Crotchety Old Man Yells At Cars

The Floodgates Are Open

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:07:00 +0000

Yesterday I set a record for the rehab center, 6 poops on one shift. Yea me.

Two qualified as mega pooooooooops.

So today, I took a chance with solid food, sausage and pancakes. The pancakes are a speciality here as they are crunchy.

Don't ask.

Because my bum and naughty bits have been so traumatized by recent events, the pt staff got a special cushion for my wheelchair. It cost $5000. You read that right.

My butt should be pleased.

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Important poop update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 15:35:00 +0000

You know this is important because of all the exclamation points.

Yesterday, after the Fleet arrived, there was still no movement.

Then, while cleaning me up, the aide tried to help, erm, "manually."

Yes it did hekp because it appears my butt had Been atempting to form diamonds, not realizing that would only work if I ate a coal based diet.

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noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 18:50:00 +0000

not this

dis one

Ouch

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Phun with Pharmaceuticals

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:00:00 +0000

In case you missed it, I've been in the hospital the last 7 weeks enjoying surgery and other delights.

I also learned of Dilodin.

While I am no sort of recreational drug user, I almost look forward to various pain killers the doctor describes. This time I developed a favorite. Not only does Dilodin have incredible side effects, incredible halluciations, but no giant chickens. Instead I saw different people in my room and imagined my numerous gaseous emissions could be seen by me in shapes of mardi gras beads of various sizes and colors. Weird, huh?

I also have found out that sponge baths are not what they are cracked up to be especially when given by a guy named Linus.

I have lost count of the number of people who have seen and grabbed my naughty bits.

I have access and so I should be blogging regularly soon. I am making some progress.

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Soon to be blogging...

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 03:38:00 +0000

Crochety is now at Cedar Oaks Rehab Center, Room 110A...still on THE PAIN DRUG...but in pill form so he is more alert when he isn't sleeping. Started physical therapy and his laptop was dropped off today. His new phone number is 732-650-8419.

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Still On Drugs

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:55:00 +0000

Just wanted to let everyone know that Joe is out of ICU and off the telemetry floor. Believe it or not he is back on the floor he spent 4 weeks on with his pretty nurse friends. Just waiting for him to start more p/t and the weaning off of his favorite pain med, come back to reality and blogging...

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Got Another Miracle!

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 05:00:00 +0000

Tuesday afternoon at 5:00, Crochety went in for the much awaited "tummy tuck." Fortunately, it lasted half the time they thought would be needed. Surgeon took approx. 35lbs. of tissue and fat away and cleaned out the infectious areas. He looks great for a guy who has gone through what he has. He is in ICU just as a precaution and his hand is on the pain med button. Now to the healing process. Please keep up the prayers and good thoughts.

Mrs. "C"

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Where is Doctor House?!

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 21:13:00 +0000

Dictated @ 2:00 pm:

You all know how much I appreciate all your kind words and prayers -- I even laugh alot when I read the comments Mrs. "C" prints out and brings me.

Most of my day is spent fending off vampires. There is still talk of transferring me to University Hospital in Newark, the only place in Jersey that has fresh maggots, but they cannot find a doctor willing to take my complicated case so I am hanging out here.

The highlight of my night yesterday was when my student nurse, Gina, was so excited that I gave her supervisor permission to let Gina change my wound dressing. At 10 pm 6 students nurses came in to watch and aid in my the cleaning and bandaging. Apparently tape was a very important item.

I am still anticipating my Dilodin shot every 3 hours. It not only kills pain but also has a recreational effect. I am no longer on Nurse "Toots" floor but she comes to visit every couple of days with recommendations for my treatment. Pretty nice, hey? My Nurse Call Bell seems to be for amusement only lately. If they don't come in a timely manner, especially at bathroom times, they are sorely rewarded...

FYI...not for the easily embarrassed...My naughty bits are being flashed at least a dozen times per day. I don't know if everyone else is enjoying it, but I am beginning to...

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Going Down That Road Less Travelled...

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 13:17:00 +0000

Dictated @ 9:00 am:

The associate to the hematologist that okayed the operation came in at 2:30 pm yesterday and said he was not comfortable with the latest decision and I would again have to have blood products before he could give permission for my "tummy tuck." At 5:00 they started giving me the the blood products, 2 units, 1.5 hours each. Surgeon doesn't operate after 6 pm. At 7:30 nursie tells me that they are looking into Maggot Therapy instead of operating...near the GROIN area? Nuff said.

