Barely Contained

Woot Random Wednesday! (St. Patrick's Edition)

2010-03-17T11:27:00.001-05:00

No, I'm not just Irish for the food. Besides, if a lot of Americans were introduced to "real", day-to-day Irish food, they probably wouldn't like it as a consistent diet. The stuff we are scarfing today is kinda like eating Taco Bell and calling it "Mexican Food"--it's really just a hint of a whisper of the actual thing, altered for your comfort.
Also? I'm not wearing green. I wear my name every day, that will have to do.
Having said all of that, yes, I'm totally cooking the food, and drinking the beer! Duh! But I'm not going out anywhere, because why? Because St. Patrick's Day is one of those things we refer to as "Amateur Night". Be safe, everybody!!! Taxi drivers need love, too!
Feeling a little wonky at work--really just wonky about everything, in general. A couple of years ago, I was all "Steady as she goes," but right now I'm very "What was I supposed to be doing? I forgot." Problem identified, problem eliminating weaponry at the ready. (OK, basically I just have to tell a couple people to f*ck off, but, "problem eliminating weaponry" sounds so much nicer...) The thing is, I never developed the "skill" of goofing off and/or work avoidance....I wish I had! Then I could be just like everybody else at work.
MyGawd I miss smoking. Seriously. I'm blaming the inability to stomp out of a room and go have a cigarette to 'cool off' as the prime reason I'm being such a doormat lately. I'm not rebelling against anything! I'm healthy and socially acceptable! How BORING is that?
OK, kids....I think we're going. You going, too? Maybe you should. I'm talking about The Blast. I don't normally attend, but, as Cursing Mama will attest, the one-two punch of both Martin Zellar AND BoDeans may simply be too much to resist. It'll be fun. Maybe we'll run into that lumberjack-looking guy from First Ave who was very worried about Sammy's hair. Or the Charlie Brown Dancers that we met in Stillwater. Or any of the fine and funny people I've been telling stories about for all the years I've been attending BoDeans concerts. Or maybe there will be some new people. Or maybe it will be me that's funny, and you can write on your own blogs about the half-drunk sometime-redhead who laughed all night, and kept trying to smoke cigarettes amid the protests of her friends. (They don't have ticket info up yet, that I can tell...I'll check back later...when I need yet another thing to distract me from wanting to smoke...)

Purple-y Goodness

2010-03-15T08:49:00.002-05:00

These socks? I adore.

Yes, this was my Olympic knitting project. Yes the 2010 Winter Olympics are long over. Yes, I just finished them. No, I didn't really actually watch very much of the Olympics. (Hmmm...maybe that is why these took so long?)

Anyway...finished! And it should also be noted that I quit smoking somewhere during and/or immediately before starting this project, so please feel free to file your Shelly For Sainthood noms with the Vatican (or wherever you do that...I'm not actually Catholic, so I'm probably not invited to that club, anyway...) because not only did I quit smoking, but I also quite smoking while trying a new technique, using teeny-tiny yarn and needles, making up a pattern and design as I went along, and, the clincher, cabling. Lots and lots of cabling. Did I mention that I hate cabling? Yeah...

Call this the "I'm A Bit Fuzzy On The Details" detail shot.

Use your Sharp Focus imagination to picture the pretty cabling and yarn-overs and picot edging and stuff.

Next up? Cover Hat from Knit Simple Mag, in black, for Punky. By the way, you can win a cover hat kit, just follow that link to enter, but the deadline is TODAY, March 15th, so you should hustle!

Always

2010-03-14T09:38:00.000-05:00

Last night was Fabulous Burrito Night at our house. That's when, after having spent the day cooking insanely delish and perfectly seasoned pinto beans for the purpose of scarfing them in bean burritos, we feast like a bunch of starving animals, slurping beverages, going back for seconds, thirds and fourths.

About mid-afternoon, those beans start to smell so good you want to cry, mostly because you know that they're not done cooking yet, so eating them would be a bit, uh...crunchy. When they finally reach textural perfection, I lay out all the other tortilla stuffings and sauces and call the kids to start building, an announcement which is followed by the usual happy noises and sounds of feet scurrying to the kitchen.

My daughter's friend, who was visiting, asked, "Do you guys always eat like this?" I told him no, that beans from scratch were usually a weekend project but he clarified: "No, I mean, are you guys always this laid back?"

It seems that at his house, what he called "family time" or, "dinner time" was so formal a thing that people barely spoke to one another while it was happening. The idea that there would be laughter and joy and relaxation associated with it seemed novel to him.

I couldn't imagine it.

Most of us (grown-up) spend a lot of time out in the world in some kind of work situation in which we have to dress a certain way, be careful not to say certain things, arrive at a certain time, leave at a certain time, etc. Even if your work life is fairly informal, there are still expectations associated with it--even someone who paints Velvet Elvises for a living has some kind of schedule, some kind of deadline. If they didn't, they probably wouldn't produce enough to continue in that line of work. A guy who plays guitar in a coffee shop still has to get to the coffee shop--you have to show up, and you have to have some kind of tangible product worth people giving you money for.

Life is like that. I can't imagine why anyone would insist that family would have to be like that, too.

Here are the people who know you better than anybody--They know that you like to put off doing the dishes until the last possible second, or that you run around in your bra in the morning while looking for a shirt to wear, or that spend hours on the phone loudly kvetching about crazy people, or your plants are neglected, or your cat needs a bath. They know the very core of you. They live with you, after all--they have a front row seat to all of your bad habits, wrinkles and warts. Also, all of your triumphs.

Never mind the fact that I think of food as something to be celebrated. What I want to know is, why would you apply first-date formality to any meal or time spent with the people who know you best? Why pretend you don't know everything there is to know about each other already? Isn't that just denying yourself the chance to delight in your family members victories, or laugh at their funny foibles, or help them through the low times? Don't you WANT to be that resource for them? I mean...who would be better at it than someone who knows the very core of you?

I believe very strongly that my home is my sanctuary. It is the one place I can truly be myself, never to worry about what people think about me, what they're going to say about me, am I going to get fired for doing that, etc. This notion doesn't strip away the necessity of treating everyone with kindness--in fact, my home is the one place where I can be as unabashedly kind as I want to be, like, spending an entire day lovingly preparing for the business of watching my kids and their friends play Guitar Hero while we all sit around eating burritos on the living room furniture (gasp!). I will never, never, ever sacrifice that for any formality, any dreamt-up "have to" or "must". I don't believe in "have to" or "must" except as it pertains to the importance of being good to other people.

So, to answer the question....Yes, we DO always eat like that. We do everything like that. I wish everybody did.

