FranIam

The End

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 14:34:00 +0000

No - not exactly the end, but a departure of sorts.

I am going to take a break here. I'll be back or I will turn up elsewhere. Don't worry, I am not that easily dismissed, you're still stuck with me in some fashion. I just think that this one needs to rest after two years and two months and 997 published posts.

Peace to all.
Gratitude to all.
Blessings for all.

The love, generosity and friendship that has grown in this garden is enough to keep knocking me down... and then picking me back up again.

This and That

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 01:05:00 +0000

I have not been blogging as much. During the past week or so - 10 days really, I was trying to read an actual book. Srsly!

Some time back, Karen Zipdrive sent me a book, Fall On Your Knees. I wrote about it here.

In any case, I started the book but then put it down so that I could read Archbishop Weakland's book. (Which I totally loved, BTW.)

In any case, once I started reading Fall on Your Knees again, I simply could not stop. It was amazing and if you have not read it, I highly recommend it. Now I find myself in this place you end up when a great book ends and you do not know where to turn.

Thank you Karen Zipdrive! I owe you some work on your bloggy blog, coming soon. I am a bit rusty with my mad skilz.

Today I lost my temper over at Dcap's. I am not linking to him because I am a bit embarrassed and I do not want to add fuel to the fire. Now everyone who knows me knows that I love, love - that I totally LURVE Dcap and that he is my real life friend from way back when. I have chronicled many events of our life together, such as our madcap adventures in Switzerland, Germany and Poland.

(OMG - have I aged or what?! Don't answer that!)

Anyway, if you don't read Dcap you would not know that he is an amazing researcher and to say that he is brilliant is an understatement. The guy has brains. He is not at all religious and I do mean at all. That said, I dragged the poor man into every church in Szeczin, Poland and he was a good sport about it.

He wrote a great post today on The Dead Sea Scrolls and sadly the comment thread went awry and I had something to do with that. *sigh* I feel deep regret on one hand and yet... what could I do?

It always astounds me when the so-called open-minded folks are the most narrow minded. I am also very moved by how much concern and compassion there is among so many of us who have never met. For that I am so deeply grateful. And DCap is still my number one, we are cool, which makes me happy.

Anyway, the whole thing has left me feeling a bit off for the night.

I was on Facebook and finally got around to friending a woman from college. It turns out she knows all these people I worked with in the early 80's, so it will be a big connect fest.

Facebook is so funny that way. I know I talk about that a lot but I am forever drawn by just how small the world really is, almost magical really.

My stepdaughter and our dog Gracie are at Mark's sister. It is very quiet here and I felt weird walking without the dog when I went out tonight.

The summer passes quickly. I feel like it started with a bang when I attended Doxy's wedding in May. Here we are in August - school starts 4 weeks from tonight!

This is the first year of my life in I don't know how long, that I have not taken a vacation. It is cool - I have been to 24 countries, some of them multiple times. I have seen great swaths of the US, I am very lucky. So I simply settle more deeply into this life I never imagined.

Well it appears I have made many words but maybe not said so much. Now I must prepare to lead a discussion group on The Shack. I am a bit ambivalent about it, but it is a bit unusual for my boss to ask the secretary (that would be me) to do this. I think he has come around to like me at last and I have come to truly respect and love that man.

So I do what I must, time to Shack up. LOL. Bad joke, signing off!

Try Harder To Use Your Mind and Your Compassion

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 01:47:00 +0000

Thought and Question of the Day

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 12:38:00 +0000

Photo taken September 2005, Dawn at Hotel Sol y Luna, Urubamba, Peru by yours truly.

I am in a purposeful not being-on-the-computer-mode for these few days. Well not on it so much, anyway.

However, I just read these words from Richard Rohr, someone I simulataneously love and get annoyed with in equal measure and wanted to share them. It rings so true for me and maybe for you too, whether you are churchy or not.

Add to this that I think that these words also resonate deeply with our expectations of any institution - politics, companies, communities that we belong to that have structure. These words beg us to have inner authority, wisdom and a commitment to connections... All of which are ridiculously hard to sustain.

However I think it is necessary to do just that. No matter who or what - family, other personal relationships. work organization, church, community, whatever - what are you being invited into right now? And how do your expectations impact how that works out.

Goddam personal responsibility. Sometimes I just hate that shit.

*sigh*

Question of the day:
What conversion am I being invited into right now?

