Ahh come on!

Sweet baby Jesus.

2011-02-03T14:04:00.001-08:00

Hello world!! Oh how I’ve missed you all so. Pardon my absence. I've got a few projects I'm working on, but here’s a quick post to get us reacquainted. I promise there will be more to come.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My co-worker and I love to stop by this pizza station in the cafeteria at our job to have fresh personal pizzas. From Pear Gorgonzola to Buffalo Barbecue Chicken – we love having a pizza option right on campus. Another perk – WHEAT CRUST – at our request. Ahh… just the best thing ever. Unfortunately, like the old saying, “All good things must come to an end.”

Lately, we’ve been noticing some rather unhygienic things about the server/preparer. From wiping his face to opening the kitchen door with the gloves he uses to prepare the pizza – we CRINGE more at the thought of the pizza station now than cooing at its fresh goodness. So, we decided no more pizza for us.

Well... so I thought.

The other day I decided that I wanted a pizza. Yes mama mia, my protest was over. I was going to politely ask that the server change his gloves or do whatever I needed to do calm my blood pressure.

As I approached the counter, all of my thoughts seemed to run together:

ok here I go, does his gloves look clean?, wait - he's making a new pizza, oh no does he have wheat crust?, awe sh*t, he doesn't, that means he'll have to go to the back and get it, he never changes his gloves, awe there he goes wiping the counter with the gloves again, why don't i just get a salad.

(LOL)

Read the e-mail below that I sent my co-worker:

Damn it. Eating should not be this traumatic. (lol)

Vegan, You Say?

2010-03-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

Hello world! It's been some time since we've talked. Well, I've got some news.

I decided to try a vegan regimen 2 months ago. I started with the goal of just completing one week with no dairy or meat. One week turned into two, two into three, and there you have it - almost TWO MONTHS VEGAN! The ride has been amazing. I've found recipes I love (to my amazement) that didn't have any milk, eggs, cheese, or meat. Who knew such dishes existed... :)

UPDATE: Within the past week, I decided that most days I'm a vegan gal, on others - vegetarian. I went from being a person who ate fish, chicken and dairy, straight to vegan. WHAT A JUMP!! Most said, "Ahh come on" at the thought. But, don't knock it until you try it! :)

One imperative task: You definitely have to take vitamins and ensure you're getting in the daily nutrients.

Although feeling good, I was starting to feel empty - not from hunger, but I felt as if I was missing something. So I decided that on most days I'm vegan and on others vegetarian. Only problem...I don't have a label now. I'm not totally vegan or totally vegetarian (well, actually I am, but go with me here).

So I decided to create a new label. How about vega-tarian? or vegatan? (lol) I cant help but laugh at the thought.

Well - no need for a label. I feel great. I must say, I like the mix of being vegan most days and eating a piece of cheese on others. Still no meat for me...

"To each his own." And right now - I'm lovin' my new found Vega-vegta-rianism life!

Edamame and potatoes,

Mickey

Thanksgiving Hilarity

2009-11-28T20:35:00.000-08:00

After having my heart's content of delicious Thanksgiving eats, I sat, remote in hand, looking for an afternoon, drama-filled, Lifetime made-for-TV movie.

While flipping through channels I noticed an interesting infomercial.

Yes, I'll admit I'm one of those folks who is quickly drawn into the amazing things a particular gadget can do to "make life easier" (as they all claim). I'm always amused by the marketing and demonstration tricks used to make the product more appealing. Let's not forget the host who is usually someone with high energy, smiling or screaming while bombarding you with cheap jokes and charm. I love every bit of it.

With all that said, here is the infomercial I saw:

All I have to say is, "Ahhh come on!"

First off, I'm not even going to comment on the product. At times, I tend to have the humor or a 12-year-old boy. Enough said.

Second, the woman is smiling like she's enjoying it. (Yeah right.)

The tag line even mentioned, "...designed specifically for women." Once I was able to catch my breath from laughing, I had the immediate thought - SOME MAN INVENTED THIS MESS!

But then after searching, I guess some marketer decided to expand the target audience because I found this:

Here, the men are all greasy and buffed. (Just yummy :) )

I predict this product will do well. Again, enough said.

