~ Doula Scoop ~

I hate change, except this kind.

2013-01-29T18:18:00.000-08:00

Last nights birth was amazing! I'll share the story later when mom is ready, but for now I want to share with you some exciting things about the experience from a professional view.

It would be nice if we didn't need to, but I encourage moms to write a birth plan. Many times when I mention it, I'm given this response... "why bother, they don't follow it anyway." Well, I'm here to tell you, I've attended more than 50 births in the last two years, over 40 of which were at the Antelope Valley WIP (Women Infants Pavilion) and I can honestly say; that is NO LONGER TRUE! (happy dance!)

In the course of those two years I've seen a big shift in the attitude toward birth plans and intervention-free births at the WIP!

I began to notice this shift in the last six to eight months. The first time it caught my attention was when a common situation was handled differently than ever before. I often bring moms in at the last minute. It's usually what mom wants but can be very intense getting through triage and into a room. It often involves running, sometimes involves dad nearly passing out, and once, involved telling mom to pick up her baby that just arrived in the hallway and the nurses were too busy steering the gurney to help her! (that's one way to get to catch your own baby there!)

In any case, the response from the nurses used to be (key phrase right there people!!) all about why we waited so long, why didn't we come sooner, was this on purpose, and how lucky we were to have made it and other not-so-subtle scoldings. Just what every mother wants as she's having a baby, to be scolded like she is one, right?!

Now, fast forward to the last several months and another handful of these stop and drops: the scenario is the same, running, catching, sighing with relief, but the tone has totally shifted. No longer do we hear scolding. It is now things like "is there a birth plan?" "What do we need to know right now about what you want?" And my favorite was the dr rushing in, seeing mom on her hands and knees (don't worry, I ran down the hall beside her covering her behind until we got in the room... no mooning bystanders on my watch! lol!) and he asked, "are you staying like that?" His response to her "yes" was "alright, I'll wait back here."

But wait! There's more! (lol!) Things got even better last night! I've just returned from a 12 week break , but the last birth I did at AV was about 15 weeks ago.

I honestly didn't think my absence there would be noticed, and was pleasantly surprised when a nurse caught a glimpse of us in triage and popped her head in to say "hey you're here! Did you bring us another calm mom?" And walking down the hall to hear "hi. oh, hey, I know you, where ya been?" and from the Dr when he walked in: "Hey, I've worked with you a few times, I like your style, this is gonna be great!" And the dad heard a nurse at shift change asking for our room!

Now, brace yourself, this gets BETTER!!
After the birth was over and mom, dad and baby were getting all mushy mushy, mom looks up at me and whispers, "I got every thing I wanted and nothing I didn't want." We were there about 2 hours before baby arrived, so there was plenty of time for those unwanted things to take place, but she and her requests were honored respectfully. I can't wait to tell you more about it in another post! :)

I've been telling people for a while now that while the WIP is no birth haven, it is my "doula home", my "turf" so to speak. I know it well, and now I'm feeling like they know me a bit. The bottom line is; changes are happening! We've not arrived by a long shot but we are heading in a positive direction.

Mommas... Write those birth plans! I'll be teaching workshops this year on how to write one that is well received so email me, or follow this blog, if you'd like to be notified of the dates.

Fellow doulas... our reputation is so important to positive change! Keep up the awesome work and always be aware that we are being watched, and even though we may be alone at a birth, we always represent each other. Make sure your behavior reflects doulas in a positive light! Thank you, all who have been at the WIP in a way that has positively contributed to this direction of change. :-)

Hugs to ya! =)
~Shannon

The "Middle Wife"

2012-06-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine emailed me this because it's funny. We have no idea if it's true or not, but regardless, it's too stinkin' cute not to share!

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.

They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Voodoo Doula?

2012-02-18T11:38:00.000-08:00

I have a twin. Just a Doula twin, but I love her. Mainly because I think she is me. Or I'm her, or she wants to be me... Either way, she has made me laugh, read my mind, encouraged me in some challenging moments, and reminds me that I'm not weird. Correction,that I'm not the only one who is weird.

We call each other "twin" because we have a freakish amount of things in common, both in our doula-ness and real life. Not that doula-ness isn't real life, but, well, you know what I mean!

I'm pretty sure the reason we live on opposite sides of the county is for the safety of those around us! I am often told that I don't "seem like the doula type". Okaaaayy??.... never sure how to reply to that! Maybe this will explain what goes through some peoples mind when they hear the word doula and respond like this: hula? houd-la? dou-la-la? cool-a? Oh! Doula? ok, what's that?

From here!

I promise I only wear my voodoo outfit when I'm barbecue-ing a placenta. (kidding. really.) Maybe the reason OB's think that is because they usually only see us when we have sprung out of bed at oh-dark-thirty and rushed bed-head and all to support a momma! Perhaps a hat would be a wise investment.... nah!

ANYWHO.... back to the purpose of this post... Jen, my doula twin, all the way across the country, wrote a blog post, and this paragraph was seriously sucked right from my own brain... perhaps she does fit the bottom middle picture better than most... hmmmm.... ;-)

As a doula, I am called to become familiar enough with a mother or a mother and partner in a matter of hours to be able to not totally tick them off when the time comes for their precious child to make their grand debut. It's like speed-dating and then running off for a quickie wedding if you're the chosen one. I'm always humbled when an expectant family says, "Yes, we'd like for you to be with us for the birth of this child" despite my tendency towards goofiness and caffeine consumption (I swear I am quiet and calm during birth. Promise.).

It's not like someone choosing a toothbrush. They are choosing ME. I still get awkward at that moment. It is humbling and such an honor! How on earth am I able to provide all that they deserve? So as I approach my 50 family mark, I continue to be blessed and honored! Thank you to each of you who have chosen me to be part of your birth team and witness the birth and growth of your family!

If you had a doula, how did you decide who it would be? Were your expectations met? How or how not?

Hugs to ya!
Shannon =)

What do you mean - "You're on call"?

2012-01-25T12:37:00.000-08:00

Being on call means doulas have to consider a whole lot more than just a phone...

Here's 8 things on our mind while we wait for "the call"...

1. "Is that a wedding ring on your cell phone?" Yup! Pretty much married to the gadget during on-call weeks!

2. Beauty rest... well, you get what you get if you call me at 3 a.m.... but I do try to get to bed at a decent hour every night so I can see straight when you do call! Nothing worse than being called a 1 a.m. after staying up till midnight!

heeheee... car flags for doulas and mommas in labor!
www.signoflabor.com

3. House arrest. Well, not really the house, but the general area at least! Need to be local for that one momma who is blessed with a rapid labor!

4. What goes in, might come out. This means we have watch what we eat... Tuna for lunch? Not enough Crest in the world to kill that breath! Onion rings? Scope can't touch this. Beans... well, let's just say sometimes life stinks. *chuckle* But really, not much worse than trying to help a momma change positions while trying not to let one rip.

5. There's only one time the word virgin fits into my line of work... when ordering drinks while on-call! 'Nuf said.

6. Murphy's Law. There are two days that babies are most likely to come; one is the day I have jam packed full of plans; the other is the day I have none and decide to stay in my jammies and not shower, color my hair and paint my nails. THAT is the day I'll get a call saying "come NOW!"

7. Sleep aids... bahahahhaha! uh. NO.

8. Earthquake preparedness extreme. AKA my doula bag... So in case of emergency, I can cook ya some rice,(rice socks) exercise,(tennis balls and fitness ball) keep you warm (rebozo) and massage the knots out of your back! (massage oil)

After being blessed with 21 one families in 2011, I decided not to take any clients for the month of February. I'm not sure I'll know how to behave!

Hugs to ya!
Shannon =)

Brace yourself for this one.

2012-01-04T11:14:00.000-08:00

Recently I was in a conversation about doulas and our differences.
The main focus was on how some doulas will not take on clients who make certain decisions. For example, if parents plan to circumcise their sons, or if they plan on using pain medication for labor.

The conversation was civil to the public eye, but when I made this comment, my inbox filled up. The big controversial comment?
"I believe we should have an attitude of "your birth your way", not "your birth my way"".

