Underneath These Eyes (A Schoolboy's Memoir) - A Novel

Part XI

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 07:06:00 -0800

The second week of July, Sunday, I returned back to my school that evening. The eleventh grade had been over, and now I was in the twelveth grade. We were the most senior students in the school. When I was back to school, there were already many friends who had arrived earlier than me. The day had been so hot and the journey had been tiresome. So, I had walked up to the hill alone, which I did almost everytime I came from home. Stayed there for some hours looked around. The incredeble moment that I spent in lonliness and the beautiful nature would always treasure for ther time I lived in the hostel. With the moment
I would be seeing all this was for the next few months... the freedom to let the eyes see the farthest distance, the heart to feel the the greatest depth and so much of the things.

But now I was already back to school and there was something different to think about. The new class in the morning. It was all that I was only taking my mind.As I entered, I saw few changes in the hostel. They had put on the metal chain gate. It was made in such a way, that there would be no way to get into from one to the other. Perhaps they had done it to avoid any conflict between two different grades alike that we had with the senior just a month back. When I climbed the stairs, I saw something had been changed. Last year it was seniors they had doors in their room. But this time, they had taken out all the doors and placed the curtain in it.i was surprised with it.

Kush and other friends had already been a day before I had even arrived it was that much of the feeling that would make me feel lonely. Now I had different roommates. I was not with my old mates of pokhara any more. Instead it was the new friends that I had met them, those with whom I spent the most of the time. It was a new room in the second floor. I was lucky I was given the top bed again this time.That evening after the food I went straight to bed. I was so tired I didn't feel to talk more. So, did my friends, just hopwing for the next day to begin.

Earlier, I had already taken the room with new roommates. It was already during those practical exams, we had got the new rooms on the second floor and I was not staying with my pokhareli friends anymore. Other roomates, Tiger and Rochan too had given up the team. The group was now accompained by Raju, one of the oldest mate and Ujjal, classmate, also from the same hometown.

As for me, I was with Kush and his brother Lava along with Janak and Sudarshan his roomates of the last year. I had decided to be with them. Kush and me, we had decided to be in the physical group where as the others belonged to the biology group. So, it was almost every moment we were together. In class, we had the seat together in the last bench. I took the seat at the corner and he was always next to me. Two consecutives benches ahead of us were the seats for the girls. But the third was still for the boys, two of them infront of us were Bidhur, the most talented in the class and cool and Nakul, good but always tried himself to make him punk. Both did keep great interest over girls. And in the fourth we were with Shivaji, a black guy, a positive guy for us but awlays make big expressions about himself and Rajeev, fascinating so, quite impressive to girls.

The next day I came to know that they had published my article "My Greatest Tragedy" in the school magazine. I was extremely delighted with it. It was a story that I had written and had been selected out of the hundreds. I felt greatly blessed. It was the true story of my little dog THUNDU, whom I had lost forever.

The first week of August, Wednesday, we had the welcome program for the juniors in the eleventh grade. We, the twelveth grade students made all the necessary preparations for the program. Some friends did get the musical instrument ... the electric guitars and the drums. The girls, they prepared dances and some of the friends they went for a drama. After all it was estimated to be a three hours program.

At three in the day, the show initiated after the arrival of the school principal. The hall had almost been full with students and staffs including most of the teachers. Things didn't go bad. As my turn was about to come ... I had already lost all my nerves. The heartbeat had gone up. I tried to refresh myself in the bathroom, flushed my face with water, I looked myself in the mirror, goddamned it had completely blushed me to redness even before the show.

Before the drama, it was my turn and they called out my name. I was to sing the song that I had written two years back when I was in holidays after I had fininshed my high school. Well, my Suresh, he had worked hard to make add the lead stuff to the rhythm. To be in the stage with a guitar and singing for some hundred of people and for the first time. I was feeling proud of it though I was loosing the confidence. But the cordination was so good that I happened to make no mistakes and I felt the great success of having it done.

But before I had even begun it, something had surprised most of my friends. In the stage I had told " The song is dedicated to all old friends, all twelveth grade student but specially to whom I had written for.” I could see the girls started the murmerand whisper after it unless I satred my song.

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Ujjad mero Jiwan (Desert like life)

Ujjad mero jiwan ma timilai sajau ma kasari
Mero manko bedana timilai sunau ma kasari

Doshi chan mera ye ankhaharu bishwash daeu timilai kasari
Jhuutaa chan timra asha haru bharosha deau timilai kasari
Baru bhulidau malai shadhai shadhai ka lagi

Birano cha mero sansar dekhahu timilai kasari
Sasto cha mero jiwan upahar daeu yo timilai ma kasari
Baru bhulidau malai shadia shadhai ka lag
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After the show ... some of my friend told me that they liked my song and asked for me to write it for them. Manoj even asked me to write it down in his diary which made me really happy. Suresh, the guitarist he even asked me to make a record of it and assured me that he would do all his best to help me. I was so glad to get all the good compliments. I knew, thought many should have not got what I had sang, but they had done it to built up my confidence as I knew they loved me and liked me for all that I did or that I gave it to them. More than a good song... a good rhythm or a good composition. It was love ... the true love ...and the great friendship.

Well, next day, morning something even surprised me. Our physic lecturer, Puspa, he asked me ... who had I dedicated the song that afternoon. I told him it was only just a part of a fun.

The same weekend, 5th August, Friday, we were out in the lawn after our lunch in the noon. From a friend, we learnt one of our classmate had been called to the office for teasing a girl, Devi pun from the junior 11th standard. More than this, he even had written something about her in their classroom blackboard So, the girl had gone to the principal with tears in her eyes. The principal in no moment decided to resticate the guy from the school.

There were still two classes to be taken after the lunch break. After than we talked to our warden, Sacre, he was clever and good at making the thing write as even the Pricipal and the campcommandent would hear him.

As it was the first Friday, everyone was also excited for the weekend to go home for the holiday. The warden he gave words that we would do his best to convince the principal. Our class to stood with the campcommandent to talk about the matter. He too assured the possiblities for excuses.

After then the boys were gone. But later that afternoon, the notice was pasted on the board of the office. Our friend Kiran had been resticated. The pricipal made the decision. There was nobody that could act against it. It was final.

The last week of August I received a letter from narjan.
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23 Aug ‘98

Dear Yubraj,

I am fine here and I pray the god for you and all your friends’ good health . How are you? Hope you are having pleasant day with our guys. How about all other guys – (Santosh )2 , Yogen and all others. May be they are too enjoying there. I am sorry for writing so late but what to do there are many problems hope you all understand, what ‘s that sort of problem.?

How are you guys passing your days? We have nothing special and new. All is same, quite boredom. Yeh! How about your new commers of 11th grade . Ah ! our all very very intelligent ones. Non below 76%. There are 16 boys and 16 girls 50% 50. Most of them are from SOS, St. Mary’s , Kumdini Homes. We just had a debate program. It was quite interesting. Oh! The hostess , quite beautiful speech she had and you know all the 11 girls has such a English tone that they are more than BBC news reader. The participants were 4 boys from our class and no girls and 6 girls and 2 boys from eleven. 11 girls are quite forward in their speech and thinking . Girls from 11 won 1st and 2nd prize and ours 3rd prize.

How about your result? Ours not to good. Among 28, 23 passed i.e. 82% passed, while 5 failed. It was horrible for one boy. He failed three subjects and he is I think out. I got unexpected result ‘372’ Anand was second with 71….% and Raju and Rajesh were third 70………each. 11 stood in first division and 12 in 2nd div. I had poor marks in English. (56) and chemistry (67) and others are above 80.
How about yours and all my dear friends of Pokhara ? I hope they’ve all done good. Please write to me about.
What to write much , things are much but can’t write as if there were no matters to be dealt with .Hope your studies are going smoothly. Please write to me soon and I again ask pardon for writing late Give my best regards and lovings to all our Pokhara friend Santosh, Prakash, Yogen Bishnu ,Niroj ,Raju , Rochan, Kushal and all other I know.
I look forward for your letter.
Yours loving Friend
Narjan Grg
(sb) 62%
Raju Poudel and Anand ask for you.
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For the holiday, I was there in hostel. There were only sixteen in total. We weren't enough to start anything against it except waiting for our friends to come back.
Sunday, we were looking for our friends to come so that we would tell them all the reality that had happened. The office administration had deceived us. They had told us not to bring it with bad results but they had lied us.But it was strange, our friends didn't come at all. We kept looking none did come. However we did have the classes. Even with that few students. From this we learnt something should have happened.

Well, that evening from a friend we came to know that our boys, the classmates had gathered all the day instead of coming to school. As it was trying to get dark. All they became together to talk to the principal, especially to the camp commandent and the Sacre, who had given them words and had promised them they would turn up so bad resticating a guy only for teasing a girl.
It didn't take long that the camp commandent did appear infront of us. After sometime the principal did come too. He told that the decision had been made and it couldn't be altered. He too was sorry for it.

With his speech, everyone was anoyed. The crowd then moved away from him. Finally they decided to go to the police headquarter to potest against it to the patron of the school, Inspector General o.f Police Auchit Krishna.The principal told us, it was useless going on futher because action was already taken, and in no way it would be reversed back. However, for the comfort he told he would arrange the school bus for the boys to take them to the Valley. But the boys denined his offer.On the way to valley, it wasn't so easy for tham to get bus or any vehicle to carry them to the capital, which they partly regreted in not taking the offer. But still they were lucky enough to get a truck to carry most of them ...after few hours walk.

After they had reached the valley. There was yet a long way they had to walk to the place. But it was already late when they reached it. IGP had already left the office and to his recidence. Finally they all decided to stay there over the night.Well, there were many, who slept in the street, making their bags pillow and lying on it, with their school uniform still on them. But some of the cleaverers ones did silently leave the place, either they went to their homes or they stayed up a night in a hotel.

At about four it rained. And it was heavy thought it didn't last for long. And this rain did make almost every one got wet. Some did manage to made a fine place in the seat of the cabs nearly by to escape from it.Well, most of them couldn't sleep and they still felt dazling when the morning sun rose high up in the sky.That morning when they gathered there were about thiryfive. Half of the others had been missing. They had escaped the place for a night.

When the AIGP arrived they decided to talk to them. They not only talked about Kirans affair but also brought every problem in school and hostel and also regarding teachers and staff.But the man they had thought would help them instead told them that he would even resticate all of them from the school for misbehaviour and not being in discipline. He added only the noterious guys had remained there as more than half of them, the inteligent ones weren't present there or had already escaped through the night.Now, it was concluded, there was never a thing left that they could do more to rescue a friend. All of the efforts just went in vain. But after they tried to get back to the school, they were asked to bring their parents. But it was solved with a sort of sort term discussion with the principal.

After a month, of our school, we were asked to come for the evening selfstudy in the class building in our school uniform. And there would be a teacher to assist us with our studies. It was the thing I always hated. I hated it for the last nine years. I was happy for that I wasn't doing it for a year. But again it came.Well, I would love rather love to be in hostel and do my study in my own rather than being together with everyone.The rules didn't last longer, in not more than two weeeks ...usually it was me and Amru that were always the one that came in school uniform, others would come with different acasuals. But still we did continue with it for longer...And perhaps, it was the main reason I was impressed with, she was simple in contrast to her friends. And I did like for for that she was. But in longer ... some of my friends did sort it out and I had to give up.

Perhaps it was sort of human instincts that by born almost every human was to the attaction to the opposite sex. She was beautiful… her voice was nice… so perhaps there should have been many who liked her… And I too couldn’t ignore that I had some feelings.Out of all there was a friend who even had liked her the most. It was in few months because of her he couldn’t continue with it so he decided to leave the school and he did it. But even before he left… many times he often talked to me about her and how much he liked her. Once … just about a week before he left the school forever he talked to me in the lonely… with the tears in his eyes he had told he would never succeed to study with her in the same class.As for me… thought I had the reasons to like her and would always wish to see her… but still I always believed I would somehow restrain through every situation. There were much more realities that I could built in myself so that it would easily isolate me from others… from myself too… and from my desires.

Though in the beginning I was distracted with the evening classes, when it was to be done there will be no way we feel bad with the thing that we do everyday.Every evening class, usually most of the people in the class would be doing something of their own... Perhaps some numerical problems of physics or chemistry... or the mathematics instead. Kush and me, we were in the mathematics group. We did have a great deal to do as it was only us, the ones who would do almost all the sums. It was easier for me because he was so good with it and sometimes when he couldn't proceed some of them, we together would make it. And this sometime did amuse us and of being together.But most of the evening we would play sort of games in our copies. We had a lot of fun doing so. But many times the teachers would watch us and tell us to concentrate in our studies when we did sometime make the whole class notice us when we laughed or fought for our reason. We would then realise, we were getting too loud.

Usually, for our evening class we would be driven from our hostel at fifteen minutes to five. Sacre, the warden would shout in his loud and husky voice "Do fast and leave your room. I want all of you out of the hostel immediately... and right now " Then he would start from the room at the corner, looking into each room for if there is anyone there. Still he would go on "I will break your ribs if you be late."

It had been only a week, we had started with the evening class I had been late for the late for my own reason... only about a quarter of an hour late. It was raining, though not heavy but still enough to make wet. The way had not been so good too because of the rain so it was also taking me more time to get to the place.As I was ready to enter the class. From the side of the building, Sacre called us, me and the friend who had come along with me. There were few others mates who were with him.Then he asked us for the reason of being late. We both told him with that we had to. Then he told us. "You liked to soak in the rain, no? if you be late you have to do it. Go, stay there out side in the lawn for next half an hour… It will do a good job for you."

There was no way we could offend him. We always had feared him for what he was. So, without speaking a word we stayed in the rain for half an hour, totally soaked with rain. The cold water slowly runing down through our skin, taking ouor heat and blushing coldness in our blood and making us shiver in the dark.After this, there was still about an hour to go. After then we entered the class. When the class was over, I could say I was almost dry. I had felt the wamth inside even through the wet school uniform I was wearing.Next day, morning when I open my eyes, I realised I had caught cold, and also had the fever. The last evening had brought all this. But still I decided to take the classes. There was nothing to do in the hostel all the day. Class was better.

Well, Kush had always been so good. Usually he did always hear to me. Sometimes when I didn't feel good he was the one who would always care about me the most. More than his words he was better with his heart, which perhaps resembled for all did do. Sometimes, during the hot sunny days when I would rest in my bed for some hours he would carry some bread and fruits and bring it to me ... thought I would never metion him to do it for me. I always loved him for all that he did for me.

Just like the kids ... we had so many stories. I would tell him all I had. He too would do the same. But sometimes I forget the things that had already told earlier. When I did get the same things repeated then he would tell me... It's the third or it's the fifth, six seventh or eighth. Then I realised I had to talk of something new.Even sometimes ... we did have small fights even in little arguments. He would always be against me for any thing we played ...no matter if it was the game of scrabble or chess. He would always help my opponents against me. Usually the times when we walked along the way to the hostel or from it... Kush with some others roommates would try to push me out of the way down to the terraces. It was only very few times I would succeed to throw them off because it was usually me, whom they would throw down the way. So, was I defeated.

In truth, we were like kids ... though we sometimes fought for even the small things but still it was that after sometime ...we were together again we walked together and had the tea.Through the time together and after these many years, I still feel the realities floating in my eyes. Though the past realities and good moments with friends now seem like a dream or a sort of illusion ... but with getting so much from him and sharing of everything, memories I possess are still enriched with the freshness of our love. He always did try to convince for all my mistakes, advised me for the right things and his keen desire to be with me in my difficult moments. He was truly the one someone that could be the next part of me, from all those good friends we have... because sometime I realised he did feel my problems more than I had felt them.

It was no only that we were good in both good and the difficult times. We sometime would make mind to do something ... didn't matter for if it was good or bad. Once we even came out from the school to steal Mel, a sort of fruit in a big tree, very common in that locality. It was the evening at 4 when we two of us ran down the hill in the green bushes and big trees, ...and through the fields that had grown up so high because of the monsoon.When we reached there, I decided to climb the tree and he decided to look for the ones that I dropped from the top. He did collect them all. We did make enough to fill our pockets with small and big ones and return back to hostel happily.With all this fun ... pleasure... above all the great treasure of the love we had for each other.

Day after day... weeks passed, then months and finally the even seasons. It was winter and it had just been a couple of days we had been back to the school after about a month vacation.It was then our Guru, Shakre, we would wake us up early in the morning at about quarter to six and after sometime call us to come out in a line to go for some morning exercises. In winter, the light would come in the sky only after seven. So, the time we came out of the hostel... we would see the frost covering the mainland, and the light piercing through the darkness to bring the day.
The cold... I wouldn't resist it. As, I had never been good athelet, I would usually be the last one in the line. Everyday the run would be about some kilometers. We would go to two temples in the locality that were closer to the school and then do some physical exercises in the football ground, just below our hostel.

Even from the first few hundred meters my throat would soar, and the cough from it would make me feel like everything was coming out of me. But still I did it ... though it was one of the things that I hated the most in the hostel.It lasted for about a month, before it was too cold. Then I was happy again. To be in bed, warm and delighted ...

With the time ... I felt we were slowly coming to an end of our schooldays. With the passage of every day it would make me feel, sad even thinking about the days after school. I would imagine ... the days wouldn't be so happy after it. We wouldn't have so much fun among ourselves with every little thing that we would be doing or with that we would be sharing together, with a lot's of joys and celebrations in the little victory and a sort of sharing our hard times together.Living away from home and from the family... it is different. Well, it would never be so easy to get into it ... but when we succeed in getting through, then we feel we exist in a different isolated world. A sort of a virtual world, which exist for it's own reason with it's own rules and things that go on and on and usually with no affects from the surrounding.

It hadn’t been long I had arrived from home I again got the letter from Narjan.
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23rd Nov ’98

Dear Yubraj

After a long interval (I think so… ), I am sitting to write a few words of remembrance to you. Anyway I ask pardon for being late in writing. Though, I am not busy but I even don’t find much time to write. You know it’s problem of all .Oh! how are you? And how about all those Pokhreli guys With god blessing you all may be fine and I pray for your and other friends good health and happy days.

My days are passing just passing without any fruitfulness. Just the same work, go study come and same boredom repeats. Nothing enchanting or enhancing. Yeh! I forgot we had a tour. But it was very unlucky or unsuccessful trip. We hoping to Darjeeling couldn’t go because of the strike there. We went Dharan, Dhankuta, Illam, Pashupatinagar, Silguri, Biratnagar, Jogbeni and all the places lying within. It was not quite interesting. Ya, shouting, singing and antakshari was quite interesting. You know Raju. What we did. There are two liking for same one. You know whom I mean. We sitting behind made such critical and satirical poems, songs and sang that all came to know about it expect girls. Teachers, girls all were asking who those were. But she is not quite good yaar. When we were singing such critically, one girl said “Pyar kya to darna kya”. She’s not even fair. You know in school somebody (R_) took a photo of hers. She did such a scandal that made Raju feel to leave her. But I don’t what’s in him.

Apart from this there’s nothing interesting . Nothing exciting. How are you guys passing your days? Give my warm regards to all of he boys – Raju, Yogen , Niroj, (Prakash )2, Kushal, Rochan, Bishnu, (Santosh )2
Yours
Narjan

P.S-We had exams all poor performances but eleven’s was a good performance. A girl stood first in eleven with 87%. She’s quite brilliant. We had very bad performance for which we were badly threatened by the coordinator.
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It was one of those late evening in winter. After the meal in the evening, it hadn't been long we were back to our rooms from the dining hall.It was then, Sacre, our guru, called us out of our room. It was so soon, hearing his soar voice ... everybody was out in the corridor making their way infront of his room. There he was ... infront of the door, asked everyone to sit on the floor. His anguish could easily be understood from his voice. He told.The first day he warned us… in his husky voice. Though his words were too rule but still they were still numb that day I would say.Few days later, he again called us out… it was again something, somebody had broken a key inside the lock of his room. And this time he looked even horrible with wide opened eyes on his dark face. After we all came out to him in the corridor he shouted," You are all the lazy foes... perhaps you need some special treatement. Who is the bastard that broke the plywood of the door. I know I will find this, and when I find ...you know guys how will I treat that person. If non of you are telling me tonight, you will all have to suffer."

Well, the next morning, in the corridor there was a blow of whistle early morning. Yes he did it. We were all asked to get ready for the physical exercises. Within next fifteen minutes, it was not longer than this we were in the hostel lawn ready to go for the run.

We were soon to leave for the winter vacation… just two days before we were to leave I received a letter from Som sir again.

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17th Dec 98

Dear Yubaraj,

I’m fine here. I hope you’re also fine there. I’m sorry to delay myself to reply you. Altho I received a couple of letters from you, I couldn’t reply them promptly .I think you don’t mind it .Do you ?

How are santosh, Kushal, Prakash, raju , Bishnu and others? Do they remember me? I some time do remember them. However I never have written them. Please pass my remembrance to them. If you meet Jiwan and Bishwa raj convey my hello to them too.

How are your days in DPHSS Sanga? Are you doing your best at your study? I thinking you are working hard. I think you know that roots of education are bitter but it’s fruits are sweet. That’s why I believe that you are laboring hard. How is your first year’s result ? Quite satisfactory or excellent? Let me know it in your next letter.

I still remember the days we had when we were together here. However I missed you forever and it’s not unusual. Every teacher does miss his beloved students and so I did. Am I right in saying so? Altho I remember you every week I haven’t written bimonthly. It is because I am busy at work and lazy at leisure! How do you think? It is true ,isn’t it ?

Once I phoned you from Pokhara, during Dashain Tihar holidays but I couldn’t receive you there. Your father told me you weren’t there.
Now I want to stop here but I will write you again.

Yours
Som
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With the newyear 1999, we had some changes in school camp-commandent. For the first time DSP was appointed for the post. He was a fat man in about forties named Narendra Pradhan. Initially he tried to prove strict in the school. He would come to hostel and look at us… told everyone to make their hair shorter… he also didn’t allow us to put rings…chairns or belts. But in few weeks he normally didn’t interfere with the students, which I liked… and he didn’t seem to be stict… that was the next part of him. But something so funny about him was… he always had piles of Hindi movies in his room. More than him… it was his wife who wanted. During the holidays or weekend… we always had to go to his room to get VCR to watch the movies in the hostel.

About the movies… he brought new laws in the hostel… english movies were band… because of sexual explicity.

One evening after our meal… we were busy in our hostel room with out own ways. I was busy in my bed preparing the notes of the recently taughts lessons. We were shocked the most of the roommates who were just opposite to our room had run away from the hostel that afternoon… and in the evening they were back… and they were coming from the window from our room. Yogen, Bishnu, Ujjal… including Prakash Shrestha and Rishav. Though they were clever enough that guru didn’t spot them… but unfortunately Sacre was already know about the fact. Just sometime later during the counting… they were all caught and were taken to the office to the principal and camp commandent.When they were taken as… gurus reached some distance we started hitting the metal roof with anything we found. It had made the loud noise in the hostel. Later from them… the ones that were taken to the office we learnt that they were asked the same question… Where had they been? They were even slapped. And also each of them was given a sheet of paper to write about all that they had done in the day.

They were lucky they had already planned the situation thinking the possibilities that they might be caught. And also Campcommandent didn’t take it serious so momentarily it didn’t become the problem.

Few weeks later one Saturday morning early at six we started up for a walk. We were to be taken to the “Asha Puri” temple ( meaning wish fulfilling temple) which about four kilometers from the school. It was only meant for the higher secondary school students and it too included the girls.It was good to see every one in the magnificent dresses specially boys would be wondering about the girls. With the morning sunshine and the wamth it became a beautiful walk. It was a different feeling being away… a glory … a sort of different but a real happiness. It was a complete two hours walk to the top and then down the hill… We were all in our own groups of two… three or even more in a group. Where as for the girls they were all together. And Sacre guru had been with them. The persons that we were together were Kush Janak and me… One the way we talked a lot of things… but as their frequent request there were two different stories I told them to make our selves busy on the way.

Through small streams beautiful pine trees and fields… finally we reached the place… it was only a small temple and even before us people around the place had come there for the morning prayer. Almost every of the friends went for prayer… I didn’t feel the importace… for me the place was beautiful and something more beautiful was getting away from the school.

We stayed there for sometime… and our breakfast was there… tea… eggs, bread and apple. They had carried everything from the school for us expect for the tea they had cooked at the place. Getting was the same but this time with us was the Mahandra guru. And it was now to hear all his stories. We kept hearing them all the way till the school gate which we reached at only about ten in the morning. It was quite a long walk… and we were sort of tired and exhausted after the walk.

Time didn’t take long… seconds after seconds… days then week and months… teachers rushed to finish the courses before our sent up exams and it took until the last day of the last week before the courses were completed. I was feeling sad about leaving the school. Life wasn’t going to be easier afterthen, which I knew. More than anything else I was going to miss the friend very much… the great friends that I have met and made... in such a beautiful place. The great true assets I believed I had.

Since we were all to depart and perhaps never were to see each other again. So, for the memories we many of us had made the memoir. I too had one… an old one from the high school.
During the last week of our classes, these memoirs were from and to to girls and boys hostels… what boys did… they disfigured the girls writings that were in the girls memo… and as for the girls… the ruptured the pictures of the boys in their memoirs.

Last day of the school… Friday, everything turned worse… There was a sort of fight been boys and girls however it was only limited within our class. Boys would tell or speak anything to the girls… where as the girls they silently had to accept the humiliation.During the break, everyone was out except for the girls. That moment Shama she told me her problem I quetly heard her… but there wasn’t anything I could do against the boys. But still I felt lucky that she trusted me and told her feeling and I felt so fortunate that someone was there that felt trustworthy for me.

After then before I came out of the class there was something I had thought for the day. I came to Amru and handed her a sticted wrapped piece of paper… I had written something over it.
“It is something that you needed to give it to someone who had asked for…….………………..
But it’s just for you ………”

However it wasn’t the proposal letter… it just included two lyrics that I had asked with her. Few months back I had asked Amru for the songs. She had assured me that she would do her best to get it for me. But it was the last day and I hadn’t got yet from her. But few days earlier I had got the all the songs that I had asked from her. “Girl of my dreams” by Moffats and “I’ll be missing you” by Puff Daddy.

However I thought… she might think it a proposal letter and return it back to me infront of everyone… but it didn’t happen… she took it with her self.

Even after the break when we were back to class… things didn’t improve… speaking everything throwing out the pieces of chalks to the girls … these all things did continue. Something that greatly embarassed the girls the most was that the following morning someone had put a condom underneath the girls desk. This then became the scandle. After the noon the classes were over and so the conflicts also seemed to be over.

But next morning it was surprise. Everything had become so irressitible to the girls so they made complains to the gurus. They had called on some of our frieds to the school office to talk with the authority about the matter that happened a day earlier. Initially Sacre took the friends that the girls had given the names but later we all decided to go. And in front of the office there was a sort of discussions betwwen the boys and girls… surprisingly some of them even had the tears on the eyes… however only the girls… there wasn’t any difference with the boys. I couldn’t see it for longer because guru decided to end it up for the time being. But girls became so serious about the matter that they told they were not going to let it go so easily.

The day was off… and during the day we had dicussed that most of us wouldn’t appear in the for the physics exam next day. That evening we were gone for the food… while we were returning back from the hostel we heard of an accident. We heard that Nakul… our classmate had broken his had because of the power flow on the roof. The incident happened in the bathroom… something everyone became curious was that why had he climed to reach the metal rods on the roof. We knew the answer… because boys always hid the stuff like cigerrates and tobaccos on the roof… so not to be accused during unexpected checkings. Later things became so voilent that no one was given the chance to ask why had he touched on the metal roof. Because of the incident we all decided to gather and then we went into the office. We were wondering to see principal but both the principal and the camp commandent had gone to the girls hostel because we learnt that some of the girls hadn’t taken the meal that evening and they had stayed up crying in their room…. Some hadn’t even slept through the night. As for us when both of them came back we told them about our complaints about the power leakage in the hostel and telling them that it had been made by the Sacre and the electrician. We told the electrician had done it with the order of Sacre. But when the electrician was brought he added that he was known about the fact earlier… so this even made the friends aggressive.

To assure the fact… principal and the campcommandent decided to visit our hostel. Along with them, also came the police personnels. When the checked the spot… the electrician showed there was really the high power leakage. Then the principal scolded the electrician for not letting them know about the fact and for not maintaining it in time. When the power was stwiched off we were all called out of our hostel at the entrance the junior brothers were busy with their studies and Puspa sir was trying to help them and keep them busy. As the electrician came down to us… some of the friends asked him about the matter… where as some of them… in an anguish rushed to hit him. He was small guy… thin and pale… As soon the crowd it’s became so desperate of him that they tried to pull him in between them to hit him… but Puspa sir came and took him away from us… and soon the police personnels took him aways from our hostel. I was happy for that he was aways because if they had got him… they would have beaten him bad in the dark. After then the principal came and he told that he was so sorry for the incident. He asked pardon and he also begged for the mis happening.

Because of the leakage… that night power supply was cut in our hostel. But as the next day we had the physics exam. We were given five candles for each room for the studies… But within ourselves we had already decided that we weren’t to attend the exam the next day. That night instead of the studies I stayed up late on the candlelight copying the songs of the Beatles. Nextdays we again assured that ourself to reject the exam paper. And as per decision all of us from our class we came out of the class in the first ten minutes of the beginning of the exam. The first one from our class to leave the room was Shama.Because of us … about fifteen of the junior brothers also rejected the exam. While we were getting back to hostel… Sacre tried to stop… but we were too many to be stopped so we went on. For us we were all gathered in hostel whereas for the junior brothers they were called by the gurus and were taken to the principal

After our lunch, we were all in hostel when Sacre came to call all of us. He took all of us to the office. To talk over the matter two SSP Officers and an additional Inspector were called. They asked us what the problem was and what was the reason that we had abandoned the exam. We told them the time was too short for exam and we hadn’t got enough time to prepare. We also told that we only had twentyfive days for the final and it was also too short. We told them there wasn’t time in giving the exam rather for us it was necessary to prepare for the finals. And some even put the opinion that they wanted to gone home for the preparation. However they told us that the sent up would help us for the finals and ahead of it it was the school rule… if we didn’t follow it then perhaps in future others many not also follow it… and it might lead to other problems. And additionally they brought subjects of few of the friends… Ramesh and Laxman going to girls hostel in the midnight, which I was never known and about the incident a day earlier about the girls. I was surprised… girls had told everything to the principal. Things just went on and on about the same matter... for about some hours… but finally not letting it to create more problem… SSP deicded in favour of us… he even told we… the one interested to go home would go for the leave until the exam. In the mean time Laxman… came out of the office from the principal’s room… he had blood over his mouth… he didn’t talk to anyone instead silently made his way towards the hostel.

Sometime later… we went to talk to him about what SSP had decided for us. He told that the ones who left home had to return on the twentieth day with their gaurdian. Else he told that they wouldn’t be allowed to sit the finals from the school. And for those who would be staying he told they had to appear the sent up test. The argument went up till the late noon. Initially some of the friends almost accepted his proposal but later we decided to reject it. The principal was such a bulheaded there was no way we could convince him… Later we had to give up the arguments with him… and decided to go for the dinner… while getting back… some of the friends threw stones over him… some even shouted ‘Pagal’ (Mad person)

It was already trying to get dark… as we moved away from the office. Then we planned to go to the dining hall for the dinner. As we reached there we were called back to the assembly ground
There, the principal and the campcommand with about ten other police personnels in uniforms were waiting for us. He asked us to stay in line… But we didn’t we gathered in the corner of the school building and sat on the ground. Then the principal took out his note and read the names and told them to come out from the group.

The first name was Laxman’s… he nearly called about thirty names however leaving the names like Kushals and Rishavs telling that they were some how nice. He also read the names of the boys that the gils had given him… the one that had spoken dirty to the girls. After reading the names, he told that he was to resticate them immidiately, so asked police personnels to take them in the Police Van. But before they were taken… we decided to walk out and join the isolated friend before the police personnels took them… Then the pricipal was so furious… additionally, Krishna again had the discussion with him when the pricipal caught his collar and was almost to hit him… but it was strange… Krishna wasn’t frightened.

Then suddenly we saw Laxman was leaving the crowd and rushing towards the hostel… We were all frightened… if his desperation would left to some unexpected results. Then we all decided to rush to him… in anguish… terror hatred and passion… we shouted and ran after him. Sacre was trying to stop us… but he wasn’t enough to hold all of us…

We were very much scared of Laxman. The pricipal had accused him of being the leader of all of us… moreover he was named as first person to be resticated. So, we left the necissity that we should be holding him if incase anything might happen. Some even shouted because of the desperation he might jump from the hill on the way to the hostel. However anything bad didn’t happen. All of us then gathered at the hostel… we were all upset … depressed and terrified… everybody’s face told the same thing. Though, there might had been misunderstanding several times but still today… today we were all together… we had tied together to ourselves that we had walked every paces togther and had decided to take the damages together too. I could see… eveyone was so desperate in anguish terror and fear they were not able to hold their tears… But still everyone was trying to console each other. Seeing all my friends, it had also become irresistible to me.

While we had gathered in front of the hostel lawn… Sacre once again came to console and lead us… but we told him… we would never trust him again. He had already decided us twice… once when our things were lost and next when one of our friends was resticated for teasing the girl and both the times he had deceived us… So, never again we were again going to trust him. Initially Sacre told he would like to take few of us for a talk again to the principal instead we rejected him… we all decided to go.

Principal was at the backyard of our classroom building… by this time it was alrady getting dark… when we approached the place… the police peronnels came infront of the pricipal for the security. They were holding us … not letting us to get to the principal. Then in the crowd we started shouting.
“Principal………..Give resignation”
“We don’t want ……..Principal…”

In the dark the crowd grew louder and louder… and soon junior brothers too came to see us which made even a bigger crowd. Though they might had just come to see us… but still it gave a greater strength. With darkness the crowd tried to get more voilent. So, the police personnels took the pricipal from the place into his office. After sometime he wrote a regisnation letter to us telling police personnels to give it to Laxman and it should be taken to the IGP (The police head officer) by himself. When he was given… he fell off on the ground. He was hurriedly rushed to the medical just next to the place. Everybody rushed into the place… the crowd gathered shouted cried and wept…so, it was making everyone weak. But no one was wishing to give up.
Laxman had just fainted but soon came to conciousness… so, then the crowd decided to go to the office. The police personnels were there at the main door that led the room to the principal’s office. They would in no way let anyone enter into it. Physically we were already getting weaker… but the darkness was giving us with more and more strength. And now the junior brothers also seemed to join us so we were getting more powerful instead. The only thing we wanted that moment was the resignation of the principal. Now it was the only thing we were shouting for. And for that Santosh Grg … decided to be leading all of us… But also he was trying his best to keep control upon all of us. From the office he brought the information… we were asked to keep patience… they told IGP was to come for it.

We were tired and exhausted … so for sometime the crowd it came down… And we wept waiting… but instead after sometime we saw something different. The eight other police vehicles arrived with about hundred and fifty armed police personnels.

The crowd again was disturbed… some of the friends tried to enter the pricipal through the main door… the police personnels stopped them… When they even tried to fonce themselves inside the police peronnels had to use their thick sticks. I was worried while rushing… if someone would fall from the pasage and fall down on the ground crushing their heads. Some moments were so terrific I was afraid if the things would turn out fatal.

When the police personnels charged the friends it even started getting voilent. In the dark… they started throwing stones in the glasses of the windows. There were big smash of crashing windows… in the incident two of our friends were fainted…santosh and Shashank. Also the DSP from the near by town who had come because of the incident was wounded on his head by a stone… he was bleeding.In the meantime, a couple of times I had stopped few of the junior brothers, stopping them from crashing windows.

Sometime later DSP himself came out for a talk. He told he would talk to us and with the pricipal in the mulipurpose hall. He assured that he felt us like brother and he wanted to help us… he also told he had known our problem. But before it he wanted all of us to be in the multi purpose hall.

We were all so tired … but still it took some time before we too decided for the talk. But to the astronishment when we all got into it… the doors were all bolted and we all were locked into it. Our friends then in anguish spoke everything to the police personnels but it was so great of them… they were totally patience to us… they didn’t speak anything. After about an hour the DSP came and told us he would bring the authority tommorow and we would then have the talk.

By the time it was about eleven in the night. We were all tired…weak and desperate of thirst and hunger. I too hadn’t had anything after the midday. So, I was feeling so weak that I also didn’t like to talk to anybody.

So, finally we were left for dinner. I was so happy to go for the food. Everybody seem so tired …exhausted … and sleepy.

When we came out we realized when they had locked us in the hall… in the school van they had sent the Principal out of the school… to the capital… Kathmandu.

Nextday though we were together but still didn’t have the strength the way we did the earlier day. While we had gathered infront of the principal’s office for the resignation the AIGP came and then aftersome time we were there for the talk in the multipurpose hall. Later the principal also came. However there weren’t any girls.After about two hours of the serious discussions about various factors the decision was in favour of us. Everything was decided as per our wish.

After a sort of struggle… we were happy. We need not give the sent up and also many of our friends went home for the study. However, Kush and me and other of our roommates decided to stay in the hostel.

Because of the incident a new Campcommandent was appointed in the school. Prakash Ojha, everybody told he was very strict… He had been in the place a couple of year back and again, he was here.

Just twenty-five days weren’t long … every morning I was almost busy with the studies … during the day, as the days were getting hotter…. Sometime just to refresh the mind I would come out in the backyard under the tree…. There were so many high terraces and so many trees all around… I always loved being there… or going around the places… in many occasions I even spent time talking to Hari… a small village boy above or six years of age that often came with the little goats to graze on the school fields….

For almost since the beginning when I had come to the place… I had heard the stories about him… but never tried to ask who he was because it did never matter to me who he was and what was… something I was so conscious and curious about him was his … little loving face… so bold and loving … which always had a beautiful smile over it.

Everybody told… he was illegitimate child of a guy who had once studied in the same school. His mother was a dumb girl from the same village. The guys had taken the opportunities of her innocence and her weaknesses. So, it was never known who his father was.

Quite many times I had seen some of the friends… even my own classmate would make fun out of him. And would tease him with his stories. I knew he was still a kid to understand the realities but once when he will become a young man… I could feel there could be frustrations and desperations that would lead his life even to the disaster.

Though sometimes some of my friends harassed him so much that he was in some sort of annoyed that he would start throwing then with anything he would find. Those moments sometime I did try to take away my friends… so somehow it did give some solution for the moment. Though I was too desperate about the matter but I though it wasn’t wise decision to make arguments with them.

To be true, I had never felt it was my duty to please or help him… or even to love him. I did it because it gave me an enormous happiness being with him… talking to him and loving him. It was true feelings for him… so there wasn’t the necessity of telling it to everyone… So, it was … always that I used to meet him in lonely. Talk to him in lonely and share his feelings…

We often had shared cookies that my sister brought for me and sometime even the sweets and biscuits that I got in the evening from the school as the night diet. I had felt… he was a kid…. And more than me he deserved it.

Moreover, he was a little boy… and was so poor to go to school. But I was amazed that he was still interested in reading and writing… So, many times I had seen him... he would let his goats to gaze … then he would sit under the tree. With sheets of papers and pieces of small pencil we had thrown as the rubbish he would collect them and use them. When I learnt this… it even brought closer to him… I gave a little money to him to buy a copy and pencils for himself. Few days later he once showed me with what he had got. That day I appreciated his sincerity.

Well, I knew he was still young to understand these all realities. However the intensity of his realities were extreme to me than himself. Perhaps it was the reason though he was never interested in anyone and in friendship but still I was always in him… and I had a greater love for him.

But still with the passage of time and of my immense interest over him… when he was lonely he would open himself in some way. Though he didn’t talk that much to me but still I was pleased he would speak out something for me … and would answer some of my questions.

So, sometimes when I would see him alone then I always walked to him and started out the talk.
Along all the time… for me he was a true idol of an innocent should and above all the true friends we became ………

As the days grew nearer I was worried about the future… and as well a sort of have depressed about missing the friends and the end of such a beautiful school life.

Something more special about the time was the girl of our class… Amru she purposed a guy who had been us in our class and took the same bench in the class for a year long. I was surprised to learn she had purposed him. Perhaps she had her own reasons for herself that she decided to surrender herself for him. I would have rather admired if she had taken care of Mahesh. It was up to her but as for my part… something that had the beginning at the place… I was leaving the story to the end before we all were moving away from each other.

From the second week of April we had the final exams… first was English… this year for the finals we had to go to the different place… it was farther then the place we had been last year… though was only about seven miles from our place.

And ahead of it… time had also changed… unlike to from seven to ten in the morning it would be from two to five in the late afternoon.

Moreover, this year we had some advantages than the last year… we were kept in the single room… So, we were fifty in each room… it was good we could get help from the friend when we needed.

Everything went okay except for the last day. The seat planning was changed… three from our school was put into a different room with other students of different school. It was a complete shock for me.

Ujjawal and me… we had differentiated our section with mathematics… I told him I would cover about sixty percent (Because of being the physical group mathematics was compulsory for me and told him to do the rest… (As he was Bio group and mathematics was only optional) I was sure we would be in the same room… so I went very thorough the sixty percent but the seat plan on the last exam just completely stunned me.

And even with the remaining two friends with me … for both it was optional… and very surprisingly they had never ever taken the mathematics class. (But we all somehow managed to pass… with the same marks.

Sometime before the exam… I had almost lost m hope… lost my nerves… in the beginning I had thought if I should give up the exam and instead try again for the chance exam in few months time.

For sometime it was in sort of doubtful situation before I finally decided to give… no matter what it happens… Before we let for our exam room… as Lava and Kush were known about my situation… they persuaded me not to lose confidence… instead asked me to it with the best I could. In someway I did manage to attempt the questions at least.

That day after our exam… everyone left for home. I also decided to leave for home that night in the night bus.

After about three weeks we came back for the practical exams. For the Bio-group there were three exams where as for us, the math group there were only two… Physics and chemistry.

Physics was quite okay. I should say I had done it good but in the chemistry exam I was so nervous I accidentally happened to break the Round Flask. The last two days before the farewell were off for us… though only for the math group… where as not for the bio exam.

During the days of practical exam… more than the studies we were usually busy playing the card games in the hostel… However we were all aware of the gurus… because we wouldn’t like to be caught. But unfortunately a pack of plastic card that I had bought from home had already been caught.

The last day on the school… there was a group that gambled till the midnight… This couldn’t give any way for me to sleep. So, at the middle of the night I woke up and gambled till the five in the morning. Through the night with only twenty rupees I had made a big deal… it wad more than five hundred. It was only after the light I went to sleep… It was about nine in the morning when I woke up.

Today was the last day… last day of the school life…. I was some how excited about the future but yet I wasn’t happy leaving the school… l life in it… the beautiful life in there… such beautiful life in there… such beautiful friends like Kush and Lava and so many of the other old mates. Because I always tried to understand the realities of life… the amusements… anxiety that it brings to us… that are only the momentary possessions that gives the delightful fragrance for short and lives us with the mark to remain it forever.

So… many thoughts that went over me… so many stories that has been created at the place I was to leave it at the place… This was something that would always keep me alive with the memories of my school.

Hadn’t I learnt so many things in the place? I had learnt the place… I had learnt the nature… the people and the friends. These are all the things that make difference in life… Not only this… how can I ever forget the little boy Hari… the little innocent face of the kid… his friendly face… on which I had always seen the true sign of innocence.

So many stories has been created… was I to wipe them all with the passage of time… Perhaps not…. I was sure…. I would treasure it forever.

That morning after the practical exam soon everyone was back to hostel. The ones that arrived earlier told us to get ready in the school uniform and be in the multipurpose Hall for the fare well program. I hadn’t had the enough sleep through the night so I was some sort of feeling dizzy. With some sort of laziness I had to put over my dresses. Unfortunately I had lost the tie… perhaps one of the friend should have taken it… so, I borrowed it from a friend Santosh Thapa, an old high school friend who had now been in the junior class.

After about an hour… the show was inaugurated by the AIGP (Assistant Inspector general of Police) Pradip Shamsher. In addition all the school teachers were also present. We were so surprised to see the new principal of the school, Hemanta Rana.

Then there was the speech from the both… principal and the distinguished guest, AIGP. From the students Laxman and Santosh gave the speeches. It was a sort of natural speech and there wasn’t any conflicting matter that anybody talked about. After the speeches… we were asked to be in a line… then in a line we walked to the distinguished guest. A man next to him was with the chunk of garlands on his hands. As we walked to him… he took a garland from the hand of a man and put it over us… then tika on our forehead… (For the good luck). Along with it each of us were given a blue little diary and a pen… later… just after sometime… it came into use… we used it to take the autographs of friends and teachers.

After, the party was commenced. Just closer to the door everything was made ready for us… It was really a big party and I did have the most with that I could I should say more than full. After the party guru told us to get our things ready. There were two buses to take our things. This time I couldn’t go with Kush because I had decided to go with the old friends…, as it would be easier for me to go together with them through the journey. However Janak was still there.

But before we left… I felt so lucky… Hari… the little boy had finally managed to come to us to see us. I place my garland over him. For one more time I looked deep and steady into his face… and told him… I would not forget the promises that I have made with him… Someday if the time proves to be real I would be back to see him… though perhaps success or failure… it wouldn’t be matter… but at least someday I will again come back to the place for once… and it would be for no other reason… except seeing him. With these words from my eyes… he too was looking straight at me… perhaps he somehow got the meaning though he was still too young to understand the realities. However I was still sure… More than any one else… the kid of his age… I believed he would understand and feel more than many of the rest.

The time… it was short… most of the friends seemed to be streaming down from the hostel with their bag packs and luggage. So, I too had to hurry for it. Sometime later, I too came out from the hostel taking out my stuffs and luggage… Finally once again I looked back at the hostel. I was leaving it forever. Though someday perhaps I would come to see it again but still the life in the place… it was over… it was never to come back.

Once again everything of the past rolled over my brain. I remembered how I had calculated my time in the beginning. Two years time it seemed longer… but making some calculations… and changing them to only seven hundred and twenty days… it had given me some sort of confidence. To persuade myself even I had thought… nine years of time didn’t seem long… how would only seven hundred days be long… Finally I had concluded I would do it in some way. And today came the day I had to leave.

Janak, the roommate was with me. After we kept our luggage on the room of the bus and some of ourselves… now we had realized that soon we were to leave… Suddenly looking out from the window… Hari was still there… he was somehow smiling to us… Perhaps he should have been wishing us for a good journey.

Soon when the bus was full and the Sacre guru arrived he told the driver to make the moves…
With these words even my heart beat had some misalignments in it’s regularities… because my feelings were so intense and heaved… as the bus slowly moved out of the school I kept watching it out until it vanished it from my sights.
That night we got to the valley and stayed there for a night.
Next day early morning in the bus we left for the hometown.

A year later after my school I was so fortunate, with the help of a Dutch friend, I could get a scholarship for my studies in Engineering. It was a sort of unbelievable surprise for me. I feel necessity in including her mail.
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From: “Irene Vlig” isvlig@stad.dsl.nl
To: urajsharma@hotmail.com
Subject: Scholarship
Date: Thu, 23 Mar 2000 21.47:50+0100
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Namaste!
Dear Yubraj,

How are you doing for today, hopefully you and the family are fine! Did you receive my first email? In answering on your letter I send you this mail. I understand about the 2 engineering universities in Nepal, Katmandu and Pokhara. Actually their program is looking fine, I think. Pokhara is most modern with good facilities. And also in Pokhara they do have more seat numbers a year. Do you think there is a waiting list to be admitted to these universities or it is easy to be admitted as a student of these universities? The only thing I don’t understand from the brochure of the Pokhara University: What is the duration of the course? Also 4 years?

I am trying to do my best at the moment to find a supporting organization in Holland to pay your scholarship I think it is possible to find one, but I need to make a report about the yearly cost /fee of this scholarship. In the brochure of pokhara engineering college they are talking about Security deposit (refundable) of 20,000 rupies. Do you understand what it means? Do you need to pay every year 20,000 rupies security deposit or only 1 time? And they are talking it is ‘refundable’, does it mean, at the end of the course the college will refund this money? Please if you know sent me the answer of these questions, so I can make an exactly report of the cost.

If you like to start the next semester it will be in August, isn’t it? When do you need to report yourself for the next semester?

Finally, Yubraj I think it is possible to find a supporting organization but it is not yet sure. Please send me your ideas about these questions as soon as possible!

Takecare…
Your friend Irene
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From: “Irene Vlig”
To: urajsharma@hotmail.com
Subject: god news!!!
Date: Mon, 10 Apr 2000 18.28:19+0200
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Dear Yubraj

Thank you for your email of April 7.
I do have good news for you… You do have a scholarship!!
I have found an organization in Holland who can support your scholarship for the next 4 years. I am very glad for you.

They permit you to register yourself for the Pokhara Engineering College or Kathmandu University coming semester. The only thing you need to understand this scholarship will be only for the University fees and not for living. So, if you need to go to Kathmandu you have to find a way for living yourself.

At the moment they can pay the yearly fee and the security deposit but for the monthly fee they need to find more support. Nowadays we are busy to arrange the financial side of your scholarship with SNV-Nepal. The name of the organization in Holland who will support you is: Stitching Nepal. They are working in co-operation with SNV-Nepal. SNV-Nepal will arrange your agreement and will pay the scholarship yearly and monthly.

Later I will tell you more about this. So, please start to register yourself at Pokhara Engineering College and Kathmandu University. If you do have any questions please let me know, OK?
Dear Yubraj, I think you will feel happy about this, and I am also very happy for you. I wish you will have wonderful time as a student at the engineering college so hopefully they allow you to entry the new semester!

Write you as soon I know more….
Bye, Bye and many greetings to all my friends!
Your Friend
Irene
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Now, I am almost twenty-four years with my age… and it has almost been five years since my school had been over. As I write down all these stories, the realities come hurling through my brain as they has just been yesterday. I wonder with the beautiful past… the great childhood days… after all they gave the perfect bliss to me. I wonder with the nature… the world… the universe… the creation… and the people.

And also it has not been less than three long years since I had started writing this novel during my leisure. There were many stories I felt it hadn’t space in it. I have tried to explain little things and little realities more than enclosing ever of the events and incidences. Due to my intense feelings, I might have had explained my emotions… thoughts and feelings… as I felt I couldn’t avoid them… After all they were my true treasures.

Someday will it come out as a book? Will I have any readers to read it? Yet I am not sure of it. The only success to me for writing all this is… if I could help anyone understand something that I wanted to mean… That would still mean a great deal to satisfy me.

As… soon I am to finish with my studies… the real journey of life is yet to begin. Perhaps this was only a start to lead me a way to create something… an art of writing… On the days to come with time I wish I will try for the better… better stories… that perhaps with the truth and real meaning.

Above all… there is still something I still dream of.

There is yet the accomplishment of the dream that my friend has unfolded over my hands… after all… all worth of my dreams… future and career they are meant for something more… Perhaps could be for more than me… myself too. She hasn’t only shown me the way… instead she has given me a beautiful way to walk through. With so much of promises within myself I wish to walk bold through it.

It has now leaded to the beginning.
Beginning of a real new story…

THE END

Part X

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 07:03:00 -0800

27th June 1997, as I opened my eyes, from my little window, I could see the light piercing through the dark for the daylight. I gently got up from my bed... and swiftly opened the door not to disturb my brother who was sleeping in the same room...As I came out, It was already trying to get the light, but was still dark to see things.. Then I went for some washings, got my self ready for the journey for my new higher secondary school.. Everything had already been prepared for my way the very last night so, just the thing needed was to make a go. A new school, that would be exciting I thought. Just then my mother came with a glass of tea . Then I told her "Ama, it's going to be a very good start for the day." She heard me but she didn't care it much. She had always been very good to me … a perfect mother. Perhaps it was only me that had remained always at a distance than any other of my sisters or my brother. Just before I left, she once appeared before me.

" If you have any problems then just let us know. If you want things or you be in need of money. Be sure to make a call for us. We will do it for you. You never need to worry about it. But remember always take care of your self."
" I will do it, Ama" I talked to her, looked her face for once before I started off my way."
Just then, my little friend Thundu, wagging it's tail came rushing to me. He was a tiny little dog. Perhaps he sensed what is to happen. I got him on my hands caressed for some moments and then held it back to my brother before I decided to the move.
We got to the place, from where the bus was supposed to take me... My brother helped me to carry my luggage, a bed rolled and tied with a sort of e nylon rope and I had suitcase... with very few stuff necessary for the living in the hostel.. I had not had got much stuff to it. So, it was not heavy. But making all the things together, It could have been almost the one third of my weight.
In a short while, the bus came and I went it to in. then waved a short bye to my brother and father before it moved from the place.

After about an hour in the valley, we started heading for Kathmandu. It was small mini-bus, I was taking the first seat, next to the driver. It ought to be a nice journey, with new excitements... I thought. But yet it was not the first time I was making it.The last time, it was just a month back, for the registration in a school. It had a dazzling time for me making out the way by myself to fight by my own for my way, for my life. It was quite alot challenges for me. I will definitely tell you know later. We were on our way now. My place, my little hometown, we were again moving away from it. Since the day, I was put into the boarding school I had always felt the little town so adorable. I loved it because I have never got time to live it through the length all the lengths of my desires .For years and years I had my eyes filled with tears living this place ...especially those every moments when I had to leave for my boarding school.

The fast pacing motions of trees, small huts and little town and villages, along the side of river… I liked it but didn't put me to any interest. After all this long, I had always loved my place, my home my little town where my childhood had so swiftly passed away. I still remember, Before I was put into the boarding school, I had gone to a school in our own town. They were the prior days of my school that only lasted for 4 years. Everyday after the school, I still remember my mother always waited me with a sort of bread and tea. There were only few small houses around in our place, since the time we had moved from our village -there were only about seven or eight. So, I didn't have many friends to play with. The friends all I had were my sisters and my friend... whom I played with, became happy and sometime had big fights. I really crushed me when I felt missing them… all those cherish memories so beautiful and true. I know they are never to come again but I can never forget them.

Holding back all the memories I feel the perfect bliss of my childhood that wrecked since the first day I was put into the Hostel. Thing all changed for me, which ultimately changed the horizons of my life forever. The wondering freedom in my mind entangled in big brutal devilish chains. Never I succeeded to free me myself again. A day, then a week, months, years and now a decade... it has now been my nature the way I see through my eyes. What it misery or a true heaven? And after again I was getting on for the next two years.

Certainly there was life... and a good future perhaps. When we escort our happiness, a surges of love for only conceiving of a good life for better money and a good life in the future... We really miss the present with sort of all those nasty elegent dreams of future. It was a very hot day. Just above me, the sun rose so bright, I had my head burnt with heat. It was about three when we entered in the city. Yet it was not over. There was the next bus I had to take to get to Sanga, where my new higher secondary school was. The bus stopped in the heart of the valley, as I came off, I went straight to general post office. It was quite close from that place. I posted the letter to my friend, one of those old mates of mine. I frequently used to write her.

Then carrying up my luggage for the next seven hundred meters. I got to the bus stand. Then got into the bus. I had not taken much through the day. It was few sips of tea that my mother had made for me this morning before I left and the bread, my father had given me. I was tired, had feel thirsty and hungry. But I was excited about the new school. But the thing more important thing to me was to get to the place at soon as possible.

On the way, it started raining, I was taking the whole seat for my own...it was meant for three people.. I had luggage on the right beside me. The window of the bus, close to my seat had no glasses on it .So, I thought to move closer to it rather than getting all my luggage and stuff wet.
The valley, it was so crowded, but now we were out of it again. I could see terraces, hills and few houses. The field was covered with rice plants...they had grown quite high... It was monsoon ...so it should have been only about six weeks back when they should have planted them. All these greenery and the tiny little houses made of mud and raw bricks ... this style seemed usual for this place. Most of the houses were only a story or two... it looked beautiful rather than all those big building that I had come passed through out the giant city.

After about three-quarters of an hour, I knew, the place had come. Then bus stopped and I dropped out of it. The rain that had been so heavy had gone down...but still the ground was soaked with rain. It was wet everywhere. There were still few drops falling from the sky covered with very heavy black clouds. It was about five ... I guessed ... I was feeling totally exhausted But then I decided to move on will all that. I was so tired, but the excitement I had was only the thing that helped me to take my way. After about twenty minutes, I came to the gate of the new school. It was not the first time I was steeping into it. I had already been for three times before it. So, certainly it was the fourth. It was on the outskirts of the valley all over the small hill. ...It had all of it's building s facing towards west. Most of them were only two stories but very big and all made of bricks. There were several green bushes scattered in different parts and it looked like small forest. The high way passed several hundred of meters below it. And between them, lied the very green rice fields. The place looked wonderful.

When I entered, the guard called me from the Guard -house close to the main gate. A policeman in his uniform stayed there to guard the school gate. He looked like an old man… though he might have been only about thirty or thirty-five. The man in forces generally look old and thin except the officers… perhaps because of the very hard job. He checked all my things so thoroughly... Then he told me to see the hostel wardens for the further inspection. As I paced few steps ahead there were two people ...under the tree standing ...and waiting for the new comers.... They observed each and every new student that entered into the school. Checked every thing they had brought. One was a man with round and heavy face with a mustache that curled right up sight to his wrinkled cheeks. And next was a thin and pale looking man with and elongated face had a pointed cap on his head.. His eyes grave inside but looked young looked more like an athlete had severe look. Later on, the same day, I came to know that they were our hostel wardens (for class eleven).

As I looked around, there was an office, had windows with big glass screens, but a tent roof. The wall was completely coloured dark red . On the left was a temple like house with the open walls and with the concrete blocked raised about a meter...where the wooden model of the school was kept. It was not greatly. Opposite to it were, two iron poles, painted white. They were meant for the flags. Just below, in between the two poles, a raised and slightly elevated piece of concrete block was formed. On the surface of it lied the name of the school in very big letter...it's address and the year it was established... the year 1984. There was a road between the poles and the little house where the school models were kept. And it ran right to the door of the office. Three were different flowers that had been kept in a clay pot on both the ends of the road. They all looked like a very beautiful small garden.

There they observed my things, they told me that my suitcase would be not pretty small for all my things. I told I would get a bigger box if needed. But they didn't agree to me. They wanted it first even before I was let to enter into the school. So, I was quite puzzled for sometime. I was so tired of the day. And I had no one come with me. And nothing was coming into my mind for what I shall be doing. Just then I decided, I must go and see the principle. So, I asked them to see the principle for once. I was allowed and they told me the way that went to his little home. It passed through the corridor of the office. There were big trees all around, The road had a little curl where the large trees and big bushes had made it like a way in the deep forest. Then I climbed a little before I reached the door. I had no doubts it was his room. As it was only that had the main way coming to it.

Then I made knock on his door. Here he came and opened. He said . "Come in", He had the voice thin but deep. He was old looking man should be in seventies I thought. He had white hairs ...but was fat and had big belly ...as if he was in the last days for the pregnancy. His room, it was quite a normal room. The sofa laid on the right side of his room. When I looked around, I saw a very big case almost full with his books...they were very big in size.. A Big television and a Cupboard, painted brown lied on the left. Before I could even watch more of it… then he asked me. "What's the problem with you ?" but he didn't ask me to sit. Then I told him all. After sometime, he seemed to help me ...just did it the way I had thought. I felt glad about it. Then I talked about my father, as he had came for the payments for my admission and had talked to him for so long. That was what my father had told him .I had asked him only if had remembered because my father had been greatly impressed with him and had told me that he was a very good man. When the things came up my way then I thought...perhaps what my father had told me is right. I thought to myself.

He helped me coming with me to tell them. They only they permitted me to be in the school now. Even before it, I was asked to take thing like the school uniforms and books from the store. The two wardens also showed me the hostel. They pointed to the two stories building about five hundred meters to the east, which had a blue galvanized roof. At the beginning I was in sort of confusion and had believed a different building...later in the evening, I realized it was Girls' hostel. For god shake it would have been a big joke on me the first day if I had gone there with my luggage and stuff. I just laughed to myself but didn't tell anyone about it.

Just then I saw a friend from my school days. He was also arrived recently. I met him.shook our hands well. He, with his mum was there and they had their own cab they had got from the valley. He asked me to if he would take my luggage. I thought it was so kind of him. I felt so great for him. Then I left for the store, to get things that needed for we ...my school uniforms and books. I was told to climb up the little hill to the next get to the next building, steps there, there looked nice and good. They should been about two and half or about three meters in width. In front of every building brick were paved. So, as not to make it a grassland.

Then following others, I came to the store. It was in the middle of the room in the ground floor. The building was meant for the high school - classes from seventh to tenth grade. Right of the store was one of its classes. On the left was a staff room for the teachers. When I entered, it was middle sized room, but filled with all the clothing and books for students. There were three men working for it. One was a fat guy, looked rather fascinating; he was fat and had quite good look out of his face. But was not caring much to anyone. He was collecting all the new comers like me when came for the things and helped the next man to make the bills who was almost talking nothing. He keeping on writing what the other man said and finally added them before placing them to us ...And we were made to play. There was third who asked us what were the things we needed or that we wanted to take. He was a very short; about my shoulder...as I am just five feets and few little inches more. He had Topi on his head slighted to the right. He had a soft voice ...as thought it seemed very pretending to me. He was busy taking to other after a while he came to me and asked. "What shall I be offering you?"
"I don't know much of what I needed, " I told him in my soft voice.
"I would like to have first all that is very necessary" then I paused for some moments before I told him again "I will get the remaining in the day or two."
" It won't be a problem." he smiled gently. "But now please can you come and try here the things that matches you. Just find the right one for you."
Then I did the way he had said. Carrying all those things, I walked towards down when the two wardens were there. But they were no more there now. Then I turned left toward the hostel. On the way, below the road there was a big building, known as Multipurpose Hall, for performing various activities, meetings and programs. Just above of it, on the upper terrace there was the small building for the Police officer, The Commandant of the Camp. He was called so. Next to his building, there was a science lab still under construction. It was not fully made. A lawn tennis court and a basketball lied just after.

Waking ahead, I was a big football ground seemed to be situated on the base of the curved hill, People should have dug out it's mud to make it a big ground. There was a platform made on the left of it was small but quite enough for the chief guest and other authorities to say during any school functions. A road came down from up. It was through which the villagers also walked passed by. It was big enough for small trucks and vehicles. It also branched to our dining. Just twenty meters ahead of it...a way split into two. One - which went up, went towards the juniors and the girls' hostel where as the next that went down was towards ours. I swiftly moved. The road here was not so good. It was so muddy because of the big rain. In some times... passing through trees and a little hill on the left. I reached the base of the hostel. Then I again climbed up...it was so slippery.... Later they built the step from the base to the hostel, which became very good for us. Then, there would be no chances of falling and breaking our arms or legs.

As I grew nearer, I saw only a door for the entrance. It had a corridor that ran through the middle of the long building. There were rooms on both sides of it ...but no doors at all. There was a room on the left, which had about eight little latrines, which were often busy every morning. Had to wait for the turn at least behind one or two. Next to it was a bathroom with only a main door. It had four showers for us and was partitioned with the walls but not a door in any. Sometimes, it was really much when some guys came out stark naked. On the right was a big room for washing our selves and for laundry. Next to it was the stairs to the upper floor where the senior lived. After it had the rooms running, eight on each side. But it ended differently on the next end.

