Fathers And Children Engage (FACE)

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My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 29/05/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 08:19:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner) Birthday Celebrations My girls were dropped off again on Friday meaning we could spend the evening together before an early start and off to Blackpool to see everyone. It is so nice just having a few hours with my girls alone just watching a film cuddled up on the settee together. Saturday morning was an early start with a little shopping then up to Blackpool to properly celebrate my birthday with everyone. First off it was cards and some presents then after a spot of lunch we all set went to St Anne’s to have a stroll along the promenade and a walk along the beach. It was a fairly sunny day, a little windy but still quite nice to get some lovely sea air and a bit of exercise in the legs. Teatime was a little party tea made up of burgers, chicken wings , salad and a lovely chocolate cake baked by my partner with a lovely number 51 on it as a candles, reminding me of my age, even though most of the time I never feel as old as that. It looked like everyone had a great time as most of the food was demolished then everyone settled down for an evening in front of the telly with full tummies. Sunday was made up of a lie in then some family games before a Sunday roast to round things off and before long it was time to take the girls home before driving back with my partner to enjoy what was left of the evening The rest of the week at work passed off uneventfully apart from towards the end of the week one of my first deals closed successfully after previously only visiting the customer a week earlier we managed to secure a deal for telecoms and IT services. Hopefully a good sign of things to come in the job!

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 22/05/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Fri, 12 Jun 2015 08:12:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

My birthday week !

My birthday wasn’t till Wednesday & as I had promised my girls we would celebrate it together the following weekend this was my weekend with my partner & our baby who was getting bigger by the day & now starting to teethe meaning less sleep at night time for both of us. The weather was pretty poor Saturday, so didn’t really do much but Sunday we were both treated to a birthday meal at the local Indian by my partners elder daughter. It was so lovely just the 2 of us spending quality time together alone with no interruptions, even baby was being looked after for a few hours. This time together made us both realise how important it was that we made time for each other on a regular basis. In all we spent 3 hours just talking and laughing about anything and everything with our baby daughter joining us, so we could spend longer at the venue.

Finally it was back down to earth as it was the start of a new week and now I was settled into the job it time to start getting appointments and the sales to prove my worth. The days seem to pass quickly now my role has become clearer and before I know it the week passes by. Wednesday was my birthday, which passed off unnoticed really as we had agreed to celebrate it at the weekend with all of my girls. I did feel a little flat but much more than that reflective looking at my past, present and future, which made me feel a little sad in that I still don’t think I have achieved anything of substance yet in my life and am still wondering whether I doing a job that I really enjoy. By Thursday these thoughts start to dissipate and I am stating to look forward to the weekend !

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 8/05/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Wed, 03 Jun 2015 08:15:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

A quiet week!

Nothing much happened this week, usual trip to Blackpool to see my partner & new baby was lovely and a nice long break for the Bank Holiday then back to work Tuesday. Things starting to fit into place in the job keeping myself busy taking on board lots of knowledge to build my skills sets ready for going out on the road meeting clients and developing new business. Tuesday was also the BNI Breakfast meeting at Haydock, so an early start at 6.45pm for the second and last guest meeting I could attend before making a decision as to whether this was right for the business. My gut feeling is over £1000 for membership fees plus a commitment to attend weekly morning meetings & bring in business referrals weekly was something that I and the business would find difficult to commit to but would need to speak to my MD before a final decision was made.

Rest of the week seemed to fly by being a short week and soon we were at Friday and received a text message from my ex to say she would drop the girls with me Friday night after the previous night declining my offer. Anyway I was happy, so planned for a night at my house with my girls for the first time in ages, then an early start and up to Blackpool till Sunday.

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 15/05/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Wed, 03 Jun 2015 08:05:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

A frustrating week!

Bit of a frustrating week at work this week with mixed signals as to what my new job should be and unsure as to whether I am just focussing on new business or my remit is to look at the broader business inside and out as was first indicated. I have been asked to look at all aspects of the business from procedures & systems to new products & services to grow sales and my remit is starting to become unclear, particularly when other members of the office team are now starting to question my value to the business behind my back. I think there is becoming a sense of certain individuals being threatened, particularly when I find out they get paid commission based on the profit they generate on orders. Not sure I am happy where I am almost competing against a fellow member of the office Things start to build to the point where I start to get stressed at home with anxiety building given I have been in the job less than 2 months & decided I need a clear the air talk with the boss which took place Thursday.

We both laid out our ideas for how we saw my role and surprisingly there was a lot of common ground and a great deal of misunderstanding as to what my role should be. I would concentrate on generating new business using tele marketing leads and he would help me by attending these appointments to help me learn more about the business. We both agreed there needed to be a fresh start and I was given a day off to get my head together and sort things out with my partner. By Thursday night everything was sorted and I looked forward to a lovely weekend with my partner and my girls plus a fresh start at work starting with a customer demo on Friday afternoon. Life is far too short to have anxiety in life and I already have far too many grey hairs!

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 1/05/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Wed, 13 May 2015 07:55:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

A Full House !

