LooneyGeek Rambles On

Joke Of The Day : Say Watt??

2012-05-23T13:40:00.001+05:30

Joke Of The Day : Say Watt??

Q. How many swingers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. None. Swingers don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.

courtesy Ask Men

Thought Of The Day : New Beginning

2012-05-23T13:24:00.000+05:30

Thought Of The Day : New Beginning

We are always on the precipice of a new beginning and it represents a grand opportunity for us. To make the most of it, we will need to truly leave the past behind - not just the negative effects it had on our life, but we will also need to alter some of the ways we dealt with life in the past. We need to be more proactive in our own life. We need to take charge. As we move forward, try to evaluate what caused the problems we had. If we can be honest with ourselves, this could be a positive, life-changing shift in where we want our life to go from here.

Joke Of The Day - Amazing Legs

2012-05-14T11:06:00.000+05:30

Joke Of The Day - Amazing Legs

A man was drinking alone at a bar when he spotted a fat girl dancing on a nearby table. After watching for a while he walked past her and said, "Amazing legs."

She giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"

"Definitely," he replied. "Most tables would have collapsed by now."

courtesy AskMen

Thought of The Day : Life

2012-05-14T10:18:00.003+05:30

Thought of The Day : Life

Life, it sometimes seems, is full of situations that we don't want to deal with, facts that we prefer not to face, challenges that we really don't feel inspired to rise to. Yet it is also full of such beauty, magic, joy and inspiration. Can't we just appreciate all that and keep away from the more daunting stuff? Not if those potential difficulties really deserve our attention. Only we now know whether we are wisely avoiding an unnecessary drama or shirking a real responsibility. But it would be a good idea to get clear about this.

Joke Of The Day - The Best Bet

2012-04-24T15:09:00.000+05:30

Joke Of The Day - The Best Bet

An unscrupulous young man had fancied this girl for ages but she had shown no interest in him so he decided to play a trick on her. The next time he saw her sunbathing on the beach he went up and said, “Hi Julie, I bet you £10 I can keep an eye on my clothes while I dive into the sea.”

Now Julie felt pretty sure that it would be impossible for him to dive in and watch the beach at the same time, so she accepted the bet. The young man took a false eye out of his pocket, put it on his clothes, and then dived into the water.

When he returned, he smiled and said, “Come on, Julie, I bet you another £10 I can bite my own ear.”

“Oh no,” she said, “Not more tricks. I suppose it’s plastic teeth this time?”

“I promise you they’re my own,” he said, so she accepted the bet. He took out his false teeth and bit his own ear. Now Julie was down £20 and feeling very annoyed.”

Hey Julie, I’ll give you a chance to win all your money back. I bet I can make love to you and you won’t feel a thing.

“Now Julie knew all about sex and figured that was impossible so she took the bet. He got down on top of her and away they went.

“Ah ah” she said triumphantly. “I can feel you!”

“Oh well,” he said grinning. “You win some, you lose some.”

more jokes on GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Hidden

2012-04-24T14:22:00.000+05:30

Thought Of The Day - Hidden

Termites can do devastating damage to a home, all without being seen. We can look at a house that appears to be the picture of perfection, only to discover upon closer inspection that it is being eaten away by those destructive wood-eating creatures. That's also what it's like to harbor a fear or guilt or a painful emotion that we don't face and deal with. It may not be obvious to outsiders, but if something big is weighing on our minds now, then we need to let it out. Talk to a friend. Talk to a spiritual advisor. Seek advice from a therapist. Do whatever we have to do to move beyond our problem, and we'll feel immensely lighter and happier.

Joke Of The Day - Rubber Gloves

2012-04-23T14:09:00.001+05:30

Joke Of The Day - Rubber Gloves

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves.

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

She said: "No, I don't have any idea."

"Well," he spoofed, "Down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in and then walks around for a bit while the latex sets and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

She didn't laugh one bit.

Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just figured out how they must make condoms!"

more Dentist Jokes on GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Possibility & Experience

2012-04-23T14:00:00.001+05:30

Thought Of The Day - Possibility & Experience

When a pen runs out of ink it is still a pen, but it can't fulfill it's purpose. We may be feeling like a pen that has run out of ink. We have a mental block about accomplishing something that at one time might have been quite easy for us. To get moving again we will need to inspire ourselves. We need to think of some way to reignite our imagination. A good way to do this might be to imagine the end result or possibilities, and to try and embrace the feelings and experience we will have when we get there.

Joke Of The Day - Pants Crash

2012-04-20T12:01:00.000+05:30

Joke Of The Day - Pants Crash

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Economy said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

More Jokes about Airplanes on GuyLife

Thought of the day - Questions???

2012-04-20T11:36:00.000+05:30

Thought of the day - Questions???

If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, be good. But what if you can't tell what truly constitutes good, bad, careful or careless? What if your sense of perspective is distorted? Actually, we can stop right there. People who suspect that they may have their priorities mixed up, usually turn out to have them in good order. It's the folk who don't question themselves that we need to worry about. There's never anything good about arrogance. But be humble, and you can make a very wise choice.

Joke Of The Day - Onions

2012-04-18T07:35:00.000+05:30

Joke Of The Day - Onions

A surgeon operating on a man slips and accidentally cuts off the patient's testicles. He quickly inserts two onions and sews him back up. One month later, the man goes back for a check-up.

"Any problems?" asks the surgeon.

"A few," explains the man. "I cry when I pee, my wife gets heartburn after sex and I get a hard-on when I see a cheese sandwich!"

courtesy AskMen

Thought Of The Day - Choice and Acceptance

2012-04-18T07:30:00.002+05:30

Thought Of The Day - Choice and Acceptance

Time is rather like the ocean. We are rather like little boats, cast adrift on those great waves. We have no option other than to go with the flow. No matter how many sails we put up or engines we fire up, we cannot go in another direction. Nor can we speed up our progress. What choice do we have? One. One very big important choice. We can choose whether to feel okay about a situation we can't change or whether to resent it. Acceptance is the key to greater buoyancy and smoother sailing in our lives.

Joke Of The Day - The Good Ol' Days

2012-04-16T14:03:00.000+05:30

Joke Of The Day - The Good Ol' Days

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years."

"Yeah," she replied,"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds 50 years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"

Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,"My n*ppl*s are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

courtesy GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Moments

2012-04-16T13:50:00.000+05:30

Thought Of The Day - Moments

When we stop to think about how lucky we are to be alive, and how short our time tends to be, it becomes clear that every moment is too precious to waste. Yet some moments just don't feel so special. All we can think about are our troubles, our obligations or our reasons to feel resentful. Even worse are the moments when we feel full neither of something good nor something bad. We just feel somehow flat or empty. When such times come, we must let them go. And remind ourselves of what life can feel like at its best.

Joke Of The Day - Inquiring Minds

2012-04-12T12:10:00.000+05:30

Joke Of The Day - Inquiring Minds

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

courtesy AskMen

Thought Of The Day - Different Lives

2012-04-12T12:01:00.001+05:30

Thought Of The Day - Different Lives

Think of all the different lives we could have led. What about the talents that we nearly developed but never gave quite enough energy to? Or the relationships that might have come to mean so much, yet which slipped away before their potential had been fully realised? The career choices we could have made and the ones we selected instead? Do we have reason for regret? Absolutely not. But we do have reason to look more carefully at what is in front of us now. It could turn out to be offering us more than we realise.

Joke Of The Day - Supermarket Fishing

2012-04-11T12:54:00.000+05:30

Joke Of The Day - Supermarket Fishing

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the large trout also."

"Why's that?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take the big trout. That's what she'd like for dinner tonight."

more fishing jokes on GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Decisions

2012-04-11T11:35:00.000+05:30

Thought Of The Day - Decisions

So, what if you are wrong? What if you say or do something that later turns out to have been exceedingly silly? What if you end up feeling foolish or regretting your decision? Well, it won't be the first time... or the last. You also have to remember that a decision to do nothing - or to leave things as they are - could just as easily produce that undesirable result. Here's an important question: Are you being motivated by fear or inspiration? If it's the former, don't trust the plan. If it's the latter, give it all you've got.