On another note, this sounds like a new blog project for me. If I buy this, I'll be sure to write about it :)

Check out Ellen's bit on the "Shake Weight":

Hope your Thanksgiving was great!

Mickey

The Power of Mom

2009-11-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

My best friend's son is wonderfully smart and inquisitive.

One morning he was watching the news with my BFF and a few clips of children getting their nasal H1N1 vaccination was shown. He told his mother that the nasal spray looked as if it hurt. She explained to him all about the shot, the H1N1 virus and what was happening on the news. But of course, the image of the nasal tube/spray going up the child's nose as well as the child's reaction...was STAMPED in his memory forever.

Mental note for son - check

Mental note for mom - check

Later that day, he and his class were scheduled for a field trip to the petting zoo. Of course this was heaven for a class of five year olds - petting goats, horse rides, endless running space, and last but not least, the infamous blue towers of porta potties. Yes, these dreaded silos of germs can be incredibly enticing to young children. The idea of going to the bathroom, outside - think about it...sounds fun, right?

My BFF watched her son play and was happy to be there as one of the chaperons. She suppressed her urges to wipe him down with sanitizer not knowing her willpower would be greatly tested soon enough.

Her son saw a few of his friends going back and forth to the porta potties. He looked up at my BFF and said, "Mom I need to go to the bathroom." She looked at her son, as all Moms do, and knew he didn't have to go, but would give a heck of a fight to join his friends in the tower of germs.

"Do you really have to go to the bathroom," my friend asked.

"Yes."

"Ok...go on. Get that H1N1. Go ahead."

Immediately, he had a change of heart. "Umm nevermind Mom."

Of course I'm not making light of the seriousness of H1N1 but I thought it was hilarious that he remembered he didn't want anything to do with H1N1 or the nasal spray/shot.

Mom's To Do List
~~Take son to school~~
~~Take son on field trip~~
Remind son of H1N1 - check!
~~Pick up cleaning~~

Folks - a mother's gotta do what a mother's gotta do.

Mickey

Tapas

2009-09-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

One of my dear friends and I got up one Saturday morning and decided we'd run errands and grab a bite to eat. We had:

Garlic hummus with pita chips
Lobster spread with crackers
A few bites of turkey sausage stuffed with Gruyere cheese
A small piece of a raspberry ice cream/Popsicle thingy (lol)
Organic soda

Where did we go, you ask?

It was what we called "Tapas at Costco." Baaaby we had a blast. Never have we sampled food for free and left feeling as though we'd had lunch.

We weren't completely trifling. We did buy some of the items we sampled. [lol]

Mickey

Ewe. Did I Say That?

2009-09-21T20:27:00.001-07:00

Ok, so ...a few weeks ago I went to a casting call for a friend. The idea was to talk about how a makeover for my friend would be great because of this, that and the other...yada, yada, yada.

I spent part of the morning doing my makeup and getting my outfit together. There's a part of me that really rebels against anything that weighs or measures your worth by the way you look. Yes I know that's a bit overboard, but you get what I'm saying. I didn't want how "dazzling" (or lack there of) I looked to be the determining factor in whether my friend got the makeover. It was clear that this was my audition for the producers. I really wanted my friend to get the gig.

So, I slapped on some fresh threads and bounced. And yes people...I was fly.

I walked in nicely dressed and adorned with beautiful "I suffer for fashion" shoes. Yet, draped over my arm was another dress. (I wanted to be prepared in case the color I had on didn't work.)

The casting assistant looked at me and said, "Is that the only dress you brought?" [In the back of my mind I could hear my confident self repeating, "You look fly!" ...]

Or ...so... I ...thought.

Dont get me wrong. I wasn't looking for praise. The woman just seemed vacant. I'm not the stereotypical Hollywood gal - I'm a Midwest foodie who likes an occasional carb and doesn't consider having a big butt an insult. I have curves. I love them. Enough said.

Not sure if she was expecting a certain "type," or if I just walked in with a chip on my shoulder. Either way, after our greeting I thought (and answered her) to myself, "I'm already dressed."

