From Tracie

Blog Against Child Abuse - January 2012 Edition

2012-01-28T10:44:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the January 2012 Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse! I hope everyone is having a good new year.

Healing and Therapy:
-Meg from Megs submitted, Moving In.
She wrote, "Because of the trauma and abuse my body endured, it's been really hard for me to accept the "body experience." I'm often detached and unwilling to listen to what my body tries to tell me. I've recently realized it's time to "move back in" and this is what I wrote about it (beginning at paragraph 3)."

-Lauren from Self Help and Recovery submitted, Shame Is Your Enemy.

-Mike McBride from Child Abuse Survivor submitted, Successful Healers.
He wrote, "I found an article that I really thought was applicable to survivors in their healing process, even though it wasn't about healing, and wrote about the tips that were given and how they apply!"

Survivor Stories:
-Michelle I'Anson from My Life as a Strife Survivor submitted, The Harshest Lesson.
She wrote, "Learning to love myself has been hard."

-Joan Angel from Angels of Secrets submitted, On Angels Wings.

Aftermath:
-April Nicole from A Whisper From My Heart submitted, Speak Up or Stay Quiet.

In The News:
-Charles Chua C K from All About Living With Life submitted, P.L.E.A.S.E. Spend Time With Your Child.

Poetry:
-Rick Belden from Poetry, Dreams, and The Body submitted, Poetry on Video: Falling Through.

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The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is a monthly event. The purpose is to raise awareness about the serious issue of child abuse and to share important posts with others who may not be frequent readers of an author's blog, and expose one's work to a wider audience. There are so many wonderful bloggers who are contributing to the cause of ending and recovering from child abuse. If you, as a reader or author, know of other blogs that you find helpful, please encourage them to submit to an upcoming issue of the Carnival Against Child Abuse; and please bookmark that page so we can continue to receive high quality submissions from a wide swath of bloggers.

Many thanks to all of you who shared your hearts and stories with us, and to all of you who read the submissions and show your support. You keep this carnival, the awareness, support, and healing going each month.

To provide another way for you to stay in contact with the blog carnival, and make sure you don't miss any updates; you can like the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse Facebook Page.

Thank you for raising your voice and speaking out against child abuse!

Reading Between Interruptions

2012-01-24T23:29:00.000-05:00

When I think of a book I've read in the past, I usually remember the place I read it. I received Between Interruptions: 30 Women Tell the Truth About Motherhood in the mail, and it sat in my to be read pile for about a week, until the day I grabbed it on my way out the door to run errands. I pulled it out of my bag at the DMV, and started reading. My husband leaned over and complained about the wait, and I was surprised to see almost two hours had passed without me even noticing it - I was that engrossed in these women's stories.

I was a little skeptical of this book at first. Collections of essays (or short stories) aren't usually my favorite. But I found that even the authors whose lives and experiences are completely different than mine really pulled me in, and I was able to find commonality in our journeys as mothers.

In her introduction to the book, the editor, Cori Howard (founder of The Momoir Project) said, "I wanted to provide a space where mothers could talk about the huge transformation involved in becoming mothers. I wanted them to explore the difficulties they've had in the process of becoming mothers; the choices and decision they've faced and how they've handled them; how they've managed the identity crisis, the career crises, the relationship crisis." I think with Between Interruptions, she accomplished her goal. It is an honest and interesting book.

Legal Stuff: I was provided a free copy of this book to read and review by TLC Book Tours, but I did not receive any further compensation. All the opinions are mine, and I was not required to say nice things.

Waiting To Be Picked Up

2012-01-24T12:49:00.000-05:00

The room is dark during the day. A small sliver of sunshine sneaking between the curtains is the only light we have. We whisper in the dark, sitting snugly next to each other.

Bits of stories.

Advice.

Information.

The sliver of sunlight has long faded when she comes in the room. We watch silently as she kicks off her flip flop, drops her clothes in a pile on the floor, and changes into an old t-shirt and pajama pants. She flops on the bed and looks around the room. Light from the lamp with the purple shade illuminates her face.

We always know what kind of day she had out in the world by what she does next:

On rough days, she heads to the shelves on the left, and reaches for something light and fluffy.

On good days, she walks across the room to the the shelves by the closet - usually pulling a journal and pen out of the cabinet on her way back to the bed.

On days she has been to class, she pulls out heavy tomes from shelves on the right, and scatters them across the bed. Notebook directly in front of her, she makes notes and highlights, occasionally reading something in a whisper we can barely hear.

On days when her head is pounding and she needs to escape from the pain (and the world around her), she angles the purple shade away from her face and reaches for a stack sitting on the desk beside the bed.

Cuddling under the covers, she reads until we see the sliver of light sneaking again between the curtains, and then falls into a deep sleep.

