Survivor

Happy Monday! Let's do our ABCs!

2012-01-16T16:01:00.000-06:00

– Available: Only to my sweetie. ;-)

– Age: 30

– Animals: Cats and dogs.

– Beer: Eww.

– Best friends: Om, Mandy, Vanessa, Michelle.

– Body Part on opposite sex: I usually go for the same sex, DH is the opposite sex though, and I love his eyes and shoulders. But that's just him. Same sex is eyes, face...and what's a nice way of saying I like boobs?

– Best feeling in the world: Love.

– Best weather: Blue sky, fluffy white clouds, slight breeze, about 75 degrees, I love looking at the puffy white clouds and making out shapes in them.

– Been in Love: Yes, still am. ;-)

– Been on stage: Yes. It was nerve wracking. It was just as bad to be a shot put thrower. Everyone was looking at me, it was like I was on a little stage all by myself. I was fine until halfway through my second season until I realized everyone was looking at me. After that it all went downhill and I didn't ever do a third season, but that's not the only reason.

– Believe in Magic: Of course. ;-)

– Believe in Santa: I believe in the spirit of joy and giving that Santa represents.

– Brand: Clothes: Kmart. They have great prices and the clothes always fit so good (except that really, really cheap brand-it sucks).

– Candy: Chocolate...dark chocolate, milk chocolate, chocolate with almonds, hazelnuts, or peanuts...

– Color: Pink. Pink and brown, actually.

– Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate!

– Chinese/Indian/Italian: Chinese food. DH and I go to this little place about ten minutes from our house. They are really cheap and the food is really good. I hope that's a good thing.

– Cake or pie: Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Are you noticing a chocolate trend?

– Cheese: I love it! Especially sharp cheddar, baby swiss, provalone, and of course, chocolate cheesecake.

– Day or Night: Nighttime.

– Dancing in the rain: Yes! I don't know if I could dance now, but I loved doing it when I could. :-)

– Eyes: Hazel green/blue/brown. That's a picture of my real eyes below.

– Ever failed a class?: Yes, I didn't withdraw from the class formerly because I didn't know I was supposed to, so all my grades dropped to Fs. :-(

– Enemies: All former abusers. I hate them all.

– Exercise: Alas, no.

– First thoughts waking up: If DH is in bed my first thought is to kiss him, if he's not in bed when I wake up my first thought is, where is DH?

– Food: I like it as much as any normal person. Except chocolate. I really, really love chocolate. That's why I'm trying really hard to stay away from it.

– Greatest Fear: Something happening to DH. After that one, my greatest fear is lupus...what it does to my friends mainly. I think I'd be more scared to get a lupus diagnosis than a cancer diagnosis, not that I want either!!!

– Get along with your parents: No, no, no. The Order of Protection I have against them is expired, and there is no way I'm getting within 100 miles of them ever again.

– Hair Color: Light brown.

– Happy: Sometimes.

– Holiday: My favorite holiday is Christmas!

– Ice Cream: Chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce and brownie chunks. Hiland makes it and it's called Chocolate Brownie Fudge.

– Jewelry: I don't wear any on a regular basis. When I do wear jewelry it's my Medic Alert necklace.

– Job: Kittymommy.

– Kids: I want one in the near future.

– Kickboxing or karate: The only thing I know about them is the Karate Kid did karate and Tae-Bo is a form of kickboxing.

– Keep a journal?: I have all my life, but not so much since I haven't been able to hand write.

– Love: Love makes life worth living.

– Laughed so hard you cried: I can't remember the last time, but I've done it.

- Milk flavor: Skim in my cereal, otherwise the milk has to be in something, i.e. cheese or yogurt, for me to ingest it. I do like vanilla and chocolate (of course!) soy milk, though.

– Movies: My all-time favorite is probably Napoleon Dynamite.

– Motion sickness: I get very nauseated in the car sometimes, but don't throw up.

– Number: 3, 16. When I was a little girl my Daddy used to sing me "Sixteen Candles," and 16 has been my favorite number since then.

– One wish: For my family (DH, me, our future child) to be safe, healthy, and happy.

– Perfect Pizza: Imo's St. Louis style pizza with sausage, pepperoni, hamburger, onion, and extra cheese.

– Pepsi/Coke: Pepsi Max (it's diet pepsi with loads of extra caffeine)

– Perfume/Cologne: I really like Burberry Body.

– Quail: Um, do you mean have I ever been quail hunting? No, I haven't, but my dad used to go.

– Reason to cry: Just about any strong emotion makes me cry.

– Reality T.V: Trashy.

– Radio Station: Pandora and AOL Radio.

– Song: "All Summer Long" by Kid Rock.

– Shoe size: 10, in some shoes it is a 10 wide.

– Salad Dressing: Vinaigrettes.

– Skinny dip: If I had the chance.

– Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries.

– Sport: I like to watch "kitty boxing." Kitty boxing is when the cats are playing and tumbling over each other. It's so adorable!

– Sex: Female.

– Tattoos?: No. The idea of it being there permanently when I may not want it later makes me say no. The only tattoo I would consider is Togy's name on my ankle with some small feminine design.

– Thunderstorms: I hate them when I'm home alone, and they aren't much better when DH is here. I hate thunderstorms.

– Unpredictable: Not really, but my moods sure as hell are. Thank you, bipolar.

– Vacation spot(s): England, Wales, Ireland, and Australia are my dream vacation spots.

Hadrian's Wall - I want to go here so bad!

– Weakness: I'm very sensitive.

– Who makes you laugh the most: DH and the cats. Next would be my friends on Twitter. ;-)

– Worst Weather?: Ice storms.

– X-Rays: My hand, I don't remember which one, though. I couldn't get my finger back in after over an hour of trying and it was really painful, so I went to the ER. I ended up getting it back in myself, but they still insisted on X-Rays. When I got my X-Ray I did the whole "flying bird sign" thing. It's a neat trick that EDS affords me. I'm not supposed to do it, but it looks so cool when I do funky stuff with my hands. That is probably why my hands are getting worse. I thought I'd get to see my X-Rays and I thought that would look cool, without disturbing the information the doctor needed. I didn't get to see the X-Rays, though. :-(

-Year it is now: 2012.

-Yellow: The closest yellow thing to me is my yellow highlighter.

– Zoo animal: Zebras!

Please help save this disabled child's life!

2012-01-13T20:49:00.000-06:00

Disabled people have been treated badly for a long, long time. Disabled people shouldn't be treated like that, but even more so a disabled child. Today I read about a little disabled girl named Amelia. She's been through a whole lot, and has a lot more to go through. Amelia has mental retardation and needs a kidney transplant to save her young life. The doctor who makes the recommendation to the transplant team is recommending against Amelia getting a kidney transplant because she is mentally retarded. Read that sentence again, I know its hard to believe. Amelia will die without a new kidney. This doctor is virtually signing her death warrant just because she is developmentally delayed.

What can you do?

You can sign this petition at change.org to be given to the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Change.org has caused many changes for the better across the world.

Please sign the petition here.

To read more about Amelia's story go here.

Endo today

2012-01-13T12:10:00.000-06:00

Today I am going to see my endocrinologist at University Hospital. I'm really glad to finally be seeing him, as I have all the symptoms of my thyroid being low. I imagine he will increase my Synthroid, but I also think that he will need to run some blood tests first. He will be doing an ultra-sound of my thyroid, too. Last time I went I think I had two or three nodules on my thyroid and one on my parathyroid. The right side of my thyroid was also enlarged.