[inside my head - @%&$#!$@! ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I'M LOOKING FLY RIGHT NOW! Geeze... (LOL) ]

Seriously, all that mattered was that I was comfortable and felt (and looked) beautiful. So, I looked at her and politely said, "I brought this dress in case the color I have on didn't work." She left the room, came back and said, "Ok, have a seat." I waited a few minutes, instructions were given and soon we were taping.

She asked several questions. Eventually she asked, "Can you name something that your friend has that you'd like to get rid of?"

On the spot and in flash, I described a sort of lime-green, fuchsia halter top. My quote exactly?

"If I had a match, I'd set that thing a fire now!" [Did I have to be so dramatic?]

Well...what I didn't realize immediately was the interviewer, the "is that the only dress you brought" chic ...was wearing those exact colors.

Ouch.

Well ...I didn't mean to insult her. Hell, who knew my immediate short-term memory coupled with my "b*tch I'll get you for not acknowledging I"m sharp" persona would take over.

No, really ... there was no pun intended. I really couldn't think of anything my friend had that I wanted to get rid of so I named something she has THAT I REALLY LIKE!

guess that didnt work...

Mickey

It Can Always Be Worse

2009-08-31T21:33:00.000-07:00

Well folks what happened last weekend wasn't my typical "ahh come on" moment, but more of an "ahh ha, Lord I'm listening." Here's my story...

My car has been good to me. I've had it for 10 years and recently had to spend more than $600 on repairs. I am one of those frugal people who would prefer to ride the car until the wheels fall off. But this time, I caved and said to my husband that we should go to a dealership to see what they would be willing to offer on a new car. With the "Cash for Clunkers" deal, I was hopeful.

I walked in the dealership with my "I am not, I may and I certainly wont" 's all in tact. I was not going to lease a car because I drive approximately 50 miles per day (total, to and from) work. I was not going to pay a lot per month, but I was willing to consider about 50 bucks more than I wanted to pay. Those were my rules and final offers. (LOL)

All and all, we went to the dealership and LEFT after having decided that it would probably be cheaper to get the repairs and consider a car loan next year.

I haven't had a car payment in more than five years, so I was not going down willingly. Plus, with cutbacks at work, decreased hours (to avoid layoffs) - it just didn't seem like a good time to buy a car. So like I said - we left.

My husband and I sat at a red light COMPLAINING ABOUT EVERYTHING! From the car to work to politics to wanting more out of life...and on, and on, and on - we just COMPLAINED!

While in our silo of complaints, ironically, we sat patiently at a red light waiting to make a left turn. We made ourselves useful and complained more. [smile]

The light turned green. We sat there for about five to 10 seconds. Before my husband hit the accelerator, a pick-up truck came barreling through the red light of the cross street. We had no clue the truck was coming and would have just pulled into the street to make a left turn. The truck was going at least 50mph and would have slammed - right - into - us.

My husband and I played out how horrible that situation could have been. There was a young family also about to walk across the street.

Here we were complaining about having to make repairs on a 10-year-old car that technically needed a tweak or two. Paying car repairs is nothing compared to the financial strain of medical bills or more importantly, the loss of life.

We humbly accepted our lesson and noted, "It can always be worse."

Mickey

Careless Whispers

2009-08-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

My dad was driving with my niece in the car. Someone cuts him off and completely forgetting that a human sponge was sitting in a car seat behind him, he calls the driver an "ASS." But knowing my Dad, he didn't say it in quick flash. He said it nice and slow. Kind of like sounding it out but with confidence and extra emphases on the ending "s."

Guess what? My one and a half-year-old niece then says, "A-s-s."

We already think she just short of genius. Her parents spend a lot of time with her teaching her letters and molding her young mind. Here's the kicker: As the aunt whose sole purpose is to spoil, play, tease, and be silly - I called and asked to talk with her. My sister (standing next to her) handed her the phone.

Niece: Hey tee-tee

Mickey: Hey love, I miss you

Niece: I miss you too

Mickey: Did mama tell you what A-S-S was? What's A-S-S?

Clear as day she whispered (with a smile) - assss.

My sister gets on the phone and says "you hear she whispered it because I'm standing here and she knows she's not suppose to say that!"

Somewhere in between she heard us spelling it while talking about her, and like a sponge, picked it up.

