The Word

Cowboys Preview

2012-08-31T06:17:00.000-05:00

I’ve never put much stock into the preseason like many Cowboys’ faithful tend to do. So when the team goes 3-1 it tends to make the masses stand and proclaim with clenched fists “this is our year” only to be snapped back to reality once the regular season gets underway.

The major difference between this year and many others is the question marks didn’t wait to appear in the stretch run during the season; they popped up before the team ever put on pads and never left.

From the offensive line that consists of four guys and Tyron Smith, a receiving corps full of bad legs and a shoddy spleen, it is fairly obvious that this team is going to struggle mightily from beginning to end. At least on every team there is a bright spot on one side of the ball be it the defensive unit, special teams or offense. The Cowboys have neither.

The defense is going into the season beat up as defensive stalwarts DeMarcus Ware and Jay Ratliff have missed time due to injuries and Mike Jenkins is involved in a kerfuffle in the secondary. Even with the addition of Brandon Carr and Morris Claiborne, the only thing good that has happened to the defense is the subtraction of Dave Campo and defensive liability Terence Newman.

Cowboys’ fans best bet is to hope a full training camp with Rob Ryan will make at least one facet of the team competitive but then again we’ve been fooled before. And as long as the General Manager and the Owner are making the decisions, not to mention a subpar head coach, the ‘Boys are in for another disappointing season. The schedule for the team is brutal and making the playoffs, in my opinion is nothing more than a pipedream. Hell, getting to .500 is going to be a chore for this team.

So in the interests of sparing you all the grief of watching a hopeless season—hanging on every pass and catch while clinging to the hope that your team will do something great when in reality they are a has-been team that is doing nothing more than masquerading as good team—I have decided to run through the schedule for you and give you the results as they came to me during my last alcohol-fueled bender.

Warning: This is not for the faint of heart.

Week 1 Cowboys @ Giants

Jerry promised during training camp festivities that some ass would be kicked in Week 1. Unfortunately for Jones someone forgot to tell him that he was not playing a high school team in the season opener. He was also unaware that his team would suck worse at the end of training camp and injuries would be the 53^rd member of the roster. The Giants have somewhat responded to Jones prediction but there is nothing that can be said that will explain the beating the Cowboys will take from the defending champs. The Giants might even kill someone that game. I’m not joking. They do after all have freaking Hannibal Lecter on their team.

Giants 45, Cowboys 9

Week 2 Cowboys @ Seahawks

I initially had this penciled in as a win but the Hags used logic and common sense and promoted a real difference maker at quarterback. The Cowboys’ defense will still be searching for an identity and Romo will be in the process of looking for a third option since the Giants will have most likely murdered a receiver. Russell Wilson will run roughshod on the defense and will inspire the Seattle faithful to believe they are a team on the rise. Unfortunately at the Cowboys expense.

Seahawks 28, Cowboys 11

Week 3 Buccaneers @ Cowboys

Even though I think firing Raheem Morris was a bad idea, the Bucs still have a good young team. Quarterback Josh Freeman will have a bounce back year as will the rest of the team and will look to show the Cowboys as well as the NFC South that they are a team not to be trifled with. Kyle Orton may get significant playing time as Romo will become the first player to ever have a concussion just thinking about how bad his offensive line is.

Buccaneers 26, Cowboys 10

Week 4 Bears @ Cowboys

Have you ever seen Pulp Fiction? Have you ever watched the scene where Zed is (ahem) fondling Marsellus Wallace in the basement? Well Brian Urlacher is Zed and the entire Bears defense is the Gimp watching the action. The Cowboys only recourse is to just take it, ball-gag in mouth and hope that no one repeats what they saw.

Bears 35, Cowboys 10

Week 5 Bye

After five weeks of agony, the Cowboys finally get a chance to lick their wounds and get some much needed rest. Unfortunately for them they are 0-4 and soon discover that they are the only team in the history of the NFL to lose to the Bye Week moving their record to 0-5 by the time they resume play.

Week 6 Cowboys @ Ravens

The debate over whether Joe Flacco is a top quarterback in the league is out the window this week as the Cowboys come into town after their most recent defeat to Team Bye. Most of the injured players on the team have returned and even TE Jason Whitten will be healed enough to play and be hospitalized after the first series. Romo will have 200 yards rushing due to the offensive line refusing to get off the plane. Romo will pass for 300 yards and 3 TDs, unfortunately two of them will be to #20, Ed Reed.

Ravens 45, Cowboys 10

Week 7 Cowboys @ Panthers

Everyone stumbles throughout the season and this is the game the red-hot Panthers hit their bump in the road. After six straight weeks of smash mouth football, they will be mentally drained when the two teams meet. Cam Newton will make a few sophomore mistakes and the defense will take advantage. Brandon Carr will be the catalyst of the defense and will single handedly win the game with 2 interceptions, one returned for a score, three forced fumbles and one touchdown reception due to the lack of depth in the Cowboys receiving corps.

Cowboys 38, Panthers 14

Week 8 Cowboys @ Giants

Different city, same teams, nearly same results. In the week leading up to the game, Jones will utter the famous line, “They won’t kick our ass as bad this time” to which he is corrected when the Giants decide to rush 11 the entire game just to prove a point. Manning will throw for 586 yards with 5 TDs and 2 interceptions—only because he gets tired of throwing to his own guys. With the game well in hand, the giants will pull the first team off the field and will replace them with the New York Knicks. They will score often.

Giants 68, Knicks 21, Cowboys 12

Week 9 Cowboys @ Falcons

After the Knicks debacle, the Cowboys travel to Atlanta to take on another formidable opponent in the Falcons. The Falcons, much like the Panthers, fall victim to the trap game as Coach Mike Smith doesn’t even play his starters so they can attend Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat showing for one night only. Smith underestimates the desperation the Cowboys have as they win on a time expiring touchdown pass to Jay Novacek from Jason Garrett.

Dallas 10, Falcons 7

Week 10 Cowboys @ Eagles

Eagles’ fans and the Cowboys have two things in common; they are trash. And nothing will epitomize the evening more than when newly reinstated quarterback Tony Romo throws a Hail Mary pass to Michael Irvin in the corner of the end zone, he is upended and falls on his neck for the second time in his career. Eagles’ fans of course boo and the Cowboys cannot get back on track and end up running the ball for the remainder of the game. During one play from scrimmage, the Eagles show a hologram of Reggie White on the sidelines and Romo fumbles the hand off to DeMarco Murray.

Eagles 35, Cowboys 3

Week 11 Browns @ Cowboys

What can Brown do for you? Everything as they come into town at just the right time. Quarterback Brandon Wheedon and running back Trent Richardson are still a year away and their inept play will show in Arlington. The Cowboys will roll over the Browns and celebrate their victory as if they won the Super Bowl. Unfortunately that will be the closest they ever come to the big game.

Cowboys 33, Browns 12

Week 12 Redskins @ Cowboys

Even though I hate the Redskins and Mike Shanahan, I can’t help but like RG III and what he can do for the team. In a battle of the third best team in the NFC East, the ‘Skins will get the edge as RG III’s dynamic play will have the Cowboys defense saying “wow” and standing and watching—while they are on the field. Also, for one week only, the Cowboys re-sign Terrence Newman just so Santana Moss can make the Pro Bowl. He is released after the game after giving up two touchdowns, 275 yards and the obligatory flailing of the arms and blaming other teammates who are nowhere in the vicinity.

Redskins 48, Cowboys 21

Week 13 Eagles @ Cowboys

The Cowboys come into this game with a renewed sense of vigor and clamoring for revenge. Jerry Jones tries to hype the team up with “Remember Michael Irvin” chants to which the younger players reply “who?” The Eagles enter the game without Michael Vick who is suspended for fighting a dog. He literally punches a dog in the face as he finds his neighbor, a Cowboy fan, has allowed his dog to defecate on his lawn. Vick spends the entire week apologizing personally to Sarah McLachlan who in turn makes him sing a duet that makes us all want to punch her in the back.

Cowboys 35, Eagles 26

Week 14 Cowboys @ Bengals

The ‘Boys come out strong this week matching the Bengals yard for yard, point for point and defensive stop for defensive stop for the first two quarters. Everything appears to be going smoothly for the team until Pac-Man Jones has had enough of his former team and pulls a gun on Miles Austin just as he is about to step into the end zone. Austin “fumbles” and the ball is returned for the game-winning touchdown by newly re-acquired corner back Terence Newman.

Bengals 28, Cowboys 21

Week 15 Cowboys @ Steelers

Four words: James Harrison/Troy Polamalu. When injured, the Steelers are a different team. They struggle on defense and somehow it transfers to the offense. This game, whether injured or not, these two will play. Jerry will find a way to slip up from his crypt and say something about championships that will become bulletin board material. Polamalu will have 47 tackles and Harrison will send $100,000 to the league office with a note that simply says “For what I’m about to do.” It is later discovered that someone on the offensive line with the initials D.F. has also paid a Steelers d-lineman to help them block Harrison. At the conclusion of the game, Romo files a lawsuit against God and the schedule makers.

Steelers 36, Cowboys -3

Week 16 Saints @ Cowboys

It’s almost over. The Cowboys at this point are looking forward to the offseason and a story has leaked that a petition has gone around the locker room suggesting the team quit early. Surprisingly, Coach Garrett’s signature is the second on the list, right behind Rowdy and just before Crazy Ray's. Jones calls a team meeting and informs them that if they do not take the field, he will cancel Christmas. The team reluctantly suits up and plays the game and plays well. Offensive Coordinator Bill Callahan takes over play-calling duty as Garrett is too drunk and doesn’t care. He is seen stumbling on the sidelines and when he sees Santa in the crowd, he attempts to charge into the stands only to be restrained by two Cowboys cheerleaders. He is placed into a choke-hold and falls asleep in Felix Jones’ lap.

Cowboys 21, Saints 13

Week 17 Cowboys @ Redskins

The Redskins have been trending upward throughout the season. After several of the Cowboys’ players remark about how much they would love to have RG III on their team, they also realize they would like to not let their envy of him come between winning the season finale. Once again Callahan calls the plays and is auditioning for the “speculated” head coaching job. The team gives it their all and wins the game handedly limiting the Redskins to only 700 total yards.

Cowboys 51, Redskins 42

Garrett is dismissed after a 7-10 season and leaves Valley Ranch in a drunken rage. He is last seen running around the compound wearing one of Jerry’s old faces and holding the caramelized leg of Crazy Ray while singing the Princeton fight song. Jerry Jones announces that he will become the interim coach until his goat heart weakens. The Cowboys receive a top five pick in the 2013 draft but immediately Jones elects to trade it for Randy Moss, Roy Williams and a has been to be named later.

BOOMER SOONER!!!

2012-08-09T18:55:00.000-05:00

The 2011 campaign started promising for the Oklahoma Sooners. The team was ranked #1 at the outset of the season and appeared to be heading for another remarkable run until reality set in. And that reality was the Big 12 was going to be more competitive than it had been in years.

Unbeknownst to Sooner fans, the conference would have three teams ranked in the top 25 by years end with each one having a legitimate chance to win the conference. Oklahoma started out strong through the first three games, retaining the nation’s top spot but fell to number three due to stronger schedules at other schools. The Sooners had chances to move up in the standings but losses to Texas Tech at home, Baylor in Waco and interstate rival Oklahoma State in Stillwater epitomized what has been wrong with Oklahoma for a number of years—the offense is Oklahoma’s best defense.

Since the departure of Mike Stoops, the team’s defense has been shoddy at best. The offense can score but the defense seems to have adopted a break but don’t bend mentality that has cost the team in big games for the last 10 years. The defense has to get significantly better if they want to have a chance to compete not for a national title, but just to be the best school in the Big 12. With the addition of West Virginia and TCU, the competition is going to get a lot more daunting.

OFFENSE

How hot can OU get this year?

Last season, the Sooners offense was clicking on all cylinders. They were ranked 5^th in the nation in passing (349 ypg) and 10^th in scoring (39.5 ppg). They were only ranked 50^th in rushing (162.9 ypg) but that is to be expected when a team runs a spread offense.

Quarterback Landry Jones was once again a Heisman hopeful until his team suffered devastating losses midseason coupled with the fact that he was overshadowed in his own conference by phenom and future first round pick Robert Griffin III. Although he wasn’t totally at fault, he lost games that mattered and made untimely mistakes. He couldn’t get his offense going in the season finale against State and the team scored only 10 points in the game.

Jones completed 63 percent of his passes (355/562), amassed 4463 yards with 29 touchdowns and 19 interceptions. But if jones wants to reach the promised land this year, he is going to have to find some consistency with a few new faces.

His go to receiver Ryan Broyles (83-1157-10) has since departed for the NFL. Jones got a taste of what life would be like without Broyles after he tore his ACL in the win over A&M last November. Jones struggled to find a suitable passing partner contributing to losses in two of the final three games of the season.

Kenny Stills (61-841-8) is the one returning receiver with whom Jones has developed something of a relationship. Jaz Reynolds (41-715-5) was looking to be the second or third option in the pass-happy offense but undisclosed violations of team rules in May will cost him and Trey Franks “multiple games” according to Coach Bob Stoops. Penn State transfer Justin Brown could be a welcome addition to the offense provided he can get on the same page with Jones and do it quickly. The 6-3, 214 junior had 35 receptions, 517 yards and 2 TDs with the Nittany Lions last year. He is looking for a place to showcase his skills and with the lack of depth, not to mention maturity within the receiving corps; he may have just landed in the perfect place. If he is even halfway decent, he will get the ball plenty.

The offensive line could use some work and veteran leadership. The team looked great when it played lesser talent and vulnerable when it actually had to grind games out. The front line will be without starting center Ben Habern due to lingering injures as well as back-up lineman Dylan Dismuke. Both have declined to return to the team. Transfers meant to shore up the line, Courtney Gardner and Will Latu, were unable to make it into school leaving Jones protection questionable at best.

