MYMIRROR

8 letters, 3 words, 1 sentence.

2012-02-14T23:59:00.004+08:00

Paradox.

2012-02-14T17:16:00.001+08:00

Is love something good,

or is it something bad?

For sometimes I’d just love

to blast a bullet through your head.

That’s cause when I start loving

That one I’ve always liked

I know he's still only liking

the one by who he’s loved.

I want to listen to my mind telling

that my love will go away.

That my heart should be locked up

And then it all will be okay.

Sadly that’s not made easy,

for love is all around.

Apparently I’m not the only one

who by this torture has been found.

Restoring.

2012-02-12T01:31:00.000+08:00

Drenched.

2012-02-12T01:16:00.000+08:00

When minutes become hours

When days become years

And I dont know where you are

Color seems so dull without you

Have we lost our minds?

What have we done?

But it all doesnt seem to matter anymore

When you kissed me on that street, I kissed you back

You held me in your arms, I held you in mine

You picked me up to lay me down

When I look into your eyes

I can hear you cry for a little bit more of you and I

Im drenched in your love

Im no longer able to hold it back

Is it too late to ask for love?

Is it wrong to feel right?

When the world is winding down

Thoughts of you linger around

Lost.

2012-02-11T17:03:00.001+08:00

“The only people who ever get anyplace interesting are the people who get lost.”

Menacing Ostensibly .

2012-02-11T03:25:00.000+08:00

Honestly, it did hurt.

You were broken to begin,
and mending and fixing did not work.
Perhaps it's because of the materials used.
Or perhaps its from a wrong angle?
Or maybe the wrong person?
Or just bad timing.

But it was too late.
You soon turned into something that you weren't.
From a fluffy teddy filled with warmness.
Somehow you started changing textile.
Unknowingly, you became some irregular atomic structure;
A brittle transparent solid; shattered glass.While taking form of your current state of brokenness,
Those hands mending got caught in the sharp edges.
It happened without warning whatsoever.

and now as it rains,
the blood washed off your refracting frames,
while the blood is gone,
the cuts still feel pain.

Maybe you weren't broken in the first place,
and it was futile repairing something that's not even broken.

Barbed wires they became.
In or out? Standing here, from this point of view,
I wonder who is the prisoner and warden.
Standing on the greener side of the field, looking in,
Somehow a prisoner more like.

Still does.

Walking.

2012-02-11T02:58:00.000+08:00

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

Usurp.

2012-02-09T04:08:00.003+08:00

Like the colours, it's taking over.

I need help, but sadly no one really hears me anymore.

The ones who listen, I doubt their interests in the matter.

Sometimes people just want the juicy details, and aren't actually too keen on helping you out.

I know a bunch who are so called 'concerned friends'.

I don't need this right now.

Honestly want to just give every damn person a piece of my mind.

Not everyone but those few whose friendship I actually cared too much to let go.

But now, while impregnated with these emotions,

I would seriously want to give you the whole load that's on my mind.

You have no idea how much I let slide, not to mention repressing hurt just so that YOU won't get hurt.

Yes, I know you did not ask me to do so.

It was all out of my own will, or CARE if I should say.

I'm not perfect either. I know I have flaws.

Some flaws which I can't see myself but reflected through others.

But I'm thankful to those who are there to care.

I actually treat my friends as friends, and some even family.

So, Thank you for not appreciating it.

Honestly, I am offended.

I know when I'm wanted and not.

I don't need this no more.

I need new people now.

I need superheroes.

You know why?

Because they are the ones who can be trusted with secrets.

Because they are that good at keeping their own.

And at least, they'd be there for those in distress.

Not needing any pleading or the extend begging for help then only a hand would be extended.

Applications are opened to anyone who wants to apply.

Peter Parker.

2012-02-07T20:52:00.000+08:00

How to deactivate a cat.

2012-02-07T17:46:00.002+08:00

For those that are like “what?” it is instinct for a cat to stop moving when picked up by the scruff of the neck, as that’s how a mother cat gets her kittens places.

