Digging Out From Our Mess

Sunday Night Chit Chat - May 19, 2013

2013-05-19T19:27:00.001-04:00

WHOA! I haven't played along since February!!! Bad Mysti!!!

Ok....someone tell me I am not the only one who does this:

And on to the Chit Chat for the evening...

Reading: I started reading Red Mist by Patricia Cornwell at Christmas and haven't picked it up in ages. I have way too much going on, and reading just isn't on the list at the moment.

Watching: Not sure tonight. Have to see what I have on the DVR. I know I have several shows that I have at least 3 episodes of, so it will definitely be a marathon of something. Maybe Revenge....maybe Elementary.

Listening to: Bossy is watching Family Game Night. Sassy is upstairs, so all is quiet on the second floor.

Cooking/Baking: Haven't done alot of this over weekend. G-man made Thai Coconut Soup on Friday night, and then last night we were at a cookout. Tonight was Tacos. But my poor empty fridge and freezer are just beckoning for a bulk cooking fest! See how empty my fridge is (and for the record, something spilt in there, so I took the opportunity to wash all the shelves and such):

Happy you accomplished this week: PTA stuff!!! Last Sunday I had to finish the minutes from the April meeting, then we had a 2 hr meeting on Tuesday, and I had to finish THOSE minutes on Wednesday (long story why there was a rush). I am just glad that got done.

Looking forward to next week: Payday on Wednesday....it will be a nice fat check. And this is going to sound weird.....but G-man has a bachelor party on Saturday, so I am alone on Saturday night. Just kind of looking forward to it.

Thankful for today: The rain held off long enough for me to get my plants in the ground and get some misc yard stuff done.

*BONUS QUESTION*
Do you like your name? Would you change it if you could?

Most everyone knows Mysti isn't my "real" name. My real name is a pretty common one from the mid 70's when I was born. I don't really like it, but I don't dislike it. I probably wouldn't change it just because I have no idea what I would change it to.

Thanks to Carla for hosting!!

GBU - May 19, 2013

2013-05-19T13:47:00.001-04:00

Is it really possible that June is only 2 weeks away????

Despite being a crazy busy week, it was overall ok
Bossy enjoyed his field trip.
Science fair was nice, and both kids scored well on their project. Overall winners haven't been announced. But I am proud of both their efforts.
Got my plants for the front yard and got them planted.
Had a Reiki session (and still have $10 left on my gift card!)
Overtime pay!
Went to Scout cook out and had a lovely time.

My car is leaking oil. G-man changed the filter a few weeks ago, and it has been leaking since. We decided no more DIY for my car. Will need to go into the shop for it. Spending more on oil than it is worth.
Still trying to play catch up on all the household stuff.

Allergies are KILLING the kids. Sassy is a little better than Bossy, but they both are in bad shape. Bossy is all puffy!

The GREAT:

Watching Bossy at the cookout with "the guys."
Watching Sassy be the only girl with "the guys" and she could hold her own.

Fun Fluffy Friday!

2013-05-17T07:48:00.001-04:00

Another long week means my brain can't handle a "real" post....so it is time for.....

FLUFFY FRIDAY!!!!

Time to get to know something about me, and I get to know something about you!!! Play along and post your answers in the comments.

1) Are still enjoying Spring, or are you already in Summer mode?

2) Name 3 things that are in your car right now that shouldn't be there (if you don't have a car, pick any spot where "stuff" collects).

3) What is the last thing you spent money on (doesn't matter the form, or how much....if you paid for something, it counts).

********

1) Still in Spring mode. I haven't planted my plants yet (good thing, because we had a freeze the other night). Still have yardwork to do, and I can't even think about wearing shorts yet (not that I wear them ANYWHERE except in the house).

2) I really try to keep my car "clean", but I have an empty drink cup, a box of envelopes for PTA, and a box of empty bottles that need to be recycled!

3) I had to think about this for a minute. We were at science fair last night, and bookfair. Did I buy anything......nope. So the last purchase was $33.59 at the gas station ($30 in gas, and $3.59 for drink and breakfast).

Happy Fluffy Friday!!!!

Is it Debt?

2013-05-14T08:27:00.000-04:00

The other day when I talked about the RESET, fellow blogger 444 posted this in the comments:

"I would not list the 401K loan along with other debts, since it's not a true debt. You took money from your own account when you accessed that money, and you are replacing it over time; the "interest" is really just additional amounts you are adding to the account. On a balance sheet, the 401K is an asset and it's smaller after having accessed that money, so that should be the only way the transaction is noted. The smaller account balance shows where the money was shifted.

Whether or not you list assets in your public accounting of your financial situation, don't show the 401K loan as a debt. It's implied that debt is owed to outside entities; debts to yourself aren't debts in the usual sense of the word. Give yourself credit for having brought your consumer debt down considerably."

So my question to you all is this....do you consider a retirement loan "debt?"

444 was (and I assume still is) a supporter of the loan. As she stated, we accessed money that was ours to start with, and we used it to lower our consumer debt (since it paid off the CCs and Lending Club loans"). And yes, a retirement account is an asset, and if you withdraw money, then you just have a smaller asset. In all of those senses, she is right.

As long as you look at all of this as purely "business," all of this is right.

BUT.....part of getting out of debt is emotional. The toll it takes on you while you are working on it is exhausting at times. So I have a hard time just seeing the numbers as numbers (although I do love me some spreadsheet porn).

If we didn't count the loan in the debt total, our debt would be $42,898.55. The CC debt would account for 13%, vs the 8% is accounts for now. And let's really be honest.....the retirement loan paid off consumer debt. So by not counting it, it doesn't reflect the true picture.

Also, we pay $380.15 a payperiod for this loan. That is $9,883.90 a year. Without counting this transaction as debt, it appears that we are contributing almost $10k per year to our retirement account. And in most circles we would get a high five for that. But then others would say put that 10k toward the "true debt" and knock it out faster.

Well, that is double dipping.

I think it is important to note where that much money is really going, and why it is going there. It is going there because we had incredible consumer debt at very high interest rates, and we took a calculated risk to eliminate as much interest as possible. So we took the loan.

In 3 years, we will have an extra 10k to play with (and in all honesty, it will probably continue to go into the retirement account). But we may choose to put it toward remaining debt; we may choose to save it up for a year toward a vehicle. I don't know. Too far in the future to predict that.

But for us, this loan is debt, no matter what a spread sheet says. So 444, I get what you are saying. And there is a logic to your case, but for now it is going to stay as is.

Overtime money

2013-05-13T16:27:00.002-04:00

It's here! The overtime pay that G-man earned while in Boston!!

It was a horrific situation that was the catalyst to all of this, and I won't ever forget that. We have already donated to the Boston One Fund, and G-man was part of some very personal situations that really hit him hard. He did what he needed to do, and we are fortunate that he is in a position that allowed him to get paid for what he did.

