Cogito, ergo sum

Reflections on India - Sean Paul Kelly

2010-03-13T22:34:00.005+05:30

If you are Indian, or of Indian descent, I must preface this post with a clear warning: you are not going to like what I have to say. My criticisms may be very hard to stomach. But consider them as the hard words and loving advice of a good friend. Someone who's being honest with you and wants nothing from you. These criticisms apply to all of India except Kerala and the places I didn't visit, except that I have a feeling it applies to all of India , except as I mentioned before, Kerala. Lastly, before anyone accuses me of Western Cultural Imperialism, let me say this: if this is what India and Indians want, then hey, who am I to tell them differently. Take what you like and leave the rest. In the end it doesn't really matter, as I get the sense that Indians, at least many upper class Indians, don't seem to care and the lower classes just don't know any better, what with Indian culture being so intense and pervasive on the sub-continent. But here goes, nonetheless.

India is a mess. It's that simple, but it's also quite complicated. I'll start with what I think are India 's four major problems - the four most preventing India from becoming a developing nation - and then move to some of the ancillary ones.

First, pollution. In my opinion the filth, squalor and all around pollution indicates a marked lack of respect for India by Indians. I don't know how cultural the filth is, but it's really beyond anything I have ever encountered. At times the smells, trash, refuse and excrement are like a garbage dump. Right next door to the Taj Mahal was a pile of trash that smelled so bad, was so foul as to almost ruin the entire Taj experience. Delhi , Bangalore and Chennai to a lesser degree were so very polluted as to make me physically ill.

Sinus infections, ear infection, bowels churning was an all to common experience in India . Dung, be it goat, cow or human fecal matter was common on the streets. In major tourist areas filth was everywhere, littering the sidewalks, the roadways, you name it. Toilets in the middle of the road, men urinating and defecating anywhere, in broad daylight. Whole villages are plastic bag wastelands. Roadsides are choked by it. Air quality that can hardly be called quality. Far too much coal and far too few unleaded vehicles on the road. The measure should be how dangerous the air is for one's health, not how good it is.

People casually throw trash in the streets, on the roads. The only two cities that could be considered sanitary in my journey were Trivandrum - the capital of Kerala - and Calicut . I don't know why this is. But I can assure you that at some point this pollution will cut into India 's productivity, if it already hasn't. The pollution will hobble India 's growth path, if that indeed is what the country wants. (Which I personally doubt, as India is far too conservative a country, in the small 'c' sense.)

The second issue, infrastructure, can be divided into four subcategories: roads, rails and ports and the electrical grid. The electrical grid is a joke. Load shedding is all too common, everywhere in India . Wide swaths of the country spend much of the day without the electricity they actually pay for. Without regular electricity, productivity, again, falls. The ports are a joke: antiquated, out of date, hardly even appropriate for the mechanized world of container ports, more in line with the days of longshoremen and the like.

Roads are an equal disaster. I only saw one elevated highway that would be considered decent in Thailand , much less Western Europe or America . And I covered fully two thirds of the country during my visit. There are so few dual carriage way roads as to be laughable. There are no traffic laws to speak of, and if there are, they are rarely obeyed, much less enforced. A drive that should take an hour takes three. A drive that should take three takes nine.

The buses are at least thirty years old, if not older. Everyone in India , or who travels in India raves about the railway system. Rubbish. It's awful. Now, when I was there in 2003 and then late 2004 it was decent. But in the last five years the traffic on the rails has grown so quickly that once again, it is threatening productivity. Waiting in line just to ask a question now takes thirty minutes. Routes are routinely sold out three and four days in advance now, leaving travellers stranded with little option except to take the decrepit and dangerous buses. At least fifty million people use the trains a day in India . 50 million people!

Not surprising that waitlists of 500 or more people are common now. The rails are affordable and comprehensive but they are overcrowded and what with budget airlines popping up in India like Sadhus in an ashram the middle and lowers classes are left to deal with the overutilized rails and quality suffers. No one seems to give a shit. Seriously, I just never have the impression that the Indian government really cares. Too interested in buying weapons from Russia , Israel and the US I guess.

The last major problem in India is an old problem and can be divided into two parts that've been two sides of the same coin since government was invented: bureaucracy and corruption. It takes triplicates to register into a hotel. To get a SIM card for one's phone is like wading into a jungle of red-tape and photocopies one is not likely to emerge from in a good mood, much less satisfied with customer service. Getting train tickets is a terrible ordeal, first you have to find the train number, which takes 30 minutes, then you have to fill in the form, which is far from easy, then you have to wait in line to try and make a reservation, which takes 30 minutes at least and if you made a single mistake on the form back you go to the end of the queue, or what passes for a queue in India.

The government is notoriously uninterested in the problems of the commoners, too busy fleecing the rich, or trying to get rich themselves in some way shape or form. Take the trash for example, civil rubbish collection authorities are too busy taking kickbacks from the wealthy to keep their areas clean that they don't have the time, manpower, money or interest in doing their job. Rural hospitals are perennially understaffed as doctors pocket the fees the government pays them, never show up at the rural hospitals and practice in the cities instead.

I could go on for quite some time about my perception of India and its problems, but in all seriousness, I don't think anyone in India really cares. And that, to me, is the biggest problem. India is too conservative a society to want to change in any way. Mumbai , India 's financial capital is about as filthy, polluted and poor as the worst city imaginable in Vietnam , or Indonesia - and being more polluted than Medan , in Sumatra is no easy task. The biggest rats I have ever seen were in Medan !

One would expect a certain amount of, yes, I am going to use this word, backwardness, in a country that hasn't produced so many Nobel Laureates, nuclear physicists, imminent economists and entrepreneurs. But India has all these things and what have they brought back to India with them? Nothing. The rich still have their servants, the lower castes are still there to do the dirty work and so the country remains in stasis. It's a shame. Indians and India have many wonderful things to offer the world, but I'm far from sanguine that India will amount to much in my lifetime.

Now, have at it, call me a cultural imperialist, a spoiled child of the West and all that. But remember, I've been there. I've done it... And I've seen 50 other countries on this planet and none, not even Ethiopia , have as long and gargantuan a laundry list of problems as India does.
And the bottom line is, I don't think India really cares. Too complacent and too conservative.

Sean Paul Kelley is a travel writer, former radio host, and before that an asset manager for a Wall Street investment bank that is still (barely) alive. He recently left a fantastic job in Singapore working for Solar Winds, a software company based out of Austin to travel around the world for a year (or two). He founded The Agonist, in 2002, which is still considered the top international affairs, culture and news destination for progressives. He is also the Global Correspondent for The Young Turks, on satellite radio and Air America .

Lose weight now; Ask me how.

2010-03-06T00:33:00.005+05:30

Once upon a time there was weighing scale tucked away in a secluded corner of a cafeteria. The poor thing was never ever happy because it was a cause for peoples’ sorrows about their weight. Thousands would hop on it everyday and get down with worried faces. It felt that it was cursed never to make anybody happy. It would always cringe in fear when it was the day after a long weekend or festivals. People would binge on everything remotely edible and blame it for the accumulated weight. There was a person called KP who broke the pattern and smiled every time he stepped on it. They became very good friends and both of them lived happily ever after (separated later…but happy nevertheless)

The mini story is from a cafeteria of one of my previous organizations and I’m the friend. I’m aware that I’m very lean and underweight by a huge margin for my age and height. For most part of my adult life I’ve been mocked about this fact. But I’ve never felt bad about it. I’m used to being greeted with “Hi. Long time no see. You’ve become thinner is it?” when I meet somebody after a gap. I always reply with “I’m at the min limit. Losing weight is not possible.” Many would poke my flat tummy and try to ridicule me. I would do the same to their ‘family pack’ tummies. Some have advised me not to swat flies for I may break my bones. There was this guy who thought I would be so weak that he could fold me and break me into two. Everyone has the right to an opinion. So all I do is smile. Whenever the situation arose I’ve proved that it is not what you have that matters but what you can do with whatever you have that does.

At the time when Ghajini & OSO were released, people started the 6 pack SRK n 8 pack Aamir debate. What is the big deal? I’ve had 8 pack abs (4 of which are my ribs ) for as long as I can remember. I would have posted a pic but I’m sure not many would be interested in looking at my sexy midriff.

I’ve never revealed the secrets of how I’m the way I am so far. It’s time now. 3 simple rules is all there is to it.

Rule 1 : Eat because u have to, not because u can.

Eating is one of the most enjoyable things known to the human kind. Many try to enjoy it a bit too much. I like food as much as the next guy. Sometime I’ve surprised myself on what and how much I could eat. Eat anything you want but not as many times as you want. The ‘3 waqt ki roti’ is essential. But anything in between is what lines up under the skin.

Rule 2 : Walk because u can, not because you have to.

Given today’s myriad options for commuting, one really never has to walk outside the house. Even to go to the store at the end of the block people take out their vehicles. It may be a luxury to do so but not using the luxury doesn’t decrease your prestige. Walk whenever you can. That’s the simplest exercise you can do. It doesn’t make too much of a sense to take your car to the gym to burn off the fat you saved to go there. Take the stairs to your office. I’ve worked on 12th floor for 2 years and I’ve taken the stairs most of the times. If a skinny guy like me can do it so can you! And remember every time you walk you are reducing carbon emissions directly or indirectly.

