Other Things

THE WINNERS ARE...

2012-02-16T10:10:00.000-08:00

FIRST PLACE: Kendall Poe

It was my father’s year for spring break, and when I returned with beach photos my mother lingered on a picture of us holding sand dollars. Her heavy thumb fretted ocean, sand dollar, smile. The next day I saw the same picture on the fridge but folded in half, minus a father. It stuck out from the artwork and newspaper clippings like a pop-up card. “Why didn’t you just tear it?” I asked pointing to the space where he should have been. She leaned toward the stove’s open mouth. “That would ruin it.”

SECOND PLACE: Fraylie Nord

Jane’s cat drowned on the morning Hurricane Floyd made landfall. The school had shuttered its windows on Tuesday, and Jane’s mother woke early to mount the whole basement on risers. At daybreak, the sky hummed with pungent odors of low tide. Jane would not begin sixth grade for another week. Her mother warned, don’t let that damn stray into my house.

Within hours, the basement filled with five feet of water. A neighbor entered bearing a canoe. When the flood cleared, Jane held her waterlogged cat, softly closing the window where it had entered in fear of the rising storm.

THIRD PLACE: Bailey McCann

“I miss you. I’d like to see you, if you’re free,” his text said. “I’d like that,” she replied.. He called the next day. “I’d like to see you,” he repeated. “Just so you know, she moved in with me. I just want to be honest. Do you still want to see me?” “Sure.” She had no idea why she said this. “How’s lunch Wednesday?” “Great.” They hung up. Tuesday passed without details on where to meet. She said nothing. Three weeks was the longest he’d ever gone without contacting her. She braced. On the third Thursday, it gave way.

Congratulations to the winners, and thanks to all who submitted. Check back in for a humor contest in April judged by Michael Showalter!

A

BAD BANGS IN THE TIME OF BANGS

2012-02-13T11:09:00.000-08:00

This week I am all about co-opting titles of great literary works to celebrate whatever I feel like celebrating. On that note, I give you.... Who Is Your Literary Crush? a video from Simon and Schuster to celebrate Maura Kelly and Jack Murnighan's new book Much Ado About Nothing: What Our Favorite Novels Can Teach You About Date Expectations, Not So-Great Gatsbys, and Love in the Time of Internet Personals (Free Press).

Besides my shifty eye-movement and the fact that I only talk out of one side of my mouth, here is the awesome video sort of explaining why, when given all the characters in all the fictional land, we want to date Canadians.

I tried pairing this with a video of Joey Potter from Dawson's Creek because all I remember about the show is that Katie Holmes talked out of one side of her mouth (and that I watched it after my Wednesday night Advanced Hip-Hop class, my first and only dance class ever...more on this sadness later). But I googled "Joey Potter talks out of one side of mouth" and got a video of a baby koala trying to eat. A win. Enjoy.

And you have a few hours to get in your entries for One Hundred Words of Heartbreak, closes today at 5pm!

Alison

ONE HUNDRED WORDS OF HEARTBREAK

2012-02-07T10:25:00.000-08:00

THE CONTEST:

One hundred words of heartbreak. The heartbreak does not have to have taken place on Valentine's Day. The heartbreak does not have to be yours. The heartbreak can be yours. The heartbreak does not require a take-away or silver lining. Usually, it's better if it doesn't.

THE JUDGE:

Emma Straub's debut story collection, Other People We Married, was published in February 2011 by FiveChapters Books, and will be rereleased in February 2012 by Riverhead Books. Her fiction and non-fiction have been published by Tin House, The Paris Review Daily, Slate, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Cousin Corinne’s Reminder, and many other places. She is a staff writer for Rookie. Emma lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband. A more illustrated version of this appears at M+E

THE PRIZE:

First Place winner receives a free and signed copy of Other People We Married.