I wish none of it had happened. But it did, and here we are.

In total, he submitted 50.75 hrs of overtime, which includes a couple hours from a training from the very end of the previous payperiod (since he was out of town, he couldn't add it in, so it got submitted late). This brings his total overtime for the year to 66.75. Unless something else "big" happens, that is likely the end of the OT (due to the federal budget sequestration). There may be an hour or two over the next 6 months, but nothing big.

The interesting thing about this paycheck is when you look at the Gross Pay vs Net. Once you take out taxes and deductions, we normally see about 51% of the gross pay as net. But this one, we got 58.5%. That gives me a clue that they didn't take out enough taxes (and trust me.....they take plenty!!!!)

It is really is pathetic that 1/3 of just the overtime pay went to taxes. And it isn't enough. *sigh*

But enough complaining.....

As I mentioned, we planned on taking G-man's 3rd paycheck in April, plus his overtime pay, plus all sorts of little piles of money (including the money we had set aside from his cancelled guy weekend), and put it all together and see where we were at. Admire the pile for a minute. And then decide.

So, all the piles together.......come to just shy of $3000!!! I have transferred the money from our main checking account to the "holding" account, so I don't have that nice number to look at yet. Give it a few days. Then I can just bask in the glory that is a big pile of money!

Now, you hard core, gazelle intense folks are going to say! Yay Mysti! Finish off your Baby Step 1 (which technically is done if you go off of Dave Ramsey's $1000 EF, and we are just shy of $2,000, not including my "just makes me feel safer" money). The remainder should knock out the medical/dental bill, and then put a dent in CC4. Right? Oh you hard core folks.....you are so funny!!!!

No division decisions have been formally made other than:

G-man will have some for him, since he worked so hard for it
Some will go to fixing up Sassy's room
Some will go to "fun" (probably the living room furniture)
Some will go to debt.

The money from G-man's trip that didn't happen will also get put aside for the future trip (because it would have been spent if he had gone).

We have Discover Cash Back monies, My Points, and Swagbucks, so those will go towards Sassy's room. Her carpet is trashed, and we are in the process of figuring out what that will run to replace. Until we know some more concrete info, we can't really make an informed decision. Worst case scenario is we rip out the carpet and leave her the hardwood (which is in OK shape, but not great).

But she needs a desk and dresser (hers has gotten too small for her clothes). And no....I don't want to go on Craigslist. That is where her current stuff came from. We are looking at a Target desk and IKEA dresser. Nothing fancy, but it is new and all hers. And we will paint and just freshen things.

The fun....we found a sofa, loveseat, and chair set on clearance for $1000. We have been debating this for a while. Ultimately we decided that this house just won't accommodate what we really want, and since a new house isn't in the cards....we have to go with what will work. We like the set enough that I don't think we will feel like we are settling.

And then the debt. The dentist will get part....and there are some bills that aren't part of the big debt and part will go in that direction.

Or at least that is the current plan. I am feeling like we are spending more of it than we should. But I also feel like we will get more of a boost from doing it this way than we would if went gazelle. Like I have said....we aren't gazelle.

And like I said....we are going to let the money sit for a bit just to make sure that we do what we want to do and that we have thought it out. There was one thought of going on vacation....but I just know I wouldn't enjoy it at this stage of the debt process. We also thought about not doing anything with it, and just letting it sit. But that didn't seem right either.

I will let you know as updates happen!

GBU - May 12, 2013

2013-05-12T09:21:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day!

G-man fixed the hinges on a cabinet door in the kitchen. That *&%^% cabinet has been in the "open" position for months!

G-man blew out a brake pad. New rotors and brakes needed. Luckily, we had JUST enough in the car maintenance fund to cover it (or it would have been in the UGLY category).
Sassy is woefully behind in her science fair project...which she has been doing at school. So a good portion of my day today will be spent working on that with her.
My dad called. Didn't go well.

Financially this didn't impact me....but in my alright tight schedule, it screwed over my world. The T-shirts we ordered for Science Fair came in with the school name missed spelled! The chair approved the graphic and didn't notice. So I spent 8 hrs last night "fixing" the problem.
I am so far behind in so many things, I can't see straight. And it seems that all my time lately is putting out fires left and right.

The GREAT:

Bossy earned his Scout rank badge at scouts. This is his first official rank as a Boy Scout, and required him to tie a square knot and and a few other things. He worked hard.

Crazy busy weekend!

2013-05-11T08:54:00.002-04:00

I am waiting for my coffee to kick in and allow my eyes to stay open.....and then I HAVE to hit the ground running!!!

I really should have done "stuff" last night, but I just didn't want to. I knew it was Friday night, and I think mentally I just was done for the day. I was supposed to have a Reiki session (the last of my gift card....I really need to figure out how to budget this in once a month....or at least every 6 weeks), but the practitioner rescheduled because she was sick.

On the agenda for the weekend....

The regular stuff (laundry, cleaning, etc)
Help Sassy with her science fair project board
PTA stuff (finish minutes, which are taking forever because of the horrid blow out that happened at the last meeting; clear out e-mail, work on binder, and if I get to it....make a CD of all the templates for the next Secretary)
14 Reports from Work!!! (need to read, edit, fix. Then prep releases, envelopes for copying and mailing on Monday; Unfortunately....several of these reports are for upcoming meetings, so they are time sensitive, and I didn't get alot of them until 4pm on Friday!)
Get plants and plant them! (this may be one thing that gets booted if time doesn't allow for it)
Take Bossy to occupational therapy

Some of these things are long and involved. *sigh*

Mother's Day....hahaha! G-man is working both jobs, so he will be home from 3:30pm-5:30pm, and the rest of the day is the Mommy show. I picked tacos for dinner, because it is easy, tasty, and the kids love them (so I don't have to hear the sadness from children that happens when they don't like dinner).

Ok....time for a coffee refill and a 1.75 hour quick cleaning before I have to get in the shower to get ready to go to Occ Therapy. Probably will bring reports with me so I can read while he is in session). From there....not sure the order, the pace, or anything.

Wish me luck!!!

RESET - one year later

2013-05-08T08:01:00.003-04:00

I have spent 3 days working on this post to shorten it. With constant interruptions, this is the best it is going to get. Sorry for the length!
****
Last year, we did a RESET of the the debt. For tracking purposes, this was going to change the annual date of looking at the big picture, although I do continue to give a nod to the blogiversary too (in August).

So the RESET entailed taking a loan from G-man's retirement account, after paying off a different loan and waiting the 60 days, per regulations. We never included that older loan in our debt number, although we do count this newer loan. This all happened in late April 2012, and it was early May when we had officially paid things off with this loan.

The loan was for $38,000, which consolidated 3 CCs and Lending Club, and included some money for the new mattress we purchased last winter. This loan is autodebited from G-man's bi-weekly paycheck, at $380.15 a payperiod. The interest rate is 1.875% (I think!). It is a 4 year loan, so if we do absolutely nothing but the minimal, it will be paid off in late April/early May 2016.

