Helen Smith

The Literary Cabaret: Stoke Newington Literary Festival

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Thu, 24 May 2012 21:00:00 +0000

I'm hosting The Literary Cabaret at the Stoke Newington Literary Festival on Sunday 3rd June at 8pm at the Library Gallery just behind the town hall.

Here's the blurb:
A fabulously entertaining mix of words and music hosted by Helen Smith, author of bestselling cult novel, Alison Wonderland, and other books and plays. She’ll be joined by Kate Arneil, an actress and singer who has worked all over the world and in the West End; Leo Benedictus, award-winning journalist and author of debut novel The Afterparty published by Random House; Rebecca Chance, bestselling author of five racy bonkbusters including Killer Heels, due out in August, as well as two mystery series and romantic comedies under the name Lauren Henderson; Nat Segnit, writer and performer of two Radio Four series and author of debut novel Pub Walks in Underhill Country published by Penguin; and Craig Taylor, editor of Five Dials magazine and author of Londoners: The Days and Nights of London Now and two other books.

The Literary Cabaret has been tipped in the The Londonist's preview of the festival, and the festival has been named as one of the top seven festivals of the summer in The Stylist magazine.

Tickets are £5 and are selling fast. You can book online or call the box office on 08444 771 000. Our Literary Cabaret at the Bloomsbury Festival sold out quickly and we expect this one to do the same, though some tickets will be held back for anyone wanting to turn up and buy on the night. Ours is the closing event and promises to be a lot of fun. Please come and join us.

Splash Into Summer

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Thu, 24 May 2012 19:20:00 +0000

I'm giving away a copy of Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children and a party pack so you can create your own peculiar child with his or her special powers.

The prize will go to someone who follows this blog. This giveaway is open to international entries.

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Loading...&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

The Midsummers' Eve Giveaway is hosted by I Am A Reader Not A Writer and PageTurners. There are more than 200 blogs taking part. Good luck.

Waterstones Kindle

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Mon, 21 May 2012 08:09:00 +0000

According to The Bookseller and the BBC, Waterstones have signed a deal with Amazon to sell the Kindle and Kindle books (they currently only sell ebooks in epub format which is not compatible with the Kindle).

You can watch Waterstones MD James Daunt talking about the deal here:

Husband wanted: urgent

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Sun, 20 May 2012 13:09:00 +0000

On Wednesday I had one of those new gel manicures that are supposed to last for three weeks. I had never had one before. It wasn't until the last nail had been painted that it occurred to me to ask how I should get it off once it started to chip. The procedure is fairly complex, apparently. You put a piece of cotton wool soaked in nail varnish remover on each fingernail, then wrap each finger tightly with a double layer of tinfoil and wait for fifteen minutes. 'You might want to get your husband to help you,' explained the manicurist.

Unfortunately my opinions on marriage were formed during the 1970s, and consequently I never had any ambition to become the chattel of a man. But that was before gel manicures were invented.

So anyway I need a husband quite urgently, some time before 7th June. All applications considered, though preference will be given to anyone prepared to remonstrate forcefully if ever I try to drink white wine, and lock me in my office each day until I have written at least five thousand words.

I don't want us to live together, share our assets, promise to obey, have sex, have cuddles, get a pet or go on holiday. We can have dinner parties. A husband is an asset at dinner parties, especially the kind where white wine is served. I don't mind going on outings, so long as I don't have to drive. We can go to the Lake District. Though wouldn't that be counted as a holiday? Oh... don't! I think I'm falling in love already. I don't mind if we fall in love. We can express our tenderest feelings while you're wrapping my fingers in tinfoil, and then when you unwrap them again.

Is there anything you would want from this arrangement, if you're considering applying? Let me know and I'll try to be accommodating. But hurry, my love. Don't forget the deadline is 7th June.

Things to do before you're fifty

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Sat, 19 May 2012 15:57:00 +0000

I just made a list of things to do before I'm fifty.

When I was thirty-five I made a list of things to do before I was forty: visit some of the exotic foreign countries I hadn't yet visited, visit the Lake District (why oh why have I never been there, I bet it's fantastic, isn't it?), participate in various tame adventures ('go up in hot air balloon'), and so on. I don't think I did any of them. I need to find the list and check. I know that one of the things was something uncomfortable-sounding and rude that I have never quite fancied. Maybe I'll transfer it to my list of things to do before I'm sixty-five.

The list of things to do before I'm fifty contains the titles of five books I want to write and nothing else. What else is there? I have an electric blanket and a Kindle, so there's no need to go away anywhere. I can just get into bed and turn the blanket up to the maximum setting and pretend I'm in Thailand.

