The Cord of Three

Building your Prayers with Solid Rock! Miracles Happen.....

2014-01-15T00:00:00.000-06:00

I wanted to post a quick follow up to Praying for you spouse......

In response to so many of my close contacts looking for scriptures to pray for their spouse I wanted to post three key scriptures that are so relevant for every circumstance.

This is the foundation of my prayer life and keeping it effective!

God “is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us” (Ephesians 3:20). I believe God has more for us than we can imagine if we will live His way and let Him live through us.

"the things which are impossible with men are possible with God” (Luke 18:27). I believe that God is the God of the impossible.

we should be “anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving” let our “requests be made known to God”. And when we do “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding” will guard our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7). I believe we should pray about all things instead of worry about everything.

Blessings~ R

R- is for Romance. Reflect on what 1st appealed to you about your spouse and work on re-kindling the love!

2014-01-14T15:42:00.003-06:00

We are focusing on the R in TransfoRmation today.....

I love thinking back to some of the dates that Jason took me on when we were first dating. I can remember the newness of the relationship, the excitement of learning about his thoughts and feelings, the anticipation of his next call.........

May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Proverbs 5:18(NIV)

Over the first three years of our marriage I quit being so focused on Jason and began to focus more on our baby, the house, bills, school and work. The newness and excitement seems to kind of wear off so to speak....It was around that time that God really called me to stop and focus on how distant Jason and I had become! We were living as strangers in the same home........

At first I panicked and then I was sad..... I spent much of my time only focusing on what had once been. I couldn't think of any recent points in our marriage that were spent between the two of us, just focusing on each other and having the time to be tender and "In the Moment"..... It was here where God began to teach me about how to Re-Kindle the love........

Dating your spouse shouldn't end when you say, "I Do"!

So how can you continue to date your spouse?

First do things together! Commit to spending time together as a couple first and fore most. The world will not help you focus on your coupleness.....
Be intentional about your time!
Commit to care! (set up special moments on purpose!)

For us, because we were on a tight budget

I would find affordable ideas of candle light, living room floor dates or Jason brought me my favorite candy in exchange for a kiss.........

I have included a simple list we still use for dates...

Create a playlist of some of our favorite songs from when were dating...
dressed up and did my hair before he got home, fed the baby and put him to bed early so that Jason and I could focus on each other.
We started doing bible studies together and talking about what we were learning.
We started taking walks together- Exercise and intimacy go hand in hand. We were simply enjoying each others company.
Dancing in the kitchen floor late a night.....
Breakfast in bed with a one liner of why I love him....
Showing up to my work to whisk me away via motorcycle for a quick lunch..... He took my breath away!!!!!
On rare occasions we had a sitter and then went to dinner....... A quite dinner where you can focus on each other...... ie.... Picnics, a secluded restaurant, Our friends RV in our drive way, after we put our kids to bed in the house.

The point to remember is keep it simple and make it matter for the two of you! I think I actually enjoy dating Jason as much now as I did before we got Married!
I am looking forward to an evening together tonight Cheering for his beloved Shockers.... It's the little things he wants to share with me that are so special!

He still makes my heart go, "pitter, patter"

Blessings,
R

TransfOrmation Series......O- is for Openness to God’s plan.

2014-01-09T08:38:00.002-06:00

God has great plans for your marriage!.......................................................

..............................................................He wants to give you a Great marriage!

So often I hear people tell me one of two things..... Are you ready for it?........ I know it will be a kicker

We have a great marriage! I love my spouse.
They have a terrible marriage! Did you see how he treats her. Do you see how she talks about him?

What I have found to be true is both 1 and 2. What I mean is marriage is great until is suddenly isn't! Most marriages don't suffer in silence. Most men and women will not stick with something that isn't working for them! The old saying don't beat a dead horse comes to mind.....

So how does transformation fit into my rant?
God designed us to fit each other.... female to fit a male. I wonder if we can be open to God's plan for our marriage?

God said he looked at man and it was not good for him to be alone so he created female. She is bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh (Genesis)

I think most people lie to themselves a little each day.... We tell ourselves that we don't have to live with the way our spouse treats us.

Over time that lie becomes a truth we are willing to embrace, because we have told ourselves that lie for so long that we have reduced ourselves to being OK with it. So we begin to seek out other activities that we focus our affections on. Such as our children, friends, school activities our kids are involved in. All the while our marriage is slowly dying.
We believe that we can have the fairytale and when it doesn't look like the picture below we throw in the towel......

One day we wake up and realize our marriage is dead and we are frantic to know how to get rid of it or to quickly revive it. The truth is God is a God of restoration. He raised a dead man! He parted a sea so that people could walk across on DRY land! And I can tell you first hand that he can resurrect a dead or dying marriage! I will also tell you it doesn't happen over night and it takes dedication.

It isn't easy but he will show you the way if you are willing to follow his plan. His entire word is built on relationship. It is built on accountability, and love. Those are three things that are crucial in marriage as well!

God's word say.........

May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Proverbs 5:18(NIV)

I am praying this for marriages I know that are struggling today!

On Tuesday I spoke to a small group of ladies about restoration in Marriage. I was so impressed that even after several years of focusing on my marriage and my spouse that I can be so moved by the words of a woman broken for her marriage! I have resolved this week to doting on my husband! I am not looking him to repay the favor. I simply want to focus on cherishing him, because he is fearfully and wonderfully made and God has blessed him as the head of our home! He is my protector, my provider and I want to be thankful..........