Of course now we lend no emotion to it so she emphatically knows not to say it, but I must admit...it was hilarious.

Mickey

Chase THIS!

2009-08-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

Yes. That's right. I'm giving you, CHASE, the finger. And to those who occasionally make deposits without using online banking, I salute you.

Here's my story...

I know some of you are not willing to admit this, but, I will. My account was overdrawn. There it is. I said it, yes - OVERDRAWN.

So, it's 6 pm PST and I feverishly go to make a deposit at the ATM (or what some of us Midwesterners call the CASH STATION). I pull up, hop out of the car with envelop in hand, dial my digits and ...what's this? There isn't an option in the ATM menu to make a deposit. Who has ever seen such a thing?

ATM options:

Transfer
Withdrawal
Check balance
Pay something
Scream
Cancel
Pay a fee (OK not this one but I'm on a roll here)

Since this is an account I rarely use (that's my "I'm responsible, don't judge me disclaimer"), I wanted to take care of this as quickly as possible and be on my way. This was an account that I opened in another state before relocating. Here in lies the problem.

Let me back up to the weekend of July 26, 2009. Apparently, this was when Chase would convert all WAMU customers to Chase accounts. I tried to make a deposit that weekend, and the deposit option was again missing. I called Chase and a rep told me to try another bank, of course I did. After three attempts (two banks), I decided to wait until Monday. Monday morning (9am) I go into the bank (that's now only open 9am -6 pm Mon-Fri, unsure about Sat.hours) to make a deposit. I informed the teller of the missing deposit option, he then told me, "Oh that was just for the weekend."

Fast forward to today - I called Chase in a HOT FIT OF RAGE and talked to someone who then had to transfer me to someone else. Five minutes wasted. The next Customer Service Specialist (CSS) I talked with, I explained that this unleashing was not directed at them personally (Side note: I used to be a CSS in another industry and understand how customers can misdirect their anger).

The CSS informed me that they (Chase) had no idea that I'd originally opened my account in another state [and therefore would not have been notified me of this inconvenience and/or other changes as a result of this Chase / WAMU merge]. DOES THIS IN ANY WAY SOUND CONSUMER FRIENDLY? How would I know they (Chase) didn't know the specifics of my account? I mean, don't they own it (figuratively speaking)?

So... not only have the bank hours changed but for three months, I have to go into a bank to make a deposit. First of all WHO GOES INTO THE BANK ANYMORE!?

Here is what I know from the rep:

Although all WAMU banks are now Chase, specific states are not completely converted to the Chase system
Chase sent customers a welcome kit, which did not include the information that deposits could not be made at an ATM in California until OCTOBER 24, 2009. What an inconvenience!!!!!!!!!!! There are five other states in this group including Arizona.

Here is where I used knowledge from a past life and deductive reasoning:

I think Chase may have failed to pull a list of customers who opened a WAMU account in one state and relocated to another.What a failure on their part if they did overlook this. I'm writing a letter to the corporate office. There are lots of inconvenient changes happening and why should the customer suffer. Granted this may only affect a small sect of customers (or may be not) - the inconvenience is worth mentioning.

Mickey (very teed off!)

Fifty Nifty Sexual Terms

2009-07-12T14:05:00.000-07:00

Easy now. It's not what you think.

Even the average adult is somewhat curious (and perhaps appalled) by the title. But can you imagine a handout with definitions of terms like "69, bangin' and anal sex," nicely crafted and distributed to a seventh grader!? Heck, I don't even want a handout like this.

Is this what sex education has become?

My family and I were having a discussion over the holiday about my seventh-grade God sister who was given a handout as part of sexual education class called, "Fifty Nifty Sexual Terms."

When you look up the phrase on the Internet, nothing educational for a seventh grader is worth mentioning. How is knowing the "69" relevant? Isn't that a different type of sexual education?

Needless to say her parents were highly upset and questioned why parents were not informed (through permission slips) of this class and why abstinence was not being encouraged along with the assumption that "they [teens] are going to do it anyway." The explanation? Something along the lines of socioeconomic conditions vs. environment vs. the need...yada yada yada.

