The Kitchen Dispatch

New Paths: Kitchen Dispatch Reaches The Final Post

2013-01-19T12:23:00.002-08:00

Every writer knows that you have to end a book at a high point.
Anything beyond that is extraneous writing that serves little purpose.
I wrote to the end of this blog a long time ago, and should have closed the book then. I think I've covered a lot of material on this blog --all of it was fresh and new to me, offering me a second life. I'm very appreciative of what The Kitchen Dispatch has done, who I've met, and where it has led.

There remains a lot of new information to be mined and explored about war, the aftermath of war, building communities, and finding that elusive thing --peace in all its forms. And doing it in a way that is personal to me, without a lot of politicizing and always with an eye to some literary or artistic way to express what's happening. As chaotic as the world has been, I hope this blog has offered a slice of calm.

I thought of turning the blog private. But there's a lot on here that my kids might someday want to mine through. And there is a lot here about a good friend, and a great time --Tim Hetherington. I'd like people to read about a very exciting time in his life (Restrepo), and so it will stay open, though without comments so I don't have come back and moderate. But as for all things Tim, he's still the inspiration behind the wheels of WarRetreat.

Sequels are difficult and not recommended. I am toying with an more visual approach --photos, videos, focused on the issues I've mentioned above, though always with a way that bypasses the political wheezing, the hrummphing, the overfed gluttonous gasbag, and goes for the heart of the matter like your personal sniper.

But this trusty blog, this wonderful terrain I climbed to years ago, has reach its natural conclusion. The peak has been reached, and the flag planted. From here I can see all things related that have yet to be tread upon, picked up, examined, sorted and commented upon. A new adventure! So let the wind whip the flag, gather up the camera, my wits, pens and the pads, signal to the little mule that's been along for the walk, and let's start down the mountain though taking a different route. There is no timeline, no set destination. But with humor, an open mind, the path is always a fine one.
Thank you for coming along.

Post Combat Reactions (PCR) or PTSD?

2013-01-08T11:33:00.003-08:00

It's been pointed out time and again: not everyone who goes to war comes back irretrievably broken, or is diagnosed with PTSD. A new term to describe a set of symptoms that describe the "normal" response to war.
I'll send you over to WarRetreat to read the latest from Dr. Anne Freund. You can pick up her book free too.
Helping veterans through understanding Post Combat Reactions that are normal response to war.

I'll coming back with a streamlined new look for the blog in February.

The Iraq & Afghanistan Memorial: A Mountain Or A River

2012-11-30T20:27:00.001-08:00

Grand Tetons by Marc Danziger

In DC, there are monuments of granite and marble that serve as a memorial to those who served in and were lost in our wars.

It seems though, that this generation is different. They --who have suffered wounds that in past wars were not survivable, are grasping opportunities to blow past expectations and not only survive --but thrive. And others, with unseen wounds are talking about what they're experiencing, and how they're feeling. For the first time, it seems that the nation cares. We have come so far. How far? Just think how the Vietnam veterans were treated. As a nation we are doing so much better.

So wouldn't it be nice to continue to blast away the old assumptions of veterans and their families?
I mean, isn't that what it's all about --to help them not only transition from battle field to home, but help them do it smoothly and also without any of the stigma attached to them from generations past?

So what if --instead of bricks and mortar, or marble and granite monuments, if there were a river, or a mountain that served as a living testament to the strength, courage, patriotism and above all else --the love the men and women who serve gave and have for this country? Why not the very land they fought for, and where many are able to find solace and healing just through a simple visit?

What if it were a place that people could go to and take in the splendor of the sun hitting the mountain and watching it change color? Or what if they could sit and fish on the banks of a river, and take in the sounds of the water rushing past?

What if? Why not? Healing and tributes come in many ways.

VETS FORWARD: STACY BARE from Christopher Bagnall on Vimeo.

HIGH GROUND: Bringing Down The House in Indianapolis

2012-10-19T16:34:00.002-07:00


	Led by the Heartland Film Festival, Indianapolis comes together for veterans Last night, HIGH GROUND set film festival history by being the first documentary to open the Heartland Film Festival to a sold out crowd. The Heartland Film Festival did an incredible job reaching out to local veterans organizations, and also raising funds for the Hoosier Veterans Assistance Foundation (HVAF) of Indiana. Producer Don Hahn, Director Michael Brown, and USMC Veteran Cody Miranda were there. After the film, the crowd erupted in applause and a standing ovation. It was very emotional and when Cody Miranda, USMC (Ret) took the stage, he said, "Let's never forget that America was built on stories and sacrifices of our veterans," people came unglued. There was another ovation accompanied with tears from everyone in the audience of 550 --all of whom stayed for Q&A. Please visit our site for trailer, press kit, and our resource list of partners: HIGH GROUND Follow us on Facebook On Pinterest On twitter @highgroundmovie Opening Nov 2 in theaters. On DVD and VOD Nov 6. At College Campuses through November. A full listing is here. Photos: A standing ovation for all veterans after the HIGH GROUND screening at the Heartland Film Festival (#HFF2012). Cody Miranda, USMC (Ret)

Reaching Out With High Ground: Sharing Stories To Shape The Future

2012-10-17T23:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't been writing that much because I've been so busy with the film High Ground. This time around, I have a lot more responsibility --helping to plan where the film will preview for audiences of wounded warriors at military bases, student veterans and universities, and reaching out to veterans organizations. Since the film will be at the local university (Chapman) on Oct. 18, Thursday, I went to a well known flag retirement ceremony to see if I could drum up interest in our free screening.