After the eighth room there was a big room which was nearly twice than the others. On the right of it there was again stairs to the upper floor. And next to it was and next outlet, door from which we could enter and leave the building. Finally ahead was a big room, which consisted of three mini rooms. They were for the wardens. Since there were two in the beginning, one of them lived in each of them. Next was a latrine. Only few lights were on in some rooms, others were dark. I could hear voices that echoed just like that when we enter into a new room. But there was loud music going on the upper floor. Later I found it was a rehearsal for the welcome program meant to be the next Friday for us.Then I started looking for my friend in the rooms in which that had lights. Finally I got it. There was my friend. He had taken a room somewhere in the middle of the building.

There were four iron beds. Perhaps you might know how they are managed. For the least space, beds are joined on the top of the next. Rochan kept my stuff on the upper bed. Thanks for him. He stayed beneath me. There was also the next guy, Krishna, (we later called him Tiger, cause of his large muscles) had already taken the place before us. He was also taking the lower one. He was on the lower bed of the next one.

At the corner we had metal rack. It had six compartment, two bigger ones on the top and the four smaller ones beneath them. Later we took one for each. I took a smaller one, lower to than of the bigger one. We often used to lock them when we went for long holidays. Then after sometime, I met the next mate of the high school, Santosh Grg. (Later became an army officer). I was not feeling so lonely getting two of my old mates already. Just after sometime they were all called out of the hostel. It was already getting dark. We all came out through the next door. The two wardens, whom I had seen earlier, they were staying behind. There was a big man, looking very smart was taking to the whole crowed. He had Topi, and round firm glasses. He had his both legs open and both of his hands tugged at his back. There were about twenty who had formed a mass to hear his speech. We went and mixed with them. There he told us.
"Well, welcome to all the new comers," he said it as it had made a very formal speech.
"You know, we have very strict rules and if you want to stay here you must follow. Else there is no other way, you will be sent back home. Smoking, drinking, escaping out to the village to trouble villagers, or making groups, it's strictly restricted. You will be charged very high for this. You learn all these things from your senior brothers. So, this is not what we expect from you. You have come to study, your parent have sent you for that so just keep doing your job for the next two years before you are again fee again." The officer completed his speech.
Then the thin pale looking warden, Kaman Singh, he came forward to added few more words.
"If you do any rubbish here you will be severely punished, we all Gurus will treat you for you work. So, better be careful before you even make any mistakes."
During my school days, as being the branch of this central school, we knew all that went around. He always heard a lot of stories about this place and people. "Gurus" was the word that took the brain of every student. Everyone, even the very senior brothers, were severely punished for any of the misdeeds. So, everyone was of very aware of them.

It almost, took half an hour before they ended their speech. Then we were brought into lines to for our dinner. I was with two of my old mates, As we walked by we talked about the things we did after we finished our high school.

When we reached the dining Hall. It was a very big hall. Had big windows and a big glass door in the entrance. About fifteen big tables were there, on the length of it, two long benches were kept on both of the sides. They had had fancy light. For as it was for the special purpose. The big picture of king and queen during their visit on 1886 was hung. The wall was painted Grey, a meter and half above the floor and white in the remaining part. But the walls had been marked with several lines and sketches this was boys work. That's what the hostel boys like to do.

As we entered, I could see a board hung on the wall about two and half meters high. There it had four columns where it was written what would be there for the breakfast, lunch, tiffin (it's an old English but still common in south Asia) and dinner. On the left there were few rooms for the store keeping, for all glossaries, a kitchen and a room for them to sleep. But there was a wall, a meter raised from the ground, so, there was no way to walk through, though later we jumped over it many times. There several piles of plates and next to it were two big drums and a big basin. The first one had rice in it. We had to get it onto our plates by our selves with the help of a small plate and next two it was lentils...it had a bowl and a stirrer. We had to get it with the help of a bowl. Then in third there was a small man, with a big face but a small mustache. He was very good at keeping guyslike us. He served curry from the basin. He had very effective measuring hands. They were like perfect balance. And he was so fast with it .he would let it go more to any one. I was surprised seeing the moments of his hand. I was feeling very hungry and tired. So, I ate quite a lot that evening.
"Beans weren't so bad this evening" later I told my friend. Usually I never preferred them. My mother often suggested me. "You have weak eye sight and if you don't take vegetables, you will lose all your sight soon. Come on, try to go for it boy. It will also make you healthy. I like them." She really did like them very much.
Perhaps due to monsoon, the water didn't look so clean. In few days I had problem with it. There were many who suffering from it. For me it was only for few days. After it, it was okay.
Later after the meal, I carried my plates, before that we had to clean our place, then took it to the place, at the back of the dining hall, where there were two young boys of my age washing dishes. They did it so fast, the moment I saw this ...I knew the plates would never be so clean.
On the way back to hostel, I kept thinking about the contrast this place to that of my previous school. There, things were clean and food was better. Washing was done in three different basins. So, everything there was more appropriate and well managed. But one thing that was so good here was. If we feel, we could add some more curry...not much just few ounces. But that was enough to help us to eat more when we were very hungry.
That evening I went to bed right after I got there. I didn't spend time taking to my friend, as I was so tired of the day. I was in need of rest .So; I unfolded by bed and laid in it after some time my friend turned of the light.
But there was big music on the upper floor. Perhaps it was the rehearsal that went till eleven that night. So, I couldn't get into sleep so easy.
For sometime, I kept things about the past, it all came covering, my mind...I started thinking of the very first days since of my childhood...from where the memory could be retained. Well, about my first school.... My happy days as a day scholar, then a long nine years in hostel ...and today I was again here. My mother ...my family...not much time I had shared with them together.
I didn't know when I got into sleep that night.

Next morning, when I opened my eyes I couldn't believe I was there. I had had an illusion in being in my own bed at home. That night I didn't have any dreams, perhaps because of the deep sleep. But it was so early, I was awake... it was still dark outside.... But I was sure it was the beginning of daybreak.

Then I went for washing. As I was coming back to my room. Kaman Singh, the warden, we called them Guru, blew his whistle. It was very long, I didn't like it at all. I was already so tired of hearing the whistle blow and horrible sound of electric bell for the last nine years. As I did hate it the most, I always got up before it, and went off for washing though I had failed sometimes. And again I had to do it for the next two years.
Then he came into each room and started waking up everyone.
As he entered into our room he told us, "There will be water only for an hour so, get up and do all your washing. After then you clean your room, make all your beds and covers. Get ready for your classes before seven. We will lead you to your dining."
There he had brooms in his hands; he gave one in each room. So, he too did it for us.
My friends were still in there bed ...they woke just for a while when he was there. Then again they let themselves fall after he was gone. But they didn't sleep. After sometime, they woke up and went for washing.

I cleaned our room. I did enjoyed though I hardly did it when I would be in home. Sometime, it took a week or sometimes a month, I was so lazy for this thing. But most of the days my mother did it for me ...thought I never wanted her to do it. I was feeling very strange.... It had made me feel completely different. I was excited of the day but more than this I was not happy to be there. I had feel enough will that I had for the nine years in the boys' school and I was not willing for it again. I had had great dreams taking my science courses from SOS School in my own home time. As I was certain to make my place there... and had a preparation since long for the exam since long. But I didn't succeed with my plans. Then it was my father, who asked who made me do all this. It was so tough, how the things went. My exams in the entrance there in SOS had not been bad, so was I called for an enter view. But ahead of it, there was no way to go. So, could sight no chances to study there. It had only been the place, where I had issued my form. The day when knew that no name had been published... then I was in confusions. The same evening I was told to go to Katmandu.as next day was the last day in this school, to issue any forms. I had to come through the night to the valley, which my mother would never agree. She told me to study in the Government College in my own town. Later my father with the help of the teacher of mine ...calling him on the phone made me to decide to go with his way.

That night, he got me a ticket for a night bus. That evening at seven the bus departed from the station. It was my first time I was travelling alone and in the night bus. So, was my mother so worried? I didn't know much about the valley. But I was lucky, The man sitting next to me told me with the necessary ways I had take to get to the place. He was there only through the half way. In the meantime, I took his address. . He too did it with mine.

The bus stopped, I didn't eat anything in the between. ...Though the bus stopped about an hour in the half way. I was not feeling to eat anything. People came out of it and went out for the meal. After an hour everybody came back. And the bus moved again. When I opened my eyes ...It was a very lonely place where the bus had stopped. I didn't know when I had got into sleep. It was so hot inside. I again tried to sleep but I couldn't. The sweat had completely wet my back. So, with my small bag I came out of the bus. It was very dark. Black clouds in the sky. There were few huts there. A couple of few teashops there, with very few people. Most of them were in the bus sleeping. I could see few people taking and drinking tea in those small huts. I could only see a small fireplace for cooking, and a kerosene lamp ... it was all that gave light on the pitch-dark night. There were also few others behind and ahead of it. I didn't go anywhere; I just stayed close to it. Just waiting to leave off again. Then asked when are we leaving. He told, "About four.." then he went away. When I looked at my watch .It was just about ten minutes after there. There was yet a long time to wait.

When we reached the valley it was already dawn.... But still was dark. I was surprised to see it was raining outside. I didn't know when I had fallen to sleep again. I woke up only after the staff asked us to do it.so that we could get out of it in the right place. After about half an hour of getting into the city. We came into the main bus station that lied in the west part of the valley. When the bus stopped, I got out. I walked as I was in half sleep. It was raining. Then I heard somebody call. He was my schoolmate .he had come in the next bus. First I would see who he was because I had no glasses and had the very poor eyesight. It was only his voice that made me know who he was. It was just for some moments we talked before we took our way.

I asked the man there, where I could get bus to the main city. If I could get to the place then it would be easy for me to find a next bus that would take me to Sanga, where the school was situated. It was the information I had got from the man who sat next to me on the bus last night. As for me I was not known to anything about it.

From there I took a bus, later I found it was not the very right bus, because it took the longest route to go to the center of the city. It took more than an hour when I knew I have come to the right place. I was confusion, partly I was frustrated, and I was not sure how the things would be doing.

From one of my friend I had known, today it was the last days for the submission of the form. Yet I had not even got it. As I came down from the bus. I looked for a photo studio to develop few pictures, for the forms. Looking for it I went through several small streets, finally I found a small one, with a woman worker. At about 10 it was done. Then I went back again to take the bus that would leave to sanga. On the way back, before I left, I met one of my schoolmates; he was with his brother. He too had come for the same purpose. After a short while we took up our way.

There had been so many thoughts going on in my mind. I was unsure about anything. What was likely to come to me ...it was yet to see. I would never mind trying for anything, but if it fails this time, then would be really be much for my family too. Desperation for them, it would definitely give me no more hopes to proceed any moves further again.

Though there had been some probabilities for the sun after all that rain. But the clouds came up and covered the whole sky. It was about noon when I reached there. As I had already been once before, during the excursion from our school it was not very difficult to find it. In a short while, I reached the place and it took no time for me to register myself for the entrance exam. They told me that there would be the test on the next day. On the way back from there, I thought whether I should stay there for a day or return back to the valley again. The place there looked liked a very small village, I guessed it would be difficult to get the get a room for me. More than this...

I still had about twenty-four hours and I had to spent it, every of it's second like a day that would be very tough for me. Perhaps, you know times becomes so short, that would never believe how fast it elapsed, but sometimes when you are made to get rid of it or ...if you are made to wait for something than an hour will count like a day.Then, finally I decided to go back to the capital. Before I decided to set off from there, I made call to my family. It was my father to receive the call. He told me, mother had been so worried about me she couldn't sleep the whole night. I was desperate to hear it. But didn't feel to tell anything.

It was about two, the time I left that place. I was feeling thirsty, and hungry. I had forgotten I had not eaten much for the last eighteen hours. But before it I decide to sort out a room for me. I got back to the same place from where I had taken the bus to Sanga. I felt, it would be easier to get the way from the same place tomorrow again so, in about a quarter of an hour I got a place where they gave me a room with a single bed. Then I went for food. I just took noodles. I could hardly finish then. All the wonders and amusements coming out in my way had taken allmy mind. So, had been the reason why I was not thinking much of other things.

Yet there was a day left and nothing to do. I was feeling lonely in that valley. I knew nobody nor anyone knew me. There was no one who would help me if something went wrong with me. All I saw were stranger, and I could be easily deceived. So, I always thought to be conscious in every moment and with the every paces I moved. Meanwhile I thought, "what shall I be doing then?" To watch people in the street and to let the clock tik through every second. That would be so horrible. Instead I stayed up in my room and wrote a letter to one of my friend, whom I often used to write.

Just after it was over. I took it for the post. When I reached to the post office - in about fifteen minutes, people working there were about to leave. The needle of the clock on the wall of the post office was getting though it's last minutes... I was lucky; I could get stamps for my letter.
Right after having dropped my letter for a friend whom I would tell everything, I went to my room, stayed there just thinking about all the things... Things often don't happen the way we conceive and sometimes those things become the reality about what we might never have even thought of it.

When I came out of my room it was already dark. After sometime, I had my food and then went into my bed. Because of not having the regular sleep the last night, and also of the day's work I was so tired. So, I was soon asleep. Next morning I woke up about seven in the morning, the noise of the people living next door woke me up. I packed up my things, had a tea, paid my bill and left for the school. I took the bus from the same place; it didn't have many people. As we were about to leave from the bus stand, a guy came from behind and sat next to me.
Just then he asked me " Where are you heading for?"... "Sanga."
"How did you know it?" I asked with a surprise.
"I too am for the same place." he told in a very innocent voice.
He was tall of the average size, dark brown. His voice was low and gentle. Then we started talking about our things. Taking to him I felt like I got a friend out of all those strangers. I had felt so lonely and sad for the last two days since I had left home. So, I felt so delighted when I talked to him. Then I kept talking to him more than that he did. He listened to all that I talked to him. I was so happy, I willed to pay the fair for the bus for both. After we got off at Sanga. We walked to the school. We were there at about eight, that morning. They told the exam would start at ten. So, still there was two hours to go... so, we went for a walk. There was the highway that ran closer to the school. So, we both decided to walk up some distance. And during this time, I think I told him most of the things of my life. He kept hearing them. But it was not much he told me.

He had good marks then that I had got. So, I told him he had more possibilities for success. He told me ...he would never miss the chance, if he would make it here.
I was so happy getting a friend.... and him. I felt it perfect... Then I told him.
"Well, Sagar it would be better not to keep us hungry ...the moments we have exams."
Then we decided to get in something. We found a small place where they decided to make two big bowls of Noodles. There was an old woman with her little shop. Soon she came with bowls of hot soup. It was great. After our soup, I paid for both and we thanked the old woman there.
When we got back about half an hour before the exam. I was surprised to see so many of my friends there. There were fourteen of them. Could I ever believe it? We were all very happy seeing each other. I introduced my new friend to them. He shook his hands well with them.
About ten minutes before ten the bell rung. We were asked to look our place and to take our seats. I had my number on the third floor of the school building. I felt it even better when four of my schoolmates were in the same room, all behind me.
There were long desks and benches. Only two were allowed in a bench though, there were still many seats to be occupied. A thin man with the bony cheeks and very big glasses on his entered the room with papers in his hand.
When the bell rang at ten. He gave us the English paper. He told us to make all the objective questions on the question paper. And the long ones in the additional blank sheets he had given us. Most of the questions were all objective and I had done pretty a lot for the entrance exam for the SOS, where they ultimately kicked me off in the interview. I was too quick for all those in the room. I had to do all three papers; I was first to ask for the next when I finished the first. It was that first they gave us English, which should have too be done in half an hour, it was fifteen or twenty minutes I took the most as all were just objective except and essay. Meanwhile I too kept helping my old friends with their difficulties. I wasn’t so good but still good enough to help them. A friend Prakash, teacher finding him making noise brought him next to me.... It was then even easier for him. Later told me that he never read any of the objective questions. He got everything from mine.

I left earlier, than my friends did in the room. I had to wait about half an hour before sagar came out. He told he too did it good. After then we sat off to the valley again. It was about two when we came in it. He paid the bus fair this time. Before we departed, I told him we could leave off back home tonight. He did agreed with me. Then he left off for his submission of his form in one of the colleges where as I decided to go to the bus station.I stayed for two hours, waiting for him. At about five he came. He had already got ticket for himself... His bus would only go to his place, Daumali not to Pokhara. So, there was no way I could take the same bus. I had to take a different one.

I left before he did; he was there to say his last goodbye. On the way I did try to see him if I could ...but it I didn't succeed. Later, I called him once, but couldn't find him in home. I too wrote a letter. Had no answer for it. And it was also that he didn't succeed in the exams so had no names for the admission. So, there was no way other.
"Forget him. It's over." I thought
This time I had a teacher, who was taking the seat next to me? He was from the same place where "One-day" friend belonged. He seemed nice and very well educated. He suggested me; it would not be bad even if I try studying in the Government College. On the way, there was heavy rain. We arrived in town at about there. After then I decided to walk from there. It would take me an hour to get to my home. As I walked up and reached the crossroad, my legs dipped into the water more than a foot deep. Oh my god! I was so shocked. There had been a flood.
The rain had not been over yet. It was not heavy even. But road had been flooded, so it was getting very difficult to make the paces to get next side of the road.
As I came across it, it was so dark, as not many lights turned on except some streetlights. As I came to the second crossroad, a woman's scream took my breath. I hurriedly, raced back. On the way back, a policeman in the guardhouse yelled at me.
"Hey, why are you running?" he asked from a distant.
I stopped and told him, "I couldn't get through the dark, so I have returned."
As he was coming towards me, I too headed toward and we both walked back together to the bus station.

There were few small tea stalls opened, few men were gathered there. So, I too decided to take a cup of tea. After about fifteen minutes, I too headed my way. It was three thirty in the morning. I was a still bit worried, if something comes happens...as there were several stories of robbery and murder that took place around the way. However I came home. I was very happy getting back. At about an hour after, I reached home. No one was up. It was still raining I was completely wet. Everyone surprised to see be back. They told me it was not good that I came through the night. But they were happy for that I was back again. Well, this was how I had made the first journey by myself alone... with a very limit of time.

Well, today, at about seven, there the warden blew his whistle; it didn't take much before all of us we came out. We were told to be in two lines. Stretching out our hands, letting then fall and turning to different directions, we seemed sort of lazy marching bands. Then he shouted at us.
"You guys never learnt these things before in yours schools. We will have you well trained don't worry."
" It was not that I had longed to hear on the first day. But still there was nothing I could ever speak or do more. Then I sorted out my calculations.
"Two years. It's just about seven hundred and thirty days. It's is not very long. I have already been for nine years. And all those years they went so fast, I cannot even imagine how fast they fleeted away. And it was just merely two years... not more. And it goes way. The only thing I must think about, is my study... I ought to make my future from here. That is only that I must think of." This was how I always compromised my self.

Then one of the wardens went checking the rooms ...to see if the things were managed properly or not. Some of my friends were called and were told to arrange their things properly. They warned us that the things should be well managed that they wouldn't prefer to talk about the same thing everyday. As we look above ...on the upper floor the seniors were still there...getting prepared.... However some seemed just to be waking from their bed. We set off from there in about half an hour. We walked up in to lines to the dining hall for the breakfast. When we reached there, the room had been filled with the high school boys. Boys were dressed as we were, in a faint blue shirt and long dark blue pants but their tie had green logo in contrast to our which was red and girls in light blue Kurta Salwar.

We were served with five loaves of breath, a boiled egg and tea. I was greatly shocked. On the first day it was too much for me. I couldn't take all that we were given because for the past days we were only served with three loaves of bread, the most. But later on, in a month a two... it was not enough for me. I usually took seven, but some times nine or ten because it would be too tough to resist hunger till the noon, the time for our lunch. Two days in a week we were served with five loaves of bread with butter or jam and a tea but no egg with it.

On the first day of the assembly, we had the national anthem and the school song. (It was same song as to that we sang in my last school). After it there was a sort of welcome speech from the English teacher, Narayan Tiwari. He was short but smiling and very polite. He was good enough as an English teacher. After the speech they called our names to let us know to which section we belonged. I was in section 'A'. And my roll number forty-two. I was the last one due to the orders they made with our names. As formally, mine had been “Yubraj”.

Our class, it had three rows of long desks, four in each. All of the students weren't present. So, the room looked like half filled. First I took the seat on the first row of one of its corner, which was far away from the door. But after sometime, I didn't like the place, I went to the third bench at it's corner. It had a long back- board, longest one I had ever seen. And a concrete platform ...so that the teachers would easily reach the top. The first class was Physics. I did have nothing with me. No books or any exercise books to write on or to write with A physics teacher came in. Made a short introduction between us he started with the lesson. He started optics, with the laws of reflection and refraction. Then second was a biology teacher. He was tall, thin, and had big round glasses on. He had good speech...that influenced us for sometime. But later we knew what he really was. Within few days we knew seniors called him "kingfisher." Perhaps because of his thin body, and his long neck.
After then we had break for ten minute.
There were two more classes, of Chemistry, and mathematics. After a short break after it, the last class we had was from the English teacher. All the classes ended at twelve five. It was time for our lunch. After it, we were free...he had whole day off. Then we had nothing to do for the day. After the tea in the late afternoon, I with some of the old mates from my last school came to watch football the seniors were playing close to our hostel. It was not very big ground. ...And it was wet...but it was still enough to for a play. The time ball went down from the ground it would take about the next five minute to restart the game.

It was time I when met two new friends who later became very good friend to me. They were twins but they didn't seem as they were. You too would have never believed it. Both of them were nice and good.... I have great feelings for both of them. In a short while I couldn't even believe.... We became so good friends, though most of the time I spent with Kush, the younger brother. Lava was elder, but not even as tall as his younger brother was. He was very sensible, with every thing. He always liked to play ...especially cricket...he loved it pretty much. Kush, he was quite ...and very responsible. That's what I favored him so much. I still have not a thing to tell against him. Even through years, I still find him the same. I would always feel glad if he always had good feeling from me. For me, he was always one of those I felt the best.

Before it got dark, I went to see the seniors with their rehearsal; they had two electric guitars, and a drum. Three people played the music and the singers they came and took their turn one after another. They played really well. I just knew few cords that were all that I had learnt from my friends during the last days of my high school. I could only make a little bit rhythm ...as my voice wasn't that good to sing a song? I was sitting on a chair facing them ...tying to get on with the notes they were playing for the songs. But something more had taken my mind. They way, their fingers rumbled over the frets ...it was amazing. They were pretty tough. Later I knew one of them was the guitarist from a very renowned Nepalese band "Nepathya". Quite many Nepalese favour their songs.
Well, the second day was also over.

A day and two, the third day was no much of a difference. In a week time I learnt how the things work there - knew many people belonging to have the responsibilities. However I didn't have much to interfere to them nor did they feel. Slowly the passage of time, brought me together to know each other.

After a week, that Friday at about three in the day, we were taken to the Multi-purpose hall. It was very big. Could hold at least about thousand people at a time. It had a very big stage. There was a big entrance on the front there were about two doors on the side. There were also additions doors on the sides of the stage ... they were the dressing rooms. Light system it was not bad. On the back of the stage ...they had the banner hung on it. It read as:
"Welcome Program for Class XI '97"

After the arrival of the principle of the school and other authorities, show initiated with a welcome speech and then the welcome song of their own composition. Then several songs ...and dances followed it. Music it was terrific...and songs they sounded well. Something that surprised me was that they were well equipped. I had never been before to any combinations of such sorts. The dances were... single, dual and mixed. Girls did well with it. But I was astonished when the group of boys from the audience roared as the group of girls on the stage brought their hands forward pointing their fingers to the crowd.
"Wow it's amazing." I told to my friend Kush sitting next to me.
Before the show ended.... Some of the guys tried to climb the stage. Then soon many of them followed. Later, Gurus went and kicked them off the stage... But again they got over the stage. In about three hours the show ended.

After about two weeks things slightly changed. Now most of the friends had also arrived. We were fifty in each class. In total we were hundred. Out of them, fourteen were girls and rests of them were boys. There had only six in ours where as the rest of them in the next class. The girls took the first and second benches of the row close to the door. By this time, almost all the seats were occupied. Most of my friends from the last school had also arrived. We were ele-ven of us. Two of them decided to stay in our room. At the beginning I insisted, and though of leaving the room. But later I gave it up. There were also some changes in our daily class routine. The classes would be starting from nine, not from eight. So, the day was off at about three on the days when we had practical.... And other days, it lasted up to one. We had practical on the third and fourth class. It was for one hour and half, and three times week. Most of the time, Kush and me, we mostly we did it earlier.

It was the third week, yet I had not spoken to many. Well a nine years in a Boys' school would make me terrible speaking to girls. I couldn't speak to them. I couldn't hold on my passion, it really burnt me. I didn't feel taking to them because I was so worried if I would make any mistakes and that would create problems. I did make a preparation so many times to start out a talk but everything went in vain ...I couldn't dare to do.

But it was the same week it happened, I talked to some one ...and it was Shama, the first one I had talked to. She was pretty girl, looked very nice though, short with her heights... But the elegant charm reflected from her skin and the thin eyelashes over her perfect eyes. Moreover, her stunning voice, so soft and low had some miracle. Her english she was absolutely perfect. That day, when she asked to me about myself I gave her all the answers though I couldn't go that far, I was completely absorbed because of my nerves. But still did it before I turned red and had to walk away. Since then I slowly dared to talk to her and later sometime we would also talk for longer in the classroom during the lunck break. Well from the way she talked, I did know that she was very sensible and understanding. In reality she indeed was.

So, I was pretty much straight with my deeds...for her. No matter, I couldn't stop myself talking to her and from telling what I felt .I sometime suggested her ... however I too always was interested in hearing her. I always felt the great worth of that she had been for me? Perhaps only one of those very few that had been always been very noble and true to me. Even through these years, I do possess her just as well as she was. And it's to remain till the lifetime. At the corner of the row, close to the door of our class, there was next, Amru. After a day or two taking to Shama, it was her with whom I had talked the next. It was that I had the first attemp. She had good look with her dark skin and beautifully figured body. She often changed her styles with her smooth hair which was almost to the length to the waist- I sometime made the notice about it. She usually tried them at her back, though sometime she made the long braids out of it. I liked it when she parted the front potion, let a little of her front hair on the left shed down along her chick and the remaining tied at the back. With all this she seemed so innocent but lustrous -something that really impressed me during those days.

That day, after my physics practical, I came back to our class and as I passed through the door I saw her, she was there alone in her seat. She seemed to be waiting for her mates as non-of them were there. There were some other guys, who were busy with own their things.
Then I turned to her and asked, " How was your bio-practical?"
After a pause she told me, "It was good."
I didn't talk much. Then I moved to my place.
I guess, I was perhaps the first guy from the class to talk to her. I had never seen her talk to anyone of us (boys) nor did anyone from us go for it. I felt the talk - short and good.
Perhaps it was just the beginning I had thought.
Later one day, I was getting back from the lab, and I was surprised she asked me the same question, about my practical. I did give her the similar answer she had done for me.
Then after it, often I talked to her.

One morning after the practical I went to her place to talk to her, I told "Well I think I had seen you that day..."
"I too should have seen you in the valley," she came with a quick reply even before I had completed my sentence. I felt very strange with her answer. There I was trying to tell her that I had seen her on the very first day in the school store, the very first day she had arrived.
But I didn't go further to make complex discussions.

Within first few weeks, as I took a notice on her, she really didn't speak to any guys. It was me that sometimes went to her and talked. She was really very simple. So, was I greatly impressed?
Once she asked me about the Red Iron, from chemistry. I didn’t know so I told her I would tell after I got about it. Few days later I went to her to tell her about the red Iron. There I talked a little bit about it.

Before I left, she asked me about the picture. I was surprised, only few days back during the lunch break I had only shown a picture of a girl to shama, telling her it was my girl friend. In reality it wasn’t mine… I had only asked it from the Suman, one of the classmates. I wondered she had cared about it.

But It had not been a month even, I felt some changes in her. Now she seemed a bit different to me. She was no more silent didn’t only talk to many but also she was the one that sometime made noises in the room. These changes ultimately, turned my blood cold. So, desperately, a distance it’s built up and I was few steps back again. She was some one only for a reason of her simplicity nothing more.

The third week of august today I got letter from Narjan, a schoolmate who was studying, in Pokhara, in the same school where I had dreamt to be in. It was the first time he had written to me. He had always been the first guy in our class since we studied together from the second grade till the tenth. There was no one to put him off. Moreover, he was the Captain of our class and also the school prefect. He was greatly admired by the teachers and staffs of our school. Later, I knew he too shocked everybody in his school with his extra ordinary performances with results in the finals... of his eleventh and twelfth grade. After all he was a man of worth I knew it.
So, I was extremely happy to hear from him... After my classes, I went to my room, laid in my bed to read it. Three were non-of my mates in the room, they had gone for the games.
As I opened his letter and went thought his words.... It was not much that I could proceed. My eyes were covered with tears and my heart crushed. Through the shock and surprise, I went through all of it.

The way he explained about life, miseries and all the realities. It was different than that we ever learn from the books and teachers or our elders but I knew it was true and real because still till today I feel it is the only reality that we find here around us. However, the suggestions he had had for us and his wishes made me feel very happy.

In the length of two years there he wrote me many letters. And it was only to me whom he wrote though had never missed to have his words for my other old mates. In few days, I wrote him back. I too wrote to one of my teacher of my high day, the same time. The same week I too heard from the next teacher from my previous school. Though he taught us only for few months and left the school. But there was a sort of great favour he had done for me. After my school, he had brought me a guitar (Thosedays when I had felt it's greatest essence.) Perhaps, it's also a thing I never got to forget ever.

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2nd Aug.1997.

Dear Yubaraj
I hope the letter of mine finds you in the best of your health and happiness. I have received your letter today dated 29/7/97. I am really happy to receive your letter. Thanks a lot.
I also received a letter from the class 10 (DPS Bel ) Boys. They too had mentioned about your good result that you boys have achieved. I am really very proud of you and every body.
It was also nice to hear that you are at DPS, Ktm. Good. You must strive to do much better there. All my prayer and good wishes are with you.
Right now I am teaching at Vijaypur Boarding school at Dharan itself. But the students are not so interesting here. I miss all at Belchautara, especially ex. 10 and present 10 boys.
I am looking forward for your earliest reply. Look after your health and studies at the sametime.

Lots of Love and Luck.
Auvijit
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However for a month, the things were so new to me that I couldn't figure out with all that was going on. Days with friends and the classes we had had been good enough to take our time. So, I did never prefer long holidays. But the courses and books, they bugged my head. For about a month I was very much dazed. But things came into it's way after it. I felt the days too short then.... Time would now be so fast that I wouldn't be able to hold on the dates.... As I was often a day or two late. Most of the time I was with Kush ...he helped me with every of my things. He has given me so much more than that I might have had ever given to him. The more easiness that because he had moved into ours from the next section and we were in same practical groups. Most of the time, we would be sitting together next to each other...where as sometime we weren't. I usually took own my place...close to window.... That's what I always loved.

Along with it...Shama, she also became very good friend of mine. I did know many things about her when we started setting our chemistry practical together. We would prepare many parcticals together. When I think about her.... I still feel she really felt me so true and so close it was not that we often get from friend especially for the boys when it mattered about the girls. Perhaps not for me again. She did care me much. Talked to so often, asked about me. One day she came with a birthday chocolate, I was one who got it. It was not even for everyone in the room. I gave her few words of mine to cheers her up for the special day. We often did our chemistry practical, together...so it didn't take much time to be good friends. But in a short time some of my friends came with a new name BOSS. (So and so of Shama) Later, even the senior brothers started calling out with the same name. Which ruptured the physical being ...but our friend ship the same ...as good for ever ...that's what I still feel about her. She did give me much ...but never did ask me anything. I would have no way to reject if she had tried for. But she didn't do.

Later, she purposed one of our classmates. He was a very good guy. Tall, had good look and was from the good family. Things had been good between them all the two years but I don't know what happened after then. Because she never wrote me again, though I had mailed her a couple of times on the later years after we departed but there was no answer.

Except for a reasonable cause or the religious holidays, the only time we were allowed to go out on leave was on the first Friday of every month. However, the juinor schoolboys didn't have any unless a term ended ie about long three consecutive months. But there was an offer, every third Saturday was PTA day. The parents could and visit the Most of my friends did go to their home or to their relatives.... Or some places if they succeed to make for them. I did never go out for holidays. Even if had been out for sometime, I would come back to the hostel for the night. The first holiday, Kush asked me if I would spend the time with them. Simply, I told him not to worry I would do it here with no difficulties.

During holidays, it was not much to do. But we felt good that our wardens didn't watch us that much. So, we did have good times if we would find something to do. Else the time...it would be so harsh...so difficult to get over it. Every Saturday, we could watch some English or American movies or a Hindi movie. We watched it on the hall on the upper floor of the dining hall. After about half a year, we had new TV in our hostel where we could watch the movies. Holidays usual meant for that...to play and watch movies. It a different feeling watching English or American movies in a group of guys. Perhaps I don't talk much about this. When I was in high school, it was even horrible watching Hindi movies. Guys would come out with the whirling sound when a sort of romance lay out on the screen. That was the reason for which the horror shows were restricted on the Friday nights. After then we could never watch them in the school.

With guys, I have a lot of stories. Once, in one of those third Friday night, most of the guys had been away to their home. The seniors brought in some movies. We were all so busy watching, "Poison Ivy IV" we were so quite and no one moving, I was excited seeing the guys around. We had not even gone much though; just then, the warden appeared before us. In a sort time he got it, what we were watching. Then he came and took the video tape. But things didn't go bad. It was buried.

Taking to you the truth, it was normal for our guys, to go out for the similar shows during the holidays. There were some video-parlours in the town close to our school. It was only about two and half miles away. Quite a few times I went with my friends. Especially, on those third Fridays when everybody made notion of going home. We from the distant places sometimes came out for it. Those houses were very differently built. In one of them, they had three underground rooms. They were made for such purposes ...just only for watching movies. The rooms were pretty small, only enough for about five or six people. Not more... And the height ...not more than six feet I guess. The first day we could only grab chances late at four. We were surprised; there were our own classmates who had already been there before us. Then we replaced them ... We were six there. A group had to pay fifty for each movie. That day we watched two movies - "Sexual Ronettee" and "Bed room and Broad room". "Not the bad stories in them," after the show I told to my friends. No one seemed to be interested in my words ...perhaps no body heard it.

It was already dark when we returned back to hostel.
Later guys caught up another way, they went damn crazy for snooker and pool then that stuff. I wasn't quite attracted to those things. I would better prefer the movies. But what could I do ...my friends didn't want it. ? So, I didn't go for it because I wouldn't like to do it just that by myself alone.

But there was time ...only for short when we had a new warden in our hostel. He came and stayed just for a month or two. It was pretty short but left quite a lot. He was so good because he never treated us like the others did. Every body liked him.... As he always dealt us more as a friend did. But he was sort of fancy guy; he would be so pleased to hear about him. It was how many of my friends and the senior brothers made him do things. And really he did it.
Things went swiftly, after it. Days were beautiful. It was morning the sun rose, and things crossed over so fast... it was eleven or sometimes twelve at night...till I heard the jets flying above us almost every Tuesday nights. When I usually turned off the light, to sleep. Most of my friends would be asleep earlier than I did. And in morning most of the time, I was again the first one to get up. But during exam hours it was different. Some of my friend did stay very late than that I did because I could no longer go with studies.

But, I am never used to sleep during night with lights on. So, many times I had to wait until my friends turned off the lights. In our room, he had routine to sweep the floor. I had my turn on Friday. For few weeks, three or four, we all took our turn. But after then, our routine was out dated. No longer everyone followed it. Who ever felt it did it. It was often that, I cleaned our room, on Saturdays. But there was no any sort of arguments because we didn't give it much importance.

Now ...we had also named our room. My friends got a name. "RYBKYP" with the first letter of our names. We had the name written on the entrance of our room with very big letters. We too collected a small sum of amount. My friends brought a small Chinese stereo with it... Since then we started tuning on to different stations for different music. Later it was a sort of addiction to me during my stay there. They also brought some posters of exquisitely beautiful women, those of the Indian and Hollywood stars. One of my friends had all around his bed. After all, it seemed as if we had made a small home for our selves. More over, every Thursday we had power cuts. It would come at eighth in the evening. Most the time we either played got together in our room, made music with guitar or sometimes Kush and me, we came out on the open sky outside of our hostel and laid on the green grass taking to ourselves. We spent time...looking to the moon, the stars and all the miracles lying underneath it. Within few days, we also got table and chair in our room. We had about four tables. All had new ones but I had old but with it's top being replaced with new plywood. It looked stronger than the new ones because they were not well furnished. One day while I was talking to my friends, just opposite to our room. I broke one of my friends' desks I had sat over it for only for sometime, and now joints had now made into pieces. After, then I was careful handling them.

Things were slowly changing, Now we need not make line to go to the dining for the breakfast. My friend Kush liked to be before the time. So, he moved out from hostel with one of his room -mate every early morning. But I hated to be in line. So, I was always the last one, among my friends to leave my room. And many times I was the last one from the hostel. I would leave always leave only about fifteen to twenty before the bell for assembly. It would take about twelve minutes to reach the dinning. I finished every thing within just a couple of minutes and rushed to classroom to keep my copies. Initially, we carried, our copies in our bags ...but later, it was almost everyone ... we did it on our bare hand. But sometimes you know, I had tough time for coming so late... There would be no bread left ...or sometimes, no eggs or tea. This happened often. If everything was over they gave biscuits, but I really didn't like them. There was no way other so, I had to take it. Many days I remained so hungry but still I liked my way. My way to do things. I didn't bother being in line. It was same for lunch and dinner, I usually showed off myself at the last hours. And I always enjoyed with what I was doing.... No pushing, no rushing. And it was pleasure ...doing thing slower and in own way. Just to be free...

In sometime, I go used to with the food there. We ever given different kinds of vegetables in our meals... I liked the fried potatoes the most and with chicken it would be the best even, which we would have twice a week, on the Sundays and Thursday eves. But there was something unusual on these eves. You would see a greater crowed gathered ion the beginning. There would be a very long line with the people waiting for their turn.... And sometime it would be long out from the entrance door and along the bottom of the stairs. It really was horrible. I know, I had been going though all this for about a decade but still, it was the thing I was not getting through.

Apart from all this, recently we began with PT, a physical training, in the morning. Since then we were made up at five thirty in the morning, even before the warden came up this his terrible blow of his whistle. That's when the flow of water from the taps of the bathroom always waked me up. The water would come, only for a half an hour in the morning. And it was only three times a day morning, at about ten and finally at five. I was surprised, when the girls told me that they had no problems with the water. It ran off their tap through out the day and night. At about six the Warden would shout with his hoarse voice, "Get out of your rooms just within a minute else I will know you out."

There was no way other, for a couple of days I didn't go. Because I did never like it though I know it's good for health and the physical fitness. I would always say you please you do it, it's good. But I would never like myself going out running in the morning. I did escape most time. I really didn't go though I knew I could be in trouble if he found me.

But one Friday, he really took of us. It was only that day, for those years I went for it. As our terminal exam was closer, from Sunday we had no PT onwards. It was a very new for me. I was so delighted to hear it. On Saturday I slept till late, so did my roommates. Many times I was the last one of get off that day. It would be a different morning to me.

There was a small steam flowing though the little paddy fields which just about fifteen minutes down the hill. I went there every Saturday morning, only myself alone. It was the time when I always though about the things that I had came though. Sometime I tried to know myself, who really I was. I had so many question of past unanswered ...after all why? For what...? Sometimes all these things seemed to drive me crazy. I was speaking alone to myself, irresistible thought thrusting out from brain. These all things sometimes made me feel myself that I had gone mad. Whom shall I tell with all I had... perhaps not to any humans? Everyone has his or her own load and nobody really can understand anyone for me and not me for anyone. Though I knew there were friends who heard me very well and many to those who told me much of their thing. Few suggestions were only that I could give them in return. So, it was only the time I felt myself ...free, free to talk in silence, tell all my feeling to the open sky. With a gentle blow it would give me the gesture it had understood me. The flow of the stream seeing my tears would sing for me to cheer me up. They were also my good friends apart from the good friends, the humans I had ... They were very true and were real. They would never lie me ...never gave me tears ...not any betrayal or blame me for my mistakes. So, they were my real friends...

So, I had made a day to spent time them.... It didn't matter, for if it rained or it was hot sunny morning or the chill of the cold wind over the frozen frost over the ground did make any changes. I just did it, as it was what I deserved.

One evening, it had not even been long enough; we had come from our dinner. Some were studying where as others were busy with there own way. In our room we were busy talking about the guys and gals of our classes. Just then we saw all the Gurus had already entered our hostel. The principal and the camp commandant of our school had also come. They were about fifteen to twenty all together. In loud voice they shouted at us.
"Get out of your room... Quick ".
"All of you." Next one told.

Immediately we emptied our hostel. It was about eight thirty that evening when we were put in lines in the dark, outside of the hostel. Then one room after the next we were called and they checked all our things. When we were called. We opened our bagpack; there was a thin man that came to check all my things. I looked much serious with my glasses on and my voice, low when I answered his questions. Perhaps it way why he didn't make it through in mine. However, I was not worried, as I didn't have anything that would cause me a problem.

When the principal came to our room. Seeing all he posters of the stars, he told to my friends. "With all those beautiful ladies over your head.... How can you study your lessons? Can you concentrate your mind with all of these things before you."
My friend didn't speak.
"Guru tear them out," he added.
Then one of them got up in his bed and tore all of them.
We didn't say anything.
Later I heard similar thing that went in the Girls hostel. They told the principal seized the posters that they had on the wall. Those days most of girls of our class favored Leonard Di Caprio, the star of the Titanic, the movie was of the recent release that time and others with some Bollywood stars. I got it all from the autobiography they filled for the friends.
Well, that day I don't know if they ever found any thing or not but I knew they were searching for something like drugs or something of its sort. It took about an hour before it got over. I was an unexpected search but so far I think, there had been no problem to any of us.
These sorts of unexpected checking were often made, even in the last school where I had stayed in hostel for so long years. Though I was not much concerned with all this but it often had chances that any of us could be accused for other misdeed with that we might have remained unknown.

It had already been about three months; I had not been out for that place even for a day. Terminal exam was also closer, so I had my time preparing for it. After it, it would be a month vacation. As the days grew nearer, more and more I started days. The exams started, I kept myself busy with my books. But every night, before I got into sleep, I stated counting days...seven, six, five, four three, two and one.... Twenty-four hours from now... The next morning, I was so delighted. I had all my things prepared. Or that I had to take with me. I had a long bag to carry all my things and few books and notes to do the assignments the teacher gave us for the vacation.

It was chemistry exam; I did it before twelve. Perhaps half an hour before it was, meant. Then was the time for the lunch. The excitement aroused in me, disappeared all my hunger. I couldnot even finish all that I had taken in my dish.
Today, I had decided to stay with Kush, He had asked me since long.

The next day, I would live with my friends to Pokhara. After sometime, Kush came with his brother Lava. He got our things. Before leaving we got our Ids that We had got it after a month of our arrival. Then we went to our warden, he signed it, and also that he mentioned the date of the day and also the date for arrival. This had to be done everytime ... leaving and entering the hostel. We left the hostel at about one. As we came across, I could see people streaming, all dressed in school uniform leaving. It was the rule, we had to come with our uniform as well enter the school the same way.It took about an hour to get into the valley. The bus was very crowed. In the next hour we came to my friends house. It was first; ever I was staying with my friend. I would have rather stayed in hotel or would have left for the home the some night, then sorting out people to find a way living with them. But it was my friend, and even my heart didn't resist. I was happy to be there, with them.

It was somewhere, at the edge the valley, a beautiful park in front of their residence. It was good place they had even though it was crowded place and the street in front of it was small and busy. Then Kush, he started tell me many of the things around that place, about the next girl next door and the times when the things nearly created disaster when one day she was in his arms. But the things didn't go further. So, things came to their place. Later the same evening he should me the girl, introduced me to her. Well, she was a beautiful girl with hair trailing a little above her shoulder, the colour of her skin; it seemed like the burnt honey, smooth and bright. The way she smiled, the time she talked to me, it was a complete amusement to me watching her that way. Indeed she was beautiful.

After sometime, He took me to one of his friend that lived at about twenty wards from his. He was thin, with a dramatic look.... Had a thin lining above his lips and his eyes seemed to be some depth from his face. He had quite a fancy wear. He was one of those very best mates of my friend. I didn't talk to him pretty much except the induction that the Kush did for us. I knew he was good, as Kush had known him since long years. For about half an hour they kept taking about their own things ...and their own friend. They also talked about the classes, about teachers and about the romances that went at the different corners of the college building but mostly he was taking about his girl friend and did seemed toubled for that the things wren't working so well with is girl friend.

After then, we left him, Kush told me if I liked going to the park. I told him ...I would. Then he took me with him. As we entered he told we never pay getting into this place. Never do so anytime you come here. I listened to him...I followed him, we talked all our things ...he showed me all that was around. He told how was it built, when and who did it. He told how often they came to the swimming pool. One had to pay twenty-five Nepalese rupees, for a time to get in. Thursday was a particular day only for women and rest of the days for all

As we passed by, there was a little hill covered with small forest. We climbed and reached the top; there was a flat landscape, no trees there.
"People come here for picnics and some party. It's often busy in Saturdays and holidays." He told me.
Just then we came across; I saw a couple under the tree. A woman and her boyfriend perhaps, were busy taking and holding their hands.
I caught his hand and whispered to him, "Lets not disturb them."
Then we decided to get back.
On our way back, he told, "You would see many on the holidays. Someday... you too should come with yours." I did have for answer for this.

The sun was about to set, when Lava asked me if I wanted to go with him. I was enjoying being with them so, I would never say no when some one like him did make any of the offer. He came down, along the way of the main road, as went came we crossed thought a small passage that went from the side of the road. On the way he told me about his last school, how his days were and about his friends. He had really felt the worth of his childhood. Further he told "The is the way we walked since our very young day ... for about ten years. I still remember when mama sent off for our school and my brother and me took the way. It should have been twenty minutes way when we came to a huge building. "Siddhartha Banasthali School" it had a big board written with it. It had few building but at least four of five stories in each of them. It was really one of those very best schools out of the whole nation. "Here it's my school. " with a delight told me.

Then he pointed to a window and told me," The window, to the right on the fourth that was my class when I was in ten"
After then getting we took a different route in getting our way back. On the way she showed he the Industrial Area of the valley, where there were several industries ...for Coca-Cola, Metals, Biscuits and many other things. It was already dark and evening was getting cool. I could feel the chill of the cool breeze on my face and over my skin. There was no power. So, the street seemed dark. After, sometime we reached home.

In the evening, I saw their dad then I greeted him. But I was surprised that I was not questioned. At about eight, the power came. After sometime we went for food. There I saw their mom. She was an old lady, with sort of slightly mixed white hairs and few wrinkles on her face, not very deep. Perhaps she should be on her sixties. But the way she talked was so gentle, as I felt she wasn't much different than to my own mother. There was table, with two chairs on each side. Lava and me stayed at one the left where Kush was there on the right. I was given a big plate of rice, with lentils and vegetables. The food was very good. I told her. My friends asked me to take more, but I didn't.Then we came to their room. There they showed all their pictures since their childhood days. Since the days they were small babies. They had quite many albums filled with all those past memories. As they turned the pages, every picture had it's own story and I felt interesting to hear all that they were telling. At about ten, we turned off the light. But that night, at about two, I saw the light had been turned on again. It was their brother and sister in law with their small baby came to see my friends. I could hear some voices but I couldn't get my eyes opened because of the deep sleep. After sometime the light was turned off again everything was all right again.

Next morning, after the meal at about ten, Lava willed to come to me. We took an auto rickshaw to the centre of the town. We went to the hotel, where my friends were taking rooms for a night. In short time we were together. After sometime, Lava left the place. I waved him the last goodbye before he left.

It was about eleven when we our bus came. And we left the valley. We were thirteen, we were all from Pokhara Well there was nothing so new on the way. After seven hours of the bus drive I was back home. I was really happy to be back but I felt very sad when I found something missing, it was Thundu, a little dog. He had been very good to me for the last two years. I was so desperate hearing it; I went to the place where he was buried. I was amused with the reality of life. Things usually don't go the way we think but many times the strange things comes out that we might have never even have thought about. And also the things that we feel the worth, we have much chances to lose it anytime and any day and the things that seems rather to be of any use might make us hover forever. These are the realities.

Well, He was a tiny little dog with the pretty long shiny white fur hairs that covered his eyes. I had spent much time with him but he was a very good to be friend. A difference I find in a human and an animal. They are innocent and true rather than humans, are worth to be believed, as they never decided once the hold belief on their masters. That's the reason why I adore animals as well.

It was a month vacation and it didn't take much time. I did make much time for the assignments. It worried me through out the way. What would teachers tell me? They would never like it. Even in my last school it was almost never that I ever did my assignments during my holidays. It would be the last night; I would go to my sisters to ask them for help. They did it with their best to with all they could. Then I would cover the remaining when I got back with the help of my friends.It took days from three to four.

But most of the time, I would do it during those days in school went home for the holidays. Usually I was always late to leave for home. There had been many times during my primary school days that I had too sleep alone in the big hall with no one except the "Uncle" (There we called the wardens "Uncle.") as all my friends would already be gone from it Hostel. So, I would sometime do go with all our assignments throughout the day. So, it would be easier not to have any tense during holidays. It was not only me many of my friends did the same.

As the bus was getting on it way. Once again, my eyes filled with tears.They rolled down over my cheeks. I couldn't stop them. After years, the feeling of my younger days aroused in me again for one more time again. My heart just as fragile as it was, it hadn't changed, and I had same blood, so I was the same person. Only thing was different was, time. I was kid before, but now I was more a less a young man. I was getting old, my mind filled with more experiences. So, after all it made a great difference, I couldn't again be a kid. The time has already gone and it was never to come back.

Since the beginning from my second grade till the eighth, it was some one who always came to take me from my school for the long vacations and took me back after it was over. It was usually that mother did it all for me. I would always be so happy to be back home in every four months. It was not so often that I came home for the short holidays for a day or two as most of my friends did. But I swear - every time I went back to school, there was not a day I had no tears, when I entered through the school gates. After my mother left me there, I would she her way, if she had still been there. But no more I could find here, though I sometimes kept looking her way for hours. It was eighth grade, when little bit of life changed for me. I felt something good about life, some light piercing though darkness of my soul...

We were getting bigger, since then we were allowed to go home by ourselves alone. It was a sort of new life to me...a way to sort out some happiness for the dark soul that was sort of in need of love ...of the family, not with all the treachery. Since then I could come and go on my own for the short holiday. That was the greatest pleasure that ...for happiness.

Even, during the initial days, getting back to school, was the matter of difficulties to me. I did had tears, in my eyes those first few days. But later, things drastically changed. Though the horrible feeling for almost six or seven years only the last few years were good ... the very last year was the best of all when I had cherished the part of real life, got few chances to see the reality and see few things that really did existed. However, talking about all this things I am not intending to mean the miseries of life...no it's not. I just want to mean how the bloody rules for human can make an innocent life feel so miserable.

For me, I kept looking back; the early sunshine gave the yellowish brightness over silver white shine from lining of mountains. It gave the beautiful glimpse of the only real paradise, the true heavenly nature. As the distance grew nearer, I could see that they show up some while before they completely vanished. Again at the end of the day I was back to my school.

Next day, the water thrusting out from the tap in the bathroom woke me up. It was still dark out side. But we could see the daylight was trying make it's way over the dark. It was winter, so I was really having troubles leaving the warmth of my bed. But there was no other way other else I would be late for washing. I came back to my room. And started getting ready with my things. Got all my books, my uniforms. At about seven-thirty I came out of the hostel. I had the uniform and a coat over it, Perhaps I should have looked different with a blazer coat ... just a little bit smarter. As I came out of the hostel door, I could feel the cold bleeze on my face that often hit my skin make me feel so terribly cold. The sun had already rose over the sky trying to open though the fog and making several attempts to reach the ground. I could see the fog leaving the ground below climbing up the sky high,.. It greatly astonished me, seeing the frozen frost through out all the glass-land. It was the first time ever. As I paced few steps, I got down to take it over in my hands. In just a while it disappeared in my hand making it partly wet. The sunlight, with it's heat trying to reveal the tiny little leaves of almost the dried Grey grasses over the melting shawls of frozen frost made the perfect picture. I was totally gazed with it for sereval minutes before I felt I was getting late.

The sunshine in the morning gave us the warmth that reached to our flesh. We could feel it inside. We were really proud with it. After it the things went the same way as they used to be. That day most of our friends arrived... so did Kush and Lava and also my friends from Pokhara. The Girls had come, but not the Shama. The strange new they brought upseted me for some days. I felt I really missed her when they told she left for US, they too had been in the airport for the farewell. I was completely stunned. I had even thought if I would manage to get the address, I would certainly write her. Things were just going on… about in three week I was gain surprised to she her back at school. She had been sick and had been unable to come to school. When she told me I felt so sorry for her. It was good she was back again, for which I was very happy.

Days were even beautiful in winter. Due to cold perhaps, should be about some minus degrees in the morning, we need not go for PT which I was very happy about. Then the morning sun was exquisitely beautiful. After our lunch Kush and me, we usually came out in the sun for an hour or so. We would get down the terrace, as there were few below at the edge of the front of our class building... before the Main Gate. There were many lemon trees, and also some of similar sort but not very big. Many times we did try our best getting them for us. Once or twice I did try by climbing on it. I couldn't get even one. All other friends laughed at me. I felt so horrible for a moment. There would be many groups, gathered but mostly we would be just two or three. But there was something very distinctive. Most of all, ever body came out for sun.... Senior had their own space where we never went unless we had something to do. And in ours they did not come. So, it seemed as it had been separately made for us.

Else we would spent time in library, there were much books about the courses than the others. However there were enough of it. The man there was had always been good since the first day I had seen him . He was a middle-aged man, with his a small round face that suited his body. We usually saw him in white shirt, black cotton pants. He looked like very much like an officer, in some very big business firm or so. But indeed, I always found him helpful and understanding- always. Often he gave us the books for long months and ahead of it, he we would give us two or three at a time. He too once let me in the store when I asked for it. As normal no body did go into it. I was in sort of looking for the older school magazines for the earlier pictures and so. I really thanked him that day though my work was of no use.

After about a week of our arrival, then we had a very good new this morning. We told by our wardens that we would go to watch over the show " Beating the Retreat" for the inaugration of the Queens fouty-eighth birthday. It was a sort of athletics performed by the trained police personals. They play songs, show different indoor athletics like gymnastics and other marshal arts.

They are very well trained, so the chances are least for they do mistakes. It was about noon when we left our school. We were all dressed in our school uniform. I, with about fifteen to twenty of my friends decided to go in a small truck, though it was meant to carry gloceries for the school but would often carry us for some occasions like that. It was fun being there, as it had open space at it's back so we could see, everything around us. As we came out of our school, my friends they strated up with songs. This was usual way that guys would go when they are off from school in groups. I was not interested in it. But I was very glad for being away from school.
In about more than quarter and an hour, we came to the place, Mararajgunj, it was a police training center. When we reached there, there were also other students from several school who came for it. We should have been very lucky for that lucky for that we given nice place under the shade. Opposite to us were could see, there were school boys from various schools, they came in long lines we could easily differentiate them with their uniforms as each of them had a very specific and different to the others. Though they were far for me see the heat on their faces but the bright sun on their forehead and thick blazers on them must have made they stay very hard.
But at the right side there was a long balcony with about few hundreds of seats. It was for the People of high class or those for the higher officers and their wives.

At, about three, Prince Dipendra arrived, I couldn't figure him out from those massive crowd gathered around him ... High authorities, army chiefs, police personals, ministers and the other royal family members were there to present their extra ordinary greetings to him. (To the readers, the maccare of the royal family took place in the palace itself June Friday night on 1 st 2001- the prince himself had been accused for the muder of all the family and himself). I was excited unless the show started. There were dances, parades ... acrobatics and some motorbike shows ... They did it all well. I greatly enjoyed. It was already getting dark when the show was coming closer to the end. At the end of the show there were some fire works ... it read as the long life for the queens 48th birthday.

It was already seven in the evening when we got back into our truck to get back to our school. The school bus which was carrying the rest of the others, was far behind. When I turned back to see I did see it for sometime but later I found we had already came to far. In about ten minutes we came across a city hall. With large number of people streaming out of the city hall indicated that thje show had just been over ... the street was so covered, I could see my friends would manages to see some pretty faces even through the dark. But the way they spoke to them wasn't polite... But I was not to make any comments. Coz I did enjoy it though I didn't participate.

Then, we came across the airport. The lights lit were really bright and intense. With so many of them it looked beautiful. I watched it till the moment they were in my sight before they finally dissapered again behind the lond trances of building.

After sometime we were out of the valley, then ... I could feel more silence... there were less trafic and very few people in the street. And the houses there were not so intense. Riding out in dark, now I could feel the cool breeze on my face, as I was taking the very front place. It blow of my hair and some times the small insects and files would come and strike on my face which would give a different feeling to me ... it was something that I always felt great about nature. It's so many times it has wakened me up. It has come out for me to make me experience the vividness of the real life no matter even if it's the bright sun to lit up with the warmth in those freezing cold winter of the heavy thunderstorm in the hot sunny days. Whoever so had made all this had made it ... after all should have been a good planner and a good architect.

In about an hour we came to school. It was about eight in the evening. I hadn't had anything since the mid-day ... nor did any of my friends. We were so hungry... so we rushed to the dining. It didn't take much ... we came out heavy with food before we walked to our hostel. After sometime, other of my roo mates came. As we were all tired of the day we didn't stay up long. It was about nine. When we turned off our light. Tommorow we had our classes again.

The third week of November, I was busy in the practical physics lab, a classmate of mine, handed a letter from my teacher from the last school. I was really surprised. It was not only strange to hear from him because it is almost certeain that usually teachers they do not write to the students.

After I had left that school it was the first time he was writing to me. And I was very proud for that he did write me back.

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7th Nov. 1997

Dear Yuba
Thanks for your letters I received yesterday as I went thru them my happiness grew no bounds. I felt a surge of happiness through out my veins! I am happy to know that you are fine there. I am also fine here. Accept our seasonal greetings and best wishes thru me and pass it through your old friends Bishnu, Prakash, Santosh (s), Rochan and others. I am willing to write Bishnu. Perhaps I will write tomorrow.
I know you are facing some problems there. These problems are natural. We face such problems during the adaptation to a newer environment. Altho police are hard and teaches are silent there, they may turn soft towards you in no time. Please! Don't worry about foodings. You'll have a habit very soon. You had better mind your study. Is study not better there? Perhaps it's better!
People say that 10+2 is 7 times difficult than SLC It may be true. Labor 7 times more than you used to do it here. You will surely succeed in future. You'll of course hand your aim you had dreamt with me.
I am busy here. You know that we have to busy with the SLC students. We are hopeful on Rajendra Aryal. It may be a castle in the air! Let's see what happens. Nobody knows the future!
I have nothing to write anymore. So, I want to stop now and I'll write again. I am looking forward to hear from you very soon

Ever Yours
Som Rimal
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The same week I also got the letter from my friend of my last school narjan, it was his second letter.

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5th Nov '97

Dear Yubraj

How are my dear, loveliest friend studying there. Hey men do study hard. This is your day and these two years if you toil hard; you will get to spend in a more pleasurable way. Don't take this step casually neither you all will be fooled by your prude education.
Dear bro, study hard this is my suggestion to you. Studying in such a nice school means bright future but to obtain that one should know to toil hard. You have hostel environment not as ours spending life lavishly playing except doing homeworks if they are given. Neither, neither...
How about Kushal, bishnu dear santosh Prakash, Niroj, Rochan, Yogen (bro!) and ...(oh it's Raju) who is this unfortunate guy whose name I forgot. Please convey my hi and hellow to these fellows along with this one chap. Say to these and to the girl followers, keep away from them as it is not the proper way you select studying science. We often play football, volleyball and sometimes basketball during the interval. You know these junior 10,9,8 students show pose to us. I don't know one day I'll happen to create mishap to these 'posee' boys if I come across. We have good terms with 12 boys and even girls. They are frank enough.
There's not many to write. Convey my good wishes for the coming Christmas and happy new year 1998 to your board 4th. Sandip (is it right) all the boys of pokhara, all your class mates and the girls (if am I right is there 'SA" girls names)
Write to me soon. Bye as my ink says so!
Ever Yours Bro And well wisher friend
Narjan

Your Guitar is well... Love
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Well, it was one of those winter days, that noon after our lunch, Me and my friend Kush; we were down below the terrace. The sun high in the sky was giving the wamth against the chill cold wind that was hitting hard our face. I was lying down in the ground trying to take a very short sleep; where as my two friends, janak and Kush, sitting next to me were taking to each other. Just that there was a terrible shout and a big gathering in very short time.

It wasn't even far from from us ...just about twenty metres, right infront of the class building of the seniors. We were down the terrace so we couldn't see unless we got to that place. When we reached we saw few senior brothers were carrying the School captain to the Medical hall. From other friends we heard one of their friends had him on his head with a piece of broken brick from the back for the little dispute he had among themselves. As soon as he struck the captain, the captain fell off to the ground, he lay with his head was covered with blood before his friends carried him away.

It is almost a reality, when people of similar kind live together in same place... there will be many groups. It was almost a legend to me there were often big fights against these groups, the times when things didn't work between them.

Though things didn't happen with us but before us, I had heard there were two main groups that existed...and it was from the juniors of the primary school to the most seniors and it was to be that one had to support one of them, else it would even be worse and no help would be given when needed. And it was a sort of tradition that these groups often had big fights even in a very trival things. It was stange that Gurus, would know it at any cost . They would be punished so hard that sometimes they were severly kicked and punched ... the marks on their faces lasted for many weeks and sometimes even moths but still there used to be fights. No one had ever stopped it.

It was also that we also had groups but not two, we had many... it was from two to eight, nine or even ten. We really didn't fight each other perhaps it was because we ignored each others..only talked for the things that were necessary. Two weeks later, it was the late noon after class. It was raining outside and I was taking to my room mates, about my friend Shama with the things she had told me. That morning after our practical I was taking to her and that time she had told me she didn't favour one of my friend. And It was Yogen who she had mean. I was just kidding I suddenly unknowingly I happened to tell it to my friends. But I didn't tell the person who she meant. My friends pushed me the most to tell it ..but I didn't.. Before making it the matter of much concern, I told them I was just making fun and it wasn't true and left the room.

So, I left the room and came out on the lawn of the hostel. It had rained that afternoon, but now the rain was over ... I was surprised, I could see the snow on the top of the hill. It looked incredible. Some of my friends were also there talking about it . I joined them and we kept talking about it till it started getting dark.

