Madness

As they say at the Casino "and the Lady gets paid"

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 02:09:00 +0000

So certain someones (read:APOM) are all in a tizzy ..
because when this is thru, they'll be all dizzy ..
from writing those checks made out to Madness ..
..Badness..

NEW READERS STOP HERE

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 04:10:00 +0000

The MadLands are closed. This blog is no more ... anything written prior to this post is of another time and universe and makes no sense anymore.
So just return from where you came and dont bother coming back ... there wont be anymore mindless mouth vomit around here from this point forward.

Peace ya'll.

Where Typhoid Suzie is actually Lotus Carroll

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 00:14:00 +0000

Madness has been M.I.A. for holy shit three and a half days. Raise your hand if you ever fell in love with Michael J Fox drivin a Delorian? SideNote: What was so hot about MichaelJFox again?
Theres been some serious Back to the Future shit goin on around the MadLands. Not just Back to the Future shit .. but some BadJuJu shit and a little of that DontComeNearMeTyphoidSuzie shit too, where TyphoidSuzie is actually Lotus Carroll and oh yes I did just call your bitch ass out like that because yes bitch .. your computer sickness has spread over to here and yeah, Madness was all 'get the hell out' about it too!
You see Internet, just last week Lotus .. a week ago SUNDAY to be exact, Lotus was blog blog bloggin away and blam-oh her PC was toast. She ended up having to pimp herself out to the Techies. If youre at all familiar with her ordeal then you probably recall that Madness was all cracked up over Lotus' promise to touch the Techis no-no spot and she wouldnt let it rest.
Cause of Lotus' PC Death: Fried out Power Source.
So last week while the fate of everything that is Sarcastic Mom hung in the balance, Lotus didnt let her adoring readers down. She still managed to come to us using an old cast away computer that had long seen its last day.
Well, Internet. Guess the Fuck What! This past Sunday night .. Madness computer died.
Cause of Death: Fried out Power Source. Get the fuck out!
Indeed.
So right now, Madness is coming to you Internet .. on a CastAway computer that has long seen its last day. (Ok not *totally* but MaxX did have to perform emergency surgery in order to get it up and running). Oh .. and as far as Madness having to promise to touch HER Techies no-no spot .. well, Madness is a lucky girl .. she married her Techie .. so it's all aces on that tip.
Moving right along ...
Shit has been all Back To The Future these last few days as Madness was forced to relive what life was like before the Internet. No freakin joke. Cause not ONLY did Madness' home PC tank .. the bosses at the job decided that the finger shaking at last weeks meeting hadnt quite got the point across on the No Internet At Work subject so they took that a step further. Where a step further was SHUTTING OUR SHIT OFF.
Fuck yes they did.
And is Madness cussing a whole lot more these days?
So Madness has had zero internet,nada, nothin, she had nothin .. for three and a half days. Hello 1994.

why Madness has changed her jammies TWICE in less than 30 minutes

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 22:00:00 +0000

All Im sayin is .. click THIS and read it. Now.

Then click THIS and read that. Then. Later. Which would then be now.

You can thank me later. Then. Now. Later. WhenEVER.

Good Shit

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 17:54:00 +0000

Clean Kitchen
Dishwasher noise
Folded Laundry
The sound of the vacuum being run in MY SONS ROOM .. BY MY SON (that theres enough to make certain parts tingle, no?)
Wet towels drying on the fence
Wrinkly fingered kids with blue lips fresh out of the pool
Easy like Sunday Mornin
Blue Skies
Warm Sun
TOMORROW IS STILL A HOLIDAY
Shit gets no better than this.