The Orange Plaza Flag Retirement Ceremony is attended by around 100 veterans --mostly from Vietnam, a few from WWII, and just a sprinkling of OEF and OIF vets. The leader announced word of the screening at Chapman University, and quickly a group of veterans --mostly older, surrounded me asking for flyers.

I was invited to a meeting of the Asso. of Vietnam Veterans at the American Legion Hall. After we recited the pledge of allegiance, and bowed our heads in prayer for those who were still missing, those who had served, and for those who were serving now, each person stood and told where and when they had served in Vietnam. Most of them are of an age where their bodies are beginning to bum them out (I can totally relate).

Yet as they spoke about where they'd served, they stated the years of their service with dignity and and quiet pride. One of them even said: "'68-'70 ....Good Times." It's a sentiment that surprises civilians, but it's true. That was a point in their lives when they had the closest commitment to other men whose lives depended on one another, and when the objective to "stay alive," was so crystal clear, it made everything else seem trite. The meeting went on, with various business items. I invited them all to the screening at the university. A lot of them wanted to go. "Where do we park?" asked one. I smiled, because this had been my first question as well.

At the end of the meeting, a few of them took out photos of their time in Vietnam.
"Here's when we were in Cambodia --that place where allegedly we never were," said one. "See this? That was our tank, we hit a mine. Back then we didn't call them IEDs. That there is some DNA left from the gunner."
"Brains," said someone else. He grabbed a chair and carefully went through the photos.
"These are good photos," I said, never having seen pictures of Vietnam like this up close.
"I had a little instamatic 110," he said. "Just slipped it into my pocket." The way he spoke, it was like he was talking about an Smart Phone or a helmet cam.
Another vet showed brought out his photos. Next to him was a dead enemy soldier. Such photos today would be picked up by the internet, flashed across the world, then draw international condemnation. But what I saw was the reality of war. And before me stood the person who had shot the enemy.
There were others of him, looking very dashing in his green beret uniform.
"Was there a period of time when you couldn't look at these?" I asked.
"It's only been the past few years, that I can revisit them."
Then he pulled out a dogeared piece of paper. "Read this," he said.
It was his combat action report, the one that confirmed his actions that warranted a Bronze Star. It was face-to-face combat. "We were only 2 meters apart," he said, describing the actions he had taken that day, somewhere in a deep forest.
There wasn't much to say. "Thank you for your service," seemed incredibly thin, almost a glossing over of the innocence they had lost to war. But what I did thank him for was sharing a part of his past with me. I knew he just wouldn't have shown these photos to anyone. I found out he lives in the same town as me, gave him my card, and asked him to call me for coffee some time.
On the way out, I met a Vietnam veteran who is in charge of outreach for the OC Stand Down. He himself had been homeless for many years because he didn't know what resources were available --even though he was 100% disabled. Now, he had a place to live, and was in charge of veteran outreach and hooking up homeless veterans with services. He finds old veterans, young veterans, entire families.
"I don't drive. I take buses, or I walk. I go into alleys, old buildings, in parks, and I find them. We have 122 beds in Orange County for homeless veterans, and I never have an empty bed," he said. He worked six days a week, never took any time off. That is until recently. You see, he had a stroke last week, and they're making him take 2 weeks off.

All I could think of when I left was how much they shared with one another, how much they still very much cared. But I also wondered: what had we done to that generation of veterans? It's no secret that the Vietnam veterans, and parents of the present GWOT veterans have done much to elevate the awareness of the needs those who have served. They were the ones who said, "Never again will troops be ignored, will they be ridiculed and despised." If there is a debt to pay to them, the only way we can is to ensure this present generation of veterans has services they'll need, and most of all that they are seen as capable individuals who are leaders, team builders, and above all else --human. They are fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, husbands, and wives. And the needs aren't just to be met now, or for five years, but over a 50-year span.

As I left, I couldn't help but share their worry: to what extent will the present generation of veterans would be forgotten as well? Can we make their transition better? One can only work very hard to make it happen. Hope just isn't enough.

High Ground, Presented by the AmVets Legal Clinic, Chapman University, Orange CA, 5-7 PM, Free Admission. Main lecture hall. 91 minutes long, with an introduction before hand, and a Q&A after.

From 9/11: The Emergence of an Honorable Virtue

2012-09-10T22:30:00.000-07:00

We're eleven years older now, a few grey hairs, some extra pounds, perhaps a bit more introspective than we once were. Men who were young boys, and women who were young girls when the events of 9/11 unfolded, have served and lived, while others have died.

9/11 is always a somber day, not only for what happened that day, but also as we reflect on the hand of fate it delivered. For a generation, it charted the course of their life, put them in dusty, dirty, isolated valleys, mountains and deserts where their fate was determined by a single step, a fire fight, or times of despair once they got home.

For some of us, memories of our lives before 9/11 are a nostalgic memory. Will we ever be so innocent again? For many of us, the answer was decided when we watched the jets slam into the twin towers. For those born during the last eleven years, innocence about war is nothing but wishful thinking.

I look out my window at the tree we planted on the one-year anniversary of 9/11. It is ten years old now: a crepe myrtle with astonishingly beautiful flowers, a hearty tree that withstands wind, rain and drought. It's an honor to have this simple tree grace our front yard, an honor to see its beauty everyday. It's with this remembrance of the sacrifice given by so many, that we may in so many vistas, and experience so much beauty. Maybe if we can take it in a bit slower, inhale and exhale its goodness, and think of what has been sacrificed, perhaps we can enjoy small pauses each day, and just work on being a little kinder to those who we come upon. Kindness -a simple, yet honorable virtue that continues to emerge between veterans who have been through war. We see it everyday.