Because this loan has such a low interest rate, most of the payment goes to principal, which is just refunding our retirement account. Previously, the interest rates on the CCs were 15.99, 11.99, and 9.24%. So obviously, our new rate was WAY better!!!

Taking this money from our retirement account sparked alot of debate. Very few people thought it was a good idea. I will say, one year later, it absolutely was the right choice for us. While our CC debt did go up (more in a minute), we were able to pay off just shy of $10,000 in the past year on this loan. With the interest rates such as they were, there is no way that would have happened without the loan.

***
So where do we stand now? Current numbers are posted on the side bar.

Retirement loan - One more paycheck (next week), and we will have paid off $10,000 of this loan! We are very happy about this, and while it stinks that we pay just under $400 a payperiod, at least we are paying it back to ourselves, and not to a big credit card company. We have toyed with changing the amount we pay (we can pay as much as we want, but the $380 is the minimum). But for right now, it stays as is. We would like to get a little further down the line before we make any changes.

Student loan - Not a whole lot to say on this. The monthly payment is $229 at 3.375%. This consolidated loan is technically is 2 loans, where one has a balance of $1200 (the very last of my undergrad degree), the remainder is my graduate school. Long story why it isn't one in the same. And if we were to pay extra to this loan, we would designate it to the little part. But since we don't do that....it is a non issue. The payoff date is 2024, based on the minimum. Um....that is the year my KIDS will graduate college. No, that won't work. There is NO WAY the loan will be around then. Based on current plans, the whole kit and kaboodle will be paid off in 3-4 years, so I don't pay attention to the 2024, other than to remind me that I wish I understood all of this better when I was younger.

Car loan - Again, not much to say on this. $230 is autodebited on a monthly basis, and is slated to be paid off in late 2016 if we don't speed up the process.

Credit Card - This one is the thorn in my side. It was under $1000 when we did the retirement consolidation loan. And then there was a car repair. And the *(^&*#$^ trip to see my parents. And a few other slip ups. And another car repair. And here we are. It is on its way back down, but it is frustrating that it was almost paid off and we used it again. The slip ups are on us. The car repairs....that is a function that we can't seem to go a decent amount of time without SOMETHING happening, despite saving for car repairs. And the trip to my parents was certainly NOT vacation....but it was something that had to be done.

Dentist - This little darling bill was much smaller a year ago. Then I needed a root canal and a crown. Since our insurance didn't cover it, we had to foot the bill. The first part of the money came from our FSA, which then dried up shortly after. And we have been paying since. But since our insurance doesn't cover even a cleaning, regular dental stuff contributed to the bill. At least it is under $1000 now.

Bossy's supplies - Earlier this year, we received a financial waiver that reduced our bill by 60%. We had a 100% waiver several years ago, but when the company changed hands....all that went away. The bill continued to rise until the company changed hands again, and we got some much needed help. One thing that has helped us this year is that Bossy is being weaned from this, so we aren't using as much. However, we were able to order "extra" when we hit catastrophic at the end of 2012, and that extra has been carrying us this year. We haven't needed to order food for him since December, and we probably have another 2 months worth before we have to order.

Right now, we are about 5k less than where we were when I started this blog. And 9k less than a year ago. Based on the minimums, we will pay off at least another $11k just on the retirement, car, and student loans. So by the end of the year, we should be at the lowest debt number we have had since starting the blog!!!

Our goal is to be under 60k by calendar year end. We are optimistic that this is possible. It really will be about our personal spending. The 3 loans do what they do. The credit card just needs to continue to go DOWN. And dental emergencies need to stay away!!!

There ya go!!!! Long winded, kind of boring, and not sexy at all. Need to think of a financially sexy post, to spice things up......suggestions welcome!

GBU - May 5, 2013

2013-05-05T09:40:00.001-04:00

I haven't done this in a month! I am a slacker. Sorry!!!

My birthday was wonderful. My REAL family celebrated with me and the weather was GORGEOUS (you have to understand, that for the majority of my life, it has rained on my birthday).
G-man did NOT have to deploy again (yet).
The kids really did well with decreases screen time (for Screen Off week). My driveway and sidewalks are filled with chalk masterpieces!
Water bill arrived, and it was lower than I expected! It was $190, which for us is good. The November bill is always higher (last Nov it was $297) because of summer water usage for watering plants and the pool. (I am thinking of making a rain barrel for the plant water, and only using hose water when I spray with Miracle grow).
I am kicking around the idea of converting the hotwater to gas from oil (and maybe the heat). This will require a loan. But I think I have figured out how to have it paid off in 2-3 years, without it costing us any more per month than what we are currently paying.

Work started off quiet, and revved up over the course of the week.
We need new drip pans for the stove. These are the stupid purchases that annoy me. Ours have been cleaned and cleaned, and they are just beyond cleaning at this point.
I think a large number of my perennials are dead. Of the 10 in one bed, only 3 appear to coming back. I have no idea what the problem is.

Figuring out how to spend the overtime pay (which should be paid out on May 13) is hard. Guilt over doing somethings. Guilt over not doing other things. If it was a few hundred dollars, it would be easy. But we RARELY have this much money to "play" with, and it is hard. It shouldn't be, but it is.

The GREAT:

My husband and kids worked so hard to give me a lovely birthday. G-man made me dinner, including a FROM SCRATCH cake. I don't know many husbands who would do that. We went for a walk after dinner, hung out with some friends for a bit. I did get my lemonade and magazine. :) G-man and the kids gave me some crystals for our collection. They are beautiful. And my girlfriend gave me earrings and a necklace, in purple! Love it! My kids told me all day long "happy birthday" and made me homemade cards. I really did have a great day.

Happy May!

2013-05-01T08:42:00.001-04:00

The first third of the year is gone....the coming third is typically the most "chillaxin'" part of the year.....and the Fall is so far away, that most people don't care much about it at this point.

Here in CT....we have finally found a taste of SPRING. The weather is nice this week, but it is still dipping down at night. The kids are looking forward to not needing jackets in the morning anymore....but we aren't quite there yet.

We are still waiting to hear if G-man is leaving for Boston. He is on Standby, which means he has to be ready to go if the call comes. His bag is packed, his toiletries are gathered and just need to be thrown in his bag....and off he would go. I have 2 meetings this weekend, my birthday, and miscellaneous stuff to do.....if he leaves, I need to figure out my new plan. Oh well. Everyone always asks me if it is hard when he is on travel.

Honestly....it is all the same to me. His schedule is such that most evenings he isn't home. And most days on the weekend he is gone. So, all in all....it doesn't matter in that sense. I usually plan meetings around the times he IS home, so I don't have to take the kids. But, as my kids will tell you....they have sat through MANY meetings.

