near my face!

He giggled for the first time on Thursday, 3/15. It was the sweetest sound. I’m so lucky that Hubby was able to capture it on video.

After his 2 month appointment he was fine. He was a little tired for a few days, but this time was different. After dinner on Friday night he started wailing and was inconsolable for a large portion of the evening. At 4 a.m. on Saturday morning he woke up with a fever of 101.6. He got his first dose of Tylenol and I didn’t leave his side the rest of the weekend. He spent a lot of time sleeping on me or cuddled up with me and by Saturday evening my sweet baby boy was back.

At his appointment his head circumference was 42.5 cm, he weighed a whopping 14 lbs 13 oz and had grown to 25 1/8 inches long. The nurse who first measured him said he was only 23 3/4 inches long but that meant he’d only grown 1/2 inch in a little over two months. I was kind of worried, but then the pediatrician came in and said that couldn’t possibly be right and re-measured him for us. That was a load of relief! He already has my height working against him.

The pediatrician also okayed the use of cereal at this point and said around five months we can start introducing other foods in his diet if he’s okay with the cereal.

These four months have flown by, I can’t imagine what the next four months will hold.

Giggles

2012-03-19T11:02:00.002-04:00

The day I looked forward to finally came last Thursday, 3/15. Hayden giggled, truly, for the first time and his Daddy captured it on camera while they sat on our porch waiting for me to get home from work. I cried watching the video, then we made him do it again to show his momma.

Pumping

2012-03-16T08:00:00.001-04:00

When Hayden was born I tried to nurse, really I tried, but I have nerve damage from my reduction I had in high school and every time he tried to latch, I’d fall flat. The lactation nurse kept working with me but I was so frustrated and Hayden was even more frustrated that I just kept pumping and my milk came in rather quickly. The nurses were impressed how fast it came in, so we just kept at it with the pumping. Hayden was born on a Friday and we were home on Monday. By Wednesday I had a good electric pump.

The early days were HARD. I just can’t get over how much I was doing. I washed 20 bottles per day, Hayden was eating out of Avent bottles about eight times per day and I was pumping six times each day, using two Medela bottles at a time, that came with my pump. I wasn’t even pumping as often as I was supposed to. Looking back now, I’ve learned that I needed to be a little more disciplined about it and more organized if I wanted it to work long-term. Hayden is 4 months old now and I’m still going strong. I’m not making enough for him, he’s using almost eight ounces of formula each day, but I’m giving him something and that’s what mattered most to me. Nothing was natural about my pregnancy. It took me three years to get pregnant and that was with numerous drugs, procedures and two losses. I ended up with an emergency c-section, which is not what I wanted. I stressed the entire pregnancy about whether or not I would be able to nurse Hayden at all. I struggled with the thoughts of whether or not it was a huge mistake to have a reduction when I was younger (yes, it was, but that’s another story). So if nothing else, I wanted to be able to nurse Hayden, which I can’t, but I can pump and he gets the same benefits at least.

Some things I learned for any future babies we have, if I decide to be an exclusive pumper:
· Have a designated place in the home to pump and make it as comfortable as possible.

· Have a spot for a drink (water!), my iPad or laptop and the remote control for the television. It’s important to make this “me time” because you’re already spending time away from the family most likely and it can feel a little resentful to have to do this so often. I read some good tips a few weeks ago on another blog and the mother pointed out that if she could go back, she wouldn’t have spent so much time pumping and spent more time with her family. (You can find her post about increasing your supply here.

· Pump as often as the baby eats BUT (this is the important part) pump AFTER he is done eating. Too many times I would decide it was time to start pumping and lo and behold I had a hungry baby on my hands and would have to stop, lose a good suction and sometimes get distracted and not pump for quite some time afterwards.

· Request a written policy at work regarding nursing mothers. I’m having troubles where I’m only allowed to use my lunch hour to pump, broken up into three breaks of 15 minutes, 30 minutes and 15 minutes. There’s another woman at work in a different division who is allowed to pump 15 minutes in the morning and afternoon and in addition to that take an hour lunch to go home and nurse her son. I’d love to be able to visit Hayden at lunch but I don’t want to make a stink about it and ruin what the other woman has going because I’m sure that’s what would happen, not that they’d let me have that hour to go home also.