Tits List

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:38:00 +0000

So if my READER has been paying attention ... READER will notice that Madness has added some new blogs to the blogroll. And we aint talkin plain old blogs here people .. oh no .. Madness has added blogs that are THA SHIT. One of Madness fav fav fav blogs at the moment is Undomestic Diva and Madness feels STOOPID linking to her site because 99% of Madness hits today will come FROM her site but a girls gotta link where a girls gotta link.

blah blah blah **Madness is cutting straight to the proverbial chase for 2 reasons .. shes gonna be late for work and she's gotta shit** (youre welcome)

Tits List

~Nirvana Smells Like Teen Spirit and the INTERNET and CD Burner that allows me to indulge.
~Weather resembling Warm Water with a sprinkle of Chlorine
~New Blogs
~Undomestic Diva because she refers to her husband as Candy Ass and that cracks the shit outta Madness
~Craving Silence because she hearts me
~The Blogess because she makes beverages come out of my nose.
~Bossy because she IS the Boss.
~The kids new pool.
~Health
~My new house
~My dishwasher who is my new BFF
~My husband who has yet to leave me.

Oh OH OH Madness will have to resume later .. DOOTY CALLS

Tag Madness is IT

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 03:32:00 +0000

So .. this stupid hussy tagged me for this fucking meme. Madness had no idea what a MEME was until now. (ok ok .. still dont really know totally .. is it MEME because its all about MEME??)

Today Madness had to sit thru a "huddle" at work .. ya'll might know this kind of thing to be a meeting but where Madness works they call it a "huddle". Right. Ok. Todays huddle was of the "You've all been very naughty and we're going to warn you one last time before we axe your asses" sort.

We covered dress code, cell phone usage, Internet usage .. even sunglasses. Yes, Internet .. we were scolded for wearing sunglasses atop our heads upon entering the building. But I digress. We covered Internet usage... and Madness felt her bosses (plural) laser beam eyes slicing and dicing Madness ass into a bazillion pieces. Because yes, Madness is guilty of excessive Internet usage. Guilty.

Madness knows that bosses dont like excuses so she jotted notes on her Huddle Minutes paper such as "Guilty" and "Stop it" and "NO MORE INTERNET BEFORE YOU GET YOUR ASS DOOCED IDIOT" and shit like that. All the while wanting to shout out "checking blogs and email in between {what i do at the job .. detail withheld because its too much work to splain what i do} is what keeps me GOING!! Its the JOLT OF LIFE I NEED people!!"
And what the hell was Madness saying?

Oh .. Madness got tagged... for a meme.

8 Life Goals

Live long life.

Live long happy life.

Live long happy life full of love.

Live long happy life full of love and laughter.

Live long happy life full of love and laughter with MaxX watching children grow.

Live long happy life full of love and laughter with MaxX watching children grow and make their own long happy lives full of love and laughter.

Easy like Sunday Morning.

See this through.

You see .. when it comes to matters of Madness .. Madness gets vague .. thats just how I roll.
Madness bets that'll teach that stupid hussy not to tag Madness again. Or will it?

Ok Ok .. here goes .. for reals this time.
~Raise kind gentle children.

~Regain the unbreakable bond that IS MaxX and Me.

~Renew my vow to love, honor and obey the only person who has refused to give up on me .. who has never allowed me to lay down and die no matter how hard Ive tried.

~Figure out what I really want to be when I grow up .. then go back to College and knock that shit out.

~Forgive.

~Be forgiven.

~Trust.

~Be trusted.

Love,
Madness

I can has Readers?

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:42:00 +0000

Madness blog stats are finally showing improvement since moving from WordPress.

Madness is even getting readers back again.

*sigh* now if only all these lurking lovers would leave a bitch a comment ...

*to those lurking lovers who are leaving a bitch a comment .. madness hearts you*

where Madness becomes HATED around the office with a single click of the mouse

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 19:06:00 +0000

Today Madness sent an email to all of her co-workers .. it went a little something like this.

"867 5309
You can thank me later. "

Madness is loathed at the moment .. and she cares not.

Welcome to this edition of "This cant possibly be happening .. again"

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:17:00 +0000

Thats right folks .. Madness is at a loss for a worthwhile post because Madness is teetering on the edge of yet another ManicMeltDown.

Envy me ... you know you do.