Rule 3 : Donate Blood. Save lives. Help yourselves too.

Doctors always say that donating blood doesn’t deteriorate blood quality but improves it. The qty replenishes itself in 4 days…. blah blah blah. I know I’m hardly qualified to be talking about this. But something happens after you donate blood and you do lose weight till things stabilize in a month or so. My losing weight is impossible but I have lost weight every single time after a donation. So I had to stop doing it as frequently as I used to.

That’s it. Simple isn’t it?

There’s just one exception which overrides the success of these rules. Don’t be happy….. or be happy of gaining weight because you are happy! Happiness is often confused with laughter. By happiness I don’t mean being able to laugh. You may laugh when you feel good, nervous, jealous, angry, anxious, sarcastic….In my opinion laughter is the body language equivalent of the F word’s versatility in English. But happiness is …. ummm….diff to define it. It’s the feeling you get when you saw your lil sister or your kid for the first time or when you got the dream job against all odds or when you got your first kiss…. I’m sure you get my drift. The reasons for happiness are rarely repeatable and u can never express it interms of money. In today’s lifesyle chances of being happy are very rare. So unless you are one of the few lucky ones who is happy most of the time…follow the 3 rules and see the magic work!

Stay fit…Keep Walking! Cheers!

The Answer (?)

2010-01-14T13:33:00.012+05:30

Although is was a rhetorical question, many answered it,
So many perspectives and yet it didn't help one bit.
Thinking about it again, all I have is a gigantic zit
And yet I'm at it; another blog with the answers knit.

Asked a guy who married his long time love.
Would be prefect coz he's living his dream now.
I was sure he would reinstate my faith somehow.
Listening to what he said, I ran away saying ‘Ciao!’.

Reminiscing about his bachelorhood he took me aside.
"Maccha, marriage is 'self-induced voluntary suicide'.©
If u are thinking of it, you are better off drinking pesticide.
Do you really want to go down that road..... you decide!

Before getting married I was an optimistic believer.
I used to wake up happy everyday, keen to see her.
To each other nobody else in the world was dearer.
Now we irritate the other. She shouts, I only murmur.

Not to mention numerous problems with the in-laws.
Their ultimate goal in life is to find in me flaws.
Stuck btwn them & my wife I’ve become tomato sauce.
My experience says it’s a loss…Peace goes for a toss.

Talking about all of this has been a stress reliever
If you are seeing somebody, please leave her.
Love is quite difficult...not really worth the trouble.
If that was your dream, sorry to burst your bubble.”

Reading "The ?" A married friend cringed in fear.
Poor guy hardly managed to hold back a tear.
Out of concern for me he unfurled his married life;
Told me his experiences at home, with his wife.

"Initially it's nice, cozy, leaving hickeys on each other's necks,
You will get closer to eachother. She invites you to have sex!
A few months later asking for it again will get you her vex.
U wonder where's ur wife when she shows the fury of a T-Rex.

Marriage is a prison..... The price is your soul;
the most expensive deal to get access to a hole.
It'll puzzle you what tuned ur bride into a ghoul.
Deal broken, u’ll have cold showers and a stroll."

A western guy's opinion, with which, I couldn't quite agree.
"We find a girl, pursue, date for 2 years and live-in for three.
Till we can, we have all the fun. If there's trouble we flee.
That's how it works here... We are a developed country.

If the chemistry continues, we get married, seal it with a kiss.
We break it up with a divorce if ever the fun goes amiss.
All problems solved. Can it get any better than this?
Trust me dude it's the only way to have marital bliss!"

Married women had nothing to say, those who read were few.
Am sure spinsters had an opinion, but nobody gave me their view.
Probly for 'em too it is scary, but like having ‘Mountain Dew’.... (Darr ke aage jeet hai)
Marriage is good for them(?); their power on men will renew.

Saw what Kramer has to say. Wrong.. wasn’t he?
Is it necessary to ask your wife even to pee?!?
At dinner will it be a gross sin to watch the TV
Koi to batao. Such mein aisi hoti hai kya biwi?

The guy who married his love, rang his wedding bell
says it’s wothless. I’m better off jumping into a well.
The 1 who married the old fashioned way calls it hell.
So far nobody has said anything for the idea to sell.

Is marriage just a social arrangement for sexual favour?
Come-on ppl. Somebody give it more positive flavour!
As of now marriage sounds risky… without the fervour.
Enough already! No more feedbacks. I think I got a fever.

Tears... Sorry....Cheers!

Sundays with Katie!

2010-01-12T22:54:00.014+05:30

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made." "A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more than he loves himself."

Anybody who's somebody in my life would agree that I believe in these phrases more than I believe in gravity. This being the case one would assume I have at least one dog at home. The fact is otherwise. Thanks to my father who's allergic to dogs, my mother who thinks I can hardly take care of myself let alone a dog and my granny who thinks it is inhumane to rear a dog without providing sufficient space for it to play around in, none of my dogs are at my house. Someday I'll have a dog(s) of my own. Till then, I'm forced to take pride in claiming pseudo ownership of friends' dogs. Often when I visit my friends the common complaint is that their dogs get more of my attention than they do. I don't argue with them... I never argue against truth!

My time with dogs so far can be described 'playful' at best and nothing beyond. I pet them, they demand belly rubs, a few licks/smooches and I go home feeling on top of the world. So dogs to me were a thing of unadulterated love and nothing more. Never have I seen them go through pain, agony or the caring nature that humans (some of us at least) have to deal with. A few months ago all that changed...and how!

Oct 2 while most people spent the long weekend in their own way and paid tribute to Gandhiji by smses or blogs (like this one), I got a msg which said "Katie gave birth to 4. You became an uncle. Congrats!" Katie - A 3 years old Labrador is one of the 4 dogs that my friend has at her house. I was hyper excited and raring to see the new born puppies, but had to wait till I got back to Bangalore. When I did get back I was fortunate enough to be able to visit every week for a month and see the sides of Katie that I never had seen earlier. It was amazing to watch those tiny things grow into dogs. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have witnessed that beautiful transformation and photographed it. I've never craved for an SLR camera so much in my life. I begged, tried to borrow one but had to draw a line at stealing! Someday I shall have my own. Although my faithful camera could capture them well enough, I know it could have been better. Link to the album posted at the end.

The Dog House:
G's family is extremely passionate about animals. Anything with 4 legs or colorful feathers are welcome in their house. Without feathers or 4 legs, I'm probably the only exception! Over the years I've known them, I've seen numerous dogs, cats, frogs and birds at their house. It was nice to see cats and dogs living together happily. Currently 4 dogs and a parrot have made it their home. Goldie - A Lhasa Apso (My first bitch), Katie - A Labrador (My favourite as of now), Cleo (I call him clitoris just to annoy G) - A Basset Hound, Betty - A Cocker Spaniel (My sexy bitch) and a parrot called Polly. Everyone names parrots either Kiki or Polly... What's wrong with Raju?

Katie - The Dog / Bitch:
Katie is about 30" tall on 4 legs and close to my height on 2. She weights over 35 kgs which gives her an upper hand over the other dogs. Whenever I visit she acts real bitchy...overpowering the others to attract attention, expecting me to play with her. It's all out of pure love! I never knew that she was pregnant till her due date was close. Somehow pregnancy.... even a dog's is hidden from guys as long as the guy is not the reason for it. I don't understand why. She was mated with another lab which would make her pups thorough bred.

Katie - The Mom:
While delivering it seems she had problems positioning and had to be helped by B (G's mom)..something like a mid-wife. She gave birth to 4 very cute pups. Rowdy, Snowy, Fluffy and Pinky in that order. Pinky being the last was quite underdeveloped but the cutest. When any of us tried entering the room where they were, Katie would wag her tail and be herself as long as we were far away. But if we went near the pups, the protective mom in her emerged and barked at us with all the fury she could muster. However B was allowed to go near and even handle the pups anytime. I think moms trust each other...species doesn't matter.

We tricked her and took her out of the room and handled the pups. She was barking all the time, whimpering, scratching at the door, poking into the window trying to see what we were upto. After she was assured that we would not harm the pups she kept quiet but did not budge from her watching station. I was feeling guilty and didn't take too long. As soon as she was let inside she picked up each of them in her mouth and made sure they were alright. A typical mother!

The Puppies:
I had pictured all those cute doggie pictures I'd seen on the internet and was quite disappointed with what I saw. There were these 4 lumps of flesh, pink all around, not many features recognisable...not even a proper paw. Their tails had no life if it. They looked ugly! I could hold 2 pups in the palm of my hand..they were so tiny.

Katie - The Doc
She took extra care of pinky and would carry her around all the time. I thought just like pinky was my favourite, she was katie's favourite too. But when pinky was about 6 days old, she was abandoned suddenly. Pinky died the 7th day. I like to think that Katie's natural instincts knew that pinky couldn't make it. After she died Katie went on nurturing the others. It reminded me of a doc who deals with death and still continues with his responsibility. The rest of us were feeling depressed for quite some time. May pinky R.I.P.

