Live Up To the Name

The Last Gift

2016-08-20T21:32:00.002-07:00

Yesterday marked the start of the annual Trails West Festival in St. Joseph, MO. Every year at this time I am reminded of a gift, the last gift I ever gave to my beloved Gammy... A gift I didn't even pay for.

We moved to St. Joe in August of 2010. We had been here around 3 weeks when Trails West began, so we loaded up the kids and headed down to check it out. They have live music, activities for the kids, arts and crafts booths, and food vendors galore. We started with the stuff for the kiddos. It was hot, as it usually is in August. They had a blast making crafts, playing with giant bubbles, watching magicians, etc.

I wanted to walk through the booths, so we headed to that area of the park. As I was walking through I saw a lady who was selling her fused glass creations. After working to restore stained glass, I have always been interested in glass work, so I stopped to browse. She had a little basket with iridescent glass stud earrings. My first thought was of Gammy. She always loved iridescent things. She often commented about the beautiful colors they would pick up.

While we shopped and enjoyed our day, Gammy was back home, 4 hours away, fighting cancer. She had been diagnosed in May, I think. It had only been 4 months, but from the reports my mom was giving me, it wasn't looking good. My dad had just told me that I would be shocked when I saw her. It wasn't long until we were headed down there for a visit, but I worried about her and prayed for her recovery.

As I looked over several pairs of the earrings, I wanted to buy a pair for Gammy. We had just bought a house, moved to a new town and got kids started in school- an expensive time for any family, especially with 3 kids on one income! So, I decided against making the purchase and put the delicate studs down.

Just as I was going to walk away, the artist stopped me. "Didn't you find any you liked?" I told her I was just browsing, and they made me think of my grandma. I told her how she loved earrings like that and how she had just gotten her ears pierced not many years before. Then I told her that they were probably not practical since she is in bed most days fighting cancer.

At that point, the artist said, "Pick a pair. They are my gift to you and your grandma. Tell her to stay strong and beautiful." I told her that was very kind, but she didn't need to give me a pair. I could buy them. But she insisted. She put them in a little bag, thanked me for stopping in and sent best wishes to Gammy.

A couple of weeks later, I finally made the trip home. Just like my dad had told me, I was shocked by the decline in Gammy's health. She had always taken great pride in her appearance, worried about her "wild" hair, and dressed so pretty. Due to the treatments, she had lost her hair and lost so much weight she didn't even look like herself.

I gave her the earrings and she said, "Oh, Bekka, how beautiful and sparkly! Just look at those colors!" At that moment, even though she didn't look like herself, she sounded like herself. I told her the story of the generous artist. Then, she asked me to help her put them on.

I gently put the earrings into her ears. I don't think I had ever put earrings on another person. I was certain she could pull through and beat this cancer. I never imagined that this would be the last gift I gave her. Gammy passed away in November that year, just 3 days after Thanksgiving. She never took the earrings out.

I am grateful to the artist who was so kind to give me those earrings. I may have walked away that day and never had the chance to give my Gammy another gift. She gave me so much in her lifetime, I am thankful I had one last chance to let her know how much I thought of her, how much I loved her.

$2.50

2016-06-01T18:35:00.001-07:00

Camden asked for an egg sandwich today, and we were out of eggs. I told him I would pick some up after our first soccer game of the season, and he could have a sandwich for lunch.

On our way home, I ran in the grocery store. I was greeted by some Boy and Girl Scouts. They were "Scouting for Food". They gave me a list of things that were most needed in our local food pantry, and I quickly went on my way to grab the eggs. I was in there to get in and get out.

I was almost at the back of the store when I decided to pick up a gallon of milk, as well. So I have my eggs in one hand, my milk in the other and pass by a Velveeta display with a coupon for $1.00 off a package. Knowing I have a recipe that I have all of the ingredients for in my cabinet, except the Velveeta, I picked it up, too.

That's when I see the shells and cheese. I think about all of the hungry families, and how much my kids love the creaminess of Velveeta shells and cheese, and decide to add one of those to my precariously stacked groceries in my arms. One box is really all I could carry, $2.49 was the price.

I felt a little chintzy with my one box of food as I handed it to the scouts, especially when the guy before me handed them two bags full. But really, it was all I could carry at that moment, and I was in a rush while the family waited outside.

After I returned home, it struck me... What if every family who walked in the store today gave one item? It only added $2.50 to my bill. It would almost go unnoticed when added to a $50 grocery bill. But to a family who has nothing, it could provide a meal. There were no fewer than 10 people in line when I was there, and I was in the store for less than 10 minutes. Imagine if 60 people per hour donated 1 item. Canned food is less than a dollar, boxed dinners less than two. Minimal increase in your grocery bill, but it could make a huge difference!

From now on, I will make an effort to buy at least one of the much needed items on my regular shopping trips. Please consider joining me!

Be Careful What You Pray For

2015-02-20T09:56:00.000-08:00

Jackson is a co-manager at WalMart. Since he first decided to work his way up in management, his goal was to be a store manager. He has worked hard and impressed many, and is 1 promotion away from the store manager position.

As believers, we believe God has a plan. We also believe that God is working in our family here in St. Joe. For me, I am happy right where we are, but I know that Jackson wants to be promoted. So I pray. Every time he hears of an opening, I pray. When he gets chosen to do an interview, I pray. I pray for him, I pray for those making the decision, and I pray for us to follow God's will. I pray that we will know the right opportunity for him and for our family.

At some point recently, I realized that praying for a promotion within WalMart might be focusing too much on our wants, or what we think the future should be, not what God has in store for us. I can't say exactly when, but I started praying for a change. I prayed that if a store manager wasn't the direction Jackson should go, a door would open for him. I prayed about the possibility of another company. I prayed that he would get a change. I also prayed for us to be open, for me to be open to different possibilities. For 13 years, I have envisioned our future with Jackson working as a store manager. Maybe that isn't what is in the future for us, and I prayed we would see that. Or, maybe it is what our future will look like, but just not right now. So I prayed for patience. I, also, prayed prayers of thanks for my husband who works so hard and allows me to stay home primarily.

2 weeks ago Jackson received a call. They wanted him to be part of a high-profile project team in Bentonville, Arkansas- WalMart home office- about 5 hours away. Of course, I was wanting to play the part of the supportive wife, so I said yes, go the 6 weeks. We can make it. A few days later, he finds out the 6 weeks is actually 11 weeks! Yikes!

Change.

I had been praying most recently for change. A change for Jackson in his job. Not quite the change I was thinking of. I was thinking store manager of Kohl's, Target, a grocery store, not really thinking a change in location without us. I never once considered the change might leave me home alone with 4 kids. He will be able to come home on the weekends, but still... 11 weeks by myself. Running to and from school, church and activities. Can I do it? Can I handle this type of change?

Of course I can. I have to let go of the self-doubt. I have to believe that I am strong enough to handle this challenge. I have to remember that I prayed for a change, and I can pray for help. I prayed for patience, and I will continue to pray for patience. I prayed prayers of thanks, and I will continue those, as well. I don't have family in town, but I have family an hour away and church family and great friends. I have a network of people who love us. And this isn't about me. This is about a great opportunity that was given to my husband. This is about a wonderful honor. This is about change, and love, and gratitude, and I can do it.

#9

2014-09-10T10:02:00.002-07:00

We had only been married for a year or two when I decided to ask Jackson why he loved me. He thought about it for much longer than I thought he should, and all he came up with was because he married me.

