happy mom

More than Mom

2011-03-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

I've been having a really hard time trying to figure out what I want to do. I quit my job in order to be home for my husband and children, and was planning on getting back into real estate. Once we figured out that my husband was making enough overtime to cover my pay for a few months, I decided to "think" a little more on what I really want.

I have been having bad hair days like you wouldn't believe. Litterally, bad hair days! I feel like a frumpy house wife because my hair isn't nice. I haven't had a hair cut in a year, the length is starting to really bother me, and now I keep noticing that my eyebrows are a darker color than my hair! And I don't even dye my hair! I found a box of hair dye under my cabinet that I may just use today.

But, I don't now if dying my hair is going to make me feel any better. I think I'm going through an identity crisis. My husband and I had an argument the other day, and then he told me that he loved me. When he listed the reasons, one of them was that I was the mother of his kids. I didn't hear anything else he said after that. All I heard was: Mother. Is that all I am now? I don't have a job anymore, I haven't seen friends in a very, very long time because I've been busy working and being mom for the past 2 years. I don't go to all of my family's parties and events, because my family is huge and I hate to pick and choose who I see. My husband works a lot, and I don't have anyone who can watch my kids in a moment's notice if I want to go on a date with my husband.

So, for now, I guess "Mom" will have to do. It's not that I don't love being a mom. I do love it, and it's the best job I've ever had. It's the hardest, most unappreciated, challenging job that I've ever had. It is also the most rewarding job I've ever had.

Anyone else having, or had, an identity crisis after having kids? I would love to know that I'm not alone!

Weekly Finance Update-No grocery shopping!

2011-03-11T12:25:00.000-08:00

Well, my success story this week is...I still have $30 out of my $40 weekly grocery budget!

The bad news is, I'm going insane :0) I will post about that later!

We did an impromptu "eat from the pantry" challenge this week, and let me tell you, it was a challenge! I did go buy a loaf of bread on Monday, because I couldn't be bothered with making a loaf as I had planned. Other than that, we have survived on whatever I could find!

My husband worked a lot of overtime last pay period, so we had some more cash to move over to savings. So far, it doesn't look like we are going to be missing my extra income this month. I know it's only been a week, but we have saved more than what I made in 2 months. Things are looking good.

Current financial goals:

Dave Ramsey's Baby Step 1 DONE
Dave Ramsey's Baby Step 2 in progress
Cut $40 a month out of our budget by using Swagbucks and Survey site redemptions for pet food.
Find a new home to rent so we can start a home buying fund.

I am not sure how long we will be in Baby Step 2, since we will need to accumulate over time from my husband's job for that. Unless of course he gets the job he is hoping for. It pays well, and we will be able to put more money towards savings every month.

Any success stories you want to share?

What's a happy mom?

2011-03-10T10:55:00.000-08:00

The Today show had a segment this morning on happy moms. They interviewed the author of "10 Habits of Happy Mothers". This got me thinking, what makes me a happy mom?

I am certainly not happy all the time. Lately, I've been in the 43% (as the segment reported) of mothers that are unhappy. Leaving my job as helped tremendously, but I'm not quite there yet! Here's my list so far on what makes me a happy mom:

1. Coffee. Coffee makes me a happier mom, without question! I need my 1 cup a day. I try really hard to finish a cup in the morning, because that caffeine does give me some energy throughout the day. Lately, since I haven't been able to sit and drink a cup of coffee, I have been using my Magic Bullet to make myself frappuccinos. I can drink those down in 2 seconds flat! I've been blessed with being immune to brain freeze

2. Sleep. Well, it would make me happy if I got any. I find that I am way too grumpy for my kids when I don't get enough, or any, sleep. Unfortunately this has been my #1 problem right now. I just cant sleep!

3. Baking. If I actually get a chance to get in the kitchen and bake, I feel like I've accomplished something great!

4. Seeing my kids smile. I think our kids are a reflection of us, so if I see them smiling, I must be doing something right! This makes me happier.

5. A clean kitchen. I think I spend more time in the kitchen than in any other room, so when I walk in to my clean kitchen, it's a very relaxing feeling.

6. Drinking a cup of tea and taking my vitamins. I know I don't always eat healthy; some times, I don't eat enough. I drink my tea and take my vitamins, I feel like I'm making an effort to take care of myself.

