It's my life!

Little pleasures!

2017-05-23T21:32:00.001+05:00

Somewhere in the midst of all the crazy drama that life is, we tend to forget what really matters. There was a time when life was simple and happiness was just an ice lolly away. As time passed by, things got more and more complicated.

As a child, my biggest challenge of the day was how to sneak out during day time to play outside. I mostly succeeded in slipping undeterred by the keen surveillance of my parents. Oh the terror! The whole 10-15 minutes away from my home in the scorching heat were considered a treat. Of course there were amazing loyal friends who would warn me as soon as my dad came out looking for me. I still fail to comprehend why i used to hide away as if i would never be found. My parents always would get hold of me, my head lowered in shame i would march back home while my friends gave me looks of pity. I would promise never to do it again, listen to an hour long lecture and then sit down for the homework. Dad would always bring back a treat for me as he felt guilty for scolding me and all was forgotten.

We would go for these evening walks every day to a nearby park and my mother would make me revise all the things learnt in school that day. We would go back home and fall asleep as soon as we got in to the bed. The most stressful part of school was obviously grammar lessons and a few older immigrant girls who would bully the little innocent girls that we were and snatch our lunch. We would go home tell our moms that we ate all of it ourselves. It was a happy outcome for everyone as without their help, who had the strength at our tender years to finish the lunch prepared by our over- enthusiastic-about-food desi moms.

With age came responsibility and with responsibility; stress!
At times I wonder, where is the girl whose biggest worry was the use of helping verbs, how to avoid the big bully girl and how to get out of the main door of the house without making that annoying squeaky noise. In her place is a rapidly aging woman (that part's way too scary), worried about career and deadlines. Gone is the happiness that came with the sound of the ice lolly guy or a simple good grade in a test. Now even at a happy moment, the mind is busy reminding one of the gazillion things that need be done and the very little time there is to do it.

The problem is not that I have grown old, or that i have a great deal to do, The real predicament is the fact that the stress to do all of that, to achieve all that the world expects of me and the race against time to do it in a given time is so completely consuming that it takes away the ability to enjoy the same little pleasures that brought great joy and happiness.

So this all consuming greed to achieve, to be ahead of the rest has taken over the simple joys of life, Lets hope i can once again learn to live in the moment; to look forward and work for a better future while also making sure that the present is not ruined for a future that is uncertain and unsure.

Being thankful!

2015-10-26T02:10:00.001+05:00

Life is so fast paced these days that its hard to keep up. Its as if I am standing still and time is just passing by; or maybe not. Well, it feels wierd coming back to this blog after so long. Wierder still is the fact that i didnot come here to vent out my frustrations as was the norm a couple of years back! Its not like i abandoned it completely. I used to come now and then, just to remind myself of the times gone by. I just did not declare my presence because i simply had nothing to say. Nothing at all!!

Much has changed. The five years of medical school are over and so is the one torturous year of housejob (I may write in detail some day about life as a house officer). I am at a stage in my career where i feel exhausted but then realise the real struggle has just started. Not a moment passes without me thinking about the many things that need to be done, the many targets that need to be achieved.

I am optimistic about the future despite the hardships that await me. No matter what the world says, deep down i know i have chosen the right thing. I know that i can work for it. I know the toughest part is over not because its going to be easy from here on, but because i know making the choice was the hardest. Its the setting of the target which is of paramount importance because after that, all that remains is to work in order to achieve it.

Being in medical profession is such a blessing! Because every day it makes me feel more thankful for each and every thing that I have. It makes me realise that my problems are nothing compared to the agony others are going through.

I am thankful indeed for everything that i have. And for what i dont have now, i will either get it or else it was never meant for me. And if it was never meant for me then surely its for my own good!

Exam Time..............

2012-08-28T04:54:00.003+05:00

Yes it is that time of the year again!!
The time when you are too sleepy to study and then once you decide to sleep and have some rest, too tense to sleep!!
The Proff is back and as usual it has brought with it the many horrors of prep leaves.

As per my previous record, i have made a schedule that was flexible enough to start with, failed to keep up with it and remade it again and eventually given up on it. Now, i am back to the tried and tested method of Do-whatever-you-can-whenever-you-can and cram as much as possible.

So, i open up pathology, take an oath to complete a chapter before getting up and doing ANYTHING ELSE and end up taking a break to refresh myself after the very first few pages. I decide that this thing would need some time, give it happily and then get all tensed that i have spent too much time on one thing.

I try my luck with Community medicine, thinking it should be easy as i enjoyed studying it during the clerkship, realize i have actually forgotten every thing and panic even more.

