Inverted Reflection

bye!

2011-05-24T00:39:00.003-04:00

yup i'm done. i didn't want to do a mellow dramatic post about shutting down the blog and blah blah blah but here i am. it's been like 4 years. im ready to move on. this blog started out as just my thoughts on anything no one actually asked my opinion on. ive seen it evolve into something else, something i am not happy with but am not sure how to change. i've also seen some awesome connections made as a result of having it. i want to thank all my readers for their constructive input. im glad for the love ive received from my readers, especially the ones i have been able to call "friend" (you know i dont like throwing that word around).

it's been a slightly neurotic rollercoaster but it doesn't end. you can still keep up w/ me (superficially) on my other blog and im on twitter. i'm available via email: invrtdreflection [at] gmail [dot] com. and some of you have my # and gchat. so yea, this vein is blocked but there are arteries and capillaries you can use to reach me. what the hell kind of magic school bus metaphor...? i need sleep. peace!

since you havent seen me in a while...

2011-05-01T20:22:00.003-04:00

PICTURE!

why should I protect the innocent?

What do you think about...

2011-04-30T19:55:00.004-04:00

"other" people getting "famous" for getting on Youtube and reciting songs by black artists? Is that really a talent? I know songs, too. First, it was Danny and now it's this Karmin chick. Yes, being able to rap as fast as Busta or Twista is a difficult feat but...*shrug* not impossible. I guess it's the same as other folks being part of cover bands. Again, that's something I don't get but at least they were an option for everyday folks who wanted a live performace but couldnt afford the artist. With these Youtube characters, they get on stage WITH the big name performers. Eh. Idk...shit's kinda weird. What do you think?

extreme stupidity

2011-04-30T17:24:00.003-04:00

so this show, which i like to think of as neat hoarders, is showing me a new kind of crazy. i love a bargain as much as the next chick however Extreme Couponing is the height of too muchery. you dont have kids but you have a stockpile of cheap diapers. even if a baby showed up in your house tomorrow, they wouldnt even be in that diaper size long enough to make a dent. IT IS NOT A DEAL IF YOU DO NOT NEED OR WANT IT! my mother taught me long ago that if it's a coupon for something you dont normally buy, that's not really a deal. yes, it's fine if you want to try something new but i something that you are very unlikely to consume is a WASTE. you can save more than that $1 off by not purchasing that stupid item at all.

as for household staples like mustard and crap, yea i wanna save on that but not ive i gotta keep 20 bottles at one damn time...my thing is if it isnt something my family runs through like toilet paper, there is no need to hoard large quantities. yes, it is super cool when they get thousands of dollars worth of items for about $20. however, most stores place limits on the number of something you can buy and/or the number of coupons you can use on one thing.

i guess someone could say i'm a hoarder for the sheer amount of makeup/beauty products (most at full-price) i could not possibly use all of. my thing is, they are actual items i use, i win giveaways so a good portion was free, and i could always sanitize and use on others.

Highlights: April 2011

2011-04-30T00:27:00.000-04:00

lost 6 lbs!!!- success due to Lent and #10lbchallenge

tax refund- paid off my CC bill and paid my sister for my part of the cruise this Sept.

won a couple of giveaways- I won a statement necklace and MAC candy yum yum lipstick (which i couldn't find ANYWHERE)

went to the melting pot for the first time- dessert was yummy but only worth it in the group we were in

How was your April? Worried that you missed something going on with me? Don't fret; there is nothing more than this highlights post to report. I'm on super chill mode as far as talking to dudes. I've cut everyone fully off and NO BACKTRACKING. I'm actually completely single and I don't much mind it. Weird.

that was fun while it lasted

2011-04-17T00:30:00.002-04:00

i'm over the whole relaxer thing. i've decided to go back to being natural. im not done with the creamy crack for good. the plan is to go completely chemical-free and then return to texturizers. that's what i was getting in the beginning. in a fit of laziness i told my stylist at the time to go ahead and relax it bone straight during one visit. BIG mistake. i hate it. so im going to let what's left of my relaxer grow out which is easier now that ive cut it. my friend is on her solange b/c she cut it ALL OFF! i need a few inches before i do something like that. no chrisette michelle for me. it would be nice to simply wash and go sooner than later but imma try to deal.

no, it really is me

2011-04-11T10:01:00.002-04:00

people get on twitter and say "if u think men aint shit, take a look at yourself". normally, i'd ignore that but it's getting harder and harder to do so. at one point, i was convinced that all the good ones are taken. not the case. every day, i hop on fb to see that so and so got engaged. granted, the guy was technically taken but some folks don't view it as such until there's a ring involved. all im saying is there still are a few good ones out there. maybe theyre commited to someone else but they do, in fact, exist. otherwise, these new engagements would not be occuring so frequently. i still highly doubt there is a good guy FOR ME but generally, good guys are available. i mean, these chicks are finding them. those still on the search, good luck.

get in your box!

