disappear here

THIS.

2013-01-28T21:31:00.000+00:00

untitled

2012-05-03T21:24:00.000+01:00

He asked me why i was so late
he was wearing a flowery hat
and
an apron around his waist
you're wearing an apron, i said
i know, he said
but he's not cooking i thought
how have you been anyway,
he asked as he opened his arms for a hug,
he gave good hugs
but he didn't listen to my answer
i'm trying to wrap up this guy who's been talking for ages

We got upstairs and
there was a guy talking into the mic
holding a Macbook in one hand
he squinted into the screen
and read
from the screen
he sounded bored
he was bored
a few people turned around
and acknowledged my arrival
with curious glances
and smiles
it was a writer's party
a sit down party
i was invited along because
there was people I had to meet
should meet
collab with maybe
a new project
something

i wasn't invited to dinner

As the night went on
i realised
something
these people
these writers
couldn't read
they
could not
retell
their stories
how beautifully tragic
they read

with
no
emotion
tripping over
lines which they had
(i assume)
carefully crafted
and it was dark and
i watched
and cringed
and listened
and smiled
and clapped quietly
when they were done

A couple
the girl wore
a dress and walking shoes
and i noticed that she had her shoes
propped up
next to my bag
there was a guy too
we were all sat at the back
and they whispered
through everyone

new space

2012-03-04T17:59:00.001+00:00

i found a new space to work and distract myself. it's important to have that work: distraction balance. keeps us real: we're not robots.

i'm facing big windows which look out onto grey Sunday skies and little naked tree branches but Spring is in the air.

i am smoking out the place with this little red volcano. i burned little red volcanoes throughout my travels in S E Asia. i think it kept the mosquitoes away and it made the place smell great. i don't think i've ever taken a picture of that little guy. i found him in Bali. he looks a wee bit surprised. like a cat with a volcano on his back would i suppose.

ok it's smokey and lovely and incensy now so i should get back to it, and stop daydreaming.

what smells take you back?

a secret beach

2012-03-01T21:10:00.002+00:00

It was a 5 minute walk down a track. We parked at the end of (the very aptly named) Beach Road. I was expecting a stretch of beach, a few moments of fresh sea air and then an about turn back to the car. Very good.

The track ends and there are several benches all facing out to sea. Perched atop a cliff looking down onto the open sea, sand as far as you can see and not a single soul in sight... A beach of ones own.

Look at the water. We need to go, I said.

We looked for the path and we saw two souls; a lovely old couple snuggling on a bench with a flask of tea between them. Lovely. I wish I had some tea, I said. We didn't need tea though not with a whole beach. There was a plaque tacked to the cliff in commemoration of the man who carved the path down to the beach. He was a good man. We said a quick thank you and then made our way down the path. Let's gooooo.

Apparently I can't run in a straight line...
Photo by L. Stokoe

I dropped my bag, took off my shoes and ran to the sea. It felt good. The only footprints in the sand. The water was freezing. The North Sea in March is very cold. Makes you feel alive. Your toes throb red in the cold and you find yourself squealing and puffing with the cold. ALIVE. I highly recommend it, but you'll have to find your own secret beach.

tomorrow

2012-02-27T00:31:00.000+00:00

I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about yoga, and tomorrow.

The possibilities of tomorrow.

I have decided I’m goin to practise in my garden with the grass between my toes.

And the grass and the earth beneath my hands.

And fresh air!

Exciting.

I hope it doesn’t rain.

smile, it's okay

2012-02-13T16:21:00.001+00:00

a sponge
absorbing everyone's vocal outbursts
mostly negative
damp and soaking sponge
patches of mildew
people have forgotten
about you sponge
growing moldy
storing bad nasty stuff
someone should give you
a wee squeeze sponge
and sit you next to the window sill
where you can enjoy the sun
and listen to her stories

NOVA

2012-02-11T23:50:00.003+00:00

lurking in your mug
a curdled mass
a cloudy coffee
a coffee cloud
give it a swirl
it hides and
disappears

resting on the coaster
you peer over the edge
it stares back
now its settled
it just stares

sit back
and think

without looking again
take the handle
walk towards the sink
in an instant
it disappears
with the running tap

you win

The writing test

2012-02-06T20:20:00.001+00:00

Behind the screen there was a table for one and a seat. On the table there was a selection of perfectly sharpened pencils. The pencils were all the same - painted yellow and carefully carved to the same pointy tip. There was a choice but not really.

