BODY LANGUAGE

ASSERTIVE

2017-04-04T02:39:00.000-07:00

Open

The body language is open, showing no threat and fearlessly pleasing response. There are no barriers across the body. Arms hang down or are held outwards. Hands are often palms-up rather than fists or placating palms down.

Eye contact is regular and appropriate. There is neither aggressive staring at the other person nor are eyes submissively downcast. There is no hiding of the face or body and barriers are removed.

Openness includes smiling, accepting and listening. The assertive person is attentive and checks that they have understood what the other person has said. They also respond to the concerns of others, showing this in their body language.

Firm

When we assert something, we act as if is true. Feet are firmly planted, flat on the floor (including when sitting), typically slightly apart to provide a firm base.

Gestures are used to accentuate truths, although not in an exaggerated way. Hence the head nods, outstretched forearms bounce downwards with the point and the body may lean slightly forwards.

There is also firmness in response where the other person may attempt to dominate or avoid the point. Gentle touching may be used as encouragement and steady eye contact used to show determination. Rejection of things not wanted is done steadily and without the escalation of aggression nor with the weakness of a passive position.

Antagonism is avoided, particularly in facial expressions, which are gentle and concerned yet show a resolve to see things through.

Balanced

A balanced body is upright and relaxed. Bones rest on one another, held in place by gravity, rather than slanting outward and hence having to be held together with muscular strength. Both sides of the body are used, hence both hands may be used together or in balanced sequence.

A balanced voice does not go to extremes. It is not jagged nor is it droning. It goes up and down in a natural way that sounds honest and persuasive.

Smooth

Assertive body language is not spasmodic and edgy. Nor is it held still under close control. It moves at a sturdy rate, indicating that the person is feeling relatively relaxed. Even when they are speaking passionately, the movement is still smooth and under control.

A smooth voice is natural and even. It goes up and down in time with the words, matching the look. The sound is warm, friendly and harmonious. Vocal volume goes up and down evenly, not suddenly becoming loud or quiet.

When the person looks around they do so in fixed sweeps. They do not have eyes that dart about stealthily nor do they stare nor are they downcast.

2014-05-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

Sleep position can give us a clue of our personality

The way we sleep does give away to others what our personalities maybe like.

Foetus: Those who curl up in the foetus position are described as strong on the outside but thin-skinned at heart. They may be introvert when they first meet somebody, but quickly relax.

This is the most universal sleeping position, adopted by 41% of the 1,000 people who took part in the survey. More than twice as many women as men have a tendency to take on this position.

Log (15%): Lying on your side with both arms down by your side. These sleepers are undemanding, social people who like being part of the in-crowd, and who are quick to trust a stranger. However, they may be naive.

Yearner (13%): People who sleep on their side with both arms out in front are said to have an open nature, but can be mistrustful, pessimistic. They are slow to make up their minds, but once they have taken a decision, they are unlikely ever to change it.

Soldier (8%): Lying on your back with both arms pinned to your sides. People who sleep in this position are generally tranquil and reserved. They don't like a fuss, but set themselves and others high standards.

Freefall (7%): Lying on your front with your hands around the pillow, and your head turned to one side. Often outgoing and brash people, but can be nervy and thin-skinned underneath, and don't like disapproval, or extreme situations.

Starfish (5%): Lying on your back with both arms up around the pillow. These sleepers make good mates because they are always ready to pay attention to others, and offer aid when needed. They generally don't like to be the centre of attention.

The remainder of those in the poll said the position they fell asleep varied or did not know.

Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are

2014-05-08T03:10:00.001-07:00

What our face can tell others

2010-11-07T06:48:00.000-08:00

We must be careful how we come across to others, especially if we are in the public eyes. This is such a hard thing to master is our emotions with our face. The message we can send out can be so telling on our face, such as defeated before it happens. It can happen so quickly and before we can pull our emotions together it has been captured on film.Once fear or worry has been sent out its hard take it back..

The saying is best offence is a defence, just as a runner psychs up before he starts of on his run we have to do the same with our minds because if we don't watch our thoughts they can run over our face before we know it.

Just as a smile can be so contagious and change the moods of those around us, we can learn alot about the smile, from the forced smile lips closed, however you can not help but smile back at a hearty smile. It truly can be an ice breaker..so what is your face telling others..

Hands in the pockets

2010-10-18T09:03:00.001-07:00

When we see someone with their hands in their pockets there are some reasons behind this, however we need to take the situation or circumstances into consideration.
First if it’s a cold day of course we all tend to put our hands in our pockets.