I love this woman's thyroid art

According to Mayo Clinic and Women to Women, symptoms of hypothyroid are:

Sluggishness
Increased sensitivity to cold
Constipation
Pale, dry skin
A puffy face
An elevated blood cholesterol level
Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness
Pain, stiffness or swelling in your joints
Muscle weakness
Heavier than normal menstrual periods
Depression
Severe fatigue, loss of energy
Weight gain, difficulty losing weight
Headaches
Dry skin, brittle nails
Brittle hair, itchy scalp, hair loss
Irregular periods, PMS symptoms
Calcium metabolism difficulties
Difficulty tolerating cold and lower body temperature
Sleeping more than average
Diminished sex drive
Puffiness in face and extremities
Hoarseness
Bruising/clotting problems
Elevated levels of LDL (the “bad” cholesterol) and heightened risk of heart disease
Allergies that suddenly appear or get worse
Persistent cold sores, boils, or breakouts
Tingling sensation in wrists and hands that mimics carpal tunnel syndrome
Memory loss, fuzzy thinking, difficulty following conversation or train of thought
Slowness or slurring of speech
Appearance of a goiter, an enlargement of the thyroid that is externally visible

I've got a lot of these symptoms, so I think my thyroid levels are low. I haven't had any lab tests done in awhile, its actually been over two years. Like I said, though, he will be doing an ultra-sound.

By the way, this month is Thyroid Disease Awareness Month!

The first "Twitter Thursday"

2012-01-12T18:46:00.000-06:00

I'm going to try "Twitter Thursdays," for awhile, and see how it goes over. What is Twitter Thursday, you ask? It's a compilation of ten really interesting tweets that I see tweeted today, Thursday. So, here goes...

Goodbye and so long 2011!

2011-12-31T11:43:00.000-06:00

This year was a long, horrible year. At times it seemed like the misery would never end, though a few good things did happen this year. I've decided to do my year end blog entry a little different than usual, just to mix things up. I want to concentrate less on the quality of 2011 and more on the awesomeness that 2012 holds.

January

It's cold outside- so dress up for a luau!

February

My sweetie got me a big frosted chocolate chip cookie for Valentine's Day

March

The conception of my garden

April

My flowers coming along nicely :-)

May

My Topsy Turvy tomatoes

June

I never did remember what I planted in the maroon pot

July

My Morning Glories

August

Niki worn out from playing with string

September

Our country's beautiful flag flying on a blue-skied September day

October

Katya, when she was a tiny little kitten

November

Our Thanksgiving ham--yum, yum!

December

Christmas gift from my lovely friend

2012 is going to be a great year!

Happy New Year!

Cough, cough

2011-12-30T17:53:00.000-06:00

I have done a ton of cleaning over the past few days. I'm keeping my fingers crossed I don't flare. Over the past four weeks, I've had one flare a week, sometimes lasting two days, and sometimes lasting one day. They have been short in length but they happen often.

I've got a horrible cough now, I have been coughing since I woke up this morning. Yesterday I coughed some, and the day before that a little. I hope I'm not getting a cold or something, because they often send me into a flare. My nose isn't runny, thankfully, it's just a really sore throat and a dry cough, but I do occasionally cough up yellow gunk. Eww! I've been reading online what to do for a cough and two pages suggested drinking chamomile tea, so I'm going to do that in a minute. I think it is mainly to soothe the throat, which sounds just fine.

DH's surgeon's appointment is upcoming, but on the same day as my doctor appointment. We have to reschedule one or the other, I want to reschedule mine. DH's first appointment with his surgeon is my priority. He has a horrible inguinal hernia that needs surgery very soon. I'm very, very worried about him. It's bad enough that if he doesn't hold his guts in while he coughs his skin balloons up and starts gurgling where the bowel is. He does it a lot when he coughs in his sleep and it really scares me. It took a couple weeks of that before I convinced him to see a doctor. Now I have to convince him that his doctor appointment is much more important than mine right now.

I've decided to start eating healthy again this year. When I was single I ate very healthy, and was at my perfect weight. Now I can no longer jog, I've gained weight, and I eat too much junk food. That has to change! My first goal is to lose three pounds in the month of January. Weight comes off much slower when you can't really do cardio workouts. I don't believe in fad diets, because they are so bad for your health. I've lost 100 pounds before and I know what I have to eat to make the weight come off. For me, high fiber and low fat is the trick. I've decided to make monthly weight loss goals, like my three pound goal. We even got batteries for the scale, so I can weigh myself once a week and keep track of it.

My dry cough is turning into a productive cough. Now I'm coughing up icky yellow stuff every time. Like I said before...ewww! Well, I do believe my DH is home, so I am going to spend some time with him.

Take care!

A new normal or a just big chicken?

2011-12-27T20:25:00.002-06:00

For those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile, you already know about my neck pain and headaches, which started a little over two years ago. Somedays I'm in bed all day with ice packs on my neck, but the last couple of weeks I haven't had to. I was given an appointment with a neurosurgeon by my rheumy, but I don't want to see a surgeon until I have seen another doctor. I am afraid his answer would be surgery. I have absolutely no interest in going under the knife. (Just so I'm clear, I'm not saying that people who have surgery want to, unless it is elective, such as a breast augmentation.) Besides, I just don't think the place to start is a neurosurgeon, or surgeon of any kind.

I was going to make an appointment with another specialist, whose specialty I can't remember at the moment (is it called an orthopedist maybe?). Instead I decided not to call. I think perhaps my neck pain may be fibro pain and that there isn't anything the doctor could do. It is really hard on me to ride in the car all the way to University Hospital, so I try and trim my doctor appointments down to only the ones I really, really need. Read more about fibro and neck pain here.

Of course there is always the chance with EDS it is something more serious. I hope not, though, and I have a lucky feeling. Read more about EDS and neck pain here.

So, my idea is that my neck pain is a "new normal" for me and I'd better just get used to it. I think I already am becoming used to it because I don't have to think about not turning my head anymore, I just don't do it on instinct. It's been a long time since I've been able to to turn my head all the way, and I do miss it. My neck pops, clunks, and grinds, but I think that happens with fibro, too. I'm not one hundred percent sure on that one, though. My collarbone popped three times in the last three days when I was coughing. It is very disconcerting! I think that this is also, normal, though, for anyone, not just for spoonies.

If it is fibro, there is no reason to go to see another specialist. I do need to see my cardiologist again, now that I know I have POTS (Postural Othrostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). I have a lot of POTS symptoms still, but rarely actually faint. The other symptoms are bad enough for me to definitely need treatment. They really interfere with my life. I think I definitely need to talk to my cardiologist. I need to go see the people that make foot orthodics, too. I have to have some made, and I already have the script for it. I think Medicare will pay for it. I hope it gets rid of some of my foot pain and helps align my ankles, knees, and hips, thus taking weight off it it.

I had a nice Christmas. DH and I spent most of the day snuggling each other and the kitties. I couldn't have asked for a better present! This Christmas it was just our family; DH, me, and our three furbabies Sterling, Niki, and Katya. I can't believe how lucky I am to have DH and our babies. I also got some gifts from my pen pals, Laura, Rhonda, and Jo. I made some small gifts for my friends and will be sending them out along with their late Christmas cards, in January.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T11:30:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas!!

I hope, you, my dear readers, have a wonderful Christmas with your friends and family.

Merry Christmas Eve!

2011-12-24T20:22:00.000-06:00

Today is Christmas Eve, and day #2 of my flare. I slept for four hours today, which was awesome, because I'd rather be in pain in my sleep than when I'm awake. I know I dreamed a lot, but I don't remember my dreams. That's another good thing, because my dreams while I'm in severe pain are always horrific nightmares. My neck feels like it is broken but I'm trying to hold it up anyway. Everything hurts, and I mean everything. My earlobes even hurt! I'm not sure why my earlobes hurt, and I didn't know fibro could accomplish that, bit apparently it can.

I've very excited about Christmas tomorrow, even if I am in a lot of pain right now. We didn't put up a tree this year, along with many other cat lovers/people owned by cats across the world. We are planning on making each other gifts on Christmas together. I'm really looking forward to it!