1990s: I remember health class. Back then, sex ed was part of health class and limited to a certain number of weeks within a semester (generally after we'd learned nutrition and exercising). Sex education was about applying a condom, the reproductive organs and a place where you could ask questions that could have been too embarrassing to ask at home. Any frivolity was left in the class and to the comments made by my classmates. It was at the discretion of the instructor whether to answer such questions like, "can a girl get pregnant from pre-ejaculation?" [I had to channel a high-school, hormone raging boy for that question. Believe me, it was even more blunt.] Most times the teacher answered the questions because they knew although asked inappropriately, there was a need to know the answer. I wondered was this "keeping it real" effort what was in mind when distributing this form.

Bottom line: My God sister's parents were the only parents to remove their child from the class. They've said that they teach their child about sex but are not ready to teach her about "anal sex" or the "69." The administrator did not review the material the "instructor" was giving to the children, which is why she didn't know that these nifty terms were abound. My understanding is that the terms on the handout made some adults blush.

Perhaps the administrator needs an education on how despite what may be environmentally common, there are parents who preach and teach alternatives, with the caveat that as parents they are not all knowing.

Mickey

Do I need to see all of THAT!?

2009-01-18T09:39:00.000-08:00

Brace yourselves for yet another gym story. This one is short.

So my friend and I (the one from the "B*stard or Fat A*ss..." blog), went to a gym in another area. Not our usual spot, but we're adventurous that way. (LOL) Anyway, we were really excited because we'd found a kick-boxing class that turned out to be FABULOUS!

After the class ended, we were exhausted. I mean sweat-filled shirt, brow doused, TIRED!

We sluggishly walked back into the locker room and straight ahead was a woman - full monty, butt-bare a*s, free as a bird - NAKED! Are you kidding me? Didn't a talented (and might I add very wealthy) inventor come up with something to cover all of that? Why do I need to see your privates!? Arent they suppose to be PRIVATE!!!?

ARG!!!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not prudish at all. But seriously, it was like everywhere we turned, there she was - bush and all. And I'm not talking about George W. She walked to where we were washing our hands, back to the lockers, over to the shower, back to the lockers...she was all over the locker room NAKED.

I mean, I dont need you to Captain Morgan me in the locker room. Seriously.

[Smile]

Mickey

Who in the hell left the gate open?

2009-01-06T22:23:00.000-08:00

As a kid, I loved to watch the gospel commercial with the preacher yelling, "Who in the hell left the gate open." I loved it because the religious joke was funny and of course no one really wanted an answer to the question. Today, the gates I'm referring to are the flood gates of identity theft. Now, that aint funny. And I want an answer.

You guessed it folks. I have been the victim of credit-card fraud. This may not be shocking to you, but for me, I was blind-sided. See, I am the "I know you're trying to get my social security number" and "I'm not using my pin at a gas station" conspiracy theorist. Yes, I'm borderline crazy when it comes to my personal information. AND CREDIT-CARD FRAUD HAPPENED TO ME. SO RUN FOR YOUR LIVES PEOPLE! just kidding...

Here's what happened...

I logged into my account and noticed consecutive charges totaling more than $300. I immediately called my bank, filed a claim and started working with the vendor where my card was used. I should preface that by saying, "where my NUMBER was used." See, the THIEF does not have the card but somehow has my card number and according the investigator, cloned the number, created a card for themselves and hit the town set to paint it red. Bastards. I digress..

Of course I'm not one of those idle citizens. I'm filing a police report and calling the state attorney general. Did I mention that the charges were at a gas station/food mart in another state? Wait. It get's better.

In the process of investigating all of this, I politely put on my journalist "hat" and my "I'm very pissed off" scarf, and started asking questions. Here is what I found:

Did you know that there is a maximum of $100 that can be spent at a gas pump? (How the hell this is allowed, I don't know.)
Did you know that not all gas pumps require that you enter the billing zip code to use a credit card? Remember if you use your debit card, a pin is needed; if you use the credit option on your debt card (or if you use a regular credit card), the billing zip code is needed. Newsflash: It is not required nor mandatory state wide for consumers to use the billing zip code at the pump when using a credit card or the credit option of your debit card.
For gas stations, did you know that if someone clones your card but tried to use it inside the mart, the correct owner's name will appear BUT NOT AT THE PUMP? WHY!? (Sons of @$!@##!! )

I'm going to post an article on my Mickey Talks Topics blog with more sensible solutions and details about identity theft.