How has God asked you to commit to working on your marriage?

Praying for you all to be love birds again!

Blessings~ R

Feelings are powerful!

2014-01-08T14:55:00.000-06:00

The worst battle

you have to fight

is between what

you know and

what you feel.

Cheesy BBQ Potato Skins

2014-01-07T00:00:00.001-06:00

These potato skins are great for parties, snacks or a side to a main dish

Ingredients:

6-10 Sliced potatoes
Green onion cut up, 1 to 2 bunches
real bacon pieces
16 oz. bag Shredded Colby Jack Cheese
BBQ sauce
Olive Oil to baste the potatoes

Set the oven to 350'

Slice the potatoes and mix with olive oil in a large bowl. Spread the coated potatoes evenly on a cookie sheet. Place in over for 15 minutes.

Remove from Oven and flip the potatoes. After turning them, baste with BBQ sauce of choice. I use sweet Baby Ray's or my homemade sauce. Cook for an additional 15 minutes on this side.

Remove from oven and add shredded cheese, green onion, and bacon bits return to the oven for 7-10 minutes or until golden brown and bubbly.

Remove from oven and serve with sour cream or ranch dressing

Feeds 6-8 servings depending on size of the potatoes before slicing.

TransFormation Series......F is for Feelings~

2014-01-06T00:00:00.000-06:00

Talking about feelings

helps us to understand how our husband feels

and where he is in our marriage.

Let me just start with the disclaimer that I stole from a dear friend...... My intro could probably read, "Mouth of the Midwest!" I wanted to start with that as my only segway to a tough topic for me.......

The key to talking about feelings is just that!!! They are simply feelings. We don't have to agree with how our husband feels, but we should be willing to hear how he feels. It doesn't make him right and you wrong. It simply means he feels thing, just as you do! It doesn't have to be anyone's fault that he feels good or bad about something. It might be that when you do a certain thing such as complain about the mess he leaves on the floor in the bathroom or by the backdoor, he feels that he isn't wanted or that he is creating a huge imposition for you. Maybe, it's the way you always have something to say and he rarely does so in a group of friends when he suddenly speaks up and you cut him off......It's a little bit of a surprise to both of you.... For you it is odd to hear him share something.... For him it might be a huge moment that is very important......And the fact that he was just interrupted made him feel devalued and unheard...... This later leads to him not caring about what you have to say as much as he seemed to before......Hmmmm...Yeah.... Sounds like a familiar story......Oh yeah... silly girl... It is my story!

So how did I change it? I started focusing totally on Jason. I studied him. I made notes of all of things he said. I made notes about the things he didn't say. I watched his expression. I watched his habits. I learned all over again as if this was the first time I had met him. I mean the subtle little things our spouse does. Outside of the things about them that make us crazy. For example...... Jason loves to listen to classical music. He is actually fairly well versed. I have always wanted to go to the symphony, and I now realize this is something he would love to take me to do with him! I don't have to dream about it alone. I can talk about it with him. I really know very little but Jason on the other hand...... I think it is actually something that will be more fulfilling for him than it might be fore me!

I have learned that sometimes just sitting quietly with him was the best way to communicate my love for him and to show him respect. I learned from him that by just being near him without an agenda he felt cared for and valued. He didn't have to entertain me, we could just simply be.......

The funny thing about feelings is that they hold a great amount of value to the one with the feeling, but often are misunderstood or not heard by the one that has sworn to love the most. So what am I saying??? Because I wasn't really listening to Jason I was showing him I didn't really care about his feelings!!! Yikes! Sad, but somewhat true.... I assumed since he rarely talked about how he felt or what he thought that he must not really be feeling much, however quite the opposite was true!

Jason actually is one of the most feeling people I know. He often is very quite about his feelings and keeps them mostly to himself, but he feels deeply, he is a romantic of sorts! I am so blessed that Jason could muster the courage to forgive me for being so careless with his feelings....

Be kind and compassionate to one another,

forgiving eachother,

just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32(NIV)

Tip:

Try just listening to how your spouse feels......Don't get angry, Just listen...... Having feelings is not about blaming the other person for the way you feel. Just listen. Keep that in mind as you talk....... Don't try to out feel your spouse....... Just hear them out. Knowing how your spouse is feeling can give you great insight in how to care most for and about them. listening can give you the key to effective prayer for your spouse. It can also give you insight into things that you might want to change in how you talk to or about your spouse. It might even lead to a new awareness, an apology, a deeply rekindled flame of love!

One of the silly songs Jason sometimes encourages me with when he is in a very vocal and melodious mood is "Common Baby, Light My Fire"! Thank God I finally learned how to quit putting a damper on the flame!

I pray this week would be a time for you to really hear your husband and to learn how to really "light his fire"!

Blessings~ R

The Kind of Woman

2013-12-19T15:59:00.000-06:00

LOVE.........At Christmas Time

2013-12-18T00:00:00.000-06:00

Love came down at Christmas;
Love all lovely, love divine;
Love was born at Christmas,
Stars and angels gave the sign.

Christina Rossetti

TranSformation Series......S is for Sex..... Don’t be afraid to let transformation happen in the bedroom as well.