2011-04-03T22:30:00.003-04:00

i like to compartmentalize. or at least i thought i did but what im doing speaks to the contrary. my buddy from work is now my real life buddy. i wouldnt go so far as to say we're friends but how much longer can i keep her in the work box if we go to happy hour and grab pedis before work? she's my friend on twitter. have you noticed how much less ratchet i am? she's also my friend on facebook as of today. im doing a lot. maybe it's in part b/c i dont take my job all that seriously. it's really just a job to me. a stepping stone. it's no secret: they know it and i know it. so yea, she's my bff at work and apparently she's cool people in my real life. i think this is a good thing. might be one of the only things making this bareable. she bet' not leave before im done serving my time.

Highlights: March 2011

2011-03-31T11:24:00.001-04:00

sprinkles cupcakes opened. my friend bought me a cupcake a few days after opening day.

bff's bday. he came to town and we explored old town alexandria, a spot im NEVER in. a stranger paid $20 of our $28 bar tab in one of the spots we hit. i paid the remainder b/c i was buying him a drink anyway.

my dad finally got me new tires for my car, saving me about $600.

my degree came in the mail and i picked up my commencement tickets.

i got 7 bottles of wine for the low-low via groupon

i got a free voucher for an orioles game in september.

how was your March? i was really reaching here for the good news so im hoping that April has a huge dose of awesome!

that's happening

2011-03-22T23:46:00.001-04:00

i got a guest post going on over at Tea and Such: check it out

does not equate

2011-03-18T18:28:00.002-04:00

i did everything i was supposed to do.

i approached life like a brand new toy on christmas day. maybe not how i actually treat new gadgets b/c with them, i just open them, start doing what looks like makes sense and THEN check the manual if shit doesnt work out.

but that's not how i did my life. i know life doesnt come with an owner's manual but i've had some guidance from involved parents and a few decent teachers along the way. for the most part, supervisors say i do what im told. so imagine my surprise when i followed the step-by-step proceedures and did not yield the results as expected. i cant just go back to the store for an exchange or refund either. all is not lost. i can simply try something else. the problem is knowing what i'd like to try and possibly fail at next. another problem is getting the motivation to go through another set of steps.

people are all on the internet claiming that the rapture is tomorrow. i'd be ok with that. im so tired. and frustrated.

how long is my sentence, again?

2011-03-17T23:46:00.003-04:00

i could not go to jail but i really cant tell the difference between prison and my job right now. my job is the punishment i get for getting a liberal arts degree followed by getting a masters in a related field. i only have to serve 2 years and i may get out early for good behavior (not taking too many vacation days and stuff).

im told what to do, when to do it, and how. sure, i get paid, even prisoners get paid for the work they do. it's not a viable or sufficient source of income, though. i get food while im there. thank God, i dont depend on them for clothing and other comforts of home but there might come a time that i do. i'm required to be there even in inclimate weather so should a blizzard hit and i have nothing with me, i'll be going through the basement browsing the shelves of donations for the things i need. hopefully, the dc area is all snowed out for the next 18 months +.

i didnt know i was this unhappy until i had to pay for my car to get serviced, realized i never make enough to move out of my parents' house while doing this job, and student loan repayment will kick in in about 3 months. i remembered all that and then i got a passive-aggressive email from my boss. girl, goodbye!

this is hard

2011-03-17T22:57:00.002-04:00

my job is making lent extra hard. we get donations daily of all kinds of bread and stuff. it's usually day-old or beyond so it's not that hard to pass on it. volunteers come and cook for the kids and staff participates in meals. again, MOST times it's easy to pass. this is gonna be racist but white people just prepare their stuff differently and it's usually in a fashion i can take or leave. unless the person is a pro, it's just ok at best for me. anyway, it's still hard spending the little money i make to buy something different or just eating the salad that was made to go with the meal.

saturdays are only hard because it's pizza night and it's 3 days after the weekly grocery store trip so pickings are slim. this is still ok because the pizza that we get is dominos. what in the pure fuck do i look like crying 'cause i cant have that nasty shit?

one really tough time was this wednesday. a black lady came to cook! she set the table with table cloth and somehow, all of the dishes magically matched. she placed a floral centerpiece on the table and i saw her storebought, im assuming red velvet, cake in her picnic basket. YES, picnic basket. this lady was so cute. she made spaghetti and the aroma was HEAVENLY. of course, she made a beautiful-looking salad to go with it. the salad would have been all that i could have had. dinner is at 5:30 and so is the end of my shift. she came at 3pm to start prepping and i was smelling garlic bread and pasta sauce since about 4:30. i RAN out of that place when my shift was done. i was so hungry and so sad...