Finally, before I even decide to be an exclusive pumper again, I'm going to meet with a specialist lactation consultant. It was recommended to me to do this with Hayden when he was first born, but the place was an hour away and we just kept making excuses for not going down there and checking it out. I just spoke with the consultant and we have an appointment next Thursday to see if she can even help at this point. It's $30, which isn't bad at all. Any future children I have, if I have a c-section again, I will make it a point to book time with this consultant the day the baby is born and have her come to the hospital and help me since the lactation consultant/nurses at the hospital weren't able to help me that much.

I hope these tips and my ramblings can help anyone else who is faced with exclusive pumping. It's a hard job but I am glad I'm doing it.

Yeah...I've been busy

2012-03-15T08:27:00.008-04:00

See, I've been busy with this

That turned into this

But now has turned into this

Meet Hayden James. He was born via emergency c-section on 11/11/11 at 9:38 p.m.

More on his birth story this weekend, but I'm going to try and start writing here more. I need an outlet. Especially when I'm stuck away from those beautiful blue eyes for hours on end each day.

BFP!!!!!! (or the post where I couldn't be giddier)

2011-03-01T12:49:00.007-05:00

As Hubby told his son when we got back from Vegas, "We came back negative in the money department but positive in the baby department!" We couldn't be more thrilled right now but I should back up and explain how this all worked with this cycle and how we found out.

We did the injections, which were super easy, but took forever to see results. They finally had me up to 300iu's/day. In the midst of all that I lost one of my best friends, Jonathan. He was a co-worker of mine and he passed away after recuperating at home from surgery from a fall at work at the beginning of January. Jonathan knew how important this was to me, we talked about it a lot and he shared with me the loss of one of his children at 3 days old. The day after his funeral we went to the RE's and the ultrasound showed a vast improvement. Three follies on my left side, one was 18something mm and the other two were 16something mm. I also had a 20something on the right side. We did the HCG shot that morning and I was scheduled for an IUI the next morning.

Friday morning I raced to the RE's office with the cup. By the time I got there, there was no point in my turning around and going home for less than an hour, so I visited the bagel shop downstairs and read a book. The IUI was completely painless and easy. Simple and quick. That's how I like things ;-) They came in and told me that we had 26million with 96% motility, not as high as his 90million count, but it only takes one and most of them were good ones. The IUI was like a pap smear except I didn't even feel anything like I do with the pap. I laid there for a few minutes afterwards and was sent on my way.

Last week we went to Vegas, where I did indulge in alcohol (I know...). But each day starting on Sunday (9dpo) I tested. Each day I received a BFN. I was using the IC's (internet cheapies) which are usually reliable. Finally on our last day in Vegas (Thursday, which was 13 dpo) it just didn't seem right. I cannot pinpoint it and tell you that I was certain I was pregnant, but for some reason it just didn't make sense to me, so I pulled out the digital test I'd brought as backup, tested and waited. I was sitting on the bed with it, watching the news while Hubby slept and all of a sudden it popped up "Pregnant". I about fell on the floor and screamed so loud I woke up Hubby. Then we just laid there hugging and smiling for quite some time (well I cried). We called the RE's office and scheduled a beta test for the following day when we would be home.

Friday morning we went in for our beta (in a blizzard mind you) and received the news later that day that my beta levels were at 77. They wanted to see something over 50, so the RE's office was pleased and scheduled me for a follow up on Monday, yesterday. I went in again and then sat at my desk at work all day biting my nails, tapping my feet, e-mailing my BFF, texting Hubby and pretty much just not working, I couldn't take the stress. Finally at 1:14 they called me and told me that it had come back at 266. I of course started crying again, thanking the nurse and she scheduled me for an ultrasound next Wednesday. I get to see my little blob :-)

Our due date is 11/04/11 according to Fertility Friend and my O date. Just in time for me to be off for the holidays, enjoying the time with my new baby.