2013-12-17T02:00:00.000-06:00

I always find sex a little bit difficult to talk about, but the fact of the matter is that making love is a crucial part of marriage and it can be a pivotal opportunity to allow God to show you how to really love your spouse in a more intimate way.

¹⁰How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much more pleasing is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your perfume
more than any spice!

Song of Solomon 4:10 (NIV)

Sometimes exploring what makes your spouse crazy in the bedroom isn’t the worst thing you can do. I’m not talking about tying them up or staring in your own films. I’m talking about taking your time...... Enjoying each other fully, whispering sweet sentiments in your spouse’s ear can really get the engine revving, if you know what I mean.

TIP:...... The time you spend engaging what makes your spouse tick outside the bedroom will also serve as a catalyst for transformation in the bedroom.

Image Matters....

I won’t tell you it’s wrong to dress in something fun.... However remember we are talking about building desire not lust..... So keep that in mind as you shop...... Find out if your husband has a specific outfit you wear that he really likes. It might be his flannel shirt with stockings... Or it might be a kitchen apron... Or the pencil skirt you wear......Or a strand of pearls accompanied by heals and your birthday suit.....

TIP:It shouldn't be about the money, instead make it about the memory. Shopping at Victoria Secret doesn't always ensure he'll be pleased.!

Sexy Foods......
Historically foods have been found to enhance sexual desire and pleasure...... For many of us simple fruits and wines are the key... But for some there are recipes that have been handed down that have also been linked to fertility patterns. Have fun with food! The old adage... The way to a a man's heart is through his stomach rings true!
Foods that will make his mouth water........

Avocados....... Melon......Figs..... Apricots.....

......Berries......Kiwi.......

.....Black beans... Sushi.......

Truffles......Dark Chocolate

Trouble with the Two Step......

I would say even if you are struggling to communicate or are working through past offenses don’t hold out in the bedroom. Ladies If you are looking to get even with your spouse or make him truly sorry the bedroom isn’t the place to do it.

Let sex be the place where you remind each other of exactly how personal, important, selfless your love can be! Sex was designed to be about intimacy....There are times when sex is more about the giving than it is about the receiving. What if we all took the attitude of “Gifting”.... The idea that “making love” is from your spouse to you and from you to your spouse. Your words and actions can make the experience all God created it to be!

I really like a book I recently read for sex and marriage.

by: Ray Rhodes

He also includes a 7 day plan to cultivating intimacy in your marriage!

Making the right sexual memories

Science tells us that for each sexual encounter we have it is imprinted on our mind, body and soul. This is why pornography can be so addicting and difficult to overcome. There are some great resources to assist if porn has been an issue of the past, such as X3 Church and some self help books, and of course therapy. Keep this in mind as you work on transformation in the bedroom.

Focus on building the right memories. I had a friend once tell me that talking about God and sex in the same sentence was wrong and really a downer. I was very surprise as God made sex... After some time pondering her statement I realized that she had admitted something very key! The world has infringed on the single most intimate interaction between a husband and wife and made is something to be on display. To make is shameful, to make it racy and a competition. It has become a sport so to speak! But no more! Ladies we can take back the bedroom and make it what God intended it to be. The adventure of making sex be fulfilling without being x rated is an art and one that is for the two of you alone! Happy Hunting!

Blessings~ R

Calzone

2013-12-16T13:38:00.001-06:00

Dough

I use the same dough that is listed on my Bierocks recipe. These are super easy to make, very filling and my family loves them! I had a total cost of $7.00 in making these.

Makes 5 calzones

Dough

2 cups warm water
2 (.25 ounce) packages active dry yeast
1/2 cup white sugar
1/4 cup margarine, softened
1 egg
2 teaspoons salt
7 cups all-purpose flour

Filling

1lb hamburger

1lb sausage

1 yellow onion

1 small can mushrooms

1/2 medium red pepper

1/2 medium yellow pepper

1 can pizza sauce or you can try my homemade pizza sauce

Four Cheese blend shredded cheese or mozzarella

Italian seasoning

Directions

Prepare dough: In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water.
Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes (unless you use instant yeast, then you don't need to dissolve or wait just add it to the dry mixture, don't forget the water) Mix in sugar, margarine, egg, salt and 1/2 of the flour. Beat until smooth; add remaining flour until dough pulls together. Place in oiled bowl. Cover with foil and refrigerate for 2 hours or overnight, OR let it rise for 1 hour.

Next fry up the meat, add onion, diced peppers, mushrooms and minced garlic half way through browning. Drain grease.

Add pizza sauce... Make sure it isn't soupy or the calzone will leak heat.

warm for 2 minutes. Pull from fire.

Let cool slightly so that it doesn't melt the dough.

Take the dough and separate into 5 balls.

Roll dough out and fill with meat mixture and sprinkle with cheese and Italian seasoning.

Fold side over and press and roll edges to seal. Sprinkle cheese on top..

Bake 3 to a sheet for 20 minutes or until golden brown.

Use a spatula to remove from the pan. Serve immediately.

Blessings ~R

Love, Languages and Chapters......

2013-12-11T02:00:00.000-06:00

Do you speak your spouse's love language?

Dr. Gary Chapman, Author of The Five Love Languages gives five key ways in which individual give and receive love. I would be remiss if I didn't share with you the Love Chapter in the middle of our Transformation Series...... I think it is never to early/late to be focused on your mate and working on your marriage.