We keep watch over her room during the day, and keep her company late into the night. She loves us, and we love her. We know all her moods and secrets. We want nothing more than to be held gently as we share our stories and knowledge and advice. We are her books, and the best friends she has ever had.

The dictionary defines personification as “the attribution of a personal nature or human characteristics to something nonhuman, or the representation of an abstract quality in human form.”

Tell a piece of your story from the point of view of an object who bore witness.

Grandmother's Smoke Breaks

2012-01-22T00:47:00.000-05:00

I found myself thinking about my grandmother tonight. When I was small, I called her grandmommy - grandmommy and granddaddy where my father's parents. But I clearly remember being ten years old, sitting in her backyard, and deciding that I would call her grandmother.

After my granddaddy died, his nephew came to visit. It was always an issue during his visits that he smoked. Not only would he go outside to smoke so as not to bother my grandparents, he would often go to the neighbor's house to smoke with her in her garage.

And we weren't supposed to mention the smoking. No talking about things like that in my family.

But on this visit - it seemed things had changed. Grandmother would go outside and sit with him on the bench when he smoked. She would declare with glee that she was going out for a smoke break. I believe there was even some giggling.

I thought about that tonight, and wanted to ask her questions. Things I did not ask when she was alive. Of course I wish I could ask the hard questions, but tonight I wasn't thinking down dark paths. I just wanted to know what it was they talked about on those smoke breaks. And why the sudden change in her attitude towards his habit.

This was my Sunday morning five minute stream of consciousness writing. I've dumped my brain, feel free to dump yours with Fadra.

I am Early For Once

2012-01-20T02:56:00.000-05:00

You know that line of people at the post office at 11:58 on April 15th each year? The people filling out the address of the IRS and affixing the stamp on their tax return? I have been in that line.

There was one year we finished our taxes on April 14th. That was the year Thomas did them. At our house, we refer to that as the year of...well, I refer to that as the year of....actually, I'm not going to tell you how I refer to that year. Just trust me that it is bad, and leave it at that.

Last year, on April 15th, we walked into Amscot and met Julio. Our new best friend. Our tax hero. It is possible he secretly laughed at our last-minute-ness, but I forgive him for that. Because he did our taxes, and it was surprisingly painless.

In December Thomas and I had a talk, and decided our goal was to take care of taxes early this year, before the end of January. So today we visited our tax guy, Julio (it makes me feel all old and grown up to say that I have a tax guy), and took care of business.

Julio even humored Thomas when he wanted to take a picture with him.
(Yes, not only am I a crazy picture taking person - like all of us bloggers - I am also married to a crazy picture taking person. My family's crazy picture taking knows no bounds.)

On the right you see Julio, the guy who does our taxes. On the left is Thomas, the guy who isn't allowed to touch our taxes - never at all, not one bit, until the very end when it is his turn to sign the paperwork.

That is the excitement in my house today. Taxes done. Box on my to-do list checked. Procrastination averted. All that is left is the celebration of my unusual earliness.....and since every good celebration includes cupcakes, I think I'll eat two. Or four. I'll definitely stop after five.

I finished my taxes early! What are you celebrating today?

Martin Luther King on Hope

2012-01-16T16:29:00.000-05:00

As part of my focus on hope this year, I want to see what other people have said about it. Today, in the US, we celebrate the life and legacy of Martin Luther King Jr.

These are some of his words on hope:

"If you loose hope, somehow you loose the vitality that keeps moving, you loose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope"

They Are Jumbo, Baby!

2012-01-09T21:37:00.000-05:00

You know what is making me happy today? Hot chocolate. And marshamallows.

But not just any marshamllows.

Jumbo marshamllows.

I mean, seriously HUGE marshmallows.

I'm thinking we need to make some s'mores with these...

...now I just have to find some jumbo-sized chocolate bars.

Linking up with 52 Weeks of Happiness and Dose of Happy Mondays.

What is making you happy today?

Love and Prayers for Jack

2012-01-08T01:46:00.000-05:00

My friend Crystal (one of our fabulous editors and a board member at Band Back Together) found out this weekend that her five year old son, Jack, has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.

Jack is going to have some procedures tomorrow, and they will find out more specifics about the course of treatment. Crystal has set up a Caring Bridge site to keep everyone updated.

You can get more information about Jack, and get the code if you would like to put Jack's button on your blog. We also have an email address that has been set up specifically for messages to Jack (he is loving all the messages and e-cards). All of that information can be found at the post on Band Back Together.

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Have you heard of the Be The Match Bone Marrow Registry?

Joining the registry means that one day you could help save a life. It is super easy! All you need to do is fill out some simple medical information, and they will send you a kit with a cheek swab for you to return.

In the past I have wanted to sign up, but due to the cost associated with having the kit processed, was not able to do it. BUT! for the month of January, American Express is covering the cost of the kit for every person who registers.

Tonight I signed up (a very simple process), and my kit is on its way.