Praise for Other People We Married:

“Through the dozen stories told within the binding of this book, Ms. Straub takes her readers many places, shows them the full range of emotional color, tone and hue through the peculiar prestidigitation of her words."
–Vinton Rafe McCabe, for the New York Journal of Books

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:

No entry fee. To be eligible:

Subscribe to this blog Other Things (on the right margin) so you can be informed about future contests.

Email your entry (no attachments please) to aespach@gmail.com by February 13, 5pm EST. Please put ONE HUNDRED WORDS OF HEARTBREAK in the subject line, and include your name somewhere in the email, though all submissions will be read blind by Emma Straub.

Winners will be announced here after Valentine's Day!

Alison

AUTOMATED DRUM ROLL PLEASE

2012-01-19T09:11:00.000-08:00

And the winners are...

via pinmarklet

THIRD AND A HALF PLACE: Kendall Poe

We stood over his body that lay dormant on the fire escape. We watched rainwater begin to collect in the bowls of his hips. Someone asked, “what about the hurricane?”

THIRD PLACE: Rebecca Kumar

She hailed Ali’s unlit taxi one 3 am, saying, “take me where you live." Then she undressed -- and

kissed his achy knees and ankles until morning. American girls are different.

SECOND PLACE: Liz McGlynn

I was dead for half a minute. For thirty seconds my heart stopped, a twisted corner of your flannel bed

sheet frozen in my rigor-mortised hands. Then you said no.

FIRST PLACE: Matt Waters

Fall had fallen into the colder wind where we stood in the street as I said, “The thought of kissing you

terrifies me,” and waited for reassurance that never came.

Thanks so much to everybody who submitted. It was a difficult choice for Darin (hence the 3rd and a 1/2 place). If you entered, don't forget to collect your 10% off at AE DESIGNS before May 1! And stay tuned for the next micro-contest coming for Valentine's Day, judged by none other than wonder-woman Emma Straub, author of Other People We Married.

Very gratefully yours,

Alison

LAST CALL

2012-01-13T09:44:00.000-08:00

If I were submitting to HALF A MINUTE, today's the day I probably would have submitted, mostly because when given the opportunity, I procrastinate. I'm not sure it's fair to say that waiting a week to submit to a week-long contest is true procrastinating, but there's certainly something to be said about the thrill of the deadline, the last possible chance.

What I like best about procrastinating is the urgency and meaning it instantly gives something completely meaningless, for instance, paying my heath insurance bill at the last possible second. Running to the mailbox because if I don't , it won't be post-stamped Jan 13, and then it will be canceled and upon closing the mailbox lid, feeling very accomplished and sneaky and breathless, like I've achieved the utterly impossible. There's nothing like it.

And so if you haven't already, please click at the top for details, and get your entries in by 5pm today. Darin Strauss will judge this weekend, and winners will be announced on Tuesday, the 17th. And if you've already entered, you have until May 1, 2012 to claim your 10% off from AE Designs. Happy writing.

A

YOU ARE WHAT YOUR WEBSITE IS

2012-01-10T10:25:00.000-08:00

Yes, we all think we can somehow build our own websites with absolutely zero graphic design skills like yours truly. It wasn't until I got a real designer to do my website that I realized the horror of the previous one. It was sort of like looking back at a college photo and realizing you looked crazier than you thought at the time:

Anyway. Here's a reminder to all who enter the HALF A MINUTE writing contest, you automatically get 10% off a custom-built website from AE DESIGNS. If you're shopping around for a great designer who can create nearly everything, look no further, except perhaps down this page.

My website, created by AE DESIGNS:

And also a million other things designed by AE DESIGNS...

Miz Mooz ads

Save the date cards

Business cards

Restaurant logos

Contest closes at 5pm on Friday, so get typing. Until then.