I pretty much got blasted for that. How can I tolerate all birth styles? How can I condone circumcision? And on and on. I was shocked. Just a little though. I've often teased that I feel like a doula outcast. This confirmed it. It's okay though, I'm not much of a conformist anyways. My socks don't even match. :)

When I look back over the 21 families I worked with in 2011, I feel good about my non-conformist ways. I recall being told many times, (sad actually how often) that I was being chosen as the doula for them because I didn't make them feel like I had my own agenda or that I would frown on their choices. Did I make sure they knew the risks of choosing an epidural? Heck yes!! That's my job! They hired a doula because they want to make INFORMED choices. So, I INFORM them. I don't guilt them. I don't shame them and I don't make them question their ability to make their own choices for their own family.

Am I perfect at that? Sadly, no. I'm sure that I have made a face or raised an eyebrow when I feel a squeeze in my heart that there are choices being made that don't sit right with me. I'm sorry for that. I wasn't hired to agree with everyone, I was hired to inform and support.

I take on couples that plans to circumcise, do I therefore "condone" circumcision? I take on clients that don't plan to circumcise, am I an "intactavist"? You may never know. Will I give them the facts about circumcision and intactness? Yes. Will I give them the risks of doing or not doing it? Yes. Will I tell them what I did or didn't do for my boys? No! Personally, I have no desire to have anyone imagine what my husbands or sons penis' look like. And I cringe every time I see a mom all over facebook talking about her sons private parts. I can't imagine the horror my son would feel if his college buddies came across a posting about his penis on facebook! Really moms/wives? Show some discretion please!

Phew, little off track there.... Back to my point. I have no problem agreeing to disagree with other doulas or parents. I do have a problem with being blasted for my doula philosophies. If you want to refuse a client because they will vaccinate or use an epidural or circumcise, that's your choice. I don't have to agree with you. I do appreciate that if you can't take a client on and fully support her, that you kindly decline serving her. But then don't blast me because I'm willing to offer non-judgmental services to her. So please, no more letters telling me I'm harming children because I support moms in labor who use medication or any of those other hot topics.

I really could keep going, but I'll stop now. I'm sure I've made some peoples blood boil, and I'm sure I've had a few nods of agreement. Either response is fine by me. Just be kind. :-)

Oh, and by the way, I've had conversations similar to that one many times and have been blasted both publicly and privately, so please don't assume I'm talking about you, or that you know who I am talking about. :)

P.S. If you thought this was a doosy, wait until I write about breastfeeding in public!

Hugs to ya ~
Shannon

Easy Peasy Christmas Advent Calendar Thingy

2011-12-09T13:23:00.001-08:00

I wrote a post for a fun website you would probably love...

So, GO READ IT! Thanks. :-)

Kind of a crappy post...

2011-11-22T14:52:00.000-08:00

I know we all have different potty training methods but here is mine. On their third (yes, 3rd) birthday, said child receives a cool pack of fun undies. I hold up a pair in one hand, diaper in the other and say "which one to you want to wear" they say "unides!!" "okay, then keep 'em clean!"

Done. Daytime success in a day or two, night time success within a week. No tears, no weeks of messes and tears and no books full of tips. Just an age of capability and comprehension and coordination. :)

That worked for all 4 of my kids. Wait, I have 5.... oh yes, Stacey is still in diapers. Her development is delayed and she's not like a 3 year old yet. She is 12. Years.

So, I thought I'd do some Diaper Duty math....

On average a baby uses 10 or more diaper a day. So lets say 10 per day for a year... that's 3,650 the first year. (x 4 kids is 14,600)

Lets say from age 1- 3, they use average of 5 per day. That's 3,650 for those 2 years. (x 4 kids is14,600)

Four kids of the above numbers comes to..29,200.

Now Stacey was infantile until she was 2, only weighed 20 pounds after her 2nd birthday. She also has digestive issues. So for her, lets say 10 diapers per day for 2 years, that's 7,300. Now from the time she was 2 until 12, lets say about 7 per day. (I get diapers delivered and that's what my usage averages out to be) that's 25,550 plus her first 2 years is a total of 32,850.

Let's add the other 4 poopers to Stacey for a grand total of.... 62,050 diaper changes!

That stinks! (yes, another crappy pun!)

The moral of the story is.... 62,050 diapers is overwhelming, if I had to do them all at once. But thankfully, I've only had to do one, or two, at a time. I can do that.

When being a momma gets overwhelming, just ask yourself, can I do this right now? Can I wipe this tushy? Yes. Can I clean up this spill? Yes. Can I change these dirty clothes? Yes.

God gives us the Grace to face earthly life when we need it, not before. He didn't ask "Hey, you look like a good sport, how 'bout you commit to changing 62 THOUSAND diapers?!" nope, He said, "Hey, I choose you to be her momma, you can change her diaper before bed, here's what you need" then wham, He gives me whatever it is I need to do that ONE! Sometimes I think He should install an ejection seat on the sofa since I tend to get stuck there late at night!

But Wait! Theres More! (sorry, when I'm stuck on the sofa late at night, its infomercial time!) There really is more, with God, doesn't it seem like there is always more?

The best part of being willing to tend to this stinky part of mothering??? We also get to tend to the sweet parts too!

So, however you spend your day, remember the sweet stuff, it will help you get through the nasties... one change at a time!

Hugs n love to ya!

Shannon =)

(footnote since I keep getting asked... My Stacey has multiple disabilites. She is 12, with the skills of a 2ish year old. She has Agenesis of the Corpus Collosum, A Chromosome deletion on 3q, seizure disorder, chronic lung disease, mitochondrial dysfunction, severe speech delay, and then some! Thank you for asking, I don't mind one bit!)

No pity party here

2011-11-20T16:17:00.001-08:00

She's been pacing the halls of her home for hours. Stopping every so often to rock and sway and groan through her pains. Sometimes she wants support or eyes to stare into or hands to hold. Sometimes she winds her way into a dark room and stays alone.

As the hours tick away, her pains become all but consuming. She needs consistent support and affirmations. She wants to quit. Give up. Stop the pain. She looks at me with pleading eyes. As if silently trying to inflict her pain on me instead.

I understand this, but I don't feel sorry for her. There is no need to.

The word sorry means: "feeling regret, sympathy, pity, regrettable or deplorable, unfortunate, tragic, sorrowful, grieved, or sad."

I don't, and shouldn't feel sorry for a laboring momma.

I'm convinced she doesn't want my sorrow. She wants my strength. She wants my confidence in her. She wants to see herself in me. So when I look her in the eye and tell her she's "got this" she sees that it's true.

I was at a long hard labor last night, well, the last two nights actually. Told you it was long! Whenever she would say something had changed, more pressure, more intensity, more frequent; I'd say "Good! This is great! Baby's coming!" Finally she looked at me and said "is anything ever not good for you?" and I just smiled and replied, "You're getting feisty, this is good." We laughed a bit but the truth is, labor is good. Pressure is good, intensity is good and frequent contractions are good! They are necessary to bring her baby into her arms. I never said "sorry."

If I felt sorry for her, I would also feel a need to take her pain from her, to give her an escape, to rescue her. She doesn't need that, and when she's honest, she'll tell you she doesn't want it either.

What she needs is confidence balanced with a healthy dose of empathy: "the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another."

So I give her what she needs. I let her know how all her feelings and thoughts are normal. I keep her focused. I bolster her courage. I remind her of her coping skills. I keep her putting one foot in front of the other all the way to the finish line.

The more she wants out, the more I point her inward. The more she tries to escape, the more her success depends on her being totally in tune with her body and the work it's doing. She doesn't need my sorrow. She needs herself. The strength is in her and what she needs is me to show her where it is and how to rely on it; not to feel sorry for her. As someone once said (Ina May perhaps?) "Labor cannot be stronger than you, because it IS you."

You got this momma! Rock it! I'm proud of you!

Hugs to ya!

Shannon =) definitions from Dictionary.com

Just Breeeeathe....

2011-11-14T16:36:00.001-08:00

The In's n Out's of Breathing Before and During Labor

You and a friend are going for a walk, chatting as you stroll along. A while down the road you think you’re ready to head back but she says “no, let’s go farther, and let’s jog a bit”.

So you continue on.