For this blog, I just had to say AHH COME ON!!

Mickey (pissed off and getting justice for all)

Well what do ya know...

2009-01-05T20:31:00.000-08:00

I think instead of saying, "Ahh come on," I'm going to start saying, "HEAVENS TO MURGATROID!"

(LOL - my friend said this to me one night and I damn near lost my dinner! It's so funny how things from your childhood can be forgotten and then suddenly remembered. Also...I didnt realize how violent cartoons were back then. But that's a different blog.)

Check out Snagglepuss. Even then, this cat had such a swagger about him.

Disclaimer: I dont condone shooting ducks or violence against animals for sport of any kind.

Make 2009 GREAT!

2009-01-02T01:51:00.001-08:00

I wish everyone a very happy and prosperous 2009 [a year unlike Woody in the adjacent graphic :) ]

May your year be full of positivity, good health, wonderful friends and family, success and love.

Many blessings,

Mickey

Karrine Steffans on Jermaine O'neal (video attached)

2008-12-30T01:12:00.000-08:00

I don't know if this is an "Ahh come on" moment or more of an "Ooo da*n" situation. You decide.

Karrine Steffans has become synonymous with the term "vixen" due to her 2005 tell-all autobiography and best-selling novel, "Confessions of a Video Vixen." Steffans has catapulted to the leads of mainstream entertainment, from Tyra to Oprah - everyone wanting a voyeuristic look into the life she lived as a video actress and her scandalous rendezvous with various celebs. Several derogatory terms have been used to describe Steffans, but what is undeniable is her effort to remove the "video vixen" label and press forward as a devoted mother, entrepreneur and novelist.

Below is post that can be seen on her site (Karrine) where she's decided enough is enough. I don't think it's ever too late to change your life, but for women, when you are labeled...it's hard to erase the brand. We live in a world of double standards, and for Steffans, her life as "superhead" may be difficult to forget considering she's made a successful career out of blowing the whistle on the celebrity men with which she's been intimate.

Don't get me wrong. This sister is articulate and smart and I wish her all the best, but I hate to see that her reputation still follows her.

Funny Pet Peeves

2008-12-28T20:55:00.000-08:00

My friend and I were having a great conversation about pet peeves when we decided to expand the conversation to other friends and loved ones clearly out of sheer madness :). What did we determine? We are all a special kind of crazy. [Smile]

Here is a list of pet peeves I've gathered that some consider to be the ultimate pet peeves (gross, nerve wrenching, etc.), but in some cases, I consider them to be down right funny. Enjoy...

