It's Just Stall Talk, Baby!

Aspire the World!

2008-04-07T10:07:00.001-07:00

"Aspire the world with our beautiful vision."

I found this in a bathroom stall in one of the art buildings. I didn't really think much about it when I took the image. ( I take tons of pictures at once, i'm more focused on clear images rather than what the words say.) But now that I'm thinking about it, I feel like this phrase is why I wanted to be an artist. Art is so powerful and it's becoming more available because of the internet. Art has such a vital part in my world and the world around me. Normally I'm driven and hardworking, but every so often I feel defeated. It's just hard to stay motivated when you know no one is watching. I have to learn to want things for myself...trully. Not because I want a good grade or I want to be the best. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be the best, I just can't let my own ambitions get me down, especially when I fall short.

I just want people to look at my art, to interact with it and hear my voice. My art is about the world I live in and the people in it....It's a little difficult when you're just MAKING and not showing. *sigh*

I heard their periods attract bears...

2008-04-06T15:18:00.000-07:00

"I heard their periods attract bears."

hahahahahaha.

i thought this was funny.

Changing the World...

2008-04-04T07:19:00.001-07:00

"I am so afraid that I will live a life of nothing,

when every night I dream about changing the world."

This happens to be one of my biggest fears. I've been dreaming big since I was a child, not because I had too much love and support of my parents, but because I wanted to change things about the world. The older I get the more I realized how much I wanted to impact the world, my goals became more realistic. Don't get me wrong, I still want to change the world, in my own way. Through the arts, i guess. Even through this blog...even though no one really reads it, it's out there, influencing the internet world...in a sense. The best way to start moving the world is by silly little things...get your thoughts and opinions out there, because they're important. start here, on blogger, and maybe it'll take you farther. Don't forget to put your full effort forward, don't be afraid to fail and don't be afraid to believe in yourself. There's no shame in that. You will always be your biggest fan.

i thought i would add this short little video, because it's fun and entertaining and sort of pertains to what I was talking about earlier...Pinky and the Brain never give up! Every night, no matter how many times they've failed before, they try to take over the world!

What attracts you to a guy?!!

2008-04-01T15:00:00.001-07:00

"What attracts you most to a guy?"

"Nothing, I'm gay!"

"sense of humor"

"his character and heart"

"his respect for my intelligence"

"how he hugs."

"good oral"

"smell"

"if he knows how to rock out!"

there's no picture perfect dream guy...well, there used to be one. growing up my girlfriends and I would make silly lists of all the things that we wanted in a guy. his hair color, his build, his eye color, his laugh, your first kiss and everything in between. so yes, at one point i had a made up some magical guy that could never exist. he had dark hair and sun kissed skin, his eyes were dark green and he had an fantastic build, believe me! but just because I had this guy in the back of my mind does not mean that he's what I want or even what i had wanted. A dream guy is only good for your dreams. Flaws make us unforgettable and lovable. So to all the guys reading this right now, don't be discouraged, every woman wants something different. And i figure that men love the flaws in women as well.

Perfect is boring.

I cheated.

2008-03-18T18:18:00.001-07:00

"I cheated on my husband."

have you told him?

Depression and Therapy

2008-03-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

"I wish I could binge, purge, starve, cut myself...

but I'm too afraid to go back to therapy.

I may be medicated,

I'm still broken."

I've been avoiding posting this one, because it makes me so sad. No matter how much you binge, purge, starve or cut yourself...it will never make you love yourself. What it does is gives you satisfaction for 10 minutes...I know therapy sucks...I've never been, but goodness...it can't be fun. There was this guy in my class and he did this blog about his struggle with depression. He was cutter and had huge anxiety attacks...reading his story might help. not only does he tell us about his depression...but his struggle through therapy and medication.

http://letmeseeyourscars.blogspot.com/

his story is down at the bottom...the blog consists of things that made him feel better in his darkest hour. the quotations and words might not hit you as hard as they did for him...but his blog is a map of his struggle and recovery. I hope this can help...in ANY way.

and for those of you who have never seen a doctor about depression...it's worth it!!! I went with one of my best friends the other day...to their regular doctor. The doctor had my friend fill out a survey, something that would help him determine how the depression was affecting his patient. After that, the doctor handed my friend some sample medication and told us to come back in 5 weeks. that's all it was. plain and simple. Hopefully this medication works...we'll see.

Enjoy life, then!

2008-03-11T13:58:00.000-07:00

"Tempus edax rerum"

"(Enjoy life, then)"

I chose this one for today because I've been completely swamped with "things to do." not even things that I want to do...but things i have to do. It's like I have this ticking clock in my head telling me that I'm losing time...precious precious time. I always go off and make art, when I should really be studying...when I should be running errands...but it seems to me...like all that crap is the waste of time. Because at then end of the day, i'm artist...i need to be working and producing...no worrying about exams...blah.

i just want to enjoy life.

and i'm always like...

once this exam is over,

then i can.

when spring break starts,

then i can start to just enjoy life.

but my ambition attacks my relaxation.

ahhh...i just can't find the balance.

A little girl on girl...