Puppies grow faaast..
The puppies seem to grow at an exponential rate. For the first two weeks they would drink milk till their tummies were stretched to the limit n sleep. Nothing else. For two weeks the only significant change they went through was size. They opened their eyes around the 17th day and started walking about the 22nd day. Slowly the facial features started taking shape. The paws, nose and other pink stuff turned black gradually. Took three weeks for their ears to open, start barking and recognise ppl. The third week I visited, fluffy's snout was so deep into his bowl that he got his head stuck in it. It was comical to see him wearing the bowl as a hat and barking from inside and his little tail wagging furiously. At the end of 1 month they were dogs with individual personalities...they had hit teenage in a month!

Nobody wanted to give them away, but 4 dogs in a house are a handful already. Rowdy the girl was given to G's little niece, snowy had to be given to the person who brought the male lab for mating and fluffy was taken for adoption within 15 mins of placing an ad on sulekha. You can imagine how painful it was for me not being able to take even one of em home. Instead I was posting an ad for adoption :(

That was the last I saw of them. But it seems they recognise G & B whenever they visit. I hear they have grown a lot too. But however old they are I will always remember them as they were - sleeping in the palm of my hand.

The entire album is here. If you like any pic in particular pls post a comment...for the doggie's sake. They are internet trained now :)

Bow Wowwwww!

PS: ಸಂK You have till the end of Jan to translate "ಗಾಂಧಿ.. ಎಂಬ ಮನಸ್ಥಿತಿ !" If you don't I WILL. You decide!

The ?

2009-12-08T19:49:00.008+05:30

The question was asked as if wielding a gun.
When do you intend to get married son?
I just said the thought has not yet begun.
While I can, let me have some fun.

It’s easy to avoid the question than give an answer.
I’ve been dodging this like an agile belly dancer.
Probly tis something everyone does including myself.
But it’s easier to fool others than oneself.

Is it soo important… Having a wife?
‘Wife’ reminds me of a double ended knife!
Even then, she’s an essential part of life?
A good marriage… that’s not too rife.

I’m aware that down the lane it’ll be empty house.
For company, a dog will do, but diff to delouse.
Or something cuter like a pair of white doves?
Naah… Nothing compares to a loving spouse.

My cousin married too early, my aunt too late.
The right age will always be a debate.
I hate myself when in this confused state.
Maybe I should stop thinking and leave it to fate.

What am I waiting for?.. a soul mate?
Does everyone have one? If true ain’t it great?
Maybe there’s already one for me. Shouldn’t I wait?
Oh boy!... I’ll never get anywhere at this rate.

Now that twinkle is taken whom do I marry?
I should have loved other girls. Now I feel sorry.
Love’s a dream, but looks like it’s gonna be arranged.
Why did I let her go? I must have been deranged.

The most diff part is to define a lass.
“Tight in the right places, particularly the ass”
I say this at home I’ll become carcass.
Sounds naughty, but it’s the fancy of the normal mass.

Turns out there are groups to force me into tying the knot.
Old men’s and wise men’s counsel is already sought.
What kind of girl suits me best…war on the topic is fought.
Finding the best way of pushing me into the well… crazy lot!

Somebody help me out, I need a date.
After IPC 377, for the record… I’m straight.
Another shot at love… hope it’s not too late.
I donno what to do… I still am in the confused state.

Have I nothing better to do than blog this crap?
Eventually I guess I will fall into the trap,
For now atleast time to take off my thinking cap.
G'nite ya all. Time to take my usual nap.

Cheers!

Reinvention remix

2009-06-17T22:00:00.003+05:30

Thanks to the generous media attention showered on General Motors over the last few months, almost everybody is aware of what GM is going through. After a lot of debate and hustle with the Fed, we opted for (read 'were forced to opt for') protection against insolvency.... Chapter 11.

Till the restructured GM takes birth, ad campaigns are being aired in the US media to retain customer interest and to assure that GM is here to stay. I like this ad in particular.

A spoof of the ad is gaining more popularity.... and I must say that I like the spoofed version better :) Watch it before it is pulled off.

I have signed papers which prohibit me to say anything against the interest of GM. So whatever I have to say will stay unpublished or probably end up on wordpress. All I can say is that the spoof of the ad is funny and truthful!!

It is good to see so many ppl supporting the GM brand and giving it a touch of patriotism. After all GM was one of the companies that US economy was built on.

"This is not about going out of business, it is about getting down to business.

Coz the only chapter we are focused on...is Chapter 1!"

Snazzy punchline...

Chapter 11 or not.... I still think GM makes some really good cars. We just don't know how to sell them efficiently!

Cheers!

Susan Boyle - Britan’s got talent.

2009-04-17T23:30:00.004+05:30

Someone had a youtube link on their gchat status and I followed the link to be directed to a talent show clip. I usually stay clear of reality shows. Honestly I don’t have the patience for it. So I’m vaguely aware of what American Idol, Indian Idol and Britan’s got Talent are. I’ve also heard and seen Simon with his attitude of gigantic proportions a couple of times. I’ve thought more than once that he deserves a sound spanking! And that he got from Susan Boyle on Britan’s got talent. She's called The lady who shut up Simon Cowell! Watch the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Embedding is not supported.

A not so confident Susan walks in on stage, faces the great Simon, wants to be as successful as Elaine Paige and decides to sing ‘I dreamed the dream’….an opera kinda song. The cynicism is obvious throughout the audience which just dissolves into her voice the moment she starts singing. Mind blowing voice! It’s difficult to believe that she’s not a profession opera singer. The energy in that auditorium must have been somthing! How I wish I were there.
I’ve watched it 5 times already and I get goose bumps every time I did. At the end of it, all she has to say is that she feels bloody fantastic!! She Dreamed a dream and is living in it's glory.

This video has gained immense popularity. Stats speak for itself. As I type this, the video has been viewed over 21 million times in 7 days…that’s about 35 hits / second!!

The best revenge is to accomplish what others thing you are not capable of.

Cheers!

The speaking tree

2009-03-27T19:42:00.001+05:30

Good business schools are becoming aware that apart from learning how to maximize wealth, they need to also learn how to maximize happiness – their own and of those around them.

There is a difference between happiness and what we describe as joy and pleasure. On a warm day what a glass of cold lemon juice gives you is pleasure for it is momentary and sensory. Happiness on the other hand, is experienced in the mind and is therefore infinitely more powerful.

Are we happier today than we were a hundred years ago? If we’re not, isn’t it amazing that technological aids have not been able to add to our happiness?

What could we do to feel happy or happier?

1. Identify what makes you happy : I have met very few people who are clear about what makes them happy. Since they are unclear about their objectives, they live in a perennially unhappy life. List down what makes you happy. Generate goals that are specific, achievable but challenging.
2. Compete with yourself. A study conducted at Harvard demonstrated that people are happier when they are relatively more prosperous than their compatriots. Respondents chose between two situations : a) Your annual salary is $ 100,000 whike your compatriot gets $75,000; b) Your annual salary is $150,000 while your compatriot gets $175,000. Though the salary was more in the (b) situation, respondents overwhelmingly preferred (a). Why not compete with oneself instead of grieving over others’ achievements?
3. Don’t expect everyone to agree with you: We usually equate disagreement with enmity in spite of knowing that intelligent people rarely agree on anything; every individual has a perspective that’s unique. So try and persuade the other person but don’t be unhappy if you fail.
4. Live life according to your beliefs: Intellectual independence must follow financial independence. Implement your beliefs without inconveniencing others and be happy.
5. Live in the present; The past is dead and gone. Peep into it only to learn from mistakes. Dream of the future but remember you can’t enjoy it until it becomes your present. So don’t postpone what you can do today.
6. Increase the sources of your happiness; Gardening, singing, playing an instrument, exercising, meditating…The more the merrier.
7. Limit you desires; We get caught in the vicious spiral of infinite wants. The happiness you derive from moving from one product to another – bigger, better, more expensive – is at best short-lived. Try to figure out what you can do without. Incremental benefits as you climb up the value chain of materialism are fewer than the incremental costs that you might incur.
8. Forgive and forget: Forgiving your opponents who played dirty might not make you a winner but it would surely make you happier. Jealousy and prolonged anger are agents of death.
9. Keep your curiosity alive: People who vigorously retain the childlike habit of questioning are happy on two counts. They enjoy getting to know the answers and their curiosity keeps their mind alive.
10. Shun Hypocrisy: We worship women as goddesses but don’t respect them at home, workplace or any other situation. WE keep our courtyards clean by dumping garbage into the neighbor’s compound or on the street. Double standards don’t contribute to happiness.
11. Spend time with the young; Their happiness is infectious and costs nothing.
12. Give liberally: Share your smile, advice, cheer, money, help or just company. Giving should reduce your assets but giving happiness actually increases your own inventory – just try it out!

Not to worry….I have not been suddenly enlightened. I read this bit by Prakash Shesh on TOI dtd 26 Mar ’09. Found it sensible. So it’s here. There’s nothing special about it. Just the same old things, consolidated in one place. A gentle reminded of the ideas that almost everybody knows, but tends to forget!

Cheers!

Article Link : http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Repository/ml.asp?Ref=VE9JQkcvMjAwOS8wMy8yNiNBcjAxNDAz&Mode=HTML&Locale=english-skin-custom

BLR – PNQ – BLR

2009-03-26T18:30:00.003+05:30

I’m sitting in the Pune Airport, checked in and awaiting my delayed flight. Harking back on the very eventful four days of my stay, I thought I’d write about it…for time pass atleast.