Then, moving on to E.N.T, i assume (wrongly again) that i must remember something as it was the very last thing i did in college and gave an exam about (the so-called pathology IPE in my opinion does not qualify for anything remotely similar to Exam, it being a total disaster), but here again i am to be disappointed by my totally unreliable brain.

After all these major setbacks and disappointments, my optimism has not yet gone away. I am sticking to this hope that the excellent eye clerkship must have left some lasting impression on my nervous system and that i might be able to make a better progress on it. So far, i have been unable to gather enough courage to test myself (and my erroneous assumptions) on that.

Lets just hope that in this case too, anticipation would be worse than reality and after all the pre-ponement and horrible internals and pathetic IPE's, we will still make it inshaAllah. :)

Wishing all my class a very very good luck for their 3rd Proff and it's preparation.

P.S: This post was written as i was too sleepy to study and too tense to sleep. :P
So, any grammatical or spelling errors must be excused. :)

Changed!!

2011-08-18T01:51:00.002+05:00

Time flies past us and it changes us in ways we would have never thought possible. We-humans- at times are arrogant enough to assume that nothing could possibly change us......

It's just about time we realize how wrong we are in our baseless assumptions....

Because even if we don't change; people do.

And they force us to do the same in one way or other.

The ironic part is that when these very people have changed you to an extent that you don't even remember your previous self accurately, when you think you had been like this from the very start, they start complaining about the change.

It is so difficult at times to accept that the very people for whom you changed yourself, are not pleased with the outcome.

I, for one, have had enough experience of changing myself in to twisted forms for people and that too against my better judgement at times.

Sometimes, you know from the very start that you are fighting a lost battle. That you will lose whatever little you had in the end too. But still, some inside force makes you go through the act. It makes you think you will succeed where others have failed.

Oooh! whatever! I just have lost it completely. I even don't remember how i used to write blog posts. I think i will have to start getting used to the feeling of having all my emotions bottled up inside me. So, this little pleasure of life has been taken away from me as well...

What have i done wrong to deserve this?

That i will never ever learn to shut up at the right moment. Yes, that will be it.

I wish the debater in me would die soon too. When so much has changed over the passage of a year (or may be more) according to the claims i have been hearing, then why not this little habit.

Here it is! Another of my precious nights of exam preparation wasted. Thanks to people who think they are being nice enough to leave me so that i can enjoy myself in my own little world.

I was such an idiot to have ever believed in people. I should have never ever left my dream world. It was all too perfect. Who cares if i would have ended up in a mental asylum? Who cares if i would have become demented enough not be able to recognize my self properly.

Who am I anyway?

A Nobody in so many ways. Its almost as if i don't exist.

It just that no matter what you do, its never enough. For me, it has always been the life story. The very essence of it. Try as i might, i will never do enough.

For myself, for my parents, for the people i love!!!!!!!

You are not doing enough, Eraj!

Eraj! you could have done so much better.

You are not really trying.

You never understand.

These will kill me one day. Not a myocardial infarction or stroke.... NO!!

This will.

I wish there was a place i could stay alone for a long time. Really alone. That is what i want. I want people to leave me alone and get the hell out of my sphere...

Get the hell out of my mind too. I want my mind to go blank...

Oh Mr Dementia! Why don't you come already.

Please be quick...i have been waiting since too long.

This headache was bugging me since so long. I was hoping it will go away on its own. I had no idea it will get worse with the passage of time. I had no idea, it was a warning sign for me to go sleep or else disaster will strike.

Now, it will be a lot of PRECIOUS TIME wasted before i get back to my senses.

Thank you for letting me know that i was not WANTED at just about the right time.

P.S: I had been worried sick about why i was not writing any more. I had no idea until now that the reason i had been avoiding this very loved blog of mine was not just the ridiculously busy life i lead. It was also that i had not been driven mad to AN extent so that i could leave everything that i had to do and start typing away my frustration! A friend in need is a friend indeed. It has just struck me that my best friends are my very own thoughts and no one else. Regardless of the fact that its pure torture to revisit my crazy thoughts, at times they are my only solace. My only escape from the horribly unpleasant present and the entirely unappealing future.

Vacations... :)

2011-04-06T21:36:00.003+05:00

So much to do, and so little time....

So many plans and no implementation....

That has been the story for quite a time now.

The much awaited vacations are half gone and i haven't yet rested enough.

I haven't even started the revisions i had planned and other tasks like arranging my cabinets (may it be for clothes etc or my books and the piles and piles of notes i have) into some degree of order.

What are two weeks of holidays in comparison to months worth of left out topics, piled up mess and lost hours of sleep!!

I will try to catch up with them as well but for now i have my breakfast waiting.... and facebook....and....maybe TV :P

Life....