Hard Pill To Swallow

2010-03-11T16:26:00.000-06:00

Hives.....cursed, cursed Hives.

Not THE Hives, the band who's music gets under your skin (I love!)--I'm talking actual hives.

Imagine, if you will, that you had hives every day. Every day for almost a year. Do you think you'd be ready to kill someone? Like, literally rip someone's forehead open?

Welcome to my world. A few months into it, I started to feel a bit like Job, only not as patient. I was covered with the modern equivalent of boils, after all.

I have to believe that in our time of science that there is a better treatment for this problem than a daily time-release antihistamine. Really? I have to take a pill? Every day? For the rest of my life? And if I don't, I get itchy hives, no matter the season?

What. The. Hell?

Everything about that is wrong. Everything.

What about the time when I was perfectly fine, never got hives, had no allergies of note, and DIDN'T have to take a pill every day to keep from ripping my skin from my flesh? What about that? Can we get back to that?

Here's the thing...last Spring, I had a staph infection, and was treated with a boatload of antibiotics. Since then? Every day, hives. Itchy, annoying, "I'm gonna kill someone" hives. Call it the old "hard to tell the poison from the cure". Antibiotics killed all the stuff that used to prevent me from getting hives every single day. Now I have to take a daily antihistamine, just to keep from losing my mind. I don't know about you guys, but I find it hard to believe that we haven't yet figured out a way to revive these bad-ass killaz so they can get back to the business of PREVENTING DAILY HIVES.

You know what bugs me the most? When I went to the doctor and (in my usual style) very emphatically exclaimed that "OHMYEFFINGGAAAAWD! I GET HIVES EVERY DAY! EVERY DAY! DO YOU GET THAT? EVERY DAY!!!" And the doc was all, "Just take an antihistamine" and I'm thinking "EVERY DAY? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

On the long list of "things that cause hives"? Cold temperatures, Hot temperatures, Sweating.

Basically....living in Minnesota. Or anywhere. Getting up, walking around, moving. Or not moving.

Hives.

I REFUSE to believe that there is no cure. I flat-out refuse to believe it. Period.

I don't really buy into the "better living with a daily pill" thing. I've been offered all kinds of pills in my life--"just take a pill!"--and I can't help but think....Really? In 2010, we're such a bunch of mutated losers that in order to NOT be uncomfortable, we have to take a pill?

Pathetic.

Again....that's just so damn wrong. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

Only For Us Tough Guys

2010-03-10T11:01:00.005-06:00

I know I'm late posting this, but I'm literally just reading my Sunday paper right now (and would like to THANK that person in my building who has been stealing my paper lately for letting me actually look at this one, considering that I do pay for it, after all. P.S.: You Suck. Thank you).

I hope this isn't too weirdly formatted to read--just forwarding an email. Enjoy.

Hats (and socks) off to a skillful soldier
GAIL ROSENBLUM, Star Tribune

Staff Sgt. John Sorich of Eden Prairie is grateful that everyone in his unit returned home safely 10 days ago. But he's a little pensive because they're no longer together. His was a more close-knit group than many.

Sorich, 26, served for a year with the Army Reserves' 401st Bridge Engineer Co., stationed at Victory Base Camp in Baghdad. While trained as a corrections officer, Sorich made his mark by facing the stresses of daily duty in a creative way: stockinette stitches.

Sorich knows his way around a knitting needle: winter caps, gloves, socks, even a pouch for his M4 rifle (the latter made with parachute cord). He shared his skills with a growing number of bemused fellow troops who stopped ribbing and started stitching. At one point, 10 soldiers, all but one of them male, joined him in an occasional knitting circle, many sending home their creations to surprised loved ones at Christmas.

Sorich arrived home Feb. 25 with 10 knit caps he had made for buddies, two wristlets and the world's longest sock. He ran out of time to make its match. All totaled: 62,000 stitches and countless kudos.

"Wow! Army Strong knits!" blogged Meghan Dunn, co-creator with Victoria Higgins of the Canadian-based vintage-knitting blog, Handmade by Mother, (http://handmadebymother.blogspot.com).

"If anyone is still under the illusion that knitting is only for little old ladies ... just look at all these rough and tough American soldiers knitting in Baghdad, Iraq!"

While Dunn's blog typically pokes fun at the most ghastly patterns of yore (the complete name is "Handmade by Mother so you damn well better wear it!"), the reaction to Sorich was closer to awe.

"My reaction was, my gosh, this is fabulous. I have to write up a post for you," Dunn said. "We were honored that he had contacted us and told us what he was doing."

Sorich wasn't looking for fame, though. Just help. A longtime member of the Historical Reenactment Society at Historic Fort Snelling, Sorich hoped Dunn could lead him to World War II British military patterns or pictures of knit items created during the "Knit for Britain" program. She posted his request and will forward responses as they come in.

Sorich's fascination with wartime knitting began at Eden Prairie High School (he's a 2002 graduate), but its roots go far deeper. He's John IV in a family of military men. His great-grandfather John served in World War I, John Jr. in World War II. His father, John III, served in Vietnam. Sorich joined the Army Reserves six years ago, while studying corrections at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He works as a juvenile corrections officer at the Hennepin County Home School, a state-licensed residential treatment facility for juveniles ages 13 to 17. Not surprisingly, Sorich noted, almost everybody there, from staff to students, knits.

After his deployment in 2009, Sorich had no desire to knit, especially in 120-degree heat. As the weather cooled in October, he pulled out a knit cap he had brought with him. "One of the guys in my unit saw the hat and asked me about it."

Sorich started to knit again, causing quite a stir. "At first, it was, 'You're knitting?' No one could understand why I wanted to do it. I said, 'This is weird? You play World of Warcraft all day.'"

He told the guys it was great stress relief, and a new skill they could be proud of. It was also relatively easy. The impressive caps require only three stitches, "pretty basic stuff," he said. "They could instantly zone out and relax."

Soldiers started wandering over, asking, "You guys going to knit tonight?" Sometimes a few joined in, sometimes as many as 10. Many left their computers behind when they headed to other bases, but not their yarn.

Speaking of yarn, most of it arrived in Iraq thanks to Sorich's sister, Naomi, who made regular trips to Needlework Unlimited in Minneapolis, buying skeins of a replicated olive-colored yarn that is modeled after an original World War II glove knit by members of the American Red Cross. (Knitters out there: It's Cascade Yarns 220 Heathers, color #9459.)

Joe Torkildson, 29, of Arden Hills, also assigned to the 401st, is a longtime friend and fan of Sorich's handiwork. Sorich gave Torkildson one of his signature caps a few years ago. "I said, 'This is sweet, man.' When we were deployed and he started knitting, I thought, 'I've gotta learn this.'"

