Here Comes the PUNch-Line

17 Things Every Man Should Know and Know Well

2014-04-03T22:50:00.001+02:00

It seems that the latest trend in social media is to share lists of things. Shopping lists, ten best places to eat macaroons, 25 places you should go before you die, 12 and a half things that are mildly interesting but seem mindblowing when listed. But to also give them a catchy intriguing phrase like, "These 25 Photos Were Accidentally Timed So Perfectly That They’re Brilliant. I Love The Last One". Now, this is a post that I have been wanting to do for a while, but haven't really had the impetus to do so, but now, with the latest rush to form lists in the blogasphere, this seems a good time.

So, now for a well listed, point form, numerically coordinated ensemble of things I think are PARAMOUNT to being a man (maybe). In no particular order:

1. Changing a tyre

I was very surprised to find that many of my friends and some other males that I have spoken to, are completely oblivious of this skill. In this day and age of roadside assistance services and the like, it seems that men have lost their manliness in this regard.

Personally, I would feel highly embarrassed to have a lady travelling with me and not know how to change the tyre on my own vehicle if we were to have a puncture.

2. Know how to wet-shave

Every boy watches his father shaving at some point in his life. Don't use a machine unless you want to trim your beard, its cheating. And lame.

3. Knowing your shirt size

With this point I don't mean XS, S, M, L etc (that XS makes me worry about some people), what I am talking about is your neck measurement for your dress-shirts. This is usually in inches and not only helps you find a comfortable shirt where you can where a tie without feeling strangled, but also makes you appear more sophisticated when picking out formal wear. Especially when you are shopping with the lady.

4. Know how to knot a tie

This is a skill that is dying out with schools no longer having compulsory uniforms. Clip-on ties are just not classy and classic ties have numerous uses outside of being around your neck (take that one how you like). Besides, a man with a skill that he can hand down to his son is truly a man, so why not start with simple skills like this one.

5. Picking and wearing a suit

This is not all that difficult. It also doesn't mean that a tuxedo should be worn to every occasion. To some men when you say the word 'suit', all that they think of is a tuxedo. Suits should also be worn properly; regardless of whether it is a business suit, tuxedo or a casual suit (yes, they exist), there is a way for them to be worn. Regardless of your physique, a tailored suit always looks better. I know some of you would say that a tailored suit is expensive, but lets remember you can buy a good suit from a mens' boutique and have it tailored.

6. Be well read
This doesn't just mean read the number one best sellers list, it also means that you should read the news paper and be aware of current affairs. Make yourself aware of the world around you. Things like this make you interesting.

7. Spelling

Imagine this: you are texting some girl that you are interested in and you are trying to be as eloquent as you can be aaaaaand you spell half of your message wrong. Or worse yet, you're reading this right now and you didn't know that, that is how you spell 'eloquent'. Words are what we use to impress people, impart knowledge, talk, order a beer, but they lose their impetus the moment they are misspelled.

This brings me to my next point...

8. Know how to speak to a woman

There is only one thing that needs to be said here; do it with respect. I could finish my point here, but this is something that needs to be done with finesse.

Simple things like using her name when you talk to her. Dead Poets' Society gave us the recipe to this, "Language was developed for one endeavour...and that is to woo women!" well not just that, but you get my point.

This is a skill, yes, but its not difficult if you speak with them and not to them.

Now here is a "Talk to me" face if I ever saw one

9. How to express yourself

This doesn't mean that every man needs to write a memoir or keep a journal, it merely means knowing when and how to display how you are feeling. This is appropriate to your own preferences, but holding up any form of emotion, be it happy or sad is not going to aid you in anyway.

Nor will penting up any form of creativity. Being creative does not emasculate you, it shows that your brain is developed. I for example enjoying writing poetry and this blog, playing piano and guitar, but I also like carpentry. Have you ever seen an emasculated carpenter? Exactly.

10. The 3 things a man must be able to take

A shot

I have never watched an old western or Sinatra/Martin/Dean movie where a fully grown man grimaced after taking a shot of whiskey. You chose it, you drank it, you take it like a man.

A punch

This is something that you learn easily if you grow up with brothers or have ever liked the girl that the school bully also took a fancy to. But this skill doesn't only apply to a fight, it applies to life. Its going to hurt, but its not going to break you.

A criticism

If there is one thing all men are good at doing it is giving criticism. The part that makes you a man is being able to take what you dish out.

11. A sense of humour
Being able to make someone laugh opens many doors in life. It might also give you that ice-breaker that you need when talking to that woman that you are interested in. But most of all it makes you interesting to talk to.

12. Multiple interests
Like a sense of humour this makes conversation easier and makes you more interesting as a man. It even makes it easier to make jokes, trust me on this one. Being well read really adds to this as well.

13. Know how to make a fire
Enough said. There is a reason why this is a right of passage in some cultures.

14. Know how to pour a beer
Even if you don't drink, you might have guests who do. You will get judged on this ability in any circle. It also shows a certain air about the way you value the small things in making someone feel comfortable.

Its also just lame if you can't.

Like, very lame.

15. Be punctual
This just makes you look all kinds of professional. Ladies love professional. And so does your boss. Buy a watch dammit, every man needs one.

16. Learn how to do something with your hands
(Don't be perverted!)

17. Be a father figure
Even if you don't have kids of your own, at some point you will be a father figure to someone else. You will need to be strong, you will need to be wise, but most of all, you will need to be there.

This is by no means a definitive list, but its a few things that I have thought about for a long while. Expect this list to be updated a few times in the years to come, don't be shy to post some suggestions in the comments box at the bottom of the page and like the darn post for goodness sake lol.

In the meantime, some of you might find this website useful.

When Rock Stops Rolling

2013-09-19T23:07:00.001+02:00

The other day while going through my virtual music library, I came across something that I haven't listened to in a loooooong time. I came across rock. Now to those of you reading this, who form part of the 'B**ber' generation, this might be a foreign idea to you , "Why does he listen to the soothing sounds of old compacted sand and grit?" and to this I say, screw you.

In this blog I'm going to write about an old friend of mine who appears to have been placed in some retirement home and forgotten about. I'm going to write a well thought out, well written, well that's rock 'n roll blog!

Remember when just holding this would make girls go crazy?

Now the aim of this post isn't so much as to give an abridged history of rock, but to give you insight as to the rock that I grew up listening to, which pretty much formed my appreciation of music. Before I listened to trance or other forms of EDM, I listened to rock.

During my 'middle-school' days, the lyrics on everyone's lips, were those of rock songs written by 20 year olds for 15 year olds and enjoyed by 30 year olds. You see, rock then had an almost omnipresence. It spoke of things from difficulties at home to the anxieties of the first date.

Probably the most popular band back then was Blink 182. I remember standing at the back of my fifth grade class with a group of my friends, jamming on our air-guitars (I played bass - don't judge) and singing the words to All the Small Things, First Date and Adam's Song. Now these songs addressed real life, tangible experiences that we probably didn't understand then, but they definitely became a reality for us when we grew older and still do now. Not only that, but they were great songs which we loved.

We all knew the words to Wheatus' song Teenage Dirtbag; why? Because it was a freaking awesome song, the likes of which will not be heard these days. I remember my father even singing along to it in the car, on the way to school some mornings.