We haven't watched any Christmas movies yet this year, but I hope to watch some tonight and tomorrow. I don't think DH is fond of Christmas movies, so we'll see. They aren't as much fun to watch by yourself. I thought I'd make a list of My Top 15 Favorite Christmas movies list.

1. Mickey's Christmas Carol starring Scrooge McDuck, Mickey Mouse, and Minnie Mouse

2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas starring Boris Karloff

3. A Charlie Brown Christmas starring Charlie Brown and Lucy

4. Garfield's Christmas starring Garfield and Odie

5. The Polar Express starring Tom Hanks

6. The Bishop's Wife starring Cary Grant and Loretta Young

7. The Lemon Drop Kid starring Bob Hope

8. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation starring Chevy Chase and Randy Quaid

9. Home Alone 1 & 2 starring Macaulay Culkin and Joe Pesci

10. The Santa Clause 1, 2, & 3 starring Tim Allen

11. Elf starring Will Ferrell

12. Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer starring Burl Ives

13. Frosty the Snowman starring Jimmy Durante

14. Santa Claus is Coming to Town starring Mickey Rooney

15. White Christmas starring Bing Crosbey, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney, and Vera Ellen

What are your favorites?

Merry Christmas Eve!!

Good morning!

2011-12-23T11:25:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was the winter solstice, so that means from here on out the days will be getting longer and the nights will be getting shorter. It was also the first day of winter, so here on out we can now say we are having winter snowstorms, next time it snows, that is.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I'm so excited. This is our kitty Katya's first holiday season. So far she loves Christmas. She's been playing as much lately as any time, which is a lot, so I'm taking that to mean she loves Christmas. Right now she is sitting on the couch near me cleaning her face and paws. Her and Niki are best friends now, and her and Sterling also get along great.

I am in the middle of my regular morning routine, which is:

Wonder how I could have slept on my shoulder/neck/ knee, hip, etc. so wrong to make it hurt so bad
Make DH some coffee
Pick up each kitty and kiss them
Take turns with DH on watering and feeding the kitties
Wash my face
Brush my hair
Get my Pepsi Max (I think I'd die without it)
Check gmail
Check Twitter
Check Facebook
Fill out my sponsored tweets of the day
Put on either wrist braces or arthristis gloves
Put on Oval-8s (finger splints)
Wonder again how I could have slept on my shoulder/neck/ knee, hip, etc. so wrong to make it hurt so bad
Take Aspirin if the pain is too much
Wish I didn't take Aspirin because my heartburn then stomach upset is almost immediate
Rub Aspercreme on most needed small area body spots, as needed
Make a cup of tea - two Splendas
Make an entry in my pain journal
Wonder again how I could have slept on my shoulder/neck/ knee, hip, etc. so wrong to make it hurt so bad
Take my meds
Eat crackers
Take my vitamins
Eat breakfast when I don't feel sick to my stomach

I'm about halfway down my morning routine list now, but I'm already sleepy. Today my pain levels are pretty high, so I'm going to probably be messing around online to try and bring them down some.

Yesterday I entered a lot of blog contests, I'll probably do the same today. I worry that people will get pissed at me for all the contest posting on Twitter and Facebook. I really hope they don't, but I have to do the posting to get more entries. Well, I do believe I'll be off to the blog contests now.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve!!

Classes over!

2011-12-21T17:42:00.000-06:00

I have now completed my first semester of grad school! Yay! I'm so excited!

Two of my three text books (the other is a lot bigger) and my inspiration in a frame

Once my hands get back to normal (not hurting so bad from writing so much for class) I'll be able to start blogging again and more regularly.

"The Creek"

2011-12-18T14:32:00.000-06:00

I wrote this in June 2009.

“The Creek”

Slosh, slosh.

Red rain boots stomp

through the almost stagnant water.

She cups her hands,

cradling a jellied

mass of tadpoles.

I’ll raise these on my own,

she says.

Slosh, slosh.

The red rain boots go inside,

only to watch the tadpoles petrify, die.

Her nose isn’t safe

from the rotten smells,

yet childlike hope keeps her waiting, waiting,

for them to wake up.

Slosh, slosh,

he is waiting outside.

Seeking his approval

she catches him a crawdad.

It pinches her,

she bites her lip not to cry in front of him.

She wants to be brave.

He points out a rock,

slick with the slime of summer.

It used to be a frog, he says.

He lies.

She bites her lip,

tastes blood.

I hate you,

he tells her.

The tears slip out.

I love you,

I want to have a friend,

she whispers.

She wonders if the words should not

have passed her lips,

wondering if he won’t be her friend now.

She chastises herself on the inside,

where its safe.

Only she can hear herself speak now.

Loudly,

I’ll do anything,

she says.

She leans into his ear,

In a child’s whisper,

can I still be your friend?

Her eyes water as she stares into the sun.

God lives there, she knows.

Should she turn out her heart to Him,

or keep it safe inside?

I want to be a good girl,

she spells it to herself over and over.

I want to be a good girl.

She smiles, her mind lost in thought,

her fingers absently

bringing the ends of her hair to her mouth.

God lives behind the sun.

If she stares hard enough she could see Him.

Quietly, her eyes streaming,

she wonders if God would want to listen.

Turning her head toward damp earth,

she is suddenly chilled.

She holds her tears inside,

instead she follows him through the water,

deeper into the woods,

her red rain boots making

the only noise she can hear.

Slosh, slosh.

~Amy

June 2009

Started Magnesium

2011-12-08T05:59:00.000-06:00

I'm taking an incomplete in my last class, Business and Organizational Writing. I've had a lot of health problems since class started, about seven weeks ago, hence the reason for the long absences lately. My bipolar, chronic pain, and epilepsy have all been kicking my ass. I need to have all my work in by the 20th. I've been working on my assignments but I don't feel like I'm doing it good enough. My professor is excellent, and while I know I will be a better writer because of her tough grading, I still need good grades to stay in grad school. That means I really need to increase the quality of my writing, or at least write to her specifications. Her remarks always make a lot of sense, though, and she explains why she marks something wrong. This is my second class (my first semester) and I'm really impressed with my university. I'm really excited about my next classes for the Spring 2012 semester. I'm taking a class on political writing and a class on financial writing. Awesome, huh? I'm so excited! DH says the excitement over grad school wears off eventually, and it certainly did during my undergrad, but this euphoria hasn't worn off yet.

Our new kitty, Katya, and Niki are becoming best friends. They actually curled up together today, touching even, and went to sleep. It was so cute. I got a picture of them, but by then they had moved a few inches apart.

I started taking magnesium after reading quite a few good things about it. The Dysautonomia Information Network has this to say about POTS, EDS, and magnesium:

Magnesium may be helpful to a number of POTS patients. Magnesium is sometimes prescribed to POTS patients with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Some patients report a decrease in arrhythmias after taking this mineral daily for a few weeks. Magnesium deficiency can cause many of the symptoms associated with POTS. Excessive norepinephrine levels can deplete magnesium levels. Magnesium should be used cautiously as it can lower blood pressure.

In the US Library of Medicine article on EDS hypermobility type:

Supplemental magnesium and/or potassium anecdotally may provide some muscle relaxation and pain relief. Diarrhea, nausea, and sedation are the most common side effects. Specific validated dose recommendations do not exist.

Dr. Weil says this about POTS and magnesium:

I suggest taking supplemental magnesium, which may help slow the rapid heartbeats characteristic of POTS. Start with 125 mg of magnesium twice daily and move up slowly to 250 mg twice daily, advancing every couple of weeks to get to 500 mg twice daily if you don't get symptom relief with lesser doses. Look for magnesium citrate, chelate, or glycinate. Avoid magnesium oxide, which can be irritating. Add calcium (500 mg twice daily) if the magnesium causes loose stools.

Physiopedia has an article about EDS; "Supplemental magnesium/potassium - muscle relaxation and pain relief" appears under the medication header.