Alison

HALF A MINUTE WRITING CONTEST

2012-01-04T09:19:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to announce the start of HALF A MINUTE, a new writing contest to kick off the new year and say goodbye to the old. Entries written by you and judged by Darin Strauss. But first, a preamble:

This New Year's Eve, I made the mistake of getting excited for the party. It was a Great Gatsby roaring 20's party, with Gatsby-related cocktails, a champagne toast, the promise of swing and bright lipstick and pearls I didn't have to wear ironically. My evening was finally, after years of waiting, going to pass like this:

via Life Magazine

So, you can imagine my disappointment as my friends and I found ourselves in a pipes-exposed basement, under a non-revolving disco ball, with our cranberry vodkas in plastic cups, sort of dancing to Rihanna's S&M, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me...."

Right. So how did this happen, we asked each other. Was it because we were too excited? Where did we go wrong? How did we get here? And not just in the puddle of beer collecting at our feet, but here, in 2012?'

Not me.

"2011 went by so fast," someone said, because someone always says this on New Year's Eve. This is how the preceding year appears when it's over. It becomes an image, a calendar in the dumpster, a slideshow of photographs, a few anecdotes worthy of being remembered and told the next year.

This is depressing, yes. Because what happened to all those moments that, at the time, took forever? What happened to the moment before your hairdresser spun you around so you could face the mirror? Or when you were waiting for a realtor to check your credit? Or when you were in the doctor's office, on the altar, at a red light, on the foul line, at the bank, in the backseat of a car, walking on stage, on Gchat, waiting for a response from that person you probably shouldn't have Gchatted?

Which leads me to the HALF A MINUTE writing contest.

THE CONTEST:

In 30 words, write a piece about 30 seconds of 2011 that...took...for...ever. Being suspended in a moment for all of eternity can be a terrible thing, yes, but sometimes, it's amazing. You choose.

We're not too good with numbers over here, so don't get all hung up on the exactness of those 30 seconds.

THE JUDGE: Darin Strauss

A recipient of the Guggenheim Fellowship and a winner of the American Library Association's Alix Award and The National Book Critics Circle Award, the internationally-bestselling writer Darin Strauss is the author of the novels Chang & Eng, The Real McCoy, and More Than It Hurts You, and the NBCC-winning memoir Half a Life. These have been New York Times Notable Books, Newsweek, Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle, Amazon, Chicago Tribune, and NPR Best Books of the Year, among others. Darin has been translated into fourteen languages and published in nineteen countries, and he is a Clinical Associate Professor at NYU's creative writing program.

Praise for Half a Life:

"At the center of this elegant, painful, stunningly honest memoir thrums a question fundamental to what it means to be human: What do we do with what we’ve been given?… What is truly exceptional here is watching a writer of fine fiction probe, directly, carefully and with great humility, the source from which his fiction springs."
—Dani Shapiro, New York Times Book Review

"A remarkable, beyond-brave memoir that offers an intensely personal look at the most agonizing events in the author's post-accident life… With astounding frequency, Strauss pinpoints truths that most of us would find indescribable."
—Stephan Lee, O, The Oprah Magazine

THE PRIZE(S):

Everyone who enters gets 10% off a custom built website from AE Designs! (Pricing, on average, starts at $2Gs.) You are currently staring at an AE Design creation (this blog), but if you want to check out more wonderful creations of AE Designs click here.

First Place: You win a free copy of Half A Life by Darin Strauss & a free business card designed by AE Designs.

Second Place: You win a $30 gift certificate to Community Bookstore in Park Slope. A dollar for every word for every second.

Third Place: Our eternal admiration and your piece will be posted here.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:

No submission fee! To be eligible:

1) Subscribe to this blog Other Things (on the right margin) so you can be informed about future contests;

2) Check out and "like" AE Designs Facebook page to get your 10% off a custom-built website from AE Designs. Reminder: everybody who enters HALF A MINUTE gets this discount, expires May 1, 2012;

3) Email your entry (no attachments please) to aespach@gmail.com by Friday, January 13 by 5pm EST. Please put HALF A MINUTE in the subject line, and include your name somewhere in the email, though all submissions will be read blind by Darin Strauss.