I only recently bought my electric blanket and it's the best thing ever. Please trust me on this. If you don't have one, please get one. I urge you to do it. I realise that if you have known me a long time you've probably heard me say much the same about dogs, drugs, gardening, nude swimming, avocados, asparagus, artichokes, celery, sex, learning a foreign language, vodka, dancing, Brazilian men, sushi, Peter Carey, electronic cigarettes, Kindles, knitting and The Interrogative Mood by Padgett Powell.

If you have known me a long time then you're probably around the same age as me. Just get the electric blanket. We're too old to bother with most of the rest of it now, except the vegetables and Padgett Powell. DON'T GET A DOG.

Have you got a to-do list? What's on yours? I don't mean the everyday kind that says hoovering and shopping and other chores. I mean the other kind. Do tell me.

Alison Wonderland: Mad in the best sense

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Sat, 19 May 2012 11:14:00 +0000

There's a lovely review of Alison Wonderland from Howard McEwen:

'The book is slightly mad. Its characters are mad. Mad like a quirky aunt. Or a hatter. Mad in the best sense.'

Howard read the book on his Kindle has also been posting updates and notes on lines he liked from the book. You can see his notes here:

Alison Wonderland is available online from Amazon in Germany, France, Italy, Spain, America and the UK and in Hong Kong from Paddyfield. It's also available from The Book Depository and in independent bookshops like The Bookseller Crow, The Big Green Bookshop, Herne Hill Books and Clapham Books.

If you have an ereader you can find it in the Kindle stores in the UK and the US.

Alison Wonderland - Review

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Fri, 18 May 2012 14:49:00 +0000

There's a great review of Alison Wonderland over at Reflections of a Bookworm:

'If you are a fan of the Christopher Moore style of writing then you will love this book. It’s crude and funny and with a touch of magic the author manages to bring to life a novel that is so ridiculous it’s hilarious.'

Alison Wonderland is available online from Amazon in Germany, France, Italy, Spain, America and the UK and in Hong Kong from Paddyfield. It's also available from The Book Depository and in independent bookshops like The Bookseller Crow, The Big Green Bookshop, Herne Hill Books and Clapham Books.

If you have an ereader you can find Alison Wonderland in the Kindle stores in the UK and the US.

Kindle Fire Giveaway 15-30 May

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Tue, 15 May 2012 04:00:00 +0000

I have teamed up with 24 other blogs to give away a Kindle Fire (and an Amazon gift card worth $50 so you can buy some books to put on it). If you live in the US you can choose to have the Kindle Fire shipped direct to your address, or you can have an $250 Amazon gift card sent to your email address so you can buy it yourself. If you win and you live in a country where the Kindle Fire is not available then you'll receive an Amazon gift card worth $250 instead. (All funds are in US dollars.)

The giveaway runs from 15-30 May and is free to enter. It is open to anyone age 13 and over who can receive and use an Amazon gift card by email. The winner will be chosen using rafflecopter (a random, automated way of choosing winners in contests like this). Please use the form below to 'like' my facebook page. You can increase your chances of winning by clicking on all the links on the form. Good luck!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thanks to Kathy at I Am a Reader Not A Writer for organising the giveaway. Please look here for the full list of participating blogs. The giveaway is sponsored by the participating blogs and is not associated with or sponsored by Facebook, Twitter or Amazon.

Aubergine

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Mon, 14 May 2012 21:35:00 +0000

If you've been following this blog for a while, you'll probably have seen this video. It's a story about a friend of mine called Claire. If not, please follow this link to the New Wave Authors site.

Street of Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Thu, 10 May 2012 08:48:00 +0000

I'm still waiting for a replacement for my broken computer. It's really difficult to get onto the internet and impossible to get onto Twitter or Facebook on the borrowed one I'm using. I have so much spare time that I have finished the book I was writing and started on another one.

Tonight it's the world premiere of Street of Dreams (the Coronation Street musical). It was written by Lauren's father. Our family and friends are converging on Manchester from London, Wales, Devon and Somerset. Lauren is driving her boyfriend and me up there as she 'needs the practice on the motorway'. So we'll have plenty to talk about when we get there, even if not to each other.

Damon has never written for the stage before. Street of Dreams is his first show and it's on at the 8,000 seat theatre in the Manchester Arena, which is the largest indoor arena in Europe. I have known him nearly thirty years and his whole life has been like that. We're all very proud of him.

Must I?

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Fri, 04 May 2012 18:21:00 +0000

I have nearly finished the novel I'm currently working on. I don't much like the writing part of writing. I like editing, which involves reading what you have written with a fond smile and then deleting most of it. It's quite satisfying.

I just need to do another ten thousand words of this manuscript and then I can stop writing and start editing. A few days ago I woke up early and thought, Maybe I'll crack on and write all fifteen thousand words today, and then it'll be over. And then I looked at the internet for seven hours, wrote a thousand words and went to bed feeling ashamed. So the next day I woke up early, and the day after that, and the day after that, and I thought, Maybe I'll crack on and write ~~fourteen~~ ~~thirteen~~ ~~twelve~~ ~~eleven~~ ten thousand words today...