The five concepts below are the Love Languages Dr. Chapman defines. I would recommend going through the book with your spouse or at least the questionnaire to see what you and your spouse's five love languages are! Just a tip.... over the last several years Jason and I have done the questionnaire more than once since in our marriage we have been through some major life changes, Kids, School, Career Changes... I have found my top three have been flip-flopped in different seasons of my life....

Words of Affirmation
Receiving of Gifts
Acts of Service
Quality Time
Physical Touch

Once you know your husband's love language the sky is the limit for the ways you can show him love. Even if you didn't get him to take the questionnaire you can still try some of the tips below and find out what he really likes. Regardless of what you do, the key is to continually show him love through your words, actions, efforts and busy schedules...

20 Great tips for improving the way you show love to your spouse!

Praise him in front of the kids.

Greet him at the door when he gets home–drop whatever you’re doing and go kiss him!

Make him a coffee to take with him in the morning.

Give him a backrub.

Ask him what he would enjoy doing on a date day/night? Make it about his desires and interests too!

Tell him one thing you admire about him in relation to his work–and try to make it a different thing every time you say it!

Lay out his clothes for him the night before.

Put on lipstick and fix your hair 15 minutes before he’s expected home from work (or right before you arrive home from work!).

Text him and tell him specifically what you love doing with him.

Bring him a glass of water if he’s working out in the heat.

Ask him what he’d like for dinner–let him choose the menu at least once a week.

Wear something you know he loves.

Going out to pick up an ice cream/treat with the kids? Bring him one, too–even if you went out during the day when he was at work. Save it for him, with a note, “We were thinking of you!”

Rub him dry when he gets out of the shower–and put some “manly” moisturizer cream on him, or some talcum powder. Towel dry hair for him, and tell him you just love how he smells. Granted, this one may be a little sexual.

Pray for him while you’re lying in bed–out loud. Reach out, put your arm on his, and say a sentence-or-two prayer.

Walking by him? Reach out and touch him for a second!

Rub his feet while you’re watching TV. (You can even get a cloth and wash his feet and put some cream on them, too).

Ask him his advice on something–and then follow it (without challenging him!)

Ask him to explain something about a hobby to you.

Don’t just tell him you love him–tell him WHY you love him.

Remember as you try the 20 tips, that Love is an act it is not an emotion! So if your best laid plans don't at first succeed, don't grow weary Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and focus on what God's word says about how love is modeled! You can do it! Have fun! Be creative! Most of all keep trying and keep PRAYING!

Blessings~ R

Bierocks

2013-12-10T02:00:00.000-06:00

Bierocks

Dough
2 cups warm water
2 (.25 ounce) packages active dry yeast
1/2 cup white sugar
1/4 cup margarine, softened
1 egg
2 teaspoons salt
7 cups all-purpose flour

Filling

1 pound lean ground beef

1 cup chopped onion
6 cups shredded cabbage
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 cup melted butter

Directions

Prepare dough: In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes. Mix in sugar, margarine, egg, salt and 1/2 of the flour. Beat until smooth; add remaining flour until dough pulls together. Place in oiled bowl. Cover with foil and refrigerate for 2 hours or overnight, OR let it rise for 1 hour.

In a large heavy skillet, brown meat. Add onion, cabbage, salt and simmer 30 minutes. Cool until lukewarm. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C.) Coat a cookie sheet with non-stick spray.

Punch down dough and divide into 20 pieces. Spread each piece of dough out on an un-floured surface

fill with approximately 2 tablespoons filling. fold dough over and seal edges.

Place on prepared cookie sheet and let rise for 1 hour.

Bake in the preheated oven for 25 minutes, or until golden brown.

Brush with butter and serve.

These also Freeze nicely!

Blessings ~R

N is for New Beginnings!!

2013-12-09T09:28:00.004-06:00

We are still focusing on the Transformation Series.....

When you plant a seed you plant it believing it will eventually spring forth and produce a harvest. One that might be nurturing or beautiful to the beholder. I doubt many farmers and gardeners, while planting their seeds dwell on the fears of what might not come. They focus instead on the positive outcome they are believing and praying for. They nurture the land, and tend to the weeds as well.

New beginnings was not something that came easy for Jason and I. We spent much of our time going back to the same issues, holding the same grudges and remembering, “when this happens then the following will surely ensue.” However as we found ourselves in those places, the dark recesses of our thought life.....We decided to do something about it! The bible says we can and should take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ Jesus.....It was slow at first, very intentional, but very doable! I found within days that I had more joy in my life! I had hope! I remembered how to dream again! I was even excited to see Jason each day when we got home from work....I won’t lie to you and tell you that Jason thought the new beginning we had both agreed to would even work. He will tell you that at first he only agreed to start over for our boys. But as one day lead to the next, he couldn’t deny that something was different......

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ²when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, ⁶like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:1-6 (NIV)

We were learning how to play together so to speak. We were exploring activities we both enjoyed to focus our couple time on! We became intentional again about dating each other. This didn’t include going to the movie, because going to the movie doesn’t give you time to focus on your spouse. Instead we went to the duck pond and fed the ducks! We went to a WSU basketball game together. We worked out with each other 3 days a week! We went hiking or sometimes just for an over night campout.

So how did it start? It started with lots of prayer.... of being kind even when I didn’t feel like it. It started with me doing what was right, trusting God’s plan and note giving way to fear!