What? You married me because you love me, not the other way around!

Fortunately for him, I didn't get angry, or hurt, I just laughed. I know he's not always great with using words to express his feelings. He most often chooses the funny cards over the heart-felt cards(though, in recent years, he's become very good at choosing cards that make me teary). He isn't like my first boyfriend who was constantly writing love letters and poems. So, I laughed. We continue to laugh about this, and he has yet to tell me a reason why he loves me.

Last month though, I realized how often he tells me how much he loves me without using words. Who knew he could express his love in something as simple as a number?

Back in college, our Christian Campus Ministry had an intramural soccer team. The guys decided to make jerseys out of blue camouflage t-shirts and spray paint. Jackson took the job of spray painting the numbers on the shirts. We had a group of girls who were dating the guys, and they decided to make the girlfriends' shirts with negative numbers. At the time, neither one of us was dating anyone significant, and he asked me if I would be his fan. When he was getting everyone's numbers, I told him he should choose number 9. I always chose it because Nine is my mom's maiden name. So he was 9 and I was -9.

Since, he has chosen #9 for different sports he's played and encouraged our children to choose #9 when they have the chance. I never really thought too much about the significance of it until he was signed up to play in this year's alumni soccer game. I didn't give any thought to what number he would be, but as I was sitting there watching, and saw him come onto the field in the #9 jersey, knowing(without him telling me) that he chose that number because of its meaning to me and our family, I couldn't help but smile.

He doesn't have to come up with lists of reasons why he loves me. He doesn't have to write love letters and poems. Choosing a number is enough. And, I will do my best to always remember it.

The Golden Rule

2014-07-29T19:54:00.003-07:00

Facebook and I have a love/hate relationship. I love Facebook for the interaction it gives me with my distant family and friends. I enjoy seeing their photos and reading about what is going on in their neck of the woods. I hate it for providing an outlet to share all of the negativism that goes on in the world.

Don't get me wrong, I think it is important to know what kinds of things are happening out there. I don't want to shelter myself from bad things. But post, after post, after post of persecution, terrorism, illness, disease, etc. can get pretty discouraging. That isn't even to mention the comments, but they deserve a mention. Every other comment seems to be attacking either the original post, the intelligence of the poster, or the other commenters. It just seems that very few people have anything nice to say anymore.

I have really been thinking about all this negativism, pondering what could be done to improve life for us all. Then it came to me... Many of us learned the answer in nursery school.

The Golden Rule, if everyone would follow it, the world would be a much better place.

The Golden Rule, as I know it from Sunday school, is taken from Matthew 7:12, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." But similar direction be found in many of the world's religions.

Treat others how you would want them to treat you. What a concept!

Would I want someone to steal my things? No? Maybe I shouldn't steal. Would I want someone to murder my family? No? Maybe I shouldn't murder those people. Would I want someone to kidnap my child? No? Maybe I should leave their kid alone. Would I want someone running me out of my home based on my beliefs? No? Maybe I shouldn't be doing it to others.

See a theme here? I can only imagine the greatness of this world if everyone would get on board and remember the Golden Rule.

And along the same lines, people should really remember that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Recently, my city was found to be the 2nd most unhappy city in the United States. I would kind of like to argue this, since I know a bunch of seemingly happy people, but I realize I don't know anywhere close to the 75,000+ people who live here. I also know how many negative comments to local news stories and events I have seen on Facebook and the news sites posted by residents of my city.

I am always amazed by the people who start attacking those who also comment. We all have different opinions. Mine might be different than yours, but I am not going to call you an idiot, question your upbringing, attack your family, or wish death upon you for it, especially on a public forum. I must admit that the question of your intelligence or upbringing might cross my mind, but I believe in being polite. Respectfully disagreeing. Saving my breath for saying nice things and making my words count.

Think about how good you feel when you get a compliment, when someone praises something you have done. I am confident that if everyone made it as much their business to uplift and encourage one another as they do to tear each other down, we would all be happier.

But a girl can only hope.

Garage Sale Success

2014-06-16T18:09:00.000-07:00

I took a full van load down to my sister's a few weeks ago. Loaded the thing up! Her garage was stuffed full of her things no longer needed after merging her house with her husband's. She also had a couple of friends who brought things by. We had a huge sale!

We spent most of a Saturday selling our cast offs. I wasn't too impressed with the amount of money I made. I was hoping for grand numbers, not the measly $150 I managed to sell. My sister did much better, and I was a little envious, until I really started thinking about what I had accomplished.

Obviously, I had $150 more than I had the day before. But the real satisfaction came when I realized I was free from a ton of stuff... A full van plus 3 small boxes I took the night before the sale. I came back home with 2 and 1/2 totes and a couple of bigger toys. That is it. Everything I brought home fit in the back of my van!

It also felt great to know I had helped others with my stuff. One man had 5 kids and said he wanted every pair of tennis shoes that could possibly fit them. A woman came by wanting to make a deal on shoes. I was hesitant because I wanted the most I could possibly get for them, they were still in good shape! She told me she needed them cheap because she was shipping them to Africa. Knowing that the things I sold were going to good use, made it worth selling dirt cheap. Sure I didn't make as much money as I had hoped, but I am pretty sure I made a difference to someone.

If nothing else, I know I made a difference for our family. We still have a way more than we need, but we are down a van-ful, and that feels great!

On the Road to Becoming a Minimalist

2014-05-02T08:37:00.000-07:00

If you know me... feel free to laugh!

I know, I know. Minimalist? Not really a word anyone would EVER use to describe me. I have always been a keeper. Compared to others I know, I am not super sentimental. I am more of a practical keeper. What might I possibly need in the near, or distant, future? What might it be hard to replace? The question I need to ask is, would I really replace it?

That light bulb moment I wrote about awhile back... it has brought me to this point. I have been searching, exploring, planning, and acting. I have a huge pile of things to get rid of. I have taken many loads to the recycling center. I have a long, long way to go.

In the book Clutterfree with Kids, and in his blog becomingminimalist.com, Joshua Becker talks about his family's journey to becoming minimalists, and what that means to them. He describes it as "the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts from it." Right now, I am at a point where I am trying to figure out what this means for our family. We will never be able to own the bare minimum. We will still have toys and books and kitchen gadgets, and probably too much of them. But I am on the road.

I am enjoying the idea of living with less stuff. More time for family and fun. More money for things that are important. Less time cleaning and organizing. Can I really do it? Can we really do it? Only time will tell...

40 Bags in 40 Days

2014-03-05T21:21:00.001-08:00

I came across this blog post about 40 bags in 40 days. I am always trying to get the best ideas possible to conquer my clutter habit, so I quickly joined the Facebook group.

The challenge started today, March 5. I typically think I will participate in this kind of thing, and then life happens. I'm hoping this time is different.

My mom read a blog post this past weekend and summarized it for me. I wish I could tell you the link or even the blog it came from, but I didn't even see the site. I was busy printing, cutting and folding wedding programs for my sister's fast-approaching wedding. The quick summary of the post, if I remember correctly, was that the blogger's oldest daughter was not content with things. She was begging for a toy, and this happened often. So the blogger took all of the belongings out of her daughters' bedrooms. No toys, not even decorations. She saw a difference in the contentment of her children. They were more creative and even excited by the fact that they no longer have to pick up as much.