The legends who formed Blink 182

This was the age of the anti-jock, the kids with gel in their spiked up hair, golf-shirts and skater tees, corduroys and three-quarter pants. Every movie which came out was of the social outcast becoming popular or getting the girl. IT WAS EPIC!!!

There were also bands which made you think a bit, okay maybe more than a bit, but not in the way that those of the emo-faith would have thought back then. Bands like Creed and Staind who spoke more to the older generations. I remember pining over a girl or even just being deep in thought during my teens and I would be listening to one of their songs.

A band that no one can forget, ever, is Linkin Park. I remember 'CRAAAAAWWWLLLLIIINNGGGG IIIINNNN MY SKKKIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!' and it felt GOOD! But, we don't have this sort of sound which allows you to scream along any more.

I will never forget the first time I heard 'Crawling'

But before all of this there, were other bands that changed music for me forever. The likes of Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Placebo, Pearl Jam, Skunk Anansie and my personal favourite, the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Nirvana (originally known as Fecal Matter)

Placebo (that's a guy by the way - and does it matter? HELL NO! because they are epic)

Skunk Anansie (their lead singer Skin, the bald, bold, black and beautiful woman puckering up)

Smashing Pumpkins (the name is epic enough)

Pearl Jam (these guys made it big after opening for the Chili Peppers)

Red Hot Chili Peppers (my all time favourite band)

Now I shouldn't have to tag these bands in this post, but unfortunately the times we are in demand that I do, because the new generation has forgotten them, with ignorant teens and pre-teens (when the heck did that become a word? I mean what happened to 'kids' or the age old word 'children'?) claiming that songs from legends like Queen are J*stin B**ber songs. The Anti-Music himself, saying that he is the Kurt Cobain of this generation.

No longer is the Greatest Rock video, the most anticipated award at the VMA's, but instead it is marred by the likes of Miley Cyrus twerking (I'm not even going to provide a link to that...). Now I'm not saying I have a problem with new music coming up, but let us not lose the heritage that is the music of the past. My reason? So that this generation can see that a good song isn't determined by whether or not Pitbull is featured on it or not, but that there is some degree of skill involved.

I finally understand what the adults were telling us kids back in the day about having an appreciation for music from days gone by and that's what we did, we appreciated it. We appreciated Queen, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, Metallica, Rolling Stones and even freaking Prince! We didn't just chuck it out of the window and make every song sound the same. We lived it, we loved it and we damn sure rocked with it.

Lets just hope that we are not killing the past and building a dead future, only to find ourselves -

Six feet from the edge

Caught in a Grey-Area

2013-01-21T08:57:00.000+02:00

Hello =] So, I have been able to post two posts in two consecutive months. Yes, miracles do happen but maybe its also due to the fact that procrastination is such an amazing creative tool. But besides procrastination I have had something inspire some thinking. Something personal that has made me look at things from yet another step back to appreciate things on a whole. Now if you guys were hoping to read something funny or witty, that might not be the case for everyone with this post, this is a little more serious and perhaps also a bit more macroscopic than my other posts, but with a very big introspective aspect; giving you a different taste of how my mind works.

As an aside, this blog has passed the 45 000+ mark of readers/visitors and I would just like to thank those of you who have been following and even anyone that is new to my blog, you have all contributed to its development and also to how it has helped me to grow intellectually.

So, back on topic. We all live lives, its why you are able to read this blog, why you have been afforded the benefits of having internet access, why you are able to attend school or why you have the money to go to an internet cafe. These things are not your life, although they contribute to it and thus form part of the living aspect, but to a great extent these benefits and also our living has been altered and directed by the decisions, opinions and motives of other people, but also because of the choices that you have made in your life according to how you live it. Different experiences, exposures and people that you have met are just a few things that alter your life and the direction in which you will live it. BUT. We all have our own 'grey-area' in which we often find ourselves; where decisions are not clear, where things are not just black and white.

Now, what inspired this post, is the fact that I have moved on from, or chosen a different direction in a facet of my life because it had changed in a way that made me think "perhaps my life shouldn't go in this direction". So let me give you the minimum that you need to know to follow my thinking without me writing a short script for The Days of Our Lives and then to have it redubbed and edited to be used in The Bold and The Beautiful. It was a relationship, it was of a romantic nature and to a significant extent (but not soley) its outcome was affected by the opinions and beliefs of other people.

Now that sounds simple enough and you could say the same about almost everything in this world and what we do. True. You could also say "well why would other peoples opinions affect something like a relationship", well, you see, that is the thought that inspired me writing this...

The opinion that I am speaking of is racism. Racism was the more significant of the reasons why the relationship that I wanted to materialise into something more steadfast did not. The family of this individual did not agree with interracial relationships and this affected their pursuit of the relationship and is to a greater extent why it is not what it could have been.

So, what is racism? Well, its clearly something that we are all familiar with. Its something so significant that it had an affect on the American presidential elections to the point where more racist regions of the country could have been identified. Another interesting tool that Google has, Think Insights, shows that you can even find which states were more racist just by checking who searched for more racially stirring media and content.

So, we are all familiar with racism, but what is racism fundamentally? Its a belief that all races have inherent abilities or predispositions that affect their individual achievement or social standing, usually with the presumption that ones race is better than others. It can also be viewed as a hatred or intolerance of other racial groups because of the above reason.

But why does racism still exist? Did Apartheid and social oppression not end? Well yes but no. Most of people my age and younger did not grow up during Apartheid, but their parents did and parents instil their beliefs, to some degree, in their children and this allows for racism and other stereotypes to persist and as much as we are made aware of this and as much as we are told not to be, to some extent we will be. Why? Because we look up to our parents. They have given us everything, they will be there when nobody else is. They are the cement in our lives and we need them, without a doubt and therefore when faced with a situation where we have to choose between doing what we would like to and what would disappoint them, no matter how wrong we know they are, we will inherently do what will not disappoint them.

You might say, "That's not true, parents will always be understanding and supportive and and and...", but what if they are not? Then what? Well, what I believe is that you stand on your own two feet and speak to them and tell them what you feel like, what is important to you, and if they love you they will accept that. All very easy to say and very idealistic... But I come from an interracial family, I have a broad spectrum of friends from different races. I have grown up fine, have not had any difficulty from my families in that aspect, no difficulties from my friends. Yes, people ask questions, yes there is politics, but then again, where isn't there politics?

We all have decisions to make and choices to choose between, but what do we go back to when things are not cut and dried, black and white? When things are not easy? We go back to what our parents taught us. We go back to their way of life and carry-on their legacy, whatever that might be. We broaden our grey-area with theirs and sometimes its for the better, where we broaden the grey-area so much all you see is grey, and black and white don't exist, and everything is the same, but sometimes we just push black and white so far apart that the one becomes unknown to the other and you find yourself....

Caught in a grey-area.

And the music goes on...

2012-12-01T22:09:00.002+02:00

So... I've been absent.... *AWKWARD* but I'm back and we can all smile and read my stuff again. Right? Hmmm okay, maybe not so right, but I can at least promise that you will have something to read =].... JA...