A bit farther down the road your side is cramping and your lungs start to ache. “I want to stop” you mumble. But your friend takes your hand and tugs you along even faster. You can no longer see your house, and you see no end to the trail you’re on. She is now dragging you along at a rapid pace. Your lungs are screaming for air, your heart racing, panic in your eyes as you realize you are far less prepared for this than your eager friend…

****

It's silly to think anyone would take off for a long run without preparation, and yet many moms go into labor not knowing how to pace herself, breathe or handle the exertion that labor will require.

So just how are you supposed to practice breathing; something that you don’t typically give a second thought to?

Try this:

If you can, close your eyes, if not, that's okay, practice anyway!
Take a deep breath in your nose, fully extending your diaphragm. If you extend your belly so you look 12 months pregnant, you’re doing it right! As you slowly inhale, focus on relaxing those facial muscles, you know, the ones giving you wrinkles! Relax your forehead, eyebrows, jaw, and lips.

Now exhale slowly through your mouth, keeping your face relaxed and focusing on relaxing your shoulders, arms, hips, thighs, toes and everything in between! Exhale completely and pause until your body requests more air. Slowly inhale again. Focus your thoughts only on your breathing and on relaxing your body. Repeat this pattern about 10 times. It’s ok to make deep sighs or moan-like sounds on your exhale.

If you want to verify the calming and distracting effects of relaxed breathing, do this little test:
Have your labor partner time this for you and in the second step he can breathe with you and give you verbal reminders to relax.

Step one: For one minute hold an ice cube in your hand. Look at your hand, think about how it feels.
Step two: Hold ice in the other hand for a minute, but this time close your eyes and do the breathing and focus on relaxation and your breathing pattern.

****

Just as a runner understands the value of stretching before a race, you should understand the value of deep relaxation breathing in labor:

♥ More oxygen is delivered to the baby; helping to keep her heart rate stable.

♥ More oxygen delivered to your muscles. With well oxygenated muscles, (uterine muscles specifically) pain in contractions can be reduced.

♥ Breathing in this pattern is soothing and calming. It will follow the rhythm of labor, increasing in intensity as labor does, but continuing to sooth and oxygenate.

♥ It can be distracting. Focusing on your breath and your muscles relaxing over all your body keeps your mind busy.

♥ It may help regulate your heart rate and blood pressure by keeping your body and mind in a calm state.

♥ It can reduce or prevent the fear-tension-pain cycle.

EEK! There’s that P word! Yes, I said it: pain. Did that word trigger some fear or anxiety? Did you feel your body tense, perhaps your eyebrows furrowed a bit or your jaw clamped shut? You’re not alone! Childbirth and all the many decisions leading up to labor and delivery can trigger stress and anxiety. Each moment of stress is a perfect opportunity to practice your deep relaxation breathing.

If every time you begin to have fear or anxiety, you “go to” your breathing, your mind will become occupied with breathing and relaxing, thus pushing the negative thoughts aside and clearing your mind of them. When you finish breathing, only allow positive thoughts. Refuse to let negativity and fear settle into your mind. Replace them with breathing and positive phrases such as “my body knows what to do” “labor is a productive process” “labor is not an illness and my body will not do to itself what I cannot handle”.
(note* some fears need to be addressed or are a result of prior trauma, birth or otherwise, please address this with an experienced birth professional who understands the fear-tension-pain cycle. )

By training your mind and body to respond to stress, fear or anxiety with deep relaxation breathing, you will be ready for labor. You will respond to each sensation and rush of adrenaline with calming breaths. Start training now, the race is coming!

This article was originally used as a guest post at Natural Motherhood

Hugs to ya!
Shannon =)

Testing posting by phone.

2011-11-13T19:33:00.001-08:00

I am still learning this Droid! I had been a long time lover of my Blackberry but when we changed carriers, well, the desire to maintain some techy dignity and not have my college kids out -tech me, I switched to my Atrix. It's only taken me a few months to realize I could get a blogger app and post from my phone! Genuis. So, here goes nothin!
{Insert random picture of my new mirror to test this ability as well}

MBoBB was amazing!

2011-11-13T09:22:00.001-08:00

Ok, before I dive into my review, I first want to thank Gina Kirby of Progressive Parenting for my ticket! I never actually ran into her at the premier to thank her in person, but I truly had a great time and was honored to be able to attend!

Here's where it gets a little funny. Besides Ricki Lake, and Kellie Martin, I had no idea who anyone was. I used to watch Ricki's talk show and we still watch Kellie's show Mystery Woman. We don't have cable so I am am completely out of the loop on the who's who of Hollywood!

While standing near the red carpet I met another doula, Tricia Olow from San Diego. We teased a bit about how if we just walked up to that red carpet as if we "belonged", we could probably get some photos taken. The next thing I know... there we were! The Butterfly Studio was the key photographer of the event and she captured our Red Carpet moment!

To view the entire album and see all the famous people I didn't know...
Visit her here!

So! The Movieeee... it was awesome of course. Let me back up to the original Business of Being Born... It was a great movie for people who have misconceptions of home birth. I think it also revealed to people that they have misconceptions of medical facilities they aren't even aware of.

Perhaps what I'm about to say is where I differ from many doulas I've spoken to... I have heard many say that the first movie ended on a "negative note". I don't get that. Yes, it was a cesarean birth, for a breech baby. Can breech babies be safely delivered vaginally? YES! However, my emphasis is on momma feeling capable and trusting her body to do this. If during her pregnancy, she has not yet chosen that path, then I believe there is more danger for a fearful mom to do this, especially if she is because people are telling her to. I don't think cesarean births are "negative" when a mom who has all the information about her circumstances still chooses this route. I DO, however think they are negative when a momma is bullied or coerced into one by medical staff or even family. If they are given one side to the coin, information that is not evidence based or otherwise inaccurate or incomplete; those cesareans are negative, not ones that are done for moms making an informed choice to do so. Do I always think it is the right choice? Not always. (for sure not convenience ones) But again, it is her
body, her choice, not mine.

Waiting for the show with one
of my awesome mommas!

Gah! ok, ok... I'm getting to MORE Business of Being Born! haha!
At the Premier, we were shown the second of the four parts. It was a handful of celebrity women sharing their birth stories. It was awesome! We laughed, cried and certainly lots of nodding in understanding! I was struck by how similar the stories were. Oh, sure, some of them were induced, some had pain medication, some did hypnobirthing, there were home births and hospital births... but the root of the story was all the same.
♥ Birth is hard.
♥ Birth is amazing.
♥ Birth is a journey.
♥ Birth is beautiful.
♥ Birth is yours.
I especially appreciated that while the women are actresses, they were far from acting here. They were being women. Women who have experienced the rawest moments of birth and were willing to share them with us.

Cindy Crawford, in all her loveliness, addressed the reality that you alone are the one who will deliver your baby and no matter who else is there, and who your birth team consists of, the work is yours alone... "I needed to just labor.... No one can do it for you, you have to do it. Kind of like working out, you can have a trainer, but if you’re not the one on the treadmill running, you’re not going to get anywhere."

All these women had selected certain people to make up their birth team. Alanis Morisette brought me to tears when she described herself curled up on the floor with her eyes closed and the relief she felt when she "heard the sweet footsteps of her team surrounding her". I was reminded of what a responsibility I have to bring that calm into a birth, and the value of mere presence.

There was a lot of "meat" to the movie, as well as humor. Random rants of toilet paper shortages, the disdain of feeling "slammed into your body", the wide eyed look when they describe hitting transition!

The best message they all expressed in their own ways, was that
♥ Birth is to be embraced,
not avoided.
♥ Birth is to be faced,
not feared.
♥ Birth is you,
at its strongest.

I just watched the 1st and 3rd DVD's in the series and wow.... just wow... Soo much information. I recommend you buy them, watch them, share them. You're welcome to come watch them with me anytime. And if you live somewhere fabulous like Hawaii or Cancun, feel free to fly me out and we can watch them at your place! ;)

Photographers just kept yelling "over here!"
Glad to see I was joined by Abby in looking at the wrong camera!

Hugs to ya
Shannon =)

Morning sickness be gone!

2011-11-08T15:17:00.000-08:00

~~Morning~~ ALL DAY sickness.... What on earth is gong on to make you feel so... gross?!