What is the future of organized religion? Whatever it is, I hope
that we will have the courage to stop rewarding and confirming peoples egos and
calling it morality, ministry or church. I hope that we will have lower
expectations of leadership and the institution and therefore less need to rebel
against it or unnecessarily depend upon it. True leadership is quite rare in my
experience and cannot be “ordained” or created by title, office, or costume.
Many people are upset with the Church because they expected too much from it.
Accept it for what it is and for what it isn’t.

More than anything else
I hope that the future church can be a people who have entered into Mercy and
allow others to enter too. I once saw God’s mercy as patient, benevolent
tolerance, a form of grudging forgiveness. Now it is apparent to me that Mercy
is a divine understanding, a loving allowing, a willing “breaking of the rules”
by the One who made the rules, a loving wink and smile, a firm and joyful taking
of our hand—while we waste time clutching at our sins and gazing at God in
desire and disbelief.

Adapted from Radical Grace: Daily Meditations, pp
185 – 186, day 198
(Source “A Church Unashamed to Be Leaven and Salt”)

Something's Cooking and It Sure Looks Good

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 10:02:00 +0000

If you like to eat or to cook, I have a very important announcement for you...

It is right here.

It should leave you salivating and longing for more. Go say hi, get a recipe or two and wish Karen well with her new blog. You won't be disappointed.

Another Blogger Meet Up and Another Reminder That the World is Tiny and Cute

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 10:02:00 +0000

On Sunday, I drove about one hour west to West Stockbridge, MA, in the Berkshires. Western Mass is a gorgeous place and I recommend it highly.

There I met up with frequent blog commenter from OCIBW as well as other places in the Episco-blogworld, Whiteycat. No that is not her real name, her real name is none of your dang business either!

In any case, I was thrilled to meet her! What a fine time we had - which I will get to in a moment.

The first thing we did was to walk into this little restaurant and I noticed a woman that I had known in NYC. She was in a year long coaching class that I took from October '06 to September '07. Now in this coaching class there was an Episcopal priest. As it turns out, he knows a number of people I know through blogging. This woman who was in the class with me had known our teacher 25 years earlier in an entirely different life. The teacher knows the daughter in a law of good friends of mine - something I discovered via Facebook. Another student in the class is friends with Elizabeth Kaeton. It just goes on and on how small the world is - very tiny and cute!

Anyway, back on track but along the same lines, as I have blogged certain things, Whiteycat has written to me to mention that she has met at least two people that I have met who are not bloggers. It really is a remarkably small world indeed.

We sat down for some coffee and brunch that was delightful. We spoke of church matters, blogging, cats and many things. Above is our photo, taken with my own hand! I need a root job, that is for sure!!

Whiteycat is in the Berkshires to spend time at Tanglewood and even graciously invited me to share a BOX SEAT for the Boston Symphony today. Alas, time would not allow for such things, so I said no.

I did get to hear most of it on the radio as I made my way home. Which by the way thrilled me to no end... Baritone Thomas Hampson sang 5 William Blake pieces set to music. Oh my, one rarely hears these and he started with my favorite, The Divine Image. Ahhhh!

With an attempt at counting, I think I have met at least 25 bloggers, which kind of blows my mind.

After I left Whiteycat, I took a wrong turn and ended up at this really cool pottery place. If you are ever in that area, go see Elaine Hoffman and her beautiful work. I bought a couple of small pieces from the discontinued sale shelf and was very happy. Elaine turns out to be one of the few - well make that the only other person I know who went to Isla del Sol an island in Lake Titicaca. Astute readers who note that there is an alleged fountain of youth on Isla del Sol will imagine I did not take a drink. Oh I did, I can promise you I did and it did not work! Dang!

Then I drove home on a slightly different route and stopped at the Immaculate Conception Shrine in New Lebanon. I am not highly devotional, but I love this place. I lit a candle, said a quick prayer and moved on.

Back on topic, I will simply say that among my many travels, Sunday's visit to the Berkshires to meet Whiteycat was a true highlight!

Off To A Blogger Meet Up and A Confession About Confession

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 13:10:00 +0000

I am off to go meet frequent commenter and friend from Mad Priest's, Whiteycat. She is in Western Massachusetts and I am going to meet her for a quick lunch.

Yesterday I did not feel well. I had a headache and was very low. I think that it was largely emotional, something was weighing heavily on me. As a result, I sadly missed the anniversary party of frequent reader and lurker, Chris, who once posted something here once. It was her 25th anniversary party and I am sorry that I missed it.