Blessings~ R

Love Letters of Encouragement

2013-12-06T08:53:00.001-06:00

I am so excited to share one of the single greatest acts of love my husband has ever shown me! The holiday's are often very difficult in my home... Because my parents and Jason's parents have been married several times and there are lots of bad memories tied to some of those relationships we find that the Thanksgiving and Christmas season can be very difficult. So many people write about what they are Thankful for and I always just feel blessed to have survived the holidays and for my children to not feel the pressure that Jason and I feel to conform to our families ideals.

Jason and I have spent several years breaking some of the generational curses that are deep rooted in our family. I say it has taken some time not because God didn't want provide healing sooner but, because it took time for Jason and I to realize at times what the root of our struggle was from and to really take it to God.

This week has been tough. I have been working on my Christmas plans for our children, a few of my siblings and close friends I received a call from back home about a family matter. The matter was really of no importance however the way in which it was handled nearly shook me to my core! I was so hurt! Flor lorn that one of the people who has has always been so dear to my heart could say such hurtful things about me and without me being able to form any kind of response on my own behalf...... This was one of those things I was going to have to choose to forgive without her ever knowing how deep her comment had wounded me! To hold her accountable would most surely create a war.....

This was a place where I cried out, "Jesus it's for you"

¹I cry aloud to the Lord;
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
²I pour out before him my complaint;
before him I tell my trouble.

³When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who watch over my way.
In the path where I walk
people have hidden a snare for me.

Psalm 142:1-3(NIV)

It wasn't an hour later my lovin' man sent me the message below...........

.... Hear that sound??

It is the sound of a family tree, it roots are breaking.
It breaks Seeking the good soil God intended it to have.
It chooses to break, chooses not to feed on the crap the generations before feed off of,

chooses to manage resources in order to bear its best fruit ever in the very next season.
Yes this tree is forever changed when it's roots break,

and the fruit it produces is even better than good fruits produced in the past....
Yes this family tree's future is quite bright for choosing to break

~ Love Jason

A is for Apologizing for past offenses......... Have You Ever had to Eat Crow???

2013-12-05T09:48:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had to eat crow?

No really have you ever had to go back and apologize for something you said to your spouse that caused offense?....and once there realized that there was more apologizing that was going to ensue? I think this is an area where almost every woman if she is really honest with herself struggles. I have caught myself apologizing to Jason for one thing and at the same time feeling justified for being angry about something else..... This is the place where we are called to cleanse ourselves of all unrighteousness.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 (NIV)

So how does one accomplish that? God has worked on me to confess it to him so that I can be set free from it.

I mean really, does anyone truly enjoy being angry? I think not!

I think it is the worst feeling in the world to be in the midst of an apology while working on the next angle of where I am going to be right and Jason, wrong. We are called to leave the fight there in asking for forgiveness and submitting to it! If we focus on who will win the next round we are stuck right where we are! Forgiveness is about unity! It took me a few years to realize If our marriage isn’t thriving no one is winning! It was a Eureka Moment when I realized that Jason and I really were supposed to be on the same team. Knowing that is half the battle. Standing firm when satan tries to tear you down here often times is the other half.

Don’t worry about whether your spouse thinks you are sincere. Pray for them to be able to receive your apology after you have offered it. Sometimes in the heat of an argument Jason has held me accountable for something I have said in the past that was hurtful. I have had to take stock of what he is saying in that moment and offer a sincere apology for something I may not have realized was hurtful or misunderstood. It is in the moments after our conversation is over that I have the best opportunity to lift that apology before God and ask him to help Jason know in his heart that I really meant it and that I truly love him and want to show him respect!

There isn’t a greater feeling than when you can apologize for an offense known or unknown and move forward knowing that you are right with God, your husband and your mind and heart are clear!

Blessings~ R

Transformation Series- R is for Respect

2013-11-05T22:16:00.001-06:00

R is for Respect- What it really means to revere the man that you married!

I have to admit that respect is a word that is often hard for me to say I completely understand. I didn’t grow up in a home that showed respect. I know what it means to be respectful, but I can’t exactly tell you that I have always revered the man I married. I have struggled to write this post....

Re vere

To feel deep respect or admiration for (something).

synonyms:

respect, admire, honor, think highly of, esteem, hold in high esteem, hold in high regard, look up to, put on a pedestal, lionize, reverence

I have struggled so much that I thought I would take a week and study on Respect! I have read the Book, Love and Respect by Dr. Eggeriches. It’s a great read!

In love and respect Dr. Eggeriches talks about the CHAIRS acronym. He defines CHAIRS as the process by which a woman can achieve respect for her husband!

· C is for Conquest- this is your husband’s need to work and achieve

· H is for Hierarchy- This is about appreciating his need to protect and provide.

· A is for Authority- This is his need to serve and to lead.

· I is for Insight- This covers his need to analyze and counsel.

· R is for Relationship- This is regarding his need for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.

· S is for Sexuality- This refers to his desire for sexual intimacy.

Unconditional respect is the central theme of how a woman should treat her spouse,

according to Dr. E.

As I reviewed how I could show Jason that I respected him I realized that there are many things about him that I respect and that I needed to begin to tell him that what I respect about him. I took Dr. E’s “Respect Test”. I am happy to report success!

So how do I show Jason respect?.........