Anyway! Besides Med-Sch**l, I have taken up a few new hobbies this year (yes, I know, I have only posted once this year, stop looking at me like that...) and they have absolutely nothing to do with medi***e! How awesome is that?! WIN! I have started exercising my right-brain, the side where all of the fun stuff happens =]

Get the idea...No? Okay, right = more artistic, left = more analytical

I've been playing the piano for a few years now and was starting to get a bit bored of it, so I have started to teach myself guitar. But this post isn't just going to be about me playing guitar. No. Its a bit more than that... So here is another well thought-out, well underprepared, well I-am-tired-of-using-this-catchline blog.

My Fender Stratocaster =] (well I have a Fender Squire Stratocaster shhh)

So, like I was saying, I have been exercising my right-brain because it has been feeling a tad deprived lately, through fault of my own, as I have been burying my face in the darn books too often! But anyway, this has been very darn frustrating! Now, some people find that if they paint that it gives them the needed stimulus (you can interpret that how you want to) to get them going, now for me that stimulus is sound, well music specifically, and I am sure that many of you will agree with me on that one. What I have also done aside from starting guitar, is that I have also started producing music. Yes, I know, everyone does that, but I would also like to lol and I have been loving it! It helps me bring guitar, piano and my love for EDM (electronic dance music) together in one place (I will leave a few links at the bottom of the page for you to have a listen if you so wish lol).

Now I have always been one to try and listen to all genres of music to appreciate it for its entirety, but this is quite difficult to do as of late. You see, I'm of that stubborn group of people that thinks that there isn't much more great talent coming into the music industry because it is moving to more quantity than quality (I could go on about this forever!) but I don't judge people according to what they listen to (okay maybe a little bit, okay maybe more than a little bit). Another way I could describe myself would be that I don't like what is mainstream (OMW HE IS A HIPSTER!!!!! SHOCK!!! HORROR!!!) no, I am not a hipster, because if I said I was a hipster that wouldn't be hipster, and hipster is mainstream anyway because "hipsters" are dumb and made their 'faith' mainstream, kinda like the way those of the emo-faith killed themselves off. But anyway...

Besides music fuelling your brain, and leaving a million subliminal messages for your subconscious to ponder over, it brings people together. Not necessarily in a romantic, 'Hugh Grant movie', kind-of way, but it brings people together from different ethnic groups and cultures and spheres of industry and creates a common-ground. I mean we all know the scenario, you're at the pub with friends and there are people you don't know and an awkward silence is broken for 2 minutes by an, "I like this song!" "Yeah? Me too!" "Have you heard their new stuff?" ---- Get my point?

*ummmmmm*

Think of this:

I come from South Africa, as some of you will know by now, and in the past we haven't had many live international acts perform here, but as we became more financially and infrastructurally "stable" we have had loads more. I mean during Apartheid (Apart-hide in American) all muscians were like "end Apart-hide" and then it ended, and we had a few humanitarianish bands come play like U2 and U2 and that other band U2. But now we have a few more big acts coming through and more frequently too! Like we have had Linkin Park this year, Lady Gag (I did that on purpose) and next year we are expecting Swedish House Mafia and the Red Hot Chili Peppers (=] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =]...). So, music can be used to measure economic growth... "Hmmm okay Luke, where are you going with this?"

Axwell, Steve Angello, Sebastian Ingrosso, the members of Swedish House Mafia. I'm not too sure which country they come from...

What I am trying to say is that music can be used as a 'bonding agent' (glue for the lay-person) and 'integration tool" but how I truly see it is that it serves as a universal classroom. A way for 'great-minds' to climb down from their darn high horse and mingle with the rest of the great-minds that they have been thinking that they we to good for.

Something that Tiesto and Laidback Luke are going to be involved in is an initiative to spread awareness about HIV and AIDS. Something which we are all sick of hearing about, which is the problem, we are sick about hearing about it. When in actual fact, it is something that we must always hear about. And what better way to hear about it than through music, music that targets the largest group of those affected by the pandemic, the younger generation.

Tiesto and Laidback Luke! Doing it for the fans, and then some!

So, what I think we should be doing is exercising our right-brain and using the products of this to do better for ourselves and for others. I mean we all can do it, we just have to find out how. Some of my classmates have taken upon an awesome initiative. They have started an NGO (non-governmental organisation) called Suns and Daughters to clothe those who can't afford to do it for themselves, it works on a buy-one-clothe-another basis, like Toms shoes in the States. If they can do it, why can't we? Because at the end of the day what we do can come to an end but

The music plays on...

Begging, for: cHAngE

2012-01-16T23:45:00.002+02:00

Time has once again flown and has allowed me an in-flight toilet-break, to communicate with the world it is running from. So, it is also partly my honour to welcome you to the end of the world. Again. Calculated by someone else this time. To scare stupid people and fuel silly jokes. But this topic of the new end is already old and stale, like that pizza you left in the refrigerator.

Hello

So, as I have been so far removed from the world and Luke, I have decided to live vicariously through myself since that is just how it has to be, paradoxical and meaningless, like most things and the friendzone... oops that one slipped out...

Anyway!

I have been thinking, as we people sometimes do, I have been unable to shake the longing for a return to the 90s. I mean, those were the good ol' days, the days where I cared little and had no worries about life, and so did most people about fashion because they made their own.

So, ladies, gentlemen and other literate forms of life, I bring to you another well written, well planned, well it was kinda spur of the moment... piece about the World and how it

Keeps Changing

Most of us relate to a point in our lives where things were simpler, worries were a word we couldn't spell and the Olson Twins craved to begin pubescence. For me that time was the 90s; when people were still individuals and they could've cared less about what other people thought of them, but actually cared about the next person's well being. When they were still raw in life and not the refined mass produced waste of today. When kids were still kids. Where problems were real, but people managed. Where music still had instruments. Where people had blue hair, but still looked good because they didn't give a dam.

Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers

I miss what I grew up in. I thank my dad for letting a lot of my childhood be in a pub, it taught me about people. People at their most raw, without sugar-coated fronts, people who society would mask as otherwise but when they grant you the privilege of opening themselves to you, you truly see the unrefined gold that you had just been sitting with.

We take a lot of the world for granted as we move on with our lives. I mean if one just takes note of how the sitcoms on TV have changed. I remember watching Cheers! and Frasier, all among other intelligent forms of entertainment. I mean many have pointed out that How I Met Your Mother is just another version of Friends.

I guess gone are the days of buying meat at the butchery and fruits and vegetables from the green grocer. All now conveniently under one roof and beautifully genetically modified for us by the large corporations.

We have become a society that shuns the individual and embraces the conformer. Even those trying to be different are fulfilling a societal need to create manufactured moulds to mass produce yet another commodity.

Hipster Kitty

But hey who am I to tell you what to do? Do what you must, and keep doing it. Just make sure that there is no harm involved.

I guess, what I am trying to say is, not everything has to change. We don't need to have millions, we don't need every new gadget, we don't always need new shoes, or even a new way of thinking (ever think about that?). What we need to do is be people, and by people, I mean something that actually has genuine feeling. Let things get old, look after them. Let people get older, look after them too. We all age, but not everyone comes out as a smooth Merlot. Keep it simple, keep it old. The majority of the world lives by old text that they call Religion? Does it mean it has to change? For me, no. For you, maybe. It depends where your heart is set. So, in the end we don't have to land-up,

Begging for change.