I did get myself going by afternoon and made it to church to set up for 4pm mass. I had not been there in two weeks, so I really needed to go. Upon arrival, I found myself very agitated and upset, so I did something I almost never do... I asked Father to hear my confession. I wept and wept as I spoke to him and as I did, I felt a huge weight lifting. He offered some wise words and gave me a clean hankerchief (how old fashioned and yet beautiful) so that I would not look like Courtney Love after a barfight.

Confession is one of those sacraments I really believe in, but enter into very infrequently. Yesterday was a real grace, something happened.

By the way, we do not have a "confessional" or as it now is known, a reconciliation room at my church. It usually takes place in the daily mass chapel. Me, I walked into Father's office, plopped myself down and began to weep. That is better than the old school way with the screen, for me anyway.

Off I go...

More Wedding Madness

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 18:15:00 +0000

After all this wedding and video mishegos I had to make a little slide show. It is supposed to have Time After Time Playing, but it doesn't. That was "our song." Kind of fit the 24 year hiatus between dates and so forth.

I took the slideshow out. I couldn't make the music stop playing!

Wedding Procession

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 11:33:00 +0000

I was reading the blog Googling God and saw the wedding procession video in that post.

It made me happy to see that Mike and Marion were going to celebrate their 10th anniversary and to renew their vows. The video really engaged him and he was so enthusiastic - which is very Mike! However, I can't say that I was as inpsired as he was by that processional. Call me an old fuddy duddy, something I don't think I am, but I guess I can be.

It made me want to find the piece of music that I processed up to. There are many versions of it, but I chose this one. When played for my wedding, it was a simple piano and flute combination.

I first heard this piece in February 1998 when I was in Paris. I visited a church that I can't find on the internet right now, I think it was an extension of the Sant Egidio movement from Rome. They had a gift shop and I bought a CD of music from the church and this was on it.

From pretty much that time forward I figured I would walk down the aisle to this piece. On the CD it is played with guitar and flute, but I could not find that on the intertubes.

Anyway, fuddy duddy I am and off to work I go, taking all of my fuddy and duddy with me!

Those People

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 10:16:00 +0000

I found this video at Diane's blog this morning.

And I encountered it right after reading Alicia's post about Jimmy Carter's departure from The Southern Baptist Convention.

Before I veer off on a ramble that cannot be saved, let me just give you the video.

Catherine had posted on this topic as well. I read that the other day and have been sitting with it in my heart. Catherine's post is very moving and I highly recommend it.

If you have looked at either Alicia's or Catherine's links, you can see that they are both former Catholics. As most of you know, I remain in the fold. Rather deeply in the fold at that.

Talking about it is hard for numerous reasons, not the least of which is not wanting to sound defensive. For the time being, as I said at Alicia's, I remain a faithful dissenter. See - even that sounds crappy and flat.

In any event, all of this is further stirred by yesterday being the Feast of Mary Magdalene, who in the same Church that disenfranchises women, can also find ways to celebrate Σoφíα.

And that Mary Magdalene link is from Jane's blog and Jane is our resident once Catholic, now Episcopalian feminist theologian. Frankly, Jane is more Catholic than most Catholics I know and I say that in the best sort of way.

All of which may seem to have nothing to do with this video, but actually has everything to do with this video. At some level, we are all "those people."

We're Back

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 02:32:00 +0000

Actual blogging will resume soon. Until then, photos here and many more on Facebook...

What Is There to Say? Vacation and Vocation

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 10:57:00 +0000

It feels that way and then I get going...

This weekend we will head off to see my brother and sister-in-law (not the one who has had health problems, more on her in a moment.) They live outside of Philly. In a perfect world, I would get to meet Quaker Dave, but it seems doubtful. Hi David!! *waves* Next time!

We cannot discuss politics and after Buchanan's latest spew (go visit Paul and Karen to read more) I am concerned.

I love my family, I truly do, but the Fox Sunday morning show will do me in completely.

This weekend, I should have been meeting PseudoPiskie, but our change of family plans has altered that. *sigh* Next time!

As for my SIL who has been ill and who so many of you have been praying for... Good news, relatively speaking! She had (past tense) endometrial cancer, a far cry from ovarian cancer. It was all removed with her operation and now she is having precautionary chemo. Her outlook is much better and she is keeping her dog Skittles.