The biggest hiccup is that Bossy's normal status quo is thrown off. He is a crabby patty because Daddy is supposed to be home on these days and times....and he isn't. It really is rough for the kid, and all of us who live with him.

Moving on to the financials.....

We did our RESET last May 6 (which is Monday), so I will really discuss this more next week. But the total number is slowly going down. There will be a few changes to it by Monday, so I won't dwell on the exact numbers. But so far, we are on target for where we thought we would be.

Four more paychecks and we will have camp paid for, and will move on to Christmas Savings. Our Cat savings account is working out, as we have money for food and litter in there. Their yearly vet visit falls later in the year, so we are saving up for that as well.

Our water bill should come by the end of the week, and that falls under "irregular" bills, since it is only 2x a year. I am a little afraid to see this one. Sassy loves her showers!! We have been on her about cutting it back, but we will see what the damage is. We have money in that account, but if it is too high, then it messes up the account savings for the personal property tax. By July I will know if we need to up the bi-weekly savings for that account.

Medical....as of right now, we have used about $1400 of the $2500 max contribution to our FSA. We have been saving more in a separate account, as we knew that the $2500 wasn't going to be enough. The kids have a dentist appointment in June, and Bossy has an Endoscopy. All of that will probably run $600. G-man has a dentist appointment in July, so I am estimating that by the end of July/early August.....our FSA will be drained and we will have to start pulling from the medical account for co-pays. We will have about $900 in the account by then. So, that is in pretty good shape, barring any major surprises.

That's about it for the moment....keep on bobbin' along!

Just normal life stuff

2013-04-29T10:33:00.001-04:00

Happy Monday!!

I survived the family function....albeit, it was considerably easier without having Mom and Dad there. The highlight of it for me was talking with my 19 year old cousin. He has been going through alot of personal growth and changes over the past year, and it was nice to share my "black sheep of the family" perspective with him.

This week is "Screen Off" week for the kids. It used to be "TV Turn Off" but the powers that be got smart and realized that kids still have phones, tablets, computers, hand held games....I have alot of little projects that the kids are going to help me with. We need to go to the library. And since the weather is nice, the kids have been enjoying being outside and playing basketball, riding scooters, and Sassy's favorite.....sidewalk chalk!

G-man and started talking about the "extra" money from overtime and such. We decided to wait until the money is paid out (probably next paycheck), add in the 3rd paycheck money, and the other misc monies we have and once we know the total....we will go from there.

Hard core people will say put it all to debt. I can guarantee that isn't going to happen. But yes, some will go in that direction. We are still kicking ideas around. Most likely some will go into savings, some will go to the house, and some to debt.

This week will be full of returning stuff errands. G-man bought a new wiper blade for my rear window, and it doesn't fit. I bought several dresses for Sassy for the family function, and the ones that didn't fit or we didn't like all need to go back (it would have been easier if she was with me). And my new nemesis....the little bathroom organizer thing I bought for under the vanity.....needs to go back AGAIN (the first one didn't fit, and the second one was cracked when I opened up the drawers).

My great aunt was recently in the hospital and has moved to a Rehab facility. So I will go by and see her as well.

Saturday is my birthday....so I am trying to keep that day as open as possible. I really just want to relax. We will see if it actually happens.

What's up with you all???

Friday.....same ole, same ole

2013-04-26T07:43:00.001-04:00

It is obvious that G-man is home now....cups left on the coffee table, stuff on the counter, a magazine on the floor. *sigh* He is exhausted, and looks it. Oh, and there is a chance he may go back. As the investigations continue, they may need continued help. Since we are the closest office to Boston.....we are on deck. So we will see what happens.

My passive-aggressive parents are up to their old tricks. It really is tiring and annoying.

I found out that my great-aunt is in the hospital, so I need to call her today to check in. Depending on her condition, I might swing by this evening to say howdy. Obviously she won't be at the family function tomorrow....and she was the only one I cared about seeing.

And the highlight of my day today......I have to go to the DMV to renew my driver's license. Luckily, there is a satellite office in my town, so it shouldn't take too long. But now I need a new picture. Ick. And it is $66!!! I swear it wasn't that much last time. I *think* that it was in 2007. But still.....$66 in one shot seems like alot. And I am guessing that my license won't be good for 6 years.....probably 4. So the per year value is higher now. Oh well, not much I can do about it.

Happy Weekend everyone.

Small benefit

2013-04-25T07:45:00.003-04:00

I got paid yesterday.....gotta love payday! Plus, G-man got paid from his part time job (although it was less than usual because it was vacation time which didn't cover all of his typical pay).

Paid the bills. G-man still has his 3rd paycheck on Monday. But as of right now, all the April bills are paid. And there is money left over. Putting the 3rd paycheck aside for a minute.....huh? I am confused. Why is there money left? I even bought Sassy a dress and an organizer thing.....and we still have money left.

Then it hit me. With G-man gone, our gas usage went down. He typically would have used at least 1.5 tanks of gas in the past week. That would have been over $100, probably closer to $115. If I subtract that out, then the amount we have left looks closer to usual.

The small benefits......

Difficult choices

2013-04-23T08:45:00.004-04:00

First, a quick G-man update: He will be in Boston until Thursday. He is having to cancel his "guy weekend" but he seems ok about it. We have a year to use his ticket. I know he has been missing "home" so maybe we will try and schedule a long weekend for him to go home and see his mom.

He is safe, well fed, and although incredible tired....doing ok. Thank you for your thoughts.

****
As a parent, we are responsible for making decisions for our children until the time they can do it for themselves. Part of our job is to also teach them how to make decisions for themselves. We start with the little ones.....do you want to wear the blue or red shirt? You move up to larger ones....which class do you want to take? And eventually they just announce to you that this is what they are doing. That is the way it goes.

But when you have a child that isn't capable of moving into those higher order thinking decisions, it remains on you. And some of those decisions are difficult, and daunting, and can be life changing for all parties.

Bossy had his "triennial" review this year in Special Ed. Every 3 years, they test the kids in all areas to see if they still qualify for services. It is federally mandated. In our case, it really wasn't about seeing if he still qualifies....more to see where he is at. And in typical Bossy fashion...he is all over.

He has some scores that are very low (like, 0.1%). He has some scores that are in the low-average range. And everything in between. It is called a scattered profile.

The problem with a scatter is that he has some skills that are so low that they can impact other areas. And when you try and work on those, it can take away from the areas of strength. His profile just doesn't fit neatly into a box (and never has!).

Additionally, when you have a child with a cognitive deficit, you have to make decisions about how far is far enough. At some point, his learning ability will taper off, and his academic learning will more or less cease. It is about finding where that line is, and accepting it.

We aren't flat-lined yet. He still has learning to do. But that is a piece of his program. The other piece is the functional, life skill piece. This is the piece where he needs to learn how to take care of himself, and use the academic knowledge to help him in the real world. This piece is HARD.