Next day, after my practical class, I was coming back to put the signed sheets back to my desk. One of my friend Kushal, he was sitting back of my sit ...(he often took the place) reapeated the same question that I had a bit of the disscussion just a day before that I had with other of my room mates. He asked me to tell me who the person was? I didn't answer him rather told him I was just kidding so asked him to forget about it. Moreover, he told that last night all other old friends of mine had talked about it and had draw a lottery among thamselves. The person who got it would be the person that my friend shama should have disliked and he had to talk to her about it . It was santosh shrestha who got it . I was told that he had tried to talk to her about it but she didn't understand. I was totally shocked hearing all this. I didn't believe it for all that my old friends had done. For this, we had some arguments, and he kicked me. I did same as before I came out of the class.

After our class was over, that evening, I was in my room, studying in my room . Then he came and asked me that he had something to talk to me. We had been friends since we were very young. We had spend a decade together, shared everything for that many years. We read in same class, slept in the same room.... I knew I had known him better through these many years. We were more than friends ...more like a brother.. that we had been for these many years. And a old friend, perhaps it's the greatest treasure to every human, and small quarrel that we had was nothing at all that would abrupt the relation that we had. I thoughts things were over and we are again the same good friends.

Hearing his call, I closed my books and walked with him. He took me to the Bathroom and closed the door but didn't look it. I was totally shocked how immediately he changed his voice and his mind. He put of his glasses and placed them on the corner and took his belt out. He made the first charge. We had a fight. I don't know how long was it and what happened... after sometime other friends heard it and they came to made us apart. They took me to my room but he was still there. From the door I saw, he freed himself from others, he was shouting like a mad man. Everyone were gathering around him and looking at him in a strange way. He was walking forth and back smaching all the electric switches that were near by.

Soon all my friends came after the play and they asked me for the reason. I told them everthing. That evening, after our meal we all friends of the last school gathered in his room and we talked. I was lucky, they told I was innocent and accused him,..They asked him to fight to them first if he thinks of fighting to me again. I was delighted for all others of my friends for their kindness but there was something that obssessed me for severeal weeks and months.A friend, who I believed and loved, deceived me for just a simple reason. I felt sorry for him... for that he didn't lose only that I had for him for that many years but he nearly lost other friends too.

The next day, He was again sitting behind he in the class. I didn't understand what was he still looking for. I was worried and feared so, I decided to talk to my friend santosh that I don't want him sitting close to me anymore else I would talk to the priciple and if it didn't work then would rather leave the school.

Santosh helped me taking to him. Later he came with the news, he told them that he wouldn't show himself around me anymore. I was happy to hear it. It was good that he kept his words and I could stay up well again with no more fear or anxious.

In was beginning of December, eveyone was busy with sports. Several teams were made according to grades and sections for different games and sports. I didn't take part in any. Our class, we were good in football, we own the seniors and also the section B of class eleven. But we lost in all others. When It was over we were asked to stay for three more days.

The other events like long jump, Javelin throw, Shot put and different races were performed. On the King's 53 birthday, 31th of Dec, we had the sports day.There, we arrived in the play ground with our school uniform almost at the noon. We, I mean Kush and me, took our place beneath the trees at the corner which was about 15 meters above the ground. From there we could see most of the things. We curiously watched the gils in Saries. It was only the day, that the girls were made to put Sari, grey in color in which the two white lines about, clearly distinctive ran closer across the length. They looked specular in it.. I liked it...specially my classmates. All the girls from our eleven and twelve worked as the volunter there, they welcommed the senior police officers and also the chief who had inagurated the function. That day the finals of most of the events were performed.Then there was prize distribution for the winners and also for some teachers and staffs.

After the program was over, me and Kush we went the hostel, packed our things. We got ready for the winter vacation we had for the next two weeks. Soon his brother came and we went to the hostel warden to sign out "Gate pass" . My feeling, they were so strong. I was ao anxious to see my family, my mother and everyone. The only thing that was in my mind was to get home.
It's always a very different feeling to live in hostel. When you have to live with your own. Things always don't turn the way we think. Life always seems it had been caught up in some sort of cage and about freedom and wishes, no way, that we ever feel its existance. We will just feel a force that drive us and the life stirs along with it.

Two weeks vacation ... it was good getting back home even for that two weeks. I could feel the freedom. I could feel the real love as everybody had so much to give to me, to talk to me for so many things they had and they had been waiting for until my arrival. Moreover, I need not think of classes, no more about my books and my studies, though it did mean only for a couple of week but it did matter to me a lot. And I felt it's real worth.

So many times it had made me feel and very often made me think. It's many times we don't realise love for the things when they are around us. We never realise, how importace it is unless we really miss it or we know we are losing it. Everybody cared me and loved me perhaps it was because I had always lived away from them. If I would have been together I knew things wouldn't have had been the same way. There is certainly bond, the unbreakable bond between us but still it was stronger because we had been living with a distance. I knew we wouldn't have felt it, this stronger if we had been living together.

Well, it didn't take long to notice that it has been the time I had to go back to school. After two weeks of great days in winter, I was again back to my school. Sunday, second week of Jan. classes intiated... I got started with my schedule of school routine. In a week, we easily got used to it.

The same week, Friday late afternoon, a friend brough a letter from narjan. He wrote:

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16th Dec. '97

Dear Yubraj
A lot of remembrance from this poor and sad friend of yours. I received your letter all the others too. from Santosh too and the latest with enclosed photo in it. Tears nearly fell from my eyes to hear good news of you and all other my dear friends. You know mw quite well though you fail to know me To this day with gods grant I am quite o.k. I pray the same to you all, not the thing with me.
Dear Uraj, you know I had hardly time to write to you. I take out time but that is spent lavishly .you told about your result .Congratulations for that and try for better result. Convey my congratulations to Santosh and Kushal. Convey my poor affection to all the guys from Pokhara. My heart yearns to come and meet you all there but you know I don't have holidays. Please do better in coming days as for me I am lacking day by day though you dream had come true.
My lovely Friend Uraj, no one know none's heart in my sense, not even the psychologist may be you've know me surfacially but I assume you know nothing about me Please don't write letters in others name as it pierces me through my heart and mind .I love you all fellows. My love also yearns to see you all. These letters though they bring news about my lovely friends but they make my heart cry thinking about our friendly cooperation's in the days gone.
You might be surprised to hear that the girl had spoken to me. She received your letter and asked me if I knew you and told\suggested me that you've asked me to write to you.
We don't have holidays when you have I had phoned to your brother and knew that you're coming on 15th. Hope this letter reaches to you before than that.
What to write my friend, I don't have like your sweet news. I am panic of all those who are _________ though I try to become _____________ but I can't my bro! Life is a pendulum between tears and happiness but to me it's tears. I cannot do what I wish because I am depressed.
At last convey my warm regards to all those friends there and the person enclosed in your photo .Convey my best regards to Santosh , Prakash ,Raju Kushal, Niroj, Rochan,Yogen, Bishnu.
Happy new year to you all
Good bye
With love
Yours
Narjan G.

Hope we are also playing football in galaxy Cup
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For long time, there had been a rumour in our class going tour to darjeeling, India... But it had only been a legend. The school admistration had never shown any interest about time. But 30th, of Jan, the Matryers day, we had holiday anyway, they decided to take us out for a day for the picnic.

Morning, it was about seven, after the breakfast we had gathered infornt of the medical hall, just right above terrace of our class building. The day was clear and the sun was slowly rising up in the sky. It was a sort of strange feeling to me to see a difference in us. We were all pretending to look good in the most possible way, with pretty dresses, perhaps it was the essence of our youth, and the adolecent dreams we had. But something more was making me to think. We were definetely trying to look better, but I felt a sort of a crush when I realised it had form a sort of contrast in between us. It was reveiling our standards of our living, the status we possess. As we were friends, good friends, indeed but only the thing that differentiated us was that we didn't belong to the same category. There were many who were from very good families, businessman or belonging to senoir officers of police force or other kinds. So, there were friends who who were very fancy with splendid dresses and also there were many that fashonable. It did make me think, but there was no way other than to ignore it for that day and make it just an exception. Perhaps it was the reason why everybody didn't take part but still, I could say Almost everyone did. In total, we were ninty-two.

Even with all this, I knew it was not only that I felt, but it should have been the thing that too many of the others should have cared for it. But still .. the glimpse of smile in everyone face and and the excitiment they had, very distinctive in their behaviour was should have been satisfied them. It was about eight in the morning, I felt something strange… well, every of my friends turned there faces to a direction. I was surprised and astronised. The girls were walking down their hostel building in their magnificent dresses. I too for the time being keep wandering them. It was astronising beauty they poised. I felt it a sort of an outbrust of the hidden glamour they possessed. Indeed, they were beautiful I realised. As we walked down to the office building along with them, there had already been two buses to take us to the respective spot. One of them was our school bus, it was meant for the teachers and the girls though, remaining seats were taken by our friends. But me and for my friend Kush, we decided for the big bus. Finally we took the seat together and in some time we were away from our school heading towards east along the "Areniko Highway".

The seats in the bus had not been enough for all of us and inside, in the bus, it was so crowded so, some of them decided to climb on the roof of the bus. I thought for a while, then we too decided to go to the top. Finally there were only few inside the bus and most of us on the top. The sun was already high in the sky and was bright, I could feel the some heat inside when we showed up in the sun where as it was cold again, when the high hills hid away the sun. It is always a very different feeling being together for some occasions like this. On the roof of the bus, there we had guitar, one of the friend was playing it ... where as almost all of the others were singing together like a choir no matter they didn't care for how they sounded... They were totally overwhelmed with the feelings. I too noticed, some of my friends did make some joints, and smoked all the way. They told it gave them an extra energy. I was surprised to see the way they had been inspired to do so. Though, I only kept watching at them with a silence ...but still I seeked a great pleasure seeing them they way they were doing. As, we came by ...we came across clear water river with clean riverside and natural flowing through the georges in between the giant grey hills, which, after the winter were waiting for some rain to bring them new green leaves in the spring. The scenerio all around was absolutely incredible. Coming through the good roads, which were recently rebuilt. Then also bumping through the rough roads that had nearly made us fall, after about fourty miles, it was almost one in the noon, when we reached close to the respective spot, Lameshangu, a riverside place in the beautiful location on the bottom of the hill. Then we came out from, walked to the south, there was a small Suspension bridge for the villagers to get to the next side of the river. As we walked down the dusty street, I twiged out some notes of the guitar, that I was carrying with me until we reached the spot. I was already getting hungry and was worried about it but I was surprised, there was a sort of snacks that had already been made for us by our school kitchen cooks even before we had arrived. It was bitten rice with some goat meat fried with it. I was hungry so I took it. But I couldn't eat it all because it was too greazy with too much of fat. Well, soon after the light mean, everybody took there way. I didn't know where my friend kush had gone. In the beginging looking for him I walked down to the riverside, as there had already been some of my friends earlier than me. There I could see no sign of him. Then I decided for fishing small fishes which I initialyy thought I would get them. But even with my best I didn't see even one. Desperetly I came back.

When I was back I was surprised, there had been a gathering of some boys and girls- boths, but not all of them. Well, two or three of them were taking their turn, and dancing, in a couple in a sort of Hindu music, from the stereo that they had carried all the way from the school. Everyone there seemed enjoying there. Just then I saw, our physics teacher, Pushpa, he was behind me. There were also some other teachers a bit farther. So, then I went closer to him and started a talk. Soon the teachers also finished their meal and they decided to make their way and we, two of us, we climbed about 50 meters right the top and took our way. On the way we talked about that magnificient place, and also few things about ourselves. Well, he had joined our school as the lecturer, after few months of our arrival. I was never that good for any teachers to make notice in me, but I didn't know the reason why Pushpa sir had some favor for me. During his prior physics lecture, when he was new. He had hit a piece of chalk over to me and had asked me to listen to him, I just looked at him once but didn't defend and after some time he even asked me to leave the class. That day I din't tell anything to him... I just lowered my eyes and heard him. But I felt strange, it didn't take much time when his feelings to me turned all the way around. I was not very good with studies for that he would know me as the best students as most of all the teachers would do. And in sometime I was delighted with his feeling as often he did asked to me if I did understand his lecture or not. That was a great surprise but more this ... a great happiness to find someone who would care a humble guy for no reason. Later the next year, when he stated living in our hostel to help us with our studies, we were often together, leaving the hostel. We would talk all the way and I was always proud being with him. Well, As we came pass by, about twenty meters below we saw the worn out heavy machines, great many as ten including, bulldozers and drillers which seemed to have been abandoned after the completion of the contruction of that project. We then came across a small, significent pool, a water reserviour, for the hydroelectric project. As we came further, we saw the workers there, they were busy playing cards and a guard with an old Rifle on his shoulder was standing close to them.. As we came closer we asked them the way to get down, all of them looked at us for sometime and showed us the way before they again engaged in the game. In a short while, we came at the bridge where the dam was located. There, the three tunnels carried the water to the turbine to produce the electicity about 30 KiloWatts. Surprisingly I met my friend Kush there, and from there we came back. On the way there was a small hill about hundred meters in height, we, both of us climbed the top. Well, it was amazing, we could see everything from there. Looking around I got something else stunned me. Well, I saw a pair, totally isolated had been busy with their own way. They were both, from our class. And straight away, I predicted it was no other than Amru. Well, I should it to kush but then we walked back.

The dacing had not been over yet. We, too came and kept watching them for some time until it was four, time for the meal. In the meantime we had rice, especially cooked and then fried along with the meat. We were each given a drink, frooti. We had it till we were full. After, the meal, then again singing and dancing continued.

I was surprised, the principal also got into it ... Well I do appeciate him for he did make a lot of fun for himself and everyone though I understand it shouldn't had been that easy for him to dance with his big belly. Meanwhile, some other teachers and also the Camp commandent didn't hesitate to dance. The one reason they did could be that they were partly drunk. But still they all did it and it was great. Then we were told to get ready to move back to school. It didn't take much before we moved. Well, coming back to school, I took the seat in the back of small truck, with the kitchen staffs with their cooking stuff. However, a classmate, Rupesh, was also there. I was very happy for not being in crowd... that moment.
It was about eight in the evening when we reached the school.

The 7th of Feb 1998, in the assessbly, the principal of our school gave a sad news a junior brother Kishan, in the class eighth had hung himself in the kicthen of his uncle. He delivered a short speech about his death, it was a great shock to see the principle, his voice was grave and he had his eyes filled with tears. He announced a day, holiday in the memory of him.

Hearing the news, we left the place in disgust. While returning back to our hostel.. we saw the junoir brothers shouting from their hostel lawn. We stop, and it no time they came rushing down to us. Then they told us the story.

According them, while returing back from home, the gurus had caught him with some packets of chewing tobaccos in his bag. They had punished him severe and finally had asked him to come with his parents. He was the only son of his parents, though had a sister. Fearing, from his step mother at home, instead had gone to maternal uncle and had lived lived with them for few days before he hung himself in the kitchen when they were away. His friends told he was a simple and a very cool guy and things that happened became irressistable and it had committed him for the sucide. Moreover, they told us that the school admistration, to free from the charge, had disproved his arrival at the school. Finally they urged us for help, as we were one of the most seniors in the school. It was enough for us ... It was soon everyone knew the story and from there we headed to the principle's office instead of making our way to hostel. In a short while there was huge crowd infront of the office. We then were accompained by our senior brothers. Everyone there accused the principle, and the admistration, along with the gurus for the death of the boy. Everyone told he was the murdererand it was his strict rules and his severe punishments had become the reason for the boys death .

Many times the principle came out in the crowd and told that he was not liable for it. He was not responsible for the death. And He told, the boy had never been in the school after he left home. But if he had done mistakes then no way he must be punished. This saying of his brought much of aggresion in the crowd that they had nearly pulled him in the crowd to hit him and throw stones on him. The discussion went for long and long but he didn't change his mind. He didn't accept defeat. I didn't do much but I attended the support for what all my friends were wishing for. The crowd made the greatest effort to acknowledge the principal, his mistakes but no way he did, it ... Finally the crowd was tired, and couldn't afford to stay longer for it, as the mid day had already been over... but still we hadn't had the lunch. There was no other way. We had to give up. And it ended up in total despereation.

Friday, first week of feb, just as every third weekend, most of my friends had gone to their homes. That day, after our school, Kush and me, we decided to go for a look at the fesitval, in a small town, Panauti near by to our school. The festival took place in the center of the town, for a month and in every twelves years. We had been noticing, it was the busiest time ever. We could see so many buses would carry people, even the roof would usually be full with people.

It was about a half an hours bus ride from our school. It was about four in the evening when we reached there. In reality, I was never interrested in losing myself in big crowds. Usually it would have been a hard time for me. As, we walked around, we saw ... there were so many temporary shops made by the indian businessman on the both sides of the muddy street. There were some places covered with tent for the circus. I just kept looking for one after another in a strange way as I had never been to any sort like this.

My friend Kush, just walked along with me and it was so good of him that, all the way he only led me to decide for the things to do. We started up wondering along the riverside... there the way was paved with stones but the river, the water was so black and looked very contaminated. But I felt strange, people they were walking down into it and diping themselves into it, to get salvation, to get rid of the sin washing away by the holy water of that river. About twenty meters down from the place we came to the edge where the two rivers met. At the end there on the river place there was the Ghat, the place for burining dead bodies.

Though, with the passage of time, my beliefs for god had been blurred and it was that I never again thought gods would ever exist in temples or in statues. I had the only belief, that it's the heart of the poor people we should fancy them, with love and delights not to go craze that never existed. But still I didn't give up watching the corners of the temples. The wooden carvings on the layout of the roof were beautifully designed. I believed they got to be the perfect hands whosoever had made them.

After then we retuned back from where we had begun, but this time we moved to the next direction, the moved towards the hill in the east. It was steep ...and it started from the bottom of the river. From the people we learnt that there were about thousand steps. As we climbed ... we came across the old couples, we were surprised to see they had been carrying some water in their couple hands to take it to the top. So, this was the reason their paces were even slower.

When we reached top, there was a man, priest, in a very dark room, with no windows, there was only a electric bulb hung below for light. There were many people to see him. I hardly managed to see him once before I walked away from that place. From a man there, who had been living close by place, down in the town told that he was know as Standing Baba, who had never sit for the last sixteen years.

"There were times, his feet often bleeded but with time his wounds healed" he told us with confidence. Moreover, he told us that the man was well educated and had got some degree but he didn't know why he had decided to became a shadhu. Looking around I liked the place... rather than cause of catching up with any religious influences.There were so many trees and most of them pines, which were green through out the year. I liked it the most. After then, it didn't take much coming down the hill.

As we were trying to get back, I glaced at the sound, blowing of the sea- shell. From between the crowd, I was a long line of people hanging a long white sheet of cloth with their stcks passed by, then people carrying the dead body, covered in redish brown cloth walked after them... Finally, people carrying the long wooden lod followed them. It was the dead body being carried away to burn in ghat. "Death is the only gateway for birth," I recalled looking at. I know it's a sad thing but the reality that could never be ignored.

After tea in a small shop, we decided to leave. We had to be back to school before it got too late. It was already about six in the evening. The bus there was about to leave. Then, we decided to climb on the roof. When I climbed and turned around, I saw he was already gone. I looked around but didn't see him. As I was about to come down. He came. He was puffing out smoke from his mouth. I was surprised to see that. Even more, to surprised him, though I was not used to smoking, but I seized his cigeratte and puffed the smoke from the nose, just as the real smokers could do. But I couldn't even finish it up in right way. Heavy cough lasted for many minutes, but my friend just stayed laughing at me until I recovered. Then I realised what I had done.

Just before we left, two of our classmates, we saw Bidur and Pragyan. They too joined us. All the way back, it was intresting hearing the tragic lovestory of Bidhur, the girlfriend who had departed from his place and had moved to a different town. Before, we dropped at school, I told him, If I was capable, I would have made a movie with his story. He cheered when I told him that. Finally, Kush and me we dropped to get back to the school where as they preceeded their journey to the Capital, to their homes, in the valley.

The third week of Feb, there was again a letter from Narjan.

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26th Jan '98

Hi Yubraj,
Hello, how are you?
I am fine and wish you the same. I am sorry for being unable to fulfill your desire to climb that hill. Please don't break your heart. Well surely do that.
How about other guys .say my hi and hello to all Santosh Grg, Santosh Shres, Kushal Grg, Prakash Grg, Prakesh Shres, Yogen Thakali, Rochan (Renu), Bishnu, Raju and Niroj. Convey my best wishes for New Year.My great love to you all .
Our second term has terminated. I did my best to obtain better but my mind failed or cracked over triffling matter. I don't know I will get better result or not .I am waiting for that. I'll surely write about it.
What's your result? You chummy girls. Never hang behind girls. They are trouble. Hey Yubraj do hard. Santosh you increase your way of speech, Yogen and all you co-operate each other. Bishnu don't be too serious o.k & this Rochan why are you after girls. We are never after girls. Girls should be after us.
Kushal, you do hard, don't keep your mind tingling or lutering (Prakash)2 what to say to you .One is motu and other is ............. Please don't get irritated. Santosh (Kui) what are you doing. Don't you show your Sadak Muscles. Raju and Niroj.
I visited school that same poor old school where we all were great friends, friends of sorrow, happiness, tears and laughter. Friends of needs. Except for new building, water supply tank there's no change I found very disorder.
My present school is very orderly than our past. I feel very sad as I had gone with some of my friends.
Hey Yubraj, I may come and visit you all, if I have holiday. You all study hard O.K.
Your's Ever friend
Navir Jung Grg

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In hostel, sometimes life it gets amazing. We don't think of doing for that we are meant to or that we can do. Usually boys prefer to do things that have greater restrictions. Perhaps I won't be wrong to tell most guys would love to smoke or drink or sneak to the near by village to steal corns in the end of summer days or sometimes chicken and make some party among themselves. I know it sounds stnage when I talk about all this but the pleasure we get after doing all this together, it has it's own meaning, it's own definition and it's own importance for it's existance. And I don't find wrong with their doings. Certainly there were only few of those that could be numbered in fingers who wouldn't do it. And out of those I was also one of them who didn't prefer getting myself engaged with it but I greatly had pleasure to hear everyday story that came from the boys. I greatly enjoyed it.

One evening I was surprised most of my roommates, were missing. Except me it was Krishna was the one who was in the room. After the supper almost others were already inside the hostel.
It was closer that the time was coming for the evening count by the wardens. But still my friends were still missing. Now I was anxious and worried about them because the warden would ask me first about them if they didn't find them in the room as I was not only their roommate but I was their old friend. Then what was I supposed to tell to them? There was nothing in my mind, nothing at all. So, was I getting down with my nerves, slowly loosing my control ... and my patience.

Just before sometime, the warden was supposed to come, they appeared in the room. I was so surprised to see them, the way, they looked, their appearences, they had been terribly dirty, with the mud. They seemed so drunk so I thought, they should have fallen in the ground so many times and should have crawled through most of their way.

I was worried, most of the time they were laughing and I seemed for that the problem was very soon to come. I was sure for their would be problem when the wardens would come to look for us in our room. From the door I kept watching for the wardens. I told the friends to change their wear and get books for them infront of them in their bed. It was not so easy to make them do all that, though they did it. Finally, just sometime before the warden was to our room, I made my friends alert about the warden coming and finally I too took my seat. As the warden came, he quitely looked into our room for our presence and then moved to the next room. He didn't get them, so, were they were lucky for that day.

After then, I asked them about all the day.

It was not long after it ... One day I was back to the hostel after dinner. Usually I was one of those who went to the dining after all had moved away. Many times it was that many of them would already be back to their room where as I would be on my way to it. The main reason for it was I hated being in line. But I don't want to mean that I had never been in it. I had been in it but would always avoid to bee in it. And also I hated the mess with the crowd. Last nine years had made it enough.

Well, that evening I was in my room taking to my room mates. Just than we heard the big sound. Sans, he was taking out the gurus bike ... in a position to ride it in such a small corridor. And he did it. The sound it was so big and horrible. He went to and forth, the way was clear for him and everyone came out to see it from the door of their room. It was only the head they were taking out from the door. Everybody had their body inside. It was good watching it but if the gurus knew ... it would be the greatest trouble for him and only the thing it was only the thing I had feared with. But it wasd good, after a couple of times riding to and forth he kept the bike back to it placed and everybody returned to their work.

Later next week, it was almost the similar evening, when some strange noise came from the room right opposite to ours. We all came to the door. Almost every one was know to it. The kaman singh had made two of the friends, yubraj (my mitju) and raju crawl in the knees and elbow within the corridor. He was kicking them on their back and from the under, unable to restain his blow they fell off from their positions, losing their control with all their defences failing to resist it. The guys should have felt it horrible. Everyone watched it but not a word was spoken. Later I cme to know, he had caught them smoking in the bathroom before they had left for the dinner from the hostel the same evening.

The 1st of April, there was something I was wishing for the day. And it was something that I was getting it only in my mind but never did I tell it to any one. Perhaps... "Romances should always be secret" something I believed in. That morning, I left the hostel early. Before the assembly, I sorted out there was no one in the class rooom except the girls. Then I went straight to Amru and handed the letter to her mentioning it was for her. But they made me stupid instead, they told it was the "Fools Day" and they could never be fooled. But inside it ...there was something I was writing in it not very special but something passonate. "Words" A love song of the boyzone. It was nothing big... only just a surge of the passion.

Taking about her... it was true I did liked her, one of the reason for it was she was no any sort of much show off. Indeed she was simple among the rest. And of course, she was beautiful. Even during the initial days, there were times when I tried to get into her. Santosh he didn't like my way the feelings I had about her. He told me...
" You shit head don't overflow yourself that way. It doesn't cost for them."
" It's a very good advice for me ' I had told him with the laughter. "But damn do you think I would listen to you." I would tell him. He wouldn't like to talk to me about it again. Nomatter, how would the thing as come and what the future would tell but still I had my own happiness and satisfaction in getting with it. Just to take a part to make a way if it favored else it didn't matter because life ...it's just a course and there is nothing permament... to remain or last forever. Everyone has to go on with their own way come across different person with different realities and miracles or mysteries and get to the end... With time, place and the situation everything chages ... So, there is nothing that is at rest ... everything is going on ... and only the thing perhaps is ... we play our part right on same stage where we are only the actors. Well, the same week Narjan wrote me for the next time.

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3rd March '98

Dear Yubraj

Thanks for your letter. How are you passing your days. I hope you are passing enjoyably with old friends . Mine too are passing with every tastes, sad, happy, bitter. There's no new news except the remembrance of your and pokhreli friends I got your both letters though I have only sent one. I am quite sorry for that.
Hope you are all studying well but I am sorry to hear about my friends poor performance. Please don't loiter your mind and concentrate on studies though the same with me. My % was quite less than before about 75% though I got first in the class. This result isn't satisfactory to me. I am trying hard leaving all the time I used to waste loitering, chating with friends but it is quite different to do that I feel.
Nothing new, all are same. I haven't met any old friends except daksha that was also in the open concert at Bashushara park organized by Namaste band as the occasion of maha shivaratri in ktm also. The concert was quite enjoying, jumping, dancing, singing, chasing of police. Oh! Really enjoyable and thriller. It was even more enjyable to throw the bottles, paches here and there in the sky. We nearly had a fight. One of the police in civil hit our friend, then one of my friend charged him with stone on the face but that fellow didn't know who hit it. Cob webs performance heavy metal was quite good. that vocalist is quite talent. Yeh! I am sorry I haven't taken your guitar yet. You were complaining about that in your last letter. I tried to take on the same day but we returned quite late i.e it was dark so we returned home. I'll take this Saturday.daksha has also brought nice guitar from Silguri as he had gone Kakarvitta for under-16 football tournament. Have you given farewell party to 12? We are planning to do so as 9 has already given to 10.
How about other charming Pokhareli guys? Hie hello to you all crazy and nuts and bad. But don't become true to this name my dear guys . We are friends, friendship should last forever, cooperate and try to keep one another in right track. Yeh! Yogen you asked about pretty girls. Now it's khadheri lagecha sab bhidahi bhayera tyo ke ganre haina bro tara: remember never go behind gals. It's your time to study. Then later many hang around you.
I am sad to hear the news about suicide. May god give peace to his soul. Ya kushal had come in shivaratri and send message to me with my friend durga.
Though I miss you all, there are faces similar to our old friends. There is nawaraj, Bikash , Arjun, Anand, Raju Sujan Durga, Rochan. These guys are similar to ours in name and character. This Bikash has face (not same )name like that of santosh not exact and handwriting purely of Bikash. I have nicknamed same as in our school says. Bikash Dumba, Anand Bandar, Arjun hape, Durga Bahula wa Bhale, Though I found many friends but I greatly miss you all chummy guys.
Give my warm regards and chum hello and smile to all. If you all are reading then chou to you all guys. Convey my regards to sandeep and ravi.
With luv
Ever Yours brother and friend
Narjan Grg
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Two weeks later, one of the tranfer of one of our warden was confirmed. It was Joshi guru who was to te transferred to one of those checkpoint at the border of Nepal and India in the south.
The last night before he left, we made a fare well program.

Beforehand we had collected a small some of money to buy him a present. No matter what he was, and how he was ... but before he left ... we last words he spoke to us. It really touched me. He was never that bad but his speech it was really so affectionate I had never believed he would any one like him would ever speak being so low and asking for apology for any of his undesired mistake.

Everyone was delighted with his words and sad for that that he was leaving.

The same week there was the next warden, Shanker guru, who had reentered the school after a year. Later we called him "Sacre" to make it easy. I was a sort of anxious and excited to see him. Everybody was only talking about him and his strictness. He had his own rules and his punishments, and it was what everone did fear with. No one ever dared to talk against him. The first day in the hostel, that evening we were in hostel after our meal when we were called to attend his speech in the end of the corridor near the steps that led to the second floor. He was blad man with a sort of of round face and big forhead. He had strong accent of the force and very coarse voice that would make no confusion in what everyone had been taking about. That moment I had no doubt that he could be the toughtest man I wopuld have ever come across to.
Well, when he begin his speech, the crowd came to the total silence, than that I had ever believed. No one spoke a word when he talked. Mostly he talked about himself, for what he was and that we would do to us for the mistakes and told us to know more about him from the brothers. He went on for half of an hour, before he let us free.

The last week of April, we had the sent up exam. After then we would have no regular classes for about three weeks. We would be allowed to stay in hostel and prepare ourselves for the papers of the final exam from the Board of Examination of the Higher Secondary School.

After the sent up, things turned up different. When there would be no classes, then I started feeling days longer than the usual. But there was one thing I liked. We were allowed to maintain our routine. It was that we could still go later for our meal. Not that very late before they cleaned up the things but still some sort of late. No matter they would say... Don't make it late next time. But still they would accept it even if we made it the next day.

Guys they would make their own way to study. It might be a surprise to hear that most of they would leave the hostel to find or make a place for them in some part ... lonely or with few other friends. It was only few that would stay in the hostel. I was one of them that was always inside it and in my room though and it was almost usual that I would be alone in the room for hours without knowing where my room mates had been. But one of my good friend kush, he too would also be there in his room, just the way I was.

Usually it was our room, where the lights would go off, first in the evening. Most of my roomates would go to sleep earlier but it was some time I stayed up to mid night preparing the notes. My friends in my room would all be asleep efore I finally turned the light off. But sometimes Prakash of the Tiger would do the same while running through the exams. Sometimes they even stayed till one or two. And it was everytime that I would never get asleep unless they turned off the light. I was not used to sleeping in lights and it was always I suffered with when my friends sytayed up late than me.

But in other room there were friends who would only sleep for four or five hours a day. I couldn't even think of how they could do it. I always felt they would go crazy soon. But there was no sign of any discomfort in them. It had almost been their nature and they did had no problem with it.
There was an extraordinary routine. Since the beginning of the week we had been served with an extra meal in the evening. At about eight thirty or nine the kitchen staff would bring us tea in a Big Thermos carrying it by one of them on his back. Others would carry a sort of snacks. It was some sort of Cake or biscuits or the a packet of noodle uncooked. It was called as an "Night diet" to keep us awake till late in the evening.

It was no more than a week after, in the evening it happened that most of them would be only be waiting for the extra diet rather than getting through our books and notes to prepare for the final. When it was done, we wouldn't stay up late anyway. In reality it was only a sort of fun rather than what it had been for but still it was good. We did enjoy it.

Two, weeks later... that evening there was a sort of noise going on in the hostel. One of my roommate came with the news.The guys had disguised themselves in the black and scare the kitchen staff in the middle of the way who had brought all the stuff.They had called themselves the maoist. So, the staffs had run away leaving everything in the ground. Some had ran back the way some even climbed the tree and one of them was about to jump down the hill from the side of the road. It would have killed him else at least broken his bones.

That day we were served our diet later.... The guys who had disguised had carried away the snacks much of they could. So, it took time to get the things managed. When gurus knew about it they warned us about it but they didn't consider it much. Later, I came to know it was kanij and also Yogen, my roomate with some other classmates.

Time it didn't take much, one two and three, the days passed swiftly. And ahead of it we had the final from the Third week of May. When the day came, before that very night we were given our entrace card. Our Exams would start at seven in the morning, and the place was about three and half miles from our school. So, we left our hostel at six... then took the breakfast. Before we moved out in our school bus and in a One-ton truck for hundred of us.

Bus was always for the girls, but I prefered in the one-ton truck, which had no cover. But there was the metal bar all around except the back to tie the tent. But for this day it was open ...as it happened when they carried students in it. We would go on singing, or make pray the slogans with the god ... the temple we paassed by. To be specific I didn't do it but with all my friends did I enjoyed it a lot. So, was why I was with them and not in the bus. It was only ten minutes bus ride to the place. Then we came to the small town, an old town but not very big. Almost, all the houses made from the bricks. From the centre we turned left and in next fifty meters there was the school just on the left side of the road, a two storey building.

We stayed there for sometime. Most of the friends there were still turning the pages to see if there was still something they had missed or that they could remember. But for me was enough. I was just excited about the day and new feeling about the strange place. I was just wondering to the houses they way they were built ...so close narrow and tall. And with the people passing by, butchers carrying the recelty killed flesh of buff in the wheel borrow where as in the next side of it there were many coming to the temple, right back of us, to pray with a plate with some flowers and the colour. Especially women, they do it with great caution not to forget to perform every event that they had learnt to please the god. I too stared at two innocent small kids wriling around the bar fencing the temple, early that morning as the light was piercing with the greater intensity.

But as we entered from the entrace, there I saw few other buildings they were old though were four floors. But to the right end there was a new building. I heard it was a sort of a swiss governement that aided for the construcion of that morden building.
At ten minutes to seven we were allowed to enter the hall.

It was a sort of an average room for about fourty students. Well there was my number in the last seat. Behind me I saw a window. I opened. Through it I could see a part of the city with a sort of croweded building… but not very dense. In some moment, there was the next person who came and stood infront of me. In no time I understood, it was the person who would taking the next seat to me. In all, there were about twenty long desks and equal no of benches. It seemed as it had been meant for four people atleast. But in this case it was meant for two. Well, then I did let her in for her place. As I looked to her, with her broad face she had the specular look out of any of the girls in the class. It had quite extraordinary fitted her body and that had made her look beautiful.

Well then I could see, my friend yogen, two rows infront of me was looking back at her almost once every minute, until the bell rang and the paper was given by the guard. Now, I was certain for what she had been for boys. When we had the paper, after sometime I was certain, the girl next to me seemed to have problems. It was usual that English would never be easy for many. Though I wasn't the best but I was confident that I could do it good. I was taking my time, as it had been abundant. Seeing her, I was waiting for her to speak which she had not dared to. Me, I too could afford to ask her though I felt like I understood her situation. Then three of the long hours was over. Half of the full time she had stayed up without writing. I felt so sorry for no being able to help her. After then we drove back to school. There was good meal waiting for us ...good dish of chicken.

A day after it, we had the chemisty paper. After the exam something peculiar occurred. I was almost closer to the entrace gate there was a big crowd gathered on the second floor. Then I saw there was the big fight our boys had. But that moment I didn't understand with whom they had it. The big crowd there, were trying to smash a boys face. The blood rushed cold through my veins when I saw they nearly had thrown him out of the building ... perhaps resulting him with a broken head. It did take sometime before Gurus managed to rescue the boy.

After the fight was over. We were called to be in line, in front of the school building, close to the main entrace gate. The campcommandent of our school came forward and told us to be in line. After some time we were brought out in the similar manner, in a queue.When we came out from the gate I was surprised ... there was a huge crowd gathered and our vehicles were place in the middle of the road one after another. There were about six policeman in uniform who had cleared the way for us. I was totally astronised to see the way we had been guarded from the public. It was not usual for me. When we reached the school. We were again called to be in line. First of all, two of our wardens, Kamansingh and Sacre came forward and gave his speech. From his way I could feel the day had not been good and it was to bring some stiffness and difficulties to us. And also that I was so much worried and feared with the things the gurus might turn out and do to us.

Well, he didn't talk much, before he called the names of the two friends: Niroj and Yogen, both my very old mates. As they came to him he asked them to get to the side and bent to touch the gound with their both hand, then lift their butt before he gave both of them a terrible and a very cruel, harse wipe on it with a thin polythine-pipe of a length about a meter.
"Oh god," I prayed for them. I couldn't dare to see my friends being hit this way.
He stopped only some time before the priciple and the campcommandent of the school came out of their office to see and talk to us. It was the same thing they were taking. Nothing new from what I had seen or felt. We were accused for it. It was final. Later from my friends I came to know that the reason for that fight hadn't been so big. The guy from the other school had asked for the help with Rishav, the guy from our class which he had ignored. Later the boy had asked him why had he not helped him. He didn't tell more before he gave a blow on his face, an a reply. Seeing the conflict, other of my friends had joined him and charged, which would have resulted worse if it hadn't been stopped in time.

To avoid the probable conflict again, it was decided not to mix up the two schools together in a class during the exam. The last night before our last exam, we all were excited thinking about the holiday. After fours days after it we had practical exams for the three consecutive days before we could leave for the vation of one month. In the evening, we had been taking about the same thing in our room. Then suddenly there was a loud noise in the corridor. Everyone was coming out from their room and were moving towards the gurus. But no one was getting inside.After some time I knew from a friend, a bunch of guys, from the senior class had come down and hit kaman singh, one of our warden. I heard some of them had even used their belts.The matter was considered serious, unless the Mek guru, the seniors defended his boys had not been down to hit him. This was a sort of conflict between the gurus themselves. Because of him no further charges were made to his boys.

(The same year he got tranfered .....After few years after my school I heard ... Mek was killed in maoist ambush.) But during his stay there, the boys had always felt him right. He usually ignored what would happen in hostel. Sometimes he would let the boys go even if he caught someone smoking or some other restricted act in the hostel. For this, of his favour the seniors had always liked him. But sometime when he lost his temper, there would be no one to stop him from his act. He would slap hit or do anything he wanted to anyone who is infront of him. Once I saw he had hit some senior brothers infront of the lawn of high school building infront of those junior brothers.So, for this the seniors regarded him as a mad dog and were always scared of him.

Well, I had expected for the revenge for my friends though it had seemed likely on the final day but the police protection for us had been regular till the end so nothing bad happened in the exam center. But after our lunch, as we came back to our hostel... It was totally horrible scene. So, many boxes and bags had been broken. Well, when almost all of our friends came in, it was the total anguish in them. The senoir brothers had broken all our bags, boxes and stuff and taken all the things they wanted.

I looked for it they had taken my things. For the gods shake they hadn't done much damage to me, they had only taken my biology book from the Book case. Well, I had never believed that it would ever happen so, had I simply kept the key of my suitcase right infront, in my bed where I usually kept my books and stuff. It was small and the place wasn't secure so, perhaps they should have neglected it. But for my friends it was horrible. They had broken almost every boxes who had kept their keys underneath their bed. They had taken always all their money, good cloths and also a gold chain of one friend.

The exam was over and it was the moment to cheer but instead everyone was in total angush. It was no longer then, the window glasses were smashed. One, two then three, one after another they smashed. And it was not only of our floor. They too did it in the upper, seniors floor. Some of them went to report to the wardens about it.

The problem had aroused because three weeks before the senoir had left for two weeks holiday after their final exam. It had just been few days they had returned for their practical exams in the lab. During their holiday when they had been to there homes, some of our friends had climbed to their rooms and taken away their books and things. After then when they came back. They did it to all of us and took the revenge. That was it.

Well, when the warden, Sacre, was told then he told us he would help us to talk to the senoirs and get our things back. But warned us for any irregular act rather to stay patience for it. After sometime when he came, he called us and asked us to pack up our things and leave the hostel immediately. We were surprised with his decision. He told him, it would be a problem to many of us from far distance to go home for just a couple of days and get back for the practical exam. After sometime the principle came and we too went to him with our ploblem. He too discarded our opinion. Instead he made his new decision. He posponded our practical exam for the next weeks. And it was final. In a hurry, we had to pack our things. We all gathered our luggages, boxes and suitcase in the gurus room, When everybody brought it there. The room was almost occupied. Things almost touched the ceiling.

At one, we finally left the school. Before we left Sacre, the warden, he again promised to help us and find our stuff and things that had been missing. That day it was decided we all friend from Pokhara, would be leaving to our homes in the night bus. So, I was with the old friends instead of Kush or lava. That afternoon while we were taking the bus to the city we all had climbed on the roof of the bus and we were all in our school uniform. It was only our boys there non were the locals. Sometimes to do the things like this, it could make me fell totally different... would give a different feeling. A sort of great pleasure being with them. It was not only the matter of more safety or that of the strengh to work out things easier, but it was something like a bond to share of every bit of good or bad that comes in the way.

On the way, it rained. There was wind and thunders and lightning. But we were still on the top of the bus with our uniform totally soaked with rain. I was close to Yogen, sitting next to him. Well he did make me laugh many times seeing him being defeated to light a cigerette with his wet hand and in the rain, which finally broke up into two and fell down. When we reached the city. The rain had almost gone down but still it was not yet over. We could see the sun, making its way inbetween the clouds after the heavy rain. Then finally we confirmed our journey that night. Two of the friends, Bishnu and Niroj, they decided to make all the arrangements for the bus ticket and rest of us we made our way for some hours to hang around.

Well, me I too my own way, alone getting around to find a music shop. The moment, I found one I dashed a stranger from the back. The girl, her mother next to her, shouted at me in the middle of the street. In no time people gathered and I felt so guilt I didn't make any offence before then she quitely took her way and the people gathered there walked away. For sometime I felt upset but it was no more. I then decided to work for the music, made the recods of some songs that I had been looking for. The man in the shop, he had most of them of the list I handed to him. I was called after an hour. I walked thought the main street and to the durbar square, just too many people everywhere. I was uausally tired with it. But it didn't make me difficult to get through my time before I got my the record and went back to my friends.

Fortunately, there I met to two of my very old friends, Suman and Nirajan. They were my schoolmates who lived in hostel together when I swas nine or ten. And after about a decade I was seeing them. Well we didn't talk much but memory did flash to make us that we had been the friends long ago. But now, one had been a football player and was working out his way with it where as Nirajan, he was a model and trying to make his space in commercials.

That evening at about eight we left the city. After midnight there was big rain for few hours but it ultimatley stopped when we reached our hometown Pokhara. After then we decided to take our way.

Two weeks later, we came back. We were hopeful to find good out come or result from the warden but it didn't happen. For me ... they had take my oxford dictionary, quite a big one, well it was not a big matter. But there was something that turned me off... my biology practical file with all my practical sheets had been missing from the safe. All the bio practicals through the year had been in it. Now it was almost impossible for me to do it all alone because there was no time. But, then it was my friends Kush and Janak, that persuaded me to build up the cofidence. With their help I managed to do it in the right, the following morning on the day of submission I made it ready. It was a great joy for that it was done.
We stayed there for a week and again went back to our homes for the vacation. This time I made the jorney alone in the night bus where as rest of my friends ferom Pokhara decided to stay for a night in the capital.

A month, it was a great moment .... World cup '98 and its fever had caught me and my brother very high. We would watch almost every games through the day and night. And because of this it didn't take long that a month was almost over and again the day had come I had to get back to the school again.

***

Part IX

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 07:01:00 -0800

After these many years… now it was the final year of the high school… The four of the friends Daksha, Deepak, Santosh Thapa and Durga could pass the final exams. Now we were only twentythree in the class. In the place of Daksha… Giri was again the captian of the class. There was another news… that was an extreme glory for me. Kaji sir had left the school. He had left for Japan… We were happy for he was gone… but principal was desperate for not letting him know about the fact in the right time.

Since the beginning … something we had always been talking about was about the tour… tour to Darjeeling, the northern beautiful hill land of India which had once been the part of Nepal before the invasion of India by the Engish Emperor.

However due to the possible complexity of the boundary they result to the next valley closer to it … but that lied in the region of Nepal… a little city on the top of the hill, Illam.It was a five days trip… just as every tour what would be new… gambling through the night… making out some money and looking around for new things … that was it. In all it was more only the bus ride… all the way along… for five long days then finally the whole fifth night until the seven the next morning before we reached the school.

But something that reminds me of the time was an accident that had shaken my heart… the first day on the trip and during the late afternoon stopage for the tea… while crossing the road… With these eyes, I had seen a little black dog was crushed over the head with the large wheels of the bus… which left the dog dead in the middle of the road with in a minute…

On the way back… We had a new teacher with us. Benam sir we called him. He was an english teacher from South India. The same month we had the farewell for two great teachers, Sinjali sir and Nepali guru. They were the great teachers … thought the school didn’t offically make any farewell we decided doing it with our own way. On the last day… that afternoon we called the teachers into our classroom. As per our arrangements… I had decided to make some announcements so, when they arrived everybody took their seats… the teachers sat on the two chairs in the front of the class.

I initiated the show… with few words of contribution to the great treachers. Santosh, the captian then gave the speech before the we put the flower garlands and coloured them before they were awarded the presents with the little money we all together had raised for them. The teachers seemed glorified with our true respect and devotion because we truly had always loved and respected them.

Before the show ended both the teachers gave their words giving us best wishes to do good for the future. It was a remarkable day.

Few weeks later three new teachers were assigned. Fuleshor sir for mathematics… Sigdel guru for Nepali and Avujit sir for accounts. They too were the great teachers.

After the tour… the time came … there was the preparation for the schoolday. Since our last years final school exam was likely to be on the first week of the Feburary … it was thought it could become the last year for us.

Again this year I was offered a part in the Nepali dramma. It was good this tme I wasn’t only alone … there were five other of my mates taking part… though it wasn’t really the important part but still it wasn’t short. This time three of us … Narjan, Kushal and me … we were offered the part of the interviewers to ask the questions to the person coming to seek for the job.Other mates Santosh grg and Upendra… they had their own … and a different one.

This year teachers also decided for science exihibition… there were four different groups with ten individauls in each… fortunately I was also made the leader of the one. From the class Prajol, who had been assisting me for the news reading became my mate in the group again. He was a fine mate for cooperation and it was always easy in doing things because he had always turned very helpful to me… And he was very patient and well hearing to me … what ever I decided there was no any opposition he would accept it and do it there wasn’t any doubt.

As being the leaders of the exihibition team the science teacher asked us to make the big science figures… that usually included the figures realated to physics or the biology. Thoses days as I was more oriented to the biology there were few figures I made… One was a sort of copy of human anatomy…that included the human physiology… Heart, lungs... and the digestive systems… it became one of the very admired figure… it didn’t look that good when I made it…. But an accompany of my friend Santosh Shrestha with his beautiful skills for painting gave my work the true value for admiration…

Apart from this I made two others figures… the embroy development and next was the different layers of earth… However the names for them… was not assigned with mine… Upendra asked me … for this… and I decided to do the favour for him…For the exibition we were all asked to do some thing… toshow some demostrations… everybody thought different things… preparations of gases… generation of electricity and others… where as for me … I decided to demonstrate the dynamo…

It was a dream I had seen … but even as the time came by there was no sign… for the possibility of the demostration that I had decided so then the teachers asked me to give up and decided for the next. So, with my friend Prajol… we together decided for the show… onion cell show through the microscope…

There were only few days more for the final presentation on the school day… that following after noon after the lunch… during the lunch break with Bishnu we went to the little lab… which was the small room at the right corner on the upper floor of the school building. There were already the science teacher’s students and also the school campcommandent. Everyone seemed busy in own way working for the final day… For me … there wasn’t the hard job which I had supposed to do…. So, my mind was almost vacant.

Suddenly my sight reached at the corner of the window… in the... there was a small woulfs bottle inside it was the dilute hydrochloric acid and the pieces of zinc which might have been kept a day or two days earlier for the preparation of hydrogen gas… I didn’t know what went over in my brain, I picked it up on my hand… and wishing to see the fire at the outer outlet of the delivery tube… I brought the fire on it… Suddenly there was “BANG” a huge sound that almost took my breath… the room was silent and every body looked at me in a horror and anguish… there wasn’t the cork lid in the bottle … the combustion had blown it away… where di it go I didn’t know… I was lucky nothing happened to me.

However, I couldn’t speak a word even… Som sir then came to me … he didn’t seem to be happy about it … I realised it was my mistake.. I had thought it would give a continious burning fire at the end of the delivery tube … which was not true…Desperately I walked out of room… It did brought some discomfort in me … I couldn’t enter the lab for the next few days however later I did get into it again.

On the main day… what so ever we could call it... ‘School day’ or the ‘Parent’s Day’.
Since I had taken part in the dramma and also I had been the group leader in the science exihibition show … I had invited the mom for the show… She had assured that she would come…
In the aftersoon … there had already been many people that had arrived in the school, which included parents the most. Also other guest including different government authorites and police officers of the various ranks had also arrived.

We as the participants for the exibition were called before the crowd were led to the opera for the cultural program and other shows. We were told that initally they would pass us … where we would all be prepared for any question that they might ask us. The exibition show was performed in two rooms … one in the main science lab and next inside our classroom. Our case wasn’t of that complicated… we had two microscopes with the inion slides … so… our job was just to show them the slides and answer the question if they had… Prajol and me … we were lucky… we didn’t find really anyone that ever asked us the real question … Most of them just looked from the top lens… where as there were some who did ask… but they only asked what it was … then moved away.

It wasn’t long … the crowed had come into our room.... when my mother too came within them. Looking at me … she just smiled… perhaps she was proud … for that I was doing something … and silently walked away. After the crowds were gone an program had initiated… we left the room and tried preparing for the show… as for us … it was easier than the other participants… And as the part of interviewer in the show… we were told to put on the school uniform itself… which we already had.

Our dramma had been in the middle of the show… which was lamost about one and half-hour time after the initiation. I had been so happy… it was first ime even in all of my school life … I had been taking part in the dramma… and mother had been there for it… I was just waing for the turn… so that I would be on the stage to show my part.

There were still some dances to performed… suddenly I was surprised when I saw the mother comeing out of the room. She came and talked to me … the rain was about to come so, we had desperately decided to leave… I was sort of astronised and surprised… The rom had been so crowed and full of people that I didn’t feel it right to tell mother that the dramma was just the next.

We looked at each others face before I preeceed my paces down the steps… we walked down and I walked together with her till the school gate before she went acroos the gate and I returneed back to the opera hall… Even… mother wasn’t there to watch my part … But I was happy she had been there at least to see the exhibition though… I was the way that I satisfied to myself.

Days were fleeing. In few weeks there was the first term exam. It was for about a week. As it was the final year for the school and almost at the end of the year we were to face the SLC, teachers decided to make us stay during the vacation. The third day, after the arrival from the school, even earlier before my arrival she had decided to take me to our father’s village. As it was almost a decade earlier that the uncle, (just elder to my father) had died Aunt had called us for her daughter marriage. So, mother had sorted out… I would help her all the way going to the place.

On Sunday, we went for the shopping… surprisingly mother decided to buy me a watch. I was surprised and happy … because I had never asked for it… and even before I had talked to her about it … she had felt I needed one. That day she got mer a watch for eight hundred and fifity rupees. I made the choice. Well, it worked well for the next six years…

The Monday morning we started off the way. It was a fine morning… with sun trying to rise high up in the sky. As we approached closer to the bus station, we got the bus that was ready to go round the way. It was about seven years later I was going to my villlage again… the place where I was born and all the early days were elasped. I was feeling excited recaling all the past… those beautiful hills… the great riverside and the specular landscape… I couldn’t keep out my eyes from it.

About an hour ride out from the town… there came a little place with few houses. It was the place where we had to stop and walk down. Walking down the hill wasn’t difficult… because talking to the mother… I didn’t feel the difficulties working out the time. About in two hours walk… we finally came to the base of the hill from where we again had to climb up…. Things hadn’t changed much since the last time … except for the abandoned houses. Close to the road there was the muddy road to a big town…. After the new highway was made from Our city all the businessman had abandoned the place except for some of the people who had been from the place… had their family … father …perhaps grand father living there since long long time.

Coming closer… we stopped at the small teashop in the little hut owned by an old women.. I took tea and some biscuits… where as she just took tea. After leaving the place … she decided seeing some of the old relatives who had been her friends when we had been at the place.After then we decided to walk…Then crossing the suspension bridge… and walking through the stone steps along the terraces… it was only in the late afternoon we reached the top of the hill… to the realtives and Uncle’s house. After years seeing everyone … they welcommed us… We were also delighted seeing them.That night we stayed there.

Next morning, it was a new place so with others I too woke but I was the last one to leave the room. When I came out of the room the neighbours and the relatives had already arrived. There were few … tenths in numbers not hundred. Suddenly, someone hold me from the back… I looked back to see who it was…. It was one of my cousin… the youngest son of the sister of my father.

It was several years later, today I had seen him…. And he recognised me in the first place… I was so surprised about it. I was glad to see him… Well there were few reasons I had greater feeling for him… He was almost deaf… and too he couldn’t speak… He was so glad seeing me … he asked me to come with him in the woods… Yes we walked out from the place … on the way he tried to tell me so many things but I couldn’t get most of it … to convince me he tired his best with the signals he could but still it remained beyobnd my capabilities. I couldn’t get it…

It was about an hour later we came back to the place … there was already a small fireplace made infront of the lawn… there were people sitting around… father had also arrived there but we didn’t talk… Things didn’t happen the way I expected, the house wasn’t decorated with colorful papers … nor there was any sort of traditional music… it was a very simple and silent marriage… It had been in the village it wasn’t so big and organised as the rich people in the town would do.
The marriage ended after the midday…. After the little party mother and me … we decided to leave the earliest of all… and we did.

For me… I wasn’t interest with all this though. I would never to it this way… it wasn’t important to me that I would be interested to show or let others know how grand and how big the day would be…. For me I would say it is just a process and it is not necessary to show others about it… Meaning it grand is not the success… taking it longer could be more admirable. But sometimes sayings are very different to realities. Realities can be harsh and unrejectable. Marriage is just a basic thing but we humans have made it so complicated that it has become very dependent to several factors… Sometimes I have spent sometime thinking about it. And it has left so much of the question I was unable to get the anwers …so I had to ignore the subject matter.

That late evening we were back home. A week later, our vacation was over. We … all the students of the class ten were back on the same day. Even the friends from the farther places had arrived. Just with only of us… With those big empty buildings the place was like a vaccum. It was dead silent and lonely.

But still it wasn’t bad I would say. Everyday we had study hours… From eight in the morning to eleven… and from one to four in the late afternoon again from six to seven thirty and finally from eight to ten. So, we were to study almost nine hours everyday and seven days a week… except on the Friday eve and the Saturday afternoon.

Though sometime it was usual that we felt lonely… but being lonely was some thing more beautiful… Three hours off in the daytime … we would somtime come out in the sun or sometime do some washing.

It wasn’t difficult… a day and then two… a week passed …then two week wasn’t long… we were back again to our home for a week holiday again.

Seven days wasn’t long… before we were again back to school.

It had been the first Saturday after we had arrived from home… for a week holiday.
The following Saturday we talked to the class teacher, Som sir... if he would talk us to Dhor bahari… the temple with the fishes. It was monsoon… the day was dark. After the lunch in the noon we set up for the day trip. Just about two kilometers bus ride from the school towards the north along the highway we dropped and walked the muddy road. It was few hours walk from the place.

On the way, everyone was in his own. I was at the last in all and with Som sir. When we walked I would usually be with him by his side. That day… through the half way we walked together but from then he walked out to his friend house and asked to call him when he returned where as I followed oth other friends and caught them and walked together.

The day was dark but clear. It had enough of the rain earlier that night and still it was cloudy.
In the month of monsoon… It was so agreen every where …open fields were now almost covered with rice plants… which seemed fresh as they seemed to have been planted only within the recent days…. We came passing through them… Due to rain… even the small streams that should have dried in winter seemed like big river. The day was some sort of adventure because walking the two hours way before we came to the place we were all covered with mud and half of us that we had worn was wet.

The place wasn’t big the way I expected… it was small but it had been in the beautiful landscape. It was a small place underneath the length of hill. There were beautiful waterfalls that ran down from the temple. There was a small pool on the surrounded by the stepped stone walls… and almost at the end there was a huge stone.

There were few strange things about the place. The first thing was the stram that flowed to the poor came from underneath the rock bed of that hill. There was the legend that the water level would rise and fall in the strange way. There were large numbers of fishes… most were bigger in size and should have been about ten pounds each in such a small place… in the half a meter deep pool.

There was next legend about the place… the golded fish… an eel… people told during the sacrifice of an animal the golden eel would appear to feed on the blood of the animal. However it was not usually seen. Even the rutual for the sacrifice of the animal was strange. To every animal that were brought for the sacrifice in the place people had to step the poor little animal at the stone in the pool… The stone was believed as the god. So, For stepping the god, the poor animal was to be sacrificed.

Though I felt the great about the nature but the rituals and belief that the people believed was something unsatisfactory… Sometime it made me think… why are we some time so stupid? Why we had to place on the blame on the little animal before we are killing it for our own reasons… some time these feelings were so obsessive that I wouldn’t be alble to stop from breaking apart within myself from the devastation.

Some time after the rest we all decided to return. It started raining when we walked back. I had the rain coat with me… so on the way back Bishnu and me we were two in a sigle rain coat…He was on my right with right hand through the rain coat where as I had the left hand inside it. While getting back there wasn’t other way… we all walked back to school. It was already four when we reached the school. Som sir wasn’t happy because we were late.

It had been three weeks since I was back from home. First week of July, I had the severe cold and cough. As it had always been worse… It had desperately turned me off on the first. Acknowledging my bad health I was surprised, that morning Som sir came with the medicine for the cold. I was so delighted… He was someone who would always care me than anybody else and when I had needed he was right there infront of me.

The medicine was strong. It did give me strength during the hard times though it wasn’t atleast before two weeks that I finally recovered from the cold.

It was just few weeks later, in one of those evening classes… Prakash, me… and Nawaraj… we were making pictures on the blackboard. It had been the selfstudy time and we weren’t known that day was Somsir turn to watch over the classes.

Well, when he appeared on the door… he wasn’t happy seing us. In rage he shouted at us… He told us that it wasn’t the place for us to write… we had to get our copies. That moment I was really terrified with him. He was such a good teacher for me … and had always loved me but that day when I was also scolded I couldn’t keep up with myself… That night I couldn’t sleep… the tears came falling and I didn’t even knew when I had got into sleep.

It was for few days… I was unable to talk but it didn’t last longer… after all he was the best and there way no way I would again feel so offended. It was few days later, while I was in his room taking to him he admitted sometime he wasn’t good. He told it was his weekness.

Som sir… he had always been different to me… I never got the reason nor the meaning for why and how was I closer to him… but he did always gave me favours for the reasons that I had never known. He would often take me to his room… I had ften slept there as nobody ever got that favour from any teachers… soemtime I even had watched some movies in his room… some time he had even taken me out of the school offered me tea milk or drinks. Sometime he would even present me some money or things like pen or something else.

Sometime he would also ask me some help… some time to copy things…. Make results of the school exams of his class or write on the certificates during the sports day… Whenever he was with a work … if he saw me… he would ask for the help and I always loved to work for him, because I always felt the worth of doing it. Apart from this there were also few things I greatly appreciated about him. He was really a genius and hard working man.

Though it wasn’t that friends ever talked against him… because he usually ignored everyone. So, there was no reason my friends feel offended by him. Instead there were few reasons some time we would plead him…. Stories … the ghost stories… we would say… sir friends have started going home… so would you tell us the story…” Then he would agree with us. Then we would again say…. The ghost story.

Since it was the last year for us… we had been given the most possible facilities. Since Benam Sir had came to the school … we had known he was always fond of coming closer to the friends. Once, we talked about the Saturday’s few hours leave from the school. We told him it would somehow refresh us after the exhaustion.Well he did… on the following Saturday several groups were formed and he signed us the leave for the few hours. What was there to do… there was nothing … so we went for the movie show.

Next week again we made the request. He gave it up.

But after then the principle banned the leave… he wanted us to concentrate on the studies… not the leaves.

It was the last week of July, Sunday morning mother came to the school. I was shocked by her unexpected visit. Father hadn’t been good for the family… he had raised the problem so she had come to take me… if there could be something we could do together. She was with tears … nor she was well dresssed, I couldn’t resist the moment.

But then I felt that it was shame making myself weak with tears… I decided to get stronger. In went to the staff room to get to the hostel teachers. There had been Som sir and Kumar sir… when I asked for the leaved… they signed on the paper and gave it to me but didn’t asked a single word. I was delighted they always trusted me.

That day getting back home… mother got busy gathering people in the community for the talk… I stayed up whole day thinking about. Why does it really happen? Why wouldn’t it stop? After my sister Bishnu had been married, it was me who was the one that kept fighting against the father. He had always been rude to us … and usually for the mother. So, I was the only one who dared to talk to him or fight against him. And sometime I really had fought with him.

Next day there were about ten people from the community.. the respected ones … I should say. But I wasn’t known to any. The dicussion went I was in it for sometime before I decided to move out because I didn’t see there would be the permanent solution. However in someway it was helpful because it gave the solution for that instant before I could again return back to school the next day.

In the beginning of October, all the courses were finished except for the accounts and management. On the Second week we had the pre- sentup exam from the school. On the last day, after the exam had been over… that eve… there wasn’t anyone in the hostel. I was preparing myself getting ready with the things for the vacation. Most of the friends had been in the opera for the telivision show.

It was at about nine… I heard the noise of the crowd coming to the hostel room… they were no more… they were the hostel friends. I was shocked they all were drunk. They had run away from the hostel to some sort of local drinking place. Some immediately had to rush to toilet as it seemed it had been really too much for them. Where as the rest of them who came … started the concert in the hostel room… They started beating the tables with the pair of stick… some started dacing with the rhythm where as some started kicking the other…. Giri was the one with who was with the sticks… yogen was with his feets trying to get along with it and Prakash shrestha was the one who was trying to kick yogen at his back… As I watched them… I did see prakash kicked yogen and with the kick yogen had almost hit his head to the iron bar of the bed infront of him.