"There's a call for you dear."

Some Salad With That?

2011-09-12T13:23:00.000+02:00

OKAY! So I haven't put up a post since July, big whoop... I have university, and so do many of you guys, actually as the stats would show, most of you guys are enjoying the thrills of 'College', (yeah, sorry, I'm not American), so you can understand the difficult process of escaping the labouring twines of studying and work.

I have also been GROSSLY distracted by someone new in my life, well actually they have been around since the 80's, and they have kinda always been part of my life, ANYWAY, I'm speaking of none other than the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who have released their new album this August, with new guitarist Josh Klinghoffer. I won't lie, I miss John Frusciante, but this new album rocks! Gave all the songs five stars (if you're a memebase.com fan you probably had the "RATE ALL THE SONGS" image flash across your mind's eye).

New RHCP album "I'm With You"

SO! As always I have been noticing stuff, and then subsequently thought about it and now the urge has risen within to type this long parchment...

We have all probably heard of them, some of us are terrified of them, some of them are just "What the blank!", I'm talking about none other than,

Random internet cult videos.

Now when you guys read cult you probably imagined this

Hello...

No.

I am not going to speak about this messed-up juju...

I'm speaking about random videos that seem to circulate quite readily amongst us young people, that usually leave you asking three questions afterwards:

Why the blank?
What the blank?
and Who the blank?

The first of these videos that I have come across in my youth is,

Salad Fingers

So, for those of you that don't know about Salad Fingers, he is a peculiar character. He seems to have many, MANY, mental disorders that can be classified using the DSM-IVR (medic joke...) especially his strong affinity for things of the rusty nature.

The first time that I watched this weird story, must have been in late high school and it creeped the heck out of me! There are 8 episodes of this animation that was created by David Firth and Fat Pie animations, and is amongst some of the most popular You Tube searches to date.

Many people also say that the animation was designed by a highly inebriated individual, like a politician. This would make a large wad of sense if one just looks at Julius Malema, it is quite evident that he draws inspiration from this cartoon and apparently so does Robert Mugabe. They both seem to have a vernacular similar to that of our lovely new friend...

It is also said that many believe David Firth to be a great prophet of the Emo-faith, and is the lead administrator of self-mutilating therapy.

I have included the first episode below, but if you have a sensitive stomach or you hate freaky stuff, don't watch it!

The next cult-video is that of Charlie the Unicorn. Now this animation, although weird and wonderful, is maybe not as disturbing as our friend Salad Fingers.

This is a fun video, based on the quests and victorious escapades of Charlie and his two unicorn friends. They journey far and wide to search for Candy Mountain and the most opulent Banana King. They also make use of mythical modes of transport known as the 'Shoo-Shoo Train'.

It is believed by some that Charlie is in-fact, the last lost character from the Twilight series, and that even more success of the series would have been gained, had he not been removed from the story by the publishing editors. I can just imagine thousands of teenage girls throwing themselves at the feet of a Unicorn, as much as I can imagine them doing so with other mythical creatures such as, Werewolves and Vampires.

Charlie comes from a famous family lineage, including the likes of Pegasus, who made it big in Disney's cartoon interpretation of Hercules.

My next video is one that has reached recent fame. It too is slightly (lol) disturbing, but it is apparently a social commentary... um... ja...

The video that I am talking about is named 'Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared'. This video is an awesome children's video for people who are not children. It is... different.... I'm not even going to say anything about it...

I will let this innocent notepad tell you the story. But I must warn you, the video is quite dark and if you don't want to watch it you can read this link instead.

http://laughingsquid.com/dont-hug-me-im-scared-a-creative-short-film-with-dark-humor/

But for those brave few, here is the actual video --->

I warned you...

So, in short, there are thousands of these videos doing the rounds on the internet, and some might say they are socially damaging, some could say that they are actually quite funny, others may say that this will help me build an amazing political manifesto. But what do I think? I think that people have far too much time on their hands, okay, fair enough, I'm writing this blog, but what is the true aim of these videos? What is the reason for them being made so easily accessible? Whatever it might be, just be careful, eat your salad but remember,

Green is not a creative colour...

PS. Don't forget to vote on the right hand side of the page! And comments are appreciated =]

No More Mr Nice-Guy?

2011-07-08T13:08:00.000+02:00

Sooooo... That awkward moment when you realise that you haven't posted on your blog since the Royal wedding... Hmmm... Ja... ANYWAY! I am now officially on vacation with T-17 days until the freedom is once more revoked and I return to the grind-mill of Med-school, to don my favourite 'white-coat' shaped millstone and walk around in circles similar to that of an aged, over-worked donkey. (Sounds accurrate enough)

So, what has been on my mind you ask? Well. To be honest. ALOT (shut up! I know its not a word), anyway the most recent of these, well, thoughts, was sparked this morning when I received a Facebook message with a, certain tasteful link. The text was appreciated, but the concept lingered on... (DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUM!!! BAM!!!).

Ladies and possible gentlemen, I present to you, a well planned, well provoked and well...

The nice guy

I want to punch him

Okay, so why the sudden violence you ask? Because of this ---> www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

Okay, so this was either sent to me because, 1- I am seen as a nice guy (hmmm okay? Care to elaborate?), 2- a thank you for being a 'nice guy' (kinda the same as 1?), 3- you should get laid (psssh whatever), 4- you should be a 'nice guy', 5- here is a label does it fit you? (THE WORLD AND ITS DAM IDEALS!)...

Either way, I am sick of this freaking 'nice guy' thing, it just grates my chesse (as of late). I mean if I am said 'nice guy', I'm over it, it got me stuff-all except issues and pent up anger (TADA BLOG!) and too much to think about, I'm on vac, I don't want to think =[ dammit! In high-school the poor 'nice guy' got messed around with alot, flip poor guy got trampled on, badly. And then there were the 'jocks' who always got the girls (default function), and then us guys who were part-time jerk, part-time 'nice guy', part-time 'get the f*** out of the friend-zone'. You know, the normal guys.

"I'm sorry sweety, what was that?"

Yeah, I know.

But anyhow, why must there be labels and why does it seem that the greater demographic that hands these labels out are the female population? One thing that the link had, that was thought provoking, was when the author said, "From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative b*****s," okay so now what? We should all go on the hunt for the girls who are not!!! HOO HAH!!! MAN UP AND FIND SOME WOMAN MEAT!!! ---> uhm. No. wtf?

Lets take a look at the roles that this guy has played in movies... Jake Gyllenhaal

Looks like an allround good oke

This, it is true.

Okay so movie number 1 (if you haven't watched it, I give away the ending so scroll down if you like =])
Donnie Darko

Okay, so in this movie, he was a bit messed in the head but hey, at the end of the movie he gave his life to save the girl, a pretty stand-up move if you ask me.

Movie number 2
Jarhead

In this movie he goes to war, and gets a "Dear John" letter. Wow, I wanted to rage SOOOO bad!!! Again he becomes a bit messed in the head, but he is still a nice guy about it lol

Movie number 3
Brothers

Here he plays the ass. His brother goes to war, gets captured, and all in all sh*t gets real! Meanwhile, back at the ranch, good ol' Jake is hooking up with his brothers Mrs, and when his bro gets back with PTSD... I stopped watching because I knew how real it was going to get lol.

