Blaster

As If Viewed From Afar

2011-09-16T12:33:00.002-05:00

Image via Wikipedia

It was the only patch of ice on an endless sidewalk
I fell, cracked my head
and woke up here
Do you know me? Do I like you?
I need some advice. Does this tie match?

"What are you trying to match?
That will tell us everything about who you are
and where you belong."

I know that a Windsor knot is classic
Is it fashionable?
There were bands I liked but
nothing here sounds familiar
I knew a woman who spoke in tongues
that I could understand but
she is not answering her phone.
My guitar is here but
I can't tune it.

"What are you trying to play?
That will tell us everything about who you are
and where you belong."

Do you know my name?

Her Own Design

2011-09-14T05:27:00.001-05:00

We talked forever
And She laughed at me
I trusted in God
She thought me a fool

She walked out into the sea
Not once looking back at me

Walking into waves
that would lift her up
to a heaven that was
of her design

She walked out into the sea
Not once looking back at me

On September 11th.

2011-09-11T13:03:00.004-05:00

Image via Wikipedia

Alright, then.
It is September 11th, 2011.

Go on and lift your toy flags and sparklers high up to Your Version Of Heaven. Praise God and The United States of America. Go to church and let your Patriotic Preacher baptize you not in the Blood of Christ but the blood of the Patriots Who Died On 9/11. Patriots such as the Muslim, Hispanic and African-American Firefighters. The Chinese business executives, clerks and copy assistants. Those from all races, colors, creeds and sexual orientation who died so suddenly, so tragically, so needlessly.

Go on and praise Your Version Of America, the one that has lost its Middle Class and become a nation of the Ultra-Rich and the Working Poor. The one that has been abandoned by politicians and left to become an oligarchy. The one that gives you a 24 hour news channel that spews hate, racism and bigotry around the clock. The One That You Swear By.

Yes, indeed. Praise Your Version Of America, the one that bullies gay kids, denies equal rights to gay couples and villainizes the GLBTQ community as the "plague that is destroying YOUR Great Nation from within." The one that demonizes American born Muslims and refuses them the right - the Constitutional RIGHT - to worship as they please in the mosques you will not allow them to build.

Yes, Mr. & Ms. Patriot. Celebrate and commemorate the biggest bloodbath ever inflicted by an enemy on American Soil. Sing "God Bless America" until your fucking noses bleed. Lift those toy flags and sparklers up to Your Version Of Heaven - the one without 'Spics', 'Niggers', 'A-Rabs', 'Queers' or anyone else that YOUR GOD deems unworthy of admittance.

And....When YOUR Rapture happens, we will be here, smiling happily as we go about cleaning up the god-awful mess you've left and building a better world for those who believe in this:

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Quickly Written, Sincere

2011-09-09T20:36:00.001-05:00

Sparks fly through the air from
One tower to the next
Pastures are set ablaze
Sending out messages
that the slow will misread
The tremors more frequent,
the landscape is shifting
nights filled with cheap beer and
starlit desperation
are drawing to a close.

It's SATIRE, People

2011-09-07T20:37:00.002-05:00

I can picture opening a Thrifty Nickel, Penny Saver, Greensheet... whatever your local advertising rag is called and seeing this ad, posted by a fat, stupid, ignorant Tea-Bagger in a t-shirt, suspenders and a "GO BACK TO KENYA" gimme-cap. He'll be standing outside his store that day, waving toy flags and sparklers, wanting nothing more than to make a buck by exploiting a national day of mourning. (He won't see it that way, of course; he's just a patriotic bidnissman.)
I will sit quietly this Sunday, remembering every detail of that morning as if it were happening again. I will say prayers for those affected by the events of the day and the years following. I will save my special prayers for those who need nothing more in life than others to hate and blame for all that has gone wrong and, also, for Fox News, for creating so many "villains" on whom to train the hatred and blame.

Also? Credit and great thanks to my friend and brother, Brian Clapper, for creating the poster!