2010-08-27T05:43:00.003+05:00

So much is happening around us these days.......

Floods, brutality, insensitivity, mismanagement and a lot more....

I have to admit, when i heard about the 'sialkot incidence', i was numb for so many hours even days.

I am still shocked at how quickly i recovered and even forgot the initial jolt that rocked me when i first heard the news.

Is this the Pakistan i was proud of?

Oh no...i am still proud of my motherland.

But are these the people, the Pakistanis, who i thought were a great nation??

How am i still roaming around, smiling, laughing, living a normal life when someone who had an equal right to live was murdered in such an inhuman way...

no words are strong enough to describe the brutal act that was committed and that too from people who call themselves Muslims and Pakistanis....

If a glass slips from my hand the crashing sound it makes with the floor makes me wince as if it was hurt. Its a very normal, human response. Although, its not a living thing, and it will not experience any pain, my next step would be to pick it up, look for any scratches, breaks etc. Now if that glass or whatever it was is of some value to me, i might hope i haven't broken it and if i have caused any damage, i will feel really really bad.

Now, what if i am angry and i am holding something. My anger could drive me to throw whatever i am holding. This is also a normal human response. That is why anger is not good.

But after a while, when i am feeling a little normal again, i will realize what i have done.

Now, if my anger was justified i might not regret what i did if the thing is of no great value or if i didn't cause any damage. But if it was valuable and i broke it in my anger, i will regret my outburst.

Regret, once again is normal for humans.

And what if i realize, my anger was not even justified. That i actually had no reason whatsoever for being angry.

My regret now would be immense.

Well, these people whoever they are not only committed an unforgivable act in their anger (or so they claim), they also have no regrets at all.

They think they are justified in beating two humans to death!!!

Not being concerned about the irreparable damage you caused to two precious lives is not human.

Not regretting the act after you know the angry outburst was not justified is not human.

Defending your inhuman act is.........i seriously don't know what!!!

To top it all off, it happens in Ramadan- the holiest of all months!!

I keep on listening to meaningless words like justice..

Their is no justice in this world at least for Mughees and Muneeb.

And may their family and parents be given more strength then they already have, and may they get rewarded for their Sabr. (Ameen)

Rains have caused havoc all over Pakistan.

Leaving the disgusting facts (like from where the extra water came, and who did what to save whose property) for some other time or for the anchors who have to earn their livings by breaking depressing news and stories.....

I just pray to Almighty Allah to please help us all.

Ya Ilahi, hum teri is aazmaish key laiq he nahi, Tu hume aisi aazmaish me na daal key jis pe hum pura he nahi utar saktey, aur Aye mere Rabb ul kareem, tu mere hum watno ko is museebat se nikal, aur hume taufeeq ata kar key hum is babarkat mahiney me unki madad kar saken, Aur humarey naam nihad leaders ko hidayat dey, key is baar wo apne bharey hue bank accounts aur kabhi na khatm hone wali properties ko mazeed brhaney ki bajaye, unki madad karen k jinho ne ghalti he se sahi, unhe apna leadrer chuna. (Amen)

And now i go to get ready for college hoping i will see some interesting cases at my last day of off-campus rotations!!!

2010-08-24T06:21:00.002+05:00

i came here just to thanks BLOGGER for finally signing me in so that i can sign out again....

HUh....

here i was happy thinking about a random loooong post after such a looooooong time...

and blogger helped me ruin my day at the very beginning...

Thanks indeed!!

I have to go press my clothes and get ready for college.... :(

Better luck next time...

Poor me!!

*weeps*

*sighs*

Yes, i am alive........

2010-08-07T03:40:00.002+05:00

yes, yes! i am still around...

haven't deserted my blog completely...

And to be very honest, i missed it quite a lot.

i will be back very soon with some detailed posts about how life had been treating me these past days :)

Talking to myself!!

2010-03-08T09:19:00.005+05:00

I don't know why but even blogging has lost its charm for me...
It feels stupid to come here when i am too full of everything and to pour all frustrations here...
I am sick of never having a good thing, a good memory to share...

All i do is whine about life....

There was a time when Eraj Sahaab used to talk to herself... imagine a whole new world around her and live happily in it if she had any problems with the company provided in the real world...

Mom used to call me a retard.... She thought it was some mental illness that made me talk to myself...

MOM!! you were wrong...
See what have i done to myself after i started talking to humans....

I have nothing else to say right now, except for the fact that i remember it was hard to leave that habit of living in a world of characters imagined by me... But it kept me busy..

I had no time for boredom at least...

And now no matter how hard i try, i cannot make myself do all that again...

Maybe i have grown up..
Or just maybe i have lost another pleasure i had in life...