In the memory of those who gave their lives, to those who have served, to those who continue to give selflessly to our nation. We salute you.

Aloha BabaTim. Free Range International Goes Dark

2012-08-17T02:09:00.000-07:00

The iconic photo of my friend BabaTim.

I hate it when friends stop writing. I don't mean letters, but on their blogs, which have become touchstones for me. A good blog is like a boulder that one can come back to and it will always be there.

But one day, they file their final post:

"I suffer from both PTSD and TBI these are facts that I denied for a long long time. It works like this, you get hit, and then you start to worry that the damage done will be permanent but after seeing specialist learn that it was minor so you say to yourself pffft that was nothing and I’m as right as rain. But your not, your friends tell you that you need help and you tell them they’re crazy." -Tim Lynch, Free Range International

I feel like I did when Kurt Vonnegut hit his head on the curb and died. Very suddenly, the boulder isn't there anymore.

But in this case, Tim Lynch, the lion of milblogging, the master of Free Range International, isn't dead. He's just stopped blogging. And whatever I write to try to fill the hole, runs the risk of sounding like a eulogy.

Death salad. I swear, everyone
brings this stuff to funerals.

Which this isn't. And screw it: I'll be damned if I start listing his accomplishments. Because then organ music will start and it will feel like a funeral with those overpowering freesias and ladies who bring death salad --that gooey concoction with canned fruit and marshmallows.

What's going on is he's simply going on the hardest journey of his life --to find healing, breath, prana, if you want to call it that. What he's doing is smart and brave.

So I'll say this, and hope it doesn't sound like an obituary in a small town newspaper.

Tim, has been a good friend to me and my husband. He reached out to me, and introduced me to the worlds of the military, war, and contractors. Maybe he always knew I'd be skirting the edges getting into this war life at my age, and so he has always been a good teacher. He visited David in Afghanistan, and was so happy when he got his first command. Oh screw that. Now that sounds like a funeral. There I just erased it. But you can still read it.

So I'll leave him with this:

Tim --you will always be a writer. You mastered the form of blogging, you dabbled with novel writing, and one thing for sure: you share the same obsession that I do, putting words on the page to sort out how you see and feel about the world. Doesn't matter which form --often we jump from one to another. Writing for you is like what it is for me: a weapon, a tool, a thing I use to gauge how I'm faring in this world.

The lion hasn't stopped roaring, he's just moved on along this path called life.
I'll always be a light post on the journey.

This is just so messed up.
This is not a eulogy.
It's just the echo of BabaTim's roar.
Life goes on.

VFW partners with the Documentary, "High Ground"

2012-08-15T11:20:00.003-07:00

I'm proud to announce that the VFW is partnering with High Ground.

It is great to be partnered with people who are passionate and committed to a cause or interest. They've been around 113 years working on support for veterans in a myriad of ways --social and birddogging legislation.

VFW Radio Show with Jerry & Randy

On a personal note, the VFW has been one of the most supportive organizations along this path I've taken with film. It isn't that easy, and I've had to work for their regard, but I've been lucky to work on films that are relevant, and hit every requirement they have.

So let me take you back a few years. In 2010, the big films were about psychopathic ballerinas, stuttering kings and Facebook titans. There I was at the kitchen table with this little film called Restrepo, charged with finding an audience. Fortunately, I was blessed with no fear of the unknown. Caution yes, but that has never made it impossible to move forward, sometimes with one huge leap. Most times without a cape.

So I called The VFW in Kansas City Mo. Figured out which office to bug, and dialed right through. A rather harassed sounding man answered the phone. So I went into my pitch --which was less a smooth managed one, than it was as if someone had blasted apart Hoover Dam and the Colorado River was making its way to Mexico.

Jerry Newberry listened. I was waiting for him to say, "No thank you." But he didn't. When I said the "Korengal Valley," he took over the conversation. Turns out, he'd been there on assignment.

Days later, Jerry sent a note: he'd watched the trailer. In fact, it had caused him to go outside and smoke a cigarette (I think he's quit, if he hasn't, then I'm sure he will). We sent him the DVD, plus Sebastian's book War. Later, Tim & Sebastian went on his radio show, The National Defense (which is the most fun one can have on military format radio shows).
And so it goes. A great pairing led to getting to work with The VFW again.

For every point along this war, there's been a film. Restrepo gave recognition to the men and women who fight our wars. High Ground is the movie for now, when veterans and their families are making their way on the path to their civilian life. The same fortitude, discipline and courage they showed on the battlefield is in full display as this group of men and women as they make their way from Colorado to Nepal, to climb Mt. Lobouche. It's not just a movie of breathtaking scenery. Each veteran tells their story, and as they do, we get to see them enjoying the fruits of friendship, teamwork, and engaging on a deep level with one another. It all leads to healing.

It is a pleasure to watch. I'm thrilled VFW is there for everyone on the veteran's path.

Kanani's Writing Tips: Read, Make Friends, Be A Little Bit Selfish

2012-07-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I've been asked, and have entertained the notion of putting together writing workshops for veterans. At face value, it's a natural fit, a glide into a different role. Over to the left is a slide I shared with at a workshop for at-risk teenagers. Writing has been my gig, the thing that I've been compulsive about since I was eight, the only thing that is so in my lifeline, it might as well be blood. You name it, I've probably written about or for it. Press releases, poetry, essays, articles, books, grants ...a regular Have Pen Will Write.