The need to improve the running game is a must in order to take heat off of Jones and the passing game, but it all starts with the line. OU must do better than 50^th in rushing this season to compete in a conference that has six teams ranked in the top 25.

The Sooners hope to fortify their offense with the additions of top prep wide-out Trey Metoyer, and highly ranked receivers Derron Neal (#62) and Sterling Shepard (#131). More than likely Stoops would like to keep these kids on the shelf but with the need to win now and the lack of depth in the receiving corps, they may find themselves on the field sooner rather than later.

DEFENSE

This unit has been the weakest part of this team for nearly a decade. Since the departure of Mike Stoops, there has been a slow roll toward mediocrity and the team has yet to get out of the funk. In the three losses in 2011, the defense gave up 130 points while the offense was only able to muster 86 points. That is a 44 point differential that cannot be duplicated or tolerated this season.

The key to the defensive reemergence is how well the coaching staff finds replacements for the team’s key contributors from 2011 to help the nine returning starters from last year’s unit. Gone are LB Travis Lewis, DEs Frank Alexander and Ronnell Lewis. Of the nine committees in this year’s recruiting class (top #250), only one Eric Striker (#243) was a defensive player which seems to point to the Sooners looking to build from within. If the same coaching staff was in place, it would give one reason to worry but DC Stoops should be able to give this unit a jolt and make them formidable once more.

The Sooners should make great strides in total defense (#55/376 ypg), scoring defense (#31/22 ppg), passing defense (#79/241 ypg) and rushing defense (#43/134 ypg). It’s not about the players, it’s about the system and the coaching and Stoops will be coaching for a chance to get another head coaching job and will not let this unit falter. Look for the Sooners defense to lead the way in 2012.

COACHING

Bob Stoops is one of the top 5 coaches in the country. Since the Sooners National Championship in 2000, the university is a lock every in preseason poll to have a chance at dethroning the SEC as the keepers of the BCS Championship. For all the accolades and the bridesmaid finishes in years past (2003, 2004 and 2008) this is the year the Sooners can take it over the top.

The one constant criticism of Stoops has been his penchant for taking chances at inopportune times. A pass on the 1 yard-line here or a fake punt in your own territory there are the kinds of decisions that have driven fans crazy. With the re-addition of brother Stoops, some of the pressure should be taken off the head coach and perhaps some of the foolish decisions that cost them games can be minimized or eliminated.

OUTLOOK

The 2011 season had every Sooner fan packing for the short drive to New Orleans for the National Championship. What no one foresaw was a team that would lose its most dependable receiving threat, two losses to teams the Sooners normally beat blindfolded and a complete give up at season’s end to a determined Oklahoma State squad. It was bad all around and to add insult to injury, the Sooners had to watch Oklahoma State, Kansas and Baylor play in better bowls while the trudged around in the Insight Bowl.

Oklahoma finished ranked 15^thin the nation; one spot above Kansas State but behind Baylor (#12) and Oklahoma State (#3). The Sooners look to avoid repeating the same outcome as last year and should welcome a #4 preseason ranking to ease some of the pressure and ensure they retain their focus. However the road won’t be easy.

Some saw the loss of Texas A&M as a significant blow to the conference as it was seen as a precursor for the disbanding of the Big 12. But a few shrewd moves by the interim commissioner saw the addition of West Virginia and TCU. Both teams will add significant luster to the conference and make for some interesting contests.

Of the 10 teams in the conference, six teams (W. Virginia #11, Texas #15, TCU #17, Oklahoma St. #19, Kansas State #21) are ranked. In addition to their conference foes, Oklahoma will also play #24 Notre Dame in Norman who by that time may be moved up in the rankings. If OU can run the table it will be nearly impossible to deny them another national title chance at season’s end.

But if they stumble out of the gate, it’s going to be another long season.

Beware the Beaver (A.K.A. Natures Bob the Builder with Rabies)

2012-07-27T21:12:00.002-05:00

It’s been nearly two weeks since the Freeh report was announced and it seems like there is no other topics in the world to discuss. With all the drama surrounding Rape State University in Pennsylvania, I figured we had all suffered a great deal of overload and thus I came to the decision to spare you all any more discussion on the matter and look at other newsworthy events that have happened since.

Of course there was shooting in Aurora, Colorado (shout out to Wayne and Garth) and the escalating turmoil in Syria. The Summer Olympics are set to begin in England and that also happens to be the place where Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney decided to drop in and basically tell Olympic organizers to go screw themselves. We even found out that the Florida Face-Eater wasn’t really on bath salts; he had just heard white people tasted like chicken. And we all know the best place to eat chicken is on a causeway in the middle of the day totally nude.

Yes there has been so much going on over the last two weeks it would have your head spinning if you tried to keep up with it all. But in the midst of all this chaos there was one overlooked story that could very well affect you at some point in your life if you are not careful. That story involves two sisters, water and a sick, deranged, angry beaver that would not be tamed merely by petting.

Annabella and Alyssa Radnovich were swimming in Virginia’s Lake Anna when they were accosted by a feral blood thirsty beaver set on exacting revenge for many years of human interference with the beaver community’s civil engineering projects. The sisters stated they were enjoying an afternoon dip when they felt scratches and bites on their legs and feet. Alyssa fled the water while Annabella stayed in. They each had tried to push the unknown entity away but it became more aggressive with each spurned advance.

After one final attempt to shoo the animal away, Annabella decided to leave the water. But as she was climbing out the now surfaced mammal bit her on the leg. The result was 15 stitches for Alyssa, bandages for Annabella and shots for both as they later found out the beaver was suffering from complications of hysteria, social anxiety disorder and a touch of rabies. He also suffered from an acute case of death as one of the family members shot the distressed creature with a BB gun and stabbed it with a knife.

This whole episode got me to thinking about beaver attacks and how people should respond to them. Do they know how or what to do if approached by a one? According to one website that doesn’t exist, there are countless unreported attacks throughout the United States each year. And it easy to say that the number could very well be in the millions but some victims, especially males, are too ashamed to admit that they have been assaulted by a beaver.

So I decided that now, for humanity’s sake it’s time for someone to put out some tips on what to do when approached or faced with an agitated, unruly beaver.

1. First and foremost, remain calm. A startled beaver can become a dangerous beaver in a matter of seconds. Be cautious of a wet or soggy beaver as it may sensitive to touch and may want to be left alone until its full senses return. Some beavers may just want a little attention and if they do approach you can be soothed with gentle petting and some Barry White or Al Green. Never startle it with quick gestures or trying to probe or poke it.

2. This leads to the second and almost equally important tip; never come at a beaver too fast. It has to come on its own. Treats like strawberries, chocolate and Moscato are helpful in getting it to come in a timely and safe fashion.

3. Once you have established a non-threatening relationship with a beaver and it becomes comfortable with you, feel free to give the beaver lumber as a peace offering. According to mammalogists, the best time to give it wood is in the morning.

4. One of the questions many have asked is “is it wise to let a beaver near your face?” The answer surprisingly is yes. Once a rapport is established it is not at all uncommon to have an adult beaver nestle against your face. You will find that if blown on, they are very ticklish.

5. Something one should always remember about the beaver is it is unpredictable. The best way to let a beaver you’ve created a relationship with know it can be comfortable around you is to give it constant attention. If it comes to you, remember to rub it frequently. If it becomes apprehensive, rub it with two fingers slowly to calm it down. Occasionally a beaver can become excited and unpredictable so varying your movements is wise. Remember that when rubbing a beaver, never use three fingers. You could shock the beaver and that may lead to it tensing up and attacking.

6. And finally, regardless of the things I have pointed out, nothing can replace common sense. Under no circumstance should one ever approach a wounded or bloody beaver. There could be a myriad of issues regarding its injuries and it’s safe to just keep your distance. According to mammalogists Dr. Viggo von Playtex, the best thing to do is have patience. “I have found the best way to deal with a beaver…especially one I know is to lay down a cotton pallet in its habitat and let it rest for 3-7 days,” he said. “Don’t engage it, don’t touch it; better yet don’t go anywhere near it. It will save you a lot of headache and heartache in the long run.”

Hopefully this advice will serve you well as you finish out the summer. I just would hate to have this knowledge about these creatures and not share it with you to ensure you have a safe, fun and stress free summer.

Just keep an eye out for the wild tube snakes.

PENN(ITENTIARY) STATE

2012-07-20T15:29:00.000-05:00

Mark Emmert has a problem. Actually that’s putting it mildly. A problem is what is the answer to 2+2 or which tie do I wear to a press conference?

Emmert is faced with a disaster of epic proportions as well as a PR nightmare regardless of what he chooses because the biggest scandal in college football history has just landed on his desk. Actually it had been on his desk he had been busy trying as hard as he could to let another entity (local law enforcement) deal with it. Regardless, try as he might to avoid it for this long but everyone knew eventually he was going to have to weigh in on the Penn State catastrophe orchestrated by sexual deviant Jerry Sandusky and cohorts at the university.

See for those of you who don’t know, Mark Emmert is the president of the NCAA, one of the weakest, most dysfunctional, bi-polar outfits in the country. He’s the leader of a consortium that rarely sees eye to eye with the fans and puts dollars first while claiming everything they do is for the good of the student athlete—from standing firm against a real playoff, to denying athletes the opportunity to increase their personal revenue by paying them higher stipends, to not allowing them to transfer when their coaches violates their universities’ trust. So if we want to say the office of the NCAA president is in it for the greater good, I’m truly sorry to tell you this but that ship sailed long ago in the dead of night and only daydreamers and fools occupied the decks as it headed for the iceberg.

But for all the failings the president has had, and all of the decisions he and others that came before have tried to avoid or showed absolute prejudice in favor of the “money-maker “ institutions, this whole fiasco with Penn State can give him the opportunity to make people not look at the NCAA as the joke it has become. But I have a feeling Emmert won’t make the obvious choice and will attempt to pass the buck as he has done in the past.

For nearly eight months former FBI Director Louis Freeh and his team pored over countless documents, interviewed hundreds of individuals and read numerous emails pertaining to the child molestation charges. Freeh linked every person who claimed to not have known anything, from Joe Paterno to University President Graham Spanier and many individuals in between in some way to covering up various aspects of the sordid Sandusky affair. Freeh’s report read like a graphic horror novella and for many of us, it was more than we wanted to believe. Paterno, who once stated he could never retire leaving football to the likes of Barry Switzer and Jackie Sherrill ended up being worse than two of college football’s most notorious repeat offenders. Actually, worse is an understatement.

And as Freeh read the report, word for word, line by line, the luster that once engulfed the legacy of Jo-Pa slowly faded until it was nothing more than a fuzzy haze barely visible to even the staunchest of defenders. He explained how Paterno knew about the investigation into Sandusky’s disgusting behavior as early as 1998-99 just before Sandusky was allowed to retire and keep an office just feet away from Paterno. We found out that Paterno had shared emails with higher ups regarding Sandusky and how they all decided to make sure he was treated humanely despite the fact the man was raping children on the campus of the school. That statement alone should have Emmert not wondering if he should employ the Death Penalty, rather it should have him deciding how soon and how long it should be. Some have chimed in regarding what punishments should be levied against the school, the most recent being Alabama’s Nick Saban. Saban stated he thought that if the school were to maintain a program this season, they should levy a tax on top of the regular ticket price. That tax, he suggested, would go to the victims to help them heal and help them financially, but it seems more like it is penalizing the ticketholders while the actual perpetrators are so far, getting off scot free.

If there was ever a reason to completely destroy a school program this is it. There are no mitigating circumstances that can be produced and there is no reason to invoke the student athlete as an excuse to keep football alive this year.

So here is my quick and unflinching solution to the imbroglio:

We all know the students had nothing to do with it but the people that were in charge did. The students are smart enough to understand that they are not being punished and should be reassured of that by being allowed to transfer immediately and be able to play this year.

Scholarships should go next—all of them. They could be reinstated by 25 percent every year so that by 2016 they should be back at 100 percent. It may seem drastic but hell it’s nothing compared to being penetrated in a shower by someone you trust and being betrayed by people you would hope had your (the victim) best interest in mind. They did not. All they apparently cared about was the money coming into the program and the wins they would tally as the university looked to make Paterno the winningest coach in FBS History.

I would love to say that I think the school gets it by removing Paterno’s name off the child development center but it wasn’t their decision. It was self proclaimed idolizer and CEO of Nike Phil Knight who made the painful but correct decision to change the name in order to begin the healing. It’s too bad the university cannot do the same thing and remove the statue next to Beaver Stadium.

This would set a precedent like no other in the history of the NCAA. I doubt there will ever be anything like this happening again but what this does is set a precedent for even the most mundane of cheaters. It puts real power back into the hands of the president’s office and places real fear in the larger programs across the country that have basically been acting with impunity since the destruction of Southern Methodist University in the late ‘80s. Their infractions pale in comparison to the scandal at Penn.

This is lack of intuitional control at the highest level and to the very definition. There is no alternative other than to dissolve the program immediately in order to start healing. The victims and their families deserve that much.

I hope Emmert has the stones to do what’s right, otherwise he’s putting these victims through the same hell all over again.

Enjoy the Ride

2012-06-28T18:41:00.002-05:00

Ask any true baseball fan about the grind of an MLB season and they will all come to the same consensus in regards to any of the30 teams in the show; baseball season ebbs and flows. There are times when the tide of adversity rears its head and teams struggle. This happens to even the best of teams.

But there are also times when the sun emerges from behind an ominous gray sky, the clouds clear and winning can be seen on the horizon.

No team epitomizes this analogy like the Texas Rangers. My mistake, I meant to say the first place Texas Rangers…as in all of baseball.

With a 47-28 record, it wouldn’t seem like the club’s fan base would have that much to be pessimistic about. But in a sports town with fans that have suddenly, for a lack of better words, developed a sense of entitlement after seeing its basketball team win the finals last season and witnessing the baseball club appear in back-to-back World Series there seems to be a shortage of patience and an increase in ridiculous expectations.

