THE LISTER

Ten Questions That Would Be Really Silly To Say 'Yes' To On The US DS-160 Immigration Form

2014-05-28T02:30:00.002-07:00

1. Do you seek to engage in terrorist activities while in the United States or have you ever engaged in terrorist activities?
2. Have you ordered, incited, committed, assisted or otherwise participated in genocide?

3. Have you ever engaged in the recruitment of child soldiers?
4. Are you coming to the United States to engage in prostitution or unlawful commercialised vice or have you been engaged in prostitution or procuring prostitutes within the past 10 years?
5. Have you ever withheld custody of a US citizen child outside of the United States from a person granted legal custody by a US Court?
6. Have you ever renounced your United States citizenship for the purpose of avoiding taxation?
7. Do you seek to engage in espionage, sabotage, export control violations, or any other illegal activity while in the United States?
8. Have you ever committed, ordered, incited, assisted, or otherwise participated in extrajudicial killings, political killings, or other acts of violence?
9. Have you ever been involved in, or do you seek to engage in, money laundering?
10. Have you ever been directly involved in the coercive transplantation of human organs or bodily tissue?
Courtesy of the DS-160 Form

The Ten Best Descriptions of Samuel T Herring from Future Islands I've Seen Online

2014-03-12T05:38:00.000-07:00

Ten brilliant comments about Future Island's lead singer following their 'captivating' David Letterman appearance…

1. New Order fronted by Pere Ubu's David Thomas
2. Marlon Brando method acting Jimmy Sommerville
3. Jack Black on mushrooms
4. Henry Rollins at Wigan Casino
5. (Everton manager) Roberto Martinez at the end of season disco
6. Shaun "Barry from EastEnders" Williamson having eaten Ian Curtis
7. Fozzie Bear fronting a Killers tribute band
8. Like 'Gangnam Style' for Pitchfork readers
9. A cross between Morrissey and Steve Pemberton (of the League of Gentleman)
10. "My old maths teacher"

Ten Places Near Tiverton, Devon That Sound Like They're From The Hobbit

2013-02-05T13:40:00.001-08:00

1. Jampot Cottage
2. Uplowman
3. Pixiewell Copse
4. Meredown Coverts
5. Holcombe Rogus
6. Pockeridge Copse
7. Dandyland Wood
8. Crazelowman
9. Puzzlecombe Copse
10. Breakback Wood ("God bless you Mr Frodo")

Ten Brilliant Titles by Baudelaire

2013-01-29T07:29:00.001-08:00

1. Get Drunk!
2. A Hemisphere in a Head of Hair
3. The Soup and the Clouds
4. Loss of a Halo
5. Anywhere Out of the World
6. Which is the True One?
7. The Generous Gamester
8. Counterfeit Money
9. Flowers of Evil
10. Let's Beat Up the Poor

Ten Films My Wife Think Are In My Top Ten But Which Aren't (Actually)

2013-01-28T13:40:00.000-08:00

1. Cocoon
2. The Hurt Locker
3. Waterworld
4. Star Wars
5. In Bed With Madonna
6. Elf
7. Dances With Wolves
8. Tango & Cash
9. Turner & Hooch
10. Wimbledon

Ten Shipwrecks Near Sandwich in Kent

2012-11-20T13:21:00.000-08:00

1. The Russia 1889
2. The Gemini 1891
3. The St Dominic 1743
4. HMS Rooke 1916
5. The Charles Carter 1811
6. The Countess 1918
7. The Ann Lyon 1623
8. The Olympia 1918
9. The Dasher 1811
10. The Sandwich 1757

Ten Brilliant Top Tens

2012-06-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

1. Top Ten Lamest Superheroes of All Time
2. Ten Weirdest Ways That Ancient Rulers Died
3. Ten Strange British Foods
4. Ten Most Stolen Books
5. Top Ten Oddest Footballers' Names
6. Ten Misspelled Tattoos
7. Casualty's Top Ten Oddest Admissions
8. Ten Stupidest Laws
9. Ten Craziest Movie Premises
10. Ten Awesomest Secret Lairs

The Ten Most Impressive Touchline Performances

2012-05-01T13:19:00.000-07:00

1. Nagoya Grampus Eight Coach Dragan Stojkovic scores the ‘goal of his life’ from the technical area – and gets sent off for his efforts.