Pregnancy does strange things to us, and Nausea is one of the least favorites! I remember having a bionic nose! Seriously, I could smell things for miles. Sadly, I didn't like most smells either! My husband included. As in... *covers nose, waves from down the hall, bye honey* kind of didn't like how he smelled! It was horrible! By the time he'd get home in the evening he was tolerable but morning? Heck no!

So just what are we supposed to do to get through that stage.... which may or may not pass after the first trimester? I was told of a solution by a friend of mine. It worked wonders for her and so I passed it onto others, and sure enough, the ones who do this whole heartily (translates: follow the protocol) had great success!

This article explains what is causing the nausea and how
to make it go away. Far far away!

On the off chance that beans just don't cut it, here are a few other things that may help, especially if your nausea is minimal.

I use Peppermint Essential Oil when my migraines cause nausea. I just open the bottle and sit it next to me. As I relax, the pain fades surprisingly quickly. I do
this at the first hint of onset, so if you try it when the migraine is full force, let me know how it works!

As always, be sure to check with your care provider about what products are safe to use while pregnant!

Hugs to ya!
Shannon =)

photo credit

The sweetness of salt

2011-11-07T09:28:00.000-08:00

Do swollen ankles scare you? Do they make you worry about pre-eclampsia?

Read this quote from Dr. Brewers website "...please be aware that the extra loss of salt and fluids (through sweat) and the extra burning of calories can trigger a falling blood volume with a resulting rising BP, and other pre-eclampsia symptoms..."

I always tell mommas to keep an eye on their blood pressure and have urine checked for protein to catch pre-eclampsia. If you notice sudden swelling on your face and hands, call your OB right away.

When a healthy momma starts moaning about her ankles puffing up, I go give them an Epsom salt soak and deep tissue massage to break up all those little fluid pockets, and I have them start Dr. Brewers diet. The next day.. whalaa.... ankle bones are back! :)

I've seen true pre-eclampsia and believe me, if you can prevent it by diet, do it!! I'm not giving medical advise here, but I strongly suggest you investigate and educate yourself so you can avoid unnecessary complications and interventions.

I'd love to hear your stories using Dr. Brewers diet!

Hugs n love!
Shannon =)

I love to laugh...

2011-11-07T08:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we just need a smile. I'm sort of there today... so I thought I'd post this little video, a humorous take on midwives.

And I pose a question to you all.... if insurance and money were not of concern, would you have chosen a home birth? What about a midwife at a hospital birth?

hugs n love to ya!
Shannon =)

yup, I'm new here!

2011-11-06T22:35:00.000-08:00

Well I'm trying to figure out how Blogger works. I've not been happy with the blogging options on my actual website. bear with me as I fiddle with this! :)

Also, I'm moving several of my previous posts over to here as well, so if you used to follow my blog, some of these will be repeats.

Healing from a Stillbirth

2011-10-20T17:25:00.000-07:00

I've tried to find the write words to preface the story you are about to read. No words seem to fit. Pregnancy loss is a lonely experience. Others haven't had the chance to bond the way a mom and dad do. Please take a minute and read this story. Put yourself in her shoes and try to grasp the magnitude of separation, loss and grief.

Reach out to those who have suffered a loss. Just a hug or a thinking of you card works wonders on a shattered heart.

I was beyond blessed to be their doula for her new baby girl, but this story is an important part of that journey....

I have written a letter to all of my children about their birth. These letters are wonderful little pieces of my heart weaved together into a story that climax with incredibly wonderful and happy events, events and outcomes that I will treasure forever.

I’ve sat down multiple times to write the story of losing my baby girl midway through my second pregnancy. While I never will get to share this with her, I’ve wanted to write my story to honor her, and to heal myself. It really wasn’t until I acknowledged her life, her birth, and her death (and the life and death of another 1st trimester baby) that I was able to move forward with my life.

However, every time I sit down to write, I hit major walls. At first it was the pain of reliving this tragic and horrific experience that at first I didn’t even count as a birth. How would anyone want to read about this? This was my burden to bear and no one would understand. Then as time went on, I became more and more interested in writing this piece, but the words never seemed right. At first they were angry, focusing on all the injustices I endured, and the journey of losing my faith in many things, including my body and my spiritual beliefs. But all these words were focusing on my pain and anger, rather than honoring my little girl. I wanted to honor her and find a way to be proud of her short time in my life, and how she changed it forever.

After I wrote my youngest’s incredibly positive birth story, with highlights of my angel’s life, I really wanted to write this story in a way that would explain how my life was touched, and how much this little girl has changed me into a deeper, stronger, more compassionate woman. But how could I put this into words? I couldn't tell her story like my others, because my memories of this birth are shattered pieces of my heart that I have slowly been picking up and weaving back into my life in a such a way that I can live with them and move forward. Putting the events in order seemed to make less sense, and take focus off of the truly meaningful events that took place. So here it is, almost two years after she lived, on my second Pregnancy and Child Loss Remembrance day, it is time to write this to honor my Baby Angel Girl. I apologize for the jaggedness, but please bear with me....it’s a story worth telling, even if only I am the only one who listens.

**************************************

“I’m sorry, it looks like you are going to lose this pregnancy...” The OB/GYN stated very matter of factly to me, with no hint of emotion in her voice. I really couldn’t believe the words coming from this woman’s mouth who I had met less than 5 minutes before, who had supposedly been “monitoring” my progress the 12 hours before.

“WHAT?? I just felt the baby moving”, I said in utter disbelief, holding back tears. As they rushed to get and ultrasound, I recounted all the recent events that had happened. Had I missed something? Had they missed something? Why was I losing this baby?? No one told me this was even a possibility....I was alone, away from my 20 month-old daughter for the first time in her life, with my husband sitting in an airport over 1,000 miles away, with my feet in the air, waiting for what I thought was a simple surgery.

I had had a perfectly healthy prenatal visit less than a week before, called the midwife on call for a simple “weird mucous with a streak of blood” and was at first told to “ignore it” and not leave my 20 month old on a stormy Friday night to wait in an ER for hours for “probably nothing”. I even had debated still after the midwife called back telling me that we probably all would feel better if I just went and had an ultrasound “just in case”.

Even after sitting in the ER for hours, watching all the auto accident victims and homeless people looking for a dry place to stay for the night being seen ahead of me, and finally getting an ultrasound slightly after midnight, I didn’t worry. I remember joking with the ultrasound tech after hearing the heartbeat and hearing the words the ER doctor said “My bag was bulging, but the baby was fine.”

I remember calling my husband telling him that “worst case scenario”, I was having surgery with bedrest, and to go to bed, so I could see him tomorrow when he flew home. Even after being admitted and placed on my head in hopes for “my bag to recede”, I worried more about my 20 month old recently weaned baby at home who had never gone to bed for the night without me. And that was the question the nurses constantly asked me: “Is there fetal movement??” Okay, I must be fine..... MY BABY WAS MOVING....how could this pregnancy be ending??

The ultrasound confirmed he doctor’s prognosis....the baby was so low in the pelvis that they couldn’t even detect the sac. And then she repeated: “I’m sorry, but you are going to lose this baby....there is nothing we can do.” The tears I had been barely holding back flooded my eyes. I somehow managed to call my mom, and uttered incoherently “I’m going to lose the baby.” I don’t even remember what she said, except that I knew she was on her way.

I then had to call Leif, my sweet husband who had already recently endured the tragedy of losing both his grandparents, who I know would have driven all night in subzero temperatures and fought with airlines to get home if he knew this was a possibility. A man, on his way home to be comforted by his pregnant wife and toddler, had to be told by his scared and devastated wife that he would never meet his second baby. He answered the phone, expecting to comfort and encourage me, trying to hide his worry. When I told him the news through my sobs, silence fell on the other end of the phone. He told me later that he was surrounded by family, but suddenly wanted to be alone or at least moving towards me. He didn't want to talk...he just wanted to move. But all he could do was wait for a plane. I hung up the phone, and my mom was there...she gave me a hug and a kiss with tears in her eyes. I don’t know if we exchanged words, but I was so glad and angry that she was there. I wanted her, but I wanted my husband more. Why wasn’t he here...the room was full of people: the OB, nurses, lab techs..but I was alone.