i dont want her coming back until after Easter. i also don't want anyone as awesome as her to come until then. just keep having people bring whatever is left over from the buffet at whatever event they attended like they did that one time o_O. that shit was trifling.

lent update

2011-03-16T19:17:00.002-04:00

just really quick: sunday's don't count. that's all i got to say. i dont plan to take full advantage of this but i just wanted to throw that out there. i took advantage of it last sunday b/c it was the niece's bday and i had some of her cake. i dont plan on making this a trend.

at last weigh-in, i was -2 lbs. this weigh-in occurred after consuming the cake so i think i'm good. i want to get more workouts in. im falling short of my goal. what was it? 3 a week? i dont remember so that's probably why im not making it. thinking about doing a guest post for T's blog. if i go forward with it, i'll definitely provide the link.

2011-03-15T01:04:00.002-04:00

reflecting on my current situation reminded me of a scene from one of my favorite movies, Girl, Interrupted.

the main character is in a session at the mental hospital:

Susanna: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna: I don't care.
Dr. Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Dr. Wick: On the contrary, Susanna. Ambivalence suggests strong feelings... in opposition. The prefix, as in "ambidextrous," means "both." The rest of it, in Latin, means "vigor." The word suggests that you are torn... between two opposing courses of action.
Susanna: Will I stay or will I go?
Dr. Wick: Am I sane... or, am I crazy?
Susanna: Those aren't courses of action.
Dr. Wick: They can be, dear - for some.
Susanna: Well, then - it's the wrong word.
Dr. Wick: No. I think it's perfect.

Susanna probably meant to say apathetic but what she said fit the situation much better. afterall, she had borderline personality disorder, which when coined meant she was bordering on psychosis and neurosis. all i know is im feeling love and hate at the same time and it's not too fun.

NWGHAAD

2011-03-10T12:11:00.002-05:00

Every year, since I've known of it's existance, I've participated in the Red Pump Project on this blog. Now, I have two blogs, so Pigmented Pretty is rocking the badge, too. What's it all for? National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. I was last tested on 12/1/2010 (World AIDS Day); how about you?

Lemme give you some stats:

Every 35 minutes, a woman tests positive for HIV in the United States.

In 2006, teen girls represented 39% of AIDS cases reported among 13–19 year-olds

Black teens represented 69% of cases reported among 13–19 year-olds; Latino teens represented 19%.

Check out my sidebar for the RPP link and additional stats, as well as how you can support!

Sidenote: Happy Birthday to my BFF :)

lent: day 1

2011-03-09T19:15:00.003-05:00

it's ash wednesday so you know what that means? or do you? might not mean anything to some people...

for me it means the elimination of most carbs, namely starches. everyone knows i live off of fries, bread, cereal, crackers, etc. gave all that up for lent. i can still have popcorn and that's all i can think of that's allowed. i can have all the fruit, meat, and veggies i want. as i write this, im hungry. im going to finish reading emails and other internet surfing i cant really get done when im at work and then i need to go do my bible reading. im on day 65 of that.

so far this week, i only worked out on monday. that just means big things poppin' for tomorrow. pray for me!

good day, sir

2011-03-09T00:10:00.002-05:00

i am so SICK of dudes coming at me on some dating shit and then saying "but i dont want a relationship". im writing this open letter to bullshitting dudes as well as CQ. feel free to read along since im actually sending this to no one.

got it. you dont want a relationship. ok, then what the fuck do you want? have the nerve to say "i dont get why girls get feelings when sex is involved"? so knowing that, you still wanna do what you do and complain when the inevitable occurs. then you get annoyed like "didnt i say i didnt want a relationship"? well...sir, didnt you know if we did that there was a big chance i'd catch feelings?

yea, i knew you didn't want what i wanted and proceeded with that knowledge. things were ok. THEN, you tell me you have feeling for me so then i'm a little confused but i'm thinking, ok cool, i'm not alone right now so let's see where this goes. i guess i get too emotional and it's you screaming that you do not, under any circumstances want a relationship at this time. welp. you're in another state and when you do move, you'll be temporarily in a nearby state but still nowhere convenient to me so...bye. i'm done.

no, there's no one on the horizon but honestly, neither are you. so what the fuck? i'm supposed to make time in my fucked up work schedule to call some nigga who i was just convenient for at the time? and then when you move 2+ hours away, i'm supposed to drive down to "chill" with you. i barely want a long-distance relationship and you want me to engage in a long-distance sex partnership? ive learned my lesson and no dick is worth getting less than what i want. no, thank you. im good. glad you didn't want me to get hurt and all but my feelings are my responsibility so i'm gonna make sure i dont get hurt and imma just leave you alone. no hard feelings and best wishes and all that shit.

signed,

not that desperate

on the way

2011-03-06T23:21:00.002-05:00

i bet something really good is just around the corner. january felt great. february was so-so. march is blah. this downward spiral HAS to mean there is an impending upswing. right? im keeping hope alive. im mostly hoping to at least have SOMETHING to write in my march highlights post.

yea. that.

