tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596Sat, 24 Oct 2009 17:36:01 +0000send up and be countedhttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/sendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)Blogger137125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-277879646888916250Sun, 04 Oct 2009 23:28:00 +00002009-10-05T20:37:53.637+01:00titanesque transformation travelogue I think I've gone and lost myself. Were there anything left of me, said thought may well be scary. As things stand, or rather in the absence of things, this is just one more random observation. I can see my foot reflected in the wardrobe door as I type. In physical form, I'm evidently still here although there is much less of it, it being the entity formerly known as me. This doesn't bode wellhttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/10/ipso-facto.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-2017389886008383055Thu, 27 Aug 2009 23:11:00 +00002009-08-28T00:52:43.853+01:00head up arse... or fictional facts? I have been away from this blog for so long that re-reading through the archive has induced some kind of shock and sticky unease. Were my mother to dig out pictures of me from toddlerhood (plump androgynous baby mooning - this picture was hung on the wall throughout my childhood I recall) onwards (primary school tomboy, dungaree-clad teenager with tortoise-shell rimmed http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/08/factual-fiction.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-6367220792016934585Thu, 30 Apr 2009 14:05:00 +00002009-10-24T18:10:17.111+01:00look at metime to reflectbetween the pages"I am always thinking of you, even when I am in the bathroom. I know it's not a very romantic place but what matters is that you are always in my thoughts". This is what the daily text message from the island read yesterday. Should I be flattered, amused, put off?I replied with vitriol, lumping originality, derision and a comment about creativity being the hallmark of a real journalist into a fewhttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/04/hello-dolly.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-4314633237016514352Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:15:00 +00002009-02-22T00:15:30.817Zself-sabotage schoolin the Atlanticbetween the pagesI can sense the fear as soon as I walk through the door. My presence inconveniences them. I know they're hoping I will only buy something today - most days I actually do - rather than make THE gesture that terrifies them.  "Hello", I say, "how are you? Erm, would you mind awfully...", and I present my wrist to the lady behind the counter. Her face collapses instantly, she looks resigned and http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/02/down-boy.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-2932819491259124474Wed, 18 Feb 2009 04:17:00 +00002009-02-18T19:52:39.604Zlook at mein the Atlantictime to reflect"You are like a volcano", he says. Hmm, I think, extinct, green and with a big hole in the middle, presumably where common sense should be? This seems like a fitting analysis."Why?". I have to ask as certain things do get lost in translation still, plus it's a rather odd comparison even though we live on volcanic soil. Perhaps he is trying to tell me there is a lagoon where my brain should be? Orhttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/02/under-pressure.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-3969758819084796968Sun, 01 Feb 2009 14:59:00 +00002009-02-02T22:45:57.291Zin the Atlanticpersonable people personto the pointlove not fear"I think that you should lock me up in a room and only open the door when I have finished thinking and writing all the bullshit that I think and write on a daily basis. If you do that, maybe you'd find a normal person when you open the door again rather than this batshit crazy chick you seem so fond of hanging out with". I entrusted this to Google Translate, it came out mangled so I gave up http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/02/slowly-please.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-3180526554570802314Sun, 25 Jan 2009 13:44:00 +00002009-04-30T18:12:29.800+01:00look at mequirky cultural quipsin the Atlanticto the pointAs I twittered one morning, you know you're in for a special kind of day when your dental floss breaks. And gets stuck. And you have to insert some small nail plyers in your mouth to cut the floss with after you've dribbled a mixture of blood and toothpaste all over the bathroom floor. And stepped into it barefoot. Life on the island is making me feel like some odd Samantha Jones figure, http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/01/eff-off.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-6722820982433767368Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:22:00 +00002009-01-21T19:41:59.960Zno nonsense equationslook at mein the Atlanticcheerful little earfulTo fly or not to fly? For the last 2 hours, I have been sitting in the coffee shop obsessively checking online flights to mainland for tomorrow, returning on Sunday. Despite our local airline being a public service, the flights are prohibitively expensive and it is cheaper for me to fly back to London than it is to fly to the continental capital. Booking ahead would make no difference in price http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/01/fancy-flight.