2. The Special One introduces himself to Old Trafford.

3. Dedication’s what you need if you wanna be a Premier League linesman.

4. Phil Brown takes centre stage for a change after Hull avoid relegation.

5. Norwich fans look away know… ’Where are you?’.

6. Arsene Wenger finds some new friends.

7. Cloughie mistakes fans for Roy Keane.

8. Rafa’s perfect 6.0.

9. Fan vs linesman.

10. Entire end vs linesman, AKA You’ll Never Walk Alone.

Ten Footballers Who Think They Can Sing

2012-05-01T13:13:00.002-07:00

1. Kevin Keegan invents Bubble Perm Pop.

2. Terry Venables sends the audience into rapture.

3. Andrey Arshavin, looking even more like a 12-year-old than usual.

4. Clint Dempsey – or should we say Deuce?

5. Hoddle ‘n’ Waddle , not taking themselves seriously at all.

6. Waddle again, with Basil Boli dressed as a Beefeater. Of course.

7. John Barnes. Obviously.

8. Andy Cole. Less obviously.

9. Hoddle again, murdering the Beatles.

10. Not even Pet Shop Boy Chris Lowe can save Ian Wright

Ten Things From Minority Report That Apple Haven't Perfected Yet

2012-04-06T15:34:00.002-07:00

1. Murderless society
2. Clairvoyants in swimming pools
3. Talking cereal boxes
4. Slave1 style spaceships
5. Max Von Sydow
6. Transparent computer screens
7. Phantom Menace senate style morgue of frozen murderers
8. Bingo ball style crime prediction system
9. PSP memory cards with holograms in them
10. Screenless 3D hologram file storage system

Ten Things You Never See Any More (Other Than Spangles)

2012-03-27T11:28:00.002-07:00

1. Maxell metal tapes
2. Three-wheeled cars (prams don't count)
3. Joke shops
4. Those 'thanks for parking so close to me' notes with a picture of Mickey Mouse flipping the bird
5. Supermarket stamp books
6. Teams of TV dancers because there's no pop video available
7. Beer adverts involving men singing marching songs
8. The phrase 'Auto Reverse'
9. That weird Test Card girl
10. Footballers with socks round their ankles

Ten More Utterly Random Books Available From Abe Books

2012-02-28T05:28:00.003-08:00

1. Welcome To Your Facelift
2. Movie Stars in Bathtubs
3. All ABout Scabs
4. What Kinda Cactus Izzat?
5. People With Long Ears – A Practical Guide to Donkey-Keeping
6. Liberace: Your Personal Fashion Consultant
7. The Manga Guide to Calculus
8. Tattooed Mountain Women and Spoonboxes of Daghestan
9. Ragnar's Guide to Home and Recreational Use of High Explosives
10. The Art of Painting Animals on Rocks

You And Whose Army?

2012-01-30T13:55:00.000-08:00

1. Private Parking
2. Bombardier Bitter
3. Corporal Punishment
4. Sgt Pepper
5= Captain Sensible
5= Captain Beaky
7. Major Tom
8. Colonel Mustard
9. The Brigadier
10. General Waste

Ten Acts of Random Kindness

2012-01-18T12:29:00.000-08:00

1. Give you seat up to someone no more deserving than you on public transport
2. Pay for the person next to you in the coffee shop
3. Leave finished books behind for others to read, like you leave newspapers
4. Tip staff in fast food outlets
5. Buy David Bowie albums for anyone you like
6. Give your unexpired parking tickets to people who are just arriving
7. Always stop to pet cats
8. Offer to take photos of couples for them
9. Say thank you to people doing thankless jobs
10. Write emails of praise to companies when they make things work as they should do

Ten Folders On Adrian Veidt's Desktop in The Watchmen

2011-11-25T12:04:00.000-08:00

1. Veidt electric
2. Veidt properties
3. Veidt development
4. Veidt sport
5. Nostalgia
6. Veidt science
7. Manhattan
8. Alexander
9. Pyramid transnational
10. Boys

The Ten Worst Band Names in the History of The X Factor

2011-10-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

1. The Stereo Hoggz
2. InTENsity
3. Same Difference
4. 2 Shoes
5. The Mend
6. Illusion Confusion
7. Bad Lashes
8. De-Tour
9. Ghostt
10. The Anser

