Seeing Jesus in Everything

A Special Day

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 13:45:00 +0000

Apologies for the extended hiatus from blogging but if there is any day worthy of a new post it would
be today. Today marks 16 years or marriage-- but perhaps more importantly, it marks just over 5 years since Kim entered remission -- so that makes this anniversary extra special. In celebration of this day I thought it would be appropriate to share a “God story” about one of my favorite pictures of us.

The picture below was taken in June of 2011 on Kaanapali Beach in Maui. It was our 10 year anniversary and we had returned to the exact same spot of our honeymoon. As we walked that sandy beach, basking in a glorious sunset, our hearts were so full. Little did we know that Kim had a tumor growing in her chest.

Kaanapali Beach, Maui (June 7, 2011)

Seven months later we found ourselves in the ER, due to a persistent cough and stomach pains. Kim stayed overnight for a battery of tests with a gastroenterologist and the next morning when I saw her she had just awakened from being sedated.

She was weeping. Uncontrollably.

We were both mystified as to why she was so emotional. We thought we were just dealing with an ulcer. In our minds, we'd get some meds and get back home to our three young kids.

When she finally gathered herself, she said she had this vivid dream when she went under. She dreamed that we were walking on a beach, hand in hand, watching the sunset. She dreamed of the exact moment captured in this picture. The next day we discovered she was in stage 4 of a rare and aggressive form of lymphoma -- and that story is well-documented in this blog.

However, what I've never shared before is that a year later we went back to that same hospital for a checkup and this time a different doctor greeted us. Although we had never met before, it was obvious he knew who Kim was. He began telling us about how when Kim first checked in a year earlier, the medical staff had no idea what they were dealing with. After she went under, they tried to look into her stomach with a scope and in his words, she immediately began to “wig out”.

They almost lost her.

By the look on our faces, he immediately realized that he had shared too much. He got quiet and quickly left the room. He didn’t know that we didn't know -- she was only inches away from death that day.

Suddenly, it all began to make sense...

Why all the gastro doctors knew who she was.

Why she was weeping when she woke up that day.

Why she had a vision of that beautiful sunset evening.

We had no idea when she lying down for some tests she was actually standing on the edge of eternity. I love that when we were so close to being separated -- her heart went towards us.

But most of all, I love this pic because the sun is centered right between us and we are both gazing and walking towards it.

I hope each new day on earth would be seen as a gift from heaven.
I hope our remaining moments are spent walking hand-in-hand towards Jesus.
I hope that He would always be the center of our souls and the light of our lives.
I hope our union with each other would be defined by the love of Christ -- until our union with him is complete.

Here's to five years of remission.

Here's to sixteen years of marriage.

Here's to an eternity with the One who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Love you...always and forever.

Peter

Echoes of Eden

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Fri, 13 Nov 2015 15:10:00 +0000

Hello. Is it just me or does this somber song of self-reflection remind you of our universal groaning for redemption and the nostalgia of an incredibly powerful lost love? God has put "eternity in our hearts" and He is hell-bent on winning us back to Himself.

God is Good

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Wed, 14 Oct 2015 15:01:00 +0000

What does it mean when a Christian says, "God is good'? Can't speak for everyone but for me it's not just a public declaration but a private reminder that....
...every good thing in my life, comes directly from Him, so be grateful.
...if He did not withhold His own Son from me, why would He withhold any other good gift, so be logical.
...He is always working for my good, regardless of my present circumstances, so be faithful.
...if I choose to reject God in this life, I am choosing to be separated from all that is good for an eternity, so be rational.
...when I am not good, He is still good, so love unconditionally.

Needed this reminder especially today -- in the wake of my beloved Cardinals loss. smile emoticon

God is good.

Ode to My Grandmother

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Tue, 21 Jul 2015 18:05:00 +0000

I gave my first eulogy ever last Sunday before we buried the beloved spiritual matriarch of

our family, my grandmother Kyung Hee Cho. I wasn't planning on posting it but at the behest of a couple people I thought it might be encouraging to anyone who finds themselves discouraged when life does not go according to plan. Though our plans may fail, God's plan can never be frustrated. His is a good plan for those who know and love Him, because He is a good God.

Good evening. Thank you for joining us to celebrate the life of my grandmother. Before I begin, I’d like to read two verses from 2 Timothy which I think capture her life and legacy so well:

2 Timothy 1:5 “I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.”

2 Timothy 4:5 “As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.”

My grandmother’s first name was Kyung Hee. But if she ever took an English name, I think “Lois” would have fit her well. We don’t know much about “Lois” in the Bible, as this is the only time she is ever mentioned; likewise not many people have probably heard of my grandmother: Cho, Kyung Hee. Though, she lived to the remarkable age of 92, most would likely deem her life rather unremarkable -- at least by the world’s standards. She never amassed much in the way of wealth, never gained much in the way of titles; never even collected a university degree. But it’s truly an honor to call her my grandmother and to stand before you and share her story, because it is impossible to tell her story without telling God’s story. They both loved each other so much.

If I had to describe my grandmother I think I’d only need three words: Frugal. Funny. Faithful.

First, my grandma was FRUGAL. When you don’t have lots of money, you have to save everything to get by. She lived through war and poverty and I know that profoundly impacted her but this woman saved everything -- and I mean everything. She would stash napkins and bars of soap like they were diamonds and bars of gold. Sometimes she would give candy to my children but I’d always get a little nervous when they ate them, wondering if the candy was older than they were. And whenever we took her out to eat at a restaurant she’d always take the free bread and stash it in her purse and then ask for more. She loved Old Country Buffet. I think she had OCD when it came to OCB, because to her it wasn’t just all-you-can-eat, it was all you can stash. When I read about Jesus feeding 5,000 with 5 loaves of bread. Sometimes I honestly wonder if my grandmother was somehow involved in that miracle. I could just picture her showing up with that big purse and feeding all 5,000 from her personal stash.

As I got older, I realized that she wasn’t saving things so she could enjoy them later for herself. She was saving things so she could give them to others when the opportunity arose. Her frugality was actually generosity. Last Monday morning shortly after my grandma passed away, the Hebron pastors came by to pray with us. After praying together Pastor Lee shared that every time he would visit my grandma in the nursing home she would always pull out a stash of one-dollar bills and force him to take some - so that he could buy his daughter some candy. It didn’t surprise me at all. That was my grandmother. Though she never had much to give, she always gave all she had.

Second, my grandma was FUNNY. She lived each day with happiness in her heart, and a smile in her eyes. That in itself is probably not all that unique but when you realize the great heartache, loss and suffering she has endured you can only conclude that the joy of the Lord was her strength. To give one example, at the start of the Korean War and in the chaos of fleeing from the North, she was separated from her 5 yo daughter – never to be seen again. As a mother, I know not a day went by where she did not grieve that loss, wondering if her child was still alive and praying that they might one day be reunited again. She made us promise to make every effort to find her, if the North Korean borders ever opened up again. But you would never know that she carried that profound pain because she was always quick to laugh and slow to anger. This joy gave her the strength to just tell it like it is. She was never afraid to speak truth. In fact just a few weeks ago, we held a family reunion at my house and I woke up early one morning to find her sitting by herself on our couch in our living room. So I sat down next to her. I wasn’t wearing a shirt since I had just gotten up and in the quietness of that morning she looked over at me and in Korean she smiled and said, “Peter, your breasts are large enough to nurse a child.” I knew that was her way of telling me to lose weight. But that was my grandmother. Though she was losing her memory, she never lost her wit or her sense of humor. Though she had so much taken from her, no one could ever rob her of her joy.

Lastly, and most importantly she was FAITHFUL. You cannot be faithful without faith, and my grandmother was a woman of great faith. And she had no greater passion than sharing her faith with others. She felt her calling in life was to be an evangelist. She would often tell me, that as a young woman her dream was to attend seminary and become an evangelist, but when the Japanese occupied Korea they shut down all the Bible schools. But she didn’t need a degree to share her faith. When she immigrated to the U.S. and was unable to speak English – most would call it quits. How do you share the gospel if you cannot speak the language? Well, apparently her purse was not only good for carrying bread. She also used it to store hundreds of gospel tracts which she handed out to pretty much everyone in the Chicagoland area telling them “Jesus loves you” in her broken English and every once in a while she would do this and see a grown man break down and cry.

Looking back at her life I’ve come to realize what made her special was not her great faith in God, but God’s great faithfulness in her. Because she lived through a war, and experienced having nothing, she was able to live in peace and give away everything. Because she was separated from a child that she loved so dearly --longing to be reunited, she understood God’s love for His children, separated by sin, and who longs to restore us back into relationship with Him. Her heart for the gospel was shaped by her hardships in life and God did this for her good and for His glory.

My grandmother prayed without ceasing, memorized large portions of Scripture, and passed her faith on to her husband and two remaining children – my grandfather, who passed away 13 years ago, my aunt, who went to be with the Lord five months ago, and my father, both of whom she loved dearly. The two children she raised married godly people in my uncle and my mother, who had a very close relationship with her mother-in-law. From the two children she raised, six grandchildren were born and from those six – sixteen great grandchildren -- almost all of whom are sitting here today. Those numbers include four elders, three worship leaders, a children’s pastor, and two missionaries. Though my grandmother never fulfilled the dream she envisioned for herself, she fulfilled the ministry God had given her and it was far better and far greater than she could have hoped. God was faithful to this woman of faith. Thank you, Lord!

And Grandma, thank you. Thank you for showing us -- all of us how to endure suffering well. Thank for you for doing the tireless work of an evangelist. Thank you for fulfilling your ministry on earth. And now your reward is in heaven -- where you stand united with your Savior who loved you more than His own life, and reunited with your two daughters whom you loved more than your own life. You have inspired us to give all that we have without letting anyone take away our joy. You have inspired us to have faith because God is faithful. And now your legacy stretches beyond your faith and into your family. May we all fulfill the ministries God has granted us, just as you have fulfilled yours. We love you.

Losing My Job...and Never Been Happier

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Tue, 09 Jun 2015 13:36:00 +0000

After 16 years with the company, I'm losing my job --- and I've never been happier. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love my job and the people I get to work with every day. I know it's popular to bash large corporations today but how many companies would:

1. Pay for your continued education (MBA - books included) with no strings attached?

2. Grant you 8 months of leave and hold your job while you cared for your sick wife?

3. Help you galvanize a bone marrow registration effort company-wide to save lives?

4. Allow you to work from home once a week so you can mantain a healthy work/life balance?

This one. I count it a privilege to have worked at one of the greatest companies and some of the smartest people in the world. But my job does not define me. My God does. As some of you may know, I have been in the process of writing a book on marriage and the gospel (some of which I have put on this blog), going on four years now and to date it's about 80% complete. I began in earnest when Kim was sick with cancer and have labored with starts and stops in between. This past New Year's Day my only resolution (and promise to God) was to complete this project but truth be told I still found it difficult to make progress given my busy work schedule, three kids, etc.