7. Grocery shopping alone, with a latte. I don't do this often, but sometimes, I'll leave the kids at home with my husband while I grocery shop. I will pick up a coffee on the way, so that I can slowly browse the grocery store and sip my drink. My husband wonders why it takes me so long to grocer shop :0) I don't buy extra things, I still stick to my budget, but this is the only "me" time I get.

What makes YOU a happy mom?

Start REALLY Saving Money

2011-03-09T12:27:00.000-08:00

I was going to be doing a series on managing a home and business in one (WAHM-ing it!) but I changed my mind. I will put that on hold for a few months, as I just quit my job and need time to get myself organized in that area.

I will now be doing a Moneysaving series. This will include some very basic ways to save money, and some ways that are a little more work, but definitely worth the effort.

First and foremost, let’s clarify the definition of “save”. Webster states that this is: to put aside as a store or reserve: Accumulate. Maintain, Preserve. To make unnecessary.

I know that seems formal to include this definition, but I’ve read lots of books, blogs and articles that have very simple ways of “saving money” by skipping that Starbucks latte, or that candy bar at the gas station. They emphasize that you can do these things to save money, and not have to have a written budget. You can save without really thinking about it. While this may work for some people, I think for the general population, this is wrong.

Given that the word “save” literally means, “to make unnecessary” a budget is required, even if you save $5 by not purchasing your morning latte. Why? A few years ago my husband and I realized that we were spending $10 a day (combined) at the coffee shop below our apartment. We converted that to a yearly cost of $2,600 (when buying 5 days a week, which we did), and quit the coffee shop altogether. You want to know how much money we ended up saving? Zero! We didn’t have a budget, so when we stopped buying the coffee, we simply spent the money on something else. We didn’t make that money become “unnecessary”. None of our money was allocated to a certain category; it just sat in the checking account waiting to be spent. It didn’t sit for long J

I challenge you to write a budget. Without a written budget, when you “save” $5 on a latte, or $100 on eating out, you may simply up your spending somewhere else, because the money is still there to be spent. Look at your bank statements and see how much extra money you spent over the last 2 months. Look at the restaurants you’ve gone to, add up the small gas station purchases. Once you see how much extra money you could have every month, writing a budget becomes much easier. You will feel such a relief when you realize that in that budget, you can pay yourself! Not money for groceries, or gas, or clothes (I have envelopes for these also) but for a coffee when you feel like it, or a manicure! I haven’t decided what I want, so even though I’ve been paying myself every week, I have only spend $7 of it in the last month, and that was to take my son out to pizza.

My husband and I wrote our budget, stuck to it, and opened up a savings account at a different bank. All of the “extra” money goes into that account. It is a savings account, so it has no debit card. We cannot do impulse purchases with the intentions of quickly transferring money into our checking account (we’ve done this many times!).

Next week: Get your budget started

un Happy Mom

2011-03-06T19:56:00.000-08:00

Today, I’m not a happy mom! It’s Sunday, and my husband has been at work all day. He will be leaving again tomorrow morning for a job and will return Thursday or Friday. He has been working 75 hours a week, and he was supposed to be off today so that we could go and use our Elephant Bar gift card before he left for the week. The kids were both up until 1 am last night (or this morning!), my daughter doesn’t want to take a nap, and my son is extremely fussy because he does want to take a nap. I never finished my coffee this morning. The dogs are outside barking because it’s cold, but I won’t let them in because it rained this morning, and I don’t want muddy prints all over the carpet. I also have not made it out of the house today, I missed my first Financial Peace University class, and I have not been able to go and buy the Sunday paper. This does not make for a very happy mom!

Despite all that, I’m going to put a smile on my face and make myself be a happy mom! Fake it ‘til you mean it, right? My son finally cleaned up his legos, because he wanted a yogurt, and my daughter is now happy in her jumper. I may be able to finish my morning cup of coffee after all! Yes, I will re-heat that coffee at 6pm and I will finish that cup!

My Basic Preschool Plan

2011-03-05T23:10:00.000-08:00

Basic Pre-school Lesson Plan

Letters of the day: A and C

Color: Red

Sign: Help

Shape: Circle

Activities:

· Morning Prayer
· 30 minutes of “Baby Signs” every morning after breakfast.
· Coloring letters A and C with corresponding animals or characters.
· Read Toy Story to point out A, C and the color Red.
· “Treasure Hunt” for red items, circles, and magazines with A’s or C’s.
· Books: Alphabet and Shapes book.