1. I appriciate his need to provide and the career field he has chosen! I take time daily to ask about how work is going for him and to listen to what is going on in his work life... I keep it interesting for myself as well. Because of my business background talking about work is often something that comes very naturally for me.

2. I have worked to step back and let Jason lead. I don't try to critique his ability to lead, I simply let him lead. there are times when I haven't always done a great job of following, so my focus in this season is to be sure that I am following his lead and not correcting his leadership abilities (This has been tough for me since I spent many years professionally coaching leaders and developing plans to ensure successful leadership development).

3. I think that in stepping back to let Jason lead has also afforded me the ability to let him provide without question. I do lovingly support his decisions, aspirations and dreams about what his career is and can become! I love visioning with him!

So where do I struggle?......

1 I struggle with understanding what shoulder-to-shoulder relationship for Jason looks like. This is something we have recently began to explore. It use to be that I would feel very left out and even angry that he needed shoulder-to-shoulder relationship...... What about me? God has done some tremendous work on my heart and my understanding of what this can mean for us as a couple....Today, we are of the mind that many of his relationships are best served in unity with me. So we typically tend to hang out in couple situations. Our friendships are based upon the couples we are close to and how our marriages can impact each other! We are still a work in progress here! I will say, God has been faithful. we are in a season of much needed and prayed for couples that we can spend quality, Godly time with! I am hopeful of the outcomes.......

2. I think understanding what sexual intimacy can be is something that looks so different for men and women. I understand the mechanics here and even feel like I am able to full-fill this need, however I have to admit that what Jason needs here is very different than what I need, and sometimes that is a painful reality for me........ I feel secure and very hopeful despite our differences as I know that this is a place that we often visit and share about our likes, and needs! We have come to a place of being very open about how we feel. This isn't about who is right, or hurting each other emotionally. This is just about desires and feelings. No judgements, simply sharing together!

As I look at Respect..... I know I am being Transformed! God is amazing!

Thank you, Lord for teaching me how to respect my husband! Please don't let a day pass that you don't remind me of the need to show him unconditional respect!- Amen

Blessings ~ R

Caramel Apples

2013-10-29T13:03:00.000-05:00

Tis the season for sweet treats!

From Krystal's Kitchen

I love making caramel apples for my family because they are sweet and indulgent, but you also have the healthy benefits of an apple.. A perfect after-school-fall-snack!! Everybody wins!

Ingredients

8 small Granny Smith apples
20oz caramel squares
1/4 cup of Orange juice
2 squares of milk chocolate almond bark
8 craft sticks
Sprinkles (your choice)

.

You will need 8 small Granny Smith apples (or 6 medium if you prefer) washed and dried

Stick craft sticks in the tops of each and unwrap all your caramels. Put them in a sauce pan on medium heat and add 1/4 cup of orange juice. Stir constantly until its to a light simmer

(Yummm)

Let the caramel cool slightly.. (And then..let the fun begin!!!!) dip, dunk, swirl, twirl, and completely cover the apple in this goo-y deliciousness! Repeat 7 more times and let them rest on parchment paper. After the apples have cooled and the caramel has hardened, melt your milk chocolate almond bark. (I used the microwave) use a fork to drizzle the chocolate on the tops of the apple, and immediately add sprinkles!!! Let them set and then.. ENJOY! Remember a (caramel) apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Blessings~ Krystal

Posting with Purpose!

2013-10-28T14:17:00.001-05:00

I have spent some time searching my soul and on my knees before God. In looking at what A Cord of Three Strands is all about I could quickly say, "It isn't all about me!" In the last few years Jason and I have been blessed to meet several amazing couples as we have journeyed to continue to improve on the marriage that God has blessed us with.

Along the path we have found a few couples who really make us feel understood, who share the vision to really see the restoration of Marraige as the biblical foundation that God spoke of.

As I write this I find myself giddy as a school girl for the next few weeks of what God is unfolding. I am working with the help of a couple of wonderful gals to share more regularly in a few key areas of this blog!

1. We will be posting a few weekly recipes to the Restoration Cafe with the help of my wonderful cousin and special friend, Krystal.
2. We will be posting more heart felt moments in God's presence: What it means to be the wife God has called us to be. I will be introducing more special ladies as the days go on!!!! So check back for more updates.
3. I feel as if God has asked me to specifically focus on the grieving spouse section in this season. I am getting calls and messages from couples in marriage crisis and I want to make sure that I am focusing some key helpful prayers, scriptures and encouragement to help with focus on this part of the journey!.

God has really asked for something for everyone in regard to focusing on the four seasons of marriage. So please look for us to share season by season some great insights and opportunity for you to share as guest if God might lead you!

Blessings~ R

Starbucks Clone Pumpkin Scones

2013-10-23T17:01:00.000-05:00

Start the Pumpkin Scones by pulsing together the dry ingredients including flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt, with warm, pumpkin pie-esque spices like cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and ginger in a large food processor. If you don’t have a food processor, just whisk them together in a big ‘ol bowl.

Next, pulse in 6 Tablespoons cold, cubed butter until the mixture is the consistency of cornmeal.

If you don’t have a food processor, use a pastry cutter or your fingertips to incorporate the butter. It will take a little bit of time, but it’ll work just fine.