Please stay tuned while Madness scrapes together bail money.

SneakPeek ~ MaxX and Madness ~ The Weekend Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 02:48:00 +0000

Madness: "I bought the kids a pool .. $99 pool on sale for $30"
(because yes, world, its kinda late in the season to be putting up a pool .. but MaxX, Madness and the babies moved at the end of July .. so putting up a pool at the beginning of the season would have been stupid. So just shut the fuck up with all that "kinda late dontcha think" shit, k?)

MaxX: "A pool? Isnt it kinda late in the season for a pool?"

Madness: "Shut the fuck up."

~*~hours later .. MaxX is running errands .. Madness has informed him that she will set up the pool while he is gone and wont MaxX he oh so proud of her when he gets home and she has set up the pool all.by.herself.~*~

16 minutes after MaxX leaves the house .. his cell phone rings .. its his Madness.

Madness: "I dont know how to do this daddy"

MaxX: "I KNOW. "

And so it was that MaxX and his buddy got to stand around and talk MadShit about his wife .. who thought she was tha'shit who could put a kiddie pool together all by herself.

And when Madness found out that MaxX and his buddy laughed and laughed at her expense .. MaxX didnt get laid for days. The End.

I kid. I kid.
You see, Internet. Madness could have put that kiddie pool together all by herself. (not really, shhh) But she chose not to because then how would she get to watch MaxX do manly things in the sweltering summer heat? And that MaxX was doing manly things in the sweltering summer heat and he was doing them for his wife and babies .. irresistibly sexy. Oh. Hell. Yes.

Babies falling from the sky .. or out of vaginas .. or whatever .. and a BitchSlap thrown in for good measure

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 02:09:00 +0000

Its been in the water around here for months and no, Madness aint drinking (for once, I know!) It started a few months ago .. "So'an'so is pregnant .. she's pregnant, she is, and her too"
Yay so happy for ya'll. Really.
And so now, naturally.. the births have begun.

MadCongrats to Tori and Blake who welcomed Lily Rhyann last week .. Big Big BIG Congrats to Gramma Lynn .. who Madness totally hearts .. a lot.

K&K will be welcoming AnnaBell soon .. now Internet, that is a birth that Madness simply CAN NOT WAIT FOR!! (Details withheld .. but lets just say that if that baby comes out with a tan .. Madness wont be surprised. At all.)

Speaking of things Madness CAN NOT WAIT FOR .. Madness has been looking forward to Monday all weekend long. Insane, you say? Not so much. Considering Madness opened a new bank account on Thursday and deposited half of her paycheck to open the account. Nice Bank Manager Lady who opened the account told Madness that she would have access to these funds on Saturday. Friday afternoon at oh about 4:30 Madness called the bank to make sure said funds would indeed be available because the kids like to eat on the weekend an'shit. Nice Bank Teller Lady assured Madness that all funds would be available.

Saturday morning Madness went to the evil institution of satan to withdraw this weeks grocery fund. Or so she thought. Evil Bitch Lady at the only branch open on Saturday kept saying things like "Unfortunately" and "Apologize" and "Unfortunately" and Madness kept saying things like "Unacceptable" and "Unacceptable" and "I dont want to hear you say "unfortunately" again, in fact, I dont want to hear you say anything else!" an'shit like that.

So Madness is looking forward to Monday morning when she will walk into the evil institution of satan and find out just how much they are going to compensate her for all that bullshit that never should have happened because bitch TOLD ME my funds would be available and they werent.
Madness wonders if the Nice Teller Lady who lied to her spent her weekend laughing her ass off at the stupid schlep that thought she was getting phat cash Saturday morning and didnt. Bet she did .. which is why Madness wont feel bad at all when she reaches out and bitch slaps that "How may I help you" grin right off her face.

Its times like these that make MaxX search high and low because he knows theres a bottle of Depakote around here somewhere and SamPleaseCalmDown ...