If you go to a seminar and his hands are in his pockets there could be a few reasons for this. It could be they are nervous, anxious or uncomfortable with the circumstances. Even when someone is bored or just not interested hands linger in the pockets.

If you find yourself putting your hands in your pockets to much it can send a message you lack confidence. If you want to give a good impression avoid this action.

The most one to be wary of it could be that they are trying to hide something from you; this would not be a good one if they are stuttering or uming and harring alot in their conversation with you.

Sports Body Talk

2010-10-05T04:23:00.000-07:00

Whether it's Olympic Games or Grand Slam tennis or indeed any sports event whether grand or small, the watching fans will be 'living' the success and disappointments of the sportsmen and women they support. It doesn't matter whether you're in a stadium or at home in an armchair, you'll be enthusiastically air punching or slapping hand to mouth in despair -- depending on if the touchdown catch or whatever -- is safely made.

Just what prompts these instinctive gestures has puzzled scientists for centuries especially the distinction between the innate and the learned.

It isn't so difficult to fathom the origins of the open-mouthed gasp of surprise or horror. Air is forced into the lungs in preparation for what was once a primitive 'flight or fight' decision when stumbling over a sabre-toothed tiger in one or other Ice Age.

But there is no neat and tidy explanation for every impulsive gesture. Those that are common to all mankind tested the brain of Mr Evolution himself, Charles Darwin.

Shaking a clenched fist to demonstrate anger is a signal of displeasure recognised around the world or arm bent with fist clenched says it all..

The 'Naked Ape' author Desmond Morris examined 600 human gestures in his 'Bodytalk' -- a world guide to gestures'. He accepted "A smile is a smile is a smile, around the world over...some elements of body language, therefore, are more basic than others."

Airport Body Language

2010-08-23T02:06:00.000-07:00

Suspicious eyes are a real give away!

Whilst waiting at the airport to return to the UK I was amazed how the airport staff really have to be so diligent in checking any signs that could be a threat to the safety of the passengers. We can be just as diligent to watch for signs and report anything that looks suspicious to help them with this enormous task.

True some people are naturally afraid of flying so they may give of signs such as anxiety, pacing, hand rubbing and worried look written all over their face.

However, we can help by keeping our eyes and ears open to anything that looks suspicious.

How open are you to your teenagers

2010-08-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

When we have open body language others see this and warmed to us immediately. If you wonder why your mate or children just are not responding perhaps its because they don't see an opening for them as our body language is too closed for them.

You said you would talk about it with me .....

which would you prefer.

The myth is that teenagers don't need us as much as they are starting to become more independent, in actual facts they need us more and to be open and warm. Sensitive issues arise through teenage years where parents need to display open body language. As we can see if they are open so can they with parents so how well do you warm to your teenagers

Hands on Hips

2010-07-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

Ready for action! Yes the hands on hips non verbal is a wife standing at the door hands on hips as the husband staggers down the path on pay day... oh ok those days are over but you get my meaning. Which one is more aggressive!

Whats interesting is that their are different messages, just depends the way they are standing of course some are more subtle ways of saying I am ready willing and able. They can be directing their attention to YOU. This position indicates they are really into you.

Can you keep your cool

2010-06-30T07:27:00.000-07:00

Its not easy staying calm when you see it all going to pieces before your very eyes...this can be a business deal to a peace talk. Learning to control your emotions can have great benefits in every aspects of your life.

Yet does your body language say you are calm. Here are a few examples to keep in mind.

Jaw tension is not a good thing and even though you might be saying nothing your jaw clenching does, it sends out a message of stress levels are high.

Lips are tightly clenched, I mean this shows you are just waiting to pounce out all the stuff you shouldn't say and its just going to leak out at some stage, so quickly take your leave before it does.

What does the way we speak have to do with our Body Language

2010-06-04T05:18:00.000-07:00

Check your tone of Voice when Speaking

I remember my mum saying stop yelling, you sound like a fishermen's wife, it took me several years to understand what that saying really meant.
Your tone of voice can convey a wealth of information, ranging from enthusiasm to disinterest to anger. Watch how your tone of voice affects how others respond to you and try using tone of voice to emphasize ideas that you want to communicate. For example, if you want to show genuine interest in something, express your enthusiasm by using an animated tone of voice

Look for Incongruent Behaviors

Words must match nonverbal behaviors, you should pay careful attention. For example, someone might tell you they are happy while frown lines are imprinted on their forehead and they constantly look at the ground. Research has shown that when words fail to match up with nonverbal signals, people tend to ignore what has been said and focus instead on nonverbal expressions of moods, thoughts, and emotions.