I've even consulted with a few other writers on figuring out what elements would go into a writing program for veterans. Fortunately, there are really good people who already do this.

Veterans Writing Project also on Facebook

Warrior Writers and on Facebook

I write everyday. Mostly the kind of stuff that pays the bills. My time for creative writing is so rare and hard fought for that rather than putting together and running workshop, I have to reserve the time to write the stuff I truly love. I call it my writing-writing. It isn't the blogging done here. Rather, the creative writing I do is a different thing altogether. It's the stuff fueled by growing up in an area where the sun beat down on gravel strewn levee cliffs, creating puffs of dirt as I rode my bike with the river on one side, and freshly plowed fields on the other. It's the stuff that later was inspired by Didion, Farber, Ishiguro, Austen... so many others. All of these writers represent points along a path that have been marked with both the experience of discovering them, and also using their writing to experiment with my own.

Besides, for anyone just starting out what they'll quickly find is in order to be a good writer you have to be a little selfish (follow that link) to allot time for writing.

So the best thing I can do are offer these tips (and hope they're helpful).

Kanani's Writing Tips

You'll learn a lot about writing by reading a lot. Read your favorite authors. If you don't have one, hunker out in the library and find one. Don't forget to read out of your preferred genre too. For instance, if you're a Sci-Fi person, please read creative non-fiction. Read something that challenges you. Look for details, how do they transition from scene to scene? What is it that the writer does that makes the characters compelling? You'll start reading in an entirely different way.
Seek the presence of other writers. Go onto Meetup. Find a group of writers who meet once a week.
Enroll in writing classes through a university extension course. These are good because you can take them and not worry about a grade. You don't have to apply to get in as a regular student. You just sign up and go.
Write. Everyday.
Don't show your work to too many people. Hold it for those in your writing group or classes first.
Don't print chapters of your work online just to get some general consensus.
Experiment with various forms of writing. The essay, blog, poetry, short story, and novel are all various forms. Learn them all.
Give yourself permission to stop reading a bad book. Really.
Just because a book is a Best Seller, doesn't mean it's any good. Really.
Just because a writer has a best seller, doesn't mean you have to like it or that it's any good. Really.
Resist snobs. You don't have time for them. Writing groups can be full of them.
Stay current with book news. Focus on what's being published now.
Remember: Any excuse for writers to get together is a good one. Consider the Sangria Summit: A Military Writing Conference coming up in Denver. Note: the 2 genres being featured here are "military" and techno-thrillers. So if your gig is poetry, creative fiction, creative non-fiction, may not be best use of your time. And that's something important to know: which groups you're going to fit in with. They're having both traditional in-print and e-book writers who will probably talk about publishing. But if you are very lucky, someone will talk about the craft of writing, and what a joy and also a pain-in-the-ass it all can be. I used to help run a Writing group called The Writerly Pause. We had a blast. A few times we got drunk. Even my friend Jason Mace is going (and Jason, I do not give you permission to get drunk).

But most of all I want you to keep this in mind: Writing is discovering. You'll find everything on this path called writing. Love, joy, heartache. A million laughs, times of annoyance, despair, and yes --you can even make friends.

About Colorado: Veterans are not homicidal maniacs

2012-07-20T16:35:00.004-07:00

This morning, following news of the horrific shootings in the movie theater in Aurora Colorado, I received a note from someone who wrote (to paraphrase):

Ft. Carson is an hour away, the car the shooter was driving had Tennessee license plates, a lot of 101st veterans from Ft. Campbell had been posted to Ft. Carson after their deployment.

"Was it a vet?" was the first question that probably sprang from a lot of people's minds (not mine).
But as it is, their guesswork was premature and horribly wrong.
He was someone who had taken a route most presumed would lead to success: AP classes, a Merit Scholar, an honors college graduate. He was in the process of leaving the neurosciences graduate program at the University of Colorado. By all accounts, he was smart and quiet.

One thing he wasn't, was a veteran.
As it turns out, service members were in the audience. One sailor is feared dead, another sailor and two airmen were hurt. A total of 71 people were killed or hurt. A horrible, fatal, dark, evil doing.

I'm aggrieved over the loss of innocent people, simply out to see a movie.
I'm annoyed at the stereotypes that led to this assumption. Annoyed even more that it was only a week ago, I had to take on someone who was insisting veterans shouldn't be cops because they all had PTSD.

Veterans are not homicidal maniacs.
Not everyone comes back with PTSD.
Compared to civilians, veterans have a lot more resources available to them for mental health needs than they have ever had before.
Veterans are trained, disciplined, and those with family support along with a set of peers do the best when it comes to transitioning home.
For the first time in our history, it is okay to talk about trauma, PTSD, and war time experience. It is okay to get treatment. What we worry about more are veterans doing harm to themselves, or not getting help, and leading a life unfulfilled. A lot of people from all walks of life have put themselves on the line to help those who need it.
Let's keep it that way, okay?

The plan of the day: Write.

2012-07-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

Observe. Write. Rewrite.

Repeat.

(Don't just do this one day. Do it for life).

(Hats off to my good friends from the UCLA Writers' Program. I miss you very much.)