5 mins the man said.

Casting Call, part 2

2012-01-22T13:19:00.004+00:00

Some of you may remember my blog post Casting Call where I was given a small cameo role in a friend's production after he unashamedly explained his choice with 'you don't sound like you should'. I'm still not really sure what this means. I confused a few people in New Zealand.

Anyways, here is the vid:

And hey, my line is the title of the short, it ties everything together!

This is their first short, and I think they did a pretty good job. What do you think?

Check out their website for more info.

Paper cranes

2011-12-14T00:33:00.001+00:00

I finally learnt how to fold paper cranes! About 20 years later than your average Asian but I'm okay with that.

Sunday

2011-12-03T23:20:00.000+00:00

Cosy Sunday morning
Drinking coffee in my bed
Folding paper cranes
Listening to the rain

Humble Jumble

2011-11-20T23:01:00.004+00:00

You love going to see live music.

Waiting for the tickets to go on sale. Booking the tickets. Getting the tickets. The buzz. The heavy rotation of their music as you count down the days to the gig. They're your faves anyway but you find yourself listening to them even more than usual. And then the night comes and you listen to their music as you're getting ready to go see them live for the first time ever. Live. In your small wee humble town. Tonight they're playing your town of all places. Tonights the night.

You get to the venue. There's a queue but no worries because you've got your tickets already. Everyone shuffles along buzzing with excitement and anticipation. You get inside and everyone is chatting and dancing and smiling and checking out the crowd and waiting and meeting new friends; bonding over your mutual love for the music. And gin and tonics. You meet a new friend who can't remember your name even though you've told them about three different times, but they are still making the effort to introduce you to their friends. Which is nice. Eventually you just tell them your name is Ginny; they don't even realise its changed but they remember it now. Ginny. You smile to yourself. Hee, funny.

The venue is small. Intimate. The main act is out mingling with the crowd. That's cool. It's a small venue. They're out meeting their fans, their support. You like that. You decide to go over and say hi and tell them you love their stuff. The same stuff everyone tells them really, but it's okay because it's true.

Chat chat chat. Someone brings over three drinks. Gin and tonics. 'Wow look at everyone buying you drinks', you say. The main act sticks out their wrist showing your their paper wristband, 'I'm the main act, I get free drinks', they explain. 'I know you're the main act', you say. 'What is this', they say, 'why are you talking like I think I'm the shit cos I'm the main act. Oh I know you're the main act. That's not me man. I'm an individual. I'm humble. That's why I'm out here talking to the fans. You don't even know me. Like I know you must be okay because you are out here tonight showing your support for my music but don't say that man. I'm humble. This is not how you have a conversation with someone you don't know. Maybe I am too serious but I'm not cool with what you said. Oh I know you're the main act. Not cool.'

WOW, you think, and for a second you do feel kind of apologetic because you do support their music, and you do look up to them as an artist. But mostly you think, WOW, what a complete dickhead. But of course you don't think this til later because you're are still buzzing from being there and meeting them.

You think it's kinda European how it was all organised which is maybe what our humble main act requested. The local support acts were still going strong, and killin it at 2am. The venue normally shuts at 2am. Redbulls were being ordered. People were dropping out. They couldn't handle the pace. Or maybe they were just there to support the locals which is great. You love that.

The main act finally goes on stage around 4am; plays a very average set. You're still thinking about their lecture from earlier: was your small comment really that offensive? You get no buzz from hearing them live. You think that maybe if they played a BANGIN set, their arrogance could maybe be justified. Maybe. But then it's all over and you leave feeling kinda disappointed. You go home and you go to sleep.

Casting Call

2011-11-20T03:17:00.002+00:00

We just need you to say, 'where did he get all that popcorn from?' in your thickest Scottish accent.

Oh okay. Hey, I just left my friend, I can go get her if you like, she has a thicker accent than me, I offer.

Is she Asian?

No

Yeah, we kinda want someone who doesn't sound like they should, he explained.