I miss being stupid.......
Because even though i am not a retard now, i still am mostly treated like one....

I miss all that i was....and hate all that i am now..

Knowing and understanding!!!

2010-01-31T23:52:00.005+05:00

I just realized how many unfinished drafts i have got..... and its strange how i forgot about them...

Huh!! A post about Eid e qurban, a post about the first year of medicine, a post about exams, a post about i don't even know what???

It was such a stupid and busy day that i can't even think of studying anything now....

I don't know whats wrong with guests and assessments. They always come together.

Okay so the part above was written yesterday.... But i am so sick of discarding my incomplete posts that i am not going to give this one the same treatment...

Today was a little less bad than yesterday......

I did at least start studying.. Now thats a positive sign. :S

You can't end a journey unless you start it. So, i am on the road......

I need a jet but my speed is worse than a chinchi (bicycle rickshaw)....

Lets just say i am travelling on foot...

Yes, really that slow....

At least i am moving forward.

Okay... my thoughts are a little too jumbled up right now.....

I don't know anythinggg................

But, wait!!!

Isn't it the highest form of knowledge. Thats what our Respectable D said....

I wish every one good luck....

Ohh Almighty!! help our brains in memorizing and understanding itself......

Amen.

"There is a lot of difference between knowing a thing and understanding it"

Whoever said it.... its so true.

And never did i understand this so well as now when i read and read and read that neuroanatomy again and again and i think i know things, but i can never ever claim that i understand them.....

Cheers!!

wishing a happy, blessed life to everybody.

Good luck to all my class mates for the assessment..... :)

I am a total fool..........

2010-01-20T20:59:00.003+05:00

Oh yes!!!..... trust me i am!!....

I keep on doing stuff i am not supposed to....

I just hate it....

Each and everything that is happening these days.... simply sucks...

I want to vanish from the surface of earth... i want to become invisible for sometime...

So that no one bothers me.

So that i can give myself sometime..

I need peace...

Internal peace that is.....

I want the volcano inside me to erupt once and relieve me of all my emotional turmoils....

Blank..........

2010-01-17T22:21:00.003+05:00

I open my blog page almost everyday.... i even sometimes click on that "create new post" button and open that page in hopes that i might end up with something.

I have nothing to say to life....

I hate short posts........

I want to talk to myself like crazy....

I hate to say that but i feel like being in prison...

Its good the weekend is over...

I will be able to breath at least.....

I hope it turns out to be a good day tomorrow...

I hate when i disappoint people..

especially those dear to me...

Sorry to those who suffer only because of my stupid moods.... and because they were stupid enough to chose me as company.....

Life..........

2010-01-13T14:23:00.003+05:00

I have no idea.... why and where and how its moving forward... But somehow it is!!

I don't even know why i came here.. Maybe because i was thinking from a few days thats its been quite a time since i vomited my frustrations out here...

I actually do that...

I think this blog which started as some sort of a personal online diary has now become a dustbin where i come once in a while when my brain is too full with stuff....and here i spit it all out...

All that i have to take in without an "ufff" and a "why"...

To be precise...

ALL the dirt (i typed another word which would have been more appropriate but thanks to Dr A, decided to censor it here for good) that life has been throwing at me of late...

2010 does not look very promising to be honest...

its not going the way i had it planned....

Nothing is right... and still you ask me how you are? And i will say Alhamdulillah! all fine.

Two days back, i had one of my worst nights ever....

It was so strangely different...

Its not that i never felt worried, upset or sad...

But it was surely the first ever time i actually felt BROKEN...

I thought and used to believe that nothing, NOTHING could ever break me...

But as a friend said, Yes! I am not as brave as i and they thought i was.

A few things went against me and my spirit broke like a house of cards....

I felt so terribly weak....

And i felt so terribly alone.... As if there is not a single person who gives a damn about me in this entire world...

I swear it was the worst possible feeling one can ever experience....

I want everything back. All that i lost, all that i am losing....

I want it back at any cost.

I can not afford anymore blows by fate....

Thanks N and F....Thanks B...

I am so thankful to you all. You made me feel much much better...

At least you helped me regain some of my lost strength....

Love you all...

I want your prayers...always...

Wish everyone a very good luck for life...

Another one to spoil the day!!!

2009-12-02T14:15:00.002+05:00

Yeah!

Another one...

Its not a news anymore...

A blast again... a suicide blast for that!!!

I don't know how and when, if ever, will this all end......

This time its neither peshawar nor sawat!!

It's The Capital city.... the peaceful once islamabad!!...

I was having a good time and suddenly a message telling me to check news.... as my friend was concerned for her mom being out for a place near the site of blast....

May everybody be safe and sound....

And i hope it ends for everybody's sake!