Brushing Teeth Outside of the Bathroom. My friend says most hygiene should be kept in the bathroom. "I don't need to see it or smell it."
Public Spitting. Watching spit leave your mouth and dangle in mid-air like Michael Jordan is disgusting.
PDFR (Public Displays of Feet Rubbing). Taking your shoes off and rubbing your feet in public can apparently be bothersome. Some say once you rub your feet and touch other objects, "feet juice" will be all over the place. (Just typing this made me chuckle)
Close Encounters. Talking so close to someone's face that you can smell what they have eaten.
Touched by Strangers. There's a story to this one. My friend damn near had a conniption when a stranger bumped her and felt so bad about it that they apologized profusely but kept rubbing her back to soothe the pain. My friend didn't want the rubbing. And the pain was gone long before the rubbing...and long after. But the rubbing continued. [LOL]
Sandwich Pressing. Making a sandwich and pressing down on it with your hands. The imprint of the fingers on the sandwich drives my husband crazy.
Residual Spit on Books or Magazines. Ever wet your fingers to help turn a page? Leaving something behind other than the occasional ear-mark or highlight is nasty. Ewe.
Surprise Stepping. There's nothing like fresh-cotton socks. But stepping in a wet spot with socks on is unnerving for some.
Crowded Food. Different foods touching on a plate. (I don't get this one at all.)
Share and Share Alike. Ever been in the club and a random stranger asks to use your lip products? Umm yeah...that's not cool and it's gross.
Blessing Food. Not what you think. It's sneezing over food while preparing it. And folks, I'm not talking about covering your mouth either. Ewe.
DWP (Driving While Picking). Because you're in a car does not mean you're invisible. There are windows. STOP DRIVING AND DIGGING! :)
Impolite Flatulence ( a.k.a. - crop dusting). Here is another gym story for you. My friend and I were on the StairMaster and got a sudden and horrible smell. We were already breathing heard so the more we inhaled...you get the point.
Stop. Drop. Flush. Not abiding by the courteous "drop and flush" bathroom rule is rude to some.
Food-mobbing. Someone who admires your food and inappropriately smells and/or points at it
Grab Bag. When someone offers food (i.e. chips) and the person WHIRLS their hand around in the bag before getting what they want out of it...as if each potato chip is different and the choices are immense.
Toothpaste Squeezing. This is just crazy. The logic behind this (so I've been told) is that if you squeeze in the middle of the tube, you'll have to expend more energy to get the rest of the paste out of the tube as the paste runs out. But if you start to squeeze from the bottom, you'll get more out of the tube. Go figure.
Tissue Placement. Over not under. (This is another one I don't get. Who cares? Isn't it all going to be used?)
Show Interruptions. Ever been in the middle of your favorite show and someone walks in and says, "What happened?" Now to fill them in on what they missed, you'll miss at least eight minutes of the show because you know they'll have questions. [smile]
Live Movie Commentary. Watching a movie with unwanted commentary from the audience like, "Fool, don't go in there!"
Hairy Soap. Soap with random pieces of hair on it (long, short, etc.) Ewe.
I don't know what to call this. Waking someone up and then saying, "Oh I'm sorry. Go on back to sleep." Was there another option?

That was close.

2008-12-22T14:29:00.000-08:00

I had a nightmare last night and woke up crying. I literally felt my eyes and face frowned (like so) and I heard myself crying.

The nightmare? I showed up to work two hours late and they fired me.

Shucks. In this economy, wouldn't you cry too? [smile]

Mickey

Bstard or Fat As? I'm more offended by the latter.

2008-12-08T00:15:00.000-08:00

Some girlfriends chat on the phone, shop or occasionally meet up for drinks as their ritualistic homage to what they call bonding.

Well, one of my friends and I, like clockwork, go to the gym because that's our "bonding time." We take this wonderful cardio salsa class but decided to kick it up a notch and take back-to-back classes - one being our regular class and the other was immediately after.

My friend and I were tired but decided to tough it out and take the second class. ( I think I would have worked out four hours straight just to look stallion-esque in my wedding dress. But, that's another blog.)

Picture this...

We've started the second class which is a combination of kick-boxing and aerobic moves. My friend and I are at the back of the class when a woman gets within one foot of my friend and tells her (abrasively) to, "Move up." My friend says, "No, you go up there."

Reminder: We are in the middle of an engaging aerobic class where we're jumping, kicking, punching - basically where there's a need to have space between all class participants. Point being: The woman was too close to my friend and there was more space on the dance floor. She wanted my friend to move although my friend was already working out and had been in that spot long before she arrived.

(Side-note: Describing this feels like kindergarten again when I wanted my seat saved and my friend was suppose to hold it but didn't and I had to push my way back in it...ok...i digress)

The woman bumps my friend and they slightly shove each other and I kept saying out of sheer shock, "Are you kidding me!" (a.k.a "Ahhh COME ON!)

In the midst of the all the commotion, the lady (who will from now on be called the "offender") gets a staff person to reprimand us. Immediately, I tell the staff person (calmly, I might add) that this woman pushed my friend...and in mid-tattle - the woman yells at me, "You're a liar, you bastard. You fat ass."

OK. Whoa.

I know she yelled more than that, but it was like I couldn't hear anything but "bastard and fat ass." So at that point...I lost my temper. I yelled some unmentionables...and my friend and I decided that we would leave. But my wonderful friend, being the spunky person she is said, "Why should WE leave." So we proceed back to the class. When the offender saw that we were back, she left.