In the meantime a few things happened which I thought were unrelated to my writing process. But, when you sit at home all day by yourself, writing/not-writing/whatever, after a while you start to see that it's all about you. Everything. Is. About. You. And it's somehow connected to what you're writing.

The first thing that happened was my cellar flooded three times. That's three fucking times, in laymen's terms. It's not too awful - it's not sewage (or foul water, as they ephemistically call it, as if we were committed to using the language of Bazalgette's time, when the Victorian sewers and storm drains were first laid in this street) and Thames Water are on the case. I just need to let them get on with it, remember to get lots of chocolate biscuits in for when the men come round, and also make a list of the floating detritus (1 pr men's black trainers, 3 x bottles Peroni, 2 x bicycles, 1 x lawnmower, 1 x garden hammock, etc.) with approximate value and send it off to my insurance company, who will no doubt draw my attention to clause 6.1 of my policy, or whatever it is, and refuse to pay.

At first the flooding was all quite amusing, with cheery capable men tramping through the house with their hoses to pump the water out, affording the opportunity for quite a long, vulgar chat on Facebook with friends on Saturday night on the subject of hoses, sucking, pumping, etc. incorporating every saucy double entendre you can think of. However what seems quite amusing on a Saturday night can seem like a bit of a chore on a weekday, can't it?* And they had to come back on Thursday and they'll be back again on Tuesday.

So that was the FLOOD.

Instead of thinking, Is the universe trying to tell me something? Is this a warning or even a punishment of some kind? I pissed about on Facebook with my vulgar chat, and didn't finish my book.

Then last night the screen on my computer stopped working. It packed up without warning and now there is only a distorted blur. Fortunately I backed up all my work and I have a backup computer I can use for simple word processing, so as computer-related disasters go, it's not that terrible. In fact it's not terrible at all, nor is it a disaster. But I can't get on Twitter or Facebook. I can get on the internet, hence I'm writing this, though it's more difficult than it would be on my normal computer, so after tonight I'm going to abstain until my new one turns up.**

So that wasn't even pestilence or plague, that was the DESTRUCTION of the means to fritter away my time on Facebook and Twitter.

The universe is trying to tell me to finish my bloody book. So I will. In the meantime, if you're friends with me on Twitter or Facebook and I seem to be ignoring you, I'm not. You said something funny and I didn't reply? I didn't see it, is all.

I'm going to finish my book, go to Manchester for the World Premiere of Street of Dreams (the Coronation Street musical), return to take delivery of my new computer, and then I'll be back online. And I'll be editing, so I'll be in a verrry good mood. We should go for a drink or something. Except that I'm not drinking because I've got to finish this bloody book. And after I've finished this one, I've got to write another one.

* Yes, the whole FB conversation was like that, only cruder. Sorry.

** I'll still be checking my emails. I haven't completely foresworn contact with the outside world.

Angry Pig Breeder

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Thu, 03 May 2012 16:12:00 +0000

My contribution to the New Wave Authors site is up today. Do come and have a look!

Strummer of Love

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Thu, 03 May 2012 09:00:00 +0000

There are various events planned this year by Joe Strummer's family and friends to commemorate the ten year anniversary of his death with the Strummer of Love festival. Check out the Strummer of Love website here.

This Sunday, 6th May, if you're in London you can go along to the free Let's Go Global-a-Go Go workshops from midday.

Here are the details:

London based artist Kitty Finer is calling out to all corners of the globe as part of a world-wide fan-art venture- LETS GO GLOBAL-A-GO GO.

This summer, Strummerville will be hosting the Joe Strummer 10 year anniversary festival – Strummer Of Love and as part of Jazz Domino Holly’s Handmade Hangout tent, Finer will pay homage to Joe by curating a fan made shrine.

The shrine will be based on the vibrant, layered and ephemeral stalls found at Spanish fiestas, a tribute to Joe’s affection for Spain.

In the spirit of Joe Strummer Finer is urging fans to gather together and form collectives to create hand made offerings. Each and every contribution will be individually photographed and added to the on going and expanding installation.

In the words of Joe Strummer “Without people you’re nothing” so this project needs you! It is in the hands of the fans!

To find out more, like how to get involved, start a collective or simply contribute a hand made offering contact Kitty at Kittyfiner@hotmail.co.uk

To put your name down for a workshop on Sunday, email StrummerShrine@gmail.com

"$#!+," writers say

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Wed, 02 May 2012 10:00:00 +0000

Check out RJ Keller's post on New Wave Authors for the latest video from Paper Rats.

The Last Werewolf

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Tue, 01 May 2012 08:39:00 +0000

I read The Last Werewolf by Glen Duncan a few weeks ago and it's great.