So I sat in a 2.5 hour meeting yesterday (and a 2 hour meeting on Friday) to discuss all of this. I was presented with about 40 pages of reports from all of his testing. And heard all about his strengths and weaknesses. None of this was a surprise....we are more than aware what he can and can't do. But then we have to figure out next year.

The middle school is NOT happy about his program. It is very unique. His Special Ed teacher has worked incredibly hard to give him a program that is tailored to his needs. And sadly, this is really what should be happening for all children....and doesn't. His program is a balance of academic and function. It envelopes life skills in a supported setting. And it works.

I sat in the meeting listening to the Special Ed teacher say to the middle school Special Ed teacher....this is what he needs....figure it out. We did. Go Teacher!

I was also presented with another option that on the surface gave him the functional piece in a wonderful way....the academics were still there, but not as great, and the social piece.....that was a sticking point. He would have to go to a completely different school than his peers. With older kids. And he would be "alone." None of his classmates or peers would be there.

I had two options.....pros and cons to both. And I had to choose. It is overwhelming. Having to decide what the priority is.....who he will be with.....and what is the outcome you want. None of the programs eliminated any of the pieces....it was just how it would be balanced.

I chose to send him to the middle school that all of his peers will be at. And with the help of the team, convinced the middle school to drastically alter the standard program. Like....I thought this lady's head was going to spin around with what we were asking for. The proof will be in the pudding when we see what they come up with.

I am really hoping that I made the right decision.....

A Boring Update

2013-04-22T08:14:00.001-04:00

So, G-man is still in Boston. We are hoping that his part is winding down, but it really isn't his call. And truthfully, he is leaving again on Thursday for "guy weekend" so even if he comes home, it will be just long enough to do laundry and leave again.

Bossy is still getting over being sick. He is very quick to tell me he still has his virus. Yes, I know. He isn't eating much. I have even made dinners, and ordered pizza, just to try and get him to eat. No such luck.

I had to take Friday and today off of work, due to schedule conflicts between school meetings and G-man being out of town. I have done some work from home, and went into the office for 3 hours yesterday (the kids were thrilled....). I have some more work that I brought home with me yesterday, so that is another 1.5 hrs or so. At least I have re-couped some of the hours.

G-man's payperiod ended on Saturday, so all the overtime (because this falls into a different category, overtime is approved) he has worked probably won't show up in his paycheck until mid-May. Sunday started the new payperiod, so it is unclear how the overtime will work out now. The first 8 hrs of the day are his "regular" pay, and then it goes to overtime.

Between the 3-paycheck April, and the overtime we will see in May, we will have a nice chunk of change to do something with. I am sure some it will be spent on something for "us." I want G-man to have a few bucks of "mad money." The remainder....not sure. Maybe debt, maybe savings.

This week will be a take it day by day kind of week. We have our family function this weekend (and Mom and Dad are NOT coming....that is a whole other drama). Need to find a dress for Sassy and shirt and pants for Bossy (darn kids....they grow....then stuff doesn't fit). I had planned on doing that already, but Bossy's illness foiled that plan (he wouldn't tolerate a shopping trip) and G-man wasn't home to be on kid duty.

So, that is the boring update.

It IS Friday, right?

2013-04-19T08:17:00.000-04:00

I know it is Friday...but due to school vacation and changes of schedule....I have no idea what I am doing!

The kids went to camp this week, but there is school today. We are making up snow days. Yip. Pee. I should say that Sassy is going to school....however Bossy is home sick. I think he is having a REALLY bad allergy attack. He has been stuffed up and coughing and miserable for a week. Low grade fever, sleeping. I think I am going to take him to the doctor (a rare thing!) to get him prescription strength meds.

I am "supposed" to have a meeting at school at 12pm. However I need to call school and see if I can leave Bossy in the nurse's office. If not, then the meeting is cancelled. This is a problem because we have another meeting on Monday that is supposed to be a follow-up to today's meeting.

Oh.....and G-man. He had a schedule change already planned for the week, due to a training. Well, then Boston happened. He was put on standby Monday afternoon, and deployed to Boston yesterday. Yes....he was involved in all that stuff last night. He is ok. No idea when he will be home.

I was supposed to work a half day today (7am to 11am), so I could make it to the 12pm meeting. With G-man gone, I have the kids (normally he is home on Friday). So I am working from home the best that I can, and will have to go into the office this weekend.....the kids are THRILLED.

So nothing is how it is supposed to be. Every single plan for the week has gone down the tubes in one way or another.

Next week will be more schedule mayhem. Not sure where G-man will be. He is supposed to go on "guy weekend" on Thursday. Depending on work, that may get cancelled (and we will have to cancel his plane ticket....$300. We will use it for something, but GRRR). If he is home, he is just going to leave again.

We have a family function next Saturday. My parents will NOT be there, although they were supposed to be....and that is a whole other story.

My birthday is the following weekend....and all I really want for my birthday is QUIET. After several weeks of drama, leading up to several weeks of mass chaos....a nice, quiet, peaceful day is all I really want. Oh, and poppyseed cake with lemon filling and blueberry cream cheese frosting. :)

Kid Changes...part 2 B....the Bossy Edition

2013-04-18T07:48:00.000-04:00

I think I chose to post about Sassy first because there was more going on with her. But the funny thing, as I look at the titles, is that she was Baby "B" when she was born. He was Baby "A". In case you don't know, they letter multiples in the order they are born.....Bossy is 3.5 hrs older than Sassy. :)

So Bossy.....

Like I said, having boy/girl twins is interesting as you watch them develop. As toddlers, he was always a little bigger than her. As they started school, he was still a little bigger, but it was more even. And now, she towers over him. Additionally, he is young looking for his age, so people who don't know them just assume she is older by a few years.

Physically, Bossy is no where near puberty. He has always had darker hair than Sassy, so he does have a very light "moustache" but it isn't related to puberty. It is just dark peach fuzz. He is very very thin, and has almost no body fat. The doctor said it may delay his puberty a little. Just like in girls, the body needs a signal to kick into gear. And lack of fat can influence that.

The biggest thing we are curious about is his voice. He has a paralyzed vocal chord (it was damaged when he had heart surgery when he was 12 days old; we knew that was a risk). His "good" vocal chord has to cross midline in order for him to produce sound. The result is that his voice is raspy and higher pitched, When his voice starts to change, we have no idea how it is going to sound.

Later on, if his voice is an issue, we can give him steroid injections into his vocal chord to "beef them up." But he has to be past puberty for that, so they know what his final product on his own would be. It isn't something that is currently on the radar, but we know it is an option.

G-man has not started really talking to him about grown up stuff. I covered the basic hygiene when I talked to both of them.....why it is important to shower, wear clean clothes, etc. We don't know if cognitively he will understand more. He is in health class and will learn about body parts, changes, etc. But not sure how much he will understand. He is FAR from ready to understand the emotional implications.