I want to encourage you to check it out and join the registry.

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Jack, Crystal, and the whole family can use all the love, support, and prayers you can send their way!

Accepting Submissions for the January 2012 Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse

2012-01-07T12:46:00.000-05:00

The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is a monthly event. Its purpose is to raise awareness about the serious issue of child abuse. All forms of abuse - physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual, verbal - are discussed. We highlight blog posts, from child abuse survivor stories, to art and poetry, to child abuse as a topic in the news media, as well as PTSD, disassociation and other areas of abuse "aftermath" that adult survivors are forced to deal with. We also link to hopeful posts about therapy, recovery, and healing from abuse. All forms of child advocacy and awareness are included.

The January edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse will be hosted here, at From Tracie. Our theme is A Fresh Start.

I would love to hear about any resolutions, or plans, or focuses you have going into this new year!

All of our regular categories will also be open:
-Advocacy and Awareness
-Aftermath
-Healing and Therapy
-In the News
-Poetry
-Survivor Stories
-Art Therapy

The deadline for submissions is January 25th, and the carnival will be posted on the 27th. I'm excited to see what y'all share this month. You can submit something written especially for this edition, but please feel free to submit an older post as well.

If you are interested in hosting an upcoming edition of the carnival, please let me know!

The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse provides an opportunity to raise awareness about the serious issue of child abuse and to share important posts with others who might not be frequent readers of an author's blog, and expose one's work to a wider audience. There are so many wonderful bloggers who are contributing to the cause of ending and recovering from child abuse. If you, as a reader or author, know of other blogs that you find helpful, please encourage them to submit to an upcoming issue of the Carnival Against Child Abuse; and please bookmark that page so we can continue to receive high quality submissions from a wide swath of bloggers.

Ode To Ice Cream or Edy's, Why Do You Hate Me?

2012-01-04T22:26:00.000-05:00

I was always an ice cream girl.

If we were at an ice cream shop, I would take free samples of lots of flavors - but I always knew what flavor I was going to get, because I went through ice cream phases. I can clearly remember which flavor I wanted my two scoops (on a cone!) to be, depending on which age I was...

Five. I was devoted to Cookies and Cream.

Six. Neapolitan, because obviously not having to choose just one flavor is brilliant.

Seven. Strawberry, especially the kind with chunks of real strawberries.

Nine. I was obsessed with Mint Chocolate Chip. I even had a Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream cake for my birthday (well, I was supposed to have one, but then the car ran out of gas, and all the girls at the party had to walk four miles to get to a gas station, and there were all these angry parents.....but that is a story for a different time).

Eleven. I flirted with Sherbets - Raspberry was good but Orange was my favorite.

Twelve. I loved Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough (Blue Bell, people, Blue Bell is the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough master).

Thirteen. Banana Splits - but never with pineapple, because that is just wrong. (I also don't do pineapple on pizzas. Or on cakes. Really? Let's all just agree that pineapple isn't a topping for anything, okay?)

Also Banana Split Ice Cream (much less labor intensive than a real banana split).

And Banana Split Blizzards from Dairy Queen (A tip from me to you: these are SO much more fabulous if you have them use the chocolate shell instead of the regular chocolate sauce when they make it).

Fifteen. I was all Chocolate with Peanut Butter, all the time.

Seventeen. I discovered my true love, Swiss Orange Sherbet from Edy's.

Orange Sherbet with chunks of dark chocolate in it. There are not words to convey how amazingly wonderful this is.

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After Thomas and I were married, I branched out in my ice cream eating. He would come home from the grocery store with little containers of Ben and Jerry's (hello Coffee Heath Bar Crunch, my old friend) or Haagen Dazs, that were fabulous. But I always returned to my true love, the Edy's Swiss Orange Sherbet. I made every single person in my family try it, and they were all hooked.

Then a couple of year ago, someone at Edy's decided they hated me. I know this happened, because they quit making Swiss Orange Sherbet.

(cue depressing music)

I have had ice cream issues ever since that day.

I stand in the ice cream aisle, and can't decide. I have tried all my old ice cream loves, but none of them satisfy. They can't compare with the Swiss Orange, nothing can.

"But I am an ice cream girl," I think to myself, "I am!" so I keep buying ice cream. Not loving it - but not hating it either (because obviously I couldn't hate ice cream).

This weekend I stood, once again, in the ice cream aisle. Edy's was on sale, buy one get one free. An ice cream girl's dream moment. But I felt...flat. unexcited. uninspired. I told Thomas and Katarina to pick out the ice cream, explaining to Thomas that I don't think I'm an ice cream girl anymore. The lack of Swiss Orange has ruined me. Forever.

We came home with Key Lime Pie and Egg Nog ice creams. The Key Lime Pie was good. Maybe even great. And the Egg Nog? The Egg Nog was incredible.