Torkildson knit a scarf for his wife, Kendel, twice. The first attempt was a disaster, which he ended up unraveling. "It was sad, actually." He tried again. "It was ridiculously ugly," Torkildson said, "but when you wear it, it actually looks pretty cool." Kendel loved it, he said, mostly because, "I had 40 hours into this thing."

Sorich heads to New Zealand on vacation this week. But he made an important stop first. Needlework Unlimited manager Laura Schelde was thrilled when Sorich came into her yarn store Wednesday to show her and other employees one of the caps he knit in Iraq with their yarn.

"He was serving our country and knitting at the same time," Schelde said, getting teary-eyed. "It's especially nice to have a little hero come back and say, 'Look what you helped me do.'"

Gail Rosenblum • 612-673-7350 • gail.rosenblum@startribune.com

The Pressure Is Off!

2010-03-08T11:41:00.005-06:00

You'll be happy to know that the stressful, mind-bogglingly complicated process of picking out a sofa has ended!

What do you mean sofa shopping is not stressful or mind-bogglingly complicated?

Uh, YES IT IS!

Here's Me: "I want it to do EVERYTHING, like, be great looking and be totally functional and comfortable and cool, and I want THE BEST DEAL EVER! And Free Shipping! Definitely Free Shipping!"

It becomes a doggedly crazed search process, in which my co-workers start to worry about me because I spend OBSCENE amounts of time online looking at sofa's (hello Ikea!), and also? Sometimes I wake up at 3AM, look around my living room and think, "Well, I love the whole idea of the Manstad but I don't have anyone willing to help me slap the thing together (much less get it here) and besides, where the hell would I put it?"

Meanwhile, I keep a running list of all sofa options on infinite loop in my brain, wonder about how the color would look with the art on my walls, wonder if I'm going to "need" a new rug if I get that one, wonder if I have to put it together myself if I'm going to screw it up, wonder if maybe a big wide chair might actually be better, wonder how much the cat hair will show on there, etc., etc., etc., all the while marveling at some of the ugly-ass stuff that people charge a thousand dollars for.

Because I shop like that, and, well, do everything like that ("I'm just gonna keep stomping around and yelling until I get the BEST F*CKING THING THAT EVER WAS!!!") I usually find cool stuff, and great deals. Persistence pays, people! You can call it stubborn-ness if you want to...that and a willingness to toss any pre-conceived notions out the window. I ditched the Manstad idea and went a whole different direction.

Remind me to apply that science to my Find A Man process.

Anyway, here's my new little sofa. There is nothing about this sofa that says Man Cave (no "man" in the name, even) and honestly, I can't even picture a guy sitting on this thing, which means....It's all mine. Cute, right?

Be Sure To Read The Fine Print

2010-03-07T09:00:00.004-06:00

Got a parking ticket yesterday. $42.

Not that I'm a bad parker, in general...

(Never mind the fact that I WON'T parallel park...I WON'T parallel park as a public service to all other drivers! I just find a spot that is big enough to require no maneuvering on my part, and park there, instead--I don't care if I have to walk. Walking is good for you, right? I'll just park in the toolies....That saves the driver behind me from 20 minutes of hell, watching me go backwards and forwards, inching my way into a spot that, to fit into, requires skills that I have no interest in refining.)

Since moving to Minneapolis....OK, since EVER, I have received two parking tickets, both of which involved this city's unique winter parking issues and the measures we must take to make it tolerable and usable, not only for other drivers, but most importantly for public transportation and emergency vehicles.

The first parking ticket I ever got was in Edina, where, in the winter, you can't park on the street. At all. Period. (at night, anyway...).

Oh....OK...figured that out quickly, paid the ticket and moved on--never got another. Until yesterday.

As many of you know, the City of Minneapolis had to implement some restrictions on parking this winter because with so much snow piled up on either side of the streets, the driving/parking area was significantly narrowed, and, we simply ran out of room. Cars could barely make it through--buses and emergency vehicles were having serious problems. Fair enough! Good citizens, park only on one side until April, when hopefully these piles of snow and ice will be close to gone!

And, I did that. I totally respected the parking ban, didn't try to get away with anything, dutifully parked a looooong way away from my house, and hoofed it the rest of the way, like a good citizen should when there are no spots available right in front of their house in a legal parking area.

I did all that. Didn't complain. I get it--I know it's tough for buses and emergency vehicles through my street. Sometimes, I held my breath going through there, too.

Then, on Friday, I heard a rumor that the parking ban had been lifted.

The snow! It is melting! Huzzah!

As it happens, I didn't need to park on the "wrong" side of my street when I got home, because, as luck would have it, there was a spot on "my side", in front of my house. Cool. But the next day, Saturday, after spending the morning running around on errands, all the good spots were gone, so, I parked behind another vehicle, on the "wrong" side.

Imagine my surprise when my children alerted me that there was a police officer putting a ticket on my car.

Why would this surprise me? Well, check out the City of Minneapolis web site (screen shot below). What do you see right below the 311 Logo? "Winter parking restrictions end in Minneapolis". How about right next to that, where you see "Learn the rules about parking during a snow emergency."?

If you click on that link it says..."The WINTER PARKING RESTRICTIONS have been lifted, effective at 10:00 a.m. March 5, 2010. Normal parking rules apply."

Oh yes, it does! Woo-Hoo!

OH! And from the Star Tribune on Saturday? Not much, just a blip---I know it's a bad pic, but what it says is, "Go ahead, park on both sides. Minneapolis has lifted emergency parking restrictions."

Sooo....why the ticket? Well, it seems that The City of Minneapolis didn't want to taint any of the awesome news about the parking ban being lifted with the ENTIRE story, which was the the parking ban was lifted for all streets except two, one of which is where I park my car every day. and night.

Huh.

Dig a little. I mean, pay no attention the the City, and the newscasters and the newspaper all shouting, "Our long nightmare is over!"

Why would you believe any of them, anyway?

(insert eye roll)

Here are the first three paragraphs of the official news release, buried under all the happy headlines...

Winter Parking Restrictions end in Minneapolis

The City of Minneapolis has lifted the Winter Parking Restrictions that were put in place last month. The restrictions went into effect on Feb. 11 after snow accumulations narrowed many streets, making it difficult for fire trucks, ambulances, and other emergency vehicles to navigate in some neighborhoods. Limiting parking to one side of many city streets created more reliable access for emergency responses.

Our recent mild temperatures and sunnier days have melted snow along city streets, widening them far enough that the Fire Chief, Public Works officials, and other public safety officials have determined the restrictions can be lifted. With this melting, we are now seeing normal winter conditions on most city streets.