Ashes, Now

2011-09-05T17:43:00.000-05:00

http://peggyapl.blogspot.com/2010_08_01_archive.html

Unlike any I have seen before
a newspaper photo
The young girl with long, dark hair
framing an angel's face
The disembodied voice came through
speaking only to me
Or, so I chose to believe
in my drink-driven lust

I did what I could to hold her here
Ashes, now, on my tongue
She moves in a realm unknown
by the likes of outcasts
She, fearless and frightened at once
Untethered, unaware
that I could make her laugh
but could not make her cry

And Now We Are Three...

2011-09-03T10:02:00.000-05:00

It was September 3rd, 2008, when I sat down at the keyboard with the vague idea for a blog that would serve as a journal, a writing notebook and a way to stay in touch with friends.
I began typing that first post and, three years later, I'm still trying to find out what, if anything, this blog should be saying to the world. Much like the author, it sort of stumbles blindly along, getting bits and pieces of work set down in print, the occasional gem amid the dross and, on rare occasion a surprisingly good post.

I neglect this blog, on occasion and not because I dislike it. I have two other blogs and an online radio station to deal with and sometimes, I just haven't the necessary inspiration to come up with anything at all interesting. Still, it has been a fun three years and, as I am turning the reins of Egg Radio over to the beautiful and very talented Shinigami Senpai, I will have more time to write for the two blogs that are closest to my heart: Blaster and my blog for classic rock, Methuselah's Gramophone.

I just wanted to take a few moments to say thank you to those who have been with me for three years, those who have been kind and patient and especially those who helped see me through one of the very worst times of this life, the suicide of my friend/brother, Sancrist Martin, back on January 3rd of this year. I would not have made it without you and I mean that with all of my heart.

New adventures are coming, as I begin a weird, new chapter of my already weird existence, so hang in there. The fun is just beginning.

An E For Effort, I Suppose.

2011-08-30T23:37:00.005-05:00

Less poet than poetaster, am I. I know nothing of the rules... to me, Iambic Pentameter was a band that the one guy was in before he was in that other band, Pythagorean Theorem. I make word salads that I hope make sense. Kind of like a pre-school fingerpainting that looks like something to ME, dammit. So, shut up.

Here I stand
with knees crumbling
back aching,
hands hardened
heart breaking
Eyes toward heaven
boots in the mire
Despair the deep ocean
that has drowned
my desire
Still,
I sit on its shore
as the tide washes in
and I pray that sweet Ana
comes home
once again

I will never put my hands out to
the Bible Black Winter Sky
Steal from the Heavens
the moon and stars, so to
place them in her cradled arms
Never cause her breath to catch
Her heart to race
nor to break
like the waves
on this forsaken shore.

The BEST Dr. Drew Has His Own Website. It's About Time!

2011-08-09T20:18:00.000-05:00

Being a somewhat modest sort, I'm not one to brag or drop names - well, not unless I'm really trying to impress you - but I am very proud to have made the acquaintance of (soon-to-be) Doctor Drew Morton. I followed his work for years on Pajiba (still an excellent movie and pop culture site), where he quickly became my favorite among the many who toiled there. He spoke a language I could understand and appreciate; even when we disagreed over the merits of a particular film, it was always interesting to read his thoughtful, intelligent and very well-informed reviews.

I think it is long overdue but a wonderful thing to announce that Drew has taken his work to a self-owned website called The Cinema Doctor and, by clicking the link, you can go to his first post. After that, read quickly and catch up because the man is genuinely intelligent, articulate and able to discuss any type of medium that may catch your interest. So, why start a new blog, when so many exist? In two words, integrity and ethics. Drew is first and foremost a journalist and believes that the rules still apply. In his own words: "I do not believe in set visits, free swag (unless the "free" means the product being reviewed like a film or DVD), and I do not believe in partying with my subjects". When he writes, you can be assured that he isn't beholden to any studio exec, pr hack or movie insider "pals" who feed him carefully worded "exclusives". He is a "pro's pro" in the best sense of the term.

As far as topics... well, again, in his own words: "(Y)ou'll find musings on the newest blockbuster releases, retrospective reviews of classics and cult films, reviews of the latest foreign fare, think pieces on comic books, and frustrated rants about video games".