Condescending body language

2010-05-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

What is condescending body language? It is stooping to the others level as inferior to the other person. Also your whole body will close of by such things as arm folding to leg folding when both are applied as in this picture is a good demo of condescending body language.

Have you ever had someone grab your hand when they shake it and put theirs on top of yours, then that too is condescending mannerisms. If we really want to attract people to us or to send out a healthy message for onlookers then mind those manners...

Can attitude make a difference.

2010-05-24T03:53:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how we can attract or detract just with our attitude.

When we were children playing in the play ground we could always see which child was sulking just by their body language.

So whats really different as adults..you see it can only start with YOU how you walk talk it does make a difference. If someone was walking down the road with a spring in their walk you would know they are a person with a mission, so next time see if you can spot the one with a good attitude..

Defense or Offense

2010-05-14T02:55:00.000-07:00

Team effort is not called that for no reason. It is an effort because we all want the spotlight.
In the business world we have to learn to bring out the qualities in that team are needed to get the job done.

Are you always on the defense or do you take offense.
The One Minute Manager Builds High Performing Teams

How much do you show Fear

2010-05-10T03:01:00.000-07:00

We can all suffer from this at some point, yet how we show sends of such mixed emotions to those onlookers.
If you want to meet someone and have a great relationship. Imagine you are the person meeting this woman for the first time and see her sitting in a cafe doing this what would YOU think?

Ok so some of you might be clever and think you can hide it..however even biting of your lip can give off an appearance of anxiousness.

If you want to overcome your fears read this

Where and how we laugh does it matter

2010-04-29T02:32:00.000-07:00

In facial expression you can see if someone is really into your joke they usually throw back their heads, their eyes are squeezed closed and it becomes so contagious that even those who don't know what the joke is about start smiling.

What message it can send out does matter according to the time and place..have you ever been in a situation where you know it is totally inappropriate to laugh but you just can't stop. In a business meeting, just before an interview, public speaking can be extremely stressful and if you have a subject of serious magnitude with a distraction in the audience such as a man in a bright yellow suit can set you off laughing..so where we laugh does matter.

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

2010-04-20T03:46:00.000-07:00

When we are so close to someone it is easy to miss the clusters or signs as to what is really going on. We can tell by the tone of voice how someone is doing, so how can we tell if that person doesn't speak much. Lets read the signs or clusters.

Some signals to watch out for:
Complete eye contact when talking with you

Try to get to the same eye level shows they are really interested

How close do they sit

One of these on there own doesn't mean much but with a few other signals you can start to get a better idea.

Mirroring

2010-04-09T15:30:00.000-07:00

Every wondered what is the best way to know if someone is just flirting for fun and is not really serious. Simple do they mirror you. Our Brain is so amazing how it sends out signals that even our body can not lie. When we really like someone we do this crazy thing called Mirroring.

What is mirroring:

You do what they do and surprisingly you do it unconsciously. You can be in a crowded room and you make eye contact with someone who for no reason or rhyme there is an attraction and from that moment you start to mirror each other.

The Science of it:

Most would call this love at first sight however more is involved we are sending of so many signals if we could measure this with an instrument it would go of the scale. Hormones along with strong emotions of searching for love we have already sent out the signals and anyone else who is searching will of course pick up on that.

Where it can happen:

It can happen in any situation with any person. We can guess why the mirroring is going on by reading more into the moment. It could be one is trying to control the other person or bring them around to their thinking.

Strained Relationships

2008-08-08T03:58:00.000-07:00

I was reading a magazine yesterday and the body language going on between the two newly weds was not a happy one! The woman was on the phone on the other side of the wall while the husband was leaning on the wall looking very bored with his shoulders slouched and arms crossed, she was saying that this conversation is not for you but personal by staying at a distance, just not the sign of a happily married couple.

So how can you tell in your own relationship what are the strained signs.

How close do you walk together or do you run ahead of your partner not a good sign.

Nothing needs to be more obvious than the space and distances in this picture why it started is not sure. Yet when the bedroom relationship goes into the lights out mode or one on that side and the other on the other side can be a distant relationship. If you want to learn more ways to help you through a difficult relationship here are some tips.

First look at yourself, how do you feel about yourself?

Second what thoughts do you have about your relationship?

Third what do you really want from this relationship?

We all from time to time have strains in our relationships whether its a close friend or someone we work with but the above steps helps us to see what part are we playing in the relationship.

What the festive season reveals!

2007-12-25T07:29:00.000-08:00

Think of the office parties and what the guy in the corner with his hands in his pocket is thinking...is it really that obvious to on lookers, he is not sure if she feels the same way as he does so he hides his real feelings.

What about the girl who is twirling her hair as she is talking to the boss at a work dinner.