Oh.

#86

2011-11-16T08:04:00.003+00:00

She told me that I had neat handwriting
I said, thanks

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-30T23:24:00.006+00:00

Harro

I wanted fake blood, and to wear a poncho but my flatmates scoffed at the idea of a Mexican zombie so I just went as a Chinese zombie who later became a bit of a hipster zombie. It was a good time.

- Check out accidentalchinesehipsters who used one of my pics in their Halloween post! Thanks for the love!

So true

2011-10-26T07:05:00.002+01:00

We went to check out the Cloud because the Black Seeds were playing. I had tried a few times before to get in but the rugby was going off and while I was enjoying the hype, I wasn't ready to give up my afternoons queuing to be squashed into a venue. I was pleasantly surprised on Saturday night. It's a good wee pop-up venue, and the crowd were chill. We even squeezed our way to the front. Love a chill crowd. Of course, met a couple of Scottish lads at the front. It's not so easy to get to the front of a crowd in Scotland. They were both wearing their rugby tops. I asked if I could have John's rugby top. I thought we had an exchange but he thought I was talking about his red shirt underneath. No, I said, your Scotland top. He thought about it, no. Oh, I said. Well you can wear it for 5 minutes. Great, enough time for a photo then, happy with that. Took a few photos, hung out til the Black Seeds had finished their set and we were on our way. Off to find another party. I was KEEN to check out the Puma After hours Club that's been in town but I think we walked in the wrong direction. Soo got chatting to some lad who was shouting down from his balcony. I just wanted to find the after hours club. I was trying to find a good wi-fi connection so I could use Google Maps. The guy was now downstairs trying to hustle us into his apartment. He had already bribed Soo with a cigarette. They were hollering at me. I just wanted to find the after hours club. Hey, c'mon, he says we can go up, shouts Soo. I don't want to go up there, I say to myself as I walk towards them. Hey, this is Dollar. Sue, nice to meet you. He's from X, says Soo. I have no idea where X is so I just nod and smile. Cool, I say. C'mon, let's go, everyone is upstairs, says Dollar. Dollar, dolla bills y'all. His yellow watch stands out beautifully on his black skin. Yellow stands out beautifully on my skin too. I ask him if I can have it and go to unbuckle it. He says, no. I say, okay. It's a fuckin good watch, I say, I like it. We get to the flat after walking up one flight of stairs; going through a door and turning into the third door on the right. It's dark inside with balloons taped to the ceiling. We were handed Vodka Cruisers, raspberry flavour. Everyone was drinking Vodka Cruisers. Guys, and girls. It was a 25th birthday. I thought to myself, what the fuck but didn't want to be rude so drank it like everyone else. I found some 3D glasses and popped out the glass and wore them for the rest of the night. I have no idea why. I even have photos. I took some photos of myself in the mirror when I was in the bathroom. I was having fun doing that til someone knocked on the door so I said, gimme 2 minutes. I had a quick pee, and washed my hands with the posh soap then went back out to the party. I got given some chocolate cake on a paper plate. I had no interest in talking to any of these people so I sat out on the balcony where the smokers were taking slow drags on their cigarettes and smiling into the room. Their eyes were not focus. Too many Vodka Cruisers I bet. I still had my glasses on with no glass, and my raspberry Vodka Cruiser. I put down the cake and the Vodka Cruiser and looked around. Who were these people? I didn't want to be rude so I started eating the cake. I didn't get given a spoon so I had to use my hands. It was good cake. The creamy middle looked like brie so I just ate the sponge around it and left the middle. Soo was smoking another cigarette. I went back inside to find a napkin to wipe my hands. I couldn't find any. Only cakes. They had a square sponge cake still in the plastic bag. Cakes everywhere. I was looking for something savoury now but there were no nibbles anywhere only empty Vodka Cruiser bottles. I even looked in the pantry. Soo was now dancing with Dollar. I couldn't tell if she was enjoying herself or not. Google Maps confirmed that we had walked ages in the wrong direction from the Puma after hours club. I said to Soo it was time to go. I rummaged through the plastic bags for a Vodka Cruiser for the road but they were all finished so I took a Red Bull instead. Wow, that was random, we laughed as we retraced our steps back to the entrance. We got distracted at this point by a 24hr shop where I bought a kiwi pie. I swiped my card and entered my PIN. Do you have any ketchup, I asked. The man said, no. I was a little disappointed. I hope I didn't look too disappointed because it's not his fault but why would you not have ketchup. I felt like putting back the pie and asking for a refund but of course I didn't. It was tasty. I think we had given up on the after hours club at this point. We went instead to a pop up bar that's normally a really average coffee place with horrific customer service. With the rugby it has had a pop up extension of sorts and now sells drinks with a big TV screen. We were here just a few weeks back, and there was a creepy old man who gives me the creeps just thinking about him. He wasn't there tonight. Thank fuck. Creep. I recognised the Japanese boy with the dreadlocks from last time and smiled at him. I think I was the creepy old man this time if it's possible for me to be a creepy old man. He smiled back, and I smiled at him a bit more. Soo drank a Coke. I talked some very important rubbish to some Irish lads then it was time to call it a night. Soo paid for the taxi. I must pay her back. I woke up the next day a little bit tired but with a Red Bull in my bag. The Black Seeds were excellent by the way. xx