All those who brain wash 17 year olds for their mean purposes are doomed to burn in hell....

Tere Bina.........

2009-12-02T10:06:00.006+05:00

i have no idea why but i want to keep listening to this..... for as long as i can...

it sort of has its effect directly and deeply on the soul......

Love it like anything.............

And nidz!!!! thanks for reviving my love for such a beloved song after quite a long time... :)

it helps me to bear the worst trials at time.... :)

Tere bina zindagi se koi.........shikwa to nahi

shikwa nahi

Tere bina zindagi bhe lekin.... zindagi to nahi

zindagi nahi

Over the Top MEME!

2009-12-01T14:29:00.005+05:00

Part One - Describe:

Your hair?
black

Your mother?
is busy in kitchen right now!

Your father?
is busy with the daily office routine :P

Your favorite food?
anything cheesy.....yum yum.... pizza ;)

Your dream last night?
was quite horrible.... today was the last day to submit my fee and all the night i had been dreaming that somehow i did'nt manage to submit it and therefore they kicked me out of the college and hence all my doctor dreams got crushed... (I know its stupid but it was quite depressing to think about it... although the maximum it could have resulted in was some fine charged for late submission....)

anyways, a dream is a dream.... and it disturbed me enough to wake me up in a strange state and call dad right away to remind him about it :)

Your favorite drink?
not very particular..... :S lets say, chocolate milkshake :P

Your dream/goal?
to make everyone who is dear to me, happy :)

The room are you in?

is the lounge.......

Your hobby?
blogging, thinking, reading.

Your fear?
is to fail in what i want to accomplish...

Your TV?
is off right now... and irritates me as nothing can grasp my attention and interest for more than 5 minutes on any of it's channels..

Your Pets?
none.

Friends?
Know who they are :)

Your life?
is managing itself quite well.

Your mood?
is usually off.... but its okay at the time... i wont bite if you let me do whatever i want :P

If you're missing someone?
i will keep missing as most of the times it cant be helped.....

Your best friend?
time will tell.... only in my grave will i know who was truly the ONE....

Part Two - The Where's?

Where do you want to be in 6 years?
in a good hospital and probably doing some specialization... or planning for it in near future

Where were you last night?
at home

Where did you grow up?
islamabad mostly.... but i havent quite finished the process :P so it was first in islamabad, then dubai and then back to islamabad.... and is going on :P

One place that I go to over and over?
my khala's place ;)

Your favorite place to eat out?
any good cosy place with friends..... but with no noise.... peace is all i seek in life.. :)

Wish list items?
a good camera (which keeps on working for long even after many falls :P), a cottage in some valley surrounded by hills....you may call it a summer house... :), i wont mind a laptop, personally owned car (any in good condition would do) and it will keep on going :P

Last time you laughed?

second day of eid... evening! while we were photo shooting ourselves...... :P

Last time you cried?
the night of 29th november, sunday..... felt alone and miserable all of a sudden...

Part Three - The What's?

Something that you aren't?
egoistic (although i am blamed for being that), selfish and arrogant...

Last thing you did?
text message to a college friend... (an old one....Anum)

What are you wearing?

shalwar kameez, printed and blue mainly... with a grey sweater :)

Something you're not wearing?
dupatta :S

Your favorite store?

i am not particular about shopping :)

YOU CAN ALSO ENJOY ANSWERING ABOUT YOURSELF.... HERE

Eid And MEHNDI!!!!....

2009-11-30T13:49:00.007+05:00

Eid is incomplete without mehndi....... but this time it was so busy that i got time for it when eid was almost over.........

will be back with a detailed post on why it was busy later!!!!

For now, EID MUBARAK to everybody ;)

(belated though)

Just another day!!

2009-11-26T17:17:00.003+05:00

Sometimes life seems to pass without our slightest notice of it....

There are many a days in our life when nothing of significance happens.....

Today, was one of them...

Yes! It was just another day....

Sometimes life seems so purposeless that you start questioning your very own existence.....

Why are you living? Why are you in this particular corner of the world? Why you are so useless?

Well, there are times when this uselessness has its own charms...

But after a certain period of NOTHINGNESS....

You just get tired of it...

You get tired of the sun rising every day precisely in the same place it did on the last, you get tired of the same old boring phases of moon....

Times like these....

EITHER make you, or break you!!....

The latter seems more probable to those who are used to surrendering to fate.....

But the truth is.... the toughest trials of life will bring the best out of you at their end!!

And yet, at times the trials seem never ending...

Yes! thats the very thing which makes them THE TOUGHEST!!.....

BACK TO BLOGGING!!!

2009-11-25T13:50:00.002+05:00

The title in itself is enough to signify that i had been away from this for quite a time now...