I spoke to my ex-partner on the Thursday to see if I could have my girls dropped off early on the Friday evening, so we could travel up to Blackpool that night. Amazingly she agreed, so I was able to get home for 5pm having attended an early morning breakfast meeting earlier that day at 6.45pm to meet the girls as they arrived. Unfortunately they arrived late and when they did my eldest arrived with dark clouds over her and an instruction from her mum & partner to ‘have word with her about her behaviour’. This wasn’t the best start to the weekend and after considerable coaxing I found out that she had been answering back and had lost all of her electronics including her new phone only bought for her Birthday in March. She made it out that she never did anything wrong, which I knew wasn’t true and yet she wouldn’t open up to me about anything. I have noticed changes in my eldest over the past 12 months, where she has become much more guarded in what she says or does, which I think has been triggered by social services having too cosy a relationship with mum at the expense of my children, so she cannot say anything in complete confidence to any adult without it getting back to mum. I advised her that answering back wasn’t the answer and they were arguments she wasn’t going to win, so instead of losing her electronics just bite her lip when it comes to wanting to question or disagree with anything her mum or partner do or say. She may not like it but that life and life will be a lot easier for her if she does that.

We arrived at Blackpool later than planned because of this and before we knew it was bedtime for all and the prospect of almost 2 full days together. Unfortunately the weather wasn’t brilliant so instead of being able to get out everyone was cooked up inside and to cap it all my partners daughter wanted to celebrate her 21st birthday with us having ignored us for baby’s christening and for the past 2 weeks. All of this sounded great but my partners 11 year old and my 7 year old have a few issues in that my daughter rubs him up the wrong way and he gets so frustrated with her that usually things kick off as I get involved protecting her. He wants to police every situation telling everyone how to do things the right way yet when he is given rules to follow at school or at home he just ignores them. This policing has even stretched as far as telling me how to hold, bath and generally comfort my own baby, which as you can imagine doesn’t go down too well. Throughout Saturday you can almost hear things bubbling under the surface waiting for an eruption, which never comes although the 21 year old comes, open her presents and leaves even before we have to sing Happy Birthday to her, how ungrateful is that !

Sunday tensions yet again are building as the 11 year old again starts to call the shots in the house from early morning then when he is corrected tries to take me on, which inevitably leads to a massive row. Things calmed down a little although my eldest had complained all over the weekend of being bored then it was my daughters turn to play up over lunch refusing to finish her meal and being teased by the 11 year old after she has been sent upstairs to cool off. She gets really upset and you can almost sense the weekend slipping away from us in a mass of arguments and shouting. I did have the opportunity to have the girls for longer as it was Bank Holiday but chose not to as the full house was causing tensions and although I felt a little guilty thought it best to drop them off at home to give us all a breather. My youngest had started to calm down on the drive home and after some harsh words from myself about us all having to get on if this is going to work she started to get visibly upset and burst into tears when we arrived at their house and she gave me a big hug, saying she loved me and after previously saying she didn’t want to see me again she apologised and said she missed me and did want to see me again.

By comparison Bank Holiday was a much quieter affair and as it was a nice day it was all about getting the patio furniture sanded and cleaned ready for summer barbecues and the garden weeded to look a lot more attractive. Then before you know it was back to work for a short working week and a bit of a breather. The perils of a large family eh !

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 24/04/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Fri, 08 May 2015 08:25:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

A much quieter week!

After all of the excitement leading up to and after the christening the weekend was gone and because of this I booked an extra day’s holiday. I wanted to ensure that her 40th birthday, which occurred the week of the christening was still being celebrated, so I arranged an extra day’sholiday to spend with my partner and take her out for an afternoon meal. It was lovely the kids had returned to school, so it was just us and our new baby relaxing & chatting about anything and everything. Added to this it was a lovely spring day and the setting was perfect!

Then it was back to work the following morning still on a steep learning curve to learn as much as possible as quickly as possible.

The weekend soon arrived after a short working week and it was up to Blackpool again to spend it with my partner and our baby and hopefully some nice weather, so we could get some fresh air and exercise!

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 17/04/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Fri, 08 May 2015 08:09:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

Babys Christening

My girls finally arrived at 10.30am and I told them about the plans for the weekend as this had been clouded in secrecy, given I didn’t want their mum to use it as a punishment for them spoiling the day for everyone. After the excitement had died down we travelled to Blackpool for lunchtime and prepared for a 60th birthday tea later that afternoon. As it was a lovely sunny day we all walked to the venue and had sandwiches, scones, as well as the odd shandy, what a lovely combination!