The OB talked to my mom and asked me some questions about my medical history, and the popped off some reason why this was happening. “Incompetent Cervix” was the term constantly used, and boy did I feel incompetent. How could my body expel such a lively, active little being? Were those little wiggles and kicks I felt only hours before cries for help, rather than measures of comfort I had interpreted them as? They told me that the best thing to do was to let “nature take it’s course” and to page the nurse when “it was over”. They offered me pain meds, which I declined because I didn’t have any physical pain and I didn’t want the pain to go away...I wanted to feel every ounce of pain....it wouldn’t come close to the emotional pain I was in. One thing I did ask for was water, which they denied, in case I needed surgery to remove the baby. They explained what a “D&C” was and then suddenly the room was empty.

My mom asked a bunch of questions that I answered “I don’t know” to, and then asked if she could see....and she could...my bag was literally bulging....I was delivering this baby. She asked me if I wanted a mirror, and I told her yes. I looked and there I saw, my body expelling what looked like a little dark red balloon. I sat and cried....not wanting to talk, just wanting to cry. Every time the nurse came in, I could read the look on her face and the tone in her voice....She was truly apologetic and baffled that she hadn’t seen any signs. She told me that with every check she did, she saw no reasons for concern, especially because I wasn’t showing any signs of pain, and was feeling the baby. She brought me warm blankets and left me to stare out the window looking at the stormy day, truly reflecting how I felt inside.

The doctor came in again and told me about what would probably happen. She said because the baby was younger than 20 weeks, there would be no attempts to revive the baby, and that while I was close to 20 weeks, this would be considered a miscarriage rather than a still birth. I later was told by others that I was “lucky” that it was earlier than 20 weeks, and I didn't have to name the baby, or sign a still birth and death certificate. That somehow magically at 20 weeks I would love that baby more, or that by doing those acts of grief it would hurt more. Looking back, I wish I had been offered some of these options in a kind and gentle manner, because I somehow was afraid in this moment to love this baby for real, to honor her and myself as we should. So I just sat there, in complete despair and shock, waiting for “it” to be over.

Shortly there after, I felt an urge to push, and my body gave a short little push. I felt it again and slowly something slipped out onto my bed. I told my mom, who had no clue I had just given birth. She looked and then went and got the nurse. It was only a split moment but I saw the caul that my baby was nestled so snug inside of. It was so surreal, everything just came out, smoothly and calmly. No heavy pushing, no “emergency”, no anything, but pure sadness. The nurse came in, and wrapped the caul up and took it away, acting like I didn't want to see it. I wish I had stopped her. I wish she had offered some words of encouragement to see my creation, but it almost seemed like it was too painful to see, and I figured she was sparing me the pain.

I then cried hard....it was over...a sweet baby born into the arms of angels on 12/12/09 at 12:12 p.m, less than 2 hours after the news that I was going to lose her, and less than a day from my first symptom of losing the baby. I called Leif and only had one phrase “It’s over.” We cried together, wishing we could hold each other...wishing we were both somewhere of comfort rather than me in a cold dreary hospital room

surrounded by women giving birth to live, healthy babies and him sitting in an airport waiting to board a plane, only hours too late to see his baby girl.

The OB then came in and asked if I wanted to know the sex. I looked at my mom and then said yes. It was a girl...and she said she looked “normal, with no visible defects”...she then asked if I wanted to see her. I then also said yes. They brought her in on a tucks pad...no blanket, no clothes, no anything. I looked at her and marveled in both pain and amazement. She was so much bigger than I imagined her. At 18 weeks and 3 days, she looked bigger than the “preemies” they portray on television. She had fingernails. I’ll never forget how her finger nails looked. She was a real baby, and looked so peaceful, but also so lifeless. It was like looking at a shell....she had been so lively inside me...I had felt her at 15 weeks and her dad had felt her move at 16 weeks. Now she had no movement, no life....she was no longer there. I also marveled at her umbilical cord, wrapped twice around her neck. They told me this wasn’t the reason she passed, although others believed it was. I know now it wasn’t. The cord was absolutely amazing...a true lifeline to my baby girl, an iridescent clear with red and blue veins spinning along it. I will always remember that, and the one thing at that moment that I was truly proud that I created.

The nurse then asked if I wanted to hold her.....I hadn’t thought of that, and almost panicked....Should I hold her? Would I feel more pain? She was no longer there, but would she feel more lifelike if I did hold her? Would I regret holding her, or not holding her? What did my mom think? I burst into tears and said “I don’t know!” The nurse immediately hugged me and told me it was okay....that I had never done this and there was no way for me to know. I then picked her up....she was so light....I could barely feel her. I held her close to me and cried. My mom held me and we both cried. Looking back, I wish I had spent more time doing this....holding her, taking her in, and letting my mom hold me. But it was all so “lacking of life” that I felt uncomfortable. My baby was gone, and I never got to meet her, she was a shell of a person that once was. I didn't know where she was, but she was no longer with me.

I called Leif again, and he asked if they could wait for him to see her. I asked the nurse, and they couldn’t really give me an answer. I don’t think they could have discharged me without taking care of the body, or at least I got that feeling, so I asked if I could take pictures. My mom took pictures on her camera and then she laid at the end of my bed.

I wish now I would have held her until they took her from me, but I was so lost in a blur that I didn’t know what to do. It was like I wanted permission to love my baby, no matter her state. I felt like I had to guard myself from acknowledging her birth and her life. So I just laid and stared at her and cried. And then I just stared because there were no tears left.

A few hours later, the nurse brought in a plate of food and I told her I wasn’t hungry, just thirsty. Suddenly I realized I had eaten the whole plate and was asking for more water. They then got me up to make sure I could use the restroom and told me that I could go home shortly. My sister brought me a clean pair of clothes and I showered, and then packed up ready to leave. I was scared to see moms with babies or hear the joy of birth around me, but I didn’t. All was quiet. The nurse hugged me with tears in her eyes and told me I did wonderfully. I didn’t understand what she meant, but I do now.....I had endured birth, life, death, and loss all in a matter of hours, which seemed like a matter of minutes. And I was still alive, walking out of this hospital.

I came home minutes before my dad left to pick my Leif up from the airport. I took another shower, and then my sister brushed my hair. My toddler climbed into my arms and fell asleep. I sat in the dark living room holding my baby, praying, worrying that my husband wouldn’t walk through that door. It was pouring outside, and I just couldn't bear to lose him too, but I was almost expecting it. My life was shattered, and I had no idea how to pick up the pieces, except to expect more devastation.

Leif did get home, and I think we ate. We then went into the guest bedroom, looked at her pictures, and cried together. We cried for what it felt like hours. We slept, and then woke up and cried more. The days following seemed to be a blur. Everyone asked me how I felt, wanting to know physically. I felt fine, my body acted as though nothing had happened. No one outside of my close circle would have even suspected I was almost halfway through my pregnancy days before. I felt like I wanted to run a marathon and yell and scream and cry and sleep and collapse all at the same time. Words meant as encouragement enraged me. “At least your okay” made me furious. I screamed at my mom telling her I wanted to feel pain, I wanted to be physically hurt, because I felt like I was dying inside.

One of the midwives called and I talked for hours with her. She seemed to get it....she had been the one on call the night I started showing signs, the small sign of a little more mucous with a streak of blood, the one who first told me to “ignore it” and then called back 15 minutes later telling me to go get an ultrasound “just in case”. She told me it was okay for me to want this experience to feel momentous, and that she wished she could do more. She gave me her personal phone number and email, and told me to call for anything. That in itself was the most comfort anyone other than my husband and daughter could give me, just to tell me that she was there. She didn’t have to be, but she was there. The midwives also told me that their office would be calling to set up an appointment with a perinatologist to look into reasons why this could have happened.

This woman was also a true blessing. She didn’t know me or my husband, but treated me like she had been through the pain with me. In months that followed, she ordered all the tests in the world, but also was the first person to admit that she simply didn’t know why...and that sometimes that was okay to not have answers, as long as we could move forward. She also was there with me when I lost another baby at 10 1/2 weeks, and and helped me forward with future pregnancies.

I didn’t acknowledge that I had given birth until after I lost my second baby. I had treated the birth of my Baby Angel Girl as a tragic event in my life that I had to overcome. I pushed forward, researched until my brain hurt, and then got pregnant again. When I lost that baby, I was left with even more devastation. That baby was probably due to “nature’s way of fixing it’s mistakes”, but it felt so real. Why was my body broken? Why did God give me a baby, two babies, only to take them away? How could babies be mistakes? I talked with counselors, friends who had lost children, and even friends with fertility problems....why? why? why?