About.com Fibromyalgia guide has this to say about fibromyalgia and magnesium:

Magnesium malate combines magnesium and malic acid. Both substances help produce energy in the form of adenosine triphosphate (ATP), which studies show can be deficient in fibromyalgia (FMS) and chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS or ME/CFS). Magnesium helps cells form and maintains muscles, bones and nerves. Some research supports magnesium malate for boosting energy and alleviating the pain and tenderness of FMS. Many doctors and patients say they've had success with it, but one controlled study showed it was no more effective than placebo. More studies need to be done on whether these supplements are helpful.

The alternative medicine site at About.com has this to say about fibromyalgia and magnesium:

Magnesium is a mineral found naturally in foods such as green leafy vegetables, nuts, seeds, and whole grains and in nutritional supplements. Magnesium is needed for more than 300 biochemical reactions. Magnesium, along with malic acid (a fruit acid found naturally in apples) are often suggested for people with fibromyalgia because they are both needed for the generation of energy in cells in the form of adenosine triphosphate (ATP). However, one study of 97 people found no association between magnesium levels and fibromyalgia. A double-blind study examined the effectiveness and safety of magnesium (50 mg three times a day) and malic acid (200 mg three times a day) in 24 people with fibromyalgia. After 4 weeks, the magnesium/malic acid combination was not more effective than placebo.The participants later received 6 months of the combination in larger doses (up to 300 mg magnesium and 1200 mg malic acid per day) for 6 months. This time, the combination resulted in a significant improvement in pain and tenderness, however, this portion of the study was open label (both the researchers and participants know which treatment is being administered) and not blinded, so the results, while promising, cannot be used as evidence that the combination was effective. Further studies are needed.

A magnesium deficiency is common with hypothyroidism, if there is a deficiency magnesium supplements can help a lot. Magnesium supplements can also improve insulin sensitivity, a problem with PCOS that can eventually cause diabetes.

I also want to check out some other vitamins and herbs. I already take a multi-vitamin, fish oil, B Complex, Vitamin C, Vitamin D, and Calcium. I'd like to go back on Ginkgo biloba and Chondroitin/Glucosamine. I've heard a lot about MSM, Malic Acid, CoQ10, Carnitine, and 5-HTP, as well. I'd like to start one new vitamin, mineral, or herb at a time. I want to do more research on these other supplements and herbs. I am not sure what new supplement I want to try in January, but I imagine it will be either Malic Acid or Ginkgo Biloba. I was going to get some glucosamine and chondroitin this month, but it proved way too expensive. They sold some at Dollar Tree, which excited me at first. Once DH and I looked at the mg's in it, though, we realized I'd have to take eight pills a day to get the same dose as a regular bottle of it at Wal-Mart. It would end up being expensive and swallowing all those pills makes me sick to my stomach. I ate crackers with all my vitamins today and it helped a lot, because I didn't feel sick after I swallowed them all.

DH also makes me ginger tea from a fresh ginger root. It's annoying to make and it feels really slow when I am in a lot of pain. The tea really works well for pain relief, though. I want to see if I can find ginger tea at the store that would do the same thing, or almost as good. I think it tastes horrible, but that is probably because I don't like ginger.

Pain diary/Food diary for the last two weeks

2011-12-05T20:06:00.000-06:00

Tuesday 22 November 2011

Food:
2 bowls blueberry morning
skim milk
coffee with creamer
ice cream
biscuits
Cambell's sausage gravy

Pain:
wake: 11:15 am
pain 5/10
stiffness is minimal
low pain
able to walk around the house without problems
energy higher than normal
9ish:
pain wave/pain spike
pain 8/10
11:26 pm
pain 7/10

Wednesday 23 November 2011

Food:
blueberry morning
skim milk
Lean Cuisine Chicken Club
Coffee with non-fat creamer
2 bites of a peach
lasagna
nonfat cottage cheese with crushed pineapple in its own juices

Pain:
wake: 11:15 am
pain 6/10
8:20 pm
back, hip, thigh pain 7/10
went to grocery store
slightly subluxed left hip
all day: average 6/10

Thursday 24 November 2011

Food:
THANKSGIVING
2 frozen waffles with no syrup
ham with cherries and pineapples
Stovetop stuffing
2 rolls
Cranberry/rasberry lite sauce
Pumpkin pie with fat free cool whip

Pain:
Forgot Meds Last Night
wake: 9:30 am
stiffness 8/10
pain 8/10
fatigue 8/10
couldn't even lift my hands to brush my hair I was so fatigued
later:
nap from neck pain
pain 8/10
4:27 pm
neck pain 8/10
fatigue 7/10
overall pain 8/10
8:15 pm:
neck 8/10
overall pain 7/10
fatigue 7/10

Friday 25 November 2011

Food:
Cranberry/rasberry lite sauce Thanksgiving leftovers
4 frozen waffles with no syrup
1 orange
3 bites pumpkin pie with fat free cool whip

Pain:
wake: 7:45 am
pain lower than yesterday
very stiff
pain 6/10
5:19 pm:
stiff
back, leg pain
pain 7/10
1:30 am
back pain
sore throat all day - feels like a golf ball is stuck in it
throat very red, but not swollen
pain 7/10

Saturday 26 November 2011

Food:
orange
chocolates
3 pieces of pizza

Pain:
wake: 11:15 am
pain in right shoulder, back, legs, hips
pain 7/10
fatigue 5/10
FLARE
pain - severe
crying from pain
shoulders, back, legs, hips, elbows, neck pain
pain 9/10
8:12 pm:
neck, back, shoulders, legs, knees, hips, buttocks, feet
pain 8/10
fatigue 7/10

Sunday 27 November 2011

Food:
2 pieces toast with margarine
2 bowls bran flakes
skim milk
chocolate cool whip

Pain:
wake: 10:45 am
pain all over
stiff
pain 7/10
12:00 noon
severe hand, feet, toe pain
crying from pain
pain 8/10
5:09 pm:
back, arm, hand, torso, breasts, legs, hips, knees, groin, ankles, calves, thighs, shoulders, neck pain
pain 8/10
fatigue 7/10
6:00 pm
seizure
7:05 pm
cold, achy
beat up feeling, sore, feel like I've been kicked all over
Stayed up all night to work on a writing assignment

Monday 28 November 2011

Food:
Lean Cuisine Chicken Club
Skinny Cow chocolate
Sugar free strawberry jello/sugar free strawberry fluffy stuff
nonfat cottage cheese with crushed pineapple
frozen fried clams (we cooked them in the oven)
pizza rolls

Pain:
Only slept 1 1/2 hours because I was studying
Forgot night meds last night
wake: 5:00 am (after sleeping 1 1/2 hours)
hurt all over!
eyes dry, jaw, neck, shoulders back, arms, elbows, wrists, hands, hips, torso, breasts, knees, legs, ankles, feet, fingers, toes pain
bad POTS day
pain 7/10
fatigue 7/10

Tuesday 29 November 2011

Food:
bran flakes
skim milk
chocolate pie
pizza rolls

Pain:
wake: 11:15 am
slept good, deep sleep
stiff, achy
pain 6/10
3:38 pm
back, arm, leg, ankles, foot, hip pain
pain 5/10
fatigue 5/10

Wednesday 30 November 2011

Food:
bran flakes
skim milk
chocolate pie
fish sticks with ketchup

Pain:
FLARE
Forgot last night's meds
all day 9/10, close to a 10/10
lots of tears
incredible pain
fatigue is horrible

Thursday 01 December 2011

Food:
cherry poptarts
fried rice
crab ragoon with sweet and sour sauce
sesame chicken

Pain:
wake: 8:00 am
wrists, shoulders, back, legs, hips, buttocks, toes pain
pain 8/10
fatigue 7/10
Started taking magnesium today