I have a discontented oldest child myself. He isn't happy with things he has. If he wants something new, he can't get it fast enough. He is always the one to complain when they have to pick up. His common response, "We just picked up last night!" So that blog got me to thinking. What a novel idea, less stuff means less picking up. Though I'm not sure I'm willing to go to the drastic measure of taking everything away from the kids.

A couple days after talking about that blog, I read a friend's Facebook post about the 40 Bags in 40 Days, and decided I'm gonna do it! Today was the first day. I wish I had taken before and after photos(I will tomorrow). I started in Paxton's room. I still had several baby toys, blankets, and even burp rags in his closet. I had two bags of unused children's hangers, which I moved to the garage for a garage sale. I then sorted through toys and did a quick sort through clothes. I took out a set of plastic storage bins and hanging shoe organizer. I had two boxes of items for garage sale, one bag to give away and a stack of baby blankets that I am not quite ready to part with(they went to the attic for keeping). Three bags and two boxes out of one room. I'm on a roll!

I'm not sure how well I will keep up with this. Hopefully it won't be like a New Year's resolution. But surely, with the support and encouragement of a bunch of strangers on Facebook, I can make it 40 days. Even if I just take one bag of clutter each day, that would make a huge difference in out total amount of stuff.

Go check out the Facebook group 40 Bags in 40 Days 2013(not sure why the wrong year). https://www.facebook.com/groups/40bagsin40days/

Light Bulb Moment

2014-03-04T20:58:00.000-08:00

You know those moments in cartoons when the light bulb appears over a character's head? I had one of those moments the other day.

Mid January Paxton was outgrowing his coat. I knew when the cuffs were hitting closer to the elbow than the wrist that we would have to buy one soon. I ended up going to the children's resale shop and finding a cute coat in excellent condition. About a month later, a friend of mine asked if I needed a coat for Paxton because her son had outgrown his. I said no and didn't think another thing about it.

This weekend I was talking with my mom. For some reason the offer of the extra coat came up, and my mom said she would have taken it. She said she always liked to have an extra in case one got dirty or wet.

This is when the light bulb came on. I completely agreed with my mom. It is nice to have an extra coat, which is why almost all of my kids have at least 2(Gray and Madalynn have 3). But that moment I was standing with my friend, I was thinking of all of the extra stuff I have and thought maybe I really didn't need an extra coat. There is only 1 more month of winter, surely 1 coat will get him by.

Too often I am given things that I don't really need, and I accept them happily. They are things that I believe might come in handy. I go through hand-me-down clothes and keep most of it. I come home with loads of stuff every time I go back home. My grandparents give me things, my mom and dad give me things, my sister gives me things, and the list could go on.

I am a sucker for cast-offs.

I have a great desire to provide for my family. I know that we may not always have the money to buy new things, so I keep the old stuff. If someone is getting rid of something that might be useful, why not keep it? If I have things I haven't used in years... Who cares? I wouldn't want to buy it again, so I keep it. Pretty soon I have filled my house with things. Things that I don't want to get rid of in case I need them later.

Don't get me wrong. I purge on a regular basis. When the kids outgrow things, I resell or give them away. I get rid of clothes that are torn or stained. I throw away broken things(unless I think I can fix it). But still I feel overrun by things.

This light bulb moment made me realize that part of the reason I keep things could be inborn or learned from my parents. But it also made me realize that I had said no to adding another thing to my household, another thing that I probably didn't need.

I know that I can overcome the stuff that clutters my life, and even though my first instinct is to take and keep things that are offered, I am going to change my ways. I am going to get really choosy with the things that occupy my space, and hopefully, soon, we won't be picking up junk all of the time!

Can it get any crazier?

2014-02-19T21:40:00.000-08:00

I have to start by saying my sweet sister called at the beginning of January to apologize for not thinking of me when setting her wedding date. Don't be silly, I said. I was the last person she should be thinking of. The date was set to March 15.

Fast forward to the beginning of February. This begins a six-week birthday extravaganza. All four of our children were born in the six weeks between February 1 and March 11(or really 5 1/2 weeks). It was not planned this way. 3 of the 4 we were hoping for fall babies, but this is how it turned out. It also seems to rival the six weeks before Christmas for being our busiest time of year. This year even more so.

The first weekend of February brought the first two birthdays. We had some family friends over for dinner to celebrate with the two little ones. Madalynn's party with friends would be the next weekend. Then came the snowstorm. We still had 3-4 inches of snow on the ground, and got 8 more. Which meant several snow days. You would think all that time off would have us working on Valentine's boxes, but I didn't think that far in advance(I would regret not thinking later).

Breathe.

The kids went back to school Friday. Madalynn and I left at noon to head to St. Louis for the first of the bridal showers. We had a great time, but made it home just in time for my nursery duties at church. The rest of the day was spent at basketball game, party prep and party. I should add, while I was gone Jackson took the big boys to Monster Jam and they had the Pinewood Derby, Super Science Saturday and a birthday party for one of Gray's friends.

Breathe.

The next week brought decisions about a BoxTop contest(deadline is fast approaching). I had to get notes made and sent home. I was the default homeroom parent for Camden's class, so notes went home about the Valentine's party. Valentine boxes had to be made and cards bought and filled out. Throw in our serving week at Wednesday night church... we had to provide a dessert. I subbed Thursday all-day and Friday morning. Valentine party Friday. Weight-lifting meet Saturday morning, bachelorette party Saturday night. Made it home Sunday just in time to pick the kids up from church, run to the last basketball game for Camden, then home for one hour. Next was Grayson's basketball tournament. 2 games for him.

Breathe.

We had the first two days of school off this week. This weekend will be the trip back home for 2 more bridal showers. One that I am hosting, I do have lots of help though! Plus wedding crafting. Jackson and Gray will head to Tulsa for Super Start with our church. I will take the other three with me. I am thinking I probably won't be home until bedtime for the kids on Sunday(8:30). After they go to bed I will have to prepare a note to go home with the school kids about the used book exchange I am in charge of.

Breathe.

Camden's party is still in the works, but his birthday is this week. Grayson has opted for a bigger gift and no party, which works for me since his birthday is only 4 days before the wedding. The first weekend in March brings the deadline for BoxTops, so somewhere in the midst of all this planning and running I will have to make time to count, sort and mail those. Last time we brought in 4000! Jackson will take the older boys to Roaring River State Park for the opening day of trout season, too.

Breathe.

The second weekend in March is somewhat unknown as of right now. Basketball is over. The trips will be finished. BoxTops will be mailed. It will be time for last minute wedding prep. Hopefully I won't still have to find shoes to go with my dress! This is the week of the book exchange, so I will be sorting books and preparing for that. Hoping it goes off without a hitch!

Breathe.

Friday starts hard-core wedding prep. Maybe a manicure. Last minute details. Rehearsal dinner. And then the big day. The biggest day of all!

I am reminding myself to breathe in this post. Reminding myself to stop and take a moment. People always say I need to make time for myself, but sometimes it seems a breath is all I have time for. When April comes and this busy time is over, I will look back and wonder how it went by so quickly, just as I always do the week after Christmas. That is the crummy part about being busy. You run and run and run, and when its over, you wonder how you got there so fast.

I am not sure it could get any crazier, but I love it! I am so blessed to have my family.

New Year-New You

2014-01-01T15:32:00.002-08:00

There is something refreshing about starting a new year. It gives you a fresh start to change all of those bad habits and make the most of the coming year.

My inbox and junk mailbox has been overrun with messages about healthier eating, exercising, Bible reading, and organizing.