So you can imagine my surprise when I found out that GE Capital was selling off virtually all of their businesses and Commercial Real Estate would be the first to go. I was shocked but not shaken. While the world might see this as an unfortunate turn of events I see it as a great blessing because it completely frees up my schedule to finish the book. I will be getting paid to essentially do nothing until early next year. God has removed the last of my excuses -- a lack of time.

As a bonus, I was only two classes shy of graduating with a Masters degree from Moody Theological Seminary before my wife got sick. I couldn't summon the gumption to go back upon life after cancer. Well, I found out that GE will also pay for my last two classes as part of their job-loss policy. Gumption summoned. God is good.

After being summarily rejected by all the Christian publishers I knew three years ago I resigned myself to self-publishing. At the encouragement of a friend (and despite my hesitation to re-open an old wound) I attended a Christian Writers Conference in Wheaton last week called "Write to Publish". Once I got over the fact that I was one of the youngest people there, one of only a few males and definitely the only Asian (not on a panel), I pitched my book idea to four different publishers. To my surprise, all four of them shared in my excitement and wanted to see a completed book proposal. It was so affirming to see others in the industry, who have the power to get the word out, see the awesome potential of communicating the gospel through the context of marriage. God's timing is always perfect. Don't worry, I have no aspirations of becoming a full-time writer. I'm just following God's lead -- though admittedly it is a bit slow for my impatient taste.

A generous friend of mine helped me put together a teaser video (pro-bono) three years ago and it has collected dust since then. I hope it piques your curiosity in the project. (though the title has already changed)

The Big Picture of Marriage from Peter C on Vimeo.

I make no claims of being a marriage expert but in the end this book is not really about marriage -- it's about the gospel and I'm a lover of the gospel. Please pray for me (and Kim) if you feel led. Obviously, this topic is deeply spiritual and though I believe God created marriage to be a light to the world, it has instead become a lightning rod with the world. My prayer is that through this book God would unveil the mystery of the gospel found in marriage so that many might come to understand and experience the great love of our Lord.

"Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." -Ephesians 6:19-20

In His Grace & For His Glory,

Peter

Seeing Jesus in a Donkey: Blessings and Curses

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Tue, 26 May 2015 18:09:00 +0000

Now that I've got your attention please allow me to explain my blog post title....

I had the great privilege of giving the Sunday sermon at my home church yesterday from Numbers 22-24 which covered Balaam and his donkey (i.e. "ass"). Since I didn't have much time to prepare I recycled an old sermon that I have given a few times before at various churches. It's actually part sermon/part personal testimony of how God has taken some of the greatest "curses" in my life, like my wife's cancer, and transformed it into a myriad of incredible blessings and how this dynamic is true for all believers. So, if you are in a difficult place and find yourself questioning the goodness of God in the hardness of life - please take a listen and be reminded again of what the message of the gospel really is and what it means for you today and for your future. God is in control - even when we are not. God is good - even when we are not. God is always working for the good - even if we (or others) are not.

You can listen by using the embedded MP3 player below, or you can find the archived sermon HERE or MP3 link HERE, if you'd rather download the file into your iPod/iPhone and listen later.

I've also posted a few diagrams/pics I used in my powerpoint slides below because it is difficult to envision what I am speaking of via audio alone. I'd recommend not scrolling down and reviewing the diagrams and pics until you're about 25 minutes into the sermon. That is where I begin to tie everything together with the gospel and show you how can you see Jesus....even in an "ass". =)

Lord bless.

Peter

The Jewish Moral Law and the Gospel of Christ

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Wed, 20 May 2015 10:46:00 +0000

There are many moral laws in the first five books of the Bible (i.e. the Pentateuch, the Books of Moses, the Torah) which many people, even Christians, find confusing and others often mock as proof that the Bible is an antiquated book with little relevance to me today. This is probably best exemplified in an open letter written to Dr. Laura Schelssinger a few years ago posted below. Schelssinger is a radio personality who gives advice to those who call her radio show and this satirical letter was posted on the internet in response to her quoting Leviticus 18:22 and condemning homosexuality as an abomination.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord—Leviticus 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness—Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination—Leviticus 11:10—it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?

While I give the writer of this letter points for creativity, wit and humor, it is misguided for several reasons. One, it completely ignores the context in which these laws were written. The Bible is not a code of moral ethics by which people curry favor from an insatiable and insecure deity. It's ultimately a story, written by and about a God who loves us and who is pursuing a relationship with us which has been broken and initiating that restoration through His Son.

Second, the writer fails to understand the fundamental problem of sin -- especially in the presence of a holy God. Have you ever noticed that anytime a person enters the presence of God in Scripture their immediate response is to fall on their face? That's "shock and awe". Notice it's not a holy God scurrying away from sinful man. It's sinful man falling down and hiding his face from an awesome and holy God.

"Who is like you, O LORD, among the gods? Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders?" -Exodus 15:11

As a child I used to think that sin somehow has power over God - as if God is Superman and sin is his kryptonite. We have it backwards. It's not so much that a holy God cannot dwell with sin - but rather it's sin that cannot dwell with a holy God. When Uzzah touched the Ark of the Covenant (2 Sa 6:7) the Ark was not destroyed....he was. Sin and anything sinful is simply vaporized when it comes into contact with the awesome holiness of God. It's as simple and sobering as that. And so God did not send His Son as a panacea to His greatest weakness - He sent His Son as a panacea to our greatest weakness. This was not God's solution to His greatest problem - it was God's solution to ours.

If you're still not convinced or would like to understand how it all ties together better please watch the video from The Bible Project below which does a great job of describing the structure and purpose of the book of Leviticus. Here you will see that Leviticus is pointing (as every book in the Bible does) to both the nearness and to our need of a Savior -- Jesus Christ -- who is ultimately revealed in the New Testament.

You can choose to see the confusing moral laws in the Old Testament as arbitrary nonsense that disproves the relevance of the Bible. Or you can choose to see it as defining our problem with sin before an awesome and holy God, leading to God's gracious and merciful solution in His Son - Jesus Christ.

.Peter

Life, Death and the Glory of God

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Mon, 18 May 2015 11:15:00 +0000

I want to share a quick story on the sovereignty and goodness of God in the midst of aching trials. When Kim was sick with cancer, we were served by some wonderful people. One of the best was our friend Jen (and her husband Rob) Stotz. She was truly a blessing to us -- constantly praying for us and greeting us with that positive attitude and infectious smile of hers. We were more than happy to partially return the favor this past year after we heard that her brother Bob was stricken with cancer and battling for his life. I did not know Bob personally but followed his journey of faith and suffering. He struck me as a godly man with a beautiful young family who loved to serve the "least of these" as proven by his dedication as a pediatric surgeon and his heart for medical missions.

Well, long (and tragic) story short -- Bob passed away last week after fighting to the end. The grace he and his sister Jen displayed through all of it is truly a testimony to the indescribable hope and peace we have in Christ. Though the outcome was not what we had hoped for, I know God was glorified by their faith. I share this because last night we got a message from Jen. Apparently, as soon as she got home from her brother's funeral a letter was waiting for her. It was from Be the Match and she was notified that she is a possible match for someone with cancer in need of a bone marrow transplant.

Jen wanted us to know since she registered when Kim was sick in 2012 when we were trying to get the word out for everyone to sign up. Only God could have orchestrated the timing of all these events. Obviously, the outcomes were very different for Kim and Bob and frankly it's something we don't understand ourselves, but one thing remains the same: GOD. God is good. God is sovereign and God is near to the broken-hearted.

p.s. If you haven't done so already please visit bethematch.org and register to be a donor. It's as simple as mailing in a cheek swab.

Peter

Faith, Hope and LOVE

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 19:44:00 +0000

I ran across this "spoken word" poem from a very talented artist named Janette...ikz about 4 years ago. Her poem was entitled "I Will Wait For You" and it's an honest look at the disappointments in seeking a soul mate but finding satisfaction in the one who created her soul. I remember listening to this and thinking "she gets it". Though she learned some tough lessons in dating the best thing she learned was that ultimate love can only be ultimately measured by and found in the One who is love -- Jesus Christ.

Well, I was happy to find another video from her this week. Apparently, she waited in hope for that man and she got married recently and recorded her vows. I'm so glad that her faith was rewarded on earth as it yet will be in heaven. God has granted her a Prince Charming for her time on earth but a greater Prince awaits her in heaven and she has not lost sight of that greater hope and promise.

I pray that my little girl gives her first and greatest love to the only man that can never disappoint her. Not her boyfriend. Not even me, her father. But the one who made her and loves her more than He loves himself. I hope she sees that the marriage vows she makes before her husband one day are only a picture of the covenant vows that Jesus has already made to her so that her struggle to keep her promise will be strengthened by Christ's promise to always keep His (Rom 8:38-39). I pray that she will find herself whole and complete not in an earthly man, but in the perfect God-man who provides a lasting "shalom" (wholeness, peace) and a perfect (complete) love.

'Til Death Do Us Part

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Mon, 15 Dec 2014 15:00:00 +0000

I find it fascinating that this is the most popular movie currently in Korea...

South Korea has by far the highest rate of cosmetic surgeries in the world. Yet even a country capable of such shallow superficiality finds itself enamored with the beauty of a love that endures "until death do us part". Maybe we are drawn to stories like this because there is a higher love our souls long for and a greater love that even death cannot separate.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39

The Gospel Marriage: Conflict, Reconciliation and God's Glory

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Wed, 10 Sep 2014 12:09:00 +0000

This is a continuation of a series on how God created marriage to be living picture of the gospel to make us more like Christ and as a witness to the world for the glory of God. We looked at this in terms of how God designed marriage to be a COVENANT similar to Christ’s covenant to us. And we looked at this in terms of HEADSHIP and how God designed the husband to be the servant leader of the home as Christ is servant leader of the Church. In this post we will look at marriage in terms of RECONCILIATION and how God designed both the conflict and reconciliation found in marriage to be a profound picture of Christ’s reconciliation of the Church. So let’s start with a video. WARNING: some foul language.

If you find any humor in the video above, it’s probably because you’ve “been there”. The English writer, G.K. Chesterton once said “Marriage is an adventure….like going to war.” While actor Gary Busey observed, “Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.” Sad, but often true.

marriage counseling anyone?