2008-03-07T11:29:00.001-08:00

"I've always wanted to try a girl on girl experience, but I have a BF and no one to explore with."

"Come find me, babe!"

there's no reason to keep this a secret or to feel ashamed. with the media displaying women as sexy lustful objects, it makes sense that you're curious. The response to this comment makes me think that there are plenty of girls out there experimenting! Don't be afraid of what makes you happy. I have a few Gay forum links in the column to the right. they might help you feel more connected to others like you.

Rape

2008-03-05T17:40:00.000-08:00

"I was raped and I still blame myself even though everyone says it's NOT MY FAULT"

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULTIT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR

FAULT

if you still don't believe me...

then you haven't heard it enough.

I have no way to relate to your experience. But I've been digging online and I've found some sites and forums that I thought were the most genuine and personal. I hope that you can find them useful...

Pandora's Aquarium

this is a great online forum for survivors of sexual violence. here yo can talk to and message other survivors and supporters. you have to register, but it's free. You must be 18 years of age or have parental permission.

After Silence

this is a site quite like the site above. it's a place where there's a chat room and message board. there are survivor stories as well. this is a non-profit organization. Here you can share your stories and doubts with others who have survived the same thing.

RAINN

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, this is more of an informational and prevention site. How to prevent and how to support rape victims. I hope you find this useful.

NATIONAL SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE:

1.800.656.HOPE

free. confidential. 24/7.

for more information on how you can help:

www.rainn.org

Chemistry

2008-03-04T16:37:00.000-08:00

"I stole this marker from the chem lab."

ughhhh......

i HATED chemistry.

it's weird where i find most of these quotes. almost of all of them come from campus buildings, which i find the most interesting...maybe because i'm a college student. all these comments are from girls that are like me and they're at an age where they're struggling and discovering who they are. for me...this has been a fantastic journey into the minds of others. it's been a comfort to read what others think and say...it's an honest human connection.

but how do you get people to write?

sometimes there are stalls where there have been natural conversations...those are amazing finds. but lately...there's been a question that stimulates the conversation:

"what's your secret?'

and people are eager to admit.

i hope that you can not only enjoy these conversations

but become involved in them as well!

Religious bystander

2008-03-03T10:44:00.000-08:00

"When you think you have no one...remember who paints every sunrise, covers the oval with sparkling white snow, makes the flowers and trees bloom in spring...it's all for you, you're not alone."

i found this comment in response to all the comments about depression, self-esteem and eating issues. It was meant to be a comfort to those who were suffering.

...

religion is strange.

...

i was raised in the church,

it was a huge part of my life for some time.

once i hit college,

no more church.

and you know what i noticed,

my faith was out of fear.

fear.

and for me, that's not faith.

(i'm not trying to say religion isn't great, it just might not be for me)

but here's the thing about religion,

it might be the only thing left.

the only hope.

whether it's true or not,

it's a thought.

a thought that makes you feel better.

and isn't that enough?

I slept with Jared Leto.

2008-03-02T07:49:00.000-08:00

"I slept with Jared Leto but no one would believe me

so I told no one til now..."

this is

Jared Leto:

he's an American actor/musician,

you might recognize him from:

-Requiem for a Dream

-Alexander

-Lord of War

no wonder no one believed you.

Forget regret!

2008-03-01T07:38:00.000-08:00

"I have never regretted any impulsive decision,

but rather that I wasted time justifying."

i loved this.

on wednesday night i went to the best concert ever!! My friend Kendra is in this great band called Karate Coyote. The link to their myspace is under my music links. They were fantastic and I think it's awesome that two girls are running the vocals. Ryan Horn also contributes to the vocals, which makes a fantastic trio! Don't let these pictures fool you. I was just on the right side of the stage so i only got pictures of two of the band members. But there's a total of six members. They have an awesome sound, every member has something unique to bring to the table.

K A R A T E C O Y O T E

a t S K U L L Y ' S

Kendra Jados

singing Is That the Best You can do?

her brother Nic is behind her.

Ryan Horn

playing Empty Space

Kendra playing on her keys!!

this is a little blurry...but as you can see,

there are lots of people on the stage.

Sam Corlett is the other lady vocalist. but she's quite the dancer, so she's hard to catch with my digital camera. The other members are Nic Jados on bass, Eric Vescilius on guitar and keys and of course Ted Bigham on drums. but almost all of them play multiple instruments and they bring a unique big band sound. they're really great and worth checking out!

Lack of loyalty

2008-02-29T14:51:00.000-08:00

"I feel more alone the older I get. It's like the world doesn't believe in loyalty anymore."

it's not the world doesn't believe in loyalty anymore,

it's that it never did.

i've learned a lot about the nature of people over the past few years.

there are so many different kinds and not all of them are genuine.

be selective.

Love is the movement...