They were all shouting and when I tried to stop them non of them would hear… just then giri came with the little wine bottle. He told us he would easily break it on his head. I though it was just a joke… but surprisingly he bowed down… got in his knees and with the bottle in between his two hands smashed it over his head… the glass broke into pieces and his head started bleading….He had to wash his head. It was no longer … yogen and prakash were also rushed toilet before they were led on their bed.

But the shouting had not stopped…. The remainings hadn’t kept quite… soon other friends who had gone for the tv show came back… Some of them came whispering… “Teachers are coming…. Teachers are coming” … Somebody turned off the hostel light… sometime later we heard teachers passing by the side of the hostel… One was the Kumar sir… there was the next person with him.

In few days I was back home for the vacation for about a month. This time I wasn’t really for vacation… I had decided making notes from other friend in the neighbourhood. Well for the help he told he hadn’t got anything but he would get it from some one. All the month was spent for it … even during the main days on the Hindu’s biggest festival … I was with the books.

Few days before returning back to I completed the notes… Even in the class itself I had one of the best notes… accounts and science … I had relatively given them the most priority … and also Nepali, english and Physical education …I kept pace with them. For mathematics I need any notes…

The result of the pre-test was published… kushal was the second … I was surprised I was third. Narajn was undefeatable… he was always the first.

It was only about a month time for our sent up… This time the questions were to come from the central school and they were to be examined by the teachers there so we were to prepare it more seriously.

Just some time before the exam… we learnt our SLC which used to take place in January was posponded to the after the second week of March.

It didn’t take longer before the time came for the Sent up exams… We had the question… the questions weren’t easy. It was known… the teachers would make it tough. After the exam, the papers were sent back. Along with our sent up… the school had the final exam for the rest. After the final they would have vacation. But for us… No, we were to remain there through out the time. The teachers had the meeting and they decided to give only the last four days of the two weeks vacation.

But remaining at school they decided to do us some favour … they decided giving us night deit… coffee and noodles or biscuits at about ten in the late eveing, and tea every morning at about four. And alternately in every two days there was the chiken in the meal. Above all… every lunch and dinner, for us… only for us they would place every thing on the roof top of the dining hall… There we would take as much as we wanted… everything as we wished. High school days for us were coming closer to the end but with time we were even more liberated and free….

Well, for the two weeks time was scheduled as the earlier times… We would be woken at five… then at seven we would go for breakfast… then again from eight till ten we had the study time… again in the afternoon it started from one to four… then again from six to seven and finally from eight to ten… It was for seven days a week.

Though we had oppurtunity to study by our own… during the two weeks vacation our class was broken up into two parts… one for the good one and others for the weaker one… Usually teachers wouldn’t come for us… instead they would go in the other classroom with other friends and tried the best to help them… with the earlier taught lessons.

Surprisingly the following Saturday afternoon there wasn’t anyone in the hostel nor in the classroom… everyone had been aways from the school. We didn’t know where others went but Santosh, the class captain… Prakash… Nawaraj … we togther went to the riverside down below… we were half way in the river trying to closs it to go to the next side but we decided to return back. Luckly teachers didn’t know anything about it. They would have never liked it if they knew it.

It was one of those evenings just few days before we left for the holidays, the pricipal of the central school visited our school. Since we had been only the students in the school, that evening he came to take the class for us… The only thing he repeatedly talked about was “One percent insperation and ninty percent perspiration.” Explaining the sentence … he told with one percent of insperation we got to work with ninty nine percent of our efforts and capabilities. Time… days weren’t long, they elaspsed like little moments. Then we were back home for four days stay…

Again back to school few things had chaged… I would say party the structure of the school had changed… the teachers were removed from the hostel teachers instead police personnels were appointed in the place. Even for us … Som sir had left the room and Ambika, the police personal from the central school had taken the place. There were many stories around… everybody told he was very strict and didn’t want any carelessness or stupidity.

Also the news surprised me. Before we left for the holidays I had talked to Avijit sir, to get a guitar for me as he had done to one of my friend Chandra. But his departure surprised me…Finally I decided to make a phone call. Lucky he assurred me that he was to come to school for one more time and that day he would bring a guitar for me. I was really happy for it…It hadn’t been longer before I had learnt few chords from my friends. They used to always be a guitar … at least one … or two… in our hostel… though some time some of the younger brothers took them… And it wasn’t easy get turn to play because there would always be someone with it in the freetime … and the turn would be reserved by somebody other. So, we would have to assign our self… in a wish to get a turn though some time we got where as sometime we didn’t.In reality I wasn’t good still. (Even till this time after about seven years I am not still so smart). I just knew few chords… But surprisingly some how, I learnt it quicker than few of the other of my friends. In few weeks somehow I would make rhythm of the song… and in about two months I could play the chords well… since then I caught the desire of a guitar… I felt I needed one… something I felt that would feel me… feel my stories … share my emotions and quitely see me every of my good and hard times. Perhaps something that could be a true friend.

Well coming back to home… I was hoping for the rest and refreshment for the mind… but it didn’t turn out to be the way I had expected. Just the second eve after the arrival… in the discussion with the father… I couldn’t resist myself before I exploded the fluroscent tube onto his head that let him fall on the ground… with only his eyes partly wounded. Four days later I was back to school again… few days I wasn’t able to concentrate but slowly I somehow managed to merge myself for the work.

When the school again began for everyone, we were again brought to the single class… I mean during the holiday we were differentiated into two classes. This class had long tables and benches… in two rows… there was a peculiar table infront of all these… and it was meant only for an individual. Well, I was the one who took it. Since the school began… teachers started concentrating on their work… We, we had the self study time through out the day… eventhough the teachers …especially the principal awlays wanted us to study but still we were not restricted to be only in the class… we were allowed to be anywhere… anywhere in the school compound. Usually there was only a person sometime watching over us … if we had been studying … or not and it was the principal. Though we were busy everymorning and evening but during the day time … it was somehow boring to be studying… So, we would make out our ways… and usually no one knew who would have gone where … to which corner of the school… I would usually be in the classroom but I had learnt some of the friends would sometime run away to the riverside or in the jungle or gamble somewhere... making up there own way.

After the sent up things slightly changed for me… for the last two years Bishnu and I, we had been the best friends… he was the only person who knew me… and perhaps he was the only one who told me most of all of his stories…Being friends is general but being good friends sometime is complicated. But we both had always kept the pace to make it together. It is true… and natural that we would sometime break apart because of some discussions… but still we didn’t make a new move to find a newer friend… because in few days we would be together again.

But this time the case was somehow different… there was nothing that came us to slightly break apart… it somehow happened itself that unknowingly happened to make our own ways. I kept alone… and would mix up with anyone any time… where as for him… he drew closer to the next classmate … Sunil. Though since then we weren’t together again but still I knew we were always good as ever. As we would always feel free to share the things anytime.

Well, then I had made up my own schedule… every morning our hostel light would be turned on at four… By the time even many of the friend would have already gone out in the classroom for the studies… But for me I would patiencely make the way… I would lay on the bed… for sometime before I would slowly come out and go to the classroom. I would do it alone. Though most of the friends would already be in the class… but still there were many still the hostel bed. During the earlier days I used to stay in the class with everyone… and studied there but later I followed up Santosh, the class captain. He used to go a junior class, and locked himself inside it… I then decided to do the same … I took the classroom next to his… it was the same class where we had studied the last three years.

The tea would come out about five… we would then go for the tea… Usually satosh would come to the door and tell me about it … he was smarter than I was. Usually there was an old man about seventy who used to bring tea for us every morning. He was really a small man old and weak that would come coughing in the cold. Sometimes he would be gone and we unfortunately happened to miss it…

It was about a month later, one following morning during the study hour, from the window of the classroom I saw Avijit Sir coming in the school building. As he drew nearer I saw he was with a guitar case. I was so delighted that I kept looking his way…He went to the office but I still kept waiting.

I kept waiting for when he could come to see us.. talk to us and the same time when he would call me and would offer me my guitar… Something I was so excited about was to see how it looked like… the look of the face of it. It was only in the afternoon we could meet him. And a shock to me… he hadn’t brought the guitar for me… he told me it was a smaller one and was meant for the school… However he promised to get one for me. I still kept the faith… Perhaps he would once bring it to me too.

It was now about two months for the final… the following week result of the sent up came in the school. I was surprised… I had got the second position in the class. I had good marks in mathematics and account but something extraordinary in all my life was I had made the best mark in science … which perhaps shocked the teacher too. I had got eighty-nine in hundred… It was since then, science teacher got curious about me too though I knew I wasn’t the worth to it. That was a complete shock to me but still a sort of inspiration as well.

It was two weeks later… we had the festival Shivaratri… Just as every year… we would have a big fire in the evening and sugarcane …to heat it up in the huge rage of fire and brust it with big boom. That day later in the evening we gathered next to the yard of the dining hall. Most of the junior brothers had left for the holiday but as for us... we were not allowed to go home because of the SLC. The teachers told we should rather prepare for exams… than going home but still that following eve they would let us be there in the fireplace to make out some gun. Everyone in the school gathered, the school camp comandent had also with his wife to see it. To make even a bigger celebration we had brought two guitars with us from the hostel so that we could also sing and dance.

Almost everyone was there so, the camp commandent gave the words that we could start the fire. From the instant we had already started with the music. In some while I would also take the chance to play the guitar for everyone. The wood they were big ones and it was a big chunk… about two meters perhaps… It hadn’t been longer since we had started then… it started raining… It wasn’t the big rain though. The wood it didn’t seem good… and the rain it even made the situation worse… it was for about and hour we tried lighting up the fire… but it didn’t work. Though some time it seemed to come out a little bit giving us a little hope but then again it burnt out. In desperation slowly everyone started leaving. From our class we were still there singing for overselves.

Finally at about nine… four of us remained Narjan, Laxman, Rabindra and myself. It was still raining but it wasn’t even big to wet us… so we ignored instead we together worked to make the fire. Rather than trying over the bigger ones we seperated smaller branches and at a corner started a fire… Perhaps we did the right thing. The branches were dry so it was soon we had a small fire… and in no time it got bigger and bigger… finally it was a big fire.

We had expected the others would come to join us… but it had already got late and the fireplace wouldn’t be seen from the hostel so nobody came. We, four of us were only there till the whole woods burnt to ashes. It was about eleven when it was over.

Though we were only four but still we had enjoyed… because we were already tired with the guitar so instead we were talking about our things. Suddenly we decided of something. Also in the Shive temple infront of our school there were people from the village… Women and men... young and old they had come into temple… they too had made a fireplace and were singing the prayer song. Initially we had just decided tyo go and see the place. Get out from the school wasn’t difficult… We easily crossed the fence. Now we were out of the school as we came closer it was strange to see how people had motivated themselves for such things.

But soon as we reached there… we decided to go even further… we wanted to also see how the people celebrated in the little town. To be away from school it was a strange and a different feeling. It would give happiness… but still we weren’t out of fear because if incase if the teachers came to know this they would sure be in shock..

Some thing that had given me the strength was Narjan. I would have never succeded doing it alone … or even with out him. He was the school Captain and even if we were caught… being with him would mean that I wouldn’t be the focus. But still I was ready for the penalty.

We walked about two kilometers from the school. the Street seemed lonely and people had already left for their home. So, there was no reason staying there before we decided to walk back to school.After we crept through the fence and came back at the hostel everyone had dead slept.

Days after day, the day did come. The day we had been waiting and talking and looking forward for so many years. The first day, it was 27th of March 1997. Today was Nepali exam. That day early in the morning at about six we had the breakfast… that day it had been the special for us… With Haluwa and Tea there was an egg in addition… because eggs in morning it never had happened. At quarter to seven we were ready in our school uniforms for the exams.

But before we left… the camp commandent and the principal they made the special ceremony to make the better start of our exams. They brought tika and flowers. The camp commandent put the tika on our forehead and gave flowers to each of us… After the ceremony… we left the school in the school bus and in only a couple of minutes arrived at the examination center. It was a nice day… there weren’t clouds in the sky… the sun was trying to rise up from the hill… the faint rays gave the enmormous wamth in that cool morning. We need not stay longer before they checked each of us… and let us inside through the school gate. It was a high school of the government… the school was just by the roadside and in the big space… The school wasn’t a big building … instead was a long building made of stones. Though the classroom were larger than our’s… but they also had the two rows of long table and benches. I had my number placed on the first desk on the side of the door. As the time grew closer… my excitation and nervousness grew more and more. Sometime before seven … all of us were given the answer sheets… we filled in accordance to the way the teachers had taught us. At seven the bell rung and we were given the question paper. I was momentarily shocked. For sometime I couldn’t start… I just kept seeing at the question paper… Something went in my mind… I asked to myself… Is this the same paper … that the thousands are seeing and faciting it around the country the same time?

It was after some time I decided I had to start. The question and answers were long so, I worked the total three hours and finally finished it sometime before the time. The next day was English. It wasn’t difficult and it was only about half of the metioned time before I felt I couldn’t stay longer. I had finished everything so, I walked back to school alone… that day when I reached the school gate… the camp commandent asked me… how had I done… I told him … it was well.

Nextday was Saturday… and since the morning I didn’t feel well … I had caught the severe cold and cough. It was so irressistible that I couldn’t study… so I had to come to the hostel to rest. After a sleep about an hour… I felt even worse … I had the fever. Before the lunch… I went to see the health assistant in the junior hostel. I told him… the cold was bad and I wanted the stronger medicine to resist. After the lunch, the fever was even bad… I had to rest… though next day was mathematics… I was sure that I could still do good with it even if I would be able to make anything out to do… But something I needed was… the next day… tomorrow… I got to feel better at any cost. That after while I was in the sleep one of a friend came and told me that there was a phone call from the home. I was shocked. It was ever the first phone call for me in the school in the nine long years. My head had heaved totally heavy and I wan’t in the mood to walk… but still got on my feet to the school office and waited for the phone call. On the phone it was mother… she told my second sister manju was back. There had been a fight between her husband and Bishnu my eldest and her husband. I was totally astronised and confused with it. I know they had told it to me … to let me know thought it wasn’t the good news. Getting back to hostel… I got the medicine. The assistant had got the stonger medicine for me. He told me to take two every day… on after athe lunch and next after the supper. For the fast recovery I took two at that instant went for sleep.It was about two hours later… I woke up. The medicine was so strong that my nose was closed and no more I could breathe through it. But in some time… I recovered from it… but still I had the severe headache… but the fever was gone. It was only in the late evening, I felt the need that I had to see the books for once. I felt the necessity that I had to see everything once before exams. I didn’t go through in details but somehow managed to touch everything in someways. Next morning I han’t the fever but the headache and cold was still severe. That morning I just took tea… I didn’t feel like eating anything. And with only tea I again took two medicines instead of one that the assistant had recommended.

Initially I had thought it could work well but things didn’t happen the way I though. During the exam I started feeling dizzy… felt in difficulties with the writing… the Yogen, who was right behind me had to correct many mistakes that I had made. Later he asked me… what had it happened to me. Later coming out… I was desperate about the day. I had ruined about twenty marks in the mathematics… That had been the worse result in the last three years. I had ruined the marks on the subject in which I had the greatest confidence.

Monday was the science… though some how I had recovered… but still it was only the cough. So, I had felt I had almost recovered because I knew for about a week or two I wouldn’t be able to get rid of it any any cost. During the exam… I felt I hadn’t done so bad… but after when it was over… and as we were walking back to school I was astronised seeing the question. Today I had again ruined the compulsory question of about ten marks.

All these things together did make a terrible blow for me. I was totally desperate and frustrated. I knew the result would never be the way I expected. And slowly I was losing hope… and I had started feeling things wouldn’t happen the way I had thoughts… the result would turn the worst in all. However the remaining exams weren’t bad. It was satisfactory with accounts, physical education and Optional mathematics. Friday everything ended.

Next day 15th of March, it would be the last day for us in the school… and the same day was the farewell day for us.

The preparations had already made… there wasn’t much with the show… except for the speeches that the teachers would deliver. I hadn’t been so serious with the speeches… but when the choir were presented on the stage and they sang the same song “ “Thada thada janu cha shati….” My eyes were full with tears … I couldn’t resist them.

Most of the every of our teachers gave the speech for us. From our side … it was Santosh, the captain who spoke in behalf for everyone. The show ended just in the noon. Then there was the party and picture taking programs. We hadn’t even done it… the sky started getting darker and strong wind started blowing. So, it was decided to end everything and after then… we had to get the things to prepare ourself to leave on that day. As everyone had already been prepared that early morning, it didn’t take longer that we were all soon streaming out of the school gate and preparing our way to our home. It became the last time to say goodbye to many of the friends… with whom I did spent such a long time for so many years or almost a decade… and we were to depart perhaps never seeing each other again.It was no longer the bus came… and we drove the way to the valley.

***

Part VIII

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 06:57:00 -0800

As the classes had already begun even before I had arrived … The next day after I arrived it was the science class from the Wagle sir… he was a new science teacher, and a class teacher for us. Tall, thin and broad faced … he looked good humor and talented.

His first class did surprise me … he seemed strict with the classes. He wouldn’t want any of us talk in the class …after he taught us … he would then ask us the questions in random … We had to stand up and give him the answers … incase if we failed he would make us stand for the long long time.

It hadn’t been even a week, in few days he realised I wasn’t so good … then he told … how had I got the second place in the class. His words did make me think … but still everytime he got the question for me I was nervous and failed to answer the questions. I knew I always took his classes seriously and knew about the matter that he taught in the class but still I wasn’t capable of given the exact answer he wanted.

In few weeks everything got to it’s place and it wasn’t difficult with his classes though I didn’t make so much of the difference in the later days. There were some changes in the hostel. Guru was no longer appointed our hostel warden… it was because he no longer took classes on the literature… ‘Nepali’. Surprisingly Som sir had become the hostel teacher for us.
Also for the class captains Santosh Gurung and Daksha were appointed.

Since this year there was a sort of difference in taking the classes … in two years we were to have the Final exam that would end our school and then we would get started with the college or the university. It was since a year back when the teachers had always highlighted us about the exam that we had to appear at the end of our high school.

And from this year it had begun … because the questions were to be asked from the courses from the last two years. Last year, we hadn’t been to excursion… it was decided to take us the beginning of this acedemic year… Soon everything was confirmed and it was decided they were to take us to the capital for three days and two nights…

It had been three weeks now I had been back from home … The same week it was deicded we were to leave for the tour… the capital that we were supposed to go for was about one hundred and forty miles… and about a continuous six hours bus drive… Two classes were to go... the junior brothers also with us. As for the teachers Kumar sir… Som sir and Pun sir… were decided.
Last night before we left… we were excited about the tour but instead there was something that broke my feelings into pieces for the time. This time Daskha decided he would get along with the mate Chandra, whom he had grown closer to... and had taken the next seat in the class. It did hurt me in some ways because he had always been there for me… and now he seemed to drift away. But it was the reality I had to accept.

Long day in the bus that evening we reached the valley … we stopped in many places and took time so we had been late for the valley. It was already dark when the teachers sort out the hotel for us and assigned the respective hotel rooms. For some of the mates... we were given a room in Sunrise Hotel… it seemed a good place…. Among all the rooms we were lucky to have a bigger room with three beds… but it was meant for seven of the classmates… with me, others were Santosh Gurung, Rochan, Bishnu, Prakash Shrestha, Nawaraj and Raju.

We were very happy for the place … even more than this we were happy for not being in the school … and next things … for getting the greatest opportunities to see so many things. Just one of the mate, Rochan who had had the camera … asked if he could take the picture of all of us … So… we the remaining six of us came and sat on the side of the bed… as he was about to take …the side of the bed broke… and we all went down on the floor …. “Bang” Instead of the picture … for sometime we were worried … but later we told the teachers the true story and they believed us… In sometime the bed was replaced. That evening we went for a walk… I didn’t know the valley nor did my other friends, so we were carefully walked our ways so we would remember the way back to our room. When we returned… it had already been the time for the dinner… good meal with the chicken soup we did eat a lot… After the meal we had already planned for something else… The card game… Just right after we had been we began the game… we weren’t the professional gamblers who knew so many games… there were two games that we would play... One with the three cards and next with nine. To save our money and use more of our time we started with game played with nine cards… and played for a rupee for each game. However, we were only five who played… others decided to sleep… As the night rose … Nawaraj and Santosh Gurung gave up so Bishnu, Prakash Shrestha and I was the one to remain.

After the midnight the craze went more … we turned to three cards game … that was the easy money making game… I was lucky … I often could grab the huge amount that was collected in between all of us… We played until five in the morning… then we decided for the sleep… after the long night’s game… I had won about two hundred and fifty Rupee, a great amount for me. At about six… teachers came waking everyone… Just about an hours sleep it had been enough for me. I was feeling heavy with my head… as it made me feel like I needed some more rest… Still I was feeling dizzy when we left the hotel room… however we were to come back again for the night. In the morning… we visited to the temples… In ‘Budhanilakhantha’ a temple of Vishnu, he favoured taking a picture of time. We also visited the school of the same name which, wasn’t far from the place. After then we also visited Pasupati and also the only one airport…We wnet to the roof top to see planes laning and take off… That afternoon, after our lunch, intially we went for the ‘Durbar Square’… the old palaces…and after then to the ‘Balaju Park’. Finally to the Buddhist temple ‘Swayambhu’ from where we could see the most part of the city… As it was already getting dark… it made the glorious picture of the city with the star like little lights all over the land. After then we returned back to the hotel room. We were feeling hungry and tired… after the meal… we couldn’t stay longer… we did play cards for some time but later we decided to sleep. Next morning the teachers decided to take us to our Central school. It was about fourteen miles east from the valley… About an hours drive to the top of the hill…though wasn’t so steep… we reached the place. It was the spring but yet the fog wasn’t gone … so it wasn’t so easy getting to know how big the school had been… Things seemed well managed and proper that with that we had… there were numerous two stories buildings… all made of bricks… After all I concluded …it looked good… In some the teachers talked and they came … Everything had been decided a day earlier so, direclty we were taken to the school dininghall. I was surprised to see it … it was almost three times bigger than that we had. And there were long tables and two long benches on each side of it … in two long rows… In a line we walked into it… we were served … five loaves of bread with butter and also we were given tea and an egg. It was very heavy for us… five loaves of bread… it was already more than enough. However it didn’t take long before we were all done with it. After then the teachers brought us to the bus in the long line the way we were taken… as we came down we could see some students of the school… (They were the intermediate level student…12th grade equivalent in the science stream.)

We were then back again to the valley… we were then taken to the historic place… Bhaktapur… we were engaged there for few hours before seeing the historical temples, places and the remainings of the ancient palaces and it’s legends… By the time we left the sun was trying to disperse the fog and we could feel the sort of wamth from it… Seeing all those things around something did surprised me… In almost every of the places we went there were only ancient traditional houses and even the streets around there … they were paved with the bricks. The latest in the morning we went to see the “changunarayan Temple” built on the top of the hill… which wass also about an hours bus ride from the place.

It was already noon when we again got aback to the school for the lunch… coming back… then we could see the open fields and the little villages that hadn’t been clear that following. When we came to school… we also could see how big it was… I was shocked seeing it… it had covered all the side of a big hill…We were so hungry that day… Rice with vegetable and chicken… it was sufficiently a heavy meal for us, which we all did enjoy. Today was the third day of the tour and we were supposed to return the following night back to school. So, we didn’t stay up long in the place…When we came back to the valley again… the teachers decided to take us to the zoo…. in the main city in the capital. When we went in there… for some time I was together with the others friends … loking around different animals … birds which included from little moneys… peacocks…cranes... bears, rhinos, tigers…and lions. At a place … an eleplant was chained… we few of the friends were gathered to look at its huge size… suddenly a friend of us was almost kicked by it…

Looking one after anothers… accidently I didn’t realise when I had missed the other friends… but I didn’t worry because I thought they would be some where around. Passing by I came across a little red money in the small cage… it’s innocent face made me to stop at it… it seeemed like it wasn’t happy in the cage… it seemed like it wanted to tell me something or share something with me. I kept looking at it.. trying to understand it with it’s motion that it tried to make it to show me… but suddenly I realised I had already stayed there too long… Then I looked around… I couldn’t see any of my friends around… Running and rushing I came to the gate… still I didn’t come out in the sight of any friends…

Where are the friends and where is the bus…??? For some time I was frightened and shocked. I came running straight from the place… passing acroos a volleyball team playing volleyball at the left I figured the bus… For the god shake I wasn’t late… I thanked god… I was the only one to come… though still they hadn’t prepared to go. After sometime the last place we were to see was again the next historic place ‘Patan’ which also had several ancient temples. Just some time before we had left… there was almost the fight between one of a friend and with one of those street businees men selling the sort of jwelleries at the corner of the street… The guy came to the teachers and told that our friend had stolen the ring, which my friend didn’t accept. He was a young guy and had brought other people to suppoert him… When we left the place… some stones were thrown over us… but it didn’t really hit us.

It was about five six hours long bus drive … at about mightnight we were again aback to school. We had the dinner and right after it …straight to our bed.

In sometime again Bishnu became my very good friend… this time things even got deeper… he became the one I could tell everything and as for him… I became the one… whom he felt could understand… it was strange it was so many years later… I felt like I had got a real friend. For the school day, third week of March, few weeks earlier I was offered with a role for the Nepali dramma named “Andhabishwash” which meant superstition. It was a woman’s role and I don’t know why kaji sir had decided me for that part… for few days I did I leaft the class and went for the preparation… But soon I felt alone as rest were all junir brothers whom I couldn’t go alone… I felt the time tougher with them so I gave up. Later Jitendra their classmate took and played it well…

On the school day, for the first time in my life I was awarded with some for that I had done some thing good… there were few times when I had got prizes from the school teachers in classes for small test or some sort of contest. But it had never been in the formal occasions like Schoolday or Annual function. On the day… at the end of the program… the distinguished guest distributed prize for me

The last of April, the school decided to come out with the school magazine… “Dipen” Before our first term exam we all the articles were collected. For the magazine, in the editorial board, five members were from our class were selected along with the two other members from the junior class.

After our first term had been over… we were all to go home for the vacation for a month… As For the editors for the of magazine we were called to attain the school after fews days, after the vacation had started.

On the day we came. I had expected almost everyone would be there, but to my surprise there weren’t even the half the total numbers of members. From our class, we were three out of the total five; Narjan, Bishnu and me. Santosh Grg and Kushal weren’t there. Apart from this there were two brothers from the junior classes. Howeever the teachers, I was surprised everyone was there. Soon after we arrived we were called into a classrom, the room next to the staff room, the classroom of the junior brothers of grade three.

Soon we were handed our jobs… we were to copy every of the articals in the fair writtings. We weren’t lazy for that one after other we did it. It was good time with the teachers…. It was somehow different feeling than the other days because we were doing something for the school and and we were free than the others days. With the teachers… in the afternoon we were served tea… it was great.

Till the late almost to four we countinuously worked copying the articals… We had thought we we would have succeeded in a day but it didn’t become true … even with best of our effort it seemed we still needed a day. So, it then became necessay that we had tocome back to the school the next day or we had to stay in the hostel room for a night.

Finally, three of us decided for a thing. We decided staying there for a night. However we decided going out for the walk and retun before in the evening. After then… there was still something … where were we to go for a walk. In sometime we decided seeing a friend, Santosh Shrestha who lived just about more than a mile from the place. He had his house there and lived with his parents.

It was some time before the dawn we reached his house. We were fortunate we meet him, he was there in his houses. Taking to him soon his parents arrived… and they too started taking to us … started asking who we were… And where were we from. We all gave our details to them especially for his mom who had been interested in the matter.

Well, knowing us… as the schoolmates and the friends of his sons… it was happy meeting us. Soon in our talk she even asked all of us to attend the marriage ceremony of her son (elder brother of our friend) which was almost certain to be in few months. She called everyone from the class. (Six months later, we were invited but we couldn’t go because of the school) We meet the friend but still there wasn’t anyway to spend the time … How were we to spend the eve.?? We then decided…. Let’s go for the movie show.

It was decided … but before that we decided to go back to school for the meal… So, we wouldn’t be hungry … apart from this it would save our money…In the kitchen… when they cooked for few people it tasted very different. It had very great difference in the taste. It was hot and fresh with the vegetables of the green beans. It was delicious.

Before we left the school we talked to the teacher we were stay the night in a friends place …and not in the school. They accepted it. That eve… it was first time after so many years I was going for the late night movie show. We got our ticket… before the show started I looked at the people… there weren’t so many as there would have been in the day. It was a Nepali movie “Mahadevi” and wasn’t so bad… and wasn’t different from the Nepali and Hindi movie trend.
The show ended at about nine. While climing down the hill and waking along the highway it would still take thirty or forty minutes to get the place. It was just a small village …with fe w shops and a small community… and along the highway there weren’t any street light…. In the day… we walked in the middle of the road. It was a great pleasure when we covered all the spaces… Since the road was very straigth (at that part only) we would move aside when we say any traffic coming on the way. We weren’t making fast paces… because we were enjoying the walk… so it was only about ten when we reached the friend’s house. Reahing the place… santosh made everything for us. For four of us we were give two room in a house which was few minutes walk from the place. It was his sister’s house he told. The house was small with with the entrance in the middle so on two sides had the entrance to the room… we took the first room opposite to each other with only one bed in it… Santosh and Narjan decided to sleep in one where as bishnu and me went for the other.

In some time the lights were turned off… Bishnu and me …we even didn’t talk for longer before he was fast asleep. I was somehow tired of the day’s work… but since it was too hot and I could sleep… the more I tried to sleep the more it kept me awake…. I kept turning side… sometimes, I tried looking at my friend sleeping next to me… to see if he had been distrubed when I frequenty turned my side. Twelve…. One …two…. It was some time near about three… I could then hear drops of rain falling on the roof (As roof had been of the metal sheet)… In my life I had always loved rain… and rain falling on the roof, it was something that would be like a song sung that would easily make me fall asleep.

It didn’t take time… Soon I was fast asleep. Next morning when I woke up… my friends had already been awake. The rain of the night had been over but sky still seemed dark with the clouds densly heaved on the top of the hill. So, it was a sort of dark cold morning.

After then we went back to the friends parents house ... they offered us the tea. However we didn't stay there for longer, before we three, thanking our friend for all his help and hospitality we left him and rest of us decided to go to the school.

In the school, the teachers were already with their own work, we quietly took our seat and started our job that was yet to be furnished. It was good teachers didn't tell us anything. It was in the day when our work was done.... we decided to return back to our homes.

After, a month’s vacation I was back to school again for the school. Things had slightly been changed since all these many years… There wasn’t any doubt that I was not upset for leaving the family and the home but still I wasn’t so desperate that I would still have the tears in my eyes coming back to school…. it didn’t happen.

In short while evening became a routine again … day after day… it was a week… it was then two weeks… On the prince Dipendra’s birthday, there was the inaguration of our first school magazine “Dippen.” It was a big book with so many articals, poems and pictures…. I was very happy seeing it… especially my article… a small story about a bird… sparrow…”Mero Pyaro Satti”… and on the beginning a huge picture of the editorial board, on which I was on the first row out of two and on the right.

It was the first week of July… I had the severe illness of the cold. It was something that would desperately kill me… because there was nothing that would ever treat me worse than anything… with it everything would plunge over me, headache, fever severe cold and cough….

And it would not leave me for at least a week or even more … for about two weeks. The intially two days were so bad… I got a very strong drug “Actified plus” from prajwol, the classmate… it was some how the great recovery for great instants when it made me very bad. Gradually, with every morning it slowly turned me better before I was well again.

It was a month later, we the class team decided for something…. We thought we buy some wallpappers and calenders for our classroom second Saturday of the month. We all collected fifteen rupee… before the holiday and it was done. After we came back… we put them on the walls….. Initally the teachers appreciated that but after about three months after the vacation everything was gone … we were told it would obstuct the concentation of the students in the classes. What we had in our were all carried to the staff room and the office room and were stitched there. Additionally school also put many new on diffent places like junior hostel rooms and also in the dinning hall itself.

It was one of those nights in the middle of September. Something strange woke me up in the middle of the night… It was the falling of still glass…In the middle of the big hall of our hostel there was a small clay pot for the drinking water… There was a steel plate on the top as the lid and over it used to be a still glass so that during the night we could drink the water whenever we felt thirsty.

When I open my eyes in the middle of the night … out side I could see the moonlight… it was intense to make me see the trees in the forest ahead and also even the hills far in the East was visible… Then I decided to turn back to see what was happening… It was some how dark inside … but still it didin’t take me long become I could figure out the person who had been walking around in the dark… It was Durga.

He seemed to have gone to drink water… but after retuning back… It astronised me … he didn’t go to his bed…(he had taken the lower bed) instead he walked to the window and lokked out to the moon and wispered something… Something very fast… No way I could get it… which seemed more like a prayer though….

In the class everyone was known about his strange behavour… so I thought it was one of his strange deeds… so again I turned back and closed my eyes… Soon I was asleep. Next day it became a big story… he was only about three meters far way from my bed… it was not only me… there were few friends that had been completely awake seeing his activities… but they had so feared … even to speak to the friend sleeping next… (We always had two big beds brought together and so formed many groups…) Everyone thought he was caught with some sort of spirit.

But it seemed even bizzare when durga himself told it wasn’t anything of spirit… he had done it to frighten the others…

It didn’t take long… weeks and then month…one two then three months… it was the time for the second term exam. Though I wasn’t good in science but still I had the best marks in mathematics and other subjects… After the exams mother came to take me… so, it wasn’t the problem…

The festivals were over, I wasn’t so interested with it again the way I used to be… When I was a young kid I had great enthusiasm of the things like this but with time I gradually lost with all this because I started knowing the truth… what people believe about god and religion… I started thinking it was only and absolute illusion where the blind people are so greatly binded into it. I started asking to my self … why do they make so much of sacrifices of the animals to make god happy… why don’t they sacrifice themselves … or their own blood and flesh to make god happy … if they greatly are devoted to god… These of question to myself started making me isolated from the things like that.

Again the winter days had already started getting deeper. A month vacation was short … we were back again at school.

I must say this…. There is always a great difference in the ordinary hostel and the hostel only for boys… When I take into the account of the hostel of only of the boys … then I say it is a sort of place where there the students have a sort of wild nature and aggression however I don’t mean that there never exist love… It does and it exists in the purest form.

You might consider why am I to write about it… it is because it is only the thing extraordinary in the boy’s school. It was true almost every one would go for a fight with anyone …even for any little thing … or any little arguments but we would always cooperate ourselves to stop it and keep the matter from the teachers.

There were definitely some big fights … it happened when two individuals were phyisically strong but it had never happened that for the last eight years we had any group fights in the class…I wasn’t know to it … suddenly one evening after the evening class, I was shocked when I heard about it… three were two groups made and had fought before the dinner in the hostel. I didn’t see it because I was in the dinning that moment when it took place… Later after the meal I was told … it was between the two intimate Karki Brothers and Yogen's group that included Durga, prakash, arjun, Prajwal and few others…

Taking it into account I consider it as the worst moment that existed between us… There were several fights and it happened almost everyday…it was unstoppable so… it soon was known to every student in the school, (even the juniors) and also soon it was known by the teachers too…
The teachers came to know in the evening… because most fight happened at night. The friends indulged in it were called to the staffroom…

There intially they were punished and then brought to talk. Though we had always been accused of the most stupid class till the last day we stayed in the hostel but after we left everyone recalled us that we were one of those very best. Only the thing that made the teachers and the staff to feel that was that even we did so many stupid things and never helped the teacher to know it… and also that we kept doing it… But still we never did disobey the teacher… before then we would always blow low… and hear them what they told us. It was late in the night when the teachers left them free… even after then there were moments when there almost started the fight but still it didn’t go further. Though things didn’t improve because the two teams never talked to each other again but still it didn’t get worse than what happened.

For the desperate eight cold winter morning it made me feel like a hell, when the hostel teachers woke us up at six… and then made us go for the PT. I greatly hated it but there wasn’t the way to escape… so, in the dark cold foggy morning we flushed our face with cold water then in some fifteen minutes we came out in the field for the morning excercises. As usual in two long trailing lines we had to run the around the football ground. I had always felt … I wasn’t that physically strong for the races... or even for running… In few days after the arrival… I had already caught the cold … and today, for the first time in life… I even caught the cough… there were few frozen blood marks… in the cough…

Next day again… it happened the same… I thought was there something behind it…??? Since then I was some how conscious about myself… I tried to protect myself from cold… Luckily it didn’t happen the third time.

It hadn’t been long our mate Santosh grg’s dad had come to our school as the sport’s teacher. Though it has become easier for us since he was there… as usually he would take over us… being the most senior batch of the time… To enhance us or motivate us for the exercises … and also according to most of the friends will… once a week he scheduled us taking out of the school building… it was fun coming out of school but still it wasn’t enough to satisfy me… I would never want it in any cost.

This year I came tried to come out with something to make the difference… I decided write a novel… a Nepali novel on the fore ground of the typical Nepalese culture, tradition and the society and based on the family story. It was about three sons and a mother… out of all only the youngest who marriages to the widow adopts her before she dies… It ended in twenty-nine pages of the school notebook… Though I had thought to elaborate the story to make it bigger I couldnot proceed it because of the final exams… (Unfortunately I happened to forget the book underneath my bed when I had gone home for winter vacation… After back from home I couldn’t find it … I dicovered in the mean time during our vacation police personnels had been there for few days for the training. They might have displaced it away.)

In about two weeks … we had the finals of our school examination. After then we had the vacation for two weeks… Long two weeks in the cold winter.

***

Part VII

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 06:56:00 -0800

After the winter vacation I was back to school again.

It was the same classroom I had the same seat but Daksha by my side. In hostel… it was the same place, same bed and we even had the same hostel teacher, Guru. There was construction on the upper floor, and when it go ready we were to move there. Kumar sir wasn’t our classteacher because we needn’t to study the ‘History and Geography’ anymore. It was replaced by optional mathematics… called ‘Trigonometry’, the very tough mathematics.

The few other subjects that were removed from our courses were ‘Sanskrit’ and ‘Moral Science’. And in addition to it we had ‘Nagarik Jiwan’, ‘Accounting and Management’ and ‘My English’ There was a new science teacher for us… for the last year som sir had taught us with it but for this year he was with the optional mathematics…

The new teacher seemed quite okay but unfortunately he didn’t stay for longer… there was also a need of new mathematics teacher. And fulfilling both requirements we had a new teacher ‘Rudra Sinjali’. It hadn’t been easy for him getting to place… there were many who came for the exam …out of them three were taken for the test class… Three teachers came into our class with some title of the matematics and taught us for about fifteen minutes each… Sinjali sir was the last one… he taught us pythagorous theorem, the longest in the book taking almost and hour of the time… There was no question he was selected.

Sometime it astronises me how much difference does a teacher make for the student. “Sinjali sir” we used to call him… he had an extraordinary accent that not only forced or deviated me to a different route but also helped me to develop confidence and determination in the work… So that should be why even after years for few we always keep lagging behind them. Mathematics… I always feared, I was never good at it. Later I realised, more than the subject… it was the teacher that had made he fear the subject. As I had always feared with kaji sir … I had always feared with mathematics too and so, I had never been able to do bette in it. And about question … in my life I never had been to him with any of the question… I definitely had been to my friends for it.

I wasn’t the worse with mathematics… there was a friend who extremely feared with him… and it was Manoj. He was one of those weakest in the class… and it was him who often would make kaji sir angry because he would never get what ever he taught in the class. Unfortunately he always became the victim of kaji sir whom the teacher not only shouted and screamed but also had slaped and punished in many other ways only because for not knowing or not understanding. He was the only one… that he would often ask… and when he was silent with no answer it was sure by the end his eyes and face would blush red with tears...

Sometime…like this… a class, not even for an hour sounded completely harrowing like a day… Perhaps not being able to cope the teacher and perhaps also of his own personal reason he had left the school a couple of years back from the time. Sinjali sir was a completely different image to kaji sir… he was numb polite and low… he would never shout … if was difficult almost impossible to find any sign of anger on his face… More than this during his class for something we didn’t understand with his teaching… it was not us who had to go to him with the questions. Instead, he would come to us, to the individual and give the details. It greatly should have helped many. For me… it gave me a different dimension… in the mathematics.

He also became the science teacher… he would give us notes and details… but as his was after the lunch break… most of us would feel sleepy due to heat of the day… truly, I wasn’t with science so much the way I was for the mathematics.

In two weeks after our arrival, we had a religious festival ‘Swaraswati Puja’ when we had holiday… On the day the people used to pray to the Goddess of Knowledge and Skill Swaraswati… There was a Swaraswati temple newly made closer to the entrace gate of the school. Early morning in the foggy cold morning we were asked to take the shower with almost the freezing cold water. Then if we wished we were also asked to have nothing at all until prayer was over. After the shower we all gathered at the temple… there was guru making all the prayers… though I decided to take the shower and to take nothing unless the prayer was over but I was not interested in praying for hours and hours. It was interesting getting to the place though because even the teachers like kumar and others had gathered with musical instrument and they were singing the prayer songs.

There was something I wondered even… some of the friends had even brought their books into the temple to pray… carrying so many of their books from the classroom… There they were closing their eyes and really making deep prayers… After then before taking them back they first bowed on the feet of big statue of the goddess inside the temple and then coloured it with the red… After the prayer was over... we were handed sweets…
And the day was over…

Days were getting warm… trees were starting to get leaves. Even at the backyard of the hostel the trees that had been planted about two years back had grown up higher… the reason they had grown up higher than the rest of the place was that… fortunately the soil was better. Next thing that favoured the place was that it would get water all time through the year because the plants would get water that would flow from the drain to the large pond… It was the main washing place for all living in the hostel.

When the days started getting hotter and the in the spring trees started getting leaves… In search for the shade we made our own place near the fence. It was since then, during ten minutes break (twice a day) most of us only from our class would come to the place and stayed for a talk… It didn’t only continue for a year, well it did last till the end of our high school days.

About six weeks later, we shifted up to the upper floor room… It was larger room and higher from the ground so, it was definitely a better place… While building the upper floor they had elaborated the ground floor room that could smaller than half of the size of the last room in the hostel. So, while adding up above it … on the upper floor, two small rooms were made… one was adjacent to our hostel room … on the side of it was a little window for the teacher to sometime peep at us… there was a little curtain over it.

Next was a long room… where soon we brought desks and chairs … and it became our study room. It was also often used in the morning in selfstudy and in the evening class for the weak student. The teachers brought them there and gave private lessons. The place… I picked on one of the nicest. Most of them preffered on the upper bed… I too would like it …but I didn’t like fighting for it. However I looked for the beautiful which was very close to windows… on two sides of it … The best thing was that, parallel to my bed was a very big window which I always kept open. The other reason I had choosen it was at the far corner from the teacher’s peeping-window and his room.

Always in the leisure, it became the gathering place… As the bed was parallel to the window and it had the best view to the ground…the forest behind it and the hills at the far distance… usually there would be some one sitting there. After the games… in the late afternoon, mates came and rested there for the air… and in the evening after the lunch it in became one of the most gathering place. Because it was only the place …they could lie down to see see the moon and the stars, the clouds and the rain… and above all of it … the freshness of the air.

On the 28th of March, we had the schoolday. This year school decided to organise the annual function and the Parent’s day on the school day. On the day… I participated for the group song… And for the first time in life… I got prize from the distunguished guest for getting the third place in the school. It was a small school based classic novel ‘Tom Sayer’ by Mark Twain.

The following Saturday the particpants were given three hours leave for the valley. We, the members of the group song also got the opportunity for it. It was Kaji sir who had done the favour, which was very good of him. And he was also the one who took us to the valley in the school bus and left to go anywhere we deserved. We were happy excited and overjoyed… most of them made there own way… there became few friends that decided to go with me. Santosh grg, Rochan and Sunil, we first went to a friend of my sister… took two bicyles from her, meant for four of us…two in each.

Then with two bikes, four of us we went to my house… getting there we didn’t stay for longer we soon came back to give the bikes… While getting back we had almost ruined most of our time. And from the place… we spent the remaining time walking down the road to get to the place where the Kaji sir had asked us to gather, before he had left us free.

Everyone seemed punctual… at three, we were all already there… Kaji sir told us the school bus wasn’t to come so he asked us, to get the local bus to get to the school. He told he would come in the different bus with the remaining of the junior brothers. Sometime later we sorted out the bus in the busstand nearly by just about hundred meters down the road. I decided to stay away from my friends, who were all behind at the back seat so, it was the second seat from the main entrance door at the left.

Soon the bus started and we drove back to the school… the bus would drop us close to the school gate. I was definitely not happy for getting in the school but still I was happy for freely getting back. Moreover I was anxious to tell all the story of the day to the friends in the school. The bus stopped in different places before it left the city. So people climbed in and took the seat. I was surprised no body came and took the seat beside me. But I had noticed a beautiful girl came and took a seat ahead of me.

Soon we were out of the valley and it wasn’t so frequent the bus would stop. It started getting lonely. The beautiful hills with trees and open terraces… they gave me a sort of heavenly feeling. Soon my feelings became so intense in some way I forget where I was… in a low murmer I started singing. I kept singing different song one after next until I was closer to the school. Just few miles away from school… the girl who had taken the seat ahead of me asked… “Are you Shrestha?”
I somehow trying to turn to her with a surprise, told, “No”
“What’s your name? Where are you going?”
“I am Yubraj and I read in Dipendra…. In eight” With a pause I asked her “What’s your’s and where do you study?’
“ I am Sita Shrestha and I study Khairani High School in ten?”
“Where do you live?’ she asked me.
“In pokhara…. Lakeside” I shortly answered.
“My brother also lives in Pokhara, he runs the hotel there. Its Nascent Hotel…do you know?”
“No” I nodded my head. Then she turned away from me…
It was partly making nervous… because I had felt strange talking to her… so many years in boys school it would flush me red and make me lose my nerves when girls appeared before me and to talk… it was even frustrating.
When the bus once stopped sometime before our stop point the girl walked out of bus. I watched her walk out of it and making her paces to next side of the road.
After she left, I wondered about what happened. I then started having questions to myself “why did she wanted to know about me” “Why did she ask me who I was …and also why was the reason she gave so much details about her.”
We got out of bus… and when I was back at the hostel I told the story of the day and and the other story out the girl. And that evening, in the gathering inside our hostel… I retold the day with all that happened… and more than this I didn’t miss to explain then every little bit of the story with the beautiful girl.

The day was over but it wasn’t easy I could forget the incident. I never had talked to strange girl in that way. And in an accidetn in such a short time we knew so much about each other… it was strange. The same thing went over and over in my mind for some couple of days. But not to let myself in more confusions and illusions I decided to work out a way. I decided to write to her for once.

It was third week of April… I prepared a letter in English. I had known where she studied. She was the girl, reading in class ten in the government school only about half a mile east from our school.

I was well known to her school, so with no mistakes I made the address and I sent the letter to her. A first letter in the whole life meant for the girl. It was a simple letter with simple feelings through wasn’t any sort of purposal letter. Sending and receiving letters wasn’t easy. Every letter that came for the students was clearly observed by the teachers. Janak sir was the one whom it mattered the most. The letters from the girls were never given to the students. Once it happened a mate Niroj was called to the office about a case of the letter. It was common his affairs to women as he had told so many of his stories to me. The girls often wrote him the letters with their blood. This was the thing the Principal had discovered in his letter and so had called him top the office.

For sending the letters it was almost the same thing. The letters had to be checked by the teachers and the signature was requied on the envelop as an approval of the the teacher who checked the letter before they could be sent. I wrote it… but it wasn’t easy sending it. For the aprroval there proved to be only one of the teacher that could help me and it was Sinjali Sir. Those days I had already gained so much of the favour from him… he had already known my name and about me.

When I went with the letter for the approval… he didn’t even look for whom it was before he signed it on the back and gave it to me.
“Thankyou sir”I bowed him with a pride and great happiness.
Next day I handed it to Baral Uncle, who posted it for me. Baral Uncle, he was the only one staff of the school building who worked for students and teachers. Apart from cleaning the classroom by the respective hostel uncles and aunts, for every other thing it was him who had to work. He would ring the bell… for the beginning and the end of every class., working for the teachers and also often helped in bringing the stationeries and other accessories in accordance to our forms. In school he was often the busy person.

Not only among the friends in the class but I think among all of them in the school itself I was one of very few very close to him. Even if I wouldn’t get the teacher to sign my letter he would have taken it for the post at any cost. Principal had always been concious about it so only reason for it was… I didn’t want him to be in trouble only for my personal reason. With time, it was Laxman who became my closer mate. On reason for this was he was from the same school where I had been from so many years back. Taking to him about past school and the people there, it revived so forgotten realities.

Among the passive ones… who weren’t very good and also not so very interested in football decided to form a different football group. We also made a different ground at the far corner behind the dinning hall, some how far from the main center. We weren’t so much …only about ten and the little ground with stone post was sufficient. For some moment it became the tradition we kept playing everyday… in the late afternoon after the tea.

One morning, we had just been for the PT… we saw everyone rushing to the right end of the school… which had the edge… a cliff that ran straight down about fifty meters at the river side down below. Someone seemed to have fallen from the height and everyone were looking at him… We were allowed to stay there for longer so all of us retuned back to hostel. Later we came to know that he was one of the police personal of the school. He was immediately taken to regional hostel in the school bus… They said even falling from such a great height he had one of the figers of a hand moving … though he was still unconciuos they told there still seemed the possibilities that he could be alive.

Next day everything changed… he had to be taken to the hospital in the capital. They told there had been some damages in the brain… there wasn’t the proper circulation of blood. After four days of the incident he was still unconcious… operation was made but became unsuccessful and later was considered dead.

The actual reason was never known but there had been several stories. Many told that he had been missed from early before the night at about eight that evening. Perhaps he was drunk while returning to his room he might have had missed the way and had fallen from the height. The house they lived was only about thirty meters from the place he fell off.

However there were also somespiritual stories… somebody told that just few days back the following evening during his duty as guard in the school gate… He had seen the woman walking passed to the office… trying to find her after sometime he had found that she dissapeared in the dark… he asked for who it was … no body answered. He had told this story to his friend. Many guess that perhaps the same spirit might have done the damage on him.

Though stories came many but reason was never known. Though I didn’t really know who he was… but something I was made to think was about his family. He was married … had a wife and a very young son. And I felt so sorry that life was never going to be easy for them. In his demise, the school made a holiday for a day.

It was one rainy evening some of us gathered under a very small room under the stairs that went to the upper hostel room. The ones we had gathered there were Narjan, Rabindra, Deepak, Sujan and myself. We were having some serious talk. Deepak had made his recent song… it was beautiful. And just talking to each other we decided to start a band. However we didn’t give the name of it that moment.

Next day narjan handed over a beautiful memoir where the first song of deepak was written. Then followed by two of my songs that were more like the poetry they didn’t have the tune. For some days we were into it… but in few weeks it was forgotten. Our ideas didn’t get bonded together as it was supposed to be.

The second week of March I had visited home for the holidays for the religious festivals. The next day there was the shocking news about the uncle, the only brother of my mother. I was shocked and grieved with the news… at the early age of twenty-two, unmarried he had died. He hadn’t been sick for longer before he died with some problems in his brain. The news was harrowing and it took me so long to get rid of the image about him. It had been four years back the uncle and the grandfather had come to us. There wasn’t anything uncle had been doing in the village… Because the grandfather had been so sick… he had decided to come for his treatment in the regional hostipal in our place.

Uncle had always loved us when we were young. He would take our hand and we would walk by his side talking all the way… Sometime when he came to our place he even tried to take us in the boat to the next side of the lake though we deided to return. Uncle and grandfather had lived in the village… so life hadn’t been so easy. A few couple of times I had heard my mother said to the uncle. “Well why don’t you start up something at the place… you can learn something first” Something very peculiar about the uncle was… he played the flute so well. He even used to make it by his own. Though he couldn’t stay longer with us when he had come for the treatment for the grandfather but before he left he had made a flute for me and left it. He talked less but ways always smiling… something I always felt beautiful about him.

But their stay had never made father feel good about it. For few nights there was even discussions between my parents. Mother would say she wanted to keep them because they were weak… but father would dominate her telling that it was not the place they should stay… He told it was better if he left. Though I was very younger but still I believed I could understand the circumstances. I often told to the father, I was going to do the same when he grew older. It would never mean anything to him. He never took it seriously.

Now it was after four years the uncle’s death had been a shock for us. Something that I couldn’t obssesed me was… he was too young to die. He wasn’t even married. He hadn’t had the family. Why was there nobody when he was sick. There were questions I couldn’t have the answers and had to leave the things it way though I could never forget it as I am wrinting it clearly. About six month later grandfather too passed away. Now it was only my mother and her sister left in the family. Her mother had died when I was only about three or four… and even earlier her elder sister had died when she was only a young girl.

These realities were severe to me but I had to accept them.

With time… some thing proved we have somehw grown up. The teachers would now let uas go home alone if we had an application from our parents to the hostel teachers, asking them to leave us alone in the holidays. It made a drastrict change in my feelings. Even while studying in the seventh grade, as usual I was happy going home for holidays or vacations but while returning back from home it had always become the same story. I could never change much with my way. I din’t cry the way I did when I was a young kid but still aways tears ran from my eyes and my heart grieved so badly… it always became the worst morning for me.

But since when we were allowed to go home alone… it made a great difference… I needed look at someone to come and take me for the short holidays. There was no worry, the day came and I would go. So, after coming to this time there was a sort of extreme joy because there was no way I would ever get frustrate for not coming to take me home. Since then it was every month I could go home alone and returned the same way. This certainly eased the feelings… It also gave more confidence and pleasure to the life… and the way of living.

These little changes in the rules changed the way of life… it didn’t take long when the day after day a term was over… we had the first term… to my delight, I fortunately became the second.

After a month vacation, I had arrived on the day when the classes had already started. However I ddin’t miss any classes of the day. That late afternoon when our class was over and we were in the dinning for the tea, Santosh grg gave me surprising news. He told he had seen a letter for me in the wainting hall for the guest and guardence close to the entrace of the school.

Hearing it I was overjoyed. On the way he told it was from a girl. Then my heartbeat went high. When I had written her for the first time, I waited for the reply for all the month until the day before the vacation. After it I had given hope and had almost forgotten it. I just walked beside him. He looked the letter and finally we got it … it was placed over by the frame of the wooden clock.

I was excited and nervous… there was a reply but I wasn’t certain if it was some good news or it was something with some tough and hard words. With some sort of fear however I dared to open and read the letter. There was some news in it. She accepted the relation, she wanted to me her god-brothers.

She had beautifully written the letter. Even in the pretty simple sheet of paper her artistic writings had made had given the true word of it. Gave the true meaing what it should have meant. It was definitely the first relation in life that I had made with some stranger, a woman and it was with some accident. I had just felt to write and had done it as I wasn’t even sure of the reply if it would ever come back to me…

Since then it was frequent we started writing letters… when I got one then I would send the reply in few days and wait until got the reply for it… and it almost took three weeks sometimes a month. But things went on and it made us feel close… just like friends.

About month later, on Saturday, some time later after our lunch, Janak sir decided to take us to the riverside for the practical of the English lesson “Rice Pudding” of the My English. It was sunny day, through the dusty road we took our way to the riverside. On the way… carrying big pots to cook… big bags of powdered milk rice and other assessories like pieces of wood, we did enjoy carrying the load. For, me I had nothing to carry.

Walking about more than a mile we came to the small riverside of Kumle river… before getting to the place … we had to get down through the dusty slope, down the hill. We were fortunate it didn’t take time to find a stream near by for the water to drink and cook… Soon we started our work… we were only few who sat there to cook… there wasn’t enough work for everyone so, most of them went for swimming. It was narjan, santosh and few of the others and me that we deicided to cook.. And also Janak sir, the principal he was there overall looking everything. We gathered three big stones, all round to place the big drum or we can say pot. Underneath it we could make the fire.

In the group some of them went to bring the water. In some time we got enough of it and we mixed the powered milk… The firewoods were so dry and hard… that gave good yellowish flames. The wood were good because they were brought for the kitchen in the school that used tremendous amount of wood everyday…

It didn’t take much time when the milk hot then we poured into it … then sugar… and left it until it boiled… When the water, the liquid seemed to dry out, the mixed dry fruits were put into it and were stirred throughly… After then we put off the fire… and let it t cool… After it was over we too went for swimming.

We couldn’t stay longer…before the teacher called us.. When we all gathered first the cooks, we served the others with the stirrer who came with the plates… afterthen we also took… there was enough of it… so, when one finished they added. It had tasted good because it was sweet… moreover, the dry fruits had made it taste better. After all the pot was emptied.

After the meal eveyone was asked to clean their own plates… as for the big pots and other cooking accessories, the cooks had to clean it … because nobody seemed to even look at it. It became Santosh Gurung and my part to clean the big pot. When we got it cleaned we carried it to same place. Before we left I decided not to carry it …through the way… so I stayed a bit farther from it… and we soon moved. I was lucky I hadn’t anything.

The way… it was very quite… there were houses… but isolated and looked more like farmhouse. There was only a place where there were shops… however not many … only four… We, the one who carried nothing, made longer strides and moved faster paces that in very short time took us ahead of rest of the others. The reason for this was we wanted to get to the shop very soon to buy something to take it to the school. Because in school it wasn’t easy getting them… the teachers would never allow us to have the things…

So, after buying so many things we would rush to school… leaving the rest of the others far behind… teachers would also usually fall far behind bringing the lagging ones together with them. The way we had thought, we hadn’t been right thinking that we had left the others far behind… someone from the far distant who had been lagging behind shouted and asked all of us to stop.

There was no way for the escape that the day… So, we all had to stop before everyone arrived. When everyone arrived we found how aggresive the teacher had been. He shouted to all of us… He told there had been no one to carry the pots and other things, which seemed to have made him very angry. From the place we quitely walked back to school. However things didn’t get bad then this. There was worse thing sometime even teachers feared when they happened to take us out from school… the moments like that when we happened to take us to the rivers. Some times the small shops with only little things would be almost emptied… and most of the cases it wasn’t because of the sale but instead everybody took it and most never paid.

It was about a year earlier… it happened in a little shop close to the school gate. After the incident, the shopkeeper came to the teachers and with tears in his eyes pleaded them to help him get the things back… Hearing it all… we all talked to each other and with the pity we had decided to get most of his things back, which were stolen. That happened once and was good of us.

It was one of the eves after the meal in the evening. Since fe w days there had been the rumours in the hostel … some boys had peeped into the Rupa auntie’s room in the junior hostel while she was undressing. That evening with some of the friends we decided to watch the scene again. That day everyone in the class was known about the matter.

So, for this we decided to turn off the light of our hostel so that it could help us see evening easy in the dark… As we were watching it was after a long wait she did come but things didn’t happen the way we were told because that she became busy on her own. We were all curous and silent waiting to see. But unfortunately some one from inside the hostel turned on the light above us… and every one ran into the hostel. There were two of us… me and Arun, the captain. It was one of the friend who had done it. But some again went and turned it off… and everybody regathered for it… for the second time it was done.

Then it was some body who told teachers had known about it … and were watching us. So, immediately every one was gone except for me and Arun again. We decided to stay there for some time before we also decided to leave.

Initially I had thought about the teahers… it was only a rumour… but later I came to know from the uncles that teachers had known about it and the reason for why we all were rushing and runnning. In some ways, I felt shame about it there wasn’t any way to defend ourselves.

In the meantime a different game took the major space in the school… ‘Wrestling cards’… It became a sort of craze for everyone… when we would be at the leisure we would gather and then we would starts… However it wasn’t any sort to playing cards. It had no numbers… it had only picture of the wrestler in one side of it where as there wasn’t anything on the next.

For the game there weren’t any specific rules… the players would sit around with the lumps of the cards placed upside down on their hands. Then would start the taking out the top most card and placing in the middle between them. Then next beside it would put the next… it would then go on… if the two cards come out to become of the same wrestler then the person precedding the first takes the favour of taking all the cards placed in the middle… Then it is restarted again by the winner…. And it goes on and on.

It soon became the craze for everyone in the school. Soon everyone started wanting it so badly… they would pay huge money…(in comparision to it’s cost) for it… It became an addiction and soon realised by the teachers, it was restricted. After then many time the guru would accidently rush into our room and seize them… But slowly, it was given up…

Soon, it was then, we had the second term. After the exams were over… then we had the result… I was second again… with the result I was then starting to have more confidence.
The only thing I was waiting for was for some one to come to take me for vacation. Though we could still go home alone in the short holidays but still for the vacation guardians or parents were necessary to come and take us home.

It had been third day after our exam. During the lunch somebody told me some one had come for me… I hurried finished up the meal and headed to the main gate, at the entrance to see who had been there to come to take… I was shocked and surprised. Two girls in their school uniform were sitting in the waiting hall waiting for me.

In one letter of my letter to her, I had asked her if she could visit me in the school. I had just told her because I was sure she wouldn’t make any attempts comeing to me. But she had done it … and it greatly surprised me… in the beginning it wasn’t so easy for me to recognise her because it was once I had seen her … and it was the story of some months back… and now she had no glasses on… So, for some time it did put me in the confusion. But it didn’t take long before I could sort it out right.

As I had talked about the matter earlier about the relations with girls… as many times the principal himself had torn the letters of boys that had been sent by the girl… Even these little incidences would sometime becaome a big story in the school itself that almost everyone would know it…

And when it was like … meeting, it would even a big problem if the teachers knew… but I wasn’t so scared because I would tell she was my sister. When I realised her, I swiftly walked beside her and took the place… though I wasn’t frightened with anyone there but still I could succeed to talk to her the way I could talk about so many things in the letters. I couldn’t start the talk nor could see he face … I was already getting too nervous about it.

She did dare to talk start the talk… first she introduced her friend Kalpana to me. Then she asked me about exams… she asked me when I was going home and for how long… I did give the answers for her questions which didn’t prove so difficult… when the talk was over… she told me she wanted to give me a picture … as I turned to look at her from the side she slipped her picture to me.

I quickly grabbed, not to let others watch about it… later they gave me two cards in big light envelops by each of them. It was ever the first gift I got from some one. I was somehow exicited and nervous now… because I had something with me… if incase the teachers saw it … they would take it away from me… never giving me baqck again. So, hurridly I raced from the placed and rushed to the hostel… to she it for what it was.

She had handed me a beautiful picture of hers. Something shocked me… the location had been no where then the highway right infront of my school itself… I knew she had done it for me. In the envelops there were two cards similar types… on hers there had been a card for the festival with the encloser of a beautiful Nepali movie star… where as on her friend’s there was a nepali movie actor.

It was a first impressive gift…
Next day my in the afternoon …mother came to take me back to home… even earlier before I arrived there had already been the talked with my mother. I didn’t know how our hostel warden Guru had come to know that somebody had come to see me the day earlier. He had told my mother that sisters had come to see me a day earlier and mother was shocked because she wouldn’t believe it… As soon as I saw and had come to her the first question she had made for me was …who had come to see me.

I was then in problem… I told my mother, I would tell her everything sometime later when we would get some how far from the school. Before we left … there was the conversation between the guru and my mother, he suggest to go to every home near by and ask who was it to come to me to see me… As we came out of the school… then I started all the story tyo my mum. I din’t lie her anything… I told everything what it was how it was and when it was. Initially she didn’t like it.