I’ve been to Pune many times between 2004 and 2007 mostly on business. I never had to mix business with pleasure coz the pleasure was always a part of the business I was here on. I must be thankful to the people I’ve worked with and the friends I made, for making this happen. The line between business and the friendship was well defined. There have been instances where I would have fought eye and tooth to protect the interest of my organization to the utter annoyance of the other. But just 10 mins after the meeting, the very same person, even though a very senior person, would have his arm around my shoulder joking and giving me ideas to spend my evenings. This delicate balance was an asset that I’ve been used to most of my working life. When I think of Pune, I am always reminded of many ppl I know, FC, our hostel situated close to FC, Vaishali and Rupali (restaurants…not girlfriends), the road side tea wala where we used to sit and chat for hours, a bench where we would be sitting way past midnight eating ice cream or kulfi, many friends to catch up with and so much more.

This time, even though I was forced to visit pune, I was looking forward to it. It was a pretty simple job, known territory and a good chance to re-live pune….old eshtyle. Everything was planned and taken care of before I left. An intricate plan was in place and an alternate plan to accommodate problems. I was all geared up to have fun. Little did I know what was in store.

Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. Even things that could never go wrong went wrong. I had no idea that Murphy was working overtime here! When I’m faced with a problem, my thought process is always directed towards what next? Once the problem is resolved, I look back and analyze what went wrong and learn from it. This had helped me more times than it has harmed me. But this time it was different.

I felt like a lizard trying to climb up a slippery wall. It doesn’t go any higher, tries it's best not to slip further. Effectively it is going nowhere but exhausting itself. Same thing; I was slipping against my wish and I was trying too hard to bring it back on course. Effectively I exhausted myself physically, mentally and emotionally.

Last night I thought of an interesting concept I read in ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’…detach yourself. “Let the experience penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it”. Although Morrie said it in the context of relationships, I found it useful here. I was feeling vulnerable and I was doing my best to make it go away. Instead I embraced it. Early in the morning I called the people who were troubling me and made them a part of the problem. An honest plea and a little bit of my broken Marathi worked wonders. Everything fell into place and I could deliver according to my original plan. Now I’m going back home instead of having to spend my long weekend in Mumbai :)

I threw in a little bit of Prof. Pausch’s idea too. I’ve left a post-it on the monitors of the entire team who troubled me the most, but eventually helped me. It reads “Thanks for your help. Couldn’t have done it without you. गुडीपाड्वेच हार्धिक शुभेच्छा” It was not apple polishing. I really meant it. The fact is that they were the ones who created the problem. They were doing their job and I was doing mine. So no one is to be blamed.

Anyway, entangled in this mess, I was working 14 hours a day and had absolutely no time for anything else. But one thing is for sure…. My memories of Pune are tarnished :(

Cheers!!

13B – A ‘watchable’ movie

2009-03-22T11:40:00.000+05:30

Sleepless, without internet connectivity or power I had nothing better to do than to watch a movie - 13B… A horror / thriller by definition. I find the concept of a horror movie more terrifying the movie itself; A fear that is supported by movies like Phoonk, Darna zaroori hai etc etc. 13B was an exception to my belief. The movie is different and is one of those offbeat movies (something like Johnny Gaddar or Bheja Fry) that appeal more to ppl like me who are not die-hard fans of mainstream cinema. The cinematography is quite raw and it is almost as if someone has shot it with a Handycam. (Or was it because I watched a pirated copy?) Although the story is a bit ’supernatural’ in nature and has many inconsistencies in the plot, the movie is quite good. Overall it is an enjoyable movie.

The headphones added to the effect of the movie. It is quite scary at some parts…especially with ppl screaming suddenly. Imagine me sitting in pitch darkness watching the movie all alone, with headphones on… the best possible way to watch the movie (or get a heart attack!)

Anyway, my favourite character in the movie is Madhavan’s wife…. Neetu Chanda. She’s cute, quite lively and situationally naughty. My kinda girl ;)

The scariest part of the movie was…… a phone call that I received around midnight from a friend. The phone was in vibration mode under my pillow. The buzzing scared the shit out of me.

To the person who called……You can wipe that smirk off your face… I get scared too! Thanks to the special effects, I actually had to stop the movie and switch to Sienfeld. I finished the movie the next day in broad daylight!

Cheers!

The Treasure hunt!

2009-03-21T00:12:00.002+05:30

The talent acquisition team in our HR Dept has been sitting idle since the time recruitment was frozen. With the general morale sliding in the organization with bankruptcy under debate and all corners being cut, someone had to do something about it.

Today the HR team was attacking one cubicle at a time with silly party games. By the time they came to mine they were out of stuff for their games. So a treasure hunt was formulated.

Whichever team found all of the 6 items first won. A brown belt, Rs. 500 note, 3 black markers, a lady’s identity card, a family photograph and a pair of sunglasses… Quite simple. I was on a call taking stock of the situation for my visit to Pune on Monday. Although I was not a part of the crowd, I was listening to what was happening. I had 3 items in the list. Made a pile of those and pinged the only lady in our team who sits on a floor below ours and requested to come to our cubicle and get her markers…pronto! I did not expect anybody to have a family photograph. So I pulled out a laminated team photograph. Well…Something had to be given. Nobody had sunglasses handy. I gave the heap to the lady who had come running up and asked her to submit it… All this happened within about 3 mins and me still on the call.

Although, the other team took 10 mins more than we did to accumulate these, we lost coz they managed to get everything.

But the funny part is that our team was declared the winner for the spirit with which we had accumulated stuff. Apparently the HR lady (an American) had been watching me and was blown away with the team photograph being given as a family photograph. Although I missed the glory speech, I joined in at the last minute and was given a ‘special gift’ which I passed to the only girl in our team coz she had taken the most trouble….and it’s our social responsibility to take care of the only girl in the team ;)

Although the exercise was pretty juvenile it had done it’s job. It was nice to see almost everyone on the floor laugh and smile after a very long time. Not sure how long that will last. Since I was the star of the show and all, I did increase my list of acquaintances on the floor. Now I’m forced to smile at more people than I normally did earlier….not that I’m complaining.

This reminds me of an audit in my previous company. We were the least prepared to face the audit and when the auditors came in they were shown an amazing picture of how things were done…building castles in the air and reinforcing it online. All the questions were answered to exceed his expectations and justified suitably. A different person answered based on what the question was. That audit is sort of a personal benchmark for team spirit. We were actually adjudged the best dept for that year!

Cheers!

No time to Blog!

2009-03-02T23:37:00.006+05:30

After I started blogging psychologically, I seem to be getting a lot of ideas. Many not blog worthy…but who said there are standards for a blog? I was chatting with a friend recently and was justifying why I’m not able to blog as often as I would ideally like to. My most favorite reason of why I’m unable to do things … ‘No time’ was flatly refused. The argument was that ‘no time’ is just an excuse.

To think of it objectively, it almost always is. Looking back, when I’ve been extremely frustrated or touched by someone/something or when I had that idea for a poem, I always seemed to find time. Many of them were finished at the cost of my sleep which I never regretted later. Apart from the originating idea for the blog, what can inspire a blogger?..... Comments from other bloggers / followers! It doesn’t matter if it is criticism or praise or even a smiley. Just the idea that someone else is reading what is posted is encouraging enough. So ppl pls leave behind a comment. It does matter!

There aren’t many who follow my blog, but that doesn’t really bother me. Coz those who do are regulars. I’m thankful for the time that they spend on my page.

So as of now all I can say to you is… Thank You :)

Cheers!

Memories of the Cedia.

2009-02-26T02:03:00.010+05:30

24 Jan 2009 - Republic Day weekend. While most of the people were using the long weekend for a vacation or a trip, I was making a trial plan to be executed over the entire weekend. :( It wasn’t easy to turn down invitations for a trip without feeling jealous. Well… You gotta do what you gotta do. C’est la vie.

I set out early in the morning in the Sparky, picked up another guy (Ab) and headed towards Chennai. Ab who is from another city was not too happy being dragged out of bed early on a Saturday. But I was helping him out. So if anyone had a right to complain it was me! Around Hosur we started rigging up the car and started the test. A little later I started wondering what my friends would be upto in Coorg. Splashing water at the Hebbe Falls or wandering around the Elephant camp or.... My imagination was on overdrive……….zooooooooooooom. A black Cedia overtook us at an outrageous speed (The test required me to drive really slow. Cycles were overtaking me! Any slower and tortoises could have overtaken me) It had a KA-51 number plate…obviously headed towards Chennai for the weekend.

Back to day dreaming… I remembered the fun we had during a visit to Chennai a couple of months ago. I was talking to Ab about it when I saw the Cedia going slower than I was. There were two girls in the car and as I overtook them I noticed that both were very cute. Beach glasses, funky hairdo, a nose ring, designer watch, a couple of accessories that looked weird…basically ‘hip’ by today’s teenage stds. They were giggling away to glory as we passed them. Didn’t give it much thought and went on our way. A min later….zooooom. They overtake us again and a km later slow down as if waiting for us. I overtake them again and get to the left lane, they are on my tail for a little while, overtake me and wait for us a little ahead. This happened for quite some distance. One thing I loved about them is their driving. Although they were acting childish, all the traffic rules were being followed, indicators flashed while changing lanes, right overtaking…everything. For some reason I fancy a girl who drives well. I guess they were trying to allure us to race with them. Normally I might have increased my speed or atleast played along, but I was on a constant low speed trial and there was no way I would budge. After about 15-20 mins I guess they got bored. They overtook me one last time not before giving me the bird!! I have been given the finger many times but never by a girl! Anyway…I didn’t really find it offensive but Ab did. How could a girl do that?!?