Next, bust out the star of the pumpkin scones – PUMPKIN, of course! 100% pure pumpkin puree is what we’re using to flavor and color the yummy pumpkin scones, not pumpkin pie FILLING, which is already sweetened and spiced.

Combine the wet ingredients including 1/2 cup pumpkin puree, 3 Tablespooons half & half, and 1 egg in a small bowl.

Add the wet ingredients to the flour/butter mixture, then pulse until just combined. If you’re going the big ol’ bowl route, stir with wooden spoon until the mixture comes together in a ball.

Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface, knead a few times to get the dough to come together, then press it into a circle about 1″ thick. (NOTE: I made a 1/2 batch for these pics, so I just did a half circle!)

Next, bust out your trusty pizza cutter. Cut the full circle in half, then cut each half into 3 wedges.

Place the wedges onto a parchment paper-lined baking sheet, then pop into a 425 degree oven to bake for 14-16 minutes, or until they’re just starting to turn golden brown.

After pulling the scones from the oven, cool them completely on a wire rack. I placed mine in front of our back door so the cool breeze would help them along. Worked like a charm!

Once the scones are cool, stir together the plain white glaze that coats the outside of each scone. Simply stir together 1 cup + 1 Tablespoon powdered sugar, with 2 Tablespoons half & half in a bowl.

Then drizzle over each scone! Yummy!

Transformation Series: T is for Time....

2013-10-02T13:17:00.000-05:00

T- is for Time with your spouse and with God

As I worked through what transformation might look like. God spoke to me in a way that really drew me to him. He simply asked me to spend time in his presence with Jason. He didn't ask for any set schedule.....Just invite the engagement. The first time I tried this I had been in my prayer closet for a couple of hours. During that time our house was under major construction so my prayer closet had been relocated to the center of our main living room floor. I sometimes start my prayer time with praise music when my heart is heavy but I am not sure what to pray about. This particular evening was no different I think I had brother Franklin playing on my computer and was crying out to God when Jason walked in our front door home early from class.... He stopped and watched me for a few minutes while I prayed. After a few minutes I asked if he wanted to pray with me and he said yes. Here was my chance. We sat together in the living room floor expecting God to meet us there....And He did! We both felt the Holy Spirit's presence. We felt like we were experiencing the perfect will of God. I will tell you I have never experienced Unity like I did during that evening! It was an awesome experience. By the time it was over we were both pretty emotional and drawn closer together. I'm not sure I could pinpoint any one thing that really changed in those minutes with God but I can tell you that after it as I look back it was a time where God wove us closer to each other and closer to him.

A therapist once drew the diagram of God and us in marriage as a triangle. God is the top point of the triangle and we are the left and the right angles. As we strive to focus on God and become more Christ like we lean into our spouse for support our balance is aligned and the marriage of the two becoming one is fulfilled through the unity of the triangle. It takes all three points of the triangle working together for it to maintain it's purpose....

In our busy world it can be so easy to overlook the most simple but very important components of marriage, Time. Time with God is crucial and essential to growth. The same can be said of a marriage. If you don't spend time with your spouse the flame will flicker and burn out. The fire of marriage is no different than any other fire. It must be tended and maintained in order to be steady and to grow.

Being Tranformed: Series

2013-09-30T09:35:00.001-05:00

Over the next few posts we are going to focus on Transformation and how it applies to marriage! After Jason and I decided we didn't want to finalize our divorce in 2007 we had to make a conscious decision to save our marriage. I know that may sound silly but it's true. Staying in a marriage is not the same as deciding to fight for your marriage! We needed a transformation, but neither of us realized just how true that was.....God was faithful to overhaul some of the darkest recesses in our lives. He even went into some of the places we never let anyone see, including our spouse!

I want to encourage you to get comfortable to hang in here with me and to go through the transformation process that God took Jason and I through. Each day I will post 1 topic for the next letter in the word T-R-A-N-S-F-O-R-M-A-T-I-O-N

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Being Tranformed = No More Garbage Dumping

2013-09-27T15:41:00.000-05:00

As I spent some time before God this week he reminded me about the time several years ago when Jason and I were going through a very rough season in our Marriage. We had very little in common, or so it seemed and we spent much of our free time focused solely on the kids or on independent activities. It was during this time that we both did quite a bit of garbage dumping. Garbage in = Garbage out! When we actually spent time together we treated eachother with very little regard, we complained quite a bit and never seemed to be satisfied with eachother or ourselves. I wish I could tell you it was the Moody Blues or that it was due to the stress of a little overtime work.

The fact of the matter was it was due to the fact that we were not in relationship! To put it simple we were not in relationship with the Father, God, and we certainly were not in relationship with each other. You see when we fill our mind with things of this world all of the time, there is still a void in our soul. God created us to be interdependent beings. To need relationship. To need him! To be incomplete with out him! And to be incomplete without our spouse (Mark 10:8-10).

and the two will become one flesh.’^c So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:8-10 (NIV)

God's desire is for us to live as a beacon of light to a dark world (John 8:12). To stand for him and to be a representation of Jesus to the world. We are not suppose to follow the world, but to stand out and to look different than the world.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Even in our Marriages. Marriage in the Church is called to look different than that of the world. We are called to love one another, just as Christ loved the church. To forgive as Christ also forgave us. For Marriage to be the Oath that we cling to as we remember the Cord of three. God, our spouse and us. Let's take the first step in Transformation together!