I finally stopped asking why....and realized that sometimes there isn’t a why, except to make you a stronger, deeper person. I now have two beautiful girls in my arms, and two angels in heaven. Although it took me a long time to forgive my God, and look back towards him, I feel my angels presence and him more than ever. They were both there for me as I went through an incredible fearful pregnancy that gradually transformed into one of the most empowering and enlightening days of my life....the birth of my second earth-bound child. They helped me achieve goals I didn’t even know I had of helping other women care and breastfeed their babies. And they helped me define myself as a woman, a wife, and most importantly as a mother.

Without these two babies, I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today....I miss them dearly, think of them often, and sometimes still wonder why I never got to truly hold them. But I hold them in in my soul, and they forever hold a piece of my heart....telling me to always follow my heart, no matter how broken it feels.

In honor of my two angels...who came into my life so briefly, so briefly that I was never able to give you names, but who will forever live as a part of me. I love you.....And for all the mother’s of angels, no matter how old or young, please know you are not alone.

2011-10-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

Many of you know about infant loss and still birth and miscarriages. Sadly, many do not.

This mom (client now friend) has had to return to work after the loss of her daughter at 32 weeks due to a rupture of her placenta. Sadly, she has had to define the word stillbirth to coworkers. Please help others understand this loss and the depth of the pain it comes with.

Click here for the birth story I wrote for this couple. As all my birth stories are,

it is written to the sweet baby....

Sweet baby Alaina,

Under your mommy’s heart too short a time, but in it forever....

I first heard from your mom in an email on June 22, 2011. Even though she trusted your daddy, she was looking for additional support from someone who might help fill the void of not having her own mom present. I understood that longing in her heart and was honored to be invited to share in your birth.

From there we began to talk through email and arranged a lunch meeting. I instantly liked your parents. They were funny, enthusiastic and kind to each other. I knew in just a few minutes I would enjoy helping them through your birth.

I arranged to stop by your home on a sort of unofficial visit and chat a bit. Your mom showed me how beautiful she had decorated your nursery and the furniture your dad had assembled. I saw pictures of your big brother and the spaces on the wall they were saving to add pictures of you.

I had no idea the value of that short visit. It was on Friday July 15th. On Tuesday morning your mom sent me a text saying she was concerned about you and was at the hospital. I rushed to her as quick as I could. They were doing an ultrasound so I had to wait in the lobby.

It wasn’t long before your dad came out to get me. I didn’t know what to say to your sweet mommy. She looked so concerned. All I had to offer her was a long hug.

After a few minutes I spoke to the nurse and asked to be moved to a private room to wait for the Doctor. The wait began to drag on and I felt it was time to talk about what was happening to you with your parents. They were so hopeful that it was just a scary moment, that you would soon be smiling in their arms. I don’t recall the words I used, but I can still see the pain in their eyes as they learned your time with them had already passed. We all wept as the reality of your short life set in.

Sweet Alaina, I can’t tell you the height of love and depth of grief in that room; two of what I believe are the strongest human emotions we are both blessed and cursed to experience.

Your mom and dad decided to return home and rest and see her doctor the following day. It was the beginning of a sweet and intense farewell.

On Wednesday afternoon, your mom asked me to join them at the hospital where she would have labor induced. This began a few minutes after 5 p.m.

Your Gramma Eva was with us and the four of us settled in for the night. We had moments of silence, laughter, tears, dice games and pizza. Yes, your parents ordered pizza and played games! I was so proud of them. You are a gift to be celebrated and while this was a painful night, it would never be forgotten and I was thankful they choose to add some fun and humor to it!

The night was restless and long, with little progress as far as labor went. We had a great nurse who let us rest as much as possible. Your dad and gramma ran back home to get a few things for you; your pretty flower headband and soft blankie.

By morning your mom had not rested well so we requested some medicine to help her sleep a bit. At 7:11 am she received a second dose of Stadol and fell into a restless sleep. It was 8:45 when she woke up feeling a little sick. Her contractions had become more intense but still tolerable. Her stomach became upset so I asked your gramma to call the nurse as I had a feeling your arrival might be close.

Your mom did a beautiful job bringing you into the world around 9:15 on July 21, 2011. Although there were moments of tears being shed, there were also smiles of love. She was relaxed and calm the whole time! I was so proud of her, and your daddy did an amazing job loving and supporting her. You were perfect and beautiful weighing 3 pounds 9 ounces.

We knew you were a special little bumpkin, but you made sure we knew... you were born breech and in the caul. Your breech position is known as “frank breech”, meaning you were born tushy first! Being born in the caul means the water bag you were in didn’t break until after you were born! I personally feel this was special for your family because it is so rare and makes you even more special. It is sometimes viewed as a sign of completeness and peace, or contentment.

Once you arrived your parents held you and kissed you and loved you with every tear and touch and many sweet whispered words. I heard your mommy tell you that you were “just too perfect for this place”.

We dressed you in a pretty purple sundress and put a pretty flower in your hair for the pictures.
Your little hands and feet were so tiny and perfect and you had the most beautiful red lips! Your gramma cut a little bit of your hair to keep and we took prints of your hands and feet. When it was time to say goodbye, we wrapped you in a pretty blanket and let you spend some time with your mommy and daddy.

On August 12th, the memory box your parents made for you was complete and they begin a journey of healing and finding peace. Your mommy wears a ring she made just for you. It has a Ruby to represent the month of July you were born in, a pink stone to represent you as the daughter they love and miss and your name engraved on it. Your mom says she wears it on the finger next to her wedding ring to symbolize the love you were created from and that you are forever a part of their family and in their hearts always.

Alaina you are a gift and a blessing. You have taught your parents about the depth of love and the preciousness of life. You made a young woman named Chelsea a mommy and a young man named Jake the daddy of a sweet baby girl. These are treasured gifts only you could give. You will always be loved and deeply missed.

In loving memory,
Shannon Santamaria,
your mommy's doula

Cyber pat on the back

2011-10-13T08:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, so in my last post, I pretty much went on a rant about care providers withholding information patients not only need, but deserve and have a right to in order to make informed decisions.

Sadly, I see this more often than not. On the other side of the coin though.... there are the glimmers of hope. There are Doctors who will give all the information. There are some who will support momma even if he doesn't totally agree with her.

I recently was a doula for a momma having her 2nd baby. The Dr came in as she was beginning to push. Her birth plan had requested no episiotomy. He immediately showed me her scaring from a poorly repaired, 3rd degree episiotomy - turned tear in her first birth. He told me there was no way she could do this without another episiotomy. Mom still choose to refuse it. This Dr very well could have stood by and allowed this mom to have her way and suffer another bad tear. Instead, he said he'd give it his best shot. He performed perineal massage and support, and much to his surprise and pleasure, she did not have a single little tear!

So, to be fair and to give credit where it is due, I would love to hear your "cyber pats on the back" to a Care Provider who has proven to have your best interests in mind.

hugs and love to ya,

Shannon =)

Do you know the whole story?

2011-10-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

A while back I attended a Trust Birth meeting. It was great to be with 2 other doulas, 2 expectant mommas and 1 hubby.

We shared short versions of our birth stories. It was nice to laugh and cringe together over the collective 15 births between us! (2 of us have had 5!)

One thing I came away with was a confirmation that moms get one sided information from care providers. Why is that? In my local hospitals patient bill of rights, you see that you have a right to give informed consent. How can they do that when a care provider says things like "your baby is breech, you must have a cesarean at 36 weeks".

Why is momma not told she can wait for spontaneous labor, that there is still a chance for baby to flip in early labor, that the hormones that trigger labor means baby is ready, that the estimated due date can be off by 2 weeks and 36 can really be 34!

Oh man do I want to rant on this! But I'll stop now. If you're a momma, be an advocate for yourself and your baby... do your research, don't get opinions, get facts and make evidence based decisions!

Feel free to share your informed, evidence based consent stories!

hugs n love to ya!
Shannon =)

SO... what's the difference?

2011-10-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

Recently I was asked if I’m the one that makes home births painless. Good golly I wish I was that good! Can you just see me flitting around waving my magic wand singing... Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo! (insert sudden urge to go to Disneyland!)