Somewhere near Krishnagiri we pulled into a gas station for LPG. We were almost done when the Cedia pulled up in the next aisle! I guess they had stopped for breakfast somewhere and we got ahead of them. The door opened, out came a fancy pair of shoes, designer jeans, a t-shirt which read “Other body parts are equally sexy!” and of course a girl in it. Ssspunky!!! I was wrong earlier about her being cuter. She was not only cute but also what her T-shirt said…sexy. I could not help staring at her. Pedicure, manicure and all other types of cures that exists were done on her. She was undoubtedly from a very well off family and around 22 I guess. She did not notice us for some time and when she did she froze in her tracks. I returned her nervous smile and after she realized that I had totally ignored the incident earlier, she got a little comfortable. She said they were getting bored and tried to add a little spice to their drive to Chennai.

I complimented her driving and she was visibly flattered. She said ‘I’ve done Bangalore - Chennai –Bangalore over weekends twice! I looove driving. You were driving very slowly. Looks like you are just learning to drive. You should build up your confidence! It takes some time but you’ll get there. Look at me. I started driving when I was 20. Today I can even drive at 100 Kmph. I know your spark will not go above 80 -90 Kmph. You can try driving at 60 atleast” I was making appropriate sounds, careful not to burst her balloon. It was very amusing. This innocent young thing is lecturing me on driving, quoting examples of having driven to Chennai twice in her life whereas I had driven to Chennai and back....on the same day......thrice...... last week alone. Ab was looking at me flabbergasted with my silence. Glad that he did not open his mouth, I thanked her for the advice and we parted ways.

Back in our car Ab accused me of being a softie towards girls. Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. But in this case proving how my experience was better than that of hers would hardly matter. Instead I was better off letting her go thinking she helped boost an amateur’s confidence.

We started out measurements again and finished the low speed part and switched to the high speed part which meant driving at a constant speed of 140 kmph. About 15 mins of driving I spotted the Cedia overtook it and vanished from their view within minutes. I was not sure whether they had seen us or not. We talked about what their reaction would have been like when we overtook them so fast and on and on… Finally, we had an interesting topic to talk about for time pass. Time just flew away. The test finished an hour later; we stopped for a quick lunch and started on our way back to Bangalore. While I was waiting for a break in the opposite lane traffic for a U turn, the Cedia came to our left, stopped, the girl gave me a mock salute and went on her way to Chennai and we came back home. It had taken her almost 45 mins to catch up with us! A depressing day turned out to be quite interesting… Thanks to the girls in the Cedia. I guess this is what is called "(k)aam ka (k)aam, guthliyon ke daam"

But the most unfortunate thing is that at the gas station since I was trying to be coy and all neither did I introduce myself nor did I get an intro. What a shame!

Cheers!

I should really learn to blog under 500 words....what say?

8 Oscars…It was written.

2009-02-23T22:32:00.007+05:30

Oscar night! With multiple nominations, Slumdog Millionaire was sure to clinch a couple of them at least. When I left home to go to office today it had already won in 4 categories. As soon as I reached office an enthusiastic colleague dragged me straight to the cafeteria and the movie was discussed over a cup of coffee. He told me that Rehman had won the award for best music & best composition & best score & best sound mixing & 3-4 more categories. And since today happens to be Shivratri there will be the unquestionable divine intervention to bring in more awards for the movie. So he was sure that it will get at least 12 or 13 awards in total. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it had only 10 nominations in this Academy Awards. Others came in to my rescue and I quietly slipped out. Finally I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the grand score was 8…Pretty goodl.

I watched the movie sometime in December and started a blog which I could never finish (this is happening to too many of my blogs. If someone is interested in ghost writing, pls let me know) It was clear that SdM was Oscar material. My belief was reinforced when it made an entry on imdb ranked around 40 in top 250 films ever made. By the time I tried to finish the blog there were too many views about the movie already n it became meaningless for me to finish it. This article about the movie is a favorite of mine. There have been contradicting views about the movie and mostly negative views about what it portrays India as. Although it shows (not highlights) the side of India that we are aware of, but try to ignore…. I just loved the movie. A very simple theme, no load to the brain and yet heart touching. The kids have played their roles exceptionally well and the others fit into their roles quite well too. The dance sequence at the end of the movie is very cute but looked almost as if it was a mockery of Bollywood. Although the tune ‘Jai ho’ is quite catchy, I must say with all honesty that it is not Rehman’s best work. It is just that the song made a bigger impact in Hollywood where it’s rare to have a song in a movie.

This certainly is a feather in the cap for the Indian film Industry (Many from our industry have been a part of the movie…off screen too)…the music industry at least. The pride of having raked in so many Oscars shows….with people throwing in a couple of awards from personal capacities like my colleague did. But for an average person this pride comes along with a slight bitter taste. I have a feeling that in India the glory of having won the awards will outlive the movie itself; a movie that most will be in a hurry to forget and just highlight the laurels that it received.

I was trying to dig out info about who Danny Boyle was. I was shocked to find out that he is also the director of a very unheard kinda movie “The Beach”. If someone remembers...the movie features the very scenic beaches of Thailand and an amazing sound track by Moby. The book is as amazing as the movie was pathetic! The movie was a very poor adaptation of the book. I guess Mr. Boyle does learn from his mistakes. SdM transpired very well.

Vikas Swarup - An unheard of Indian Author came into limelight. It wouldn’t be a great surprise if one of the local directors is knocking on his doors for the rights of his other book –Six suspects. Book stores including footpath hawkers are doing brisk business selling his books. It was not too long ago that I could not find the book even on http://www.flipkart.com/!

All said and done…. The awards were well deserved! Hats off to the entire team.

Jai Ho!

Ekshoes me please. We’re like this only.

2009-02-12T23:39:00.004+05:30

Lost in thought about something, I was jay walking inside ITPB and one of the security guards said “ Ekshoe me please. Walk on footpath" I’d heard the English like language that the security guys in our campus speak many times. Most of them being bihari, I give them full marks for trying. This time I decided to correct his Ekshoe me to excuse me. He took it in the right sense, repeated it a couple of times and I went on my way happy with what I’d done. Few hours later, on my way back home I heard the same ekshoe me please from the same guy. By all probabilities he was an uneducated guy who came out from ‘the darkness’ to make a decent living here. But is the attitude towards being corrected unique? Not quite.

Many ppl joke about how the British ran away from India unable to bear the Indian version of English. Many times it sounds so true. We have it our minds that we know whatever there is to know in the language and what we know is right. Even if someone tries to correct our mistakes, we either resent it or ignore it.

If you keep your ears open long enough, you are bound to be treated to many hilarious statements, be it in office, school, college or outside.

Last week during my appraisals I was told that my raise will commenstruate to my performance wrt others.

I was chasing someone for a critical deadline that we had to meet. She apologized and requested for a few more days. I was grumbling about the delay and she said her team was short of ppl and she was humping her bust all alone for my requirement. It took me a loooot of self-control not to laugh on her face.

Somebody was giving me feedback about problems he faced especially due to a sensor which was giving out erotic signals. “You mean erratic?” I ask him and he says “No. No. Erotic”. Well…people have their fetishes. Who am I to comment on it?

Recently I had to get some forms signed by a big shot and I gave them to his secretary and requested her to get it done. She said “After it is done, pls come and collect me” I couldn’t resist saying “I’d rather collect the forms”. She didn’t understand what I meant.

I had some problems with my internet connection and had called customer care. Somewhere during the call, in my effort to over emphasize I had said ‘it is as brand as new’. I don’t think the other person realized my mistake, but neither did I, until mom pointed it out. On the same call I was asked to plug the network cable into my back side and check if it is blinking. I asked “What should I check?” “Check if your back side is blinking Sir.” Why the hell will my back side blink?!?!? Difficult to explain that backside, rear and behind are not the same.

Last one… A telephone conversation I heard between a guy trying to reserve a room for himself in USA and the receptionist (Mindy) on speaker phone.

Jay : Is the reservation pukka?
Mindy : Excuse me?
Jay : Reservation confirmed?
Mindy : Yes Sir. I’ll send you a confirmation mail if you want. Mail id pls.
Jay : Ok. Take down. Jayesh@mail.com
Mindy: How do you spell that?
Jay : J-A-Y-E…
Mindy : Sir. I’m unable to understand. Pls spell it phonetically.
Jay: Eh? What is this?
Gets an explanation and tries to implement it
Jay : J for Jaipur
Mindy : What?!?
Jay : Err… J for Jack, A for hafill
Mindy : Excuse me. What?
Jay : Hafil pa…red phruit. A-P-P-L-E
Mindy : Phonetically pls.
Jay : Ok. A for America, P for parrot, P for yet another parrot, L for Latin, E for Europe….. Did you get it.
Mindy : Ok. So what do we have so far. JAPPLE@mail.com?
Jay : No no… Jayesh@mail.com
Mindy : #%@$&#
Jay : What happen?
Mindy : Sir. Pls send us an email. We will reply with the confirmation. Good Day!