For just a second, I thought the pain was over. I was an ice cream girl again! Ice cream would be my friend. We would spend warm nights snuggled up in front of a movie, and cold nights snuggled up under a blanket with a good book.

Tracie and Egg Nog, together forever.

I was mentally adding "buy more Egg Nog Ice Cream" to my grocery list, when I told Thomas about my breakthrough. And then, Thomas burst my ice cream loving bubble with, "I'm glad you like it. We should probably get some more tomorrow since it is seasonal, and you won't be able to buy it again until next year."

Oh Edy's. Why do you torture me so? Why do you hate me?

Do you have a favorite ice cream flavor? Clearly I need some suggestions.

One Word: Hope

2012-01-03T02:45:00.001-05:00

It is not a resolution. It is one word to focus on.

My word for 2012 is HOPE.

I really wanted to have a revelation this year. I wanted to know that my word was something special and perfect and life changing. I didn't want to pick a word with secret hidden plans and thoughts behind it - a word that I would control.

Last week I started thinking and praying about my word. I knew that I wanted to know God was giving it to me. I wanted my word to pursue me, but I wasn't sure what that would look like. This is the story of how hope chased me down...

Hope. I heard it whispered in my mind.

On Monday I thought of lots of words. Hope was one of them, but I dismissed it as not really being something I needed to focus on. It felt too simple.

Tuesday night. It was time for bedtime prayers with Katarina, and as we started praying, Thomas randomly shared some things he had been thinking about that day - all about hope. It was good stuff, but I still didn't think hope was the word for me.

Hope. I heard it echo in my heart.

Thursday night I fell sleep thinking about hope, and Friday morning I woke up thinking, "a hope and a future," and it stayed with me all day. I started to realize how much hopelessness I have felt for the last two years.

On Saturday I read a book. A character spent four paragraphs talking about hope, and while I was reading those paragraphs, Katarina interrupted me to discuss naming a doll Hope.

Hope. I felt it reaching for my soul.

By Sunday morning, I was starting to admit it to myself - hope was pursuing me. I felt a real peace about it being my word. And just in case I wasn't sure, hope showed up one more time that morning when I opened up a random email that contained a picture with this written on it:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11

Hope. It pursued me for a week, and I will spend the next year embracing it, learning its depth, and living it.

What is my journey with hope going to look like? I have no idea...but that is exactly the way every great journey starts, right?

"Rejoice in HOPE, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

~ Romans 12:12

What one word would you pick for 2012?
If you want to join a community of people living out One Word in 2012, check out One Word 365.

Thoughts On A Year Of Courage

2012-01-02T02:14:00.000-05:00

Last year I picked the word courage for my one word focus. I put a lot of thought into that word before I picked it. I had a lot of ideas how I was going to do this whole courage thing. Now that 2011 has come to a close (am I the only one who is happy to see it go?) I am looking back and seeing that courage was not at all what I thought it would be.

The written things: When I look at the list of intentional courageous choices I wrote in my one word blog post last year, I can honestly say there were a lot of times I did choose courage. I looked at that list on so many hard days, and made myself read it.

The unwritten things: My secret list of things I was going to do - not one of them was accomplished. But to balance that out, there were some things I never dreamed or imagined would come my way (working with the amazing people at Band Back Together is a huge one!) that I stepped out in courage and got involved with.

The honest things: Remember when I said I had a lot of ideas how I was going to do this courage thing? What that really means is this - I had visions of the goals on my secret list that I was going to accomplish, and how they would tie in with my courage theme.

I never had that spiritual moment when God revealed a word to me, so I picked one. And I'm not saying that was wrong, or even that my choice was wrong, but there was a part of me that was so prepared to control this journey down the courage path. I was composing victory blog posts in my mind by the end of January 2nd. And I spent a lot of time frustrated that those plans and victory blog posts did not come to fruition.

When I examine that frustration, I realize it is really tied into that secret list of mine - and has very little to do with my courage focus. I realize that I still see courage the way I wrote about it back in the beginning of January 2011. When I compare my year to that list, I feel a lot of the frustration melt away. I certainly didn't live the list perfectly, but I was blessed during the times I intentionally focused on it and let it inform and inspire my choices.

I'm grateful for this year of courage. I'm grateful that my word traveled with me and touched my life, even when it wasn't happening the way I had imagined it would.

I still have more road to travel on the courageous path. I'm pretty sure it is something I will be working on for the rest of my life. I'm okay with that.

Tomorrow I'm going to tell you my word for 2012.
I am going in a new direction this year, and I'm really excited about it.

Wrapping Up 2011

2011-12-30T15:31:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about how to finish off another year here at the blog, and Shell from Things I Can't Say found all the great end of the year blog ideas that I will now ~~steal~~ borrow.