Blessings,
R

When Push Comes to Shove........ And His Love Language!

2013-09-25T14:29:00.001-05:00

We are at that place in my house.......Dare I say it?..... It's time to clean out closets, hide holes, junk drawers, and the like..... My husband has informed me over the years that this is not his strength however when I do this at the transition of each season into fall he really loves it! I mean he really feels loved when I take the time to clean out the junk, reset the clothes for kids, straighten out the extra tools that need to return to their home in the garage...... It is one of his primary love languages. I think in The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, it is described under acts of service... This is that little service for him that keeps him sane at home. He likes things to be organized, but doesn't often have the time to get it organized. He also doesn't like to look for things for very long. So everything having a home is very beneficial to him and helps him feel loved, secure and cared for.
I wonder if we take the time to speak our spouse's love language as often as we should.

Just last night Jason held me while I cried about the stress I feel in going back to school and the fear I feel of if I will still be a good mother and wife, and the identity crisis that has ensued as I am morphing from my career in Human Resources in to a passion for people and getting to the heart of the matter! Jason encouraged me, he heard me and he said he was sorry I was struggling. I didn't want him to fix me I just wanted to know he cared and for him to listen to my heart. He held me while I cried and I felt very loved and cared for! It is those little things we do for our spouse and they do for us that really make marriage work! As I talked to a sweet friend this week, I remembered a time when Jason and I were not doing so good and we didn't bare each other's burdens, we didn't care for each other's needs and it was very lonely....I try diligently to be sensitive to the Holy Spirits leading when it comes to caring for my honey.

Blessings
R

Are you an Encourager or a Discourager

2013-09-20T13:58:00.000-05:00

I met with a dear friend this week and was reminded as we prayed together for our spouses that we have the ability to be encouraging to our mate or to be discouraging.

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.

Matthew 12:25 (NIV)

I stopped for a minute to question. Am I an encourager or a discourager? Do I show Jason that I believe in him? Does he know that I stand behind his decisions? God brought three scriptures to my mind. The first had to do with how I talk about my spouse!!! Ladies this is crucial. How we speak about our husband relays to people around us what we feel consciously and unconsciously.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4;29 (NIV)
Even more serious than that is the fact the spoke word is used in the war in the heaven-lies. we can either use our words to give power to the demons or to the angels.

The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

We are called to stand beside our men. To go into our prayer closets and to intercede on behalf of our families to go to God in times of distress and to put our all on the alter so to speak. Now don't get me wrong I am not saying we need to be door mats. I am simply saying that if you cannot come to a common ground in a decision with your spouse you need to take it to the Lord in prayer.

The husband is the head and so as wives we are called to submit to that authority. There was a time in our marriage when I would have fought Jason to get my way, where I might have even pouted about the decision that was made, even if I got my way. But that day has passed. As I said earlier in today's blog I still check myself to be sure I am sensitive to God's leading in this area. I am a strong personality and always want to be sure I am submitting without reservation! We can go to our prayer closets as a part of that submission and ask God to help us to be of one mind in this decision as we should be. God will change you or him or maybe both of you. Either way it will be a winning situation because if we go with God we cannot fail!

Go with God,

Rechelle

Enough is Enough

2013-09-10T20:58:00.001-05:00

There was a time.........
I've been to the place in my marriage where enough was enough....... I had taken all I could in the marriage and I knew my marriage was in trouble. I have a friend who is going through that place right now. Recently we talked and I asked her if she had taken all she could in the marriage?..... She state she had. "Good!" I said, "Now that you have taken all that you can lets turn the table ever so slightly and try giving it all you've got!"
Pray for your spouse! Pray for yourself. I'm not talking the ABC prayers that make us feel better at the end of a rough day when we are ready to throw in the towel. I am talking about really praying the word of God over your marriage, over both you and your spouse. Does it really matter who is at fault? Isn't getting it worked out all that matters? Aren't there times when you really just want to be able to say, "Honey I love you and I don't care about the car bumper and the dinner dishes can wait."

God wants to help us sort out all of the lost feelings of love we have often abandoned in the need to be Right! to be heard! Well what about commitment? What about the vows we each made, many of us standing in a church before God? Those vows are sacred. We made an oath! The bible says God will hold us accountable for the oaths we make before him. I was pretty distraught when I realized that. I had done everything right in my marriage........well, almost.

God quickly reminded me that thinking I was right was the place where I went wrong! There are always two sides to any coin. Two perspectives in any situation. The key isn't to be right, it is to be committed to the realization that love is not an emotion it is a Decision and that the decision you made to marry, you will be held accountable for, for better or for worse! So how do you work it out???? Prayer! Let me say it again, Prayer!! Plain and simple. The bible says that, "the fervent effectual prayers of a righteous man accomplish much"! James 5:16
To tag on to the last two prayer posts. Praying scripture over yourself and your spouse is possibly the most effective way to restore a relationship, to protect it, to grow it, to see it be transformed.

Quit focusing on all of the things your spouse has done wrong and start thinking of one thing YOU can do right!

See an excerpt from the marriage saving scriptures packet below.

(Help us to build each other up, not tear each other down.)

Romans 14:19 So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.

Romans 15:5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus,

(Help us to rejoice in each others company)

Proverbs 5:18 18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Check back each day this week as I post more of how to transform a lack luster marriage!

Rechelle