My fingers yearned for this freedom to go on as they wished.....

But there were many hurdles.......MANY... n Big ones for that!!

Well, had to prepare for PROFFS...(1st professional exam part 1)..

Although now i think it was in vain....

Especially, considering the great performance I gave in them after whole night study marathons (with more nervous texting and less study)...

Anyways, we got those vacations... the treat after the nightmare of proff we had been waiting for since our session started...

The VAILA time to be exact.....

i slept and slept which is the best you can do if you have nothing else at hands...

Then, quite a long trip to my village..... unexpectedly long....

And then, after all this i finally came back home...

still could not convince myself to blog because...

I thought this looong neglected blog actually needed something great to start up with...

I tried to invent something great but since even after twisting my imagination to every angle possible, putting as much strain as my nerves could endure and trying to pen down something classic and resulting in lots of wasted paper and ink... i decided in favour of going random for a start :) (pretty much the same i always do)

So, here i am...

typing whatever goes straight from my mind to my fingers... :S

Hows life??

The biggest question whenever i come to blogging....

Its good.

I know "good" is a very non descriptive term in itself...

It tells you nothing...

There is always room for improvement... to make it BEST and always a reason for gratitude because at least its not the WORST......

Its not busy...

which gives me plenty of time to fret about stuff to which i should have never given a second thought..

And it gives me time to have some fun filled moments which i would not have probably enjoyed otherwise.....

Yesterday was a shocker....

I woke up with a surprise..... Very unexpected though

It made me feel no better than i was before....

The day passed somehow... they always do...

Nothing stops the sun from rising and setting at its fixed time.....

I had two bad cuts on my left hand, and that is the reason i am typing with just one hand right now... (Telling this although any body reading this will not be the least concerned how i typed this)

Well, it was painful, it hurted ....

BUT... It was nothing compared to some other pains which maybe can never be explained!!

I did not mention the worst part but the cause of it knows how to make it better... so i leave that on Hope...

And the best part is that never ending Hope..... which makes me go on every time life pushes me backwards....

Since, my brain is still shooting jumbled thoughts with no particular direction.... I will leave the rest for some other time...!!

But, i will be coming more often now that i have started it again...

Wishing everybody the best life can possibly offer... Stay blessed! (Amen)

Defense Day... Pakistan Zindabad!!

2009-09-06T16:36:00.002+06:00

Its the time of the year, when patriotism is at its maximum height....

I love listening to mom and dad telling long stories, recalling the actual scene.....

The real adrenaline rush of 1965....

I love listening to all those jangi taraney.....

Aye rahey haq key shaheedoo.....

ay puttar hattan tey nai vikdey.....

and many more....

My one mamu was born during the 1965 war....

Mom was too young then to remember anything exept for what nana jan told her....

And dad... Oh he was a kid....

He tells how they would cheer up loud whenever a fighter flew above them...

yeah... he had been a part of the blackout..... the naarey bazi.....

I am proud of the way our army fought with spirit not arms....

Its the spirit of Pakistan which has kept it going.....

Oh yes,... and i love watching those plays about The Nishan e Haidar winning shuhda....of the PAk army...

The situations, the crisis can not dampen our spirit......

We will rise again every time someone pushes us down and reach even greater heights....

Yes, its just not a piece of land.... its our motherland....

AND we will defend it till the last drop of our blood.....

Pakistan ZINDABAD!!

aye rahe haqq key shaheedo, wafa ki tasveero, tumhe watan ki hawaeyen salam kehti hain... .

My Obsessions!!

2009-08-25T17:07:00.010+06:00

I have been tagged and awarded this FABULOUS BLOGGER award by Closed Eyes....

It came on as a pleasant surprise...

This being my first award ever!!

Anyways...Thanks a lot dear.

RULES OF THE AWARD:-

* List 5 obsessions
* Pass the award to 5 other blogs, with their links
* Make sure you leave a comment on their blog, so they know about it
* Link to the person that gave you the award.

So, here i go with my OBSESSIONS:-

I am pretty much obsessed with everything in my life. I am the extremist sort of person....

Either i hate a thing or i am obsessed with it....

So, among all the things i am obsessed with... which are the ones that top the list??

1) DAWN...

I am in love with that time of day. I am simply crazy after them. Its a real shame that i miss many dawns deep in slumber. But, whenever i wake up in time not to miss them, I just have to get out of my bed, get out of my room... and let it come out.

Yeah!! I am in love with the sight of the rising sun spreading the sunshine, wiping away darkness, taking deep breaths in the fresh morning air.

2) BLOGGING.....