Movie number 4

Love and Other Drugs

Here the oke just puts up with a world of sh*t. Like I mean a world of it. Like you can't believe. Like he was just boss in this movie. I mean the guy survived priapism (google it if you REALLY want to). Here he was a jerk, who became a 'nice guy', and got the girl. Hmmm okay. Idealistic? Well he seems to be the guy in this movie, of the variey that the link speaks of, who finds the girl, who is not caught-up in a mindset, and is... SINGLE!

LOL! O, how good it would be to find a 'nice girl' who is single... Is life not just FILLED with idealisms?

Anyway. So we see Jake be the 'nice guy' and fail, we have seen him be the jerk and succeed and then die. And we have seen him be the idealistic, ever persevering 'nice guy', post-jerk, who gets the girl. Question is, why the heck don't they just take him for who he is the first time around? The guy that he truly is. We always hear how girls want a guy who will take them for who they are. I wonder if it works the other way around as well?

Life is full of these labels and adopted behaviours and blah blah blah and blah. But, are we just jaded from what we truly see in other people by the ideals of the world and of society? Or do we just choose to be freaking hard headed? If I am a nice guy, take me for who I am, not what I am, or what you would like me to be. If I am a jerk, well take me as that too. You know why? Because its me. So, thanks for the ode, but, thanks for at least trying to see me, it was the

Nice thing to do.

When I was Young...

2011-05-06T13:35:00.003+02:00

So...the royal wedding happened.

Exactly!

So, I've been busy, as always, but I have returned to grace you with the verbal diarrhoea of my fingers which is strangely pleasant. Now, besides the above mentioned ladies-all-over-the-freaking-world-went-gaga moment, there have been other strange developments in the world... Osama was killed... OR WAS HE? (DRAMATIC CONSPIRACY MUSIC) Anyway, people all over the world, are celebrating/mourning/don't know what the heck they are doing. Fact of the matter is that something happened in Pakistan's backyard without their permission and now people are pointing fingers. Anyway! The poll last week showed that you guys want America to help out in disaster areas, guess I didn't think about putting "Hunt down terrorist leaders" as an option, MY BAD!!!

But today I bring to you a well researched, well worded, well done, well I don't care just read it =]

Ladies and gentleman, I bring to you,

The stuff I watched growing up.

Many of us have had the conversation "What rubbish are kids watching these days?", some of our parents can't say the same about our generation, because they never had television, or were in their teens when it came out. But we all agree that what we watched was pretty freaking LEGEND!!!

I know, I cried too. This was the most manly irony in the world! Macho mice, on bikes, from Mars, fighting Plutarkians, not worrying about moral lessons, just looking for an ass to kick! I remember waking up early every morning to watch this and video-recording it as well, just so that I could watch it again and again and again. Girls will never understand the awesomeness of Throttle, Vinnie and Modo. Men, I suggest if you find one who does, however butch she may be, marry her.

YEAH!!! This show was the show that every child of the 90's loved! It was beyond epic. The original cast with Jason the Red Ranger, Billy the Blue Ranger, Zack the Black Ranger (strange that he was actually black hmmm), Trini the Yellow Ranger (she was Asian... hey! What were you guys trying to say!?) and who could EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER!!!!!! Forget Kimberly the Pink ranger =] =] =] =] (And then Tommy the Green Ranger came and stuffed stuff up... HATED THAT GUY! Freaking greeny!)

But the true reason we all watched this show, besides them kicking some major Putty butt

YAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

was to see the most amazingly beautiful young woman that our tender toddler minds could imagine...

I'm crying as I type this! All the guys wanted her, all the girls wanted to be her. Amy Jo Johnson was the best thing that could have happened to kiddies television in the 90's.

Then there was Zordon, this freaky hologram wizard, made every kid want a plasma screen t.v. with a floating, talking, all-knowing face!

FEK YEAH!!!!

This show changed the lives of millions the world-over, walk up to any twenty-something and ask them, "Did you ever watch the Power Rangers?" and they will answer you with a smile and a resounding "Yes!"

"By your powers combined, I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!"

Did you also get an urge to search for your planet ring when you heard this? I mean how epic did this show make anti-pollution?! I loved it, every afternoon I would sit there and marvel at Linka, I mean marvel at their awesome powers. I wanted to save the world from pollution after this, SO FREAKING MUCH!!!

Earth! Wind! Fire! Water! Heart!

Wait... Heart? What the freak? Heart? All these powerful elements and you come up with heart? Okay, fair enough the show was epic, but to this day I am still haunted by the Heart Ring, I suppose Captain Planet did need one, so yeah, okay...

Then we all got a bit older and decided to drop our IQ-scores a bit and watched...

I don't know about you guys, but when the Pokemon trailer came on, I got all revved up and ready and excited and insane, and thought that Pokemon was actually Pikachu...

Its so freaking happy! And made us all happy! And then we all got over it...

Yes... The ultimate climax... DBZ!!! All the kids I knew either loved it or hated it 'cos of its unbelievable awesomeness that knocked Pokemon off South African television. I would race back from school and be beyond bleak if I missed this show, that would come on at 16:30, every weekday except Fridays... Yes I remember this...

We all wanted to see Goku reach Super Saiyan, Piccolo teach Gohan how to fight, Trunks coming back from the future to warn us, I mean Goku of the impending doom! Flip! This show was to awesome! My mom called/calls it pure evil, but it was epic!!!

I guess what I am trying to say is... we were all kids, but why did we stop being kids? Why are we worried about royalty getting married and terrorists? Or why are there these factors in our world? If we all stayed kids in the way that we lived our lives, we would have had an awesome time! Jamming some Power Ranger moves, throwing tennis balls that we coloured-in at animals in an attempt to capture them, combating pollution and fighting evil. Some would say we still do some of these things, others just say that was life

In cartoon motion.

'Cos I'm freaking Megazord! That's why!

Star Spangled Spanner?

2011-04-12T19:21:00.004+02:00

Yes. I know. It has been forever since my last blog post, but hey, the life of a med-student is one of never ending torture and joys. But the time has come, once more, for me to enlighten you guys (and girls), with something that has boggled my mind recently. Its once again time for an astoundingly well researched, well thought through, and well, troll-able blog?

Today ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you,

America.

Now, this 'world super power' has had a real field-day for the majority of the last two centuries and the beginning of this one. Everyone that hates the country wants to blow it up, everyone that loves the country wants to blow someone else up, or at least make them say sorry and donate their oil as collateral.

America isn't all bad, I mean they brought us Oprah and Bill Gates, this Google thing that I'm using, Disney Television, Coca-Cola, the world's economy, the world, and many other useful household items like obesity. But, they have also been fixing the world with their amazing toolbox. War.

I'm not saying that the soldiers who fight in these wars are not noble men and women, don't get me wrong, I have great respect for the fighting men and women of this world. And nor am I saying that all wars are unprecedented, but, some of them surely are. I mean try and think back to a war that didn't involve America in some way or another? Let's start in this previous century:

World War I - America entered the war after remaining neutral, a more amicable response than some nations.

World War II - America entered the war to stop the needless killing of civilians and to stop Hitler's Third Reich from 'taking over the world' (as Brain would say), again amicable, saving lives and lifestyles.