What “regular” or bandwagon fans fail to realize is that in the course of a 162 game season, your team will lose. The will lose a lot. No one will ever go 162-0 or 152-10 as I predicted but they will lose some games. The Rangers will most likely lose about 50-60 games this season, but that is still 112-102 wins. They are 76 games into their season and have lost just 28 games. If they match this record for the next 76 games, they will be at 94-56 with 12 games to play and yet someone will still argue about some call the sipper makes or some move the GM didn’t make in some mundane scenario that will have bearing only to the Skip Baylesses of the metroplex.

The team is less than a year removed from their last WS appearance and the haters are still questioning the leadership of the club. Rangers manager Ron Washington is still viewed by some as a guy just along for the ride…eating seeds and hugging Jackie Moore after every victory. They decry the fact that he will not tinker with a lineup that for the most part has been the same for the past two years the victories have increased. Did I mention that they were in the World Series?

But an average May record and two series losses in the beginning of June to division rivals had some of Wash’s and the team’s detractors crying that the tea was in a tail spin and big changes had to be made. They didn’t take into account that the rotation and its replacements were dropping like flies. Key sections of the offense went through slumps to which they are just beginning to break out of now. The fans had become spoiled because they were treated to an exciting opening month. Coming back to reality was like a hard crash after an all-night bender at a gay bar-it was unbelievable.

The team was 14-13 in May and played some atrocious baseball but they also learned from their mistakes which translated into June. While the pretenders like the Athletics, Mariners, Blue Jays and Rays (God I hate the Rays) remembered who they were, the Rangers remained calm and played one game at a time. June started off with a 4-6 record only to see the team go 12-3 and winning six straight series, sweeping two in the process. They are currently 16-9 with the A’s in town tonight as they look to extend their lead over division rival LA Angels who have been in the Rangers rear-view but have been closing fast.

Fans need to have faith in our team, our manager and our front office. They have proven over the last two years that they have a plan and are sticking to it. Fans need to understand that injuries happen, teams have losing streaks, players can’t hit the broad side of a barn, managers make dumb decisions and some acquisitions don’t always pan out. But for about 35 years we wished we had the problems we have now. The only conversation fans had about Rangers’ players in the playoffs was when they were being watched on other teams.

Fans need to return the patient fans they were when the Rangers were losing, couldn’t pitch or manufacture runs and enjoy what they are witnessing every day no matter the outcome. Otherwise, we are just Yankee fans.

Let’s go Rangers

2012-05-12T16:03:00.000-05:00

If the first month of 2012 MLB season has been any indication of what’s in store for metroplex sports fans, then by all means we’re in for one hell of a ride: one that may surpass the accomplishments of the ‘90s Cowboys, 2011 Mavericks and 2000 Stars.

For the first time in ever, and I’m taking into account the success of the Rangers over the course of the past two seasons, our baseball team seems poised to dominate the baseball landscape from now to game 162. And if things keep going the way they are, possibly to game 181. The Rangers three weeks into the season and are already up 7 games on the division rival LA Angels. Pujols isn’t hitting anywhere near his contract worth and CJ Wilson has already accumulated two losses on the season which is a direct result of the aforementioned Pujols’ anemic showing at the plate as well as defensive lapses and all around team suckiness.

All the Rangers have done is win behind stellar pitching efforts from all five starters (even ace Colby Lewis) and the only staff member with two losses is closer Joe Nathan who is still a work in progress. We all got a glimpse of the greatness Yu Darvish possesses after his fifth start. He seems to get stronger, confident and is gaining command of his pitches with each outing.

Then there’s the offensive output. Even when the team is behind, no pitcher can rest easy. Hamilton is on fire, Young is doing what he does, Andrus is displaying remarkable patience at the plate and glimpses of power and Kinsler gets everything going from the leadoff spot. The top of the lineup does so much damage that we forget that the bottom is struggling. But the strength of the team is they find ways to win and rely on guys considered afterthoughts to deliver. Snyder and Gonzales are picking up hitting slack while Cruz, Napoli, Moreland and Torrealba are trying to figure out their swings.

The defense ranks among the top five and Kinsler and Andrus will probably go down as the best defensive tandem in team history. Once you add Beltre and Mr. Everything in Young, if you’re an opposing hitter you have to pray these guys make an error because if they get their gloves on a ball, you’re as good as done. Your other option is to hit it over their heads but then you have to deal with Hamilton who can get to everything and Cruz who will gun you down at first given the opportunity.

Then we get to the bullpen which is easily forgettable because they rarely get into the game. The offense builds leads so fast that when they do get the occasional appearance it’s usually a spot start in the event of a double header or just to get some late game work because they’ve just been in the bullpen relaxing. I’d love to have that job.

If the Rangers can find their way back to the Series, then there is no question they would have the best run of a sports team in the metroplex. You could argue ‘90s Cowboys, but baseball’s season length, combined with the injury factor and the few teams that can actually make the playoffs is what sets them apart from all the rest.

I almost forgot. I need to adjust my prediction from 152-10 to 142-20.

Enough Is Enough

2012-03-16T03:53:00.000-05:00

Where were you the day Peyton Manning died? How about when Tim Tebow was born from a virgin in a manger or Jeremy Lin crossed the Pacific on foot and decided to play basketball rather than heal the sick and tend to the needy?

Although deifying our athletes has been going on in our society since the beginning of sports, it seems that the media has reached a new level of absurdity in regards to their coverage.

I honestly didn’t hate Tebow when he came out of college. I figured he was an H-Back or a tight end and could possibly contribute positively on a team if he was used properly. I envisioned a Peyton Hillis type bruising back that could throw occasionally when necessary. Then former Broncos’ Head Coach Josh McDaniels inexplicably moved up in the draft to take him and declared he would be a quarterback. It didn’t take long for the fans to clamor for the third stringer to start because he had some good games against bad teams at the conclusion of his rookie season. And soon thereafter the media hitched their wagons to the Tebow train and a “legend” was born.

His biggest apologist, Skip Bayless, and a host of other sports talking heads along with a contingent of religious nincompoops began a nonstop campaign on his behalf while bashing anyone who dared point out his deficiencies regardless of how true they were (Where are you Merril Hoge?). Never mind the fact the kid could not play—truth be damned. The only thing that mattered was he could have been aborted or he was a scrappy fighter that had to face adversity and doubt all his life and had always been able to overcome what was stacked against him and win. He was an inspiration because he could pray on the sidelines and was “winning” in the waning seconds of games despite the fact he had played putrid for the previous 58 minutes.

None of that mattered. The media had their man and was going to shove him down our faces whether we liked it or not.

Recent “phenom” Jeremy Lin has been treated much the same way. A nowhere guard on the cusp of returning to the Developmental League gets a chance to play because there is no one else to play and he has a few good games and he is elevated to Christ-like status almost overnight. He was placed in the All-Star festivities where he did absolutely nothing ad shortly thereafter he crashed and burned and is right back to the point of where it all began almost two months ago…a mediocre guard who should be about to head back to the D-league.

But the media hyped this unproven kid up so much anyone who dares speak the truth about where he should be would get the equivalent of a public tar and feathering.

And that’s my beef with the media nowadays. It is in such a hurry to find the next superstar to say “I found him first” that they hardly stop to ask themselves, “What has he done?” And in the case of these two; absolutely nothing.

Tebow is a no-hit wonder who wins by attrition. Someone has to lose and he is fortunate that his defense stays in games long enough for one play to decide it all. When he had to go against real teams with real quarterbacks, he fared poorly to be kind. Now he wants to work on his throwing mechanics and the media is lauding his efforts to improve but he is going into his third season and now he wants to improve his mechanics? He’ll impress me when he stops being a QB and becomes just another player.

Lin story is a little different but he is trapped by the same hype monster the media has created for him. There comes a time when these guys hear how great they are so much that they either start believe it or it starts to tear apart their team and build resentment amongst their teammates.

In Denver Brady Quinn had to apologize for statements he made about Tebow in a magazine article and most likely won’t be back in Denver. Carmelo Anthony is getting blamed for the failures of the Knicks as well as his incompatibility with Lin even though he has played with the likes of Chauncey Billups and Andre’ Miller in Denver. No one will mention the fact that the Knicks are a bad team put together terribly with parts that just don’t mesh.

I mentioned Manning only because of the intense coverage he received when he left the Colts. We all knew it was coming but ESPN treated it like it was the death of a Kennedy. Regular shows were interrupted and fellow players and coaches had to recite their favorite moments of Manning. Now where inundated with images of his plane flying in and out of airports as if O.J. was on board. It’s too much.

What happened to letting athletes earn praise while allowing them to be motivated by honest criticism? When did we stop allowing players to develop, not overnight but over time before we passed judgment? When did it become the status quo to corner a former player, host or announcer and make them pick a side; all the while really not giving them a true choice?

I know this will fall on deaf ears but it’s about time for the media to take a step back and allow the rest of us to make a decision because God knows I am tired of having one forced on me.

And for the record, Tebow still sucks!

All The Right Moves

2012-01-27T05:29:00.000-06:00

Sometimes the best moves are the ones not made. And the Texas Rangers just made the biggest one by keeping their wits about them and letting Prince Fielder and his girth land in Detroit on Wednesday.

Now I cannot lie, I was one of those hoping the Rangers would have pulled out all the stops and welcomed the Prince into his new kingdom out at the Ballpark. Hell it wasn’t my money, but I was having a hard time trying to rationalize why a few billionaires couldn’t spend a few extra mil to make the team better. Why couldn’t they resign Josh Hamilton, Mike Napoli, Elvis Andrus and Kinsler and keep this thing going? We needed to do something to counteract what the Angels had just pulled off in December by signing both Albert Pujols and former area douche extraordinaire Christopher John Wilson to contracts totaling just in the neighborhood of $345 million, right?

So our first move was to bid on an unknown Japanese pitcher that the Rangers’ front office has been drooling over for more than 2 years. Of course the comparisons of Yu Darvish to Daisuke Matsuzaka and Chan Ho Park will be inevitable until he actually pitches and inning, but I trust in this Rangers’ staff to do the right thing and bring him along the right way.

The second shoe I was waiting to drop was that of Fielder. I just knew the Rangers would make a play on him after signing Darvish to a total contract of just around $112 million. They would just have to get creative and make room. But as the days went on and I started to think realistically, I harkened back to the days of Tom Hicks and HSG and how excited I was to see exorbitant contracts dished out to Alex Rodriguez and the aforementioned Mr. Park. So much money was spent that the rest of the team, including the farm system, was neglected and the only thing we got out of it was annual last place finishes.

Ten years and 1 bankruptcy later we were right back where we started from. The organization had reached that fork in the road. And whereas last time it went left without hesitation, this time they studied the route, looked over their options and only after careful consideration did they choose to go right. It didn’t matter that other teams were passing them and looking to make big splashes by spending ridiculous money and making questionable trades, our team decided that this go round would be different and they weren’t willing to place the future of the franchise in jeopardy for a “win now” mentality that so many teams possess without actually getting better.

The Angels have made the mistake of Hicks by basically bidding against themselves. Then to make matters worse, they spend $77 million on their projected number 3 pitcher. They didn’t get better in any particular area. Vernon Wells and Tori Hunter are still old and the last time I checked, the Rangers were still able to get to their pitchers. Now we’ll be able to get to their third as well.

The Tigers have spent $214 million on Fielder which looks good this year, but what do you do next year when you have a logjam at first base with Miguel Cabrera, Victor Martinez when he comes back and Fielder? Who can you resign and who do you let go when contract time comes up with some of your star players?

The Rangers learned the hard way and basically laid out a “how to” guide on how to scuttle a franchise. Currently the forward and the additional chapters are being written by the New York Mets and the Los Angeles Dodgers. It just seems no one has bothered to pay attention and teams keep doing things the wrong way.

When the dust finally settled and the biggest splash we made was Darvish, I came to grips with the fact that my team had once again done the right thing by doing nothing further. Now they can resign the guys who’ve been here and worry about fracturing the chemistry of the team. And the best thing about the Fielder deal falling through is it may make Mitch Moreland a more focused and determined hitter knowing he was close to losing his job.

Sure the $3 billion contract kicks in in a few years and there will be plenty of cash to supplement the payroll. But that is then and this is now. And now is no the time to make Hicks-ian moves to put us right back in the position we were in before. Now is the time for everyone to trust in our team’s front office, coaching staff and the players we have.

With everything they’ve gotten right, including two World Series appearances, I’m going to go out on a limb and say I think they know what they’re doing.

The Other 31

2011-12-17T04:10:00.001-06:00

(Tebowing as I write this)

I’m not sure if any of you know this or not but there is a phenomenon going on this season in the National Football League.

You have three quarterbacks on pace to break Dan Marino’s record for most passing in a season. You have one quarterback that hasn’t lost a game in over a calendar year and some rookie QB’s who are having phenomenal seasons. You have some teams who have performed well below expectations, coaches that have been fired before the 17^th week and one team that is so winless all because they lost one player to a neck injury.

Yet if you watch any programming on Sports Center, you would hardly know any of this. And if they do talk NFL, don’t blink because you might miss news on the rest of the league. The reason can be summed up in two words: Tim Tebow.

Ever since former Denver Broncos’ Quarterback Kyle Orton was benched and Brady Quinn was passed over to give the 4^th string quarterback a chance the Broncos have been on a role. It had been bumpy at times with Tebow at the helm but they have won nonetheless. I can’t slight the kid for making the most of his chance as any of us would want. What I do have the problem with however is the incessant love fest he gets and the vitriolic responses anyone who dares call his skills into question receives.

Leading the charge has been the Glenn Beck of ESPN, Skip Bayless. For whatever reason, this idiot has been on the bandwagon from the beginning. He claims that if Tebow had been the starter, they would probably be undefeated. I counter that with the fact that if the defense had been playing like they are playing now, Kyle Orton would still be in Denver and Tebow would be hoping a team would give him a shot next season. Bayless also claims that Tebow has been the spark of the team but what I believe he and others like Woody Paige and the like are really doing is turning more people against Tebow than they know; teammates included.