Focus Shannon, Focus... ok....

As a doula, I can certainly help you overcome unrealistic fears of pain, help manage it and help you trust your body and remain calm and focused! I can help your partner know the best ways to help you too.

Another question I'm asked a lot is if your having a midwife, do you still need a doula. Yes! Remember that a midwife is with you in a medical capacity. Her priority is to monitor and tend to you and your baby. A doula is there just for you, your comforter, encourager, massager. She is not distracted by the medical side of things and is free to provide you with continuous support.

I get asked all the time about the difference between birth professionals and this article explains them well.

I'd love to hear about your experience with these professionals, good or bad!

The Obstetrician, The Midwife, The Nurse & The Doula « Mother’s Advocate Blog.

hugs n love to ya,
Shannon =)

Staying fit can help ease your labor!

2011-09-27T22:21:00.000-07:00

Exercise during pregnancy is so important! Under your Dr.s supervision, you may be allowed to continue activities you enjoyed prior to pregnancy.

I LOVE this video! Dr. Biter is affectionately called "Dr. Wonderful"... here's a hint of why... enjoy!!

>YouTube – Pregnant Running Full Term With My San Diego Obgyn Dr. Robert Biter – Fitness During Pregnancy.
Do you have any pregnancy fitness tips or stories to share?

2011-09-22T08:42:00.000-07:00

I think I suffer from Eisoptrophobia - the fear of mirrors or of seeing oneself in a mirror. I have to face this fear every morning! I have the worst bed head ever! One day I just might laugh myself to death!

One fear I do not suffer from is Somniphobia- the fear of sleep! Can I get an Amen?! :)

Fears during pregnancy are not only common, but normal too. They can be a good tool to help you know what to discuss with your Doctor or Doula.

Fears left unaddressed can have a negative impact on your labor and delivery. They can raise your blood pressure, increase you perception of pain, and lower your tolerance, and even stall your labor all together.

Some fears are unrealistic. They may be based on myths or situations which are very rare and unlikely. It is important to speak up about these things and gather correct information from those who are well educated. Too many opinions from others can add to your fears rather than ease them.

When a fear is reasonable; such as when you have had a previous traumatic birth experience; speaking to an educated doula can help you realize the basis of your fears, and she can provide you with the necessary steps to address them. She can also equip you with accurate information and help you develop coping techniques.

Comment with what you are/were afraid of, and how you dealt with it!

hugs n love to ya!
Shannon =)

A kind of crappy Mother's Day post

2011-05-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

I know we all have different potty training methods but here is mine. On their third (yes, 3rd) birthday, said child receives a cool pack of fun undies. I hold up a pair in one hand, diaper in the other and say "which one to you want to wear" they say "undies!!" "okay, then keep 'em clean!"

Done. Daytime success in a day or two, night time success within a week. No tears, no weeks of messes and tears and no books full of tips. Just an age of capability and comprehension an coordination. :)

That worked for all 4 of my kids. Wait, I have 5.... oh yes, Stacey is still in diapers. Her development is delayed and she's not like a 3 year old yet. She is 12. Years.

So, in honor of Mothers Day, I thought I'd do some Diaper Duty math....

On average a baby uses 10 or more diaper a day. So lets say 10 per day for a year... that's 3,650 the first year. (x 4 kids is 14,600)

Lets say from age 1- 3, they use average of 5 per day. That's 3,650 for those 2 years. (x 4 kids is14,600)

Four kids of the above numbers comes to..29,200.

Now Stacey was infantile until she was 2, only weighed 20 pounds after her 2nd birthday. She also has digestive issues. So for her, lets say 10 diapers per day for 2 years, that's 7,300. Now from the time she was 2 until 12, lets say about 7 per day. (I get diapers delivered and that's what my usage averages out to be) that's 25,550 plus her first 2 years is a total of 32,850.

Let's add the other 4 poopers to Stacey for a grand total of.... 62,050 diaper changes!

That stinks! (yes, another crappy pun!)

The moral of the story is.... 62,050 diapers is overwhelming, if I had to do them all at once. But thankfully, I've only had to do one, or two, at a time. I can do that.

When being a momma gets overwhelming, just ask yourself, can I do this right now? Can I wipe this tushy? Yes. Can I clean up this spill? Yes. Can I change these dirty clothes? Yes.

God gives us the Grace to face earthly life when we need it, not before. He didn't ask "Hey, you look like a good sport, how 'bout you commit to changing 62 THOUSAND diapers?!" nope, He said, "Hey, I choose you to be her momma, you can change her diaper before bed, here's what you need" then wham, He gives me whatever it is I need to do that ONE! Sometimes I think He should install an ejection seat on the sofa since I tend to get stuck there late at night!

But Wait! Theres More! (sorry, when I'm stuck on the sofa late at night, its infomercial time!) There really is more, with God, doesn't it seem like there is always more?

The best part of being willing to tend to this stinky part of mothering??? We also get to tend to the sweet parts too!

So, however you celebrate mothers day, remember the sweet stuff, it will help you get through the nasties... one change at a time!

Hugs n love to ya!Shannon =)

(footnote since I keep getting asked... My Stacey has multiple disabilities. She is 12, with the skills of a 2ish year old. She has Agenesis of the Corpus Collosum, A Chromosome deletion on 3q, seizure disorder, chronic lung disease, mitochondrial dysfunction, severe speech delay, and then some! Thank you for asking, I don't mind one bit!)

A day in the doula life

2011-04-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

I'm often asked what my fee includes. The simple answer is to say, "visit my services page and it explains it all".

The not as simple answer is best explained with an overview of a delivery week... this includes the few days prior to, including and a few days after attending a birth.

I go "on call" two weeks before her due date. Also referred to by my family as going phone obsessive. It doesn't leave my side. It is next to my plate, next to my bed, next to the shower. I "check" it almost as often as I blink.

In this case, I've been on call for 9 days already. Keeping all plans tentative and staying well rested, keeping my gas tank at least half full taking two cars places in case I have to leave in a hurry, And of course, spending an awkward amount of time with my phone.

Tuesday
3:43 A.M. Cell phone screams. Well, it sings "baby baby I get down on my knees for you...." but its sounds like a scream at this hour. It's momma saying she's having lower back pain and can't sleep. It comes and goes and nothing helps. I suggest a warm shower, a small bite to eat, go potty and call me back.

5:18 A.M. Cell phone screams/sings again. Its momma saying the pain stopped and she's going to try to sleep. I appreciate this because I sleep much better knowing she is resting and I no longer have to cancel my days plans. Actually, since I'm on call for her, I don't have many plans and the ones I do are all "penciled in".

7:30 A.M. I'm up and getting started for my day. I get Stacey ready for school and send CJ off to drop her there. I get the days lesson plans and start Michelle on her History assignment while I sit with Robby to study the moon.

9:30 A.M. Call momma (now that I'm coherent) and give her a few stretches and sitting positions to help sooth her back. I suggest she spend time sitting on her birth ball to help relax her pelvis and encourage baby to settle into the best position for birth.

1:30 P.M. I know this momma is likely to labor soon so I opt for a short nap. I've become queen of cat naps. I've learned not to take them in my room or I'll sleep too long, but the sofa allows for just enough rest. I also have to squeeze it in before Stacey gets home - She prefers my eyes open and will try to keep them that way. :) So I assign some quiet school work and chores and snuggle up.

2:10 P.M. Stacey's bus arrives. Up and at 'em! (love the special ed bus coming right to our door!)

6 P.M. dinner and family time. I take a few minutes to be sure I have a list of chores and independent work for the kids tomorrow. I double check that I have rides for any who need it, and childcare for Stacey and Robby if I'm gone when tomorrow comes. Obsess over my phone.

10 P.M. After a few rounds of marbles, yes, the old fashioned school yard game of flicking each others marbles out of the circle... I head to bed to get sleep while I can.

Wednesday
7 A.M. Up and going with a good nights sleep. Check the calendar to see what tomorrow holds so I can remember what to cancel if need be. School with the kids, run some errands. Obsess over my phone.

6:30 P.M. We take separate cars to church in case I have to leave in a hurry. Obsess over my phone.