I'm pretty proud of my acquaintance with Drew Morton and I strongly encourage you to take a short hop over to The Cinema Doctor and be entertained, informed and just a better all-around person.
(No, really!)

An Imagined (But Probable) Conversation

2011-07-31T18:19:00.000-05:00

"Man, sugar sure is expensive these days"

"Yeah, it's hard to turn a profit when your main ingredient is sugar and if you try to raise the price, you run the risk of losing market share. Tough times, alright."

"I was doing a little research. Y'know what's NOT expensive? High fructose corn syrup."

"Dude. No way we can use that stuff. God only knows what the long term effects are on human physiology*. Besides, it'll make the product taste funny. It AIN'T sugar. No way."

"No, no... hear me out. I've got a wicked fucking plan. Let's say that we make a HUGE deal out of re-inventing the formula! We'll make a big announcement that, by mid-year, production of the old formula ends and only the new formula will be available for sale. We'll make it sound like something that people will LOVE. In the meantime, sales of our current formula go through the roof because people will be hoarding the stuff!"

"Mmmmm... okay. Then what?

"We start mixing up batches of the old formula using high fructose corn syrup instead of sugar and announce that 'due to consumer demand', we're bringing back the "Classic" formula! They'll come flocking back like droves of sheep! They'll be so happy to have the old formula back that they'll scarcely notice the difference."

"Jesus, Frank... I knew you were an evil genius but I didn't know that you were sleeping with Satan. One question, though. What if people LIKE the new formula?"

"I've thought of that, too. It's simple. We make it taste like Pepsi."

And THAT, friends, is my theory on how High Fructose Corn Syrup became an acceptable substitute for sugar, right under our noses and with our full consent.
Drink up!

* In the U.S., HFCS is among the sweeteners that have primarily replaced sucrose (table sugar) in the food industry. Factors for this include governmental production quotas of domestic sugar, subsidies of U.S. corn, and an import tariff on foreign sugar; all of which combine to raise the price of sucrose to levels above those of the rest of the world, making HFCS less costly for many sweetener applications. Critics of the extensive use of HFCS in food sweetening argue that the highly processed substance is more harmful to humans than regular sugar, contributing to weight gain by affecting normal appetite functions, and that in some foods HFCS may be a source of mercury, a known neurotoxin.

Cathedrals Of Knowledge, Portals Out Of Poverty

2011-07-29T11:55:00.003-05:00

While enduring a rather horrific childhood, I was blessed with the ability to read and comprehend at the age of three. Books helped build a refuge, an unassailable fortress to which a badly damaged little boy could escape and live, a place far better than his troubled home.
As reading was not a huge priority among my adult relatives, there were only a few books scattered about the various, ramshackle dwellings we inhabited but I devoured every one of them. Erskine Caldwell's novel, "God's Little Acre", was probably inappropriate reading for someone so young but no one seemed to care as long as I was quiet and out of the way.