Obviously the names are fake but with the same initial letters. But imagine this conversation on a speaker phone and the guy with a thick South Indian accent. People who could hear were literally ROTFL. He finishes the call oblivious to the laughter around him and joins us in our laughter!

In such cases, it is impossible not to have been corrected or being unaware of occasional mistakes. I’ve tried correcting many in a subtle way. Some defend themselves... saying…big deal! I still understood what they were trying to convey. Others get offended and yet do not correct the mistakes. There’s a particular friend whom I see online many times but am scared to initiate a chat. Reading the received chat text is like solving a puzzle. No punctuation, too many spelling mistakes and misplaced spaces. On complaining, earlier it was ‘I’m like this only. Pls adjust”. Now it is “After such a long time you must have been used it” I’ve almost given up. I know for sure that this person can write properly.

I’m not trying to highlight the mutilation of the language, but the casual attitude we have towards things. So the next time someone points out a mistake, realize that it’s not a jab at your ego. It just means they have not given up on you and think that you can do better.

After reading all of this if you find anything erotic, pls do let me know. And if I’ve said something wrong, please ekshoes me.

Cheers!

Lost......and found.

2009-02-09T23:34:00.002+05:30

Computers seems to have become my enemy since early last week. For starters my ISP 'upgraded' the infrastructure after which I had no internet access for a couple of days. When I did get it rectified I realised that the update had disabled my wireless router and nothing I said to the customer care made them help me with it. Their arguement was that my connection is for a single user and wireless is not supported. I feel that the real issue is these guys don't know how to solve the problem. I lost patience, gave it up and went back to my old ways. Login till 10.30 and hit the bed. Early to bed and early to rise.... It was quite relaxing.

After reading a blog about someone losing data, I had stored all my important data on an external drive. My laptop has been acting a little iffy lately and I was (still am) bracing for a crash. Time for a windows overhauling. So I backed up office stuff too. I was almost done...last few MBs of data transfer were remaining when things froze. Windows freezing abruptly is no big deal. I tried booting up again... My Dell had crashed! I had a very smug feeling of having outsmarted the crash.

While I put my laptop on recovery mode, I checked how much of the data was safe. I hooked up the drive to my desktop and my world collapsed. The external drive also had crashed!!! The format was unrecognised and windows could not make sense of what was connected. Having survived a few crashed earlier, I tried all the tricks that I could conjure, tried many recovery softwares, but no luck. Data gone forever. The most precious thing of what I lost was my collection of photographs from many Treks, family, funtions, Europe, Korea, get togethers, baby photographs....about 45 GB of memories vanished ...just like that :(

But after 2 days at it and a lot of jugaad , I could recover all of my photographs and some junk that I could have lived without. I was trying to revive my wireless parallely and that was accomplished too by adding a network switch. The whole setup looks stupid. But atleast I have internet access whenever I want.

My weekend was completely ruined. At the end of it all, I learnt a lot about hard disks, partitions and related stuff, a little bit about networking too, which might not be too useful. But the most imp lesson.. If it is important data...burn it on CD or DVD. As of now I've started uploading my photographs to piccassa....something I've been planning to do for a long time but could never find time. I hope I don't have to re-live these situations again.

Cheers!

Blogging….Psychologically

2009-02-02T22:45:00.002+05:30

It’s been close to two months since I blogged last. The blogging community was sort of silent after the 26/11 attacks and I joined in its silence. Stuck between my vagabond lifestyle at work, health issues at home, a couple of long vacations and an attempt to revive what is left of my social life, I could not (did not) find time to blog. Eventually lost the momentum and I’ve been a silent spectator. I did blog about a couple of things. But those belong to the ’password protected’ category and are sitting safe on wordpress. I also managed to start many posts, most of them incomplete.

However over the last few weeks I’ve started a new kind of blogging: Psychological blogging. If I’m in situation which I would normally blog about, I start with what I would write and build up the theme, give it a decent shape and think about what it would look like if I decide to actually type it down later. It’s all in the mind. So practically it’s a blog victimized by my laziness! But I get the satisfaction of having given it the thought it deserves. Sounds crazy…but it’s good time pass if you have nothing better to do ;-) The negative thing is that I don’t get comments and feedback, which takes away the fun. Anyway....

Till I get back to the normal blogging……

Cheers!

Smiley in the sky!

2008-12-01T21:52:00.008+05:30

Did anyone in Bangalore notice the Moon and a pair of shiny things in the northern sky today? It almost looked like a winking smiley in the sky. The 4 day old moon, Venus and a star (or was it jupiter?) were in perfect alignment to make it look like a smiling face. I was observing it on the way home. Unfortunately by the time I reached home, the sky became cloudy. If not I wanted to take a photograph. I'm sure one of the newspapers will have a photograph of it tomorrow.

Cheers!

Déjà vu - http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Repository/ml.asp?Ref=VE9JQkcvMjAwOC8xMi8wMiNBcjAwMzAy&Mode=HTML&Locale=english-skin-custom

The Corporate Manual

2008-11-28T01:51:00.011+05:30

As a kid growing up, I’ve always been fascinated by the phrase corporate world. The word corporate had an unfathomable aura, something unexplainably fascinating. Everyday the newspaper used to have news strips about corporate decision / law / policy / culture etc. But nobody could explain to me what it meant. I hate to admit it but even after being a part of the so called corporate world, I still do not understand what it really means. I have been observing a few behavioral patterns of people living in the corporate world, especially of the people who run the world (or atleast pretend to be running it). Although many properties change from corporation to corporation, the basic rules of the game remain the same. I’m trying to list down what my exposure to the corporate world has taught me. If a corporate manual was to be made for new recruits of a corporate world, what would it look like?

Presenting the a-b-c-d-e-f of the Corporate World.

Chapter 1 : Ways of 'tackling' an issue / problem.
1-a. avoid: Whenever u see your manager taking the stairs from the 12th floor and tells you it’s a healthy practice he’s giving you 2-b (refer below). Actually he’s avoiding his manager who’s waiting for the lift in the lobby.
1-b. bypass: If you observe a senior colleague being extra courteous to somebody else and saying things like ‘I’d love to do that but…….blah blah blah’ understand that he’s trying to take credit for willingness but skip that task.
1-c. confuse / criticize: You ask a question about a bolt and the answers shall have references to everything but the bolt (confuse) or your basic knowledge about the bolt is questioned (criticize).
1-d. delegate / deflect: When posed with a problem, choose a target and direct it towards them with ‘FYI-NA’ by e-mail or ‘Not my baby. Maybe it’s yours’ verbally.
1-e. ejaculate (no no…. We mean it as in exclaim with surprise): Time to witness some professional drama. The performance can put stage artists to shame. In the attempt to claim ignorance and run away from the problem, sometimes you get to hear idiotic reasons…something on the lines of saying “Who shit my pants?”
1-f. forward : The issue is forwarded to many people in the organization. Sometimes even the security and canteen services are included for no reason. Not to be confused with 1-d, which has a specific target(Bakra). In this, there is no target in particular. By all probabilities after the mail travels across 5 continents and through all levels of hierarchy it may come back to you. But you get time to work on it till it comes back.

Chapter 2: Corporate curse words
These are usually adjectives or interjection depending on the usage, used to emphasize, over-emphasize or dramatize a given situation. Never to be used to empathize with somebody.
2-a: asshole
2-b: Bull shit / Bastard
2-c: Chutia / crap
2-d: dumbass / dickhead
2-e: ediot (? help me out here)
2-f: If you don’t know a curse word with F already, pls get in touch with our HR rep, who will assist you with your resignation. We don’t think you have what it takes to stay in the corporate culture! Good luck with your future.

Note: These words can be suitably modified and combined for better results.
E.g: The adjective form of 2-f and noun form of 2-b is quite popular now a days.

Chapter 3: Corporate reasons of why something could not be done

3-a : Away. E.g.: I was on trials in xxxx or I was at the client / customer / supplier end for a long time.
3-b: Busy. E.g.: I’m toooo busy ya. I’ve got 143 e-mails in my inbox! I still have not replied to the mail that Obama sent me.
3.c: Computer crash. E.g.: I was almost done with the ppt and the computer turned blue while saving the file. I got an error saying that the file is lost. :( Remind yourself of your cute dog which died recently. Sad face is very important.
3-d: Debate is on. E.g.: I have given multiple solutions to the problem. A debate on which method to adopt is underway.
3-e: e-mail not received. E.g. : Report? Which report? I didn’t get any intimation! or Ohhh… That report. I sent that last week itself. Did you not receive it?
3-f: Feedback awaited. E.g.: I have asked the Chief Engg / CEO / Director / Somebody imp for guidance. I’m still awaiting his feedback.

Chapter 4: Corporate buzz words & their meanings.
4-a: At the end today - I don’t care when your day ends. You are not going home before finishing this. Antonym of ASAP.

4-b: big picture – Pls don’t look at the reasons behind this. You are on a wild goose chase. In fact don't even expect a goose.
4-c: Core competency (ies) – We have no capabilities. We can do any kind of work that comes our way.

4-d: Difference in opinion - We had a heated argument. He pulled my collar. I kicked him in the groin. He’s gonna be on leave for a couple of days.

4-e: (from my) experience - I don’t know anything about this.

