tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81817837211909790542026-08-22T06:52:12.077-04:00Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger314125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-28970375372339791272013-10-31T23:00:00.004-04:002013-10-31T23:00:39.262-04:00

Letter sent 6/14/13. Dear Skittles, For years, folks have loved the classic mix of Skittles.  Sure, you introduce a whiz-bang special mix here or there, and they're neat for a little while.  Then, it's back to the original.  The blend of flavors is perfect.  Grape, Strawberry, Orange, Lemon and Lime.  It's worked for years, and people loved it. Now you yank Lime and

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-61122142426064754802013-06-23T20:31:00.001-04:002013-06-23T20:31:10.229-04:00

Dear Softsoap, I recently threw a holiday party, as a strategic ploy to win favor with potential clients. You see, the artificial maple syrup business is cut-throat.  There are several "players" in the game, and a limited number of restaurant owners willing to change things up.  My house was in tip-top shape.  My butlers on guard, to provide the most delightful appetizers,

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-6480980154623611712013-04-11T06:02:00.000-04:002015-12-17T09:45:31.128-05:00

This was submitted on the Beano website on 3/4/13. Dear Beano, So often, I eat something without planning ahead.  As I enjoy my chili, my shrimp ring, my garlic pesto, my  tamales, I don't think about the cramped elevator, the crowded airport shuttle and bumpy roads, the lengthy meetings where one could hear a pin drop.  The quiet confessional with the elderly archbishop in the

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-42352931065139687212013-04-05T06:00:00.000-04:002013-04-05T06:00:00.936-04:00

Dear Banquet, I am a loyal and lifelong customer.  When it comes to parties, festive occasions, wakes, and everyday meals, I count on Banquet.  One might say that I'm 54% composed of Banquet Chicken. When I decided to host a Super Bowl party, what was on the top of my shopping list?  Several guest suggested boneless buffalo wings from Buffalo Wild Wings.  One guest's wife

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-81919736380807098682013-03-19T06:03:00.000-04:002013-03-19T06:03:01.488-04:00

Dear General Mills, I am a huge fan of your products.  Each morning, I enjoy your Cheerios.  To keep life "interesting," I alternate boxes--standard issue Cheerios, a fixture American breakfast fare for generations, and Multigrain Cheerios. The other day, I was running a little late for work.  I poured my standard Cheerios, but there was only enough for half of a bowl.  A

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-6375773149565453442013-03-08T20:17:00.001-05:002013-03-08T20:17:51.746-05:00

Dear Subway, I see you've finally done it.  You have eliminated the cheese with the holes in it from your selection of fine cheeses. I used to enjoy the nice "almost-barrier" that the cheese with the holes in it provided between the meats and the vegetable matter.  As I bit into the sandwich, a symphony of flavors came into play.  Meats on one side of my pallet, veggies on the

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-1367706625142633842013-02-03T21:28:00.001-05:002013-02-03T21:28:30.233-05:00

Dear Mr. Sprinkles, I am an impressionist artist.  I use your confections in my artworks.  I am currently working on my interpretation of Betsy Ross sewing the first United States Flag.  However, I am stalled.  My art show was invaded by ants who quickly dismembered my prized works of art. I am 80 percent done with "Betsy and Old Glory" and completely out of rainbow

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-1992219361659732932013-01-27T06:01:00.000-05:002013-01-27T06:01:00.573-05:00

Dear Alamo, My brother brought this to my attention when he came into town and rented one of your fine automobiles. He rented a Nissan product, which raised some controversy, especially since he was headed into Big 3 country.  This vehicle used the keyless "FOB".  Your keys happened to come attached to one another on a cord.  The keys were basically inseparable, unless he were to

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-85541588255211875082013-01-20T06:02:00.004-05:002013-01-20T06:02:00.109-05:00

Dear Arby’s, I was extremely disappointed with a recent visit to one of your restaurants.  As I drove through the drive through, I realized your window was on the right side of my car, some five plus feet away.  With my foot on the brake, it’s virtually impossible to reach your cashier with my $6.83 in small bills and coins, without putting my car in park, unbuckling my seat belt, and

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-53337169018566296202013-01-11T06:02:00.003-05:002013-01-11T06:02:00.923-05:00

Dear Hungry Howies, Last night, my wife brought home the family meal deal. Two large pizzas, a salad, and a two liter jug of Pepsi.   She rationalized the extra pizza because "I can give the kids pizza for lunch."  She ordered a kid-friendly (pepperoni) pizza, and a grown-up (green pepper and mushroom) pizza. On the pepperoni pizza, intended for the kids, she ordered butter/cheese

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-56358273292162654442013-01-04T06:01:00.003-05:002013-01-04T06:01:00.137-05:00

Dear Post, The time has come for a change.  For years, kids have been waking up and staring at their 48 point Arial Font Alphabits.  On one hand, they're learning the value of letters, of reading, reading comprehension, and eventually their chosen vocation. On the other hand, their creativity is being stifled.  They get up and see Arial font in their milk, and head to school

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-63405043530214722892012-12-23T06:01:00.002-05:002012-12-23T06:01:00.218-05:00

Dear Chili's, Last week I was at one of your restaurants with an important business client.  Drinks were going down nicely.  Agreements were coming together.  Handshakes and optimism were in the air.  We then decided to order some dinner. As I glanced your menu, I decided to go with your fajitas, as they are my favorite.  I took a quick call as the others ordered their

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-1363068786646383442012-12-16T06:02:00.000-05:002012-12-16T06:02:00.510-05:00

I sent this on February 12, 2012. Dear Dunkin' Donuts, Today, in your drive through, I ordered a large coffee with cream and no sugar.  The bill came to $1.75.  I pulled around.  I paid the gentleman.  I didn't have change, so I gave him $2.00 in paper bills.  He handed me my large coffee with cream and no sugar, said "Thank You!" and closed the window.  I sat