Beginning March 5, normal parking rules again apply on city streets, and drivers should continue to follow all posted signs. Signs restricting parking to one side of the street were posted along stretches of Bryant Avenue (from Lake to 50^th streets) and Grand Avenue (from Lake to 48^th streets), and those restrictions will remain in place until April 1^st to allow transit access on those streets.

I don't know how many people besides me who live on Grand or Bryant failed to do the digging required to get to the information pertinent to us.

For the record, there has never been, at any time, any "posted signs" on the West side of Grand Avenue--trust me, I have been looking at it every day and night for over a year. I would have noticed. I even WAITED for the damn signs for a whole week after they announced the parking ban, because people were continuing to park there, and I didn't want a repeat of the stupid bus incident, in which a city bus couldn't get through and spent ten minutes outside my house, honking their horn. (This, by the way, was explained away by Metro Transit saying that the bus driver was merely alerting people of her intention to back up, because buses don't come equipped with the things that beep when they back up. Somehow, this fails to explain the "10 minutes" aspect of the honking incident, but, whatever...)

What I'm saying is that I had NO REASON, outside of paranoia that the city was out to get me, to think anything other than, "The WINTER PARKING RESTRICTIONS have been lifted, effective at 10:00 a.m. March 5, 2010. Normal parking rules apply," or "Go ahead, park on both sides. Minneapolis has lifted emergency parking restrictions."

Because that is what was so widely reported.

I have no expectation of apology, and no plans to take a day off from work to go downtown and contest the ticket. (Contesting the ticket would actually cost me more than the ticket itself! Isn't that convenient for the city?) I'll pay it, but here's the deal....I'm getting my $42 worth. Just like paying taxes and voting--I have done my part to earn the right to complain.

I wish my 42 bucks went directly to the police officer who gave me the citation. I'm sure he was bracing for impact when I walked out of my house and said, "Excuse me?" while he was putting the ticket on my car.

I further hope that not one penny of my 42 dollars goes to fund the City of Minneapolis Communications Department, largely responsible for web content, though they clearly need the help. I've been doing some variety of communication professionally for over 25 years--thanks for giving me yet another example of how poor communication can cause problems. Making any citizen dig three paragraphs into your news release (which wasn't accurate, anyway) to avoid a fine, was a disservice, period. You get the "You Suck" award for the day. Don't worry, it wasn't expensive--it only cost me $42.

Here's A Thing

2010-03-04T16:12:00.004-06:00

It's a thing. You know what it is. Later on, it's gonna be something else.

By the way? I work WAY too close to yarn. What I mean by that is, I have a half hour lunch, and on my lunch, I can walk out the door of my office, go to the yarn place, buy up all of the cool mint green cotton, and make it back in plenty of time for a potty break and a drink refill. That's too close. Danger! Danger!

**********************************************************

Here's another thing....anyone headed to SXSW? Bobby Long, Thursday night, March 18 at 11PM at the Hilton Garden Inn Creekside. Just sayin'.

OK, I'll say more. A couple of years ago, it was Davy Knowles and Back Door Slam that got everybody all excited at SXSW....remember? This is kinda like that. So here's Bobby's online stuff, and, if you're in the area, by all means, go see him. OH! And Sass Jordan! My dearest Sass. and Cheap Trick and BoDeans! Gonna be a good year...

Be Mine

2010-03-04T15:43:00.005-06:00

This morning, while walking from the parking garage into our office building, I looked over and saw that someone had written "Be Mine" in footprints in the snow in the large grassy (snowy) area adjacent to our building. Not only that, but they had also stomped a heart into the snow, right next to it.

I wonder how long that's been there?

One assumes Valentines Day. Or at least I do. But here it is, March 4th, and, that's the first time I saw it. Can you imagine if it was meant for you and you were me, and, you didn't see your very special and labor intensive overture until almost three weeks later?

Yikes. That conversation pretty much writes iteself.

"Uh....I didn't see it!"
"Didn't SEE it? It was 20 feet tall! How could you not see it?"

What if they broke up because one was thinking that the other never makes a gesture, and, so, the other made the huge snow gesture and then got pissed because the first person didn't acknowledge it? BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T SEE IT??? I can totally see that happening because, well, a guy not making a gesture is the kind of thing that annoys me, and also? I didn't see it. Until today.

What if a guy was making some last ditch effort to get a girl to pay attention to him and convinced himself that his midnight stomping escapade would be just the ticket, and she, like me, DIDN'T SEE IT?

Oh dear....that's really too sad to think about.

Hopefully, it was a sweet, corny, hokey thing where the person who did it called the other person and told them "Look out the window" and they ended up rolling in the snow in laughing celebration of how awesome it is that they have each other.

Those Jerks! Flaunting their happy like that...!

Yeah....how annoying would that be to us single people? Us single people who are too busy to see the gigantic signs right in front of us. Hmmm...

Really?

2010-03-02T08:46:00.001-06:00

My horoscope says "You have an admirer, Shelly"

Really?

You're not just messing with me now, are you?

Oh, horoscope, horoscope...don't tell me that I have an admirer unless you can also tell me, "He's cute, his name is _____, and his phone number is __________. Oh, and also, he doesn't appear to be psychotic."

See, those are the things I am curious about....

Deep Thoughts, Important Questions, and Scientific Observations

2010-03-01T09:03:00.001-06:00

Pay attention, now, this is serious.

Did anyone ever use the word "fantabulous" before Van Morrison did it?
Does anyone now?
The Michael Buble "thing" from the closing ceremonies last night....anyone? Anyone? I mean, when I saw him standing there, singing, dressed as a Mounty, I thought, "uh, that's kinda lame". THEN I saw the backup singers file onto the stage, in their semi-tarty "mounty" (read "Mount Me") costumes. THEN Buble tears away his own Mounty uniform to reveal that he's actually Bobby Darin! Holy Sh*t. I have no comment about giant inflatable beavers or moose--all of what came after Buble seemed perfectly appropriate by comparison.
This is good. I mean, it's cool in a chill, black and white, behind-the-scenes sort of way. AND, from what I have heard of it (snippets, only snippets), their new album really is quite exciting. Very....awake. Yes, that's a compliment! Shut up! In a month, when it's finally in my hot little hands, maybe I'll say some more nice things....
I had a hilarious time on Saturday night. While searching for live music, and, not wanting to drive around the city all night, my friends and I ended up standing in front of a Motley Crue tribute band. Now...I'm not about to judge anybody doing whatever in order to make a living--hey, as long as you're happy and you're not harming anyone, what the hell do I care? The irony, pointed out by my friend, is that by paying an $8 cover charge to see this tribute band, we (he) paid more to see them than we paid to see the real Motley Crue when we were both in radio. I realize that it is absolutely wrong of me to have very little concept how much a concert ticket costs. I have bought some recently, so, I'm not a completely awful person, but, talking me out of a hundred bucks so I can look at someone famous is kind of a tough gig. I've seen some really, really famous people and some really amazing shows, but not many of them were as entertaining to talk about the next day as the Motley Crue tribute band. The audience alone was about a weeks worth of blog posts--you can't make this stuff up. Besides, I think we have seen, from previous posts, (Here, Here, or Here...just to name a few) that the audience is usually just as, if not more, interesting than the band at any given show.