2011-03-02T20:08:00.002-05:00

guess what im pretending to commit to again? FITNESS! it's that time of year where the weather is getting warmer and im reminding that the extra 10 lbs that comforted me through winter are super inconvenient when it's hot. im trying to shed this 10 and then some b/c my regular weight is TURRIBLE.

this sucks because my Lent plans coupled with my fitness goes do not allow for me to eat at work as i'd planned. all they ever have is bread and sweets and other fatty foods. i had my heart set on having salad on Tuesday and all of that was gone. SALAD? in a place full of teens? come ON! the pantry is stocked with chips, cookies, noodles, and other starchy food so that will never do. i gotta start bringing my lunch. damn.

starting goal: the first 10 lbs.

oh, shamrock shakes, my favorite season approaches!

2011-02-28T18:15:00.002-05:00

i LOVE Spring. i cannot stand being cold. i like wearing dresses and bright, fun makeup. i welcome flowers blooming and bees buzzing with open arms. ok, ya'll can keep the bees but it just flowed with the sentence, i thought.

sure signs of Spring:

- shamrock shakes return to McDonald's

- the sun seems to shine i little bit brighter in the morning

- 50 degrees or better becomes less few and far between

- white people wear shorts/short-sleeves (w/ their anxious asses)

what are some more signs of Spring? anyone as excited as i am for warmer (but not too damn warm) weather?

i freakin dare ya!

2011-02-20T01:31:00.002-05:00

i dare myself to be single. im always single. you know this. but i mean really and truely, madly, deeply single. i first thought to challenge myself when T pointed out that she hasnt known me to ever not have ANYONE at all. some sort of boo thing, sex partner situation is forever going on with me. so, since niggas wanna be allergic to the term boyfriend anyway, i might as well use this time to be completely into me. no more looking. i dont know if ive ever really been looking but i know that if someone approaches me, i look to find out if we can work out. no more of that. ive been wanting a boyfriend for a while now but it just doesnt seem to be in the cards for me. it's time to figure out how to enjoy this whole single situation. i wanna be friends with it.

signed,

black jennifer aniston

"i dont get it"

2011-02-17T20:34:00.003-05:00

well that's the damn point. my best friend, my brother, my sister, and im sure some others have voiced that they dont get my facebook statuses. uh...so? sometimes i want to get some stuff out and i might not wanna dedicated a blog to it. my statuses could be the equivalent of a subtweet in some instances but mostly i like to think of them as akin to horoscopes. they are generic enough to fit a variety of situations/contexts. i find it amusing when people "like" my random statuses. it's even more hilarious when the status is about them (very rare but it does not lose it's comedy). the real reason my statuses are so cryptic (but not really even) is because i have family and such as friends on facebook. i have people im not close to but would be uncomfortable unfriending. most people can relate to just not wanting certain people to know certain things about you. plus, while i get more "likes", i get fewer obnoxious comments from people who never know what their talking about but always have something to add to the "discussion". finally, my moods waver so much that if i posted a status saying i'm pissed at someone, within 20 minutes i'd be loving them again and wishing i hadnt posted such a hateful status.

but im saying, how many statuses have you seen that you wish you DIDNT get? TMfuckingI. people should thank me instead of complaining. get all the ratchet overshares from here and my twitter account. facebook is a safe haven for people in my life under 18 and over 45.

decisions, decisions

2011-02-17T16:43:00.002-05:00

today marks day 45 in my bible-in-a-year journey. im thinking ahead because Ash Wednesday and Lent will be here before i know it. wondering what i should give up for those 40 days. i think a real toughy would be bread but giving that up would be a significant change in my eating. significant so much that an easy 80% of what i eat would be off limits. no cereal, danishes, sandwiches, crackers...i survive on bread/starches. i also know it's possible for me to give it up b/c i did the south beach diet in undergrad phase 1 for longer than the recommended duration.

i know i want to cut back on eating so much bread anyway and i want to make better food choices so this will be a good start. im also open to other ideas of something to sacrifice. i'm not sure why i do this since i dont even really go to church but i pretty much give up something every year. what are you thinking of doing? do you give up anything for Lent?

i know i'm fully aware

2011-02-13T23:53:00.003-05:00

happy valentines day!

from,

the black version of this chick-

can you guess how this day will be spent? aside from ALONE, i'll be at the bar at cheesecake factory after work enjoying a big ass margarita. im going to eat something as a meal, idk what. and of course, im getting cheesecake. dont be stupid.

tons of love! thanks for reading.