I have a lot to say...

2011-02-06T15:27:00.003-05:00

- I'm doing a good job giving myself the injections.

- The medicine isn't working though, I'm up to 300iu's/day.

- One of the finest men I've ever known passed away yesterday and my heart is broken.

- Vegas is almost here and now I need it more than ever.

- I received my first blog award and need to acknowledge it.

But, I have no time to say all this. I will try tomorrow.

I need to specifically do a post dedicated to Jonathan and the type of man he was and I NEED to do that soon before these thoughts become distant memories.

Until then, Go Packers.

The Plan and my upcoming weekend

2011-01-28T14:46:00.003-05:00

So AF showed herself yesterday. I called my RE and they asked me to come in that same morning. I went in and did my normal baseline u/s and the nurse and I discussed the Compassionate Care Program. She was shocked with Hubby being laid off that we didn’t qualify for it. After she came in the room again though, she had two boxes of Gonal-F 450iu’s each for me and said that another woman had not needed these and donated them to the office. I am so very grateful for whoever donated this medicine.

Tomorrow I start my shots. I’m nervous. I thought I would be fine, but tomorrow night is my annual wine tasting event I go to with my sister-in-law and some other girlfriends. I need to take the shots between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. each night and we already decided that the best time would be 6 p.m. because two nights a week I go to school from 6:40 – 9:25 and then another night I bowl 7 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. I’m going to be an hour away from Hubby tomorrow night. I was really hoping he’d be there for my first shot and help me through it or do it for me. Now I just have to suck it up and do it all on my own. I know plenty of women have done this, that does not make me any less nervous about the whole situation.

I go back for my first u/s and b/w to test my estrogen levels on Wednesday, CD7. I am excited because I want to see what progress I will make by then.

Tonight is date night, dinner and a movie. I was all prepared for a quiet evening at home in my pajama’s but Hubby told me to see what movies are out, what time they are showing and pick a place for dinner. I’m not gonna argue!

Tomorrow I plan on working a few hours early in the morning (not mandatory and the work is totally easy as in I can pop a movie in here at work while I do the work). Then tomorrow night is the wine tasting event with the girls.

Sunday is all about relaxing, doing laundry and homework and then we will head over to the in-law's for Sunday night dinner. I was supposed to work but there's a girl that I work with that could use the hours more than I could (at my part-time job), so when she asked I gave it to her (I'm nice like that...really I just didn't want to work).

A Blanket Thank You

2011-01-27T10:47:00.000-05:00

Thank you to the women who donate their unused medicine back to their reproductive endocrinologist offices. Walking out of my RE’s office today with $780 worth of medicine that I didn’t have to pay for was unbelievable, more than I could have imagined. I’m so grateful to women that do this and I know that if I’m ever in the same position I’ll make sure to do the right thing.

Acupuncture

2011-01-26T11:34:00.000-05:00

I haven’t really discussed my experience with acupuncture on here that much and thought I’d finally share my views on it.

The first thing I tell people about acupuncture is, “If it does nothing else, it gives me one hour each week where I do nothing but relax.” It’s all about me; I don’t have to be running from one place to another, trying to remember what I need to get at the store, wondering if my dogs need food, etc. There’s no other time throughout my week where I can lay on a bed/table and do nothing but relax and meditate.

My acupuncturist, Kirsten, is a wonderful woman. At first I thought we wouldn’t get along that well, she was quiet and I’m a chatterbox but as time goes on, we’re talking more and more at each appointment. I feel that she is almost my counselor and a shoulder to cry on in addition to being my acupuncturist. It’s like I have another cheerleader on the sidelines for me and Hubby.

We don’t just focus on Infertility at my acupuncture appointments, Kirsten asks how I slept in the past week (Did I fall asleep easily? Did I stay asleep?), we also talk about my appetite, my stress and energy levels and anything else that she may be able to help me fix.