Lose 5 pounds in six weeks!
Top 10 ways to eat healthier!
20 ways to organize!
3 ways to make the Bible the focus this year!
Groupon- personal trainer deals!

And it goes on and on. It might take all year just to add all of the ways to do this and that.

There are always going to be new and improved ways you can better your physical and spiritual self. These things are only as good as the effort you put into it, though. How many times have I thought, This year is going to be different. This year I am going to stick to my... diet, reading plan, exercise goals, (insert your thing here)? It seems like I always think that this year will be different, this year will be better than last. Then on December 31, I find it hard to remember my goals I set in place 364 days ago. Sometimes I can't even remember goals I set a month ago. Life takes over.

I wrote before that I don't really believe in New Years resolutions, and that is still the case. So, instead of making a list of things I won't even remember, I am going to keep moving, keep living and keep letting life take over. In the end, it won't matter if I reached all of those goals in the next year, but it will matter that I played play-doh with my 1-year-old, I let my 3-year-old help me with the cooking, I watched a movie with my 6-year-old, and I took time to look at the car my 9-year-old just got on his video game. I may not remember my goals for 2014, but they will remember that I spent time with them. To me, that is the best way to make this new year count.

Side note... I will continue to make goals and strive to meet those, they just won't be the focus of my new year.

2013-11-23T11:34:00.002-08:00

Every year, on November 1st, Facebook is inundated with posts for 30 days of thanksgiving. So many of my friends and acquaintances participate. I have never.

I found myself thinking this year... Is it difficult to come up with something you are thankful for every day for 30 days without repeating? Though the challenge still wasn't enough to make me post on Facebook, I am going to post my list of 30 right here.

God's amazing grace. Even though I know I don't deserve it, I also know it is there, saving me all of those times I fall.
My grandparents. They have always been so giving of their time, resources and love. I was fortunate to live very close to both sets growing up.
My mom. We talk nearly every day. She understands the challenges I face in motherhood.
My dad. Always thinking of me, and how he can help me out in life.
Jamin, my brother. "They say I have autism, and I like it that way." Without his special needs, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
Susana, my sister. We shared a room(and often a bed, even though she had her own) growing up and have a great bond now. I couldn't imagine life without her.
Jackson, my husband, partner and friend.
Grayson, Camden, Madalynn, and Paxton, my children. Even though they are often the source of my craziness, I love them dearly. I told them last night that they made my dreams come true. I always wanted to be a mother, and am so glad that I am.
My dear friends. Those people that I talk with often, people who brighten my day, people who I can pick up where I left off no matter how long we have been apart.
Casual friends and acquaintances. They may not be those I run to in a time of need, but I am thankful to know them. We can have fun, chat, and quite possibly may become much closer.
WalMart. Yes, that's right, I am thankful for WalMart. It has provided Jackson with a stable job for 15 years. It has paid our bills, given us insurance, and allowed us to have met many wonderful people. Not to mention the always low prices!
Our vehicles. I was fortunate to always have a car, but Jackson spent quite a while without one in college. He was always able to catch a ride, often with me, but I am thankful that we have transportation.
Our church. We have so many great friends and opportunities for learning and fellowship through our church. Wonderful things for the children as well.
MSSU. I learned so many things in college, and not just educational things. I met Jackson on the first day, and developed many lasting friendships. I also got the opportunity to study abroad and take some amazing trips.
My jobs. Though I don't really like to work... I would much rather be home with the kids. The many jobs I have had have provided "fun money" throughout the years.
Our house. Our realtor was about to tell us she wouldn't help us find a house after looking at over 50. The funny part was, we had searched in another town, probably the same number of houses, before we found out we were moving here. This house isn't perfect, but it meets our needs pretty well, better than any of the other houses we looked at.
The computer. It can be a tremendous time waster, but also a great learning tool, a way to keep in touch and a simplifier of life.
Facebook. Without it, I might never see the kids of my long, lost friends. I might not know what my past friends were up to. I can keep up with close and distant relatives without just hoping they will send me a Christmas card once a year.
The sky. So much beauty, countless hours of entertainment. Watching clouds, sunsets(not many sunrises, I am not a morning person), meteor showers, eclipses, and the list could go on.
Phones. I don't know what I would do without being able to call people anytime I wanted, or needed.
Music. I have passed many hours traveling, trying to sleep, just being bored with music. I also love to sing.
Heat in the winter and air conditioning in the summer.
Running water. I have had a few, brief times without water. I would not like to live without it, and feel very blessed that I have running water in my home.
Creative minds. I'm always amazed at what great, creative minds can think up. I often find myself thinking, How did someone come up with this? Art, entertainment, inventions... They make our life richer.
Sense of humor. It would be hard to live life without one. Some of the toughest moments as parents can often be helped with a good laugh. For all of the madness my kids bring about, I bet there is at least 5 times more laughter. We have a lot of fun in our house! We once read a study about the lack of laughter in adults. Jackson and I came to the conclusion that participants of that particular study must not have kids.
Volunteers. I have been involved in several different groups that need volunteers. It can be so hard to find someone willing to commit to giving their time.
Cameras. Without them I may forget those precious moments of life that have passed by.
Difficulties and disappointments. Life is not perfect, and though I may not be thankful at the time, the more difficult times in my life have provided me with many lessons to learn from and the perspective I need to be grateful for all my many blessings.
Quiet moments. In a house with 4 kids, tv or music is often on, kids are fighting or crying, or both. I am thankful for those moments when there is no noise.
Teachers. Those who have taught me, and those who teach my children. School and Sunday School. They spend so many hours preparing, add to their school budget with their own money, give of their time and their hearts.

So here is my list. 30 things I am thankful for right at this point in my life. I know this list will grow and change. Hopefully we all take time to be thankful throughout the year and not just in November.

What is more important... A person or a car?

2013-11-04T10:09:00.002-08:00

Last Friday afternoon I was having one of those days. We were wrapping up a crazy week of cub scout bake sales, Halloween festivities and Box Top submissions(I am the BoxTop coordinator). I was glad that the craziness was over. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend.
While I was picking the boys up from school, Madalynn hopped in the front seat and was pretending to drive. I was standing outside the driver-side door talking to a friend for about 10 minutes. Of course, she flipped every light on and had the turn signal and windshield wipers on, too. I went to leave the parking lot and my van wouldn't start. This has happened a couple of times, so it is probably time for a new battery... ugh!

I saw a school staff memeber's husband waiting to pick her up, so I walked over to his truck and asked him for a jump. He said no! I have never encountered anyone who said no to helping someone with a jump start, unless they didn't have cables. I told him I had a set in the van and he said he really didn't want to mess up his truck. That was news to me... I had no idea giving someone a jump start could cause problems for the other vehicle. He said he didn't know what it might do, but he didn't want to risk it.

I don't know why it upset me, but I felt really hurt by this. I wouldn't think twice about helping someone, even a complete stranger, and certainly a mom with 4 kids waiting in the car, and I couldn't imagine anyone who wouldn't help out someone in need. The guy didn't even roll his window down more than a crack!

I ended up going into the office, tears in my eyes, and the kids' principal came to our rescue. I came home and Googled jump starting and the damage it can do. There are varying opinions, but theoretically it could do damage, so I shouldn't be too upset. Though, in my opinion, people are much more important than your car. I have yet to see a car damaged by giving a jump start, and I have done it myself more than 10 times in the past couple of years. So I will continue to help a person in need and hope that my generosity outweighs the risk of damaging my car.