Blog Plans

2011-03-05T11:56:00.000-08:00

I have been blogging sort of haphazardly, but I am now going to try something new...structure! Here is my outling so far for this blog, which includes upcoming series and a weekly schedule:

Monday: Children's learning plan. As I will not be able to send my son to preschool, I thought I would get an early start on home preschool. I will be posting my weekly lesson plan on Mondays, as well as re-capping our accomplishments for the previous week.

Tuesday: My local grocery store coupon match ups. This will most likely only consist of Savemart and FoodMaxx, since I have found great sources for every other store that is in my town.

Wednesday: Monthly Topic. Since this will be my first month as a WAHM, my first series will be "Managing a home and business in one!"

Thursday: Random Thoughts

Friday: Frugal ideas (could be shopping, cooking, outings...) and Financial Update

I may or may not post on the weekends (most likely not, unless there is something that just cannot wait).

My decision to stay home

2011-03-04T20:42:00.000-08:00

We have been on a written budget for one month now, and so far, it has been very easy to stick to. My husband has been very good at holding onto his cash for much longer than he used to, and has limited his debit card use. I have only been using the envelope system. I have even under-spent in some categories!

In addition to adhering to our written budget, we have managed to put $1,000 in our emergency fund!

I have been praying about my decision to leave my job, because even though I don’t make much, it’s something. I have been worried about what it’s going to do to our finances. I found these scriptures, which I think support my decision:

“In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has.” Proverbs 21:20

“The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty, but those of everyone who is hasty, surely to poverty.” Proverbs 21:5

These stuck out to me because I have been trying to come up with ways to save money, or at least stick to our budget, when it comes to groceries. I have been thinking about meal planning, and possibly Once-a-Month cooking. These scriptures may not have been talking literally about food choices, or meal planning, but I think it fits perfectly. If I can make a plan and stick to it, not just with meals, but with schedules and budgeting, then we will succeed in whatever we decide to do.

I am confident that the Lord will help me stretch our dollars further when I leave my job, because I’m not where I’m supposed to be right now.

Life Happens

2011-03-01T15:22:00.000-08:00

Well, it looks like we are putting our written budget to the test...a BIG test! I will be turning in my notice at work within the next few days. I have thought about it, and prayed about it a lot, and I think this is the best decision for my family. Maybe not financially, but emotionally.

My husband and I work opposite shifts at work because if we had to pay daycare, it litterally would not be worth it for me to work. I get home at 10 or 10:30 pm, nurse a hungry 6 month old, do some tidying up, and I am in bed by maybe midnight. And, since I've spent the whole day chasing kids and working, I can't sleep because I remember everything I meant to do...I also do not get more than 5 minutes to spend with my husband. We have Sunday's off together, but that day is filled with church, bible study, church basketball, and some grocery shopping. Not much extra time there!

So, I will be resigning from my job. My hope is that since I will no longer be working until 10 pm, I can get my kids on a better nighttime schedule. That will help me get to bed earlier, and hopefully get up earlier. If I actually got to sleep by 10, I'm sure I can be up at 5 or 5:30, atleast an hour before either kid wakes up. I plan on using this time to do some of my work for the consulting business I am planning on starting, earning some extra date night cash by taking Paid Surveys at Opinion Outpost , and re-reading and having a quiet time. I have a few bible study books that I plan to go through, and I am not sure which one I want to do first. I will be posting portions of the study online.

Of course, this all sounds good in theory, lets pray that it works!

Envelope Budgeting

2011-02-24T12:54:00.000-08:00

My husband and I are in the 5th week of Financial Peace University, a Dave Ramsey program. The first week in the class we were given the Dave Ramsey envelope system. After doing our quickie budget per the program, I put the envelopes into play. I have been using cash only on my purchases, as I lost my ATM card over a year ago and decided not to get it replaced.

I have to say, I am amazed at how well this system actually works! It really does make me re-think my purchases. While I have been using only cash for a year now, I didn’t really designate any money in any category. I did have real envelopes for a month or so, and then I just jumbled it all up in my wallet.

After starting the class and getting the “real” envelope system, I carefully went through my written budget, then went through my written budget, then went through it again. I carefully considered what I really spend money on, to see what envelopes I really need. I considered the basic necessities that I buy, as well as my impulse buys. I am really bad at impulse buys. I always save money, but if it’s an impulse buy, chances are I don’t NEED it, no matter how much money I’ve saved.