Winners will be announced and published here on Monday, January 16! And if you have the time, check out an old post to see the winners of an earlier contest held here at Other Things.

Happy New Year,
A

THE DESCENT

2011-11-30T08:54:00.001-08:00

There I was, all civilized, blogging everyday, not to mention jogging every day, eating carrots and poached eggs for breakfast, zucchini noodles, making my bed as soon as I woke up, being friendly to customer service people, and then....and then....what? Pad Thai for dinner and then breakfast, cursing out pedestrians in my head and sometimes real life, thoughts of 'why make my bed when I'm just going to get back in it later,' deliveries not being delivered, one sit-up right before I fell asleep at night, and then of course, Pawn Stars happened...and soon enough...

The Descent via movies.ign.com

Meanwhile, you didn't miss much, besides the fact that I now hate all health insurance companies, which isn't all that different from before, except the degree of hatred. So what else to do when you are being eaten from the inside out by justified anger? Get a kitten, with over-sized ears. It's the cure-all for most things. Meet Dr. Fuzz (doctorate in fuzziness and maybe eating paper).

The Dr. in her office.

It only took her a few days to look around and drop the act, and uncross her dignified little paws....

upside down Fuzz & my creepy eye

I've learned a lot since naming my female cat Dr. Or rather, much was confirmed. I won't belabor the point, except to say that more often than not, the reaction was, "Oh wait, she's a girl?"

Two things which I will oppress you with in the future: photos of Dr. Fuzz eating things, more hating of health insurance companies, and the ongoing but very exciting process of selling my film rights. Stay tuned.

A

LOVE IS MORE THAN A PLOT DEVICE (IT'S A HALLOWEEN COSTUME).

2011-10-31T10:15:00.000-07:00

My Halloween costume history has been underwhelming to say the least. Usually, I don't decide on a costume until the hour before whatever party I go to, and end up being whatever is closest to me i.e. paper towels, toilet paper. Saturday, in that desperate pre-party hour, I decided to be a polar bear hitman (it was surprising to all of us).

The polar bear's first hit of the night

But because Halloween does not fall on a weekend, we get the fortune of celebrating it twice. So instead of being a polar bear again, I decided to investigate other, more inspired costumes at the very last possible second.

A list of literary duo/couple costumes for Halloween 2011, compiled by myself and many of the wonderful, very well-read people I know:

Anne of Green Gables & zombie Matthew Cuthbert (Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery)

Keats & Fanny Brawne ("Ode to Fanny," Keats)

Uriah Heep & Miss Havisham (Great Expectations, Charles Dickens)

Moby Dick & Captain Ahab (Moby Dick, Herman Melville)

Morse & Cummings ("The Falls," George Saunders)

A confused girl & A Flammable Skirt (Girl in the Flammable Skirt, Aimee Bender)

Lolita & Humbert Humbert (Lolita, Nabokov)

Annie Hall & Woody Allen ("Annie Hall" - so it's a movie, but it's also Woody Allen)

Tom Buchanan & Slutty Myrtle (The Great Gastby, Fitzgerald)

Fabio & any woman in bustier (Any book with Fabio on the cover)

Etham Frome & Mattie (Ethan Frome, Edith Wharton)

Tess & Angel Clare (Tess of the d'Ubervilles, Thomas Hardy)
Mary Anne Spier & Logan Bruno (any Babysitters Club book, I think, Ann. M. Martin)

Ignatius Reilly & Myrna Minkoff (A Confederacy of Dunces, Toole)

Hamlet & Ophelia post-suicide (Hamlet, Shakespeare)

Poe & Raven ("The Raven," Poe)

Connie & Arnold Friend ("Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?", J. C. Oates)

Anne Karenina & the Count (Anna Karenina, Tolstoy)

Eliosa & Abelard post-castration ("Eliosa to Abelard," Alexander Pope)

Jaws & Captain Quint (Jaws, Benchley)

Dante and Beatrix (Dante's Inferno, Virgil)