Well, it was writing first. I just loved writing in general. The blogging started just as a hobby and grew into an obsession. Although my routine (Hell! It doesnt mean i study a lot, it only means i just have to exaggerate) doesnot allow me regular updates over here, and many a thoughts which come to my mind do waste without ever being posted. But still, i just am obsessed with my blog. I want it to look good, i want it to have quality stuff (which so far i have failed in producing). I think about it when its ignored for more than a couple of days as if its a very important part of my life. Indeed, it is.

3)ICE-CREAM...

Time to shake off the philosophies and come to the real ME... Hahaha

Yeah! I love them to the extent that it had become an obsession. Its the only thing which makes me ZIDDI (as far as food is concerned). It is something i miss dearly if i don't have it every now and then. (It doesnt imply that i cant digest food without a doze of it daily). AND any celebration of mine is considered incomplete without it.

4) MY CELL PHONE:-

Hmmmm, yes it has become an obsession. Maybe because its my only 24/7 link with some of the most important people in my life. But it somehow is very very important for me. I cant part from it for long. It makes me feel i am missing something hell badly.

5) MY BUDDIES:-

YEAH!!

N and F.......

Ohhh! I never thought these idiots will become so much of a neccessity for me. I was a loner by birth. I didnt really mind staying alone, but spending like one hour without you two is so tough now. I mean i never gave importance to people. I KNEW they hurt in the end. But somehow, without my ever knowing.... You people took a very special place.

I hated the past few years of my life. I am able to forget about them now, and it probably is because of you.

(Bus, bohat hogaya. Aur tareef ki to aur phool jaogey dono :P)

I tag and award Sidra, CRD, Leela, Divsi and иidhi S.

Happy Ramadan!!

2009-08-22T13:58:00.005+06:00

So, its here again.

Yes, The Holy month of Ramadan with all its blessings is back.

The whole atmosphere changes as soon as the moon for This Holy Month is sighted.

The sehri....

I love it the most.....

I- a person who detests the sight of breakfast, loves food at the time of Sehri.

Maybe its the thought that i won't be eating anything for the whole day which makes me like it....

Whatever the reason, i love getting up so early...

And gulping everything hurriedly, drinking water at the last moment....

The prayers, The recitation of Holy Quran.....

Everything seems holy.... a lot more purer...!

The roza.....

It passes most of the time without our notice.....

Somehow, the hunger pangs dont bother much.....

But, sometimes... it can be a real test.

Especially, the first few days of Ramadan... When one is not used to keeping the mouth and stomach empty for long hours.....

The Aftari.....

Hmmm, its the prime time. The whole day seems to move forward to it. You start thinking about it from sehri time :P

All the favourite foods- pakoras, samosas, dahi bhalley, chaat etc etc

Only the thought of all these keeps the salivary glands activated throughout the day.

Apart from all this, the aftar get-togethers, the alarms for sehri, the missed calls to make sure all friends and relatives wake up in time and most of all- The ibadat.

The prayers, may it be the regular five time prayers or the taraveeh.

It gives a sense of peace to everybody.

Before we get used to all this, the Holy month departs giving us the gift of Eid....

May we collect as many blessings as we can in this month.

Wishing the whole MUSLIM UMMAH.... a very very happy and blessed month of Ramadan.

MARHABA RAMADAN KAREEM!

Old memories!!

2009-08-17T22:04:00.006+06:00

Life is good and funny these days....

Good- because i had fun in the past few days.

Funny- because i keep worrying about studies but never do it :)

Well... WT and I went to F 7/2 after quite a loooong time.

It was the same... :)

Our old college....

Nothing changed there....

The same old gatekeeper with his interrogative nature, the same old waiting room with hardly functioning fans, the same old classrooms, the same old funny stools in the labs, the same old students (fools) and the SAME old lazy staff...........

We had the Samosa's from our pathetic cafetaria, which this time surprisingly was not cold.. :)

And they had a strange taste...

As if it had all our lost memories in it....

I hated my Fsc period like anything...

I couldnt come to terms with anything....

But now, going after a long time to the place i often thought i had the worst time in, made me realise that i do miss it.

Yeah, somehow, i do miss the time i had spent there.

The bunking of classes, only to talk to WT for long hours, the stupid graphic designing competition we participated in, the corridors in which we braced the severe colds...., the sweaty summers!!

It had its own charm, or maybe we humans always love our past.

Atleast i always think the time that had past, was the best...

never satisfied with the present.

Or maybe its just the PROFF which makes me think of going back to that college...

Huh!!

One thing... I wont ever forget you for not letting us in again Mr gatekeeper....

Whoa...we are not the students in uniform anymore, we could come and go and come again whenever we like.

So idiotic of you......!!!!

And the first years....

