If

If My Bible Was Thicker

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Mon, 03 Mar 2014 05:06:00 +0000

Wishing for the XXBV?

If a Duck

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 06:08:00 +0000

OUch.

In Michael W. Smith's song, "Cross of Gold", the cross, worn as jewelry from a chain around the neck, represents someone's Christian identification. The question is: Are you genuine?

Video: Michael W. Smith - Cross of Gold (1993 Live in Concert)

If I Could Just Say Everything Instantaneously

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 07:18:00 +0000

"Dissing the Queen is not what I mean,"
I explained, "by liking the loon."

If Church Folk Would Clap Their Hands

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 04:19:00 +0000

If I Could Keep Myself in a Sin(ner)less Environment

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:14:00 +0000

The wonders and downfalls of: the Christian bubble.

If Momentous Events Are Significant

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 03:11:00 +0000

The "moment" and the "un-moment".
Could it be that both are vital?

If Only the Churches Could be in Unison

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 01:49:00 +0000

The unity and unison line sounded very plausible. “What do you mean?” He asked.

If Favourable Happenings are the Gauge to Determine How Much God Loves Us

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 20:44:00 +0000

“God must hate us then! Look what has been happening to us!” they cried out.

If - On Tour

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 06:34:00 +0000

Photos and souvenirs from the recent hypothetical 'If' tour:

If We Were Politically Correct

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 01:04:00 +0000

If Only I was Impotent

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 02:37:00 +0000

If Jesus had a Blog

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 22:35:00 +0000

If Jesus had a blog,
it might be a bit like the imaginary blog that Brant Hansen has on his own blog, Letters to Kamp Krusty.

Brant Hansen is a host for WAY FM, a Christian radio station. He's a satirist, and has a way of putting things that I just thrive on. I wish that I had come up with 'If Jesus had a Blog' before he did!

As for the place of satire, sarcasm, irony, humour, and wit in Christianity: It has a role that can be invaluable. Christians should be honest enough with themselves to be able to accept critical thinking! (Hopefully, you've recognized some of these things on the website you are visiting right now.) Hypothetical thinking can make the truth a bit more obvious to us. It is like building a model to see if the idea would make sense in reality.

'If Jesus had a blog', comes complete with hypothetical blog followers who comment on the posts. The star commenter seems to be 'horsegurl 1998'.

If There Was No Such Thing as the BAX

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 15:59:00 +0000

"Check his vital signs," the medic explained to the distraught woman on the phone.

"But I don't know how to do that!" the woman responded.

"It's easy: Does he have a wallet in his pocket?" the doctor asked.

"Yes."

"Check to see if he has a birth certificate. If he does, he's fine."

If a Prophet Told You

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 06:00:00 +0000

Have you become a member of 'Christians Anonymous'?

If Us Protestants Could Have Only One Denomination

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 07:00:00 +0000

"We should do away with all of our denominations," they blurted out, before they had a chance to think the statement through.

If I Could Just Find a Random Verse

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 23:03:00 +0000

Bibliomancy:

Divination by opening a book (especially the Bible) at random, the first verse presenting itself being taken as a prognostication of future events. Before the Bible, in pagan times, Homer and Virgil were similarly used.

If it Were not Possible to Get to Church in a Motor Vehicle

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 16:43:00 +0000

It is so very easy these days to attend any church of your specific taste, and to up and go to greener pastures...

If Non-Christians Would Just be Like Christians

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 07:00:00 +0000

"I keep telling the heathens to stop acting like heathens, but they just won't!"

If There Weren't So Many Demons

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 07:00:00 +0000

Give the Devil as little attention as he deserves. Don't be like 'the Backwards Lady'...

If I Have a Diet Cola

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 13:14:00 +0000

Fooling myself is when I actually (sort of) start believing my own balderdash.

If Heaven Went By Merit

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:54:00 +0000

"If heaven went by merit, you'd stay out and your dog would go in."

Mark Twain

Smokey

Smokey was my dog when I was a kid. My home was at a church complex and gentle Smokey was accustomed to constant attention by many people. "Even their dog is saved," somebody had said.

But even lovable Smokey did things that weren't heavenly. I knew. It was my responsibility to bury the rotting, maggot infested groundhog carcasses he'd regularly bring to the back yard. One day, I witnessed my dog killing a groundhog - killing it slowly: shaking it until all of its bones must have basically rattled apart from each other, then taunting it, then shaking it again, and repeating.

The worst of what an animal does is because it is driven by instincts. Still, this absolutely pales in comparison to the evil that people do for no reason other than sin.

I'm glad that heaven doesn't go by merit.

If Churches Couldn't Form Committees

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 04:08:00 +0000

Does Jesus really want us to form a 'love committee'?

If I Set Out a Fleece

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 05:23:00 +0000

Making any plans for the new year?

Merry Christmas to All of my Site Visitors!

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 23:30:00 +0000

A couple of Christmas things for you:

...........................................................................................................

Here's one that's been around for a while. I first heard it when Pastor Will included it in a Christmas sermon...

Sunday School Christmas Lesson

On the Sunday before Christmas, the Sunday school class was asked to draw pictures of the Christmas Story.

After the class was over, a little child showed her father her artwork.

Looking at the picture, her father asked why she had drawn an airplane when everyone else had made a picture of the Christmas story.

‘That’s the flight into Egypt.’ she matter-of- factly explained.

“Oh yes”, her dad responded. “ I see Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus are on the plane, but who is this in the front of the plane?”

“That’s Pontius the pilot.” She replied.

“And who is this big fat guy in the back?” he asked.

“He’s Round John Virgin.”

...........................................................................................................

And now...
(drum roll)
I present to you:

The Turtledove!

For some time, I've secretly been working on a labour of love in the back shed. Now, just in time for Christmas, I am unveiling the project to you:

I've successfully bred a small, but genuine flock of the original and legendary turtle dove! This is a photo of one of the finer specimens in my back yard coop.

*Note:
My turtle dove should not be confused with the common, unshelled variety. Any dove without a shell is just 'a dove'. The doves I have raised have been bred to reflect the original and true turtle dove.
(A message to the Creation Museum: Could you please contact me? Maybe we could do some business together.)

If I Had More Luck With My Concordance

noreply@blogger.com (John Dennis) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 23:47:00 +0000

(*click on the highlighted words to maximize this internet experience)

E-Concordance Search Results for Christmas Terms:

E-Concordance search results for the word ‘Christmas’ :
No instances of the word or similar word have been found in any version of the Bible.

E-Concordance search results for the word ‘Noel’:
No instances of the word or similar word have been found in any version of the Bible.
Did you mean to search using the French language concordance?

E-Concordance search results for the phrase ‘silent night’:
No instances of the phrase or similar phrase have been found in any version of the Bible.

E-Concordance search results for the phrase ‘little drummer boy’:
No instances of the phrase or similar phrase have been found in any version of the Bible.

E-Concordance search results for the phrase ‘wise men at the stable’:
No instances of the phrase or similar phrase have been found in any version of the Bible.

E-Concordance search results for the phrase ‘star above the stable’:
No instances of the phrase or similar phrase have been found in any version of the Bible.

E-Concordance search results for the phrase ‘no crying He makes’:
No instances of the phrase or similar phrase have been found in any version of the Bible.
Did you mean to search for the phrase ‘Jesus wept’?

E-Concordance search results for the word ‘Advent’ :
No instances of the word or similar word have been found in any version of the Bible.
*We suggest you try: Arnbreuster's Exhaustive Dictionary of Extra-Biblical Terms.