Lord Byron and his sister

Jack Kerouac and every beat poet

Ichabod Crane & Katrina Van Tassle ("The Legend of Sleepy Hallow," Irving)

Lennie & his mouse (Of Mice and Men, Steinback)
Truman Capote & bottle of bourbon (interchangeable with John Cheever & a bottle of gin)

Grandfather & Sammy Davis Jr, Jr. the Officious Seeing-Eye Bitch (Everything is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer)

Philip Carey & his clubfoot (Of Human Bondage, W. Somerset Maugham)

Bonus group costume: Lisbon girls & the first person plural (The Virgin Suicides, Eugenides)

Obviously, this list is sort of infinite. So please add on if the Halloween spirit strikes you.

Don't eat the non-vacuum sealed fruit,

A HAUNTING AT 2A

2011-10-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night, at Fiction Addiction's "Hauntings and Horror Stories...."

Darin Strauss

Darin Strauss -- author of Chang and Eng, The Real McCoy, and the recent National Book Award winner, Half A Life -- haunting himself.

Me and Me

I'm happy to see my ghost self is shorter -- and more sincere-looking -- than my real self.

Thanks to Christine Vines for making the night happen, J.E. Reich for the creepiest public transportation story ever, Robert Vaughan for his micro delights, the bartender who was very generous, my recovering-architect friend Brian who just so happened to have designed the place, and all of the happy people who clapped, hooted, and hollered every time I said "genitals." That's what friends are for.

A

HOW I HAVE LOVED THIS BOOK

2011-10-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

Behold! My withered and worn copy of Jacob Have I Loved. Arell Nankervis (and teal-ish) wins!

"I think the answer is teal-ish (not correct crayola color name)... with two girls on the front, on a beach, in white sundresses. I think that's right because I stole one from Mrs. Brodzdowsky." - Arell

that's my finger.

Some of you were pretty accurate in describing other versions of this book. Here are some other covers:

Oh, Sarah Louise. If only you hadn't worn flannel.

READ BY COLOR

2011-10-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

Every time I move, which seems to be every year, I convince myself that I'm going to alphabetize my bookshelves. This never happens. I've decided to stop deluding myself, and give up on the idea for now. This seems like a practical alternative:

via pinmarklet

What I like best about the color-coordinated bookshelf is that it's pretty. And like most pretty things, it offers a totally useless and confusing kind of order.

So here is my one question quiz that you have little chance of answering correctly:

What color is the spine of Jacob Have I Loved by Katherine Paterson, the one that I stole from my 5th grade library (sorry Mrs. Strever)? Paperback, 1981 edition.

Crayola colors count. Post answer below. Winner(s) gets my lifelong admiration and a free and signed copy of THE ADULTS because I have too many copies of it in my very small apartment. Will be back Monday from Florida to announce the great reveal. Until then.

Dramatically,
A

OCCUPY WALL STREET: FICTION

2011-10-18T11:33:00.000-07:00


via Salon

Click here to read fiction by authors Marcy Dermansky, Fiona Maazel, Karen E. Bender, and myself.

That's all for today. Check back in tomorrow for a free book giveaway.

A

LASERS ARE SO DRAMATIC

2011-10-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

Last night at "I Like Your New Glasses" there were so many words. Words were read, spoken, written, and even sung. Words were all we had. But today, there are none. Luckily, there are pictures.

Justin Taylor & Amanda Bullock

Thanks to Amanda for putting last night's reading together, and thanks to Justin for being so enthusiastic.

Matt Nicholas, upper left, ready for school.

Aryn Kyle, being noble.

Me, almost eating the prop. Oh, and David Goodwillie, considering the apple's form.

Somewhere in there is Tricia Callahan, agent of Cover Spy, sporting the coolest glasses of the evening. No offense to everybody else's.