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-4629677116505673004Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:27:00 +00002009-10-24T18:20:52.487+01:00no nonsense equationsin the Atlanticpublic service announcementto the point“Gros pif, gros paf”, I remember reading with amusement in a French book he gave me. Roughly translated, it means that men with big noses are supposedly well-endowed. As fate would have it, he does have a huge conk but the size of his package failed to make an impression. The one thing that did is that bump on his skull where the bones have fused in an odd way, just where his hairline starts. Ithttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/01/love-rat.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-5381655192623998232Tue, 06 Jan 2009 21:37:00 +00002009-01-06T21:37:00.696Zbehind closed doorsin the AtlanticHazy but conscious enough to know the key noise had nothing to do with the TV, I slowly peered from under my blanket in the direction of the door. And froze. The heady rush of adrenaline prevented any movement or speech.  "Ah, Ariel", the voice holding the key said, "here you are. Happy Christmas." Still in shock, I stared. Blinking would have amounted to a superhuman effort and I had become http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/01/unwanted-company.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-524360135737317829Mon, 05 Jan 2009 01:16:00 +00002009-01-05T01:16:00.574Zin the Atlanticbrave new worldMarooned.  I think that's what you call people stuck on an island. Like me.  Marooned and credit-crunched to be precise. The once mighty and now ailing greenback bit me on the bum right before Christmas, in the form of a sycophantic e-mail about my "collegiality", a word whose glaring phoniness made me stare at the screen and grimace in pain until a new horizontal line imprinted itself on my http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/01/credit-crunched.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-7048708220747658193Fri, 02 Jan 2009 19:03:00 +00002009-01-02T19:08:14.564Zin the Atlanticpublic service announcementhttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2009/01/shiny-new.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-4487160359685621027Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:17:00 +00002008-12-29T20:21:32.219Zquirky cultural quipsin the Atlanticbeautiful bodily functionscheerful little earful"Oops, better put another roll in the bathroom", I say absent-mindedly. "Already?", comes the shocked reply. Uh oh, me bad guest. So much for my hygienic solicitude! Pre-empting that anyone, much less the master of the house, should be forced to wipe their rear with the cardboard roll because there aren't any disposable softer surfaces left has just exposed me as a toilet paper abuser, a http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/12/life-skills.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-8027110833305893355Tue, 02 Dec 2008 07:44:00 +00002009-10-24T18:22:54.082+01:00blog meets lifein the Atlanticbrave new worldtime to reflectI don't date everything that goes into my notebook, but I guess those notes were made sometime last January, probably before I left the UK or shortly after I arrived on the island. To be read in conjunction with 'distress call' below. Telephone conversation: "There, there... I hadn't realized that you knew him. It was in the paper and of course everyone here knows him. He had left his wife and http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/12/fictional-notes.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-3390788440132696509Tue, 02 Dec 2008 06:13:00 +00002008-12-02T07:37:26.741Zin the Atlantictime to reflectOct. 10th: The plane is three hours late taking off from Boston. By the time we touch down on the island the next morning, I am about to keel over but, as usual, the joy of being back overrides everything. Home. As I prepare to present my passport to Islandese customs, my pocket rings. "Welcome back love, sorry I'm going to be a bit late picking you up, but I'm on my way". Such kindness makes mehttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/12/distress-call.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-972742848100343565Tue, 02 Dec 2008 04:06:00 +00002008-12-02T06:06:08.834Zwhat static lifein the Atlanticto the pointtime to reflectAs the absurdity of Christmas music reduces me to a helpless giggly wreck - I am at work for crying out loud, trying to 'phone people while Dominick the Italian donkey festively hee haws in the background - I realize that the tone of this blog has taken an unexpected turn. Whatever happened to self-deprecation? Whatever happened to sending up life as a coping mechanism? It seems the circus girl http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/12/in-limbo.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-5631372659797339876Sat, 29 Nov 2008 04:52:00 +00002008-11-29T04:52:00.466Zno nonsense equationsto the pointlove not fearThe day continued apace, punctuated by waves of nausea more or less violent, a few cups of coffee and several liters of water. The Yooro contingent is ailing today: one has dental pain, the other has stomach pain, I have head pain. We're the three wise monkeys: chew no evil, eat no evil, think no evil. Check. In a week's time, this American assignment comes to an end and I fly back to the islandhttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/11/monday-night.