Here’s the envelopes I’ve decided to use:

1. Food/Household* This includes food, paper products, cleaning products and baby products.
2. Gas
3. Entertainment
4. Birthdays (This is to be used for my kids’ presents and birthday party items, as well as family and friends birthday presents throughout the year).
5. Tithe (I use the envelope provided at church, and turn it in at the end of the month).
6. Spending cash**
7. Clothing

*I do online surveys at Opinion Outpost that I redeem for Amazon gift cards in order to purchase diapers. This keeps my baby product cost to a minimum.
**My personal spending cash is very low, but this is to cover things like a coffee (I usually get free ones, but just in case I need one…), a granola bar when I forget to eat, or I save it for the next week, and combine my two weeks and take my kids out somewhere fun to eat.

I have done really great this week, and tomorrow is Friday already! Time to load my envelopes with more money! I have not used my Entertainment, Birthdays (no presents to buy this month), or my Spending Cash envelopes. And I have a few dollars left over in my Food/Household envelope.

Budget Buster

2011-02-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

Well, my husband and I are in our 4th week of Financial Peace University, by Dave Ramsey. After doing our quickie budget, then our monthly cash flow, I was really excited. I had planned on changing my paycheck to be direct deposited into the mutual fund account I just set up in order to save for our emergency fund. Once it was up to $1,000, I was going to set up another checking account and direct deposit into there, to save up to start paying off debt.

My plan got blown out of the water when my sister let me know (without a previous heads up) that she will no longer be bringing her kids over for daycare. I will miss the kids, and am a little upset that I cannot use my paycheck from work to start paying off debt.

I am now trying to come up with ways to make extra cash, because for us, me working nights and weekends is not going to work forever. I am home with my kids during the day, my son is very active, and my daughter gets up by 5 am almost every morning. I get home from work around 10, in bed by maybe 11:30, mostly later because I need some quiet time to clean. And I wake my baby up to nurse her before she’s completely done for the night.

Here’s what I’m doing starting NOW to bring in some extra cash:

1. Use skills! Not my skills, my husbands! He is great at woodworking, so I took a picture of a small picnic table he built for my son, and I listed it on craigslist. Don’t worry; I’m not selling my son’s adorable table. I’m taking orders for the custom made tables!

2. Surveys. I am currently only signed up for one survey website, Opinion Outpost but I will look for more legitimate ones. I signed up for some a few years back, and they turned out to be scams. I should have known this because I had to enter my credit card into. I was charged for at least 8 subscriptions to various products!

3. De-clutter and sell! I am going through my house, top to bottom, inside and outside, and selling off as much stuff as I can. We have already sold quite a bit of items on e-bay. As Dave Ramsey says, "Sell until the kids think they're next!"

Here is my current plan for the extra money. This will change depending on how much extra cash we can bring in:

1. Pay off debt (with cash from sold items).
2. Have a monthly date night. The surveys don’t bring in a huge amount of cash, but even $5 a week would be a nice $20 dinner for 2 at some local restaurants (Applebees has a 2/$20 deal!).
3. Possibly pay a babysitter for a few hours a week so that I can do some stuff around the house.

I will be posting on what “extra cash” strategies are working for me, and which ones I choose to pass on.

Meet the Crew

2011-02-17T09:59:00.000-08:00

Stella is the oversized puppy, aka Great Dane, Boomer is the spoiled mutt, and Mater (like tuh-mater, but without the tuh” is the chug (chihuahua and pug mix). Misty, Pacifica and Georgia are the cats of the house.

Boomer has been in my family since my Junior year in high school, and came to live with me and my husband shortly after we purchased our first house in a not so great neighborhood. He used to be an outside dog, but we sure fixed that! He is so spoiled now, he won’t go outside to do his duty if it’s too cold! This is the dog that lived outside for years, rain, hail or wind! He’s our kid protector too. If I have my daughter on the couch, he will sit on the floor next to her, just watching her. My son can sit on his back, pull his tale (not a condoned behavior!) and Boomer will just sit patiently.

Stella is a 3-year-old puppy. She likes to curl up on our laps (okay, she thinks she’s curled up on our laps, but given that she is a huge Great Dane, that’s not really going to happen). She does a “crazy run” several times a day, running from the back door to the front door, over and over again. She hasn’t smashed into the sliding glass door yet, but I’m just holding my breath waiting for that to happen!