Wednesdays

2011-10-19T06:58:00.000+01:00

As part of my weekly volunteering stint, I get to go to film screenings!

It's pretty great, I'll get a txt in the morning stating if I can get there for 8.45 then I can come see a film. I make sure to tell my flatmates (hello) with their serious lawyer and accountant jobs that I will be spending the morning watching a film, and with a breakfast apple in hand, I skip off to the screening bidding them a very good day at work. Good day!

I generally ask what the film is called but the title does not often reveal too much. 13 ASSASSINS was an epic 141mins long Japanese samurai film. It opens with a hara kiri scene which is quite hard to stomach (yes...) at 9.30 in the morning but it sets the tone for the rest of the film. A wee shame that one of the other viewers huffed and puffed through the whole film, and even imitated the voices. Can't stand ignorance like that. I thought the film was a great cultural insight into the life of samurai, and the role of the Shoguns in Japanese history. Very good although I'm not sure if I would watch it again.

Coffee bag

2011-10-11T07:30:00.004+01:00

Coffee in a bag. It were alright.

$5 coffee

2011-09-22T13:23:00.000+01:00

Where am I, Auckland??

I thought they had a cute collection of stuff behind the counter. Kinda organised, collected clutter. I like it. Like every employee has their own wee stamp on the place. I think that's important. I'm a big fan.

Meanwhile, $5 coffees! So, extra for soya milk (fair enough); extra for take away cups... I agree with the principle, save the world yup, but what about saving pennies!?? $0.50 is still money! Would they serve me coffee if I brought in my own mug because I would do that. Probably. If it wasn't raining. And if I wasn't in a rush because then it might spill over the sides. It would get cold faster too. Gosh. They have a monopoly on my take away options. Carrying a mug of coffee down K Road probably wouldn't be that unusual though... What's good K Road?!?

Hey, if you can guess where that photo was taken I will buy you a coffee.

Bring a mug.

962 Newmarket

2011-09-20T22:22:00.002+01:00

Last seat on the bus
Facing backwards
Facing the bus
Asian kid doin maths homework
Lady doin a bit of sewing
Headphones competing
iPhones playin
Standing
Hold on.
Window seat
Daydream
Fresh start.

Karangahape Road

2011-09-15T10:14:00.020+01:00

K Road

School girls eating candy floss

On their way to school

Rainbows
Eighthirty coffee

Art galleries
Adult shops

Open for business, 9am.

Women with beautiful legs
K Road bridge
Men with beautiful legs

The green Link bus.

Pubs selling coffee

Pubs selling drinks

Banks
Calender girls
Because boys
We've got nothing on
Charity shops
Over priced charity shops
kFM
Dancing man with sunglasses
Rain
Dancing in the rain.

$2 shops
Bottle shops
Tattoo parlours
Shisha pipes
People just hangin out
People just dancin out
on the street
From the night before
Maybe
Who cares.
Buzz.
Creative buzz.
Creative energy.
Non stop.
Different.
Everyday different.