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-4479879905317938648Wed, 26 Nov 2008 04:06:00 +00002008-11-26T04:06:01.935Zbeautiful bodily functionsbrave new worldto the pointI switch the TV off, having finally gained an appreciation of why people who live alone like a background noise for company. The migraine crushes me, pushing me deeper into the sofa, deeper into the night. I need water but verticality is beyond me. Every little move brings on a new wave of nausea. I lie still, briefly considering the rapidly dropping temperature. Outside, the lake is freezing. Myhttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/11/monday-morning.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-7359451507274777253Tue, 25 Nov 2008 02:33:00 +00002008-11-25T05:49:49.269Zbehind closed doorsbrave new worldto the pointCurled up in a ball on the sofa, thumb inside a book to mark the page, I fall asleep only to be awoken again a few minutes later by shivers, a raging migraine and uncontrollable nausea. I turn the TV down, switch the light off, put my glasses on the coffee table and close my eyes, willing my loneliness to materialize into tears, vomit, screams, something. Nothing happens. My hands seem to clutchhttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/11/day-off.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-5110052163592731481Sun, 16 Nov 2008 23:47:00 +00002008-11-16T23:47:00.926Zno nonsense equationsrevising relationship rulesto the point"Eh, you're not scouring a dirty pan", I protest as he energetically rubs my stomach with bathroom tissue. "Well...", he tuts. "Well what? It's not dirty, it's yours, I don't mind", I reply sweetly. "These things can live for 36 hours you know". He looks concerned. "Yeah... like your hyperactive spermatozoids are going to wag their little tails all the way from my belly button right back into myhttp://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/11/sympathy-fatigue.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-379125458353691827Fri, 14 Nov 2008 02:33:00 +00002008-11-14T06:38:49.395ZQuebec and merevising relationship rulestime to reflectAs I woke up, I suddenly realized there is one islandese word that has been pervading my waking hours on a regular basis for the last week or so, courtesy of a Quebec French song I listen to during my afternoon run. The rhythm of the song first conjured up images of young children beating their drums on a Saturday morning in the island's capital city, on the esplanade by the theatre. I clearly http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/11/one-word.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-3438438454706990501Tue, 11 Nov 2008 23:28:00 +00002008-11-25T07:22:18.119Zhead up arseto the pointIf social hyperactivity is a malady, then you've got it bad my love. You always want to be everywhere and involved in everything, the centre of attention, admired, praised, sought after... like some giant octopus with attention deficit disorder and phantom limbs. You cannot ever keep appointments my love, you will not even agree a time with me, you dismiss timekeeping and worship spontaneity. "http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/11/attention-span.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-1299481694954826948Fri, 31 Oct 2008 01:41:00 +00002008-10-31T02:15:48.372Zvote for changeObama for presidentbrave new worldpublic service announcementI am in America and I have started dreaming American, owing perhaps to a steady routine of overwork and relentless electoral pontificating going on all around my baffled little European self. Insomnia keeps me company on those cold lonely nights, and when I eventually get some sleep, my brain conjures up the most inexplicable scenarii:I am on the road and board yet another tour bus, only to http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/10/extra-lucid.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-2198570587110544404Sun, 26 Oct 2008 22:15:00 +00002008-10-29T02:20:24.130Zno nonsense equationsin the Atlanticbrave new worldpersonable people persontime to reflectlove not fearlusty loving ladyAnd so I left New England and went back to the island, spent 10 days there - 7 of which as a circus girl - then boarded a US-bound plane again, head in a whirlwind of life, love and loss. As I walk up the metal steps to the aircraft, I fight back the urge to run all the way down again, past the friendly customs officer who stopped everything and everyone just to chat with me simply because he http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/10/word-power.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35496596.post-7323585498912629637Sun, 28 Sep 2008 19:15:00 +00002008-09-28T22:55:32.244+01:00my gutter mindbeautiful bodily functionsbrave new worldIt took exactly one week and three days from the date I landed in the US until I got down on my knees and prayed. And I am not even in the Bible Belt but in small town MA. But pray I did. Heartily. Repeatedly. To the porcelain gods. "Crise de foie", tuts the lovely French lady who has taken me under her wing. I'm so sick that in my head I mis-translate her diagnosis to "crisis of faith". Ye http://fromfuckuptofab.blogspot.com/2008/09/dear-lord.htmlsendupandbecounted@gmail.com (Ariel)7