The Korean War - North Korea didn't like the South Korea and vice versa, America liked the South, Communist Russia liked the North, and they had a lil' tiff on the playground. Yes, America saved peoples' lives, but put a whole lot of other peoples' lives at risk... Hmmm the Soviets weren't the best okes in the world at the time but hey, you need a big guy to keep another big guy in-check

The Mythical Cold War - now this was where things got a lil' more convoluted than needed, both USA and Russia had flexed their muscles, now this is where they kept flexing them. The great 'Space-Race', nuclear weapon developments, awesome espionage novels got written, JFK was assassinated... Anti-climax much? More like conspiracy. But hey its not my job to decipher that, its the CIA's. (lol)

Now the site that I used to get this chronological listing (http://americanveterans.homestead.com/links.html) didn't include the Cold war. Don't ask me why, I don't know I'm not an American. But they go straight to their next big-bash;

Vietnam - now this was a ugly bit of business. What started as America 'helping' some French colonists became a blood-bath. Now movies like Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket and Platoon, are all classics that show the war through different views. Its the first American war that received real resistance from the American people, with the blood and gore being televised to the world.

The Gulf War - took place in the early 1990's, and was mainly to liberate Kuwait from the tyranny of Saddam Hussein. There was and is, still a lot of oil in the Middle-East, and a big burly war-machine like American needs a good greasing every now and then.

The Afghanistan War - was in retaliation to the 9-11 attacks, which was the irrational killing of hundreds of people. Said, to be in retaliation of America's involvement in the Soviet conflicts during the Cold War (that never happened). This war is still happening and is the first, and maybe not the last, war against terrorism. There is however a lot of oil in the vicinity of Afghanistan (just saying). This is also the war that brought an end to the 'USA', and introduced us to the 'US'. Quite conveniently reading in the headlines 'Attack Against US'. (Us being?)

Not rationalizing what was done to the American people, but their propaganda is good.

The Iraq War - this war was an almost follow-up to the Afghanistan war. America stepping in to save the Iraqi people from Saddam Hussein. There is and always will be conspiracy about controlling oil in the Middle-East, and Zeitgeist is always putting out a new conspiracy theory about this.

Now, my source also mentions that the war in Iraq 'ended' last year, but how true is that?

With the new clamp-down on Libya (the 'green-flag' country), and Gaddafi's rule coming to an end, America is once again involved. This might not be bad, but is it good? Is it America just flexing its muscle again? Some would say not. Actually many of us would say it is a needed reaction. But then with the same logic, why has nothing been done to get Zimbabwe out of its long-standing state of affairs? Is it because they feel that there isn't enough of an oil:good propaganda ratio?

America gained most of its industrial muscle from wars, thus it would make sense for it to be the main war-monger, but do they pick their battles? I think so. They are always the 'big-brother' (which is understandable since they have the largest army in the world), and they are always winning (except for Vietnam).

To take another look at this, why did The Hurt Locker win best picture? I mean many people enjoyed Avatar (with its recycled story-line of Pocahontas which was about the colonizing English captain falling in-love with a Red Indian lass and AWESOME cinematic effects)? America has a way of rewarding its people for patriotism. It does this with food (the American cheese burger and the American beer), I mean show me a country that does not have a McDonald's somewhere on a piece of prime real-estate that can be resold at 10 times its original market value? At the fan parks during the FIFA World Cup in South Africa, the only advertised beers were American.

The world has become a place of branding. South Africa, we came out of segregation. Oh, wait America did that first. Iraq, we make bombing-killer-looking okes and petrol. America, we are an obese nation with billions in resources, spreading our brand through our celebrities and moral wars? Nah... Really?

In the end, there are many good people from America, many good people died in the name of America, many live for America, and many want to live in America. But why? What happened to having pride in your own country and why can't we have equal opportunity as well? So many questions with so few answers... But the fact remains, America is using its toolbox to mend the world one oil/battle field after another and they are succeeding. The only thing that worries me is that, will we be living in a world that is made of the 195 states of America, or a place where there is shared opportunity, or is that too Communist? So I think that America is fixing the world, I just hope that they don't

Throw a spanner into the works.

Ps. I thought that you guys might find this picture rather interesting. Download it from my page and zoom in to read what people have been saying...

If you think this is bad... go have a look at this site...

http://www.viceland.com/wp/2011/03/tsunami-vs-pearl-harbor/

Full-Moon

2011-03-16T17:29:00.001+02:00

Now, it has been a while since my last post, but hey, I'm busy (and I couldn't think of what to write) but now I'm ready and inspired! Motivated to blurb once more! To revitalise my mind by dumping its waste-products on you guys the same way plants dump oxygen!

But, before I ramble in my latest post, the new iPad was released recently, and is 'apparently'

LIFE CHANGING!!!!!!!!!!!

But, I don't see why people are going mad about these lil' do-dads. I mean its simple enough to make your own one in the comfort of your own home. Besides that, the Xhosa community have been calling things 'i-whatever' before Apple, and should claim copyright! Anyway I made my own iPad, for less than R50 ( <US$5 for my international readers - yeah I said it lol), have a look.

Although your manhood might be judged, I recommend the new iPad!

So! Back to the new rant for this week! Now as we all know there is a plague of substance abuse the world-over, but also so in the greater Cape Town area. Especially with the rise of the new 'Tik" (or Methamphetamine), substance abuse is looking even uglier than before. But little is said about the new 'Crack', problem that has surfaced. Everyday crack-dealers are taking their place amongst us, and disturbing many a pleasant setting. Here is one crack-dealer, acosting a young child who is clearly distressed by the situation.

Everything BUTT pretty!

This is a very deep-seated problem, that seems to be capable of affecting large numbers of people, everyday! Anyone can become a crack-dealer and thus... anyone can become addicted... This is a sad reality and is disturbing. This illegal substance should be removed from our streets and from our homes!

It is believed that the original dealers of this contraband were our trusty plumbers. No-one would ever suspect these dignified and valued members of society to be soliciting the spread of this failed cover-up. We allowed them into our homes. We paid them for their services, but no-one knew what their true aim was; to rule the world from the bottom, up.

Our daughters and sisters were the first to latch onto this new 'high', wearing hipster jeans and mid-drift tops, further accentuating their catalogue during the late 1990's and early 2000's, having a strong celebrity clientèle such as the Spice-Girls.

Turning their BACK on sobriety

Many tween-aged girls raved over this new fad, nagging their mums and dads to get them these outlandish Butt-buddy outfits. However, times have moved on since the obscurity of the 90's, to the absurdity of the Nought-ies.

Those of the Emo-faith and many American gangs have taken to wearing their pants low and trading in Crack. The market is endless with those of the Emo-faith seeing endless possibilities to spread the message of the Emo-ness around the world.

Just the other day, a friend and I were sitting having a meal when some of this 'illegal-substance' was brandished in-front of us. Yet another poor soul, spurned by this 'hungry-bum' syndrome, caused by Crack abuse.

However there is a fix. A fairly simple and ingenious method founded by our fore-fathers. Grafted from the unrefined iron-ore of the Earth... The durable skin of a bull (or a cow, we're not sexist on this blog!) to make the most remarkable creation known to man... THE BELT!

WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!