Where Madness takes a moment before she has a word .. for once

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 00:40:00 +0000

Remember when Madness was all "woohoo Barack and Hillary is sooo gonna happen" an'then Barack and Hillary didnt happen after all. Well, Madness got all worked up for a minute there and even sat down to write Mr.Obama a letter. Madness is always sayin shes gonna write a letter about this and that .. but Madness never does. Call that lazy or call that ADD, whatever. Point is .. this time Madness started writin' that letter. It went a little something like this:

Dear Barack,
Umm yeah ... about that. I thought we discussed this, I thought we had an understanding. 'Member I was all "Do it Barack, you know you wanna .. just do it" I mean, I know I didnt come right out and say "Put Hill on the ticket with you" but I was pretty ding dang clear about this"

And then .. something really strange happened ... a voice spoke and Madness heard it. (Please dont tell anyone about the hearing voice thing .. it could cause trouble, ok? thanks) Something said to Madness, "Madness, what if Barack and his camp know a thing or two that you dont?" and Madness was all "Say what? As IF! Pshaw!"

So Madness set out to learn her up on some Biden .. and this article here was all Madness really needed to read and now she's all "Huh, mmkay then, alright .. yeah .. certainly Barack knows what he's doing .. so Rock On Barack and Biden .. Rock On." Sure there are things about this Biden character that make parts of my head itch .. but who am I, anyway.

It makes enough sense ah'reckon .. if you put it like that, Madness can see where Hill isnt so much ying to Baracks yang afterall. (*teehee Madness said "Baracks yang") Madness doesnt doubt that Hill will find herself in the place where she is meant to be.

And so it came to be .. Barack and Biden .. sittin in a tree ...

WhatToDoToDieToday

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:50:00 +0000

Madness wont live forever. Madness days are numbered.
Is any of this or them worth losing every last day with she who is Mad?

APPARENTLY SO.

Have it your way. Madness wont squander what little she has left being undone by you or them. You want to be consumed with hate and anger .. with a terrible thirst for blame?

Knock.Your.Self.Out.

But youre gonna do it without me. There arent enough days left in life to throw them away over this bullshit.

Love,
Madness

You Didnt See the IRONY Before You Clicked Send !?!

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:01:00 +0000

MaxX did ... the hilarity and absurdity too.

Madness will come.

YuckMouth

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:00:00 +0000

Eww. There is just NO excuse for this.

Madness has learned that it is best to protect the identity of those she makes examples of.

Nah.. she just had to blow the pic up so you could get the full effect of MsYuckMouth in all her glory.

*** Update ***

Never Fear Internet .. Madness has taken action!

A gift ... for YuckMouth .. Compliments of Madness.

And if that doesnt work ... never fear, never fear ... Madness has this on order.

Not Last Night but the Night Before

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 16:50:00 +0000

Easy like Sunday mornin .. only it was easy like Sunday Evening because Sunday morning was a fuzzy blurry haze on account of lots of weekend wine and MadLove. Ok fine, weekend beer, details.

Easy like Sunday Evenin .. Madness kicked back in ThreeDollahChair and shot the shit with MaxX while he grilled chicken and burgers and hawtdawgs. The air was fresh, the sky was blue and the sun was warm .. but not too warm because Madness doesnt do heat. Soon babies and puppies joined MaxX and Madness outside and the silliness was kicked up a few notches.

There is nothing Madness hearts more than Easy like Sunday Evenings with MaxX and the babies being as silly as silly can be. Nothing.

Meanwhile, Madness was blog hopping Saturday night and dont you just love blog hopping? Oh Oh Oh ... and did you know that Madness is sure and certain that she will die young? From Cancer? Madness has always known this. Dont ask .. cause I wont tell .. but it could be because Madness mother was robbed of her life .. by cancer. Or it could be that Madness is just irrational and crazy.
Regardless, Madness spent a good part of Saturday and Sunday getting to know PunkRockMommy. You should too.

Please stay tuned while Madness regroups.