Yesterday, for example, I told her I have been having vivid dreams and I keep waking up during the night (I dreamt of Kathleen Turner for God’s sake! And not in a nice way!) and I’m not falling asleep again very easily. Whatever she did to help me yesterday worked. I fell asleep immediately after putting my iPod down (listening to Linkin Park – Shadow of the Day before bed of course) and next thing I knew, it was 6:00 a.m. and my alarm was going off. I had slept through the night and not noticed my dog snoring on the floor next to me once. I felt so refreshed this morning and ready to start the day.

I know that some people get freaked out by the thought of the needles and I was one of those too. Believe it or not, it doesn’t hurt that bad. Most of the time there is no pain involved at all. The only time I have ever felt uncomfortable with the needles are when they are inserted on the tops of my feet where there’s not a lot of fat to cushion the prick of the needle. Even then, the pain is really just a pinch for a split second.

After the needles are in, Kirstin makes sure I’m warm enough and turns the lights off for me (a small desk lamp is usually left on). For the next 40-50 minutes I just lay there and breathe slowly and refuse to think about anything that may stress me out. Sometimes I fall asleep, but most of the time I just lay there, comforted in knowing that I’m getting a chance to relax.

The following are the places I’ve had needles in my body, the top of my head in my scalp, the spot between the eyebrows, my temples, my jaw line, near the top of my ear, near the top of my chest bone, my wrists, my abdomen, my calves, my ankles and my feet. A few times I’ve also laid on my stomach and she’s inserted them in my lower back and hooked them up to a wire with a very low voltage. It almost feels like a massage when she uses this method.

I honestly cannot say if the acupuncture is helping me Infertility wise, but I know it has helped me in other ways with stress, eating, sleep, etc. All these things can play a part, especially in Unexplained Infertility, so I have to believe it’s doing more good than harm for me. I don’t know how long I’ll keep going because we only have so much money to work with in our flexible spending account for 2011 and I’d rather use it on treatments but I am going to keep going as long as it’s financially possible without putting a strain on our finances.

I’ve found the best place to look for an acupuncturist is through your RE. It seems many are firm believers that it helps out in some way. To quote my RE, “I can’t prove that it’s helped my patients but I truly feel it’s a good idea for you to go and give it a shot.”

BFN

2011-01-25T09:03:00.002-05:00

Another BFFN. I was so confident this cycle. I had one nice size follicle on the left side, we had sex on the right days and I took care of myself so well and here we are 15dpo and a BFN.

I'm crushed. I didn't think we'd ever have to go this far. Now I wait for AF and later this week I'll start giving myself injections. I talked to Jen, my RE's nurse, yesterday. She's great. We talked about the Compassionate Care program application and she told me it would be fine to add an IUI to the next cycle. The cost is only $250, which is better than I was planning on ($400-500). I'm just in limbo at this point waiting to hear about the application and for AF to show up.

I drove home last night with tears pouring down my face, I honestly didn't think we'd have to take it this far. I always knew I'd have problems based on the ovarian cysts and the lack of a period, but I guess I was naive in thinking things would work themselves out.

I'm also tired of the advice. It goes beyond people just telling me to relax. I actually had a woman tell me that she and her husband had problems getting pregnant and she has a thing for men dressed in a tuxedo. She said one night they went to a hotel and he was dressed up and it just made her so turned on and she's positive that's the night they conceived and it was all because she was attracted to him...really? Because for the last three years I haven't been attracted to my husband, I just had sex with him to produce a baby. I understand that people don't know what to do or say and may feel awkward about hearing about your infertility but think about what you say or just say something like, "I'm sorry you have to go through this." Leave it at that, don't give me advice when you haven't been through this yourself.

I had another woman I know tell me that I wouldn't be able to know if I wasn't ovulating because I'm not a doctor. Thanks, because the fact that I don't get a period and I know more about my body than her means nothing. This coming from a woman that got pregnant while "on the pill" and then her other two were conceived the first month she tried with each of them. If she said that to me this late in my journey I'd probably have told her to kiss my ass and walked away but I was still young and dumb at the time.

Sorry for the rant, I just had a lot on my chest about this. I was trying to be so optimistic this cycle and now I feel like I'm lying on the ground with the rug pulled out from underneath me.

In other news 26 days until I go to Vegas.