What happens when I'm lazy.

2013-08-24T08:58:00.002-07:00

Today is the first Saturday of the school year. Soccer hasn't started yet, no other activities to rush to, so I wanted to sleep in. Paxton woke up sometime early morning, and he was in my bed. The rest of the kids were still asleep. One by one, they started waking up, but I wasn't quite ready.

I got up and got Madalynn and Paxton some milk. Gray and Cam were playing a video game they had rented in the living room. Everyone was content and it was only 9. Seems like a good idea to lay back down. I was, as my sister used to call it, "savoring the feel of the bed".

Just a few minutes passed, and Paxton came into my room trying to reach something behind the head of my bed. I smelled something fruity. I laid there for a couple of minutes still trying to postpone the inevitable, getting up. The fruity smell was overwhelming! Does it smell like my lotion? I knew that particular lotion was out of his reach, so I got up to check it out. Soap! Plum soap!

That could only mean one thing. Someone had left the bathroom door open. This is something we don't do anymore. Paxton is forever into things in the bathroom. He loves to get out toothbrushes. He will dip those, cups, washcloths... anything really, into the toilet. He will pull all of the toilet paper off of the roll. And his newest fascination... The soap. He has figured out the pump and will walk around pumping soap everywhere. He has only gotten a couple of drops out in the past, but today he was becoming more efficient at pumping.

Grayson was the last one I saw go into the bathroom. I told him to get in the bathroom, quick. He apologized, and I told him he had to clean it up. "But, mom, I don't know how!" I told him I would walk him through it, but he was going to do the work. Fortunately, the soap didn't hit any carpet, but it was on about 10 feet of wood floor.

First get a paper towel.
He manages to make an even bigger mess by spreading the soap everywhere. Wiping it in circles, sticky, soapy circles. He's moving way to quickly to be doing a good job. I tell him to slow down.

Next get a wet rag.
He wets the rag, wads it up and squeezes it, leaves it waded up, and wipes over the soap smears. Once again, super quickly. I show him how to spread the rag out and wipe it more efficiently. But it is just making a sudsy mess on the floor. "Mom, I can't do this! It's way too hard!"
"I know it's hard. Much harder than shutting the bathroom door. Maybe next time you will remember."
It's at this point I realize he is doing this all so quickly because he is wanting to get back to his game, which just makes me more angry.

Finish with a dry towel.
I am planning on mopping the floor a little later, so I give him a towel to dry up the suds. He finishes up and tries to throw the towels to me. "No, they go in the dirty towel basket." He sighs, runs and throws them away and gets back to his game.

Maybe next time he will remember that it would be much easier to prevent a mess rather than clean it up.

Maybe next time I will remember that my laziness almost always results in a mess.

Maybe, just maybe, we both learned from a lazy Saturday morning.

Sometimes people just frustrate me!

2013-07-07T14:12:00.001-07:00

It has been 15 years since I graduated high school. At our 10-year reunion, the majority of classmates voted to have a reunion this year. So we are planning one. The class president recently had twins, and has opted out of planning this time around. I, being the vice president, decided to get the ball rolling last spring.

I sent out e-mails to all of those who were interested in a planning committee, and 3 girls showed up. First off, we knew we needed an updated contact list. The two of us who had copies of the contact list last time had suffered hard drive failures, and the list is no more. We are starting from scratch.

Our class had 122 members. Doesn't seem like it should be a difficult of a task to get their info. Oh, my! Was I ever wrong! I am a procrastinator, for sure, but I created a spread sheet and filled in all of the addresses I had of my close friends. I shared the list with the others, and it sat. It took one of the other girls to get on the ball before we really got moving.

Just before vacation, I was feeling pretty good with the progress. After I recuperated a bit, I started looking to see who was left on the list. I sent e-mails to everyone I could find facebook pages for. No responses. I contacted some siblings. No responses. I sent a second e-mail. I finally got about 3 classmates to respond. I also had two respond with, "I won't come" messages. We are currently sitting at around 70 blank contacts. That isn't even halfway there, and the invites need to go out ASAP!

I am amazed that people will not respond. People who were once my friends. People who complained about not being notified about the last reunion. Even if they want to say, "I'm sorry, you cannot have my personal info." Any response would be better than nothing!

I am pretty frustrated at this point, but I will not give up! If I don't get all of the contacts, I guess I will just send out the invites I can and post it in the newspaper. All I can say is that people better not complain! And if they do? At least I will be able to say I tried my best.

Train Ride

2013-06-29T13:51:00.002-07:00

This last week, we traveled to Colorado for a family reunion in Manitou Springs. After the reunion, we stayed a couple of days to make the most of the 12 hour drive. My parents, my brother, my sister, and her (new) fiancee were with us on the trip. My granddad also rode out with us, but he traveled back with one of my uncles. It was a true family vacation.

The night before we left, Paxton was showing some signs of respiratory distress, so I took him to urgent care. He was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection, ear infections in both ears and bronchiolitis. He was to do breathing treatments four times a day, antibiotics once a day and ear drops for pain. When I told the doctor we were going to Colorado, she strongly suggested I do not take him into the mountains. Bummer! One of the main events for the family reunion was a trip up Pikes Peak.

I had been pretty nervous about the ride up and down the mountain. I had been up as a kid, and I remembered my mom being scared, and almost every adult woman I told we were going said to prepare myself... it's nerve wracking. I knew I would be telling Jackson to slow down, and that would make him mad, so I figured it wouldn't have been a very fun trip for anyone in our van. To me, Paxton's illness was a pretty convenient way out. I struggled with the decision not to go up with the rest of the family. Several people offered to stay down with poor, little Paxie, and Jackson really wanted me to go up with he and the other kids. In the end, I stayed with Paxton. My dad and Granddad rode up with Jackson and the kids (Thank goodness he took them with him because Camden threw up on the way back down). I had been anxious about the thought of driving up, and after hearing all of the family talk about the trip up, I was certain I had made the right choice.

Traveling with four kids and extended family can be really stressful. Especially for me who was having to keep track of the budget and keep Paxton on his medicine regime. I had a break down a couple of days into the trip. We went to Garden of the Gods, souvenir shopping and to lunch with my entire branch of the family tree. Jackson and my sister's fiancee went to play golf, so I was solely in charge of ordering and making sure the kids ate. Susana, my sister, was riding with me and she and my parents were helping out with the kids, but I was feeling totally overwhelmed at that point. We ate lunch and all went back to the hotel. I laid down and took a nap while my parents took the older kids swimming. I woke up feeling better, but I really would have liked to just go home at that point. I knew that wasn't an option though because the thing my kids were most looking forward to was the train ride the next day.


The entire family just before the train ride.

We all had decided to go on a train ride on the Royal Gorge Route Railroad in Cañon City, Colorado. We had been watching carefully because there were wildfires in that area. Two days before, the train had been running half routes because debris from the Royal Gorge Bridge had fallen onto the tracks. On the day of our trip, the train was back up and running! We spent the morning walking around historic Manitou Springs. We did some shopping, the kids played at an arcade, and we had a very nice lunch. Then we drove about an hour down to the train depot.

I was a little nervous about the train ride, too. I have been having some trouble with anxiety, and I was worried I would get anxious when we started going. I really had nothing to worry about... as usual. We all found our seats and started on the trip. Shortly after the trip began, everyone decided to venture out to the open air car. I stayed inside for a little while, but the views were really spectacular outside. We all went outside except my brother, Jamin. Jamin has autism and has trouble with sensory integration. He has always struggled with walking down steps that you can see through, swinging bridges and that sort of thing. He was perfectly content sitting in his seat on the train.