My world and my happiness increased exponentially when my grandmother, impressed by the good looks and charm of a door to door salesman (she was only 37 at the time and quite a looker, so she may have "negotiated" the price") bought a set of World Book encyclopedias. My introduction to these founts of information changed my world. Suddenly, I was able to find out why airplanes could fly and would test the Bernoulli principle by sticking my hand out the window of our old Nash Rambler. I discovered that the chewing gum I would sometimes get as a treat came from chicle trees in South America. I pored over the transparent overlays of the human body and reveled over how complicated our insides were. I learned of the Civil War and the events leading up to it and I chose Abraham Lincoln as my all time hero, followed closely by Winston Churchill for his defiance of the Nazis in the darkest hours of the Blitz. One of the most important things that I discovered while going through these marvelous books was that, even as a child, the work of Vincent Van Gogh could evoke strong emotions in my tiny, damaged soul. When I turned a page and saw, for the first time, "Starry Night"... my world changed. I felt immediately what Van Gogh must have felt as he painted this masterpiece and that feeling, that joy and sadness has stayed with me through this lifetime.
As I grew older, the discovery of the public library near our home became my new fortress, a place where the abuse and subsequent shame would vanish from memory as I lost myself in the amazing works of authors new and old, classic and modern literature, Jack London and Isaac Asimov. I would go in after school and stay until forced to leave; in Summer, I would greet the lady librarian at the door and spend entire days in Paradise. I'm not certain but I think that she would have adopted me if only she could have. I can't recall her name but she doted on me and would recommend titles to me on a daily basis. I cannot thank her enough for being such a profound influence on my life and beliefs.
Had that shelter not been there, had I not had access to this magical world, I don't know that I would have so easily escaped the white trash world of my youth.
The world has changed much since then and libraries are considered by some politicians to be luxuries that we can do without. Perhaps they do not realize that not everyone has access to the internet, can afford to purchase books, magazines and music; that, for many - as it was for me - the library is a "fortress of solitude" a place where young minds can escape the dingy, dreary, heartbreaking world of childhood and expand their horizons far beyond a broken down mobile home or ghetto apartment. It is a place where dreams are inspired and hope is born in hearts that have little else. It would be an act of extreme cruelty to close these doors to those most in need of hope.
So, if you will, let those who run your city know that you will not stand for anyone who would lock the doors of these cathedrals of knowledge.
Save the future for those who will seize it.

God Made The Rainbow, Too, Y'all.

2011-06-17T22:53:00.002-05:00

Image via Wikipedia

(Reader Alert: There is some salty language in use here but it fits in the context of the story and is necessary to making the point. My apologies and appreciation of your tolerance.)

Sometimes, I'll hear a conservative religious fundamentalist condemning members of the GLBTQ community, using selected passages from the Bible as weapons. I am a firm believer in God and Christ but have no use for "organized religion" because they tend to warp the meaning of God's Word to further their corporate agendas, claiming that their interpretation of His words are reason enough to attack their fellow human beings who also happen to be God's Children, whether they like it or not.
Most of these people are not terribly intelligent and I know this because, until I was fifteen years old, I attended "their" churches, lived in their neighborhoods and, I'm sorry to say, called many of them aunts, uncles and cousins. I know of what I speak.
That said, if I were to explain the truth to them, in language they could understand and relate to, it would go something like this:

Here's the simple explanation, y'all.

God made us and wanted us to worship him by being just like him. Adam & Eve screwed the pooch on that deal right off the bat. So they begat and begat, their youngun's begatted some more and there you go - worldful of people. People, being like they are, went about the business of sinning, so God said "FINE, y'all. Disobey me and I'll smite the Me-Damned hell outta ya. So, he did. People still sinned even after he flooded the place! They didn't learn, even though he'd given them ten easy to remember commandments and a whole users manual of rules! Crazy sinners!

Thankfully, for us, God woke up one day, looked down and said "Dear Me, people, how hard can it be, really?" Being God and all, he could make his own kid through whom to live vicariously on Earth, so that whole Mary & Joseph thing happened and up jumped the Jesus, who was also God on earth. Jesus saw lots of sinnin' goin' on but didn't get pissed and smite people (except for the moneychangers - he fucked them up REAL hard). He talked a LOT about love and forgiveness and watching out for your fellow man and all the things that we oughta be doing but, if we don't, s'okay, cause if we believe in God he'll forgive us. Y'know why? Cause Jesus (aka God on earth) had the living shit tempted out of him by Satan and figured out that if it was dang near impossible for a perfect being to resist temptation, what chance did everyday assholes like us have? None, that's the chance.

So, all things considered, God put together a new book of rules, a new covenant, if you will, which pretty much supersedes yer Judges and Leviticus's and the rest of the old book. Once people realized that they weren't doomed to hell just for being human, they warmed up to the whole idea and after that, this whole Christian religion thing took off and has done okay for itself.