BUZZ-CUTS, BOWL-CUTS AND BRAIDS

2011-10-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

Before I announce the winners, I would just like to tell you what fun Aryn and I had reading all of the entries to NICE BRAIDS. You made us laugh and gasp and cringe and want to cry a little. It was amazing to see what can be done in only 25 words. It was not just hard to choose; it was impossible to choose. Aryn was so enchanted by the entries, for a second, she considered letting everyone win...

people freaking out via New York Magazine

If we (me + Aryn) somehow = Oprah, well, then, that is in fact what we would do. We'd also throw in a free flight to Australia flown by none other than the very famous pilot John Travolta and all sorts of impressive electronics.

But, sadly, we can't. So, without further ado, here are the WINNERS!

FIRST PLACE: Jeff Kramer

Chocolate haired, jade eyed, red sneaker-ed Johanna. We traded pop-tarts, swishy wind pants and beginner trombone etudes. She stole my hamster and moved to Georgia.

SECOND PLACE: Maggie Murray

Ski-slope-nosed soccer prodigy Tyler, featured in all our phone-booth-in-the-rain make out fantasies, steals a Fruit Gusher from my desk. BEST DAY EVER.

THIRD PLACE: Kiki Tarkhan

One was a blond Irish prick and star Accelerated Reader, the other was a black Irish sweetheart and star Accelerated Reader. I hated that program.

HONORABLE MENTION: Liz Bartucci

Thurman Munson. Catcher. Yankees. Secret signals between his legs. Before he knew my love, he died. Men cried on the field, at home beside me.

FINALISTS:

All I managed to do was hand her a note containing lyrics to a George Michael song, which I said was a poem I'd written.

By Brett Fletcher Lauer

He asked me not to tell anyone his middle name: Vernon. A secret too good to keep — my best friend told everyone. He dumped me.

By Jennifer Harlan

Buck-toothed, baby-faced neighbor with the crab apple fists, you had me at “trampoline.”

By Kendall Poe

Come hear the winner read, alongside Aryn and myself at the "I Like Your New Glasses" reading/party/mixer tonight. Housing Works Bookstore and Cafe. 7pm. If you do not consider being on time a virtue in itself, then you should be informed that the first 50 people receive the gift of a free beer,

Check back here at Other Things for more contests and giveaways in the not-so-distant future.

A

I LIKE YOUR NEW GLASSES

2011-10-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

HAVE BOOTH WILL TRAVEL is providing a school-portrait photobooth for all the guests at tomorrow's Housing Works reading just so we can retake photos that look like this:

You can't tell, but these glasses are pink

Hours left of NICE BRAIDS! Please feel free to use my buck-teeth-pink-glasses-one-braided-self-with-old-man-arms as inspiration for your 25 word pieces. Closes at 10pm tonight.

A

THE LAND OF LOST LUGGAGE II

2011-10-07T07:58:00.000-07:00

The best/saddest find of the day at Unclaimed Baggage: the unclaimed wedding dress.

It makes for a good writing prompt. On that note, 6 days left of NICE BRAIDS. Get writing.

A

THE LAND OF LOST LUGGAGE

2011-10-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

Today I'm going to Unclaimed Baggage. If you haven't heard about this Alabama attraction, it's a massive store that sells the contents of the nation's unclaimed luggage. Oprah knows about it, so why don't you?

via Unclaimed Baggage

My first question about this place, rightly or wrongly, was "Wait, who doesn't claim their luggage?" Never have I gotten off a plane and bypassed Baggage Claim thinking, eh, let's just get to the hotel.

Just a few things that went unclaimed (actually, the key thing here is that they were packed in the first place):

50 vacuum-sealed frogs
A bear skin packed in salt
A live rattlesnake (lending some credence to Snakes on a Plane)

It's amazing that something like 50 vacuum-sealed frogs can go unclaimed. Sometimes, yes, I admit it, I over pack; I'll throw in 50 pairs of socks because you never know what might happen. But a person doesn't throw in 50 vacuum-sealed frogs "because you never know what might happen," so it confuses me about why such a bag goes unclaimed.