Thank you SO much for the prayers and good thoughts and wishes!!!!

Yesterday I tried something on Facebook and it blew me away. It was called Social Experiment and basically you asked people to write one story or memory of you, even if they did not know you well. It was fascinating and I was reminded of some great moments in my life.

Say what you will about Facebook, but it is the one place where people from every single corner in my life can be found. I don't want everyone here (oh you guys, you are cool, you can stay!) and I don't want everyone on my church blog either, but FB is different.

Speaking of my churchy blog, I outed myself yesterday... Say what? I am suffering a vocational crisis of sorts and have not really spoken of it. It does not matter, in the He Man Woman Haters Club, no girls are allowed!

I speak of it little here - I am sure it makes zero sense to many of you and I am not sure there is much point in trying to explain it here. It doesn't matter at the moment, κενόω kenóō may be happening and διακονία desired, but no ordination to go with it. Perhaps that is the lesson. Ordination is perhaps overrated.

See, I should have stopped with the photo of the chair.

I will be back next week.

Retreat Update and Funeral Postscript

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:59:00 +0000

I have been back from retreat since Sunday and having a hard time writing about it. And no - I'm not sure why.

It was a great experience overall, although nothing like I thought it would be. Honestly, how does one know what to expect from these things anyway? The retreat topic was Catholic unity with our different opinions, theologies and cultures.

We had 7 in our group. I was there with my friend P; I know her from school and really like her a lot. We are just sort of getting to know each other. While we are quite in sync on some topics, we are far apart on others - so the topic of Catholic unity is near and dear to us!

The other 5 were as follows - a priest from another diocese who has spoken truth to power and paid for that a bit. I loved him and hope that we can keep in touch. There were two older men- one was single and from the midwest and was so funny; the other lives near here and has a wife with serious Alzheimers. The last two were a couple from elsewhere in the Hudson Valley.

We were all Roman Catholic, we were for the most part, but not all, on the liberal side. And like most Catholics, we each had our own curious issues. One person was very much ok with the war. Another was very much ok with abortion and another was vociferously against that. Most of us voted for Obama, but not all.

So basically - we were like any other group of people with various beliefs and ideas but with one big exception... We each were very serious about our Catholic Christian faith.

Our retreat leader, a priest from Berkeley, CA does a lot of inter-cultural Catholic work - which is why he selected this topic.

We had a number of thought provoking discussions and exercises. We even watched a movie, which truly worked with the topic at hand. We watched Gran Torino - which I had not seen and which I thought was great.

So you see, I have written all these words and it feels so flat! No affect, nothing seems to come through. Yet I had a time that broken open my heart and my spirit in a particular way... and I can't seem to write a meaningful word about it.

*sigh*

Some of you may recall that I did a lot of funeral ministry that I loved, back in the unemployed days. Today I went into work late because I needed to go to my parish church for a funeral. The deceased was an 85 year old woman that I knew well. MAB was feisty, opinionated, fiercely independent and did not suffer fools gladly.

She always reminded me of my mother. MAB was frail and birdlike and so was my mom. They both had short white hair, Irish looking faces and often appeared as irritable. Yet underneath was a real goodness, something deeply authentic.

MAB beat cancer years before and had been going around on one lung for ages. About a year ago she had to get on oxygen and a walker, she hated them both. In the two years that I knew her, she came close to death's door more than once... and came roaring back.

I had heard she was in the hopsital last week and I went to see her on Thursday. She was not conscious. I talked to her anyway and sat there and prayed; I kind of knew I would likely not see her in this realm again.

MAB pretty much refused to ever consider a nursing home. On Friday she was transferred from the hospital to a nursing home and was gone less than one hour later. That was her- MAB doing things on her terms.

Today at her funeral there were 4 priests and a deacon. The priest who gave the homily was a close friend of hers and he had us all laughing. The church was filled with people who knew her, loved her and respected her. I am grateful to have been among them.

MAB, rest in peace.

My Retreat Weekend

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 01:13:00 +0000

In a word - amazing. I had a great time. Thanks for all the good thoughts, wishes and prayers - they were felt and received.

One of my friends from grad school and I drove up on Friday, a gorgeous day, much needed after rain rain and more rain. Lake George is about 40 minutes north of where I live and quite beautiful.

We arrived at St. Mary's, selected our rooms in the rustic retreat house and took a walk around. What lovely grounds!