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My New Award

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 11:26:00 +0000

Dictated at 7 pm, Wednesday:

Don't be too jealous, but I just found out that after being here 3 weeks, I am being considered for "Best Patient of the Year." Humble guy that I am, I am sure that I will win! The chosen hemotologist came in to let me know he was going to take more blood and do more tests. The surgeon came in later to let me know that it would take FIVE days to get the test results back...this takes me to Monday. Maybe then they can operate. Incredulous.

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Bummer...

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:10:00 +0000

Dictated at 7:00 pm

They again cancelled the operation due to my inability to maintain normal blood coagulation. They decided today to call in a hemotologist. No word yet on when they will operate. I go in and out of sleep from the pain killer. Tomorrow is dialysis and that just exhausts me. This is going on forever...

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Operation -- NOT

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 10:59:00 +0000

Dictated 8:00 pm on Friday:

My operation was pushed from 9 am to 10 am. The anesthesiologist decided my blood was not up to par and cancelled the operation until 6 pm. It turns out the clotting factor was just not good so I received blood products and still at 6 pm after hundreds of blood tests I was borderline. Surgeon doesn't like to operate too late as statistics show late night operations result in too many complications. It is a holiday weekend so they are not going to do my "tummy tuck" until Tuesday. ACCCKKKK!
Fortunately, I am still in the same room, 3223 and phone is still 732-321-7213. Call if you can. Mrs. C is getting tired of entertaining me. I miss my pc!

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New Info

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:52:00 +0000

Yep, they moved me to another room. 3223. New Phone: 732-321-7213. Thanks for keeping in touch!

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I Was Right...

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 11:29:00 +0000

Dictated on Saturday at 3:30 pm:

Again I was misdiagnosed. For three weeks I have been complaining about pain in my lower abdomen and telling the "professionals" I have an infection, which I based on a fever and pain like I have never had before. They based their findings on guesses. It turns out I have an intense infection resulting in ulcers bursting forward in a matter of 72 hours. I have "skin necrosis," from the Greek origin, or "death of skin" which is from the English "HOLY CRAP!"

I am on heavy doses of intravenous antibiotics and it appears that they caught it in time to avoid surgery and resulting in some lessening of pain. However, they did up my pain medication -- Dilaudid IV -- which is stronger than Morphine and seemingly quite a bit of fun! A very attractive nurse has been changing the dressing twice a day and yes, I do cry like a little girl. This is worth putting up with for the pain med.

If anyone wants to call me here at JFK Hospital, my newest phone number is 732-321-7223. THANK YOU for all your kind thoughts and prayers.

Here we go again

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 17:09:00 +0000

The visiting nurse just stopped by and suggested I go to the hospital, so I'll be leaving in a few minutes. An infection has set in, causing ulcers.

I'll let youse know what I can when I can.

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The Zoo of Depressed Animals

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:59:00 +0000

Did you ever wonder what happens when circus animals can't cut it? When they just can't line up for the circus parade?

For a couple of decades, they came to New Jersey, and lived in Scotch Plains at the Terry Lou Zoo, the most depressing zoo in the world.

Sometime in the late 80's, I went with the Spawn to enjoy the entire zoo experience. We started out with a pony ride. It was a typical little path around a pond filled with greenish water. Then it was off to see the animals.

We saw some foxes and other small creatures pacing nervously, some in circles, others back and forth.

We really wanted to go to the monkey house, always a crowd pleaser. But we couldn't enter because of the intense ammonia smell.

Maybe the giraffes would be better. Tall, friendly, and again, in a cage barely large enough to contain them. Kids would reach up to pet them or offer up a snack.

The Spawn wanted to but, I saw that one of the giraffes didn't look well. We took a couple steps back, and just in time...
He sneezed blood over all the kids "lucky" enough to be in range.

We stayed a bit more, but it was more of the same; sick and depressed animals pacing endlessly in tiny cages.

Eventually, the zoo closed, and today, it stands abandoned, overgrown and unknown to most passersby.

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Quick Update

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:31:00 +0000

I'm home and remain couchless.

*sigh*

The living room has been turned into a medical supply showroom, and we couldn't fit a couch in here anyway with the assortment of things like walkers, hospital bed, canes, crutches, wheelchairs, special recliner, and a commode.

I'm sporadically online because the 3 days a week that I get dialysis I'm sick all day. They upped my time to 5 hours which I hope makes it better.

Got to prepare my blog post about the NJ zoo for depressed animals.

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It's Zoo Week

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 04:02:00 +0000

On the blog.

We always liked going to the zoo, and one of our field trips was to the Bronx Zoo.

Zoos back in the 60's weren't like they are today with natural settings and everything. Nope, it was a bunch of animals in cages being gawked at and taunted by kids and adults.