The next day was an early start with everyone dressed in the Sunday best ready for mass at 11am, which would lead straight into the christening at 12.30pm when all the families would gather together. I had a small representation from my family given they travelled from North Manchester but as far as I was concerned those that turned up were the one’s I most wanted to come. Due to a small emergency with baby after mass and to change into her beautiful dress mum & dad arrived at the church when everyone was seated waiting for us, nothing unusual there about late entrances with my partner! Soon after the ceremony started and the priest took the time and trouble to briefly explain to all those present the meaning of baptism and its significance as a sacrament, particularly as my children were present and they had never been christened and I wanted them to understand its importance before considering it in future. After the ceremony during which my beautiful daughter cried throughout it was time for photo’s outside then back to the restaurant for an Indian buffet. My sister who was also godmother arranged for her partner to be chief photographer on the day, so thankfully we had lots of pictures to mark the day and we even had sunshine by 3pm making the day even more memorable. Baby had stopped crying almost as soon as the ceremony had finished and after her afternoon feed settled down for a nap in spite of the queues of aunties and relatives waiting to hold her on the day. A 2-tiered cake was ordered and delivered early in the day with a special bonus of a picture of our daughter as a tiny baby as nature had intended, taken from one of our Facebook pictures, making it look even more special. Overall the day was lovely everyone was happy and smiling, everyone thanked us for the food and left with full stomachs and the day passed very quickly as my partner and I tried to mix with as many relatives and friends as possible before things drew to a close at the end. The only downside for me was I had to break off to take my girl’s home later that afternoon and then I had to pay the dreaded bill but generally speaking it at the end of the day it was totally worth all the trouble.

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 17/04/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Mon, 27 Apr 2015 07:38:00 +0000

Babys Christening Fast Approaching

Now I have a car travelling to Blackpool at weekends is much more straightforward and I can leave almost straight after work on Fridays and return home Monday morning, meaning we have 3 nights together. This weekend was all about preparation for our baby’s christening, firstly meeting with the priest to have a run through of what is expected of us, followed by final arrangement for our Indian buffet together with arranging for a cake for the day.

I also wanted to get a new suit for the occasion, so Saturday afternoon was spent trying on different colours and styles. This was our first big family occasion, a milestone event, as none of my other children had been christened so both of us wanted this to be special & to look our best in front of friends and family. Sunday I watched the Manchester Derby and for the first time in a while really enjoyed getting revenge over the blue half of the city with a convincing win, bringing a huge grin to my face for the rest of the weekend.

The rest of the week was office bound covering for my boss in the office, as he was taking some leave and it was surprising how much I learnt during this period by seeking answers and reviewing all the current procedures on the company system, so much so that the week came and went with barely a hitch. Thursday was the slightly delayed weekly forum of FACE, which again covered topics relating to improving the father child relationship as well as looking forward to future events like the 10th Anniversary of the group. Friday I attended the Wigan Business for Breakfast club for the first time, which was an opportunity to network and build relationships with companies in the region and establish if there are mutual areas of partnership. The meeting went better than expected with a few interesting leads coming from it and I certainly will be looking to attend future events in the Wigan and possibly extend it to include Bolton & St Helens. Given the early start to the day for the breakfast by 4pm I was flagging but looking forward to a lovely long weekend having booked Monday as a holiday. However, my plans were briefly put on hold as my girls didn’t arrive till Saturday morning, with the ex playing hardball & not co-operating yet again, so my evening was spent at the cinema watching Fast & Furious 7, a great thrill a minute action movie, then to bed readying myself for a very busy weekend with all of my girls !

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 10/04/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 07:53:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

Nice Long Break!

My girls stayed in Blackpool till Easter Sunday, so it was a nice long weekend having had them since Thursday night. On Saturday as it was a nice day we got up nice and early and went for a walk to St Anne’s by the Sea using both cars, bit of a convoy but so nice to have all the children coming with us including baby in her pram. Before we knew it Saturday teatime had arrived and it was time to chill out with Saturday evening TV. Sunday was Easter Sunday and as baby’s christening was fast approaching we all went to church. This was a first for my girls, brought up as non-practising Church of England, so both were quite inquisitive about holding Easter candles and being sprayed with holy water. After mass we went to my partners nans close by for a cup of tea then it was home and preparations for the Easter egg hunt. This time we made them search for the clues before finding their eggs to make it a little more interesting, all good fun but extremely frustrating for the children who just wanted the chocolate. After a late lunch it was time for my girls to go home, later than planned but fed, showered and having had a very enjoyable time with us. Unfortunately their mum did not see things in the same light, furious about us being late, even though they were on their school holidays and I was met with abuse and the children being dragged inside, so lovely!

I travelled back to Blackpool to continue my holiday as Monday was a special treat for me and my partners son a tour of Old Trafford plus a visit to the Manchester United Museum reliving my childhood. We went around different parts of the ground including the changing rooms, the player’s tunnel with the sound of 76,000 fans in our ears as we walk onto the pitch as well as the manager’s dugout and the press room. The stadium is massive and the tour with the museum just re-enforced why I support this great club. Oh and by the way my partner’s son also enjoyed it not being a big football fan but coming out enthusing about the history of my great club, his transformation was beginning. By the time we returned mid-afternoon it was all about chilling and relaxing then in the evening we watched the Imitation Game, all about cracking the German’s enigma code, which ultimately helped us win the war. A very good film with fine performances from all involved.