Now, the fact that a buncha kooks wanna pick and choose which parts of the new and old rulebooks to use in deciding what's sin and what isn't keeps me from embracing any kind of organized religion. It's cool. I love 'em anyway cause that's what you do. Heck I even pray for them, which probably pisses them off. I pray that they'll pull their heads out of their asses and see that Jesus didn't die on that cross because he thought it would be a kick. He did it so we would know that the RULES HAD CHANGED.

So, radical Christian Fundamentalists, quit being dick warts and join the civilized world.

Okay?

Thanks.

Jake and Lilah, An Excerpt, Part Two

2011-05-29T00:36:00.000-05:00

"It's like this, Lilah. A man lives his life grasping at things that aren't there. Does that make sense? I mean, it should, because it's pretty god-damned simple, really. Think about when you were a little fucker, just runnin' around in ignorance of all that was about to happen. You'd be runnin' through a vacant lot, mindless and ignorant and, all of a sudden, you'd see a snake. Not a rattler or anything like that, just a garter snake, some helpless, ignorant critter, no smarter or more stupid than you. You'd run along behind it, trying like hell to catch it, reaching out and trying to grab the damned thing and coming up with nothing but a handful of air from where it was, where it should have been. A handful of air, Lilah. It's what most of us end up with in this life. We chase that fucking snake through an empty lot until the day we die and when they bury us, a preacher says "He was a good man who worked hard".

2011-05-10T03:19:00.000-05:00

I have never had a better friend in this life than my guitar. It is always there for me. When I am uninspired, it tolerates me and when I am playing well, it rewards me. I speak to it through my fingers and it answers back in a fuzzy growl or sweet, clear tones. It doesn't answer all of my questions but it answers enough of them. More importantly, it provides a voice when I am too sad to speak out loud.

So, I've Got This Blog... And Tris Speaker's Picture

2011-05-02T20:43:00.001-05:00

Tris Speaker, Cleveland Indians, 1920

And damned if I know what to do with it.

Running Egg Radio and writing for the music blog take up a lot of my free time and, frankly, keep me from being all mopey and pathetic. Still, I have the urge to write about something other than music.

For example, there's a whole LOTTA stuff going on in the big wide world... but lots of people write about those things and do it very well.

So, lemme tell ya about a gift given to me by my good friend and "little brother", Stubby Stubblefield. Stubby works for his local newspaper, The Cleburne (Texas) Times-Review and, while perusing a store room one day, he came across an old sepia-toned photo of Cleburne's minor league baseball team, The Cleburne Railroaders. Knowing that I am a hardcore baseball fanatic, he sent the picture to me. Naturally, I loved it; had it framed and put it on the wall above my desk.

One day, out if idle curiosity, I did some research on the Cleburne Railroaders and, as it turns out, they have quite a story. Forming and playing their one and only season in 1906, the 'Roaders tore up the Texas League that year and won the championship with a LOT of help from future big leaguer and Hall of Famer, Tris Speaker. Speaker was a raw kid and the Railroaders became the first team he played with as a "professional" player. The slugging outfielder, who had great range and a well above average glove, is considered one of the finest fielders of all time... and thanks to my pal, I have a picture of Speaker, standing straight and proud, with his teammates from the 1906 Texas League Champion Cleburne Railroaders.

I have some pretty awesome friends and one amazing little brother, y'all.

More To Come.

An Excerpt

2011-03-19T09:22:00.004-05:00

"Swear to God, Lilah... it's sure as sin that loneliness will kill a man, just like a bullet will. If you think on it some, a bullet in the brain is better. Loneliness is a slow, lingering death that saps out your hopes, your dreams and your spirit, 'til there's nothing left but a shell that crumbles into dust. Nothing left behind; no trace of a life lived.
Now, you tell me, Lilah, what's the better cure for loneliness? Is it another shot of this shit whiskey or a .44 slug?
Tell, the truth, now. I've got to make plans."

I've Been Away For A While.

2011-01-07T10:48:00.000-06:00

It has been a very long, sad week.
A friend's death is always difficult but when that friend, who is really more family than friend, takes his own life in a brutal, violent fashion, it is especially heartbreaking.
I'll be back in a while.
In the meantime, please be patient.
I'll be back, soon.