Does it really look like the promotion is on its way with crossed arms in this fashion along with other signs such as looking away while you are talking to the boss.

When do you stop talking...is it when they lean their head in their hands.

How much notice do you really take of the ones you claim to love. Write in and tell me your stories and lets test your body language skills.

Depressed Body language

2007-11-26T13:14:00.000-08:00

Have you notice how some people drag their feet or how they hang their heads down when they are walking. Experts now have said that the way you hold your body can make a huge difference in the way you feel about yourself...yes but also how others see you.

When you see someone walking towards you and of course that's if they are not walking the streets in France, (trust me you do keep your eyes on the path for surprises) and they are slouched over and head hung down they are feeling overwhelmed with life's worries. If only they would lift their heads and as the saying goes "Smell the Roses" life would improve slowly each day for them.

Part of it also is link with self worth, that's why people shuffle their feet and head hangs low even hands in pockets. We do have to keep an eye on the ground sometimes so we don't trip up from obstacles we come across.

Yet whats your posture saying about you?

Body Language Between Friends

2007-08-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

How often have you seen friends sitting in a cafe and you can see how much they are so focused on each others conversation...I mean you see that their friendship is special, how do you know it is. I mean look at the legs are they open? Where are the hands? What can you see in this picture????

They are looking directly into each others eyes and the hands OH please someone tie the hands...oh yes hands are open and the face is so full of expressions...of disbelief to...excitement...and a hearty laugh. No one is trying to dominant over the other person and you just see real friends body talk.

Friends are forever!!

Becareful of your handshaking

2007-08-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

The other day a gentleman came to our house and he left even an impression on my children.

It's so amazing what can be said in a handshake.

This is a handshake we call a Wet Fish and trust me that's exactly what it was like shaking but what does a hand shake mean.

The Wet Fish: Hand is clammy and cold. Universally unpopular, and is read by the receiver as a lack of commitment to the encounter.
The Vise: Hand is presented in down position and can stop blood flow to the hand. Reveals a desire to dominate and assume early control.
The Bone Crusher: The most feared of all handshakes, hand is presented in down position and leaves an undelible memory on the recipient’s mind and fingers. A trademark of the overly aggressive person.
The Fingertip Grab: A handshake that missed the mark and the user mistakenly grabs the others fingers. User lacks confidence.
The Stiff-Arm Thrust: Hand is stiff while user is leaned forward or balancing on one foot. Used by aggressive types to keep you at a distance.
The Socket Wrencher: Involves forcefully gripping the receiver’s outstretched palm, applying a sharp reverse thrust, and attempting to drag the receiver into the initiator’s territory.
Can mean three things: initiator is insecure, initiator is from a culture that has smaller space needs, or initiator wants to control you by pulling you off balance.
The Pump Handle: Hand is being pumped with energy and rhythmic series of rapid vertical strokes. User has an urge to be physically connected.
The Dutch Treat: Stiffer and less clammy than the wet fish, its origin is from the Netherlands, where a person can be accused of “giving a handshake like a bunch of carrots.”
…..And the most intimidating type of handshake is:
Palm down: Presenting your hand palm down automatically makes the person shaking your hand subservient and bowing to your control.

Reading Between The Lines

2007-08-07T14:20:00.000-07:00

How many times have you caught someone staring at you from across the room and when you catch them they quickly look away...then you say to yourself ah...its all in my head.

Then you have missed the boat and didn't Read Between The Lines. Its so easy for us all to do this. We think the smile was really meant for someone else and not me or how he or she is sitting is the same way you are sitting.

Can you remember the feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you looked at someone you really liked...that instant connection when you looked into their eyes. Yet maybe out of your own insecurities you said no I was just imagining it all. Then for the next month or so, you just can't get that person out of your head, worse still that you still think of that person to this day. Don't wait till its to late reach out to that person..don't be afraid of rejection.

From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:
I hold it true,

whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

In conclusion read carefully between the lines

Those Flickering eyes..

2007-07-11T00:56:00.000-07:00

Have you been in a conversation with someone and you see their eyes start flickering madly and its not because they have something in their eye...so why you may ask whats behind that.

Rapid glancing to and fro and shifting the eyes from the other person to something away and then back while talking gives an impression as if the person is looking for a more interested companion. Too fast blinking and flickering of the eyelids indicates nervousness. Short eye contacts which are frequently broken while talking indicates, that the person is shy or that the person is telling a lie (if supported by other gestures). The best tactic is to practise continuous eye contact and avoid looking anywhere else, or breaking eye contact erratically. It may appear to be a little uncomfortable if you are a bit shy, (or telling a lie).