My mom and dad had tried to get him to go outside, but he wanted to stay put. I hated leaving him inside by himself, so I asked him to come out with me. He often answers a question with a question, so his response was, "What if I want to stay here?" I told him that was okay, but I thought he would really like it outside. He asked if the train would stop moving. I said, "Yes, eventually it will, but not for a while." So we sat. Then Gray came in and asked Jamin if he wanted to come out. "What if I don't want to?" I asked him, "Do you really not want to, or are you scared?" "Will the train stop moving?"

Finally I said, "Just give me your hands. I'll walk with you." He reached out his hands and quickly pulled them back, crossing his arms. Then he put both hands on the seat like he was going to push up out of the seat. But he pulled his hands back, vigorously rubbed his thighs and crossed his arms again. He looked up at me, then back down. Rubbed the palms of his hands together and crossed his arms. I said, "Come on, trust me." Still holding out my hands... I knew he was close to getting up. I wasn't certain he would do it, but I could tell he wanted to. We continued several minutes. I was saying encouraging words. Jamin was rubbing palms, rubbing thighs and crossing arms. Looking up at me, looking back down. Almost standing up, but never really lifting off the seat.

"Who's out there?" he asked. "Everyone but us." He looked down for a moment then he put his hands on mine. He stood up, and took off running. "I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming..." He yells all the way down the aisle. I chase after him, surprised we aren't walking slow, shuffling steps. I open the door between the two cars and he yells "I'm coming, I'm coming". Just when he gets to my mom and dad, he says, "I'm here." That moment was worth all of the stress of the entire trip. We laughed and enjoyed the scenery. Enjoyed our family time. Jamin didn't go back inside until the trip was almost over.

Jamin and I after he came out of the train car.

Jamin, much more at ease.

After all of the worry, will I be anxious, could I get motion sick, is it going to be uncomfortably hot? The train ride was my favorite part of the trip. It was relaxing. It was beautiful. Everyone enjoyed it. The next day we were heading home, and I was wishing we could stay longer. Quite a change from the day before, when I was wishing we could just skip the train ride and go home.

I love that we can make memories with our family. My kids get to take trips with their grandparents, aunts and uncles... things some kids never get to experience. Traveling can get crazy sometimes, especially with a stressed out, anxious momma. I have to try my best to let go of the anxieties because the entire trip usually turns out just like the train ride... wonderful! We have fabulous photos, fun souvenirs and loads of stories.

My family at Garden of the Gods.

Remembering Joplin

2013-05-22T22:49:00.000-07:00

May 22, 2011 is a day I will never forget. The summer before, our family had driven in a torrential downpour. We had hydroplaned, it was nearly impossible to see the road, and I was terrified. Sunday, May 22, we were on our way toward St. Joseph, Mo. We had been home visiting family. Because of our experience the year before, I was carefully monitoring the weather radar. I was hopeful that we would get home before having to drive in any rain.

We were just north of Bolivar, MO and we had pulled over, for something I cannot remember. As we went to turn back onto the highway we were facing west and I could see the clouds to the north of the storm. I had just checked the radar and told Jackson that Joplin really looked like they were getting hit hard, and I was glad we had chosen to go see his family before we headed back home... This took us out of the path of that storm. Then our four-year-old, Camden said, "Look, I see Jesus!" I looked ahead, and though I didn't see exactly what he was seeing, he pointed to the clouds to the north of the thunderhead and described Jesus with his arms stretched out. You could see sun rays shining through the clouds, and I figured that was what he was talking about.

We talked about the clouds for a bit and then continued on with the usual car trip chatter. About an hour later, my sister called to tell me about the tornado. I was shocked! I knew the storm had looked bad on radar, but I never could have imagined just how terrible it was. I was searching facebook and news channels and couldn't wait to get home to turn on the news. When I began seeing photos, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Joplin had been my home. It was where my adult life and my family began. It was my first home away from my hometown... The first time I ever moved. The place I met my husband. I worked on the south side of town, went to college at MSSU, and got married just north of where the tornado had hit. I had driven those streets daily, knew parts of it by heart. I spent almost every Sunday night for the first year of college at the CiCi's Pizza that was now gone. The first time I went back after the tornado, I was amazed at how unrecognizable it was.

People who knew where I was from would ask if I had friends or family who had been effected. Yes, I did. I knew lots of people who had damage to their homes and property, their places of employment, even a few who had been injured. I was acquainted with one girl who lost her life. So yes, I knew people who had been effected. But I realized that I, too, had been effected. Not in the same way, but I think anyone who has ever called Joplin "home" could say they were effected by the storm.

It took me a while to remember the conversation about seeing Jesus in the clouds. When I did, I realized it was the same time the storm was hitting Joplin. It still gives me goosebumps thinking about it. Through the eyes of a child I saw that Jesus was there.

Some things I'd rather not do.

2013-04-05T12:42:00.001-07:00

This morning I had quite the excitement at my house. There are some things I would rather not have to deal with, and this morning was one example.

I woke up around 7:30, and listened to the baby monitor to see if the kids were up yet. I could hear the big boys, so I laid there listening. Grayson went in to get Paxton when he started crying and brought him down to me. Then the boys went in to brush their teeth. At some point, while I was playing with Paxton in my room, Camden heard the cat outside the door. Mayflower is an indoor cat, but she loves being outside almost as much. He opened the door to let her in, and that is when I hear the boys yelling, "Mom! Mayflower has a bird!" I am expecting her to be outside, and I step out of my room to see Mayflower in the family room, with a vibrant red cardinal in her mouth!

The bird is squawking, making a horrible racket. I tell the boys to go open the door and plan on chasing Mayflower back outside. She has other plans though and runs upstairs. I walk cautiously up the stairs and listen for the bird. It sounds as though it's at the end of the hallway, so I walk down to the boys room. Mayflower has the bird in her mouth and comes out into the hallway from the boys' room. Then goes into the playroom. I am able to chase her back to the top of the stairs. But then she puts the bird down.

At this point, I have a dilemma... Do I chase the cat out first, or try to rescue the bird? I am trying to decide the best way to rescue this bird when he makes a run for it. Mayflower takes off after it, feathers flying, and she gets him. I chase her back downstairs, grab her by the hind legs and shove her out the back door.

Madalynn has slept through all of the commotion right outside her door. Then I realize I haven't seen the boys. I go to my bedroom and they yell, "Shut the door!" I tell them the bird and the cat are outside, crises averted. Then I notice Gray is on the phone. Apparently, he called Jackson while I was chasing the cat and told him we had an emergency and that he needed to get home. He was just wrapping up the morning walk with his store manager, who thought the whole situation was quite comical.

I was glad he was on his way home though. That meant I didn't have to deal with the cleanup... Mayflower ate the cardinal right outside the back door. He also vacuumed the feather upstairs. Mayflower first took the bird under Camden's bed, so there were feathers all over their room, as well as, at the top of the stairs.

Maybe the boys have learned that even though I usually don't mess with animals if I can help it, I am capable of taking care of things when Dad isn't home.

Spinning out of control!

2013-03-22T10:42:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I feel as though things are spinning out of control. I have been having a week (or maybe a few weeks) like that lately.