The staff person told us she saw how the woman acted and said to let her know if the woman harasses us again. Apparently, an incident had happened with the same woman and another club member.

Here's my dilemma: I was angrier that the woman called me a fat ass than a bastard. I know my father, he's a wonderful man and very active in my life. But a fat ass? Isn't that why I was in the gym anyway? That went too far. [Smile]

Everyone laughs when my friend and I tell this story, because out of all of this...I was most upset that she called me a fat ass.

Disclaimer: I'm not an insecure woman who is ashamed of her curves. I embrace them. But it was something about being exhausted and trying to fit into a wedding dress that sent me over the edge. For the record...I LOVE MY FAT ASS!

Mickey

Mac & Me

2008-11-27T13:40:00.000-08:00

I think most Americans are visiting family and friends on Thanksgiving or preparing some lavish meal full of the year's guilty-pleasure, carb-busting delights. I'm no exception.

For the past two years, I've attempted a feat that I think rivals that of climbing Mt. Everest or swimming in turbulent waters - making mac & cheese from scratch.

In this case, you may be screaming, "Ahhh come on!" But seriously, this task has driven me crazy!

Round One - Mac & Cheese Curd (two years ago)
Winner: The Garbage Disposal

I had a large pot of gooey, string-cheese pasta that I could have easily slug on the walls as plaster. It ended up in the garbage disposal.
(*Note to self & others - adding more milk and cheese does not fix the problem)

Round Two - Mac & Cheese Curd Jr. (this year - day before Thanksgiving)
Winner: Draw

I used a recipe where I mixed flour, milk and butter in a saucepan - later adding cheese, then pouring all onto the pasta. I ended up with slight crusty mac, partially cooked egg and ...a lack of cheese. Arg!

Round Three - Mac & Cheese DELIGHT
Winner: ME!

A friend gave me this recipe:

INGREDIENTS
1 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 pound elbow macaroni
8 Tbsp (1 stick) plus 1 Tbsp butter
1/2 (2 oz) shredded Muenster cheese
1/2 (2 oz) shredded Mild Cheddar
1/2 (2 oz) shredded Sharp Cheddar
1/2 (2 oz) shredded Monterey Jack
2 cups half and half
1 cup (8 oz) Velveeta, cut into small cubes
2 Large eggs, lightly beaten
1/4 tspn seasoned salt
1/8 tspn freshly ground black pepper
*zinger - Add unseasoned breadcrumbs (my added touch)

Preheat oven 350. Lightly butter a deep 2 1/2 quart casserole dish.

Boil salted water. Add oil, the macaroni and cook until the macaroni is just tender, about 7 minutes. Don't overcook. Drain. Return macaroni to cooking pot.

In saucepan, melt 8 TBSPS of butter. Stir in mac. In large bowl, mix muenster, mild, sharp and monterey jack cheeses. To the macaroni, add the half and half, 1 1/2 cups of shredded cheese, the cubed velveeta and the eggs. Season with salt and pepper. Transfer to the buttered casserole. Sprinkle remaining 1/2 cup of shredded cheese on top and dot the remaining 1 TBSP of butter on top. Bake until its bubbling around the edges. 35 minutes. Serve hot.

So, I'm pacing the oven checking my concoction because I'm on the verge this time of just making boxed mac & cheese for the rest of my life, when to my surprise...a delightful, nicely browned casserole of wonderful cheesy mac & cheese is pulled from the oven. I have no clue what did it this time, but I'm certain that this was by far the best recipe ever. I completely recommend.

Next up: Green Bean Casserole
This should be fun....

Mickey

Ahh come on!

Sweet baby Jesus.

Vegan, You Say?

Thanksgiving Hilarity

The Power of Mom

Tapas

Ewe. Did I Say That?

It Can Always Be Worse

Careless Whispers

Chase THIS!

Fifty Nifty Sexual Terms

Do I need to see all of THAT!?

Who in the hell left the gate open?

Well what do ya know...

Make 2009 GREAT!

Karrine Steffans on Jermaine O'neal (video attached)

Funny Pet Peeves

That was close.

B*stard or Fat A*s? I'm more offended by the latter.

Mac & Me

Bstard or Fat As? I'm more offended by the latter.