Our little band was no different. No, we didn't toss our drink cups (well, maybe a few) but the zoo sold souvenir rubber tipped spears. Naturally, every animal was threatened with a good spearing. They were all far enough away, that it was a hollow threat.

That is until we got to the jungle cats.

You see, Jack and Carl's entire reason for the zoo trip was to see the jungle cats. Penguins and monkeys were ok, but didn't have the cool factor of the big cats. And the stupid cats just layed there. No random roars, no frantic pacing. Nothing.

They decided to take matters into their own hands.

Remember I said the cages were just open with iron bars?

The lazy cats just nestled against the cold bars, leaving themslves exposed to a weapon of some sort. Say a rubber tipped toy spear.

Jack and Carl whacked the cat's tail. It barely flicked it's tail.

Alternately, rythmically, they began tormenting the beast by rapping on it's tail.

It leaped to it's feet, and clawed at the spears, and let out a mighty roar. Carl and Jack were frozen with fear, and may have soiled themselves.

Best school field trip EVER.
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Yay!!!!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 10:39:00 +0000

After nearly 2 months of getting poked and prodded, and really lousy food, I'm going home today.

I couldn't have done it without you.

Thank you.

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My new shirt

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 04:02:00 +0000

I got up at 4:30 a.m., as usual. I got dressed in the dark, and something didn't feel quite right. The shirt felt like it was inside out.

But no, it buttoned ok, so that wasn't it.

So I went into the hallway and waited for the transport guys. They loaded me up and into the ambulance we went.

Zipping along in the early morning, by the interior lights, it hit me-- I had on a puffy shirt.

There were ruffles and busy scrolls everywhere!

Apparently the Crotchety Old Lady is playing some perverse joke on me.

The nurses here are terrible. I've been waiting 40 minutes for pain medication. And this morning the nurse came in at 4 a.m. to ask me if I wanted to be awakened at my usual time of 4:30 a.m.

Can't make this crazy stuff up.

And thank you my favorite goat, Pricilla, who sent a nice get well card and a small gift. I appreciate it.

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More Tests

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 04:02:00 +0000

I was in the room for testing. Suddenly in walks

He starts sniffing me all over. Yup, even my naughty bits. After a few minutes, he leaves the room.

A short while later, she walks in

and stares at me. It was kind of creepy. Finally, she left.

After a few minutes, the doctor finally shows up. He announces he has the results.

"Of what" I say.

Of your lab test and cat scan.

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It never ends

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 09:51:00 +0000

Because hospital personnel treat people like hunks of beef, tossing us around and pummeling us like Rocky,

it looks like I have to go in to the hospital for tests.

The severe abdominal pain that my doctor hoped was nothing, looks like it may be something.

Should my entire abdomen be black and blue?

By the way, guess who was the first doctor to submit a bill?

Dr. Asshole, the one who misdiagnosed that I had a stroke.

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Whew!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 15:27:00 +0000

In the 11h hour, Horizen BCBS corrected their mistake, so I have a few more days here. Everyone should be back from vacation Friday (today) and will make arrangements for a successful transition.

The Davita Dialysis center social worker will be back Tuesday, so she will help on her end.

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It's a Clusterf*ck

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 10:17:00 +0000

I can't think of another way to describe it.

The person in charge of discharge told me Horizon BCBS is discharging me Friday. Then she went on vacation. But Horizon BCBS is not ny primary insurance.

All I have to do is show my Medicare card and all is well.

I never got a Medicare card and a replacement takes 4 weeks.

The nurse for at home follow up care came in yesterday, did an evaluation of my current situation and said that going home now would be medically dangerous.

The dialysis center person who could help me is on vacation.

I called Medicare and they said call Social Security.

Social Security said Medicare should handle it.

SHIT!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, but sometimes nothing else works.

Odds and Ends

noreply@blogger.com (Da Old Man) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 04:02:00 +0000

Do you know you go to the movies with someone, and their bladder is the size of a walnut, and they insist on getting a giant sized Mr. Pibb? Naturally they have to run for a "pee break" and want you to fill them in on what they missed during their break. What an annoyance.

But thanks to the interwebs check out the website Runpee beforehand and your Mr Pibb swilling compatriot will be able to choose a slow part of the movie to do his "bidness" and you won't have to fill him in.

Follow up on my dialysis: They determined my "dry" weight. That is my weight minus the extrs fluids.

How much extra fluid was there? 12 gallons. Holy crap!

The insurance company said I'm better and wants me released Friday. The PT department said I'm not ready, the doctor said I'm not ready...but what do they know?

Lastly I have a Korean PT that scares me. She really puts me through the paces. She tiny but tough.

File photo

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