Paths of Expression Lead to Healing

2012-07-07T02:42:00.000-07:00

It was the very masculine, but soft drama of the painting that led me into the gallery. Rocks surrounded by a froth of white water and the sea just beyond, beckoned us in to see the enormous painting. It was calming, and rather than rush out I wanted to stay. So as I "fell in" to the paintings, I spoke to the artist and his wife.
"It's California painting, but not plein air," I said, looking that the marine paintings. Marine, not as in USMC, but ocean, and not seascapes, but as in atmospheric with the elements of water and light. "I think we've been beaten over the head with plein air." Then I moved on to a series of beds --all unmade, which offered a dreamy narrative about present day suburban life. The colors were rich, the brushwork had movement. These were still life painting that felt familiar by virtue that we had seen these things in person, yet they were fresh in their execution.

Finding yourself through the arts: 2 Songs of War in Les Miserables

2012-06-17T06:42:00.001-07:00

This spring, I met with a former Marine who writes a blog. As blogs go, the topic often changes as their lives shift. When she started, she wrote about her life as a Marine but as of late, it's more about her school, and also developing as a writer. She told me how much she appreciated my more literary post because quite frankly, she was moving onto the next facet of her life which included a step into literature and the arts.

I'm a believer that everyone can find a way to put their war experience into perspective. Be it sports, the great outdoors, service, music or the arts, there's an activity for everyone to help sort through how they feel, and what they desire. While the mainstay in my life that has always carried me are music, literature and the arts, the choice of vehicle must be theirs and on their own time frame.

Two songs in the highly acclaimed Les Miserables illuminate war experiences. Anyone who has been through war will carry this play deeper into their heart, rather than hearing just a pretty song. Two songs succinctly illustrate the heartfelt feelings of parents and veterans. Bring Him Home is sung behind a rebel barricade during the French Revolution. Surrounded by young, idealistic men who are there to fight, the older and wiser protagonist Jean Valjean sings what is akin to a parent's prayerful lament called Bring Him Home. Anyone who listens to this will be struck by their own experience as they mill through the uncertainties as they wait for their loved one to come home from war. There isn't a parent or spouse who doesn't think this, especially late at night when sleep eludes them.

God on high, Hear my prayer, In my need, You have always been there.
He is young, He's afraid, Let him rest, Heaven blessed. Bring him home

The second one is darker, and speaks directly of the loss of fellow soldiers. There isn't a week on Facebook where I don't see a tribute posted by a veteran to a friend and brother lost in battle. So often, one person will post a note, and all of the others who were there too, will follow in on the thread. In Empty Chairs at Empty Tables, Marius sings of the same memories of fallen brothers and carrying on without them. The story of Les Miserables by Victor Hugo is about fear, struggle, loss, love, desire and redemption.
It's an epic story set amid the circumstances that lead up to war, the tragic outcome, and the aftermath.

All my friends, my friends forgive me. That I live and you are gone. There's a grief that cant be spoken, There's a pain goes on and on

When I was young, I sat in a music room with a sign that read: "Musick hath charms to soothe the savage breast." Though I felt music's engaging effects, only when I became and adult would I discover its meaning. Music is cathartic, and hits us on an emotional level. And there's a wide range of choices --from opera to rock. Check them all out, and you'll find the good stuff. If you can't get in to see either a local production or touring performance of Les Miserables: a film is on its way this winter.
It all points to something I deeply believe: if there is time for war, we must make even more time for beauty, nature and the arts, for they are on the path of healing.

High Ground: help on the river's journey

2012-05-24T10:19:00.004-07:00

Dan Sidles, USMC. Film still from High Ground.

Everyday, I pinch myself.

You see, I work on behalf some of the most terrific men and women on earth, and I work for some of the most trustworthy people in the industry.

High Ground: the story of 11 wounded warriors and 1 Gold Star Mother who climb Mt. Lobouche in the Himalayas. They find teamwork, community, friendship and healing on the journey.

No spin. No hyperbole.

That's what it is.

Twelve people navigating the subtext of civilian life after war.

Subtleties. They're tough.

One of my favorite scenes in the film High Ground is where Dan Sidles talks about what we diplomatically call "transition."

"Coming home is rough. In my opinion, that's when the war is fought."

He's right, and it's like that for all of us: the service member, the family, the friends. We know it's not possible to push the past behind, so we co-exist with the past, and jump into a boat that sometimes teeters, to set out on this river called life. Paddling forward, we wonder if there will be help.

And indeed, people are waiting along the shores.

For the past few weeks, I've been pulling together a list of resources for veterans to be launched on the site in July. Out of the blue, I wrote to organizations telling them we wanted to provide veterans with links to groups who provide outdoor recreational, sports and avenues for self-expression through the arts.

I didn't have to wait long.

The answers came in almost immediately. Yes, they said.

Proving themselves to be the light keepers on land for those of us on the boat.

Here's a quote from one:

"High Ground shows the connection of our veterans and military families to a healthy planet. Without mountains to climb, clean air, and cascading pure waters, where else can those who have been most affected by war go to heal? We need to ensure that similar resources are available here in the United States for all of our service members and military families, all of Americans. Thank you for showing in a deeply personal way the connection between human and environment, and how this connection can and does heal".
-Stacy Bare, Military Families and Veterans Representative, OIF Veteran, Sierra Club, Mission Outdoors

Oar in the water, we glide. Grateful for all those lining the shore.

Louie & The Psychic

2012-05-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

A psychic once said to me, "That is a small dog trapped in the body of a big one."

Part Shih-Tzu, Part Border Collie

Yes, he is. And here's why. Exhibit A: His Daddy.

