Funny Jokes

Despicable Me - Minions

2013-08-06T01:00:00.001-07:00

Funny Doctor joke....

2012-03-17T06:47:00.001-07:00

Two eminent psychiatrists were musing after dinner over brandies late one night, talking about life

and many philosophical issues. Then one said "How about making a pact. Whichever one moves off

into the afterlife first will come back and present in a dream what it's like." They both agreed and

some six months later unfortunately one of them died. Lo and behold three or four weeks later the

other one had a dream. There he was, talking to him, plain as day, saying how fantastic it was. But

there is good and bad news. The good news is that a select group meets each week, there is Freud

and Jung and Adler and we have just the most stimulating discussion. Each week we take it in turn to

present some topic or case. The bad news is that you are presenting next week.

2012-03-15T21:28:00.002-07:00

Career One Easiest Job Ever!Win a trip to New York....

Funny cat!!!! Go the left hook.

2012-02-24T15:53:00.001-08:00

Wish my Halloween was like this!

2012-01-16T16:59:00.001-08:00

Painting the Porsche.....a great blonde joke!

2012-01-16T16:06:00.001-08:00

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Farting all the time

2012-01-13T03:55:00.001-08:00

Farting All The Time
Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

Bad News

2012-01-11T03:32:00.001-08:00

Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news.

Patient: Go with the good news first.

Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.

Patient: What?! How about the bad news?

Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.

HostGator promo

Happy New Year for 2012

2012-01-10T23:10:00.001-08:00

Hi everyone,

I trust you had a lovely 2011, Christmas and New Year. May all your dreams, goals and aspirations come true for this new year of 2012. And a Happy Chinese New Year which is fast approaching in several weeks.

Breast Enlargement

2012-01-08T01:25:00.000-08:00

A woman says to her husband that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts.

Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

She asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

Her husband answers, "Just rub toilet paper between them."

"How does that make them bigger?", she asks.

"I don't know, but it certainly worked for your ass."

Labour Pains

2012-01-07T05:54:00.000-08:00

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.

Desert Island

2011-12-19T04:23:00.003-08:00

On a beautiful desolate island in the middle of nowhere, the following group of people are shipwrecked:-

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
2 English men and 1 English woman

One month later on the same island in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a ménage-à-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two Australian men are contemplating suicide because the Australian woman keeps complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and have set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

Funny Motivational Poster

2011-12-18T20:32:00.000-08:00

Cat of the day

2011-12-10T08:49:00.000-08:00

Hilarious!

2010-10-28T07:07:00.001-07:00

A funny webpage

2010-10-28T06:56:00.001-07:00

There is so much serious news out there. So much news about disasters, crime, environmental problems and the like. True, these problems need to be addressed. But you can solve them much quicker and easier if you have a smile on your face!

So go on, have a look, have a laugh and have a better day :-)