When we reached home it became the matter to talk… I was proud telling ahving the relation and telling the story to my sisters… I even showed them her beautiful pictures and few letters that she had written then to me … but soon they all started making jokes at me… so I could no longer keep up with it before I seized everything and took them away from them.
Next day there wasn’t any story again.

A month vacation wasn’t long enough before we again returned back to school for the winter sessions. For this year for the final, we were to have the district level exams… Usually our finals would have been in the second week in the December… But because of the district level our exam exmas were supposed to initiate from the first week of the same month. So, it was only a month time… after the vacation he had the exams… it was only our class who had it … where as the rest of the others still had the classes.

In about ten days it was over… after our exam we could move home …that was the very best thing for us… In the meantime, during the winter vacation, I came with my mother to the school to seek the results of my finals… this time I didn’t miss the grab… I was the second in the class with the eightfour percentage marks… which remained the highest ever in all my life. Mother was certainly very proud of it.

A week later, one evening we started having among within ourselves we started having discussions. Since we hadn’t had the term with father… he was living with his own and wasn’t of much concern at that instant. The matter was between me mother and the esdest sister Bishnu.
Though it was a couple of months earlier that she had told me all her story about her love affairs, she had promised me she was going to wait for the next two years before I completed my high school. It was me to ask her for it because I had already learnt the lesson from the incident from the Manju’s case. And I knew father in no way would accept it.

I had hoped things would be alright… but that eve… the discussion brought up a new problem… she became so mad to us about him… she told that if she wouldn’t get him that day she would kill herself or hang. It became a horrible night before it was me and mother who finallized the case. We told her that next morning we would let her go with the guy if he would assure us that he loved her… She just had to wait that night.

Next morning she left home early and brought the guy to the mother. I didn’t interfer the matter. I just let over to mom with all that she wished to do because she was the mother and she would do the exact thing needed that moment because I had belief in her she would never make a wrong move … she was a sensible woman. The guy excepted that he was in love with her… so, mother gave them the decision to start with their own life. The same day father was known about it. I had already learnt a problem was solved but even a big disaster was yet to come.
Because father would never accept this… and for his unsatisfation we remaing had to pay the price for him….especially mother.

We were all young… so was the reason why I had asked her to wait the next two years… so that I would at least get big enough to fight for the right thing. But something the need become more important than loyality or anything else. We were all left… and now it was me to take over anything to fight again the monster.

The same evening he was back home totally drunk. We were living with intense fear because we knew he would come… We were just waiting to run away when we happened to see him. But even drunk he sometime tried to become smarter… he wouldn’t come in an easy fashion… he would come to surprise us and he wouldn’t just come… he often would come with big knives. That eve I had no confidence within myself…nor the mother dared to fight with him… my brother was rather small for it… and the other sister had no strenght for it… so when he came we all ran away. We though he would leave and we would come back… but it didn’t happen… he didn’t leave… instead he slept there. That night we had to make the request for a room in the monastry, just next in our neighbourhood. They did do the favour.

Next day… it wasn’t the good day either… We asked brother not to help him with the business. We hid him the all day… but that eveing we were helpless… he bit him up so badly he had the scares all over his body… Some parts were even sollen up. That evening it was again the same… that day I was so desperate I decided to fight.I did try to hit him once … But after then when he tried to grab me to hit… I had to run down the terraces… while running down… perhaps twenty meters away I fell into the ground… the jerk gave a severe pain on my right knee. I thought it had almost torn apart. For some moment I had to stop… I knew stopping there wasn’t the right thing so I again had to run farther.

There didn’t seem to be the better solution so, we decided to call for the help from the community. The next day mother called for the people from the community. With them he disaggreed that the fact that hwe came with the knive the few nights. Next thing was he blamed everything over the mother… who was so innicent and helpless. It was about an hour discussion and the community warned him for it. So, things somehow improved but still wasn’t complete and it wouldn’t be.

Two days later, I had to go back to the school again as my vacation had been completed. The following week… I was almost awake every midght beause with triebble dreams and wit the pain in my knees… though I didn’t feel it in the day… during the night it hurted very bad that every night I couldn’t sleeep for hours. In few days I realised the problem… so I started with the massage every evening before the sleep. In about a month I had almost recoved.

***

Part VI

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 06:55:00 -0800

After the winter vacation, I was again back to school in the late afternoon. Mother had come along with me to the school. After having checked my bag, and noting my name on the register, I went to the store to get the books… They gave me all of it, which was a huge chunk that I had to carry with two hands over my chest.

The class had already started …but I decided not to go that day. Now in the hostel… we were given different room… there were two different small rooms for us … Most of them in one … the very new one built on the place on the half of the space on the top floor where we often used to watch television and movies. After the room was built it was never again a place for television show again.

A new hostel was almost finished after the construction, it was on the right of the main. We were told it would soon be finished and we were to move in the new hostel. That late afternoon after the tea… as most of my friend did for the play I came into the class with all my new books and copies. It was a different room … it was in the middle of the tree room on the upper floor. They had individual desks and they were bigger… So, the drawers it had were also bigger than that we ever had. That was ever the best thing about it.

The next day with all my friends I was back in the class. As always I took the first desk on the left. I was lucky I could have the big window on the left … from where I would have the wind… see the mountain and beautiful scenario and sometime think about my home and my family that were beyond several hills far away from the place.

The same day Rabindra came and he took the place next to me. He had always been so good… and I was very happy finding him next to me… he was some one who had almost the same feeling the way I had… who had also known me from closer as he had once he been my best friend. I didn’t know how the things changed but for me … he was one of those the very best ones I ever met.

In about a week, I learnt we were thirty one in total… Kumar sir, the history and geography teacher became our class teacher. History became my favorite subject … I would be completely dazed over his stories when he would explain every little part of the history in brief. I would be so consumed by his voice … it would be like the movie show where I remained astarring at him… but completely absorbed in the imagination wityh all that he had been talking about. It was the best subject to me.

A week later, the elders brothers came came to school.
In the evening, there was a fare well program… there wasn’t much… in the opera hall we were all called to attain it… then a choir of a bunch of boys came and sang the same song that they had sung for the other brothers during the farewell for them…

“Tadha Tadha Janu chha sati … ek fera hashi dau
Chu ti sake ko mayalai sathi ek phera gaasi dau……
……………………………………………………..
……………………………………………………..

There was no other progams… teachers, students and the brothers they came up on the stages and delivered the speechs and poems about depating love … school teachers and so on. Next early morning after the breakfast… they left on the school bus for the central school to continue their studies for the remaining standards eight, nine and ten.

Now we became the seniors of the school. It was a different feeling because … in many cases we were the ones who would be benefited the most. We greatly had the strength …only place where we would fall last was for the dinning… Being senior of the school we were always the one who would be the last one to for breakfast lunch, tea in the late afternoon and the dinner. Also for the TV shows and movie shows.. we would also be the last ones .

But there was something goood of being last… we usually need not come in line… that was something I liked. Ever day we would wait until everyone would be gone… So, when we would for for the dinner there would be only few that would remain there. Even all the tables in dinning looked messy and everything grew cold … but it would be more silent and we could take enough time … so, it was beautiful thing about being late.

Just as every year houses were made… Nilgiri, Dhaulagiri, Machhapuchre and Annapurna I was in Machhapuchre house. Since then the houses were never changed, it remained the same till the end of our schooldays. Giriraj was our house captain… he was more to games and sports so he dealt more with it… Being the senior of school I got advantage, I could deal with all the acedemic affairs like… quizes… spelling contests… debates… and other competitions regarding the educational affairs. Moereover I could decide for the participants for it from our house. That was still a marvelous favour.

Our TV show became routinized. Every Friday eve after the supper, we had the Indian horror shows, the serial in star TV that lasted for only thirty minutes. Started at quarter to ten. Sometime it was so thrilling I wouldn’t watch it even when we were hundred in the group to watch it. It was so scary that sometime it was not only that I couldn’t look at the screen… I couldn’t even hear the sound.

Soon, it became a sort of way that every time, after the horror show I would never get into sleep through the night… next day was the Saturday and we could sleep till late, so it didn’t become much problem…

Saturday, in the afternoon… we could also watch the telivision. On that day the national broadcast use to give a Hindi movie at two that ended at about five. So we used to watch it every Saturday. This became a sort of tradition of how we used to get through our leisure in the Saturdays. It continued till the end of the high school.

But horror movie show didn’t last longer… the teachers banned it because they thought it was suitable for us as it seemed more vulger. Instead they put on the national broadcast that day.
Apart from this… on religious or other holidays when we had no classes we could watch television in the opera. But everything would stop about two weeks before the exams… and we had to wait until the exams were over.

About a month later, our new hostel was ready and we moved into it… the room had larger iron bed rather than the wooden ones… and also had few flurosecnt lights rather than the filament bulbs… So after the dinner, it was bright enough to read or do something of similar kind. We also had three new latrines infront of our hotel. It was only for us…. The seniors … no other junior’s brothers could use it. When it was for only us… it remained cleaner… and using it … we could no for use the others that we had been using for several years. Now they looked dirtier… though in reality they hadn’t changed.

In hostel Nepali teacher, Guru became our hostel teacher. With new hostel… and better merits for us… rather than any one in the school we were more encouraged to do something… on the left the was the little lawn… of our new hostel building… But it was covered with the concrete layer as it mad been the place for mixture making, for the large hostel building. We almost worked for about a week all time duing the game time …after the tea in the late afternoon. We even broke or separate the heavy concrete layers from the ground then carried the soil over it and made a small flower garden for us… Yeah our work didn’t go in vain… Few months later… even roses bloomed out of it.

This year additional subject was added to our courses. It would teach us who to make things. Guru taught us the subject. We were so influenced with it… after our classes we would gather at the backyard of the hostel and we would dig out the mud. Then we would refine it …seperating the stones and gravels out of it and then mixing it with the water. Then from it … we made the statues… of Hindu god and godess. We did try with many… I made a little Buddha… meditating. But it hadn’t the face… Santosh made a better one… Ganesh, it was absolutely a perfect figure. When they were dried, we carried it to our hostel room and at the corner we made a prayering place… Every morning we would lit the fire…on the tray…a mud tray made by Nawaraj… with the mustard oil that we got from the kitchen to use as the hail oil. It world all untill we went off for the summer vacation… when we returned the statues were missing… Perhaps the uncles should have thrown them away.

In shivaratri I came home. This was for the special purpose. In Hindu religion, for two castes Brahman and Chetries … Bartamanda is necessary. It is a sort of ceremony where a priest teaches the Brahman boys some Mantras and also gives them the holy thread… which the brahmans wear all their lives… though they replace with the new ones sometime in every suitable holy occasions. The thing that having no bartamanda might restrict is that the Brahman would never be allowed to give fire during the furenal possessions. He had to have it at any cost… didn’t matter even if it was just before the furnal.

In my locality, mother had already made all the arrangements for it… my brother and me… with few other young boys in the neighbourhood were also to have bartamanda together… It wasn’t so typical as it used tio be… in formal and typical way, for the bartamanda… one would bald the head, have special costume worn on that day which covered only underneath unreveilable parts.
But it wasn’t the sort for us… it was done in easier way…

After we reached there, sometime later, the priest started having puja… making a small fire place infront of him… we were all opposite to him facing to him. He started reading the holy books and we had to pour the home made butter in the fire …once in some time to keep the fire woods burning. There were few other things that we did in accordance to him.

It took about three hours before we were handedover the holy thread that we were supposed to wear for the lifetime and were also given holy words “mantras” that we had to spell it every day. The priest handed me the paper with matras, which I gave to my brother the same instant. After the ceremony, we came back home… I couldn’t keep the thread wearing… so I took it off the same day. About mantras I never seeked it from my brother again.

Yeah… I had done …what the community wanted. So, they have no restriction for the future but now it was to me with what I do with myself… And I decided I woudn’t take it along with me. For sometime… mother did aware me about the thread, to influence me she even told I would look better with the thread on my body… I awlays did listen to her …but still kept ignoring … so she finally realsied I was never to keep it … so she never talked about it later.

I was lucky I hadn’t been regiously pressured by my parent… especially the mother. She would just let us take our way… that was the greatest thing I always felt about the mother… it was true she was always more than a mother… more than a human. Something beyond that…

It was the middle of spring, we went to river for swimming. Guru, our hostel teacher would sometime take us to the river. Accidently, we almost lost our friend kushal. He wasn’t known to swimming and water current had taken him to the depth. If Jipendra had seen him and rescued, there could have been the disaster. After the event… we still could come out to the river sometime. But since then we were more alert.

In about a month we were to have the first term… It was almost five years later, a sort of thin linning of friendship grew between narjan,the first guy of the class and me… Even studying in the same class… sharing the same room in the hostel and diniing hall… he hadn’t talk to me for the last five years which some time surprises me. He was better with so many things so, I was always ready to be his friend… but for me … he always wanted to avoid me, instead sometime would humiliate me even for my grace. I never acted against him… though usually he would always be against me …even after all this I always wished for his company.

Few things that changed… I could sometime use his notes… Those days it was enormous favour of him. But after highschool everything overturned. We, only the two of us …became the most frequent seeing friends. We became the only ones… that kept writing letters and mails for years after it. Rest of the others never came in touch the way we were.

This year again we had the new english teacher, D.N. Pradhan. He was from Darjeeling, India.Well, he was a small guy… but stonger accent and loud and grave voice made him some how strict. He taught us two subjects … Guided English and Moral Science. One late after noon during the moral science he decided to take us for a walk in the jungle right infrom of our school.
As no other teachers had ever thought about it, we were delighted when he decided to take us for a walk… it was already cloudy but still we set off for a walk.

It’s always a very different feeling when you happen to leave a place, totally isolated where you have been made to live for long time. Every few paces outdoor from the entrace would cherish and brightened your heart. Well then walking over dry grasses and bushes, trees …we were so absorbed … we came closer to the edge of the hill… about hundred meters below it was the flat land… with a river flowing over it. It had a beautiful scenerio.

Suddenly the water drops started pouring down from the black clouds that had covered the sky… and in no time it strarted raining. Soon we started … we took the short route… through the fence. There was a small house for the police personnels still underconstruction. We tried to make a place for the shade from the rain… and we did stay there until the rain slowered… But it hadn’t worked well… we were all in school uniforms and we were all wet. … It was a great day …but we were never again taken away from the in the similar manner.

DN Pradhan, he somehow tried to bring some changes and also wanted to get closer to students… this was something I liked about him. In the first term he gave us the important questions in the moral science. One eveing after the evening class I was called to the office. I was surprised when I was called alone inside the teachers and staff’s room. There were two teachers, Janak, the principal and Kaji sir, the viceprincipal of the school.

The only thing they asked to me was about the teacher, DN Pradhan. I told him he was good and we could understand his way… There was something I also told about him… I told them that he had given all the important questions…(which I realised I should have never told). DN Pradhan, he wasn’t so specific to anyone however, there were few times he did give me favours… it usually happened for the programs …and specially for singing. I would also be the one whom he would never miss to take from the class if he was taking one of us. And ssomething even more than this… he loved having chess matches with me. I was so better than him… He would sometime make his time coming to our hostel and we could go for the match. He desperately played with as many games with he could… but usually not even one on his favour. But later things drastically changed… and he improved so much, when we played so many… it was usually fifty-fifty.

Soon I realised about my mistake… I realised I shouldn’t have told every truth to the other teachers. I confessed for it and too wanted to say sorry to him but I could never gather enough courage to go to him for it. Since then, he did looked at me indifferently the way he came acroos but… in the occasions when we had too sing… he still called my name. I was so greatly thankful for him. He was the real person… I thought.

Soon we had the first term… and this time I even made the better stride. I became the second in the class.

Back to school after vacation, there were quite few opportunities that came up to me.

In the first month, teachers decided to start news reading program. Out of the six days in a week. Sunday, as usual was became the checking day. The class teacher would see out teeth, nails… hair, vest, socks and so on. From Monday to Thursdays we students were given the turn to read news… where as on Friday it became the teachers turn.

For the students different groups were formed. They were named as Reuter, BBC, RSS… For these different groups different leaders, so called editors were made. Luckly I was appointed one of them… the editor of BBC. There were about ten members in each group and it included students from three most senior classes.

For the BBC, I myself became the new reader for Nepali. I was accompained by Prajwol my classmate… as he would read the new in english. Everyday, we had to collect news… intially we were allowed tro watch the news form national broadcast in television… but later we were only awarded the newpapers. Since then the fashion continued.

Meanwhile, during a cultural program I was so influenced with the music… seeing how people played harmonium especially the teachers. One day I went to Kumar sir… and I asked him… if he would teach me to play harmonium. He would never say no… So, during the game time, instead of playing football, I went to his room (as he had taken a room in the junior hostel and he was their hostel teacher)… and he would play me a new song from his song book once in every few day. Then when he left alone I tried to figure what he had played. It became the last days for the football… having matches betwwen all the classmates… Though a year later... we formed a different team… but it was for only the time being.

Soon some one accompained me… “Muna miss” she was junior students teacher. We became the music students for sometime though she didn’t continue it for longer...

In Ganai Purnima, one of those religious festival I was back home for few days. On the day we were told a serious incident. One of my sister’s bestfriend had made an attempt for the sucide. She had taken the pesticide meant for the vegetable… she had drank it all… and it was sometime later her brothers found her unconcious.

The reason for this was she had been in affair with a boy. And the boy was a stranger…and didn’t belong to the right caste to marry. Everything was secret …until the aunt discovered and told to her dad. When he knew she had locked her in her room where she had made the attempt.
These sorts of incidences weren’t uncommon in these communities. Most of the cases when there was an affair the most reasonable way for the success was to run away and live together for few days or a week at least. Because of the fear I had even heard the stories, the couple in affair had jumped in the lake and killed themselves… some had even jumped into the fall and killed themselves. There were often strange stories that occurred but soon forgotten.

But for her… when she was taken to the hospital… it was already too late… but to her great fortunate she could speak her last words to her man who had come in the hospital for his own reason. Few years after her death I was told the guy was married.

It was about two weeks later, on the rainy late afternoon when we were in the hostel some body came to call us Narjan, Kushal and me. It was in the kumar sir room… the same Kumar sir’s room where I used to learn harmonium. In additon to the two other teachers living there, there were also Kaji sir and Janak sir.

Even before we had arrived there were Rajendra and Suraj… they were the top students of the sixth grade. There kaji sir informed us the opportunity for the interschool quiz contest in about a week time. Fortunately, I was alos selected for it. Next day we were handed different books… a copy and a pen. Eventhough I was very much encouraged and willing I didn’t turn fornunate. I suffered from bad cold… then again also had the fever. So, in no way I was able to study so good.
On the main day, after the lunch carrying five of us we headed up to the valley inour own school bus. Kaji sir went along with us. Still I wasn’t feeling so well though I had some how recovered a little. So, I didn’t go on the stage… I was with the audience watching the show.

The match was the first round for us. There were several schools that had participated for the contest. If we could win the contest then we would go to semifinals. It was a good beginning… and it went well as we became the leading team… but when the final round came …it was about the shows and music… we couldn’t make a point even with one and in total we lost. It was desperation but there was no other way to take it.

One morning … in the assembly the teachers came with the certificates… there were only four. Though I hadn’t attended, I had it… Initially the teachers had decided me as the members not as extra… so, I was given the certificate of participation instead for the Suraj who had really participated in the field.

After the few days of the arrival, Bishnu had become the closer mate. When I talk about closer mate… it is some sort of isolation from the rest of the group…because, usually only the closer mates would be together in the leisure.

When the monsoon come closer to the end… the guaves would fully grow and would start turning yellow to ripe and be ready. There were so many guava trees around the principals living place… we would always see them how they fully grow every year but except once it never happened that they had ever given.

When we learnt of this… then we had to sort out a way… it was impossible to go out to the place because it was restricted and if the teachers would find us… there was no doubt they would severely punish us. So, once I heard boys used to go in the dark when there was no power. Every Monday and Wednesday there was the regular power cut for about three hours… In the evening, the dinning would be busy…. One day we most of all from the class… including the school captain decide to go stealing guavas…

We together ahd slowly slipped towards the place… suddenly the intense tourch was beamed towards us from the junior hostel… in a wispher… some of them murmered “Lay down …lay down on the ground”. Immediately we all did it … the beam passed over us… but the hostel teachers perhaps didn’t get us.

After then nothing obstucted us… in the pitch dark night everone made there way to different trees… we couldn’t see … the only way was to feel it and take if off. There were so many trees and we climbed from one to another and kept going through the remaining before we finally decided to return.

Once when we were in the trees… we could still see teachers running the flashlight across the field but we just kept ignoring. Later from my friends I heard that some of them had even thrown the hard and unripe guavas into the principal’s room, and had frightened his wife. About a week later… I again made the attempt with Rajendra, the class… it didn’t prove so good. There was again an attempt later on Wednesday eve… And this day I made it alone… This time I was a sort of well prepared, I had put on dark cloths…(Not white) and silently walked to the fartherest corner… there I didn’t get much… but moving a little ahead on the next… I slowly climbed on it. It was a small tree… perhaps so should be why many, who had made the attepts like me should have ignored it. But just climbling on it … for the instant it almost made me mad… everywhere… I put my had I could find something… soon all my pockets were full… I couldn’t satisfy and I didn’t want to miss the opportunity... for the moment I though before I decide to put it into my t-shirt in the front. So, slowly fist I put the t-shirt inside my pants… so they could hold the weight of the guavas from letting them fall off.

Things went when I had though… I took all that lied closer to me that slowly made my paces back to hostel… I was frightened if I would be caught because it would be so embarassing the teachers would find me with so many guavas that I had stolen… As I grew closer to the hostel… the worries grew moreand more… but as I came acroos the dinning hall…slowly it went down. As I came to hostel… my friend Bishnu had been waiting for me. He was happy seeing me back… I asked him to keep all that I had brought. He kept them all and it lasted for several days. I was glad about my success and soon I couldn’t give up for another attempt. The next time when I went… I again did it alone in the day when the power went off… reaching to the tree… I climbed higher the most possible… But unfortunately… there weren’t as I had hoped… While returing back… Something terrified me in the dark… I could hear the Principal’s voice very close. He was shouting at some of the others… seemed like the junior boys… In anger the was throwing the guavas on to them…

Knowing this my heart went up… slowly I creeped aways from them… as I reached a bit futher… the teachers from the hostel flashed the strong beam of light over the ground …unfortunately they saw me …as I ran… it followed me… in fear and anger… I was terrified…as I ran… Suddenly, the light passed ahead of me. That moment I didn’t let the oppurtunity run… So, immediately I layed flat over the gound… For a couple of times… the teachers made search with their lights that ran over me … but later they gave up and I safely returned to hostel. I didn’t dare to make another attempt again until the next year.

One late evening after our meal in the evening we were in our bed busy in our own way. Most of them doing there things… there two teachers Kaji sir and som sir, his roommate both had also been in our hostel busy talking to boys to the farthest corner from our side.

I was in my bed busy with in my own… suddenly some of our friends started running away from the gathering … from there they came towards us… Seeing them running initially I didn’t understand anything … but soon I saw Yogendra was behind all of them…

Fear if something strange could happen, I too joined the group and started running around the edge of the room around the cots. Even teachers they were terrified, they were also unable to do any thing to yogen… He was trembling… his voice… he was murmmering… everybody thought some spirit had caught him…

Before the situtation got worse finally it was one of the mate, Jipendra who dared to hold him… he was a big guy and was strong and confident. After he grabbed him for sometime… Yogen lost his strength and he layed on the floor. He was then taken to the Guru’s room which had also door annexed to one side of our room.

Some told he had some special ‘Jantar’ from the Lama, for some special spiritual treatment worn like the necklace around the neck. That day he hadn’t kept it so many thought it was because of its absence… So, some of them got the key from him and hurriedly opened his box… took the Jantar and the Guru put it back around his neck… It was after then everyone felt conforted even the teachers.

Later from the friends I learnt that earlier Yogen had strangely behaved to the teachers. He almost had hit the kaji sir in the arguments with them. They told even Kaji seemed a sort of frightened with his behaviour.

Some time it is strange about how we spent our leisure… some time in the Saturdays after the lunch we asked for the sterio with the Guru… few times he did favour getting it for us… Then we would all gather at one corner in the hostel and play the music… some of our friends would then come forward and show the dances in different hindi movie songs… Everyone seemed to be so absorbed with it… for me I wasn’t much known to dances so, I really never got the real thing out of it.

Other time when we were in the leisure we would go out to play… football… game ball or some thing of similar sorts. Sometimes we couldn’t go for it … lets say perhaps of rain… then most of the time we would all be in the hostel doing something… May be playing some indoor games… chess… ludo… carem or perhaps reading story books… comics or movie magazines (Nepali or hindhi) but least was known about hollywood.

Sometime in the evening when the power went out … there would be nothing to do… Then we would come out at the backyard of our hostel… we would bring something to sleep over… We would form our own groups… two …three… four …five and sometimes even more… we would talk our things… perhaps about a movies or tell stories… There were several eveings when we came in the backward… Laying our bed sheets we slept over it looking the stars and in the greatest intensity of the fullmoon night we happy engrossed our time… so beautifully … We had so much to tell and talk… we could easily spent hours for it. Unless we really realised we had to go to bed.

Sometime when we were together then we would make ourselves into two teams then would play a sort of game… a singing game… When one started a song… then had to come with a different song that initiates from the final letter of sang song… But the song had to be known at least for few.

The most common thing was … we would all gather around a bed… then our talk would start with a things and when it ended it would come out through several different routes… it would have no relation with the subject about which we initiated the talk. During these sorts of talk … we often planned the things to do it together by all the class members and we often did it.

It was the last week of October, on Saturday the teachers deicded to take us to ‘Chabdi Barah’ it was a religious place … about twenty five miles east from the school. The last four miles there was no other way we had to walk.

After our lunch … before the noon, we left the place. DN Pradhan and Kumar sir had decided to go with us… School bus took us to most of the way… but before we even had crossed a very long bridge to reach the little town, the tyre of the bus punctured and we had to wait some time for.
Reaching the valley, the bus left and teachers they asked us to be in line… we weren’t only the class they had taken… the junior brothers, just a standard junior than us had also been with us.
In the beginning the teachers were concious of breaking the lines … so sometime they would speak our name if we walked to far of if we broke the line and formed a sort of group. But as we walked… who had faster strides would be ahead and the ones who moved slowly… there were no one to jerk them except the teachers who would bug them all the way asking them to move faster.

Something I knew was… we would feel more libral if we could suceed getting away from the teachers eyes… so, even not being a very big guy, I faster strides and soon disappered from the teachers sight. Prajol, Rabindra and me, with even less than an hour we left many behind and walked away. We became so far … no more we had to be in line … to leave them even farther, when we came at the corner we some time even ran…

The way was big …but most of it was dusty where as some part were muddy because of the often rain in the monsoon. There weren’t many houses… but there were many trees …especially oranges and mangoes…. Sometime when we came across them… we would look around …see if there were any people or houses near by … if there were we would just walk away if not then we would look for some stones to strike the fruits…

There were many orange trees but the fruits they were very small so we didn’t waste our time on them… but we came across some mango trees… and we didn’t let the opportunity ruin. We did make sereval attemps… but the trees they were too big and they didn’t have many fruits… they had few and only on the top, which seemed almost impossible from the down. It wasn’t difficult waking the way… because we just walked the main way it was bigger than the other sub ways.

Reaching there, we had to wait for some time before everybody arrived. We had reached at the gate of the temple …but the door was closed… there was a river flowing on the left …so on the next side was the temple… the gate led to the bridge which would then lead to the main entrance of the temple.

Since the door was locked, from the people we learnt the priest of the temple had the key and they two should where he lived… there was a small hill on the left next to the river…and he lived on the top… Few of us we deicded to go… reaching his home … we told we were the students of this and this school and would like to see the temple. He was proud, knowing that we had come from some distant to see the temple. Finally he decided to go with us.

On the way he told the legend about the temple… he told how the fishes valued at that place. Even fishing around the riverside was strictly restricted… so were there so many small and big fish all around the temple even in that little river.

He also told … there were some special fish inside the temple who were reguarded as god… when they died special ceremony used to be performed alike that of the funeral of the humans… which totally amazed us.

Getting inside the temple I was shocked seeeing the fish… for sometime I even din’t like to blink them… at the corner …there was a small square pond of about three meters each side and about only one and half meter deep. And fish there they were about four ordinary fishes should have weighted more than ten kilos and few eels which were embeded at the ocrner holes, motionless looked more like the thick black roots of the big trees. It was all amagzing.

The priest there told … the fishes would be active during pujas… when people came with goats and they were sacrificed there… The fishes would come out for blood… Listening to it … it was some sort of horror to me.

Next thing that astronised me … was the visit of several kings since the beginning of two centuries… there were few marks or relics and writings they had left on the wall… about the dates of their visits.

Returning back I decided not to rush. Slowly we talked and came the way… Kumar sir and Giri raj were the ones I had been with. Though it wasn’t me who talked more but I became more intrested in what they talked.

Walking all the way back… it was only before sunset we arrived to the little town from where we had walked down. We kept waiting for the schoolbus but it didn’t come even when it started getting dark…

For some sort of security we were all taken to the District Police Office. Waiting for more didn’t see to work so… teachers made us two groups and told us to get back to school in the local bus. Just some moments later after we had climed into the bus…. The front screen of the bus exploded… and the glasses turned into pieces… the bus stopped and for sometime every one was curious and frigntened… but everything got into it’s place when the driver assured of no problem and there was nothing to worry. He told it was just and accidental breaking. Tired and exhausted, at about eight in the evening we reached the school.

Days after days… time came …we had the second term. I again got a good result. I became second in the class again.

After vacation when we were back… we all decided for something… There was a Judo teacher in the school… We thought why would we ask him to teach us some marshal arts after our PT. It was a good effort, and he didn’t ignore our request. We were all so interested… we tried to use the time very carefully… We made everything up… the regular running then PT… then with the remaing time… we took the lessons of Judo. We had hoped for continuity and it lasted for about a week, before teachers finally resticted it. They told when we learnt this, we would start breaking chairs …window planes and electric switches.

It didn’t take long before we had the final exam. After the finals we became excited about the tour. It was to Lumbini, the birthplace of Buddha.

After our exam, our waiting ended. It was our own mate Deepak’s bus that was supposed to take us for the tour. It was a new night bus for the long hours ride in the highways. On the days for leaving … early morning, we were offered heavy breakfast… haluwa, egg and tea… which wasn’t our usual diet. It was interesting.

Earlier I had already talked to Daksha, he assured me for many things… He told he would help me get a better seat in the bus, as he was the captain and would also give me chances with the walkman to hear music… and also would make some of my pictures. On the day… as he told… he did find a place for both of us… he lent me the side closer to window where as he took the next seat next to me.

With joy and excitement we left the school in joy. Though it was for two days and the next eve we were to return back to school. Kumar sir, Som sir and Janak Sir decided to go with us. With us, I mean… me and Daksha we hadn’t taken much, few tapes, a small sterio, a camera… few apples and a bag all belonging to him…

After about an hour’s slow ride we came to the Pokhara Valley…From there we were to take the next highway which had several twists and turns. To assure myself from highway sickness I decided to take the medicine for it… It was to avoid vomit… But soon after we started of from the valley driving through so many turning… I started to feel bad… everything that I had taken came out back the right way… with the jerk… it came of from my mouth, as I took off my head from the window… the jerk and thrush gave a severe pain that brought tears in my eyes… It happened once… and since then I decided not to take anything.

This made me feel sick and tired… and soon I went for the sleep. Daksha he didn’t tell me anything… When I woke up… we had already come through a long distance. After the sleep I felt a sort of relief… it game me some confidence that I would turn well and things wouldn’t go worse than this.

It was a sinny day and sun was already high up in the sky… since it was almost the midst in the winter… Everything had already turned grey… all the hills and the glassland… the cold winter and no rain for several weeks had made the trees look so skiny with only few leaves on them… the road was so dustly… The extreme dust had made the plants and bushes on both side of the road covered white with the dust… the rivers that sometime came out in sight were low with no enough water.

After sometime the bus stopped in the small market like place. It was time for the lunch. We were offered the chicken soup in addition to rice, lentils and vegetable. I was feeling weak, so had thought to take a lot… but I again feared if everything would come back again so… I again decided not to take more. So, I soon finished the meal and came back in the bus. Where as Daskha, he was lsow and heavy eater, so I left him with the others.

About an hour later we again started with the journey. This time I didn’t feel to sleep… instead I looked around from the little window… it was interesting with the beautiful sceneries. Hills rivesides and with trees and forest …and in the midst lived people with their lonely houses. It was late in the afternoon we came to the small town…Tansen. Strange enough, it was on the top of the hill. From the high way there were narrow roadways… that leaded us to the flat surface… this was the main area.

From there we decided to move above…from where we copuld see all over the little city. It was a sort of steep hill about hundred meters… the place was all covered with Pine trees… they were not only many… they were the only ones around… We stayed there for some time before we came back again… From there we visited some historical places and temples… they had there own legends and we were always curious about them… Soon walking through the narrow steets we came back to the place… Then we headed to our destination… Butwal then Bhairahawa
While driving to the place it was soon dark… I didn’t realise when I had been to sleep. When I woke up friends were talking we had arrived in Butwal… I could only see the light bulbs … nothing else.

It was about eight in the evening we arrived in Bhairahawa. The teachers located a hotel for us… There were two as one couldn’t be enough for all of us… Our hotel it was a fine place … there was a large corridor in between and the rooms for the guest were on both the opposite sides.
Four of us were given a room with two beds. Rochan and Chandra decided to stay with Daksha and me.

That evening we were hungry but it was suppose to take some time for the dinner so we had to wait. Few of us we decided go to the kitchen, surprisingly we were shocked to see the school principal Janak he was there in the small dining place …next to the kitchen with beer and chicken …he was alone. Later there had been some scandal about him, there were two women that had been through out the journey with us till the place. It was a rumor they were prostitutes and that night even the principal didn’t miss his chances taking them.

After the menal…for some while we walked out in the streets… most of the houses were closed were as some were still open. Teachers didn’t allow us to stay outside for longer so were we back to the room. Next morning after the tea, we headed to Lumbini.

Day it wasn’t so bright … because of the fog but the intensity of the sun… it was getting higher.
About ten of kilometers far from the main city we came to the very silence land Kapilbasthu…with not many houses around, believed as the birthplace of the Buddha. But before walking to the place… many decided to do a sort of shopping.

I was astronised when suddenly Som sir who was next me … offered me a favour. He asked me if I wanted some money. I just said okay then he handed me the hundred Rupee note… I took it from him but … but I was shocked, surprised and amazed… but with a lot of happiness too. When I went home in the vacation, and told mother about his favour… she had given me the sum to give it back to him… but I failed to give it… because of my own necessity I happened to use it for my own purpose. Since then never could give it back to him.

Within few hours of our stay there we looked and observed the place around. We visited the ancient relics… monastaries, asoka pillars… the several square blocks raised above the grounds, meant to be for his disciples during his preaching. It was told his disciples were buried underneath it after they died… Yes it was wonderful place to looke around.

Before we left we went to look for the fireplace that would burn through out day and night and for years and years… it wasn’t big but it burned uniformly… I couldn’t know how this worked. However some said it was with the gases.

Some time before the noon we decided to return… it was more than two hours drive when we came to butwal for the lunch. And at the main crossroad of the town… it linked to two different highways. One that we had come from and the next one on the right the one that we were to go… There weren’t big hotels… just looked like small houses with sheet metal roof. I was desperate with the hunger so, made the way out for the first shift. After then, we had time, we were free for the moment because it was then the turn for the second shift. So, I decided coming inside the bus where I waited sometime for other friends to come… Our bus had stopped just in the right edge beginning of the highway. Opposite to it was a big cinema hall. It was more than about an hour we stayed there.

On the left side… there was a butcher’s shop… There was nothing else to do… so something went inside my mind when I looked at the little bblack goat tied on the wooden pole... The butcher was busy boiling the water in the big drum… As I watched I could see the butcher moving around and getting ready preparing to kill the little goat. Sometimes these sorts of things would take me to some sort of isolation and it would make me think over and over about the same thing … to understand and to know the reality… I would go asking why…? Why…? After all why we humans fail to feel everything has life… just as we do everything want to live their life … with their own way and with no fear and terror. But when we were to realise this.

I questioned to myself… perhaps the goat should have realised it’s death …shouldn’t it? It is something where there is life… just as we do. Only that made the difference is that we proved we were the supreme of all the creations and used every other living creatures only to feel our hungers and needs. I could see the little goat had the life… it had the breath… it had the vision and in some time later I was to see it dead. For once to some extent it terrified me. I knew and I had always felt something if it had life… it would be much different than us… only the thing is other animals do have the feelings… they are meant for love … they can also care only if … if we tired to understand. These creatures could also return something good if, we do good to them. These poor little animals would never succeed to explain it to us the way we do … but still they something might give more than we human do in return.

I couldn’t keep staying longer at the place… watching the poor creature being brutally murdered… nor could I do anything to help it. Only the thing was… I prayed for the little soul, for it if it could get the nicest place in heaven than we ignorant humans do.

Since my younger days, perhaps when I was about seven I felt closer to animal… even when I was a small kid, father had got a sick and skin little baby cow from the capital… he told it was for me… Even those moments… I had very intense feeling for it… felt it the next soul just the way I was… And easily I made it my friend. I would often stay behind it… comb its hair …sometime clean it with water… even went cutting glasses in the field for it.

Even during the prior days when my mother had left her for grazing… I used to run beside the little cow screaming and crying… I told mother not to set it free because I was worried if other bigger cattle would hurt it. That day she tied her for me… butnext day she again let her free to graze… For few days I went after her… with a big stick so that I could defend her from the others… And with days she grew up bigger and stronger… and I realised I needn’t worry about it anymore. Even after she grew up very big… I cared her as much as I used to do… Often I could come to her and if I find her sitting I would walk to herand sit by her next… caress her with my hands… She would understand it …in return he used move her face and layed it over my legs… and closed her eyes… making me easier to tenderly move my hands around her gaint face.

It was fun doing all this… even more… taking her to lake …to wash her … She never wanted it but … in the hot summer I think washing did make her cleaner and fresh. Initally she never liked it … but also she never did offend while we tried to take her to the deeper until I got almost half of myself into the water.

It was about one in the day, everyone were ready to go. … Then we left the place… soon we were far away from the small city … as we drove… we could only see houses by the road sides. The main land was flat so the highway was almost smooth and straight… it wasn’t futher we had come, the bus stopped infront of a big industry. It was Lumbini Sugar Factory.

Teachers went and talked to the people and staffs in the office just on the left to the main entrance. They came with a good news they would permit us to see how the sugar was produced from the sugar came… Before they took us… to the building we were asked to be in the line… then from one compartment to the next they showed us how the sugarcane was squeezed, then the juice was separted, then heating, boiling and cooling processes in big tans before the sugar was formed. We were all delighted to get chances to see this all.

Some time later, we again came across a paper industry ‘Bhrikuti Paper Industry’. Here we were also fortunate to see the different compartments that totally could only produce the books and copies for us… The staffs generously tried to show us the most they could… they showed the place where the trucks brought the big loads of grasses and bamboo leaves. Just about a year back… there was fire in the factory over these dead leaves and plants brought as the raw material to manufacture paper. It should have cost them hundred thousand Rupees of losses when it went into fire and turned into ashes.

The raw material… were fed and grinded into little pieces … mixed with water… and after various process they were produces as the long and thin paper rolls… Several varieties and thickness could be produced before they were cut into desired shape and size.

It was already dark when we came across a small town …for tea… We didn’t stop there longer before we drove back to school again. It was very late evening when we reached the school. We then rushed to dining for the dinner before we finally went to our bed.

In few days I was back home for the winter vacation.

***

Part V

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 06:54:00 -0800

Leaving the next day for the school, it had already terrified me. I was losing my nerves… there was no other option I had to return.

That evening, the desperation was so high, something went over and over in my mind. What would stop me …what should I do…to make myself sick and become unable to go to school. Then something came in my mind… There was a little bottle of poisonous insecticide for the bugs… I decided to take few drops of it… I opened my mouth and made two or three little drops on my tongue… it went straight over the throat, that immediatelly forced me to a continuous cough. I hurriedly ran to shower and drank the water… everything that I had in the meal came out the very instant in the vomit. Everyone asked me what happened… I told it was nothing so serious. Soon my throat started choking and my body heated... my breath was also getting higher… But again I went to the shower and drank enough of water so that it would dilute the solution I had taken…

I was lucky that day… because even a spoonful would have instantly killed me… Now I recall, I was stupid, only to overcome my little ambition not going to school had almost cost my life.

Next morning everything was all right again and that afternoon I was back again to school. The class had already begun … I got the new set of books from the store … The next day I started with the classes.

This year few old friends left the school Amrit, Narendra Prakash thapa and others were the ones where as the new ones that joined us were Santosh shrestha, Rabindra, Roshan and Yogen. In all we were thirtythree.

For this year, we remained in the same class, I mean the room was same and it was same with the hostel too. Apart from this we also had the same class teacher Sharma sir, who took the first class and the same subject Science…

A friend Daksha, because of his faliure in the finals… couldn’t procceed his standard. So, he was with us… He was from my neighbourhood and he was some one I knew since my childhood. Those days when we were very young, we were both the day scholars though in different school… we did have the same place where the both of our school buses came to receive us. We did look at each other everyday but often didn’t talk. But during my last days… I had shown him the school in one of those police magazines. He had appreciated that.

A year later after I joined the police school, he too joined the place but was two standards senior to me… He couldn’t keep well with the studies… so, it was two years for each grades before he succeeded before he finally was with us. After he had joined the school, he was always good to me … we would some time share our things… like fruit biscuits and few other things like this… When his mom came for the visit she sometime … called me … even brought a letter from my mom and sometime … she even took me home… for the vacation.

I was only the one he knew so well, others were all new to him. I knew it would be easier for him if I stayed with him together. And also in retun there would be always a great help from him… which indeed was real… When Daksha became our mate, he became the class captain. Arun thapa was the next one. The teachers had made them.

In class I took the seat with Daksha, we took the first seat in the first row close to the door. I was at the coners …the wall on my right, he was on my left. Staying with him … there was lots of advantage as for he … he had so many of the things that he would ask me to use any time I needed. His pens, inks copies and other accessories… (This year became the first time we were allowed to use pen… in our exams… only that could be filled with ink… not the ball pens though). In the class there had never been such combinations ever … Even staying together for years one wouldn’t give so much of favours in respect to that he had given me… I still feel fortunate about it … and feel proud of having such a great friend.

In return there was nothing that I needed to give... only perhaps he expected from me perhaps was the help for the lessons. I wasn’t so good though, as there had been others that had been far better than me … but still I felt proud if I would get chances helping other with the studies…. The lessons seemed tougher and books we had more. Science it looked more difficult …mathematics... it was almost the same … and also we had history and geography instead of social studies. Others were almost the same to the last years.

A week later, the most senior brothers arrived in the school. Since the school had only upto the seventh standard, for the further studies the brothers were to be taken to the Central School closer to the capital. The next morning after the day they had arrived, there was the farewell program… the teachers sang a farewell song for them…

“Tadha Tadha Janu chha sati … ek fera hashi dau
Chu ti sake ko mayalai sathi ek phera gaasi dau……
….…………………………………………………..
……………………………………………………..
(we are depart and go away from from each others
let’s tie up our love for one more time again…)

Sometime later there were speeches from teachers and some of the brothers itself... After the show there was the party for them… After then, they all carried the bag packs and luggages on the school bus and soon they left for the capital.

In few days everything went smooth again. Days after days … weeks passed and then months. With time … slowly we were growing and with it he had learnt the way to cope things.

About a month later, we had ‘Shivaratri’ a religious festival for Hindus in the name of god Shiva… Most of the friends had gone home for the holiday though many of us were still in the school.

Just as every year, we were to make a fire place that evening. That late afternoon they had brought a bundle of sugarcane in the school for the student in the school for that special night. When they had recently brought just wishing to look at it … many gathered and soon a big crowd gathered… there weren’t any teachers so where there was a big crowd one pulled a cane…and ran away. Then next did the same… in sometime time…the remaining those who were around did the same… I too couldn’t wait for it … I too grabbed one and ran away.

That evening after the dinner, we started the fire on the big fireplace was made on the ground closer to the pond which had been made that afternoon.

The fireplace was big as tall about one and half meters. There were dry small woods and also pieces of big logs about half a meter in diameter. Soon the woods blazed with big flames of fire. When the fire was big enough, teachers started pushing the end of the sugarcane into the fire… and let it burn for sometime… In some moments it was heated… so they took it our and with massive force they burst it over in the big stone …which gave a big sound “bang”.

The sugarcane which were brought for the day were brought and deposited earlier near the fire place… lucky Som sir was there looking over it not to let anyone steal it… slowly I went closer to him… Just as I had wished he did favour to me … he gave two small pieces of cane… as soon as he gave me I took it and dissapeared. Just as others were doing, I too first burnt them in fire and made the ‘bang’. It didn’t sound so good… Next one… it also didn’t prove the different.

Then there was still some job to do with the remainings of the bursted and burnt cane… We then tore the skin with teeth and chewed the remaining for the sweet hot juice. That evening we looked dirty and nasty with the black around our mouth and cheeks. When the cane were over… there was no reason to stay for longer… fire it kept burning all the night…and still the next day… we still saw smoke coming out of it the from the remaining little pieces of wood… But it didn’t last the next night before the ashes only remained.

It was the end of March on 28th we had the school day. It was a holiday. Though not formally organised …but we were asked to be in in the newly built opera hall. There was the poem competition. As most of the cases whenever there happened I wouldn’t miss the opportunity participating for the poem competitions. For the competition I decided to read my old and most loved poem about “The mother”. It was about two years back I had written it … I had lost the sheets and only few stanzas were in my memory …so I again remaked it for the occasion. It went as :

Ama hun dharti, ama hun akash
Ama hun Swarga, Ama hun devta..

Yeta uti garchin Pira dhukha bokdhai
Ankha bhari Snapana haru dhekdai……..

…………………………………………
………………………………………..
(Mother is land… mother is the sky… mother is the heaven … mother is god…. She walks around with lots of troubles and sufferings but still she posess a lot of dreams in her eyes…..)

Surprisingly I was awarded the consolation prize… (a small box covered by colourful papers)…it was full of a lot of sweets. It was ever the best achievement I made with the poems … later days I was never interested again and never did made any efforts writing poems again.

The time … it was the fading of spring and the beginning of summers… It always did surprise me with how abrupty the climate and the weather changed these days. Days would slowly start getting hotter … and most of the trees that lost their leaves in winter would now start building delicate leaves with the sunlight and its warmth… However, the grasses that had turned totally grey because of no sufficient rainwater, it would still wait more rains to come …before they too gave the new leaves…

The air would be so dry …and the land itself … there were always the greatest possibilities of the fire stroms because of the dry grassland and other little dead plants. But the fading of spring and beginning of summer would still mean rain that would help the plants to grow their leaves and also for the grasses to shoot out their new stems and leaves… These days the rain and wind a great difference to the rain in the monsoon… in monsoon rain would be seldom… patience …not destructive … because it almost didn’t carry lightings, thunders and hailstones… Though, often the monsoon rain proved more vulnerable than the summer rain because the monsoon rain sometime when continued for several days, it always brought so many great lanslides and floods every year.

However, I always loved the summer rain… I was always delighted seeing their aggresion… I knew it was for some thing good… After long dry and grey and cold winter … it was always nice to have rains… that came vigorous blowing up the dusty ground… cleaned up everything before it reset the ground with the water that it brought from the miles of distance far away from the ocean. The rains always came in the late afternoon … it usually would be the time of our last classes… The black cloulds would come with it’s very stong paces that it was so soon the sky would be covered with only the black clouds… Then we would see the great wind… I loved to see the lightning… so fast and quick they flickered … and loved to hear the thunder that some seemed like they had torn apart the sky…. To clear everything to start up something new... to bring something new… to the groung … to the planet … to the earth.

Most of the time it happen when our classes ended …so many times it had happened… it would be ready to rain and on the way waking pass to the hostel… I had felt the wind very closely. I donot know why… perhaps they were so accociated to my feeling and life I had always was happened to love it … I would feel it… It made me feel like it was to bring a great changes… it was to bring new …new delights and wamth after all a new life in my feelings… just like the way it was bringing for the new plants.

My paces would be slow and steady… sometime I walked up to the backyard in the hostel… alone … close my eyes and feel the wind… feel the little droplets of rains… that often fell over my face… I had a different feeling, a different meaning that always told it is meant that it explains the truth and the realities of life.

With the rains… in about two weeks everything changed… the trees … they would already have the leaves… the grey grasses would no let new shoots to cover old the grey leaves and the trees like gulmohar would get the new leaves and bloom beautiful red little flowers. It showed the realities even the fierce wind and rain… hails and thunders they were not meant for their vigor and aggressiveness… but still they had their own reason for it more than their cruelty and severeness they changed or gave new life to many.

All the way till the end of our days at school, we were considered the most stupid stundents in the whole school. So, for the teachers they had marked us the worst class in all. Most of us… in general we were stupid… I would say… we would do … stealing different things from the kitchen doors… almost a fight every week … it was so crazy there never needed any serious reason for a fight. Most of the time it happened in hostel or in class during the selfstudy hour… It would be for anything … sometimes for a pencil… or even sometime for speaking rude. When the fight started, it wasn’t that everybody only stared at it or everybody ignored it… Most of the cases it happened that not all but many would walk out from their seats and then jump on those ones that fought … many ocassions, the ones that tried to stop it would get some punches or sometime take chances striking the ones who made the fights. Having fight was common so, almost usual but … it wasn’t meant to last so long. Most of the cases if anybody got the sign of the teacher near by then would rush and alert everyone “Sir” … then it would the reaction would be so quick it would immediately stop… it would give the end to the fight. And when the teacher came … he would in no way predict the changes. He would look at us …for some moments before he moved to the next room.

On the later days… almost the last three years of our high school we were so organised that the teachers were desperate with us. Though they never gave up considereing us the worst in all, but they could also never get anything that would go wrong within us. We always got ready to take the charges but non-of us would tell them about anything and at any cost. So, most of the cases they started ignoring us.

Once it happened, in the evening class. There was no teacher around … so there were only few that were taking their seats and doing their jobs… most of them were doing in and out fo the class and some were running even. I was with Dakshya we were busy our own way but were ignoring to others. Suddenly Kaji sir came … he told all of us to stand and then asked who was running in the class… the room was dead silent. Nobody spoke a word. Since no one spoke from the group… from the far corner he started asking individually who was making noise and running in the class… Everybody told “I don’t know sir.” Then he started slapping everyone on both side of the face for not letting him to know. Two rows out of three were punished When our turn came … I was already lost my nerves and was totally covered with fear, I could no more resist it… With fear … my eye lids were already covered with tears … through I hadn’t cried yet… in a moaning sound I told… I had seen Yogen Rai often walking around… Then he called him out and was punished…

For other he didn’t procceed after it… Daksha sitting next to me was already punished but me I escaped. Though yogen did never tell me anything about it but later I realised I hadn’t done good deceiving my friends. It wasn’t my intension telling the teacher but I was oversensitive and overfear I couldn’t resist. This nature manytimes might had made my friends not have good feelings over me… Since then I never felt good of what I had done … Only the thing I could do was not to do it again… and it was since then I promised I would not make the same mistake again … no matter what I had to pay for it… For, my friends, I never did deceive them again.

It was about seven weeks before the first term… our class teacher Sharma Sir got married (Yet we weren’t offered sweeet though) After he was married he didn’t stay for longer. He left the school and it was later sometime before the first time we had a new science teacer … “Wagle Sir” we called him.

Day after day we were getting closer to exam… It was the same we did. There would be no PT in the morning. So, we always woke up early in the morning. Since this year, it was not only for myself whom I had been working for, for the exam… I too ahd to think about Daksha. I was determined … I would do the best to take along with me with the most I could. Because I knew he did always want me to do it and he did care for the way I wanted him to do.

For him, I always tried to help with the best I could… In during the self study hours in the evening and in the morning I would teach him … in the most easiest fashion…Told and tick marked the important ones … told him to make it by heart. Asked him to answers the questions… and therewere so many ways I implemented to help him Sometime it even proved harrashing which embarrashed to me when he failed to understand me. Sometime I was so annoyed in anger I would shout at him… and everybody in the class would look at me … even the teacher himself.

Sometimes… I was so distressed I would charge him with my hands … some even slapped. But he always excepted everything and for this I never gave up trying with the most I could.

So, every morning it was not only me … who would alone walk to classroom in the dark night. I always woke him up and took him… Sometime … when I felt hurried I woke him and asked him to come… many times he would but sometimes he didn’t. He would say… he had fallen to sleep so he could get up early.

As the exam grew closer I was helping him with learning and there were also others way I was sorting to help him. I had assued him to coem to the latrine, on the second bell (the two hours bell) I knew and I was sure for me, I would finish the exam even earlier then it… so, by the time… I would write everthing, (the short answers) in my question paper itself and give it to him and addition to it a day earlier, before the exam I made a special desk for him… We had drawers in ever desk… often during the exams … the teachers often searched into the drawers if they fell like the student is trying to cheat in exam. And many times they found the students with book and copies in the drawer.

So, Underneath the drawer I nailed the extra plywood sheet that had the little bit of opening from the under. So, easily he would sneak books or copies into it and see it in exams. Whlie getting through it if he felt the teachers coming (Most of the cases teachers always sat in a place … didn’t walk) then he would push it inside. Incase if the teachers came for a search and tried to see the drawer they wouldn’t ever find any thing unless if they would be very sure of that they had seen something.

Few days before exams … there were rumors … unlike to the other exams through all the years, they were to make some changes with the rules…(FIVE)

For the first two exams it became efficient. And it worked well with both the ways… but one morning… after the studies we were back in hostel to put on school uniform and then went for the break fast. When we returned classroom for study hours we learnt the desk that I had made for Daksha had been broken down by some of our classmates. I never knew who had done it … and how many were there… but I was told… Nawaraj … did it when we were away.

It seemed, it had been rejected by the whole class so, I didn’t make any attempts repairing it or making new one… I thought there was still the second way… and I knew it would work well to the end and no one would come to interfere for it.

For the mathematics… we had a very different way of practising before exams… If the preceeding exam would be Mathematics … after the exam before it, we would form different groups in four or five the most though. Luckly, I would say… I too often proved to have my own group… though I wasn’t even good that time. Perhaps a reason for it could have been that I wasn’t with the good term with the first guy in the class.

It was not only forming a group of two or three… we even moved our desks and chairs in the classroom and made group. Prakash and Rabindra, we were often together though sometime Sagar, Prajol, and Yogen and few others accompained me. Narjan, the first of the class, he was totally surrounded and had the most than any other groups. For Daksha, he was always with me.

For me… losing position in the final, last year somehow had dissapointed me … So, for me too I thought and made the two ways… I studied as well I made the way to get the help the other way. I took the notes with me in the exams. I sneaked them into the side of the drawer and the drawer holder. It was the best place and teacher wouldn’t find it.

Since we all of the friends weren’t in the same room… there were different seat plans made by the teacher. It was good, Daksha was in our own classroom so, he easily could use the desk I made for him. As for me … I was in the class seven’s room. On the left of me was a big window.
Both the ways did seem helpful to me… but I was almost caught in one of the subject. Kumar sir, the History and Geography teacher almost got me in the maths exams. But it was okay… he didn’t come after me… and I was much aware for the day.

Soon exam was over. I knew I done some good that was all I had expected. But after few days before we left for home … our result was published. One morning, I was with my friends closer to the school building just looking for some one to come and take me. The Nepali teacher, Guru came with the surprising news for me. I had achieved the third place in the first term exam.
I was over joyed. I knew I hadn’t really done a fair exam… but still it made so much of the difference not only for the day but also for the rest of my life. Since then I was always motivated to do some thing good in the right way and slowly it helped to get right to the edge of my destiny … to my dream.

It was a day later, father came to take me … he was surprised and very happy for the good result. I was overjoyed when he told the story to everyone in the family. After the vacation, again back to the school. Soon in few days I already got into it … I had learnt the classes wouldn’t start on the mentioned date…so, I always came after at least a day or two… So, most of the time I would be back the classes would already initiate, so it wouldn’t be hard to for get home when we would be busy in classes with our lessons.

For the first time in school we had the new desks… the olders ones with drawers for individuals were removed and were replaced by long desks and benches that was supposed to be for at least three of us. They had now drawers but still they had a long flat wood support to keep our books and copies … Well they did provide enough space for us as we had so many books with us.

The Classes had begun but it wasn’t regular… some of the treachers were busy for the school days programs… Kaji sir, he would go for the drammas, Kumar sir for songs and dances … so … we had to come to class and many teachers took their lessons only few didn’t take. Intially I too decided to sing a song for the school day. I told Kumar sir about it. I was happy he did sent me for practice … For few days I made practices but finally I realised, as just a boy’s shrilling voice couldn’t match to the hoarse sound of the man… I gave up… Though I gave up singing … once while I was watching a dance practice kumar sir asked me to join as the dancer… I didn’t want to … but he caught my hand and placed me on the back… We were four… for some time I did it … but later I was so deperate… I had to leave… Perhaps it was ever the last time I ever danced for others and for myself too.

It had only been my attempt for the participation for the school day though I didn’t do anything at all when the day came.

But after the school day… I was partly influenced … I too made a song copy… It was in one of those usual small copies that I made for the lessons. Most of the songs I had were from the Hindi movies and some were the Nepali songs too.

Earlier, when I was in class four … I was so impressed with the Ram kumar Ghimire, a senior brother, two grades senior to me … on one of those Fridays cultural shows. He had sang a song so beautifully… later same week I had made a song copy… I had copied all the Nepali songs from his notes… But it couldn’t be kept well so with time … it was lost…

Though I never had a voice to sing… but the reason I liked song and wanted to sing was because of the words, of the stories that the song had within them… I loved to hear as well as loved it to sing. In short time I was reguarded one of the three singers in the class. Two of the remainging were Rabindra and Deepak… they were definitely the better ones and had very good voice.

Sometime during our evening classes when the power went off… the junior would straight away go to the dining for the meal… Not to make it busy… the teachers wouldn’t let us free… Instead they would take us to the ground and we circled around the teachers… Most of the time we asked teachers for the story… We would say “Ghost Story” everyone in a voice … some time the teacher would… some time he would ask one of us to tell if we had any… and suprisingly …boys would call my name. Since we were kids I was the only on story teller of the class… who often had told stories to the boys and teachers in evening classes and also often in the leisure when we were together.

But some time teacher would instead ask us in any body liked to sing a song… So, three of us … were the ones who sang songs for the others. Everybody loved it … The only great feeling I still have about those days, in many cases I was hateful for the boys and it was also some with me … but also in many occasions they brought me forward… which I always felt great about them… Perhaps this could have been reason why I have always been so affliated and stick onto the songs, singing writing and telling stories ever since then.

When we have same attitude and a same destination then the time comes out of sudden that our route changes and we become friends, good friends. Perhaps because more than for poems I became more interested to songs. So, it was the reason I became closer to Rabindra and me, we became very good friends.

One late afternoon I was on the roof of our school building. I was alone there… there wasn’t any reason I had been there for. I had just been hanging around before I I had happened to reach the place.

Since sometime I had very clearly noticed the power cables… that came from the main switch from the hostel. The cable was wounded to the top of the little piller on the little wall of the roof. There was a joint …which was tapped with a black insulating tape…

I never had liked the evening class… so, that day, I could around as I saw no body… I pulled out the tape and broke the connection. That evening there was no evening class… which was a sort of joy to me… because of my success. But after all they did manage to find what was wrong… but when they had done it, it was already late for the classes. I never told any body about it.

About a month before our second term… during the monthly holiday, many had been to the home. With many of my friends from the distant I was with them. The school decided to take us to a near by temple that was closer by the side day along the highway to the Pokhara Valley.
The place was only a small village and the temple, it was on the top of a very small hill by the road side but with great many trees all around. While coming back, Jipendra showed me some thrones... he told they could be used to pierce the ears… The plant was small and had big leaves covered with long thornes. I picked out few leaves back to school.

That day in the late afternoon … after the tea, Jipendra pierced both of the lower part of my ears with the thornes. The pain it was irressistible but he didn’t take it long so… it was okay.
Next day both of my ears were swollen… They had turned dark red heaved with blood… I didn’t do anything for the day …I wated for until the next day…

Next day it even got worse… and all through the night the pain in my ears hadn’t let me sleep … so that after noon I decided to see the doctor. I went to look for the man in the hostel clinic… I knew he wouldn’t do much.. .. as he hadn’t so much … but he would squeeze it and clean it … I had hoped it would still be a way that would perhaps give me a relief.

But the door of his room was close on the way back… I meet “Nirmala Auntie”… She was a very nice lady, working in the junior hostel for the small kid… She had been the sister lady for me … Through all my stay in the hostel … she was only the one, in all the aunts and all the women who had ever been so close to me. Most of the others… they wouldn’t notice me … and I too never proceeded to go and talk to them.

That day as I was trying to return to our room…. Talking to her… I told I had the severe pain in my ears… She told me that wasn’t the right way to pierce. But some how I was reliefed when she told it was often that after piercing the ear, it would swell. Instead she sugggested to use oil and other a mixture of other few substances and asked me to put it before the sleep.

That evening after the meal I tried to meet her in the kitchen… usually everyone in the hostel worked in the kitchen to help student get the food. To my surprise she had already made the oily mixture. I was so delighted and overwhelmed with happiness… The moments of overjoy I couldn’t show it … but I greatly felt it inside me. It was something I had never expected, because it is not always that anyone would do a favour without a reason.

Since then… I had even a great feeling than ever. She did remain a person with a difference, some one I could never forget. So, good and so caring even in the midst of the strangers … It was a very sad thing she stay longer … and after she left the school I never saw her again.

With days … time was short and we had the second term exam. This time I worked hard and I made it all fair … no cheats, no copies for help… I had decided I would do it fare… even if I failed not to get of what I was… After the exams there was gain a next surprise for me … I was third in the class again… I couldn’t believe. I had got the return of my hard work and fairness… it was a return … the true return of my persistance.

Few things like this some was a sort of great inspiration to me … which always made me feel like …be good, do good to others and do your work fair… you will be rewarded. And finally I was persuaded to make myself work on it more and more. I was happy about the result but something didn’t turn so good. In about four days all of my friends had gone home and I only remained the single person in my class. The movie shows couldn’t keep me up with my time…
I was so upset and desperate, I could no more keep looking at the way over each buses that passed the way for that somebody would drop out from it and take me home.

It was after the second day I had packed all my things but till the sixth day, having no one to come to take me… it became a sort of frustration. I had no place to go … no thing to do and no friends to talk… the noise and busy halls now seemed like so silent and dead with people like the graveyard.