A Venn Diagram Detailing My Love Life

2010-12-30T20:35:00.000-06:00

Sigh.

America's (Crappiest) Team... Well, Almost

2010-12-28T17:33:00.001-06:00

Image via Wikipedia

Before the start of the 2010 NFL season, The Dallas Cowboys were an easy pick to host the Super Bowl in Jerry's Spaceship. Coming off an 11-5 season that saw the rise of talented young players like Alan Ball, Doug Free, Jason Williams, Mike Jenkins and Anthony Spencer made the 2010 defensive squad look like one of the most dominant units in the NFC. Tony Romo at QB would have great targets like Jason Witten, Miles Austin and rookie Dez Bryant plus a running corps that featured the fleet Felix Jones, the nifty Tashard Choice and the bruising Marion Barber. What wasn't to like about a team that had a core of vets on both sides of the line? Guys like DeMarcus Ware, Marcus Spears, Orlando Scandrick, Keith Brooking... and on and on. Yeah, they were an easy pick as the first team that would have the honor of hosting the Super Bowl on their home turf.
SO... what the fuck happened?
It would be easy to place the blame on Wade Phillips and his coaching style. Some say he was too soft, that he coddled his superstars and refused to call them out for poor play and bad on-field decisions. He was also the defensive coordinator, so, sure we can blame it on him,to a degree.
You have to put some blame on "The Red-Headed Jesus", offensive coordinator Jason Garrett. He mismanaged the running game, spent way too much time trying to keep the highly overrated Roy Williams happy and the use of Dez Bryant on kick returns was just plain stupid. Granted, the team has played somewhat better since Garrett took over as Head Coach but that is primarily due to guys trying to hang on to their jobs for next season and Garrett has some huge decisions to make regarding players who significantly regressed in 2010. Miles Austin? Orlando Scandrick? Igor Olshansky, Alan Ball and the especially disappointing Mike Jenkins? The D-Line is being bulldozed on running plays and the secondary is routinely scorched.
Let's not leave our boys on Special Teams out of this. Jerry's decision - and, yes, it WAS his decision - to have David Buehler handle kick-offs and field goals was a horrible choice. The fact that Buehler missed an extra point in a crucial situation was embarrassing to any Cowboys fan. Toss in a raft of idiotic penalties that hurt the team's field position time and again and you really have to question just how much control Joe DeCamillis has over these knuckleheads.
So, here we sit, looking at what will likely be a 5-11 season if, as expected, Mike Vick and the Eagles completely undress the secondary in the season finale. Jerry Jones is likely going to make The Red-Headed-Jesus his permanent head coach, especially with the lockout looming, and he's already making statements like "we don't see a need to rebuild with the talent that this team has on the roster".
Based on that statement, we may look back at 2010 and fondly remember winning five games.

Related articles

Something*Positive, Again

2010-12-27T13:32:00.000-06:00

Randy Milholland is funnier than 99% of other web comic artists because he really doesn't care if you're offended by his work. Go read his comic, okay?

The Goddess Delivers For Her Love Pigs!

2010-12-24T03:57:00.001-06:00

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

I have been madly in love with Judy Tenuta for a very long time.
Yeah, I know she's not everyone's cuppa comedy but her bizarre stage appearance and outrageous jokes, combined with the rapport she builds with an audience makes her a tremendous performer. Add to that the fact that she's now 56 and STILL gorgeous and it's easy to see why so many follow her career.
She's just released a new video that rips the shit out of today's pop "superstars" and it will crack up yer ass .
Just watch!