A few weeks ago following a hard fought win against the San Diego Chargers, Tebow drove the team down the field where Matt Prater kicked the game winning field goal. The game wasn’t pretty, as most haven’t been, but they still got the win. And as the announcers, commentators and writers were heaping praise on the Tebow Train, a few players were quick to slow down the momentum. Running back Willis McGahee, among others recognized the defenses efforts basically saying that if the other side of the ball wasn’t playing to the level they had been, there was no way they would stay in games, let alone beat anyone. And I agree.

You cannot stink up the field completing 25 percent of your passes for 3^1/3quarters and then all of a sudden think you will win in the last two minutes of a game every week. I’m sorry but it’s not sustainable. Critics of critics of Tebow may point to his touchdowns versus low turnovers and claim the guy takes care of the ball and the fourth quarter comebacks. It is true that he doesn’t throw interceptions, but you also have to remember, he doesn’t throw the damn ball either. He’s had only two 200+ yard games this year. He’s not asked to do a lot in terms of torching defenses other than with his legs or by confusion by utilizing the read option, which like the Wild Cat, will get exposed and destroyed. As far as the comebacks, you have to be losing in order to have a comeback right? Then isn’t his play they have to come from behind in the first place? That’s another check mark for the defense.

People also have to take into consideration the teams they have played. Their division alone is full of underachievers, one of which was Denver at the beginning of the season. Going outside of the division doesn’t fare any better. Vikings-Terrible. Bears-no Cutler or Forte. Jets-Mark Sanchez. These teams are awful yet Tebow is treated like he is the second coming of Joe Montana, and he didn’t even get this kind of pub.

I contend that if Tebow had to face a real team that had players on both sides of the ball, he’d be in trouble. I want to see Broncos-Steelers, Broncos-Ravens or Broncos-49ers. If he can perform against the teams that will actually put it on him and make him have to really play quarterback, then I may give the guy some credit, but until then whatever.

What I like is for ESPN to remember there are 31 other teams out there with great story lines and great match-ups week to week. There are other guys in the league that are having historic seasons and they are getting left in the wake of the non-story that is Tim Tebow. I’d like to see less Bayless and More Merril Hoge and I'd like to get through an episode—make that a half hour of First Take without a mention of Tim Tebow.

But that’s wishful thinking.

It is so, Joe

2011-11-10T16:47:00.000-06:00

[Note: This blog was posted prior to the recent developments resulting in the firing of University President Graham Spanier and Coach Joe Paterno]

As a young man, I had always viewed sports as a release—an escape from the doldrums of life if only for a few hours.

Earlier this year I had blogged about the impact sports has on healing through tragedy such as with the Gabby Giffords’ shooting in Arizona or the way the sports world came together after the devastating tornadoes that ravaged both Missouri and a year ago in Alabama. It’s in moments like those when an athlete comes down off of his/her perch and remembers that they are people too and that single action causes children to begin their idolization and finally understand what their fathers saw in men they did not know personally in their youth, but felt a kinship with them because they became human.

But what do you do when your escape from reality becomes a living nightmare? Where do you run to and who do you look to after that? Those are just a few of the questions facing one Joseph Vincent Paterno and the Penn State Nittany Lions.

Joe Paterno or “Joe Pa” has been in coaching at Penn State longer than I have been breathing. In actuality, he’s been there longer than my mom, dad and 10 of their siblings as well. The man is Penn State. He has constructed a power base at that institution that would rival only Bear Bryant and Barry Switzer if they were still coaching Alabama and Oklahoma respectively. He has built his and his program’s reputation through honesty, integrity and trust from the moment he became head coach.

Nearly every athlete that has come through his program loves the man. I can’t recall an unkind word that has been uttered against him. Conversely, the words and phrases that usually follow any mention of his name are “iconic,” “legendary,” “does it the right way” and “moral authority.”

Of course that was all before there were no more fingers to be shoved in the Penn State dyke and the water came running through the city before the villagers knew what hit them. No one knew except the principals that had walked away from the dam to ensure they reached higher ground minutes before because they knew what was about to come. Only the water reached their feet and it still hasn’t stopped.

School president Graham Spanier is expected to be fired soon; A.D. Tim Curley and vice president Gary Schultz have been charged with failing to notify authorities of child abuse in the confines of Happy Valley and receivers coach Mike McQueery is more than likely to have coached his last game ever within the coming days all because these people who have been around the man that defines Penn State; the man that is integrity, that is an icon and is worshipped like no other in the state of Pennsylvania decided to forgo some semblance of good judgment and report serial rapist, Jerry Sandusky, to someone outside of the university.

As they sat on their hands, this monster masquerading as a defensive coordinator and community outreach volunteer was able to assault victim after victim at will. In my opinion they are all complicit as they allowed Sandusky to use the athletic facilities as a romper room for after hours activities with prepubescent teens even after they were informed of the initial incident in 1998. Yes 1998, as in 13 years ago. He retired the next year and was given emeritus status upon his departure where he would use his access to molest more boys.

And as if this couldn’t get any worse, Paterno and Curley knew. Of course it’s all semantics about what questions they asked after they found out whatever minimal details they wished to hear; the bottom line is they knew and did nothing. They didn’t contact the victims or their parents; they didn’t contact the attorney general or the state police either. They didn’t run Sandusky’s ass out of town because they simply didn’t care.

They cared about Penn State, the public relations hit the school would take in the media and the legacy of Jo Pa. That’s all they cared about. And they kept passing the buck and what we got 13 years later is a room full of folks that at the least should be charged with obstruction of justice and one that needs to go to prison for the rest of his life.

Joe Pa could have settled this long ago and would have still came out on top had he lived up to the moral code we’ve come to expect from him and what he expects from his players. Allegedly he and Sandusky were friends so I don’t see why he couldn’t have asked one simple question: Did you have an inappropriate sexual relationship with a minor in my athletic facility? It didn’t matter the answer because the next step would have been to alert the proper authorities and when he got around to it, inform the A.D., campus police and the president of what was about to happen. Whether Sandusky was innocent or guilty would have been left up to jurors and would have freed Joe and the university from wrongdoing immediately.

No one else would have been molested, Sandusky would have been stopped and the athletic program would have been spared the firestorm it is receiving now because at that point it would have been one man versus 9 victims. Because of everyone’s incompetence it now has become the leadership structure versus 9 victims.

And now their willful ignorance will come at a price and it should. I don’t think Joe should be allowed to finish the year. McQueery should not be allowed to finish the year. Any person who had any knowledge of any of these incidents should not be allowed on the Penn State campus and that included the venerable coach Joe Paterno. You cannot sit idly by while a man preys on children and you are more concerned about the virtue of the institution than the virtue of a child. The most precious thing in the world is a child’s innocence and Paterno, McQueery, Spanier, Schultz and others might as well have been sitting right in the room while Sandusky defiled these kids. There is no way as a student athlete and possibly a student that I would want to be associated with a school that conducts its business much like the Catholic Church.

It’s time that everyone involved did the right thing and got out of the way in order to let the healing process begin. And that includes Coach Joe Paterno.

If he is all the things we think and have said he is, then immediately stepping down should be his next step so he can at least regain some of his and Penn State’s dignity.

Am I Missing Something?

2011-09-29T23:33:00.002-05:00

Okay. The Red Sox and the Braves are out of the playoffs.

Gone. Done. Kaput.

There should be no more talk about them and the way they basically crawled to the end of the season with no sense of urgency or care in the world. The teams that actually did something, including our Texas Rangers, are barely getting press for doing what they were supposed to do—finish strong.

I don’t understand how the Rangers have barely gotten a sniff from the national media. This is the best season in franchise history, they thoroughly dominated their division and they literally remained in first place throughout the season. When the going got tough, they got tougher. When their main guys in their lineup went out, other stepped up and they kept winning. They had the longest winning streak in the Majors this year, had all five starting pitchers record at least 13 wins, yet they were still on average the 5^th story at best on SportsCenter.

And just when I think everything will settle into place after the dust has settled and folks have realized the Rangers have home field and open the first game of the playoffs, now the trendy topic is that spare Joe Maddon. I’m sorry but am I missing something here? Of course the Rays had a great comeback story in the way they persevered and garnered a playoff spot, but anyone could have done the same if they were going up against the tragic story that was the Red Sox. It is no miracle. The Yankees put a bunch of scrubs on the field and the Rays took advantage. Let’s not confuse luck with great managing as some of the talking heads are apt to do. This game alone does not a Manager of the Year make.

What the Rangers did all season garners awards. What Ron Roenicke and Kurt Gibson accomplished in Milwaukee and Arizona, respectively, should be considered for awards. What I am hearing about Maddon is, quite simply, maddening. To think the guy should get the MOY for being there makes about as much sense as Ron Washington not winning it last year. What’s even more insane is that Wash’s name is barely even brought up in the conversation. People are so fixated on whatever it is they think Nolan Ryan does and they figure once he sprinkles some Ryan dust on the team, they go out and perform at a high level.

What people fail to realize is Wash has this team where they are because they believe in him and they play the game the way he wants them to play it to the T. He is a quiet unassuming leader that detaches his ego and allows his players to take the spotlight. He doesn’t stand behind the podium and wax poetic about how smart he is or how many books he reads. He is a baseball man through and through and the fact that you don’t see him should be proof enough for anyone that has a ballot to cast for the best manager.

In the coming weeks, we’ll see who the voters select and we’ll get a better idea of how they voted. Until then, let’s hope we get a chance to see our team finally get a little recognition, especially if they do better than they did last year.

Fan Mail

2011-08-26T05:02:00.005-05:00

It’ been a while since I’ve gone through the emails and responded to your questions, but to be frank, I just haven’t given a damn. The Rangers are on a roll, sometimes good however more recently bad, the Cowboys are about to kick off the regular season under new leadership but the same old crappy management and the NBA is still locked out.

I could really care if the latter really comes back but it would give me another sport to complain about and more athletes to criticize. But I digress. Fantasy leagues are back in full swing and the college football season is about to take off. And with the exception of the Miami Hurricanes, this season should be one to remember.

So without further ado, lemme reach into the ol’ grab bag and see what intelligent questions we got.

-What do you think the Dallas Cowboys chances are this season? They appear to have a tough schedule with the Jets in week 1, the Pats in week 6 and the rest of the East that seemed to improve while the ‘Boys sat idle.

Milt Thomas, Pantego

They have a chance…a chance to be awful. They also have a chance to be good but I put that right there with a snowman completing a marathon in Hell. Look I have said this all along; I am not a big believer in the so-called Red Headed Savior, Jason Garrett. He comes off to me as another cookie cutter, wannabe coach that, much like Josh McDaniels, wants to be the guy they used to work for and we see how that worked out for McDaniels and the Broncos and the mess they are working with now.

Garrett wants so bad to be Jimmy Johnson that it makes me wonder why Jerry didn’t ask him to come back to coach. These days, the Bill Parcells types of coaches don’t last long. Players tune them out too fast because who are you going to really get rid of—your franchise player or some coach the entire team has stopped listening too regardless of their “toughness.” The Cowboys lack the talent and the front office intelligence the team needs to be successful again. And it’s going to be a while before they are relevant again—that while being when Jones is in a nursing home or in the ground.

-I read your post on the controversy surrounding Tim Tebow and Kyle Orton and I think the only reason you pick on him is because everyone else is piling on. He’s a fine young man and should be given the opportunity lead the franchise because he deserves it, not to mention he was a 1^st rounder.

Carlos Sepulveda, Plano

Look, I think I’m a decent guy but that doesn’t mean I should just walk in and run a Fortune 500 company just because the boss’ friend likes me. That is the equivalent of the Tebow situation in Denver. Yes he was a first rounder, but in the eyes of an imbecile. An imbecile that ran out Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall and then turned around and got rid of the Mike Alstott 2.0 in Peyton Hillis all because he thought he was going to spark a revolution or something in Denver. I don’t hate Tebow; I just think he is unprepared to be a quarterback at the NFL level. I don’t have to have played or watch incessant amounts of film to know when a guy has horrible mechanics. Just because a guy throws one great pass doesn’t mean he should be the starter. Just because one gives great speeches in college and motivates the team doesn’t mean that will translate to the NFL. These guys have accomplished their goal and most will make ridiculous amounts of money so having a guy yelling at them up and down the sidelines doesn’t work like it did in college.

If you want to win, and I mean the team and not the fans, you play either Orton or Brady Quinn. If you want to mount up concussions and lose your football team, you go with Tebow. Fans aren’t in the locker room after a loss; players are. Fans don’t take devastating hits for three hours; players do. Fans don’t work out relentlessly to get better at their craft and earn multi-million dollar contract; players do. Tebow may be good down the line, but I wouldn’t risk screwing my franchise any more than it already has been.

-Do you think the NBA lockout will go into the regular season and possibly cancel games or do you see this getting resolved relatively quickly?

Trent Broyles, Fort Worth

The short answer is I really could care less. I am so out on the NBA it is ridiculous. David Stern has turned the league into glorified streetball where the slightest touch earns star players trips to the free throw line. The referees have too much power and the same teams suck and have no incentive to get better. I think the best thing going is if the players do go overseas and get stuck in some of those contracts they cannot get out of because to be honest I’d rather watch the WNBA than the pre-planned WWE-styled garbage we see run out there between November and June.

-The Rangers’ pitching staff has fallen off a cliff making it hard for me to keep watching these games. I’m afraid the team is going to be in second place after the Angels series and done by the last week of the season. Should I still have hope?
-Phil Tanner, Waco

Hell yeah you should still have hope! This is what late season baseball is all about. Every game means something now and there is no time for complacency from anyone on the team. We are still in first and just like the Angels this could be the series that galvanizes the team again. I think when the series is over; the Rangers will be up by four games. The problem is what they do after the series. Do they stay hot or do they fall back into a funk against the Rays and Red Sox? Who knows? But I’d rather be in a tight race than in no race at all. What they need is for Sept. 1^st to come as quickly as possible so they can get Beltre and Blanco back on the field and Quintanilla can go away and Young can go back to DHing.