If I were Carrie Bradshaw, I'd now close with some metaphor about all of the world's unclaimed baggage, specifically focusing on the poor bear skin that was not only taken from the bear, but then treated in salt, obviously loved and packaged by someone who cared and understood the bear skin's needs -- only to go unclaimed!! To be forgotten!! BUT I'm too distracted by what awaits me:

via Unclaimed Baggage

"A bride-to-be slides out of the passenger side of her mama’s car, right next to the businessman who needs gear for his hike on the Appalachian Trail. Across the parking lot, a burst of laughter erupts from a mini-van of women stretching their legs and hedging their bets on the best bargain of the day. It's another day at Unclaimed Baggage Center." -- Unclaimed Baggage

I hope I have this much fun at Unclaimed Baggage. I hope I make all kinds of surprised faces. Will be back tomorrow with my treasures. Hopefully, one of those treasures will be my Redken shampoo that went mysteriously missing from one of my suitcases years ago.

In the meantime, keep on sending your entries for NICE BRAIDS.

A

BOYS AND GIRLS LIKE YOU AND ME

2011-10-05T05:47:00.000-07:00

On October 13, Aryn Kyle and I will be doing a back-to-school themed reading at Housing Works Bookstore and Cafe. What? Been there, done that? Okay, fine, but have you seen this?

There will be a free school-portrait photobooth at event so you can take photos just like Aryn's

Based on this school portrait alone, I'm going to go ahead and say that Aryn Kyle and I had tremendously different elementary school experiences. I wore boys extra-large hand-me-downs, and she obviously had a lot of headaches. I wore black Reeboks, and though I can't see Aryn's feet, I like to assume they too are covered in plaid. Yet while reading her collection BOYS AND GIRLS LIKE YOU AND ME, I was convinced we had gone to the same school, that we had cried and laughed over the same things, that we had the same friends, and that we were all wearing black Reeboks.

Let me just say this: it's the only story collection I ever read in one sitting. Now listen to what Vogue had to say:

"No one captures millennial adolescence like Aryn Kyle. Her new story collection, Boys and Girls Like You and Me (Scribner), features young women making their way in an America of stultifying suburban sameness—strip shopping malls, generically named apartment complexes—who go to ruthless lengths to get what they want, sleeping with married men and betraying everyone, most of all themselves" --Vogue

This all brings me to the NICE BRAIDS writing contest. What in God's name is that? Please read on.

Tell us about your elementary school crush in less than 25 words. The best description wins. "Best" will be determined by Aryn Kyle.

Winner of the NICE BRAIDS writing contest gets one free and signed copy of Aryn Kyle's book, a $25 gift card to Housing Works Bookstore and Cafe (a dollar for every word), and your short piece will be read on stage at the "I Like Your New Glasses" event on Oct 13, either by you (if you are NYC-based) or by one of us (if you live in New Mexico).

To enter NICE BRAIDS, please:

1. Join Other Things, up there on the right.
2. Check out and "like" Aryn Kyle's blog
3. Email submissions to aespach@gmail.com. Put NICE BRAIDS in subject line.

Contest closes Oct 12, 10pm. Winner will be announced the morning of Oct 13 here. Check back in for results (and the release of my own school portrait. Yes, there is a braid).

A

A BOATLOAD FULL OF NUKES

2011-10-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

I've been teaching fiction writing for about four years now, and one of the questions I'm most frequently asked is, "What is bad dialogue?"

I never felt like I had an adequate answer until I watched 2010: Moby Dick.

via IMDb

As you can see, it's quite a literal adaptation of the novel.

via TwistedWing

If you're intrigued, here is the 2010: Moby Dick trailer, and below are the first three lines of speech you'll hear:

Man: This report says all were attacked by an enormous whale.

Blond woman: That would make it 400 feet?

Mustached man: You cannot have a sub commander off the reservation in a boatload full of nukes!