Ponsonby

2011-09-15T09:48:00.012+01:00

Dogs that look like they have beards

Owners who look like their dogs

Sunglasses, always

Run or shine

Sunglasses

Sexy bicycles

Just look at the cyclist

Fixie?

Yup, course

Fancy little cafes

Conch Records

The green Link bus

Cute boutiques

Speedwalkers

Women

Marching along the payment

Power walking

Two by two

Brunch

Mums taking their buggies for a walk

Coffee in hand

Flat white with soya milk

Phone in the other

Hello hello

Trying to steer with their wrists

Important people outside Chapel bar

Always

Drinks and chit chat

Kids in designer clothes

on their scooters

Helmet on

Upside down Mini

Coffee. Coffee. Coffee

Paper cut-out of the Royal family

The whole gang

Did anyone else see that?

Well, pretend

Humour me

Love my tan

Love my look

Love my style

Ponsy. Ponsonby.

2011-09-02T06:29:00.007+01:00

Creativity is freedom... Creativity is also the absence of fear. Not being afraid to approach something, and make a mistake, or be wrong or right or any of that. It's just the absence of fear.
- Erykah Badu

Peace and light,
Thanks for reading.
Sue

Thanks to Okayplayer too!

Monday

2011-08-29T07:59:00.003+01:00

I was in a bad place
Oh Monday, you're just not my favourite
Blue. Boos. Monday.
Biggest weekend come down in ages
Monday blues, boo.
Oh, I'm speaking in metaphors
Metaphorical come down,
Not pharmaceutical. Gosh.
Crashing.
CRASHING, boo.

Finally.
Finally, finish work.

Home time.
Karangahape Road time

K Road makes me smile
I find myself smiling when I go down K Road
I find myself waiting for the green man a lot
On K Road
It was where Upper Queen Street meets
K Road, on K Road.
Through the crowd.
Through the crowd on K Road
My first Auckland accidentalchinesehipster
Through the crowd. Mid to late 40s
A red helmet. Orange, brown roots
Under a red helmet.
Dyed to cover the greys, obv
Mismatched denims
Not that matching would be better.
Flared jeans.
Flares, and a BMX bike at her side.

A BMX bike.

She was wheeling it along but
The helmet was strapped under her chin.
I think it was her bike.
I think it was her BMX bike.

I love you lady, you made my day
I love you K Road
I love you accidentalchinesehipsters.tumblr.com
I love you Monday

Bicycle

2011-08-25T14:29:00.003+01:00

Shit. I was killing myself. There was 5 of us. We all came to meet this lady who was selling her bike. She wanted rid of it because every time she went round a corner, she'd fall off it. Yup.

We all wanted this bike so we kept straight faces while she shared her fallingoffroundeverycorner anecdote. I was struggling. Sometimes stuff is just so much funnier when you know you can't laugh out loud about it. I was ready to explode inside. The image was too much.

Biting my lip, focusing on the table.

I knew not to make eye contact with anyone. Laughing inside. I looked up. Bad mistake. I caught one of the guys. I made eyes with one of the guys, and I just lost it. Shiiiii. Ohmygoodness, I was crying. There was tears.

The woman glared at me. I felt a bit bad that I had disrupted her story. She didn't need to say anymore. We were hooked.

I can't even really remember what the bike looked like but it was nice. Kinda metallic blue road bike. It had a kick stand. I remember that. Why do I remember that? Nice slender frame, it looked good.

I tuned back into the conversation, and the woman was going on about how she was going to sell the bike to the person who she felt had the biggest connection with the bike. The price was fixed. Much like those trendybastard fixed gear bikes (although I secretly want one, a lot).

The whole time no one questioned why the woman got thrown off the bike round each corner. We just assumed it was the woman. She fixed her eyes on me now: how old are you, she questioned, like 40?

I was shocked by this guess. Everyone always guesses younger. I look young. Somehow her question made me angry. I was raging, eh. No idea why. No, you silly old woman, I outbursted, I'm 24. I felt so offended. I have no idea why. I was MORTIFIED, for no real reason.

I immediately knew I had lost the bike just then. Don't piss off the old woman who you want the bike off for goodness sakes!

Who falls off their bike going round a corner anyway?