Louie's Dad, Dakota

Exhibit B: His Mommy.

Louie's Mom, Molly

The Offspring: Louie.

Louie and Dad

The Result: A 35 pound dog that herds and jumps in your lap, and is never than 2 feet away from me.

On Passages And Mother's Day

2012-05-13T21:30:00.002-07:00

Mom

Some time ago, I gave up on holidays. Not to say I'm a killjoy, but everyday should be lived as one --with gratitude for things we take for granted.
But a few weeks ago, I was cleaning the house and came across a photo of my mother.
It was one that my Uncle Bill kept his entire life, and recently gave to me. By the time she sent this to him, he had enlisted in the Army. She had the photo taken of her, signed it, and sent it off to him. No doubt, he has her committed to memory, so close were the two of them. All their lives, they had a special bond. And I'm happy to say, the bond was passed to me.

The night before she died, I phoned her hospital room. She answered, her voice strong and clear, but something in it sounded younger and free.
"How are you Mom?"
"Fine, just playing with Billy," she said. Her voice sounded far away.
"Where are you?" I asked, knowing it was an odd question, because I knew where she was. But like I said, she seemed somewhere else.
"In my room. At Anini," she said, referencing the place where she had spent her entire childhood. The place where years later, she would take me, and we would walk side by side in the warm blue waters of the beach with no waves.

Six hours later, she was dead. She only had a nurse at her side, and to some extent, I beat myself up for not being there (I lived 350 miles away). But later, upon reflection of our last words together, I reminisced about her final hours, and was glad I had the intuition to call her. Mother had already started her journey, slipping to the other side. She was feeling the trade winds in her hair, and as she heard my voice, she could hear the roosters crow, her brothers laughing, and the colors around her were ones of the island paradise where she was raised. Blue, pink, yellow, green, red, and the color of sand. Even though she wasn't religious, she had faith, an unshakeable belief in a God that stood for compassion and decency. I like to think God was walking alongside her, feeling the warmth of the water as it rushed over their feet at Anini.

Uncle Bill & Kat

I hope on this Mother's day, she's been walking on the beach, and I like to imagine that every footprint left on the sand today were hers.

The Fat Lady Hasn't Sung Yet: Ten More Years

2012-05-07T11:22:00.001-07:00

I already sensed that despite the drawdown in Afghanistan, our nation would be obliged to continue a presence, whether or not anyone was going to admit it. While everyone else is thinking "it's over," what many military families face is the uneasy certainty of more deployments. Recently, our inkling was confirmed. President Obama's recent trip to Afghanistan (as documented by BabaTim on FreeRange) cemented a deal with Afghanistan President Karzai guarantees them aid and a limited presence for ten years after the 2014 drawdown.
From the New York Times

By broadly redefining the relationship between Afghanistan and the
United States, the deal builds on hard-won new understandings the two
countries reached in recent weeks on the thorny issues of detainees and
Special Operations raids. It covers social and economic development,
institution building, regional cooperation and security.

Check it: 2024. Contractors, NGO's and yes -troops will be going over. An eight year old kid will be eighteen, and probably will have spent their entire life with Mommy or Daddy in a combat zone, or as a retired colonel said to me recently, "a lot of bad places."

Part of me says, "Yes, well, that's what military and contractors' families have done for ages, and will continue to keep doing." But the other part is the cranky side that gets a little annoyed when everyone else forgets about all the sacrifices that have been made, and continue to be made and they glance at us to say, ""Thank God it's almost over, aren't you glad?"

But it's not. And it's not only deployments, it's the other struggle at home that many will face that encompasses everything from helping those with trauma and injuries, to raising children alone. Or dealing with the uncertainty at times when all you want to know that the ground below you isn't going to go sinking in.
Lights. Cue music, raise curtains, cue.... fat lady? When you gonna sing?
Roll up sleeves, get to work.

A Fire In The Belly: 6 Organizations To Know

2012-05-03T21:50:00.002-07:00

A determined soul will do more

with a rusty monkey wrench

than a loafer will accomplish

with all the tools in a machine shop."

-Robert Hughes

My friend Susan Katz Keating mentioned me and others in a swell blog post about us military spouses who blog. Susan is that rare breed of author, journalist, blogger, and creative person who manages to pull everyone together. (That's her mug on the left). I'm humbled, yet proud to be part of the military community as I work out here in Outpost Hollywood. That's what I think --how thrilled I am to discover new people who bring hope and light to their communities. By community, I mean it both in the broad familial sense, and also where they're living.

Once again, my work (on High Ground) is taking me to organizations across the U.S. All are intensely focused on the lives of veterans and families. What amazes me is how much they do with so little. Not all have corporate sponsors, the ear of the congressman, deep pocketed donors, or a full-time person who goes after grants. Some run on a shoestring, propelled by dedicated volunteers. What they have in common is vision, commitment, and a fire in the belly.

Here are just a few. Each week I'll trot out a few for you to get to know.

Project Healing Waters - Fly Fishing, Inc. is dedicated to the physical and emotional rehabilitation of disabled active military service personnel and veterans through fly fishing and fly tying education and outings.

Connected Warriors -We deliver free yoga classes to servicemembers, veterans and their families across the country by soliciting the support of local yoga studios, community veteran centers and other donated spaces in communities where we can connect servicemembers, veterans and volunteers

Stand Up Paddle Boards for Vets dedicated to the training and rehabilitation of Veterans through the sport of Stand Up Paddleboarding and a battery of skills known as Human Performance Individuals Skills Training.