Marriage can evoke the language of war simply because it can feel like a constant battle. But take heart, even great leaders who have demonstrated the character and patience to lead nations and broker peace agreements in the midst of civil wars like Abraham Lincoln and Nelson Mandela, had well-documented conflicts in their own marriages – so we are in good company. Of course, marriages don’t typically start this way but for many couples what begins as a blissful union often devolves into perpetual conflict. Why is this? I believe there are two primary reasons:

1. the husband.

2. the wife.

Both are sinners so when the “honeymoon phase” inevitably passes our true nature often emerges and the battle begins. To compound the potential for conflict, generally speaking, men and women are very different. Our culture perpetually pushes the false notion that men and women are the same in every way, but one week of marriage usually debunks that myth. That said, I believe God did make man and woman the same in many ways in that we both share God’s image, and therefore share the same inherent value and worth, but He also made us profoundly different – to His glory. We are physically different, physiologically different and also often very different in the way we think, act, feel, process, communicate. I’m all for equality but in its march for male-female equality the world has jettisoned male-female uniqueness discarding an important element of God’s creative design.

In 1992 John Gray published a book entitled Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus and it was an instant hit – selling over 7 million copies it grew so popular that it even became a television sitcom and a Broadway show. The basic premise of the book was that men and women are so different that they might as well have come from different planets, however understanding and appreciating these differences is the key to unlocking harmony and happiness in the relationship. What a radical concept! Our differences are not to be mocked or blurred but respected and even celebrated. In my own experience I often marvel at how God has gifted my wife with incredible amounts of “emotional intelligence” while I have the social awareness of a cave-man raised by a pack of wolves. I cannot count how many times she has (correctly) pulled me aside and told me how my words or facial expressions might have affected another person – completely unbeknownst to me.

The challenge is that our inherent differences have the potential to create a perfect storm for conflict which is why when I see a husband and wife who live in holy harmony and who have a peaceful home I find myself drawn to them like a moth to light because the glow is so attracting. Is this not what we all seek? Reconciliation in our differences. Unity in a world of diversity. Peace in the midst of conflict.

A few years ago I visited a good friend’s church in upstate New York and was surprised to see so much artwork on display in the hallways. I found that a local artist named Charlotte Blanchard was responsible for the work and the church displayed them in an effort to reach out to the community. The paintings were of natural and serene landscapes and were beautifully done but what struck me the most was not the art but the artist’s statement:

"It's all about detail and contrast coming together and making a pleasing union. I incorporate the solidarity of buildings with the fragility of flowers, light and shadows, bold colors and subdued earth tones, smooth and rough surfaces, dramatic and yet peaceful at the same time and all of this comes together to tell a story.

It struck me that a gifted artist, someone who makes a living recognizing and expressing beauty in life through her work, would identify the unity found in diversity in life as the ultimate objective in her art. Her stated desire to “tell a story” by showing a “pleasing union” by using contrast is remarkable and I think she is touching upon a profound gospel truth here. I’m convinced that marriage is one of God’s greatest works of art. As the greatest of all artists, I believe God designed marriage to “tell a story” of a “pleasing union” that the world longs for but finds so elusive and that story is the gospel and that union is “Christ and the Church”. Think about it -- unity in diversity is the goal of every marriage and when we see it we are drawn to it and I believe in a small way we see its beauty because in it we see a picture of the triune God Himself (Father, Son & the Holy Spirit)– the ultimate coalescence of unity in diversity. Michelangelo once said that “the true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.” He too saw the goal of art as reflecting, albeit imperfectly, a perfect God – a medium upon which man can trace the transcendent.

Where can we find the power of a sublime – even divine – reconciliation? Where points of contrast can be transformed into a picture of coalescence? I am convinced this truly begins when the husband and wife understand that their union was designed by God to be a faithful picture of the gospel, only then can they then move forward in the power of the gospel. To put it simply, the reconciliation found between Christ and the Church was meant to be the model and the motive for the reconciliation, peace and harmony found between a man and his wife.

So let’s connect the dots here. How can we know that Christ’s relationship with the Church should be the model of reconciliation for the husband’s relationship with the wife? The New Testament makes it clear that Jesus is the one who initiates the peace and who is our peace:

For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility - Ephesians 2:14

And it is only by faith in His covenant of love that we can have peace with God:

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. –Romans 5:1

And it is only through Christ reconciling us to God, are we enabled and empowered to forgive and also be “ministers of reconciliation”.

All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. -2 Cor 5:18–19

Christ is our motive...

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. –Eph 4:32

This reconciliation is not only true of marriage, of course, but is prominently displayed in the context of marriage because marriage is one of life’s most fertile ground for conflict. I ran across the blog post a few years ago from a black pastor of a multi-ethnic church who describes the gospel picture of reconciliation found in marriage together so beautifully:

I told a couple I married this summer that their relationship was a grand opportunity for reconciliation. They came from different backgrounds, in every way. To start, the husband is African American, the wife Japanese American. I told them that they didn’t appear to belong together in the eyes of some. I told them that their relationship was an opportunity to bring together visibly opposing parties. I tried to tie that into the Christian story because the story is chiefly a narrative about how two parties (estranged and yet full of love) return to one another. In fact, as I think about it, that theme was in all of my wedding messages this year, with the possible exception of one, because all my marriage ceremonies were interracial. If marriage is anything it is a community of forgiveness. A marriage’s success or fruit or longevity is not ground up in the similarity of backgrounds and races of the couple but in the free, liberal, and frequent offering of the hardest thing in the world–forgiveness.

What a powerful expression of what every marriage should ultimately model – the unity in diversity and the beauty of a Christ-like reconciliation. While this display is perhaps magnified within the context of an inter-racial marriage it can certainly be true of any and every marriage that is built upon the glory of the gospel. Every marriage begins with two persons who may share similar interests and values but who come from different families, who have experienced distinct upbringings and are similar and yet so different. Despite being brought into this world at different times and different places these two persons somehow find each other, and although estranged by their inherent differences, ultimately find reconciliation and unity in the midst of their diversity.

There is gospel beauty in the profound unity in diversity of a biblically-based marriage relationship because in the same way, the gospel begins with two people (Jesus and me) who are similar (Jesus being fully man) and yet so different (Jesus being fully God), who must find one another, be reconciled and build a relationship that is both beautiful and unified. This reconciliation projects a profound picture of the reconciliation found between God (in the person of Jesus) and us. Therefore, we are to live as initiators of peace and be reconciled with one another just as Christ is reconciled with those who believe in Him and enter into covenant relationship with Him. The goal of reconciliation is not just to have peace in the home. The goal of reconciliation transcends this as it pictures the reconciliation found in the gospel of Jesus Christ to the glory of God.

We live in a world where the most common stated reason for divorce is “irreconcilable differences”. Think about this for a moment. If the marriage relationship was created by God to be a beautiful picture of Christ’s reconciling love for the Church – how can we divorce on the basis that our differences cannot be reconciled? We are communicating to a watching world that a reconciling love that is bound to a sacred covenant and entered into by faith can in fact be broken and left unreconciled – when it cannot. Christ would never break His covenant of love with us on this basis and therefore neither should we.

These days the news cycle is being inundated by a video of NFL running back Ray Rice punching his fiancé (now wife) unconscious with a left hook in a casino elevator. It is disturbing to watch and it seems the entire world is inflamed with a righteous anger over this senseless act of brutality and rightfully so. But where does this sense of “wrong” come from? I think a large part of the horror comes from seeing a man treat his wife with such contempt that it contradicts everything marriage is supposed to be about. Christian or not, we all believe that marriage should be marked with love and peace not anger and abuse. I am convinced that when we see this picture profaned we are rocked to our very core and it offers evidence that God, in His goodness, has placed this gospel image in our conscience.

So what is the take-away and application of this truth for my own (or future) marriage? We will all experience conflict in our marriages, but is our marriage marked by a Christ-like reconciliation or constant strife? Do you seek reconciliation in the midst of conflict? Then you are a model of Christ who reconciled the world to himself. When you are at an impasse are you the one who initiates the peace – even when you are the one who has been “wronged”? If so, you are never more like Christ than you are at that moment – who initiated the peace though we wronged him.

When we are principals of peace in our marriage we are modeling the “Prince of Peace” and moving from “perpetual conflict” to a “pleasing union”. It is here that we shine forth the transcendent and glorious reconciliation found between Christ and His redeemed bride (the Church). And this is what marriage is all about -- illuminating the gospel as husband and wife for His glory and for our good.

Power Tools (A Man's Best Friend)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Wed, 03 Sep 2014 14:02:00 +0000

What is it about men and power tools? Why do we love them so? My theory is that power tools make men feel like pee-pee. Ummm...not that kind of pee-pee! But "P" as in Practical and "P" as in Powerful. Practical: Because you can accomplish tasks at a fraction of the time and energy of manual tools. Powerful: Because they make you feel drunk with power as you rip through large pieces of wood like a hot knife through butter. Plus - they make loud noises too! Yeah!

I was going to get into the flooring and framing but I think this is a good point to talk about tools. Having the right tools make all the difference in the world. That said, tools are not cheap and power tools are definitely not cheap but if you are buying tools that you know you’ll be using again you do sleep better knowing it was money well spent. I have been blessed enough to live by neighbors that are both generous and have lots of cool tools (great combination!). As with most things you buy, you have to find that happy medium between cost and value and with power tools it’s no different. There are a wide range of opinions on which brand you should buy and while I'm sure some would disagree but based on my amateur opinion, if I had to put brands in a general order of quality I’d probably order it something like this: Dewalt, Bosch, Makita, Hitachi, Craftsman, Black & Decker, Skil, Tool Shop (whatever Chinese brand Harbor Tool Shop is carrying). I'm sure I've left off a few quality brands and the list may vary depending on the tool in question but this is just off the cuff so don’t hold me to it. So let’s start with one of the most basic power tools:

The Power Drill – up until about 6 months ago the only power drill I owned was a Skil. This is a lower end brand and will do the job if you live in a townhome (like we did) and all you’re doing is assembling Ikea furniture but if you want any real torque in your power drills move up. I’ve noticed that professionals/contractors almost exclusively use Dewalt (easily identified by their yellow color). This is a very durable and high-performance brand and your best bet if you’ll be using the tool very frequently and for heavy duty projects but it is pricey. I couldn’t justify spending this much for something I don’t use every day. I did need an upgrade though and noticed a three-piece Bosch power tool set at the clearance rack at Menards and so I was able to get a power drill, circular saw and reciprocating saw (i.e. saw zaw) with 2 lithium ion batteries for about $300 (retails for $500). Score! I’ve been very happy with the purchase. This is virtually a life-long investment so don’t go cheap here.