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-79819523809786455152012-12-08T06:01:00.002-05:002012-12-08T06:01:00.314-05:00

Dear Saltworks, As a kid, I once ate a goldfish on a dare. Well, I put Sparky in my mouth, but spit him into my cup of water when no one was watching. When I did, I noticed that he had one of those really long fish poos dangling from his rear end.  Long story short, some ended up in my mouth.  I freaked.  Emergency Room Doctor said I'd be okay, and to quit being a jackass.&

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-50560364864489928522012-12-01T06:01:00.001-05:002012-12-01T06:01:00.161-05:00

Back in 2008, I wrote a letter to Bubba Keg about my big leaky coffee mug, which has a design flaw that they fixed more recently.  I wasn't happy with their response, and may have stirred up a hornet's nest with somne Bubba Slappees by posting my letter on the Bubba Keg Facebook Fan Page. I wondered if presenting the same problem 3 years later would net a different result.  Maybe the

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-43334455084258399002012-11-23T06:02:00.002-05:002012-11-23T06:02:00.618-05:00

Dear Speedway, I take offense to one of your food items.  Your Tornado breakfast item.  I'm told it's eggs and cheese, formed into a hot dog shape, and cooked on those hot dog rollers.  Yum. Tornados are deadly natural disasters that rip apart homes, tear apart families, and require federal aid and raise insurance premiums in the process.  Why would anyone name their breakfast

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-47318486206401016582012-11-15T06:02:00.000-05:002012-11-15T06:02:00.801-05:00

I sent this to Jennie -O on 11/28/11. Dear Jennie-O, Back in the late 1960's, in my hometown of Topeka, Kansas, there were a rash of hate crimes against turkeys.  In an impulsive move to remain competitive, our local university offered a Turkey Coroner degree. After two years, local police determined that these killings were performed by neighboring chicken farmers who were trying to

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-70607279674364887582012-11-08T06:02:00.000-05:002012-11-08T06:02:00.311-05:00

Dear Ocean Spray, What gives?  Last year, for Thanksgiving, we purchased your canned berry blend.  I found it odd that the label was upside down, and a tiny 6 point arial font message read "open other end."  I figured, they're too focused on making what's on the inside of the can to notice they messed up the outside."  I ignored it and enjoyed my berries. This year, I go to

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-76610399608100364762012-11-01T06:02:00.000-04:002012-11-01T06:02:00.417-04:00

I sent this on 12/11/2011: Dear Wonka, I've got a bone to pick with you.  My kids received several boxes of your "Nerds" candy while Trick or Treating on Halloween.  They resemble fish tank gravel, and come in tiny boxes.  In one box, during one of our random "candy audits," my wife noticed a peculiarity--one that has thrown your entire candy operation into question. In a box

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-65386631573276534412012-10-24T18:01:00.000-04:002012-10-24T18:01:00.401-04:00

Dear General Electric, What's the deal with your light bulbs.  I bought your candle-shaped bulbs to brighten our dining room for our Thanksgiving feast.  This was my big chance to impress my future in-laws. With the turkey in the oven, I replaced the old, non-GE bulbs with these new, awesome General Electric Bulbs. When I flipped the switch, one didn't light. I hopped

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-33049205226240266382012-10-17T06:02:00.000-04:002012-10-17T06:02:00.801-04:00

Dear Pam, Holy Crap!  So I'm making waffles on Sunday morning. I spray a little of your delightful Pam Non-Stick Cooking Spray in my waffle iron, just to make waffle removal hinder-free.  The cap was loose, and it shout out the bottom.   Your spray found its way onto the fromt of my waffle iron.  When I wiped it off, the lettering disappeared. The lettering was important.

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-61583076060595122072012-10-10T06:02:00.000-04:002012-10-10T06:02:01.088-04:00

I sent this on 12/11/2012: Dear Trident,   For years and years, I enjoyed chewing your gum.  Your package allowed me to remove one piece at a time.  I was wheeling and dealing all day long with minty fresh breath.  Life was grand. Then, one day, you went and broke it.  You introduced a new package.  A gum "box" with a tab that does nothing.  The box

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-91740800124093295022012-10-03T06:01:00.000-04:002012-10-03T06:01:00.205-04:00

From: gontrandst.julian68057175@hotmail.com Subject: Fwd: jerry Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 15:37:36 -0400 .ExternalClass .ecxhmmessage P {padding:0px;} .ExternalClass body.ecxhmmessage {font-size:10pt;font-family:Tahoma;} We were sent this a some day's ago jerry and now we are passing this to everyone in our contacts as Im sure it will be of use to many of you all. http://digg.com/u1VC4Mztr

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-75831178447415806442012-09-26T06:01:00.000-04:002012-09-26T22:45:31.811-04:00

I sent this on 11/6/2011: Dear Wendy's, As my orchestra's conductor, I seek perfection.  The perfect balance of woodwinds, percussion, strings, and brass.  Anything less is a disservice to my audience.  Anything more is a musical journey to be cherished forever!   The same goes for food.  The ebb and flow of interwoven flavors and textures in a well-composed

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181783721190979054.post-43980108051513046292012-09-18T06:02:00.000-04:002012-09-18T06:02:00.191-04:00

I sent this on 11/6/11: Dear Little Caesar's, I saw something the other day that made me very sad.  Picture, if you will, a driveway to a very busy shopping complex.  On the north side of the driveway, a man stands with a sign in his hand.  His sign reads "Halloween USA Now Open."  On the south side of the driveway, a man stands with a sign in his hand.&

Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0