The weekend commenced with dinner and kept rolling. I am still not ready to unpack all my thoughts and feelings, other than that I really loved and needed this weekend. Special thanks to Jane for sending me the info to begin with.

In the meantime, here are some photos....

See You Monday

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 01:04:00 +0000

I am going on a much needed retreat. I will leave work early on Friday and head up the road a little further north.

The topic of the retreat is Catholic unity - a favorite topic of mine. We will be a small group, 7 I think. Somehow I bet we are more on one side of the debate than the other.

And me without my pc from Friday through Sunday... this could be interesting. Yes, the crackberry functions, but I am going to try to leave it off.

Anyway - that's it. Must pack! Must sleep!

Updated A Post Asking for Prayers, Good Thoughts and Wishes

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 00:06:00 +0000

It is time for me to put up prayer request post. So many things going on and so many have been there to ask for my prayers, to pray for and with me.

My gratitude is deep and wide - I thank you all.

In no particular order I present the needs of the many. God of mercy, healing, hope and compassion, hear our cries to you in the night.

It broke my heart to read about the passing of Kara Hubbard, mom of the famous and infamous Matty Boy. He wrote a beautiful tribute to one fine woman. And clearly she was, as all evidence would point to, Matty is one fine man.

Sending you prayers and wishes of healing, consolation and peace Matthew Hubbard. Kara, rest in peace.

Far from her North Carolina home, our beautiful Jane is far from home and from +Maya, hard at work on Big Things. Send her love, prayers and good wishes. If you are good, she will buy a mocha at the magical mocha place and dedicate it to you!! We love you Jane!!

Roseann has not been doing so well. She worries about being a complainer. Shout your lungs out honey, what you are enduring is a bitch and you do it with such grace, such grit, such hope. On top of that, her husband Gary had an operation, which has only complicated things. Send them your good thoughts.

Laura's mom is very, very ill. Things do not look good. Your prayers are much appreciated.

**UPDATE** It is with great sadness that I read about Samantha's passing upon awaking today. May this angel rest in peace. I can't imagine what Bill and Justine are going through at this time. Please, please pray for them.** While I am married to my old college boyfriend, I did have other college boyfriends. Well one other one really.. Anyway, he and I have connected on FB and shared many a laugh. This is not a time for a laugh as his 12 year old daughter Samantha has a terrible illness and it is not getting better. Please pray for Samantha, Bill and Justine. From what I just read, Samantha may have only hours to live.

Remember Chris? She has been dealing with multiple health issues. She was supposed to have some major surgery in June, but it got postponed because she had a bad accident and had to have hand surgery. Let me tell you, it is not pretty. Chris has been a real trooper, but it has all basically sucked for her healthwise. Send a good thought or two her way. Plus it is her birthday on Sunday. Too bad she doesn't have a blog, you could send her wishes there. That said, she would be the one handed blogger right now and I don't think that would be fun.

While I know she does not want any attention, please send a good thought to our beloved Jewgirl, Katie Schwartz has her hands full. We do love us some Katie.

That is It's Margaret - with +Gene, freshly taken!

It is time for General Convention, where all the Episco-rati will be showing up. Not to make light of what will be a major event for my friends in the Episcopal Church, but it will be glittering with many people you know from these pages, such as Grandmere Mimi, , Elizabeth, Tobias Haller, It's Margaret, Susan Russell, Ann, Caminante and more.

In any event, a lot is at stake here, the ramifications of which go beyond the Episcopal Church and which are important LGBT matters. Pray, send good thoughts please.

On a final note, things are going better around here in general. No update for SIL but I will keep you all posted.

What are your needs? Silent or spoken, they do not go unnoticed, even when it feels like they do. Wishes of peace, healing and consolation for one and all.

Amma, Can You Spare A Hug?

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 23:02:00 +0000

I am sitting here in my kitchen, listening to NPR. Marketplace was just on, and I was actually only half-listening.

Then the last story came on and it totally caught my attention... It was a piece about Amma, also known as the "Hugging Saint."

What is this hugging saint business?

No, Amma is not dead, like a Catholic saint would be. Amma is quite alive and well according to the story. The story talked about her and her work, which is largely philanthropic.

No, Amma is not dead at all nor was she dead in the summer of 2006. I know this quite well for one reason.

I hugged her.

Or is it better put... Amma hugged me.

Yep. That is it.