Those moments became too tough to me… it was different getting through every minute… and the feelings in me… they were so heaved with distress… many times… The paces I walked alone and the places I rested… I burst into cry in the midst of silence…. In the middle of the field… alone in the hostel room… where ever I walked, the feelings became untolorable… unless the on the 6th morning father came to take me home for the vacation. That morning as I walked to him… I sprang and burst into screaming cry… he seemed sorry about it… but he didn’t tell anything.

Coming back home it was nice. I had already recovered with the sad days that I had spent in the hostel.I was happy now because I was away from school… and more than this there were two festivals… and we would be getting new present from the mother… the new pair of cloths just as usual. Two festivals, as for the kids what would I want more than that. It was indeed great.

It was just right after festival… my second sister left home. She had been in love with a guy who was already married. She was too young for it, but it became the complete shock for the family.
Rather than anything else, father started the trouble with the case… Everynight he would get drunk and then he would come after us… there wasn’t other way then to run away from the place. He greatly blamed for the poor mother, who was indeed innocent.

It wasn’t longer I had to go with all this because soon I was to go my school… It was only four days later I was back at school again.

I was surprised the new library was ready …also the opera hall. The library was opened during the lunck break. There were so many books in the library… especially the storybooks for us … Our cards had also been made … so we could also take the books to our hostel and read in leisure… The First Book I took in my name… was “Journey to the centre of the Earth”. However I couldn’t read all of it because the time didn’t prove to be enough as in a week we had to return it back. But in few weeks I read so many of the other books… “Around the world in Eighty days” “Robinson Crueso”, “Black Beauty” and few other classics.

Our science teacher “Wagle sir” had left the school. In few days we had the new replacement and he was Puspa Thapa. More than a science teacher he was an artist … he would make great figures. He was taking the small room next door. Since the beginning he told he would teach us two subjects Science and Moral Science. He always told in science firgures were more important than the detail the reason he had was... they provided more information regarding the matter. It was astronising, during the moral science class, instead of teaching us about the lesson and content he asked us to make a picture of a horse from the book. We were surprised but we still did it what he had asked us to do.

During his classes he would told more about what he had done … he told he had proved the theory proving two different numeric digits equal… that meant the matematics would prove wrong … one day he took all the fourty five minutes proving the subject matter. We were satisfied but I didn’t think he had done it in the right place … because we weren’t so much concerened about it … but still it was good to know.

Winters were cold and foggy and something I hated the most in the season was PT every morning in winter. I did never like it all my life and this time I had really made some escapes…
To escape from PT sometime I would sneak out underneath the bed or sometime lock myself inside the toilet for about all the hour. I would better love it than running out in the cold winter morning.

Once morning once when I was hiding underneath the hostel bed…surround by the metal boxes. Junior Guru, the hostel teacher came into to see if anyone had been left. I was silent and quite as he walked across… However he didn’t look underneath the bed… else he would have easily caught us…

However I wasn’t only alone … Trishna, a classmate was also there just some meters away from me hiding the same way as I had done. We were happy for the day… we could make it. Some days we made the escape some days there wasn’t the way we had to go.

One afternoon during after the lunch, as we were coming out in the field for the sun during the lunch break we say there had been the gathering in around the staff kitchen near the office. There had been a wooden cage and an wild pig had been grown up. It had already become really big… even big enough for the cage. So, the school had decided to kill it.

Since it was wild and it wasn’t easy even for the kill, the senior police officer of the school came with a gun. He slowly went closer to the cage and waited until he would target on the the poor little creature on it’s head… With the first shot he couldn’t make it … and the poor animal cried out in the great suffering… however the quick second shot was direct to it’s head that made with no more cry it fell down …dead.

That eveing meat was served to everyone. It was enough for almost four hundred people. A poor animal was made a gaint feast. Since it had been the time I had decided to give up the meat I was one of those not having it. With days it wasn’t easy I again had to start with it. It wouldn’t be easy to keep up when you become different to all your friends around. So, I had to becaome the same and I started taking meat.

Winter days weren’t also difficult to go through… the foggy morning …but almost sunshine everyday in the midday… We would some time be in the ground sleeping under the sun through out the lunch break and returned back to class after the bell rang… When we often would be in the sun … then finally the evening.

In about two months we had the final exams … even in the cold chill winters we would wake very early in the morning when the exams were closer. To make the very strict usage of time usually most of us came to our classes dressed in our school uniform. This would help us stay longer in classroom before the breakfast … sometime for convience, some of us… even slept in the uniforms so that we could immediately rush to classroom the next morning when we woke up.

The foggy morning in winter always looked very dark… and frightening… the water it would be terrible cold … but it was never the thing that ever mattered to us. Though we were young and little but we always felt enough of confidence and strength in us… and in our job.

I know, when I think of any individual of our days… no one would have ever thought of waking up at two or three in the morning in the cold winter. This would be unusal. The only reason …of our strengh was the great team we had… and the great competition we felt in between us … that drove us to madness that we even woke up in those early freezing mornings.

Final began… I worked with my best and with the fairest I could. I didn’t give away any possibilities to let my self down. In the next side I took worked for my friend Daksha, We had the same routine as usual… I had to finish all the questions before the first to hours before I came with the answers in my question paper in the second hour’s bell. This time again. My work was fine. It was good some of the others friends had also helped him in the class during the exam.

Few days later when our final was over… there had been the rumour about the tour… the school was to take us to Chitwan for a night. Next day we would return. It was one of those foggy-day sometime before noon after the heavy lunch. Soon after the lunch we gathered outside of our school building where the bus was brought. It was one of those day-bus that was for the highways. When everybody came, there was the counting …Yes, we were all there. Then we got inside… the teachers came… Som sir, Kumar sir and Kaji Sir. With joy excitement and for the adventure we came across the school gate… In few moments …the school vanished from our sight.

With trees… barren terraces… grey hills and the river sides on a side of a road … it was an incredible scenario. Looking at it …and watching them… it gave an enormous pleasure seeing how the beautiful the creator had created the nature… All these a artistics mainland and hills … the great landscapes … the specular riversides…they had made the perfect picture. Moreover the greatly heaved feelings of overjoy and happiness of been aways from school had additionally made happier than ever… We were sininging … we were shouting and with the strange feelings of amusement and excitement we were forgetting everything.

Chitwan… it was a small city on the plains… about eighty miles from our school. It was well know for the national park…”Royal Chitwan Nation Park”. The greatest feature about the place was the rhinos…the only place in the world that had adequately hand numerous single horned rhinos.
About three hours later, our bus turned left from the main highway… the teachers decided to take us to the “Gorakali Tyre factory” the only one in the county those days. After sometime… they could manage it, In a line we walked into the buildings where we were shown different sections of how the tyres were manufactured.

In the late afternoon we came into the city… after we arrived, the teachers took us to a small local place for tea… We all had to have the same. The teachers payed them… it’s wasn’t their own money though… because our parents had to pay for everything at the end… even for every little expenses.

During the break teachers decided to take to show us inside some of the plants which were located around the cities. They tried for the CocaCola Manufaturing plants and the San Miguel Beer Factory. They couldn’t succeed in any because, for one … it wasn’t the appropriate day… and the next they wouldn’t permit for any visits..

By this time it was starting to get dark. Now teachers were anxiousIsorting out a place for us to stay…. Finally they did… found places in two different lodges. Kaji sir, who had been with us …gave us a room… it was a small room… with three bed which really looked a lot for that pretty little place. Then the teacher told it was for eight of us... In the room, we were Narjan, Sagar, Prakash Shrestha, Rabindra Prajol and few others. There was no other way, we had to join the beds…

We stayed there for some moments before we were told that it would take sometime for the dinner… So, we decided to go for a walk… It’s always a great and different if you are let free after when you have lived inside a different world that is totally isolated from the outside. The teachers had told us to guide all of us… for about an hour we freely walked through the streets… we walked into shops looked around if we could get something for us… More than we bought with money, we sneaked more into our pockets without letting the shop owner notice us… We all looked experts. Later when we were back into our room and we talked … we found … it had happened in almost every group that had gone for the walk. Some had tuned more fortunate then us… One had the bags of Sweets... and some others with belts and other accessories. For me I had sneaked a small blue bottle of glue.

That evening we had heavy meal…with chicken soup. The food had totally different taste so, easily we had more… We were tired of the day… we played cards for some time (though the teachers had restricted u)s … then just sometime later went to sleep.

Next morning… when we woke up… there was already some light. Though it was misty... the sunlight and it’s wamth it proved stronger to fight the dense fog and it’s darkness and cold. As we came out from the room … the morning sun and it’s wamth was the greatest charm in the morning. It was not only trying to bring a fine day but also… was fighting against the cold for us…

It hadn’t been longer we had got out of bed … the teachers asked us to get ready for the leave. Soon we hurried for it … and soon we were in the busy…For some time we were around the city before it seemed we were in a way trying to come out of it… Then the bus stopped for the tea. We were asked not to go around… beforethe teachers talked to each other to decide for what to do dthe next.

Mean while, Kaji sir called all of us again. When we came around him… he asked us to stand and be in line… Then he called each of us individually to him and asked if we had money or not. For the ones they told yes… he didn’t give anything but for the ones who told no… he gave fifty rupee each. For me I thought telling no would be better… Because the additional money would help me buying something new. Just somtime before the finals father had come to visit me in school. I had told him we were going for the tour. Initally he had given he five rupee note asking me if that would be enough. With hesitation I didn’t take it so… he finally had given me twenty rupee note. But still there was some money my mother had given me… before I left home after the vacation…

As my turn came …kaji sir asked me the same question. I didn’t tell anything I just nodded “NO” so he handed me a fifty rupee note and wrote my name on his note book.. when it was over …he asked us to have tea… and brerakfast…. This time we could have anything we wanted.
After the tea we were again in the bus… we headed for the national park… First we took a route …later we found it wasn’t the right way…so we again had to take a different way. It was some time before noon when we came to a riverside … we dropped out of bus … from there we could see… just the bushes and tree… it was the national park.

Just next to the place where the bus had stopped, there was a small hut … there lived few people who worked as the guard and rescuers in the park. From them we leart that visiting the park was usually for the foreign tourists and it would cost us a lot if we tried for it.

For about an hour we stayed there before we desperately had to return back to the main city. We were hungry and exhausted coming back and the drive was tedious. But finally we did come … There was chicken soup again… we heavily dined for our hunger. About one in the day…We were again iin the bus on the way back to school. Everyone seemed silent cold and quite … there was no happiness again.

On the way back, for the tea, it stopped in the midway near the hydroelectric power station. It was the country largest plant to produce the maximum electricity …69KW. Mean while the teachers decided to take us inside it… We were then asked to be in group… about twelve in each.
I didn’t hurry for it… so, I decided to go in the last group.

As we entered the main entrance… right behind the door there was a fine model of the plant… it was an extraordinary model that I had ever seen. And walking the inside door, it even surprised me. The plant had been extremly larger than that I had supposed. It was so much deeper into the ground level, there were a couple of lifts for it.

We were lucky enough the guy who had guided us …decided to take us to the ground floor… Getting down to the bottom inside the lift… it was ever the first experience for me. As we came out of the lift… we saw three huge turbines running uniformly. The noise it was so loud … we would almost not hearing each other. Then he took us again to a small room… there he showed large long metal pipes running pallell to each other that carried cold water to cool the generators.
While getting back… we saw rest of the friend …were still wondering from the top… looking at the spinning dynamos… we waved our hands to them… they did the same.

After then we were again back to the top with the rest of the friends before we came out of the plant. In the late evening, we were back at the school again. Quitely we had rushed for the dinner. And soon for the sleep. Next day it was all over and ther normal day returned. Built still we had feelings of being aloof from the school which still cherish us …

In few days before we went home for the winter vacation, we had the result of the finals. I had become the fouth in theclass… But later was fifth because there were two who stood second in the class. For me … it was a great achivement ever.

Soon, just few days later, I was again back home for the winter vacation. Back at home … it was only two days later an Australian couple came to take two rooms… One was for them and the next was for their daughter, Dehlia, a beautiful girl, blond hair, almost of my height but very much younger than me.

Soon, we became friends… It was many times her parents left her in her room and when she was alone … she came to me and my brother and we spend time together. It was fun … being to her… in the intial days she sometime acted strangly… sometime when she was busy studying and if we went closer to her she would throw away everything and then came to fight with us. Then she would shout and scream. There was no other way… we had to run. But soon everything changed. One late afternoon her parent had left her alone… When she saw us … she was so delighted she came running to us. For some moments we just ran across but sometime later, she sat at a place and we too stayed beside her. And it was the place where she told her stories.

It was totally a next side of us… we were young… she was even much younger but we were talking something real of life. She told the man … who had been with her mother was not her father. It was her boyfriend. She told … her father had not known about it. She told she never liked the relation of her mother with the man … so, it was her mother that would usually leave her alone like the way she had done that day.

When she talked about her stories… I was so crushed when the teardrops ran down her cheeks that had heaved over both of her eyes. I brought my hand and wept her tears with my little fingers. There was pain… there was passion… I could understand it… I could feel it … but what could I do? The only thing that I could do was I was always ready to hear … to feel her and to understand her whenever she wanted.

Within even more than a week she was so close and intimate to us… one evening she even offered herself to me… In addition she even lured promising to provide me a drink for it. I had already felt her so close, there was nothing any sort of desire I had over her. And there was nothing I wanted to take from her instead of the closeness we had in between us. I tenderly kissed her on her delicate cheeks. That was all.

Astronisingly, I was still offered the drink.
Two weeks vacation wasn’t long enough before the day I had to leave for school, I asked her about her address so that I could write her on the later days. She told she wasn’t sure of where they would be going after then nor she knew where they would be leaving. There was no other way out of it … so, it only remained as a short and beautiful memory.

***

Part IV

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 06:53:00 -0800

The cold winter morning in the beginning of the third week of January 1992, my parents drove me to my school in the motor bike…As they dropped me in the school there seemed no one had yet arrived. It looked so silent and dead with no people.

I could see the teachers had already come … I greeted them as I passed them to go to the hostel.
When I reached the room, it was only Santosh Thapa, that had been the people to be in the class. There were few other junior boys who had already been there. But from our class there had been no one other than him.

That afternoon we were so few… we had to have lunch in the police barrack closer to the office. The meal was like home like because it was cooked for few people … though no less than for twentyfive or thirty of the police personnels.

During the midday, the boys came streaming back from home… it the late afternoon few other friends too joined us so, for the tea … it was dining hall again …no more police barrack. As often there had not been classes for two days. It was the second day in the school. Everyone was still on the way coming back. All the two days We, older friends gathered on the shade next to the class building and spent the time looking over the highway seeing the people coming into school. After the tea in the late afternoon, today I was with a senior brother Robin, though was two grade senior than me we played a game. We would look for the traffics that raced along the high way. We, each of us would choose a side then when a vehicle came from a side, one of us whom it favour could get a chance to hit. So, the loser had to bring both of the hand forward and close it. The winner would get a chance to slap the hand. The loser would be given chances to make ecapes so the hit is not hard. But the winner would get several chances though unless he slaps the loser. It was a great fun.

Saturday we were told the formal initiation of the classes from Sunday. Few old friends left the schools where as few new ones arrived. Jiwan, Prajol, Yogen Rai, Nirmal grg and few others were the new comers. In all we were thirty five…

This year again, Sharma sir became our class teacher and the hostel teacher as well and “Sante uncle” for the uncle who lived in the same room with all of us.

Our English teacher, Kumar sir had left earlier after the finals. A teacher from South India then replaced him. He was tall, thin and usually was with the beard. He was a great storyteller. We often had a little part of the stories from the english classic novels. So, when we were on the lessons… he didn’t only explain about all that was in the lesson but also he told all the story if he had been know to it… On his earlier days… one evening he had told the story “Merchan of Venice” by William Shakesphear. For me it became a very impressive story for ever… because of it, a year later when he we got annex to a new library in the school… I started reading so many of classics… It did help me cover so much of the stories about the novels that we usually read only a part of it in our school lessons.

I did always like him and his class… I felt it always interesting… the main reason was I always hope for a story in each of his class. English was not only the subject he taught us. Even in the moral scinece… there were so many good stories. He did explain them well. Apart from this, there weren’t so much of the things changed only we had been upgraded… We had new new class and we had new books to study. This year we had our classroom on the upper floor…on the west part of the school building. In the late afternoon, the sun while trying to go down would fall on our back… on the ones taking the last seats in the class room. Just as the other years we had our indiviual desks and chairs where we kept all our books and copies all through the year except during the vacations.

For this time I was lucky, In the class I took the seat, the second last row with the window at my left. By my side was Gupendra. He would talk a lot about Hindi movies… once I made a great list of it promising to watch all of them some day. Perhaps it had been about a month or more. Sharma sir as a class teacher he was taking the first class, a science lesson. Gupendra was trying to explain something to me… From the front dest of the class, sir threw the duster, on him… it directly came to him… struck above his right eyebrow and went to the ceiling before it dropped down to the ground. It did shake my heart that moment. I was terrified with the horror. But he didn’t tell anything instead continued his lessons.

Next day the part over his eyelid was swollen and it took several days before it recovered. Sometime the snger and the cruelty of the teachers were beyond the range and they behaved as animals. This year some thing different proved to me … I was more associated to the brothers than my own class friends. Amar gurung, Mukti and few of their collegues became my good friends … so in the leisure I used to be with them… Often we went on the rooftop of the building and played carem everytime when we were free. I was so close to Amar he would give he so many things that he had. We were more like friend than having him called as a brother. There happenned no any differences in the day. Weeks after month the first came … and it was soon over.

After the term, I was again back at the school. Our class had already begun… Next day …with the classes, I decide to show my homworks. All during the vacation I never did any of my homeworks. This time I took help of my sisters on the last night before the leave… My eldest sister helped me with english where as the sister next to her helped me with Nepali.

It was always in vacation teachers gave a lots of homeworks... So much of it … it was more than abundant. Often we did them at school after our exams staying for hours in hostel to finish them. After exams we still had to wait for a day or two or sometimes even more to keep on waining for some one to come and take us home. So, we would easily make plenty of time for it. Teachers knowing our way… they would ask us to do in the copies that weren’t available at the school store. This always was the problem to us.

But once we were home for the vacation… for me … I would never turn my books unless I was again back at school. But as soon I was back… I would work every of my leisure minutes to copy the homeworks from my friends. This was the tradition not only for me … but also almost of all of my friends except every few.

The day I arived I showed my some of the homework to the respective teacher. It didn’t matter with others but while trying to get my copy checked with the Nepali teacherin his Nepali class, seated on chair closer to the door he asked us to come in a line to show us the home work… When my turn came he told me, the writing in the copy was wonderful. I smiled at him and proudly made a quick reply. I told him my sister had done it for me … he laughted at me. His expressions changed… Then he told “Then, do it again”.

My smile faded before I walked away from him… I did it again …it took me too days of all my leisure to finish it.

This season become more influental time for the poems… I was so influenced with the poets …their lifeways …their dedications, I too started writing poems. I even made collections of poems…. They were thirty of them… I used to show them to my mate Prakash Shrestha. He wouldn’t read it …but would look at it and count the numbers. Once, I even wrote a letter to my mother … it was a poem itself.

Later even I decided writing a poetry novel… “Hira and Moti” A life about an orphan boy and a girl… (Brother and sister) I did write about ten pages…. But I could proceed more because of our exam, which was getting closer. Then we had vacation. After vacation, my feelings for its continuity died.

The monsoon, we had a relegious festival “Jaina purnima” and everyschool had holiday. It was a day when a priest would tie a thread (after specially spelled in temple) around our wrist. Next day after it was called “Gai Jatra” it had it’s own importance to the Nepalese. It was the fun making day when the people would come out in the streets disguised in different fashion. They would come in a crowd, dancing and singing.

It had the legend … once the king had organised this to please his queen who had been depressed losing a son. So, the king had called on everyone in his kingdom in a disguise, the only one that had lost someone the following year. So, every year it would show how many people died the following year. From his he wanted his queen to realise the truth that she was not only the one to miss her child or her beloved ones.

In our school we often made some fun programs. Other times, senior brothers did perform … but they had decided not doing it this year… So it was only us that had decided to do it… This sort of program was to show the defects of the teachers or the staffs… we would make little drammas and jokes about the teachers or staffs… Those days… we had discovered, teachers used to gamble a lot in their room in the hostel. We had found it because they had the room on the ground floor where as we were on the adjecent floor above them. …So, we could see them playing during the leisure.

With my classmates we decided to do something… I made a song … with the sense that gambling and playing card wasn’t good which was sung on the day. We also made little drammas about teachers… and about the dining staffs … giving us little and having themselves the remaining… and so and so and so. It also included some dances from my friends in Hindi movie’s songs… Though it ought have to be performed on the day (It was the holiday too) but it was shifted on the following Friday late afternoon in the front stage of the hostel… where as everyone were outside in the lawn to watch it. Still something was unbelievable; I became the announcer for it. First time ever.

It was one fine morning…after our breakfast as we were coming to our class for the self studies… we were surprised to see few seniors guys… and one of our mate, Nirmal grg were infront of the school building. Under the shade of the tree… they were standing in a line all facing towards the school, with their hands stretched sidewise and stones in each of their hands. Non of them were in the school uniform. It was even a big surprise to see the school captain in the group. From this, we knew for some reasons they should have been punished by the teachers. But for what… ? Later from the friends we learnt, from some means… the senior guys were punished for mastubrating. I didn’t know how the things came to the teachers and why the teachers took it so serious that they punished them. For for our classmate, Nirmal he was punished for not dealing well with the teachers. Sometime he would even go to fight with them. For the senior brothers the punishment was for a day where as for Nirmal it was for three days… On the second and third day… he had to carry the log over his shoulder through out the day which should have been very hard for him.

For us Nirmal was okay but he wasn’t at all good for the teachers… teachers too a sort of hated and ignored him. So, he didn’t even continue the class for longer. He left the school even before the finals. In August as the usual years the children’s day was organised in the ground, under the shade of the gulmohar tree… The speciality of that day was that during the speech the chairman gave the words that soon he would facilate with the star TV… he would halp getting us the disc antenna so that we could watch several channels around the globe. It was great news for all of us as well as for the school … thought it did take a year before it actually did arrive.

In October, before our second term, school decided to take us to the cave in the valley. It wasn’t for any occasion though. One sunny after lunch… in our school uniform and in our school bus they brought us to the valley. Even though it was in the valley where I lived I had never visited the cave before theough I had heard so many stories about it. When we reached the place, we walked out of the bus… then we were asked to be in lines… teachers went to get the tickets for all of us.

In two long lines we entered the boundry of the cave… it was located at the base of the hills… so many trees on both sides of the way… there were numerous guava trees… full with fruits. After sometime we came to the entrance of the cave … the first time when I saw it, it almost took my breath, I was so frightened… it was an underground cave that had the opening on the ground… It looked so dark… in the beginning I thought I didn’t have enough courage to get into the cave.
The teachers hadn’t arrived yet… so, some of us we decided just to walked down to see how it looked … we did walked the steeps and walked few meters from the entrance. But it looked so dark; it was very quite… except the droplets of water falling on the wet ground. I could also feel those cold droplets falling over us. It was something unusual for us so we ran back to our friends.
Moments later when everyone, even the teachers arrived then in a group we decided to enter the cave. This time it was easier because we were many. As, we entered I was surprised … it wasn’t dark any more… there were dim electic bulbs on a side placed at each corner and each turns. The cave didn’t go more than about the hundred meters… it di seem there was still a way but ahead of it, it was dark and there weren’t any light bulbs.

While we were in the cave … I saw some of my friends were writing there names on the wall, it was standstone … Due to the mosture… the wall was very soft. After the cave exploration, we again gathered out in the ground above the entrace of the cave. In the school bus they had brought breads for us… they had also brought a big drum… for cooking tea for all of us… along with other necessary accessories.

Mosty of them, including the teachers because busy with themselves for cooking and maintaining the things… We were free and there we had nothing to do… So, we just looked at them and sneaked out from the group… It was kapil that silently made all the plans… Four or five of us … we sneaked out and dissappeared in the bush… no body noticed us… then as we got a bit father from the group… we started flooking for the guava trees…. There were so many of them…and they all seemed to be heaved with fruit almost to be ready ...big ones and yellow ones. And there was no time to waste. Yeah, from there every one dispersed and made their own route.

I Climbed one of the trees near by.then got to it’s top the farthest possible… picket on the biggers ones… some tasted and ate… many were big though but still hard and sour. So, threw away… There were so many that I decided only to keep the perfect ones…. Looking for it … excessively I happened tasted and threw them.

Looking in the one …then the next …and then the other… I came through so many trees that my pockets of my pants were full with it … and now I was almost to the main entrance to the cave. Then suddenly a man came run and shouting from the top… he was still farther from me … I guessed he should have shouted to other of my friends… I was already full with it … and I had also taken so many of them. So, I decided getting back to the place. When I reached there, first I was a bit scared if teachers would shout or punish us … but I silently slipped into the group, nobody seemed to make the notice …

Sometime later, after the tea and bread, we were again asked to be in line and were counted. We were all there. Then we walked back to our bus at the main entrace in two lines … Once we drove around the city … before we headed back to our school along the highway. In the evening we reached the school. I still had the guavas in my pockets… I shared them, with my friend Manoj in the later days. In few days they were fininshed.

Soon we had the second term… Exams were over soon… and I was again waiting for some one to come…. To take me home. This time mother din’t take longer as the other vacations… along with many of my friends I was also on a way to go home.

Seeing my mother…. With a sort of exitement …but so desperate in seeing her … I went to meet her. Just as everytime … I got down touch her feet…. It was something I did it for my parents all through my high school. He glorious smile … and herconstant look showed how much she loved me … I came couldn’t look at her face before I hurried up to get my packed things …and my bag to go for the vacation. With the glories of thevacation… she told me a sad story…

Father had been kept under the police supervision in the district police office. He had been involved with a different for about three years … the third year, he had left us and had started staying with her… nad once …some thing went wrong between them, he had hit her so bad... she made the report and he was then brought to that place.

Instead of getting to home… she took me to the district police office. He was there on the bed in the second floor of the building seemed, as it should have been the living room of some police personals. Seeing me … he brought me into his arms… his eyes filled with tears and soon started running down his cheeks… he moaned and then told he was not going to do the same mistake again.

I too couldn’t resisit it. My eyes to fiiled with tears … I couldn’t speak anything … I just kept listening him. For the night he asked me to stay with him. Though I had the feelings to go to home rather but still I did feel at all to deny him. So, decided to stay there for the night. I hadn’t any friend there so I was always with him. There he in respect to the others, he was free to walk around the place … but couldnotleave the place… so I wasn’t bored being there. That late evening… I was tired so after food soon I was asleep…

Next morning he woke me up then he we went for a tea… it was a sunny… and the sun was already high up in the sky… I would always walk with him… see his newly made friends but never did talk to any one. Just some time before the noon, mother came to see us… he was working to settle the dispute and make father free from it. I was always with mother and her great patience… thought I had always seen so much of the realities when he had humilaiated her for little things but when he was in troubles she was the one that would come out to help him… fogetting all the offends… Perhaps, forgetting his betrayals and his humiliations… after all she perhaps should have always thought he was her man… and there were kid that always had the necessity of a only father. I know she would do anything, she would make any try… she would weep to people she would tell her stories … she would do everything but she would never let the home devastate …to destroy the future of the kids … the life of kids … our lives and our future.
The same day I was back home. It was about two weeks later… working all day and pleading so many people she finally set him a free man again. But later I never think he ever realised it ever.
When he was back… things turned normal again… but he couldn’t keep us satisfying with the decision of the police personals for not taking charges on the woman who he had been in affair with.

After the relation wrecked, he had accused her for so robbing him for several other reasons. But no chages were taken over her. So, to humiliate them…we wrote and article “ Prahare duara Chor Ko Shamrachyan” (The robber secured by Police). He had given it to different journalists….
On Friday…luckly it was published in one of them. He was so glorified… it took a paper to show it to those police personnels and the officers… Next day, we even made several copies of it and pasted it at different corners in the cities.

Sunday, afternoon A small truck came with fully dressed police personnels, came to him and showed him the document for the arrest. The scenario completely terrified me; unknownly I had brust into a scream and terrible cry. A police personel came to me and told there was nothing so serious and they were to let him free…

Somehow it did give me relief. The shop was to be closed they took the photocopy machine with them… With them… I crept inside the truck… they left me home where as took the father with them. There had been only few days left with the days of my vacation… There was sad news again before leaving. That evening, she told … the matter was serious and they weren’t to let him out so easy. The same day she carried a bed for him… Now this thim he was put inside the bar with the others. (Few months later I was told he was there inside the bar for consecutive fourteen days before we were made to pay fourteen thousand Ruppees deposits to them. More then a year later … the fund was returned … he used it for his own purpose didn’t give any word for the mother through I didn’t know how much she much efforts she must have paid to gather the amount.)

After the second term, I was two days late coming back to school. Later… that evening we had the counting. The ones who had come late (including me) were called outside the room… There were two… other friends of mine who had also been back the same day. Outside in the wall of the corridor or passage, we were asked to stitch on the wall. So, we had to stand and face the wall touch the wall with the tip of our nose. We quitely accepted the punishment. About an hour later we were freed. It was horrible, to be punished on the same day of arrival … it tortured more when the feelings were greatly heaved with sadness returning to school.

This year we had some difference with our final exams. In about six weeks we were to have the district level exam… it was only was for the 5th grade of different schools over that district… and in a week away from it… we had the finals of the school itself.

It was sort of amusement and surprise for us…. It was necessary that we had to pass both the exams. It wouldn’t be difficult with the papers of the finals from the school this we knew … but the papers from the district examination board… It was a sort of confusing and distressing. But we were confident we would do it at any cost.

About a month later, I wrote to my mother, telling her I would no more keep with the studies in the hostel… I told her… I would better love as a day scholar. I had talked to her about it so many times… it was only that I wanted to remind her… If necessary I had to give the entrances so… I had decided for it. I was also telling my friends I was soon leaving the school. I knew mother would hear my say but the future … it was still yet a mystery.

Two weeks later, we had the district level exams. For us exams were supposed to have after the noon.

On the day for Sanskrit, only three of the friends were in the class… Jipendra, Santosh gurung and myself… Suddenly I happened to open the door of the teacher’s room adjacent to our classroom. It was a small room…it looked almost occupied even only with two beds a table and a chair. I quicky caught sight on a roll of papers bundled to one. Was it the question paper…? I questioned to myself. Slowly I creeped inside and took one. I was shocked… it was the paper of the exam that was to be held only in about half and hour.

Then quickly I tied up everything and placed it just the way it was… then came out with the one that I had taken out. I gave surprise to two of the other mates… We, three of us, went to the rooftop of the school building and sat and circled around to look over the questions carefully. Soon I wrote all the answers on the paper and promised to help them giving them after I was done. The bell rang… I was happy for feeling lucky but also frightened for what I had done. Unlike to the other subjects we were as in the other days we were asked to do the answers on the question paper it… It was a first blow to me … Next was two more new questions were added, as the teacher told it had been missing. However… with patience and confidence… taking all the chances I managed to work out all the answers from the paper for the two new ones… I made it by my own.

But then I thought of helping my friend… The teacher told … it was for an hour and we were not allowed to leave the room unless we were done. This was the second blow. Though I did want to keep my words and promises but I couldn’t make out for it … because there was no way I could get the paper to the friend Jipendra and santosh. Things didn’t come to the end… That day I was over excited with my deeds, I hadn’t realised so well what I had done after the exams… I couldn’t keep it up with myself… I told rest of my friends about it. Many of my friends didn’t like it at all. In the evening, the same teacher took the class… a friend Rajendra did almost veiled the reality … he had done it that day… but the teacher wouldn’t make out of what he had meant…
It had definitely been a serious mistake that I had made. It did always frighten me for the next five more years… until the end of the high school. I was frightened in anguish … if my friends would bring it out for the teachers… but nothing bad happened … with time it was almost forgotten… no body talked to me about it later.

And a week later preceeded the finals of the school. It didn’t become difficult, as we had already been prepared so well. After the exams… it was gain the same… burning books and copies at the backyard of the hostel for the wamth in the cold and dark foggy mornings in winter… teachers got busy preparing the results of finals …

This year for the excursion the school decided to take us to Gorkha, a historical place about seventy or eighty miles from the place.

One morning everybody prepared to go…. I decided not to go. Later I found a friend Manoj who too didn’t go for the tour. We just stayed in hostel until the evening when the friends returned. We did enjoy their great stories and adventures.

Before the winter vacation, we had the result of our finals. As usual I passed the exams… though I didn’t succeed keeping up with my position. I was in the ninth place. It was a sort of desperation for moment but… later, proved to be a sort of inspiration instead, as the story overturned for me.

***

Part III

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 06:50:00 -0800

It was 1990, back after two weeks of my week vacation, I was back to the school again. Just as usual it had not been easy for me leaving home this time again. Through the night I hadn't been to sleep. Yes, surely all through the night I was excited about the new classes but yet I was not with any interest in school, and when it happened to be hostel, I feel it is even the worse, just as uusal I was terrified.

This year I wasn’t early to school. That day when I had arrived, the school had already begun. That after noon, after their lunch most of them were in the ground many of them playing. It was sunny day so sunny under the sun should have made them tired.

Then I got to the hostel, put my things, dressed in the school uniform and came back to class. Now I was in the fourth grade. Now we had few changes in the surrounding. Our classroom was on ground floor towards the north. It had four big windows I greatly liked it. But the hostel it was still on the same upper floor.

Most of the cases and if the chances did favour, it was that I would always pick the seat closer to the window and it was usually the first row. The main reason for this was I could sometime wonder through the big windows sometime I felt bored with the classes. It would also benefit with the good air during the irregular power break down in the summer. After sometime the schoolbell rang and everyone started streaming towards the school building. I took a place in the middle as most of the best places were already taken … So, I had to pick it up from the remaining ones.

I waited for the person next to me… As the drawer was already occupies with few copies and other little school accessories. A new guy, taller with broad face and with little linnings over his lip came and sat next to me. He was a big boy, Kapil Basel. There was something else that had also greatly made me happy, Krishna, the class captain he had left the school. This was a sort great relief to me so should have been for others too. As Umesh had also left the school, Rajendra and Arun became the captains.

Once it had just been the recent days we have had the new captain. One evening after the supper, I had asked permission to be out for the latrine, when I came back the power went off. So, I didn’t think the necessity of asking the captain to enrter the room. After when the lights came… it was sometime later Rajendra called me and asked me to bent down on the floor. It was like the posture of the animals… touching the floor with the limbs where as raising the body in the air. After about half an hour before he set me free. For not asking to come inside the room, he had punished me. But I didn’t comment. For him, he was just exercising the power that the teachers had given him. And in no way I would even talk about it.

And in hostel… teachers became more concerned to the students. Kaji sir and Sharma sir … they became the two figures to take overall control in the hostel. They soon started implementing strange rules on us… They made us complusory to greet them anywhere we saw them. We had to lowever our head, give a bow and greet with “Good morning”, “Good afternoon” or something. They also made the compulsion to speaking english. We would be punished if they found us speaking with each other in Nepali.

Sharma sir became our class teacher. He was short in height; broad faced man with thin linings of hairs over his lips. He wore glasses over his eyes so he looked more serious. He didn’t talk much and he had a low voice. But sometimes when he was tempered he would never see eyes. He had stronger Indian ascent, as he told he had studied in India few years. He was good when he told jokes and stories but he was irrational when he lost his temper. This was thing that I always feared about him, as, I never did like it.

However, in many cases he was good … but sometimes, he acted indifferently, this unusal behavoiur that was completely awesome. Some time he would go made with the boys (I mean us) he would be so brutal… to put on his position he would smash any of us for even any little mistakes. And sometimes all of us had to borne the charge when the thing didn’t come out clear. There were no chances to surrender nor were we ever forgiven. This was something I always hated the most about the teachers. During exams he even tried to prove himself smart. The silent classroom would know his presence from the sound of his top boots… and everyone would be alert about it. The very difference about him with the other teachers was… he was only one that thied to maintain a sort of personality with the dresses. He had the addessive use of the perfume and it was so stong… we sould feel it even from a distance… those days, it was rare, the teachers used it…But for him he did it everyday.

But even after all this he was good ... I should say. He would sometime, in the evening classes he would tell us stories- the ghost stories (something we were always after); sometimes he would also take us to rivers and sometimes show us movies.

Once it was a sort of scandal when he asked few of us… better ones to go to our room in hotel for the self studies, so that he would help the others with the taught lessons. But instead ... he had talked something else to them. Later boys talked to us… he was giving details about his own issue… “Sex is God”. Sometime it was even crazy… he would make several jokes that were often not easy to understand which were mostly related to sex.

In addition he also became our hostel teacher.

The presence of the teachers in the hostel… did bring other changes. To make our things more secure we were each assigned with the hostel number to put on our cloths. Two hundred and nine, it was my number (It lasted all the way till the end of my high school.) It became a huge load for the school tailor when he had to stitch the number in each of the student’s stuff.

Having teachers as the hostel teacher, it was good that we also had opportunities with the indoor games. They brought us “carem” a game played with two different coloured plastic coins- black and white (nine cions each)… and also included a piece of red coin “Chess”, “Game of business” the boys brought in hostel, the game dealing business with fake money notes played with a dice. Once it became so popular… we didn’t have enough of boards and pieces … and was only the game played everywhere in the hostel. Since all we had wasn’t enough for all of us… we started tearing our copies and started making it by ourself... And for the dice we made a cube form the eraser or the wax.

It was strange with how things went in hostel… when some one started a game it would once come into such a popularity that everybody would start playing it before the teachers strictly band it. But soon some one would come with something new again and it would again make its space before the teachers again stopped it.

So, it would be like season for a game… the main ones were carem, chess, game of business, marbles and few others very basic and typical games. But when there became a season for one … every body played it …where as the other games remained in the shade. But football and volleyball were the evergreen games.

Ahead of it… teachers also started with the counting system. Every evening after our dinner when the teacher came into our room… then we had to get off from our beds and make a line on the lenght of space between the two long rows of beds… Then from an end one would start with one… then the next one would say two… then three… four… till the end. It was the attendance to confirm every night that everyone was there in the hostel.

Since then we started feeling strong presence of teachers everywhere, every Saturday after the lunch … they would sent someone with a new to gather all in the hostel… Then carrying towel and other accessories we had to line up in a long line … before the teacher would take us to a tap where he would watch us take the shower. Often in the cold winter, many wouldn’t prefer it, if it was a cloudy, foggy and cold Saturday. But when the hostel teacher was there, there would be no escape for any body. Shivering in the cold we had to take off our clothes and go to the tap. With a stick in his hand … he would stay in a place and look at us… After we were done we had to ask permission with him to go… Then he would look at us very throughly before he permitted us to go.

Teachers also initiated the checking day, once every Sunday. Every Sunday during the assembly after the national anthem, prayers and school song the class teacher would check every of us… We had to show them our nails, teeth, inner vest inside the shirt and they finally would look if we had shoes.

In few days we got the books… Once we were given the books… but with a surprise after then they were taken back. Later we were again given with different books. This year the additional subject we had to study was Sanskrit and Grammer. Sanskrit could be considered as one of the most tought subjects among all. Others were Gulmohar, Nepali, Maths, Science, Moral Science and General Knowledge. We didn’t have music and drawing classes anymore.

It total, with many new ones like Giri, Rabin and Kapil and few onld one that left … we were thirtynine in total. Soon houses were also formed … Galieleo, Marcony, Edison, Darwin and Newton were the four houses. I was in the Marcony house.

For me houses didn’t matter to me because we were juniors so usually we never got chances in any house wise competitions, always the places were taken by the seniors. Sometime it was luck; one or two of the very best in our class would get the oppurtinity. As for me I never hoped nor did tried … but sometime when we had the turn to paste the article on the notice board then couple of times I did it … wrote poems or stories.

With a different classes, few others things were also brought in the school. Thirteen new lavatories were built next to hostel. It was strange every two classes had two and one was for the teacher and staff. So in all there were thirteen. They were small each about about only three fourth of a meter square. It was strange with tthe doors. They were only about more than a meter leaving half of a meter above it open. The greatest achievement was that we had taps in each of them.

Well, talking about friends it was like, whenever we felt our ideas going together, then we would become good friends unless we got what we longed for. So, it we would easily become good friends and walk together, so… a group could be of one or two or three or even four. And it was never the concrete because things were likely to change any moments and any time with favours and necessities. When I talk about all the nine years of my time in hostel… it was Bishnu and Prakash Shrestha that came across the most. Though Prakash was more peroidic, he came once in sometime but still knew a lot about me. However, Bishnu proved more for the rigidity, so on the later days, almost at the end of the high school he became the only one that ever saw and felt me from close. There had been any mysteries about me that should have to be known but yet to share so many things only friend proves to be the best. So, we need it.

Those moments, along with Prakash shrestha and Prakash Palikhe, we formed a group. Those days we were so emotional and ignorant about the realities. Prakash Palekhe was good at drawings. He used to make beautiful pictures of god and goddess. So, we decided to build a temple. Finally we found a very nice and suitable place near the pond. Due to spring… the grey stem had turned on few small green leaves the beautiful flower bush was slowly growing up. When the flowers would come out the place would look perfect so, we had we choosen the place… cleaned it and made a very small house like… a temple. We placed the pictures inside it that Palekhe had drawn on his notebook. Then often when we were free from the classes we could come and pray. We had so much stronger belief to the god, we believed he would hear our voice… we believed we always saw us … and also that if we go meditating for long we would turn on the things the way we suppose the things to happen.

It hadn’t been more than a week we had built it … one late afternoon, after the classes as we were there making further arrangements, unfortunately the school’s bus driver, Nawaraj can pass the way. When he saw us … he came closer to see what we were doing. He thought we were too stupid. He laughted at us for sometime before he came forward to us and kicked our little temple.

Even with his little blow the temple scattered into pieces. We turned to look at him… we were so desperate with him but we didn’t respond at all. After then he went… we too decided to give up… we never turned back again. Some weeks later, it was me and prakash shrestha. Though often after in the late noon we went for football games but it wasn’t always we would go.

About a month later coming back from home after few days holiday, I was surprised, they had brought a new national colour television and the VCR for movie shows. Since then it became frequent … during our holiday we would always run for some Hindi movie shows. … After then, it some how changed the way of the life in hostel.

When it had newly arrived in the school, the teachers would often show us movies. Initially when we didn’t have the like specific place to see like opera. So, usually it was the big dining hall that we used as the theater, for school programs and also for the movie shows.

For this, all the table were placed aside and blankets were put on the floor that made a big space enough for all of us. Even for his, before the show we had to be in lines according to our grades and standards. The juniors would take the closer seats where as the seniors were the last ones. Television became the strongest addiction in the hostel. Even for the teachers, they were extremely interested in the movie shows. During those prior days they would show us movie so often, not only in the dining hall sometimes also in the entrance of hostel. To watch the movie we sat on the ground, the starry open sky above us. However some it was alo on the open space on the second floor of the hostel… which was so crowded, hundreds of us squeezed to our selves in the area of only about some twenty to twenty five meter squares… in extremely small place.

A new television in school influenced me greatly. With my friends I decided to make a television out of the thrashes. Behind the hostel close to the fence there was a big fireplace to burn garbage of the hostel. There was a different one behind the school, for the rubish of the classroom… but it was smaller. We collected the cardboard out of the notecopy covers and the plastic lids of pastes and others things to make the screws for the adjustments… and a screen of glasses. In the beginning I was so kinly interest with it… even my friend Prakash Shrestha gave a hand to me … but later it had an aweful result … I had to give up because I had no further way to go through.
Then again, I decided for something else. I decided to build a cell, a battery to light the whole hostel when the power went out. It was gupendra the first person whom I had talked about it and prakash did again gave him hand to build a cell.

Yeah, with I words I soon started working for it… I again made a cardboard box, a cube with a side about ten centimetes. The cube had only the opening on the top. Then we started collecting small cells…we broke them…poured the powder into the cube and thrust the med rod through the lid…starting from a side… we got some… and we were hopeful we would complete it… But we had only got so few that there I saw no hope that we would ever fill the cube… with only few carbon rods left over on the lid…my dream to make a cell collapsed with no hopes remaining for further going.

The month of February, third week, there had been the king’s visit to our valley. On the education day, he was meant to appear on the Pokhara Stadium for his speech to address the people of the place.

On the following day, the school confirmed to take us to the place. After our lunch, we were asked to get dressed in our school uniform, and in the blazer coat. They in school bus were were brought to the valley. And we walked out in Kaji sir was the one to lead us. As we had come closer to the valley, hundreds of people in the street marching to the place made no space available for any traffic to pass through the way. So, we were told to out of the bus and in line were asked to walk the way. Each class monitors were asked to watch their class. The day, it was hot … the sun was high up in the sky and there was no sigh of any clouds in the sky. It was about two miles we walked before we entered in to the Pokhara stadium.

As we walked ialong our way in two long lines we wondered with the people that were streaming to the stadium. Out of those hundreds only few would be seen that was taking the route that was against our way… In about half an hour, we reached the staduim… I was even astronised seeing the huge crowd that had gathered before wer had even arrived. The main parafit… had been decorated so well for the king and the queen… it was at the top of it. We were exactly at the oppiste of it … in the middle was the fotball ground.

When I talk about the staduim… it wasn’t very big… only two sides, the two lengths of the stadium had the parafits… one, the smaller one was with the roof that was for the special category of people and next … larger but with no roof. However, non-of it, did cover even the full length of the ground. The remaing two sides were open.

As I looked around, the place was filled thousands of people. In the arena, different people with different cultures walked into from the edge of the ground that passed the king and walked out from the nextedge. These groups presented dances of different cultures to the king and the queen. Sometimes, it also included the students of different schools with their own flags marched into protesting the long life and prosperity of the king and the queen. Well, it was a long show. We too, from our school marched into arena and called for the long life and prosperity of the king and the queen.

It continued for hours… thousands of people there… waiting the king for his speech. It was the hot day, so not to let the people get desperate with thirst … there had been several water tankers that served water for the people. This was a very positive service to the people coming for the king’s speech.

Ahead of it… there were so many people who were distributing several artical about king and his legends that showed great deeds about him. Finally at about three, finally there was the speech from the king. We were too far to hear and understand what he meant and in reality we were too young to understand the politics. It was good we saw him … through from such a great distance … but his speech it wasn’t anything that would give us any meaning.

After the speech… we were already so hungry. We were very desperate going back to school… for the tea. That late evening we watched the show in national broad cast from the telivision. We were delighted… though they we weren’t filmed… nor shown. Though… people had been so desperate for the king’s speech… but since then, the politics changed its face since his visit to our valley. It wasn’t only in a place … it was throught out the whole kingdom. Peole became so much concerned to it … it became the only thing that the people would talk about. Riots and protest against the king’s monarchy came out of veil... People started marching out in the streets and started making strikes… hundreds of people died. In about a year after it king decared the end of his monarchy and the established the democracy in the country.

It was the third week of March; recently I had been back from home staying for the weekend. For the first time in my life I decided to give sweets to my friends on my birthday. Birthday, in a general view to the Nepalese, it is not often celebrated. They feel its importance only for the official papers. So, are never cared so much.

As for me… mother had told me the date of my birth. But I had never sure for when it was. In accordance to her, on the late evening class I gave sweets to every of my classmates. Even a little but it was a first celebration ever. After about five years later, I discovered … it wasn’t the right date. It had been a day earlier on the twenty first of March.

Days, then week and then month… First term was closer. Two weeks ahead of the exams the regular early morning PT was stopped. When it was stopped, few things slightly changed. When there was no need of going for PT the bothers would get up so early in the morning and go to the classroom for the studies.

As few of senior brothers had their younger brother studings with us… they would come and wake them. So, those frineds would then wake us and we would hurry to our classroom to study.
Everymorning usually we would get water… but later when the villagers asked the school for some portion of the service for letting the waterpipes dug through their fields. There was no suppy in the water pipe during the night… because water was collected through out the night to let it for the people though the day.

And those situations we used to go to the Dining hall. Our kitchen was open … There was no door. To the more accuracy … there were wall olny on the three sides nothing on the fourth. In total there were three large metal tanks. One was inside the kitchen… which was the last target … but before it … we looked at the two tanks where the water was collected for cleaning the dishes. To take water from the tank… we used to use the metal glasses that we often found around the place, we used for drinking water during the meal and also for the tea.

Sometime if we failed to get it around then we would get into the dinning hall through the windows (which no body latched them those days). Then we would go to thew place where there were filters. There we would always find some. Many cases we also often used fiter water to clean our faces and to refresh after the last night sleep. It was the strategy that we often used… when we were late to the others … and the water in the other tanks was emptied.

Unlike to any of the other school else in the whole country perhaps… we were only the ones who always had their books in the classroom, which were awlays open. So, as the exams grew nearer… it used to become a race in our selves… when one of us woke us … then next certain would do … when it’s know… So, in the crowd every one raced to get up early as soon as possible. Though we went to bed at about ten… but we started getting up so early … it was five …then four then often it was sometime it was even two or three in the morning we came to class for the studies.

One after another the soon the class would be filled and the boys… they read like humming of bees. It used to continue till the last exam and it didn’t matter, if it was the terminal exam or the final. The labour everyone did seem to be the same.

Yes it was then our exams started. Unlike to the earlier years the scheduled differed. We had only an exam a day …and it would be in the morning that started from nine and lasted till three hours. Then after exams we had the lunch… But after the lunch we had to come to our classes for the studies…(Saturday as well) and there would be the subject teacher of the next exam, coming in the class to help us. Well, he kept us busy till our teatime.

When the exam was over… now we had to wait for some one to come to take us. But before this as we had enough of time … the teachers asked us to dry our beds in the sun. The next day after our exam we dried our bed on the rooftop of our hostel it was all covered with the help of small wall at the edge and with few little woodden poles… we would make little homes … and make a little place to sleep. There we gathered and told our stories, talked about the movies. (The matter that was always of the greatest issues during all my schooling) and at the end of the day we took them back to our bed.

This summer… it didn’t seem any one to take me … almost everyone in the class was gone, Narjan and me, were the two that had still been in the hostel. Later, after few days, teachers decided to take us back home. There we were eleven, whom they decided to take.

I was very happy with the teachers for helping me to in getting back home. I wasn’t still sure if my family had even known about it. We took a local mini bus. It was small and full with people. It took twice the time to cover the same distace in comparison to the highway buses. So, it was that I always prefered the big highway buses rather than the little local minibus.

The bus we were heading with … didn’t go even through all the way. After about more a little more than half way something went wrong with it … and we waited for if it could work again but it didn’t so he got into next for the remaining part of the journey. When we came to the valley, before we departed Kaji sir asked us if we had money as they had paid all our bus fare. For me I said yes.

I took the bus getting back home. That day everyone had been for the speech from some communist leaders. It had only been some time before they had arrived before I had got to that place. I was very happy seeing them again but upset in otherhand for not remembering to bring me back.home.

Though I had come for the vacation but since mother moved her shop to the neighbourhood, to help father, he had decided to take me with him. Since then during my holidays except for the Saturday everyday I used to went with him to his photocopy shop everyday, all my vacation. Every morning he would open the shop and cleaned it out where as I would bring a bucket full of water for us and make the morning coffee and also in the late afternoon. Initially, I just worked helping him, from cleaning and cooking thenstitching the photocopied papers of the customersor sometimes joining them. He even use to make me go to the different offices to bring the amount. They always handed me a cheque even for few hundreds which, I used to bring to him. Then he would again ask me to get it to the bank which, was exactly on the oposite side of our shop. Even as a little boy of nine or ten… When I went to the counter, stayed up in the line and when my turn came I signed the cheque before I received the momey. Often some people stared at me when I did it … because it was not often … a boy of nine or ten of age would come with a cheque, and sign it to take back the money… (It would happen with the kids of that time)

Though I wasn’t so keen with it …nor was so interested but when I got into it I was enjoying myself doing it. Sometimes I could clean all the room …keep the things in other that often used to became big mess... I often carried buckets of water and cleaned his bike… sometime I even opened the small lids … to repair the the wires of his side lights and horn of his old bike…which hadn’t worked for long. Sometimes I too would srew up the nuts on the brakes that somehow did make it stonger. He was very happy when he learnt for all that I did for him. It didn't’take long when I learnt using it very well and thenhe starting leaving me alone in the shop occasionally.

Though he wasn’t so good to the people around who owned their shop. But it did never matter much because most of the cases we were much concerned with our work and our own business. The very good thing of those days was that playing chess with him I became a very good player. It was not longer than a month, we use to have a match a day … when I retuned back I became one of the strongest in the class even defeating my own classmate who had not long before won the title as the class champion. Later, though no formal match were offered, I was regarded as one of the most strongest player in the school… when it even happenned the school teachers like DN pradhan and Janak, the principal himself would ask me for a match. Teachers never did become problem… but principal, he was too smart. It was only very few times… I managed to get him down. Sometime, he even made some dirty moved to win me …(After the match he once had shown me)

For, father I think he liked it when I worked with him. He was free when I would be for him. But sometime things became so tough and I became so desperate I had to leave at least for some hour.

When I had some arguments with him or sometime if he shouted at me or sometimes if he had happened to hit me, then I would just do a thing, I would just walk away. Sometimes … I would leave him and go cloer to the dam… there was a place where there were too many old worn out heavy machines. There were no fences and no bar and there seemed no opne looking after it … even if there had been any I think they would ignore the kids playing on it. Since I was young I had always loved seeing them. As I used to pass the way in the schoolbus to my last school I used to look at them but had never thought that one day I would be in the driver’s seat and I would be playing with it.

Even alone, ii was so happy palying with it. I would twist and turn the steering and looked at the wheels to see if they moved. The steering did moved… but the wheels were dead. They should have been jammed and next… I wasn’t that strong for those heavy vehicles in rest. However, sometime … I did find kids to accomply me … and it was an additional fun.

Sometimes… when I was upset I would some go to the airport about a mile from the place. I always loved seeings the planes, I was more interested in them the time when they landed or they were to fly. Yes, I could easily spent few hours just watching them flying away and being landed.

Once it had happened, I was in the shop … and went to a neighbour to play the cheess. After the game … there weren’t enough pieces… Then I told dad the guy hid the pieces. Inspite of help that I had deserved from him he instead shouted at me … almost hitting me. I was so desperate I immediately walked away.

It was already the late aftoon… I just walked the way with no destiny. I should have walked about two miles from the place … before I decided to return. When I came back I saw he had closed the shop and had gone home. For sometime I was shocked with horror. I didn’t know what to do and it was already starting to get dark. I was so upset, I started crying. After sometime I realised I had to do something by my own.

My house was about four miles from the place and I hadn’t got a single penny with me. Apart from it … I greatly feared the darkness. So, only way for me was to run to home. Yes, I srtated with a run… in very short time I was tired and exhausted. So, I took of the t-shirt and with nothing on top I ran through the street. It was dark and I was only a kid so nobody kept notice over me. With so tired and with thirst for water… I ran… sometime when I felt it much… I slowered the speed and walkwed instead but soon continued running.

When I was about to reach home… I saw mother and sister had come out to look for me. Seeing them I rushed to my mother and cried in her arms. She felt so sorry about me; she blamed father for what happened. Her few words of consolations was great relief for me. We together walked back home.

The next it happened was one early morning when I had happened to burn the milk.
Yeah, that sunny morning when he shouted at me … I could hold it … I immediately walked from the place. That day I was so embarrased with him, I decided to leave everything… even the family and go anywhere else I could. I walked pretty far south from it… went to a shop. I stayed and looked at the man in the shop. I wated if he would ask me anything then I would proceed if he would give me any job. I almost waited for hour, but there was no reaction. The man even didn’t look at me. So, I decided to walk back from the place…

As I was returning, I came across a street businness man with with a four- wheeled burrow carrying a lot of sweets and biscuites to sell it to different shops. For sometime, I talked to him and then walked along with him… But as stopped infront of a shop and went to it… I sneaked out a huge bag of sweets and ran away. I ran so fast and so far away didn’t turn back at all. When I hid myself, then I broke the packet and filled all my pockets with sweeets. More than half of it was still in the packet… for some time I couldn’t decided with what I was to do with the remaining sweets. I knew I wouldn’t be able to carry it all my way… as I had already been feeling so heavy and difficult even with all that I was having inside all my pockets. Then I sorted out a way. I went to a near by glossary shop. There was an old man sitting inside it. I asked him if he would buy the sweets that I had. He looked at me in a strange way… From the way he looked I figured he perhaps knew the way I got it … Then he asked me … where and how did I get it? Not to let him doubt on me… first I comforted my self and then told himI had bought it. Then he told he didn’t want.

I knew he hadn’t believed me but still he couldn’t say anything against me. Then I walked back… to see for the man from whom I had stolen if he had still been there. On the way I left the bag heavy to carry … so instead of an idea of making money by selling it to some shop I threw the bag inside of the gate of the little mud house. I thought perhaps, some one would eat them.
Walking few paces I felt difficulties walking with the heavy pockets full of sweets. So, as I moved ahead and came to the corner, I looked around… there seemed no people so close to me … and even with some …no one seemed to be watching to me. So, I took the sweets from my pockets of the pant and threw them in the big bush… and quitely walked away. As I came back …I saw there was no longer the man so, again I retuned and made the way to the damside…

I was almost sure I wasn’t going back to the shop … not at any cost and not even to the home to see my mother and the family … I wasn’t doing this at all. The only thing that I was in my mind was… I ws first going to find a place to stay where they would give me a job… didn’t matter for what it was… But I had the rigidity I wasn’t returning to home. When I came to the damside… I saw there were few people busy in fishing and some few young boys and men swimming. There was no one… of my age. So, I watched them for some time before I agained walked away from there.

Now I took the way to the shop… but I wasn’t going there. There was a small short passage behind the shop from where I could walk to the next part of the lakeside without letting father to see me. Yes I did it … about walking about half an hour along the roadside I again took small passage to the bank of the lake. It was to the north from where I had headed off. Yes there were few kids swimming close to the shore. There was the stone and around which the three kids were playing. I watched them for sometime and sometime later talked to them if I too could join them. I offered them a favour. I told I would give sweets to them if they would let me join them. It was very good, they were happy about it so, after I gave them the sweets they let me in and we played together. The game was to touch a person had to touch any of the others and when a new person is touched, now the new person had to touch any of the other. It was a good game but sometime later, they decided to leave… so I too decided not to stay alone in the lake so I came out.

After the long walk and swimming I started feeling thirsty and tired. I had taken enough of sweets so I wasn’t hungry yet… After they were gone … I too decided to continue my way. Along the shore I headed to the north. I walked alone … with so many thoughts within myself. Sometime climing over stones and sometime wadding in to the water… I kept my way until I came to a big hotel, Fishtail Lodge. It should have been about one in the midday.

It was the rated hotel… told to be owned by the royal family itself… It was beautifully built on the opposite side of the lake under the base of the hill.with green forest all around. There was no bridge or anything to go to the place. Instead they had the wooden platform built over the water built with help ofalmost the dozen of air tight drums that heled it to float on the water…. A stong rope was tied up on the both ends so with the help of platform and the rope people would cross the distance of fifty or sixty meters. There was the man in the platform to help cross it. He would pull the rope for the people coming and leaving the place. The day was hot … so I again decided to go out swimming.By the time I wasn’t so good with the swimming but still I had already know swimming.

So, again I walked down the hill and two the shore took off my cloths and swam. I was alone this time. After sometime I felt tired so I came out. Then again I walked up the hill. I was feeling now feeling hungry and I was feeling thirsty more badly. There I saw no sign of getting water. I also looked at the pockets of my shirt for the remaining sweets. They were few remaining which I finished them all. Having so much of the sweet that day… I wasn’t feeing good taste in my mouth.

There were numerous trees on the top of that hill so it wasn’t difficult getting a place for the shade. I was thirsty hungry and very tired so, I went to the tree at the far corner to the north and slept under the shade. The big trees there had the small platform raised. They were made for the people to sit rest and look around.

For, me as I reached there, I layed over the glass … and didn’t know I was soon asleep. The cool breeze over my face woke me up… it was already getting dark. It was not because of the sunset… Instead it was because of the black monsoon clouds and for the rain. When I looked behind I saw there was a small jeep a driver in it perhaps waiting for some officer to come. Then I went close to him… As he was sitting there waiting and doing nothing at all, when he saw me closer to him it didn’t take long before he started to ask me the questions. He did ask so many of the question and I did presents him so many of the stories, many reals and few not. He did seem interested with it but did seem he could do any thing to help me… it was about an hour or so we talked to each other before his officers came and he drove. For me I had built some hope with him but it didn’t result the way I wanted.

Soon I realised the burning of my stomach… I hadn’t eaten anything since the last night except for the sweets. I was now feeling dizzy and tired … and almost with no strength. Soon, it began raining. For sometime I tried to keep myself under the tree but it proved helpless. The rain was so heavy I was soon wet and the cold wind that carried the rain… as it came pass my skin, it intensity gre up that made me to shiver.

After then I felt nothing could help me… there I saw no hopes so, then I admitted to accept the defeat. Slowly with my trembling steps … I moved my paces back to the shop. In the rain… choking myself… as I was closer reaching the place. I was surprised father came rushing to me to grab me. Instead I tried to break away from him but I was so helpless, I couldn’t fight it. Then he took me to the room; he wasn’t harse any more. He too seemed to be worried when I was away through out the day. He dried me. Then he made eggs for me and also brought a drink. Yes it was then a great relief.

The next event happened one day when the father had left me alone in the shop. It was a rainy day and I was there alone in the shop. Two boys came to me and asked me for the change for their hundred-rupee note. I looked at the drawer and told them I hadn’t. Then they asked me … if I would help them to make the change by buying the chewing gums at the near store. I told them to do it by themselves but again they pleaded me for the favour. They told, instead, they would look over the shop for me. So, when they became so polite and asked me … I couldn’t reject.

I went and bought them the stuff… they thanked me and in return they too gave me one. I was happy for it … I thanked them. After sometime I decided to look at the drawer. There was no money at all. They had taken them all. They had cheated me and had stolen them all. Then my blood ran cold…I was loosing my nerves becausei was sure father would shout at me or even hit me when I would tell him about this. When he returned I had to tell it to him there was no other way because he would definitely ask for the money when he looked at the drawer. Then I had to give the answer. So, I thought it would be better to let him know earlier when he came.

Late afternoon he arrived and I told him all the stories about two boys that they had deceived me and had stolen all the money. He was so angry for my carelessness… he shouted at me for some time and then asked me to go to look for the boys. It had already been long time since the boys had left … I had only know the way they had taken from the crossroad. In the rain I walked on the way… asked about the two boys almost in every shop and store. Nobody told they knew. I walked the way up through a long distance but I could get any information about them.
Then I came back again. Father, he was still angry… but told me to leave the matter. And told me not to make the same mistake again. Yes, I realised about it and ever since then I was always concious about it.