The Impact Driver – this is not a have-to-have but boy it is close. This is like a power drill on steroids because it can drive big screws quick and deep unlike any regular power drill. I was fortunate enough to have a neighbor who owned this Milwaukee one which made drilling 4 inch lag screws a piece of cake (or even smaller screws). They are loud and have a hammering effect when they meet resistance on a drill so they don’t strip your screws and get them in very quick. Very tempted to add one of these to my future tool collection because using this tool makes me feel like this:

The Miter (Chop) Saw - You will obviously need saws since you will be cutting lots of wood. Most people have a circular saw but given how much wood you are going to be cutting I would highly recommend a miter saw. This is also called a chop saw but it makes cutting 2x4’s especially for framing MUCH faster and cleaner. It’s also great for making quick angled cuts which you will need for framing roofs.

so easy even a 9 yo can operate!

uhh...make sure the blade is pointed outward

The Jig Saw – this is a tiny saw but it is a must have as well. It can perform almost any cut but where it is most handy is when you are trying to make exact cuts like framing a circular shape in wood to wrap floor boards around a tree. They are not too expensive either, as you can buy a decent one of these for under $50 and it is totally worth it. I went with a Black & Decker since it was only like $30 on Amazon and I’ve been very pleased with performance. FYI – this is a saw you push not pull. I spent the first day trying to pull it towards me and the blade kept popping off. So frustrating! It wasn’t until I went back to the store that I realized I was doing it wrong. I told you I wasn’t handy. You should have seen the look on the Menard’s employees face when I explained my problem to him.

can't do this cut without a jigsaw

Right Angle Square –Not a power tool but you absolutely need one of these. Makes framing much easier as it ensures you are drawing a straight line since you can rest the beveled edge perpendicular to your cut as it sits at a square 90 degrees. This makes for a straighter cut.

Screws - Not a power tool again but don’t go cheap here. This is what holds everything together. I found these GRIPFast Gold Triple-Coated screws from 1 3/8 inch to 5 inch screws to be solid and useful for putting up walls to – and no pre-drilling necessary which makes it so easy especially when using an impact driver. You can get these at Menards for about $11 per box. By the way, these aren't real gold in case anyone gets any ideas about driving over and stealing all my screws. I'm building a treehouse....not recreating Solomon's Temple here!

Oh, I'd also recommend some clamps if you ever plan on working alone. Because I didn't always have someone available to hold stuff while I cut.

Happy shopping!

Next posting will show you how I built the flooring, framing and ladder!

Treehouse Project: The Beams and Platform

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 00:19:00 +0000

Patent Pending #0257648891535

In case you missed it, see previous post on why I am building a treehouse HERE. To prove that anyone can build a treehouse I have posted a picture of the only other woodworking project I have completed in my entire life. About 5 years ago I needed a stand for my printer in my office so I built one from scratch. Not to brag, but while I've gone through multiple printers (e.g. Canon, HP, Brother) this stand has outlasted all of them. I’m sure your first thought was “This is most assuredly the workmanship of a skilled Amish craftsman!” I forgive you.

I share this all in jest of course because who attempts to build a treehouse after building a printer stand like that? I didn’t know where to start so I did quite a bit of research on the interwebs but full disclosure my primary resource in guiding me through this project has been this book (Amazon link HERE). It’s pretty simple read with lots of pics (who doesn't like pics?) but it covers a lot of things you may run into and stresses important things one might overlook. It also contains a lot of creative ideas - which is the fun part! I highly recommend it as a basic guide. Lastly, my advice to anyone attempting to build a treehouse is “plan ahead but expect the unexpected and be flexible”. Every tree and treehouse is different, and almost nothing goes exactly as planned so get ready to use your power drill clockwise (to assemble) and counterclockwise (to undo mistakes).

The Beams, Wood and Hardware

So the most important part of a treehouse are the beams. You cannot skimp on this part because this is what will be bearing the weight of your house (and your children!) and so it must be done right. As Jesus said, it’s better to build on rock than sand or the house will come tumbling down (i.e. your foundation matters!). I decided to go with two 2’x6’ beams on each side of the tree. The two oak trees I was securing the beams on are about 7 feet apart. If the beams were spanning much more than that I would have went with 2’x8’ beams but combining two pieces of wood is much stronger than going with one thicker piece (4’x6’) because two distinct cuts of lumber will have varying weak spots making the combined piece stronger overall. Yes, King Solomon was right when he said: Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Eccl 4:12) The two pieces are secured by 4" galvanized carriage bolts secured with washer and nut on the other side (single bolt on right). Don't skimp and not get galvanized. This is a non-negotiable. You don’t want water rusting your bolts over time and your structure is only as strong as the bolts holding them. For the screws I went with two ½” thick by 7 inch long galvanized lag screws and washers on each side for attaching the main beams to the trunks. This would ensure that even after going through the two pieces of wood there would be a good 3-4 inches embedded into the hardwood of that solid oak tree.

level is key!

Now before you affix it to the tree you have to make sure that everything is level both across the beam and between both beams. Though time-consuming this step is very important because if it is not consistently level throughout the base the weight will not be distributed evenly and the final structure will be more susceptible to collapse. Don't trust your eyes! The leveler does not lie. I also highly recommend getting pressure-treated wood at least for the beams and platform. Water is wood’s worst enemy and so getting pressure treated wood will make everything last much longer than untreated wood will. Yes, it looks uglier (greenish tint), yes, it costs more, and yes, it weighs more but it is well worth the investment in the long run.

The Platform

The size of the platform will depend on the strength of the tree and the design of the house. I wanted to make it as big as possible without compromising safety and so the platform spans about 9x12 - stretching short of 2 feet beyond each trunk. That’s over 100 SF suspended over 10 feet in the air. Plenty big. I used pressure-treated 2x6 wood for this as well and doubled up the perimeter for additional strength and stability. The biggest challenge was calculating how far away from the tree the platform could span before requiring additional support. I’m trying not to use additional posts as it starts to feel less like an authentic treehouse and more like an elevated house next to a tree. Well, there’s no exact science to this but I went about 3.5 feet beyond the trees on each side.

Since at this time it was just me and my cousin Young working on this we weren’t quite sure how we were going to get the platform up and on to the main beams. We thought it would be easier to build the platform leaning up against the beams so we could just slide it up when complete. We used a 6 ft ladder to help us prop up the frame while we screwed it together. It wasn’t until after we finished this and were getting ready to hoist it up that we realized the ladder had become permanently affixed to the frame.

Do not try this at home...

Doh!! Like I said “expect the unexpected”. We unscrewed one corner and slid it out and tried again. We quickly found that with the frame doubled up on perimeter and with joists running across it was now too heavy to hoist 8 feet up. Mind you, we are both very strong men. =)

pulleys are the best!

We had already set up some pulleys on each side to hoist the main beams and so we tied ropes around one end and my cousin got on the lower side and used the ropes like a cable crossover machine. Meanwhile, I was on the other end pushing the platform up as if I was doing a clean and jerk lift. Now imagine two out-of-shape men squeezing every aiota of strength out of their middle-aged bodies to get this platform up. I'm pretty sure we scared all the crows out of all the trees in a 3 mile radius when we released the primitive screams reminiscent of an olympic power-lifter....

Success!

However, when the platform was placed above the beams we noticed it would tip if there was too much weight on one side. To mitigate this we secured deck ties between the joists and main beams. After doing this I could stand on the edge with zero movement.

deck ties galore

But just to make sure I also put in some corner braces at a 45 degree angle in each corner. Again, this is primarily to support the platform from tipping if there was too much weight on one side - highly recommended if you are going more than 2 feet over the beam.

Next week I’ll point out the essential power tools you’ll need, how we put in the floors and also show the beginning stages of framing the treehouse.

framing chapter next!!

The Gospel Treehouse (and other DIY thoughts)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 23:55:00 +0000

So for those that did not know - we bought a bank foreclosure last winter out in “the country”. We weren't in the market for a new home but had been thinking it would be nice to have more room and an actual yard especially since we home-schooled and would utilize a home and yard more than most families. Well, last October we were at Kim’s sister’s place and we spent the night in their home out in the country. My brother-in-law Kurt is an amazing landscaper and arborist and they have a beautiful home that forces you to unwind and appreciate God’s creative beauty and so the whole family has always enjoyed visiting them. I’ve posted a pic below of their place so you don’t have to use your imagination.

Anyways, despite the peaceful setting, I woke up at 2am that night in their home and couldn’t fall back asleep so I opened up my iPad and perused through Zillow to assuage my boredom. Long story short, I happened upon a listing for a bank foreclosure that was only two miles from their home that made quite an impression on me – especially at the listed price. So at the break of dawn I whisked over there and walked around the outside (i.e. the inside was locked up) and I must say I instantly fell in love. The pictures did not do it justice. After some prayer on whether we should move forward, a hot and heavy multiple bidding process ensued but God graciously provided and we moved in during polar vortex #2 (or was it #3?). The home is far more than we could have ever dreamed of – especially considering we lived in a small townhome for 9 years prior with no yard. It’s a bit of a shocker to go from managing one small hanging plant on our back deck to managing 2+ acres and a private pond but who am I to complain….God is good!

Hammer wins....again.