So what was this Rosary toting Catholic doing at an Amma event? And getting hugged no less? Oh do let me tell you, should you care to know. If you don't care, that is cool. I am grateful to have my memory jogged and to be able to write about this one day in my life.

A woman I worked with invited me to come to see Amma with her. (I was still in NYC at the time.) This woman, someone I was briefly close with, but not regularly in touch with now, is someone who was sent to me by the angels indeed. In our brief acquaintance, she really drew my attention to some amazing things and things that changed the course of my life. Thank you KW for that. I see her on FB now and then, that makes me happy. I always wish for good things for this person.

So KW invites me to come see Amma and I am totally game for this. Catholic or not, I love the spiritual, the esoteric, so that alone was enough for me. We met on a very, very hot day. KW was wearing all white, I had on red pants (really fun red pants that I had bought on the beach in Eilat a few weeks earlier.) I came to realize that white was the way to go, but who knew? Oh well. My hug was not denied due to red trousers. (Most people at Amma events wear white.)

KW was insistent that we meet and go early and so we did. We got there and were directed to a line in order to get a ticket. Each ticket had some numbers and letters on it. I think ours was like J8 or something like that. Little did I know then that J8 at 8am would mean I would be getting my hug at 3:15.

The place was an old theatre in NYC. All the seats were removed from the main floor. At what would be the "back" of the theatre was a market of sorts, selling all sorts of Amma inspired goods. Saint or no saint - there are goods to be sold. And don't worry - you can get some too. For good or ill, Amma's empire fuels many philanthropic causes - many causes. She was one of the first to spring into action after the tsunami in 2005 and did amazing things. Whatever -I am just saying.

(this is what it looked like, but this is not the place where I was.)

The middle bit had seats in it,but they were all taken. That said, the front was just open and we sat there on the floor and waited. (KW had advised me to bring my yoga cushion, so I did.) There were talks going on up on the stage, music, slides and video. People were up and about and walking around. The time went quickly. We kept going back and forth to the shopping area. It was pretty cool. There were many people there, many from India and many other people as well.

In general the atmosphere was fun and there was a definite vibe of healing and spirituality in the air.

Finally it came time for Amma to come out and start her hugs. They started to call out number/letter combos to get in line. A1! A2! A3! and so forth. Remember, we are J8. I think it went from A1-10 and then B1-10, etc. And there were probably about 50 people per group. So it was a lot of people and a long, long time.

Then it was our time. My heart quickened. I went from not taking this so seriously to really wondering what this was all about. Now, I believe that God was made most manifest in Jesus Christ. I don't doubt however that God can be made manifest in many ways. Why not in Amma?

Amma's message is all about service and love - love and service, period. That is very clear from the start and I am always in need of love and trying to work out how to serve. My more basic selfish instincts are strong, so I like them challenged by these directives... Maybe I should say by these invitations. God never forces anyone to do anything ever, as I see it.

We are now in line. I am as nervous as a cat. I am praying as we slowly work our way up. Basically you kneel at Amma's feet - she is sitting in a low chair, close to the floor, sitting somewhat lotus-style.

She says something to you in Hindu (I think it is Hindu), just a few words, she looks you directly in the eye in a way that I will never forget. The look Amma gives you is a look imbued with as much love as I can imagine. (Fine, you can all think I've lost my mind, I am just telling you what happened to me.) Then she hugs you. It is the hug of the eternal mother-goddess-wisdom-healing-peace. It is a hug which envelops you completely and totally. It is the hug that changes your life.

One other element is that Amma has this scent - it is very Indian-Sandalwood-Incense like. To me it is like the odor of sanctity, and I must say I found it spiritually sensual, moving and a big part of the experience.

Poof - and then it is over. The whole transaction is about 10 seconds long. Time simultaneously stood still for those 10 seconds and also sped ahead. It was amazing.

I will tell you this - something happened. I'll get to that in a minute.

When I was listening to Marketplace, it said that Amma was only 55. I would think she is about 80 - there was something profoundly grandmotherly, in the best sense of that term, about her. And that is what the hug is like - the grandmother of all grandmothers has come to heal you in the deepest places, where the wounds truly are.

So what happened? Well, being the sacramental person that I am, meaning that real presence and encounter mean everything to me, I can tell you that I experienced something profound that day.

I don't believe in magic. Yes, each time I go to Catholic mass, I do believe in transubstantiation occurs and that I am consuming the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ. It isn't magic, it is transcendent and not at all supersticious to me.