Madness hearts MadOlympic Moments

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 00:42:00 +0000

Madness hearts the Olympics ... most 'specially the summer games ... swimming, gymnastics, basketball, diving and track and field make Madness go 'ooh yeah'.

This year you either know all about Michael Phelps or you live under a rock. Michael Phelps pulled off a MadOlympic Moment that gave Madness the chills. Check it out here. Dont worry, its a story in pictures for your viewing pleasure ... so dont be a boob go have a looksie.

SMILE NICE DAMMIT !!!

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 11:13:00 +0000

"Mom, please dont put these on your blog" ... "Nobody you know will see these pics, TeenageDaughter" ... "But Dad says youre becoming famous, like Bossy"
Oh. Hells. Yes.
Right after TeenageSon was threatened with death if he didnt put the gameboythingie away and POSE FOR YOUR MOTHER!!! ....

Yes, Madness owns one more child .. but he was on his bus before Madness was dragged out of bed this morning .. stay tuned .. he does to exist!!

Because Bossy is the Boss like that

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:45:00 +0000

Russia invaded Georgia .. say what?
No, Fool .. not Georgia USA .. and certainly not Georgia Getz
No Madness cant break that shit down for you
But Bossy can ... because shes the Boss like that.

Yes'sir Thems Ma'Babies

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:31:00 +0000

T&D posing for Madness before school ... because this years uniforms are just that cute!

Ahh.. but do you see that look D is giving Madness? Do you see it?

Can you guess which child had to be threatened with bodily injury to pose for these pics?

MmmHmm ... Baby D was not havin' it.

Baby D (as in Diva) only poses freely when she feels it. Baby T on the other hand .. is always ready for her close up.

They are SORRY!?!

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 01:28:00 +0000

Madness computer is SORRY, but it REFUSES to UPLOAD photos from her KodakEasyShare.
What the fuck!?!
God hates Madness.

Sooo... since satanspawncomputer wont upload at the moment .. Madness has had to resort to the Paint feature on satanspawncomputer.

Madness wanted to share with you a photo of Madness' TeenageDaughter sportin her new glasses. As MaxX reported to Madness after her eye doctor appointment, "TeenageDaughter is as blind as a damn bat." Oh. Good thing you just ordered her glasses then, huh?

And man, oh, man did they order up some glasses. MaxX and Madness have style. MmmHmm. MaxX and Madness produced five very stylish children... as demonstrated here:

I know. Madness makes no damn sense.

Madness knows it sucks ... she knows

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 00:41:00 +0000

NO this isnt the PHUN new look for the MadLands you heard about days and days ago ... but quite honestly.. Madness just hasnt had the time or .. uh ... attention span to tweak her blog the way she wanted to.
Never Fear .. I'll get around to it.

FunkeeMunkee

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 04:36:00 +0000

MaxX and Madness went shopping today on account of it was way past time to whip up some BBQ ... and oh my gah what did we spot at the local grocery?

Somebody please break this down for Madness. Please.

GoodTimes

noreply@blogger.com (Madness) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 03:10:00 +0000

GoodTimes around the MadLands today. The day started with MaxX and Madness cleaning and organizing the garage. Next we cut down somethingberry trees. Followed by a cold shower because it was a zillion degrees out there today, people. A zillion.
For anyone out there wondering how MaxX and Madness entertain themselves on breezy hot Saturday mornings ... here's a sneak peek. For those of you who come to the MadLands to drink up every detail of our lives ... here's a Big Gulp.
and do you know how many times Madness had to upload this photo before she stopped deleting it in edit? A lot.

Ha! Ya'll thought Madness was trickin with you when she said that BritBrit is a vicious beast of an animal ... more times than not this is whats really goin on ... BritBrit bringing Rotham within an inch of his life.

Maddy lovin on Rotham.

Maddy lovin on BritBrit.Best Friends For Life.

The rest of the day around the MadLands? Cold Beer. Smokin BBQ. Old Friends. Bliss.