Not only can this amazing invention be used to hold your pants up and cover the contraband, but it can also be used, by the upstanding citizen to discipline those who infringe on this fragile part of our moral code!

Even Batman wears a belt!

I'm not using this strange analogy of Crack, to lessen the impact that substance abuse has had on society, but surely small degrees of social unawareness or simple apathy can lead to this becoming an avalanche and be more destructive than the snowball it already is. This isn't just a matter of tightening our belts and shifting funds to new platforms of treatment and counselling, but we forget that it starts with good parenting, or good self-control, or good decisions. All of these easy to say, but why is it so easy for us all to forget about it. I mean, there are means and ways which have been implemented to stem this abusive tide, but is it actually working? Is it actually making a dent significant enough to lay-down new foundations? In some cases, definitely! But in others,

There is just a crack in the system.

-Sugar Coated-

2011-03-01T20:52:00.001+02:00

This post signals a months worth of blogging and a months worth of loyalty by a whole-lot of people out there. Thank-you so much for keeping up. But now for the next edition of 'well' researched, 'well' prepared, well you know what its about...

Not many things in this world actually get me annoyed, I mean besides Twilight and the constant battle of humans and those of the Emo-faith, I'm a rather relaxed guy. But, as of late something has been grating my cheese a little finer than normal. The world's biggest cover-up, the largest conspiracy theory since, "Does Bella end up with Edward?", although it might have something to do with his complexion...

Ladies and gentlemen,

Make-up...

Now make-up has been around for, I don't know, since women, but the stuff has kinda lost its purpose. For example this is a picture of a girl I saw on campus today.

Now I mean she is probably pretty decent-looking under all of that, by why for the life of me is she wearing all of that. Okay, I guess make-up has formed part of our culture, but I highly doubt that it has formed part of our anatomy (as yet).

But let's have a look at where it came from, what it was meant for and who was meant to wear it...

As with most things, make-up originated in Egypt, with only the elite upper-class wearing iron-ore, copper and bronze mixtures to enhance their features. Even now we are familiar with a remnant of this being the eye-liner that we see on many a runway model. It has also been made an iconic item that is needed for right-of-passage in the Emo-faith, for both men and women.

A true matriarch in the Emo-faith (not quite sure if its a guy)

Now eye-liner isn't the only part of make-up, no, the artist's pallet of paints and crayons continues. There is of course lipstick. Now lipstick is the synthetic way of getting those red-lips that Mommy told you about when you were trying to imagine Snow-White, but of course with modernisation, these things have changed and we have colours like orange-orange and avocado-and-lime green that just take things to a new level (if you don't know what I'm talking about, go to the mall and every grade 9 girl will have a different colour from the South African flag). There is of course a naughty theory too why red lipstick looks 'soooooo' good, but I'm not that explicit on this blog so you guys can go and Google that part, just be sure to use the words lips and red, and make sure safe search is on, I don't want you guys to get exposed to the evils of the world like Oprah wearing red lipstick and all puckered-up.

Now there are however two things that I hear girls complaining about (besides everything) and that is other girls who wear too much foundation/base/that-stuff-that-girls-use-in-high-school-to-hide-their-pimples-but-it-actually-gives-them-more-pimples, or too much eye-shadow. However there are people who make a lot of money by using these implements of the trade, and I'm not talking about those that linger out late at night (not car-gaurds). I'm talking about...

Clowns.

Bring back some memories?

They look SO FREAKING HAPPY!!!

No, not the jock who plunged your face into the toilet when you were in grade 8 and you didn't know any really bad words, so you called him a clown, nor am I speaking of the dude in the drain that is going to snatch you and keep you in a cage (that is Comrade Julius). There are many of them, and as kids we were either COMPLETELY freaked out by them or we loved them. Now if you didn't know, clowns actually have a code of honour, a way that prevents another's work from being marred and forever shamed, this is The Clown Face Registry. I mean these guys don't joke around, they literally keep record of professional clowns' faces to ensure that the market stays fresh. If only high school girls could have the same sense of originality and go without make-up.

http://www.stuff4clowns.com/registry.html

Funny enough back in the day, people would chuck lead based powder and chalk onto their faces to stay pale, now we spray 'bronze' aerosol onto our skin with sometimes embarrassing consequences. It's ironic how the 'tanned' look was previously seen as the look of the peasant, now it is what we all want. What if Marie Antoinette was right and pale is awesome? It would explain why girls are fixated over Edward Cullen and those of the Emo-faith who venture into the light on special occasions.

But, in my opinion, we wouldn't need to look for ways to be original if we were just ourselves. Steering away from this cliche' of our time, is something that is becoming more and more second natured, but less and less natural. Heck, I want a girl who I can look at and say "Wow you are amazingly beautiful," and know that she isn't like one of Di'Vinci's masterpieces -covered in layers of paint- but God's unique master piece, and be that girl, who becomes that woman, who becomes that mother my daughter can look up to. Things can be so much better if just -

Left uncovered.

Stone Dead?

2011-02-22T17:39:00.003+02:00

So the time has come once more for me to deliver my scripted soliloquy on whatever I feel like at that instant in time. Although not always instant I do try to give you the best of my time. O, loyal readers who have been with me for two long, whole... Okay Luke shut-up...

Today I bring you another exceedingly well researched topic! Although our dear friend Death has taken leave from reading and commenting on this blog, it was him/her/it, who inspired me to 'research' my work anyway, thus I shall carry on their gloomy legacy.

So today, we all know them, some of us were them, are them or quite soon... will be them. I am talking of none other than...

The stoner.

For those of you who are socially removed of sorts, the stoner is not the neighbour's kid who has been hurling rocks at you and calls you ugly, nor is it the Middle-Eastern guy who got agro. The stoner is your resident individual who enjoys the odd dalliance with Mary-Jane, Marijuana, or that foxy little lady Cannabis. Now hash has been around for ages and many different ways to make use of it have been elicited. Many doctors swear by its 'medicinal properties', I personally don't agree with it at all, or any drug abuse for that matter but hey, I drink beer.

Now the stoner is someone that dads the world over try to keep away from their daughters with lock, key and sawed-off shotgun, but what have stoners actually given the world? Alot? A bad name? Herpes? Well, I'll fill you in.

There have been many a famous and influential person who has used pot and has said that it has 'inspired' them or given them some ability or just simply allowed them to relax a bit. Let us see who they were/are...

Since this is our first well known individual, let's start with a founding father. No I am not taking about a clergyman, I am talking about THE George Washington!

We all know this really old guy, but what a pimp! This guy actually advocated growing weed. He probably pulled his pimp hand a few times when the help 'acted a fool' and tried to take some of his stash, but seriously, he had farmlands dedicated to growing the stuff. In early 'propaganda' he stated that he grew it to stabilise the soil on his farms, and he enjoyed wearing hemp shirts. The notes that his face is printed on, used to be manufactured from a hemp by-product, I mean talk about marketing! He probably did it for the all Benjamins.

Benjamin Franklin on the 100 Dollar bill

Keeping in tune with ex-American presidents, who better to mention than good ol' Bill, not the money bill, none other than William (Bill) Clinton.

Now there were many things that Bill claimed he didn't do, like he didn't get drunk, he didn't bunk class, he didn't have sexual relations with that woman, but in this case Bill said "I did smoke pot, but I didn't inhale", um okay? What did you do then? Hire a new secretary?