Friday 02 December 2011

Food:
2 bowls bran flakes
skim milk
leftover fried rice
leftover sesame chicken

Pain:
Stayed up all night
back, ankles, knees, left leg pain
pain 7/10
2 naps today
9:39 pm:
neck, hips, buttocks, thighs pain
pain 7/10

Saturday 03 December 2011

Food:
bran flakes
skim milk
3 pieces pizza

Pain:
wake: 9:00ish
stiff, achy
pain 7/10
chased Niki and pulled a muscle in my back
pain is 8/10
7:20 pm:
severe back pain all day
pain 7/10 after laying down and drinking ginger tea

Sunday 04 December 2011

Food:
2 bowls bran flakes
skim milk
2 maraschino cherries
1 bowl ice cream
BBQ tortilla chip
3 pieces pizza

Pain:
Pulled muscle in back yesterday
wake: 11:30 am
back pain!!!
pain 8/10

Monday 05 December 2011

Food:
coffee with creamer
bran flakes
skim milk
ice cream
BBQ tortilla chips
Lean Cuisine Chicken Club
Crunch 'n Munch

Pain:
wake: 9:15 am
pain 7/10
12:15 pm:
back, stomach, legs, neck pain
shaky when standing
nauseated from taking vitamins on an empty stomach
really nauseated when bending over
pain 7/10
7:50 pm:
shoulders, back, arms, fingers, hips pain
bad POTS day
pain 7/10 and rising

"Pain Rehab"

2011-11-26T15:45:00.000-06:00

"Pain Rehab"

sung to the tune (and based on) the song "Rehab," written and performed by Amy Winehouse

lyrics by Amy

(this song refers to pain therapy and rehabilitation not drug rehab!)

They tried to make me go to pain rehab, I said, "No, no, no."

Yes, I've been in chronic pain, but when I bounce back you'll know, know, know."
I ain't got the time and if my doctor thinks I'm fine,
He's tried to make me go to pain rehab, I won't go, go, go.

I'd rather be at home with my Biofreeze,
I ain't got seventeen heat packs.
'Cause there's nothing, there's nothing you can teach me,
That I can't learn from my spoonie friends.

I got a lot of chronic pain,
It's so much worse when it rains.

They tried to make me go to pain rehab, I said, "No, no, no."

Yes, I've been in chronic pain, but when I bounce back you'll know, know, know."
I ain't got the time and if my doctor thinks I'm fine,
He's tried to make me go to pain rehab, I won't go, go, go.

The doctor said, "Why do you think you're here?"
I said, "I'm in so much pain."
I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my mind!
So I always keep a ice pack handy.

The doctor said, "I just think you're depressed,
It's probably all in your head."

They tried to make me go to pain rehab, I said, "No, no, no."

Yes, I've been in chronic pain, but when I bounce back you'll know, know, know."

I don't ever wanna hurt again,
I just, ooh, I just need some Aspercreme.
I'm gonna keep a positive attitude,
Let's encourage each other!
And it's not just my pain,
It's also this darn fatigue.

They tried to make me go to pain rehab, I said, "No, no, no."

Mayo Clinic in Minnesota Pain Rehabilitation Center
The Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago (this refers to physical, pain, pulmonary, stroke, etc. rehabilitation, not drug rehab!)
Glover Physical Therapy and Pain Rehabilitation

Bipolar...kicking my ass

2011-11-18T19:34:00.000-06:00

I'm not doing good. Not at all. I'll get through it, but that's because you have two choices in life, you either get through it or you die. I had a mania episode last week (was it last week?). Then I, not surprisingly, hit depression. Bipolar depression tends to be more severe than unipolar depression (also called major depression). When I was manic I was having fun. My pain levels were lower, my mood was elevated...it was just all around great. I even considered cutting my meds in half to keep the high going, which I haven't admitted until now. I did semi-accidentally forget my medicine twice for that reason, even though I knew that it increased my risk of developing psychotic symptoms of mania or hitting bottom with depression. I had no money and I am too physically ill to leave the house so there wasn't much I didn't feel there was much I could do self-destruction wise. I felt safe.

Then, like clock-work, depression hit. I bottomed out, and combined with my other mental illnesses (Complex-PTSD, SAD, anxiety, panic attacks, etc...) it is just too much. I thought I was hiding the mania really well, until I talked to DH about it one night and he said that it was very obvious and of course he knew. So...I thought I was hiding my depression even better. I told DH yesterday that I've been hiding it pretty good so he probably doesn't realize, but I'm really depressed. He ended up surprising me by telling me that he's known for awhile and that it is, again, very obvious. I'm not the actress I think I am, apparently.

I started a blog for Invisible Illness Awareness Week about bipolar, and though it is no longer Invisible Illness Awareness Week, I want to finish the blog and post it later. I already, during the awareness week, wrote two blogs about bipolar, which can be accessed here and here. I've been calling out for help the only way I know how...a bit on Facebook, and a lot on Twitter and now Daily Strength. It's just too much right now. Everything is too much. Right now even eating is too stressful to do. Plus I feel sick from anxiety and depression and have no desire to feel sicker with a full tummy. I tend to either eat a lot or nothing when I am cycling, whether it is mania or depression.

I started using my lightbox this morning. I started out using it last year-or was it the year before? I didn't keep it up though, so it didn't help much. I think it is a cruel joke that Seasonal Affective Disorder is called SAD. Basically SAD, according to Pub Med Health is:

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is episodes of depression that occur at a certain time of the year, usually during winter.
Causes, incidence, and risk factors
The disorder may begin during the teen years or in early adulthood. Like other forms of depression, it occurs more often in women than in men.
People who live in places with long winter nights are at greater risk for SAD. A less common form of the disorder involves depression during the summer months.
Other factors that may make SAD more likely include:
Amount of light

Body temperature

Genes

Hormones

Symptoms
Symptoms usually build up slowly in the late autumn and winter months. Symptoms are usually the same as with depression:
Increased appetite with weight gain (weight loss is more common with other forms of depression)

Increased sleep and daytime sleepiness (too little sleep is more common with other forms of depression)

Less energy and ability to concentrate in the afternoon

Loss of interest in work or other activities

Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement

Social withdrawal

Unhappiness and irritability

Mental illness has been stigmatized as long as we have records of people being mentally ill. This includes people with epilepsy, even though epilepsy is not a mental illness, for years people with epilepsy were considered insane. In most places in the United States people with mental illness are still treated as less than human by the mental health profession, as well as doctors who take care of the physical body. If I am seeing a doctor for a physical problem and they either hear "bipolar" in my medical history or hear the name of some of my bipolar meds when he is taking down my current meds list, they automatically start treating me different. They treat me like I'm stupid, a liar, and just crazy. I have more education, or as much as, most mental health professionals, i.e. case workers, and not to brag, but I'm a hell of a lot smarter than most of them. My IQ could run circles around most of them. I'm not saying I know more about psychiatry, I'm just saying it pisses me off being treated like I'm stupid-even more so, because often the people who do it are "stupider" than me, if they want to use a word such as that.

Me at my lightbox - the standard treatment for

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

The conditions in psychiatric hospitals, where I've been both a patient and a volunteer, are horrible. Many people that come out of a psychiatric hospital develop PTSD from the hospitalization. People who are not mentally ill would be amazed at what abuses go on in "the system." If I hadn't been trapped in the system for so many years, I wouldn't believe what goes on, either.

It makes it harder that I can't really talk to anyone who that doesn't have mental illness. It's one of those things that if you haven't experienced it, you can't possibly understand. I've experienced it as both a mentally ill person, called a "consumer," and the family member of someone mentally ill. I am the child of an abusive mentally ill mother and father, and the sister of a mentally ill person, and the granddaughter of an abusive and manipulative mentally ill grandmother.

Wordless Wednesday: November is Epilepsy Awareness Month

2011-11-16T17:48:00.000-06:00

Myself and DH. We both have epilepsy.