Kev and Papa Jumba.

2012-02-07T17:06:00.002+08:00

Batman.

2012-02-07T02:01:00.002+08:00

Megan Fox (1).

2012-02-06T14:34:00.002+08:00

Life is like a river.

2012-02-05T12:56:00.000+08:00

Life is like a river,

In the beginning,

It bubbles a lot,

As if forever.

A child also thinks,

He or she,

Can live forever,

They think life’s a crystal stair.

Then the river slows,

as life reaches its lows,

and of course,

it’s highs.

It then becomes smooth,

when we become lazy,

then it feels as if it’s not moving

that’s is our old age

Then it goes out

into the ocean just like

us, going up

into the heavens.

Savor every moment

as the wind blows in your hair

when one life ends

another begins.

~ Jehan Daboo

Troubling dreams.

2012-02-05T03:22:00.002+08:00

I've been having these scary dreams. They were so frequent that I got numb to the thought, yet there were a few significant ones which were quite the concern. They started since 25th Jan this year. It use to be an off and on thing, but since 25th, it was constant. Each of them had one very thing in common. Death.

The first one, was a girl. I woke up with my heart pounding so ferociously. Blood, tears, screams, so many mix emotions that I could feel from the people in the dream; an accident. Well at least I assume it to be an accident. Perhaps it could be something different, because only parts I could recall.

The second was related to a dear pet. I could see its pain, feel its suffering and lastly witness the life disappearing from her eyes. As disturbing as it was, I just woke up feeling utterly confused. Why do I have these dreams? They use to be repetitive but now, it's a different scene every night.

A few of which I could not recall exactly, only a vague picture etched in my mind, but still of the same theme.

Not exactly sequential now, but this was one of the few I remember clearly. It was rather different this time. I did not see how they passed, but instead was at a funeral. No one really did notice my presence there. At first I thought it was my own, but the feeling I remember off the person in the coffin was someone I truly cared about. I'm certain it is a friend. Perhaps, close friend? I remember feeling devastated. I could not accept the fact and was so overwhelmed that I woke up holding on tight to my pillow, hugging manner and wished that the person would be here for me to hug. I didn't want anything to happen. All of the dreams, I don't wish for them to ever happen. I tried to stay up so that I would not fall back into that dream but my wet eyes were too tired. The after feeling that morning, was pure gloominess.

Several times, waking up to that fear. Like my heart wanted to hide itself and was racing so quickly, and my eyes popped widely open; can't wait a moment longer to stay asleep.

And the last one, just last night, with a short continuation or rather summary, this afternoon in a nap. I tired to make myself tired, really really exhausted, so that I would not dream again because last time when I was really tired, I would not dream. This time I really saw who it was. I don't know if I'm in denial and just refuse to accept that that person would do anything like that, but yet some parts of me is concern because there are signs. It was a suicide. A horrifying suicide. Not the kind that you take pills and go peacefully or hang yourself and just have that brief moment of pain and, or deficient air, but it was horrifying. It was long and gruesome. I woke up with tears in my eyes. I really hope it doesn't come true! Not even close to it at all. Reading some stuff written by that someone made it feel like it was so near to coming true.

Spare my heart from more tears, please? I know you won't be reading this, because you don't read my petty rants or random posts, but if by chance that you do, please hang in there. Don't push people away when all they are trying is to help. Like you, I know it is hard to trust especially with the events that happened, but at least don't push me away. I really want to help. I can't bare knowing you're in pain. I see you like this but feel so helpless on the sideline. Though I am doubtful that even if you confided in me that I would be able to help. But at least allow me to give you support. Please hold on.

Possible, only from a distance.

2012-02-05T02:27:00.001+08:00

If you love someone, tell him or her. Forget about the rules or the fear of looking ridiculous. What is truly ridiculous is passing up on an opportunity to tell someone that your heart is invested in him or her.