-The Cowboys will lose this year not because of the offensive line or the defense or even coaching. They will lose because Tony [Romo] is the worst quarterback in the history of the franchise. You can take that to the bank.

-Starry Lanley, Las Colinas

Again with this? How in the hell do you keep getting emails in? I thought I had you blocked. Even though the Cowboys will be terrible this year it will not be from the QB position. It will be coaching. How can a guy that has presided over the offense the last four years all-of-a-sudden be the franchise savior? It’s akin to asking the fox too watch the hen house because he knows the neighborhood. When the Cowboys were good offensively, it was because of Garrett. But when they were bad, and they have been terrible, it has also been under Garrett. He has made questionable calls and substitutions dating back to when he snaked Wade and took over as head turd. And as much as I hated the fact that Owens was brought here, he was a weapon and Garrett’s ego couldn’t make it work either. His play calling is mediocre at best and had Jerry not given him this job or had let other teams really get a chance at him, who would have really had an interest in his services? No one.

And you can take that to the bank!

-I saw where former Tennessee basketball coach Bruce Pearl claims the NCAA was making an example of him by placing a show-cause penalty on him until 2013. Did the NCAA go far enough and will this deter others who abuse the rules?
-Jerry Reynolds, Saginaw

I don’t think it went far enough, but it is a good start. The only way the NCAA cleans up college athletics is by establishing clear, concise, concrete rules across the board and enforcing them to the letter regardless of the institution. Pearl can still be hired by a school to evaluate talent but cannot contact recruits or actually coach. As a matter of fact, teams can be penalized for hiring Pearl and any of his former assistants before their bans expire.

I have said for the longest that coaches should be punished for their transgressions. Pearl, Jim Tressel, Lane Kiffin and others should have to deal with the consequences of their actions and just not the institution. I like Randy Shannon, but if the University of Miami should receive the death penalty, Shannon and even Larry Coker should get an equal if not greater fine or penalty. Every school should be on notice that deviant behavior will not be tolerated and the NCAA should be allowed to become involved with either terminating coaches contracts or “encouraging” them to leave should coaches cross the line. They are the leaders of men and should be held to higher standards and it’s time they were dealt with accordingly.

Denver, We Have A Problem!

2011-08-05T03:49:00.001-05:00

The city of Denver has a problem. It’s not the fact that city is a mile high or the team sucks. It’s not the new head coach, John Fox or the old-new face of the franchise, John Elway. It’s not he heat wave that has spared no corner of the country but it is the heat that has been brought on the team by the previous administration.

When wunderkind, and I use the term loosely, Josh McDaniels was brought on as head coach two years ago, Owner Pat Bowlen made the mistake in giving a 14 year-old boy autonomy in making all the personnel moves. For some inexplicable reason, some of which had to do with the fact that he had coached under Bill Belichick, this allowed Bowlen to give McDaniels carte blanche over a once great franchise that had in essence become the Dallas Cowboys.

McDaniels then proceeded to remove players that would pose threats, whether they be real or fake, such as Jay Cutler, Peyton Hillis and Brandon Marshall and replaced them with players of less than stellar athleticism and tamable demeanors. He traded for Kyle Orton, drafted Demaryius Thomas and Tim Tebow in the first round and then proceeded to go 8-8 on the season after talking a lot of trash with no substantial reason to give the fans to back his rhetoric up. He was finally fired near the end of 2010 season leaving the next two coaches to deal with the mess he created.

And that mess was Tim Tebow.

Many pundits, fans and critics have declared Tebow as the best player college football has ever seen. He’s won two National Championships; he’s honest, handsome, religious and is what many consider to be all that’s right with college athletes and possibly pro athletes if he makes it. He was a fan favorite while at Florida and is a role model many want their kids to emulate. He is also polarizing in a way not seen by an athlete in recent memory.

A few days ago, ESPN analyst Merril Hoge said that after watching hours of film on Tebow, he was no more suited to start quarterback than he was when he came out of Florida. He went on to say his throwing motion is the same as last year, which is terrible, and his accuracy is just as bad. He basically said what a lot of people not on television have been saying and was crucified for it. Athletes like LeBron James and Rich Gannon, to name a few, came to Tebow’s rescue helping make the mole hill that was honest analysis into a mountain of “hater-ade” that Hoge was allegedly showering the all wise one with. But he wasn’t.

Hoge, like a lot of us have realized what Tebow cannot: he is not a quarterback. He wasn’t a quarterback in college. He was a tight end that occasionally threw bubble screens to Percy Harvin who then turned 2-yard comebacks into 65-yard touchdown runs. He was a guy that threw 40+ yard bombs to Luis Murphy against the likes of defensively challenged Vanderbilt teams. He rallied his team during halftime when needed and yes he was a leader, but linebackers are leaders. Running backs and wide receivers are leaders and sometimes they either have to switch positions or don’t make the league altogether because of their lack of skills or because their skills do not translate to the pro game.

And that’s where I see Tebow. His accomplishments, while there many, doesn’t mean they will translate to the NFL. For some reason, ass kissers like John Gruden go out of their way to patronize Tebow but will scrutinize the hell out of Cam Newton and Ryan Mallette because they don’t have the social pedigree Tebow has which in turn makes them afraid to be critical for fear of backlash. They look at his character and forget the NFL is a bottom line business. It is great to sell jerseys, but as an owner would you rather sell jerseys or playoff tickets? Would you like to have the most popular player or a winning football team?

This is the dilemma that the Broncos have been placed in under McDaniels watch. While other general managers across the league thought of Tebow as a second day pick or an even a bigger version of Eric Crouch, McDaniels made the command decision to draft a guy no one was even thinking of taking that high. For some reason, McDaniels’ stones were enlarged because he worked for Belichick. He forgot he was in a system and is didn’t matter who was plugged in, the Patriots were going to succeed. And now he has created a disastrous situation in Denver.

In Kyle Orton, you have a guy you can win with. In Tebow you have a guy that is going to get the rushing offense stymied and put a lot of receivers on injured reserve due to his erratic passing. Fans have been clamoring for the unproven and unimproved Tebow over the cool, calm and collective Orton hoping that by some miracle and/or act of sheer will via Gator magic, he will lead the Broncos to a winning record and possibly a playoff berth. But I say it is wishful thinking at best and a nightmare situation waiting to come to a head.

I have nothing against Tebow, but what annoys me is the legions of new fans that apparently didn’t watch him in college to see what kind of an athlete he is. They didn’t see that he was a read and react QB whose first reaction usually was to read where he could run. They didn’t see how inaccurate he was or how many sub 100-yard games he threw. There are so many “fans” of Tebow now that have no idea what he really is. They see a guy that is pure and that gives them someone to root for because they think the NFL has gone gangster and isn’t worth watching. Some people want Tebow to succeed for political reasons, others want him for religious reasons while other have agendas I care not to describe. But the fact remains they are missing the point that the guy is not a franchise quarterback and I don’t think he ever will be.

Yes he is a great person; he mentors kids, volunteers plenty of time to worthy causes and is devoutly religious, but should that make him worth taking the risk of tanking your franchise because you want to will him to succeed? Is it worth setting your club back to please a few fickle fans that will be Tebow’s crutch no matter what he does or most likely doesn’t do and will always be ready to blame management when the experiment fails? Hell no!

What he needs is a reality check and an honest conversation with himself, John Fox and John Elway and ask them what he can do for the club. Otherwise the only thing he will become for the Broncos is a detriment.

If he is truly a team player, he could and should be able to understand that.

The Closer?

2011-07-28T22:27:00.000-05:00

Could someone from the Rangers please get Brenda Lee Johnson on the phone because they could use the help?

The Rangers are at it again. They start off a series in convincing fashion only to be reminded of just how unreliable their bullpen is in the remaining games. On Monday with Derek Holland on the mound, they basically held an extended batting practice against the Minnesota Twins scoring 20 runs and garnering 20 hits before the 6^th inning. Everything was going so smooth it was reported that Holland was seen in the concourse several times sampling barbecue and downing margaritas.

But as soon as Holland was lifted, the bullpen got back to the business of doing what they do best: giving the opponents the opportunity to catch up. Being down 19 is a lot of catching up to do but I have faith that this bunch of slugs could give any opponent all the assistance they need.

First up: Scooter Feldman jogged in for an inning and he surrendered the second run of the game. He’s new to the bullpen so I’ll cut him a little slack until his ERA gets up to the seemingly selected goal of five. He was followed by the cavalcade of degenerates who usually reserve their meltdowns for close games. Arthur Rhodes pitched one inning as well un-assing three runs on three hits. I know Wash wants to get him some work, and I agree with him. I’d just like to see him working either in Round Rock or in another city, Cincinnati perhaps. They score enough runs to make his charitable contributions obsolete.

But the star of the show has to be one Neftali Rasmussen Feliz. That’s actually not his middle name but who cares, he freaking sucks right now. The job of the closer is to shut down games, period. Feliz, as we all keep witnessing, is not doing that. He misses the strike zone regularly, walks batters consistently and is giving up hits as if he were a middle reliever. If you want to know what’s wrong with this team, then one needs to look no further than Rhodes and Feliz. It’s almost as if the motto between the two going into a game is “let’s make this interesting.”

I was willing to give Rhodes a pass because the rest of the bullpen has been injured and unreliable. I tried to chalk his mediocre play as recently as July up to fatigue and pitching in the warmest park he’s ever been in. I can’t defend him any more because he is terrible and it’s time we either saw him in a reduced role or a nonexistent one.

Feliz, on the other hand, is a different animal. Either he has lost his confidence, is too confident and it is backfiring or he is just not closer material any more. I don’t know which one it is but someone (Mike Maddox) needs to figure him out fast and get it corrected. I could go for a little more Yoshinori Tateyama who’s been unhittable lately while Feliz gets it figured out. And by a little more, I’m looking through September if necessary after blowing save number five on Tuesday. Hey I believe where there’s five that can be blown with ease, six is somewhere around the corner.

And here’s the kicker; it’s not just that he is blowing games but it the way he’s doing it. Through 37 innings, Feliz has only recorded 26 strike outs, allowed 20 walks and given up 29 hits, four of which were homeruns (14 earned runs). His ERA is an unacceptable 3.35. If I were his manager I would be afraid to let him pitch to a 7-year-old girl for fear he would hit her, walk her or she’d get a single up the middle.

I now the rumors are everywhere about the Rangers pursuit of an outfielder but they need to concentrate on bullpen help. Even though I love Tommy Hunter, I’m still not sold on him. I don’t trust Feldman and I’m starting to only want to see Darren Oliver in action every 15 days or whenever his commercial comes on. I’m still afraid of Mark Lowe because I know there’s a meltdown waiting to happen; he’s just saving it for the right time.

So what we are left with is the hope that the Rangers make a serious push for San Diego’s Heath Bell or Mike Adams. Even though Bell stated he would be an eight inning guy if need be, the Rangers would be fools if they didn’t pull a Frankie Francisco on Feliz and move him to the set-up role until he gets his head right. If they don’t think he can, then they can get an early jump on grooming him to be a starter next season and maybe he can fill the role Dave Bush had as a spot starter.

Whatever they do, they need to do it fast because the Angels are at the back door. And if they get in, it will be hell trying to make it to the dance as a wild card. Hopefully John Daniels can make the necessary moves in the next few days to shore up the bullpen.

If not, maybe he can at least get Deputy Chief Johnson on the phone to try to solve the problem.

Leave My Penis Out Of This

2011-07-15T04:07:00.000-05:00

I tend to deviate from sports from time to time and it doesn’t seem to bother many of you so I feel comfortable sharing other things without fear of ridicule or complaint. I know the Major League Baseball just finished the Mid-Summer Classic and that was a great story in the father-son Home Run Derby team of Jose and Robinson Cano but I have to move on to more pressing matters.

Men, we have a problem and that problem is women. I’m not talking about women that stalk you, fight with you or simply won’t allow you to leave their lives. I’m not even talking about the crazy ones that burn down the house or sell your car and golf clubs for a dollar after you’ve cheated on them. No, the ones I’m referring to are the emotionally unstable ones that have the possessive, overly aggressive “if I can’t have him, no one will” mentality.

Now I know women will have the argument, and rightly so, that men are consistently more abusive in relationships and cause more irreparable harm than they could ever do due to our sheer size and strength. But how many men resort to extraction when it comes to revenge? Most of the time when things really out of hand, the endgame is death. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating killing or beating anyone. But what I am urging the ladies out here to consider is maiming should never be an option. I bring this up because I was taken aback by a story emanating out of Southern California involving a domestic disturbance that went terribly, terribly wrong.

Police responded to a 911 call placed by Catherine Kieu Becker reporting that her husband was gravely injured in one of the bedrooms in their condo. Upon arrival, police found her 51-year-old husband tied to the bed and suffering from what they would later discover was food poisoning. Her husband, whose name has yet to be released, later stated to police that he had dinner with his wife that evening, felt sick and went to the bedroom to lie down where he soon lost consciousness. It was at that point that Becker made the command decision to tie her husband to the bed, seek a 10 inch kitchen knife and subsequently cut off the man’s bed buddy.

But unlike Lorena Bobbit who nearly 20 years ago at least gave her husband the option to play hide-and-go seek with his penis (which was later found off the side of a Virginia highway sad, confused, shocked and alone), Becker had to go to the extreme and deposit the man’s manhood in the disposal and turn it on. John Bobbit was at least able to get his surgically reattached and when on to have a very unspectacular porn and burglary career. At best bet, Becker’s husband’s penis would consist of penis, sausage, carrots, celery, maybe some bugs and whatever the Frankensteinian forensics team was able to strain out of the disposal.

Garden Grove police later confirmed the couple had only been married for a year and were in the process of divorcing which begs several questions. One being, if your marriage has only lasted 8 months and there is the possibility of a meat-shearing maniac in your midst, why in the hell are you still staying in the house let alone still eating anything she cooks?