February 1st starts the birthdays in our family. We have February 1, 3 and 26, and March 11. This year included a First Birthday. So we had the first birthday party back home, first birthday pictures, and parties for the older kids. We were birthday-ing all through February and the first 2 weeks of March!

My sister was moving the end of February. So I drove down to help her pack and move every weekend I was available that month. Throw in opening day of trout season for Jackson, a full week of work for me and 4 snow days for the kids, and you get a pretty crazy month and a half!

Now that our calendar has fewer things, you would think my life would feel on track. Unfortunately, that isn't the case. I have gotten so behind on things. Jackson is great at cleaning on his days off, but the days he works, things just fall apart. I feel like I am running in circles and not accomplishing a thing.

The problem... I am being thwarted by a one year old. I spend so much time picking up after Paxton, I can't get much done for myself. Gray came home sick from school the other day, and when he got home he said, "Every day after school, there is new mess". That day it was cereal on the floor. Right now, there is popcorn that Pax dumped on the floor behind my chair. I will sweep it up as soon as I finish writing. He digs things out of the trash and recycling. Yesterday I caught him eating a biscuit I had thrown away after breakfast! I keep all of the doors shut, or he will throw things in the toilet and pull things off my dresser and night stand. We have locked almost all of the cabinets, but he still finds things to get into. If I sit down to work at the desk, he cries until I pick him up and then starts grabbing things... anything he can get his hands on, stapler, pens, pencils, anything. Now that he is walking, he can reach higher, so I have to keep things off the surfaces he can reach. I don't remember the other kids being such mess makers!

My to-do list is never ending. I need to go through the kids clothes for spring. Gray just pulled out 3 shirts that no longer fit, and I know the other kids have things, too. I need to find things to sell in a garage sale and plan the sale. I need to work on plans for my 15-year class reunion. I need to work on planning our vacation. Find time to exercise, read, scrapbook...

I will try to take Jackson's advice and focus on one thing at a time. Though I am often interrupted by someone needing something. Maybe I will focus on a few things at a time. It seems to work better for me that way. I will also remind myself of my accomplishments. Maybe I should keep a running have-done list instead of, or in addition to, a to-do list, since I have never been very good at crossing things off my to-do list.

I have just had an ah-ha moment! This may be the answer to my frustration. Right now I am starting my have-done list for the week.

I attended the Parent Advisory Committee meeting and the PTA Meeting
I remembered to take the stuff for the planting activity after the PTA Meeting (this is something I was really worried about)
I cleared most of my desk yesterday and finally feel like I can sit down at it without being in utter chaos.
I have caught up with the laundry.
I did some major grocery shopping and bought most of the Easter outfits last weekend.
I have found a chance to write a bit, even though I have had to stop about 10 times during this short post.

I am sure I can think of some more things, but it's a start. I'm glad I started writing today. I may never have thought of this otherwise...I am going to try to keep a have-done list for the next few weeks. Maybe it will help me feel like I am back on track.


I left them in this room for less than 20 min. while I was cleaning the kitchen.

Maybe they need a better calculator.

2013-02-06T09:19:00.003-08:00

My husband and I have the 200 MB data plan from AT&T. We have a wireless router at our house and try to use wifi when we are out and about. We rarely go over our data usage. About a week and a half ago, he got a message telling him he had used 65% of his data, so he started being mindful about when and where he used his phone. Yesterday he got a 90% alert.

We have really been trying to cut excess spending, so he disabled all of the push notifications and tried to disable the 4g. He also checked to see exactly what his usage was and was surprised to see he had only used 109 MB. Most people could figure out that that is just above 50% (54.5% to be exact). Not that complicated... or so one would think.

He asked me to call AT&T to see which was correct. Oh, my! From the beginning, the customer service gal was not understanding the problem. She confirmed that the 109 MB usage was correct. I told her they needed to figure out why the alert was sent. She said it was for both of us. Though I, too, had only used 50%. Trying to explain that was like trying to explain algebra to a kindergartner. She kept saying, "Yes, but it is for both lines." She finally realized that 200 out of 400 is not 90% no matter how you figure it. Though probably 5 times she put me on a brief hold to calculate. Then she decided my complaint was that it only took a week to go from 65% to 90% and started asking if we had used the internet connection. Never mind the fact that both lines are nowhere near 65% according to the system.

Finally she said I could upgrade my plan to be sure I wouldn't go over. I didn't need an upgrade! I have barely used half the data with only a week to go! I told her, "Here's what I'm going to do. I am going to take your name, write down the exact usage you are showing with the date and if I get charged overage, I will be calling back to get a refund." She didn't have much of a response.

All I wanted was a confirmation that the alert was an error, and if so, bring it to their attention that the error had occurred. Or, a guarantee that we would not be charged an overage would have been nice. I was amazed at how difficult that was to explain. I still don't know if she ever understood.

Back to what I'm good at.

2013-01-06T22:48:00.002-08:00

It is only 6 days into the new year... 2013. I don't really believe in making New Year's Resolutions... maybe I just don't believe in making them. I always think of things I could work on, though I usually refrain from saying them out loud.

This year I decided to try and better my life before my next birthday. I listed several things, right here on my blog, that I would like to do better. I know I'm only 3 months in, but not much has changed since then. New Year's Day was coming up and I thought, "I am totally going to get back into exercise, logging my food and exercise into the My Fitness Pal app, get back on my Bible reading plan, keep my messes under control, and, a big one for me, work on my organization." Yep, failed at all of the above so far. I did clean up the Christmas wrapping paper mess in my crafting room tonight. I can at least give myself credit for that one!

Right now I sit, typing at my desk that is covered in paper + lots of other things. It is after midnight... pushing 1 am. I finished my kids' Christmas gifts for their school teachers. I was going to make them the Wednesday night before Christmas, but we ended up with two snow days and began our break early. I had all break, but I chose to hold off until the night before break is over. I also procrastinated on creating a flyer for a PTA event and printing the PTA cards that are long overdue to new members. I have good excuses for putting that off (ran out of cards and had to wait for the new ones to come in and computer trouble), but still, I had all of the break!

I am headed right back to what I am good at. Going all day until all I want to do is sit when I get the kids to bed. Procrastinating every chance I get. Forgetting to do those things that 3 months ago seemed important enough to blog about and just last week struck me as New Year's Resolutions I should try to keep.

Why is it so hard to change? Maybe I'll figure it out later...

Lesson learned...the hard way.

2012-12-28T16:13:00.002-08:00

The first week of December started out pretty much as usual. December is always crazy... school programs, church programs, gifts to buy and wrap, parties to plan, treats to make, cards to make and send; the list can go on and on. December is also an expensive month. This year we had saved and planned to buy most of our gifts in one shopping trip. The list was made, my parents were in town and they had agreed to watch the kids. So off we went to buy a ton of stuff. We filled a cart with gifts for the kids, grandparents, brothers and sisters, a few groceries... maybe the most we have spent in one trip to WalMart without buying one big item. I was feeling pretty good.

In addition to all of the Christmas craziness, my computer had started acting kind of funny the day before our big shopping trip. I assumed it could be solved by using the disk first aid. Unfortunately I was wrong. The next day, I took it to an appointment at the genius bar and received the news that the hard drive was failing. Immediately, I was having some major buyer's remorse. Why had I just spent all of my extra money the night before?

I found someone who could replace the hard drive for a resonable price, but I was devastated to find out that we may not be able to recover my data. I have close to 10,000 photos on that computer! I have backed up maybe 9000, but it's been a year or so since the last time I backed up the photos. Pretty much all of Paxton's life. It was going to cost significantly more to do the data recovery, but I had to do it. I want those pictures and videos, and I should probably try to recover my tax returns, too. The computer headed to the shop.