My "Woo-Hoo!" Has Been Replaced By A "Yeah, but..."

2010-02-26T16:58:00.001-06:00

Life has been fairly weird for me this last month or so--The fact that I haven't been talking much about anything other than knitting lately should be a good indicator that A) I'm at a loss B) I feel like my talking about this stuff won't help, and actually might make it worse and C) I can't imagine you guys would be all that interested in my downer crapola. I personally don't like reading about other people's "Woe is me" stuff, and am uncertain that I can present it in a manner that is entertaining enough to get past my own personal expectations.

Having a "quiet time" goes against my first instinct to call upon the masses, voice my issue and ask, "Am I right? Or am I just nuts?" Just looking for my own little truth, here. I believe, to the core of my very soul, in transparency, meaning, I'm not trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes, not trying to con anyone into feeling a certain way or not feeling a certain way, not trying to get away with anything. I just am. I invite opinion. I also have opinions, but I don't hold on to them with any voracious ferocity. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I'm not afraid of being wrong--I don't take it personally. Being wrong about something just means that you have to change your path, or change your way of thinking, about that one thing. Not a big deal.

For the most part, I am an agenda-less observer who would ultimately rather go with the flow and see what happens than try to manipulate a situation. Human behavior is entertaining to me. Virtually nothing I could make up in my head would be as fun to watch as the frantic drama perpetrated by people with insecurities and agendas. Having said that, I will add that I am as kind as I can possibly be, and, in almost any situation, I'm for the little guy, even when the "little guy" isn't actually "little" (ie, John Mayer, Kevin Smith, etc....). I truly don't give a rats ass about impossible odds because I'm never gambling anything I can't afford to lose, and also, I feel infinitely better about myself when I'm standing up next to somebody that nobody is standing up for. I seem to gravitate toward those kinds of conflicts in which someone is being picked on unjustly. Might be a personality flaw....I'm certainly no Mother Theresa.

Anyway....what has been happening lately is that I feel like I totally lost my voice. Like, I have something to LOSE by saying anything about anything that isn't safe. My "Wooo-Hooo!" has been replaced by a "yeah, but..." My confidence, my ability to know what the right thing is and do it, feels lost. I'm falling back on safety, talking about knitting.

*Yawn*

What the hell?

Today, I recognize exactly where that comes from. I recognize why I can't wrap my head around things, much less speak about them in my usual way--it's because the things that happened to me in my life have been...well....dumb, and ugly--that some people's agenda's are less than above board, and that people I enjoyed, admired, and loved, ultimately just took advantage of my good nature. They did things that I would never think to do to somebody else, and, for that reason, I truly, truly do not understand. At all. It's like a whole different language. No wonder I question myself.

This post, from my friend in Duluth went a long way in helping me make sense of it in my head...she talks about naming names--I refer to it as calling a spade a spade. When it is in your nature to be nice, to support an underdog, or whatever, it's so easy to get caught up supporting someone who paints themselves an underdog in an effort to get you to be there for them. It's a very, very effective thing that they do. But they're not an underdog....they just play one for their gain.

Albert Einstein said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them". Being hopeful, helpful, optimistic, energetic, positive and forgiving--being a good person--is what created the problem for me, with a couple of people in my life. Maintaining that level of "nice" is certainly not going to solve my issues with them. It's also not going to solve their problems for them.

So anyway....sorry for the boring upon boring-ness around here. I would talk specifics if I thought it would help, but, like I said, it would just sound like me whining, and ultimately, that gets old, so fast. Person A was a bitch, Person B was a jerk, Person C was a creepy cheater....yeah, yeah, yeah...who cares? The unfortunate thing is that it makes you want to never give anyone the benefit of the doubt, or never give anyone a chance, ever again. That's the real tragedy...

Well, Isn't That Interesting?

2010-02-24T14:36:00.004-06:00

Yeah, yeah....it was supposed to be "interesting" a couple of weeks ago, and I suppose it was. February 9th was particularly interesting, as was January 25. Or was that the 21st? I can't remember... but I know it was interesting. Is February going sloooow for anyone else? I mean, if felt like that last interesting day was a long time ago, but it was actually only two weeks.

Hmm....interesting.

Here is your Random Wednesday of Doooooom! (What can I say? Trying to keep it interesting...)

I have a friend who, when he says things like "Isn't that interesting?" I always get annoyed and think, "Oh shut the hell up and tell us what you really mean! GAH! WHY is that interesting? It's not 'interesting'! It's 'amusing'! Tell the truth!" Yes, this applies to me, as well. When I say "Interesting", what I actually mean is that it is amusing to me, personally--me as an evil, snarky know-it-all, that is. When I say "Isn't that interesting?", what I'm implying is more along the lines of, "I KNEW IT!" Just more snotty. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like Vague-Booking, since you guys don't know what it is that I am talking about. Go ahead and smack me. Still interesting, though...
I was searching for a particular Beatles MP3 to put on the bloggy-blog widget (right side of the page, for those of you reading the blog at Barely Contained) and put "The Beatles" in the search. I discovered hundreds and hundreds of Beatles cover band MP3's, none of which I wanted to fish through in order to get to any actual Beatles recordings. Sorry. Instead of Beatles, I added DMB and Absinthe. Who would have figured they would be more accessible than the Beatles? I'm a little startled by that, to be honest....
I am starting to feel the hopefulness of daylight! Wooooo-Hooooo! Spring isn't far! I can practically smell it! Or maybe I'm just sensing some positive change on the horizon...either/or. Darkness ending.
I talked to a lady today who worked in a doctor's office just a few short blocks from where I used to live in Mobile, AL. I mentioned the connection to her and she scolded me for not having a Southern accent. Wonder if I have a Minnesota accent...? Anyone? Anyone?
Here's my little thing I'm working on. LOVE IT! Ok, honestly, I think it's beautiful. Or, rather, THEY are beautiful--this picture shows only one of the two. The colors are more pretty in real life. And yes, that pattern is basically made up--just stole some elements from other patterns and threw them all together. I just want to work on it and work on it and work on it! Please stay exciting, little socks....