4-f: First thing tomorrow morning – Not gonna happen. Tomorrow never comes. Right?

4-g: going forward – Forget whatever happened so far. It was a mess. We can make a bigger mess out of it!

4-h: Hands on experience - Esp in the context of training. You will have nothing on your hands. It’ll be more like hands free experience.

4- i: If you ask me - If I have to say something…this is the most intelligent thing I can come up with.

4-j: Just in case; be cautious - In the words of Cypher in Matrix… “buckle your seat belts, Dorothy, 'coz Kansas is going bye-bye”. Rough times ahead!
4-k: King – Customer is king – The king is dumb and has a lot of money. Let’s make a sucker out of him.
4-l: logically speaking – There’s no logic here. No use speaking about it.
4-m: Minutes of meeting – Well that was a fun hour… Let’s write down what we should have done.
4-n: Next step – We don’t know how we got into this mess. Whom do we put the blame on?
4-o: Out of the box – Let’s go for some coffee or a smoke.
4-p: Process driven system oriented – I don’t know what the hell is going on. It has a mind of its own and I have no control over it.
4-q: Quite simple – Duh! Had it been simple why would anyone mention it?
4-r: Roles and responsibilities – Let’s define whose ass goes into the slammer if things go wrong.
4-s: social responsibility – The society is blaming us for not taking up any responsibility. We’ll have to take some now atleast.
4-t: Top of my mind – I have no mind and it’s open from the top. So don’t count on my methods.
4-u: Unparallels – Esp in the context of training “You go there for training. When you finish you will not have any unparallels” meaning you will be screwed up beyond repair.
4-v: Value addition - ???
4-w: win –win – win - We’ve been losing all this while. This time somehow we didn’t. Let’s celebrate!
4-x: We are a team – You work hard and I will help you take credit for it.
4-y: Young and energetic – I don’t want to waste my energy on this. You waste yours.
4-z: Zillion – I don’t know how to count.

Chapter 5 : Corporate Time pass.
5-a: Audit – A corporate drama where a specific group of people go around for some time pass. The employees who are being audited try to prove that they have been following something since 1948 even though the company was incorporated in 2001.
5-b: Brain storming – A high octane entertainment avenue where it’s a competition of “who’s the dumbest?” Size of the storm is inversely proportional to the size of the brain.
5-c: Cost reduction program – An initiative which may save Rs. 5 per week for 1 year at the cost of having wasted Rs. 5000 per day for 6 months.
5-d: Design review – A forum where people get to debate on the colour of components on the CAD models or font color of a report or something very important like that.
5-e: Executive meeting – Similar to brain storming but usually involves higher level people. So pizzas and snacks are included.
5-f: Face to face discussion – A method to take a break away from office. The reason can be as silly as eyeballing the secretary in the other building, sometimes in another city or country.

Chapter 6 : BOSS
It’s a human like creature who exists to create problems in your life but still has complete control of your life in the corporate world. It’s somebody who Builds Opportunities for Self-Survival…..a blood sucking critter in short.
This species is usually prominent in the corporate environment. As a new employee you will not be able to boss anyone around, but you shall be fiddled with on a regular basis.

A few rules to remember.

Rule 1: Your boss might look like a mental retard, with short tousled hair, disheveled looks and behaves worse than he appears. But you must pretend to respect him and act elated in his benevolent presence.

Rule 2: Always agree to what he says. Information that you pass on to him will be taken casually. He might say ‘I know’ to everything; unless it has links to some serious issue which he is supposed to know, wherein he will say ‘I didn’t know’
E.g. :
You: An apple fell on Isaac Newton’s head and he discovered Gravity.
Boss: I know.
You: Oh?
Boss: In fact I was the one who threw the apple on his head!
You may be aware that he has no clue what gravity is and Newton is squirming in his grave on that remark of his. The only Isaac Newton he knows is Isahak from New-Town in Bhadravati. Yet you shall not catch his lie.
You shall say “Wow! Was it a green apple or a red apple?” instead of saying “Bull shit. Don’t give me that crap” (Another example of how words from Chapter 2 can be combined and used effectively)

Rule 3: Always laugh at his comments. Carefully listen to what he says. If he expects you to laugh, pls laugh. Not laughing at a joke(from his point of view) is an insult. If he doesn’t expect you to laugh, pls do not laugh. Laughing at something which was not supposed to be funny is a bigger insult!

Rule 4: Be safe than sorry. It is advisable to have suitable nicknames when you have to refer to your boss behind his back to curse him. Keep an assortment of names so that you can change frequently to avoid any doubts. E.g. Mental Manja, Auto Seena, Pappu, Gowda, Zamindar, minister, james bond etc….

Rule 5: Work as a team. Never expect to hear 'We' or 'Our team' when it's in an ocassion of taking credit of work or congratulating the team for successful completion of something. However the defensive statements against taking blame for a lousy job will have 'We' or 'The team' all over the place.

Self assessment test:
Imagine that you have received an email with the following.

“HOD asked PEM about the status of BOM for review in the PPDR of MTC uploaded in TCC. Get on to it ASAP and send a 1-liner to IS&S or FIN for the ECS of the PO against PI from xxx for the TC required for SOP in TCI by EOD. FYI & FU”

You don’t’ understand even a word, neither does your boss. What will be your next step?

If you can come up with a strategy to tackle the problem , use a few curse words, use the alibis and biz buzz words that we have listed in the manual and make your boss happy while giving him credit for it…..Welcome to the Corporate world!

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This is the end of the Rookie level Corporate Manual. Hope you have imbibed enough knowledge of the Corporate world. Manuals for the higher levels are still being compiled. We are debating on the material and are awaiting a feedback from our corporate publishers.We need your valuable feedback and ideas to help us improve. You can feed us in the back on feedback@corporateworld.com

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Cheers!

This is probably the longest post that I've published. The original idea was worth about 500 words. I got carried away and now it's close to 2000 words! If someone read it through completely...hats off to your patience. If you have more ideas for new 'chapters'...do lemme know.

Disclaimer: None of the examples, phrases, text extracts are mine. These are actual things that I have witnessed / experienced / heard / over-heard. The email also is an actual mail that I have preserved in my inbox.

...

2008-11-26T01:44:00.004+05:30

One of my very close friends called me in the morning and instead of the peppy 'Good mooorrrninggg' I got big time gyaan on how I never inform about events that happen in my life, about my life being a very big secret, the 'real me’ is still unknown, my dreams and aspirations are never divulged...etc etc. I was trying to figure out what was going on. All of that sounded partially true and partially biased. I was trying to figure out what triggered this cataclysmic realisation of what our friendship meant to each other after about 9 years (and counting I hope) of being friends. A little later I found out that she had discovered my blog! Blogger has put me into trouble!

The major complaint was that whenever she asks about what’s happening in my life I always reply with ‘Nothing much. Pretty much the same’. I never seem to have anything to say even though there’s so much going on. She claimed herself to be a failure as a friend and declared that she is of no use in my life…even quoting examples from Hindi movies! I just couldn’t reason with her and left it at that. I was on my way to work when this happened and had time to think about it.

Everybody has different circles of friends for different things. I could categories my friends into 4 groups. 1. Best friends (anywhere-anything types) 2. Career / work related friends 3. Activity friends. 4. Virtual friends (Phone/chat/blog)….pretty much self explanatory. Some friends might be under multiple categories but they always undergo suitable transitions when they jump circles. I have many friends who are/were colleagues whom I go to movies with or go hiking with. These are guys who behave according to the situation we are in. I really hate it when the career / work friends become activity friends without undergoing the transition. These are people who, even while sitting by a moon lit lake, looking at a full moon and a billion stars end up cribbing about work or some promotion or an exam or stuff like that and spoil the fun for the entire gang. I have never met some of the friends in the virtual category and probably never will and yet we know so much about each other and conversely there are people who know me a bit too well and yet leave an ‘appropriate’ comment on my blog.

Back to the original point of argument… How much of your life can you share with friends…any one friend in particular? Is it possible for one person to know you completely as a person? Some friends have entrusted me with a lot of intricate details about their lives, especially from the virtual friend and Best friends category. For some it is an outlet to vent out their frustrations, anger or share happiness/sorrows. For others it’s to ask for advice or think out aloud while I’m listening. But these are specific aspects only that friends in specific circles talk about. The ideal solution would be to find one person who can fit into all these roles and then we’ll know each other well. Is that good? Well…. It’s pathetic. Where’s the fun in that?

Now, this friend of mine is one of the rare gems who spreads happiness everywhere she goes and narrates almost her entire day to me. I’ve literally lived her life in parallel for the last 9 years. But she doesn’t get to know what’s happening in my life to that extent. I sub consciously filter things which interests or concerns her; something that I do to everybody. We enjoy each other’s company immensely and have a ball of a time whenever we hook up. Our frequencies match to a large extent. So all this while she might have been under the impression that she’s aware of what’s happening with me and I have no other levels or dimensions of thought. But the stuff she found on my blog gave her a collective insight of me. Disaster! (This is why initially I was a lil hesitant to post on a public domain.)
More interestingly another friend of mine has complained many times that even though I know him inside out, he hardly knows me. That’s a conundrum! Maybe I have issues trusting people with things in my life or maybe I think it’s not necessary for others to know what’s happening with me unless it is important. Or maybe it’s a typical Taurean trait! I donno what it is…but that’s me.