From Sunshine To Darkness- volunteer-driven organization dedicated to increasing public awareness of mental illness and brain disorders and to raise funds for research to find the most effective treatments, and one day soon, a cure.

Sierra Club Veteran and Military Families Initiative -is a part of Mission Outdoors, the Sierra Club's campaign to ensure that America gets outside! MFVI helps American military service members, veterans, and their families use the land they defended.

Outward Bound for Veterans - helps thousands of returning service members and recent veterans readjust to life at home through powerful wilderness courses that draw on the healing benefit of teamwork and challenge through use of the natural world.

7-Dog Day: A picture of friendship (dogship)

2012-04-25T22:22:00.000-07:00

Today was a 7-dog day, which is how Greg the dog walker describes
those days when the pack is large.

And you thought you had it ruff.
From 12:00 -Ruby, Lola, Louie, Heidi, Tillie, Charlotte, and Maggie.

One Year Later: Life With Tim Hetherington

2012-04-19T20:11:00.001-07:00

And then we were three.

Dear Tim,
A few weeks ago, I was checking into the Hotel Boulderado so I could attend a film festival showing my latest film project. All of a sudden, you came to mind. I thought about how you wanted to make sure we were all on the same floor, how you came looking for Caldwell and I as we sat eating BBQ in Nashville. I wished you were there. I put my stuff in the room, and quickly went out to find my new group. I'm glad I did. Even though they didn't know it, they grounded me that night.
You wouldn't want us weeping over you. Quite the contrary. You'd want us doing interesting projects, meeting new people, expanding our world. You'd want us laughing, smiling, thinking, constantly pushing our own boundaries. And so we have.

In your honor, my friends Jillian, Dave and I held the first War Photographers' Retreat last year. The WarRetreat blog has since established relationships with Semper Fidelis Health & Wellness, Connected Warriors, Warrior Life Coach and Yoga For Vets. We get mail. We're helping a lot of veterans.
Sebastian has established a medical training course for journalists called RISC. I even helped get one of the Renaud brothers in after I told them, "Well, the organizers could just tell me to f*ck off." They didn't!
Laura has taken on a film called High Ground, which focuses on recovery in the aftermath of war for veterans. She hired me again. She's still the COL, but this time I'm at least a butter bar. We talked about hitting the road for a revival tour of the film and calling it: Restrepo, the Waffle House Tour.
Mike opened the Bronx Documentary Center, and your work has been a big part of it.
Hijar, Mace, Skaines and Solowski are going to school.
Murphree has gone skiing.
Richardson is still jumping.
Donoho is going back to Afghanistan.
Rueda is going to Ranger School.
Misha made it back home.
O'Bryne is working with Outward Bound for Veterans.
Ortegren is working on his PhD in psychology and is taking me fishing this summer.

Sometimes it gets really weird. Like I feel you so intensely opening doors. And once last year, I even said, "Knock it off, Tim!" when a series of incredible events just rolled out as we were putting together the retreat. We miss you, as we miss so many others who were lost in war too. We always will. We carry you with us everyday as we make our way, doing, meeting, experiencing with your spirit in mind.

Photo courtesy of Finbarr O'Reilly

My Favorite Auto-Reply

2012-03-28T06:00:00.001-07:00

Received today:

"Ladies and Gentlemen,
I will be out of the office at the pistol range this afternoon."

And said with such a delicate touch. Noted, and will make sure all i's are dotted and t's are crossed.

The Wild Swans at Coole, a bit of Yeats for the family of Neptunus Lex

2012-03-27T10:51:00.005-07:00

Last night, I went to bed, taking my battered copy of Yeats with me. William Butler Yeats, that man of poetry written over decades, has always pulled me through --especially late at night when sleep is elusive.

I've always felt that a funeral without poetry was somehow lacking that final finish. In such few words, the depth of the day is captured. This is the poem I've chosen for the family of Neptunus Lex. I can't be there to read this to them today, or say these words in a pub to his friends. But the quiet beauty and the passage of time captured in The Wild Swans at Coole is perfect for this day in which hundreds of his friends are gathering at Fort Rosecrans to say good bye.

The Wild Swans at Coole

By William Butler Yeats

The trees are in their autumn beauty,

The woodland paths are dry,

Under the October twilight the water

Mirrors a still sky;

Upon the brimming water among the stones

Are nine-and-fifty swans.

The nineteenth autumn has come upon me

Since I first made my count;

I saw, before I had well finished,

All suddenly mount

And scatter wheeling in great broken rings

Upon their clamorous wings.

I have looked upon those brilliant creatures,

And now my heart is sore.

All's changed since I, hearing at twilight,

The first time on this shore,

The bell-beat of their wings above my head,

Trod with a lighter tread.

Unwearied still, lover by lover,

They paddle in the cold

Companionable streams or climb the air;

Their hearts have not grown old;

Passion or conquest, wander where they will,

Attend upon them still.

But now they drift on the still water,

Mysterious, beautiful;

Among what rushes will they build,

By what lake's edge or pool

Delight men's eyes when I awake some day

To find they have flown away?