Epiphany

2010-02-22T16:46:00.001-06:00

This morning, I was talking to a friend of mine about our weekends, and here was my Ah-Ha! Moment Statement of the entire conversation--perhaps of my entire existence:

"I wish I could find someone who actually liked me before I left them."

Jeezuzmarynjosef.....What the hell IS that?

Is that some kind of lame-ass, feel sorry for yourself crap, or what?

*sigh*

I try not to be one of those chronic complainer types. When things are going wrong, I'm not first to say, "So-And-So is screwing things up!" More likely, I think, "Am I screwing this up?"

In other words, I am the perfect companion for someone who likes to blame other people for their issues, and especially those who like to make a big deal out of everything--it's incredibly convenient to have me around so they can lay it all on the person who is already willing to accept responsibility.

Perfect for them. Not such a great situation for me. Oh, I live with it, and it doesn't even really bother me most of the time, but ultimately, it's not good for my soul. I don't have an objection to taking one for the team, I only have problems when I occasionally wake up and notice that I'm the only one ON the team who's taking one for the team. Ever. Not that this is anyone's fault but my own--I attach a certain level of importance to relationships, and I'm willing to do just about whatever it takes to make that thing work out.

Then, because I am Pollyanna, I want so very, very much for the other person to be just as enthusiastic and optimistically energetic about things as I am.

Guess what? Not so much.

Anyway, that's the short version of the long and drawn-out process by which one person in a relationship (me) gets taken for granted. Again, not saying there is any malicious intent, here, they just turn out that way for me, pretty much all the time.

Then, when I assess what is happening, decide I don't want to do that anymore, and leave, the other person suddenly realizes OMG My Life Is WAY Different And Not As Easy Without Them!

I would like it noted that I have never once said, "I told you so."

Like any other situation, I'm willing to accept responsibility for my part of the screw up. I'm willing to say, "Yes, I am a doormat, and that personality trait turns me into a Relationship Retard." However, I have yet to date or marry, or even work for anyone who is willing to apologize for, or even acknowledge the fact that they took full advantage of my doormat-ness, and at the end of the day, that is the problem. THAT is the thing that leads me to say, "I wish I could find someone who actually liked me before I left them."

At least a half-dozen (or more) times in my life, I have been approached with the question of "Will you return?", by former mates, or former employers. I have not yet said "yes" to any of the offers. No, I don't hate any of these people--it's not like that. I'm not bitter. But for me--someone who is extremely energetic and enthusiastic in my pursuits--it takes an awful lot for me to come to the decision to abandon something. I have a rather dogged persistence. By the time I walk away, at least in my head, all hope is lost. To convince me otherwise is not some casual thing. It's a huge deal--as big a deal as it was for me to give up on it.

I have yet to meet my match. I have yet to be asked to reconsider by anyone who is as excited about the prospect of reconciliation as I was about the job or relationship the first time through. Is it incredibly egotistical of me to want someone to kiss my ass a little, or show more enthusiasm? I don't think so. I mean...we're talking about mostly sales and promotion people here--people who sell ideas for a living...don't I warrant any of those tactics? Because if you don't believe in it enough to sell it, why should I?

Perhaps it is a lame romantic notion to believe that someone will, or should be, excited about YOU and not just excited that they found some low maintenance relief from the shit of their lives. Maybe the movies put that romance into our heads. What should we expect? What do we truly deserve? I wish it was easy to say. Are some of us simply doomed to be the "relief" for others, and get no "relief" of our own?

I have a very hard time believing that's how the universe actually works. Really? Accept your role as someone who provides for others, and in return, here are your crumbs?

Nah....sounds like bullshit to me.

The problem is, no matter how hard I stick to that, if I wake up alone enough days in a row, eventually, I start to wonder:

"Am I screwing this up?"

Turn and Burn

2010-02-18T19:06:00.000-06:00

Sitting at the office, giving it my full attention for the next 30 minutes.

Not really.

I'm sitting at the office wishing I was SMOKING. Grrrr.....

Oh the drama. Lots of talky-talky around here, and INSANITY, and for me, talky = smoky. Smoking is WHAT I DO when there is much conversation to be had. I'm one of those cigarette waving, pace the floor smoking types...

...only, by "floor" I mean, "patio" or some other outside area, obviously, since I live in Minnesota.

I'm having a mini flash back to late Spring 2008---read all about it, right here. I was living in Mobile, Alabama, wanting very badly to strangle my stepson every single day because he was such an awful little prick and I had no support from my husband on that issue, and my kids were coming to me for help because the combination of my husband and his kid was so awful together, one by being awful, and the other by letting him be awful, and my kids and I were getting completely screwed at every turn. I had a vision in my head of a better life with none of that insanity, and I knew that something was about to blow up, I just didn't know what it was going to take for that to happen.

Turns out I was right, and, something blew up, and eventually, after I left, the boy's father noticed that his son was, in fact, an awful little prick.

Glad you finally saw the light, honey. And honestly? I'm sorry that it took me leaving for you to get that. I wish to God it had turned out differently.

This feels like that.

Oh, the players are different. But there is still some awful, and, there are still people coming to me about the awful, and they are getting hurt by the awful, and I haven't the heart to ignore it.

F*ck, I need a cigarette...

No Particular Place

2010-02-17T09:51:00.000-06:00

Wooot! Random Wednesday!

Taught myself Magic Loop. Don't love it. I mean, it's OK, but, still a pain in the ass. Talk to me when I have a finished project. I wonder if it will be like labor pains, where it sucks, and then the put the baby in your arms and you totally forget how much it sucked?
Speaking of pain, my everything hurts. There, I said it. I feel like a very, very old person. I fell slipped on the ice on my front steps and fell down them back in January, and after that happened, I had some pain and stiffness. Not unexpected. Problem is, IT NEVER WENT AWAY. Seriously? What the hell? I've tried lots of moving around, I've tried no moving at all. I've even tried my usual method of "pretend it doesn't hurt", which is what you do when you tell yourself you don't really have time for owes. None of them work. I've taken more pain relievers in the last three weeks than I did for all of 2009. I can't even begin to tell you how much I do NOT want to go to my doctor. Right-side rotator cuff, left hip. Age 43. That's just so wrong. Granted, I have more than the average 43-year-old's amount of arthritis in my body, but still....
Speaking of my health....the not smoking thing is going OK. I really, really want to smoke. I wouldn't mind lighting up right here, right now, sitting at my desk in this climate-controlled and sterile office. How long has it been since any of us smoked indoors? Crazy. Anyway...What is keeping me from smoking? Nothing but sheer stubbornness, thank you.
Speaking of my stubbornness...try to act surprised when I tell you that I was unable to maintain my STFU pledge, regarding life at the office. It was kind of like the day after a forest fire, those first few hours after I had the audacity to stand up and say the things that needed to be said--the devastation. Nobody was talking, and there was a hell of a mood around here. But things started to sprout again, and it feels more robust and strong, now. I take no credit whatsoever. Shit happens. Sometimes you just feel called upon to do something, and you know it's the right thing to do, so, you do it, even though there are risks, and even though it sucks for a little while after. Stephen Sigmund said: "Learn wisdom from the ways of a seedling. A seedling which is never hardened off through stressful situations will never become a strong productive plant." I don't think of myself as a status quo wrecker. I don't look for delicate balances to topple, just for fun. But people should know: it takes more energy to maintain that balance or that status quo than it does to burn the whole damn thing to the ground and let it grow back. Have the faith to allow it to become something stronger, something better. Don't pour your heart into the bottomless pit of maintenance.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Really Stupid.