This is especially great since I did not send out Christmas cards this year (even though I signed and addressed all of them). When I was doing that, I had the overwhelming urge to write, "If you are wondering what we've been up to this year, you should have been reading the blog. Love ~ Tracie, Thomas, and Katarina" but since they are still sitting on my table, you will never know if I really signed them that way, or not.

Think of this as a letter that gives you an overview of my year.
Only more high-tech and (hopefully) exciting.

Pictures!!
Ashley from My Front Porch Swing, and Jessica from Four Plus An Angel, and Robin from Farewell Stranger are all about the end of the year pictures.

These are my pictures:
January

I started a year-long focus on courage.

February

Thomas work shoes.

(Yes, I do like taking pictures of shoes)

March

I spent some time enjoying nature and focusing on beauty.

April

A fun visit with Thomas' dad.

May

Thomas took this picture after I had my big haircut.

June

Thomas and Katarina on Father's Day

July

We spent time with special friends at an art show.

August

Katarina turned eight years old.

September

Katarina and I spent a day with good friends, photographing animals.

October

This one explains itself.

November

I was laying on the ground for a picture. Katarina and Thomas looked at me like this.

It probably wasn't the only time this year they gave me quizzical looks.

December

My favorite picture of me and Thomas from 2011.

Blog Posts!
MamaKat from Mama's Losin' It and Natalie from Mommy of a Monster are all about the list of your favorite posts from the year.

These are my posts:
January - Orange Couch Conversation - this was the first piece of fiction I ever shared here on the blog, it was a big step for me.
February - (I know two posts is cheating, but I really couldn't choose between these two) The Art of Journaling - my love of journals and journaling. Just One More Chapter? - a sweet moment with Katarina, growing up and loving books like her mom.
March - Days of Color and Warm Milk - a favorite memory from my kindergarten days.
April - Did That Vampire Just Bite Ashton Kutcher? - Thomas is crazy, and the crazy doesn't stop when he is asleep.
May - Go Short - How To Give From the Heart and the Head - donating my hair.
June - The Alamo, Fresh Bread and a Spiral Staircase - I still love a good spiral staircase!
July - Where I'm From - I really enjoyed writing this one, and I loved reading the ones other people have written from this prompt.
August - A Tale of Loo Water - I'm thinking Thomas isn't the only crazy one in this family.
September - Glimpses of Change - change is hard, y'all, but I'm helped through the hardness by writing it out.
October - Words Find Light - breaking through a time of writer's block is a beautiful thing.
November - Bring A Towel - that time my family dried socks on a fan in the middle of a theme park.
December - If You Teach A Kid How To Write - the day blogging went full circle for me, as I watched Katarina start a blog of her own.

This has been 2011...from Tracie.

The Magic Room

2011-12-29T00:57:00.000-05:00

I would be intrigued by a book about a wedding dress store- seeing as I had three weddings (to the same man!) in one year, I clearly love weddings.

Thomas and I were first married late on a Wednesday night (midnight to be exact), at our pastor's house. That afternoon I rushed into a department store in search of a dress. I found one hanging on the wall in a dark corner. It was simple, with a layer of lace, white, knee length, and probably not exactly meant to be a wedding dress. But when I put it on in the dressing room, even under the flickering fluorescent lights, looking into a chipped mirror - I felt beautiful.

Wedding number two was in Arizona with family. My mom planned it, and put it all together in less than two weeks (she is pretty awesome). A lot of our pictures are in storage right now, but earlier this month my cousin posted some old pictures on her facebook, and I snagged this one from my wedding.

It is one of my favorite pictures - because it is my entire family on my mom's side. One of the few times all of us were together in one place.

My mom found that dress for me during her planning, and with a few night-before-the-wedding adjustments by my aunt, it fit perfectly. I will never forget the look on Thomas' face when he walked into the church and saw me standing in that dress. It was magical. I loved the dress so much, I wore it a few months later, for our third wedding - in Florida with more family and all our friends.

Jeffrey Zaslow's book, The Magic Room, is not just about a wedding store. He tells the story of the Becker family, and the four generations of women who have been selling wedding dresses at Becker's Bridal in Fowler, Michigan.

Zaslow offers glimpses into the lives of some of the brides who found their perfect dresses at Becker's, their joys and sorrows. A young bride who saved her first kiss for the man she would marry. A bride who is entering her second marriage, after being widowed. A bride involved in a terrible car accident four months before her wedding day, and the fiance who stood by her through surgeries and physical therapy (this one made me cry). A bride who did her wedding planning with her grandmother, because she lost her mother when she was young. A bride married for the first time a few weeks after turning forty. They all have different backgrounds and experiences - but they are joined together by the beginning of this new chapter in their lives.

I enjoyed the personal stories of the brides and following the story of the Becker family through the years. One thing I found interesting was the way the author explored the changes that weddings, and the search for the perfect wedding dress, have gone through since Becker's Bridal opened in the 1930s.