The Ten Best* Come-on Lines In Pop**

2011-10-22T07:03:00.001-07:00

1. "I can't sing, I ain't pretty and my legs are thin" - Fleetwood Mac, Oh Well
2. "What's your name? Who's your Daddy? Is he rich like me?" - The Zombies, Time of the Season
3. "Pour some sugar on me" - Def Lepard, Pour Some Sugar On Me
4. "I ain't ever seen a country boy with tires on his truck this high" - Jake Owen, Eight Second Ride
5. "Cool, but I'm leaving my pants on, because I'm kind of going with someone" - Prince, Ballad Of Dorothy Parker
6. "The more you ignore me, the closer I get, you're wasting your time" - Morrissey, The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get
7. "I'll be around today, to be available for you to see" - Sly Stone, If You Want Me To Stay
8. "Your soft silky hand all smooth and thin, it makes me want to hold it again and again" - Milli Vanilli, Girl You Know It's True
9. "I would lock you up but I could not bear to hear you screaming to be let go" - Wham!, The Edge Of Heaven
10. "You probably want hard boiled eggs" - Bob Dylan, Highlands

*Not literally best (ie sometimes worst)
**The Lister cannot guarantee that traces of country music, rock and hip hop are not included

Ten of the 37,000 Entries That Appeared in the First Edition of Noah Webster’s A Compendious Dictionary of the English Language in 1806

2011-08-18T02:49:00.001-07:00

1. deliquesce verb: to dissolve or soften in air
2. electrician noun: one versed in electricity
3. flytrap noun: a trap to catch flies
4. hommony noun: food made of maiz broken but coarse and boiled
5. selectman noun: a town official in New England
6. skunk noun: a quadruped remarkable for its smell
7. slatternly adjective: negligent in dress, sluttish
8. unmalleable adjective: not capable of being hammered into a plate
9. vaccine noun: the cow pox, kine-pox
10. winterkill verb: to kill by means of winter, as grain

* With thanks/apologies to Merriam-Webster

Rutger Hauer (slight return)

2011-08-10T05:38:00.000-07:00

Ten Films In Which Rutger Hauer Plays A Weirdo Who Kills People

Ten Cricketers Who Never Got Their Name On The Honours Board At Lords

2011-07-26T07:40:00.000-07:00

1. Sachin Tendulkar
2. Brian Lara
3. Ricky Ponting
4. Shane Warne
5. Curtly Ambrose
6. Mike Gatting
7. Javed Miandad
8. Muttiah Muralitharan
9. Michael Atherton
10. Clive Lloyd

RIP Amy Winehouse

2011-07-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

All you need to know

Sixteen Companies Who Pulled Their Advertising* From The News Of The World

2011-07-12T08:52:00.001-07:00

1. O2
2. Boots
3. ASDA
4. Vauxhall
5. Dixons
6. Specsavers
7. Halifax
8. Sainsburys
9. Virgin Media
10. npower
11. Renault
12. Argos
13. Debenhams
14. M&Co
15. DFS
16. Shop Direct

*Or announced they had no plans to advertise, which is kind of the same thing

Average Pop Song Length By Decade*

2011-07-08T06:56:00.000-07:00

1. 2010's: 4'26"
2. 1990's: 4'14"
3. 2000's: 4'10"
4. 1980's: 4'08"
5. 1970's: 3'55"
6. 1960's: 2'59"
7. 1940's: 2'41"
8. 1950's: 2'36"

*Courtesy of The Billboard Experiment

The First All-Foreign Starting XI in the Premier League

2011-07-06T04:51:00.000-07:00

1. Ed de Goey (NETHERLANDS)
2. Dan Petrescu (ROMANIA)
3. Emerson Thome (BRAZIL)
4. Frank Leboeuf (FRANCE)
5. Celestine Babayaro (NIGERIA)
6. Albert Ferrer (SPAIN)
7. Didier Deschamps (FRANCE)
8. Gustavo Poyet (URUGUAY)
9. Roberto Di Matteo (ITALY)
10. Gabriele Ambrosetti (ITALY)
11. Tore Andre Flo (NORWAY)

(Southampton v CHELSEA, 26 December, 1999)

The Last All-English Starting XI in the Premier League

2011-07-06T04:35:00.000-07:00

1. Michael Oakes
2. Steve Watson
3. Gareth Southgate
4. Ricardo Scimeca
5. Alan Wright
6. Paul Merson
7. Ian Taylor
8. Simon Grayson
9. Lee Hendrie
10. Dion Dublin
11. Julian Joachim

(ASTON VILLA v Coventry, 27 February 1999)