Then Tuesday it was back home early to get ready for my 3rd week at work picking up more knowledge and feeling more comfortable taking on much more responsibility and feeling much more at home, knowing that each day anything could happen, which is what I have been looking for.

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 3/04/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Fri, 10 Apr 2015 08:02:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

Easter Break

Quiet week on the work front as this was a short week in the run up to Easter and it seemed to pass very quickly. I had already sorted out a car for my new role and only had to sort out tax and insurance as it would be delivered by Thursday ready for the weekend. The ex tried to get out of her responsibilities for dropping my girls off at the weekend claiming she didn’t have access to a car, and far too easily dismissed the idea of catching a train to Wigan from Warrington. However, I used this to my advantage and managed to get her to drop off the girls Thursday teatime meaning we could drive up to Blackpool in my new car that evening and have the whole weekend together till late Sunday afternoon.

It was lovely having a lie-in Good Friday morning to catch up on lost sleep and given it was a wet, grey day we stayed in the house and chilled having a very lazy day watching movies together. I could now even look forward to staying in Blackpool till Monday morning now I have the car meaning more time with my partner and baby. Things are finally starting to look up for me !

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 27/03/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Thu, 09 Apr 2015 07:52:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

Birthday & a Fresh Start !

Instead of having my girls on the Friday for a long weekend I got them at 10am the following day, so it was immediately off to Blackpool to enjoy the weekend. My eldest was due to celebrate her 11th birthday on the 25th, so we turned this into her birthday weekend. The weather was really nice, so we all went for a walk to the local park for a few hours in the afternoon to tire out all the children and lots of fresh air, then it was back home to chill out & relax for the evening. Sunday was a mixture of homework and visits from relatives before dinner then it was time to return the girls home later than planned. As expected this didn’t go down too well but given they had been fed and showered ready for school I saw no real problem here but unfortunately my ex thought differently.

My new baby is growing fast and putting on weight, well over 10 pounds now and getting too long for both her Moses basket and the bath and slowly mum and I found we were getting longer sleeps at night as routines started to have an effect, very important for my partner as I was at my house in Wigan all week till weekend. My new role was keeping me very busy and each day passed extremely quickly as learning about the customers, products and services together with plans for new systems and processes started to take shape. Before I knew it another week had passed and I was getting ready to get on the train to Blackpool. This was to be my last trip by train as next week I was due to mobile again and at last everything was starting to fall back into place again!

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 20/03/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Sun, 29 Mar 2015 22:02:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

Quiet week !

Relatively quiet week all round with weekend spent at partners in Blackpool. Little bit of a lie in after broken sleep with baby, but not for too long as we had a date with the local priest to set a date for the christening and move our planned wedding date tonext year. Later visited my partner’s family with baby meaning lots of tea and biscuits and generally several hours before we return home. Thankfully able to settle down for a relaxing evening in front of the TV together. Sunday just seemed to come and go so quickly and before I knew it I’m back on the train and home ready for a new week.

New week at work but knowing this was probably my last spurred me on and once I got confirmation that I only needed to serve 1 weeks notice and that my new employer was ok with me starting on 23rdMarch, I felt a huge sense of relief believing that things were finally starting to come together. Thursday was final day at work with no big send off, which is how I wanted it. My boss thanked me for my efforts and hoped ‘he would never see me again’ in a nice way but left the door open for my return in future and all the people I worked with wished me the best of luck. Travelling back home on the train was so satisfying knowing this was the last such journey, no more getting up and arriving back home at silly o’clock in my future.

Friday I had booked a holiday just to get my affairs in order, a visit to the opticians to see how much damage working at a screen for 7.5 hours per day for 9 months had done, thankfully not a lot and upgrade my contact lens prescription. Then it was look forward to the weekend and a celebration was planned for my daughters forthcoming 11th birthday !

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 13/03/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 17:06:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

A weekend with all of my girls!

On the Friday night I rushed home from work with my early finish and found to my surprise that my partner and baby had come for the weekend on their own with her children staying with their dad. It was lovely spending a quiet night in together as we hadn’t had too many since baby had been born although my partner was very tired after some sleepless nights and she ended up going to bed at 10.30pm leaving me to keep any eye on baby whilst playing Fifa on my X Box for an hour or so.

Next day I was up early as my other girls were due at 10am, daddy would be outnumbered 4:1 but it would be so nice for all the sisters to spend just a little time together bonding. Early afternoon as it was a lovely day so we went to Haigh Hall for a walk, making the most of the nice weather, a rarity for early March! As it happened the lovely weather didn’t last too long as overnight & the next day the rain soon returned. Saturday night was TV all the way Ant & Dec followed by bath time for baby and then Take me Out, which my girls really enjoyed. Sunday was a mix of helping my youngest with her homework– maths & reading, chilling to music and preparing Sunday dinner before they left for home mid- afternoon. The time with my girls passes all too quickly and now even my youngest has started to get upset when leaving saying she wants to see more of me too!