You should watch this movie for all sorts of reasons, but if you're a writer, it's an excellent example of how not to write dialogue. It's 99% exposition masquerading as conversation. Characters who speak only in overly-detailed clips of information.

via 365 Horror Movies

Moby Dick's the only one in this movie with a little personality, so why's he so stressed?

A

PLEASE DON'T ARREST ME FOR POSTING THIS

2011-10-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

This week, I've been writing alarmingly close to a U.S. Army Installation. I photographed the massive perimeter of the area (barbed wire fence, trees so tall you can't see past them) before I read the big brown sign that said:

An exact replica

The area is a testing site, as indicated in the next sign I saw:

more or less

What is America testing? I couldn't want to know more. If only I hadn't thrown out that periscope from 2nd grade used only to watch my mother make dinner in the kitchen as I sat hidden on the stairs.

It seems I must call upon my ears to do the real sleuthing. So far, I've heard only helicopter sounds, and three large blasts that sounded like bombs. "Like bombs" because I've never actually heard a bomb detonate in real life (which is, if you can't tell by my tone, a very good thing). I'm only familiar with the way bombs sound when they go off in movies or on youtube:

It sounded, but did not look, like this.

Join me as I sit here and develop completely inaccurate theories about what's going on in the secret testing site:

1. They are creating clones, then immediately blowing them up to test how durable clones are.

2. They are filming a movie in which three bombs go off.

Alarmed,
A

LAUNCHING A BOOK THAT'S ALREADY BEEN LAUNCHED

2011-09-30T07:57:00.000-07:00

If you missed the paperback launch party for THE ADULTS, that's okay since a) the book had already been released for months, and 2) it was raining in a gross way that made going out feel impossible. Here is a recap: we drank some wine, ate some peppers that I sliced, pet Tiny the cat, and analyzed the new cover. If you're curious about the night's conclusions, here they are:

1. The girl is a bit bow-legged.
2. She could be thirteen or twenty.
3. It's good that you can't really see her face.
4. Most people have never been in a room with a window that opens like that.
5. She looks strung-out but not in an imminently suicidal way, even though she's hanging out a window.
6. Most people think she is my sister-in-law's sister.

Sister-in-law's sister

7. The model is not my sister-in-law's sister.
8. There should be an easier way to say "my sister-in-law's sister."

In case you forgot already, this was the old cover:

Not to be confused with the damage from Hurricane Irene:

Many thanks to Stephanie from the Community Bookstore in Park Slope for hosting me twice in one year. And to Tiny, who wins for buying the most copies.


Tiny, after impulse purchases

THE CONTRACT

2011-09-29T13:42:00.000-07:00

And so it begins. My blog.

When things begin, I feel strongly that there should always be a contract. This way, you can be assured that something is officially beginning. You also know what is beginning, which seems important.

So here are the carefully (unilaterally) drafted terms of our Contract, mein dear blog reader:

This contract is between me ("I" "Author" or "Alison") and my blog readers ("You" "Reader" or "Frank").

I will:

1. tell you things that I want you to know

2. upload pictures of importance or non-importance (cat-related, usually);

3. update you on where I might be at any particular moment, for no particular reason;

4. link to things I like (this could be anything);

5. update you on any severe weather;

6. spread the word about literary happenings in New York City and sometimes outside of the city;

7. ramble on about books and authors I love;

8. complain when I'm sick;

9. hopefully get better at this as I go along.

Reader will:

1. read or "glance;"

2. feel bad when I'm sick;

3. heed my severe weather warnings

Definitions

"Severe Weather" shall mean all precipitation events beyond the level of a light mist and any winds strong enough to de-hat several men of average height.

"Literary Happenings" shall mean anything that happens near, on, or inside a book.

"Cat" shall mean anything I happen to find really cute.

All claims or disputes arising from Contract shall be brought and heard below in the comments box.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties hereto have executed this Agreement as of the date first written above.

Officially yours,