Think of it as a chemical reaction if you will... Something changes and it does so profoundly. And for that change to take place, one must both give and receive in that sacramental moment during that encounter with the divine.

So something shifted in me that day. It wasn't just about Amma, but also about me and where I was at. I am deeply grateful, not just for the presence of KW in my life for a brief and powerful time, but for the great gifts she bestowed upon me, Amma being one of them.

The Marketplace story called Amma's fundraising "recession-proof."

And why wouldn't it be - in these times, perhaps rather than a dime, a hug is what is needed to be spared. And spared often, spared generously.

Amma, can you spare a hug?

Wassup?

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 01:49:00 +0000

OK, some quick updates.

First and foremost, things do not seem quite as dire regarding my SIL's health. It it too much to go into here, but we have reason to be optimistic at the moment.

She did cancel the trip to Hawaii, which Miss Thing has taken well. She also has decided, as I had mentioned already, that she will keep Skittles.

Thanks for the prayers, please feel free to keep them coming. We are all grateful.

Karen Zipdrive sent me a great book, Fall On Your Knees. I have been thoroughly enjoying reading it... Reading for pleasure, one of the joys of the summer off from school.

Then Pilgrim in A Pilgrim Church fell into my lap. I have jumped that ahead of Fall for a few reasons. Karen don't be mad! It is excellent and compelling to hear Weakland's story.

As ever, I am as deeply committed to and completely agitated by my church. Today when I was out with the dog, I heard a powerful and moving segment from This American Life. I had to come home as I was walking and weeping. If you want to listen, click here, let the page load and then fast forward to 39 minutes. The next 20 minutes will have you angry, laughing, crying and more. Amazing stuff.

Do you want to see THE BEST BLOG TEMPLATE EVER? I am not kidding you, for real. Go now, have a quick look - seriously. It is gorgeous.

On a related Episco-note, please offer your prayers and good wishes for those heading off to General Convention in Anaheim.

We had a great time at the local fireworks last night. When did I stop being tragically hip and start becoming a suburbanite? Sheesh. I can't complain, I am happy.

Hope you all had a GREAT fourth!!! Back to the grind.

Happy 5th of July - The New Order Edition

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 13:34:00 +0000

I was out walking Gracie in the sun (the sun!!!!) and the breeze and heard the word vigilante in a segment from "This American Life."

Then this song popped into my head - vigilante in the title, the word sun in almost the first line. So I am posting this and heading out into the gorgeous and amazing day.

When I Was Hungry, You Said - Get a job!

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 12:46:00 +0000

Jesus love for and care of the poor is at the heart of His ministry.

Not everyone quite gets that.

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Tip/Wag - Cynthia Davis & Fox News

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Karl Malden, Rest in Peace

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 20:01:00 +0000

Karl Malden, Rest in Peace.

This video is packed with great messages and I found it well worth the 6 minutes to watch it.

H/T to my blogfriend Paul, who I know from my other blogging life, for this one.

What About The Children?

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 02:17:00 +0000

Would you like to meet someone (perhaps you know him already) who is so wise?

Please please please please go visit Boxer Rebellion. He has written a GREAT great post about culture, LGBT issues, love, equality and... Disney.

I really hope that you can go read it and comment.

Here is an excerpt...

Where are all of the gay princesses?

I have had this article for a while about the fact that Disney movies elevate love to great heights, it can change laws, wake people from sleeping, and stop wars, but it has to be heterosexual love. All of the Disney stories and many other movies show the princess or others falling in love, but it is always in a opposite-sex relationship. The article discusses two different studies that show the power and influence that these repeated images have on children, how they are subtly and sometimes not so subtly taught that only heterosexuals can love. I had forgotten that I had bookmarked this article and when I found it again, yesterday, I started to think about a post about this exact topic. Then I started to think about all of the other issues with the Disney Princesses, they are all white or white looking, they are helpless, they need men to save them, in Snow White's case she did the dishes and cleaned up after seven men while they went to work, the Little Mermaid gave up her life and identity for a man, there are so many issues with the Princesses and then of course how does this affect the children especially the little girls who watch these movies over and over again.

He then goes on to speak about how he could bring LGBT friendly books into his classroom... and then muses on what that might bring. Very provocative stuff, filled with wisdom and grace from a young, heterosexual man who teaches children.

Go read the rest here...