But while God is good, I am not good...at handyman stuff. In fact, we used to have a guy named Dean do a lot of handyman work in our old townhouse because the only tools I knew how to use were a hammer and a drill and as you can see from my thumb even operating a hammer can be challenging at times. True story: when Caleb was three years old he once saw a light bulb go out and he immediately yelled, “Call Dean!”. But, anyone can change and if necessity is the mother of invention, than frugality is the mother of motivation. In other words, when I saw all that needed to be done at our new home I became very motivated when I realized I could do it myself for ¼ the cost of a professional. However, my wife and I have learned that there are few rigid mathematical proofs when it comes to DIY ("Do It Yourself") projects:

Proof #1: DIY = contractor cost x 0.25

Proof #2: DIY = contractor time x 10

Proof #3: DIY = contractor quality x 0.125

But all men can focus on is Proof #1: "I can do it myself for 1/4 the cost! AND use these incredible cost savings to get some cool power tools for future projects!" (grunting and scratching and loss of all rational thought ensues here) While wives tend to focus on proof #2: "Are you planning on painting the other half of the room?" and Proof #3: "Aren't doors supposed to close all the way?" Details! Details! Joking aside, I think people are drawn to home improvement and extreme home make-over shows because they are innately drawn to the gospel. Think about it. You are taking something that is typically old, broken and dilapidated. And you are infusing undeserved love and sacrificial devotion into it. And in that process you transform it into something new, beautiful and whole. There is something that feels so good and right about that and if that isn’t the story of the gospel….I don’t know what is.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold, the new has come." -2 Cor 5:17

Anyways, I may post some of my other DIY projects I’ve been working on here in the future but this post is dedicated to my treehouse. So one of the things I immediately noticed on my first walk around the home back in the fall were two beautiful oak trees standing nearly 40 feet tall. When I was in high school I used to attend a youth group at a church called “Twin Oaks” which was named after a verse in Isaiah: “They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. (Isa 61:3b - NIV)” For some reason when I looked at these trees I thought of that verse and felt a treehouse just belonged here. To give you some context this exact passage was actually quoted by Jesus when he returned to his hometown of Nazareth and unfurls the scroll of Isaiah in Luke 4. I find it interesting that he specifically chose this passage to inaugurate his earthly ministry. Why? Because it prophesied his earthly mission -- a mission which contains a beautiful message of hope for the lost and the broken:

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearterd, to proclaim liberty to the captives...to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion-- to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified. -Isaiah 61:2-3 (ESV)

Jesus is in the business of finding that which is lost. Freeing that which is imprisoned. Restoring that which is broken. This is quite simply what he does and he does it for his glory and for our good. Praise him.

Not my childhood treehouse....but close.

I should also mention that this isn’t my first treehouse project. When I was 12 years old I attempted to build a treehouse with a neighborhood buddy named Steve. It was a frightening conglomeration of rusty nails, graying scrap wood and splintered lumber and probably a civil engineer’s worst nightmare but hey it was our own leaning tower, we built it, dang it, and had a lot of great memories in that creaky mess! So why not give my kids some great memories to build on as well (sans the splinters and myriad safety hazards)? I made the mistake of telling my 6 year old girl a few months ago that I planned on building a treehouse and she made me promise that I would do it this summer (and asks me almost daily when it will be done). So despite a long list of other projects awaiting (like putting covers on our electrical outlets) the treehouse project has nevertheless begun.

I hope it's a source of great memories for my children...

I hope it reminds us that our home must be built upon the greatest "oak of righteousness"....

I hope it creates a joy and a longing for the greatest restoration project in the history of the universe...

....the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Next week I’ll share how I laid down the main beams (the most important part!), joists and flooring. If you're interested... =)

Peace of Christ,

Peter & Kim

If Dads Only Knew...

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Thu, 12 Jun 2014 11:44:00 +0000

Who would have thought that a Dove commercial would inspire me to write a poem? In honor of the upcoming Father's Day....

If Dads Only Knew....

If dads only knew the power they possess,
To inspire a child's heart and to bring out their best.

If dads only knew that it's not gifts of great privilege,
But his talks and his touches that shape a self-image.

If dads only knew that a child's "God" perception,
Is formed by modeling our Father in Heaven.

If dads only knew the dark forces against him.
You take down the family. You take down a nation.

If dads only knew that they're just stewards from birth,
Of what belongs to God only and what belonged to Him first.

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" -1 John 3:1

THE GOSPEL MARRIAGE: Headship, Submission and Marriage Roles

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Mon, 21 Apr 2014 13:38:00 +0000

Happy 13th Anniversary to the love of my life! In honor of this, I'm posting on the controversial topic of marriage roles and what the Oscar’s, Dancing with the Stars, and Homer Simpson have to do with marriage, the gospel and the glory of God. This is a continuation of a series on marriage and the gospel and how God created both for our good and for His glory. Please see previous entries here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With three young children I don’t have a lot of time to watch movies so I often use the Oscars as a litmus test to deem what might be worthy of my time and money. When a film wins Best Picture and Best Actor or Best Supporting Actor/Actress I feel confident it’s worth watching not only because I know it tells a great story but those chosen to tell the story tell it well. That said, one of my all-time favorite movies is Glory. Not only is the historical narrative of a black Civil War regiment so powerful but Matthew Broderick and supporting actors Morgan Freeman and Denzel Washington give incredible performances and complement each other so well. I’ve realized in every good film each actor has a distinct role whether it is the lead, supporting or other, and the story is best told when each actor/actress embraces their unique role with excellence to propel the story which is the biggest star. In short, the glory is the story.

So what does all this have to do with marriage? Well, just as in every great film or story a director or author chooses different characters to play a unique role I believe the same is true of God and marriage. It may have little to do with who is better fitted or who deserves a certain role and more to do with honoring the role the Producer/Director (God Himself) has given. At the end of the day, it’s not about the actors – it’s about the story and no one loves telling stories more than God (author of best-selling book of all time) and just as He has chosen certain men and women in the Bible to display his glory by telling His story I believe He has also given every husband and wife that same privilege through His creation of marriage. So what are our God-given roles and what is the God-given story? Ephesians 5 tells us:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. -Ephesians 5:22-25

These verses usually trigger a visceral reaction from people and are often criticized as old-fashioned at best and misogynistic at worst but embracing these roles has nothing to do with preserving a tradition and everything to do with proclaiming a truth. When the husband assumes his role of Christ in the marriage serving his wife through humble leadership and sacrifice and when the wife assumes her role of the Church volitionally supporting her husband’s leadership the world witnesses the wisdom and beauty of God’s design. These verses are far more than Paul dispensing practical marriage advice. He is describing God-given roles for a God-given purpose to tell a God-given story -- the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As difficult as it may be there are practical implications when marriage is done God’s way. I am convinced that the added benefit is that when each embraces their respective role marriages are generally happier and healthier. Husbands feel honored and respected and wives feel loved and cherished. God has done this both for His glory and for our good.

Unfortunately, we now live in a world that mocks our differences and unique roles and sadly much of this criticism is well-deserved. With more fatherless homes than ever, men have often failed miserably (myself included) to love and lead their wives and families as Christ loves the Church and so what we now have as cultural symbols for husbands are bumbling idiots like Al Bundy, Peter Griffin, Homer Simpson, etc. Sadly, sometimes “Christian” husbands are the worst. Kent Hughes says it well:

“God’s Word in the hands of a religious fool can do immense harm. I have seen “couch potatoes” who order their wives and children around like the grand sultan of Morocco – adulterous misogynists with the domestic ethics of “Jabba the Hut” who cow their wives around with Bible verses about submission – insecure men whose wives do not dare go to the grocery without permission, who even tell their wives how to dress. But the fact that evil, disordered men have perverted God’s Word is no reason to throw it out.” –Kent Hughes in Ephesians

Let’s face it – men have a sinful bent for being selfish and proud and have generally failed to love and lead. Look no further than the Garden of Eden and notice Adam’s conspicuous absence in Eve’s encounter with the serpent. Perhaps in response to this failure, women are now encouraged to live a life completely independent of a man with little desire to respect or yield to anyone else as a leader of the household. Couple this with a wives sinful bent to rule over her husband (which also originated at the Garden of Eden (Gen 3:16b) and it’s no wonder why it’s so difficult to find a gospel picture in marriages the way God intended.

However, imagine a gentle husband who loves his wife so much that he constantly puts her needs before his own – even his very life; a man who leads her, not by invoking his sacred authority for his own selfish gain or to stroke his fragile ego, but by serving and protecting her with humility, strength and courage. Now imagine a beautiful bride who willingly sets aside her own selfish desires to control or manipulate and volitionally yields herself to this loving husband by choosing to respect and honor him and by yielding to his humble servant leadership. While the controversial topic tends to generate more heat than light in the Church, I am convinced that this type of union and dynamic between a husband and the wife is one of the most profound real-life pictures of the gospel.

What is Biblical Submission?

These are hard words. So how are we to understand submission in the context of Scripture and within the context of my life? The apostle Paul tells us:

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. -1 Corinthians 11:3

The first thing one should notice from this verse is that no one escapes the calling to submit. Not women (who are to submit to their husbands). Not men (who are to submit to Christ). Not even Christ himself (who submits to God the Father). And so the moment a Christian (man or woman) claims they are above “submission” they imply they are above Christ Himself who joyfully submitted to the will and authority of the Father. The beauty of all this is that in Christ we see perfect examples for both the husband and wife to follow.

The word “submission” admittedly has become an ugly term in today’s vernacular but as defined and demonstrated by God it is a beautiful thing. Because our culture has so distorted its biblical definition in some ways it’s easier to define by describing what it is not: submission is not a blind obedience to power. It does not forfeit your God-given personality or marginalize a voice or an opinion. It does not excuse or tolerate abuse of power nor is it a sign of inferiority or weakness. Rather, it is quite the opposite because it takes great strength to submit –supernatural strength at times.

NOT...biblical submission.

Biblical submission is not about one member forcing their will upon the other like a wrestler executing a crippling hold. The beauty and power of biblical submission is that the one who submits does it completely on their own volition and by their own will. Jesus modeled this in His own prayers when he taught the disciples to pray “thy [the Fathers’s] will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” And perhaps the greatest test of this prayer and it's most seminal moment came in the crush of Gethsemane (Mt 26:39) where with blood, sweat and tears Jesus prayed, “…not my will, but your will.” His arm was not twisted by the Father. His was a unilateral yielding of his own volition by faith. We are all called to this type of biblical submission; just as Christ submitted to the Father - husbands are called to submit to Christ and wives to their husbands as they submit to Christ. In obeying this command by faith we are being like Christ….for Christ. We are modeling Jesus’ beautiful submission to the Father to our spouse, our children, and to a watching world for the glory of Jesus.

What is Biblical Love?

This one is much easier to define and yet much harder to execute. Biblical love is not a touchy-feely, uncommitted whimsical selfish love. It is a self-sacrificing (1 Jn 3:16), life-long, covenant-bound love. It is a love as pictured by the life and death of Jesus and as defined by His Word. As 1 Corinthians 13 states it is a love that is “patient and kind – not envious, boastful, arrogant or rude”. Husbands are called to lead with this kind of love, and in the same way his leadership should not “insist on his on his own way” or be “irritable or resentful” if or when the wife disagrees with him. This is the love and leadership Jesus himself modeled.

I saw a recent video of Bubba Watson after he won this year's Masters. Two minutes into the interview Bubba begins to talk about life, his faith and the Christ-like role model he tries to play for his family which I found so refreshing and which I believe captures the spirit of the role God calls fathers and husbands to assume.