Hyperbole And A Half

2010-12-22T01:23:00.003-06:00

Or, Why Allie Brosh Makes Me Want To Partney
Webcomic? Not exactly. Blog? No, it's more than that.
Blog Comic? Illustrated Blog?
Yeah, it's those things and more.
It's called Hyperbole and a Half and in this odd hybrid, Allie Brosh combines stories of her life, both past and present, with what some describe as "crude drawings". Look a bit closer and you'll see the work of a talented artist who makes the simplicity of her drawings work in a way that perfectly compliment the hilarious stories she tells. From her successful attempt as a four year old to "eat ALL the cake" meant for her Grandfather's birthday, an unsuccessful attempt at convincing her "Moum" that she was okay enough to attend her friend's birthday "partney" after oral surgery and relocating her dogs to a new city where they encountered snow, Brosh combines tremendous wit, self-deprecating humor and those amazing drawings to keep an untold legion of fans coming back for more.
I love the fact that this legion of fans (me, included) have picked up catch phrases from the various stories and can toss them around on the internet to great comic effect. Asking if someone can take you to the "parp". Wondering if we "have to clean ALL the things". (Well, WE think it's funny, dammit.)
Okay. The way I've described it may make you wonder if I am in possession of my senses. Trust me on this one, folks. Allie Brosh is worth your time.
I'd tell you a lot more about the author... but this is from her "about me" page.
**********************************************************************************

About

Hi. I'm Allie.

If I had to explain myself in six words, those words would be "heroic, caring, alert and flammable." That's only four words. Oh well, I guess I should have thought of that before I started writing. Too late now.

Here, I drew you a picture of a unicorn:

You're welcome.

This is probably the least informative about page ever.

**********************************************************************************

And now, you know as much about Allie Brosh as I do! I'm thinking that she's pretty protective of her privacy and that's okay, too. Just go read and enjoy, will ya? Start with this one and work your way around.

Oh, it's definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK if your company has a

NO Laughing Hysterically Policy in place.

The South Will Rise Again... Just Like My Gorge.

2010-12-21T00:36:00.001-06:00

Image via Wikipedia

Haley Barbour is the current Governor of Mississippi and he would really, really like to be the next President of the United States. Nothing wrong with that, right? Hell, this is America, where any young man or woman can aspire to greatness... well, except in Haley Barbour's vision of America.
Y'see, Governor Barbour may have just a wee touch of racism in his psychological make-up.
He's also a fat, lying bastard.
Wanna know more about a man that many GOP power-brokers are viewing as a very likely presidential candidate for 2012? Just watch these clips from tonight's Rachel Maddow Show and The Last Word With Lawrence O'Donnell.
Warning: Keep a wastebasket handy.
You might feel a little ill

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Yeah, He ACTUALLY Said This Today

2010-12-20T15:20:00.002-06:00

Image via Wikipedia

Ordinarily, I wouldn't trade a healthy morning shit for what this bloated, obnoxious, drug-addicted propagandist has to say and wouldn't give him any attention on this blog... but today's broadcast, which Media Matters was kind enough to make available, set me off. How dare this bilious gasbag defame anyone who supports the rights of American men and women - regardless of sexual orientation - to serve in our country's military? The closest this slug has ever been to military service is time spent jerking off to John Wayne movies.
Look, I've always been a firm believer in hearing both sides of an argument and there was a time when I would listen to Limbaugh just to see what he was selling but, wow, dude went off the very deep end many years ago and now I think it's a contest between Beck, O'Reilly, Hannity & Limbaugh to see who can out-crazy the others.
You need to hear the words coming from the man's mouth.
May God have mercy on his shriveled soul.

Yeah, I Posted This On My Other Blog, Too

2010-12-19T19:52:00.000-06:00

Heartbroken Boppers

So, a pal of mine says to me the other day "Hey, Doc Spender, you're an old guy who knows a lot about music and you know a lot about being dumped, so what are some good ol' angry just-been-dumped songs?"
Sadly, my young pal was correct on all counts and so I thought I'd post a couple for your dining, dancing and sorrow-drowning pleasure. No, these are NOT tear-jerkers. Just the opposite. They are pissed off rockers and they're perfect for when you're feeling defiantly anti-romantic... you know, just before you start missing him or her and get all weepy again.
There are songs for that, too but we'll save them for another time.
Tonight, hoist a pint for the dumped and wish them good cheer and better luck next time.

Nilsson - You're Breaking My Heart by RedStarMedia

Ben Folds Five - Song for the Dumped by RedStarMedia