The rest of the week was the usual long days travel to & from work and by the time I get home there is little else to do but have tea, watch TV and then bed on a repeat cycle till Friday. Friday was Comic Relief day, so lots of fun activities were planned at work including a lunchtime quiz, where I was part of the reigning champion’s team. Unfortunately history didn’t repeat itself although had I seen the quiz sheet marked football we might have made up the 3 points difference, but we’ll never know. Onto Friday evening & another mad dash from work to catch the early train home then quick, wash & change with cat in tow and off to Blackpool for a relaxing weekend with my 2 special girls !

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 6/03/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 09:05:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner)

Weekend with baby & quiet week at work

It was so nice waking up next to my partner Saturday morning and baby, even though she had woken us every 3 hours for feeds and winding. We had a long lie in getting up at lunchtime to catch up on all that lost sleep. Later that day we had a nice long walk to visit family not too far away as it had been a few weeks since they had last seen baby plus the fresh air was good for us all. Then it was time to chillax for Saturday night TV.

Sunday was all about relaxing and again catching up on lost sleep. It appears baby sleeps far longer in the morning than at night, so long lie-ins were the order of the day followed by a cooked breakfast & listening to music on my I-Pad. Then it was all over and time to leave on the train at teatime, which was really hard on all of us. However, we both know this is only temporary situation and I am working on changing jobs, so we can plan for a house together within the next 6-12 months.

Quiet week at work with another short campaign and the chance to earn some good bonuses after I had mastered the pitch the on Thursday it was the FACE Forum where we looked at ideas of how to celebrate the groups 10th Anniversary in the Summer as well as this month’s specific topic ‘Blueprint for Parenting’, what is it & where does it come from, which provoked some lively debate both at the forum then later on Facebook. The group has been really helpful to me over the past 4 years and after becoming Chairman last year I feel committed to putting something back into it, so that my experiences and the knowledge gained from it can help others.

Onto Friday and an early finish to get the early train home as my partner and baby will be arriving tonight and tomorrow is fortnightly contact with my older girls. There is lots to look forward to!

Monthly FACE Forum 5/3/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 09:05:00 +0000

FACE Anniversary
In July of this year Fathers & Children Engage will be celebrating its 10 year anniversary & part of last nights meeting talked about how we can mark this very special event.
As Chairman I would like to open up this discussion to all members past, present & even those considering joining to find out how would you like to celebrate this event & what would you like to get from the group in its 2nd decade.

Let us have your thoughts as it is your group?

Monthly FACE Forum - 5/3/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 08:58:00 +0000

Blueprint for Parenting

This months specific topic looked at how we are brought up & the discussion amongst members looked at what is our individual blueprint for parenting. Most seemed to agree that the template for bringing up our children will revolve around areas like:

Respect for others
Teaching right from wrong
Treat people as you want to be treated
Being polite etc.

But where do these values come from? Most accepted that the original template comes from our parents who learned things from their parents & so on. Then as we grow to become adults we are exposed to learnings & advice from colleagues & friends as well as a combination of age & maturity which build our template for bringing up our own children. We all accepted that there is no handbook for bringing up children, there is no right or wrong way of doing things. It is more about how we connect with them & helping them prepare for the journey to adulthood.

However, if we are brought up by parents who aren't affectionate, don't show emotion or are unable to express their feelings does that affect our blueprint. How do we know that this is not the right way to bring up our children & more importantly can we change our thinking & what are the triggers to help us see we need to change? How many times do we hear stories of a child's behaviour being as a direct result of their upbringing, why weren't they able to re-wire themselves to act differently?

A very wide ranging subject & very thought provoking, so we are opening this up to everyone let us have your thoughts please?

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 27/2/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 08:59:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud father to a baby girl with my new partner.

Back into the groove & cat mystery?

I was so relieved & excited by the end of my 1st week back at work as not only was I finishing early but my partner & new baby would be picking me up from the station & staying over with me till Sunday. In addition it was my regular contact with the girls who hadn’t seen baby for 2 weeks. My partner looked a little tired, I guess baby was still partying all through the night with her too, so I made sure she had a lie in Saturday morning whilst I got up and entertained my children by watching a family film together till lunchtime. My girls had been on holiday for a week, so I wasn’t expecting any homework but my lovely ex-partner was so thoughtful she had held it back & arranged for me to do some with them. We didn’t seem to do a lot this weekend, bits of shopping, watching Saturday night TV and homework as time just flew by and before long it was time to take them home on Sunday afternoon.

Biggest mystery of the weekend was Henry the cat who had been missing since Thursday morning when he hadn’t turned up for breakfast at 6am and went missing all weekend. My girls were really sad, particularly my eldest but we all tried to stay positive believing he had got himself trapped and would soon be back. By Monday morning I was starting to give up leaving the house at 6.40am when suddenly Henry comes bolting across the front garden meowing loudly as if to tell me ‘he’s home’. The great mystery of course was where had he been? I couldn’t then just put him in the house and go to work, so I chose to catch a later bus & train enabling me to feed & spend a little more time with him before leaving for work. I then texted the girls via their mum, so they could go to school with some good news.