I wonder is it just me or are there others who give out info about their lives on a need to know basis only.

Cheers!

I don't even know what to call this post. I just proof-read it….Quite lengthy and booooring :(

ಚುರಮುರಿ ಅಂಕಲ್!

2008-11-22T23:33:00.003+05:30

For the benefit of people who don't read kannada, the title reads 'Churmuri Uncle!' (Churmuri is puffed rice used to make bhel puri)

There's a foodcart which is always parked on New High School Road, near National High School in Basavanagudi. The duo who run the joint make typical Andhra-Shetty style snack items which are quite popular in the V.V Puram area. From what I hear those guys have been in the same business selling the same kind of stuff for over 30 years! Having studied in that school and continued for two years in the college adjacent to the school, this food cart was a favorite hang-out for us during those 5 years. Even after I joined Engineering, I used to go there occasionally. But when the construction work for National College flyover started around 2002, it became a pain to cross that area and eventually I stopped going to him. After a break of more than 6 years, I decided to visit him today.

I took a leisurely walk towards National College. From a distance I could see the blue tarpaulin, the cart shaking with the two guys chopping onions, the crowd gathered around it...pretty much the same sight I remember seeing the last time I was here. Looking at the crowd, I almost chickened out, but I was determined to eat there today. I ordered what I wanted and was expectantly looking at him for any signs of recognition. Nothing at all :( He went on with his work. I was looking around his setup to see if anything had changed. Aboslutely nothing has changed. The same set of tubs and boxes. The exact same setup. The only 'upgrade' is that they have become lil more hygenic; they wear gloves and a surgical caps now. Not bad! A few drooling moments later, I got my bhel puri. One bite of it and I was trying to figure out what made me to stop coming here. It was scrumptious and I ate one plate of everything he had to offer except for slices of pineapple. Even though I relished the food, I was disappointed a little bit because neither of those guys recognised me. I don't blame them. They deal with thousands of people everyday.

Slighly dejected I got closer to his chopping counter and asked for the total. Instead of telling me the amount he asked me how much it was with a sly grin. I claimed ignorance because I didn't know the individual prices. He started telling me the individual prices. I didn't get it at first. But later, I remembered that earlier I used to sum up, pay him the exact change and leave. He never used to think twice about the amount that I used to come up with. After my 'tubelight' blinked, the two guys and I started laughing. They knew who I was all along! Amidst catching up, he pointed out that I did not do justice to the pineapple and I was forced to eat it. Being stuffed completely, I tried to pay but they flatly refused...saying 'call this a welcome back treat!' It was not much...just about 40 bucks, but the gesture meant a lot. These guys have seen me through my chaddi-cycle days to denim-car days and more importantly, they remember all of it. I guess some business relationships go beyond business. I went home with huge smile as if I had won a million bucks in cash!

Cheers!

A Scary Night!

2008-11-19T23:41:00.002+05:30

At 2.30 am yesterday, I was dragged out of bed by mom who was visibly flustered. Before I could realize what the hell was happening I was standing in front of my dad who was in bed. One look at him… my sleep disappeared and I broke into a cold sweat.

He was acting weird. Almost as if he was drunken solid and inhaled nitrous oxide. He doesn’t drink and there was no other reason for the way he was acting. Although he was talking, walking, recognizing people, it was all incoherent. He was smiling and laughing like a deranged person. I was shit scared. I tried talking to him, making some conversation, acted as if nothing was wrong and tried finding out if he was feeling anything out of the ordinary. His responses were quite logical, but not convincing. All the while I was sitting next to him, he was caressing my hand: something that felt good but had never ever happened before. Then I observed that his pupils were completely dilated. Then it hit me. He was Hypoglycemic! He switched over to insulin shots a few months ago. I stuffed some sugar in his mouth and prayed that nothing is wrong. To be on the safer side we went to the hospital and got his blood pressure checked which was normal. On the way back, he started nagging about a turn that I made without switching on the indicator. That’s when I sighed with relief. I don’t think I’ve ever smiled when being shouted at but for yesterday! The sugar and the fresh air had brought him back to normalcy. Back home we stuffed him with some food forcibly and analyzed what went wrong. Apparently there were some guests in the evening and his eating schedule was disturbed. The insulin pulled his sugar level way below the safe limit. When the entire ordeal was over and everyone got back to bed, it was 5.30 in the morning. With only about 2 hrs left for me to leave to work, I decided to take an off (and am planning to take an off tom tooJ) There’s no way I can survive on 3 hrs of sleep. I can live without food for sometime, but sleep I need.

When we narrated what happened, he claimed (still claims) ignorance. The last thing he remembers was going to bed. The part between that and drive back home from the hospital is a blank. He still thinks we are exaggerating a little bit. I have stopped reasoning with him on that now. The day turned out to be pretty good. Had a generally lazy day and spent a major part in bed.

But after all of this, I realized how important a person can be in our lives although we take him/her for granted. It’s always on our mind that the people in our close circled will always stay around. Never does a thought arise that we are not immortal. We have limited time to spend with people that we love and care for and have to make the best of it. So if you had to say or do something to a friend or someone in the family or trying to make new friends or resolve a misunderstanding or whatever of that sort and are waiting for the ‘perfect occasion’, that time is now! What might happen tomorrow you never know.

Cheers!

C.A.T

2008-11-17T03:31:00.002+05:30

It's 3 in the morning and I'm blogging instead of sleeping. I’ve been trying to sleep for the past 3 hours in vain. Had quite a taxing day today. Took up the CAT, was sulking till the evening....thanks to my performance. In the evening I attended a wedding reception, got to meet a lot of old colleagues and generally had a blast. But the after-taste of the test is stronger than of the chow I had at the reception.

CAT is a self inflicted torture I subject myself to every year. I've been taking it for so long now, that I can be called a veteran. What started as an honest attempt to get into a B-School, has turned into an obsession of sorts. Including today's test, I've taken 6 CATs so far and except once I've scored in the 92 - 96 percentile range. It may not be good enough to put me into the IIMs but more than enough to get me into decent colleges....which I never apply to. I want to get into the best or not get into it at all. But none of these attempts have been serious so far. Results without any efforts cannot be good. Right?

The irony is when I started taking tests, my scores were pretty decent and could have gotten better with a little bit of efforts. But my folks were in pretty bad, financially and I was in no position to ask for money for a PG degree. I had to work atleast to take my burden off them. I’ve never had regrets about that. Now I can afford to bear my education expenses or atleast take a loan but am not able to scrape up a decent score. The funnier part is this time I did not even want to take the test. Since I was out of the country when the forms were being sold a friend of mine picked it up for me without asking and I had to take it. It’s almost as if I take the test for the kicks. And I’m not alone!

Judging by the behavior of the candidates sitting around me in the test centre, I had a feeling that nobody was really serious. During the test when I started attempting those questions, I could almost hear my brains creaking in an effort to work. Many people were actually giggling to themselves during the test. Mid-way I happened to glance at my neighbour’s OMR sheet and got a heart attack. Her paper was riddled with dots compared to mine which had very few. On the way out I asked her how it was and she casually says “I’ve solved about 25 questions and answered about 80”. That explained all the dots on her paper.

As of now I can only pray that the others have done worse than I have. If the girl who sat next to me is any indication of the general performance, then I don’t have to worry too much. But I should stop relying on other’s bad performance and bank more on my own performance.

With time running out on me, maybe it's time to throw in the towel and call it quits. But quitting on something is not in my nature. I donno what to do. I feel really fkd up!

Not all that cheerful today!

:)

2008-11-14T23:37:00.004+05:30

source : http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Repository/ml.asp?ref=VE9JQkcvMjAwOC8xMS8xNCNBcjAyNjEz&Mode=Gif&Locale=english-skin-custom

Men of Steel - 1

2008-11-13T07:19:00.004+05:30

The preface and the snapshot on the rear cover of the book arose enough interest in me to venture into the first chapter even though it was 2 in the morning. Only 3 hours later did I realise what a mistake that was. The book was so captivating that I had swept through it in one shot at the cost of my sleep. No regrets though. I would have written about it yesterday itself. But I decided to catch up on the sleep that I had missed reading the book ;)

The book was just what it said…”India’s business leaders in candid conversation with Vir Sanghvi”. A perfect blend of the personal lives of the businessmen, a brief history of their company(ies) highlighting their individual contributions or accomplishments and an honorary mention of essential numbers. It’s Vir Sanghvi’s take on 11 peoples’ profiles: Ratan Tata, Nandan Nilekani, Kumar M Birla, Sunil Mittal, R Chandrasekhar, Azim Premji, Subhash Chandra, Uday Kotak, Bikki Oberoi, Nusli Wadia, Vijay Mallya (not in that order). All these articles were published in Hindustan Times, Mumbai Edition between Jul ’05 and Jan ’06 under the HT Leadership Series. It’s a shame that the online portal of HT doesn’t give free access to it’s archives like others do. However I found links of some of the articles. I thought of mentioning only a few profiles that caught my fancy.

Today my impatience seems to have total control over me. Am in no mood to continue further.

But I leave you with these links.
http://www.indiareacts.com/columns/full_column7.htm
http://www.indiareacts.com/columns/full_column5.htm

Cheers!