Next school year, the kids will be starting the middle school This is a HUGE change for Bossy. We have several meeting set up in the coming week to prepare for this. The middle school is a little overwhelmed at his program. See....we are one of the first families that CHANGED THE PROGRAM. We didn't accept the cookie cutter program. It wasn't appropriate for him, so we worked to change it. And now it works. Well, the middle school isn't used to that, and are being resistant to it. Too bad.....figure it out.

In our town, we have a school building for 6th grade only, and then one for 7/8. We have the option to move him right to the 7/8 building, and avoid the extra transition. However, they don't have an academic program for him. It would be a social based program. And while the social aspect is a huge issue, we aren't ready to just abandon academics. He still has learning to do.

Our neuropsych work up is an issue. The school testing didn't align with the other testing. We are left with scores that are scattered. The neuropsych put his IQ at 68. The good thing about that....he should qualify for a DSS number (which we have already been denied once). The bad thing....no one is sure that is accurate. Additionally, we can still get denied because he has higher scores on other tests.

The DSS number will allow him to access state government programs as he gets older and needs more help. Right now, we are fine. But when he is 22....we may need help. HE will need help.

He experienced a huge cognitive jump last summer and fall, and in true Bossy fashion, has plateaued. This is how he rolls.....a 6 month period of huge growth and development, followed by years of status quo. It is frustrating and confusing. And everyone who works with him is baffled why it happens. All I can say is that is how his brain works. Go figure.

In the coming years, we will have to decide what path to put him on. Most likely there will be a vocational path by high school. He wants to be a veterinarian. We know that isn't going to happen....but we are hoping that maybe a vet tech or something like that is attainable. He just loves animals, and just wants to take care of them.

So, everything is in a state of static flux, if that makes sense. Lots of changes, but lots of the same.

And just to leave you with a few pictures, if you got this far.....

Kid changes...part two A...the Sassy Edition

2013-04-17T07:49:00.002-04:00

Those of you who have kids who are older than mine (they will be 11 this summer) are going to take a trip down memory lane. Those of you whose kids are younger than mine are going to say to yourself "is that what is really going to happen to my precious, adorable child?"

Um yeah. Start preparing now.

The funny thing about having boy/girl twins....is watching how physically they are different even though you know they are the same exact age. Girls naturally mature before boys, that is just Biology. But when you see it in front of you.....it really is something else.

Oh Sassy. I am not ready for you to be a teen. Wanna stay little just a bit longer??? No? Yeah, I didn't think so....

Sassy has gotten tall. Very Tall. I am almost 5'8", and G-man is 6'4". It is in her genes. But this rapid growth has caused a few things.

She tried on her spring and summer clothes from last year, and just about NOTHING fit. All the t-shirts were tight and showed her belly if she lifted her hands.. She couldn't zip her jeans.
She has stretch marks on her thighs. Really nasty ones. Vitamin E cream, here we come.
She has complained a few times about her legs hurting (I had joint pain in my knees when I grew)

She is also starting to "blossom." (Men, look away). She doesn't need a bra YET, but we are getting there. I am guessing that by the end of the summer, she will be in something. Particularly since she will be starting 6th grade, and changing for gym class.

We have started to have some more grown up talks. The breast talk went well (this is normal and natural....blah blah). The menstruation talk...well that was met with "ewwwww, GROSS!". She emphatically said she wasn't going to do that. Uh, yeah....sure. Let me know how that works out for ya. We haven't had THE talk yet.....wish me luck.

We did talk about body changes, including hair growth. Oh my. I wasn't ready for this. Of all the talks, this is the one that knocked me on my arse. Sassy takes a shower by herself. I rarely see her unclothed body. So I talked about getting hair in new places, and asked her if she had any. She was a little embarrassed, but yes.....ok sweetie, can I see?

Oh. My. Goodness.

My kid had patches of hair under arms. I was expecting a hair or two. I was NOT expecting a PATCH. I looked at her legs, and yes, her peach fuzz has started to change. We didn't go past this...I told her that it is normal to get more hair, but that is her business, but I am happy to talk about it if she needs to.

But....ok....now I am going to have to teach her how to SHAVE. She can't go to camp with big patches of hair under her arms. She will be made fun of! So once the weather gets a little warmer....I have to teach my kid how to safely shave!

*faint*

I am already starting to picture our bathroom being overrun with teenage girl stuff. More razors, lotions, hair products. Oh my. Add in her soon to be bras. I can't do this!!!

And the ATTITUDE. It isn't an always there thing...but boy can she get nasty at times. She stomps around. She doesn't have a door on her room right now (just a curtain), so she goes into the bathroom to slam the door. She rolls her eyes. She talks back. Oh no my little girl. That isn't going to fly around here.

She does not have her own cell phone yet. But she likes to text "us." So she will borrow my phone (with permission) to text her dad or Nannie. She has all the text lingo down, the emoticons, the abbreviations. It is just a matter of time before she asks for her own phone (and for the record, we don't think she is ready yet, so the answer will be No for now. I am fully aware this will come in the future).

Oh my little baby.....where did you go?????

Sassy at 2.5 yrs

Sassy at 10.5 yrs

Let's Talk About The Kid Changes...part 1

2013-04-16T08:18:00.001-04:00

This is probably going to be a 2-parter. There is so much kid stuff to think about right now, I could write a novella. So I think part one is going to be the financial stuff.....part two will be the more "personal" stuff.

We always had the miscellaneous stuff.....birthday parties, movie night, etc. And we were fine with all of this.....but this all seems to have changed recently. As they are getting older, we are discovering that their activities are getting more expensive.

Camp.
Previously, we always had the summer camp expense (about $1000 for both kids, which includes 7 weeks of 5-day a week camp, and 2 weeks of "extended" camp, 3-days a week). This covers all but the last week of the summer, and we rearrange stuff for that last week to make it all work. As our work schedules and obligations have changed,we can't rearrange things as easily. They aren't quite old enough to stay alone, so we have to get coverage when there wasn't school. In the past 4 months we have spent:

Winter Vacation camp was $80.
Spring Vacation Camp was $150.
Dog Class (that is enrichment) was $100.
Summer Vacation Camp will be $1000 (or more....wait for it).

All of the non-summer spending came from the camp savings account, which means that it will take us longer to save for Summer. Which also puts off our savings for Christmas. Typically we have a month or so that we don't save for either....and we have already used that up.

Scouts.

Bossy just "crossed over" from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. That required a new shirt (removing his Cub patches from his other shirt would have ruined the shirt), new patches, and new pants. And a new book. We still need to get the pants (at $30+ ), but the other stuff ran us $57. As he becomes more involved (and right now, he is shooting for Eagle!) there will be more expenses (if he starts camping, he needs gear; as he works on badges, we may need supplies, small trips, etc). At some point (maybe next summer), he MAY go to Scout camp, which will allow him to really get the scout experience and work on alot of requirements that we can't help him with (archery anyone??) Scout camp is pricey.....