Mater is the newest addition. He is about 6 months old, we got him from my sister when he was 8 weeks old. My son loves this dog! They literally take turns chasing each other back and forth around the house. Mater also has a thing for ears, which isn’t great for Aidan, since Mater can reach his ears!

Misty aka Fatty is my 8-year-old huge gray cat. I love her, she is cuddly and needy, but…she pees around the house, and that drives me nuts! We can’t keep rugs in the bathrooms, because it never fails, she will pee on them. I would give her away if I thought someone would put up with her.

Pacifica is our car lot kitty. We were looking at Pacificas one day, and my then soon-to-be husband felt something at his ankle. He looked down, and this little fur-ball had attached itself to his pant leg. I talked him into letting us keep her until we found her a good home. That was about 8 years ago!

Georgia (or Kitten) came from under a van. We had pulled an all-nighter after we bought our house, trying to clean and prepare to move. When we got to our apartment at about 3 a.m. we heard this awful screaming/crying. Sounded like a baby at first, then my husband finally figured out that it was coming from under the van parked next to us. We also kept this cat until we found it a good home, 5 years ago! She was only about 8 or 9 weeks when we found her, but she is all stray…scavenges for food, stalks flies and spiders outside….but, her best friend is Boomer! They curl up together for hours!

Where’d my motivation go?

2011-02-16T21:50:00.001-08:00

Where’d my motivation go?

So I’m sitting on my living room floor, with my niece in the playpen, my baby asleep in her excersaucer (yes, I left her in there to sleep!) and my son playing with legos. My kitchen is a mess, I have 2 loads of laundry to put away, 2 large bags of hand-me-down baby clothes to sort and see what I want, a messy living room…oh, and now that I’m thinking of it, I have taxes to do, dinner to prep for, health insurance applications to fill out…I am exhausted just thinking about it! And to top it off, I got not sleep last night, then both Aidan (2) and Kaytlin (6 months) woke up at 4:30 this morning. Needless to say, I have lost my motivation for the day! At least I got my nephew off to Kindergarten on time!

I read lots of tips on how to be a not grumpy mommy, how to keep a clean, organized home, how to keep kids entertained (without using the t.v.), and how to find “me” time in the day. Well, all that goes out the window when you can’t sleep! My kids mostly sleep through the night (go to be around 8 or 9, very rarely 10), and wake up around 6 or 7. I work until about 9:45 p.m. 5 nights a week, get home around 10, wake Kaytlin up to feed her once to make sure she doesn’t wake up un the middle of the night hungry, then I clean the dishes I didn’t get to during the day, straighten up, get clothes ready for the next day, and I get to bed. That’s usually around midnight, occasionally 1 a.m. I have trouble sleeping, thinking of everything I didn’t get to during the day. By the time I get so tired that I HAVE to sleep, it’s time for me to get up. My sister drops her kids off sometime between 6:15 a.m. and 8:45 a.m. depending on what day it is. I like to be fully dressed and partially awake when they get here. Then of course, they are always hungry and ready for breakfast when they get here, and it never fails, my niece needs a diaper change immediately, and conveniently that’s around the same time Kaytlin wakes up and wants to be nursed, which coincides with when Aidan wakes up and wants to cuddle…I run around cleaning up after 4 kids (including Kaytlin, she’s rolling now and tearing up any piece of paper she can find), 2 kids get picked up around 5:30, I have 30 minutes to nurse Kaytlin again and get ready for work. Then I either wait for my husband to get home, or drop my kids off somewhere so I can start work at 6:30. I really don’t think this is what life’s supposed to like. I’m going to have to talk to God about my schedule!

I am looking for some motivation here! Ideally, I would like to sleep at least a solid 5 hours (solid being the key word, not waking up to night sweats, dry throat, headache, etc.) Okay, 6 hours would be better, 7 would be best. But, I’ll take the 5! I would love to be able to get up at least an hour before my kids, so I can exercise, have quiet time with a cup of coffee, prepare breakfast, and straighten up before they get out of bed. Oh, and maybe getting to chat with my husband before he’s off to work would be nice too, since we don’t get a chance to later in the day. I leave for work when he comes home, and he’s usually asleep when I get home.

Anyone in a similar situation? Any tips on what I can/should do so I don’t pull my hair out? Speaking of which, I’m about 12 months over due for a hair cut!