Truly; gain the balls to tell.
Though saying is easier than doing it. I know it is, because constantly its a struggle. Seeing you, happy without me, just hurts, but nothing beats hurting more than knowing you're sad and it was because of me.

Someone once said that it really isn't worth the trouble because at the end of it, they always leave. I seriously disagree, because if you don't show that person that you care enough to fight for them, then you really aren't giving them a reason to stay, right? But now I'm tired. Really tired of the constant rejection. I wish I could stop caring. I wish I could just stop, but I'm not strong enough to not care. It really is harder than it seems. This really seems like a competition to see who could care less. I guess I'm truly ridiculous now, seating time and brain cells, not to mention countless streaks of salty liquid down these cheeks. Firstly caring, then perhaps caring too much, then debating not to care, followed by countless tries of killing these thoughts. At the end of it, I still end up at the start, which stinks! Completely befuddled.

Only from a distance.

Roar.

2012-02-04T02:46:00.000+08:00

“Courage doesn’t always roar.

sometimes courage is the quiet voice

at the end of the day saying,

“i will try again tomorrow” “

Drained.

2012-02-04T01:31:00.000+08:00

Wanting to wait for you,
but you keep telling me no.
Are you afraid of the word 'wait'?
Or is it just that it's me?

I'm trying my best,
doing everything in my power
to hold things together.
It seemed easier in my head.

Sometimes it just feels so tiring,
because it feels like I'm alone in this.
Damned feelings just creep in unannounced.
Causing me to lose grip.

Grazing even more to pick up from that loss, even for a moment.

I just need to know
that all I'm doing here, now,
is not another waste.

Be that difference to prove me right.

I need to know.
That you having me around,
is not out of pity,
but love and grace.

I'm not asking for much,
Just some reassurance.
Because right now it just feels like a one-man-show.
Resources depleting, yet there're so many others to replenish for.

Refill me, please?
This vessel is so deprived.

Secret bygone tears.

2012-02-04T00:58:00.001+08:00

It strikes without a sign
Bringing everything back to where it use to be
Mentioning happiness and joy
The things she can't keep.

Minutes before this, I got on her blog again. Reading more teary postsrecently, hardly a happy note.
Her words, situation, and songs,
brought sharp pain to my chest.
Talking about trust.
Professing love so reachable yet still so distant.
Being pushed away.
Sometimes left aside; forgotten.
Describing pain.
One after another, it hits.
Always being hurt, by people around.
Often gone unheard, and evidently only her blog hears her screams.
Keeping secrets of her bygone tears.
Reading line after line,
Paragraph after paragraph,
The image of her crying,
Tears trickling down,
Every emotion filled streak,
~~I wish you were here.~~
I want to be there.

Life isn't about keeping score.

2012-02-04T00:27:00.002+08:00

Life isn’t about keeping score. It’s not about how many people call you and it’s not about who you’ve dated, are dating, or haven’t dated at all. It isn’t about who you’ve kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It’s not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it’s not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn’t about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it’s not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn’t about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It’s about how you feel about yourself. It’s about trust, happiness, and compassion. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It’s about what you say and what you mean. It’s about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else’s in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life’s about.

Ian's Seduction.

2012-02-03T00:04:00.000+08:00

Bump.

2012-02-02T03:01:00.002+08:00

That awkward moment when you bump into someone.

Promise this.

2012-02-01T12:39:00.001+08:00

Keep your chin up - things will get better!

There are always ups and downs in life, and at your down moments just do this,
if not for me, for yourself.

Keep these four words in mind.

"This, too, shall pass"

I promise you things WILL get better.

People won't die, unless you let them.

2012-01-31T01:07:00.000+08:00

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
— Anne Lamott

That's the stuff.

2012-01-29T18:29:00.001+08:00

“It’s so EMPOWERING to see so many people learning to love themselves as they are and learning the TRUTH about their bodies. No one deserves to constantly feel unfinished, as if there is always something to work on or fix. Regardless if we are thin or fat we need to let go of the stress that surrounds us and learn to appreciate ourselves and each other”