Here’s another: I have been plenty drunk and doped up on medication in my day. Hell there have even been times when I have been overmedicated but how in tarnation are you so blitzed that you don’t know your little soldier is about to get al-Qaedaed?

And as if the beheading wasn’t the worst part, when in the hell did the disposal come into play. Who thinks of that? Why would you think of that? I’d rather my significantly deranged other punch me in the face repeatedly with brass knuckles than go for my Johnson. I might be mad at first, but if she later said to me, “You know, I was gonna cut off your penis,” I might give her a hug and I’d damn sure tell her thank you for coming to your senses.

I’d rather have a busted grill and a swollen eye than the alternative. Heck, I would proudly tell everyone “my girl beat my ass” because that sounds a hell of a lot better than “I’m a eunuch.”

And ladies, when did going below the belt become acceptable? Where do you gals talk and plan that type of extreme response? Is this what you’re doing on ladies night or at your freaky little toy parties? It is so unnecessary and unwarranted. Remember all those times you talked to your girls and said your man wasn’t worth a damn since you found out he was cheating, and your response was “If they want him, they can have them.” What happened between that statement and you staring intently at the wedding cutlery? Where did the change of heart come about?

You see, what I don’t understand is how the penis gets involved in the first place. Never have I seen on the news that a man came home drunk and his penis kicked open the door, slapped his wife around, woke up the kids and broke up furniture. I’ve never seen on the internet were a crazed penis slammed their wife’s head into the dashboard of the car or talked about how much weight she has put on in front of company, belittling her at every turn. I’ve never watched a penis on COPS running through the streets of Fort Worth, Texas after it had pulled a gun on its spouse and was hiding out in an alley. And I’ve never read the blotter in the local paper explaining how there were three police responses to the same residence for loud noise complaints because a penis has argued with his wife all night. Never seen a spouse-penis murder-suicide, a penis taking hostages or running off to Brazil with the kids during a custody battle. Never, never, never.

So if all these things have never occurred, then ladies why is our hand crank the object of your ire? Why can’t you take your aggression out on me when you are mad, preferably by leaving for long periods of time? Or why can’t you use alternative means to reach your end. You always want to talk about you feelings and your problems so why don’t you try talking to our penises, they may listen. And in some instances, when they really understand you, they might even cry. They won’t hurt you and is often the reason why we apologize for your mistakes in the first place.

But for God’s sake, if you do nothing else and you feel you just have to do damage to something, just kill us. I’d rather be dead with my member than living the rest of my life sitting down to pee.

Whatever you decide to do, make it quick, make it painless and leave our penises out of it.

A year and a day

2011-07-08T05:32:00.005-05:00

What a strange coincidence it is that once again the great game at the Ballpark in Arlington has been overshadowed by another tragic event.

It was July 6, 2010 when a fan reaching for a foul ball fell some 30 feet onto fans below. The Rangers soon thereafter raised the railings approximately 16 inches in the section to prevent a repeat of the event. But sadly the club didn’t do a total overhaul of the stadium which could have prevented the tragic event that happened at the ballpark on Thursday evening.

During the second inning a foul ball caromed off the wall and near left fielder Josh Hamilton. Hamilton, doing what players often do, threw the ball into the stands where the fan lost his balance while reaching across the railing to corral the souvenir. He fell 20 feet head first onto the concrete just behind the out of town scoreboard as his son looked on.

I am not writing to say that this is the fault of the Rangers or the fan—blame is not important here because accidents happen. You’re more likely to get hit by car crossing the street to enter the stadium or trip down the stairs walking to your seat than to fall over a railing. What I am saying, and I’m saying this quietly is this should be a lesson for all stadiums in every city throughout the country if not the world—fan safety has to become a priority, period.

I am speaking from my own experience at the ballpark. I have sat in the upper deck and have slipped, tripped and watched others do the same. I have seen foul balls rocket off the ends of bats and peg unsuspecting fans in the face. And I believe all of this can be avoided.

Ever since I have been going to the stadium, I have wondered about the safety of the patrons in it. I have always thought the bleachers were too steep and the railings were not high enough. I cringe when people take souvenir photos while leaning against rails that are barely taller than the average five-year-old because I always feel there is a chance someone will tumble over.

I have been fortunate enough to have tickets near or around home plate but I always dread sitting there. The crack of the bat coupled with the instance one is not looking could result in a serious injury that I have witnessed far too often. The screen does not extend far enough in my opinion and many fans are left defenseless.

I’m not asking for the clubs, the Rangers in particular, to make drastic changes. I just want them to avoid making small ones only after every tragic event. The park should be a place you can take your family and not worry about the getting hurt or watching someone get hurt. It should and will continue to be a fun place for all; it may just take some time to get past the death of this young father.

In the coming days, I expect the club to do something to remember the memory of a young father who lost his life enjoying a game with his son. The greatest honor they can give this fan is to protect the thousands of others who choose to spend a day at the park with their children so we don’t have to witness this again.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

2011-07-01T03:20:00.001-05:00

So let me get this straight to make sure I’m not missing something.

The NFL has just surpassed day one-hundred plus days of a lockout, the NBA had one of the best playoff runs in recent memory capitalized by a fantastic win by the Dallas Mavericks whom everyone thought they would be just a historic footnote to the Miami Heat’s impending dynasty and the game’s best Euros led the leagues best squad to a team victory over a cast of individuals.

The National Basketball Association hasn’t seen the popularity of its game rise to such levels since the last disastrous lockout and they are willing to tank all the goodwill they have amassed over the last 10 years for what exactly? The owners want a bigger piece of the pie and want the players to take less? They want a hard salary cap and a rookie pay scale in place among other things because they say they are losing money.

And how exactly is that the players’ fault?

The last time I checked, the Knicks, Heat, Lakers and Mavericks pay whatever they can to get whomever they want and not one player has stuck a gun to their heads demanding this or that. They just exercise their options to go elsewhere to get the money they want or feel that they are worth. It is not their fault that these owners will pay big dollars for players they should be cautious about (Eric Dampier, Allan Houston, Tariq-Abdul Wahed) and then complain when they barely get the production they were expecting but everyone was warning about.

It’s not their fault the owners overpay sometimes out of spite to keep someone else from getting another player even though they know in their heart they do not need them let alone they barely fit into their system. It’s not the players fault that these owners throw money around like candy and then look for someone else to blame when they go in the red. And it’s definitely not the players’ fault when owners like Donald Sterling barely cares about keeping their franchises afloat, could care less about the fans and are only in it for the bottom line and nothing else.

So because of their stupidity and willingness to run through money like coke heads, they have decided to lock the players out until they can come to a resolution that will save them form themselves. And in the process they have decided to punish the fans, their employees and their respective cities as well all because they do not know how to manage their finances and expect others to make sacrifices for their sake of their revenue. Please!

What I truly find ridiculous in this particular situation is their inability to read the environment that they have haplessly forged their way into. You already have the country’s most popular sport on hiatus for the exact same reason and if they were to look closely the fans are none too pleased about the bickering between the two. There seems to be no resolution in sight and the season is in danger of being delayed because the sides cannot agree on the difference of a few hundred million dollars (I know it sounds ridiculous).

And instead of learning from the mistakes the NFL made and try to seriously negotiate before the season ended, the powers that be decided they would rather take this to the mat at the last hour. And in my opinion, this is what makes the NBA the worse run establishment in the sports world. Do they remember what happened the last time there was a work stoppage in their sport because I do. College basketball saw viewership increase because fans soured on the both players and owners.

Same thing happened with Major League Baseball. Remember how long it took to get fans to go back to those games? Hell they had to run a league full of cheaters in order to get attendance back to respectable levels and it still took at least eight years for people to really give a damn and attend consistently.

However, what those interruptions didn’t have was the ever presence of a terrible economy looming overhead. And there is nothing more devastating than having regular people spending what little hard earned money they have only to be stuck in the middle of a slap fight between millionaires and billionaires while they are wondering how they are going to buy groceries, pay a bill or buy medicine. It doesn’t make sense to the common fan that wants to take their kid to their first game and the only thing they can afford is parking and tickets because two groups of wealthy individuals are wondering how in the world they will get by with one-hundred thousand less dollars in their pocket when they are already making tens of millions. Explain that when attendance suffers and remains stagnant for a long time.

They can’t and that is the real tragedy of this fight. All of these leagues have failed to see what MLB and the National Hockey League had to learn the hard way; you cannot lose the fans and claim victory for anything. They will suffer and suffer mightily all because of arrogance, selfishness and stupidity because in the end the real losers will be the fans who will ultimately foot the bill to pad the pockets of greedy individuals claiming to have our best interest at heart somewhere in these negotiations.

All of the talking heads have claimed they expect the lockout to be protracted and there is the possibility there may not even be a next season which would be a tragedy on two fronts. The first being the longer the fans are denied the game, the more interest wanes and David Stern will not be happy about that. The second is the longer the lockout is in place the longer the Mavericks would be champions and Mark Cuban continues to walk around with the O’Brien Trophy and David Stern will definitely not be happy with that.

Faced with those two options, Stern might want to get on the phone with Bud Selig and get some pointers, stat!

Why Men Don't Call Back

2011-06-10T15:06:00.002-05:00

While I was searching the Web looking for new porn sites to conquer, I came across a moderately interesting article discussing the reasons men don’t call women back after their first or second dates.

The feature, written by some pansy named Christian Carter, goes into the melodramatic, 90210 reasons women fail to hear from the guy they thought was Mr. Perfect the night before. Garbage like honesty and forgetting your number are two of his six reasons we don’t call back. In my opinion it runs much deeper than that.

You can find his explanation accompanied by a slideshow with several ridiculous images at Shape.com. I recommend you scroll through his psychobabble and compare them to the real reasons men don’t call back that I have listed. Then see which of us is right and which of us is actually pandering to his overly sensitive feminine side while having the pleasure of telling the story of how he sassed some guy looking at a woman like an object in the grocery store to his girlfriends at the next wine tasting/toy party.

My Reasons Men Don’t Call Back

(in no particular order)

The non-hypothetical, hypothetical sex question.

Remember when you were first on the phone or on the interweb and the guy eventually asked you either when was the last one night stand you had or have you ever given it up on the first date and ensured you he was only being curious? Yeah that question wasn’t curiosity; it was a test to see how long it was going to take him to get some.

Guys these days, and some ladies, don’t want to take forever to test the goods for fear of falling in love with someone who later on is a bust in the bedroom. Guys want to have your goodies about two seconds after they say “hello.” If he doesn’t get it or it feels like he is going to have to go on an adventure to open your music box, he’s going somewhere else, fast.

He’s Married

Ladies, sometimes this one is on you. Some of the first things you should look for is the tan line on the ring finger or the constant looking over the shoulder in the venue you choose your first date on. If you both live in Dallas and travel to Waco for dinner, chances are there is something he has to hide.

Also look out for constant bouts of nervousness, frequent trips to the restroom (perhaps to check in) continuous silencing and hiding the cell phone and the ever present checking over the shoulder and around the room for possible spies. Also, if he can’t give you an answer as to when he can call you back or wants to go to a hotel (on the first date) then you’ve got problems.

Whenever you open your mouth words come out

Has someone ever told you talk too much? Have you noticed you talk too much? Do you not know a lot about another person because you are always talking? Then chances are you might very well talk too much. There is nothing that turns a man off more than a woman who won’t shut the hell up sometimes. It’s good to know about your personal achievements but how about you dispense them in doses, not in one breath, in one instance before the other person can say “my name is…” Try listening for a change but if you can’t keep your mouth closed try sticking something in it—like a wad of bubblegum.

You have bad hygiene

Have you ever had that not so fresh feeling? Have you ever had that not so fresh feeling in the state of Texas? Yes ladies, your funkiness goes from toxic waste to cosmic slop in the Texas heat and there is nothing worse than going out on a first date with someone in a sundress and the odor of a freshly birthed baby calf in a manure-filled wet barn.

My suggestion: try the red bag with some industrial cleaner and go to work on your lady cave.

You don’t come alone

No man likes competition—especially when the competition comes along on the date and has more conversation than the actual date. No one wants to have the following conversation:

(You) “What would you like to drink?”

(Date ) “Well…”

(Tag Along) “Girl, you know you shouldn’t be drinking. You know all he wants to do is take advantage of you…”

And so on. The last time that happened to most guys was when they were in high school and it was mandatory to take the ugly-assed girl with you. If you are doing it in your 30s, that says more about your state of mind as well as your sanity. It also means you might be a whore and you don’t trust yourself which would be cool if the ugly-assed girl wasn’t there.

You are not the whore you portrayed yourself to be

Remember during that conversation when you talked about the craziest, sexiest, most-unbelievable one night stand you ever had and said no one could ever match it? Well when you decided to give the explicit details involving chocolate, three balloon animals, a rooster and a doorknob, that basically was a challenge to his manhood and opened the door for him to come up with some backbreaking, death defying act of animal husbandry this side of criminal. But once you met, you were this bible-thumping school girl that went Jekyll and Hyde all of a sudden.

While you’re trying to figure out what kind of father and husband he will be, he’s thinking how much money he will have remaining after this date for the strip club.

You don’t have children, you have a small army

Once when I lived in San Antonio, Texas, I met this girl who was absolutely beautiful. She had a great smile, a perfect body and the best sense of humor I have ever known on a woman. I picked her up from her house and we went on what I thought was a great date. When I took her home she told me she had a great time and wanted to go out again when she found time. She just needed to find a babysitter for her kids.

“Kids, as in plural and not a bunch of goats,” I was thinking. See this girl was 21 and she had 4 children. I couldn’t even get the math right to figure out when she began breeding and it was constantly in my mind she was either super easy or had an ulterior motive.

That is the ultimate turn off for a guy. No man in his right mind wants to have to wonder if he can feel up mommy while junior is begging for a Juicy-Juice on the arm of the couch or if you are in the bed readying yourself for a little passion and one of those little bastards is standing at the foot asking if you are going to be there new daddy. That tends to be a bit of a mood killer.