Reading this book brought back all the excitement and wonder I felt in that dressing room almost ten years ago under those awful, flickering fluorescent lights (hardly the same experience the brides in the book get - they try their dresses on in the Magic Room with special lighting and mirrors). I looked at myself in the dress I would wear a few hours later to make vows and share promises with Thomas, and I knew it was perfect.

Did you go on a long search for the perfect wedding dress?

You can join in the conversation, and read an excerpt of The Magic Room at BlogHer.

*This was a paid review for the BlogHer Book Club, and I was provided a copy of The Magic Room to read, by BlogHer and Penguin Books, but the opinions expressed are my own. I was not required to say nice things.

Notes From The Bathroom Floor

2011-12-28T13:24:00.000-05:00

My surge protector died last night. I don't think it fell in the line of duty. I think it just got tired and gave up. I'm trying not to read too much into that thought, or see it as a metaphor for where my life is right now - tired.

Tired and on the bathroom floor.

I'm sitting on my bathroom floor to write this, because it is the only room with a spare plug I can use for my laptop right now. Katarina keeps bringing me little gifts to cheer up the bathroom - a note, a blanket, a purple bead necklace.

We have been reading the Hobbit together. It started out on Christmas evening as something Thomas and Katarina would do (neither of them having read it before, and both of them being excited about the movie coming out next year), but by the second chapter I was involved. Mostly to do the reading so Thomas wouldn't have to pause and grumble about words that aren't really words and sentences starting with conjunctions.

Last night I came to the first sentence of chapter 9, "The day after the battle with the spiders Bilbo and the dwarves made one last despairing effort to find a way out before they died of hunger and thirst." In a flash I could see Tolkien taking every bout of depression, every moment of fear, and hunger, and despair he had ever experienced - and pouring it into that one sentence. And I laughed. I laughed and laughed, because I could feel it. I could relate to it.

I laughed, because sometimes when life reaches the point of no return, when things are so horrible, and you decide to make one more effort (even though you hardly believe it will work) and there are no tears left - laughter is all there is.

Sitting here on my bathroom floor, I am not about to die of hunger or thirst, and thankfully there has been no battle with spiders (although the floor really should be attacked by a mop). But I do feel the overwhelming tiredness of life pressing in on me. And I'm choosing to laugh - mostly at the absurdity of where I am sitting right now.

The Manly Smell of Christmas

2011-12-26T20:38:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning there was a little bit of this happening at my house

Followed by hugs like this one - when Thomas opened his gift from Katarina

After I opened this book, I did not want to put it down. Katarina caught me reading it while I was supposed to be watching Thomas open a present.

This was probably the best box of the morning

But I'm not sure if Katarina was very impressed by the manly smell of manliness.

(that is the deodorant lid in his mouth - not a giant pacifier)

The rest of the day we had family time (cuddling - watching movies and reading) and talked with far away friends.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas!

Kissing Problems at Rosemount Pep Rally

2011-12-20T23:33:00.000-05:00

Rosemount High School had a pep rally earlier this month. Athletes were lined up, blindfolded, and told each of them would be kissed by another student. Instead, once those blindfolds were on, the athlete's parents came out to do the kissing. This is a video from the event...

I honestly would not have been okay with students being blindfolded and kissed by other students they did not specifically consent to kiss. There are some serious flaws with that plan.

But this? These parent's kisses? Inappropriate on a whole new level.

Especially the mom in the green shirt starting at second 29 - the one who takes her son's hand, and places it on her butt.

The principal, John Wollersheim, said this is a clip taken from an activity that went on for nearly half an hour. It is just a portion of what happened.

As if it should matter to us that before blindfolded students were kissed inappropriately by their parents in the school gym, they were able to listen to the band play the fight song and watch some cheerleaders dance.

What do you think about this pep rally activity - inappropriate or silly fun?

Menopause Is Calling Me

2011-12-18T15:09:00.011-05:00

For the last four days there has been something wrong with my tongue. You know when you drink something too hot, burning a spot on your tongue, and it feels weird for a couple of hours? My entire tongue feels like that.

This makes eating so much fun.

Except for ice cream. Ice cream isn't too bad.

Last night I turned to Dr. Internet for answers (because that worked so well the last time I tried it). I now know all about the interesting (and by interesting, I mean gross) tongue conditions that are possible:
-Hairy Leukoplakia
-Hairy Tongue
-Black Hairy Tongue
(for the first time in my life, I find myself being thankful my tongue doesn't have hair growing on it)
-Geographic Tongue
(with my directional skills, I'm pretty sure I don't have any condition with the word "geographic" in it)
-Burning Tongue Syndrome

The last one had possibilities (and no mention of hair). Burning Tongue Syndrome.

I read the information quickly, a lot of stuff about nerve damage and cutting out stress....and then I saw it...