Jacob is a werewolf and now the last of his species. Deeply distraught and lonely, he contemplates suicide – even knowing it will end a legend thousands of years old. In Jake, Glen Duncan offers a powerful new version of the werewolf legend for the 21st century – a man whose deeds can only be described as monstrous but who is in some magical way deeply human.

It's the Daily Deal for the Kindle in the UK today - only 99p.

New Wave Authors

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Tue, 01 May 2012 08:18:00 +0000

I'll be contributing to this new blog from authors writing in a variety of genres. Please take a look. Today's post is by Elisa Lorello, bestselling author of Faking It and Why I Love Singlehood (with Sarah Girell). Elisa's new book, Ordinary World, will be out in June 2012.

By the way, if you use Adblocker, you need to disable it for this site to see all the pictures.

Messages from the Universe

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 07:12:00 +0000

Regular readers will know that my daughter and I have started an online detective agency to investigate mysteries, anomalies and wonders. It's called SBI. You can find it here.

However, no sooner had we started it than Lauren started working on a TV show for the BBC. Then she worked on a TV show for Channel Four. Then she went to America. So... our investigations tailed off a bit.

Now she's back with a special report from America. Apparently the universe is sending us messages and Lauren has been decoding them.

You can read about it here.

TSS: In My Mailbox

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 09:41:00 +0000

I received a copy of Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. I'll be reviewing it and giving away a copy of the book to a follower of this blog in May, together with a party pack so you can create your own Peculiar Child.

From the blurb:
"A spine-tingling fantasy illustrated with haunting vintage photography, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children will delight adults, teens, and anyone who relishes an adventure in the shadows!"

In My Mailbox is a regular feature from The Story Siren.

What are you reading this week?

Special Offer

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 12:43:00 +0000

Ooh look!

Being Light is on special offer at 99 cents in the Kindle store in the US and 77p in the UK.

"Imagine a satire on Cool Britannia made by the Coen Brothers."

Times Literary Supplement

"A screwball comedy that really works."
The Independent

Amazon has become the piñata of the publishing world

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 21:00:00 +0000

Barry Eisler talks to Jim Thomsen about Amazon Publishing over at Craig Lancaster's blog:

"Now, will Amazon break up the current publishing cartel only to become a monopoly itself? I doubt it. [...] In the mean time, the publishing establishment wants you to believe that in order to prevent Amazon from possibly one day charging higher book prices, the establishment has to charge you higher prices today. Or, to put it another way, “Hey, you might get robbed if you carry all that cash around, so I’ll just save you the trouble by taking your wallet right here.”

Russell West at Woolff Gallery

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 07:54:00 +0000

There's a nice video of my friend Russell's paintings here:

Cheap Red Raincoat

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:12:00 +0000

The paperback edition of Alison Wonderland with the red raincoat on the cover is £5.20 on Amazon today.

Amazon Gift Card

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 08:35:00 +0000

Thank you to everyone who signed up for an Amazon Gift Card in the recent giveaway.

Congratulations to Janet W whose name was drawn using random.org. I have emailed her to let her know she has won.

I'm sorry if you didn't win this time but I'll be having another gift card giveaway in a few weeks' time so please check back here or join my Facebook page. I have also teamed up with several other blogs to give away a Kindle Fire (or a $250 Amazon gift card if you live in a country where the Kindle Fire is not available) so I'll let you know when you can sign up for that. It will be some time in May.

Alison Wonderland Review and Q&A

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 07:41:00 +0000

There's a review of Alison Wonderland and a Q&A over at author Sadie Forsyth's site. Check out her blog - she's had a very interesting life.

'Alison Wonderland reminds you that you don’t have to fall down a rabbit hole to encounter the strange and fantastical. It leaps off the page at you.'

Alison Wonderland is available online from Amazon in Germany, France, Italy, Spain, America and the UK and in Hong Kong from Paddyfield.

It's also available from The Book Depository and in independent bookshops like The Bookseller Crow, The Big Green Bookshop, Herne Hill Books and Clapham Books.

If you have an ereader you can find it in the Kindle stores in the UK and the US.

A screwball comedy that really works

noreply@blogger.com (Helen Smith) — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 08:14:00 +0000

There's a gorgeous new cover for Being Light in the Kindle Store. This cover will also be available in a paperback edition soon.

Being Light is the follow-up to my bestselling book, Alison Wonderland.

"Imagine a satire on Cool Britannia made by the Coen Brothers." Times Literary Supplement

"This is a novel in which the ordinary and the unusual are constantly juxtaposed in various idiosyncratic characters… Its airy quirkiness is a delight." The Times

"A screwball comedy that really works." The Independent

You can buy it for £2.54 in the Kindle store in the UK and $3.99 in the Kindle store in the US.