You come on too strong

There is a misnomer that men love to be dominated by women—it is a fantasy of sorts and it gives men the pleasure of being used as a sexual object by women. While that may be true for some, for the vast majority of men it is a process they would rather ease into. I mean you don’t just jump on a bike for the first time and roll down the first hill you come upon while hoping for the best. Rather you take lessons, figure it out and take your time.

No self respecting man wants to have a woman come on to them as if they have known each other for months or years. If you are ready to French kiss and give an H&J on the first date, chances are you are a whore. Not only are you a whore but you are a dirty, easy whore which begs the question, how many times have you done this?

You’re just not interesting

How many friends do you have? What is your favorite show? What do you do for fun? How often do you masturbate? How often do you go to church? If respectively you answered zero, The Tonight Show, picket abortion clinics, never because it’s disgusting and every opportunity you get, then you more than likely will find a man when one is either desperate enough to deal with spinster or is your prison pen pal that happened upon parole. Other than that, you might as well get a house full of cats and lifetime supply of peanut butter.

Your vagina is on social networks

Everyone and everything is on Twitter these days. Kevin Durant’s backpack has a page, al Qaeda has plenty (al Qaeda Sandwich Company, Global Jihad Team) and even dead bin Laden in Hell is popular. That being said, if you have been on a bunch of dates or had plenty of sex and you rarely get return phone calls from your beaus, then more than likely your vagina is a big topic of conversation and it might not be all good.

It might be a good idea to look up twitter for @(yourname)’svagina to make sure someone hasn’t started a made up diary of tweets about your tw*t. If you don’t find anything there, make sure your vagina isn’t trending. The only thing worse than people tweeting about your vagina is a hash tag in your vagina.

You have a penis

Nothing brings a date to an end faster and brings about charges quicker than finding out you have a penis—especially if it is bigger and is only discovered after a few drinks, some kissing and some heavy petting. That might have been something worth mentioning in the about me portion of the conversation before dinner.

I mean I don’t know exactly how you bring it up, but a good model for the conversation could go as follows:

(You) “So tell me about yourself?”

(Them) “I own my own business, I like hanging out with my friends on the weekend and I have three Portuguese Water Dogs, Cherry, Larry and Princess. I like to can my own beans from my garden and I work out regularly. I also have a penis. Are we having desert?”

(You) “Check please.”

Can't Spell Dynasty Without R-E-F-S

2011-06-03T08:06:00.002-05:00

Regardless of the outcome of this series, the Mavs can’t win.

If they win it will be how the Heat lost. But if the Mavs lose they become a trivia question as fans and self-absorbed media alike will undoubtedly fawn all over the Heat and their impending dynasty like stalkers in an open window.

But on their way to their sweep, which they started prematurely with about seven minutes left in the game, a few things happened that had to give them pause. The Mavs got hot and the Heat got cold. And in a span of a seven minutes, the Mavs went on a 22-5 run that had the Heat wondering what the hell happened?

But all that aside because the loss will be analyzed and scrutinized until tip off on Sunday, I want to briefly discuss something that I have been worried about from the creation of the super team up until the game last night—calls.

I watched just about all the series the Heat played in and there were so many times I was left scratching my head by the calls the referees either made or didn’t make. In the Heat-Celtics series, Dwayne Wade starts it off by launching himself into Paul Pierce “attempting” to run through a pick and Pierce gets ejected. Then later in the series, serial runner-overer Lebron James barrels through Rajon Rondo and there was no call. Wade then pulls Rondo down onto him and screws up his arm and there isn’t a technical? Hell after watching the play, I was waiting for the league to impose something but there’s no way in hell they are going to hurt their cash cows.

Then we go to the Bulls series and MVP Derrick Rose was treated like a Euro the way he had calls go against him. I’ve never seen a superstar treated the way Rose was. When was the last time you saw a star get five fouls by the time he got to the fourth quarter, repeatedly? You don’t.

So I’ve said all that to say this, will someone tell me what it will take for the league to finally admit there is obvious bias in refereeing? I know we all know it, but when will Commissioner David Stern finally just come clean and say the game isn’t fixed, but is ever so slightly skewed to the advantage of certain people.

How in the hell does Tyson Chandler get a foul and Mavs Coach Rick Carlisle receive a technical for his response to the call? He never cursed at the ref and only voiced his displeasure that there was a non-call on Lebron James when he (James) elbows the hell out of Chandler. Even Van Gundy said there was no foul language and James should have gotten something for the obvious hit to Chandler’s chest. Ridiculous.

But then in the first quarter, Wade goes monkey s*** on the ref and charges him while then running into Chandler right in front of the official gets nothing. I mean if that wasn’t the easiest technical to call in the world, then I don’t know what is. Oh yeah, and that freaking flop he did on the last play as if someone hit him. Really? No wonder he is always hurt. He constantly throws himself on the floor and is so out of control it is silly. Hell most of his “fouls” are due to his out of control style and the refs never see anything. I was just waiting on him to bitch about not getting that call at the end of the game and I fear the makeup calls that are coming when they come here.

It is impossible for me to comprehend how someone can go through a game and never foul someone, yet every other person not named James, Wade and Bosh will foul out immediately. Yet on the other hand it seems like the Mavs exceed their quota on fouls in the first quarter, especially Chandler.

I hope I’m wrong in this but watch the refereeing over the course of the rest of the series. The first game will here will measure the climate and calls in the rest of the series. Let’s just hope they allow the game to be played and they not affect the outcome.

Good Thing I Didn’t…

2011-05-26T21:00:00.002-05:00

So the Rapture turned out to be nothing more than a ruse for Jesus to pick my pocket and all the preparation I was making made about as much sense as an anorexic at a buffet.

The wily old prognosticator had us all fooled. And while Harold Camping’s prophesy proved to be more fodder for the Twitterverse and late night talk shows, there were still plenty of people (lemmings) that prescribed to the notion that the world was coming to an end last Saturday.

I even joined in the fun by blogging about my fictitious last 24 hours pre-Jesus and my travels to various locations within Texas and Oklahoma to give the sports powers that be some final thoughts. Those would have been good times but in reality, there was no way I was going to get close enough to them let alone be able to afford the gas and airfare for the trip.

But there were some other things I had seriously considered doing. A few of them might have been golden while others would have had me in prison until the next Rapture. So all in all, I guess I made the right decision in regards to Camping’s vision. And even though the Rapture didn’t come, I figured I would share with all of you, nonetheless, my list of things in no particular order I was really going to do on the last day before all hell broke loose. Keep in mind these can still be used because the great prophet himself, Mr. Camping, has stated that the Rapture has now been moved to October 21^st of this year per God.

Additionally Camping states that God will also destroy the Earth and melt the universe as well for good measure. That is unless the NFL and the players resolve the labor dispute. In that case it will take place immediately after the Super Bowl…unless there is another great run in the NBA Playoffs. In that case, we’ll wait until October or by then Jesus may just acquiesce to the Mayans. They’ve had their prediction filed the longest anyway.

Anyway, here’s the list. Enjoy!

Kill some people

I mean who hasn’t wanted to if they could get away with it, right? We all have made a list and at some point we’ve all secretly wanted to be Dexter. I mean that bum on the corner or the idiot in the turning lane going straight when you are trying desperately to get to Blockbuster with a few minutes to spare. Or how about the hot chick that knows she looks good, knows you’re looking at her but won’t give you the time of day? Yeah that chick. Man so many people to do, so little time.

Hit a weasel with a bat

I have always wanted to catch a weasel, stick it in a cage with a hole in it and pull its head through. Then I would take a baseball bat and beat the living hell out of it to see if it made a popping sound.

Strangle a baby chimpanzee

Yeah they’re cute and all, but I want to know how cute it is when it’s gasping for air when I have it in a headlock. Priceless!

Ruin Donovan Lewis’ life

White people think all black people look alike anyway so this shouldn’t be hard. I would have to do a little work first so I would grow a beard and tell everyone I use to work at The Zoo or KPLX or wherever he was. Then I would take 500 grams of cocaine and head to an upscale strip club. I would proceed to do copious amounts of coke on whores’ backs while yelling “I’m effing Donovan Lewis” at the top of my lungs while spitting in their hair. I would then proceed to get pissy drunk, take a stripper at knifepoint , steal a car and drive wildly down I-35 while talking on the phone with whoever was on the Ticket Top 10 describing how I was going to end it all. It would end in front of Lewis house as I ran in the front door and out the back and he was left to explain his actions. That noon-to-three slot would be mine for the taking. Brilliant!

Chase a Jehovah’s Witness with my car

The only thing more satisfying than slamming the door in the face of a Jehovah’s Witness is chasing one down in a car while they are on their bikes. I would love to watch them flee for their lives not knowing if I was going to hit them or not. After 10-15 minutes of pursuit, I would drive away only to reappear when they felt they were in the clear and sideswipe them. Jehovah didn't witness that! Golden!

Steal shipment of cocaine from local kingpin

Hell why not. I’m going to be living in hell on earth anyway, right? So who cares if I jack 30 kilos and then send a note with my picture on it taking credit for what I did. The kicker would be that I would sit in my bathroom and flush it all down the toilet while filming it for YouTube. Well all of it except for the stuff I need to frame Donovan Lewis (see above).

Attend a clan rally

I’ve always wanted to know what these guys really did out in the country all by themselves. It’s got to be hard as hell just hating all the time. Eventually someone has to bring out some dominoes, Jinga, cards or something. Maybe they have a talent show or a father son sack race or something. Hell I don’t know. Just seems like hating the blacks, Jews and Mexicans would get monotonous after a while.

Burn a cross in someone’s yard

Yeah the irony here is I would do it in one of my white neighbor’s lawns. Then I would put a sign in it that would racially disparage them to cause utter confusion. Something to the effect of “whites, go back to Africa.”

Join the Tea Party to t-bag

Yeah, I'm going to take it up a notch.

Watch your grandmother take a bath

She was probably hot at one point and we know she wants it.

Produce gay porn

You only live once right? Besides, if we are all left behind then there’s no way I could do any worse than what I have already done to be left behind.

Star in gay porn

Wait a minute… I meant I was...never mind.

And finally…

Have police standoff at my house

I want to channel my inner Denzel and cause a standoff in my neighborhood. While they were negotiating, I would get pissy drunk, snort the remaining coke and get on the roof proclaiming “King Kong ain’t got s#@t on me!” Then I would fire randomly into neighboring homes until I was tased in the nuts by the cops and fell off the roof in slow motion like the great ape.

So as I said, I am glad I decided to use my better judgment and held off on some of these activities. I mean, they would have been fun but sometimes its better to adhere to common sense as opposed to subscribing to an idiot.

One Last Thing

2011-05-21T00:56:00.001-05:00

Here we are on the eve of the Rapture and there are so many things I have left to do. I never got to kiss a super model or punch Glen Beck in the gonads.

I didn’t get a chance to go back to Dick’s Last Resort in San Antonio, a city that doubles as Armageddon’s ground zero on a good day. I didn’t get my bike out of the shop and get the chance to ride to Burning Man in Nevada, eat some mushrooms and body paint my fat, naked body.

All of these things would have taken considerable time and planning and, as I’m sure you are well aware of, we only have about 12 hours of normalcy before all hell breaks loose. So with my last half day on earth, these are the things locally that I could do or if I actually believed this idiotic false prophet Harold Camping, I would do.

12 Hours TR (‘Till Rapture)

My first foray of deeds would involve a 30 minute plane ride to Austin, Texas to slap the hell out of Rick Perry. There is no particular reason because there are too many reasons to list. But if I had to pick one, it would be the disastrous way he is allowing our great state to lower itself to the same standards as the backwards, uneducated Podunk states south and east of Texas. His used car salesman persona has worn thin on me and I would hope most Texans would agree with me if they took a real look at him. While I was there, I would swing over to the UT campus and see if I could have a word with the coaching fraud that is Mack Brown. If he would give me just five minutes, I would tell him why, in this life or the next, I will never forgive him for screwing Major Applewhite twice—once in favor of college football’s spare of the century Chris Simms and then by not naming him offensive coordinator. Then it’s off to the airport for a quick flight up to Oklahoma. Where Mark Cuban is I’m sure David Stern isn’t too far away.

8 hours TR

Once on the ground I’ll have to figure out a way to get next to the great and powerful Stern. It’ll probably involve some sexual favors and sparklers, but I’m sure it will be worth it once I get in. As I’m my clothes, I would ask the commish what he was thinking when he outlawed the hand check, took away the competitive balance and allowed the referees to become bigger stars than they should be. I would also ask him why he hates Cubes and how he honestly felt during the 2006 Finals when Dewayne Wade, the Heat and three referees hosed the Mavs in 6 games. I would want him to answer the conspiracy questions about the NBA Lottery and referees setting up games. He could tell me. After all, we’d only have a few hours left with civilization as we know it and everyone could collectively exclaim “I told you.”

While there, I would also ask Cubes to not dance for the remaining few hours we have. In someway his moves are more disturbing than the impending doom. I would stay to watch the game but that’s two hours into the Apocalypse and I still have a few things left to do.

6 Hours TR

Even though I could fly back and save a little time, I would head over to Hertz and rent a car for a nostalgic trip down I-35. I would have to make a stop in Norman to relive my college years, inform Bob Stoops that he is only marginally better than Mack Brown and remind him he is the greatest choke artist in the history of OU football. It wouldn’t be pretty but it would have to be done. I’ve grown a little tired of getting my heart ripped out, January after January. Then it’s on the road for a three hour drive to Dallas.

3 Hours TR

First stop back in D-town would have to be in Turtle Creek so I can have a sit down with old leather face, Jerry Jones. I need to explain to him how I felt that for the past 15 years, my loyalty to the Cowboys has been betrayed and my trust squandered by his refusal to put a real football man in charge of the Cowboys. Hell I would have settled for a decent succession of coaches that had a real input on the direction of the team. Not a bunch of yes men who are only too happy to be the coach of America’s Team.