The Teen Years Have Begun! Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl!

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:20:00 +0000

I couldn't love her more if she were my own.

She took in all the recent news remarkably well... We will see what happens. In any event, today she is 13. These are all photos she took of herself with photobooth.

Monday Monday

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 11:09:00 +0000

Good news on the Skittles front, if you have not read the updated post... For the time being, SIL is going to keep the dog. TBTG and thanks for all the prayers, support and practical advice (ie Russell Rescue) - I am deeply grateful.

Overall SIL is doing much better and will visit her oncologist this week and sort out details. Mr. HeIs is on vacation and will likely drive over to Central NY and go with her.

Now we have a new mountain to scale. Stepdaughter she is will turn 13 tomorrow. We celebrated her birthday yesterday. She got her "pony" - a new laptop computer. My husband really extended himself to do this, but he was intent upon doing this.

Her aunt was supposed to take her to Hawaii this summer and has cancelled the trip. I actually told SIL she should hold off on that decision until after she visited her oncologist and got the details of her treatment. Easy for me to say.

In any event, today we must tell little Miss Thing that her aunt is sick and that she is not going to Hawaii. Mr. HeIs will probably undertake this when I am at work today, although he said he might wait until tonight.

Monday Monday - can't trust that day.

*sigh*

Heading into it with gratitude, trust and faith anyway. If you read my Facebook note yesterday, you will know that this is no ordinary time, but risk taking time. Here I am Lord.

Thanks to each and every one of you for your presence on this journey.

UPDATED!!! Dog Crisis - Can You Help Find a Home for Skittles Please!

festinalente07@gmail.com (Fran) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 15:17:00 +0000

*********UPDATED**********
My SIL is reconsidering the haste with which she is approaching this. She has asked us to "hold off for now" on any plans to find Skittles a new home.

I am filled with gratitude. Thank you for all of your good thoughts and prayers, thanks be to God!
***********************************

This is one of the hardest posts that I will ever write. It is a long, long story that I can't go into right now. I did indicate in my last post that my sister in law had some bad health news. More about that at another time.

And this cannot CANNOT go on Facebook as my stepdaughter knows not one thing about this and she is on FB all the time. All will be revealed on Monday, which will be a very hard day.

Here is the dog crisis, she has decided that she can no longer take care of her dog. I think that she is making a big mistake, but that is me and if I know SIL, she will not look back.

We cannot take this dog. This dog used to live here. The dog is named Skittles. Skittles is a 7 year old Jack Russell Terrier. Skittles was given to my husband and Erica when the divorce was happening. This was just about the worst dog choice for this household. Skittles needed a lot of attention and did not get enough. (That is Skittles in the photo above.)

When I was moving in here we knew that BooBoo the Cat and Skittles the Dog would not make it together. At that point in time, SIL's dog had died and she decided to take Skittles. This has worked out well as she has given the dog the much needed training and attention required and Skittles is a pretty nice dog these days, in a very Jack Russell-y way. (they are high energy and they do bark.)

However, Skittles and BooBoo can't live together. I love my SIL, I love Skittles but I love my BooBoo and I can't see any way to find a home for the cat so that the dog can come here.

My SIL has put the responsibility to find a home (with pressure to the immediate; I suspect that Skittles will be here at least short term within a week. that means poor kitty is in the basement and many problems will follow.)

Skittles and Gracie ignore each other for the most part, but that is how Gracie is... she is blissfully oblivious to most other animals except for squirrels and chipmunks!

Skittles does get along with most dogs, just not cats. Skittles at 7 is much quieter than Skittles at 3, but does require either a large yard and lots of walking.

If you live anywhere in or around Central NY or Albany or can get to either place and you either want a very beautiful dog who cannot live with a cat, please let me know. My email is festinalente07 at gmail dot com.

I am also looking into Jack Russell rescue after talking to my vet.

Frankly I think that my SIL will regret not having the dog by her side as she navigates her health issues, but she is an immovable object at the moment. I also worry about the impact that this will have on my stepdaughter, who hated to see Skittles go, but also loves BooBoo so much. Visiting with Skittles is a huge joy for the girl and this will devastate her along with the news (to be told on Monday) about her aunt's health.

We are entering uncharted waters, please pray for SIL and all of us. I know most of you already are and I thank you.

Please help find a home for Skittles - and pray that my SIL realizes that this may be hasty and changes her mind before Skittles finds a new home.