Though I was more with the father in his shop for the vacations but every Saturdays was totally off. So, on that day, I would go out swimming in the lake… with some of the friends in the neighbourhood. Sometime we would also go fishing. We didn’t have special rods… it was only with a sort of specific bamboo stick that we were as the rod then; we tied a line…. A bit longer that it and knot a hook at the next end of a line. Well, we would make some small ones when we sat up for sometime. Usually it was at the end of summer and the beginning of monsoon when we went fishing. Sometimes… when there would be heavy rain, in the night; terraces and fields would be all covered with waters. These moment people would come in the fields to catch the fish that went due to the heavy rain of the night. It was always excitement and great adventure. I always loved it. Though I didn’t continue it for later years …

In my neighbourhood, there was a bunch of boys that had recently formed a group. They were about nine or ten. Perhaps very impressed from some action Hindi movies they had made the group. They called themselves a “Five Star Gang”. Once … my brother told they sometime harrassed him. So, quite few times earlier before they had formed the group I had warned to some of them.

With some of the few other guys … I too made a small team… we weren’t so many only four or five. Once… after their group was formed … I had again warned to some of them. One day they came and in small discussion there was a fight. Few things were very distinctive in us. When the team wasn’t together, individually, I would fight to them and hit them… no one ever dared to even bare it … so, they would run to gather their team. When they came… then I was to run and could never get out of my house because they were too many … that I couldn’t handle.

I was not ever the person that loved fights and all this. I had to do it for my brother who always lived in the place. Apart from this I did never want they trouble him. I wasn’t interested nor was so smart with fights… but to let them built up their confidence over me … I used to tell I had special marshall art lessons in school and next was I would accept any individual challenges for fights from the group. I had to do this because I never wanted to let myself down. So, it was the reason they never could fight me when they weren’t together in the team… and I used to take the chances but when they came in group, I quited and ran away.

Once it happened at the shore of lake I was with a friends. The group came and we fixed up the fight. A boy from the team told he wanted to make a fight. I agreeded. Their team was all around me… where as my friend was a distant far in the boat … soon the fight started, as it begun the whole team came over me… They hit me, they kicked me …they even used belts and I remained helpless…

I was greatly deceived that day but there wasn’t any serious injury on me. Perhaps this could be the reason, later days… I could never be good friend to them again. It lasted for about three years before things slightly changed and we never had fights again nor could we become good friends ever.

Well, with all this a month of vacation was over. I had to be back to school again. In more than two years of time … I had learnt the rules... had know all the games and also knew the part that I had to play. Coming back from home … there was a big surprise for us in the hostel. We had a small speaker in the hostel. Teachers had brought the wire from their room and had placed a bare magnet speaker (with no cover) on the celling of every hostel of the seniors (we were considered the loest level of the seniors). It was a very small speaker but was a big surprise for all us.

To bring radio or any sort it was banned. We were not allowed to having it. So, there was on good way we could hear music. Only we often could was … watch the songs in Hindi movie… but usually they were forwarded, and never watched. It must be strange, when I talk about this thing. But still it was true. But when we were almost to finish the high school things slightly changed. Very few of them had small radios. It was often good to tune onto the national stations or some time even some Hindi stations, in the late evening. They gave quite good numbers. And it was great fun listening to them.

After lunch … we had to come to the hostel for the rest … it had been sort of the rule the teachers had made. Every one of us would be in our bed … We were not allowed to talk and make loud noise. We had to remain in our bed … the most we did was whisper to the nest person. The teachers would then play the songs for us … In a way it was good … we loved hearing it… usually they would play the same children songs everyday. But still even playing the same thing almost everyday we were entertained … I would say.

But it did n’t last longer, one day after the lunch as we were listen to it … a friend Trishna Kaji, rose up from his bed… and pretending (the speaker was closer to his bed) to show us he turned it over to see the back. It was loosely hung on the wall, so it wasn’t difficult for him to turn but when he again tried to reset it… there came no sound. Since then it was never repaired … nor it was replaced by the next… but later later after the vacation of the second term the speaker was removed and the wires were taken away… and then there was no more music any more during the lunch break.

Mean while, after the vacation Sagar, became my good friend? We were always together and we shared everything we had. Sometime … I feel very strange about the realtionship. When we were together, no matter who it was, we would always walk together, perhaps even take the seat together in the class, be always together in the dining and so far possible take the adjecent bed in thye hostel. Then we would share our stories and other things that we had like food and fruits. It was a sort of the tradition or the way… only the good friends share… but things weren’t shared with the classmates.

With time when the relation broke… may be with some problems or with other reasons then both would look for a different one… a new one again. In very short time… and a different stories, is started, old is forgotten and nothing is shared with the old ones. It’s something that nobody cared it and also never thought about it but when I think about it I always felt very strange with the relations.

In hostel, we often had problems with bed bug… To spray medicine for the bugs they would sometime ask us to sleep for few nights on the cement floor outside the room on the open lawn just outside the room… it was open all around as there were no any windows. Yeah we enjoyed sleeping on the floor. But most of the cases it was done when we were in the vacations.

Sometime we they would also give us medicine for the worms... It was not so often but still they did it for all… didn’t matter we had the worms or not… but we had to take the medicines. In the floor and sometime we had trouble with the drinking water.

It became the last year we got ever got the flour and milk from the US and the butter from the Finland. I always loved the “Haluwa” the fried flour in the butter and then cooked in water. The milk it was sort of okay. I liked it better when we often made curd from it. For this we used to get a jam bottle (glass not metal) from the kitchen. During our tea we would carry the milk to our hostel. We would get enough of it … Get it to the hostel …we would pour it into the bottle and lock it inside our box… In a day or two it would be ready and we would have it … only the good friends. Usually, the others never knew these things. Though I didn’t like the powdered milk but after making it curd... it tasted beautiful.

On the third week of August, there was the sports day. For this time the neapli guru took few of us … to sing the song “Gaucha Geet Nepali” (A Nepali sings song). It was a song from our textbook, Nepali. We were about ten participating… he would often take us out from the class for the reahershal. It was first time ever I was taking part in any formal function.

In addition to it, I was also asked to write a peom for the children’s day. I did it … on the final day that early morning I showed him. He approved it and it was also the first time I was going to say the poem infront of so many people.I was partly influenced in the literature, because of guru… he was so fluent with it … and he knew so much about the poets their life history and their great poems, when he talked about it if left the deep mark on me. It was the reason that forced me for the poetry though didn’t last for longer but still it was the initiative to my greatest interest in the literature.

On the main day…as usual sports day on the occasion of the children’s day. Main events were held and prizes were given to the winners for different games and sports. I wasn’t in any and so was there nothing for me. After the show we were given sweets … and then there was also the drink given to us… (For the time). Everyone was racing to one of the kitchen window on the back of the kitchen. With my friend I too went there. When I reached there, there had already been a long line before we even had come… Eveybody had a glass in their hands. There was a kitchen staff in the window that was pouring the water to the students. When their glass was filled the person would walk away and next would take the turn.

It was nothing more … We called it “squash” it’s a colourful favour liquid that is mixed in the huge amount of water …and sugar is added that would make the drink taste sweet and smell like the fruits … it could be found in different favours …usually in orange and lemon.

For only this … there was a long line … it wasn’t even straight. It was curled and bent … everyone was so tight to each others sometime they seemed to be moving forth and back wards.it was because not to let the stonger guy enter the middle of the line… Every one was so desperate to take their turn for the drink and they were so wild, everyone was in great anguish about it…

I too took the last place in the line …and waited till my turn came... it was long after I got it. I was happy I got the turn to drink.

After these days… then was second term …then a vactaion. After then again the final… The year got over.

After the finals … this year there wasn’t any celebration for the kings birthday. Every morning after the breakfast we would walk on the backyard of the hostel… carry our ciopies and fire them… to make us feel warm on these cold foggy mornings. Sometime the hostel teachers would also come for the fire, which was strange. It was good they didn’t tell us anything.

Other mornings we would all wondering around. Some in hostels…some in playground and some somewhere else … everyone would go for something they feel to … But many would be scattering in the ground playing games… football, volleyball or gameball…

Talking about gameball, it was a very common game after football. We played it with a tennis ball... but as it wasn’t so easy getting the ball in school usually we made it from the wornout sock that we would easily got it in the hostel. We would make by tearing out the papers from the notes…squeezing them and putting them into the shock unless it gave the round shape and size almost the size alike to that of the ball.

To play the game … two teams were made…. But before it a pit was made where the tower was built with the help of stones… bigger ones on the bottom and the the smallest ones on the top. Sometime it would be tall about half a meter and would consist about twenty five to thrirty stones or even more… there was no specific rule. The game would start with one member of a team balling from the distance (In approval of both teams) where as the opponents would go back in the pit next to the tower for grabbing the ball… The main target of the balling team would be to break the tower and the remake it again… where as the opponents target was not to let them rebuilt it. So, if the balling team succeded to break the tower, then they were no more allowed to touch the ball with their hands. But they could take and hit the ball with their fist to the farthest distant they could …so that any of the others of the balling team members could rearrange the stone to rebuilt the tower. During this interval… no players can have the contact to the ball with their back or their thighs and legs… incase if it happened the member would be sent of … for that set. So, ooppents would try best to send the player off by hitting the ball to the opponents back or at their legs… and if the opponent could succeed to sent off three of the members of the balling team, the game would be halted. Then the balling would be preceeded with the remaining members where as if the balling succeeededd to rebuilt the tower beforehand they would be allowed a point and the balling was precceeded by the remaining players. Each member would be assigned for ten balls maximum. It was the game we always loved playing … though on the later days… it slowly went down… and usually didn’t go for it.

The school decided to take us to “Vyed Cave…” a cave believed to be of a Hindu epic writer. It was about fourty miles east from our school. Our friends decided to go and they all did go. It was only me that didn’t take the part. I was happy with my self not taking the part. I didn’t have any reasons though; it was only that I didn’t feel like going.

The result of the final exam was also published. I passed the finals. I was again the seventh among all of my friends.

***

Part II

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 06:47:00 -0800

The second week of Janaury, 1989, a year had been over in this place, Two weeks of the winter vactions were glorious days for me. It was with great excitement I had been to my home. Today, in this cold foggy morning my mother was taking me back to the school. The night hadn't been so good I was not able to sleep well. I didn't know when I had got to sleep. In the morning mother woke me up and it was then I realised I had to go back to my school. On the way I was totally flushed and sad.

It was true, I hadn't liked the school since my early days. Never had I liked it. It crushed me from inside when I happened to learn about the day going to school. I was always in favour to more like freedom than the rules… perhaps would have loved as a dayschoolar. For me, a hostel, it was even more terrifying.

Counting back the hills as we passed by and watching over the great riverside that ran down on the right of the road, seconds after seconds and minutes after minutes finally the time brought me back to the school. After getting all my things checked and my bag throughly searched, I was allowed to pass into the school. The place had been filled with so many people... as just like me everyone had been back from home.
When I arrived I was surprised, earlier to me many of my friends had already arrived. It was a sort of great relief seeing them there. So, their presence in a way was a great comfort to me. Next day, early morning, in cold of fading winter, I could feel the strong cold breeze over my face. It was still very cold in the morning and evening though the day was getting warmer. After the breakfast in the morning, we learnt the classes wouldn't not be started until the Sunday.

I was with some sort of excitement of the new class but something had put me off for the time being. It was that I missed my last years mate, Kiran. He had left the school and I was almost sure of that I wouldn’t be able to see him again. Missing him I felt lonely. The reality, it was part of life so there was no way other than to act with what it existed in the reality.

Earlier, on the same day of my arrival not to get sick feeling of getting back home, I had already picked on a friend, a classmate of mine, Prakash. We would go along together, together with him this would make me feel very much better.

Being friend to him there was a advantage… he didn’t like “haluwa”… as for me … I like it the most. So, every morning he would give most of the share that he got for him.
Some time it is strange to think of things how it went. We often swapped our meals… or sometime even put it on the bet. Other friends like bishnu also didn’t favoured “haluwa” as for me I didn’t like vegetables and eggs so I swapped them for haluwa. When we were friends we often did it everyday.

Well, about making bet with the meal… it was on the every football matches on the meat days. We would bet with the opponents with the pieces of meat. It was a deal that depended on the indivials with how many pieces of meat are to be placed in the bet. Everyone did followed the rules... the losers of the match would always give the promised pieces of meat to the winners.

Then after our breakfast, we would rush to the ground to play anything we found or we thought of. We would play stones we would just walk through the dry grasses. We would just do the things we saw or found. Some time we would walk into our hostel to see if some others arrived or just stayed with the ones for some talk. It was a good way of getting rid of the time.

On the third day, we were all asked to attend the classes though, we hadn't still got our schoolbooks to read and notes to write. However we came into. Now we had a new class, it was on the ground floor and to the south of the school building. It had four big windows on the adjacent sides, west and south.

It was never that the classes started on the same day of the arrival. Sometimes it took few days about two or three days at least before the classes smoothly begun. But it was unusual this time.
Then an Indian teacher Fenson who used to teach us English came into our room. As he entered we stood from our seats and greeted him and again took our seats.

We were surprised we started writing down the song "Temple of the king." on the black board. (It was almost a decade later I came to know it was of the - Rainbow.) Then he asked us to write it down and make it by heart. So, he sang for us and we followed him ... and it continued for several times before he told it was enough and the class ended. But before he left he told us we had to know it as he would any of us anyday.

Sunday, it was then the classes were supposed to begin. It was now we would not be allowed to play during the day. It was over. Now we had to work in accordance with the time and with the bell. And with the same routine that was not made only for me but to everyone living in that place. Even for the teachers too.

This time there was some changes... there had been so many new teachers. We had new social studies teacher. “Badgami sir” we used to call him. He became our class teacher. We also had new subject teachers in Nepali and other subjects.

Soon we got all the schoolbooks from the school. Putting covers on the books with the Chinese magazine became a tradition. I too couldn’t ignore it. It was good because, the papers of these magazine were shiny thick and large in size. In some way they were very preventive for the schoolbooks.

This year, with some that left the school and with those, the new ones that came we were all together fourtyfour in number. Sunil and Bishnu were two of the new ones who kept on till the end of high school.

With the beginning of the classes, when things were routinized, slowly with time the days faded, morning after the daybreak, the morning bell from the school building, signed us to wake up. Then things followed the way it did till late night in the evening.

It was strange, we had so many new teachers for our lessons. And something strange was there in the routine, this year we had musical class the very last class, every Tuesday. For us Kaji sir was appointed for it. There was also a drawing class. Principal Dev grg himself took it. It was great moment having those classes because we would have enough fun with it. In first drawing class, Dev sir taught us how to draw the national flag of Nepal. He asked us to draw the triagles with the setsquares and also tyold about the special way of drawing sun and the moon. He had perfect hands, he made beautiful sketches of it on the black board that looked so impressive.
Similarly on the first day of our musical class Kaji sir taught us an english song “Oh Carol” This was the song he wrote for us.

Oh Carol, I am what a fool,
Darling I love you, though you treat me fool
You heart me and you make me cry
But if you leave me I will surely die.
Wow wow yehi yehi I love you more than I can say
I love you twice as much tomorrow wow wow I love you
More than I can say.

(It was almost a decaded later I discovered the song had been the mixture of he two songs “Oh Carol” and “More than I can Say” by Leo Sayer.) Yes, he did often help us learning and singing songs. But sometimes he would go with long lectures suggesting us, teaching us morality and telling the truths about life – something more rational and sensitive … and partly emotional. He would teach us how we had to deal our parents and elders… and also teachers. Also about how we had to work, work for our future and our destiny. He would also tell of so many things that were good or not. It was very impressive the way he told. We would always hear him up in silence.

Among all the teachers, it was him with whom every student did fear of him. He was not only strict but sometime he was like animal. He would go on hitting everyone in the class even for a mistake done by a person. And sometimes he would even reject the truth instead and make us accept with what he believed and decided. This was the thing I many times hated the teachers for how bad they sometimes were.

Nepali class also became interesting. We always called “Gurus” for the Nepali teachers. In sometime he became closer to us. It was because he was a great storyteller. In the beginning, also the beginning of spring, we would all ask him to take his class in the sun. Usually he would do so… just as others so many teachers. Then he would teach us. First he read all the passage then he went through words after words. He would explain with the best of his knowledge, as his subject was a sort of compositions, stories, essays and poems, sometimes he would even sketch the figures of his own and enlarge the whole material. He would tell everything, every event and all the knowledge he had about any thing when he came across the matter. Sometime when we asked for stories, he too wouldn’t reject. He would happily engross us with it.

In short time, it became a schedule for every Friday, he would tell us a long series of the epic from the Ramayan and Mahabharat, (The Hindu Epics) I became one of his most oriented listener. I would wait through all the week until he came for the class. Through, almost the three fourth of an hour the class would turn into dead silence until the bell rang for the lunch. It would again be the next week we would be waiting for the remaining of the story.

There was the next new teacher, Som sir, a very serious teacher.
Once, during the initial days I greatly suffered from him. That day, while he was with his math lesson he was so angry with all of us but unfortunately I becaome the major target of it. He would ask me several times and hit us in our plams with the bamboo stick, very harsh. That day the fourty-five minutes of his class turned out like a hell. I was with tears as I cried for several times almost through out the class.

But I don’t know how things changed. Later years I was a sort of his best student. One reason that I believed he had loved me could be that he found me simple and true. I used to write a lot of Poems and show it to Guru, his roommate. Perhaps he liked it. In the later while staying with the other teacher, while his friend went home for the weekend, he would sometime take me to his room where I slept in the friend’s beds. I guess I should have only been the one student who should have come to the teacher’s room to sleep. Moreover he would sometime take me out of school for a tea or milk. This was very great of him. Not only this, on the later year during my high school he would always persue me to do with with the studies. Yes, I too had done it about which I will explain on the later pages.

Days weren’t much different to what it used to be the last year. Though we were in a different room for the class but still we were in the same hostel room. We had new captian, it was no more Kirshna. Umesh, the third boy of the class and Gupendra became the class monitor. We also had a new hostel warden though, she was a tall lady, with good height and figure. She was a police personnel. So, she had stronger accent and serious look. But there was something strange about her in the school. She had a daughter living with her… who was the only girl in the whole school who had been studying in the boy’s school. As the aunt, the warden had been living in our room, the big hall, the girl use to live with us… with her mum. But it was never, she spoke to any one. But it didn’t last for long, not longer than few months though. Then she left the hostel. A new aunt, “swaraswati anutie” we called her, came to join us.

Badgami, sir had more the sort of mongol look. He wasn’t so strict relative to others but still he was someone who had a sort of strong anger sometime that often terrified us. As he had been the classteacher for us, the day, it was his class the first every morning.

It was not only during the classes that the class teachers were engaged to us. Sometimes, they would take us to river for a swim. So, it was usually him who would do that for us. Usually it was Saturday, that we would go to the river, however sometime we even did go in other days after the tea when the classes would be over.

This time it was a different route and a different place we went. The river was bigger, we had to walk about a mile and then down through the steep hill. The way was so sleep and dusty with only small stones and gravels. Sometime when we were in a crowd we would run down… not with greater, speed as in races but still with some speed. When many of us, did it … it seemed as a herd of cattle racing down the hill. The dust sprange and covered all around, making it seemed like the mist. However, when we reached the bottom of that steep hill, we would gather again before the teacher decided for the right place. When we reached the place, we would take off our things and get into the river. The river was too big, so the teacher would be concious in watching us and not to let any accident happen. The auntie would then come over us and help us, one after the other.

It would be for about an hour or little more before he would ask us to get our things and prepare for the leave. Well, while climbing back the hill, and again racing to reach the top, some of us who tried for it would again be covered with dust and sweat, that proved no difference in having cleaned ourselves.

There were few other things that were brought into use. Every Saturday, we were supposed to have selfstudies for about two hours and half. There would be a teacher or two, looking over all the classes. It was a system adopted from the central school. We also often had “Self stand Program” on Saturday morning. It was meant for cleaning the school, carrying rubbies and paper… or sometime evening digging stones from the football grounds. It was strange… almost everyone was sincere to working it. It was done often, once in some time.

The evening classes were also altered. It wasn’t selfstudies anymore. Now the teachers would take their respective classes. It was five days a week. Friday and Saturday would be off, there would be no class at all.

After the spring, when summer was about to come, it was dry ever where there was no rain and the scarcity of water was very high. We were known the water pipes for the school were still on the way and it was certain it would still take few months to reach to us before we would have enough of water.

The daily water supply was only enough for dining for the cooking and cleaning purposes.
The big tanks were also almost emptied… it was getting difficult with the water. And to fill this necessity the school first cleaned the circular pond about hundred meters south of school building. One Saturday, they brought a huge motor and drained out the greasy water from it… It was so dark and dense. When the water was almost drained out of it … we could see so many fish there. They were the ones that kids had caught them from the river, put them in the bottle and when they brought it to the school they had put them in the pond. It about a year or two they have really grown very big. That day all those fishes were collected. It should have been the great feast for the camp commandent and the principal, we guessed.

It was first let to dry for some days, then some big tankers, supposed to carry milk for the locals carried water for us and filled the great two tanks of the school… They even worked through the late evenings until their job was done. For sometime, it did seem to be enough.

Just with time, days came… we had the terminal exam and there was the holiday. It had just been two days the exams had been over. For the holidays, that sunny morning, mother came to take me home.

Before, we left the place, the camp commandent of the school told my mother, that the teacher the school had facilated the students for extra classes even during the holidays. So, he asked her to take the oppurtunity, as he told I wasn’t so good with the studies. Though I wasn’t one of those very best in the class but still I knew he didn’t know me, so in no way he would know about about my studies and my appereances in the class. It should have been the same thing he should have told to almost every parent or guardians who came to take their kids.

Yes, endless happiness in me was no bound of it while coming back home. Seeing all the family back, hearing the stories they had, as usual it was a great pleasure for me. Nevertheless, as appointed by the school the same week we got started with the tution classes in the junior school in the valley.

Prakash Shrestha, was only the classmate who came for it. We were always together, coming and leaving school. After, the lunch, at about nine, he would leave early and come to me, then we would walk together to the school. In total we were only fifteen. There were only two teachers, but only one of them to take our classes.

Our class would start at ten and end at three. The teacher who taught us was our english teacher. But during this extra tution classes he would teach us with any of the subjects we deserved. But most to his prior, usually we never decided, he would focus on English lessons, Grammar rules in English and mathematic.

He was good teacher, and he did try his best for it… but as usual it was that we took it more as the fun classes rather than any serious classes. We were engaged and were happy with it… the main reason for this was, it was totally different to the formal classes in the school. It was for three weeks and ended just a couple of days before the time our holiday ended.

By the time something changed happened in my family business. The business was splitted. Mother decided to move her glossery shop to the place closer to our residence where as father, he kept on his business on the same place and carried on his photocopy business.

Holidays was soon over, I was terrified getting back to school. Even thinking about the place and the way of living would turn me grave … I knew I could change what it got to be next day. But still there was something that was taking up my mind.

In the school, once I had learmt from one of the friend, Saroj who had caught the fever. It was not actually that he had caught it naturally. He told he had caught it by some means in his way because almost none did like the classes. I wasn’t sure of the truth but still when it had happened to him, I couldn’t ignore it too.

Somedays, later after he had recovered he told me that we could get fever if we could hold a slice of an onion inside our armpit through out the night.

So, on the last night, I thought to give it a try. If I would get the fever then it was certain I I could stay longer at home. So, I did it the way I was told, I creeped it tight in my armpit. It wasn’t so easy I could get into sleep. Same thing came over and over in my mind… I feared with teachers, I hated the system and was tired with the strange rules. But still something gave me some delights to cheer me… if my plan worked then I would have some more days. Thinking about all this, and with some sort of melody with the heavy rain of the metal roof… I didn’t know when I got into sleep.

Next morning, my eyes opened wide early in the morning, just sometime after the dawn, I made the test if I had caught the fever. Then I thought of the onion slice. It wasn’t at the place anymore. It seemed as it had droped out earlier that night and it had turned so soft and delicate, perhaps I should have rolled over it many times.

“Shit, I told to myself … “ It hadn’t worked at all. There was no way other. I had to go to school.
It was my mother again who took me back to school. It was dark and cloudy day when we started off after our lunch before the lunch. At about the midday we reached the school.

The classes had already begun, though they were not smooth because yet not all of us arrived. I was so drained I coulddn’t hold my passion, my tears they were rolling down my cheeks and even trying to dry them with my fingers I wasn’t able to work it out fully. Aftersometime in my school uniform I appeared in the class. Nepali teacher was with his class. I took a vacant seat next to Manoj Ranjit, would be same for all the term until after the next vacation if I didn’t get it changed with others.

SuddenlyI noticed of a change in the classroom… at the left end at the front … there was a large clay pot about a meter in height. It was for the water when we were thirsty… it had an yellowish metal lit and a an steel glass on the top of it… it was to meant to take the water from inside … The uncles would fill it in once in every few days… This system lasted for about two years before they were replaced with two water filters from the dinning hall.

That day, after the noon there was some sort of sunshine afternoon. As there weren’t student to teach, the teacher decided to take us to the football ground.

Due to monsson during the holiday, everything had grown up so green and very high and the ground seemed wet. With our uniforms we were brought in the ground to clean it up, the sticking grasses.

A friend Manoj had arrived few days earlier. It was him who tried to fascinate and console me those meoments. It even with my work on … along with the other friends I couldn’t stop my emotions. Well, it just went on and on and on. But with minutes, hours … it slowly recovered and in few days it was over. I had now learnt, I again accepted it, I was to go with the same shit rules again. There was no way out. I accepted the reality.

It was one late afternoon I learnt few days back a black dog had killed a rabbit in the School principal’s garden. The dog that had killed one of the two the princpal’s rabbits was the only one mostly seen in the school. There were several other villager’s dogs that came from the neighbourhood, to feed on the massive garbage of our school kitchen everyday.

Next day, after our classes, in the late afternoon, I saw a crowd gathered infront of the hostel building. Everyone seemed to be wondering to the far end to the west of the school. As I reached there, we could see three persons there, two men were standing at a place where next man was running with the dog. As from the talk I too was confirmed it was the black dog, the same dog that was accused of killing principal’s rabbit.

Though through the distance we realised they were all the kitchen staff. The dog was tried up with the rope, and the one who was holding the rope and making the dog run was Purne. I was a little bit known to him because he was the one who used to get sweets for some of my friends. He would make out some money doing so. I was known about it via my classmate Rajendra, because it was from him rest the other mates (I was one of them) that finaly brought sweets in thrice or four times the actual price, because in hostels it was n’t easy getting the things like that.

After sometime, running with the dog, sunny late afternoon, we all watched for what was to happen. It was stange manny of the friends were known about it… From them I knew they were to burn the dog alive.

In the beginning, I felt it wasn’t true, but seeing with my own eyes, there seemed no doubt about it. Yes, we could see, Purna did spray something over the dog… before the next person took the rope from him and raced the dog again. Perhaps it was kerosine, they should have sprayed on the poor dog, we all guessed. Just sometime later, he brought the dog to the place where the two of his other mates were standing. Yes, it was then, we saw one of them lit the fire to the dog. Within few seconds, the dog ablazed to huge fire, it was too far to hear any noise though. Perhaps the dog should have been too tired to run too far from the place before it finally collided on the ground. The poor helpless dog had no other way out. I felt the horrible moment watching all this.

However it was not the end. That week, ten more dogs were poisoned and killed. Some were even tied inside big jute rice sacks and thrown down the hill that ran down straight about hundred and fifty meters. There were lots of stories but it wasn’t the matter anymore when there were no dogs seen again for sometime.

The summar was over and it was the monsoon. Still we didn’t have enough water for us. There was one and half inch polythene pipe that carried water for drinking purposes for two fifity or three hundred people. It was often used to collect water to fill the tank that we used for cleaning ourselves every morning and evening.

However we had heard some stories new pipelines were to be brought in few months and then we were to have enough water. They were to bring from a stream on the hillside fareast about four miles from the school location. The reason it was taking time… was that there was no road and manpower needed was extreme for even for the little work.

However, it was some how easier in the monsoon, because they were using a different way to collect water there to fill the tanks. The outlets for the rain water from the school building, hostel building and the dinning hall were blocked and big two inches polythene pipes were fed from the roof of each to different tanks. This solved the most of our problem for water.

However, we would still be taken to the riverside to bathe. We carried a towel of our own over our shoulder and other very few auxillaries with us. Just as usual, on the way we always walked in a line. We were not allowed to go to the shops or anything nearby or even talk to strangers. The only thing needed was we had to walk our way and do our job. That was it.

In monsoon, rivers came up so high and they were too furious… so, we were not taken to the place… But there was other better opotions that even didn’t risk of any hazardous accidents. Due to heavy and continuous rain in monsoon there used to be so many small stream that were born, but they would soon dry when the rain stopped. There used to be so many of them on the steep hillside on a side of the river. All of them didn’t locate on thebase… Instead many of them were about twenty or thirty meters from the top just about the quarter of the distance from the top.

When we got there, I was usually more engaged in making small ponds… and try to get it larger. As it was steep, I would never succeed because, even before getting it bigger enough some of the sand and stone would fall from the top or either, the apart of it would flow away being unable to hold the pressure of the water. But still I aways kept on making small ponds. So, usually I would aways be late to complete washing myself. It was often the aunt that would call me and I had to got before she soaped me and then cleaned with the water then finally ask to dress me again just the way she did with others.

During this holiday I had brought a calender with me. It was a years calender in a page. In every few days I would see at it cross the numbers of all the days that were passed. I often counted the remaining days for the coming holidays and for the vacation.

Usually, after vacations, if I was one of those one to arrive in the school earlier out of the others in the class then I would always take the seat closer to the window, the one I would prefer more would be the one on the back seat. Else I wouldn’t mind to take the front one. Sometime if I arrived late than the others Then I was it wouldn’t be easy to decide. Usually I would decide for the seat underneath the fan.

In the class it was a sort of the tradition, the one who arrived earlier took the seat he favoured, the seat would be occupied with the priority from the back then on the middle and finally the front ones. It was because almost everyone was aware of teacher and no one really did will to be closer, in any occasions except fopr the story telling.

For me it was the window I wanted, as it was only the thing that ever did mattered to me. I wouldn’t mind taking the first seat because it had been often that I took the first seat. And usally the first ones in the middle row. They were the ones that were always the most abandoned.
It was same in the hostel. In hostel, the tradition had been that first of all the upper beds of the two platforms in each were occupied. Even among the upperones the ones with fans closer to it always became the first targets.

It was not so often that I could make on the upper ones. Sometime I did, while taking the account of the windows. There were so many small windows, I would pick one at the far end from the door, so the cool bleeze would give a better sleep for the night.

But there was a different legend, why I preferred seats closer to the windows in the classroom. Definitely it was a cooler place … because of the wind, it was also a great place that gave a very good view of the beautiful place around, flat land and the hills all round… Apart from these it gave a distinctive view of the chains of beautiful mountians on the north. Above all this, there was something I used to work with.

Thosedays, it was usually only few that use to put on watch. It was later, on the eighth year during my high school when I had really put on a watch but it didn’t last long. It was a sort of gift from the father, though he hadn’t really brought for me. One day I opened it to see, to look inside of, because wearing it for long I was always anxious about it. With the help of the blade of the pencil sharpner, that was the very major tool we often used in school, as we never did have any other tools like screwdrivers with us. Yes, trying to look over it, opening few more screws, a sort of spring jumped out of it. There was no way I could get it … as it was too little to go for a search all around the classroom. After then, I learnt it could never be repaired. It was finally on the beginning of the tenth grade, the final year of my high school when my mother got a watch for it, which favoured me for the next six years.

Well, so taking the seat next to the window, I use to mark the shadow’s lining on the wall, side of the window with the pencil. After midday as the sun went down, it would greatly take over the shawdows on the wall. Those marks would designate the time when the class of a teacher would end and the class of the next teacher would start. Usually the last classes in the late noon would be boring and we would be longing for the end. So, it would help me with the time. I would easily know how far the classes had been and about how long to go. But there was some thing ridiculous with it. I had to changes in marks because the rising and going down of the sun altered dastrically in almost every week. So, I kept changing the marks. I continued it for about seven years but never did tell any one about my mysterous time teller.

The following monsoon, there came the season of eye disease. It was that in few days one who came or stayed closer to the the one infected with the disease then soon the one staying next to the person would also be infected in a very short time. It wouldn’t even take few hours.

It was so soon, so many in the school caught the diease, not to let it get even worse the infected students were talked to a different building, at the far end from the main hostel and school buildings. It was great they needn’t come to the school to take on the classes.

When those infected were taken away, the growth couldn’t rise up so abruptly. It slowly came down. I hadn’t still caught it though. But since the disease came out in the place, I had always wished for it. Because if I would be infected I neednot to take any class. I could stay up in a room with the other sick friends through out the day. That was what I was longing for.
Yes it did happen, I caught the disease with the help of infected
Friend, we had a closer eye to eye sight that the next day showed it effect. My eyes had grown red from the edges and very frequently they ichy, as I I tried to squeeze my eyes it indeed make it teribbly bad.

The same day, when I realised that I had too been infected, I moved to the different place to the other sick boys. I carried my bed to the place they were staying and spent all day with them. Thing happened something worse then that I had expected. My eyes got bad then I supposed it would have been. They didn’t only get red but the muscels around the eyes were also swollen. I felt the terrible pain because of it. It was since then I didn’t like for what I had done to myself. So, I became concious about what I was doing. I started cleaning up my eyes regularly and puttin on the medicine from the aunt who used to llok after us , the sick ones. So, it didn’t take so long before I was back with the recovery again. Well, it was then since the next week I started with the classes. I came back to my friends to hostel and started living together with them.

The following second week of the month, I was surprised father had come to take me just for the Saturday. Every one had been so waiting to see me as the same way I was for them. Mother had made the special fish soup for my arrival.Getting together in the family and after then the meal, the soup that the mother had made it had the very distinctive taste so beautifully cooked. Sitting with others and wasn’t to so much of concentration for what I was doing… As I was almost to finish the meal I felt something in my neck … I felt hurted inside. Then the fear ran through my nevers… I though it perhaps should have been one of a tiny sharp fish bone.

In the beginnig I didn’t tell any one … I tried myself to over come it. I went to shower, drank a lot of water… then tried to feel… No, I could still feel it. Then I tried with milk and the rice balls…. No, it too didn’t seem to work. So, then feeling helpless, I rushed to the father and told him what happened.

Immediately I was rushed to the regional hospital in his motor bike with the mum. When we reached, father took me to a room just to the right of the entrance. There were two men in apron … should have been the doctors I guessed. Both seemed to be the middle aged men but one of then had the average height and look where as the next had the glasses on his eyes and was pale and thin with bread over his face.

Not the skinny guy, but the next one came and asked me to take the seat on the chair, he took the detail from my father before he came forward to me and asked me to open wide my mouth. Then with the torch light he looked inside… perhaps trying to figure out something if he could. Then he asked my father for x-ray.
Then from there we headed for the x-ray room. For the first time in my life I was infront of the x-ray machine. I was asked to take off the shirt that I had put on. And stand straight on the stand. Then he focused the projector.
After sometime with the x-ray details we headed back to the previous room. The doctor who had made my the checkup earlier, looked at the x-ray and the details in the serious manner. That moment the father talked to the next doctor and he told I would also like to be the docor some day. Hearing these words from my father he looked at me and made a fuzzy laugh, which I really didn’t like at all.

In reality I never told I wanted to become a doctor. It was my father who had asked me to tell that I wanted to become a doctor. Moreover it was the thing he always told it to other people… to his relatives and friends when he happened to talk about me. Usually I never did favour to talk to any of his friends though.

From the x-ray they found no sign of the bone… they told it had already moved off from the place so it wasn’t so serious matter. They prescribed some drug for the probable wounds that the bone had caused over the internal glands. From his words I was conforted and assured it was bad anymore. We didn’t stay longer… we got the drug from the store near the entrance and we drove back home.

Sometime things would happen so unexpected and that would only be the matter to talk about. One morning there was the news all around, some of the junior boys fleeted away from the school. This was a desperatinf moment for all

Since boys were too young…. The teachers, admistrators and other school staffs would know the fleeing kid would go nowhere else than to their family else to their relatives. So, even they usually knew about all this but still they would go in seach for the missing boys. They would go to the places around and ask if they ahd seen the boys… or go the valley and see in the cinema hall and ask if they had seen any kid like the ones missing. They would take the pictures and go around unless they were confirmed found. Usually there was no other way, most of those fleeing kids would return to their homes in the evening and sometimes they were even found to be staying in one of them home telling they had the holidays. But there was no any case that they were not found.

It was no longer than sometime later, two of my classmates vanished from the hostel. Even living always together, didn’t matter, in the same class, in the same hostel and also in the same dining we still would know so many things about the friends. Non of the others had known anything about them. After three days they were again brought back to school. Unfortunately both of them left the school after the final that year.

I too was so desperate with the school I didn’t liked it at all. Sometime I too had the feeling of fleeing from school, I even had worked out some plans but I was unable to do it because I was known about the result as that had happened to other friends and the junior brothers, more than this I had always loved my family, so it no way I could live far away from them..

It was not only that I had thought about it I had also told about it to my friend Bishnu, my best friend of the time. I had told him… if I was to escape from the school I wouldn’t be going to home. I would instead be going to a small town, Vimat some kilometers south from the school then would. There I would do some work in any houses or shops if they would let me to live and let me go to school. Then, if I would succeed living the way then I would someday write my family for how I was and where I was. Some time these feeling came so intense over me that I was almost to start out…. But some thing did stop me again. My mother would never tolorate even hearing me missing from the school. Was I supposed to deceive her for her true faith and love? No, this could never be.

Sometimes, when she did have hard times or when I bugged for something that I wanted and that she didn’t have it to give it to me. Rather than deny it she would try to convince me, give the reasons for it and tell her stories. Most of the cases, it would melt me down, listening to her, my eyes would feel with tears and I would settle down with no more conflicts.

When these all things reaveled out in my mind and the feelings that I had for her, were sort of the margins that bonded me for many times that made me to stop for that I decided to do or some time give hopes for those things that I wanted. So, all in the years of my schooling I could never do things that would make her feel that I deceived. Perhaps this should have been the reason why it always led me to think so much before I decide for anything so that I usually never happened to get into the wrong way.

One Saturday afternoon, father came to visit me in school. I was called to see him. Earlier, when I had left home after the vacation, things were so good in the house. He was a sort of always living the house. Most of the time, the thing I ever hated seeing was the time when he scolded my mother and made her cry or sometimes when he even hit her. He was a man of the odd nature who always liked people if they accepted his oppinions where as he would have big dicussions and arguments with those who would reject or disaggree him. And almost two decades of his job in police force had turned him more strict and rude.

There had been so doubts about him, so mother had asked me not to come out with him if he came to see me at school. Keeping her words in mind …so, I decided it would even be better if I didn’t go to see him. When was told I ignored it and didn’t go to see him. Later the uncle came to take me…. Grabbed my hand, I told him I didn’t want to see him. But he still didn’t let me go, so I fought and cried and with tears I told him I wouldn’t see my father at any case.

It was later, my father came in the hostel lawn, handed a plastic bag with oranges to me and went away. He scolded me for not visiting him. I was so fear of him I couldn’t look at his face. There was a small crowd gather around us to see what was happening. I just kept quite for some time before I rushed out from the place and away from the hostel leaving him there. I didn’t know when he left. Later everybody asked me about it. I just made a story to them.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like to visit him. The only reason for this was, many times the way he happened to treat my mother. And about these cases, I was so much into the mother words I would do it the way she meant. Later I was told, that evening, when he was back home, he was drunk and had created a greater mess and all the family had raced off from the house that late evening to escape from the possible damage he could make in anger.

In weeks again, days were getting closer, we were to have the second terminal exam and then we could go home for a long vacation of a month, which included two big religious festivals.

Soon exams came and this time again mother did come to take me back home. Returning back home in the bus, I saw the all terraces till the long distances full with the rice fields along the roadside. The time I had left home to the school they seemed as they had just been planted. And now just after few months when I had seen it for the second time it made me feel like the growth had been so quick… now I could see many of them already had the fruits on the top. So, it resembled that they would soon be ready to harvest.

Coming back home, in few days the festival would start. Dashian or dashera, we called it. It would be a long fifteen days festival when all the school and other achemedic institutions would be close for the fifteen days or some even for a month. Just as every year this is would the most waited festival by almost all the Nepalese. With the fullest they would do their best to organize the best for the family. They would do their best to get good food, special festival bread we called roti, that looked more like the donuts in shape and also made in the similar way. Also new sets of cloths for the kids and themselves, the ones who might be away from home would also make attempt to return back to their place. There would be slo so many swings being made in different public places … big bamboo swings were made and the ropes used for the swing would be hand made rope from the special local grass… thick and extremely strong. All of these things did make a complete cahnge in the over all environment.

For me everything was appreciable for so many years. Family gathering and the scent new cloths in the festival time was something so delightful event but only some years later, only a little things turned my feeling upside down. I completely started hating it. The only reason for this was the grand sacrifices of goats, sheeps, chickens and buffaloes they made on the eighth day in temples and many homes, only in the name of god … just to make it happy. It was completely a nuiscence for me. Since the time I understood the reality, I hated it the most.
The main day was the tenth day when people put colour ful “tika” “a mixure of rice with colour (red, pink or white) and liquid (water or curd) from the elders, like parents, guardians and realtives for the successive five days which is till the fifteenth day…the fullmoon day.(All the dates and festivals of hindus are based on lunar calender)
As for my brother and me, mother had got each, a pair of jeans shirt and pant. I was delighted for having it.

On the eighth day of the festival, I went for the boating in the lake with an old European woman. Since we sometime rented the rooms for the foreign guest, she had been one of those who had been staying with us for the second time.

She was an old woman in fiftees. When she started staying with us with often wanted me to go out with her. I did never figure out the reason for this. We would ask me, only me to go for a walk or for little shopping. She had taken me sereval times to different restaurants for coffee and toast. Sometime she would also buy cheese break and milk and then with my sisters and a brother we would make a little party.

The more interesting about her was she sometime would make some games for us. She would hide the sweets around in the little flower bushes and stones and ask us to find. She would never say what she had buried and where. She would do it when we were not around … and when we were all back she would each of us to find it. Moreover she had given me pencil colors and drawing books teaching me how to draw pictures. Ahead of it… One day I had strumbled my toe on the stone… which had the severe infection on my foot which made me unable to walk for few days. Those tough moments it was her who cleaned my wounds and tied us the bandage around it for several days before recoved.

That morning after breakfast with some toast and tea we took a small boat from the local fisherman from the neighbourhood. It was a very small boat like a canoy, made only with a single piece of would. I mean it was carved from a single log of a tree, possible the stem.

It was a sunny day and slowly we headed to the cetre. There was gentle wind blowing to the north … and few clouds that were moving the direction. At around the midday, it was getting hotter. I was feeling hazy and a sort of thirsty. She would sometime ask me if I ws hungry. I would say no because I wasn’t feeling hungry … at all. Only thing was that I was starting to feel tired of being in the boat for long time.

In the middle, she would sometime come out for a swim. I would look at her and just smile back at her but would say nothing more. I knew she would love to be in the lake rather than getting off ashore… And I really didn’t want to offend her saying that I wanted to get back ashore.

It was about three in the late afternoon before she told we were to get back. I was happy returning back. When we were at the shore she asked me if I would like to swim for some time. I hadn’t learned the swimming yet so, I first told no… But then she showed me a pillow like air filled bag. It was small and itdid seem it would fit me. So, with a surprise and delights I told I would.

I was happy, getting it … though often did come out for the swim but I had never dared to swim in the shallow water in the deep. Usually I wouuld only be in about a meter deep water some time playing some games alike hide and seek with the neighbouring friends. Rather a “touching game “ would be more appropriate for the meaning. Sometime in summer, I also loved running top on the buffaloes that came for wet themselves due to heat because of the hot sun. I had the great fun with all this but also many times I suffered for getting into water. My ears were jammed and sometime my nostril hurted when I accidently took breath from my nose

Swimming in the shallow water soon became intersting to me. She was with her own way and I started loving myself for that I was doing. I would come to and forth the shore. When I was in deeper place it astronised me when I looked down to the clear water underneath. I could see the gree grass that had come up high because of the summer and monsoon but soon in the cold winter they were to die until the beginning of the next spring before they would again start to come out.

With this extaordinary adventure, I had forgootten the fear that I was not known to swimming, unless before accidently I slipped the bag that was helping me to float me on the top. As I missed it, then I realised happed to me. As I went down and reached the bottom I pushed myself back to the surface but unfortunately it was too late before I grabbed it the wind took it right out of my hand.

There was no way I could think of anymore… Nor I could hold my breath anymore. Then slowly water got into my body… suddenly a strong hand pulled me out and put me over the same airfilled bag. I was in half conciousness but tried to regain with the most I could.

As she brought me to shore she pumped the water out of my body. It wasn’t so much I had drank much. She asked me to rest for sometime before she carried me all the way, back home. She was saviour for my life for this time. A couple of years earlier of it, Kanchi, a girl from my neighbourhood had also saved me when I was about to be drowned. Even that time, she was one of those two that we only in the shore. Ro god shake she had known swimming else it would have been to late for anyone to come and rescue me for my life.

These greatest incidences in my life …some reminds me of the closer deaths that I had escaped and made come through till this moments.

I happy engrossed with time … it was beautiful. Just a week before my holiday ended the day came when the lady had to leave. On the last day I waked with her to the place from where the bus was supposed to take. The made the last bye telling her to see again in the next two year the most. But unfortunately it was never she returned again nor did we hear anything from her.

Though we were never to know if something happened to her or she had the reason for it. But the great time she shared with us do have the great impression over me, something I worth it for the reason.

Finally the next main Hindu festval, Tihar did come. It was more like a brother and sister’s festival. It would be celbrated for five days. Schools and government institutions and colleges were also closed for the main tree days.

This festvial was for the brothers that had to go to visit their sisters get tika and blessings for prosperity and success and in return give her a present. I did like it more than any other ones because this seemed more for the appropriate reason.

Out of the main five days. The first day would be a crow day. People would try to pray for the crow and feed it … at list for the day. The legend behind it was people appreciated the clevernesss of the crow… accoring to the myth, it was believed that the crow once had stolen the medicine for immortality and had brought it to the earth. So, they were supposed to live long life. Next day was the dog’s day… Hindu’s believed that the last incarnation is the dog’s life after which the soul get’s the body of the human. So, they were supposed to be treated well.

The third day would be for the ox… it had the greater affiation to the people to make land and grow the food … so, it was the return they were making for the ox for what it had done during the monsoon. The fourth day was for the cow… supposed to be the mother feeding it’s milk as for the children… more over it was consirdered to the the wealth. And the last or the final day was for the brother and sister. It too did have it’s own importace … on this day Yamaraj, belived to be the undertaker of every human and animals had also gone to visit his sister on the following day.

The last three days had the greatest importance. It has some distinctive features unlike to other festivals. On the main three days every evening the candles lights would be burnt in every houses celebrating it. It was ritual that if some one has passed away the folling year the family and the relatives of the person would abort any of the festival and celebrations for all that year.

There were also some other events on this festival. People would gather in groups and go singing and dancing around the houses in the neighbourhood. After the show … they would be offered with fruits and other accessories that the family would give as the return for the service. If often included the monay as well.

Though for us… my sisters, the brother and me, we never did form any groups for these sorts of shows but as usual we did celebrate the festivals with the best we could and for that greatest fun that we could have.

Soon after the festival… It was the time again I was to be back at the school. And yes I did make no any way for the escape this time. I had to accpet the truth with no defences at all. Yes it was the winter again… grey, dry and foggy, even the nature it’self looked so desperate. Mother took be back to the school.

Getting back… this time … I was surprised we had the new hostel. All the construction in the hostel building on the upper floor had been over. So we moved to the room on the right. It was as large as the others that we had for last two years. But being on the top, it was a different thing. We believed we could have more air.

As usual there had not been classes since two days. Everyone was still on the way coming back. All the two days We, all the old friends gathered on the shade next to the class building and spent the time looking over the highway seeing the people coming into school. After the tea in the late afternoon, today I was with a senior brother Robin, though was two grade senior than me we played a game. We would look for the traffics that passed along the high way. We, each of us would choose a side then when a vehicle came from a side, one of us whom it favour could get a chance to hit. So, the loser had to bring both of the hand forward and close it. The winner would get a chance to slap the hand. The loser would be given chances to make ecapes so the hit is not hard. But the winner would get several chances though unless he slaps the loser. It was a great fun.

This time, I was closer to Prakash Karmacharya. So, it was like, he became a good friend to me.
The fog in the winter, it made the morning dark almost everyday. This was something I didn’t like because it made me feel so sad. Rather the big rains in monsoon were more preferable.

Unlike to the other time of the year, at six it would still be dark… But still when the bell rang we all had to come out of our bed and get ready for the PT. After we cleaned ourselves we gathered in the field out side the hostel. Then when all came we started of in two long lines. The captain governed the team from the side.

I never liked the PT anyway. And when it happened to be in the winter, it was even aweful. Warm bed would be more fascinating then these exercises. The sky cleared only sometime before the midday. After the lunch, during the lunch break we would come out in the ground … The put off our coat or sweater and sleep under the warm sun. It would be lovely but soon when the bell ran for the classes again … this would dissapoint us, hazily we rose … then went for the water cleaned our sleepy face and walked to the classroom.

It was the same winter, one afternoon after the lunch. Breakfast at seven… sometime didn’t feel our appetite so, even before the lunch hour we would already be so hungry. The following day, I have had already enough of rice to satisfy the hunger. When I finished and was about to leave from the main gate of the dining hall. There was the teacher asking each of us. Few days earlier he had asked every of us to drink at least 2 glasses of water everyday during the lunch and dinner. Few others ahead of me … told “Yes sir” when he asked them.

When he asked me … I told him the truth, that I hadn’t. He asked to go back and drink the water. I told him I would because I was already so so full that there was no place for two big glasses of water. He asked me for the second time but I told him back the same thing.

When I ignored his rule, he told me to get stiched on the wall just infront of him. I was asked to put down the plate (that I was carrying to the basin for the other kitchen staff to wash them) on the corner and did what he had asked me. It was not less than a hour he kept me stitched to the wall until everone finished up the lunch. After then he asked me to get a glass of water and told me to drink. I didn’t want it but I did it as he showed his angry face over me. I was scared if he would hit me.

This became one occasion in my life that taught, sometime the moement might come in life when a lie can be more important and worthful than the truth. If I had told him I had had it …just like many of the others then I would have never been punished for disreguarding him. Yes it happened but I was assured that I was not going to make the sme mistake again.

It was been almost two months of the arrival. The final exam was soon to come. For our exams… from about two weeks earlier the teachers used to inform us in the assembly about the stoppage of the PT. Really it did bring the happiness in me. I rather preferred being in class than in the fields. So, early morning we would go to our classroom for the studies.

As for me, I would usually be in the classroom but sometime I would also come out in the ground. I would carry a book with me from the classroom and walk out to a better peaceful place because of too many of the others, classroom was always too noisy.

But even when I came out in the open field to a silent place... There I too didn’t feel it helpful. It was because it was too quite to study. Instead, it would make me think about something like about the holidays and about the family or look something else, arts or grasshoppers jumping around … or something otherlike this. But still I always took the way I felt to, so, sometimes I stayed in the classroom where as sometime I walked out in the fields.

Days… then a week and then… more the finals was over. After the finals the school decided to take us to Vimat (a small town a couple of miles south from the school). Every of my friends went but I decided not to go so I stayed in the hostel all the day.

Just as the last year, the teachers were busy for making the results of the final exams and also in preparing for the king’s birthday. But we still had more than a week time and nothing to do. After the exam, many did have thrown away the books and copies where as few of us still had it. One morning after the breakfast we saw few of the senior brothers had lit the fire at the field at the back of the hostel. They had the huge chunk their books and copies. They were taking one after another, taking out every few pages and burning them for the wamth in the dark foggy winter morning. It didn’t take long that many of them followed it. Soon the place was all filled with small groups making their own fire place and couple of time I too did have one with my mates. But it didn’t continue for longer. Because in winter, the land was mostly covered with the long dry grasses that had turned grey and dry. So, it was very vulnerable to the fire. Once it did happen that the grasses caught the fire and all the kichen staff working near by had to rush to put the fire off before it covered and spread to more land. It was then restricted.

It was the time… we were totally free. We had no classes at all. So, we could play and play and play. Many of the students were engaged for the programs for the king’s birthday. I had nothing to do with it as never go chances taking any part of it. Thosedays, I wasn’t good to dance nor for singing. Usually it was the senior brothers that were faciliated with the opportunities.

Sometime, it was still difficult to get through the time. Most of the time I would be with the Karmacharya so we would talk about our selves… sometime we would wonder around the dinning, hostel, classroom and even around the school offices. Well, getting around the place I had collected some seeds of the flowers deciding to take them home. Well, I did have many of it.

Just a couple of days before the king’s birthday the result was published. I had passed the exam. I was ninth out of the fourty four of them. But next year, two of my friends ahead of me left the school I again regained the seventh position.

Afterthen on the kings birthday the school was decorated with as on the other special occasions with colourful papers along The main gate had to big pillars decorated with thwe red cloth and on the horizontal it was written “Welcome”. A big tent and the stage on one end was also built infront of the school building. Carpets were placed just before the stage, which was meant for us. Then special chairs and sofas were placed for VIPs and the distinguish guest. And then was follwed by our wodden chairs of our classroom, which was meant for the other guests, the guardians and the parents.

The show initiated with the national anthem after the arrival of the distinguished guest, the patron of the school, the reginonal Police officer, Dwarika. Then followed with welcome speeches,then songs dances , drammas, finally ended with the speeches from the Pricipal, Devendra guring and the chairman who fially annouced the end of the show. Then was the refreshment for all the guests. We too got the sweets.It was something that made a beautiful ending to that day.Many of my friends left for home with their parents. My father came the next day I was also back to the home for two weeks winter vacation.

***

Part I

noreply@blogger.com (Uraj Sharma) — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 06:45:00 -0800

The first week of February1988, about an hour drive from the valley along the main highway coming across the small houses, trees, small grey hills and beautiful riversides along with some small tea places… We took a turn to the right away from highway, about ten meters ahead, through the dusty road, we came at the gate of the new school.

I was with two of my friends Kiran and Mithun. I was only the one new for the place for the school but those of my two mates had already been there for a year. It had been a hot day, pretty much sunny, the winter had taken the leaves of most of the trees and the grassland was dry. I could feel the heat of the sun getting through my skin.

After having the things checked in the front of the school, by the guard at the gate then we were allowed to enter the school. Kiran took me to the school building. As we came through the dusty road, and as we drew closer to the two story building with only eight rooms in it, he told me,"This, the middle room, is our class... the exactly upright on the upper floor of it in the is our hostel. We sleep there"

As we paced few paces ahead he showed me, it's our dining.” It was a long building, built with mud and bricks. A Long block made of mud bricks and stones raised about a meter from the ground seemed like a table... On two sides of it was the place to sit. It was small.... perhaps only for about fifty people at a time.

It had already been about two in the afternoon. I was very much anxious about the new life so I was just feeling it strange rather than feeling depressed of leaving the whole family... or missing the home. I was just bewildered with the new life. I had not even yet dreamt of what it could bring me in the days to come.

After some time my friend took me to the school building... class it was closed as it was supposed to begin from the next day. Then we climbed up through the stairs and we entered into a room, it was the hostel of my friends they had been living in the room since a year or some of them were even older than this. They had lived for more three four or some even five years... but then I was surprised to meet a friend whom I had met earlier. His dad had been the friend of my father when they were in forces. He was pleased to see me as he came forward to talk to me. I too was happy seeing him there. It was good to know more people in the strange place. He really treated me alike his very good friend friend though I had just known him not more than for a day ...that was when we father had taken us for a nepali movie only sometime before... perhaps just few months. I still remember, that day.... He had got tickets for all of us as he had stayed up in line for long hours though he was not good with his health. I had not talked to him that day. But I had seen him. However... the movie was pretty good... as it really had the story based upon the family affairs. This was what people around that time expected in the movies.

I was busy for sometime with my friends for somewhile ...after some time as I came and checked though the other rooms, I was surprised...I had my luggage and my box… it was underneath of the others.

It was about 4, it was then time for the tea, the bell rung. I saw everyone streaming to the dining. When we reached there, there had already been a long line being made where a man with the perky long nose and with the thick mustache was serving Haluwa (Sort of fried flour which was made greezy by adding water and finally letting water to dry). In few days I came to know the stuff for haluwa was the aid from US for the refugees and it was brought to this place by other means which I didn't understand. And the butter they used for frying the flour was from the Finland. Well, it was the same thing served every morning for about 5 yrs before the aid finnaly stopped. The schedule was slightly changed after then.

Well that day, I was with my mate waiting for the turn. After sometime, I got at the place. As my turn came I grabbed the plate and in the line waled to the man who was serving us… As my turn came he cut a little price from the very big fry pane on which it was cooked and then served it on my place... he had quite a right balance with hands.... As I could see he was doing it all well.
Before it got dark, we were all called right in open field right in between our class building and our dining hall. It was about six... as the sun was about to go beneath the hill. The old man with his hair almost white and with heavy wrinkles on his face spoke to us. He told us to feel the place like home ...to tell the problems to them… all the problems we have. He also mentioned about the school’s rules and regulations that we had to follow. Above all he made us alert with the school compound and told us to remain within its fence. Meanwhile, he also told that our place for some time would be to the next of that of the office bulding. Later I came to know he was the principal of the school

There was still the brightness in the sky... after the speech we all got up we went to our rooms ... It was completely a new place and I had been having only the new feelings and the excitements. It was completely the bewilderment for me. I was not feeling much depressed in getting a long way far from the family. I was so anxious that my anxiety had completely taken up my mind.

Later that evening before it got dark, as we were wondering around, we walked up to a group, There had been few others with the wife of camp commandant (The police officer who had worked as the chief of the school were called so). The group they were singing and sometime I could see… someone from the group would enter and dance … other would sing and clap their hands to make the rhythms. I was with my friend and we watched it till it was dark.

When it was about to get dark there was next bell, and we walked to the dining again. My memories ... I don’t have things in my brain to remember what had been the first meal… but so far, I remember, I only know that we were served rice and lentils in big drums.

There was something strange to me for the night. There was an extraordinary way in serving… when we needed more rice or lentil or water… we just needed to make the sign then a man would come and serve us for that we needed. When we raised one finger, then it was for the rice… two for lentils and five for water. It wasn’t difficult to learn.

There was no electricity, so we had the generator on for about an hour so that we could get ready to go to bed… I made the last goodbye for my friend Kiran for the day wishing to see him the next morning. Then I went to the room… It was just a small room. There were ten beds as; two of them were joined together. I was lucky... they had given me the upper bed.

All the faces were new to me… When I entered the room, I saw a fat guy taking to the others. Later I came to know he was the leader of our room though he was two classes senoir than I was.... He was on the fourth grade where as the remaining of us... we were newly admitted to the second grade. In our room I came to know most of us were from the same class ...so most of them were my new class mates the new friends indeed.

Sometime an elderely woman entered our room. She told us that she was our aunt and was there to take care of us so that we could talk our problems to her. She asked us to call her auntie from the days on ...later I came to know he was the wife of the School Father, an elderly teacher, who taught us social studies the following year. He was a good storyteller for the long years after that... he often told stories of his visit to oversea. We enjoyed hearing his stories. He was always a good teacher...and we always called him a school father… though it did never mean for any religious concern.

That day, I was tired of the day so I was soon asleep.

The next day, the early morning radio, next door woke me up. It was already light ... I was surprised to see the air was covered with fog. It was cold and the fog outside was making it still dark. It was ever the first time in my life I was seeing it and for awhile I though for if it was the rain... but it wasn't. After sometime ...the captain called us and told us to be in our tacksuits and in the canvas shoes ...

When we were ready... he asked us to follow us. As we came out I could feel the bleeze of the cold air over my face... it was the first experience I was holding it with the depth. He headed our group towards the school building... It was only few minutes walk. As we came closer I could see there had already been made several groups made according to different classes they belonged. I with some other friends got apart from the group and mixed with the friend of our grade. I could see there was a man for every group to lead. He was a sort of asking everyone to come up in line. In no time we did come into line finally he told us everything we needed before we were lined up in two streams. Then in sometimes we made up the steady run.

After sometime when we completed the run the man asked us to group in three rows and numerous columns. Then a friend of us, the class leader walked up in the front and faced towards us. He told us to do the exercises accordingly to his way. He did it and we followed up his every of his steps.

It lasted for about half an hour... though that day we didn’t do anything but later on the other days we would usually play some sort of game… and usually we played ‘budi.’ Then right after it we came for breakfast... By the time... we could see ...the big ball of red sun… it was trying to pierce it's light through the fog. It looked beautiful. We stayed in lines before the dining. There was a sort clean ground on the right of the hall ...so, we had four different lines were made according to different grades.

The juniors would take the turn first where as the last would be the seniors. It was same for the lunch… same for tea in the late afternoon and also for the supper every evening.
After, the breakfast, we went to our hostels. The roomkeeper, our auntie, she came and told us to get ready for the school classes... put on our school uniforms. In a short while we came to our class.

Our school building, those days (after some years few additional buildings were brought up) ...there were four rooms on each four... and one of them was small room compared to that with the others. That year the school had the senior three classes where as the junior class was temporarily in the newly built dining hall.

Our classroom… it was on the ground floor… and it was a middle room. It had three six rows with two desks grouped together, so it seemed like three long rows. Something very stange about our place was we never carried books and copies in bags… because through all the school our school books and copies were always kept in the class in our own individual desks… Sometime we carried only a very few in our hands to study in the hostel in the evening.

The room… there were two windows on each of the both the sides right and left and two doors as an outlet on the right. There was the black board on the front and also a big white board on the back of the wall. On the white board were the very neatly sketched pictures of players playing volleyball… with some pictures like Nepalese flag... and there were some articals. Later, I came to know those beautiful scketches were made by the school principle... and also few other articles which our class mates had written.

The class started at nine.
The first class, we had mathematics. "Chandra Sir" we used to call him He was a sort of tall guy... with a bit of dark skin but had exquisite figure...he often wore a round had with was a bit unusual to other teachers. He was our class teacher.

It didn't take long to understand the things and get used to the everyday-routine. It was almost the same everyday. For the first week I didn't feel sad for getting away from the family but as the days passed then I felt so tough with the feelings about the family and the things there that I really didn't want to go along any next day. (Well surprising I stayed there almost for a decade.)

The same week I got stationaries from the school. That day after the breakfast, we went to the office. There was a small storeroom inside the office for the books and other stationaries. We almost waited for an hour in a line in front of an office before we could get the turn...

The first Saturday, that morning at about eight we were called in front of our school building to come with ours towels and bathing stuff. After about half an hour ...the school driver came with the school bus... to take us to the near by river side. The bus was a small minibus brown in color but was quite enough to carry all of us…from the two classes… (I mean we along with the junior brothers.) The bus was full and we were squeezing one another to make our own space.