Joke Of The Day - Divorced Barbie

2012-04-09T08:24:00.000+05:30

Joke Of The Day - Divorced Barbie

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant.

"Which Barbie?" she asks. "We have 'Barbie Goes to the Gym' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes to the Ball' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes Shopping' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes to the Beach' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes Nightclubbing' for $19.95, and 'Divorced Barbie' for $395.00."

"Why is 'Divorced Barbie' so much more expensive than all the others?" the confused father asks.

"That's obvious," the assistant states, "'Divorced Barbie' comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture... "

courtesy AskMen

Thought of The Day - Faith

2012-04-09T08:00:00.000+05:30

Thought of The Day - Faith

Doctors come under a lot of pressure to issue prescriptions. Sometimes, there may be no need at all for a treatment. The problem may be likely to clear itself up if it is left alone. But the patient might feel disappointed if they have to leave the surgery empty- handed. And doctors are not allowed to prescribe a placebo, even though placebos have been scientifically proven to be effective in many cases. There are several ways in which we could heal a wound or cure a fear. We can apply any solution we like, as long as we put our faith in it.

Joke of The Day - IPL

2012-04-07T11:24:00.000+05:30

Joke of The Day - IPL

Girls & Boys

Teacher: Children, can you name 2 things that young Indian boys and girls absolutely love in the springtime?

Pappu: IPL for the boys and the i-pill for the girls!

Movie Mania
Q. What is former KKR captain Sourav Ganguly's favorite movie?

A. Gone in 60 seconds.

More IPL and cricket jokes on Guy Life

Thought Of The Day - Forgiveness

2012-04-06T07:30:00.001+05:30

Thought Of The Day - Forgiveness

Some people think that forgiveness is overrated. After all, why should we let someone off the hook for wrongdoing? We generally face issues that requires us to forgive someone. But doing so doesn't absolve the guilty person of responsibility for their actions. That's up to them to deal with and manage. We need to be careful that we don't mix up forgiveness with saying that something wrong is okay. Think of forgiveness as giving ourselves permission to let it all go, and to feel good again. We deserve that.

Thought of the Day - Understanding

2012-03-29T11:48:00.000+05:30

Thought of the Day - Understanding

We always try hard to understand someone or something. We feel that perhaps we are doing them an injustice and that their cause deserves more careful consideration. But that is largely because we cannot quite believe what we appear to be seeing or hearing. By all means seek an explanation. The more we find out, the wiser we become - and wisdom is one of the keys to happiness. But bear in mind that some factors in all our lives are beyond understanding. We need to just get it and accept it and not try to understand everything. Sometimes, the wisest thing to do is to leave them as mysteries.

Joke Of The Day - Knock Knock

2012-03-28T10:48:00.000+05:30

Joke Of The Day - Knock Knock

Two astronauts were in a space ship circling high above the earth. One had to go on a space walk while the other stayed inside.

When the space walker tried to get back inside the space ship, he discovered that the cabin door was locked, so he knocked. There was no answer.

He knocked again, louder this time. There was still no answer.

Finally, he hammered at the door as hard as he could and heard a voice from inside the space ship saying, "Who’s there?"

More Astronaut Jokes on GuyLife

Thought Of The Day - Go With or Against the Flow

2012-03-28T10:36:00.000+05:30

Thought Of The Day - Go With or Against the Flow

As humans, we know that it's much easier to swim with the tide than against it. When we go with the flow, the current carries us faster and farther, and with little effort on our part. All we really have to do is remember to breathe and to relax and enjoy the ride. But when we swim against the tide, we are in for a struggle. We may swallow a few gulps of water. We will certainly become exhausted. And we may get hit in the face with a wave a few times. It always easier to go along with something when we feel we're being cornered into. But ultimately the better destination is the one we'll have to fight for. Satisfaction guaranteed!!