2010-02-15T09:04:00.005-06:00

Re Kevin Smith: Dear SWAir: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You morons....

Not that I enjoy anybody being treated like crap, but I loooooove when shit like this happens. LOVE IT. Why? Because people are treated badly every day, and, most of them don't have a voice. When someone WITH a voice gets treated like shit, the whole thing becomes exposed for what it is. Shaming...as if a corporation has that right. And you don't have to be overweight for this kind of thing to happen to you...anyone who has ever been lectured on their financial situation by "customer service" at Wells Fargo knows exactly what that feels like.

Me! Pick me!

I've worked in public relations of some variety for my entire adult life, for big companies and small companies, and have discovered that there is one thing that all companies should know:

Whether you like it or not, public relations IS the job of every single person in your company who EVER has ANY contact with ANY customer.

Further, you are foolish not to make it the business of every person in your company. Do you know what happens when public relations becomes the business of every person in your company? Shitty customer service goes away. Embarrassing, ridiculous policies go away. If even the lowest employee is give stock and responsibility for the image of the company, they take care, they speak their minds to their bosses about things that just aren't right, and most importantly, the are not only allowed but also encouraged to do so.

Most employees at big companies detach themselves from the greater corporate picture, and are not discouraged from doing this. Listen up! The LAST person you want working for you is someone who doesn't question your policies. If they don't question, that means that they don't care. With only "yes" men, there are no checks and balances, and eventually, the whole thing topples over.

Public relations isn't just smoothing over the uproar when your bosses are thrust into the spotlight for doing something stupid to the wrong person, or worse, smiling and pretending everything is just fine when there is evidence to the contrary. Most of what your job should be, is PREVENTING this kind of thing from happening by having the balls to say something THE FIRST TIME you see it, and not waiting until it affects some celebrity with a large following on Twitter. Guess what? By the time that happens, YOU ARE SCREWED. I mean, there is literally NO WAY that SWAir can talk themselves out of looking like complete assholes right now. None. Oh, they can drop hints or plant stories that Kevin Smith may have been drinking, state that he "usually" buys two seats (uh...isn't that private information? Hello???) and imply that he "needs" two seats all they want. The good old "blame the victim" tactic. It's bullshit--never works. Never.

Bottom Line: Without a carved in stone height/weight/width policy ("you must be this tall/this fat to ride this ride....") they've got nothing but a vague, arbitrary policy, open to interpretation by employees not trained with the larger corporate picture in mind. It was going to bite them in the ass, eventually. Maybe they had nothing on the books because they were afraid of being labeled as a company that discriminates...wouldn't that be delightfully ironic?

I'm not an anti-corporate person. I work for a huge corporation. But here's the thing: like all of the other employees at my company, I am a human being. There are no automatons here--nobody controls how I FEEL about how we do things. There are no mind-control drugs floating through the ventilation systems of this or any other large corporation. No corporation in the world is so powerful that they can wave a magic wand and take away my feelings about the company or its policies, whether I'm an employee or a customer. This is true of every human being. REAL public relations, REAL customer service, acknowledges that, every minute of every day. What separates the men from the boys in Corporate America is a willingness to do right--right by their employees, who are the ones who have to explain, defend, and implement all of these policies, and right by their customers, the ones whose good will (read: dollars and willingness to spend them with us) allows us to continue doing what we do.

Duh, Southwest....but thanks for the entertaining example, of how not to do it.

Somewhat Less Inflamatory

2010-02-11T11:54:00.004-06:00

But would probably hurt if I poked you with one...

See these cute little thingies? My sweet friend gave me them in a bag of Valentine goodies, and I think they are paper clips, but I'm going to use them as stitch markers for my looming "Bury Yourself In Magic Loop" project, in which I get rid of every scrap of yarn in my house, one way or another, in order that I might spend ridiculous amounts of money on new yarn.

Oh yes....Magic Freaking Loop. See where my mind goes when I quit smoking? All kinds of crazy. Get it as complicated as possible. Is there a Magic Loop Entrelac? Then that's what I want to do. As soon as my supplies get here, I'm on it. (I'm talking to YOU, person that I ordered my special bamboo 40-inch circs from...I NEED those, OK? Don't leave me hangin'...)

Knitting...keeps a girl out of trouble, you know? I've used it for many things. I've used it as a reward for exercising (can't sit on your ass and knit until you've gone for a walk, or done a half-hour on the machine, etc.), and I've used it to keep myself from eating too much (can't have a snack until you finish this section/piece). Now it is helping me quit smoking. Not that it isn't an equally pricey habit, but, at least with knitting, you end up with a usable item and usually it doesn't feel like your chest is going to explode. Besides, my only other hobby is cooking, and food is not the place you want to go when you quit smoking...

sigh

2010-02-11T09:38:00.001-06:00

Seriously?

Team Mayer, y'all....

When this nation will start to learn to look at things in context, I don't know, but it won't be soon enough for me. Just speaking as someone who has, on numerous occasions, said something and had it wildly mis-interpreted, I never cease to be amazed by people who do nothing all day but sit and look around for sh*t to be offended by.

I've never met John Mayer, we are not friends or acquaintances--oh, and also, I'm a white girl, so, I know that everything I'm about to say is going to be immediately disregarded, because what the hell do I know? But STILL!

(Uh, and for the record, I'm not as much of a white girl as Perez Hilton, but people actually listen to Perez because unlike most white girls, Perez has a penis...without the penis, he could be catty and hell and nobody would care...)

Can I just say....yeah, it isn't polished, stand-up comedy, but I have a very hard time believing that anyone who actually pays attention could interpret this as anything other than just some guy being a guy. Personally, I don't go out of my way to read his interviews, but I do keep up on the twitter, and I gotta tell ya, there has been nothing he's ever said that any rational person would interpret as anything other just something a normal guy would say.