2008-02-28T16:25:00.000-08:00

"Love is the movement."

i love this comment...

for a long time now i've felt that our generation has a lack of passion. i mean...compared to the revolutionary times of our parents and the great change that they saw in the first half of their lives. i mean...we've got nothing.

until now...

for the first time we have a female presidential candidate running against an African American candidate.

i never thought i'd see this anytime soon,

does anyone else feel the same?

anyways...our "movement" seems to be about change, love and peace. that surely sounds familiar. i'm proud to be apart of this revolution of change. how awesome!

here's some inspiration:

Carnies

2008-02-26T08:42:00.001-08:00

"I have a carnie fetish."

From Wikipedia:

Carny or Carnie is a slang term for a carnival employee,^[1] as well as the language they employ.^[2] A carny is anyone who runs a "joint" (booth), "grab joint" (food stand), game, or ride at a carnival.

Sexual fetishism is the sexual attraction to material and terrestrial objects while in reality the essence of the object is inanimate and sexless. Body parts may also be the subject of sexual fetishes (also known as partialism) in which the body part preferred by the fetishist takes a sexual precedence over the owner. Sexual fetishism may be regarded as a disorder of sexual preference, or as an enhancing element to a relationship.^[1]

i think we all have secret fetishes. we hide them because we're taught that we should be ashamed of our sexuality. but we all have our thing, whether we admit it or discover it. it's only natural! and like wikipedia said fetishes can enhance your relationship. The more you know about yourself the further you can go...in all the things you do!

That ONE person...

2008-02-25T17:46:00.000-08:00

"I'm afraid of living my whole life without finding that one person who makes my heart beat fast."

sometimes i think

we're all on this desperate search to fall in love.

to find that one person.

but i swear,

the moment you stop searching,

a random acquaintance

and circumstance,

leads you into love.

life is all about the connections and relationships we make. you will find that somebody, it just may not be for you right now. not everyone finds their true love early in life, enjoy growing on your own...the single life has tons to offer! :)

it's monday...

the toughest day of the week,

but it's almost over!

Terrified

2008-02-21T17:53:00.000-08:00

"Every single day I'm terrified of losing my mom."

the other day my sister called me looking for my mom, it was weird because my sister still lives with her. But anyways, my sister said that my mom had left about an hour ago for food and hadn't been back since, she also wasn't answering her cell phone. which is abnormally strange for her. for a split second I thought something bad had happened, my paranoia kicked in. That was just for a minute that I was filled with horror. I can't even imagine how you can deal with the thought of losing your mom EVERY DAY. I wish I could relate to you and tell you that everything is fine. But this is a battle that I'm probably too young for.

i'm hoping that there's someone else out there who might respond to this blog with a story...

oh, and sorry that this post was a little messed up yesterday, blogger wasn't letting me edit my posts for some reason. how annoying. but it seems to be better now.

yay.

enjoy the weekend.

spring is near!

I love girls.

2008-02-20T10:52:00.001-08:00

"I date boys but i love girls."

i've found so many girls writing/admitting,

on bathroom stalls,

that they love girls and not boys.

there have already been three comments that i've found so far

and i'm posting them.

because there must be many other women

that feel the same.

you're not alone, ladies!!

here's something fun that i created in class the other day...

ENJOY.

Scratch and bleed...

2008-02-19T19:53:00.000-08:00

"I scratch myself 'til I bleed to feel good. I wish I could just cut myself but I know after that 1st cut I couldn't stop."

so sad.

Eager for change

2008-02-17T09:17:00.000-08:00

"I want a 'mistake child' with my boyfriend, so we can start a family."

wow. this surprised me. we all have hopes and expectations in life and for some people, being a parent is essential and fulfilling. it makes me a little sad, but i don't know if I want kids...well, i know i don't want them now, that's for sure. the whole child-birthing process doesn't really seem appealing to me. there are so many dreams that i have for myself. i'm in a very "selfish self-discovering" part of my life right now...how could i possibly know what to do with a child? i haven't even figured out things for myself yet.

but...some people are made to be mothers and fathers.

seriously...

it's like you can see it in them

before they even have a kid.

if you really want a kid...

work at a daycare center.

i worked at one for like 3 months...

and if i even have children,

i'll be thirty.

The lucky teacher

2008-02-16T14:17:00.000-08:00

"I slept with my Spanish teacher."

he took her back.

2008-02-15T20:06:00.001-08:00

"Her boyfriend caught us hooking up, I want to be with her but he took her back."

i watched "across the universe" today.

it had some amazing imagery,

and of course,

the music was fantastic.

the story line was weak,

but it was worth the watch.

i found something that i thought you could relate to,

from "across the universe," of course!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

"I'm in love with someone but I lied and told him I was over it so he'd still be my friend."

i hate losing people i love...and sometimes the way we avoid that is by lying.

i don't blame you.

i would've lied too.

here's another great video that i found while surfing the net

it's from:

www.postsecret.com

but i found it on you tube.

have a wonderful valentine's day!! watch out for that bastard named cupid! <3

some food for your eyes:

www.demonhand.blogspot.com

www.laurenmoyer.blogspot.com

www.brittanythomasson.blogspot.com

Eating disorders

2008-02-13T17:54:00.000-08:00

"I was bulimic for 6 years"

"I wish I could still be."

I thought these two videos might help, they're by dove and their work to better women's self esteem. i think they're both fantastic!!