1½ Hours TR

After a bunch of psychobabble and an ear splitting mutilation of the English language from him, I’d head over to the home of Rangers owner Nolan Ryan and ask him why he gets all the credit for a team he has basically piggybacked on. Actually, there is nothing to ask him. I just think he is as over hyped an owner as they come and he allowed Greenberg to put everything in place and then pulled the rug out from under him. And it’s easy to get the metroplex sheep to believe that he is some sports deity when he only played here five years and never took his Texas team to the playoffs, went to one Word Series and has the most walks, wild pitches and third most losses in league history. Oh, I almost forgot. That whole Robin Ventura thing; over-rated.

1 Hour TR

Then after I’ve expressed all my anger, I will finally head back home, not to spend it with family because I could care less. I don’t need to get drunk or have one last sexual romp either. No I’d much rather sit out at Lake Arlington with a cold one and watch the “Chosen Ones” ascend into heaven. Then I have to get ready for the 7 year party that Camping said was coming after the Rapture.

Hell yeah!

Is He Black Enough?

2011-05-13T18:27:00.001-05:00

My, my, my, there are so many things to talk about in the world of sports this week.

The Mavericks are going to the Western Conference Finals with arguably their best team in history. The Rangers are seemingly making strides to right their steadily sinking ship. The lockout in the NFL still looms and Chad Ochocino is about to get killed riding a bull.

The NBA Playoffs has let fans witness the changing of the guard from the Lakers, Celtics and Spurs to the Bulls, Heat and Grizzlies. Baseball has been as unpredictable as ever as more winning teams from last season find themselves fighting out of the cellars of their divisions and dogs are somehow on top.

The NCAA has finally faced reality and realizes they have to get tough and discipline every institution and every coach the same and is looking to institute new rules and guidelines to do just that. Some, according to NCAA President Mark Emmert, should be in place by late June.

Like I mentioned, plenty of things to talk about but it all takes a back seat to what I feel will be the impending national conversation that is looming on the horizon. And the subject is about blackness. I don’t really feel like going into what he said, but you can find it here.

The question was raised by boxer Bernard Hopkins a few days ago in disgusting fashion regarding his ongoing animosity against NFL quarterback Donovan McNabb and the questioning of his has elicited wide condemnation throughout the sports world.

It became the topic du jour on Outside the Lines on ESPN and I’m sure will be the subject on the Sports Reporters and other outlets not limited to sports in the coming days.

I have always been a fan of Hopkins: thought he was one of the best fighters of my generation because he spoke his mind and never backed down from anyone. He fought whoever was placed in his way and always expressed dignity after a good fight or a tough loss. He was one of the last fighters that I would shell out big bucks for pay-per-view to watch regardless of the opponent because I knew the Executioner would always give the people what they wanted.

But now I have to back out of his corner. For once I am hoping for a fight so one-sided against him that his brain is rattled back into reality and the mindless dribble he has been spewing against McNabb disappears into the recesses of his mind, permanently. I am hoping that the ignorance he has tossed across the airwaves for people to pick at like an old sore comes back to bite him in such a way that if he does not issue an apology, it makes him stop his ridiculous attacks altogether.

I hope that he is vilified to the point that his business partners, be they white or black, come to him and issue an ultimatum that this kind of senseless vitriol has got to stop.

But it will never happen. Hopkins has been on McNabb’s case since his early days with the Eagles. He has equated McNabb to an Uncle Tom for reasons he has never fully explained.

One can only surmise it is because while Hopkins was raised poor, McNabb was raised in a well to do family. While Hopkins was looking for his next meal, McNabb was sitting down to eat at a dinner table flush with food. When Hopkins was out committing crimes as a youth without guidance, young Donovan was surrounded by friends, family and mentors that ensured he would stay on the right track. And while Hopkins was languishing in prison, Donovan was going to school and increasing his draft stock in order to be selected by Hopkins’ team, the Eagles.

And when you get to the crux of the argument, you really see why Hopkins has such a problem with McNabb. Hopkins is envious of him. He grew up alone and underprivileged while his “rival” had everything in place to succeed in life. Where Hopkins made bad choices, McNabb made good ones. Where McNabb tends to like to air his grievances in private, Hopkins likes to put his on public display.

McNabb is the gentleman to Hopkins thuggish, brooding behavior and I applaud him for not lowering himself to the level of an idiot because he would never win. Donovan has been what every parent, I’m sure including Hopkins, aspires for their kid regardless of race-successful, trustworthy and clean-cut. He doesn’t fight, he takes care of his family and he is loyal to a fault.

He doesn’t call out his teammates and put the focus on himself like Terrell Owens. Nor does he jeopardize an entire franchise with stupid and selfish actions like Michael Vick. He is the guy you can count on and the guy you want in your corner when times get rough. He is dependable and most of all he is a leader. The leader we should all aspire to be and the guy we should gladly accept a role model. It’s just too bad B-Hop can’t and won’t see it. And now he’s just executed mine and a bunch of others’ support for him.

Stay classy Hopkins.

Wash, Spin, Rinse, Repeat…

2011-04-29T21:04:00.002-05:00

I know that I went on a rant about this topic during the Rangers run-up to the playoffs ad the World Series last season. But as I have read the various message boards and have heard the pundits spew their nonsense out on the interweb, I can’t help but to address my frustration with Rangers’ “fans” again. However, it just seems that no matter what Ron Washington does or how well his team performs, there will always be some people that will find a reason to criticize him.

Since the day he arrived, people have hated on the man because they clamored for a big name ignoring the fact that a big name had just been here and Buck Showalter had done absolutely nothing but make the club house an uncomfortable place for everyone. He micromanaged the team so much that players dreaded playing for him and he wore out his welcome just as he had done in his two previous stops and as he will do during his tenure in Baltimore.

Fans wanted a hire that would make a splash yet in the club’s forty year history they've had the likes of Valentine, Martin and Williams and none of them did anything with this team. They kept up the status quo of power hitting without the emphasis on pitching and defense. And when we finally get a guy in here that places the onus where it has been neglected for so long, the "fans" trash the guy regardless of the success.

Another idea I find laughable is all the credit Nolan Ryan gets for "changing the culture." But have you critics actually paid attention to the time line?

Ryan came after the plan had been put in place by John Daniels and Wash and approved by Tom Hicks. Wash's knowledge and philosophy is what sold Daniels and Hicks on him. The decision had already been made to make pitchers work harder, improve the team defense and become aggressive to a fault. But Ryan comes in and suggests the pitchers go a little longer and all of a sudden he becomes the franchises' saving grace? Give me a break.

The credit should go to Daniels and Washington, with the residual oozing to Ryan like the end of a drunken sexual escapade.

You didn't go to the Cardinals or Dodgers and talk to Walt Jocketty or Frank McChord when the team is successful. You went Tony LaRussa and Joe Torre. They managed the game, good or bad. Yet when the Rangers do anything of significance we see the same tired assed face of Nolan Ryan and hear the accolades that he undeservingly gets.

The "fans" here can't seem to accept the fact that these guys play hard for their manager and each other. He is not some bus driver as some fans and media would like you to believe. So he makes mistakes--who among us hasn't? So he doesn't pull a pitcher when you want him to. Do you know what he and his staff are looking for in a player and if so what makes you so sure?

Something else I find peculiar about Rangers fans. When we hear about Bonds, McGwire, Clemens, Sosa and others using steroids, we consider them cheaters and want their records altered or removed from the game. We look at managers and ask ourselves "how could they not know what was going on?" And that is a valid question. When you have 25 guys immediately in your trust and you spend between 180-225 days together, as a manager you can’t help but stumble upon illegal activity in your clubhouse if there is any (see LaRussa and the Bash Bros). And unless Ryan left the stadium immediately after starts and headed back to Alvin only to reappear when it was his time in the rotation, he knew what was going on to.

Yet many people will, regardless of Washington does and has done, say that Oates is the best manager in the organizations, history even though under his watch, Arlington was ground zero for steroid use. He had at least five of the best hitters in the 90s on his teams and he didn't know anything? But fans and Rangers' brass will turn a blind eye and point to the three division banners blowing in the wind that will always be overshadowed by #38's ALCS crown.

I know many may not agree with this assessment and that is your prerogative. To some of you it won't matter what he does. I just wish we could cut the guy some slack and let him manage. No manager is perfect and you must have talent to win anything. It's not like Bobby Cox, Torre, LaRussa and Joe Girardi did it all from scratch. He could win a WS and you would still say it was all Ryan. But if Clint Hurdle had taken over the team and they still went to the WS and lost, who would have gotten the credit—Hurdle or Ryan?

Our skipper has improved every year since taking over and this year has gotten over his biggest stumbling block which has been the teams’ notoriously slow starts. He's gotten them to a point where they are relevant. Let's enjoy him and our team because I guarantee we’ll miss him when he’s gone.

Do What You Wanna Do

2011-04-15T03:14:00.001-05:00

This week, I was all set to talk about the Rangers. I was ready to wax poetic about how marvelously the back end of the rotation has so far surpassed the expectations of all Rangers’ fans and doubters. I going to fawn all over the offensive display the team has put on to this point. My Ranger slobber was even going to include a few kind words for the weakest part of the rotation, “Ace” and the No. 2.

And even though the Rangers suffered what some would consider a debilitating loss with Josh Hamilton going down for about eight weeks, I am still optimistic that, as the old saying goes, “one monkey don’t stop no show.” The Fightin’ Washingtons can and will find a way to keep on winning. They are survivors just like their skipper. And when the baseball world and the so called experts collectively murmur that this will be the Rangers undoing, Ron will use it as motivation for his team. And I’m absolutely positive they will respond.

Yes, I was all set to begin the first of many weeks gushing over the Rangers, but I found myself sidetracked by the absolutely idiotic ramblings of a radio retard.

Tuesday night while cooking dinner, I switched on the kitchen radio to get the latest news on the Hamilton situation. Both the AM and the four letter FM stations were doing other programming so I was forced into listening to the ultimate Debbie Downer that is Gavin Dawson on The Fan.

Now I’ve only listened to his show on a few occasions, but normally can last only about two segments due to his proclivity to whine and be generally annoying. Something is always wrong or not to his liking or he would have done something different due to his omniscience. And today was no different.

As I tuned in the D-Bag, he started discussing the tragedy that occurred during the Dodgers-Giants Opening Day game where a fan, Bryan Stow, was brutally beaten and is currently in I.C.U. fighting for his life. Dawson read the interview Stow’s friend gave to a Los Angeles radio show about the events that led up to the altercation in the parking lot of Dodger Stadium. Dawson labeled the “fans” that attacked Stow and his party as criminals, to which I totally agree. He decried the bystanders who watched the events unfold as worthless as they watched this man get pummeled after a game and then never tried to subdue the men or took the time to at least get a plate number. To that I also agree and would take it one step further and call them complicit since no one came to their aid.

But then the conversation took a strange turn. Dawson began focusing on the attire of the victims implying their wearing of their team’s gear contributed to the attack. He didn’t go flat out and say they deserved it but in my opinion, he got pretty damn close. His premise was that these fans should have known the area in which they entered and should have refrained from wearing their team’s colors. It was as if he was saying they were antagonizing the home team and, well anything goes from that point on.

To which I say that is ridiculous.

If I want to root for another team, I have a right to root for another team. If I or anyone else for that matter wants to wear something other than the home team’s attire to a venue then so be it. But we shouldn’t have to hide the things we pay for like punks in a closet just because someone else might not like it.

I hate the Redskins and the Eagles, like many Cowboys fans do, but I can rib them without beating their ass. And for Dawson to say that you shouldn’t wear something because someone may take offense to it is truly cowardly.

I don’t care if I go to The Linc or Fedex Field, if I want to wear my Cowboys attire, then I’m going to wear it. But I’ll be damned if I let a couple of punks deter me from supporting the teams I love to the fullest. If I pay the price for the ticket, I should be able to cheer or boo at whomever I like without it getting out of hand. Clearly Stow and his friends were minding their own business and were attacked by some trash whose sole intention was to look for and start trouble. And they found easy prey in three individuals that had their backs turned when they decided to “man up” and throw punches.

We all have a right to do what we want, go where we want and like or dislike who we want, this is America. But to go on a rant like Dawson’s, tuck your sack and sit quietly like a church mouse in “enemy” territory ain’t for me. And I’m sure there are a lot of others that feel the same way.

The entire episode was just as tragic as it was sorry and the last thing any of us needs to do is back down to degenerates and let them ruin our good times. The real fans will be wherever they want to be supporting their teams and understanding that it is a game and when it’s over, it’s over. There is no need to bash someone’s brains in or curb an opposing team’s fan.

The real fans will enjoy themselves and their sports—the cowards will be listening to Dawson and the G-Bag Nation.

Virgin No More

2011-04-02T06:43:00.000-05:00

I can finally say I did it. Numerous times I have been in front of the television watching and fantasizing about what it would be like cheering with all those people.

Year after year, I have wished I could be there sweating, sheering, booing and clapping as I watched my guys gang up on an unsuspecting victim and take them to task.

And finally on April 1, 2011 I was at Opening Day and it was awesome.

For 20 years I have been to numerous Rangers games including the playoffs last year. But nothing compares to the euphoria felt by being there on the first day of the season. Everything is just better. The peanuts, the beer, the hot dogs—it won’t get any better for the rest of the year.

From the salutes to Rangers past to the B-52 flyover at the conclusion of the National Anthem, this was possibly the greatest day of my life, rivaled only by the first football game I ever coached. And even that is a distant second.

Adding to the day was the tailgating that I thought only happened at the Great American Whorehouse across the street. I never knew so many people broke out the grills, tents chairs, and kegs on opening day. It made me a bit envious and jealous that I had never made a game before. And the cherry on top was that I got to spend it with my favorite aunt. We ate before the game, during the game and after the game. I drank before the game, during the game and well after the game leading to a liquor induced coma that lasted well into the morning. But it was all worth it.

The good thing is I have become a season ticket holder for the first time so I have 80 more games to attend. Bad thing is I have to wait another year for Opening Day.

Damn!