Journaling week 2

2011-11-10T16:13:00.000-06:00

Friday 28 October 2011

Food:
scrambled eggbeaters
Chips (tortilla rolls, spicy and yucky)
Waffles
Sugar-free pancake syrup
chocolate M&Ms
BBQ baked boneless skinless chicken breast
pasta and cheese
corn
3 bites of a caramel apple

Pain:wake: 10:30
couldn't sleep last night from pain

wake 8/10
neck, legs, head pain
WHOLE BODY stiff
lots of pain
FLARE DAY #2
Subluxed right hip again today

Saturday 29 October 2011

Food:peaches fruit cup
2 bowls bran flakes
skim milk
scrambled eggbeaters
bacon
popsicle

Pain:never went to sleep because of pain
Subluxed right hip and then left hip in night
HIPS, SHOULDERS pain
back pain
shaky
hand weak
FLARE DAY #3
PAIN
solid 9/10 all day

Sunday 30 October 2011

Food:
bran flakes
skim milk
popsicles
pizza - 3 slices

Pain:
wake: 8 am
FLARE DAY #4
waking pain 8/10
very stiff, feel bruised inside, hurt!!!
hips hurt so bad, especially right hip
throat feels like a huge lump in it, burns
2:00 pm
severe neck pain
9/10
8:38 pm
severe head & neck pain
neighbor's music is incredibly loud

Monday 31 October 2011

Food:
scrambled eggbeaters
2 pieces toast with margarine
Popsicles
3 pieces pizza

Pain:
wake: 9:00 am
lump in throat still and painful
flare broke late last night
12:00 midnight
jaw hurts for an hour now

Tuesday 01 November 2011

Food:
Chicken sandwhich (breaded) ketchup only (didn't finish)
medium french fries
strawberry shake
4 little Halloween Snickers
fat-free greek yogurt with fruit
strawberry shredded wheat
skim milk

Pain:
wake: 11:15 am
stiff
pain 6/10
shaky
7:28 pm
low pain day
still a 6/10!
neighbors playing music LOUD so headache is getting worse and anxiety is going up
8:16 pm
Fell like I'm going to throw up
Loud music is making me really anxious
bad heartburn
lump in throat all day

Wednesday 02 November 2011

Food:
cereal
skim milk
popsicle
Lean Cuisine chicken club
Chinese buffet

Pain:
wake: 10:15 am
very stiff
every joint hurts
right hip very painful
going to rian
overall 7/10
lump in throat very sore
3:00 pm
pain 7/10
achy EVERYWHERE
VERY stiff

Thursday 01 November 2011

Food:
Fat free Greek yogurt with fruit
10 piece chicken McNugget
large fries
strawberry shake
popsicle
banana/strawberry/fat-free whipped topping/ banana cream pie pudding

Pain:
wake:
pain 7/10, closing in on an 8
NO MEDS LAST NIGHT
afternoon:
sat down & scary popping noise in neck
3:34 pm
neck 8/10
overall 7/10
all joints hurt so bad
hurts so bad to walk
bad headache
jaw ache
headache: temples, between eyes, above neck, jaw, face
5:52 pm
NECK PAIN

When a writer gets brain fog...

2011-11-06T01:00:00.000-06:00

I haven't checked my email in a week and haven't logged into facebook all day, because I was asleep. If I don't get my hair cut soon...I feel like screaming! I am so sick of it being so long. I want to cut it off even with the bottom of the bra. Right now it has tons of dead ends and reaches my butt. It is driving me insane.

The writing I've done in my new class has been too easy so far. This tells me that I'm not doing it right, because it should take more time than it takes me. I just can't seem to make it any better. Usually my mind is full of ideas when I write, but lately my brain goes blah, when I try to write. DH cleaned out the garage the other day, I'll write about that later, because he found something horrible and I don't feel like crying right now. If I write about it, I will definitely cry.

I actually don't have any doctor's appointments this month at University Hospital. I'm happy about that. I slept all day so I'm wide awake now. I'm going to try to get some sleep tonight still, because otherwise I'll be up all night and sleep all day again tomorrow. I can't stay up when I get sleepy because I fall asleep sitting up. It hurts my neck when I do that, too. Right now the kitties are napping and DH is sleeping.

I'm pretty nervous at how easy my class has been so far. I think about it a lot.

I haven't had any dislocations in awhile, just subluxing joints. We've been watching "King of the Hill" every night on Netflix together. Before that we watched all the "Family Guy" episodes, before that it was "Reno 911." I really enjoy spending time with DH every evening, cuddled on the couch watching Netflix.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2011-10-29T08:21:00.000-05:00

October is breast cancer awareness month, which means pink ribbons and empty gestures by many people who probably don't even realize what they are doing. The most important thing about breast cancer awareness is to for women to do monthly self-breast exams. Pink ribbon stuff is cool, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but to just buy pink for breast cancer awareness month misses the whole point. If you want to make a donation, I suggest making it directly to the charity you wish to donate to. Most companies give only a very small percentage of their profit to charities. Your money can be used better by donated directly to a worthy breast cancer research fund, like Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

Breast self-exams can be done in the shower, in front of a mirror, or laying down. I had a friend once who got breast cancer in her 30s. I've heard of breast cancer hitting women as early as their 20s. It is never too early to start self breast-exams. Another very important reason to start now is to learn what your breasts feel like. Every woman's breasts are different, and some women have lumpier breasts than others. Learning what is your normal and what isn't will make it possible for you to discover a new lump. Also, if you still have a menstrual cycle, it is recommended to do a breast self-exam at the same time in your cycle each month. Some of the known risk factors for breast cancer are being overweight, genetics, gender, age, and exposure to chemicals in plastics. Remember, men can get breast cancer, too!

Some breast cancer statistics I'd like to share:

About 1 in 8 U.S. women (just under 12%) will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of her lifetime.
In 2011, an estimated 230,480 new cases of invasive breast cancer were expected to be diagnosed in women in the U.S., along with 57,650 new cases of non-invasive (in situ) breast cancer.
About 2,140 new cases of invasive breast cancer were expected to be diagnosed in men in 2011. A man’s lifetime risk of breast cancer is about 1 in 1,000.
From 1999 to 2005, breast cancer incidence rates in the U.S. decreased by about 2% per year. The decrease was seen only in women aged 50 and older. One theory is that this decrease was partially due to the reduced use of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) by women after the results of a large study called the Women’s Health Initiative were published in 2002. These results suggested a connection between HRT and increased breast cancer risk.
About 39,520 women in the U.S. were expected to die in 2011 from breast cancer, though death rates have been decreasing since 1990 — especially in women under 50. These decreases are thought to be the result of treatment advances, earlier detection through screening, and increased awareness.
For women in the U.S., breast cancer death rates are higher than those for any other cancer, besides lung cancer.
Besides skin cancer, breast cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer among American women. Just under 30% of cancers in women are breast cancers.
White women are slightly more likely to develop breast cancer than African-American women. However, in women under 45, breast cancer is more common in African-American women than white women. Overall, African-American women are more llkely to die of breast cancer. Asian, Hispanic, and Native-American women have a lower risk of developing and dying from breast cancer.
In 2011, there were more than 2.6 million breast cancer survivors in the US.
A woman’s risk of breast cancer approximately doubles if she has a first-degree relative (mother, sister, daughter) who has been diagnosed with breast cancer. About 15% of women who get breast cancer have a family member diagnosed with it.
About 5-10% of breast cancers can be linked to gene mutations (abnormal changes) inherited from one’s mother or father. Mutations of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes are the most common. Women with these mutations have up to an 80% risk of developing breast cancer during their lifetime, and they are more likely to be diagnosed at a younger age (before menopause). An increased ovarian cancer risk is also associated with these genetic mutations.
In men, about 1 in 10 breast cancers are believed to be due to BRCA2 mutations, and even fewer cases to BRCA1 mutations.
About 85% of breast cancers occur in women who have no family history of breast cancer. These occur due to genetic mutations that happen as a result of the aging process and life in general, rather than inherited mutations.
The most significant risk factors for breast cancer are gender (being a woman) and age (growing older).