And to categorize all of this as outlandish, outrageous, call him a Lothario or whatever....has no one ever met anyone just like him? Are we all pretending that men aren't like that? Is that what we're doing? Because pretty much ALL of the guys I know are EXACTLY like that. They talk about their exes, they talk about sex, if presented with the opportunity, they'll probably have sex and maybe not be too entirely smart about it, they make jokes, they like porn, they think with their dicks. This is news?

I mean....I'm a girl (a real girl, not like Perez), and, I've been studying the male species for quite some time now, and...these are all pretty much givens.

Truly, the only people riding the Men Shouldn't Be Like That train are the media and the delusional. And I'm not saying that the way men are is always fun for females to deal with--sometimes, it's a pain in the ass. But it's not news. Not even close.

Dear Bus Driver, Part Two

2010-02-10T09:53:00.000-06:00

This morning, at 6:45AM, I heard honking outside of my house. I figured someone was picking someone up and didn't want to get out of their car, so did a little 'beep-beep' to let them know that they were there.

Meh....not so much.

The honking continued.

I peeked out my window, because that's just the kind of neighbor I am, and what should my eyes behold but a Metro Transit bus sitting on the street in front of my house.

Honking.

Whaaa? Never seen that before...

Buses, I see all the time--I live on a bus route, and they go past my place about every half hour. I don't live on a corner, though, so, they don't stop in front of my place.

Until today.

Today, for some reason, Mr. Bus Guy, at 6:45AM, decided that he couldn't get past my car. Yes, many other buses had driven past my car since I put it there the evening before, and yes, I believe there was even a bus or two that managed to sneak past it even this morning, but, not this guy. Oh no. This guy sat there, honking.

Now...I appreciate that it must be difficult to negotiate those gigantic buses on city streets--even when the stupid snow doesn't narrow the roads by a good two feet on either side, it's gotta be a pain in the ass.

But how come all the other buses were able to drive by my house/car with no issue? How come I wasn't given a ticket, if I was parked so badly as to mess up your freaking morning? You'd think that one of the other buses would have made note of that, and perhaps the authorities would have been contacted, hours before, regarding my heinous parking. How come, for 12 hours, nobody other than YOU, Mr. 6AM Route, thought enough of the situation to say, "Bitch, move your car!"

Also, just out of curiosity, why is it that when I did move the car, and you followed me up my street, that you had NO PROBLEM getting past all of the other cars that were parked on both sides of the street, in many cases creating a much more narrow passageway than the one in front of my house? How come THEY didn't have come out and move their cars? Huh?

Anyway....thank you, Stupid Bus Driver Person. Thank you so much. Thank you for harassing me out of my house before I was ready to leave. Mornings weren't crazy enough before you came along, and you know I'm a big fan of The Crazy. If it wasn't for insane f*ckers like you, I'd eventually run out of things to write about. And yes, I already wrote a similar, though not nearly as humorous, email to your boss. If it happens again, I'll be stepping on your bus for a little chat. No, I do not have correct change.

Cleaning Up The Past

2010-02-09T13:17:00.001-06:00

My inbox has been a constant barrage of "Buy Flowers For These Nice People You Bought Flowers For In The Past!!!"

It's not that I don't want to buy flowers for everyone--at this point, I'm just not doing it because on top of being insanely expensive, I don't like your sales tactics, Online Flower Vendor People. Not one bit.

Oh, and also, you're insanely expensive. That's the biggie.

Hidden among the "Buy Flowers!" was a "Hey! Go See Robert Cray!" email, and I was super-excited about that, until I opened it and discovered that it was actually a "Go See Robert Cray at the Saenger Theatre in Mobile, Alabama" email.

Not that I wouldn't....I mean, he's totally worth the trip. I could probably even find that theatre in downtown Mobile, and everything. It's a beautiful theatre in a beautiful town....anyone wanna go with me?

But it was just another Inbox Past Life Blurb. I get them once in a while, and haven't bothered fixing them or stopping them--some travel place giving me rates from Duluth or Biloxi, someone "reminding" me send this guy flowers, buy that person chocolate, send that other person some certified Angus beef. Whatever.

All of this ease and convenience is annoying the living hell out of me.

Don't get me wrong--I'm an online shopping junkie. No question. I just wish these online vendors were more creative. I mean, I buy from Amazon.com all the time, and I don't see them sending me emails every day, reminding me that I once shopped there. Can you imagine? Every day an email? Or a dozen emails?

"Hey! Remember that time you ordered that weird, used CD from that hippy dippy record guy in Chicago? Well, we've got more of those!"

Awesome...

Brand New Shiny Stuff

2010-02-08T07:53:00.002-06:00

In honor of, uh, Monday, I decided to dye my hair red and quit cigarettes.

While this news may seem exciting at first, please remember that my hair has been red before, so it's actually nothing new.

Not All That Fly For A White, uh....Guy?

2010-02-04T18:53:00.002-06:00

I've been listening to Black Eyed Peas "Imma Be". A lot. Well, as much as I can, without feeling like a complete ass.

See, that song has one hell of a booming bass line. And any time I play it in my car, my whole car rattles. This is not a bad thing. The bass, I mean, not the rattling.

Say you're sitting at a stop light, and you hear this thumping noise, so you look to your right, and there is this geeky white chick in an SUV, hitting that Will.i.am part, waving her hands around, doing a little driver's seat dancing....

Yeah.

You were probably expecting to see someone else, weren't you?

Sorry.

This Is Pretty Cool...

2010-02-03T16:43:00.000-06:00

Rare Photos of Famous People (125 pics) | Crack Two

What Trouble Can We Stir Up This Week?

2010-02-02T11:50:00.001-06:00

Really, really bored.

Not that I purposely cause problems or drama for other people, but if I'm bored, I find myself delighting in the entertainment value of other people's problems and drama, because there is so little else to care about.. For example, if I were to hear some unfortunate news about the guy who dumped me ten years ago, I may smugly say, "Well, isn't that interesting?" and allow myself to a hearty laugh at his expense, whereas a week ago, when I wasn't bored, I didn't even care if he was still walking around on the planet, much less if Karma had bit him on the ass.

(For the record, there is no unfortunate news about the guy who dumped me ten years ago...other than the fact that his hair is COMPLETELY gone. Bald is not something I personally care about, but it was one of those things he obsessed over, so, kind of ironic that he now has no hair, isn't it?)

I hereby declare this an Interesting Week. It WILL be an interesting week before the week is through. I predict that sometime in the area of Thursday, there's going to be a "Well, isn't that interesting?" thing happening. At least one. It might not be something I can blog about, but if you see me use the words, "Well, isn't that interesting?" you'll KNOW!