Sassy is becoming a Cadet scout....that will also require a new vest (cost unknown right now). No idea how much more will be required there...but I am sure we will find out soon.

Interests.
Sassy is very interested in art (and always has been), and she will tell you she wants to be an artist when she grows up (when she was little, it was "nature photographer" or "fireman"). There is an art enrichment camp we would love to send her to....but that is $165 a week (if she goes, it would replace the extended camp they go to at the end of the summer). That is more than double what we pay now.

We have some wonderful art programs available in our town (when you live in a town with a very large liberal arts school, and many grassroots organizations....this is what you get!). But they are expensive, or at least they are to us. We want to be able to foster her interest and abilities, but this will have to be tempered with the cost of it.

Bossy has few interests. Scouts is his main one right now (see above)

Add in little things here and there....and they are getting to be quite expensive!! Now, I know this appears at first glance that we are just trying to spoil our kids with lavish experiences. Honestly, most of this is "child care" but we figure we might as well foster their abilities at the same time.

And then we get to the other kid growing up stuff.

Food.
It hasn't quite happened yet, but we know that the days of eating like it is going out of style will happen. Growing kids need food! There are already days where I look at a bag and say "didn't we JUST buy this???"

Braces.
We know that Bossy needs them, but because he is slow at losing his teeth, our dentist hasn't referred us to the orthodontist yet. But it WILL happen. He has an underbite, and a cross bite. Apparently this is a very bad and expensive combination.

We have checked into additional dental overage that would help with orthodontics, but until we get the consult, we aren't doing anything. I really don't think that we will get the coverage at this point. I already figured out that the coverage will cost about $9,000, and that only will get us 50% coverage on the braces, up to a max of $3,500. So there is a chance we would have to pay over $12,000. So why do we need the insurance????

****
So....the bottom line is we need to save more for the kid stuff. There will be some things that we won't be able to do (like art camp might have to wait). There will be things we have no choice about (braces). Anyway you slice it, they are requiring more money, on a more regular basis.

I am trying to rework our budget to account for this stuff, but it isn't easy. We are just budgeting for more, on less money (between taxes, which here in CT will probably be going up again, no overtime, etc). Amazing how I got a small raise, and it already got sucked up.

Stay tuned for part 2....the "personal" stuff!

Perfectionism

2013-04-15T07:47:00.001-04:00

I appreciate everyone's support as I am working through my "down in the dumps" state right now. HS over at Our Debt Blog (and his family!) were so so very generous and gifted me a $100 Gift Card to JCPenney, which I plan on using tomorrow evening after work. So, thank you HS Family!!!!

A few of you mentioned "have we made a list of priorities." Oh yes. We have a rather large list, room by room, of the things we would like to do (cosmetic), need repairing, or will need replacing in the future. It is overwhelming.

A word to the wise....don't let it all pile up.....it then takes on a life of its own!

The priority shift many times is a result of my personal anxiety, and what is triggering it at the moment. There are days that I feel like we need to paint because I see the chipped off paint on the moulding and then I obsess over it. Other days, the holes in the slipcover trigger me, and I obsess on the furniture. There are days that I stress about the "home office" area, and days it doesn't bother me. It really just depends on the day and my mood.

Now, some of you are going to argue with me on this next point, but seriously, this is how my brain works: If there is a project.....it is all or nothing.

This is how perfectionism works. "Good Enough" doesn't exist. If you start something, you have to do it ALL. And it has to be the way it has to be. And if you are unable to do that.....you tend to not do it all. If you aren't a true perfectionist....this will make no sense. If you are....you get it. And in my case, I am not saying that I can't do any project.....I am saying that if I start a project, I will have to do it all.....I can't just do a little to lift my spirits. The part that isn't done will drive me insane, and will cause me to want to finish, and financially that isn't possible. (And just so you know, the line of "finished" is completely arbitrary. Your definition will probably be very different from mine.)

So right now I am in a "paralyzed" state. We can't do what we want, but we need to do something. So it is figuring out what we can do, give time and budget constraints...that won't set off other "issues."

As it is a 3-paycheck month for G-man....we have a little play. But this has to be balanced with the "needs," such as the kids clothes (um, Sassy tried on all her spring and summer stuff.....yeah....she has a few pairs of play shorts and 2 t-shirts, and that is all that fit!).

This is why I said the other day that some of the decisions we make might not be popular. We may choose to spend some money. We may choose to just "save" it, and not even use it toward debt. I don't know yet.

I wish this was easier. Some of you will think it is easy....just pick something and do it! But really, in my little warped brain, I will play out every scenario that could possibly happen (and I have done this about many things, since I was a kid), and I have to let them play out in there until one wins. Yeah, I really am like this.

Stay tuned!

It is the opposite

2013-04-11T08:06:00.000-04:00

Several people mentioned in response to my post yesterday.....get rid of the excess to feel better. Getting rid of the reminders of what brought in the debt would help.

See....that isn't the problem. I have the opposite problem. I don't have anything!

I have said it many times.....the majority of our debt was not from over-spending on stuff....it was from not being able to afford LIFE. The debt came from putting gas and food on a CC because our "cash" was being spent on $517 oil bills. It is from endless car repairs. It is from medical bills.

I will not deny that there was some emotional spending. The year my twins died, I went OVERBOARD on Christmas for the kids, and didn't care. We bought a tv we had our eye on (32" LCD, which was a major upgrade to what we had, which now is in our bedroom. And we still have the 32" tv, despite G-man wanting a "bigger" one at some point).

We have eaten out more than we should have. And I have lamented about my poor meal planning skills.

But the majority of the debt did not come from vacations, clothing, and self-indulgence. Therefore, I don't have that to get rid of.

I look around and see failure because:

Our furniture is falling apart and is in tatters, but buying something new isn't an option. (And no, I don't want to go to Craigslist....why aren't I allowed to want to have something new once in a while, and not someone else's discards?)
My clothes are wash-worn and pill-y. I have very few items of clothes, and none of them are "good quality." When you don't have alot to choose from, you wear the same things over and over, and then they wear out. But again, replacement isn't really an option (I know those of you that love the thrift store, but as a little bit "rounder" girl.....the options there are hideous!!).
I see my son's medical "iv" pole for his feeding tube. And it reminds me every day that I was not able to carry my babies into this world safely, and at almost 11 years later, we are still dealing with the effects, both physically, and financially.
I see my 100+ year old house, that needs some work. Our floors need to be refinished (they haven't been done in 13 years). Our appliances are 20+ years old, and we are on borrowed time. Our furnace is 60+ years old, and we just hope it holds out a little longer. The front porch is original, and wood just doesn't last that long outside.
I see clutter because we don't have closets (thank you 100 year old house) and we have purchased cheap solutions that don't really work or we piece meal stuff together, and it looks like it.