It looked like thing were now starting to get back to normal in so many more ways, Henry was back, I was already back in the groove for the daily trek to work by bus & by train and I had even arranged with my lovely next door neighbour to let the cat into the house at teatime and be fed but more importantly good news was on the horizon I had a job interview in Liverpool at the end of the week, something to really focus my efforts on. At work I had been given a new project to work on but due to the poor quality of data this had been cancelled and I was moved onto another. This was essentially cold calling Financial Directors and as you can guess there were lots of knock backs, which this week seemed to take the stuffing at me and by Friday I was so glad of an early finish & the interview. The interview itself went probably better than I imagined and I’m crossing both fingers that this is the start of something new, but as I won’t hear any news till next week at the earliest my next thoughts are on getting over to Blackpool for a weekend with my partner and baby. After a few close shaves catching train connections I managed to get there nice & early ready for a relaxing weekend and long lie in’s, however, my beautiful daughter had other ideas!

My weekly blog -by-face-father-tim w/e 20/2/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Thu, 26 Feb 2015 08:40:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud new father to a baby girl with my new partner)

Back to work, back to reality !

My 2 week paternity holiday is over and passed far too quickly. We’ve only just started to settle into routines with our new baby and after the initial excitement of lots of visits from family & midwives things have now started to calm down. I can’t remember more than a few days, when we have just chilled on our own in the house with the baby, it's been rather hectic.

Had a lovely day on the Sunday with a very close Auntie & Uncles 60th wedding anniversary, which was a grand family occasion and a chance to introduce my new partner and our daughter to my dad’s family. The day went far too quickly but it was great catching up with relatives, some of which I hadn’t seen for nearly 10 years.

Currently we are living apart, so I must return to my home in Wigan on the Sunday ready for work the following day. My aim is for us all to live together within 6 months but this would mean changing jobs, a higher salary and preferably a job with a car giving me greater mobility as I shall be moving closer to Blackpool.

My first day back at work went quite quickly with lots of congratulations and a card/gift from the staff, which was gratefully appreciated & will be put to very good use over the next few months. However, the rest of the week was a combination of new projects and train delays meaning out of a 5 day week I didn’t return home till after 8.15pm on 3 occasions, what joy! My only thoughts now are towards the weekend and Friday when I will see my partner and new baby for the first time in a week, something to really look forward to

Step dads - good for children?

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Thu, 19 Feb 2015 11:21:00 +0000

Yes, yes yes!

Last weeks meeting generated a great discussion about step dads and if you had to be a step-dad just because you were in a relationship with the child's mother.

All too often adults embark on a relationship without considering the impact on their children, some parents have an expectation that the child will call the new partner Step dad, dad or step mum within weeks,

Some dads within the group acknowledged that this had happened in their relationships in the past, not realising the potential impact good or bad that it could have had on the child or the child's relationship with his or her natural father . The discussion also included the number of step dads children could experience if their mother changed partners frequently although this was not just exclusively mothers who had numerous partners.

Therefore is it just the mans responsibility to ensure that the relationship is secure, built on trust respect and friendship and with the view that it should be long term with the child's mum before there is even an expectation that you will become the step-parent or should we just get on with and leave it up to the child to make that decision once trust respect and a relationship is established?

On the flip side dads are quite fearful of their ex partner starting a new relationship and encouraging her new partner to slip into the role of step dad at the dads expense even though regular contact takes place and is safe,beneficial and a fulfilling experience for the child or children. All the dads did agreed that mothers and fathers who embark on new relationship should encourage their children to maintain contact with the natural parent and extended family providing it is safe to do so.

In conclusion; step parents can be good for children though dads could not pinpoint the exact time you do become step parent some think it happens when you marry the child's mother, some admitted that it does also happen within days or weeks in some cases The main point in this discussion did revolve around what was best for the child and that a child supported by both natural parents and step parents can have a rich and fulfilling life,

What do you think?

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 13/2/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Thu, 19 Feb 2015 08:47:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with ex-partner and fortnightly contact. Recently became proud new father to a baby girl with my new partner)

Paternity Holiday – Sleepless Nights!

It was great to see my girls this weekend as it had seemed an age since I last saw them, although to be truthful the last week had seemed like forever up until baby was born. Both were so excited to see their new sister, so much so my youngest had almost forgotten that this weekend was also to be a 7th birthday celebration also. As expected both girl’s hearts melted when they saw baby, both wanting to hold her, giving me ample photo opportunities, as she will soon start to grow. I had also arranged for my youngest to spend a little time with me on my own on the Saturday, so I could surprise her by buying her an ‘Elsa’ dress from the film Frozen. She looked so beautiful in it & so grown up when I photographed her compared to this time last year. She asked not to take the dress off and how could a dad possibly turn her down on her birthday weekend. The rest of our time was made up of electronics, Minecraft on the X Box and just chilling out. On the Sunday after a bit of a restless night with our new born and a long lie in my sister came across to see both my new daughter and enjoy a small birthday buffet for her 7 year old niece, which was lovely, which extended into a mini family event when others also came to visit our new arrival. My partner and I also used this opportunity to ask my sister to be godparent to our daughter, which she happily agreed to, even though no specific date had been set!