Figure 1.4: Estimated New Cancers among Women by State, 2003-2007
State	Rate of Invasive Breast Cancer (per 100,000 women)	State	Rate of Invasive Breast Cancer (per 100,000 women)
Alabama	115	Montana	120
Alaska	129	Nebraska	123
Arizona	104	Nevada	No data
Arkansas	111	New Hampshire	130
California	121	New Jersey	128
Colorado	122	New Mexico	109
Connecticut	135	New York	124
Delaware	126	North Carolina	121
Dist. of Columbia	139	North Dakota	123
Florida	113	Ohio	120
Georgia	119	Oklahoma	127
Hawaii	121	Oregon	130
Idaho	116	Pennsylvania	124
Illinois	123	Rhode Island	130
Indiana	114	South Carolina	120
Iowa	122	South Dakota	117
Kansas	125	Tennessee	117
Kentucky	120	Texas	113
Louisiana	119	Utah	108
Maine	129	Vermont	130
Maryland	124	Virginia	122
Massachusetts	132	Washington	130
Michigan	122	West Virginia	115
Minnesota	126	Wisconsin	122
Mississippi	110	Wyoming	115
Missouri	120	United States	121
Source: American Cancer Society, 2011 [31]

Susan G. Komen for the Cure® recommends that you :

1. Know your risk

Talk to your family to learn about your family health history
Talk to your health care provider about your personal risk of breast cancer

2. Get screened

Ask your health care provider which screening tests are right for you if you are at higher risk
Have a mammogram every year starting at age 40 if you are at average risk
Have a clinical breast exam at least every 3 years starting at age 20, and every year starting at age 40

3. Know what is normal for you and see your health care provider if you notice any of these breast changes:

Lump, hard knot or thickening inside the breast or underarm area
Swelling, warmth, redness or darkening of the breast
Change in the size or shape of the breast
Dimpling or puckering of the skin
Itchy, scaly sore or rash on the nipple
Pulling in of your nipple or other parts of the breast
Nipple discharge that starts suddenly
New pain in one spot that doesn't go away

4. Make healthy lifestyle choices

Maintain a healthy weight
Add exercise into your routine
Limit alcohol intake
Limit postmenopausal hormone use
Breastfeed, if you can

Of course, the all important breast self-exam:

Breast Self-Exam (BSE)

Taking a few minutes to do a breast self-exam a minimum of once a month can make a lifetime of difference. Nearly 70% of all breast cancers are found through self-exams and with early detection the 5-year survival rate is 98%. If you find a lump, schedule an appointment with your doctor, but don't panic—8 out of 10 lumps are not cancerous. For additional peace of mind, call your doctor whenever you have concerns.

HOW TO DO A BREAST SELF-EXAM

In the Shower

Fingers flat, move gently over every part of each breast. Use your right hand to examine the left breast, left hand for the right breast. Check for any lump, hard knot, or thickening. Carefully observe any changes in your breasts.

Before a Mirror

Inspect your breasts with your arms at your sides. Next, raise your arms high overhead.

Look for any changes in the contour of each breast, a swelling, a dimpling of the skin, or changes in the nipples. Then rest your palms on your hips and press firmly to flex your chest muscles. Left and right breasts will not exactly match—few women's breasts do.

Lying Down

Place a pillow under your right shoulder and put your right arm behind your head. With the fingers of your left hand flat, press your right breast gently in small circular motions, moving vertically or in a circular pattern covering the entire breast.

Use light, medium, and firm pressure. Squeeze the nipple; check for discharge and lumps. Repeat these steps for your left breast.

Material on this page courtesy of Tennessee B

Breast Cancer Links:
National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc.
Susan G. Komen for the Cure
BreastCancer.org
Wikipedia Breast Cancer
National Cancer Institute
Web MD

Journaling week 1

2011-10-28T18:18:00.000-05:00

I have the first week of my food/pain journal done. I know I ate horribly last week, but except for the time since my fall, my pain levels were actually lower than normal. Go figure. Since my fall I'm in a flare, but that's another story. Next time we get food stamps we are going to buy me some Lean Cuisines so I can get something healthier, and more fruit and veggies. Since DH is also disabled and I physically cannot handle cooking anymore, we haven't been able to eat anything that wasn't prepackaged lately. It isn't fair that we have to depend on DH for all our meals, but I can't cook anymore. I miss home cooked meals. So keep in mind, I don't usually eat this bad and I am going to eat healthier. This was a real junk food week. The only stuff the food pantry gives is junk food, so that doesn't help much, either.

Friday 21 October 2011

Food:
cookies
pizza
skinless boneless roasted chicken breast
baked, unsalted fries

Pain:
severe brain fog all day
depressed/anxious
mild headache all day
afternoon:
neck pain 6/10
overall pain 7/10
very weak and shaky
9:45 pm:
neck hurts from turning head, back pain
jaw/head/neck 7/10
overall 7/10

Saturday 22 October 2011

Food:
3 sugar glazed donuts
pizza rolls
8 fried clam strips (them we baked at home)
Blueberry morning cereal
skim milk

Pain:
wake: 8:00 am
neck 7/10
pain in neck, jaw, back, legs
back very stiff
overall 7/10
pain in back of head
weak, not as weak as yesterday

Sunday 23 October 2011

Food:
banana
Blueberry morning cereal
skim milk
8 pizza rolls
3 wheat crackers with lunchmeat and cheese on them
baked, unsalted fries

Pain:
wake: 10ish
very stiff
7/10 overall
spine/leg pain
forgot meds last night
4:51 pm:
neck 6/10
jaw spasms
back pain
overall 6/10
weak, though not as weak as last 2 days
late afternoon/early evening:
neck pain

Monday 24 October 2011

food:
blueberry morning
skim milk
grown-up lunchable (turkey/ chicken/ crackers/ cheese lunchable)
chicken club lean cuisine
tiny chocolate ice cream

pain:
wake: 10 am
neck 3/10
overall 6/10
legs stiff
late afternoon:
sat in desk chair could hear spine go pop in middle back, horrible pain shooting up & down spine
napped on 3 ice packs
8:42 pm
bad back!
overall 8/10

Tuesday 25 October 2011

food:
Kashi Go Lean cereal
skim milk
cottage cheese
crushed pineapple in pineapple juice
pizza

pain:
wake: 8 am
nap
1:13 pm:
right shoulder, neck, back, legs
overall 7/10
4:00 pm
stomach pain, neck, leg, back, right shoulder
nap
5:57 pm
back 7/10
bedtime:
overall 8/10
right hip pain

Wednesday 26 October 2011

food:
Kashi Fo Lean Crunch cereal
skim milk
7 grain mix
skinless, boneless baked chicken
baked, unsalted french fries
small ice cream
pancakes
sugar free syrup

pain:
wake: 10:30 am
stiff all over
achy
overall 7/10
2:25 pm:
subluxed right hip, fell
back and forth between 8/10 and 9/10

Thursday 27 October 2011

food:
waffles
sugar free syrup
small ice cream
chocolates
peanut butter wafter cookies

pain:
FLARE DAY #1
Severe pain
9/10 to 9.5/10 all day

pain

2011-10-27T13:24:00.000-05:00

TRIGGER WARNING
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I know if you could see inside me right now, you'd see that I am red, red, red. Not red the color of blood, red the color of pain. The red of pain is deeper, more devilish, scalding, frightening, imposing; the red creeps inside of you, until every cell of your body is bathed in it. Nerves fear no other color, muscles tremble, the body tries to stretch away. It can't get away, though. Once it starts, it bites you, growling, eating you alive with it's teeth, spitting the remains of yourself in your mouth. You are nothing within its jaws; you exist to feel, but the only thing to feel is the pain. When you overcome me, you sit on my chest, making my breath so shallow, and so hard to catch. I exist at your mercy. I try to run away, but you grab me back, ripping the flesh off my face for punishment. Is there any part of me that you have not already conquered? Why do you rage at me, aiming at all the things that make life normal. It can't be this way forever. I can't be in this much pain forever. I close my eyes, bite my lip, and cry while you rage on.