With that said, I have intentionally refrained from providing specific examples of what these marriage roles might look like in more narrow terms because I believe it may look different for every marriage as every man and woman is unique (although I will attempt to flesh out what this dynamic might look like in future posts). Ultimately these roles are not about determining who plays the family breadwinner, or who wins unilateral decision-making authority. It’s so much bigger than this. It’s about believing by faith that God has a design for marriage because His desire is to project a picture in and through it - the picture of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His love for the Church (His bride).

So what happens when a couple follows God’s order and design? One of my wife’s favorite shows is “Dancing with the Stars” and although there are many other ways I’d prefer to spend an hour, I must admit seeing each aspiring couple rise to the challenge of performing their routine in front of a live audience is exciting. But the truth is it only works when three things happen: when the man knows how to lead, when the woman follows his lead and when both dance in rhythm to the music. When these three things come together even an old curmudgeon like myself can find something inherently beautiful in it. In the same way, when the wife supports her husband’s leadership, when the husband leads as a servant as Jesus modeled, and when both are in rhythm with God’s word and in sync with the Spirit – the world is witnessing a powerful picture of Christ and the Church and God receives glory.

Many of us vastly underestimate the power we possess in our marriage relationship to model this Gospel picture and communicate this Gospel story. I mean how much of a difference can two people make in a world that is so broken? Looking back at my own spiritual journey I realized that although I had grown up in a loving Christian home it wasn’t until I was in high school and met my youth pastor and his wife that I saw this dynamic in play. I saw the way he treated his wife and kids – humble, gentle and sacrificial in the way he led. And I saw the way she treated him – respectful and honoring in the way she trusted his leadership of the home and I was inexplicably drawn to that. I was only a young teenager and at the time I didn’t really understand what I was seeing but I knew I wanted it in my own life and in my own marriage someday [though admittedly still a work in progress]. Only now do I realize that I was actually witnessing the Gospel of Jesus Christ embodied in the union between a husband and wife – the way God intended it to be. I am convinced that this, more than anything else, is ultimately what drew me into a relationship with Christ and a saving faith.

I understand that this post can be a frustrating read for some married couples. What if my husband cannot or will not lead our home? What if my wife won’t support my leadership or is a more capable leader? What if feeling loved or respected matters little to my wife or husband? What is this really supposed to look like in the 21^st century?

These are good questions and I won’t pretend to have all the answers. It will require great faith in God’s word – and faith that at the end of every difficult command is a promised blessing. The truth is neither role is easy. Who wants to support a leader that doesn’t lead well? Who among us are qualified to love and lead like Christ loves the Church? But by faith we obey these commands we are being “like Christ…for Christ”. He is our model and our motive – not our spouse. That said, God has given each spouse great power. Even when only one party plays his/her role, by faith, I believe it has the power to transform the heart of the other by “sanctifying them “ (Eph 5:25-26) or even “winning them over” (1Pet 3:1) to Christ.

Only with a gospel model in marriage, can we fully understand and appreciate that the biblical headship model was not just an arbitrary decision or a practical “tie-breaker” but was created to project a physical picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church, and this is most profoundly pictured when both husband and wife play their parts. When this happens God, the master story-teller, uses the marriage to re-enact the drama of the Gospel. What a privilege to participate in the most compelling drama and redemptive story ever told. May we tell His story and may we tell it well.

Seeing Jesus in Tangled

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Fri, 31 Jan 2014 13:33:00 +0000

At the risk of turning in my man-card I confess I watched Tangled again for the umpteenth time with my kids last night. I share this because every time I watch it I see the Gospel through and through

the redemption of a lost child
the resurrection of the dead
the restoration of a kingdom.

I love the scene when Rapunzel has her epiphany and realizes all the signs that were always around her which declares her identity, where she came from, who she is and who she belongs to.

She is from a kingdom she has never seen. She is a child of the King. She is dearly loved and missed. God has given us His Word as the ultimate declaration of His love for us. But the entire universe proclaims this truth as well. (Ps 19:1)

“God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers clouds and stars.” –Martin Luther

Canon in C (Jesus Loves Me)

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:01:00 +0000

Went to a Phil Keaggy/Michael Card concert recently and got inspired and put together this little song/arrangement. Merry Christmas friends!

God so loved the world you see.
He became like you and me.
Took on flesh, and blood, and bone.
That we might, so we might know.
Yes....Jesus loves me.

The Gospel Marriage: Covenant

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Wed, 11 Dec 2013 13:01:00 +0000

Above is a clip from Disney Pixar's Up chronicling the marriage of Carl and Ellie. In 4 brief minutes it encapsulates a beautiful union and I doubt you will find yourself so moved by another animated short - especially one where not a single word is uttered. I am convinced that the reason why it tugs at our heart so powerfully is because we are not just seeing the enduring love shared between a husband and wife but we are also witnessing a small glimpse of God's great love towards us -- a love each and every one of us were created to receive.

In my previous marriage posts (found HERE) I have attempted to stress that God’s central purpose for creating marriage was that it might be a picture of Christ and the Church, for our good and for His glory. I understand that this might sound nice for the “theologically-inclined” but you're probably thinking "What relevance does this have for my marriage today?" Well, in very practical terms I think one of the most profound ways in which a marriage between a man and a woman can picture Christ’s love for the Church (i.e. me as a believer) is in the way we view and honor our marriage covenant.

WHAT HOLDS A MARRIAGE TOGETHER?

When you think about weddings what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Perhaps it’s the flowers, the music, the tuxedos? Maybe it’s that dress, the procession, or the rings? But beyond all the pageantry what do you think is the most important part of that wedding day? It’s not when the father hands his daughter over to the groom. It’s not when the preacher gives a poignant sermon. It’s not even when the newlyweds kiss to seal the deal. There is really only one part of that special day that if you removed it from the program, it would no longer qualify as a wedding, and that is…..the “exchange of vows”.

This is that salient moment where the husband and wife look into each other’s eyes and while standing before family, friends and most importantly God Himself – they make a sacred promise to one another – a “covenant” in fact. It often goes something like this:

“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

What do you notice there? Not all vows are the same but what nearly all share in common is that they involve a long list of circumstances in which both parties promise to be faithful to one another despite whatever might come their way in the years ahead. Therefore, the purpose of the wedding ceremony is not for the groom and the bride to publicly proclaim their love for one another – but rather to publicly promise their love to one another – no matter what troubles may lie ahead.

Mike & Leslie

Some dear friends of mine, named Mike and Leslie, found their own vows tested a few years ago like they had never before imagined. Mike was struggling with a severe nerve pain that began in his esophagus and subsequently spread all over his body – a pain so great that it debilitated him physically, mentally and emotionally. He was forced to go on indefinite medical leave from his job as a partner at a law firm, and his condition only worsened over time. Perhaps the greatest challenge in all of this was that despite having seen numerous doctors, psychiatrists, and pastors, no one was able to diagnose and treat the problem let alone find a cure. There he found himself spiraling into a vortex of hopelessness and depression.

This is one of the strongest Christian couples I know, but they will be the first to tell you that Mike’s condition had pushed the very limits of what they thought their marriage could endure. On their anniversary, Leslie confessed her struggle in a very public and powerful way on a blog post she wrote entitled “8 Years Ago Today”. In it she recalled her wedding day and portions of her vow to him and reflected upon them in the midst of their darkest trial. I can’t say it better than her so I have reprinted it below with their permission:

“I, Leslie, take you, Mike, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward…”

Today is our anniversary. I remember so many things about that day. It was truly meaningful and a ton of fun for me. I remember saying my vows and having my voice go two octaves higher as I lost control and sobbed through them. I felt so blessed to have found such a good guy; he was my diamond in the rough….our new life together was filled with adventure and the promise of good things to come.

”…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer…”

And good things came. Mike had a super job lined up. We moved to the great city of Chicago. We became part of a diverse, mission-minded church that has become family to us. We had two adorable boys who light up our lives every single day. We have become a part of a neighborhood and school community full of wonderful people and friends. Life could not get any better.

“…in sickness and in health…”

You know where we are now. Mike continues to have pain, no specific causal diagnosis, no signs of improvement. The longer this goes on, the more he feels cursed. The longer this goes on, the deeper he slips into darkness. I think I can handle his physical ailments. I think I can handle the uncertain future and whatever changes may have to come however drastic. I think I can even handle some anxiety and sadness. But dealing with the growing darkness that has consumed him so that he has almost become a different person altogether makes me miss the man I married 8 years ago. It is hard. And I am failing in so many ways when it comes to loving him as I should. But like him, I am trying. We are both trying so hard even if it seems impossible for him to hope and see beyond himself and impossible for me to be encouraging and patient.

“…to love and to cherish, ’till death do us part. I pledge you my faithfulness.”

In times of testing, words are not just words. They go beyond formality, way beyond lip service. I think of these vows spoken 8 years ago in a different time and a different place. Whether on the mountain top or in the deep valley, I still mean them. Now I know that I really do because I can say them here in the barren wilderness. I still live and swear by them. Michael, YOU CANNOT GET RID OF ME. We are in this war together and I will fight with you till the end, love of my still very blessed life.

What a powerful model and testimony of the very purpose of the marriage covenant! As they were faithful to their vows God proved faithful to them and I’m happy to say that they are doing well and their marriage has never been stronger. In moments like these, we come to realize why the covenant is so important – they serve as the very glue in holding the marriage union together. It is here that you realize that you are not holding the promise you made on that day, but rather the promise is holding you. And contrary to what Hollywood would have you believe, LOVE is not the bond that holds the relationship together - rather the COVENANT is. Mike Mason articulates the power of these vows so well in his book, “The Mystery of Marriage”:

The impact of love may be felt as an exclamation mark, but vows ask a question. “How bright is the sun!” exclaims love, while the vow asks, “How dark a night are you prepared to pass through?” Marriages which are dependent on good feelings fall apart, or at best are in for a stormy time of it. But marriages which consistently look back into their vows, to those wild promises made before God, and which trust Him to make sense out of them, find a continual source of strength and renewal.” (Mason 117)

But while vows look back for strength to endure difficult seasons in a marriage, when they are first made and consecrated on the wedding day they are looking forward as they are promises for an unknown future. And so vows are predicated on FAITH because they place trust in a promise yet to be fulfilled in the future. I believe this is why when a husband or wife violates their vows it is described as being “unfaithful” or “infidelity”. Even the world recognizes that faith is at the very center of this sacred promise.

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME?

Well, if, as Paul says, the marriage union between a husband and wife was designed by God to profoundly picture to the world the gospel (Eph 5:32) which is the relationship between Christ and the Church (i.e.”me”), then what can we learn about the gospel in regards to these covenant vows and how should it affect my marriage?