The rest of the week, which now seems somewhat of a blur comprised of long lie in’s after the school run to catch up on lost sleep together with regular visits from the midwife for health checks in the afternoon. We also used this extra time to chill out finally starting to watch ‘Breaking Bad’, which we had promised ourselves over the Christmas break and managed to get half way through season 2, not a bad achievement given we had only managed 1 episode over Christmas! On the Wednesday we went to an arranged photography session, the second of a series with a professional photographer in Manchester starting with ’Bump to Baby’ and now progressing to new born baby capturing our daughter only 8 days after her arrival in various cute poses – in a tiny wooden bed, on top of an old leather suitcase as well as other poses with props like flowered head bands, giving us a snapshot of how tiny she actually is and something we can fondly look back on. We decided to travel by train so after a long day we arrived back home at 7.30pm and decided to have a complete chill out day on Thursday. With all of this plus occasional impromptu visits from friends and family the week soon passed us by and finally on Friday our baby daughter became official when we registered her birth, which because we are currently unmarried needed us both to be present. However what I didn’t know was that upon our marriage we can amend the details so our daughter will know that her mummy and daddy share the same surname. Now looking forward to the weekend and a 60th wedding anniversary to an auntie & uncle who are very close to me and our daughter first proper public appearance with my family!

My weekly Blog by FACE father Tim - w/e 6/2/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 08:57:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with fortnightly contact, awkward ex-partner & now new partner expecting our first & my third child )

Our new arrival
Thank goodness last week was over as now my paternity holiday begins & don't have to worry about phone calls at work or in the night to make that dash to hospital, what a relief & my anxiety levels have reduced considerably as a result.
No developments over the weekend, so onto Monday am & our appointment at the hospital for labour inducement. Despite having 2 other girls I have never experienced natural birth, so this was a journey into the unknown for me. Surprisingly I felt relaxed but more than that very excited about meeting our new baby son or daughter in the next 24 hours. My partner in desperation to get the contractions started after lunch bounced several times on a birthing ball then suggested we go for a long walk around Stanley Park, which was lovely. Incredibly the contractions started very lightly just after 4pm that day. Then day turned into night & at 4am, after a little sleep, we were moved to the delivery suite when the contractions became heavy and frequent. Finally after 18 hours of a long & painful labour I saw a head appear then my mind was a complete blur as our baby daughter was born at 10.15am in what was quite an incredibly moving experience. In my amazement I'd forgotten to check whether it was a boy or girl as once baby appeared with a full head of dark hair it really didn't seem that important as I was so relieved that both mum & baby were ok. I was in a complete state of shock for a good 10-15 minutes whilst in that time colour returned to baby's face as she was put quickly onto mum for skin on skin contact. After about 1 hour all important family & friends were phoned to share the good news as most had been texting or phoning us regularly for updates the previous night. Later we shared photo's on Facebook to update everyone else who knew us, which is where it really is an extremely useful communication tool.
We didn't leave hospital till the Wednesday so all the children except mine visited on the Tuesday evening & everyone immediately fell in love with their new baby sister. The rest of the week almost disappeared in a blur as family came to call & my partner & I caught up on our missed sleep. We also tried to establish routines around night time but it appears our daughter likes to party after midnight but I suppose 3 hour blocks of sleep isn't too bad ! Friday was my youngest daughters 7th birthday so I rang her & wished her a happy birthday also knowing my regular contact with the girls was this weekend, so a double celebration was planned with the girls so excited to meet their new sister. Another busy few days in store for all of us but still all very exciting !!!

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 30/1/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 06:13:00 +0000

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 30/1/15

(Father of 2 girls with fortnightly contact, awkward ex-partner and now new partner expecting our first and my 3rd child very soon)

Peace breaks out & almost there?

Arrived home last Friday and got a phone call from the ex to ask me if I could cover both picking up & dropping off of the girls this weekend as they were having money problems, caused mainly by the CSA money delays. I agreed on the proviso that next time she would cover both trips, which she reluctantly agreed to. I also used this opportunity to clear the air about the new baby, being happy for me & allowing the girls to speak to me when I have news plus we actually spoke about our youngest daughters 7th birthday and presents we will be buying for her. I also spoke about the difficulties of working with the CSA and how long it takes for the money to arrive in her bank given that it had been in my account since January 1st and reasons we should just work together to make both of our lives easier. She opened up and told me that she had doubts I could be trusted and I told her I would prove it by ringing the CSA early February to make the next payment avoiding further delays. In return she told me she would speak to the CSA about cancelling her arrangement and working with me directly meaning progress for all. She thanked me for working with her and peace broke out but for how long, who knows?

My heavily expectant partner came over with her children this weekend and good time was had by all, phones & tablets in every part of the living room and when they weren’t being used it was Minecraft on the X Box or chilling out watching films on the TV. Great to have this bonding time as this will be the last time we’re all together before our new arrival and everyone is getting really excited. Everything went really well this weekend with my youngest eating all her meals and sleeping all through the night and when I took them home all smiles at the door with the last thing they said to me after hugs & kisses being ‘hope everything goes OK with baby dad’?