It didn't take long...perhapt only in about five minutes we came to a small river Kumle. After we walked out of the bus we were told to be in line by the class captain... in accordance to our grades. Then in a while we walked down to the river. It was just a very small river, not deep enough and not even that big to drown us. Our aunties they helped us taking bathe. I really didn’t prefered it at all… I rather loved doing it by myself.though I could see many of my friends streaming to auntie for their turn.

After about an hour we were again dressed up and lined before we walked up to the school bus and were back to the school. On the way back we sang all the way... though in a strict sense I wasn't really taking the part.

Since then, days passed, then it became a week ...than a month. The passsage of time then deepened by feeling... though usually I forget everything when I was with friends but when I was alone I greatly missed my family ...my place ... exciting moments together with my family... above all the greatest love of the mother.

However the time ... it often brings brings the reason for that we feel pain we feel alone and we feel the need of love. The wamth of some sort of truth that it makes us feel that we have lacked it and we really feel that we need it… need it to be happy… to be satisfied… perhaps above all to survive… to live.

Sort of busy morning then the class hour in the day and finally the playtime with the friends in the late evening almost took my time. It made me to forget the feelings of missing of the family… and also the outer world… the world beyond where we were living…

During the class hours and the playtime… I was mostly with Kiran.He was a very cool and friendly. We had taken the seats together in the class… so in short time we became very good friends. During the playtime… we would always be together… We both loved being in the sandpit where we would slide a small wooden log left as the remaings from the construction. We would take the wooden piece as the toy and as we slide over the sand we would make the sound “zzzzzz” to make it lively. Sometime we would also go to the place where there were tyres of the big trucks or cars buried in a line on the gound. We loved rolling around or swriling over it.
But in the evening we lived apart in different hostels.

Almost every weekend, I mean on the Fridays we had some sorts of programs. Sometimes cultural which would includes dances, singings or drammas. Usually the elder brothers made the best, but every occasions we also did our best to show with what we had. Apart from this we would have contestand competitions which included Quiz contests, Spelling contest or a sort of poem competition or debate. Always the teachers would tell us early that very week and we would do the preparation though the week beore the final day for the performances. Though it was not usual that I wished to get prizes but still I would always make my best effort to get it, someway. Many time it ended up in disappontment ... But still I would satisfy myself.
"I will definitely try it the next time."

It had not even been the first month in the school I had the sever infection in my foot .I couldn't properly walk. Still I hadn't told it to anybody else as I had thought it would heal it some days. But in about two weeks it got worst. It was so bad that the camp commanded, of our school took me with some other friends who had their own problem in a school bus to the near by heath center. There the assistant pierced my infected foot with the needle and the lymph collected in it oozed out like a little spring. It gave me a terrible pain as I felt the whole of my right part of my feet falling apart ...but I didn't cry. In about half an hour we returned back with the bandage rolled around my feet. Then slowly I recovered in few weeks.

Six weeks after the arrival, my friends... specially, Kiran had been talking about going back home. It was that every second Friday of the months we were allowed to go to our homes. Sometimes we were also allowed to go for the holidays of any religious occasion as there would be so many through out the year.

My friend kiran had been exquisitely happy. Since few days he was always taking about the same thing. There would be some one to come to take him home for the weekend. For me ...I had not expected that anyone to come to take me home. So, I was in a sort of confusion or in delimma. One thing he assured me made me happy. He told he would do his best efforts to take me home with him.

For me my family had been far away, it was now almost every night I was thinking about them. I would think what would they be doing the very moment. In my bed I would go one making several stories... No matter it might never have been the way I thought but I would never keep myself out of thinking of my mother ...my sisters and my little brother with whom I had spent the very begining of my childhood. The everyday that I had spent lavishily now had started to count for me. Because I was living with it now ... the love had deep rooted in my heart... and memories was only the thing that could make me feel the reality that there is still something that existed. Though it was only sixteen miles away from home but I would feel ... it was alike some thousands of miles... alike as if it existed in a different planet.

In a month of time, I was talking almost to everyone in the class. Throught out the day I would be with Kiran. He was so cool and sensitive, so no way I would miss the chance making him my best friend. In class we had the seat together we would sit, talk and walk together, it was me who had been so impressed with him. Nevertheless he too would always call for a hand whenever he felt I needed and helped me with the greatest with all that he could do.

As still some of us, the new commer had been taking a different building, a small house. It was Rochan I would be talking to in the evening. He would be talking about his home, parents but especially about his dad, police officer and told was to be promotted to District officer in a short time and about his uncle... a well known nepali movie star of the time and his great time and conversations with him. He would give big details about all this. (Well to be true enough it was after a decade his father was promotted, the last year before we departed. We did get sweet for it.)

It was soon; I compromised with our hostel captain Pempa. One day I went to him alone and to please him offered him some snacks and biscuits that I still had with me and asked him to be more fair to me sometime if the things don't get right. He did seem please with it that moment. I was happy learning the things did quitely seem to work.

But it was only a week after, one evening, he after the evening class, I was with my friend in his ben talking to him as there was no power. He came to us called all of us out in the lawn... then hit every of us on our palms with the bambo stick. He told we made a lot of noise in the hostel. Then I understood things always don't work the way.

It had been about six weeks of our arrival. The second Friday we were allowed to go to our homes. But it was also that almost ever Friday we had some sort of progams ... not so formal... but something to take our time ... and everyone ... including the teachers would come for it. My friend Kiran had been talking since the morning, there would be some one to come to take him and they were certain to go home. For me I was unsure for if there would be anyone to take me. I knew they wouldn't know when I would have holidays and more than this I was sure for that they wouldn't even have time to think about me when they had too think to much of their own bussiness. But, it was my friend kiran who gave we great words of sympathy, to comfort me... he promised he would do the most possible to take me with him.

Things did happen the way we thought. I was lucky to make a way for this time. They had their own jeep and it was great trim coming home all the way back home. But before it, we did go to see his mother in the hospital. It was ever the first time I had been into such a big hospital. It was a regional hospital. And in the night with so many lights all aound it looked extraordinaly large.

It was already dark when we arrived. I thanked my friend and said him goodbye. Few minutes walk from there, I was my sister and my mother, were busy in the shop. I was so happy to see them again. I flug to my mother into her arms. The happiness was immense something out of measure. It was so long; I was waiting for... for the day like this. So many nights I had counted them just looking forward for the day to be together.

Certainly, everyone was so happy seeing me back again I too had felt the same. My sisters would come with the things that they have got ... they felt so glad to show them to me. They had lots of stories to tell as I had the same for them. Mother would come with the best of what she could make for the even. It was a sort of celebration for all. It was only for a day I had been back. Just for the weekend. Saturday I woke up late. That day I didn't do much... just went around the lake with two of my sisters. They did some laundry and I kept looking at them.

Next day I was to go back to school as the day slowly turning into night I felt a sort of sadness inside myself. Just a day to be be back home ... it was wonderful then ever and to return back to school... Teachers, captains and strict rules, I couldn't sleep for long. However I didn't know when I got into asleep. It was next morning I was woken up.

I hurried, packed up my things in a small bag that I had brought from the school. Father drove me to my friend house and we got into his jeep... to go to the school. After then driving across the highway, trees hills and beautiful riversides it was a beautiful drive but leaving home... family, it lurch the extreme sadness inside ... In about an hour we were back at school again.

With time... and passage of the days... it wouldn't take much to adapt. The only thing that would make us to forget our families was time with friends. In a day or two when we would get used to the routine again then we wouldn't miss the family the way we had to. It was then... friend; it was only the thing that was only an alternative to the sadness and lonliness of missing the family. It is something difficult to realised the exact worth... and when one find the absolute truth in it then he realises it's the true and exact worth of it ... the value it covers and the compesiation that it doesn't have.

Day after day... it came week... that we waited for. Saturday, a day holiday would even mean us the most. Getting bath in the river, then getting rid of our longer nails with the help of our aunts, a long sleep in the day after the food and the evening after the play, was the end of the so long waited day. Next day ... the school is on again.

It was a month later... again on the second week of the month. I was almost sure for that this time again my parents would not be able to come to take me home. Though I hadn't got the hoped much with my parents... but it was my friend again that I had hope would help me again.
I was very hopeful this time again. During the midday after the classes ended at almost one. We were around the school building looking for someone to come to take us. It was not a surprise someone did come for Kiran. But luck didn't favour me this time. His uncle had come in a bike to take him. And there was no space for this.

Now it was then, my happiness and hopes collasped into an anguished and sadness. No longer I could hold myself... all of a sudden I brust into tears and came out with a loud cry. The staff of the school from guard house came and took my hands to push me back to school... as I forced my self to my friend Kiran who was about to leave.

To put me away, it wasn't easy for the man. As he had grabbed my hand to drag me back from the place... I left my legs to make myself full... With screaming cry and eyes full with tears, I was still defending for a hope. When he draged me all along, I even threw of my legs... but still he easily carried me far away and left me. But still I made another effort comming back. But when I returned, no hope was left. My friend Kiran was gone.

After all as a small kid... there was nothing I would do... more than to except for what was given and what it had to be. I kept screaming and crying until my voice soar and my tears dried. But there I found no one to understand me. I was defeated. All that I learnt from was to accept what it comes and to create own world to satisfy oneself and to be happy. And that was only the remedy to it.

To be true to you, as I write down you wouldn't undertsand how much I had missed my parents... my sisters brothers, living far away from them, I had greatly missed their love and their wamth. Instead, I had lost the freedom to live... All that was infront of me was chains... chains of strict rules, uncertain anguish of the teachers. All this things only for a reason... a good future.

Things got usual again in a day or two. With the routine and time with friends we would slowly blur our feelings of missing home again. It would teach us to adopt with the surrounding so that we didn't feel lonely anymore.

The classes scheduled and respective teachers took their classes except that with the engish lesson and the subject was "Gulmohar". We had not got any teachers for it. The teacher before who taught the subject was called Manoj sir had not arrived yet. But everybody talked about him. His name was known to everyone even those who had newly joined the school. It was because, he was the very strict teacher in the school and everyone feared of him.

Surprisingly, he did come once in the school. But we learnt he wasn't going to teach us. In two weeks we had new teacher to replace him. He was a thin dark man with big mustache and of Indian nationality. His name was Fenson.

In the beginning, the School Father (we called him father because of his old age) taught us social studies... in those cold fading winter days we would bring us in the sun in the sandy ground, glass covered with full of small stones. We would get around him in almost a circle, a stick uin his hand he would read out the few words from the book and we would repeat him. And at some points he would describe the sentence. Sometimes he would even tell big stories which futher made the class more interesting. Usually he would tell the same story about a patriotic story of a boy of certain county...Once during the wartime had held up the country's flag on the burning ship before he too had burnt to death.

There was even something more everyone appreciated him for, he had beautiful handwriting. Everyone loved it. He usually worked there as the handwriting teacher for more than a decade.
But at the same time also got new teacher for social studies. We called him "Thapa sir". He was a small man looked more like a boy. His voice was deep, his accent strong and his look aggessive.
But there was something in him so peculiar, evening with all this... he usually looked friendly. In many occasions he would tell us stories, he would talk about movies... or about his schooldays. That made many of us like him. Once he even brought a magazine of one Hindi movie "Shahenshah" (the very hit movie of the time) and passed it through each of us in the class. It was not all that he wanted to do. He even assured us for the real show.

Next week, on Saturday eve he really did it. Though we hadn't got the electricity yet. And everynight it was the generator that was used for the evening classes that lasted for about an hour. But working with the principle and office chief for the generator and with the color television and the VCR player that he had brought the show was initiated in the big dining hall which was not yet brought into use.

In the beginning there was some problems in adjusting the screen and sometime with the supply from the generator but later it was conducted. And the show was great. For me... it was ever the first Hindi movie show ever in my life... I was greatly impressed with it ... it was something to talk for the few weeks and for some months.

Sometimes, we would also write us english songs and taught us to rhyme it. "Sunday Morning" "ticket to the Blues" and "Bachelor Boy" was the one we would often sing when we would be in a group while in a bus or when we were in some occasions. There was the next song "Black Magic Women" he even wrote and pasted on the notice board, however it was not much of notice to many of us. (It was after a decade, I knew more about it.)

One evening taking to my friend Kiran, we talked that the teacher was there and he asked he to see who had been there. I tried to convince him that I could do it for him. There had been no body in our class and everyone seemed engaged in their own way.

I slowly got up and walked to the next room when I reached the door, it was closed so I made a knock. Then I waited for sometime. It didn't open, so I turned back and told my friend the story.
After some time, Thapa sir came into our room. Then he asked us who had knocked the door. I was on the middle row and on the first from the front. I decided not to lie and not to hide. So, I stood up and told him it was me to do it. The he asked me to come out of my seat. He didn't ask for any reason, infront of all the class he just asked me to bent down. Then he took off one of his sandle and fiercely stroke it on my back for several times. The class was dead silent. Tears quickly ran down my cheeks but because of the fear I didn't cry. It was then I remembered my family, my mother for such a great love they had for me, in no way they would ever be so cruel for me even for any severe mistake in my life. But for a small thing, I was so brutally treated. It greatly offended me but I knew I had to accept it, didn't matter at all even if, it was right or not. I must have to accept it. It was the rule. A cruel rule to be accepted.

It was beginning of summer, The sun it was very hot in the day. We could feel the climate was trying to change. There would be a clear sunshine in the morning, no more fog anymore. During the day we could feel the warm wind blowing across the glassland and trees and see the clouds usually moving towards the north. And sometime we could even see the sky heaved with black clouds and the strong winds came across the grassland to blow the dust and dry leaves and gave a massive shower of big rains.

It was the first week of March, that day after our classes in the late afternoon, the wind and rain it was so fierceous and heavy, it blew away the roof of our dining hall. The rain lasted for about an hour.

Later in the evening, surprisingly we were brought into the new dinning hall. It was a big hall about 30 meters in length and 15 meters breadth. And the middle of the lengths had it's outlets. One was the main entrace at the south and next was for the store and other auxuliaries. So, it was like that the entances in the middle had intersected the hall into two. However, the place had yet not been over with the construction work and it had no lights. With the candles on the wall, on that first eve, the jute sacks were layed on the wet cement floor in the long three lines, two on the middle and one on the south. The remaining side was used to get as the way to reach for the big drums of rice and lentils and curry.

The following Saturday, father came to see me. I was happy he had brought so many things. It was a big bag of biscuits, noodles, and sweets to eat. That day I didn't tell him much but I told the captain of our class had been too strict for us. I thought it would bring some changes. Well, I found he had told it to some authories but the matter was ignored.

It was the first Sunday in the month of May. After our lunch we were called at the resting-place, for the guest, closer to the main entrace of the school. Though, it was not that everyone was present, but still the place was filled with several students and some teachers. When we arrived to the place. There were some of our friends and brothers singing and dancing in the middle of the group. It was not formal though. Later I was told it was for the farewell of the marshal art teacher. We were too small to learn the art so it was brothers whom he did really meant. But still some of our friends too took part, singing or dancing for him. It wasn't scheduled so anyone intrested could come in the centre and perform an art. For the dancers, everyone would sing for him though there was no music, some came to sing, everyone heart him very well. And some even came with small jokes and short stories. Everybody there seemed to enjoy it. One of our classmates, Santosh Thapa was only the one to take part in the show. He sang for them and made some actions to facinate the show. At the end, the farewell was made putting over the garland made of the flowers by our senoir brothers and blushed him with dry red colour. He was greatly fascinated.

A week later, we had the first terminal exam. Two shifts in a day. One from nine to eleven and next from one to three. We were to give exams in our same classroom but each of the desks was isolated from two. But stange, we weren't so concious about it. In the menatime after the lunch, we would run and play inside the room unless the school bell rang for the exam.

After the exams, it was the same day somebody was there to take Kiran home. He did try to take me with him. But things didn't work. They told that all of the dues of my school fees had to be cleared before they would leave for the holidays. But before he left he told he would tell my parents about it.
That evening after the meal, it was good starry night, we formed in a small group infront of the school building. There were also some schoolteachers who took over the group. There we sang for sometime before we dispersed.

It was after two days, the day had been to hot so, after our lunch, we were all gathered in a classroom. Desks and chairs were alligned at a side. At the corner, a space was made for someone to sing or dance or tell jokes. I was engaged with it but it was always that I always felt nervous taking part in any shows or events like that. Though I was never intrested in taking the part but I was always interested in watching these shows.

Well, all of the sudden, somebody called out my name. It was a sort of a surprise to me. I hurriedly came out of the room. Leaving behind the crowd, no body noticed me coming out. At the door I saw Kaliya uncle, (He was the staff of the school- a police personnel who worked as the barber for us) he told me somebody had come to take me home.

My heart was extremely enlighted with excitement. I was so happy and overjoyed my eyes sprang with tears... Overwhelmed with joy, anguish and excitement I raced to see who had been there. Yes it was my father who had come to take me home. Then, I gain went to hostel to pack up my things in a small back to take it to home. I hurried back as I saw no used of staying longer at the place. With pride and joy feeling it was a nice drive in a bike coming back home.

Getting back home I was so happy to see everyone again. I was the only one in the family, who had been living so far away. So, I was certain they were waiting to see me to tell all the stories they had. It was same with me. I too was too excited to see them and I too had lot to talk to them. And it was there a long meeting that went on that day.

It was a month vacation. And it was almost the beginning of monsoon. So, most of the time, didn't matter for if it was a hot sun or the raining day. Only with trousers and pair of basic sandels but nothing on the top, I would go for the fishing through the day- long with my neighbouring friends. Well small fish were only our targets.

One sunny Saturday afternoon, me, my brother along with two sisters had been for the swimming in the lake. Father had come in the house seeing no of us there had waited us to come back. He was very strict and being in the force sometime he was more than brutal.

Earlier he had warned us not to go to the lake but we didn't take his words. But as we came back home just sometime after the midday, he was totally flushed with anguish. There was no other way than to run away. We, three of us except my sister manju managed to fleed. To my poor sister, he had stroke her bad at her back, as she was too young she flew a distance before she hit the ground. There he had left her. Later when we reached there, she was moaning, her eyes filled with tears unable to cry. Her mouth was full of blood.

It was strange, she was the one who would withstand the patience and also that she was the most hardworking in the family. In reality she didn't know what had happened to her. After then, she cleaned her face. Looking at her I could see there ws no any sign on her face to discover for anything that might have had happened to her.

It didn't take long, I realised the time had come for me to go back to school again. As the day grew nearer and nearer, the thoughts of fear started covering my mind. I had fear, I had anguish and I in no way I had the feeling to go back to school. But I knew it was not the thing that would ever be for me. In no way I can ever escape the place, at any cost I knew I would be taken to that hell again and that was the ultimate reality.

So, there was no doubt I should have looked like a monster with the blushed and withered face. With silence all around and my heartache with the inner cry I was accepting all this. Yes, then it was the day, drive back to the school. It was my mother to take me back. I counted bushes and trees and the hills to remind me of how much I had passsed on. But soon I realised they were beyond the numbers so, I had to give it up. However there was something I wordered through the way. The greenary, the beautiful hills and the recently planted rice field it was an extreme specular gift of nature... the water streams which had been dried for so long had come very high. With all this, one cannot ignore of how the nature is consistent to itself.

It didn't take long the bus dropped us at the school gate. We walked down to the guard. There, things in my bag were inspected before they let me go in. after few paces I looked back to my mother ... She was on her own way... I kept on sight on until she vanished out of my sights but she didn't turn back to look at me for the next time.

My heartly greatly crushed and with only the sadness within me. Missing everyone, my eyes were covered with tears. I hadn't screamed or cried yet. But Things were out of control. As I made my paces to hostel... numerous teardrops fell running down my cheeks... and through the edges of my lips to the ground where they vanished with no traces left. It was irressisible, something that was beyond of that I could control. Stepping through the hostel door, I swept the wet eyes to ensure myself to be defeated again for the next time.

But getting there, things were slightly changes. Some of the rooms of the new hostel building were already taken. But still it wasn't very clear of who is to be where and to which room.

The school it had some chages through the time. There were bushes all around and the open stone fields was covered with tall green grasses. Something to talk about was our lavatory in the open field. It was all covered with huge bushes as tall as we were. It usually frightened me with snakes and other animals. There were so many plant's that had big leaves and ready yellowish fruit they looked incredible but were infect very poisonous. And we did walk though it the time we needed to.

It was the second day, as my friend Kiran had not yet been back to school, to take my time I would go to Dharmendra, He was a senior brother but was someone closer who had known my parents. He always did his best to comfort me. But me, my mind was a sort of always occupied in strong the feelings of being in the family and the enormous love we shared and this utlimately broke me to cry many time until there my eyes seemed to be emptied with tears.

It was true, I wouldn't scream, or cry through out night and day. But it was no certain when I would be hurted and then my eyes would fill with tears. Seeing my situations, once that early eve just before dark, when the school principle was along the way to the new hostel the friend dharmendra had told him about my situation and had asked him to send me home. I was delighted, He conforted me and told me that he would help me get home the next day.

Words from the principle, it was a sort of great assurance for me. It brought a surge of happiness that confoerted me when I felt hurted and lonely. That moment I felt it was him who had tried to understand me. So, that night I could sleep well hoping for the next day to come where my great wishes were to be made to reality.

Next morning, we were told to move all our things to a big hall in the new hostel. So, most of the morning was spent for it. While bringing back the things, I lost my bag. It had so many of my things, my school uniforms, towel and other stuff. I tried to find them, asked to the new aunt. But no, I couldn't get it.

When the things were over, then I recalled what the principal of the school had promised me last evening. So, with my friend Dharmendra, I walked to his office and told him all about that he had assured me last night. He simply smiled at me and said.
"Don't worry we are make the preparation for taking back to your home. We will surely take you tomoorow."
Then he went with his story. He told others staff of the office that I was very homesick. I really didn’t know what accually it homesick meant. They just looked at me but non-of the told me anything. Believing in the words of the school principal, I again hoped for the next days. But same day my friend Kiran arrived and we had so much to talk to. Now we were in the same big hall. He took the upper bed and I took the lower part of the same bed.

Next morning the classes were to begin again. After I woke up I felt some difference. I didn't feel like going to pricipal again, as I thought he would again turn me off assuring me with the next day. So, that day I decided getting more prepared going to the class with my friend Kiran as we had a lot to talk to.

But things were different now. As we started living together, there were new things to adopt with. We no more had Pempa as our captain. It was Krishna, who was the over all captain for us. Even within few days I realised of the realities and differences. Now we had to wake up with the morning, since the hostel was less than fifty meters from the school building it was the same bell used in the morning. The captain would then wake all of us and with tooth brushes holing inbetween our front teeth, we walked to the wash our faces and clean ourselves to get ready for the morning exercises.

For washing, there was a big well like tank about ten to eight meters in length and width and about ten meters deep inbetween the school and the hostel building. To get the water from the tank, there were few old iron buckets tied with the long jute ropes which the uncles or the aunts would drop down into the tank and pull out on the top. With the help of a jug they would serve a little to every of us surrounding them.
Within few days I also discovered the stragety of our captian.

He was a big guy with almost more than twice the height of us but thin. However he was not only the one who was was so strange in the class. There was the next guy, Arun which almost same as his height but had incredible weight, perhaps almost the twice that we weighted.

In few days, I learnt every one was so aware of him. For the last few months I hadn't know him so well it was perhaps because I had lived in different hostel. But livning there I slowly grabbed on the bitterness of what the most had been feeling since more than a year.

Though in the beginning, things didn't come out that easy, only some stories were overheard in private, as there was no body to talk against him even in his absence. There were few those who really dared to talk against him in private.

In no way I was confused with what he actually was. The first thing I learnt of him was during the physical excercises. In a month we had to learn eighteen different execises which were differentiated into three groups, six in each. After running certain distance, perhaps about 3 times the whole of the grounds (there were four different football grounds for each classes - but no poles and the marked line- the terratory was a marginal.) Then we were lined up, in three long rows. Usually, he would be the one to do it else he would point somone to do it. There would be so many of the police personnels coming to joins us. Sometimes they too came to guide us. But usually it was him, who guided us. After it was over, he would ask each of us. If we did it right, some itime he just let us go. But for some, he went on with different ones unless the person made some mistake. Once mistake he would punish, no matter with a stick or asking him to bent down with only touching the ground with two parallely stretched hands and the stretched legs until he finished it with everyone. In the beginning days I was also one of those usual victims.

After the classes, in the late afternoon most of us would come out for the football match. Yes, two good players would select one after another but turn by turn and form two group of the whole crowd of the class. Every class had their own team formed that way and we usually never intermixed to one another unless there was special matches, in some occasions like annual sport. However through all my years I was not the real participant in any football competition. Though I was keep interested in the matches but was passive to be the participant in the field. After all I knew I wasn't good in it.

It was monsoon, so days would be hot to go for the play. So, until about five we were not allowed to be in the field. Aften then we would go to our ground and start the match after the team was made. The leader of our team, usually a good player, would ask me to be at the back, as the backkeeper. I was satisfied with my position.

The sun it would be so hot, very soon we would all be drentched with sweat, we would play for more than an hour before the bell rang for the stopage for the games. Thirsty and tired, and completely soaked with wet we would walk back to the hostel before we went for washing.

On Saturdays, we needn’t go for physical exercises. This was the very best thing for me because I hated it. I loved to be in bed rather. Sometimes when it rained or we had holidays for some religious occasions, then we lso didn’t go for PT. After our breakfast usually they would take us to the river to take a bath. Aunts would help us as they way they had always done. While coming out from school and also while returning back to school, in the bus, we would sing songs. One of us would start and others would follow, this was the tradition.

After the lunch, in the day it would be so hot to wonder so, our captain would force us to go to sleep. It was the rule we all had to be in our bed. It was not only that we were not allowed to talk to each other, but we were not also allowed to move or even open our eyes. If the captain did find it, then he our make us couch to be a hen and held oour years, or thrust the pipe at back across our butts. No one offended.

It had been a week of our arrival from the vacation, everyone started talking about the school day. It was the annual function, and so many parents were to come to met their kids and see the show. Everyone started getting on engaged with programs for the show. As the school had been named with the name of Prince. It was on his birthday, the event was supposed to take place.

The show was to include dances, sinngings, drammas and formal speeches. The preparations were carried out even before a week. Everyday the dance teacher would come and teach the dances. It was the boy's school so it was boys who were sometime dances in the costume of woman, sometime in singles or duals or in a group. Some of the schoolteachers worked to make several groups for singing, where as some of the others got engaged with the dramma.

Before the final day everything was made ready. A big tent for few hundred people was made right infron of our class building. A stage was also built at the east of it's breath, which was decorated with lights, colourful balloons and other specimens. The entrance or the school gate and also the both the sides of the ways were beautifully decorated with the hundreds of colourful triangular papers glued to the very long strings. It was already looking miraclular.

Before the final day, after our lunch we were neatly dressed up in our school uniform. Our newly aunt had done it with all of us. She was very good with us. She was a tall lady with some many pierced marks on her dark brown face. Though she spoke less but she was a good lady, who always felt to help us the time we felt needed.

Sometime later, we were taken in a line to the huge tent. There had been the carpet layed for us where we took our seat accordningly. All the carpet in the ground was filled with the students.
The remaining portion was all filled with chairs. At the beginning of it, there was fascinating Sofa for the distinguished guest, who was the chief Regional Police officer and some special chairs around it for the others guest and finally our class chairs for the guardians.

We, all the students were the first one to take the places. In some time, the space was slowly filled. Soon other special guest arrived in their vehicle and finally it was the distinguished guest.
Soon after his arrival the show initiated with the national anthem, that a choir of boys, the senior brothers sang on the stage. Everyone stood up from his seat. So did we. When it was over, we took our place back.

Then was the welcome speech for the distinguished guest and the chair before the show began. There were dances, singings, and two drammas, one english and the next - Nepali.after about three hours the show came to the end.

But before the end, there was the speech from the principal Devendra Grg. It was followed by the prize distribution for the class toppers and finally the show ended with the speech from the distinguished guest and the chairman.

After the show I then realised how massive the crowed had been. The sun was already getting down, and I was feeling tired and hungry. Quite suprisingly for the tea, today we had special- It was packed indian sweets for us. No, I couldn't believe. I did grealty loved that.

Next day we had a day off. But after it school was scheduled to the school routine and it followed smooth classes.

Two weeks later, it was time to go back home for the holidays. It was Dharmendra this time, the one to take me home. I did enjoy getting back again. The joy overrode my mind... With the sound of falling water down the terraces of the rice fields and the croaking frogs, it was a different reality to me. With my mind... with illusions and despair, the overwheling happiness of seeing everyone and the bitter reality of to lose their sights soon, there all things rolled on and on before myself and I didn't know meanwhile when I had really got into asleep.

The Saturday morning, as earlier, I had already told her about my missing things, we went to her friend's shop in the main town and she got a new teeshirt for it ... thin cotton light blue teeshirt, good for the summerdays. That evening, it rained. So, I stayed with mom taking to her about the shool. I told her I hadn't enjoyed it at all.e told she would help me after the end of the session or that year. The same time she also handed me a twenty rupees note on my hand. She looked at my eyes and told, I could have drink or something else with it, when I got the occasion.
Sunday morning I left home. It was with Kiran I was to go back to school on his jeep.
But before we even got out of the valley, the driver realised something was wrong with the vehicle, so, he decided for the repair. We spent all of the morning in the garrage before it got ready for the drive.

In about an hour before the noon we entered the school gate. We were so hungry when we got there, after getting our things checked we were allowed to enter the school. Right after it, having our things put into our hostel... we went for the lunch.

Two weeks later, there was the interschool football tournament in the Pokhara Valley's Stadium. It was on the knock out basis. The first match was with a certain school and it was easy victory for us, that evening the players had told us after they returned from the match.

On the next day, for the supported the school decided to take all of us for the match. It was a good favour for us. But I decided not to go. Later that evening, they were late coming back to school. They were all wet because of the big rain during the match. The result wasn't good that day. We were defeated with 3-1 with Mount Annapurna School.

It was the same month, one Saturday, after the lunch we had been to river for the bathe. We walked all the way so, it was late in the afternoon when we were back to the school. Something strange made me wonder. Well, some of the most senior brothers were fixing the new television antenna on the rooftop of the school building.

That evening we had the TV show in the senior's classroom.It was an fourteen inches black and white television granted to the school by one of the guardian of a junior student. The show was the national broad cast. We watched news and an episode of the Nepali teleserial "Raap".

It was one Saturday morning, the captain of our class, Krishna brought a good news for us. That day after the lunch the school would be taking us for the show "Beating the Retreat".
It was the atheletic show by the well-trained amatuer police personnels. I was excited about the show because I had ever seen it before. On the way from the school we had some schoolteachers with us. All the way in the bus we all sang. One would start the any of the common song, popular ones of the time or sometime those english songs taught in the class. It was very exciting.

When we reached the staduim, we came out and our captain asked us to be in the line. Then at first they took us to the balcony, but later we were brought down on the ground on the open field.

The show was extraordinary for me. I enjoyed the dances that were very well managed. The acrobatic show was very impressive. Gymnestic and other marshal art like breaking the mud bricks and drivning the motor bike through the fire rings these all were splended. The last one was the motorbike show that was to fly over more than ten vehicles. A big triangular board was brought in the middle of the ground. Then vehicles were broughts and put into lines amking one their sides adjacent to the others. Their lights were turned on, it made the brillant effect on the late evening. After riding few times around the rider ran the bike through the board and successfully landed on the ground after flying over the vehicles. Everyone made the great clapping for the success.

The show ended and we were again asked to be in line. Then the captain took us to our school bus in the line, I had already been in the bus. Then suddenly I heard somebody calling for me. To see for who it was, I came off the bus. I saw, It was my eldest sister that had come to see me. I hadn't expected anyone there I didn't knoww how she knew it and how she could find it. It was completely a shock and more than this a big surprise for me. As it had already been too late for me. She handed me a plastic bag of groundnuts and sweets. I was so glad with it. Later I realised, Perhaps, it should have been her share bought for herself, but had given it to me.
We were tired after the show. On the way back to school... almost on the midway, one of the back tyres of the schoolbus was punchered. So, it was already late and very dark when we returned back to school.

The third week of august, we had the children day celebrated in the school nationwide. For us it was also the sports day. Few days earlier, pricipal himself had been engaged making all the preparation with games and sports.

For the first time I tried to participate in the hundred meters race. I was kicked out in the first run. So, I didn't try again for any of the other events.

For the main day, a day before, we were all called on the ground to clear the stones and gravels. It worked with it for some hours with the small blunt iron rods. That day we did the best with all that we could.

Next day early in the morning, the tent was built on the ground in front of the hostel. The show was inagurated by some senior police officers. Several final events of races and other events were performed on the day. Finally the prizes were awarded to the winners and the show ended with the speech from the principal and thwe chairman. More than every thing Sweet distribution was the thing most attractive to me.

Since the next day things again became regular and the days normal. It didn't take long weeks passed then a month. The second terminal exam was closer. Usually teachers would come during the evening classes and we were getting more engaged with studies rather than any other things.

Yes, when the things got usual it wasn't the difficult thing to live... but sometimes when bad things happen like when teachers would scold us for any small mistakes or hit us for any wrong deed. Then this was something that turned me. That just reminded me of my family, my mother though because she was always so curious for all about me. But sometime when I had to broke down to cry and no one to understand then I hated everyone. I knew they would have never make me feel the way what the teachers would sometime make us feel.

So, once I didn't talk to one of the english grammar teacher for several days. When he asked me the question, I told him I didn't want to talk to him. It was not the big issue but some of my friends did keep reminding me even after several years later. Because it was the teacher himself who would hadn't forgetten the issue.

One evening, after our food we were just in the classroom for the evening class. Suddenly the blubs grew more lighter, some thing strange happened to the coil of the fluroscent lamp, there was the stream of smoke coming out of the coil and in very short time, the class was about to start and almost all of us had been there. We were so frightened that screaming and shouting in terror we ran out from the class. Knowning this, somebody soon turned off the main switch and the whole school was again in the dark.

To hold us, soon all the teachers and schoolstaff rushed to the classrooms. They asked to be in the groups according to our standards. That evening Fenson sir was the one to take our group, we all were taken to the ground infront of the school building. It was bright night. The moonlight was intense as the full moon the sky was clear and the we could feel the cool wind tenderly blowing across our face as we walked to the field closer across some distance from the school building.

There in the green glasses all around we stayed all round the teacher and waited if the power could be maintained. The teacher soon started talking about the courses, the book and the lessons. He wasn't so friendly to tell us stories or do something to cheers he. We considered him more a strict teacher.

We waited there for about an hour, later it was known things couldn't be maintained until the next morning. So we didn't stay up longer after knowing this.

Once I learnt from my friend, when we didn't feel good, we were taken to a clinic, by a schoolstaff. It was about fifteen minutes walk upright to the small hill across the small stream and then over the flat land. Learning this, though I wasn't with any problems, but still I went to see the assistant there, some time for cold or cough but usually for the headache. When I often visited him. I told him his medicines weren't good enough to care me. One day he suggested me to make special checkup in the eye hospital. I needed glasses he told.

In two week we had exams. More anxious than how the exam would be, we were more excited going home... we started counting days and and getting prepared with the things to take them home.

During the exams, we weren't so serious the way we should have been. Everyone tried to get engaged in his own way, no matter some studied in classroom, some in hostel and some even in the ground underneath the trees...

As earlier we had two shifts. Morning shift was so soon, I could hardly finish it getting once through it. But after lunch I felt I had enough of time.

Sometime, I watched the two men of the school workers who had been digging big holes in the ground next to the hostel building to bury the cement poles for the tranmission lines of electricity. They were huge ones and sometime after my morning shift I would talk to them. One day a man showed me a small bone, he told me it was a human remaining and more possibly the finger joint. Additional he told ... once the place had been the cremation ground where the dead bodies used to be buried. It did frightend me not for that moment but through all the years while leaving in that place.

In the autumn, every thing looked green and peaceful but the days were still as hot as that of the summer. The dragonflies flew low above the ground suggested that the monsoon was fading. It was something I adored to watch. These flies would fly and fly for several hours without any stopage. I was not interested only in watching them flying. I was more interested in hunting them.

So, even in the hot days, alone myself, completely saoked with sweat I would run after them. I would break a small branch from the nearby bush and run after them before reached closer and made the stike. I wasn't good with it. But I coult came some after several hunts. Thosedays, it was a very good sport of mine that I was keenly interested in.

Two exams a day, in four consecutive days it was over. Same day many of them left for home. Kiran too left the same day. That evening after the dinner, I saw a group gathered infront of the hostel.

There had been a senior brother Keshav's mom telling stories and every one was dead silent hearing her. Later, she told us the ghost stories that created more thrills and a sort of horror among us.She told three stories to us that eve. One was the very known story about two boys, a king and a queen.

And this is how it started. In a kingdom, there were once a very generous king who had a very beautiful queen and two lovely sons. They were very happy with each other. One day the queen from the balcony sees the female sparrow fallen dead on the ground from the nearby tree. Later the next day see again notices that the two younger sparrows also kicked from the nest and the male sparrow living with the new female sparrow.

This hurts the queen, and she starts to think if the same was to happen with her and her kids. Slowly, these thoughts weaken the queen and she becomes sick. One day she dies.

In sometime the king remarries. His younger wife dislikes the spet sons. Oneday, when king goes for hunting, the queen makes her look as beaten by her stepsons. Back from the hunting, she immediately tells the king all her story.

The king sentences the sons for the jungle life. The kids are left in the jungle where they struggle to live. Once while in search for the food they disperse. Unfortunately, they fail to get together.
For years they go in search of one another. Afters several years one of them come to a kingdom and starts to work as a rider of the chariot. He would ride it so good that he becomes the best in the kingdom. The king of that kingdom asks him to ride for him.

One day while on the ride, he sings the song of his childhood. The song stuns the king. From the song he realises that the driver is his own brother. The brothers share their love and joy. Both tell their story.

Finally both work together for their kingdom and both succeed. They both become the kings of two different kingdoms. And this ends the first story.

The second story was also about brothers. When one of them, the elders one goes to a different country for a work. He leaves home in the early years of his age.

Several years later coming back to home... walking down through several hills, along several riversides for many many days he comes to his place before the sunset. Overjoyed seeing his place he doesn't find mauch changes. He looks on the hillside where he used to graze his cattle. He sees the cattle there. He rushes to the place. There he finds a young man looking after the cattle. Talking to each other and find that they are the brothers. They embrace to each other, overjoyed seeing each other, the brothers tell his stories how much he had missed his and the mother. He gives the present that he had brought him from far country. The younger one realises his brother's thirst and hunger and takes the "Bitten rice" from a cloth piece to eat. He happily takes it and keeps it in his pocket before he rushes to see his mother.

Excited to see his mother forgets his hunger. Once reached home astronises his mother. Mother, in regret burst into tears telling him the story that his brother died sometime after he had left the place. He had wished to see him once before he died.

Shocked with the story he tells his mother of seeing his brother the same day, some moments ago. Then he get's the thing to show what his brother had given to him. As he opens, to his shock, he doen't find the bitten rice anymore... he just finds the pieces of bones.
When this story ended, everyone had fears in their eyes, I took a long breath before she again came with the next story.

Next was about the night truck driver's story, those who sometime come across the illusion in the highways by the lady ghost. It was short story. A driver and his man drive a truck with timbers along the highway. While talking her to her home, the driver gets killed, the next man, who sees all these, escapes hiding in the wood.

That eve was greatly facinated by beuatiful stories. Next day, after the breakfast, I was with some other friend for the football. It was sunny day only few of us ... we were sweating with the heat. Finally there was the call for me.

Hurriedly I went, the Baral Uncle told me my mother had come to take me. As it had almost been the time for the lunch, he asked me not to hurry instead asked to go for the lunch before I left.

As his advice, I rushed to the dining. I was overjoyed and excited. No, I couldn't do it. I even couldn't take few lumps of rice. I gave up, took the plate and walked to the tap.

As I hurriedly rushed to the gate, there had been my mother waiting patiencely for me. She gently looked at me carefully and smiled at me. I was so excited I didn't tell her anything... I knew I had a lot more to tell when I would once be at home.

Yes it was a month, vacation with beautiful days. The time for chestnuts, sometime with my sisters or sometimes with friends, we often went for it in the forest, we would easliy make some before we return back home. And also the great time in the festivals. The time fleeted day after day unless I again realised I was to be back to school again.

Just as everytime, my feeling torn and sadness within myself I accepted being back to the school. I knew how much it hurted me leaving the home and also that how much I was offended with the school and the way of living in the place. But still I kept it all with my self because there was no way other. The only was that was before me was to accept it.

The new achievement for this time was that the school was connected with the regular power trarsmission lines. New poles were burried and every building had the supply.
A month later, a new science teacher was introduced to us. "Kaji sir" we called him. During his stay for about seven years he had the strong motives and took over control of almost over everything.

His arrival, brougth some of the chages in the school perfomances. New lavatory (though not so proper yet) was made. A water tank and few bukets were kept closer to the new lavatory with soaps for the use.

And something more than this he imposed and implemented the stricter rules over manythings. That was what I was greatly offended with.

Winterdays were some sad and gloomy. The fog covered everything almost every morning. It looked dark and distant objects were invisible. Sometime it seemed like it rained. Because of no often rain in winter, the dry land would slowly turned into gray, the grasses dried and the trees started loosing their leaves. After all, hills and valley too looked gray and the air filled with mist. . These little things had so much affects to the life.

Usually sometime before the midday, the sun would finally succeed to pierce through the dense fog and light the ground. The warm sun of those days had it’s own significance, every one loved to see it. It would be a beautiful day to come out and spent some time for the wamth.

About three weeks later, the following Saturday father came to see me in the school. Since the winter was growing and the fog everyday it was getting denser every morning. That day due to very intense fog it the day seemed cloudy and there was no sign of any sunshine for the day.
For the winter I hadn't got warm clothes, it was the school sweater and the blazer coat for the school time. I just had a blue tracksuit that was all. I din't know how did he realise. I was surprised, he brought me a thick red jacket. That was a good favour for me.

It was soon, from the second week of December our final exam was to begin. Though not still very serious but we were a bit more curious than the other time because to upgrade we had to pass the exam at any cost.

One evening, we weren’t even known earlier, the students of the class seven standard from our central Police School came to visit us. They were in the excursion to the different valleys across the country. They decided to come to ours to see as they passed the highway getting back to their school.

Thosedays there were seven schools with the same name across the country at least one in each region in all the five regions. In the capital was the central school that governed all the school in many cases. This was only the school in the whole nation that had it’s branches spread nationwide.

That evening, it was decided that they were to take our room, the hostel room of the second standard, which was of ours. That night we slept with our junior brothers. Two people in each of their bed.

Kiran and me, we shared the bed with Kiran’s friend Mithun and his friend.
Early, next morning, after the breakfast, they asked for a football match with the best team that could be made out of the school. The matched started and our team did the best with all that they could but there was no way as they proved smarter and vigorous than us. After all, they were pretty much senior than us.

After the match, the teachers decided for an interraction with them. So, instead of the regular class we came out infront of the school building. We sat on the semicircle facing the east… where as opposite to us there were the teachers and for the sanga brothers.The sun was was breaking through the crowd and it was a warm and beautiful beginning of the day. And we kept patience waiting them until they arrived.They took their seats and introduced each of them to us. After then they decided to perform something for us. Some told jokes to make us laugh, some with short stories, some with poems and a guy sang and english song. “Temple of the King”. Every one was so impressed with it, the teachers asked the guy to sing it again to make a record of it.
Some of our senoir brothers accompained them. This made the sanga brothers feel closer to us. Before the show ended, thanks giving for our patcicipation, they gave sweets to each of us. It was great of them.

After the lunch in the noon they left. Later that day when we were back into our hostel room many of us discovered, they had torn our blanket, and take off so much of the cotton from it. It seemed as they played with it. We were quite upset with it though we didn’t make comment to the teachers.

Now it was only about two weeks for the final exam, The small wound I had in my elbow, which I had thought would recover, instead got infected. It had swollen and it gave a severe pain when I tried to open my arms. More than me, I was surprised when Kiran took more care about it. He adviced me, to clean up my wound with hot water from the dinning. Then he once took me to the ground… he searched for some type of plant, it wasn’t easy getting it though. Later we got it and then he broke it’s stem… white black liruid came out from the stem, then he pasted it around my wound. I was so proud of him for that he cared me so much. We did for a couple of days, though initial it seemed as it brought some changes but within few days we realised it was more infected and I wasn’t even able to move.

Then there was no other option, I had to see the assitant. It was then there was the big bandage around the elbow of my arm. Every morning and evening Kiran would help me stretch my arm. He often reminded it for me, that I still feel great of him. Slowly the wound heal and I got better enough at least for my final exams.

As, exams grew very close, time was counted in days not in week any more. After our meal, in the evening, our captain Krishna, he would come with a book and a pastic pipe (waterpipe). Then he would ask us questions one by one. If we couldn’t make it he would ask stike hard the pipe on our palm. We would accept him for all that he did. As for him, I was sure he wasn’t known to many things in the book if he didn’t look it because he wasn’t that smart with the studies. But things didn’t turn favourable to him. In almost a year time I too learnt so much of the things about him. I felt so lucky to myself, I was never his target in any of his matters. Learning the story, it is astronising when I tell the things. He was all in the power as a captain and also of his size and strength. Though, it was never I saw anything with my eyes, but I knew the truth that existed in the shallow of fear betwwen all of us. There were few of the older friends who he had metally abducted for many reasons. One of them, the most suffered was a friend whom he had made to work for him accordingly. It was not only that he took the money, nice cloths and other stuff that he had but sometime he would ask to get more money for him from the others. Later it was discovered he had a huge some to pay the debt. Something more than this he had so many times treated the boy so brutally, by putting water into his nostrils and ears when he was asleep. This damaged him ears and nostril for so many years through all the schooling and had to have the regular treatment for it. This wasn’t all that was done that was the extent of his cruelty. There were few other issues perhaps that always remained veiled, there were some pretty faced boys who sometime had to crooked desires in the night.

These things existed but everyone feared to talk against him. But surprising one evening, everything came out and all of the sudden his fortune turned around. The teachers discovered his dark secrets.

There were two things I never got the answer. It was never known how the things got into teachers and next was… to what extent had the teachers known the truth.

But there was something that astornised me. It was only just two or three days, earlier I had talked to a senoir brother, Padam Hirachan about all his dark realities, promising him not to tell it to anybody. Though I did make a little suspect on him but I didn’t dare to ask him about the matter. So, the secrets did always remain beneath the past. But who ever did so, it was great of him… for many of those, who had greatly suffered from the real monster.

The following night when he was veiled off his reality, he was taken to the office. We were all asleep, but his arrival at the late night, made us awake. He was tried up in his bed the whole night until the next morning. From the next day, he has taken off from the captain.

When these things came, I was almost sure for that he would be leaving the school, but things didn’t turn my way. Even after the final he was still there as our classmate for a year more. But for him everything had changed, he could never again gather the strengh to be for what he was or that he had been. He was a snake with the poison completely drained out of it.

With time we had the final exams.
Exams started…. It was the third day, the following afternoon sometime before our exam… we were informed about the visit of the Niranjan Thapa, Home Minister of the time. It became ever the greatest visit of all time for the school.

Instead of studies for the exams… we were all called in the line… and were asked to sit on both the sides of the road with few branches of flowers… When he arrived, everyone hurried up to receive him especially principal of the school, the campcommandent and all the teachers rushed to the main gate. As he came out of his car… every one circled him… where as we the students, we were all at our places in the long line staring at him. He passed by … and took the flowers fromsome of us that were at the beginning but for the rest it wasn’t to any use… From the place he went to see the hostel… and after sometime they returned we were at our place waiting for him… When he was gone … we broke up the line and again got our books to see few lines … if we could still remember them for the exam that was to take place in some time. With the few branches of the flowers, I just threw them at the corner but I wasn’t desperate for that it wasn’t taken

Soon the exam was over. We were all happy for the exam had ended. We need not go class anymore instead we could play all the day along this was a beautiful thing for us. After the exam, for about ten days we had to stay in the school to wait our results. It was not only the reason, for which we were to stay. The school was supposed to celebrate the king’s birthday for 3 days and on the second day there was supposed to be a big cultural program which included dances singings and drammas.

It had just been a couple of days our exam had been over. On afternoon after our lunch the school decided to take us for a drive… We were always happy getting out from the school. Everyone was neatly dressed with the best they had. Then in the schoolbus we left for the place.
This time we were heading for the lake that lied almost on the halfway to the hometown. From the halfway we had to turn to a different route and drive about two miles to the east.
It took about half an hour to reach the place. We had stopped at the small bus station there, only few buses there.

From that place, our captian asked us to be in line. As we walked about ten minutes from the place we could see the dam of the lake. It seemed as it had been recently built. There was a road to pass across to the next side. In all there were only two outlets for the water. It was a clean and beautiful lake that was surrounded by small hills all around.

From the school tea and breads had been carried away along with us in the same bus. We were busy looking about half an hour around it before we all sat for the tea. It was different excitement and happiness having it here, somewhere outside of the school. It was indeed a perfect day, I thought. But soon we were back to the school.

Still, there was more than a week for the main event for the program. It was out of our expectations, the school decided to take take our class for the picnic for a day. The place was to our own junior school, in the valley, the hometown.

After our breakfast, in a pair of our school uniform we left for the place in our school bus. It was foggy morning as usual so, we were all with warm cloths… I was with the blazer that was keeping me so warm against the cold.

When we reached the school. We could only wonder around the place, there was an open space on the north of the two-storey school building, which comprised of two classrooms, two hostel rooms and a dinning room. But we were not allowed to leave the place.
Suddenly a friend of mine came and told me that somebody had come to see me. I was stunned… and excited. Then I rushed to the main gate, the entrance, I saw it was my eldest sister with a bag in her hand full with biscuits, sweets and nuts. She was too quick to notice the schoolbus as we passed infornt of the shop.

I was extremly happy to see her, she told me all her story how she got it. I was very thankful to her. We didn’t talk much for that long before she decided to leave. All she brought for me had been enough to fill my pockets. It was no longer again, I was surprised, two of my others sisters too came to see me. They hadn’t brought any thing for me though, but I was really pleased to see them. After sometime of the talk, they left.

There was nothing to do and the meal wasn’t ready so, it was decided that we were going for a walk. We walked to the north, it was the way that went to my home… as I paced, every step would remind me of my own feelings… of the place… it would make me feel like I walking through my own land but with chains. Perhaps it was because we weren’t allowed to break the lines that we had walked in.

The nearer we grew, my emotioned hurled, I had extreme happiness being there seeing the place but again a flushed and rage would rush through my face and through my veins when I realised where and how I exactly was. My eyes reached through every corner and all the way around to capture all the possible glimpses of the place to dream of it in my bed for the night in the hostel and for the remaining days to come. But the way we walked didn’t go all the way. It was only till the halfway, where we stayed for sometime before we decided to return back.
It was almost after the midday we came back from the walk. Most of my mates were hungry … though I wasn’t that much… because of so many things I had with me, that my sisters had brought me. I had finished most of it … sharing a little with my friends.

The meal in the after noon was heavy, rice, vegitable and the mutton curry it was tremendous. After the meal was over, we gathered in a group in the same place for singing and dancing. Additional sterio was there to make it more fascinating. The wife of the school’s camp commandent accompained us for this.

It lasted for till the late evening… and we were worried when the school bus delayed in coming to take us. It was already dark when it arrived. When we were about to leave, the driver told the bus didn’t have the lights. For sometime … the teachers and other authorites had the talk before they decided a police van to be taken for the guidance.

Though most of my friends took the place in the bus I decided and rushed to be in the van. It was because, it was new and had lights. Sometimes to make a way in a different way does matter. So, it was nice journey back to the school, sort of luxury and quite. The bus followed the van all through the way.

When we returned we realised not all had been back. We were surprised, our mate Ashish grg, the most funny guy in our class he hadn’t come with us… not in the van, nor in the school bus. He slept at the place and came to school the next morning. He told us he had a special night there.

Days onwards everyone started getting prepared for the program for the kings birthday. There was nothing with me. I wasn’t to take part but still I was waiting for the final day to see dances and drammas. That would be beautiful.

I knew after the program, we would be allowed to go home. So, it was also a thing that was taking my mind and for which I kept waiting for. I kept patience and finally the day came.

On the main day of the king’s birthday, the school was decorated almost the same way as in the school’s day earlier that year. Stages and tents were made the same way and the show was also not of much difference.

On the following day the massive crowd had gathered, especially the parents to see their kid’s result of their exams and to take their kids for the winter vacation which was only of the two weeks.

The show was over but for me, no one had come. Though, not that day but my hopes were still… I was looking forward for the next day. Yes it came true… that after noon, almost after the lunch my mother and my little brother came to take me home. I was so glad, I caught home my brother in my hand and brought him to my hostel, then took him to the dining hall for he he was hungry and wanted some food. He told he didn’t. So, we walked back to our hostel, got my things that I had kept ready since many days and finally came back to the the mother who had been waiting for us.

We were set back home for the two weeks holiday. As for the result, I had passed the exam. I had the seventh poistion in the class, out of all the fourty two of my friends.

It had just been few days of my holidays. Father decided to take me to his village. He had some old houses there, he wanted to break them and bring the wood to the valley so, he would used them and sell the remaining.

One cold morning we started off from the place. We took the local bus from the way that took us twenty miles from the valley. It was about the midday, after so many twists and turns along the small roadway though it was one of the highways, but the way hadn’t been over yet. We had to walk down the hill for few hours through the rough roads and small passages before we would come down to a small market place… where the houses numbered only in few hundreds. Two adjacent sides of the place had the rivers that had the insection and they flew as one.

Yes, I followed my father, sometimes talked to him as I followed him all the way. Few hours walking down we reached it. With him I visited the houses of his relaitive and other people whom he had known. He was very well known to the people there, because, it was his place. It was so good everybody like to talk to me… well, they would say he had grown up the big boy. Then my father would flatter about me … and tell them how good I was in the school (though I wasn’t that good with all that he told). Then he would ask me to tell the names of all the kings of the latest history. With delights and happiness to show a little knowledge that I had I would turn my face to them to tell all the names one by one. In a grace, when I finished it… they would buy me sweets.

For, me I was nervous because they were all the strangers. Though it was the place I was born and had lived two early years of my life were out of my memories… so, in way I could figure any of them.

We went on visiting on different places… many places we were offered tea and some places I was offered sweets and biscuits which I was greatly impressed.
That evening we stayed up in a small at a small Thakali place. Father told... it was the best place with the good food that he ever knew.

It wasn’t such a big places so there weren’t any concrete houses at all, the old thakali woman was only the one in the whole house. She was already very old. Her wrinkles and white hairs made her seem as if she should have been in the mid-seventies.
It was strange for me when I learnt her sons had moved to the cities and they lived there. But still she didn’t go with them. Instead she kept on with the business. It was the small place where people would come for tea and meals. They could also get a room to sleep for a night or two.
That evening, we had the meal. With rice and the vegetable we had the fish, the soup made from the dried ones caught on the river. Then after the meal, the lady took us over a small wooden ladder on the upper and showed a room for us… it was a small room with only one bed, close to the small window…

I was surprised the place had been facilitated with the electricity from the small local hydroelectric generator situated about half a mile from the place. But the supply was only for few hours in the evening. The light bulb didn’t light too well because perhaps the density should have been higher than that it could support. But still it was much I should say.

I was tried of the day, I didn’t wait longer to go to bed. That night I didn’t know when I got into sleep. But next morning it was still dark when I was awake. Perhaps because of the new place… it could have also been the reason why I was awake so early.

The howling of the fox was also something that was making me feel strange about the place. Though still dark outside, warm inside my bed and with my eyes open I was listening to them. I felt so interesting when one of them made a loud cry ...then in some time the other responded and it went on and an and on.

Listening to them and thinking about so many things and also about the place and the strange people thoughts it rolled in the mind… and I didn’t know when I went to sleep again.
When I woke up it was already light… sun was high up in the sky. When I looked beside me, I didn’t find my father who was sleeping next to me.

I came down and asked to the lady about my father. She told he had gone for his job and s didn’t know when he would be back again. But she told he had asked her to give me the tea and the lunch when I felt hungry.

It was already late when I had woke up so, I was already feeling hungry. The old lady gave me rice lentils and the curry. She had made it fine. I talked to her for sometime and then stayed up in the room. As I had nothing to do later she told me I could go out to the river for the swim.
It wasn’t the bad idea I thought. When I talked to her about it. She handed me a bowl a towel and soap and showed me the way to go. I did do the way she had told me. When I reached the river, there was still something I had to sort out, the river was big and I had to find the right place so that it wouldn’t make any accident.

There was a large wooden bridge on the river, with two great metal pillars on each of the sides to support the bridge. It was only for the local to walk over everyday. It wasn’t meant for other than this. As I came closer to this… I took a way to the bank of the river and sorted out a small place for myself. The river had the stronger current in the middle, which showed its fiercousness or how angry it looked. The place I had sorted was completely free from it. It was tiny little place in between the big stones. There had been no people around me and I was just a little kid. I took off every thing and stark naked walked into the river.

The water was so clear. I could see small fishes moving around. Many times I look around at them and tried to hold them in my hands. I wasn’t good at all. Non of it came into my hand. They would disperse as I moved my tiny hands towards them.

Alone… I was having fun in stange place. With these things it was making me forget about the strrange place and the people. I had happy engrossed with it but then I felt missing… my feeling aroused and I felt necessary to learn if my father had come back.

When I came back, I asked her if he had been back. Yes he had been but he was again gone and she did know where.

I stayed up in the room for sometime… it didn’t work out… then again I went in search for him through all the market place… still I couldn’d find him. Then finally the late afternoon to get through my time I went to the river… This time, I climb over the bridged and walked up along the shore. I looked at the roiver how forcibly it went over the huge rocks that were laid over it’s way. The rocks not letting the water to get on the way, instead tore apart to resemble it’s strength in it’s own way. But still the flowing river wasn’t giving up it’s hope. Perhaps it thought someday it would overthrow the stone or turn it apart.

As I was walking down the way… I saw a bunch of boys coming down the way. They seemed as they had come for fishing. As they grew closer I kept looking at them. They went over rocks and looked out for the traps they had placed realier. A tall boy was leading all the group. I then came closer to them and watched for all they did. Non of them did try to talk me ... I too couldn’t make effort talking to them though I still was willing to talk if they had led the beginning.
Well, they passed away… I kept looking at them for sometime before I too headed my way, opposite to the way they were gone. After sometime … I realised I had come too far… and the sun was also trying to get down.

After then I returned to the place. Later in the evening father came back I was so desperate to see him. I didn’t talk to him much though before we had the meal and went for the sleep.
Next day, it happened the same. Father was already gone when I was awake. That day I just wondered through the shops around the place to find him. I wondered through all of it … which made me feel like it wasn’t a new place any more. It was because I knew most of the little shop and also almost the every small passage.

Later in the late afternoon, I found father while he was retuning back. When I told him I was hungry and tired. He bought me a biscuit and offered me the tea. Ahead of it he told we were leaving the place that evening.

The sun was about to set when we came to the dusty main road. We waited for the bus that would take us to “Juegley” to the north. We waited for long but it didn’t seem any would come that way. Then we walked to the police station, which was only few hundred meters away to the south…

When we reached there, we learnt the last bus had broken down so it wasn’t sure if it would come the way. We stayed there, looking for something that would take us to the place. It was almost dark when a truck came and decided to take us.

In sometime it got dark… the road wasn’t so good, stones and dumps, the truck wasn’t so fast. Moreover it was heavely loaded with about ten tons of rice bags which were about hundred in total.

We were taking the steady route and I was hopeful we could come out through. But almost about in the halfway… after getting down to cross the little stream and while climbing back again, the fully loaded truck couldn’t make out over the turn… it was drawn back to the stream edge.

Second time it tried… everyone was hopeful for this time… but it didn’t work. Then we all can off … only with the driver in the truck. I was starting to worry if we were to get stuck through out the night. Then again the driver made the next attempt. Astronisingly, he made it this time. I didn’t know how he did it.

It was few hours drive before we came to the place. We could see small houses, small shops and hotel not yet closed. The dim bulbs that lighted were so dim as meant only to see what was around.

I was hungry and exhausted. First, we went to see his friends and talked to them. Looking at me they told how big I had grown. They they would ask me if I remembered then. Desperately I turned to them and nodded my head to say that I didn’t know them.

After some time, we sorted out a basic and the cheapest hotel for us. After the meal, we were tired… straight away we went to bed.

Next morning, it was my father who woke me. It was still very dark when he carried me out of hotel. I didn’t know anything. Then he carried me towards the river and go for the toilet. Everything was strange for me. After sometime we were done and then we came back to the place. We had the tea there and waited for the daybreak.

When it was bright, he told me he had ta work and he would be around the place and asked me not to go far away. The place where he was supposed to be was the place where all the heavyly loaded vehicle like buses and trucks that came to the place were kept … It was a sort of a station.

For me, there was nothing to do… now my feelings were getting worse. Father usually would leave me alone and in the strange places it had been difficult to get through my time. After he left me I was just walking to and forth along the way. He seemed to talk to different drivers of trucks and buses. And it seemed no one who would come to an agreement. Many times I tried to follow my father but suddenly he would disappear leaving me alone. I was tried of it so in an anguish I left him and walked away, climbed about fifty meters on thde little hill on one side of the main road from where I could see the houses of that little shops and the little hotels. I was so upset and desperate to go back home, it was only the thing I was looking forward for.

I stayed there alone watching houses and the people moving around. It seemed the best place, which would help me spent my time. Aside of me, there were few goats grazing even in the dry grasses. Sometime I would turn my face to look at them… I was delighted seeing these little innocent creatures, beautiful but so ignorant.

Later sometime before the noon, I was some how tired and exhausted and hungry so, I had to come down. It didn’t take long before I figured my father. I told him I was so hungry. Instead he told me… we are to leave we will have meal in the same old woman’s place. We are going soon, he told.

I was extremely happy hearing that we were leaving soon. He was making some arragement with a truck driver he was Indian driver from Punjab, other two of his friends were also from the same place, they had turban over their head and had long beard and mustache that had made them very distinctive.

After the things setted between them, father and the driver, we moved out from the place. My excitation and happiness party filled my hunger. It gave me the strength for the tolorance. The driver seemed very good with his skills. He could twist and turn his truck so smoothly through the humps and bumps. With no load we were also moving faster so it was something more than an hour when he reached the same place.

After then he called on people to load on the wooden logs from the broken houses and for us we went for the lunch in the same old woman’s place.

When we came back it wasn’t over yet. I stayed inside the truck and waited until it was over. It took about an hour perhaps, then we headed up back to our place…. The dusty road then the main road and back to the valley. The punjabies… they sang all through the way they made different jokes and about four in the evening we were back in the valley.

The wooden logs were dropped into a Woodden Mill and late in the evening we were back to home. It gave a great relief for me.

***