If you read through the Bible you will quickly realize that God loves making promises to His people and God loves keeping His promises to His people. But despite all his covenants to Noah, Abraham, Moses, David and others, I think the greatest covenant He made was to us (the Church). It is the new covenant which was prophesied by Jeremiah (Jer 31:31-34) that not only fulfills but supercedes the old covenant. In fact in Romans Paul describes the unbreakable love found in this new covenant that Jesus has vowed to those who come to him by faith:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ….for I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. –Romans 8:35,38-39

Do you notice anything here? In many ways these verses read just like a traditional wedding vow however it goes above and beyond any wedding vow I’ve ever seen, because it promises a faithful love that goes beyond the physical (“neither height nor depth”), beyond the metaphysical (“neither angels nor rulers”), beyond even the dimension of time (“nor things present nor things to come”). Where marriage vows promise "til death do us part" Jesus' vow goes beyond even death itself (“neither death nor life”) – these are all promises no earthly marriage would dare fathom. God is communicating one truth here: nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, can separate us from the love of Jesus – this is His covenant promise of love to us and it need only be received by faith.

So in much the same way that a man pursues the woman that he loves for marriage, Jesus, as the bridegroom, initiates his love relationship with us - a love relationship that was broken by our sin. He professes his unconditional love for us and proposes an eternal union with us – his bride – which is the Church. And in the same way that a husband and wife make vows to one another on their wedding day, he has made a solemn covenantal promise to love us without conditions and without end.

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5b

…and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” -Matthew 28:20b

Therefore as a married couple, you will never project a more powerful picture of the covenant love found in the gospel than when you hold on to your vows even in the midst of great marital hardship especially when your spouse doesn't deserve it.

Why? Because you are modeling to a watching world the faithful and enduring covenant love God has for you when you didn't deserve it. Ray Ortlund writes, “It is the heavenly marriage that warrants and dignifies an earthly marriage. In Paul’s reasoning, therefore, human marriage is not the reality for which Christ and the church provide a sermonic illustration, but the reverse. Human marriage is the earthly type, pointing towards the spiritual reality.”

Let me tie this back to the video that opened this post. The reason we are so moved by Carl and Ellie in the movie "Up" is because we are bearing witness to a love that is faithful to a covenant. A love that has endured through both good times and bad. A love that holds true to a promise made many years ago. In fact, the entire movie is essentially about Carl's quest to fulfill his promise to Ellie of taking their house to Paradise Falls - against near impossible odds - just as he promised her as a child.

What a profound picture of Jesus' covenant love towards us! His is a love not dependent upon our performance but upon His promise. His is a love that found victory against impossible odds. His is a love that endures until the end. This supernatural love and sacred covenant should serve as both the model and the motive for our own marriages.

May our earthly marriages be a faithful picture of our divine union with Him.

For His glory and for our good.

Peter & Kim

My next post on The Gospel Marriage will likely be a "touchy" one. I will attempt to show how the biblical model of "male headship" as designed by God in marriage was meant to be a powerful picture of the gospel. Yes...I am going where "angels fear to tread". =) Pray for me, stay tuned and thanks for reading....

Seeing Jesus in a "Preemie"

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Fri, 22 Nov 2013 12:34:00 +0000

I'll post another entry on marriage in a few days but I wanted to drop this in because it was so powerful. My younger sister had a "preemie" 11 years ago that was born 3 months premature and so this hits close to the heart. As I'm watching this I'm getting all choked up for a lot of different reasons (especially at the 1:30 mark) but I'm also wondering where does this parent-child love come from?

Not to sound brutish but speaking practically a human baby has very little to offer anyone. An infant cannot speak,cannot feed himself, cannot even really move and is perhaps the neediest creature on this planet and yet the love a mother or father has for a child is so profound at times you feel you can literally touch it.

I am convinced that God gave us the capacity to love something so helpless, so dependent and so needy - that we might receive a small glimpse of His great love for us. You can't explain it and yet you know it's real. What other creature on earth has this capacity to love? Where does this "love" fit in the evolutionary model of "survival of the fittest"? What if we were created in God's image - and our capacity to love is but one imprint of His divine nature?

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are..." -1 John 3:1

If we reject His love we have orphaned ourselves from the greatest love we can ever know.

Peter & Kim

The Mystery of Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Tue, 19 Nov 2013 13:30:00 +0000

NOTE: this post is the third in a series entitled "The Gospel Marriage". If you missed previous entries you can find them in sequential order in tab above or click HERE.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever noticed that the Bible opens with a marriage on earth and closes with a wedding in heaven? This is no accident. If there is one over-arching theme in the Bible that stretches from beginning to end, it is a story of love. But it’s not a story of love between a man and a woman. No, it’s much bigger than that. It’s a story of God’s love for us. And this inexorable theme of a transcendent love weaves itself like a “scarlet thread” throughout all of Scripture.

Over and over again God in His mysterious wonder uses ordinary human love to point us to His extraordinary divine love. For example, on Mount Sinai the very first commandment God gives Moses is a call to a faithful and undivided love towards Him. While in the seventh and tenth commandments we see a mandate for a faithful and undivided love towards our spouse. In the prophecies of Jeremiah we see the despair found in the brokenness of a marriage, and in the poetry of the Song of Solomon we see the unbroken joy found in a faithful one. In the book of Hosea we are confronted with a man and a woman who play out a heart-wrenching story of unrequited love, and in the book of Ruth we witness a man and a woman play out a heart-warming story of unconditional love. It's as if God is trying to make point us to His perfect love by juxtaposing it with our imperfect love. A wedding is the site of Jesus’ first miracle and the setting of his last parables. As you can see, marriage literally begins and ends as God's idea. It is God's creation, God's institution, and God’s glory.

THE AUTHOR OF MARRIAGE

Therefore the first and most basic question one must settle on marriage and the one which will unequivocally shape your worldview on marriage is this:

“Who created marriage?”

Perhaps you feel you already have the answer or it was never a question for you to begin with. However, keep in mind that the answer to this question is of utmost importance, because it will determine everything you ultimately believe about marriage. In this case where you start truly determines where you finish.

I would argue that GOD created marriage. This was not man’s idea or man’s creation; it begins with God (Gen 2:18-25) and ends with God (Rev 19:9). And this is not isolated to the Old Testament. Jesus emphatically reaffirms this truth in the gospels (Mt 19:1-12), and the apostles do the same (1 Cor 6:12-20, Heb 13:4, Eph 5:22-33, 1 Pet 3:1-7). To argue otherwise would force one to completely dismiss large portions of Scripture in order to make it fit his or her own personal agenda.

Below is a diagram I put together which shows what I believe to be the three basic worldviews on marriage. The first is very worldly – marriage was created by man for man, and therefore it can be redefined as man sees fit because it’s ultimately about me and my happiness. The second worldview sees marriage as something that God created for man. Therefore, while it is from God - it is for me. It’s about making my children, or curing my loneliness, or serving my spouse, or even working out my sanctification. The third is very different from the first two. It is not about me at all, but all about His glory and His purpose.

I have found that if you believe in worldview #1 - that marriage was created by man for man - then to me it's quite logical that marriage be re-defined as the culture (or man) sees fit. There is no point in slinging mud at someone that disagrees with you when they are simply following a natural conclusion to their personal worldview. (SOAPBOX: I wish more "Christians" would be able to engage, debate and provide answers on this topic with more "gentleness and respect" (1 Pet 3:15). We miss out on an awesome opportunity to share the gospel message in marriage when we fail to share it with a "gospel love" (i.e. grace & truth.)

In regards to worldview #2 - I can't tell you how many Christian books on marriage I've read which essentially hold to this worldview. While I agree that God did create marriage for a number of reasons like companionship, procreation and even our own sanctification, if we stop there marriage still stays ultimately with "me" (a somewhat egocentric affair) and I think we've missed the big point. On to worldview #3 - when we look at Ephesians 5:32 we come across, I believe, the most important verse on marriage in the Bible - this is the lynch pin verse. For context, Paul goes back to the very first marriage in Eph 5:31 by quoting Genesis 2:24 and writes: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” and then he shares something that should forever change the way we view marriage. He writes:

"…this mystery is profound and I am saying it refers to Christ and the Church.”

THE MYSTERY OF MARRIAGE

What is Paul saying here? Well, when Paul uses the word “mystery” here, it is not in the way we typically understand mystery in our culture today. In other words, it is not something that requires Sherlock Holmes to be solved. It is not an abstract concept to decipher. It is not even something that is meant to be difficult to understand. It’s virtually the opposite actually! When Paul uses the word “mystery,” he is using it as something that was concealed in the past – but is now fully revealed. Check these verses if you are unconvinced: Rom 16:25, 1 Cor 2:7, Eph 1:9, 3:3, 3:9. In other words, He is saying we may not have understood if before, but now it can be understood! It once was hidden and now can be known! In fact, this was Paul’s very prayer request – that the mystery of the gospel would be made known and that he would make it known (Eph 6:19). The other thing I want to point out is that Paul says this mystery/revelation is "profound". Now, the actual Greek word used here is "megas". Which, as many of you know, means "big" or "huge". So with my limited Koine Greek knowledge (coupled with my sanctified imagination) I'd paraphrase Eph 5:31-32 like this:

"Hey everybody! Listen up!! I need to tell you something that wasn't understood in the past but now can be fully understood! God is revealing something to us about marriage and it...is...HUGE!! Are you ready for this?!? God created marriage to reveal something HUGE...and that is...wait for it....wait for it....to reveal His love towards YOU and ME (i.e. the Church)!! BAM!!!"

Therefore marriage is not a convenient metaphor or an accidental after-thought of God. Rather, there is a divine plan and a sacred purpose for marriage and we should not miss it. God created marriage first and foremost to be a powerful, poignant and persistent picture of His love towards us. And as such, we should want our marriages to be faithful to the gospel picture that God intended it to be. This cannot be overstated. If you miss this I'm not sure you will ever find true and lasting happiness in your marriage because marriage will always be about you and for you and you will be trying to force marriage to do something it was never intended to do - serve yourself. But marriage has a greater message, a greater model and a greater motive and they all point to the greatest one....Jesus Christ. Praise God! The mystery has been revealed!

In my next post I will try to unpack in more practical terms how our marriages can actually reflect a picture of Christ and the Church (i.e. the Gospel) to the glory of God by focusing specifically on the COVENANT aspect of marriage. Thanks for reading...