I never realized how much I rely on my computer. I keep track of my spending, the weather, Christmas deliveries I was waiting on. I found myself not keeping track of the days because I usually get on the computer in the morning to check my e-mail, bank account and facebook. I forgot to go to an executive PTA meeting and my volunteer night at the dental clinic. I was late getting my Christmas cards out because I couldn't make them, then I didn't have pictures I wanted from earlier in the year. I couldn't print photos of Paxton or my nephew to put in First Christmas ornaments I had bought. I had to find recipes for Christmas treats on my Kindle and my phone. I gave up on the great ideas I had pinned for Christmas crafts and homemade gifts. I am totally lost without a computer!

It was only a week and a half before I was able to pick the computer up, but it felt like an eternity. Ultimately I survived. My holiday preparations were a little more troublesome and there were things that I just didn't finish. Two things were learned from this unfortunate inconvenience, maybe I need to back off a bit from relying the computer, and I absolutely must start backing up my data. I have yet to put anything back on the computer, but I will be using an external hard drive to back up all of my precious family memories from now on. They were able to recover all of my data, but that isn't always the case. The guy who did the repair said put it this way~ a failed hard drive can be a disaster, but if you keep up with your data back up, it is a mere inconvenience.

Lesson learned.

To smoke, or not to smoke... That's not the question.

2012-11-20T08:57:00.001-08:00

I am going to have to stop reading posts on facebook! I don't find it useful to attack others' opinions, especially strangers who I know nothing about, but I am finding it hard to keep my mouth shut on several issues. There is always someone arguing the evilness of WalMart or the "right" way to raise children. I am a stay-at-home mom of four because my husband has a great job at WalMart. These things hit home. I know these are just opinions, and often, they are from extremists. So I bite my tongue and try to forget the comments. But today, I have gotten so riled up, I need to vent. So I am going to choose to write about something that can make a difference.

Our town is in the midst of a clean air debate. There are many looking for the city council to pass a smoking ban on public places. Currently there are several restaurants in town that already offer a non-smoking environment, but there are many that still have smoking sections. As with any debate, you have two sides. I am on the side for clean air.

I have been amazed at the arguments people have posted against Clean Air. One particularly offensive man made several posts about things he thought should be "band". Those included buffets (because "fat pigs stuffing their faces" made him sick), potatoes (because they make people fat) and kids under five in all public places (because he can't stand smelly, screaming kids that don't mind). Another guy said he smokes and he should have that right just like you should have the right to have a drink, and that everyone who supports it is crazy. Seriously? Do the people who wrote these really think the goal is banning things we don't like? Obviously they are totally missing the point. You can't get drunk just from standing next to someone. Alcohol doesn't enter your body through the air you breathe. And, the debate isn't about smoking or not smoking, its about where to smoke.

We have all been informed of the dangers of smoking and second-hand smoke, so I won't go into that. I appreciate not smelling like smoke after I go out to eat. While in college, I loved to play pool. My friends and I would spend lots of time at pool halls, which allowed smoking. I would have to do laundry more frequently just to keep the smokey smell out of the dorm room. It didn't bother me as much then, but now that I have experienced non-smoking establishments, I am hooked. We went to a birthday party in a bar a few weeks ago and spent several hours there. I was glad I didn't come home smelling of smoke. It's amazing how quickly the smell of smoke can permeate your clothing and how long it can last. Jackson went to a restaurant with a smoking section for lunch a couple of days ago. He sat in the non-smoking section and was only there for an hour. 5 hours later, he came home, and I could smell the smoke on him.

Many people who are against the ban claim the fear of loss of business. I will admit, I have not done my research, and don't have the time to do it at the moment. Someone did post a link that supported the increase of business after smoking bans, but I have not looked at it. My past experience tells me that it could definitely help business. There have been countless times I have gone to restaurants and waited for non-smoking seating while there are numerous spots available in the smoking section. More tables seated= more revenue, right? Who hasn't left a restaurant and headed to another to avoid a long wait? Places like bowling alleys, and maybe even pool halls, could see more business from families who avoid the smoking establishments for the health of their young children.

The thing that bothers me the most about the debates I read online, is the way people choose to argue their opinion; by attacking others and being offensive. I shared some of the comments above to show how offensive some people can be. Name calling and insults are not effective arguing techniques. Though I disagreed with many of the opponents, I tried to state my reasons without attacking anyone. I cannot say that I have never said someone who had differing opinions was crazy or nuts. I just read the post Jackson and caught myself saying, "Isn't that guy crazy?" I would never say that to his face, or post it on a public forum, though. I just wish people would show some respect. You are much more likely to have your opinions heard if you share them in a respectful way.

Part Time Project/ First Day

2012-11-11T13:17:00.002-08:00

After I made the commitment to begin my project, I jumped right in. I spent the morning with my two little ones. We had lunch and around 1 o'clock, I started to work.

I first made better use of the bookshelves. I had several things that could find other, more appropriate, homes. There was no sense taking up prime book space for an empty wedding album box or our home inspection binder. Those moved to long-term storage in the attic. I put away all of the books the children had left on the floor or on the desk. I made enough space to fit some new chapter books we had been given. They had previously been sitting in boxes just inside the doorway.

I kept a trash bag handy for all of the useless things I found... Broken pencils, scraps of paper, shopping bags and receipts left over after gift-wrapping, fast-food toys, etc. I also had a recycle box for paper and a box for things I wanted to sell or donate.

I went through and tossed about half of my craft paints that were nearly empty or dried out. I removed a canvas storage piece that no longer suited my needs. I found a few books we didn't need, though I should have spent more time sorting through them because I am sure there are more I could part with. I found several other things I could part with including scrap fabric from a Halloween costume I made 10 years ago!

In just 3 hours I had made a significant difference in the room! I had to quit for the day to get the older boys and head to church, but seeing the huge improvement in so little time gave me the motivation to finish the cleaning phase.

My Dirty Little Secret

2012-11-11T12:43:00.001-08:00

I have a secret...

Though some have seen it, many have not. It is difficult to hide, frustrating to look at and something I am embarrassed by. My craft room/library is a nightmare to anyone who is neat and tidy. I walk by every day and ignore the challenge. It is a small room, but it has no door. The kids go in and out to get books or craft items and never put them away. I run in to wrap a gift and leave the scissors and tape out. Keepsake items and photos that I eventually plan to scrapbook are piled on every flat surface and fill at least two boxes. I look inside and can't even think of where to begin. We have lived here for 2 years, and though at times the room has been useful, it has never been the great space I dreamed of. I am now ready to conquer it. It will be my part time project. Something I work on a little at a time, with the goal of finishing someday. I don't want to be too specific with a timeline, and it may take a while, but it will get finished.

I am doing it part time because with four kids, anything I focus completely on, takes me away from the things that have to be done. When I was painting, I spent several days doing minimal laundry, cooking and cleaning. The older kids were away at Nanna's, so I could do work on painting. I have to work this project into my daily life without neglecting things. I have visions of painting and decorating. Having it all organized to maximize its usefulness.

Desk covered with papers and craft items.

So many things out of place that you can't walk!

Many things in here aren't even useful anymore.

For now, I have to start with the obvious... remove the stuff we no longer use and the things that don't belong and put things where they go.