Many musicians and celebrities these days get caught using weed, and its almost been accepted as the norm, but back in the day folks 'got their smoke on' to be able to do their work. Bring to the fore, William Shakespeare.

Now this guy is just pimping! As we would say in this day and age. I mean the dude has an earring! His words make women melt and confuse guys, how does that not play in your favour as the author? So, in 2001 CNN posted a news report that 'scientists' found bongs in his backyard, I kid you not! Here is the link:

http://edition.cnn.com/2001/WORLD/europe/UK/03/01/shakespeare.cannabis/

Anyway, a bong is the little pipe do-dad that you use to smoke cannabis. Cannabis was available everywhere in Elizabethan England, but mainly in the form of clothes and rope. Who says you can't burn a little rope now hey?

Another artistic guru, was Salvador Dali, whose artworks alone make you feel slightly trippy, on a good-day. He even said, "Everyone should eat hashish, but only once" (sounds like Bill saw some wisdom in these words).

Yeah he lost it. Or maybe his mom also smoked some dooby. I mean the dude's full name is Salvador Felipe Jacinto Dalí Domènech Marquis of Pubol, surely Sal would've been sufficient? But hey the guy gave us some really awesome art and some cultures use his paintings to scare-off members of the Emo-faith during twilight (normally 5pm - 7pm, but also when half human monstrosities walk around half naked and steal teenage girls hearts - they seem to enjoy things being half-and-half , oh well -).

I know it messes with my mind to...

But hey, times are a changing and the world is becoming more accepting of many things, not necessarily for the better, but let's hope for nothing worse. People are seeking inspiration from weirder and more wonderful things. I find mine in my faith, and in the world that my Lord has blessed me and all of you awesome freaks with, but hey, it boils down to choices, sometimes messed up things can give birth to beautiful creation, sometimes it brings the end to a presidency and new secretarial jobs open up. But these okes, and many like them felt this was the right thing, we may not agree, but then again...

What inspires you?

Feeling Demotivated?

2011-02-15T17:52:00.005+02:00

Now, for those of you who 'love' well researched, well constructed, well... whatever blogs, I have actually researched this one. It's something we all see, all love to see but NEVER want to be seen on... Ladies and gentlemen (and Death, since those in the spiritual bare no clearly defined sex), I present to you...

The demotivational poster!

Now there are literally millions of blogs and websites that are dedicated to making us aware of the latest way to demotivate leprechauns, Asian kids, donkeys, those of the Emo-Faith and who will ever forget... That kid who just LOVED McDonald's so much that good ol' Ronald had to pull out his 'Pimp-Hand'.

Now many of us are familiar with the counterpart of the demotivational poster, the motivational poster (no kidding right), because of the, LEGEND... wait for it... DARY, Niel Patrick Harris, THE NPH , when he plays Barney in the series... Wait I don't need to advertise for that show. Anyway he is a legend in it. Now those are pretty legitimate motivational posters, they are the essence of life, the apple in the eyes of many adolescents, first year university students, my grandmother, and all orthodox hedonists the world over. Even those of the Emo-Faith can benefit from their uplifting splendour.

Now this is where I think we knew where we were heading with the idea of the modernised motivational poster, the pinnacle of inspiration, the true way to blow your mind away to the point where you forgot that you were sad... Who were we kidding?

Surely we had to realise that the real way to lift ourselves out of the dumps was to put someone else there. Right? (okay maybe not right, but that is what happened anyway).

Many were to fall in this gruesome war of hate speech, insinuation and yes, all the bad-ations you can think of. The first of those to enter the virtual concentration-camp was, 'the fat-kid'. They took it hard. McDonald's signs being Photo-Shopped onto the face of many 30+ BMI members of society. We all laughed and giggled at their expense, almost living off the instincts that we gained in grade 1.

The next saga grew from one of my more favourite genres... The FAIL. The FAIL saga blossomed out-of-control. Members of the public scrambling to edit their latest photo's of those in society who might not have fulfilled Darwin's fittest. Yet again calling on our instincts, yet again pushing the proverbial evolution of our species into EPIC non-FAILures!!!!

The series of exclamation marks in the last sentence highlights a new saga in our demotivated culture. The 300 saga, the saga that defined men, holes, people falling into holes, people kicking people so that they could fall into holes. HOW FREAKING EPIC IS THAT!!!!!!! Every teenage boy who dreamt of muscle and glory went around screaming at each other before publicly humiliating them to their own level, so as to rise to new heights and enforce their superiority over their new slave. Yes, once more our instincts have been exposed, all those butch (male and female), now had a platform to call their own.

My last and favourite demotivational poster hails from a movie series that has drawn people together for eternity. It has broken the borders between the girly and those of the Emo-Faith, for centuries to come. This sparkling genre has killed many a hope of wonderful vampire movies to come. Yes, its the Tw... Tw.. Twi... I don't want to say this... Twilight saga. Phew. Yes, its regarded by many as a FAIL, but it has reached great fame in the world of demotivation and the quickly disappearing Emo-Faith, a following that has been mercilessly attacked by the demotivated world. No-one really knows who founded this faith, but many parallels have been drawn between it and the above mentioned series of movies. Characteristics such as biting, blood letting, pseudo-beastiallity (okay that is just in Twilight), and eccentric outfits. Not all of these are bad and nor are they all lame and frightening, but they are eye catching.

Some would say a cut above the rest.

Been a while...

2011-02-08T01:18:00.002+02:00

I suppose that this whole 'blogging' thing has been around for yonks now, but hey better late than never. I mean honestly why would I leave my pen and paper and the security of a few good friends and the girls I fancy, being the only ones who read my weird and sometimes mindless concoctions of word, banter and lyrical design.

That first paragraph pretty-much summarises what I am trying to say... Why come out of the 'proverbial' shell and post your thoughts on the net? I mean it can be said that, that is one of the major problems with society at the moment; people saying too much on the net, taking the whole 'freedom of speech' thing to a whole new level.

Prime example...

Facebook relationships. We all know them, we all probably had them, probably liked, unliked, disliked, whatever-we-felt-liked them, but they are there (some qualify "were there" as a better discription). I see no point in them. I mean seriously, dude we know that you have a girlfriend, so why are you posting all these status updates about how you are going to visit her after you go to gym and buy a corny puppy-bear-squirrel-mouse stuffed animal, and rub her feet after she spent the whole day walking around school, finishing grade 9, while you slaved away at the pc (playing W.O.W. or whatever during your double gap-year). I mean dude. What are you doing? Trying to win brownie-points with all your other 2.5 female Facebook-friends to use as sympathy votes when you do break up with her, on Facebook, for them all to see, for a whole week...Honestly.

But hey. That is probably not much better than what I'm doing right here, posting this blog. I'm voicing my opinion, sharing my view in an over-share kind of way and expecting you to read it and take it in a light hearted way... WAIT... Facebook relationships are serious... MY BAD...

Anyway... That is life as we know it in the year 2011. The year that picked up where 2010 left-off, people over-sharing and us just lapping it up as fuel for our own new kind of expression. The new world.

The new social network.

http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1895694,00.html

I thought that this link was rather interesting...