"After menopause, some women have a sudden feeling that their tongue has been burned. This is called burning tongue syndrome"

I told Thomas I had diagnosed myself - with menopause. Clearly this is the answer. Because going through menopause at 28 is exactly what I need in my life right now.

We had a good laugh, and I ate a cup of ice before going to bed.

This morning I turned on the computer (tongue still burning), to find a notification email from twitter. During the night, I had been followed by @DONTmenoPAUSE - "a natural menopause supplement helping and relieving menopause symptoms."

Apparently menopause is calling me.

I'm not answering, because I'm too busy eating another bowl of ice cream...for medical purposes.

*I have no idea if DONTmenoPAUSE works, or not. This mention is in no way an endorsement or recommendation. I am only relaying the sick joke that the universe is playing on me - not dispensing medical advice or information.

If You Teach A Kid How To Write

2011-12-14T16:54:00.001-05:00

If you teach a kid how to write, she will want to write all day - notes, and stories, lists, and things she can't just say.

If you let a kid write, and write, and write, it won't be long before - she notices you like to type and wants to learn some more.

If you teach a kid how to type, she will want to type all day - emails, games, fun, and homework; typing all the way.

If you let a kid type, and type, and type, it won't be long before - she notices you like to blog; that's what your typing is for.

If you teach a kid how to blog, she will want to blog all day - stories, book reviews, lists, and more; so many things she wants to say.

If you let a kid start to blog and blog and blog, very soon you will observe - she wants to type and blog and write; all the words she can preserve.

Katarina writing her first blog post

As my little story suggested, Katarina has entered the blogging world!

At this moment, I feel like this blogging and writing thing (which has touched my life so much in the last few years) has really come full circle.

*shout out to Laura Numeroff for figuring out what will happen If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. All the time spent reading with Katarina when she was little has touched my writing today.

My Husband is Off Work Today....Yay?

2011-12-12T20:11:00.000-05:00

When Thomas is home for the day, he never:

renames Katarina's stuffed animals.
folds all the blankets differently.
eats all our snack food.
reorganizes....everything.
watches movies like Pan's Labyrinth.
claims that Pan's Labyrinth is a kid's movie.
claims Young Guns is educational, and Blair Witch Project is okay for Katarina to watch because there are no monsters in it.
rearranges the Christmas cards on the door.
eats all our candy.
asks me to explain things on the computer.
reads the first 25 pages of the Hobbit (again).
makes us watch shows, like Weird True and Freaky, with real videos of alligators biting off people's arms.
changes clothes three times.
sprays perfume on everyone...and everything.
offers suggestions for my hairstyle (and tries to give Katarina a ponytail).
makes us watch Rush videos from the 80s, while sharing ~~trivia~~ valuable information about every band member and song.
asks me to update his facebook status because he likes the way my typing sounds.
has a contest with Katarina to see who can make the best fake puking noises.
talks while we are trying to read.
asks me to trim his toenails.

....and at the end of the day after not doing all of these things,

he NEVER sleeps with my box of cookies.....

So, Thomas was off work today...how was your Monday?

These Pants Make No Sense

2011-12-11T10:32:00.001-05:00

I don't understand these pants.

I don't understand them so much, I had to take a picture of the picture so you could see them too.

These are the problems that immediately come to mind:
-pants should not be so long that you can trip over them
-white floor length pants? a dry cleaning disaster waiting to happen
-I always thought Viola Davis had feet, now I'm not so sure

I've seen these super long pants more and more recently, in pictures, and movies, and tv shows. Each time I see someone wearing them, it distract me (and I want to pull out a needle and thread and start hemming).

Am I alone in this? Do you wear pants this long?

This was my Sunday morning five minute stream of consciousness writing. I've dumped my brain, feel free to dump yours with Fadra.

Memories Captured

2011-12-08T15:51:00.001-05:00

I have loved looking at all the pictures from people participating with Galit and Alison's Memories Captured this week. They are simple, but profound. And so beautiful. I couldn't resist making one of my own.

This is Katarina, things she loves and little bits of who she is, right now at age 8......

We Have A Christmas Song Dilemma

2011-12-04T19:13:00.001-05:00

There is one big thing Thomas and I do not agree about, and it makes the holiday season awkward. We are a divided family. Every year we sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and every year we debate the lyrics.

We start out together, "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer (Reindeer) Had a very shiny nose (Like a light-bulb)," but then.....

Wait, wait, wait, this is one time when writing the words isn't enough.
I'm going to sing it for you.

When Thomas and I sing together, it is fine until we reach, "Then all the reindeer loved him (Loved him) as they shouted out with glee (Yippee!)"
Thomas sings: "Then all the reindeer loved him (Loved him) as they shouted out with glee (Glee)."

Poor Katarina is so confused (and by confused I mean she sings it like Thomas), and I'm worried for her. It isn't right living in a holiday-song-divided house. We need help. And after Thomas called me out on facebook last week (telling people I do not know how to sing Rudolph), I decided to take it to the people with a poll:

(click the picture to enlarge)

Out of 43 votes, 24 people agreed with me! Yippee!