Regular visits to the midwife for my partner this week with the sweep offered Wednesday to help give nature a ‘push in the right direction’, but as baby is almost engaged it was decided against it. The waiting is killing me and causing me great anxiety given we live apart and I would have to travel on public transport to get to the hospital in Blackpool. Almost as anxious are all of my family and friends including Mark as we all awaiting the first FACE baby. Whatever happens baby will be making its first stage appearance by latest Monday next week, looks like it wants to be a February and not a January baby! As long as I can get to Friday evening, finishing work, so we are back together I will be one massively relieved dad.

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim – W/e 23/1/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Sun, 25 Jan 2015 21:02:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with fortnightly contact, awkward ex-partner and now new partner expecting our first and my 3rd child very soon)

CSA – Cure or Curse?

Bit of a quiet week on the whole this week. Took a day off last Friday to have an extended weekend with expectant partner and to attend a close family friends 40th birthday. Really good night although music left a lot to be desired – the birdy song & a meatloaf medley from Bat out of Hell known word for word by all on the dancefloor, not really my cup of tea. Really nice spending us time with partner as birth of our baby is now imminent and might be the last time we get some chill time before the long sleepless night begin, oh joy !

My week has been dominated by finance and in particular the CSA as my ex decided in August to use the CSA, even though I’m on a minimum wage in my current job. Direct debits were set up to start 1st September yet every single month this failed and I ended up having to make payment manually to them but not before repeated phone calls from ex and abusive texts saying why have I not paid. Truth is every month the funds were in a separate bank account, so as not to be affected by day to day bills yet no transfer took place. CSA claimed they hadn’t set up the direct debit after the payment was made manually but this kept re-occurring. January’s payment also didn’t transfer but instead of them chasing me within a few days I was contacted this week on the 20th. Of course there was no problem making the payment but I was really angry and frustrated at their lack of response having received many more phone calls than normal chasing this from my ex and made my point vehemently to the CSA as she will use this to prevent contact & generally make my life difficult. They advised that they will speak to her as she chose to use them and that she should refrain from contacting me about finances in future. They also suggested I check with my bank to see if there any blocks from their end regards the direct debit request. Low and behold this appeared to be the problem with the account I was using, so hopefully now future transfers should go without a hitch, apart from February where they need 14 days to set it up, so won’t take effect till March. Anyone thinking that working with the CSA will make your life easier then think again. If only my ex could work with me in a more business-like manner & behave like an adult for the sake of our children life would be much easier.

Onto baby news, we are now at 39 weeks and my partner has visited the midwife who has confirmed that baby is now head down but not quite engaged. I expect things to happen quite quickly over the next week and phone at the ready. Don’t want things to happen too quickly though as I have my girls this weekend, so perhaps if the fates could leave it till Monday or Tuesday that’ll do nicely!

My Weekly Blog by FACE father Tim - w/e 16/1/15

noreply@blogger.com (Chair Man) — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 21:17:00 +0000

(Father of 2 girls with fortnightly contact, awkward ex-partner and now new partner expecting our first and my 3^rd child very soon)

Any Time Now!

Regular fortnightly contact with my girls took place last weekend, both looking beautiful in their pink & white woolly coats & gave them lots of hugs and kisses as we hadn’t seen each other since December 30^th. Spent the afternoon chilling & watching films with my youngest while my eldest spent time watching video and playing games on her Kindle. Later I spent time with my youngest reading and doing her homework before allowing her time with her sister playing Minecraft on the X Box, while I made tea.

My youngest made a fuss about her tea, choosing not to eat a home-made spaghetti bolognese, eventually sulking and leaving it all meaning no treats for later in the evening and going to bed on an empty stomach. Perhaps I should have given her what she had at home the previous night 4 slices of garlic bread and chips instead of trying to be a responsible dad eh! During the night further problems with my youngest unable to sleep, making sure she kept everyone else awake causing me to lose my cool eventually at 2am in the morning. Woke up later than expected Sunday morning then after watching some TV with the girls it was lunch and again problems with my youngest not willing to eat her Sunday dinner after all the promises she made to me about improved behaviour. Took the girls home by train, think this was most exercise they have had for some time and know they will sleep well tonight . Arrived home later that evening and found to my horror my youngest had left her homework bag, oh the joys of being a dad!

Elsewhere settling back into work this week, new project to get my teeth into but the downside is it will take more time to achieve my bonuses as need to perfect my pitch on the telephone. No news on the baby front, Wednesday will be 38 weeks, so phone on red alert ready to make the dash to the hospital. This will be my first natural birth, so a brand new experience and waiting for something to happen is the hardest thing, needing to respond at short notice with no advance warning. Partner very relaxed about it all and both very excited about this new adventure in our lives. Looking forward to the weekend, as we haven’t seen each other for 2 weeks and can be with each other if anything should happen.