Awww, they had their orientation ceremony that day..... :)

Hahaha.....

fools unaware of what they are getting themselves into....

They were all so enthusiastic, exactly the way we were once.

Funny, how they were searching for their respective classes :P

Goodluck everybody in F 7/2....

*peace*

Vacations!!! and the upcoming....

2009-08-01T15:08:00.005+06:00

We wanted them so badly....

Oh!! yuppee we did.

We used to fill that stupid, idiotic feedback form again and again with one comment.... "We desperately need a module break, and the stuff we are taught is too much".

If we had SGD's we wanted lectures... If we had too many lectures, they were so boring and made us sleep...so SGD's were so much the better.

Six months!!

More than that...and we still were unable to decide what were we happy with...

Every module had greater pace than the previous... Lesser days, much more to do!!

And the most disinterested WE..

Ooops sorry to the people who kept themselves drowned in books...

I meant... The most disinterested ME.....

And after the scary GIT (gastrointestinal module), we said goodbyes.

Never mind the remedials in between.

I atleast didnt bother myself by studying for them.. :P

So, after so much of CRAP...

WE got that so badly needed BREAK!!...

Which is almost over....spent hibernating like a bear!!

(Do they hibernate?? :S)

Anyway... they do sleep a lot or thats the impression i have got....

Hahaha... So many plans...and no implementation!

Thats why i hate planning...

Whats the use of it??

Ahh!! I will study...cover all the things left... (Typical of the lazy students who sleep during the REAL TIME )

Now...its COUNTDOWN TIME...

9 days to go before we find ourselves again in those classes lost in AIR.

If this time my cousin decides to get married during KUB...she is so dead!!

You can wait till November idiot! (Sorry aapi).

And...the more i think i need to relax.. The more i see infront of my eyes one monstrous...-the PROFF EXAMS...

Oh! God i forgot they will come too.

1 and a half month of study and the session would be officially over...

(Scary)

JAL TO JALAL TO AYI BALA KO TAAL TU!!

About vacations:-

Good part: i slept and slept and slept for as long as i wanted and now can endure sleepless nights of study...(IF my mood allows that is)

Bad part: I couldnt visit my friend... :( and khala :(

(because of so many issues)

"Get a life Eraj... this blogpost is definitely the craziest of all. "

Faith!!!

2009-07-27T15:09:00.005+06:00

It was pitch black all around. It seemed as if no life had ever thrived in that house. It was a deserted, gloomy place.

A candle's flame suddenly flickered indicating someone's presence....

Standing at the corner of one of its rooms she looked upon the memories of her past. Her eyes were still wet with tears.

Oh God! She had been shedding them since such a long time. But all this time, her faith had never wavered even an inch. She knew.....

She had been coming here every holiday. Everytime she saw this house, painted all over with the dust of times, she smiled at the prospect of their ever cleaning this 'Dreamhouse' of theirs for themselves.

Oh God!! How she wanted those dreams to come true now, the promises to be fulfilled now?

How many times had she wanted it to happen before she broke down. Before she lost herself.

Thinking of all the charming memories, she blew off the candle's flame and left with silent steps.

-----------

These had been the hardest five years of his life. He had been through hell!!

But the thought of only one person had kept him going. He had to return, he had to clear everything.

It was dawn....

Their favourite time of the day!!!

He opened the cottage's door. He was shocked to see it plastered with dirt.

He smiled at himself......

Five years!!!!!

Anything would have layers of mud on it after such a long long time. Everything was in its place though. The way he had left it....

Except for a candle....

But he probably didn't notice.

The sun was shining now. The sunlight was peeping the open cottage door.

He opened all the windows.....

To let the warm light come in.

He was deep in thought. He had such a tedious task ahead.

It was to clean this "Dreamhouse" and make it fit for the princess...

His princess :)

-----------

It ws a moonlit night with a clear starry sky.

She opened the door as she always did- silently with closed eyes. As if she knew keeping her eyes close would change everything. As if hoping to see a miracle when she opens them again.

She was surprised. It wasn't dark inside as she had expected it to be.

Their cottage!

It was lit with so many candles...

Beautifully lit........

It took a moment to flame her up. She was angry at herself.

She should have kept the door locked.

It was THEIR COTTAGE, THEIR "DREAMHOUSE"!!!

How dare someone entered and took shelter here.

She was about to shout out loud calling the intruders,,,,

But before she could have utterred a single syllable.. she saw something!!

Infact... She saw someone...

Oh God!! it was HIM!!

After such a long time, she saw those bright eyes filled with love...

A tear fell down her cheeks...

She smiled....

"I knew you would come one day".

He smiled in return...

And said... " I knew you would be waiting, my dear!! "