****
Are there some options....sure. But like I said, some of those options are not ones we will choose unless we absolutely have to choose them. Listen, I am not looking for you guys to solve the problems. Or tell me that it will get better. Or flog me for past and current decisions. Right now....this is just how I feel, and I am going to honor those feelings.

There has been very little in the past several years that actually went according to plan. That is just how we roll. But it is hard to be on this hamster wheel. And because I choose to blog all of it...the good and the bad...it is all out there for people to see and comment on. That is a choice I have made.

Call me materialistic because I would like to buy some stuff. Nice stuff. New stuff.

Call me irresponsible because I don't have a huge amount of money for household repairs.

Call me gluttonous because we have overspent on food, and because I am overweight.

But I will say (and this part I just recently realized)....there are few people in the world that can handle the life I have had in the past 10+ years. And for that....I know that this phase will pass too. But right now, all I see is the failure and what I don't have (and no, I don't want to see what I do have.....)

Another Dream Post

2013-04-10T07:46:00.001-04:00

Periodically, I talk about a dream I had, and what it means. My go-to site for dream interpretation is dreammoods.com. I fully believe that what your mind manifests in your sleep is a direct reflection of what you have going on internally, but maybe haven't admitted to yourself.

For many years, I couldn't remember my dreams. Even now, there are only snippets I remember. And some of them just leave me saying "huh????" Recently, I had a dream that I looked up the key elements and wanted to share their meaning, and my thoughts on the subject (I deleted some of the interpretation if it had an "alternative" meaning that didn't really go with the flow of things).

Stoplight: To see a stoplight in your dream suggests that you feel you are being held back from pursuing your goals. Your forward progress is being controlled by someone or by some outside forces. In other words, you are not in control of your own life.
Snow (this one had lots of meanings, so I picked a few key points, and no, it didn't have to do with the insane amount of snow we have had this winter!): To see snow in your dream signifies your inhibitions, unexpressed emotions and feelings of frigidity. Alternatively, snow means that you are feeling indifferent, alone and neglected. If you are driving in the snow, then it means that you need to be extra cautious about how your approach your goals.To dream that you find something in the snow suggests that you are exploring and accessing your unused potential, abilities, and talents. You have uncovered some hidden talent and ability within yourself. It may also refers to a need to forgive
Library: To see a library in your dream symbolizes the knowledge you have accumulated over the years.

So, what do we take from all of this....

There is something holding me back. I have the ability and the knowledge to move forward, but I feel outside forces are not allowing it. But for a very long time I have felt that despite any efforts, I just keep spinning my wheels.

Therefore, something has to majorily change. There are a few goals that I have struggled with, and all of them need a major kick in the pants.

Debt - I never claimed we were gazelle intense. However, I know that we can do better. There have certainly been situations in the past few years that we had no control over. But some choices were just that....choices.
Work - Still trying to find another position. But convincing someone, based on a piece of paper, to give you a shot at something that you have experience in, but wasn't you primary focus is hard. There may be more I need to do to make this work.
Weight - I don't feel good. I know it is directly related to my weight.

All of these things are very interconnected. I get frustrated in one area, and I take it out in another area. I am the force holding me back. I just don't know how to change it successfully.

I will say this....I am burnt out. I am tired of failure. And right now, there is a very high chance of a backslide, just because I feel like I need to do SOMETHING that will make me feel better and give me something to "live" for (don't take it as dramatically as it sounds). When you surround yourself with things you associate with failure, it is hard to get out of the failure mindset. So, some of that may change.

That may mean some decisions that aren't popular. But I am running out of ideas. All around me, everything I see....my home, my work environment, my clothes, the food I eat.....just reminds me of failure. It isn't healthy. So somethings may change.

I normally don't delete comments, as everyone is entitled to their opinion, even if it is different from mine. But seriously, if you are a commenter who only comes out of the wood works to tell me about my bad choices or how rotten you think something is....either keep it to yourself, or risk that I will delete it. I am not up for it, and if you get your jollies from kicking a gal when she is down....then I just feel sad for you.

Really....I haven't forgotten you

2013-04-08T11:41:00.001-04:00

Just when I thought things were calming.....HAHAHA.

So much to tell, so little time. Please hang in there with me until I can actually get to all of the stuff!!!

****
I will give you a preview of some kid stuff though.....

Did you know that 10.5 year old kids think that puberty is "EWWWWWW, gross!!!!!"

GBU - April 7, 2013

2013-04-07T09:13:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the lack of posts....I have been having a problem with Blogger's compatibility with Firefox, and I haven't been able to post from home. After reading the help boards, I am posting with IE instead.

Bossy was so excited about his Boy Scout Crossing Over ceremony.
The kids "graduated" from Dog Class, and even though the evening didn't go as planned, they stuck with it and pushed on.
I had a Reiki session (and one last week; I have had these gift cards for over 5 years.....that is another story)....and feel so much better.

Work was crazy. The first week of the month always is, but it got extra busy for some reason.
The 3-paycheck month curse has struck (things are due, but the paydates don't line up!), and we have had to float more money that I like.
G-man and I are disagreeing on a few things....alot of it is just triggering emotion.

One toxic person......has dominated everything in my spare time.

The GREAT:

Bossy has decided to he wants to be an Eagle Scout. If he is willing to do the work, then we are willing to do everything we can to get him there. It needs to be completed before 18, so we have just over 7 years, and will need every bit of it.
Sassy tied for the highest score on a class project.

Little Bits

2013-04-04T11:50:00.000-04:00

Oh My....Since Friday, my world has been one swirl of problem after problem.

Yesterday morning, Bossy asked me if I was going to his Boy Scout Crossingover Ceremony (leaving Cub Scouts and officially becoming a Boy Scout), to be held Wednesday night.

Mom: Well of course I will be there! I wouldn't miss it.

Bossy: OK. I just know you have been busy with XYZ.

*sigh*

I am a good mom, who gets involved because I want my kids to have the best experience they can. But I am done. Stick a fork in me. Due to the actions of ONE person, the past week has been a living hell, and we aren't done yet.

As Sir Walter Scott said: "Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive."

Karma is a bi**h. It will come back to bite ya every time.

I am looking forward to it being over!!!! But that hopefully explains where I have been. I need to update so many things, but for at least several more days, that won't be happening.

***

Meanwhile, the quick update is that there are lots of kid things happening, and we are realizing the financial implications of it. YIKES. Still figuring out the health stuff. Some big decisions are on the horizon regarding lots of things.

We have a family function the last weekend of the month that I have to deal with. Not fun.

Every weekend from now until Mid-May has something going on.

Crazy man, just crazy.

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I will say that I FINALLY did something for myself, and loved it. Trying to figure out a way into making it a more regular thing.

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Wow, brain dump royale!