Peter & Kim

Love and Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Tue, 12 Nov 2013 13:32:00 +0000

"Love and marriage, love and marriage, Go together like a horse and carriage. This I tell you, brother, you can't have one without the other...try, try, try to separate them, it's an illusion.Try, try, try and you only come to this conclusion..."

This above was sung by Frank Sinatra in the 50's but if you grew up in 80's you might recall it as the intro of the FOX tv sitcom Married with Children - one of America's favorite dysfunctional families. Although I felt the show itself was pretty lame there is a great truth coming from that song. Love and marriage are inseparable entities and were meant to go together. That's why before we can understand God's purpose for marriage I think it's important to first have a basic understanding of love.

French novelist George Sand once said, "There is only one happiness in life -- to love and be loved." There is great truth in that statement because God made every single human being unique from all other creatures in that we have this innate desire and longing to love and be loved. It is the most basic need of the human experience and perhaps the greatest evidence that a loving God does exist and did create us and in our greatest moments of love we are but imperfect facsimiles of His loving nature.

Regardless of our race, gender, sexual preference or personality type each and every one of us is born with an innate desire to love and be loved. We have some good friends who adopted a wonderful boy from China who spent the first 8 years of his life in an orphanage where apparently he received little attention. Despite spending the last five years in a loving home he will still occasionally repeat a lifelong habit in which he wraps his arms around his torso and twists violently from side to side. He does this subconsciously and doctors have concluded that it likely comes from the fact that he was rarely held as a child.

God has created us with an instinct to be loved. From an infant's innate longing to be held, to an old man grappling with the fear of dying alone - love is at the center of the human experience and gives meaning to our existence. There is a reason why the Beatles song, All You Need is Love became one of the most popular songs in the history of music. Have you ever wondered how a song whose very title is the chorus repeated ad nauseum could cross generations and cultures and elicit universal appeal? Because we all resonate with that simple truth. We all need love and love is all we need. The truth is, if you ever stop and really listen to many of these classic love songs you will find that this world is desperately seeking love - but not just any love....a true, lasting and purpose-defining love.

So if there is a God and if He is loving and if He did create us why did He create us with such a powerful desire to love and be loved? Why not just leave love out of it and make us with a basic instinct to procreate like all the other creatures of the animal kingdom? Doesn't love just complicate matters?

I think the answers to these questions are fairly simple. God created us with a longing to love and be loved because His desire is that we long for Him and love Him - both for His glory and for our good. This is what King Solomon meant when he said God "has placed eternity in our hearts." (Eccl 3:11). This is why St. Augustine said: "Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee." This is why the great philosopher and mathematician Blaise Pascal wrote, "There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus."

Last year I put together a video which compares secular loves songs to some Christian worship songs. I was amazed at how often times there is very little difference between the two - in fact sometimes the lyrics are the exact same. Both cry out for love and both long for a transcendent love to fill the void in our hearts but only one has the true answer.

If God is the only one who is capable of filling the "love void" in our hearts than if you think about it, it is good and gracious of Him to ask us to love Him first and foremost. Suddenly, the first commandment in the Old Testament: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me" (Ex 20:3) and the greatest commandment in the New Testament: "Love the Lord your God with all you heart, mind, soul and strength" (Lk 10:27) no longer seem like capricious mandates of an insecure and insatiable God but good and gracious direction given by a Creator who knows us best and desires our best. Oswald Chambers said it best when he wrote:

"God nowhere tells us to give things up for the sake of giving them up. He tells us to give them up for the sake of the only thing worth having - life with Himself."

At this point you might be saying, "Okay, I get it already, God created us to be in a love relationship with Him and we won't ever truly be happy until we enter into relationship with Him...

So what does all this have to do with marriage?

Well, here's where I'm going with this. I believe God did not ultimately create marriage to teach us what it means to love another person. I believe God created marriage to teach us about His great love towards us. In other words, marriage was never meant to strictly be a horizontal affair. God did not create marriage to be just about you and your spouse, you and your dreams, you and your happiness. God created marriage to be vertically significant - about you and Jesus, you and the gospel, you and God's glory. When you realize this truth it takes the institution of marriage to a whole other level - from a worldly plane to a transcendent one. Marriage is no longer a selfish enterprise created by man to meet man's needs but a sacred gift created by God to shine the glory of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

In my next post I hope to shed more light on how God has done this and further unpack His purpose and design for marriage. Please feel free to leave a comment whether you agree or disagree - as I would love to hear from some of you. Thanks!

For His glory,

Peter & Kim

My Marriage Confession

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Fri, 08 Nov 2013 13:12:00 +0000

I have a confession to make. As many of you know when Kim was battling stage IV cancer much of last year I was pumping out blog posts like my life depended on it. So many of you prayed for us and I felt like as a husband there was little more I could do than share our story and beg for prayers. I wrote about every step of our cancer journey, how it affected me, Kim and our kids. I wrote about our love story - my three year pursuit of Kim (and her repeated rejections). I wrote about the need for bone marrow registration and the health struggles of some dear friends who were also battling cancer. But there was one thing that I held back from sharing. Something that consumed much of my thoughts and energy during that time and still does today. And that is marriage.

Outside of a few close friends and family no one really knew this but when Kim was getting chemo treatments I wrote tirelessly on the topic of marriage. I was getting about 4 hours of sleep a night and we spent 42 nights in the hospital last year so I had plenty of time to write. It was a welcome distraction from the daily stresses of cancer and despite undergoing the challenges of chemotherapy Kim was supportive every step of the way. Insecure about the fact that I still have so much to learn about marriage, unsure of the best medium to communicate this and at times afraid of what people might think I've been holding back on sharing it on this blog up until now. (I'm out of excuses) I know this topic tends to be a very sensitive one for many and a lightning rod for controversy and so I'm going to try and balance what I share with equal parts grace and truth (would Jesus do any different?) with the hope that it will generate more light than heat.

I don't think I need to spend much time trying to prove that marriage today is "broken". The statistics on marriage speak for themselves. In the last 30 years the marriage rate has dropped by 1/3 while divorces have tripled. Children living with single parents has doubled and child births from unwed mothers has quintupled (now 35% of all births). For the first time in the history of this great country there are more unmarried people over the age of 18 then there are married. Marriage is being redefined by our culture today and the next generation's worldview of sex, love and marriage is being radically transformed. If you don't believe me check out this recent article from Vanity Fair entitled "Friends Without Benefits" (if you have kids or want to some day have kids, regardless of age, you owe it to yourself to read this article).

I think this clip from the classic film The Princess Bride sums up the cultural view of marriage today. Externally it maintains all the glitz and glamour of a sacred institution but internally it is exposed as nothing more than a meaningless farce of a joke.

So what in the world has happened to marriage?

And how are we to view marriage? Is it a man-made invention that is open to interpretation and up for redefining in lockstep with the "evolution" of a culture? Or was it created and defined by God and if so for what ultimate purpose? If marriage was created by God how are we to understand God's design for marriage for our lives and for this world? How can we provide a winsome defense of a biblical view of marriage without coming across as a "bible-beater" or a narrow-minded bigot?

Well, I hope my next few posts will address some of these important questions. I think you will find that marriage does not teach us so much about how to love one another as much as it teaches us how much God loves us. I think you will find that marriage is not about me and my happiness but God and His glory. I think you will find that marriage is not about protecting a tradition but proclaiming a truth.

Looking forward to hearing some of your thoughts on the comments section and I promise to engage with them.

For His Glory,

Peter & Kim

Seeing Jesus in Down's Syndrome

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Fri, 04 Oct 2013 11:13:00 +0000

I recently ran across this ESPN video of a man and his personal struggle with having a child with Down's Syndrome. It will move you because it's about...
Pride and Selfishness.
Shame and Repentance.
Hope and Redemption.
It's about the sanctity of life and the glory of love.

Heath was so desperate to demonstrate his perfect love for his imperfect child that he had a tattoo etched on his body. Reminds me of another who did the same...

"See I have engraved you in the palm of my hands..." -Isaiah 49:16

You will see glimpses of the divine love in this life. But only in Jesus will you see it for eternity.

And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. -Rev 22:5

Peter & Kim

When You Want to Punch a Christian in the Face

noreply@blogger.com (Peter C) — Wed, 02 Oct 2013 10:55:00 +0000

"Don't Worry God Won't Give You More Than You Can Handle!" -Joe Christian

*pfffffftttt* Whatevers.

How many times have you heard that line from a well-meaning Christian friend in one of your lowest moments and you couldn't think of anything that would be more cathartic than punching him/her in the face?

Ran across this great blog post recently confronting this statement and found it surprisingly refreshing: "Confronting the Lie: God Won't Give You More than You Can Handle".

I think there are plenty of times that God will give you more than you can handle.

Way more.

I felt it in the touch and go moments of Kim's cancer. I felt it in the darkest moments of stress, anxiety and depression. I've felt it way more than I'd like to admit. Yes, there are times when I feel like Paul when he says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13) but there are more times when I resonate with Paul when he writes:

"We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death... -2 Cor 1:8

Sometimes God WILL give you more than you can bear..."far beyond your ability to endure" and to the point where you "despair of life itself"...

These past few weeks I discovered my grandmother (the family matriarch) has a tumor from liver cancer that is growing rapidly. She will soon be experiencing pain and likely placed in hospice care. My aunt, an overseas missionary, has a rare blood disease called aplastic anemia which is like a blood cancer and is not responding well to treatment. My niece is dealing again with Grave's disease and hyperthyroidism which we thought was in remission. Along with other friends and neighbors that are dealing with cancer and some serious health issues and friends like Joe Park who are still grappling with the loss of loved ones.

Life is hard. Please lift them up if you would. Yes, I've experienced what feels like this "sentence of death" and they probably have too. But thank God Paul does not end there. He actually explains why all these horrible things were happening to him...

"...but this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." -2 Cor 1:9

It's not about "handling it myself"...it's about "dying to self".

It's not about having a sense of entitlement for the "good life", it's about having a source of abundance from the "resurrected life".

It's not about us and our happiness...it's about God and his glory.

This is the whole POINT of Galatians 2:20:

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

This is the whole PICTURE of the water baptism. It was meant to picture first the death (when you are submerged under water) and then the resurrection (lifting up out of the water) you find in Christ.

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. -Rom 6:4

This is where true life begins and this is why Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth and THE LIFE."

This world understands pain and suffering. What it does not understand is how someone can still find joy and peace in the midst of pain and suffering. Perhaps God has called you into this momentary darkness so that you could shine His marvelous light. The world is looking for an answer and you can either point them to it - or seek your own.

Peter & Kim