Strong enough?

2011-10-25T17:45:00.000-05:00

You know what I think would be so cool? A "Cultures of the World" photo make-over. You know how they have glamour shots? Well, in my idea they would dress you up in clothes from cultures around the world. I think it would be so cool. I don't see why you couldn't include ancient cultures as well. I think it would promote multiculturalism, and besides, who hasn't wondered what they would look like dressed in traditional clothing from around the world?

I also think it would be cool to be a professional baby namer, but that hasn't happened yet, either. I would fly around the world, studying cultures, local myth, and names to help find the perfect name for each baby. Ah, what I would give...

Guess what? I'm going to sell AVON again! This time I'm going to work my ass off on trying to sell it. Like last time, I'm just going to be doing it online. so there won't be any ringing doorbells and "AVON calling!" It would be pointless to try to sell in person when I can rarely leave my house. I'm really excited to be able to sell again. I hope to be able to get Christmas gifts for my DH, babies, and friends.

I decided the other day that no matter how bad I felt I could just work through the pain and go to the store with DH. We had to pick up and drop off a friend first, and by the time we made it to the store I was crying and each bump the car went over was in agony. I couldn't even get out of the car. DH said he liked having me with him, even if I couldn't get out of the car, but I felt disgusted with myself for not being able to do so. I've been reading so many blogs lately about people who just keep going through the pain, but walking still remains a challenge when the walk is more than 20 feet, even on a good day. On a bad day standing up is agony, and sometimes DH has to practically carry me to the bathroom. I try to go through the pain, but my working through the pain means I get up out of bed and try to keep the laundry up. Why can't I keep going? I hear about other EDSers who can climb stairs (I haven't been able to in a long time), can cook dinner (it has been almost two years since I could), or drive long distances (driving is agonizingly painful and I haven't done it in two years). DH wants me to drive again, just so I keep my skills up and in case of emergencies will be able to drive. That makes sense, so I want to try. It just makes me wonder...am I a strong person or a weak person? Am I facing my difficulties head on the best I can? I believe that I am. I hope that I am.

I had a dream the other night that I woke up and DH wasn't next to me. He often wakes up before I do, so that wasn't anything unusual. I walked out of the bedroom and looked around the house for DH. I went into the middle room that my good-for-nothing-piece-of-crap in-laws trashed that we are still trying to clean. I opened the door and the room was spotless. One wall was line with bookshelves and against the other wall, DH was smoking a cigarette in a big brown leather recliner. We don't have a recliner, but I remember in the dream this recliner was nice. It was La-Z-Boy® nice. There was even a small plant on a little end table next to the recliner and a clean, fresh smell in the room. What a nice dream!

I'm so excited to start selling AVON again. I called them and changed my appointment for my endocrinologist, changed my appointment to a new physician for a different specialist, and I called AVON to reactivate my account. I was really anxious doing it, as I have bad phone anxiety, stemming from social anxiety. I did it, though, so I'm happy about that, and proud of myself.

I've started a food diary/pain journal

2011-10-23T17:14:00.000-05:00

We've got the desk semi-cleaned and now I'm back at the desk. I'll be using my computer here for awhile, until it hurts too bad to sit in a seat. Then I'm back to the couch until the couch hurts so bad I can't sit on the couch because of lack of support. At this moment I'm at my desk, with my legs crossed.

I've been keeping a food and pain journal. Each page is divided down the middle. On the left of the page I list what I've eaten that day, and on the right side of the page I describe my pain levels. I have been describing in words my pain, along with number ratings for my neck and for overall pain. I hope that I can start sensing a trend by doing this. I've noticed that it makes a huge difference if I forget my meds. Also, I've been able to glean that the weakness I've felt over the last three days is getting progressively better. It won't go away-I just mean that I can stand up without shaking and my knees feeling like they are going to buckle underneath me.

I've also noticed a trend without charting my food. I didn't have to chart it to realize that I am basically living off of high fiber cereal and whatever else can be prepared instantly. I can't cook because of pain and my normal weakness, neither can DH at night, because he's been having seizures every night. If we don't eat in the evenings we either don't eat or we eat something like cereal. We need to eat earlier in the evening, so that we can get something nutritious, and not just cereal. I'm sure we'd both feel better.

My food diary/pain journal

The kitties are sleeping and it is so cute. Niki is all cuddled up in a corner next to Mommy's desk. Sterling is sleeping away in his pink kitty bed. I was able to get pictures of them without waking them up. Enjoy!

Sleeping Niki

Sleeping Sterling

Things that really piss me off (a list)

2011-10-22T16:22:00.000-05:00

Everyone has them-things that really piss them off. You know the things that make smoke blow out your ears? This is my list.

1. People who chew ice in waiting rooms, especially if it is crowded, small, or loud in the waiting room.

Don't chew ice in a waiting room, consider other people!

2. People who have three screaming brats running around in the store and they say nothing to their children. Even worse is if you are stuck in a waiting room with them. Even worse than that is if it is a small waiting room and you are stuck sitting next to them.

Temper tantrum...now!

3. People who try to tell me my sexual orientation. What if I tried to tell you yours? Do you think that would piss you off? A sexual orientation is about a lot more than just the act of sex. It is a lot more complex than that. Know what you are saying before you open your mouth. Being an LGBT individual involves the way you think, interact with people, see the world around you, your perspective on life, etc. Again, it does not refer to just the act of sex. I cannot blog this enough: DO NOT TRY TO TELL ME WHAT MY SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS. That is up to me to decide, not you. If I choose to share that with someone, I expect respect from that person, and not someone telling me I just don't know my sexual orientation. If I was rating this list by importance, instead of listing it randomly, this would be the #1 thing that pisses me off the most.

4. People who go to the ER for drugs, when I go to the ER for a dislocated joint I am afraid to ask for a freakin' tylenol. I don't want anyone to think I am trying to get drugs and put me on the drug seekers list. Instead I just wait and see if they offer anything, which they usually don't. Why don't they? Because so many people go for drugs, that's why!

5. When people gay bash or bash trans people. That is a quick way to really piss me off. Don't do it.

6. People who defend a rapist, saying "He'd never do that, he can get all the girls he wants." Rape is often about power, not sex, and if you weren't there, and it wasn't happening to you, then you have no right to judge a rape victim.

7. People who don't like animals. I think there is something wrong with people who don't like animals. Seriously, they are missing something very important.

8. When I'm really into a movie and the mommy dies, I cry. Why would you even make a movie where a mommy dies?

9. People who don't let their dog give them kisses. Why do you even have a dog then?

10. Anyone who is ever mean to DH. Ever. Let me make that my #1 instead.

Me & DH

11. My in-laws. I really fucking hate them. And my mother. I hate her, too.

Survivor

Happy Monday! Let's do our ABCs!

Please help save this disabled child's life!

Endo today

The first "Twitter Thursday"

Goodbye and so long 2011!

Cough, cough

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Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Eve!

Good morning!

Classes over!

"The Creek"

Started Magnesium

Pain diary/Food diary for the last two weeks

"Pain Rehab"

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Wordless Wednesday: November is Epilepsy Awareness Month

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Breast Self-Exam (BSE)

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In the Shower

Before a Mirror

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Journaling week 1

pain

Strong enough?

I've started a food diary/pain journal

Things that *really* piss me off (a list)

Things that really piss me off (a list)