William Butler Yeats

Capt. Caroll "Lex" Lefon, Neptunus Lex, USN, (Ret)

My Birthday Wish: Sending Military Kids To Summer Camp

2012-03-21T12:53:00.000-07:00

Over on Facebook, I've been raising money through Causes for one of my favorite charities: Operation Purple Program through the National Military Family Association. For many years, the NMFA has been sending military children to summer camp for free. These one-week camps are available in many states and are open to children of active duty and veterans. Children whose parents are presently deployed have first priority, but everyone is considered. It is an incredible week of swimming, playing, running, and singing and offers what every kids needs: a break from the stresses of war.

Today is my birthday, and I'm keeping the fundraiser open until 11:59 PM. We have made the goal 4 times, and I have the raised the bar each time. Yesterday we passed the $600 mark, and I'll keep taking money in until my birthday is over. So many of my blogging friends have responded. This is a beautiful world.

I hope one of my readers who has a birthday, anniversary, or just wants to raise funds will pick up the baton next. For now, please see my Birthday Wish at Causes.

Murder In Panjwai: Skip writes from Arghandab, Wrongly shoving it all on PTSD

2012-03-15T20:17:00.014-07:00

"So things were looking pretty good. Until yesterday morning, when we heard about the incident in Panjwai." -Skip Rohde, writing from Arghandab

It was news we all dread. Another lone gunman going into a place where innocents dwell, and having a shoot up. Only this time it wasn't a mall, school, or post office. It was in Afghanistan, a country where we have made so many inroads bringing modernization and hope to a civilization that has been stymied by 30 years of wars and radical politics that led to the subjugation of every man, woman and child. So many young men and women have died, have had lives altered, for reasons that seemed to change with the sands.

Last weekend, a lone soldier --who reportedly was drunk, stressed, traumatized, possessing both seen and unseen injuries and having domestic issues nor wanted to be there, went out of his way to murder 16 Afghans in their homes. Among the victims were women and children. This despicable act followed on the heels of the Koran burning. It was an event that every American felt as a punch in one's moral and ethical gut. This soldier's horrifying actions, as well as the murders of the two American officers by an Afghan, push forward a basic truth: we're at a point where everything seems too much.

Still, for every person who has decided to push this all on "PTSD," it's important to remember most who have PTSD or suffer under the constant deployments don't carry out acts of violence toward others. No, in fact, most with PTSD or stress commit a slow personal grind against oneself, taking it out on themselves. This isn't to make excuses those who carry out violent acts or break laws. But the goal is to get them help before this happens. It's up to the command to follow through and refer them to mental health because if left untreated the outcome is an awful slide downhill. Then it's up to mental health to stay the course, and tell everyone on the outside to shove it if there an indication the soldier is no longer fit for duty.

As for this soldier being "cleared" for service, even that has to be investigated because it has happened before. Think back to the rampage that killed 5 in a mental health clinic in Iraq, Fort Hood and Major Hassan, or even LTC Robert Underwood, who very recently threatened to hire a hitman to kill his ex-wife. As for the last two, I opt for the "They were on the edge-of-crazy before they came into the Army" scenario, not necessarily that the Army did it to them. And with those two, I even wonder about the system that kept promoting them. Someone (at some time) suspected one-oar-in-the-water and turned a blind eye.

And what we also know is there are normal responses to traumatic events, and not everyone develops PTSD. Read this report on "Common Reactions After Trauma" from the VA.

I think the best take on this incredibly difficult situation was on MSNBC. I have to say, the only one who didn't contribute to the conversation were the primped and primed newscasters, especially the one with the "anecdotal stories." But that's TV. It would have been much more interesting to just have had Sebastian Junger and Colonel Jack Jacobs hashing out the events.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The Open Door: Coming Home and Everything's Changed

2012-03-10T19:04:00.002-08:00

There comes a point in your life, where you realize nothing has ever gone to plan. Or in my case, any plan I might have had, was always pulled back into line by the hand of God. Once you take the ego out of it, things become so much easier. Sometimes I think stubborness is the work of the devil (though not all resistance is bad). But that's a philosophical conversation that ought to be had in a pub, with a drink, and maybe a book of Yeats nearby

Some people talk about "keeping their sanity" or staying on "this side of normal." But what's normal now, certainly wasn't even on the horizon of where I thought I would be say --20 years ago. Or how about 30? 40? 50? Well, yes, I am old enough to have a 50 years ago. Normal changes.

I'm bringing this up because many are coming home from war. And who they are now, may not have been on the horizon of their consciousness even 2 years ago. And yet they are changed. The challenge set forth is a false one: that they must get back to who they were before war. But in reality, no one really ever gets back to who they were even 2 years ago. Everything changes, and most of all, your experiences have shaped your perspective in ways you will still be discovering 20 years from now.

Families change too. Spouses, children, parents and friends. You're not alone in feeling the drift, the growth, regret, hope, and even wistfulness. Maybe they're in even greater need of counseling and letting go of the myth everything (meaning you, them, or you and them) will revert into a condition that was even better than they were in reality. But do things ever stay the same? No. One thing for sure: we can never go back in time. (Sorry, but the VA has yet to develop a Tardis). So never think you're alone, because change is never easy for everyone. But one thing that can make it easier is often there are people along the way who act as guides.

Just let those guides through an open door once in awhile. Who knows --it could be a person, a book, a poem, a song, a movie, an animal, or it could just be a day when you go outside and take in the open sky, noticing the shades of a sunrise. Some will be long term influences, others will just happen in passing. Look for those that have set off a spark within that compels you to take some positive steps to grow. Growth is change, it happens slowly. And while the mental or physical changes in you might have happened quickly, progress comes one step at a time. It's not always easy. But just keep going toward the light, and when an open hand comes your way: grasp it.