Thursday
10:00 A.M. I call momma to see if there are any signs. None. I tell her I'm going to head to Valencia (45 minutes away) for a bit and to call if even a hint so I can head back before she might need me. My feeble attempt at triggering Murphy's law - that labor would start as soon as I leave town.

2:00 P.M. I'm back home and decide to make cookies for the nurses. I'm actually hoping I can subliminally start her labor! lol. I only wish it was that simple. But If I don't need the cookies for the nurses, I'll find good use for them! Still obsessing over my phone.

10 P.M. Bed early again just in case...

Friday
4:19 A.M. Cell phone screams. I pretty much fly out of bed trying to get it before hubby wakes. Too late. He's now sitting up grunting "what? you say something? whats the racket? Is that the dog?" I have to call momma back since my arm was asleep and I dropped my phone and missed her call. This happens often. I laugh every time. The scene is YouTube worthy!

I chat with momma a bit, talk her through three or four contractions. I ask her some specific questions and tell her it sounds like real labor. I remind her of some positions and comfort measures to use and to call when she's ready for me. Given my assessment, I figure it could be in about an hour, but it also could be longer so I shower and double check that my doula bag is still in the car and none of my kiddos stole my snacks. I brew some coffee and doze on the sofa with my phone.

6:27 A.M. Cell phone sings; see... now I'm ready, its singing now and I'm ready for it! Its mommas hubby, he starts out with the usual pleasantries then suddenly interrupts himself and I hear "another one?! I think you should come" *click*

6:48 A.M. I'm tapping on the door and letting myself in. I find momma on her birth ball leaning back onto hubby. They both have closed eyes and don't seem to notice me. I kneel by her feet and watch them handle the contraction without interrupting. I see how well they are doing, but I see the look in hubby's eyes now and its saying he's tired, worried and out of ideas if this gets any harder for her.

Contractions are about 5 minutes apart, lasting a good minute and mom is coping really well but getting anxious.

They are planning a hospital birth free of any interventions so their desire is to labor at home as long as possible.

I suggest dad eat a little and take a shower to refresh. I slip into his spot and find a rhythm with momma. She is still a little chatty between contractions and she fills me in on how the last few days went and asked a few questions about her labor pattern.

She loved sitting on her birth ball, with hubby giving counter pressure on her lower back and my doing deep rhythmic rubbing on her thighs and palms.

7:15 P.M. After a day full of walks, position changes, showers, massage, snacks, and some very sweet moments between the two of them, mom decided she wanted to hear her baby's heartbeat so we made our way to the hospital.

Transitioning from home to hospital can be so distracting and stressful to moms. Especially when she is refusing most common interventions. We quickly settled into her room and within another three contractions had her calm and focused again. Heartbeat was strong and after about half an hour of listening, she asked to be free to move around.

She was sitting on her birth ball, kneeling, slow dancing with dad, walking, sipping water and going potty often.

10:45 P.M. Hours had ticked by and no urge to push. Momma had not wanted any exams to check for dilation. We chatted a bit about what might be causing this to take so long. I knew she was very close, based on certain behaviors and other observations, but she seemed to have stalled and was getting very tired. After talking a bit about the advantages and disadvantages to an exam, she decided she would consent to one exam for the purpose of knowing the position of her baby.

11:52 P.M. She was very pleased to learn she was at 9 cm., but sure enough, baby was sunny side up and staying a bit high. We had to rotate him. More position changes, lunges, kneeling, walking, rocking, rebozo, using the ball every different way possible. You name it, we tried it.

Saturday
1:45 A.M. Mom is exhausted. Dad slips out to sneak a bite to eat. I chug another protein shake. The Dr. stops in after another delivery and asks if she wants him to break her water. She declines; as she knows that every intervention increases her risk of a cesarean. She believed that as long as the heart rate was staying strong and steady, she knew her body could do this. The Dr. was kind although he clearly was in a bigger hurry than momma was.

2:30 A.M. Still no urge to push. Incredible pressure and contractions are strong and wearing mom out. She has been avoiding the bed as she knows once she gets in it, she won't want to get out. She makes me promise I'll get her out after an hour. Agreed.

2:40 A.M. Mom is settled into bed, laying to her far left. She doses a little in between contractions.

3:20 A.M. I start to mentally prep mom for getting out of the bed. Dad had a nice nap and is ready to jump in. Mom can't move. She is just too tired. Emotions running high, I take her right leg by the ankle and knee and begin rotating it up high, knee towards her shoulder. Mimicking lunges, or bicycle motion. She actually likes how it feels. She has a contraction and I keep moving her leg through it. I continue doing this through the next 4 or 5 and suddenly momma yelps - "I"m pushing!"

3:43 A.M. Nurse confirms that indeed, baby has rotated and momma is fully dilated!

3:57 A.M. Tears in dads eyes say it all. His son is here!

4: 15 A.M. Baby boy nurses for the first time. I am so privileged to see this new family bonding and loving and getting to know each other in a whole new way. I'm certain mom and dad have fallen in love. Not only with their son, but with each other as parents, not just husband and wife.

5:30 A.M. Settled into the room for the rest of her stay, I help set up the bed for dad, answer more questions and make sure they are comfortable and ready to rest.

6:15 A.M. I sneak back into my house, cozy up on the sofa and check my phone. Oh ya, I'm not on call any more!
I close my eyes and the events of the last 24 hours play like a movie in my head. I can't sleep. I shower and start to get school stuff ready for the kids. Oh wait. It's Saturday. I missed a whole day. I check my email and facebook, and upload the pics I took of this birth so I can burn them onto a disk for the family.

7:30 A.M. My family is still sleeping and I know if I don't sleep soon, I won't get to. I snuggle into bed and try to think of anything but the birth. Impossible.

8:00 A.M. I hear Stacey waking up so I change her diaper and dress her. While she eats breakfast I snuggle on the sofa. I finally doze off.

10:30 A.M. I wake up to my family watching a movie trying to be quiet for me. They have no idea what time I got home.

After telling them how proud I am of the new family, I freshen up a bit and we have an early lunch. I look over the kids school work and make sure they know what needs to be turned in by Monday. Then I head back to the hospital to visit the new parents.

2:30 P.M. I'm so blessed to be greeted by such enthusiasm. They are truly excited to see me! I get to snuggle sweet baby boy and answer a few more questions. I ask if they have any favorite moments of the delivery. We laugh as we remember some silly moments, I nod in understanding of the fear and stress during the long process. They are pleased to hear me confirm they made great choices and have already demonstrated what great parents they will be. We agree not to dwell on the stress the Dr. had put on them to just give up and do a cesarean. They thank me for being there to help them stay focused and strong.

3:30 P.M. After reminding them they can contact me any time for any reason, I suddenly am overwhelmed with fatigue. It happens every time. Once I get to see first hand that all is well, my mind can relax and my body screams for rest. We say our good byes and make plans for a home visit in a few days.

4:15 P.M. I decide just a cat nap is best otherwise I won't be able to sleep at night.

5:15 P.M. I start dinner, just an ole standby for days like this. My kids tease me for being so groggy. They also think I won't notice if they try to ask for things that I'd deny them if I was more awake.

8:45 P.M. I say goodnight and head to bed.

Sunday

7:30 A.M. I'm up as usual. Feeling a bit sluggish from having pulled an all night-er, but I can function. The day unfolds fairly typical for our family of 7. Busy fun. I steal another nap after lunch and hope that Monday I will feel normal again.

Monday..... feeling much better. Missing the new family so I call to check on them. All is well. I look forward to our visit on Friday. Back to my own family. They get all of me for another week and a half, until I'm on call again...... :)

Again, this was not meant to be a birth story so I left much out. The Dr. and nurse were putting a lot of pressure on mom to just give up. There was no medical reason to do so. Keeping mom and dad calm and focused, doing everything I could to manage moms pain and keeping their confidence in her body's ability to do this was exhausting. I didn't get a nap or a solid meal, but that's ok, I got to attend the birth of a family!

So, in short, what do my fees cover? My heart, dedication, and commitment to you. The sacrifices mad while I'm on call and during your labor and delivery. My energy, skills and knowledge. My concern for your well being, and helping you meet your birth goals in a healthy way.

Birth is unpredictable, and every mom deserves to have someone there who is 100% there for her

Hugs n love to ya!
Shannon =)