In all fairness, I will admit that several people did agree with Thomas - mostly Canadians (including my Canadian mother, what a traitor). But I was the clear winner.

Now I just have to convince Katarina to come to my side and sing yippee.

Are we the only family divided over song lyrics?

How do YOU sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?

*I don't know why I said, "like George Washington" at the end of my video. In elementary school my teacher made us sing it with George Washington, and every once in a while it still slips out that way. I prefer (and usually say), "like toothpaste." Both of those options are really silly. Maybe I should stick with Frosty the Snowman.

Locker Room Haircut

2011-12-02T03:27:00.008-05:00

My dad had definite opinions about the length of my hair, even a small trim elicited a bad reaction. By eighth grade it was so long, I could almost sit on it. I was ready for a change.

My friend, Stephanie, conspired with me, "Lunch period in the locker room."

We went to the office, and borrowed a large pair of scissors from the secretary; sucessfully skirting around our reason for needing them.

We ran to the locker room, where I could see the news had spread. Stephanie was going to cut my hair, and 100 girls were crammed into the small, hot room waiting to see it. Tonya stood by the door as a lookout, "Shhhhhhhh! If a teacher walks in, we'll all get in trouble."

I sat on a stool someone had placed in the middle of the room.

"Are you sure?" Stephanie asked, looking nervous. Breath held, I nodded.

She pulled a comb out of her pocket, and started working it through my long, curly hair.

I heard her take a deep breath, and then...

Cruuuuuunch!

The scissors sliced through the first section of hair.

When Stephanie finished, applause broke out across the room. My hair was above my shoulders, and it felt so....short!

---------

I called my mom at work, and told her quickly, like ripping off a band-aid, "Stephanie's mom is a hairstylist, so at lunch I let Stephanie cut my hair. It's short, above my shoulders. It looks great!"

"You cut....you did what?" she whisper-yelled. In the background I heard, "Your face is all red. Put your head between your knees! Don't faint!"

A few minutes later, "Stephanie's mom is a hairstylist, did she bring scissors to school to cut your hair?"

"We borrowed scissors from the secretary."

"Office scissors? You let someone take dull office scissors, that cut paper all day, and hack away at your hair with them? What, you couldn't find any hedge loppers to use?"

When my mom came home, and saw my hair, she loved it.

Then my dad came home. One look at me, and he freaked out! Yelling at my mom, until he realized she had no part in it.

Then he turned toward me. Silence.

Complete silence.

He didn't speak to me for two weeks.

Hair says a lot about us. About who we are or who we want to be, or maybe just who our friends are.

This week we’d like you to write a piece about hair. It can be about you or one of your characters where hair figures prominently.

*************************

Story side-note: During the phone conversation with my mom, those office scissors were the detail she fixated on the most. To this day, whenever she tells someone this story, she makes a huge deal out of the office scissors (and I never miss an opportunity to tease her about hacking at things with hedge loppers).

Do you have a great haircut story? I want to hear it!

Rape - It Still Isn't Funny

2011-12-01T13:18:00.001-05:00

Fueled by anger over an 11 year old girl who was gang raped and blamed for the crimes, and the culture of rape jokes, I wrote a blog post in March titled, Rape is Not Funny.

I'm reminded of this post when I look at my analytics. Every week there are searches for "rape is not funny" and "rape is no joke" that bring people to that post. But more frequent are the other searches that bring people there, searches like: "funny rape" and "rape jokes" and "rape is funny" and "funny rape jokes" and "rape pictures" and "funny rape story" and "funny rape pictures".

Yes. People are searching for those things (and worse) every day.
(feel free to throw up after reading those searches, I feel sick every time I see them)

Yesterday, about 30 of my facebook friends posted a link to this post, To All Those Men Who Don't Think Rape Jokes Are A Problem (which seems to have originated here). It was so spot on, I want everyone to read it. I found this section of the post to be especially important:

"Here is why I refuse to take rape jokes sitting down…
Because 6% of college-aged men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act—and that’s the conservative estimate. Other sources double that number (pdf).

A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?

Rapists do.

They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.

Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape."

Rape jokes hurt survivors. Rape jokes lead rapists to believe that you are okay with it, that maybe you do it too, and that you think it is fine, normal, and even funny.

Rape is no joke, and it certainly isn't funny.

*Note on the links contained in the quote: The first link is broken, it seems the article was removed from the College News website.
After a little research, I found Meet the Predators, which gives a great overview of the 2002 report Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists by David Lesak and Paul M. Miller, which is the source of the 6% statistic. It also contains information from the 2009 report, Reports of Rape Reperpetration by Newly Enlisted Male Navy Personnel by Stephanie K. McWhorter, et al.